Atlast，whenheconsideredthetimetoberipe，hebegansecretlytosowtheseedsofdiscontentamongthepeople。Itwashisdeliberatepurpose，fromthebeginning，tosubvertthegovernment，butofcoursehekeptthattohimselfforatime。Heuseddifferentartswithdifferentindividuals。HeawakeneddissatisfactioninonequarterbycallingattentiontotheshortnessoftheSundayservices；hearguedthatthereshouldbethreethree-hourservicesonSundayinsteadofonlytwo。Manyhadsecretlyheldthisopinionbefore；theynowprivatelybandedthemselvesintoapartytoworkforit。Heshowedcertainofthewomenthattheywerenotallowedsufficientvoiceintheprayer-meetings；thusanotherpartywasformed。Noweaponwasbeneathhisnotice；heevendescendedtothechildren，andawokediscontentintheirbreastsbecause——ashediscoveredforthem——theyhadnotenoughSunday-school。
Thiscreatedathirdparty。
Now，asthechiefoftheseparties，hefoundhimselfthestrongestpowerinthecommunity。Soheproceededtohisnextmove-anolessimportantonethantheimpeachmentofthechiefmagistrate，JamesRussellNickoy；
amanofcharacterandability，andpossessedofgreatwealth，hebeingtheownerofahousewithaparlortoit，threeacresandahalfofyam-
land，andtheonlyboatinPitcairn's，awhaleboat；and，mostunfortunately，apretextforthisimpeachmentoffereditselfatjusttherighttime。
Oneoftheearliestandmostpreciouslawsoftheislandwasthelawagainsttrespass。Itwasheldingreatreverence，andwasregardedasthepalladiumofthepeople'sliberties。Aboutthirtyyearsagoanimportantcasecamebeforethecourtsunderthislaw，inthiswise:achickenbelongingtoElizabethYoungaged，atthattime，fifty-eight，adaughterofJohnMills，oneofthemutineersoftheBountytrespasseduponthegroundsofThursdayOctoberChristianagedtwenty-nine，agrandsonofFletcherChristian，oneofthemutineers。Christiankilledthechicken。Accordingtothelaw，Christiancouldkeepthechicken；or，ifhepreferred，hecouldrestoreitsremainstotheownerandreceivedamagesin"produce"toanamountequivalenttothewasteandinjurywroughtbythetrespasser。Thecourtrecordssetforththat"thesaidChristianaforesaiddiddelivertheaforesaidremainstothesaidElizabethYoung，anddiddemandonebushelofyamsinsatisfactionofthedamagedone。"ButElizabethYoungconsideredthedemandexorbitant；thepartiescouldnotagree；thereforeChristianbroughtsuitinthecourts。
Helosthiscaseinthejustice'scourt；atleast，hewasawardedonlyahalf-peckofyams，whichheconsideredinsufficient，andinthenatureofadefeat。Heappealed。Thecaselingeredseveralyearsinanascendinggradeofcourts，andalwaysresultedindecreessustainingtheoriginalverdict；andfinallythethinggotintothesupremecourt，andthereitstuckfortwentyyears。Butlastsummer，eventhesupremecourtmanagedtoarriveatadecisionatlast。Oncemoretheoriginalverdictwassustained。Christianthensaidhewassatisfied；butStavelywaspresent，andwhisperedtohimandtohislawyer，suggesting，"asamereform，"thattheoriginallawbeexhibited，inordertomakesurethatitstillexisted。Itseemedanoddidea，butaningeniousone。Sothedemandwasmade。Amessengerwassenttothemagistrate'shouse；hepresentlyreturnedwiththetidingsthatithaddisappearedfromamongthestatearchives。
Thecourtnowpronounceditslatedecisionvoid，sinceithadbeenmadeunderalawwhichhadnoactualexistence。
Greatexcitementensuedimmediately。Thenewssweptabroadoverthewholeislandthatthepalladiumofthepubliclibertieswaslost——maybetreasonablydestroyed。Withinthirtyminutesalmosttheentirenationwereinthecourt-room——thatistosay，thechurch。Theimpeachmentofthechiefmagistratefollowed，uponStavely'smotion。Theaccusedmethismisfortunewiththedignitywhichbecamehisgreatoffice。Hedidnotplead，orevenargue；heofferedthesimpledefensethathehadnotmeddledwiththemissinglaw；thathehadkeptthestatearchivesinthesamecandle-boxthathadbeenusedastheirdepositoryfromthebeginning；andthathewasinnocentoftheremovalordestructionofthelostdocument。
