"AyoungmanoftheRicciofamily，hishaircutoffrightattheend，dressedinblackwiththesamecap。
　　AttributedtoRaphael，butthesignationisfalse。"
　　"TheVirginholdingtheInfant。ItisverypaintedinthemannerofSassoferrato。"
　　"ALarderwithgreensanddeadgameanimatedbyacook-maidandtwokitchen-boys。"
　　However，theEnglishofthiscatalogueisatleastashappyasthatwhichdistinguishesaninscriptionuponacertainpictureinRome——towit:
　　"Revelations-View。St。JohninPatterson'sIsland。"
　　Butmeanwhiletheraftismovingon。
　　CHAPTERXVII
　　[WhyGermansWearSpectacles]
　　AmileortwoaboveEberbachwesawapeculiarruinprojectingabovethefoliagewhichclothedthepeakofahighandverysteephill。Thisruinconsistedofmerelyacoupleofcrumblingmassesofmasonrywhichborearuderesemblancetohumanfaces；theyleanedforwardandtouchedforeheads，andhadthelookofbeingabsorbedinconversation。Thisruinhadnothingveryimposingorpicturesqueaboutit，andtherewasnogreatdealofit，yetitwascalledthe"SpectacularRuin。"
　　LEGENDOFTHE"SPECTACULARRUIN"
　　Thecaptainoftheraft，whowasasfullofhistoryashecouldstick，saidthatintheMiddleAgesamostprodigiousfire-breathingdragonusedtoliveinthatregion，andmademoretroublethanatax-collector。Hewasaslongasarailway-train，andhadthecustomaryimpenetrablegreenscalesalloverhim。Hisbreathbredpestilenceandconflagration，andhisappetitebredfamine。Heatemenandcattleimpartially，andwasexceedinglyunpopular。
　　TheGermanemperorofthatdaymadetheusualoffer:
　　hewouldgranttothedestroyerofthedragon，anyonesolitarythinghemightaskfor；forhehadasurplusageofdaughters，anditwascustomaryfordragon-killerstotakeadaughterforpay。
　　Sothemostrenownedknightscamefromthefourcornersoftheearthandretireddownthedragon'sthroatoneaftertheother。Apanicaroseandspread。Heroesgrewcautious。
　　Theprocessionceased。Thedragonbecamemoredestructivethanever。Thepeoplelostallhopeofsuccor，andfledtothemountainsforrefuge。
　　AtlastSirWissenschaft，apoorandobscureknight，outofafarcountry，arrivedtodobattlewiththemonster。
　　Apitiableobjecthewas，withhisarmorhanginginragsabouthim，andhisstrange-shapedknapsackstrappeduponhisback。Everybodyturneduptheirnosesathim，andsomeopenlyjeeredhim。Buthewascalm。Hesimplyinquirediftheemperor'sofferwasstillinforce。
　　Theemperorsaiditwas——butcharitablyadvisedhimtogoandhuntharesandnotendangersopreciousalifeashisinanattemptwhichhadbroughtdeathtosomanyoftheworld'smostillustriousheroes。
　　Butthistramponlyasked——"Wereanyoftheseheroesmenofscience?"Thisraisedalaugh，ofcourse，forsciencewasdespisedinthosedays。Butthetrampwasnotintheleastruffled。Hesaidhemightbealittleinadvanceofhisage，butnomatter——sciencewouldcometobehonored，sometimeorother。Hesaidhewouldmarchagainstthedragoninthemorning。
　　Outofcompassion，then，adecentspearwasofferedhim，buthedeclined，andsaid，"spearswereuselesstomenofscience。"Theyallowedhimtosupintheservants'
　　hall，andgavehimabedinthestables。
　　Whenhestartedforthinthemorning，thousandsweregatheredtosee。Theemperorsaid:
　　"Donotberash，takeaspear，andleaveoffyourknapsack。"
　　Butthetrampsaid:
　　"Itisnotaknapsack，"andmovedstraighton。
　　Thedragonwaswaitingandready。Hewasbreathingforthvastvolumesofsulphuroussmokeandluridblastsofflame。
