McCOMAShorrified。Thewaiter!Stop，stop!Iwillnotpermitthis。I——
　　WAITERpresentinghimselfbetweenPhilipandMcComas。Yes，sir。
　　McComas'scomplexionfadesintostonegrey；andallmovementandexpressiondeserthiseyes。Hesitsdownstupefied。
　　PHILIP。William:youremembermyrequesttoyoutoregardmeasyourson？
　　WAITERwithrespectfulindulgence。Yes，sir。Anythingyouplease，sir。
　　PHILIP。William:attheveryoutsetofyourcareerasmyfather，arivalhasappearedonthescene。
　　WAITER。Yourrealfather，sir？Well，thatwastobeexpected，soonerorlater，sir，wasn'tit？TurningwithahappysmiletoMcComas。Isityou，sir？
　　McCOMASrenervedbyindignation。Certainlynot。Mychildrenknowhowtobehavethemselves。
　　PHILIP。No，William:thisgentlemanwasverynearlymyfather:hewooedmymother，butwooedherinvain。
　　McCOMASoutraged。Well，ofallthe——
　　PHILIP。Sh!Consequently，heisonlyoursolicitor。DoyouknowoneCrampton，ofthistown？
　　WAITER。Cock-eyedCrampton，sir，oftheCrookedBillet，isit？
　　PHILIP。Idon'tknow。Finch:doeshekeepapublichouse？
　　McCOMASrisingscandalized。No，no，no。Yourfather，sir，isawell-knownyachtbuilder，aneminentmanhere。
　　WAITERimpressed。Oh，begpardon，sir，I'msure。AsonofMr。
　　Crampton's!Dearme!
　　PHILIP。Mr。Cramptoniscomingtolunchwithus。
　　WAITERpuzzled。Yes，sir。Diplomatically。Don'tusuallylunchwithhisfamily，perhaps，sir？
　　PHILIPimpressively。William:hedoesnotknowthatwearehisfamily。Hehasnotseenusforeighteenyears。Hewon'tknowus。Toemphasizethecommunicationheseatshimselfontheirontablewithaspring，andlooksatthewaiterwithhislipscompressedandhislegsswinging。
　　DOLLY。Wewantyoutobreakthenewstohim，William。
　　WAITER。ButIshouldthinkhe'dguesswhenheseesyourmother，miss。Philip'slegsbecomemotionlessatthiselucidation。Hecontemplatesthewaiterraptly。
　　DOLLYdazzled。Ineverthoughtofthat。
　　PHILIP。NorI。ComingoffthetableandturningreproachfullyonMcComas。Noryou。
　　DOLLY。Andyouasolicitor!
　　PHILIP。Finch:Yourprofessionalincompetenceisappalling。
　　William:yoursagacityputsusalltoshame。
　　DOLLYYoureallyarelikeShakespear，William。
　　WAITER。Notatall，sir。Don'tmentionit，miss。Mosthappy，I'msure，sir。Goesbackmodestlytotheluncheontableandlaysthetwoadditionalcovers，oneattheendnextthesteps，andtheothersoastomakeathirdonthesidefurthestfromthebalustrade。
　　PHILIPabruptly。Finch:comeandwashyourhands。Seizeshisarmandleadshimtowardthehotel。
　　McCOMAS。Iamthoroughlyvexedandhurt，Mr。Clandon——
　　PHILIPinterruptinghim。Youwillgetusedtous。Come，Dolly。
　　McComasshakeshimoffandmarchesintothehotel。Philipfollowswithunruffledcomposure。
　　DOLLYturningforamomentonthestepsasshefollowsthem。Keepyourwitsaboutyou，William。Therewillbefire-works。
　　WAITER。Right，miss。Youmaydependonme，miss。Shegoesintothehotel。
　　Valentinecomeslightlyupthestepsfromthebeach，followeddoggedlybyCrampton。Valentinecarriesawalkingstick。Crampton，eitherbecauseheisoldandchilly，orwithsomeideaofextenuatingtheunfashionablenessofhisreeferjacket，wearsalightovercoat。HestopsatthechairleftbyMcComasinthemiddleoftheterrace，andsteadieshimselfforamomentbyplacinghishandonthebackofit。
　　CRAMPTON。Thosestepsmakemegiddy。Hepasseshishandoverhisforehead。Ihavenotgotoverthatinfernalgasyet。
　　Hegoestotheironchair，sothathecanleanhiselbowsonthelittletabletoprophisheadashesits。Hesoonrecovers，andbeginstounbuttonhisovercoat。MeanwhileValentineinterviewsthewaiter。
　　VALENTINE。Waiter!
　　WAITERcomingforwardbetweenthem。Yes，sir。
　　VALENTINE。Mrs。LanfreyClandon。
　　WAITERwithasweetsmileofwelcome。Yes，sir。We'reexpectingyou，sir。Thatisyourtable，sir。Mrs。Clandonwillbedownpresently，sir。Theyoungladyandyounggentlemanwerejusttalkingaboutyourfriend，sir。
　　VALENTINE。Indeed!
　　WAITERsmoothlymelodious。Yes，sire。Greatflowofspirits，sir。Aveinofpleasantry，asyoumightsay，sir。Quickly，toCrampton，whohasrisentogettheovercoatoff。Begpardon，sir，butifyou'llallowmehelpinghimtogettheovercoatoffandtakingitfromhim。Thankyou，sir。Cramptonsitsdownagain；andthewaiterresumesthebrokenmelody。Theyounggentleman'slatestisthatyou'rehisfather，sir。
　　CRAMPTON。What!
　　WAITER。Onlyhisjoke，sir，hisfavouritejoke。Yesterday，Iwastobehisfather。To-day，assoonasheknewyouwerecoming，sir，hetriedtoputituponmethatyouwerehisfather，hislonglostfather——
　　notseenyouforeighteenyears，hesaid。
　　CRAMPTONstartled。Eighteenyears!