Butnothingcouldsavehim；hewasfoundguiltyofmisprisionoftreason，anddegradedfromhisoffice，andallhispropertywasconfiscated。
Thelamestpartofthewholeshamefulmatterwasthereasonsuggestedbyhisenemiesforhisdestructionofthelaw，towit:thathedidittofavorChristian，becauseChristianwashiscousin!WhereasStavelywastheonlyindividualintheentirenationwhowasnothiscousin。Thereadermustrememberthatallthesepeoplearethedescendantsofhalfadozenmen；thatthefirstchildrenintermarriedtogetherandboregrandchildrentothemutineers；thatthesegrandchildrenintermarried；
afterthem，greatandgreat-great-grandchildrenintermarried；sothatto-
dayeverybodyisbloodkintoeverybody。Moreover，therelationshipsarewonderfully，evenastoundingly，mixedupandcomplicated。Astranger，forinstance，saystoanislander:
"Youspeakofthatyoungwomanasyourcousin；awhileagoyoucalledheryouraunt。"
"Well，sheismyaunt，andmycousin，too。Andalsomystepsister，myniece，myfourthcousin，mythirty-thirdcousin，myforty-secondcousin，mygreat-aunt，mygrandmother，mywidowedsister-in-law——andnextweekshewillbemywife。"
Sothechargeofnepotismagainstthechiefmagistratewasweak。Butnomatter；weakorstrong，itsuitedStavely。Stavelywasimmediatelyelectedtothevacantmagistracy，and，oozingreformfromeverypore，hewentvigorouslytowork。Innolongtimereligiousservicesragedeverywhereandunceasingly。Bycommand，thesecondprayeroftheSundaymorningservice，whichhadcustomarilyenduredsomethirty-fiveorfortyminutes，andhadpleadedfortheworld，firstbycontinentandthenbynationalandtribaldetail，wasextendedtoanhourandahalf，andmadetoincludesupplicationsinbehalfofthepossiblepeoplesintheseveralplanets。Everybodywaspleasedwiththis；everybodysaid，"Nowthisissomethinglike。"Bycommand，theusualthree-hoursermonsweredoubledinlength。Thenationcameinabodytotestifytheirgratitudetothenewmagistrate。TheoldlawforbiddingcookingontheSabbathwasextendedtotheprohibitionofeating，also。Bycommand，Sunday-schoolwasprivilegedtospreadoverintotheweek。Thejoyofallclasseswascomplete。Inoneshortmonththenewmagistratehadbecomethepeople'sidol!
Thetimewasripeforthisman'snextmove。Hebegan，cautiouslyatfirst，topoisonthepublicmindagainstEngland。Hetookthechiefcitizensaside，onebyone，andconversedwiththemonthistopic。
Presentlyhegrewbolder，andspokeout。Hesaidthenationowedittoitself，toitshonor，toitsgreattraditions，toriseinitsmightandthrowoff"thisgallingEnglishyoke。"
Butthesimpleislandersanswered:
"Wehadnotnoticedthatitgalled。Howdoesitgall？Englandsendsashiponceinthreeorfouryearstogiveussoapandclothing，andthingswhichwesorelyneedandgratefullyreceive；butshenevertroublesus；
sheletsusgoourownway。"
"Sheletsyougoyourownway!Soslaveshavefeltandspokeninalltheages!Thisspeechshowshowfallenyouare，howbase，howbrutalizedyouhavebecome，underthisgrindingtyranny!What!hasallmanlyprideforsakenyou？Islibertynothing？Areyoucontenttobeamereappendagetoaforeignandhatefulsovereignty，whenyoumightriseupandtakeyourrightfulplaceintheaugustfamilyofnations，great，free，enlightened，independent，theminionofnoscepteredmaster，butthearbiterofyourowndestiny，andavoiceandapowerindecreeingthedestiniesofyoursister-sovereigntiesoftheworld？"
