Thetwowomenlookedateachother。UrsularesentedHermione'slong,grave,downward—lookingface。Therewassomethingofthestupidityandtheunenlightenedself—esteemofahorseinit。`She'sgotahorse—face,'
Ursulasaidtoherself,`sherunsbetweenblinkers。'ItdidseemasifHermione,likethemoon,hadonlyonesidetoherpenny。Therewasnoobverse。
Shestaredoutallthetimeonthenarrow,buttoher,completeworldoftheextantconsciousness。Inthedarkness,shedidnotexist。Likethemoon,onehalfofherwaslosttolife。Herselfwasallinherhead,shedidnotknowwhatitwasspontaneouslytorunormove,likeafishinthewater,oraweaselonthegrass。Shemustalwaysknow。
ButUrsulaonlysufferedfromHermione'sone—sidedness。SheonlyfeltHermione'scoolevidence,whichseemedtoputherdownasnothing。Hermione,whobroodedandbroodedtillshewasexhaustedwiththeacheofhereffortatconsciousness,spentandasheninherbody,whogainedsoslowlyandwithsucheffortherfinalandbarrenconclusionsofknowledge,wasapt,inthepresenceofotherwomen,whomshethoughtsimplyfemale,toweartheconclusionsofherbitterassurancelikejewelswhichconferredonheranunquestionabledistinction,establishedherinahigherorderoflife。Shewasapt,mentally,tocondescendtowomensuchasUrsula,whomsheregardedaspurelyemotional。PoorHermione,itwasheronepossession,thisachingcertaintyofhers,itwasheronlyjustification。Shemustbeconfidenthere,forGodknows,shefeltrejectedanddeficientenoughelsewhere。Inthelifeofthought,ofthespirit,shewasoneoftheelect。
Andshewantedtobeuniversal。Buttherewasadevastatingcynicismatthebottomofher。Shedidnotbelieveinherownuniversals——theyweresham。Shedidnotbelieveintheinnerlife——itwasatrick,notareality。
Shedidnotbelieveinthespiritualworld——itwasanaffectation。Inthelastresort,shebelievedinMammon,theflesh,andthedevil——theseatleastwerenotsham。Shewasapriestesswithoutbelief,withoutconviction,suckledinacreedoutworn,andcondemnedtothereiterationofmysteriesthatwerenotdivinetoher。Yettherewasnoescape。Shewasaleafuponadyingtree。Whathelpwastherethen,buttofightstillfortheold,witheredtruths,todiefortheold,outwornbelief,tobeasacredandinviolatepriestessofdesecratedmysteries?Theoldgreattruthsbadbeentrue。Andshewasaleafoftheoldgreattreeofknowledgethatwaswitheringnow。Totheoldandlasttruththenshemustbefaithfuleventhoughcynicismandmockerytookplaceatthebottomofhersoul。
`Iamsogladtoseeyou,'shesaidtoUrsula,inherslowvoice,thatwaslikeanincantation。`YouandRuperthavebecomequitefriends?'
`Ohyes,'saidUrsula。`Heisalwayssomewhereinthebackground。'
Hermionepausedbeforesheanswered。Shesawperfectlywelltheotherwoman'svaunt:itseemedtrulyvulgar。
`Ishe?'shesaidslowly,andwithperfectequanimity。`Anddoyouthinkyouwillmarry?'
Thequestionwassocalmandmild,sosimpleandbareanddispassionatethatUrsulawassomewhattakenaback,ratherattracted。Itpleasedheralmostlikeawickedness。TherewassomedelightfulnakedironyinHermione。
`Well,'repliedUrsula,`Hewantsto,awfully,butI'mnotsosure。'
Hermionewatchedherwithslowcalmeyes。Shenotedthisnewexpressionofvaunting。HowsheenviedUrsulaacertainunconsciouspositivity!evenhervulgarity!
`Whyaren'tyousure?'sheasked,inhereasysingsong。Shewasperfectlyatherease,perhapsevenratherhappyinthisconversation。`Youdon'treallylovehim?'