　　WAITER。Yes，sir。Withgentlearchness。ButIwasuptohistricks，sir。Isawtheideacomingintohisheadashestoodthere，thinkingwhatnewjokehe'dhavewithme。Yes，sir:that'sthesortheis:verypleasant，ve——ryoffhandandaffableindeed，sir。AgainchanginghistempotosaytoValentine，whoisputtinghisstickdownagainstthecornerofthegardenseatIfyou'llallowme，sir？
　　TakingValentine'sstick。Thankyou，sir。Valentinestrollsuptotheluncheontableandlooksatthemenu。ThewaiterturnstoCramptonandresumeshislay。Eventhesolicitortookupthejoke，althoughhewasinamannerofspeakinginmyconfidenceabouttheyounggentleman，sir。Yes，sir，Iassureyou，sir。YouwouldneverimaginewhatrespectableprofessionalgentlemenfromLondonwilldoonanouting，whentheseaairtakesthem，sir。
　　CRAMPTON。Oh，there'sasolicitorwiththem，isthere？
　　WAITER。Thefamilysolicitor，sir——yes，sir。NameofMcComas，sir。
　　Hegoestowardshotelentrancewithcoatandstick，happilyunconsciousofthebomblikeeffectthenamehasproducedonCrampton。
　　CRAMPTONrisinginangryalarm。McComas!CallstoValentine。
　　Valentine!Again，fiercely。Valentine!!Valentineturns。Thisisaplant，aconspiracy。Thisismyfamily——mychildren——myinfernalwife。
　　VALENTINEcoolly。On，indeed!Interestingmeeting!Heresumeshisstudyofthemenu。
　　CRAMPTON。Meeting!Notforme。Letmeoutofthis。Callingtothewaiter。Givemethatcoat。
　　WAITER。Yes，sir。Hecomesback，putsValentine'sstickcarefullydownagainsttheluncheontable；anddelicatelyshakesthecoatoutandholdsitforCramptontoputon。Iseemtohavedonetheyounggentlemananinjustice，sir，haven'tI，sir。
　　CRAMPTON。Rrrh!Hestopsonthepointofputtinghisarmsintothesleeves，andturnstoValentinewithsuddensuspicion。Valentine:youareinthis。Youmadethisplot。You——
　　VALENTINEdecisively。Bosh!Hethrowsthemenudownandgoesroundthetabletolookoutunconcernedlyovertheparapet。
　　CRAMPTONangrily。Whatd'ye——McComas，followedbyPhilipandDolly，comesout。HevacillatesforamomentonseeingCrampton。
　　WAITERsoftly——interruptingCrampton。Steady，sir。Heretheycome，sir。Hetakesupthestickandmakesforthehotel，throwingthecoatacrosshisarm。McComasturnsthecornersofhismouthresolutelydownandcrossestoCrampton，whodrawsbackandglares，withhishandsbehindhim。McComas，withhisbrowopenerthanever，confrontshiminthemajestyofaspotlessconscience。
　　WAITERaside，ashepassesPhiliponhiswayout。I'vebrokeittohim，sir。
　　PHILIP。InvaluableWilliam!Hepassesontothetable。
　　DOLLYasidetothewaiter。Howdidhetakeit？
　　WAITERasidetoher。Startledatfirst，miss；butresigned——veryresigned，indeed，miss。Hetakesthestickandcoatintothehotel。
　　McCOMAShavingstaredCramptonoutofcountenance。Sohereyouare，Mr。Crampton。
　　CRAMPTON。Yes，here——caughtinatrap——ameantrap。Arethosemychildren？
　　PHILIPwithdeadlypoliteness。Isthisourfather，Mr。McComas？
　　McCOMAS。Yes——er——Helosescountenancehimselfandstops。
　　DOLLYconventionally。Pleasedtomeetyouagain。Shewandersidlyroundthetable，exchangingasmileandawordofgreetingwithValentineontheway。
　　PHILIP。Allowmetodischargemyfirstdutyashostbyorderingyourwine。Hetakesthewinelistfromthetable。Hispoliteattention，andDolly'sunconcernedindifference，leaveCramptononthefootingofthecasualacquaintancepickedupthatmorningatthedentist's。Theconsciousnessofitgoesthroughthefatherwithsokeenapangthathetremblesallover；hisbrowbecomeswet；andhestaresdumblyathisson，who，justconsciousenoughofhisowncallousnesstointenselyenjoythehumorandadroitnessofit，proceedspleasantly。Finch:somecrustedoldportforyou，asarespectablefamilysolicitor，eh？
　　McCOMASfirmly。Apollinarisonly。Iprefertotakenothingheating。Hewalksawaytothesideoftheterrace，likeamanputtingtemptationbehindhim。
　　PHILIP。Valentine——？
　　VALENTINE。WouldLagerbeconsideredvulgar？
　　PHILIP。Probably。We'llordersome。Dollytakesit。TurningtoCramptonwithcheerfulpoliteness。Andnow，Mr。Crampton，whatcanwedoforyou？
　　CRAMPTON。Whatd'yemean，boy？
　　PHILIP。Boy!Verysolemnly。WhosefaultisitthatIamaboy？
　　Cramptonsnatchesthewinelistrudelyfromhimandirresolutelypretendstoreadit。Philipabandonsittohimwithperfectpoliteness。
　　DOLLYlookingoverCrampton'srightshoulder。Thewhisky'sonthelastpagebutone。
　　CRAMPTON。Letmealone，child。
　　DOLLY。Child!No，no:youmaycallmeDollyifyoulike；butyoumustn'tcallmechild。SheslipsherarmthroughPhilip's；andthetwostandlookingatCramptonasifheweresomeeccentricstranger。
　　CRAMPTONmoppinghisbrowinrageandagony，andyetrelievedevenbytheirplayingwithhim。McComas:weare——ha!——goingtohaveapleasantmeal。
　　McCOMASpusillanimously。Thereisnoreasonwhyitshouldnotbepleasant。Helooksabjectlygloomy。
　　PHILIP。Finch'sfaceisafeastinitself。Mrs。ClandonandGloriacomefromthehotel。Mrs。Clandonadvanceswithcourageousself-
　　possessionandmarkeddignityofmanner。ShestopsatthefootofthestepstoaddressValentine，whoisinherpath。Gloriaalsostops，lookingatCramptonwithacertainrepulsion。
　　MRS。CLANDON。Gladtoseeyouagain，Mr。Valentine。Hesmiles。
　　ShepassesonandconfrontsCrampton，intendingtoaddresshimwithperfectcomposure；buthisaspectshakesher。Shestopssuddenlyandsaysanxiously，withatouchofremorse。Fergus:youaregreatlychanged。
　　CRAMPTONgrimly。Idaresay。Amandoeschangeineighteenyears。
　　MRS。CLANDONtroubled。I——Ididnotmeanthat。Ihopeyourhealthisgood。
　　CRAMPTON。Thankyou。No:it'snotmyhealth。It'smyhappiness:
　　that'sthechangeyoumeant，Ithink。Breakingoutsuddenly。Lookather，McComas!Lookather；andlookatme!Heuttersahalflaugh，halfsob。
　　PHILIP。Sh!Pointingtothehotelentrance，wherethewaiterhasjustappeared。OrderbeforeWilliam!
