Takeawife，Jack。
　　CAPT。M。（Withafacelikeawall。）Va-as。Whoseforchoice？
　　CAPT。G。Ifyou'regoingtobeablackguard，I'mgoingon-What'sthetime？
　　CAPT。M。（Hums。）-
　　An'since'twasveryclearwedrankonlyginger-beer，Faith，theremustha'beensomestingointheginger。"
　　Comeback，youmaniac。I'mgoingtotakeyouhome，andyou'regoingtoliedown。
　　CAPT。G。WhatonearthdoIwanttoliedownfor？
　　CAPT。M。Givemealightfromyourcherootandsee。
　　CAPT。G。（Watchingcheroot-buttquiverlikeatuning-fork。）
　　SweetstateI'min！
　　CAPT。M。Youare。I'llgetyouapegandyou'llgotosleep。
　　TheyreturnandM。compoundsafour-fingerpeg。
　　CAPT。G。Obus！bus！It'llmakemeasdrunkasanowl。
　　CAPT。M。'Curiousthing，'twon'thavetheslightesteffectonyou。
　　Drinkitoff，chuckyourselfdownthere，andgotobye-bye。
　　CAPT。G。It'sabsurd。Isha'n'tsleep，IknowIsha'n'tlFallsintoheavydozeatendofsevenminutes。CAPT。M。watcheshimtenderly。
　　CAPT。M。PooroldGandy！I'veseenafewturnedoffbefore，butneveronewhowenttothegallowsinthiscondition。'Can'ttellhowitaffects'em，though。It'sthethoroughbredsthatsweatwhenthey'rebackedintodouble-harness-Andthat'sthemanwhowentthroughthegunsatAmdheranlikeadevilpossessedofdevils。
　　（LeansoverG。）Butthisisworsethantheguns，oldpal-worsethantheguns，isn'tit？（G。turnsinhissleep，andM。toucheshimclumsilyontheforehead。）Poor，dearoldGaddyIGoingliketherestof'em-goingliketherestof'em-Friendthatstickethcloserthanabrother-eightyears。Dashedbitofaslipofagirl-eightweeks！And-where'syourfriend？（Smokesdisconsolatelytillchurchclockstrikesthree。）
　　CAPT。M。Upwithyou！Getintoyourkit。
　　CAPT。C。Already？Isn'tittoosoon？Hadn'tIbetterhaveashave？
　　CAPT。M。No！You'reallright。（Aside。）He'dchiphischintopieces。
　　CAPT。C。What'sthehurry？
　　CAPT。M。You'vegottobetherefirst。
　　CAPT。C。Tobestaredat？
　　CAPT。M。Exactly。You'repartoftheshow。Where'stheburnisher？Yourspursareinashamefulstate。
　　CAPT。G。（Gruffly。）Jack，Ibedamnedifyoushalldothatforme。
　　CAPT。M。（Moregruffly。）Dry'upandgetdressed！IfIchoosetocleanyourspurs，you'reundermyorders。
　　CAPT。G。dresses。M。followssuit。
　　CAPT。M。（Critically，walkinground。）M'yes，you'lldo。Onlydon'tlooksolikeacriminal。Ring，gloves，fees-that'sallrightforme。
　　Letyourmoustachealone。Now，iftheponiesareready，we'llgo。
　　CAPT。G。（Nervously。）It'smuchtoosoon。Let'slightup！Let'shaveapeg！Let's-CAPT。M。Let'smakeballyassesofourselves！
　　BELLS。（Without。）-
　　"Good-peo-ple-allToprayers-wecall。"
　　CAPT。M。Theregothebells！Comean-unlessyou'drathernot。
　　（Theyrideoff。）
　　BELLS-
　　"WehonortheKingAndBridesjoydobring-Goodtidingswetell，AndringtheDead'sknell。"
　　CAPT。G。（DismountingatthedooroftheChurch。）Isay，aren'twemuchtoosoon？Therearenoendofpeopleinside。Isay，aren'twemuchtoolate？Stickbyme，Jack！WhatthedevildoIdo？
　　CAPT。M。StrikeanattitudeatthebeadoftheaisleandwaitforHer。（G。groansasM。wheelshimintopositionhe/orethreehundredeyes。）
