Asoft，repentantvoice，tremulouswithtears，said:
　　"Alonzo，dear，Ihavebeenwrong。Youcouldnothavesaidsocruelathing。Itmusthavebeensomeonewhoimitatedyourvoiceinmaliceorinjest。"
　　TheReverendcoldlyanswered，inAlonzo'stones:
　　"Youhavesaidallwasoverbetweenus。Soletitbe。Ispurnyourprofferedrepentance，anddespiseit!"
　　Thenhedeparted，radiantwithfiendishtriumph，toreturnnomorewithhisimaginarytelephonicinventionforever。
　　FourhoursafterwardAlonzoarrivedwithhismotherfromherfavoritehauntsofpovertyandvice。TheysummonedtheSanFranciscohousehold；
　　buttherewasnoreply。Theywaited，andcontinuedtowait，uponthevoicelesstelephone。
　　Atlength，whenitwassunsetinSanFrancisco，andthreehoursandahalfafterdarkinEastport，ananswertotheoft-repeatedcryof"Rosannah!"
　　But，alas，itwasAuntSusan'svoicethatspake。Shesaid:
　　"Ihavebeenoutallday；justgotin。Iwillgoandfindher。"
　　Thewatcherswaitedtwominutes——fiveminutes——tenminutes。Thencamethesefatalwords，inafrightenedtone:
　　"Sheisgone，andherbaggagewithher。Tovisitanotherfriend，shetoldtheservants。ButIfoundthisnoteonthetableinherroom。
　　Listen:'Iamgone；seeknottotracemeout；myheartisbroken；youwillneverseememore。TellhimIshallalwaysthinkofhimwhenIsingmypoor"SweetBy-and-by，"butneveroftheunkindwordshesaidaboutit。'Thatishernote。Alonzo，Alonzo，whatdoesitmean？Whathashappened？"
　　ButAlonzosatwhiteandcoldasthedead。Hismotherthrewbackthevelvetcurtainsandopenedawindow。Thecoldairrefreshedthesufferer，andhetoldhisaunthisdismalstory。Meantimehismotherwasinspectingacardwhichhaddiscloseditselfuponthefloorwhenshecastthecurtainsback。Itread，"Mr。SidneyAlgernonBurley，SanFrancisco。"
　　"Themiscreant!"shoutedAlonzo，andrushedforthtoseekthefalseReverendanddestroyhim；forthecardexplainedeverything，sinceinthecourseofthelovers'mutualconfessionstheyhadtoldeachotherallaboutallthesweetheartstheyhadeverhad，andthrownnoendofmudattheirfailingsandfoiblesforloversalwaysdothat。Ithasafascinationthatranksnextafterbillingandcooing。
　　IV
　　Duringthenexttwomonthsmanythingshappened。IthadearlytranspiredthatRosannah，poorsufferingorphan，hadneitherreturnedtohergrandmotherinPortland，Oregon，norsentanywordtohersaveaduplicateofthewoefulnoteshehadleftinthemansiononTelegraphHill。Whosoeverwasshelteringher——ifshewasstillalive——hadbeenpersuadednottobetrayherwhereabouts，withoutdoubt；foralleffortstofindtraceofherhadfailed。
　　DidAlonzogiveherup？Nothe。Hesaidtohimself，"Shewillsingthatsweetsongwhensheissad；Ishallfindher。"Sohetookhiscarpet-
　　sackandaportabletelephone，andshookthesnowofhisnativecityfromhisarctics，andwentforthintotheworld。Hewanderedfarandwideandinmanystates。Timeandagain，strangerswereastoundedtoseeawasted，pale，andwoe-wornmanlaboriouslyclimbatelegraph-poleinwintryandlonelyplaces，perchsadlythereanhour，withhisearatalittlebox，thencomesighingdown，andwanderwearilyaway。Sometimestheyshotathim，aspeasantsdoataeronauts，thinkinghimmadanddangerous。Thushisclothesweremuchshreddedbybulletsandhispersongrievouslylacerated。Butheboreitallpatiently。
　　Inthebeginningofhispilgrimageheusedoftentosay，"Ah，ifIcouldbuthearthe'SweetBy-and-by'!"Buttowardtheendofitheusedtoshedtearsofanguishandsay，"Ah，ifIcouldbuthearsomethingelse!"