　　DOLLYtouchingCrampton'sarmwarninglywithherfinger。
　　Ahem!Thewaitergoestotheservicetableandbeckonstothekitchenentrance，whenceissueayoungwaiterwithsoupplates，andacook，inwhiteapronandcap，withthesouptureen。Theyoungwaiterremainsandserves:thecookgoesout，andreappearsfromtimetotimebringinginthecourses。Hecarves，butdoesnotserve。Thewaitercomestotheendoftheluncheontablenextthesteps。
　　MRS。CLANDONastheyallassembleaboutthetable。Ithinkyouhaveallmetoneanotheralreadyto-day。Oh，no，excuseme。
　　IntroducingMr。Valentine:Mr。McComas。Shegoestotheendofthetablenearestthehotel。Fergus:willyoutaketheheadofthetable，please。
　　CRAMPTON。Ha!Bitterly。Theheadofthetable!
　　WAITERholdingthechairforhimwithinoffensiveencouragement。
　　Thisend，sir。Cramptonsubmits，andtakeshisseat。Thankyou，sir。
　　MRS。CLANDON。Mr。Valentine:willyoutakethatsideindicatingthesidenearesttheparapetwithGloria？ValentineandGloriataketheirplaces，GlorianextCramptonandValentinenextMrs。Clandon。Finch:I
　　mustputyouonthisside，betweenDollyandPhil。Youmustprotectyourselfasbestyoucan。Thethreetaketheremainingsideofthetable，Dollynexthermother，Philnexthisfather，andMcComasbetweenthem。Soupisserved。
　　WAITERtoCrampton。Thickorclear，sir？
　　CRAMPTONtoMrs。Clandon。Doesnobodyaskablessinginthishousehold？
　　PHILIPinterposingsmartly。Letusfirstsettlewhatweareabouttoreceive。William!
　　WAITER。Yes，sir。HeglidesswiftlyroundthetabletoPhil'sleftelbow。OnhiswayhewhisperstotheyoungwaiterThick。
　　PHILIP。TwosmallLagersforthechildrenasusual，William；andonelargeforthisgentlemanindicatingValentine。LargeApollinarisforMr。McComas。
　　WAITER。Yes，sir。
　　DOLLY。HaveasixofIrishinit，Finch？
　　McCOMASscandalized。No——no，thankyou。
　　PHILIP。Number413formymotherandMissGloriaasbefore；and——
　　turningenquiringlytoCramptonEh？
　　CRAMPTONscowlingandabouttoreplyoffensively。I——
　　WAITERstrikinginmellifluously。Allright，sir。WeknowwhatMr。Cramptonlikeshere，sir。Hegoesintothehotel。
　　PHILIPlookinggravelyathisfather。Youfrequentbars。Badhabit!Thecook，accompaniedbyawaiterwithasupplyofhotplates，bringsinthefishfromthekitchentotheservicetable，andbeginsslicingit。
　　CRAMPTON。Youhavelearntyourlessonfromyourmother，Isee。
　　MRS。CLANDON。Phil:willyoupleaserememberthatyourjokesareapttoirritatepeoplewhoarenotaccustomedtous，andthatyourfatherisourguestto-day。
　　CRAMPTONbitterly。Yes，aguestattheheadofmyowntable。Thesoupplatesareremoved。
　　DOLLYsympathetically。Yes:it'sembarrassing，isn'tit？It'sjustasbadforus，youknow。
　　PHILIP。Sh!Dolly:wearebothwantingintact。ToCrampton。Wemeanwell，Mr。Crampton；butwearenotyetstronginthefilialline。
　　Thewaiterreturnsfromthehotelwiththedrinks。William:comeandrestoregoodfeeling。
　　WAITERcheerfully。Yes，sir。Certainly，sir。SmallLagerforyou，sir。ToCrampton。SeltzerandIrish，sir。ToMcComas。
　　Apollinaris，sir。ToDolly。SmallLager，miss。ToMrs。Clandon，pouringoutwine。413，madam。ToValentine。LargeLagerforyou，sir。ToGloria。413，miss。
　　DOLLYdrinking。Tothefamily!
