Thefollowingpageswerewrittenmorethantwentyyearssince，andwerethenpublishedperiodicallyin_HouseholdWords。_
　　IntheoriginalformofpublicationtheRoguewasveryfavorablyreceived。Yearafteryear，Idelayedtherepublication，proposing，atthesuggestionofmyoldfriend，Mr。CharlesReade，toenlargethepresentsketchofthehero'sadventuresinAustralia。Buttheopportunityofcarryingoutthisprojecthasprovedtobeoneofthelostopportunitiesofmylife。I
　　republishthestorywithitsoriginalconclusionunaltered，butwithsuchoccasionaladditionsandimprovementsaswill，Ihope，renderitmoreworthyofattentionatthepresenttime。
　　ThecriticalreadermaypossiblynoticeatoneofalmostboisterousgayetyincertainpartsoftheseimaginaryConfessions。Icanonlyplead，indefense，thatthestoryoffersthefaithfulreflectionofaveryhappytimeinmypastlife。ItwaswrittenatParis，whenIhadCharlesDickensforanearneighborandadailycompanion，andwhenmyleisurehourswerejoyouslypassedwithmanyotherfriends，allassociatedwithliteratureandart，ofwhomtheadmirablecomedian，Regnier，isnowtheonlysurvivor。Therevisingofthesepageshasbeentomeamelancholytask。Icanonlyhopethattheymaycheerthesadmomentsofothers。TheRoguemaysurelyclaimtwomerits，atleast，intheeyesofthenewgeneration——heisneverseriousfortwomomentstogether；andhe"doesn'ttakelongtoread。”W。C。
　　GLOUCESTERPLACE，LONDON，_March_6th，1879。
　　IAMgoingtotryifIcan'twritesomethingaboutmyself。Mylifehasbeenratherastrangeone。Itmaynotseemparticularlyusefulorrespectable；butithasbeen，insomerespects，adventurous；andthatmaygiveitclaimstoberead，eveninthemostprejudicedcircles。Iamanexampleofsomeoftheworkingsofthesocialsystemofthisillustriouscountryontheindividualnative，duringtheearlypartofthepresentcentury；
　　and，ifImaysaysowithoutunbecomingvanity，Ishouldliketoquotemyselffortheedificationofmycountrymen。
　　WhoamI。
　　Iamremarkablywellconnected，Icantellyou。IcameintothisworldwiththegreatadvantageofhavingLadyMalkinshawforagrandmother，herladyship'sdaughterforamother，andFrancisJamesSoftly，Esq。，M。D。commonlycalledDoctorSoftly，forafather。Iputmyfatherlast，becausehewasnotsowellconnectedasmymother，andmygrandmotherfirst，becauseshewasthemostnobly-bornpersonofthethree。Ihavebeen，amstill，andmaycontinuetobe，aRogue；butIhopeIamnotabandonedenoughyettoforgettherespectthatisduetorank。Onthisaccount，Itrust，nobodywillshowsuchwantofregardformyfeelingsastoexpectmetosaymuchaboutmymother'sbrother。
　　Thatinhumanpersoncommittedanoutrageonhisfamilybymakingafortuneinthesoapandcandletrade。Iapologizeformentioninghim，eveninanaccidentalway。Thefactis，heleftmysister，Annabella，alegacyofratherapeculiarkind，saddledwithcertainconditionswhichindirectlyaffectedme；butthispassageoffamilyhistoryneednotbeproducedjustyet。I
　　apologizeasecondtimeforalludingtomoneymattersbeforeitwasabsolutelynecessary。Letmegetbacktoapleasingandreputablesubject，bysayingawordortwomoreaboutmyfather。
　　IamratherafraidthatDoctorSoftlywasnotaclevermedicalman；forinspiteofhisgreatconnections，hedidnotgetaverymagnificentpracticeasaphysician。
　　Asageneralpractitioner，hemighthaveboughtacomfortablebusiness，withahouseandsnugsurgery-shopattached；buttheson-in-lawofLadyMalkinshawwasobligedtoholduphishead，andsetuphiscarriage，andliveinastreetnearafashionablesquare，andkeepanexpensiveandclumsyfootmantoanswerthedoor，insteadofacheapandtidyhousemaid。Howhemanagedto"maintainhisposition"thatistherightphrase，Ithink，I