　　Theraggedknightstolewarilytoagoodposition，thenheunslunghiscylindricalknapsack——whichwassimplythecommonfire-extinguisherknowntomoderntimes——
　　andthefirstchancehegotheturnedonhishoseandshotthedragonsquareinthecenterofhiscavernousmouth。
　　Outwentthefiresinaninstant，andthedragoncurledupanddied。
　　Thismanhadbroughtbrainstohisaid。Hehadreareddragonsfromtheegg，inhislaboratory，hehadwatchedoverthemlikeamother，andpatientlystudiedthemandexperimenteduponthemwhiletheygrew。Thushehadfoundoutthatfirewasthelifeprincipleofadragon；
　　putoutthedragon'sfiresanditcouldmakesteamnolonger，andmustdie。Hecouldnotputoutafirewithaspear，thereforeheinventedtheextinguisher。
　　Thedragonbeingdead，theemperorfellonthehero'sneckandsaid:
　　"Deliverer，nameyourrequest，"atthesametimebeckoningoutbehindwithhisheelforadetachmentofhisdaughterstoformandadvance。Butthetrampgavethemnoobservance。
　　Hesimplysaid:
　　"Myrequestis，thatuponmebeconferredthemonopolyofthemanufactureandsaleofspectaclesinGermany。"
　　Theemperorsprangasideandexclaimed:
　　"ThistranscendsalltheimpudenceIeverheard!A
　　modestdemand，bymyhalidome!Whydidn'tyouaskfortheimperialrevenuesatonce，andbedonewithit?"
　　Butthemonarchhadgivenhisword，andhekeptit。
　　Toeverybody'ssurprise，theunselfishmonopolistimmediatelyreducedthepriceofspectaclestosuchadegreethatagreatandcrushingburdenwasremovedfromthenation。
　　Theemperor，tocommemoratethisgenerousact，andtotestifyhisappreciationofit，issuedadecreecommandingeverybodytobuythisbenefactor'sspectaclesandwearthem，whethertheyneededthemornot。
　　Sooriginatedthewide-spreadcustomofwearingspectaclesinGermany；andasacustomonceestablishedintheseoldlandsisimperishable，thisoneremainsuniversalintheempiretothisday。Suchisthelegendofthemonopolist'soncestatelyandsumptuouscastle，nowcalledthe"SpectacularRuin。"
　　Ontherightbank，twoorthreemilesbelowtheSpectacularRuin，wepassedbyanoblepileofcastellatedbuildingsoverlookingthewaterfromthecrestofaloftyelevation。
　　Astretchoftwohundredyardsofthehighfrontwallwasheavilydrapedwithivy，andoutofthemassofbuildingswithinrosethreepicturesqueoldtowers。
　　Theplacewasinfineorder，andwasinhabitedbyafamilyofprincelyrank。Thiscastlehaditslegend，too，butIshouldnotfeeljustifiedinrepeatingitbecauseIdoubtedthetruthofsomeofitsminordetails。
　　AlonginthisregionamultitudeofItalianlaborerswereblastingawaythefrontageofthehillstomakeroomforthenewrailway。Theywerefiftyorahundredfeetabovetheriver。Asweturnedasharpcornertheybegantowavesignalsandshoutwarningstoustolookoutfortheexplosions。Itwasallverywelltowarnus，butwhatcouldWEdo?Youcan'tbackaraftupstream，youcan'thurryitdownstream，youcan'tscatterouttoonesidewhenyouhaven'tanyroomtospeakof，youwon'ttaketotheperpendicularcliffsontheothershorewhentheyappeartobeblastingthere，too。
　　Yourresourcesarelimited，yousee。Thereissimplynothingforitbuttowatchandpray。
　　Forsomehourswehadbeenmakingthreeandahalforfourmilesanhourandwewerestillmakingthat。Wehadbeendancingrightalonguntilthosemenbegantoshout；
　　thenforthenexttenminutesitseemedtomethatIhadneverseenaraftgososlowly。Whenthefirstblastwentoffweraisedoursun-umbrellasandwaitedfortheresult。
　　Noharmdone；noneofthestonesfellinthewater。