　　CAPT。M。（Imploringly。）Gaddy，ifyouloveme，forpity'ssake，fortheHonoroftheRegiment，standup！Chuckyourselfintoyouruniform！Looklikeaman！I'vegottospeaktothePadreaminute。
　　（G。breaksintoagentlePerspiration。）yourfaceI'llnevermanagain。Standup！visibly。）IfyouwipeyourfaceI'llneverbeyourbestmanagain。Standup！（G。Tremblesvisibly。）
　　CAPT。M。（Returning。）She'scommgnow。Lookoutwhenthemusicstarts。There'stheorganbeginningtoclack。
　　Bridestepsoutof'rickshawatChurchdoor。G。catchesaglimpseo/herandtakesheart。
　　ORGAN-
　　"TheVoicethatbreathedo'erEden，Thatearliestmarriageday，Theprimalmarriage-blessing，Ithathnotpassedaway。"
　　CAPT。M。（WatchingG。）ByJove！Heislookingwell。'Didn'tthinkhehaditinhim。
　　CAPT。G。Howlongdoesthishymngoonfor？
　　CAPT。M。Itwillbeoverdirectly。（Ansiously。）Beginningtovleachandgulp。Holdon，Gabby，andthinko'theRegiment。
　　CAPT。G。（Measuredly。）Isaythere'sabigbrownlizardcrawlingupthatwall。
　　CAPT。M。MySaintedMother！Thelaststageofcollapse！
　　BridecomesUptoleftofaltar，liftshereyesoncetoG。，whoissuddenlysmittenmad。
　　CAPT。G。（TOhimselfagainandagain。）LittleFeatherweight'sawoman-awoman！AndIthoughtshewasalittlegirl。
　　CAPT。M。（Inawhisper。）Formthehalt-inwardwheel。
　　CAPT。G。obeysmechanicallyandtheceremonyproceeds。
　　PADRE……onlyuntoherasyebothshalllive？
　　CAPT。G。（Histhroatuseless。）Ha-hmmm！
　　CAPT。M。Sayyouwilloryouwon't。There'snoseconddealhere。
　　Bridegivesresponsewithperfectcoomess，andisgivenawaybythefather。
　　CAPT。G。（Thinkingtoshowhislearning。）Jackgivemeawaynow，quick！
　　CAPT。M。You'vegivenyourselfawayquiteenough。Herrighthand，man！Repeat！Repeat！"TheodorePhilip。"Haveyouforgottenyourownname？
　　CAPT。G。stumblesthroughAffirmation，whichBriderepeatswithoutatremor。
　　CAPT。M。Nowthering！FollowthePadre！Don'tpulloffmyglove！Hereitis！GreatCupid，he'sfoundhisvoice。
　　CAPT。G。repeatsTrothinavoicetobeheardtotheendoftheChurchandturnsonhisheel。
　　CAPT。M。（Desperately。）Reinback！Backtoyourtroop！'Tisn'thalflegalyet。
　　PADRE……joinedtogetherletnomanputasunder。
　　CAPT。G。paralyzedwithfearjibsafterBlessing。
　　CAPT。M。（Quickly。）Onyourownfront-onelength。Takeherwithyou。Idon'tcome。You'venothingtosay。（CAPT。G。jinglesuptoaltar。）
　　CAPT。M。（Inapiercingrattlemeanttobeawhisper。）Kneel，youstiff-neckedruffian！Kneel！
　　PADRE……whosedaughtersareyesolongasyedowellandarenotafraidwithanyamazement。
　　CAPT。M。Dismiss！Breakoff！Leftwheel！
　　Alltrooptovestry。Theysign。
　　CAPT。M。KissHer，Gaddy。
　　CAPT。G。（Rubbingtheinkintohisglove。）Eh！Wha-at？
　　CAPT。M。（TakingonepacetoBride。）Ifyoudon't，Ishall。
　　CAPT。G。（Interposinganarm。）Notthisjourney！
　　Generalkissing，inwhichCAPT。G。ispursuedbyunknownfemale。
　　CAPT。G。（FaintlytoM。）ThisisHades！CanIwipemyfacenow？
　　CAPT。M。Myresponsibilityhasended。BetteraskMissesGADSAY。
　　CAPT。G。wincesasthoughshotandprocessionisMendelssohnedoutofChurchtohouse，whereusualtorturestakeplaceoverthewedding-cake。