　　nevercouldtell。Hiswifedidnotbringhimafarthing。Whenthehonorableandgallantbaronet，herfather，died，heleftthewidowedLadyMalkinshawwithherworldlyaffairsinacuriouslyinvolvedstate。HersonofwhomIfeeltrulyashamedtobeobligedtospeakagainsosoonmadeanefforttoextricatehismother——involvedhimselfinaseriesofpecuniarydisasters，whichcommercialpeoplecall，Ibelieve，transactions——struggledforalittlewhiletogetoutoftheminthecharacterofanindependentgentleman——failed——andthenspiritlesslyavailedhimselfoftheoleaginousrefugeofthesoapandcandletrade。
　　Hismotheralwayslookeddownuponhimafterthis；butborrowedmoneyofhimalso——inordertoshow，Isuppose，thathermaternalinterestinhersonwasnotquiteextinct。Myfathertriedtofollowherexample——inhiswife'sinterests，ofcourse；butthesoap-boilerbrutallybuttoneduphispockets，andtoldmyfathertogointobusinessforhimself。Thusithappenedthatwewerecertainlyapoorfamily，inspiteofthefineappearancewemade，thefashionablestreetwelivedin，theneatbroughamwekept，andtheclumsyandexpensivefootmanwhoansweredourdoor。
　　Whatwastobedonewithmeinthewayofeducation？
　　Ifmyfatherhadconsultedhismeans，Ishouldhavebeensenttoacheapcommercialacademy；buthehadtoconsulthisrelationshiptoLadyMalkinshaw；soIwassenttooneofthemostfashionableandfamousofthegreatpublicschools。Iwillnotmentionitbyname，becauseIdon'tthinkthemasterswouldbeproudofmyconnectionwithit。Iranawaythreetimes，andwasfloggedthreetimes。Imadefouraristocraticconnections，andhadfourpitchedbattleswiththem:threethrashedme，andoneI
　　thrashed。Ilearnedtoplayatcricket，tohaterichpeople，tocurewarts，towriteLatinverses，toswim，torecitespeeches，tocookkidneysontoast，todrawcaricaturesofthemasters，toconstrueGreekplays，toblackboots，andtoreceivekicksandseriousadviceresignedly。Whowillsaythatthefashionablepublicschoolwasofnousetomeafterthat？
　　AfterIleftschool，Ihadthenarrowestescapepossibleofintrudingmyselfintoanotherplaceofaccommodationfordistinguishedpeople；inotherwords，Iwasverynearlybeingsenttocollege。Fortunatelyforme，myfatherlostalawsuitjustinthenickoftime，andwasobligedtoscrapetogethereveryfarthingofavailablemoneythathepossessedtopayfortheluxuryofgoingtolaw。Ifhecouldhavesavedhissevenshillings，hewouldcertainlyhavesentmetoscrambleforaplaceinthepitofthegreatuniversitytheater；buthispursewasempty，andhissonwasnoteligiblethereforeforadmission，inagentlemanlycapacity，atthedoors。
　　Thenextthingwastochooseaprofession。
　　HeretheDoctorwasliberalityitself，inleavingmetomyowndevices。Iwasofarovingadventuroustemperament，andIshouldhavelikedtogointothearmy。Butwherewasthemoneytocomefrom，topayformycommission？Astoenlistingintheranks，andworkingmywayup，thesocialinstitutionsofmycountryobligedthegrandsonofLadyMalkinshawtobeginmilitarylifeasanofficerandgentleman，ornottobeginitatall。Thearmy，therefore，wasoutofthequestion。TheChurch？Equallyoutofthequestion:sinceIcouldnotpayforadmissiontothepreparedplaceofaccommodationfordistinguishedpeople，andcouldnotacceptacharitablefreepass，inconsequenceofmyhighconnections。TheBar？Ishouldbefiveyearsgettingtoit，andshouldhavetospendtwohundredayearingoingcircuitbeforeI
　　hadearnedafarthing。Physic？Thisreallyseemedtheonlygentlemanlyrefugeleft；andyet，withtheknowledgeofmyfather'sexperiencebeforeme，Iwasungratefulenoughtofeelasecretdislikeforit。Itisadegradingconfessiontomake；butIrememberwishingIwasnotsohighlyconnected，andabsolutelythinkingthatthelifeofacommercialtravelerwouldhavesuitedmeexactly，ifIhadnotbeenapoorgentleman。Drivingaboutfromplacetoplace，livingjoviallyatinns，seeingfreshfacesconstantly，andgettingmoneybyallthisenjoyment，insteadofspendingit——whatalifeforme，ifIhadbeenthesonofahaberdasherandthegrandsonofagroom'swidow!