Ursulaflushedalittleatthemildimpertinenceofthisquestion。Andyetshecouldnotdefinitelytakeoffence。Hermioneseemedsocalmlyandsanelycandid。Afterall,itwasrathergreattobeabletobesosane。
`Hesaysitisn'tlovehewants,'shereplied。
`Whatisitthen?'Hermionewasslowandlevel。
`Hewantsmereallytoaccepthiminmarriage。'
Hermionewassilentforsometime,watchingUrsulawithslow,pensiveeyes。
`Doeshe?'shesaidatlength,withoutexpression。Then,rousing,`Andwhatisityoudon'twant?Youdon'twantmarriage?'
`No——Idon't——notreally。Idon'twanttogivethesortofsubmissionheinsistson。Hewantsmetogivemyselfup——andIsimplydon'tfeelthatIcandoit。'
Againtherewasalongpause,beforeHermionereplied:
`Notifyoudon'twantto。'Thenagaintherewassilence。Hermioneshudderedwithastrangedesire。Ah,ifonlyhehadaskedhertosubservehim,tobehisslave!Sheshudderedwithdesire。
`YouseeIcan't——'
`Butexactlyinwhatdoes——'
Theyhadbothbegunatonce,theybothstopped。Then,Hermione,assumingpriorityofspeech,resumedasifwearily:
`Towhatdoeshewantyoutosubmit?'
`Hesayshewantsmetoaccepthimnon—emotionally,andfinally——I
reallydon'tknowwhathemeans。Hesayshewantsthedemonpartofhimselftobemated——physically——notthehumanbeing。Youseehesaysonethingoneday,andanotherthenext——andhealwayscontradictshimself——'
`Andalwaysthinksabouthimself,andhisowndissatisfaction,'saidHermioneslowly。
`Yes,'criedUrsula。`Asiftherewereno—onebuthimselfconcerned。
Thatmakesitsoimpossible。'
Butimmediatelyshebegantoretract。
`HeinsistsonmyacceptingGodknowswhatinhim,'sheresumed。
`Hewantsmetoaccepthimas——asanabsolute——Butitseemstomehedoesn'twanttogiveanything。Hedoesn'twantrealwarmintimacy——hewon'thaveit——herejectsit。Hewon'tletmethink,really,andhewon'tletmefeel——hehatesfeelings。'
Therewasalongpause,bitterforHermione。Ah,ifonlyhewouldhavemadethisdemandofher?Herhedroveintothought,droveinexorablyintoknowledge——andthenexecratedherforit。
`Hewantsmetosinkmyself,'Ursularesumed,`nottohaveanybeingofmyown——'
`Thenwhydoesn'themarryanodalisk?'saidHermioneinhermildsing—song,`ifitisthathewants。'Herlongfacelookedsardonicandamused。
`Yes,'saidUrsulavaguely。Afterall,thetiresomethingwas,hedidnotwantanodalisk,hedidnotwantaslave。Hermionewouldhavebeenhisslave——therewasinherahorribledesiretoprostrateherselfbeforeaman——amanwhoworshippedher,however,andadmittedherasthesupremething。Hedidnotwantanodalisk。Hewantedawomantotakesomethingfromhim,togiveherselfupsomuchthatshecouldtakethelastrealitiesofhim,thelastfacts,thelastphysicalfacts,physicalandunbearable。
Andifshedid,wouldheacknowledgeher?Wouldhebeabletoacknowledgeherthrougheverything,orwouldheuseherjustashisinstrument,useherforhisownprivatesatisfaction,notadmittingher?Thatwaswhattheothermenhaddone。Theyhadwantedtheirownshow,andtheywouldnotadmither,theyturnedallshewasintonothingness。JustasHermionenowbetrayedherselfasawoman。Hermionewaslikeaman,shebelievedonlyinmen'sthings。Shebetrayedthewomaninherself。AndBirkin,wouldheacknowledge,orwouldhedenyher?