　　Thusamonthandthreeweeksdriftedby，andatlastsomehumanepeopleseizedhimandconfinedhiminaprivatemad-houseinNewYork。Hemadenomoan，forhisstrengthwasallgone，andwithitallheartandallhope。Thesuperintendent，inpity，gaveuphisowncomfortableparlorandbedchambertohimandnursedhimwithaffectionatedevotion。
　　Attheendofaweekthepatientwasabletoleavehisbedforthefirsttime。Hewaslying，comfortablypillowed，onasofa，listeningtotheplaintiveMiserereofthebleakMarchwindsandthemuffledsoundoftrampingfeetinthestreetbelowforitwasaboutsixintheevening，andNewYorkwasgoinghomefromwork。Hehadabrightfireandtheaddedcheerofacoupleofstudent-lamps。Soitwaswarmandsnugwithin，thoughbleakandrawwithout；itwaslightandbrightwithin，thoughoutsideitwasasdarkanddrearyasiftheworldhadbeenlitwithHartfordgas。Alonzosmiledfeeblytothinkhowhislovingvagarieshadmadehimamaniacintheeyesoftheworld，andwasproceedingtopursuehislineofthoughtfurther，whenafaint，sweetstrain，theveryghostofsound，soremoteandattenuateditseemed，struckuponhisear。
　　Hispulsesstoodstill；helistenedwithpartedlipsandbatedbreath。
　　Thesongflowedonhewaiting，listening，risingslowlyandunconsciouslyfromhisrecumbentposition。Atlastheexclaimed:
　　"Itis!itisshe!Oh，thedivinehatednotes!"
　　Hedraggedhimselfeagerlytothecornerwhencethesoundsproceeded，toreasideacurtain，anddiscoveredatelephone。Hebentover，andasthelastnotediedawayheburstforthwiththeexclamation:
　　"Oh，thankHeaven，foundatlast!Speaktome，Rosannah，dearest!Thecruelmysteryhasbeenunraveled；itwasthevillainBurleywhomimickedmyvoiceandwoundedyouwithinsolentspeech!"
　　Therewasabreathlesspause，awaitingagetoAlonzo；thenafaintsoundcame，framingitselfintolanguage:
　　"Oh，saythosepreciouswordsagain，Alonzo!"
　　"Theyarethetruth，theveritabletruth，myRosannah，andyoushallhavetheproof，ampleandabundantproof!"
　　"Oh；Alonzo，staybyme!Leavemenotforamoment!Letmefeelthatyouarenearme!Tellmeweshallneverbepartedmore!Oh，thishappyhour，thisblessedhour，thismemorablehour!"
　　"Wewillmakerecordofit，myRosannah；everyyear，asthisdearhourchimesfromtheclock，wewillcelebrateitwiththanksgivings，alltheyearsofourlife。"
　　"Wewill，wewill，Alonzo!"
　　"Fourminutesaftersix，intheevening，myRosannah，shallhenceforth——"
　　"Twenty-threeminutesaftertwelve，afternoonshall——"
　　"Why；Rosannah，darling，whereareyou？"
　　"InHonolulu，SandwichIslands。Andwhereareyou？Staybyme；donotleavemeforamoment。Icannotbearit。Areyouathome？"
　　"No，dear，IaminNewYork——apatientinthedoctor'shands。"
　　AnagonizingshriekcamebuzzingtoAlonzo'sear，likethesharpbuzzingofahurtgnat；itlostpowerintravelingfivethousandmiles。Alonzohastenedtosay:
　　"Calm——yourself，mychild。Itisnothing。AlreadyIamgettingwellunderthesweethealingofyourpresence。Rosannah？"
　　"Yes，Alonzo？Oh，howyouterrifiedme!Sayon。"
　　"Namethehappyday，Rosannah!"