Speecheslikethisproducedaneffectbyandby。CitizensbegantofeeltheEnglishyoke；theydidnotknowexactlyhoworwhereaboutstheyfeltit，buttheywereperfectlycertaintheydidfeelit。Theygottogrumblingagooddeal，andchafingundertheirchains，andlongingforreliefandrelease。TheypresentlyfelltohatingtheEnglishflag，thatsignandsymboloftheirnation'sdegradation；theyceasedtoglanceupatitastheypassedthecapitol，butavertedtheireyesandgratedtheirteeth；andonemorning，whenitwasfoundtrampledintothemudatthefootofthestaff，theyleftitthere，andnomanputhishandtoittohoistitagain。Acertainthingwhichwassuretohappensoonerorlaterhappenednow。Someofthechiefcitizenswenttothemagistratebynight，andsaid:
"Wecanendurethishatedtyrannynolonger。Howcanwecastitoff？"
"Byacoupd'etat。"
"How？"
"Acoupd'etat。Itislikethis:everythingisgotready，andattheappointedmomentI，astheofficialheadofthenation，publiclyandsolemnlyproclaimitsindependence，andabsolveitfromallegiancetoanyandallotherpowerswhatsoever。"
"Thatsoundssimpleandeasy。Wecandothatrightaway。Thenwhatwillbethenextthingtodo？"
"Seizeallthedefensesandpublicpropertiesofallkinds，establishmartiallaw，putthearmyandnavyonawarfooting，andproclaimtheempire!"
Thisfineprogramdazzledtheseinnocents。Theysaid:
"Thisisgrand——thisissplendid；butwillnotEnglandresist？"
"Lether。ThisrockisaGibraltar。"
"True。Butabouttheempire？Doweneedanempireandanemperor？"
"Whatyouneed，myfriends，isunification。LookatGermany；lookatItaly。Theyareunified。Unificationisthething。Itmakeslivingdear。Thatconstitutesprogress。Wemusthaveastandingarmyandanavy。Taxesfollow，asamatterofcourse。Allthesethingssummedupmakegrandeur。Withunificationandgrandeur，whatmorecanyouwant？
Verywell——onlytheempirecanconfertheseboons。"
Soonthe8thdayofDecemberPitcairn'sIslandwasproclaimedafreeandindependentnation；andonthesamedaythesolemncoronationofButterworthI，EmperorofPitcairn'sIsland，tookplace，amidgreatrejoicingsandfestivities。Theentirenation，withtheexceptionoffourteenpersons，mainlylittlechildren，marchedpastthethroneinsinglefile，withbannersandmusic，theprocessionbeingupwardofninetyfeetlong；andsomesaiditwasasmuchasthree-quartersofaminutepassingagivenpoint。Nothinglikeithadeverbeenseeninthehistoryoftheislandbefore。Publicenthusiasmwasmeasureless。
Nowstraightwayimperialreformsbegan。Ordersofnobilitywereinstituted。Aministerofthenavywasappointed，andthewhale-boatputincommission。Aministerofwarwascreated，andorderedtoproceedatoncewiththeformationofastandingarmy。Afirstlordofthetreasurywasnamed，andcommandedtogetupataxationscheme，andalsoopennegotiationsfortreaties，offensive，defensive，andcommercial，withforeignpowers。Somegeneralsandadmiralswereappointed；alsosomechamberlains，someequerriesinwaiting，andsomelordsofthebedchamber。
Atthispointallthematerialwasusedup。TheGrandDukeofGalilee，ministerofwar，complainedthatallthesixteengrownmenintheempirehadbeengivengreatoffices，andconsequentlywouldnotconsenttoserveintheranks；whereforehisstandingarmywasatastandstill。TheMarquisofArarat，ministerofthenavy，madeasimilarcomplaint。Hesaidhewaswillingtosteerthewhale-boathimself，buthemusthavesomebodytomanher。
Theemperordidthebesthecouldinthecircumstances:hetookalltheboysabovetheageoftenyearsawayfromtheirmothers，andpressedthemintothearmy，thusconstructingacorpsofseventeenprivates，officeredbyonelieutenant-generalandtwomajor-generals。Thispleasedtheministerofwar，butprocuredtheenmityofallthemothersintheland；