`Yes,'saidHermione,aseachwomancameoutofherownseparatereverie。
`Itwouldbeamistake——Ithinkitwouldbeamistake——'
`Tomarryhim?'askedUrsula。
`Yes,'saidHermioneslowly——`Ithinkyouneedaman——soldierly,strong—willed——'Hermioneheldoutherhandandclencheditwithrhapsodicintensity。`Youshouldhaveamanliketheoldheroes——youneedtostandbehindhimashegoesintobattle,youneedtoseehisstrength,andtohearhisshout——。Youneedamanphysicallystrong,andvirileinhiswill,notasensitiveman——。'Therewasabreak,asifthepythonesshadutteredtheoracle,andnowthewomanwenton,inarhapsody—weariedvoice:`Andyousee,Rupertisn'tthis,heisn't。
Heisfrailinhealthandbody,heneedsgreat,greatcare。Thenheissochangeableandunsureofhimself——itrequiresthegreatestpatienceandunderstandingtohelphim。AndIdon'tthinkyouarepatient。Youwouldhavetobepreparedtosuffer——dreadfully。Ican'ttellyouhowmuchsufferingitwouldtaketomakehimhappy。Helivesanintenselyspirituallife,attimes——too,toowonderful。Andthencomethereactions。
Ican'tspeakofwhatIhavebeenthroughwithhim。Wehavebeentogethersolong,Ireallydoknowhim,Idoknowwhatheis。AndIfeelImustsayit;Ifeelitwouldbeperfectlydisastrousforyoutomarryhim——foryouevenmorethanforhim。'Hermionelapsedintobitterreverie。`Heissouncertain,sounstable——hewearies,andthenreacts。
Icouldn'ttellyouwhathisre—actionsare。Icouldn'ttellyoutheagonyofthem。Thatwhichheaffirmsandlovesoneday——alittlelatterheturnsonitinafuryofdestruction。Heisneverconstant,alwaysthisawful,dreadfulreaction。Alwaysthequickchangefromgoodtobad,badtogood。Andnothingissodevastating,nothing——'
`Yes,'saidUrsulahumbly,`youmusthavesuffered。'
AnunearthlylightcameonHermione'sface。Sheclenchedherhandlikeoneinspired。
`Andonemustbewillingtosuffer——willingtosufferforhimhourly,daily——ifyouaregoingtohelphim,ifheistokeeptruetoanythingatall——'
`AndIdon'twanttosufferhourlyanddaily,'saidUrsula。`I
don't,Ishouldbeashamed。Ithinkitisdegradingnottobehappy。'
Hermionestoppedandlookedatheralongtime。
`Doyou?'shesaidatlast。AndthisutteranceseemedtoheramarkofUrsula'sfardistancefromherself。FortoHermionesufferingwasthegreatestreality,comewhatmight。Yetshetoohadacreedofhappiness。
`Yes,'shesaid。`Oneshouldbehappy——'Butitwasamatterofwill。
`Yes,'saidHermione,listlesslynow,`Icanonlyfeelthatitwouldbedisastrous,disastrous——atleast,tomarryinahurry。Can'tyoubetogetherwithoutmarriage?Can'tyougoawayandlivesomewherewithoutmarriage?Idofeelthatmarriagewouldbefatal,forbothofyou。Ithinkforyouevenmorethanforhim——andIthinkofhishealth——'
`Ofcourse,'saidUrsula,`Idon'tcareaboutmarriage——itisn'treallyimportanttome——it'shewhowantsit。'
`Itishisideaforthemoment,'saidHermione,withthatwearyfinality,andasortofsijeunessesavaitinfallibility。
Therewasapause。ThenUrsulabrokeintofalteringchallenge。
`YouthinkI'mmerelyaphysicalwoman,don'tyou?'