　　Therewasalittlepause。Thenadiffidentsmallvoicereplied，"Iblush——butitiswithpleasure，itiswithhappiness。Would——wouldyouliketohaveitsoon？"
　　"Thisverynight，Rosannah!Oh，letusrisknomoredelays。Letitbenow!——thisverynight，thisverymoment!"
　　"Oh，youimpatientcreature!Ihavenobodyherebutmygoodolduncle，amissionaryforageneration，andnowretiredfromservice——nobodybuthimandhiswife。IwouldsodearlylikeitifyourmotherandyourAuntSusan——"
　　"OurmotherandourAuntSusan，myRosannah。"
　　"Yes，ourmotherandourAuntSusan——Iamcontenttoworditsoifitpleasesyou；Iwouldsoliketohavethempresent。"
　　"SowouldI。SupposeyoutelegraphAuntSusan。Howlongwouldittakehertocome？"
　　"ThesteamerleavesSanFranciscodayaftertomorrow。Thepassageiseightdays。Shewouldbeherethe31stofMarch。"
　　"Thennamethe1stofApril；do，Rosannah，dear。"
　　"Mercy，itwouldmakeusAprilfools，Alonzo!"
　　"Sowebethehappiestonesthatthatday'ssuitlooksdownuponinthewholebroadexpanseoftheglobe，whyneedwecare？Callitthe1stofApril，dear。"
　　"Thenthe1stofAprilatshallbe，withallmyheart!"
　　"Oh，happiness!Namethehour，too，Rosannah。"
　　"Ilikethemorning，itissoblithe。Willeightinthemorningdo，Alonzo？"
　　"Theloveliesthourintheday——sinceitwillmakeyoumine。"
　　Therewasafeeblebutfranticsoundforsomelittletime，asifwool-upped，disembodiedspiritswereexchangingkisses；thenRosannahsaid，"Excusemejustamoment，dear；Ihaveanappointment，andamcalledtomeetit。"
　　Theyounggirlsoughtalargeparlorandtookherplaceatawindowwhichlookedoutuponabeautifulscene。TotheleftonecouldviewthecharmingNuuanaValley，fringedwithitsruddyflushoftropicalflowersanditsplumedandgracefulcocoapalms；itsrisingfoothillsclothedintheshininggreenoflemon，citron，andorangegroves；itsstoriedprecipicebeyond，wherethefirstKamehamehadrovehisdefeatedfoesovertotheirdestruction，aspotthathadforgottenitsgrimhistory，nodoubt，fornowitwassmiling，asalmostalwaysatnoonday，undertheglowingarchesofasuccessionofrainbows。Infrontofthewindowonecouldseethequainttown，andhereandthereapicturesquegroupofduskynatives，enjoyingtheblisteringweather；andfartotherightlaytherestlessocean，tossingitswhitemaneinthesunshine。
　　Rosannahstoodthere，inherfilmywhiteraiment，fanningherflushedandheatedface，waiting。AKanakaboy，clothedinadamagedbluenecktieandpartofasilkhat，thrusthisheadinatthedoor，andannounced，"'Friscohaole!"
　　"Showhimin，"saidthegirl，straighteningherselfupandassumingameaningdignity。Mr。SidneyAlgernonBurleyentered，cladfromheadtoheelindazzlingsnow——thatistosay，inthelightestandwhitestofIrishlinen。Hemovedeagerlyforward，butthegirlmadeagestureandgavehimalookwhichcheckedhimsuddenly。Shesaid，coldly，"Iamhere，asIpromised。Ibelievedyourassertions，Iyieldedtoyourimportunelies，andsaidIwouldnametheday。Inamethe1stofApril——
　　eightinthemorning。NOWGO!"