　　CAPT。M。（Attable。）Upwithyou，Gaddy。Theyexpectaspeech。
　　CAPT。G。（Afterthreeminutes'agony。）Ha-hmmm。（ThundersOfapplause。）
　　CAPT。M。Doocidgood，forafirstattempt。NowgoandchangeyourkitwhileMammaisweepingover_"theMissus。"（CAPT。G。
　　disappears。CAPT。M。startsuptearinghishair。）It'snothalflegal。
　　Wherearetheshoes？Getanayah。
　　AVAH。MissieCaptainSahibdonegonebandkaroallthejutis。
　　CAPT。M。（Brandishingscablardedsword。）Woman，producethoseshoesSomeonelendmeabread-knife。Wemustn'tcrackGaddy'sheadmorethanitis。（Slicesheeloffwhitesatinslipperandputsslipperuphissleeve。）
　　WhereistheBride？（Tothecompanyatlarge。）Betenderwiththatrice。It'saheathencustom。Givemethebigbag。
　　******
　　Brideslipsoutquietlyinto'rickshawanddepartstowardthesun-set。
　　CAPT。M。（Intheopen。）Stoleaway，byJove！SomuchtheworseforGaddy！Hereheis。NowGaddy，this'llbelivelierthanAmdberan！Where'syourhorse？
　　CAPT。G。（Furiously，seeingthatthewomenareoutofanearshot。）
　　Wherethe-ismyWife？
　　CAPT。M。Half-waytoMahasubythistime。You'llhavetoridelikeYoungLochinvar。
　　Horsecomesroundonhishindlegs；refusestoletG。handlehim。
　　CAPT。G。Ohyouwill，willyou？Get'round，youbrute-youhog-youbeast！Getround！
　　Wrencheshorse'sheadover，nearlybreakinglowerjaw:swingshimselfintosaddle，andsendshomebothspursinthemidstofaspatteringgaleofBestPatna。
　　CAPT。M。Foryourlifeandyourlove-ride，Gaddy-AndGodblessyou！
　　ThrowshalfapoundofriceatG。whodisappears，bowedforwardonthesaddle，inacloudofsun-litdust。
　　CAPT。M。I'velostoldGaddy。（Lightscigaretteandstrollsoff，singingabsently）:-
　　"Youmaycarveitonhistombstone，youmaycutitonhiscard，Thatayoungmanmarriedisayoungmanmarred！"
　　MissDEERCOURT。（Fromherhorse。）Really，CaptainMafflin！
　　Youaremoreplainspokenthanpolite！
　　CAPT。M。（Aside。）Theysaymarriageislikecholera。'Wonderwho'llbethenextvictim。
　　Whitesatinslipperslidesfromhissleeveandfallsathisfeet。Leftwondering。
　　THEGARDENOFEDENAndyeshallbeas-Gods！
　　SCENE-Thymygrass-plotatbackoft！'eMahasudak-bungalow，overlookinglittlewoodedvalley。Ontheleft，glimpseoftheDeadForestofFagoo；ontheright，SimlaHills。Inbackground，lineoftheSnows。CAPTAINGADSBY，nowthreeweeksahusband，issmokingthepipeofpeaceonaruginthesunshine。Banjoandtobacco-pouchonrug。OverheadtheFagooeagles。MRS。G。comesoutofbungalow。
　　MRS。G。Myhusband！CAPT。G。（Lazily，withintenseenjoyment。）
　　Eb，wha-at？Saythatagain。
　　MRS。G。I'vewrittentoMammaandtoldherthatweshallbebackonthe17th。
　　CAPT。G。Didyougivehermylove？
　　MRS。G。No，Ikeptallthatformyself。（Sittingdownbyhisside。）
　　Ithoughtyouwouldn'tmind。
　　CAPT。G。（Withmocksternness。）Iobjectawf'ly。Howdidyouknowthatitwasyourstokeep？
　　MRS。G。Iguessed，Phil。
　　CAPT。G。（Rapturously。）Lit-tleFeatherweight！
　　MRS。G。Iwon'tbecalledthosesportingpetnames，badboy。