`Noindeed,'saidHermione。`No,indeed!ButIthinkyouarevitalandyoung——itisn'taquestionofyears,orevenofexperience——itisalmostaquestionofrace。Rupertisrace—old,hecomesofanoldrace——andyouseemtomesoyoung,youcomeofayoung,inexperiencedrace。'
`DoI!'saidUrsula。`ButIthinkheisawfullyyoung,ononeside。'
`Yes,perhapschildishinmanyrespects。Nevertheless——'
Theybothlapsedintosilence。Ursulawasfilledwithdeepresentmentandatouchofhopelessness。`Itisn'ttrue,'shesaidtoherself,silentlyaddressingheradversary。`Itisn'ttrue。Anditisyouwhowantaphysicallystrong,bullyingman,notI。Itisyouwhowantanunsensitiveman,notI。Youdon'tknowanythingaboutRupert,notreally,inspiteoftheyearsyouhavehadwithhim。Youdon'tgivehimawoman'slove,yougivehimanideallove,andthatiswhyhereactsawayfromyou。
Youdon'tknow。Youonlyknowthedeadthings。Anykitchenmaidwouldknowsomethingabouthim,youdon'tknow。Whatdoyouthinkyourknowledgeisbutdeadunderstanding,thatdoesn'tmeanathing。Youaresofalse,anduntrue,howcouldyouknowanything?Whatisthegoodofyourtalkingaboutlove——youuntruespectreofawoman!Howcanyouknowanything,whenyoudon'tbelieve?Youdon'tbelieveinyourselfandyourownwomanhood,sowhatgoodisyourconceited,shallowcleverness——!'
Thetwowomensatoninantagonisticsilence。Hermionefeltinjured,thatallhergoodintention,allheroffering,onlylefttheotherwomaninvulgarantagonism。Butthen,Ursulacouldnotunderstand,neverwouldunderstand,couldneverbemorethantheusualjealousandunreasonablefemale,withagooddealofpowerfulfemaleemotion,femaleattraction,andafairamountoffemaleunderstanding,butnomind。Hermionehaddecidedlongagothatwheretherewasnomind,itwasuselesstoappealforreason——onehadmerelytoignoretheignorant。AndRupert——hehadnowreactedtowardsthestronglyfemale,healthy,selfishwoman——itwashisreactionforthetimebeing——therewasnohelpingitall。Itwasallafoolishbackwardandforward,aviolentoscillationthatwouldatlengthbetooviolentforhiscoherency,andhewouldsmashandbedead。Therewasnosavinghim。Thisviolentanddirectionlessreactionbetweenanimalismandspiritualtruthwouldgooninhimtillhetorehimselfintwobetweentheoppositedirections,anddisappearedmeaninglesslyoutoflife。Itwasnogood——hetoowaswithoutunity,withoutmind,intheultimatestagesofliving;notquitemanenoughtomakeadestinyforawoman。
TheysatontillBirkincameinandfoundthemtogether。Hefeltatoncetheantagonismintheatmosphere,somethingradicalandinsuperable,andhebithislip。Butheaffectedabluffmanner。
`Hello,Hermione,areyoubackagain?Howdoyoufeel?'
`Oh,better。Andhowareyou——youdon'tlookwell——'
`Oh!——IbelieveGudrunandWinnieCricharecomingintotea。Atleasttheysaidtheywere。Weshallbeatea—party。Whattraindidyoucomeby,Ursula?'
Itwasratherannoyingtoseehimtryingtoplacatebothwomenatonce。
Bothwomenwatchedhim,Hermionewithdeepresentmentandpityforhim,Ursulaveryimpatient。Hewasnervousandapparentlyinquitegoodspirits,chatteringtheconventionalcommonplaces。Ursulawasamazedandindignantatthewayhemadesmall—talk;hewasadeptasanyfatinChristendom。
Shebecamequitestiff,shewouldnotanswer。Itallseemedtohersofalseandsobelittling。AndstillGudrundidnotappear。
`IthinkIshallgotoFlorenceforthewinter,'saidHermioneatlength。
`Willyou?'heanswered。`Butitissocoldthere。'
`Yes,butIshallstaywithPalestra。Itisquitecomfortable。'
`WhattakesyoutoFlorence?'