　　Anotherblastfollowed，andanotherandanother。
　　Someoftherubbishfellinthewaterjustasternofus。
　　Weranthatwholebatteryofnineblastsinarow，anditwascertainlyoneofthemostexcitinganduncomfortableweeksIeverspent，eitherashiporashore。Ofcoursewefrequentlymannedthepolesandshovedearnestlyforasecondorso，buteverytimeoneofthosespurtsofdustanddebrisshotalofteverymandroppedhispoleandlookeduptogetthebearingsofhisshareofit。
　　Itwasverybusytimesalongthereforawhile。
　　Itappearedcertainthatwemustperish，buteventhatwasnotthebitterestthought；no，theabjectlyunheroicnatureofthedeath——thatwasthesting——thatandthebizarrewordingoftheresultingobituary:"SHOTWITHAROCK，ONARAFT。"Therewouldbenopoetrywrittenaboutit。
　　NoneCOULDbewrittenaboutit。Example:
　　NOTbywar'sshock，orwar'sshaft，——SHOT，witharock，onaraft。
　　Nopoetwhovaluedhisreputationwouldtouchsuchathemeasthat。Ishouldbedistinguishedastheonly"distinguisheddead"whowentdowntothegraveunsonneted，in1878。
　　Butweescaped，andIhaveneverregrettedit。
　　Thelastblastwaspeculiarlystrongone，andafterthesmallrubbishwasdonerainingaroundusandwewerejustgoingtoshakehandsoverourdeliverance，alaterandlargerstonecamedownamongstourlittlegroupofpedestriansandwreckedanumbrella。Itdidnootherharm，butwetooktothewaterjustthesame。
　　ItseemsthattheheavyworkinthequarriesandthenewrailwaygradingsisdonemainlybyItalians。
　　Thatwasarevelation。WehavethenotioninourcountrythatItaliansneverdoheavyworkatall，butconfinethemselvestothelighterarts，likeorgan-grinding，operaticsinging，andassassination。Wehaveblundered，thatisplain。
　　Allalongtheriver，neareveryvillage，wesawlittlestation-housesforthefuturerailway。Theywerefinishedandwaitingfortherailsandbusiness。
　　Theywereastrimandsnugandprettyastheycouldbe。
　　Theywerealwaysofbrickorstone；theywereofgracefulshape，theyhadvinesandflowersaboutthemalready，andaroundthemthegrasswasbrightandgreen，andshowedthatitwascarefullylookedafter。Theywereadecorationtothebeautifullandscape，notanoffense。
　　Whereveronesawapileofgravelorapileofbrokenstone，itwasalwaysheapedastrimlyandexactlyasanewgraveorastackofcannon-balls；nothingaboutthosestationsoralongtherailroadorthewagon-roadwasallowedtolookshabbyorbeunornamental。ThekeepingacountryinsuchbeautifulorderasGermanyexhibits，hasawisepracticalsidetoit，too，foritkeepsthousandsofpeopleinworkandbreadwhowouldotherwisebeidleandmischievous。
　　Asthenightshutdown，thecaptainwantedtotieup，butIthoughtmaybewemightmakeHirschhorn，sowewenton。
　　Presentlytheskybecameovercast，andthecaptaincameaftlookinguneasy。Hecasthiseyealoft，thenshookhishead，andsaiditwascomingontoblow。Mypartywantedtolandatonce——thereforeIwantedtogoon。
　　Thecaptainsaidweoughttoshortensailanyway，outofcommonprudence。Consequently，thelarboardwatchwasorderedtolayinhispole。Itgrewquitedark，now，andthewindbegantorise。Itwailedthroughtheswayingbranchesofthetrees，andsweptourdecksinfitfulgusts。Thingsweretakingonanuglylook。
　　Thecaptainshoutedtothesteersmanontheforwardlog:
　　"How'sshelanding?"
　　Theanswercamefaintandhoarsefromfarforward:
　　"Nor'-east-and-by-nor'——east-by-east，half-east，sir。"
　　"Lethergooffapoint!"
　　"Aye-aye，sir!"
　　"Whatwaterhaveyougot?"