　　"Oh，mydearest，ifthegratitudeofalifetime——"
　　"Notaword。Sparemeallsightofyou，allcommunicationwithyou，untilthathour。No-nosupplications；Iwillhaveitso。"
　　Whenhewasgone，shesankexhaustedinachair，forthelongsiegeoftroublesshehadundergonehadwastedherstrength。Presentlyshesaid，"Whatanarrowescape!Ifthehourappointedhadbeenanhourearlier——Oh，horror，whatanescapeIhavemade!AndtothinkIhadcometoimagineIwaslovingthisbeguiling，thistruthless，thistreacherousmonster!Oh，heshallrepenthisvillainy!"
　　Letusnowdrawthishistorytoaclose，forlittlemoreneedstobetold。Onthe2doftheensuingApril，theHonoluluAdvertisercontainedthisnotice:
　　MARRIED——Inthiscity，bytelephone，yesterdaymorning，——ateighto'clock，byRev。NathanHays，assistedbyRev。NathanielDavis，ofNewYork，Mr。AlonzoFitzClarence，ofEastport，Maine，U。S。，andMissRosannahEthelton，ofPortland，Oregon，U。S。Mrs。SusanHowland，ofSanFrancisco，afriendofthebride，waspresent，shebeingtheguestoftheRev。Mr。Haysandwife，uncleandauntofthebride。Mr。SidneyAlgernonBurley，ofSanFrancisco，wasalsopresentbutdidnotremaintilltheconclusionofthemarriageservice。CaptainHawthorne'sbeautifulyacht，tastefullydecorated，wasinwaiting，andthehappybrideandherfriendsimmediatelydepartedonabridaltriptoLahainaandHaleakala。
　　TheNewYorkpapersofthesamedatecontainedthisnotice:
　　MARRIED——Inthiscity，yesterday，bytelephone，athalf-pasttwointhemorning，byRev。NathanielDavis，assistedbyRev。NathanHays，ofHonolulu，Mr。AlonzoFitzClarence，ofEastport，Maine，andMissRosannahEthelton，ofPortland，Oregon。Theparentsandseveralfriendsofthebridegroomwerepresent，andenjoyedasumptuousbreakfastandmuchfestivityuntilnearlysunrise，andthendepartedonabridaltriptotheAquarium，thebridegroom'sstateofhealthnotadmittingofamoreextendedjourney。
　　TowardthecloseofthatmemorabledayMr。andMrs。AlonzoFitzClarencewereburiedinsweetconverseconcerningthepleasuresoftheirseveralbridaltours，whensuddenlytheyoungwifeexclaimed:"Oh，Lonny，I
　　forgot!IdidwhatIsaidIwould。"
　　"Didyou，dear？"
　　"Indeed，Idid。ImadehimtheAprilfool!AndItoldhimso，too!
　　Ah，itwasacharmingsurprise!Therehestood，swelteringinablackdress-suit，withthemercuryleakingoutofthetopofthethermometer，waitingtobemarried。YoushouldhaveseenthelookhegavewhenI
　　whispereditinhisear。Ah，hiswickednesscostmemanyaheartacheandmanyatear，butthescorewasallsquaredup，then。Sothevengefulfeelingwentrightoutofmyheart，andIbeggedhimtostay，andsaidI
　　forgavehimeverything。Buthewouldn't。Hesaidhewouldlivetobeavenged；saidhewouldmakeourlivesacursetous。Buthecan't，canhe，dear？"
　　"Neverinthisworld，myRosannah!"