`Idon'tknow,'saidHermioneslowly。Thenshelookedathimwithherslow,heavygaze。`Barnesisstartinghisschoolofaesthetics,andOlandeseisgoingtogiveasetofdiscoursesontheItaliannationalpolicy——'
`Bothrubbish,'hesaid。
`No,Idon'tthinkso,'saidHermione。
`Whichdoyouadmire,then?'
`Iadmireboth。Barnesisapioneer。AndthenIaminterestedinItaly,inhercomingtonationalconsciousness。'
`Iwishshe'dcometosomethingdifferentfromnationalconsciousness,then,'saidBirkin;`especiallyasitonlymeansasortofcommercial—industrialconsciousness。IhateItalyandhernationalrant。AndIthinkBarnesisanamateur。'
Hermionewassilentforsomemoments,inastateofhostility。Butyet,shehadgotBirkinbackagainintoherworld!Howsubtleherinfluencewas,sheseemedtostarthisirritableattentionintoherdirectionexclusively,inoneminute。Hewashercreature。
`No,'shesaid,`youarewrong。'Thenasortoftensioncameoverher,sheraisedherfacelikethepythonessinspiredwithoracles,andwenton,inrhapsodicmanner:`IlSandromiscrivechehaaccoltoilpiugrandeentusiasmo,tuttiigiovani,efanciulleeragazzi,sonotutti——'ShewentoninItalian,asif,inthinkingoftheItaliansshethoughtintheirlanguage。
Helistenedwithashadeofdistastetoherrhapsody,thenhesaid:
`Forallthat,Idon'tlikeit。Theirnationalismisjustindustrialism——thatandashallowjealousyIdetestsomuch。'
`Ithinkyouarewrong——Ithinkyouarewrong——'saidHermione。`Itseemstomepurelyspontaneousandbeautiful,themodernItalian'spassion,foritisapassion,forItaly,L'Italia——'
`DoyouknowItalywell?'UrsulaaskedofHermione。Hermionehatedtobebrokeninuponinthismanner。Yetsheansweredmildly:
`Yes,prettywell。Ispentseveralyearsofmygirlhoodthere,withmymother。MymotherdiedinFlorence。'
`Oh。'
Therewasapause,painfultoUrsulaandtoBirkin。Hermionehoweverseemedabstractedandcalm。Birkinwaswhite,hiseyesglowedasifhewereinafever,hewasfartooover—wrought。HowUrsulasufferedinthistenseatmosphereofstrainedwills!Herheadseemedboundroundbyironbands。
Birkinrangthebellfortea。TheycouldnotwaitforGudrunanylonger。
Whenthedoorwasopened,thecatwalkedin。
`Micio!Micio!'calledHermione,inherslow,deliberatesing—song。
Theyoungcatturnedtolookather,then,withhisslowandstatelywalkheadvancedtoherside。
`Vieni——vieniqua,'Hermionewassaying,inherstrangecaressive,protectivevoice,asifshewerealwaystheelder,themothersuperior。
`VienidireBuon'Giornoallazia。Miricorde,miricordebene——nonhevero,piccolo?Everochemiricordi?Evero?'Andslowlysherubbedhishead,slowlyandwithironicindifference。
`DoesheunderstandItalian?'saidUrsula,whoknewnothingofthelanguage。
`Yes,'saidHermioneatlength。`HismotherwasItalian。Shewasborninmywaste—paperbasketinFlorence,onthemorningofRupert'sbirthday。
Shewashisbirthdaypresent。'