fortheysaidtheirpreciousonesmustnowfindbloodygravesinthefieldsofwar，andhewouldbeanswerableforit。Someofthemoreheartbrokenandunappeasableamongthemlayconstantlywaitfortheemperorandthrewyamsathim，unmindfulofthebody-guard。
Onaccountoftheextremescarcityofmaterial，itwasfoundnecessarytorequiretheDukeofBethanypostmaster-general，topullstroke-oarinthenavyandthussitintherearofanobleoflowerdegreenamely，ViscountCanaan，lordjusticeofthecommonpleas。ThisturnedtheDukeofBethanyintotolerablyopenmalcontentandasecretconspirator——athingwhichtheemperorforesaw，butcouldnothelp。
Thingswentfrombadtoworse。TheemperorraisedNancyPeterstothepeerageononeday，andmarriedherthenext，notwithstanding，forreasonsofstate，thecabinethadstrenuouslyadvisedhimtomarryEmmeline，eldestdaughteroftheArchbishopofBethlehem。Thiscausedtroubleinapowerfulquarter——thechurch。Thenewempresssecuredthesupportandfriendshipoftwo-thirdsofthethirty-sixgrownwomeninthenationbyabsorbingthemintohercourtasmaidsofhonor；butthismadedeadlyenemiesoftheremainingtwelve。Thefamiliesofthemaidsofhonorsoonbegantorebel，becausetherewasnobodyathometokeephouse。Thetwelvesnubbedwomenrefusedtoentertheimperialkitchenasservants；sotheempresshadtorequiretheCountessofJerichoandothergreatcourtdamestofetchwater，sweepthepalace，andperformothermenialandequallydistastefulservices。Thismadebadbloodinthatdepartment。
Everybodyfelltocomplainingthatthetaxesleviedforthesupportofthearmy，thenavy，andtherestoftheimperialestablishmentwereintolerablyburdensome，andwerereducingthenationtobeggary。Theemperor'sreply——"Look——LookatGermany；lookatItaly。Areyoubetterthanthey？andhaven'tyouunification？"——didnotsatisfythem。Theysaid，"Peoplecan'teatunification，andwearestarving。Agriculturehasceased。Everybodyisinthearmy，everybodyisinthenavy，everybodyisinthepublicservice，standingaroundinauniform，withnothingwhatevertodo，nothingtoeat，andnobodytotillthefields——"
"LookatGermany；lookatItaly。Itisthesamethere。Suchisunification，andthere'snootherwaytogetit——nootherwaytokeepitafteryou'vegotit，"saidthepooremperoralways。
Butthegrumblersonlyreplied，"Wecan'tstandthetaxes——wecan'tstandthem。"
Nowrightontopofthisthecabinetreportedanationaldebtamountingtoupwardofforty-fivedollars——halfadollartoeveryindividualinthenation。Andtheyproposedtofundsomething。Theyhadheardthatthiswasalwaysdoneinsuchemergencies。Theyproposeddutiesonexports；
alsoonimports。Andtheywantedtoissuebonds；alsopapermoney，redeemableinyamsandcabbagesinfiftyyears。Theysaidthepayofthearmyandofthenavyandofthewholegovernmentalmachinewasfarinarrears，andunlesssomethingwasdone，anddoneimmediately，nationalbankruptcymustensue，andpossiblyinsurrectionandrevolution。Theemperoratonceresolveduponahigh-handedmeasure，andoneofanatureneverbeforeheardofinPitcairn'sIsland。HewentinstatetothechurchonSundaymorning，withthearmyathisback，andcommandedtheministerofthetreasurytotakeupacollection。
Thatwasthefeatherthatbrokethecamel'sback。Firstonecitizen，andthenanother，roseandrefusedtosubmittothisunheard-ofoutrage——andeachrefusalwasfollowedbytheimmediateconfiscationofthemalcontent'sproperty。Thisvigorsoonstoppedtherefusals，andthecollectionproceededamidasullenandominoussilence。Astheemperorwithdrewwiththetroops，hesaid，"Iwillteachyouwhoismasterhere。"
Severalpersonsshouted，"Downwithunification!"Theywereatoncearrestedandtornfromthearmsoftheirweepingfriendsbythesoldiery。