　　AuntSusan，theOregoniangrandmother，andtheyoungcoupleandtheirEastportparents，areallhappyatthiswriting，andlikelytoremainso。
　　AuntSusanbroughtthebridefromtheislands，accompaniedheracrossourcontinent，andhadthehappinessofwitnessingtherapturousmeetingbetweenanadoringhusbandandwifewhohadneverseeneachotheruntilthatmoment。
　　AwordaboutthewretchedBurley，whosewickedmachinationscamesonearwreckingtheheartsandlivesofourpooryoungfriends，willbesufficient。Inamurderousattempttoseizeacrippledandhelplessartisanwhohefanciedhaddonehimsomesmalloffense，hefellintoacaldronofboilingoilandexpiredbeforehecouldbeextinguished。
　　ONTHEDECAYOFTHEARTOFLYING
　　ESSAY，FORDISCUSSION，READATAMEETINGOFTHEHISTORICALAND
　　ANTIQUARIANCLUBOFHARTFORD，ANDOFFEREDFORTHETHIRTY-DOLLARPRIZE。
　　NOWFIRSTPUBLISHED——[Didnottaketheprize]
　　Observe，Idonotmeantosuggestthatthecustomoflyinghassufferedanydecayorinterruption——no，fortheLie，asaVirtue，aPrinciple，iseternal；theLie，asarecreation，asolace，arefugeintimeofneed，thefourthGrace，thetenthMuse，man'sbestandsurestfriend，isimmortal，andcannotperishfromtheearthwhilethisClubremains。Mycomplaintsimplyconcernsthedecayoftheartoflying。Nohigh-mindedman，nomanofrightfeeling，cancontemplatethelumberingandslovenlylyingofthepresentdaywithoutgrievingtoseeanobleartsoprostituted。InthisveteranpresenceInaturallyenteruponthisschemewithdiffidence；itislikeanoldmaidtryingtoteachnurserymatterstothemothersinIsrael。Itwouldnotbecomemetocriticizeyou，gentlemen，whoarenearlyallmyelders——andmysuperiors，inthisthing——
　　andso，ifIshouldhereandthereseemtodoit，Itrustitwillinmostcasesbemoreinaspiritofadmirationthanoffault-finding；
　　indeed，ifthisfinestofthefineartshadeverywherereceivedtheattention，encouragement，andconscientiouspracticeanddevelopmentwhichthisClubhasdevotedtoitIshouldnotneedtoutterthislamentorshedasingletear。Idonotsaythistoflatter:Isayitinaspiritofjustandappreciativerecognition。
　　[Ithadbeenmyintention，atthispoint，tomentionnamesandgiveillustrativespecimens，butindicationsobservableaboutmeadmonishedmetobewareofparticularsandconfinemyselftogeneralities。]
　　Nofactismorefirmlyestablishedthanthatlyingisanecessityofourcircumstances——thedeductionthatitisthenaVirtuegoeswithoutsaying。Novirtuecanreachitshighestusefulnesswithoutcarefulanddiligentcultivation——therefore，itgoeswithoutsayingthatthisoneoughttobetaughtinthepublicschools——atthefireside——eveninthenewspapers。Whatchancehastheignorant，uncultivatedliaragainsttheeducatedexpert？WhatchancehaveIagainstMr。Per——againstalawyer？
　　Judiciouslyingiswhattheworldneeds。Isometimesthinkitwereevenbetterandsafernottolieatallthantolieinjudiciously。Anawkward，unscientificlieisoftenasineffectualasthetruth。
　　Nowletusseewhatthephilosopherssay。Notethatvenerableproverb:
　　Childrenandfoolsalwaysspeakthetruth。Thedeductionisplain——adultsandwisepersonsneverspeakit。Parkman，thehistorian，says，"Theprincipleoftruthmayitselfbecarriedintoanabsurdity。"Inanotherplaceinthesamechapterhesays，"Thesayingisoldthattruthshouldnotbespokenatalltimes；andthosewhomasickconscienceworriesintohabitualviolationofthemaximareimbecilesandnuisances。"Itisstronglanguage，buttrue。Noneofuscouldlivewithanhabitualtruth-teller；but，thankgoodness，noneofushasto。Anhabitualtruth-tellerissimplyanimpossiblecreature；hedoesnotexist；heneverhasexisted。Ofcoursetherearepeoplewhothinktheyneverlie，butitisnotso——andthisignoranceisoneoftheverythingsthatshameourso-calledcivilization。Everybodylies——everyday；everyhour；awake；asleep；inhisdreams；inhisjoy；inhismourning；ifhekeepshistonguestill，hishands，hisfeet，hiseyes，hisattitude，willconveydeception——andpurposely。Eveninsermons——butthatisaplatitude。