Teawasbroughtin。Birkinpouredoutforthem。ItwasstrangehowinviolablewastheintimacywhichexistedbetweenhimandHermione。Ursulafeltthatshewasanoutsider。Theverytea—cupsandtheoldsilverwasabondbetweenHermioneandBirkin。Itseemedtobelongtoanold,pastworldwhichtheyhadinhabitedtogether,andinwhichUrsulawasaforeigner。Shewasalmostaparvenueintheiroldculturedmilieu。Herconventionwasnottheirconvention,theirstandardswerenotherstandards。Buttheirswereestablished,theyhadthesanctionandthegraceofage。Heandshetogether,HermioneandBirkin,werepeopleofthesameoldtradition,thesamewithereddeadeningculture。Andshe,Ursula,wasanintruder。Sotheyalwaysmadeherfeel。
Hermionepouredalittlecreamintoasaucer。ThesimplewaysheassumedherrightsinBirkin'sroommaddenedanddiscouragedUrsula。Therewasafatalityaboutit,asifitwereboundtobe。Hermioneliftedthecatandputthecreambeforehim。Heplantedhistwopawsontheedgeofthetableandbenthisgraciousyoungheadtodrink。
`Siccurochecapisceitaliano,'sangHermione,`nonl'avradimenticato,lalinguadellaMamma。'
Sheliftedthecat'sheadwithherlong,slow,whitefingers,notlettinghimdrink,holdinghiminherpower。Itwasalwaysthesame,thisjoyinpowershemanifested,peculiarlyinpoweroveranymalebeing。Heblinkedforbearingly,withamale,boredexpression,lickinghiswhiskers。Hermionelaughedinhershort,gruntingfashion。
`Ecco,ilbravoragazzo,comeesuperbo,questo!'
Shemadeavividpicture,socalmandstrangewiththecat。Shehadatruestaticimpressiveness,shewasasocialartistinsomeways。
Thecatrefusedtolookather,indifferentlyavoidedherfingers,andbegantodrinkagain,hisnosedowntothecream,perfectlybalanced,ashelappedwithhisoddlittleclick。
`It'sbadforhim,teachinghimtoeatattable,'saidBirkin。
`Yes,'saidHermione,easilyassenting。
Then,lookingdownatthecat,sheresumedherold,mocking,humoroussing—song。
`Tiimparanofarebruttecose,bruttecose——'
SheliftedtheMino'swhitechinonherforefinger,slowly。Theyoungcatlookedroundwithasupremelyforbearingair,avoidedseeinganything,withdrewhischin,andbegantowashhisfacewithhispaw。Hermionegruntedherlaughter,pleased。
`Belgiovanotto——'shesaid。
Thecatreachedforwardagainandputhisfinewhitepawontheedgeofthesaucer。Hermionelifteditdownwithdelicateslowness。Thisdeliberate,delicatecarefulnessofmovementremindedUrsulaofGudrun。
`No!Nonepermessodimettereilzampinoneltondinetto。Nonpiacealbabbo。Unsignorgattocosiselvatico——!'
Andshekeptherfingeronthesoftlyplantedpawofthecat,andhervoicehadthesamewhimsical,humorousnoteofbullying。
Ursulahadhernoseoutofjoint。Shewantedtogoawaynow。Itallseemednogood。Hermionewasestablishedforever,sheherselfwasephemeralandhadnotyetevenarrived。
`Iwillgonow,'shesaidsuddenly。
Birkinlookedatheralmostinfear——hesodreadedheranger。`Butthereisnoneedforsuchhurry,'hesaid。
`Yes,'sheanswered。`Iwillgo。'AndturningtoHermione,beforetherewastimetosayanymore,sheheldoutherhandandsaid`Good—bye。'
`Good—bye——'sangHermione,detainingtheband。`Mustyoureallygonow?'