Butinthemeantime，asanyprophetmighthaveforeseen，aSocialDemocrathadbeendeveloped。Astheemperorsteppedintothegildedimperialwheelbarrowatthechurchdoor，thesocialdemocratstabbedathimfifteenorsixteentimeswithaharpoon，butfortunatelywithsuchapeculiarlysocialdemocraticunprecisionofaimastodonodamage。
Thatverynighttheconvulsioncame。Thenationroseasoneman——thoughforty-nineoftherevolutionistswereoftheothersex。Theinfantrythrewdowntheirpitchforks；theartillerycastasidetheircocoanuts；
thenavyrevolted；theemperorwasseized，andboundhandandfootinhispalace。Hewasverymuchdepressed。Hesaid:
"Ifreedyoufromagrindingtyranny；Iliftedyonupoutofyourdegradation，andmadeyouanationamongnations；Igaveyouastrong，compact，centralizedgovernment；and，morethanall，Igaveyoutheblessingofblessings——unification。Ihavedoneallthis，andmyrewardishatred，insult，andthesebonds。Takeme；dowithmeasyouwill。
Ihereresignmycrownandallmydignities，andgladlydoIreleasemyselffromtheirtooheavyburden。ForyoursakeItookthemup；foryoursakeIlaythemdown。Theimperialjewelisnomore；nowbruiseanddefileasyewilltheuselesssetting。"
Byaunanimousvoicethepeoplecondemnedtheex-emperorandthesocialdemocrattoperpetualbanishmentfromchurchservices，ortoperpetuallaborasgalley-slavesinthewhale-boat——whichevertheymightprefer。
Thenextdaythenationassembledagain，andrehoistedtheBritishflag，reinstatedtheBritishtyranny，reducedthenobilitytotheconditionofcommonersagain，andthenstraightwayturnedtheirdiligentattentiontotheweedingoftheruinedandneglectedyampatches，andtherehabilitaLionoftheoldusefulindustriesandtheoldhealingandsolacingpieties。Theex-emperorrestoredthelosttrespasslaw，andexplainedthathehadstolenitnottoinjureanyone，buttofurtherhispoliticalprojects。Thereforethenationgavethelatechiefmagistratehisofficeagain，andalsohisalienatedProperty。
Uponreflection，theex-emperorandthesocialdemocratchoseperpetualbanishmentfromreligiousservicesinpreferencetoperpetuallaborasgalleyslaves"withperpetualreligiousservices，"astheyphrasedit；
whereforethepeoplebelievedthatthepoorfellows'troubleshadunseatedtheirreason，andsotheyjudgeditbesttoconfinethemforthepresent。Whichtheydid。
SuchisthehistoryofPitcairn's"doubtfulacquisition。"
THECANVASSER'STALE
Poor，sad-eyedstranger!Therewasthatabouthishumblemien，histiredlook，hisdecayed-gentilityclothes，thatalmostreachedthemustard，seedofcharitythatstillremained，remoteandlonely，intheemptyvastnessofmyheart，notwithstandingIobservedaportfoliounderhisarm，andsaidtomyself，Behold，Providencehathdeliveredhisservantintothehandsofanothercanvasser。
Well，thesepeoplealwaysgetoneinterested。BeforeIwellknewhowitcameabout，thisonewastellingmehishistory，andIwasallattentionandsympathy。Hetolditsomethinglikethis:
Myparentsdied，alas，whenIwasalittle，sinlesschild。MyuncleIthurieltookmetohisheartandrearedmeashisown。Hewasmyonlyrelativeinthewideworld；buthewasgoodandrichandgenerous。Herearedmeinthelapofluxury。Iknewnowantthatmoneycouldsatisfy。
InthefullnessoftimeIwasgraduated，andwentwithtwoofmyservants——mychamberlainandmyvalet——totravelinforeigncountries。
DuringfouryearsIflitteduponcarelesswingamidthebeauteousgardensofthedistantstrand，ifyouwillpermitthisformofspeechinonewhosetonguewaseverattunedtopoesy；andindeedIsospeakwithconfidence，asoneuntohiskind，forIperceivebyyoureyesthatyoutoo，sir，aregiftedwiththedivineinflation。InthosefarlandsI
reveledintheambrosialfoodthatfructifiesthesoul，themind，theheart。Butofallthings，thatwhichmostappealedtomyinbornesthetictastewastheprevailingcustomthere，amongtherich，ofmakingcollectionsofelegantandcostlyrarities，daintyobjetsdevertu，andinanevilhourItriedtoupliftmyuncleIthurieltoaplaneofsympathywiththisexquisiteemployment。