　　InafarcountrywhereIoncelivedtheladiesusedtogoaroundpayingcalls，underthehumaneandkindlypretenseofwantingtoseeeachother；
　　andwhentheyreturnedhome，theywouldcryoutwithagladvoice，saying，"Wemadesixteencallsandfoundfourteenofthemout"——notmeaningthattheyfoundoutanythingagainstthefourteen——no，thatwasonlyacolloquialphrasetosignifythattheywerenotathome——andtheirmannerofsayingit——expressedtheirlivelysatisfactioninthatfact。
　　Now，theirpretenseofwantingtoseethefourteen——andtheothertwowhomtheyhadbeenlessluckywith——wasthatcommonestandmildestformoflyingwhichissufficientlydescribedasadeflectionfromthetruth。
　　Isitjustifiable？Mostcertainly。Itisbeautiful，itisnoble；foritsobjectis，nottoreapprofit，buttoconveyapleasuretothesixteen。Theiron-souledtruth-mongerwouldplainlymanifest，orevenutterthefact，thathedidn'twanttoseethosepeople——andhewouldbeanass，andinflictatotallyunnecessarypain。Andnext，thoseladiesinthatfarcountry——butnevermind，theyhadathousandpleasantwaysoflying，thatgrewoutofgentleimpulses，andwereacredittotheirintelligenceandathonortotheirhearts。Lettheparticularsgo。
　　Themeninthatfarcountrywereliars；everyone。Theirmerehowdy-dowasalie，becausetheydidn'tcarehowyoudid，excepttheywereundertakers。Totheordinaryinquireryouliedinreturn；foryoumadenoconscientiousdiagnosisofyourcase，butansweredatrandom，andusuallymisseditconsiderably。Youliedtotheundertaker，andsaidyourhealthwasfailing——awhollycommendablelie，sinceitcostyounothingandpleasedtheotherman。Ifastrangercalledandinterruptedyou，yousaidwithyourheartytongue，"I'mgladtoseeyou，"andsaidwithyourheartiersoul，"Iwishyouwerewiththecannibalsanditwasdinner-time。"Whenhewent，yousaidregretfully，"Mustyougo？"andfolloweditwitha"Callagain"；butyoudidnoharm，foryoudidnotdeceiveanybodynorinflictanyhurt，whereasthetruthwouldhavemadeyoubothunhappy。
　　Ithinkthatallthiscourteouslyingisasweetandlovingart，andshouldbecultivated，Thehighestperfectionofpolitenessisonlyabeautifuledifice，built，fromthebasetothedome，ofgracefulandgildedformsofcharitableandunselfishlying。
　　WhatIbemoanisthegrowingprevalenceofthebrutaltruth。Letusdowhatwecantoeradicateit。Aninjurioustruthhasnomeritoveraninjuriouslie。Neithershouldeverbeuttered。Themanwhospeaksaninjurioustruth，lesthissoulbenotsavedifhedootherwise，shouldreflectthatthatsortofasoulisnotstrictlyworthsaving。Themanwhotellsalietohelpapoordeviloutoftroubleisoneofwhomtheangelsdoubtlesssay，"Lo，hereisanheroicsoulwhocastshisownwelfareintojeopardytosuccorhisneighbor's；letusexaltthismagnanimousliar。"
　　Aninjuriouslieisanuncommendablething；andso，also，andinthesamedegree，isaninjurioustruth——afactwhichisrecognizedbythelawoflibel。
　　Amongothercommonlies，wehavethesilentliethedeceptionwhichoneconveysbysimplykeepingstillandconcealingthetruth。Manyobstinatetruth-mongersindulgeinthisdissipation，imaginingthatiftheyspeaknolie，theylienotatall。InthatfarcountrywhereIoncelived，therewasalovelyspirit，aladywhoseimpulseswerealwayshighandpure，andwhosecharacteransweredtothem。OnedayIwasthereatdinner，andremarked，inageneralway，thatweareallliars。Shewasamazed，andsaid，"Notall!"Itwasbefore"Pinafore's"timesoIdidnotmaketheresponsewhichwouldnaturallyfollowinourday，butfranklysaid，"Yes，all——weareallliars；therearenoexceptions。"
　　Shelookedalmostoffended，andsaid，"Why，doyouincludeme？"
　　"Certainly，"Isaid，"Ithinkyouevenrankasanexpert。"Shesaid，"'Sh!——'sh!thechildren!"