　　Whilemyfatherwasuncertainwhattodowithme，anewprofessionwassuggestedbyafriend，whichIshallrepentnothavingbeenallowedtoadopt，tothelastdayofmylife。Thisfriendwasaneccentricoldgentlemanoflargeproperty，muchrespectedinourfamily。Oneday，myfather，inmypresence，askedhisadviceaboutthebestmannerofstartingmeinlife，withduecredittomyconnectionsandsufficientadvantagetomyself。
　　"Listentomyexperience，"saidoureccentricfriend，"and，ifyouareawiseman，youwillmakeupyourmindassoonasyouhaveheardme。Ihavethreesons。IbroughtmyeldestsonuptotheChurch；heissaidtobegettingonadmirably，andhecostsmethreehundredayear。IbroughtmysecondsonuptotheBar；
　　heissaidtobegettingonadmirably，andhecostsmefourhundredayear。Ibroughtmythirdsonupto_Quadrilles_——hehasmarriedanheiress，andhecostsmenothing。”
　　Ah，me!ifthatworthysage'sadvicehadonlybeenfollowed——ifI
　　hadbeenbroughtuptoQuadrilles!——ifIhadonlybeencastlooseontheballroomsofLondon，toqualifyunderHymen，foragoldendegree!Oh!youyoungladieswithmoney，Iwasfivefeetteninmystockings；Iwasgreatatsmall-talkanddancing；Ihadglossywhiskers，curlinglocks，andarichvoice!Yegirlswithgoldenguineas，yenymphswithcrispbank-notes，mournoverthehusbandyouhavelostamongyou——overtheRoguewhohasbrokenthelawswhich，asthepartnerofalandedorfund-holdingwoman，hemighthavehelpedtomakeonthebenchesoftheBritishParliament!Oh!
　　yehearthsandhomessungaboutinsomanysongs——writtenaboutinsomanybooks——shoutedaboutinsomanyspeeches，withaccompanimentofsomuchloudcheering:whatasettleronthehearth-rug；whatapossessorofproperty；whatabringer-upofafamily，wassnatchedawayfromyou，whenthesonofDr。SoftlywaslosttotheprofessionofQuadrilles!
　　Itendedinmyresigningmyselftothemisfortuneofbeingadoctor。
　　IfIwasaverygoodboyandtookpains，andcarefullymixedinthebestsociety，Imighthopeinthecourseofyearstosucceedtomyfather'sbrougham，fashionably-situatedhouse，andclumsyandexpensivefootman。Therewasaprospectforaladofspirit，withthebloodoftheearlyMalkinshawswhowereRoguesofgreatcapacityanddistinctioninthefeudaltimescoursingadventurousthrougheveryvein!Ilookbackonmycareer，andwhenIrememberthepatiencewithwhichIacceptedamedicaldestiny，Iappeartomyselfinthelightofahero。Nay，Ievenwentbeyondthepassivevirtueofacceptingmydestiny——I
　　actuallystudied，Imadetheacquaintanceoftheskeleton，Iwasonfriendlytermswiththemuscularsystem，andthemysteriesofPhysiologydroppedinonmeinthekindestmannerwhenevertheyhadaneveningtospare。
　　Eventhiswasnottheworstofit。Idislikedtheabstrusestudiesofmynewprofession；butIabsolutelyhatedthediurnalslaveryofqualifyingmyself，inasocialpointofview，forfuturesuccessinit。Myfondmedicalparentinsistedonintroducingmetohiswholeconnection。Iwentroundvisitingintheneatbrougham——withastethoscopeandmedicalreviewinthefront-pocket，withDoctorSoftlybymyside，keepinghisfacewellinviewatthewindow——tocanvassforpatients，inthecharacterofmyfather'shopefulsuccessor。NeverhaveIbeensoillateaseinprison。
　　Iwasinthatcarriage。IhavefeltmoreathomeinthedocksuchisthenaturaldepravityandperversityofmydispositionthaneverIfeltinthedrawing-roomsofmyfather'sdistinguishedpatronsandrespectablefriends。Nordidmymiseriesendwiththemorningcalls。Iwascommandedtoattendalldinner-parties，andtomakemyselfagreeableatallballs。Thedinnersweretheworsttrial。
　　Sometimes，indeed，wecontrivedtogetourselvesaskedtothehousesofhighandmightyentertainers，whereweatethefinestFrenchdishesanddranktheoldestvintages，andfortifiedourselvessensiblyandsnuglyinthatwayagainstthefrigidityofthecompany。OftheserepastsIhavenohardwordstosay；itisofthedinnerswegaveourselves，andofthedinnerswhichpeopleinourrankoflifegavetous，thatInowbitterlycomplain。
　　Haveyoueverobservedtheremarkableadherencetosetformsofspeechwhichcharacterizesthetalkersofarrantnonsense!