　　CAPT。G。You'llbecalledanythingIchoose。Hasiteveroccurredtoyou，Madam，thatyouaremyWife？
　　MRS。G。Ithas。Ihaven'tceasedwonderingatityet。
　　CAPT。G。NorI。Itseemssostrange；andyet，somehow，itdoesn't。
　　（Confidently。）Yousee，itcouldhavebeennooneelse。
　　MRS。G。（Softly。）No。Nooneelse-formeorforyou。Itmusthavebeenallarrangedfromthebeginning。Phil，tellmeagainwhatmadeyoucareforme。
　　CAPT。G。HowcouldIhelpit？Youwereyou，youknow。
　　MRS。G。Didyoueverwanttohelpit？Speakthetruth！
　　CAPT。G。（Atwinkleinhiseye。）Idid，darling，justatthefirst。
　　Rutonlyattheveryfirst。（Chuckles。）Icalledyou-stooplowandI'llwhisper-"alittlebeast。"Ho！Ho！Ho！
　　MRS。G。（Takinghimbythemous'acheandmakinghimsitup。）
　　"A-little-beast！"Stoplaughingoveryourcrime！Andyetyouhadthe-the-awfulcheektoproposetome！
　　CAPT。C。I'dchangedmymindthen。Andyouweren'talittlebeastanymore。
　　MRS。G。Thankyou，sir！AndwhenwasIever？
　　CAPT。G。Never！Butthatfirstday，whenyougavemeteainthatpeach-coloredmuslingownthing，youlooked-youdidindeed，dear-suchanabsurdlittlemite。AndIdidn'tknowwhattosaytoyou。
　　MRS。G。（Twistingmoustache。）Soyousaid"littlebeast。"Uponmyword，Sir！Icalledyoua"Crrrreature，"butIwishnowIhadcalledyousomethingworse。
　　CAPT。G。（Verymeekly。）Iapologize，butyou'rehurtingmeawf'ly。（Interlude。）You'rewelcometotorturemeagainonthoseterms。
　　MRS。G。Oh，whydidyouletmedoit？
　　CAPT。G。（Lookingacrossvalley。）Noreasoninparticular，but-ifitamusedyouordidyouanygood-youmight-wipethosedearlittlebootsofyoursonme。
　　MRS。G。（Stretchingoutherhands。）Don't！Oh，don't！Philip，myKing，pleasedon'ttalklikethat。It'showIfeel。You'resomuchtoogoodforme。Somuchtoogood！
　　CAPT。G。Me！I'mnotfittoputmyarmaroundyou。（Putsitround。）
　　MRS。C。Yes，youare。ButI-whathaveIeverdone？
　　CAPT。G。Givenmeaweebitofyourheart，haven'tyou，myQueen！
　　MRS。G。That'snothing。Anyonewoulddothat。Theycou-couldn'thelpit。
　　CAPT。G。Pussy，you'llmakemehorriblyconceited。JustwhenI
　　wasbeginningtofeelsohumble，too。
　　MRS。G。Humble！Idon'tbelieveit'sinyourcharacter。
　　CAPT。G。Whatdoyouknowofmycharacter，Impertinence？
　　MRS。G。Ah，butIshall，shan'tI，Phil？Ishallhavetimeinalltheyearsandyearstocome，toknoweverythingaboutyou；andtherewillbenosecretsbetweenus。
　　CAPT。G。Littlewitch！Ibelieveyouknowmethoroughlyalready。
　　MRS。G。IthinkIcanguess。You'reselfish？
　　CAPT。G。Yes。
　　MRS。G。Foolish？
　　CAPT。G。Very。
　　MRS。G。Andadear？
　　CAPT。G。Thatisasmyladypleases。
　　MRS。G。Thenyourladyispleased。（Apause。）D'youknowthatwe'retwosolemn，serious，grown-uppeople-CAPT。G。（Tiltingherstrawhatoverhereyes。）Yougrown-up！Pooh！You'reababy。
　　MRS。G。Andwe'retalkingnonsense。
　　CAPT。G。Thenlet'sgoontalkingnonsense。Iratherlikeit。Pussy，I'lltellyouasecret。Promisenottorepeat？
　　MRS。G。Ye-es。Onlytoyou。
　　CAPT。G。Iloveyou。
　　MRS。G。Re-ally！Forhowlong？
　　CAPT。G。Foreverandever。
　　MRS。G。That'salongtime。
　　CAPT。G。'Thinkso？It'stheshortestIcandowith。