　　Sothesubjectwaschangedindeferencetothechildren'spresence，andwewentontalkingaboutotherthings。Butassoonastheyoungpeoplewereoutoftheway，theladycamewarmlybacktothematterandsaid，"Ihavemadeittheruleofmylifetonevertellalie；andIhaveneverdepartedfromitinasingleinstance。"Isaid，"Idon'tmeantheleastharmordisrespect，butreallyyouhavebeenlyinglikesmokeeversinceI'vebeensittinghere。Ithascausedmeagooddealofpain，becauseI
　　amnotusedtoit。"Sherequiredofmeaninstance——justasingleinstance。SoIsaid:
　　"Well，hereistheunfilledduplicateoftheblankwhichtheOaklandhospitalpeoplesenttoyoubythehandofthesick-nursewhenshecameheretonurseyourlittlenephewthroughhisdangerousillness。Thisblankasksallmannerofquestionsastotheconductofthatsick-nurse:
　　'Didsheeversleeponherwatch？Didsheeverforgettogivethemedicine？'andsoforthandsoon。Youarewarnedtobeverycarefulandexplicitinyouranswers，forthewelfareoftheservicerequiresthatthenursesbepromptlyfinedorotherwisepunishedforderelictions。
　　Youtoldmeyouwereperfectlydelightedwiththatnurse——thatshehadathousandperfectionsandonlyonefault:youfoundyounevercoulddependonherwrappingJohnnyuphalfsufficientlywhilehewaitedinachillychairforhertorearrangethewarmbed。Youfilleduptheduplicateofthispaper，andsentitbacktothehospitalbythehandofthenurse。
　　Howdidyouanswerthisquestion——'Wasthenurseatanytimeguiltyofanegligencewhichwaslikelytoresultinthepatient'stakingcold？'
　　Come——everythingisdecidedbyabethereinCalifornia:tendollarstotencentsyouliedwhenyouansweredthatquestion。"Shesaid，"I
　　didn't；Ileftitblank!""Justso——youhavetoldasilentlie；youhaveleftittobeinferredthatyouhadnofaulttofindinthatmatter。"
　　Shesaid，"Oh，wasthatalie？AndhowcouldImentionheronesinglefault，andsheso，good？——itwouldhavebeencruel。"Isaid，"Oneoughtalwaystoliewhenonecandogoodbyit；yourimpulsewasright，but，yourjudgmentwascrude；thiscomesofunintelligentpractice。Nowobservetheresultofthisinexpertdeflectionofyours。YouknowMr。
　　Jones'sWillieislyingverylowwithscarletfever；well，yourrecommendationwassoenthusiasticthatthatgirlistherenursinghim，andtheworn-outfamilyhaveallbeentrustinglysoundasleepforthelastfourteenhours，leavingtheirdarlingwithfullconfidenceinthosefatalhands，becauseyou，likeyoungGeorgeWashington，haveareputa——
　　However，ifyouarenotgoingtohaveanythingtodo，Iwillcomearoundto-morrowandwe'llattendthefuneraltogether，for，ofcourse，you'llnaturallyfeelapeculiarinterestinWillie'scase——aspersonalaone，infact，astheundertaker。"
　　Butthatwasalllost。BeforeIwashalf-waythroughshewasinacarriageandmakingthirtymilesanhourtowardtheJonesmansiontosavewhatwasleftofWillieandtellallsheknewaboutthedeadlynurse。