　　"Shoal，sir。Twofootlarge，onthestabboard，twoandahalfscantonthelabboard!"
　　"Lethergooffanotherpoint!"
　　"Aye-aye，sir!"
　　"Forward，men，allofyou!Lively，now!Standbytocrowdherroundtheweathercorner!"
　　"Aye-aye，sir!"
　　Thenfollowedawildrunningandtramplingandhoarseshouting，buttheformsofthemenwerelostinthedarknessandthesoundsweredistortedandconfusedbytheroaringofthewindthroughtheshingle-bundles。Bythistimetheseawasrunningincheshigh，andthreateningeverymomenttoengulfthefrailbark。Nowcamethemate，hurryingaft，andsaid，closetothecaptain'sear，inalow，agitatedvoice:
　　"Preparefortheworst，sir——wehavesprungaleak!"
　　"Heavens!where?"
　　"Rightaftthesecondrowoflogs。"
　　"Nothingbutamiraclecansaveus!Don'tletthemenknow，ortherewillbeapanicandmutiny!Layherinshoreandstandbytojumpwiththestern-linethemomentshetouches。Gentlemen，Imustlooktoyoutosecondmyendeavorsinthishourofperil。Youhavehats——goforwardandbailforyourlives!"
　　Downsweptanothermightyblastofwind，clothedinsprayandthickdarkness。Atsuchamomentasthis，camefromawayforwardthatmostappallingofallcriesthatareeverheardatsea:
　　"MANOVERBOARD!"
　　Thecaptainshouted:
　　"Harda-port!Nevermindtheman!Lethimclimbaboardorwadeashore!"
　　Anothercrycamedownthewind:
　　"Breakersahead!"
　　"Whereaway?"
　　"Notalog'slengthoffherportfore-foot!"
　　Wehadgropedourslipperywayforward，andwerenowbailingwiththefrenzyofdespair，whenweheardthemate'sterrifiedcry，fromfaraft:
　　"Stopthatdashedbailing，orweshallbeaground!"
　　Butthiswasimmediatelyfollowedbythegladshout:
　　"Landaboardthestarboardtransom!"
　　"Saved!"criedthecaptain。"Jumpashoreandtakeaturnaroundatreeandpassthebightaboard!"
　　Thenextmomentwewereallonshoreweepingandembracingforjoy，whiletherainpoureddownintorrents。
　　ThecaptainsaidhehadbeenamarinerforfortyyearsontheNeckar，andinthattimehadseenstormstomakeaman'scheekblanchandhispulsesstop，buthehadnever，neverseenastormthatevenapproachedthisone。
　　Howfamiliarthatsounded!ForIhavebeenatseaagooddealandhaveheardthatremarkfromcaptainswithafrequencyaccordingly。
　　Weframedinourmindstheusualresolutionofthanksandadmirationandgratitude，andtookthefirstopportunitytovoteit，andputitinwritingandpresentittothecaptain，withthecustomaryspeech。
　　Wetrampedthroughthedarknessandthedrenchingsummerrainfullthreemiles，andreached"TheNaturalistTavern"
　　inthevillageofHirschhornjustanhourbeforemidnight，almostexhaustedfromhardship，fatigue，andterror。
　　Icanneverforgetthatnight。
　　Thelandlordwasrich，andthereforecouldaffordtobecrustyanddisobliging；hedidnotatalllikebeingturnedoutofhiswarmbedtoopenhishouseforus。
　　Butnomatter，hishouseholdgotupandcookedaquicksupperforus，andwebrewedahotpunchforourselves，tokeepoffconsumption。Aftersupperandpunchwehadanhour'ssoothingsmokewhilewefoughtthenavalbattleoveragainandvotedtheresolutions；thenweretiredtoexceedinglyneatandprettychambersupstairsthathadclean，comfortablebedsinthemwithheirloompillowcasesmostelaboratelyandtastefullyembroideredbyhand。
　　SuchroomsandbedsandembroideredlinenareasfrequentinGermanvillageinnsastheyarerareinours。
　　OurvillagesaresuperiortoGermanvillagesinmoremerits，excellences，conveniences，andprivilegesthanIcanenumerate，butthehotelsdonotbelonginthelist。