Iwroteandtoldhimofonegentleman'svastcollectionofshells；
another'snoblecollectionofmeerschaumpipes；another'selevatingandrefiningcollectionofundecipherableautographs；another'spricelesscollectionofoldchina；another'senchantingcollectionofpostage-
stamps——andsoforthandsoon。Soonmylettersyieldedfruit。Myunclebegantolookaboutforsomethingtomakeacollectionof。Youmayknow，perhaps，howfleetlyatastelikethisdilates。Hissoonbecamearagingfever，thoughIknewitnot。Hebegantoneglecthisgreatporkbusiness；presentlyhewhollyretiredandturnedanelegantleisureintoarabidsearchforcuriousthings。Hiswealthwasvast，andhespareditnot。Firsthetriedcow-bells。Hemadeacollectionwhichfilledfivelargesalons，andcomprehendedallthedifferentsortsofcow-bellsthateverhadbeencontrived，saveone。Thatone——anantique，andtheonlyspecimenextant——waspossessedbyanothercollector。Myuncleofferedenormoussumsforit，butthegentlemanwouldnotsell。Doubtlessyouknowwhatnecessarilyresulted。Atruecollectorattachesnovaluetoacollectionthatisnotcomplete。Hisgreatheartbreaks，hesellshishoard，heturnshismindtosomefieldthatseemsunoccupied。
Thusdidmyuncle。Henexttriedbrickbats。Afterpilingupavastandintenselyinterestingcollection，theformerdifficultysupervened；hisgreatheartbrokeagain；hesoldouthissoul'sidoltotheretiredbrewerwhopossessedthemissingbrick。ThenhetriedflinthatchetsandotherimplementsofPrimevalMan，butbyandbydiscoveredthatthefactorywheretheyweremadewassupplyingothercollectorsaswellashimself。HetriedAztecinscriptionsandstuffedwhales——anotherfailure，afterincrediblelaborandexpense。Whenhiscollectionseemedatlastperfect，astuffedwhalearrivedfromGreenlandandanAztecinscriptionfromtheCundurangoregionsofCentralAmericathatmadeallformerspecimensinsignificant。Myunclehastenedtosecurethesenoblegems。Hegotthestuffedwhale，butanothercollectorgottheinscription。ArealCundurango，aspossiblyyouknow，isapossessionofsuchsupremevaluethat，whenonceacollectorgetsit，hewillratherpartwithhisfamilythanwithit。Somyunclesoldout，andsawhisdarlingsgoforth，nevermoretoreturn；andhiscoal-blackhairturnedwhiteassnowinasinglenight。
Nowhewaited，andthought。Heknewanotherdisappointmentmightkillhim。Hewasresolvedthathewouldchoosethingsnexttimethatnoothermanwascollecting。Hecarefullymadeuphismind，andoncemoreenteredthefield-thistimetomakeacollectionofechoes。
"Ofwhat？"saidI。
Echoes，sir。HisfirstpurchasewasanechoinGeorgiathatrepeatedfourtimes；hisnextwasasix-repeaterinMaryland；hisnextwasathirteen-repeaterinMaine；hisnextwasanine-repeaterinKansas；hisnextwasatwelve-repeaterinTennessee，whichhegotcheap，sotospeak，becauseitwasoutofrepair，aportionofthecragwhichreflectedithavingtumbleddown。Hebelievedhecouldrepairitatacostofafewthousanddollars，and，byincreasingtheelevationwithmasonry，trebletherepeatingcapacity；butthearchitectwhoundertookthejobhadneverbuiltanechobefore，andsoheutterlyspoiledthisone。Beforehemeddledwithit，itusedtotalkbacklikeamother-in-law，butnowitwasonlyfitforthedeaf-and-dumbasylum。Well，nextheboughtalotofcheaplittledouble-barreledechoes，scatteredaroundovervariousstatesandterritories；hegotthemattwentypercent。offbytakingthelot。