　　MRS。G。You'regettingquiteclever。
　　CAPT。G。I'mtalkingtoyou。
　　MRS。G。Prettilyturned。HoldupyourstupidoldheadandI'llpayyouforit。
　　CAPT。G。（Affectingsupremecontempt。）Takeityourselfifyouwantit。
　　MRS。G。I'veagreatmindto-andIwill！（Takesitandisrepaidwithinterest。）
　　CAPT。G，LittleFeatherweight，it'smyopinionthatweareacoupleofidiots。
　　MRS。G。We'retheonlytwosensiblepeopleintheworld。Asktheeagle。He'scomingby。
　　CAPT。G。Ah！Idaresayhe'sseenagoodmanysensiblepeopleatMahasu。Theysaythatthosebirdsliveforeversolong。
　　MRS。G。Howlong？
　　CAPT。G。Ahundredandtwentyyears。
　　MRS。G。Ahundredandtwentyyears！O-oh！Andinahundredandtwentyyearswherewillthesetwosensiblepeoplebe？
　　CAPT。G。Whatdoesitmattersolongaswearetogethernow？
　　MRS。G。（Lookingroundthehorizon。）Yes。OnlyyouandI-Iandyou-inthewholewide，wideworlduntiltheend。（SeesthelineoftheSnows。）Howbigandquietthehillslook！D'youthinktheycareforus？
　　CAPT。G。'Can'tsayI'veconsultedemparticularly。Icare，andthat'senoughforme。
　　MRS。G。（Drawingnearertohim。）Yes，now-butafterward。
　　What'sthatlittleblackblurontheSnows？
　　CAPT。G。Asnowstorm，fortymilesaway。You'llseeitmove，asthewindcarriesitacrossthefaceofthatspurandthenitwillbeallgone。
　　MRS。G。Andthenitwillbeallgone。（Shivers。）
　　CAPT。G。（Anriously。）'Notchilled，pet，areyou？'Betterletmegetyourcloak。
　　MRS。G。No。Don'tleaveme，Phil。Stayhere。IbelieveIamafraid。
　　Oh，whyarethehillssohorrid！Phil，promisemethatyou'llalwaysloveme。
　　CAPT。G。What'sthetrouble，darling？Ican'tpromiseanymorethanIhave；butI'llpromisethatagainandagainifyoulike。
　　MRs。G。（Herheadonhisshoulder。）Sayit，then-sayit！N-no-
　　don't！The-the-eagleswouldlaugh。（Recovering。）Myhusband，you'vemarriedalittlegoose。
　　CAPT。G。（Verytenderly。）HaveI？Iamcontentwhateversheis，solongassheismine。
　　MRS。G。（Quickly。）Becausesheisyoursorbecausesheismemineself？
　　CAPT。G。Becausesheisboth。（Piteously。）I'mnotclever，dear，andIdon'tthinkIcanmakemyselfunderstoodproperly。
　　MRS。G。Iunderstand。Pip，willyoutellmesomething？
　　CAPT。G。Anythingyoulike。（Aside。）Iwonderwhat'scomingnow。
　　MRS。G。（Haltingly，hereyes'owered。）Youtoldmeonceintheolddays-centunesandcenturiesago-thatyouhadbeenengagedbefore。Ididn'tsayanything-then。
　　CAPT。G。（Innocently。）Whynot？
　　MRS。G。（Raisinghereyestohis。）Because-becauseIwasafraidoflosingyou，myheart。Butnow-tellaboutit-please。
　　CAPT。G。There'snothingtotell。Iwasawf'lyoldthen-nearlytwoandtwenty-andshewasquitethat。
　　MRS。G。Thatmeansshewasolderthanyou。Ishouldn'tlikehertohavebeenyounger。Well？
　　CAPT。G。Well，Ifanciedmyselfinloveandravedaboutabit，and-oh，yes，byJove！Imadeuppoetry。Ha！Ha！
　　MRS。G。Youneverwroteanyforme！Whathappened？
　　CAPT。G。Icameouthere，andthewholethingwentphut。Shewrotetosaythattherehadbeenamistake，andthenshemarried。
　　Mas。G。Didshecareforyoumuch？
　　CAPT。G。No。Atleastshedidn'tshowitasfarasIremember。