　　"TheNaturalistTavern"wasnotameaninglessname；forallthehallsandalltheroomswerelinedwithlargeglasscaseswhichwerefilledwithallsortsofbirdsandanimals，glass-eyed，ablystuffed，andsetupinthemostnaturaleloquentanddramaticattitudes。Themomentwewereabed，therainclearedawayandthemooncameout。Idozedofftosleepwhilecontemplatingagreatwhitestuffedowlwhichwaslookingintentlydownonmefromahighperchwiththeairofapersonwhothoughthehadmetmebefore，butcouldnotmakeoutforcertain。
　　ButyoungZdidnotgetoffsoeasily。Hesaidthatashewassinkingdeliciouslytosleep，themoonliftedawaytheshadowsanddevelopedahugecat，onabracket，deadandstuffed，butcrouching，witheverymuscletense，foraspring，andwithitsglitteringglasseyesaimedstraightathim。
　　ItmadeZuncomfortable。Hetriedclosinghisowneyes，butthatdidnotanswer，foranaturalinstinctkeptmakinghimopenthemagaintoseeifthecatwasstillgettingreadytolaunchathim——whichshealwayswas。
　　Hetriedturninghisback，butthatwasafailure；
　　heknewthesinistereyeswereonhimstill。Soatlasthehadtogetup，afteranhourortwoofworryandexperiment，andsetthecatoutinthehall。Sohewon，thattime。
　　CHAPTERXVIII
　　[TheKindlyCourtesyofGermans]
　　Inthemorningwetookbreakfastinthegarden，underthetrees，inthedelightfulGermansummerfashion。
　　Theairwasfilledwiththefragranceofflowersandwildanimals；thelivingportionofthemenagerieofthe"NaturalistTavern"wasallaboutus。Thereweregreatcagespopulouswithflutteringandchatteringforeignbirds，andothergreatcagesandgreaterwirepens，populouswithquadrupeds，bothnativeandforeign。
　　Thereweresomefreecreatures，too，andquitesociableonestheywere。Whiterabbitswentlopingabouttheplace，andoccasionallycameandsniffedatourshoesandshins；
　　afawn，witharedribbononitsneck，walkedupandexaminedusfearlessly；rarebreedsofchickensanddovesbeggedforcrumbs，andapooroldtaillessravenhoppedaboutwithahumble，shamefacedmeinwhichsaid，"Pleasedonotnoticemyexposure——thinkhowyouwouldfeelinmycircumstances，andbecharitable。"Ifhewasobservedtoomuch，hewouldretirebehindsomethingandstaythereuntilhejudgedtheparty'sinteresthadfoundanotherobject。Ineverhaveseenanotherdumbcreaturethatwassomorbidlysensitive。BayardTaylor，whocouldinterpretthedimreasoningsofanimals，andunderstoodtheirmoralnaturesbetterthanmostmen，wouldhavefoundsomewaytomakethispooroldchapforgethistroublesforawhile，butwehavenothiskindlyart，andsohadtoleavetheraventohisgriefs。
　　AfterbreakfastweclimbedthehillandvisitedtheancientcastleofHirschhorn，andtheruinedchurchnearit。
　　Thereweresomecuriousoldbas-reliefsleaningagainsttheinnerwallsofthechurch——sculpturedlordsofHirschhornincompletearmor，andladiesofHirschhorninthepicturesquecourtcostumesoftheMiddleAges。
　　Thesethingsaresufferingdamageandpassingtodecay，forthelastHirschhornhasbeendeadtwohundredyears，andthereisnobodynowwhocarestopreservethefamilyrelics。
　　Inthechancelwasatwistedstonecolumn，andthecaptaintoldusalegendaboutit，ofcourse，forinthematteroflegendshecouldnotseemtorestrainhimself；butI
　　donotrepeathistalebecausetherewasnothingplausibleaboutitexceptthattheHerowrenchedthiscolumnintoitspresentscrew-shapewithhishands——justonesinglewrench。
　　Alltherestofthelegendwasdoubtful。