`Yes,IthinkI'llgo,'saidUrsula,herfaceset,andavertedfromHermione'seyes。
`Youthinkyouwill——'
ButUrsulahadgotherhandfree。SheturnedtoBirkinwithaquick,almostjeering:`Good—bye,'andshewasopeningthedoorbeforehehadtimetodoitforher。
Whenshegotoutsidethehousesherandowntheroadinfuryandagitation。
Itwasstrange,theunreasoningrageandviolenceHermionerousedinher,byherverypresence。Ursulaknewshegaveherselfawaytotheotherwoman,sheknewshelookedill—bred,uncouth,exaggerated。Butshedidnotcare。
Sheonlyranuptheroad,lestsheshouldgobackandjeerinthefacesofthetwoshehadleftbehind。Fortheyoutragedher。
WomenInLove:Chapter23CHAPTERXXIIIExcurseNEXTDAYBirkinsoughtUrsulaout。Ithappenedtobethehalf—dayattheGrammarSchool。Heappearedtowardstheendofthemorning,andaskedher,wouldshedrivewithhimintheafternoon。
Sheconsented。Butherfacewasclosedandunresponding,andhisheartsank。
Theafternoonwasfineanddim。Hewasdrivingthemotor—car,andshesatbesidehim。Butstillherfacewasclosedagainsthim,unresponding。
Whenshebecamelikethis,likeawallagainsthim,hisheartcontracted。
Hislifenowseemedsoreduced,thathehardlycaredanymore。AtmomentsitseemedtohimhedidnotcareastrawwhetherUrsulaorHermioneoranybodyelseexistedordidnotexist。Whybother!Whystriveforacoherent,satisfiedlife?Whynotdriftoninaseriesofaccidents——likeapicaresquenovel?Whynot?Whybotherabouthumanrelationships?Whytakethemseriously——maleorfemale?Whyformanyseriousconnectionsatall?Whynotbecasual,driftingalong,takingallforwhatitwasworth?
Andyet,still,hewasdamnedanddoomedtotheoldeffortatseriousliving。
`Look,'hesaid,`whatIbought。'Thecarwasrunningalongabroadwhiteroad,betweenautumntrees。
Hegaveheralittlebitofscrewed—uppaper。Shetookitandopenedit。
`Howlovely,'shecried。
Sheexaminedthegift。
`Howperfectlylovely!'shecriedagain。`Butwhydoyougivethemme?'
Sheputthequestionoffensively。
Hisfaceflickeredwithboredirritation。Heshruggedhisshouldersslightly。
`Iwantedto,'hesaid,coolly。
`Butwhy?Whyshouldyou?'
`AmIcalledontofindreasons?'heasked。
Therewasasilence,whilstsheexaminedtheringsthathadbeenscrewedupinthepaper。
`Ithinktheyarebeautiful,'shesaid,`especiallythis。Thisiswonderful——'
Itwasaroundopal,redandfiery,setinacircleoftinyrubies。
`Youlikethatbest?'hesaid。
`IthinkIdo。'
`Ilikethesapphire,'hesaid。
`This?'
Itwasarose—shaped,beautifulsapphire,withsmallbrilliants。
`Yes,'shesaid,`itislovely。'Shehelditinthelight。`Yes,perhapsitisthebest——'
`Theblue——'hesaid。
`Yes,wonderful——'
Hesuddenlyswungthecaroutofthewayofafarm—cart。Ittiltedonthebank。Hewasacarelessdriver,yetveryquick。ButUrsulawasfrightened。
Therewasalwaysthatsomethingregardlessinhimwhichterrifiedher。
Shesuddenlyfelthemightkillher,bymakingsomedreadfulaccidentwiththemotor—car。Foramomentshewasstonywithfear。
`Isn'titratherdangerous,thewayyoudrive?'sheaskedhim。
`No,itisn'tdangerous,'hesaid。Andthen,afterapause:`Don'tyouliketheyellowringatall?'
Itwasasquarishtopazsetinaframeofsteel,orsomeothersimilarmineral,finelywrought。
`Yes,'shesaid,`Idolikeit。Butwhydidyoubuytheserings?'
`Iwantedthem。Theyaresecond—hand。'
`Youboughtthemforyourself?'
`No。Ringslookwrongonmyhands。'
`Whydidyoubuythemthen?'