　　MRS。G。AsfarasyourememberlDoyourememberhername？
　　（Hearsitandbowsherhead。）Thankyou，myhusband。
　　CAPT。G。Whobutyouhadtheright？Now，LittleFeatherweight，haveyoueverbeenmixedupinanydarkanddismaltragedy？
　　MRS。G。IfyoucallmeMrs。Gadsby，p'rapsI'lltell。
　　CAPT。G。（ThrowingParaderaspintohisvoice。）Mrs。Gadsby，confesslMRS。G。GoodHeavens，Phil！Ineverknewthatyoucouldspeakinthatterriblevoice。
　　CAPT。G。Youdon'tknowhalfmyaccomplishmentsyet。WaittillwearesettledinthePlains，andI'llshowyouhowIbarkatmytroop。Youweregoingtosay，darling？
　　MRS。G。I-Idon'tliketo，afterthatvoice。（Tremulously。）Phil，neveryoudaretospeaktomeinthattone，whateverImaydo！
　　CAPT。G。Mypoorlittlelove！Why，you'reshakingallover。Iamsosorry。OfcourseInevermeanttoupsetyouDon'ttellmeanything，I'mabrute。
　　MRS。G。No，youaren't，andIwilltell-Therewasaman。
　　CAPT。G。（Lightly。）Wasthere？Luckyman！
　　MRS。G。（Inawhisper。）AndIthougbtIcaredforhim。
　　CAPT。G。Stillluckierman！Well？
　　MRS。G。AndIthoughtIcaredforhim-andIdidn't-andthenyoucame-andIcaredforyouvery，verymuchindeed。That'sall。
　　（Facehidden。）Youaren'tangry，areyou？
　　CAPT。G。Angry？Notintheleast。（Aside。）GoodLord，whathaveIdonetodeservethisangel？
　　MRS。G。（Aside。）Andheneveraskedforthename！Howfunnymenare！Butperhapsit'saswell。
　　CAPT。G。Thatmanwillgotoheavenbecauseyouoncethoughtyoucaredforhim。'Wonderifyou'lleverdragmeupthere？
　　MRS。G。（Firmly。）'Sha'n'tgoifyoudon't。
　　CAPT。G。Thanks。Isay，Pussy，Idon'tknowmuchaboutyourreligiousbeliefs。Youwerebroughtuptobelieveinaheavenandallthat，weren'tyou？
　　MRS。G。Yes。Butitwasapincushionheaven，withhymn-booksinallthepews。
　　CAPT。G。（Wagginghisheadwithintenseconviction。）Nevermind。Thereisapukkaheaven。
　　MRS。G。Wheredoyoubringthatmessagefrom，myprophet？
　　CAPT。G。Here！Becausewecareforeachother。Soit'sallright。
　　Mrs。G。（Asatroopoflangurscrashthroughthebranches。）Soit'sallright。ButDarwinsaysthatwecamefromthose！
　　CAPT。G。（Placidly。）Ah！Darwinwasneverinlovewithanangel。
　　Thatsettlesit。Sstt，youbrutes！Monkeys，indeed！Youshouldn'treadthosebooks。
　　MRS。G。（Foldingherhands。）IfitpleasesmyLordtheKingtoissueproclamation。
　　CAPT。G。Don't，dearone。Therearenoordersbetweenus。OnlyI'dratheryoudidn't。Theyleadtonothing，andbotherpeople'sheads。
　　MRS。G。Likeyourfirstengagement。
　　CAPT。G。（Withanimmensecalm。）Thatwasanecessaryevilandledtoyou。Areyounothing？
　　MRS。G。Notsoverymuch，amI？
　　CAPT。G。Allthisworldandthenexttome。
　　MRS。G。（Verysoftly。）Myboyofboys！ShallItellyousomething？
　　CAPT。G。Yes，ifit'snotdreadful-aboutothermen。
　　MRS。G。It'saboutmyownbadlittleself。
　　CAPT。G。Thenitmustbegood。Goon，dear。
　　MRS。G。（Slowly。）Idon'tknowwhyI'mtellingyou，Pip；butifeveryoumarryagain-（Interlude。）TakeyourhandfrommymouthorI'llbite！Inthefuture，thenremember-Idon'tknowquitehowtoputit！
　　CAPT。G。（Snortingindignantly。）Don'ttry。"Marryagain，"