NextheboughtaperfectGatling-gunofanechoinOregon，anditcostafortune，Icantellyou。Youmayknow，sir，thatintheechomarketthescaleofpricesiscumulative，likethecarat-scaleindiamonds；infact，thesamephraseologyisused。Asingle-caratechoisworthbuttendollarsoverandabovethevalueofthelanditison；atwo-caratordouble-barreledechoisworththirtydollars；afive-caratisworthninehundredandfifty；aten-caratisworththirteenthousand。Myuncle'sOregon-echo，whichhecalledtheGreatPittEcho，wasatwenty-twocaratgem，andcosttwohundredandsixteenthousanddollars——theythrewthelandin，foritwasfourhundredmilesfromasettlement。
Well，inthemeantimemypathwasapathofroses。IwastheacceptedsuitoroftheonlyandlovelydaughterofanEnglishearl，andwasbelovedtodistraction。InthatdearpresenceIswaminseasofbliss。
Thefamilywerecontent，foritwasknownthatIwassoleheirtoanuncleheldtobeworthfivemillionsofdollars。However，noneofusknewthatmyunclehadbecomeacollector，atleastinanythingmorethanasmallway，forestheticamusement。
Nowgatheredthecloudsabovemyunconscioushead。Thatdivineecho，sinceknownthroughouttheworldastheGreatKoh-i-noor，orMountainofRepetitions，wasdiscovered。Itwasasixty-fivecaratgem。Youcouldutterawordanditwouldtalkbackatyouforfifteenminutes，whenthedaywasotherwisequiet。Butbehold，anotherfactcametolightatthesametime:anotherecho-collectorwasinthefield。Thetworushedtomakethepeerlesspurchase。Thepropertyconsistedofacoupleofsmallhillswithashallowswalebetween，outyonderamongthebacksettlementsofNewYorkState。Bothmenarrivedonthegroundatthesametime，andneitherknewtheotherwasthere。Theechowasnotallownedbyoneman；
apersonbythenameofWilliamsonBolivarJarvisownedtheeasthill，andapersonbythenameofHarbisonJ。Bledsoownedthewesthill；theswalebetweenwasthedividing-line。SowhilemyunclewasbuyingJarvis'shillforthreemilliontwohundredandeighty-fivethousanddollars，theotherpartywasbuyingBledso'shillforashadeoverthreemillion。
Now，doyouperceivethenaturalresult？Why，thenoblestcollectionofechoesonearthwasforeverandeverincomplete，sinceitpossessedbuttheone-halfofthekingechooftheuniverse。Neithermanwascontentwiththisdividedownership，yetneitherwouldselltotheother。Therewerejawings，bickerings，heart-burnings。Andatlastthatothercollector，withamalignitywhichonlyacollectorcaneverfeeltowardamanandabrother，proceededtocutdownhishill!
Yousee，aslongashecouldnothavetheecho，hewasresolvedthatnobodyshouldhaveit。Hewouldremovehishill，andthentherewouldbenothingtoreflectmyuncle'secho。Myuncleremonstratedwithhim，butthemansaid，"Iownoneendofthisecho；Ichoosetokillmyend；youmusttakecareofyourownendyourself。"
Well，myunclegotaninjunctionputanhim。Theothermanappealedandfoughtitinahighercourt。Theycarrieditonup，cleartotheSupremeCourtoftheUnitedStates。Itmadenoendoftroublethere。Twoofthejudgesbelievedthatanechowaspersonalproperty，becauseitwasimpalpabletosightandtouch，andyetwaspurchasable，salable，andconsequentlytaxable；twoothersbelievedthatanechowasrealestate，becauseitwasmanifestlyattachedtotheland，andwasnotremovablefromplacetoplace；otherofthejudgescontendedthatanechowasnotpropertyatall。
Itwasfinallydecidedthattheechowasproperty；thatthehillswereproperty；thatthetwomenwereseparateandindependentownersofthetwohills，buttenantsincommonintheecho；thereforedefendantwasatfulllibertytocutdownhishill，sinceitbelongedsolelytohim，butmustgivebondsinthreemilliondollarsasindemnityfordamageswhichmightresulttomyuncle'shalfoftheecho。Thisdecisionalsodebarredmyunclefromusingdefendant'shilltoreflecthispartoftheecho，withoutdefendant'sconsent；hemustuseonlyhisownhill；ifhispartoftheechowouldnotgo，underthesecircumstances，itwassad，ofcourse，butthecourtcouldfindnoremedy。Thecourtalsodebarreddefendantfromusingmyuncle'shilltoreflecthisendoftheecho，withoutconsent。Youseethegrandresult!Neithermanwouldgiveconsent，andsothatastonishingandmostnobleechohadtoceasefromitsgreatpowers；andsincethatdaythatmagnificentpropertyistiedupandunsalable。