　　PHILIP。drinking。HearthandHome!Fishisserved。
　　McCOMASwithanobviouslyforcedattemptatcheerfuldomesticity。
　　Wearegettingonverynicelyafterall。
　　DOLLYcritically。Afterall!Afterallwhat，Finch？
　　CRAMPTONsarcastically。Hemeansthatyouaregettingonverynicelyinspiteofthepresenceofyourfather。DoItakeyourpointrightly，Mr。McComas？
　　McCOMASdisconcerted。No，no。Ionlysaid"afterall"toroundoffthesentence。I——er——er——er——
　　WAITERtactfully。Turbot，sir？
　　McCOMASintenselygratefulfortheinterruption。Thankyou，waiter:thankyou。
　　WAITERsottovoce。Don'tmentionit，sir。Hereturnstotheservicetable。
　　CRAMPTONtoPhil。Haveyouthoughtofchoosingaprofessionyet？
　　PHILIP。Iamkeepingmymindopenonthatsubject。William!
　　WAITER。Yes，sir。
　　PHILIP。Howlongdoyouthinkitwouldtakemetolearntobeareallysmartwaiter？
　　WAITER。Can'tbelearnt，sir。It'sinthecharacter，sir。
　　ConfidentiallytoValentine，whoislookingaboutforsomething。
　　Breadforthelady，sir？yes，sir。HeservesbreadtoGloria，andresumesathisformerpitch。Veryfewareborntoit，sir。
　　PHILIP。Youdon'thappentohavesuchathingasason，yourself，haveyou？
　　WAITER。Yes，sir:oh，yes，sir。ToGloria，againdroppinghisvoice。Alittlemorefish，miss？youwon'tcareforthejointinthemiddleoftheday。
　　GLORIA。No，thankyou。Thefishplatesareremoved。
　　DOLLY。Isyoursonawaiter，too，William？
　　WAITERservingGloriawithfowl。Oh，no，miss，he'stooimpetuous。
　　He'sattheBar。
　　McCOMASpatronizingly。Apotman，eh？
　　WAITERwithatouchofmelancholy，asifrecallingadisappointmentsoftenedbytime。No，sir:theotherbar——yourprofession，sir。A
　　Q。C。，sir。
　　McCOMASembarrassed。I'msureIbegyourpardon。
　　WAITER。Notatall，sir。Verynaturalmistake，I'msure，sir。I'veoftenwishedhewasapotman，sir。Wouldhavebeenoffmyhandseversomuchsooner，sir。AsidetoValentine，whoisagainindifficulties。
　　Saltatyourelbow，sir。Resuming。Yes，sir:hadtosupporthimuntilhewasthirty-seven，sir。Butdoingwellnow，sir:verysatisfactoryindeed，sir。Nothinglessthanfiftyguineas，sir。
　　McCOMAS。Democracy，Crampton!——moderndemocracy!
　　WAITERcalmly。No，sir，notdemocracy:onlyeducation，sir。
　　Scholarships，sir。CambridgeLocal，sir。SidneySussexCollege，sir。
　　Dollypluckshissleeveandwhispersashebendsdown。Stoneginger，miss？Right，miss。ToMcComas。Verygoodthingforhim，sir:heneverhadanyturnforrealwork，sir。Hegoesintothehotel，leavingthecompanysomewhatoverwhelmedbyhisson'seminence。
　　VALENTINE。Whichofusdaregivethatmananorderagain!
　　DOLLY。Ihopehewon'tmindmysendinghimforginger-beer。
　　CRAMPTONdoggedly。Whilehe'sawaiterit'shisbusinesstowait。
　　Ifyouhadtreatedhimasawaiteroughttobetreated，he'dhaveheldhistongue。
　　DOLLY。Whatalossthatwouldhavebeen!Perhapshe'llgiveusanintroductiontohissonandgetusintoLondonsociety。Thewaiterreappearswiththeginger-beer。
　　CRAMPTONgrowlingcontemptuously。Londonsociety!Londonsociety!!You'renotfitforanysociety，child。
　　DOLLYlosinghertemper。Nowlookhere，Mr。Crampton。Ifyouthink——
　　WAITERsoftly，atherelbow。Stoneginger，miss。
　　DOLLYtakenaback，recovershergoodhumorafteralongbreathandsayssweetly。Thankyou，dearWilliam。Youwerejustintime。Shedrinks。
　　McCOMASmakingafreshefforttoleadtheconversationintodispassionateregions。IfImaybeallowedtochangethesubject，MissClandon，whatistheestablishedreligioninMadeira？
　　GLORIA。IsupposethePortuguesereligion。Ineverinquired。
　　DOLLY。TheservantscomeinLentandkneeldownbeforeyouandconfessallthethingsthey'vedone:andyouhavetopretendtoforgivethem。DotheydothatinEngland，William？
　　WAITER。Notusually，miss。Theymayinsomeparts:butithasnotcomeundermynotice，miss。CatchingMrs。Clandon'seyeastheyoungwaiteroffersherthesaladbowl。Youlikeitwithoutdressing，ma'am:
　　yes，ma'am，Ihavesomeforyou。Tohisyoungcolleague，motioninghimtoserveGloria。Thisside，Jo。HetakesaspecialportionofsaladfromtheservicetableandputsitbesideMrs。Clandon'splate。IndoingsoheobservesthatDollyismakingawryface。Onlyabitofwatercress，miss，gotinbymistake。Hetakeshersaladaway。Thankyou，miss。Totheyoungwaiter，admonishinghimtoserveDollyafresh。Jo。Resuming。MostlymembersoftheChurchofEngland，miss。
　　DOLLY。MembersoftheChurchofEngland!What'sthesubscription？
　　CRAMPTONrisingviolentlyamidgeneralconsternation。Youseehowmychildrenhavebeenbroughtup，McComas。Youseeit；youhearit。I
　　callallofyoutowitness——Hebecomesinarticulate，andisabouttostrikehisfistrecklesslyonthetablewhenthewaiterconsideratelytakesawayhisplate。
　　MRS。CLANDONfirmly。Sitdown，Fergus。Thereisnooccasionatallforthisoutburst。YoumustrememberthatDollyisjustlikeaforeignerhere。Praysitdown。
　　CRAMPTONsubsidingunwillingly。IdoubtwhetherIoughttosithereandcountenanceallthis。Idoubtit。
　　WAITER。Cheese，sir；orwouldyoulikeacoldsweet？
　　CRAMPTONtakeaback。What？Oh!——cheese，cheese。
　　DOLLY。Bringaboxofcigarets，William。
　　WAITER。Allready，miss。HetakesaboxofcigaretsfromtheservicetableandplacesthembeforeDolly，whoselectsoneandpreparestosmoke。Hethenreturnstohistableforaboxofvestas。
　　CRAMPTONstaringaghastatDolly。Doesshesmoke？