`Iboughtthemtogivetoyou。'
`Butwhy?SurelyyououghttogivethemtoHermione!Youbelongtoher。'
Hedidnotanswer。Sheremainedwiththejewelsshutinherhand。Shewantedtotrythemonherfingers,butsomethinginherwouldnotlether。
Andmoreover,shewasafraidherhandsweretoolarge,sheshrankfromthemortificationofafailuretoputthemonanybutherlittlefinger。
Theytravelledinsilencethroughtheemptylanes。
Drivinginamotor—carexcitedher,sheforgothispresenceeven。
`Wherearewe?'sheaskedsuddenly。
`NotfarfromWorksop。'
`Andwherearewegoing?'
`Anywhere。'
Itwastheanswersheliked。
Sheopenedherhandtolookattherings。Theygavehersuchpleasure,astheylay,thethreecircles,withtheirknottedjewels,entangledinherpalm。Shewouldhavetotrythemon。Shedidsosecretly,unwillingtolethimsee,sothatheshouldnotknowherfingerwastoolargeforthem。Buthesawnevertheless。Healwayssaw,ifshewantedhimnotto。
Itwasanotherofhishateful,watchfulcharacteristics。
Onlytheopal,withitsthinwireloop,wouldgoonherringfinger。
Andshewassuperstitious。No,therewasill—portentenough,shewouldnotacceptthisringfromhiminpledge。
`Look,'shesaid,puttingforwardherhand,thatwashalf—closedandshrinking。`Theothersdon'tfitme。'
Helookedatthered—glinting,softstone,onherover—sensitiveskin。
`Yes,'hesaid。
`Butopalsareunlucky,aren'tthey?'shesaidwistfully。
`No。Ipreferunluckythings。Luckisvulgar。Whowantswhatluckwouldbring?Idon't。'
`Butwhy?'shelaughed。
And,consumedwithadesiretoseehowtheotherringswouldlookonherhand,sheputthemonherlittlefinger。
`Theycanbemadealittlebigger,'hesaid。
`Yes,'shereplied,doubtfully。Andshesighed。Sheknewthat,inacceptingtherings,shewasacceptingapledge。Yetfateseemedmorethanherself。
Shelookedagainatthejewels。Theywereverybeautifultohereyes——notasornament,orwealth,butastinyfragmentsofloveliness。
`I'mgladyouboughtthem,'shesaid,puttingherhand,halfunwillingly,gentlyonhisarm。
Hesmiled,slightly。Hewantedhertocometohim。Buthewasangryatthebottomofhissoul,andindifferent。Heknewshehadapassionforhim,really。Butitwasnotfinallyinteresting。Thereweredepthsofpassionwhenonebecameimpersonalandindifferent,unemotional。WhereasUrsulawasstillattheemotionalpersonallevel——alwayssoabominablypersonal。
Hehadtakenherashehadneverbeentakenhimself。Hehadtakenherattherootsofherdarknessandshame——likeademon,laughingoverthefountainofmysticcorruptionwhichwasoneofthesourcesofherbeing,laughing,shrugging,accepting,acceptingfinally。Asforher,whenwouldshesomuchgobeyondherselfastoaccepthimatthequickofdeath?
Shenowbecamequitehappy。Themotor—carranon,theafternoonwassoftanddim。Shetalkedwithlivelyinterest,analysingpeopleandtheirmotives——Gudrun,Gerald。Heansweredvaguely。Hewasnotverymuchinterestedanymoreinpersonalitiesandinpeople——peoplewerealldifferent,buttheywereallenclosednowadaysinadefinitelimitation,hesaid;therewereonlyabouttwogreatideas,twogreatstreamsofactivityremaining,withvariousformsofreactiontherefrom。Thereactionswereallvariedinvariouspeople,buttheyfollowedafewgreatlaws,andintrinsicallytherewasnodifference。Theyactedandreactedinvoluntarilyaccordingtoafewgreatlaws,andoncethelaws,thegreatprinciples,wereknown,peoplewerenolongermysticallyinteresting。Theywereallessentiallyalike,thedifferenceswereonlyvariationsonatheme。Noneofthemtranscendedthegiventerms。
第24章