　　Allofwhichwasunnecessary，asWilliewasn'tsick；Ihadbeenlyingmyself。Butthatsameday，allthesame，shesentalinetothehospitalwhichfilleduptheneglectedblank，andstatedthefacts，too，inthesquarestpossiblemanner。
　　Now，yousee，thislady'sfaultwasnotinlying，butonlyinlyinginjudiciously。Sheshouldhavetoldthe，truth，there，andmadeituptothenursewithafraudulentcomplimentfurtheralonginthepaper。Shecouldhavesaid，"Inonerespectthesick-nurseisperfection——whensheisonwatch，sheneversnores。"Almostanylittlepleasantliewouldhavetakenthestingoutofthattroublesomebutnecessaryexpressionofthetruth。
　　Lyingisuniversalwealldoit；weallmustdoit。Therefore，thewisethingisforusdiligentlytotrainourselvestoliethoughtfully，judiciously；toliewithagoodobject，andnotanevilone；tolieforothers'advantage，andnotourown；toliehealingly，charitably，humanely，notcruelly，hurtfully，maliciously；toliegracefullyandgraciously，notawkwardlyandclumsily；toliefirmly，frankly，squarely，withheaderect，nothaltingly，tortuously，withpusillanimousmien，asbeingashamedofourhighcalling。Thenshallweberidoftherankandpestilenttruththatisrottingtheland；thenshallwebegreatandgoodandbeautiful，andworthydwellersinaworldwhereevenbenignNaturehabituallylies，exceptwhenshepromisesexecrableweather。Then——ButIambutanewandfeeblestudentinthisgraciousart；IcannotinstructthisClub。
　　Jokingaside，Ithinkthereismuchneedofwiseexaminationintowhatsortsofliesarebestandwholesomesttobeindulged，seeingwemustalllieanddoalllie，andwhatsortsitmaybebesttoavoid——andthisisathingwhichIfeelIcanconfidentlyputintothehandsofthisexperiencedClub——aripebody，whomaybetermed，inthisregard，andwithoutundueflattery，OldMasters。
　　ABOUTMAGNANIMOUS-INCIDENTLITERATURE
　　Allmylife，fromboyhoodup，Ihavehadthehabitofreadingacertainsetofanecdotes，writteninthequaintveinofTheWorld'singeniousFabulist，forthelessontheytaughtmeandthepleasuretheygaveme。
　　Theylayalwaysconvenienttomyhand，andwheneverIthoughtmeanlyofmykindIturnedtothem，andtheybanishedthatsentiment；wheneverI
　　feltmyselftobeselfish，sordid，andignobleIturnedtothem，andtheytoldmewhattodotowinbackmyself-respect。ManytimesIwishedthatthecharminganecdoteshadnotstoppedwiththeirhappyclimaxes，buthadcontinuedthepleasinghistoryoftheseveralbenefactorsandbeneficiaries。ThiswishroseinmybreastsopersistentlythatatlastIdeterminedtosatisfyitbyseekingoutthesequelsofthoseanecdotesmyself。SoIsetaboutit，andaftergreatlaborandtediousresearchaccomplishedmytask。Iwilllaytheresultbeforeyou，givingyoueachanecdoteinitsturn，andfollowingitwithitssequelasIgathereditthroughmyinvestigations。