　　DOLLYoutofpatience。Really，Mr。Crampton，I'mafraidI'mspoilingyourlunch。I'llgoandhavemycigaretonthebeach。Sheleavesthetablewithpetulantsuddennessandgoesdownthesteps。Thewaiterattemptstogiveherthematches；butsheisgonebeforehecanreachher。
　　CRAMPTONfuriously。Margaret:callthatgirlback。Callherback，Isay。
　　McCOMAStryingtomakepeace。Come，Crampton:nevermind。She'sherfather'sdaughter:that'sall。
　　MRS。CLANDONwithdeepresentment。Ihopenot，Finch。Sherises:
　　theyallrisealittle。Mr。Valentine:willyouexcuseme:IamafraidDollyishurtandputoutbywhathaspassed。Imustgotoher。
　　CRAMPTON。Totakeherpartagainstme，youmean。
　　MRS。CLANDONignoringhim。Gloria:willyoutakemyplacewhilstI
　　amaway，dear。Shecrossestothesteps。Crampton'seyesfollowherwithbitterhatred。Therestwatchherinembarrassedsilence，feelingtheincidenttobeaverypainfulone。
　　WAITERinterceptingheratthetopofthestepsandofferingheraboxofvestas。Youngladyforgotthematches，ma'am。Ifyouwouldbesogood，ma'am。
　　MRS。CLANDONsurprisedintogratefulpolitenessbythewitcheryofhissweetandcheerfultones。Thankyouverymuch。Shetakesthematchesandgoesdowntothebeach。Thewaitershepherdshisassistantalongwithhimintothehotelbythekitchenentrance，leavingtheluncheonpartytothemselves。
　　CRAMPTONthrowinghimselfbackinhischair。There'samotherforyou，McComas!There'samotherforyou!
　　GLORIAsteadfastly。Yes:agoodmother。
　　CRAMPTON。Andabadfather？That'swhatyoumean，eh？
　　VALENTINErisingindignantlyandaddressingGloria。MissClandon:
　　I——
　　CRAMPTONturningonhim。Thatgirl'snameisCrampton，Mr。
　　Valentine，notClandon。Doyouwishtojointhemininsultingme？
　　VALENTINEignoringhim。I'moverwhelmed，MissClandon。It'sallmyfault:Ibroughthimhere:I'mresponsibleforhim。AndI'mashamedofhim。
　　CRAMPTON。Whatd'y'mean？
　　GLORIArisingcoldly。Noharmhasbeendone，Mr。Valentine。Wehaveallbeenalittlechildish，Iamafraid。Ourpartyhasbeenafailure:letusbreakitupandhavedonewithit。Sheputsherchairasideandturnstothesteps，adding，withslightingcomposure，asshepassesCrampton。Good-bye，father。
　　Shedescendsthestepswithcold，disgustedindifference。Theyalllookafterher，andsodonotnoticethereturnofthewaiterfromthehotel，ladenwithCrampton'scoat，Valentine'sstick，acoupleofshawlsandparasols，awhitecanvasumbrella，andsomecampstools。
　　CRAMPTONtohimself，staringafterGloriawithaghastlyexpression。Father!Father!!Hestrikeshisfistviolentlyonthetable。Now——
　　WAITERofferingthecoat。Thisisyours，sir，Ithink，sir。
　　Cramptonglaresathim；thensnatchesitrudelyandcomesdowntheterracetowardsthegardenseat，strugglingwiththecoatinhisangryeffortstoputiton。McComasrisesandgoestohisassistance；thentakeshishatandumbrellafromthelittleirontable，andturnstowardsthesteps。Meanwhilethewaiter，afterthankingCramptonwithunruffledsweetnessfortakingthecoat，offerssomeofhisburdentoPhil。Theladies'sunshades，sir。Nastyglareofftheseato-day，sir:verytryingtothecomplexion，sir。Ishallcarrydownthecampstoolsmyself，sir。
　　PHILIP。Youareold，FatherWilliam；butyouarethemostconsiderateofmen。No:keepthesunshadesandgivemethecampstoolstakingthem。
　　WAITERwithflatteringgratitude。Thankyou，sir。
　　PHILIP。Finch:sharewithmegivinghimacouple。Comealong。
　　Theygodownthestepstogether。
　　VALENTINEtothewaiter。Leavemesomethingtobringdown——oneofthese。Offeringtotakeasunshade。
　　WAITERdiscreetly。That'stheyoungerlady's，sir。Valentineletsitgo。Thankyou，sir。Ifyou'llallowme，sir，Ithinkyouhadbetterhavethis。HeputsdownthesunshadesonCrampton'schair，andproducesfromthetailpocketofhisdresscoat，abookwithalady'shandkerchiefbetweentheleaves，markingthepage。Theeldestyoungladyisreadingitatpresent。Valentinetakesiteagerly。Thankyou，sir。Schopenhauer，sir，yousee。Hetakesupthesunshadesagain。Veryinterestingauthor，sir:especiallyonthesubjectofladies，sir。Hegoesdownthesteps。Valentine，abouttofollowhim，recollectsCramptonandchangeshismind。
　　VALENTINEcomingratherexcitedlytoCrampton。Nowlookhere，Crampton:areyouatallashamedofyourself？
　　CRAMPTONpugnaciously。Ashamedofmyself!Whatfor？
　　VALENTINE。Forbehavinglikeabear。Whatwillyourdaughterthinkofmeforhavingbroughtyouhere？
　　CRAMPTON。Iwasnotthinkingofwhatmydaughterwasthinkingofyou。
　　VALENTINE。No，youwerethinkingofyourself。You'reaperfectmaniac。
　　CRAMPTONheartrent。ShetoldyouwhatIam——afather——afatherrobbedofhischildren。Whataretheheartsofthisgenerationlike？
　　AmItocomehereafteralltheseyears——toseewhatmychildrenareforthefirsttime!toheartheirvoices!——andcarryitallofflikeafashionablevisitor；dropintolunch；beMr。Crampton——MisterCrampton!Whatrighthavetheytotalktomelikethat？I'mtheirfather:dotheydenythat？I'maman，withthefeelingsofourcommonhumanity:haveInorights，noclaims？InalltheseyearswhohaveI
　　hadroundme？Servants，clerks，businessacquaintances。I'vehadrespectfromthem——aye，kindness。Wouldoneofthemhavespokentomeasthatgirlspoke？——wouldoneofthemhavelaughedatmeasthatboywaslaughingatmeallthetime？Frantically。Myownchildren!