　　Preciselythesamesheepishfollowingofonegivenexampledistinguishestheorderingofgenteeldinners。
　　Whenwegaveadinnerathome，wehadgravysoup，turbotandlobster-sauce，haunchofmutton，boiledfowlsandtongue，lukewarmoyster-pattiesandstickycurryforside-dishes；wildduck，cabinet-pudding，jelly，creamandtartlets。Allexcellentthings，exceptwhenyouhavetoeatthemcontinually。Weliveduponthementirelyintheseason。Everyoneofourhospitablefriendsgaveusareturndinner，whichwasaperfectcopyofours——justasourswasaperfectcopyoftheirs，lastyear。Theyboiledwhatweboiled，andweroastedwhattheyroasted。Wenoneofuseverchangedthesuccessionofthecourses——ormademoreorlessofthem——oralteredthepositionofthefowlsoppositethemistressandthehaunchoppositethemaster。
　　Mystomachusedtoquailwithinme，inthosetimes，whenthetureenwastakenoffandtheinevitablegravy-soupsmellreneweditsdailyacquaintancewithmynostrils，andwarnedmeofthepersistenteatableformalitiesthatwerecertaintofollow。Isupposethathonestpeople，whohaveknownwhatitistogetnodinnerbeingaRogue，Ihavemyselfneverwantedforone，havegonethroughsomeveryacutesufferingunderthatprivation。Itmaybesomeconsolationtothemtoknowthat，nexttoabsolutestarvation，thesamecompany-dinner，everyday，isoneofthehardesttrialsthatassailhumanendurance。Idatemyfirstseriousdeterminationtothrowoverthemedicalprofessionattheearliestconvenientopportunity，fromthesecondseason'sseriesofdinnersatwhichmyaspirations，asarisingphysician，unavoidablyandregularlycondemnedmetobepresent。
　　CHAPTERII。
　　THEopportunityIwantedpresenteditselfinacuriousway，andled，unexpectedlyenough，tosomeratherimportantconsequences。
　　Ihavealreadystated，amongtheotherbranchesofhumanattainmentwhichIacquiredatthepublicschool，thatIlearnedtodrawcaricaturesofthemasterswhoweresoobligingastoeducateme。Ihadanaturalfacultyforthisusefuldepartmentofart。IimproveditgreatlybypracticeinsecretafterIleftschool，andIendedbymakingitasourceofprofitandpocketmoneytomewhenIenteredthemedicalprofession。WhatwasItodo？Icouldnotexpectforyearstomakeahalfpenny，asaphysician。Mygenteelwalkinlifeledmeawayfromallimmediatesourcesofemolument，andmyfathercouldonlyaffordtogivemeanallowancewhichwastoopreposterouslysmalltobementioned。
　　Ihadhelpedmyselfsurreptitiouslytopocket-moneyatschool，bysellingmycaricatures，andIwasobligedtorepeattheprocessathome!