　　ButHirschhornisbestseenfromadistance，downtheriver。
　　Thentheclusteredbrowntowersperchedonthegreenhilltop，andtheoldbattlementedstonewall，stretchingupandoverthegrassyridgeanddisappearingintheleafyseabeyond，makeapicturewhosegraceandbeautyentirelysatisfytheeye。
　　Wedescendedfromthechurchbysteepstonestairwayswhichcurvedthiswayandthatdownnarrowalleysbetweenthepackedanddirtytenementsofthevillage。
　　Itwasaquarterwellstockedwithdeformed，leering，unkemptanduncombedidiots，whoheldouthandsorcapsandbeggedpiteously。Thepeopleofthequarterwerenotallidiots，ofcourse，butallthatbeggedseemedtobe，andweresaidtobe。
　　Iwasthinkingofgoingbyskifftothenexttown，Necharsteinach；soIrantotheriversideinadvanceofthepartyandaskedamanthereifhehadaboattohire。
　　IsupposeImusthavespokenHighGerman——CourtGerman——I
　　intendeditforthat，anyway——sohedidnotunderstandme。
　　Iturnedandtwistedmyquestionaroundandabout，tryingtostrikethatman'saverage，butfailed。
　　HecouldnotmakeoutwhatIwanted。NowMr。Xarrived，facedthissameman，lookedhimintheeye，andemptiedthissentenceonhim，inthemostglibandconfidentway:
　　"Canmanboatgethere?"
　　Themarinerpromptlyunderstoodandpromptlyanswered。
　　Icancomprehendwhyhewasabletounderstandthatparticularsentence，becausebymereaccidentallthewordsinitexcept"get"havethesamesoundandthesamemeaninginGermanthattheyhaveinEnglish；buthowhemanagedtounderstandMr。X'snextremarkpuzzledme。
　　Iwillinsertit，presently。Xturnedawayamoment，andIaskedthemarinerifhecouldnotfindaboard，andsoconstructanadditionalseat。IspokeinthepurestGerman，butImightaswellhavespokeninthepurestChoctawforallthegooditdid。Themantriedhisbesttounderstandme；hetried，andkeptontrying，harderandharder，untilIsawitwasreallyofnouse，andsaid:
　　"There，don'tstrainyourself——itisofnoconsequence。"
　　ThenXturnedtohimandcrisplysaid:
　　"MACHENSIEaflatboard。"
　　Iwishmyepitaphmaytellthetruthaboutmeifthemandidnotanswerupatonce，andsayhewouldgoandborrowaboardassoonashehadlitthepipewhichhewasfilling。
　　Wechangedourmindabouttakingaboat，sowedidnothavetogo。IhavegivenMr。X'stworemarksjustashemadethem。
　　FourofthefivewordsinthefirstonewereEnglish，andthattheywerealsoGermanwasonlyaccidental，notintentional；threeoutofthefivewordsinthesecondremarkwereEnglish，andEnglishonly，andthetwoGermanonesdidnotmeananythinginparticular，insuchaconnection。
　　XalwaysspokeEnglishtoGermans，buthisplanwastoturnthesentencewrongendfirstandupsidedown，accordingtoGermanconstruction，andsprinkleinaGermanwordwithoutanyessentialmeaningtoit，hereandthere，bywayofflavor。Yethealwaysmadehimselfunderstood。
　　Hecouldmakethosedialect-speakingraftsmenunderstandhim，sometimes，whenevenyoungZhadfailedwiththem；
　　andyoungZwasaprettygoodGermanscholar。Foronething，Xalwaysspokewithsuchconfidence——perhapsthathelped。
　　Andpossiblytheraftsmen'sdialectwaswhatiscalledPLATT-DEUTSCH，andsotheyfoundhisEnglishmorefamiliartotheirearsthananotherman'sGerman。QuiteindifferentstudentsofGermancanreadFritzReuter'scharmingplatt-DeutchtaleswithsomelittlefacilitybecausemanyofthewordsareEnglish。IsupposethisisthetonguewhichourSaxonancestorscarriedtoEnglandwiththem。
　　ByandbyIwillinquireofsomeotherphilologist。