　　MisterCrampton!My——
　　VALENTINE。Come，come:they'reonlychildren。Theonlyoneofthemthat'sworthanythingcalledyoufather。
　　CRAMPTONwildly。Yes:"good-bye，father。"Oh，yes:shegotatmyfeelings——withastab!
　　VALENTINEtakingthisinverybadpart。Nowlookhere，Crampton:
　　youjustletheralone:she'streatedyouverywell。Ihadamuchworsetimeofitatlunchthanyou。
　　CRAMPTON。You!
　　VALENTINEwithgrowingimpetuosity。Yes:I。Isatnexttoher；
　　andIneversaidasinglethingtoherthewholetime——couldn'tthinkofablessedword。Andnotaworddidshesaytome。
　　CRAMPTON。Well？
　　VALENTINE。Well？Well？？？Tacklinghimveryseriouslyandtalkingfasterandfaster。Crampton:doyouknowwhat'sbeenthematterwithmeto-day？Youdon'tsuppose，doyou，thatI'minthehabitofplayingsuchtricksonmypatientsasIplayedonyou？
　　CRAMPTON。Ihopenot。
　　VALENTINE。TheexplanationisthatI'mstarkmad，orratherthatI'veneverbeeninmyrealsensesbefore。I'mcapableofanything:I'vegrownupatlast:I'maMan；andit'syourdaughterthat'smadeamanofme。
　　CRAMPTONincredulously。Areyouinlovewithmydaughter？
　　VALENTINEhiswordsnowcominginaperfecttorrent。Love!
　　Nonsense:it'ssomethingfaraboveandbeyondthat。It'slife，it'sfaith，it'sstrength，certainty，paradise——
　　CRAMPTONinterruptinghimwithacridcontempt。Rubbish，man!Whathaveyoutokeepawifeon？Youcan'tmarryher。
　　VALENTINE。Whowantstomarryher？I'llkissherhands；I'llkneelatherfeet；I'llliveforher；I'lldieforher；andthat'llbeenoughforme。Lookatherbook!See!Hekissesthehandkerchief。Ifyouofferedmeallyourmoneyforthisexcuseforgoingdowntothebeachandspeakingtoheragain，I'donlylaughatyou。Herushesbuoyantlyofftothesteps，wherehebouncesrightintothearmsofthewaiter，whoiscomingupformthebeach。Thetwosavethemselvesfromfallingbyclutchingoneanothertightlyroundthewaistandwhirlingoneanotheraround。
　　WAITERdelicately。Steady，sir，steady。
　　VALENTINEshockedathisownviolence。Ibegyourpardon。
　　WAITER。Notatall，sir，notatall。Verynatural，sir，I'msure，sir，atyourage。Theladyhassentmeforherbook，sir。MightItakethelibertyofaskingyoutoletherhaveitatonce，sir？
　　VALENTINE。Withpleasure。Andifyouwillallowmetopresentyouwithaprofessionalman'searningsforsixweeks——offeringhimDolly'scrownpiece。
　　WAITERasifthesumwerebeyondhisutmostexpectations。Thankyou，sir:muchobliged。Valentinedashesdownthesteps。Veryhigh-
　　spiritedyounggentleman，sir:verymanlyandstraightsetup。
　　CRAMPTONingrumblingdisparagement。Andmakinghisfortuneinahurry，nodoubt。Iknowwhathissixweeks'earningscometo。Hecrossestheterracetotheirontable，andsitsdown。
　　WAITERphilosophically。Well，sir，younevercantell。That'saprincipleinlifewithme，sir，ifyou'llexcusemyhavingsuchathing，sir。Delicatelysinkingthephilosopherinthewaiterforamoment。
　　Perhapsyouhaven'tnoticedthatyouhadn'ttouchedthatseltzerandIrish，sir，whenthepartybrokeup。Hetakesthetumblerfromtheluncheontable，andsetsifbeforeCrampton。Yes，sir，younevercantell。Therewasmyson，sir!whoeverthoughtthathewouldrisetowearasilkgown，sir？Andyetto-day，sir，nothinglessthanfiftyguineas，sir。Whatalesson，sir!