　　AtthetimeofwhichIwrite，theArtofCaricaturewasjustapproachingthecloseofitscoloredandmostextravagantstageofdevelopment。ThesubtletyandtruthtoNaturerequiredforthepursuitofitnow，hadhardlybeguntobethoughtofthen。Sheerfarceandcoarseburlesque，withplentyofcolorforthemoney，stillmadeupthesumofwhatthepublicofthosedayswanted。I
　　wasfirstassuredofmycapacityfortheproductionoftheserequisites，byamedicalfriendoftheripecriticalageofnineteen。Heknewaprint-publisher，andenthusiasticallyshowedhimaportfoliofullofmysketches，takingcareatmyrequestnottomentionmyname。RathertomysurpriseforIwastooconceitedtobegreatlyamazedbythecircumstance，thepublisherpickedoutafewofthebestofmywares，andboldlyboughtthemofme——ofcourse，athisownprice。
　　FromthattimeI
　　became，inananonymousway，oneoftheyoungbuccaneersofBritishCaricature；cruisingabouthere，thereandeverywhere，atallmyintervalsofsparetime，foranyprizeintheshapeofasubjectwhichitwaspossibletopickup。Littledidmyhighly-connectedmotherthinkthat，amongthecoloredprintsintheshop-window，whichdisrespectfullyillustratedthepublicandprivateproceedingsofdistinguishedindividuals，certainspecimensbearingtheclassicsignatureof"ThersitesJunior，"
　　wereproducedfromdesignsfurnishedbyherstudiousandmedicalson。Littledidmyrespectablefatherimaginewhen，withgreatdifficultyandvexation，hesucceededingettingmenowandthensmuggled，alongwithhimself，insidethepaleoffashionablesociety——thathewashelpingmetostudylikenesseswhichweredestinedundermyrecklesstreatmenttomakethepubliclaughatsomeofhismostaugustpatrons，andtofillthepocketsofhissonwithprofessionalfees，neveroncedreamedofinhisphilosophy。
　　FormorethanayearImanaged，unsuspected，tokeepthePrivyPursefairlysuppliedbytheexerciseofmycaricaturingabilities。Butthedayofdetectionwastocome。
　　Whethermymedicalfriend'sadmirationofmysatiricalsketchesledhimintotalkingabouttheminpublicwithtoolittlereserve；orwhethertheservantsathomefoundprivatemeansofwatchingmeinmymomentsofArt-study，Iknownot:butthatsomeonebetrayedme，andthatthediscoveryofmyillicitmanufactureofcaricatureswasactuallycommunicatedeventothegrandmotherlyheadandfountofthefamilyhonor，isamostcertainandlamentablematteroffact。OnemorningmyfatherreceivedaletterfromLadyMalkinshawherself，informinghim，inahandwritingcrookedwithpoignantgrief，andblottedateverythirdwordbytheviolenceofvirtuousindignation，that"ThersitesJunior"washisownson，andthat，inoneofthelastofthe"ribald's"caricaturesherownvenerablefeatureswereunmistakablyrepresentedasbelongingtothebodyofalargeowl!
　　Ofcourse，Ilaidmyhandonmyheartandindignantlydeniedeverything。Useless。Myoriginalmodelfortheowlhadgotproofsofmyguiltthatwerenottoberesisted。
　　Thedoctor，ordinarilythemostmellifluousandself-possessedofmen，flewintoaviolent，roaring，cursingpassion，onthisoccasion——declaredthatIwasimperilingthehonorandstandingofthefamily——insistedonmyneverdrawinganothercaricature，eitherforpublicorprivatepurposes，aslongasIlived；andorderedmetogoforthwithandaskpardonofLadyMalkinshawinthehumblesttermsthatitwaspossibletoselect。IanswereddutifullythatIwasquitereadytoobey，ontheconditionthatheshouldreimbursemebyatrebledallowanceforwhatIshouldlosebygivinguptheArtofCaricature，orthatLadyMalkinshawshouldconferonmetheappointmentofphysician-in-waitingonher，withahandsomesalaryattached。Theseextremelymoderatestipulationssoincreasedmyfather'sanger，thatheasserted，withanunmentionablyvulgaroath，hisresolutiontoturnmeoutofdoorsifIdidnotdoashebidme，withoutdaringtohintatanyconditionswhatsoever。Ibowed，andsaidthatIwouldsavehimtheexertionofturningmeoutofdoors，bygoingofmyownaccord。Heshookhisfistatme；afterwhichitobviouslybecamemyduty，asamemberofagentlemanlyandpeacefulprofession，toleavetheroom。ThesameeveningIleftthehouse，andIhaveneveroncegiventheclumsyandexpensivefootmanthetroubleofansweringthedoortomesincethattime。
　　Ihavereasontobelievethatmyexodusfromhomewas，onthewhole，favorablyviewedbymymother，astendingtoremoveanypossibilityofmybadcharacterandconductinterferingwithmysister'sadvancementinlife。