Aweekbeforemywedding-day，whileIwasstillswimminginblissandthenobilityweregatheringfromfarandneartohonorourespousals，camenewsofmyuncle'sdeath，andalsoacopyofhiswill，makingmehissoleheir。Hewasgone；alas，mydearbenefactorwasnomore。Thethoughtsurchargesmyheartevenatthisremoteday。Ihandedthewilltotheearl；Icouldnotreaditfortheblindingtears。Theearlreadit；thenhesternlysaid，"Sir，doyoucallthiswealth？——butdoubtlessyoudoinyourinflatedcountry。Sir，youareleftsoleheirtoavastcollectionofechoes——ifathingcanbecalledacollectionthatisscatteredfarandwideoverthehugelengthandbreadthoftheAmericancontinent；sir，thisisnotall；youareheadandearsindebt；thereisnotanechointhelotbuthasamortgageonit；sir，Iamnotahardman，butImustlooktomychild'sinterest；ifyouhadbutoneechowhichyoucouldhonestlycallyourown，ifyouhadbutoneechowhichwasfreefromincumbrance，sothatyoucouldretiretoitwithmychild，andbyhumble，painstakingindustrycultivateandimproveit，andthuswrestfromitamaintenance，Iwouldnotsayyounay；butIcannotmarrymychildtoabeggar。Leavehisside，mydarling；go，sir，takeyourmortgage-riddenechoesandquitmysightforever。"
MynobleCelestineclungtomeintears，withlovingarms，andsworeshewouldwillingly，naygladly，marryme，thoughIhadnotanechointheworld。Butitcouldnotbe。Weweretornasunder，shetopineanddiewithinthetwelvemonth，Itotoillife'slongjourneysadandalone，prayingdaily，hourly，forthatreleasewhichshalljoinustogetheragaininthatdearrealmwherethewickedceasefromtroublingandthewearyareatrest。Now，sir，ifyouwillbesokindastolookatthesemapsandplansinmyportfolio，IamsureIcansellyouanechoforlessmoneythananymaninthetrade。Nowthisone，whichcostmyuncletendollars，thirtyyearsago，andisoneofthesweetestthingsinTexas，I
willletyouhavefor——
"Letmeinterruptyou，"Isaid。"Myfriend，Ihavenothadamoment'srespitefromcanvassersthisday。Ihaveboughtasewing-machinewhichI
didnotwant；Ihaveboughtamapwhichismistakeninallitsdetails；
Ihaveboughtaclockwhichwillnotgo；Ihaveboughtamothpoisonwhichthemothsprefertoanyotherbeverage；Ihaveboughtnoendofuselessinventions，andnowIhavehadenoughofthisfoolishness。
Iwouldnothaveoneofyourechoesifyouwereeventogiveittome。
Iwouldnotletitstayontheplace。Ialwayshateamanthattriestosellmeechoes。Youseethisgun？Nowtakeyourcollectionandmoveon；
letusnothavebloodshed。"
Butheonlysmiledasad，sweetsmile，andgotoutsomemorediagrams。
Youknowtheresultperfectlywell，becauseyouknowthatwhenyouhaveonceopenedthedoortoacanvasser，thetroubleisdoneandyouhavegottosufferdefeat。
Icompromisedwiththismanattheendofanintolerablehour。Iboughttwodouble-barreledechoesingoodcondition，andhethrewinanother，whichhesaidwasnotsalablebecauseitonlyspokeGerman。Hesaid，"Shewasaperfectpolyglotonce，butsomehowherpalategotdown。"
ANENCOUNTERWITHANINTERVIEWER
Thenervous，dapper，"peart"youngmantookthechairIofferedhim，andsaidhewasconnectedwiththeDailyThunderstorm，andadded:
"Hopingit'snoharm，I'vecometointerviewyou。"
"Cometowhat？"
"Interviewyou。"
"Ah!Isee。Yes——yes。Um!Yes——yes。"
Iwasnotfeelingbrightthatmorning。Indeed，mypowersseemedabitunderacloud。However，Iwenttothebookcase，andwhenIhadbeenlookingsixorsevenminutesIfoundIwasobligedtorefertotheyoungman。Isaid:
"Howdoyouspellit？"
"Spellwhat？"
"Interview。"