　　CRAMPTON。Well，Ihopeheisgratefultoyou，andrecognizeswhatheowesyou。
　　WAITER。Wegetontogetherverywell，verywellindeed，sir，consideringthedifferenceinourstations。Withanotherofhisirresistibletransitions。Asmalllumpofsugar，sir，willtaketheflatnessoutoftheseltzerwithoutnoticeablysweeteningthedrink，sir。Allowme，sir。Hedropsalumpofsugarintothetumbler。ButasIsaytohim，where'sthedifferenceafterall？IfImustputonadresscoattoshowwhatIam，sir，hemustputonawigandgowntoshowwhatheis。Ifmyincomeismostlytips，andthere'sapretencethatI
　　don'tgetthem，why，hisincomeismostlyfees，sir；andIunderstandthere'sapretencethathedon'tgetthem!Ifhelikessociety，andhisprofessionbringshimintocontactwithallranks，sodoesmine，too，sir。Ifit'salittleagainstabarristertohaveawaiterforhisfather，sir，it'salittleagainstawaitertohaveabarristerforason:manypeopleconsideritagreatliberty，sir，Iassureyou，sir。
　　CanIgetyouanythingelse，sir？
　　CRAMPTON。No，thankyou。Withbitterhumility。Isupposethat'snoobjectiontomysittinghereforawhile:Ican'tdisturbthepartyonthebeachhere。
　　WAITERwithemotion。Verykindofyou，sir，toputitasifitwasnotacomplimentandanhonourtous，Mr。Crampton，verykindindeed。
　　Themoreyouareathomehere，sir，thebetterforus。
　　CRAMPTONinpoignantirony。Home!
　　WAITERreflectively。Well，yes，sir:that'sawayoflookingatit，too，sir。Ihavealwayssaidthatthegreatadvantageofahotelisthatit'sarefugefromhomelife，sir。
　　CRAMPTON。Imissedthatadvantageto-day，Ithink。
　　WAITER。Youdid，sir，youdid。Dearme!It'stheunexpectedthatalwayshappens，isn'tit？Shakinghishead。Younevercantell，sir:
　　younevercantell。Hegoesintothehotel。
　　CRAMPTONhiseyesshininghardlyashepropshisdrawn，miserablefaceonhishands。Home!Home!!Hedropshisarmsonthetableandbowshisheadonthem，butpresentlyhearssomeoneapproachingandhastilysitsboltupright。ItisGloria，whohascomeupthestepsalone，withhersunshadeandherbookinherhands。Helooksdefiantlyather，withthebrutalobstinacyofhismouthandthewistfulnessofhiseyescontradictingeachotherpathetically。Shecomestothecornerofthegardenseatandstandswithherbacktoit，leaningagainsttheendofit，andlookingdownathimasifwonderingathisweakness:toocuriousabouthimtobecold，butsupremelyindifferenttotheirkinship。Well？
　　GLORIA。Iwanttospeakwithyouforamoment。
　　CRAMPTONlookingsteadilyather。Indeed？That'ssurprising。Youmeetyourfatheraftereighteenyears；andyouactuallywanttospeaktohimforamoment!That'stouching:isn'tit？Herestshisheadonhishands，andlooksdownandawayfromher，ingloomyreflection。
　　GLORIA。Allthatiswhatseemstomesononsensical，souncalledfor。Whatdoyouexpectustofeelforyou——todoforyou？Whatisityouwant？Whyareyoulessciviltousthanotherpeopleare？Youareevidentlynotveryfondofus——whyshouldyoube？Butsurelywecanmeetwithoutquarrelling。
　　CRAMPTONadreadfulgreyshadepassingoverhisface。DoyourealizethatIamyourfather？
　　GLORIA。Perfectly。
　　CRAMPTON。Doyouknowwhatisduetomeasyourfather？
　　GLORIA。Forinstance——？
　　CRAMPTONrisingasiftocombatamonster。Forinstance!Forinstance!!Forinstance，duty，affection，respect，obedience——
　　GLORIAquittinghercarelessleaningattitudeandconfrontinghimpromptlyandproudly。Iobeynothingbutmysenseofwhatisright。I
　　respectnothingthatisnotnoble。Thatismyduty。Sheadds，lessfirmlyAstoaffection，itisnotwithinmycontrol。IamnotsurethatIquiteknowwhataffectionmeans。Sheturnsawaywithanevidentdistasteforthatpartofthesubject，andgoestotheluncheontableforacomfortablechair，puttingdownherbookandsunshade。
　　CRAMPTONfollowingherwithhiseyes。Doyoureallymeanwhatyouaresaying？
　　GLORIAturningonhimquicklyandseverely。Excuseme:thatisanuncivilquestion。Iamspeakingseriouslytoyou；andIexpectyoutotakemeseriously。Shetakesoneoftheluncheonchairs；turnsitawayfromthetable；andsitsdownalittlewearily，sayingCanyounotdiscussthismattercoollyandrationally？
　　CRAMPTON。Coollyandrationally!No，Ican't。Doyouunderstandthat？Ican't。
　　GLORIAemphatically。No。ThatIcannotunderstand。Ihavenosympathywith——
　　CRAMPTONshrinkingnervously。Stop!Don'tsayanythingmoreyet；
　　youdon'tknowwhatyou'redoing。Doyouwanttodrivememad？Shefrowns，findingsuchpetulanceintolerable。HeaddshastilyNo:I'mnotangry:indeedI'mnot。Wait，wait:givemealittletimetothink。
　　Hestandsforamoment，screwingandclinchinghisbrowsandhandsinhisperplexity；thentakestheendchairfromtheluncheontableandsitsdownbesideher，saying，withatouchingefforttobegentleandpatientNow，IthinkIhaveit。AtleastI'lltry。
　　GLORIAfirmly。Yousee!Everythingcomesrightifweonlythinkitresolutelyout。
　　CRAMPTONinsuddendread。No:don'tthink。Iwantyoutofeel:
　　that'stheonlythingthatcanhelpus。Listen!Doyou——butfirst——I
　　forgot。What'syourname？Imeanyoupetname。Theycan'tverywellcallyouSophronia。
　　GLORIAwithastonisheddisgust。Sophronia!MynameisGloria。I
　　amalwayscalledbyit。
　　CRAMPTONhistemperrisingagain。YournameisSophronia，girl:
　　youwerecalledafteryourauntSophronia，mysister:shegaveyouyourfirstBiblewithyournamewritteninit。
　　GLORIA。Thenmymothergavemeanewname。
　　CRAMPTONangrily。Shehadnorighttodoit。Iwillnotallowthis。
　　GLORIA。Youhadnorighttogivemeyoursister'sname。Idon'tknowher。
　　CRAMPTON。You'retalkingnonsense。ThereareboundstowhatIwillputupwith。Iwillnothaveit。Doyouhearthat？
　　GLORIArisingwarningly。Areyouresolvedtoquarrel？
　　CRAMPTONterrified，pleading。No，no:sitdown。Sitdown，won'tyou？Shelooksathim，keepinghiminsuspense。Heforceshimselftouttertheobnoxiousname。Gloria。Shemarkshersatisfactionwithaslighttighteningofthelips，andsitsdown。There!YouseeIonlywanttoshewyouthatIamyourfather，my——mydearchild。Theendearmentissoplaintivelyineptthatshesmilesinspiteofherself，andresignsherselftoindulgehimalittle。Listennow。WhatIwanttoaskyouisthis。Don'tyouremembermeatall？Youwereonlyatinychildwhenyouweretakenawayfromme；butyoutookplentyofnoticeofthings。Can'tyouremembersomeonewhomyouloved，orshylyatleastlikedinachildishway？Come!someonewholetyoustayinhisstudyandlookathistoyboats，asyouthoughtthem？Helooksanxiouslyintoherfaceforsomeresponse，andcontinueslesshopefullyandmoreurgentlySomeonewholetyoudoasyoulikedthereandneversaidawordtoyouexcepttotellyouthatyoumustsitstillandnotspeak？
　　Someonewhowassomethingthatnooneelsewastoyou——whowasyourfather。
　　GLORIAunmoved。Ifyoudescribethingstome，nodoubtIshallpresentlyimaginethatIrememberthem。ButIreallyremembernothing。
　　CRAMPTONwistfully。Hasyourmothernevertoldyouanythingaboutme？
　　GLORIA。Shehasnevermentionedyournametome。Hegroansinvoluntarily。Shelooksathimrathercontemptuouslyandcontinues
　　Exceptonce；andthenshedidremindmeofsomethingIhadforgotten。
　　CRAMPTONlookinguphopefully。Whatwasthat？
　　GLORIAmercilessly。Thewhipyouboughttobeatmewith。
　　CRAMPTONgnashinghisteeth。Oh!Tobringthatupagainstme!Toturnfromme!Whenyouneedneverhaveknown。Underagrinding，agonizedbreath。Curseher!
　　GLORIAspringingup。Youwretch!Withintenseemphasis。Youwretch!!Youdarecursemymother!
　　CRAMPTON。Stop；oryou'llbesorryafterwards。I'myourfather。
　　GLORIA。HowIhatethename!HowIlovethenameofmother!Youhadbettergo。
　　CRAMPTON。I——I'mchoking。Youwanttokillme。Some——I——Hisvoicestifles:heisalmostinafit。
　　GLORIAgoinguptothebalustradewithcool，quickresourcefulness，andcallingovertothebeach。Mr。Valentine!
　　VALENTINEansweringfrombelow。Yes。
　　GLORIA。Comehereamoment，please。Mr。Cramptonwantsyou。Shereturnstothetableandpoursoutaglassofwater。
　　CRAMPTONrecoveringhisspeech。No:letmealone。Idon'twanthim。I'mallright，Itellyou。Ineedneitherhishelpnoryours。
　　Herisesandpullshimselftogether。Asyousay，Ihadbettergo。
　　Heputsonhishat。Isthatyourlastword？
　　GLORIA。Ihopeso。Helooksstubbornlyatherforamoment；nodsgrimly，asifheagreedtothat；andgoesintothehotel。Shelooksathimwithequalsteadinessuntilhedisappears，whenshemakesagestureofrelief，andturnstospeaktoValentine，whocomesrunningupthesteps。
　　VALENTINEpanting。What'sthematter？Lookinground。Where'sCrampton？
　　GLORIA。Gone。Valentine'sfacelightsupwithsuddenjoy，dread，andmischief。HehasjustrealizedthatheisalonewithGloria。ShecontinuesindifferentlyIthoughthewasill；butherecoveredhimself。Hewouldn'twaitforyou。Iamsorry。Shegoesforherbookandparasol。
　　VALENTINE。Somuchthebetter。Hegetsonmynervesafterawhile。
　　Pretendingtoforgethimself。Howcouldthatmanhavesobeautifuladaughter!
　　GLORIAtakenabackforamoment；thenansweringhimwithpolitebutintentionalcontempt。Thatseemstobeanattemptatwhatiscalledaprettyspeech。Letmesayatonce，Mr。Valentine，thatprettyspeechesmakeverysicklyconversation。Prayletusbefriends，ifwearetobefriends，inasensibleandwholesomeway。Ihavenointentionofgettingmarried；andunlessyouarecontenttoacceptthatstateofthings，wehadmuchbetternotcultivateeachother'sacquaintance。
　　VALENTINEcautiously。Isee。MayIaskjustthisonequestion？
　　Isyourobjectionanobjectiontomarriageasaninstitution，ormerelyanobjectiontomarryingmepersonally？
　　GLORIA。Idonotknowyouwellenough，Mr。Valentine，tohaveanyopiniononthesubjectofyourpersonalmerits。Sheturnsawayfromhimwithinfiniteindifference，andsitsdownwithherbookonthegardenseat。Idonotthinktheconditionsofmarriageatpresentaresuchasanyself-respectingwomancanaccept。
　　VALENTINEinstantlychanginghistoneforoneofcordialsincerity，asifhefranklyacceptedhertermsandwasdelightedandreassuredbyherprinciples。Oh，thenthat'sapointofsympathybetweenusalready。Iquiteagreewithyou:theconditionsaremostunfair。Hetakesoffhishatandthrowsitgailyontheirontable。