　　Bydintofanglingwithgreatdexterityandpatience，underthedirectionofbothherparents，myhandsomesisterAnnabellahadsucceededincatchinganeligiblehusband，intheshapeofawizen，miserly，mahogany-coloredman，turnedfifty，whohadmadeafortuneintheWestIndies。HisnamewasBatterbury；hehadbeendriedupunderatropicalsun，soastolookasifhewouldkeepforages；hehadtwosubjectsofconversation，theyellow-feverandtheadvantageofwalkingexercise:andhewasbarbarianenoughtotakeaviolentdisliketome。Hehadprovedaverydelicatefishtohook；and，evenwhenAnnabellahadcaughthim，myfatherandmotherhadgreatdifficultyinlandinghim——principally，theyweregoodenoughtosay，inconsequenceofmypresenceonthescene。Hencethedecidedadvantageofmyremovalfromhome。Itisaverypleasantreflectiontome，now，torememberhowdisinterestedlyIstudiedthegoodofmyfamilyinthoseearlydays。
　　Abandonedentirelytomyownresources，Inaturallyreturnedtothebusinessofcaricaturingwithrenewedardor。
　　AboutthistimeThersitesJuniorreallybegantomakesomethinglikeareputation，andtowalkabroadhabituallywithabank-notecomfortablylodgedamongtheotherpapersinhispocketbook。ForayearIlivedagayandgloriouslifeinsomeofthefreestsocietyinLondon；attheendofthattime，mytradesmen，withoutanyprovocationonmypart，sentintheirbills。Ifoundmyselfintheveryabsurdpositionofhavingnomoneytopaythem，andtoldthemallsowiththefranknesswhichisoneofthebestsidesofmycharacter。Theyreceivedmyadvancestowardabetterunderstandingwithbrutalincivility，andtreatedmesoonafterwardwithawantofconfidencewhichImayforgive，butcanneverforget。Oneday，adirtystrangertouchedmeontheshoulder，andshowedmeadirtyslipofpaperwhichIatfirstpresumedtobehiscard。BeforeIcouldtellhimwhatavulgardocumentitlookedlike，twomoredirtystrangersputmeintoahackneycoach。BeforeIcouldprovetothemthatthisproceedingwasagrossinfringementonthelibertiesoftheBritishsubject，Ifoundmyselflodgedwithinthewallsofaprison。
　　Well!andwhatofthat？WhoamIthatIshouldobjecttobeinginprison，whensomanyoftheroyalpersonagesandillustriouscharactersofhistoryhavebeentherebeforeme？CanInotcarryonmyvocationingreatercomfortherethanIcouldinmyfather'shouse？HaveIanyanxietiesoutsidethesewalls？No:formybelovedsisterismarried——thefamilynethaslandedMr。
　　Batterburyatlast。No:forIreadinthepapertheotherday，thatDoctorSoftlydoubtlessthroughtheinterestofLadyMalkinshawhasbeenappointedtheKing's-Barber-Surgeon's-Deputy-ConsultingPhysician。Myrelativesarecomfortableintheirsphere——letmeproceedforthwithtomakemyselfcomfortableinmine。Pen，ink，andpaper，ifyouplease，Mr。Jailer:Iwishtowritetomyesteemedpublisher。
　　"DEARSIR——PleaseadvertiseaseriesoftwelveRacyPrints，frommyfertilepencil，entitled，'ScenesofModernPrisonLife，'byThersitesJunior。Thetwofirstdesignswillbereadybytheendoftheweek，tobepaidforondelivery，accordingtothetermssettledbetweenusformypreviouspublicationsofthesamesize。
　　"Withgreatregardandesteem，faithfullyyours，FRANKSOFTLY。”
　　Havingthusprovidedformysupportinprison，Iwasenabledtointroducemyselftomyfellow-debtors，andtostudycharacterforthenewseriesofprints，ontheveryfirstdayofmyincarceration，withmymindquiteatease。
　　Ifthereaderdesirestomakeacquaintancewiththeassociatesofmycaptivity，Imustreferhimto"ScenesofModernPrisonLife，"
　　byThersitesJunior，nowdoubtlessextremelyscarce，butproducibletothedemandsofpatienceandperseverance，Ishouldimagine，ifanybodywillbesoobligingastopassaweekorsooverthecatalogueoftheBritishMuseum。MyfertilepencilhasdelineatedthecharactersImetwith，atthatperiodofmylife，withaforceanddistinctnesswhichmypencannothopetorival——hasportrayedthemallmoreorlessprominently，withtheonesolitaryexceptionofaprisonercalledGentlemanJones。ThereasonswhyIexcludedhimfrommyportrait-galleryaresohonorabletobothofus，thatImustaskpermissionbrieflytorecordthem。
　　Myfellow-captivessoondiscoveredthatIwasstudyingtheirpersonalpeculiaritiesformyownadvantageandforthepublicamusement。Somethoughtthethingagoodjoke；someobjectedtoit，andquarreledwithme。Liberalityinthematterofliquorandsmallloans，reconciledalargeproportionoftheobjectorstotheirfate；thesulkyminorityItreatedwithcontempt，andscourgedavenginglywiththesmartlashofcaricature。IwasatthattimeprobablythemostimpudentmanofmyageinallEngland，andthecommonflockofjail-birdsquailedbeforethemagnificenceofmyassurance。Oneprisoneronlysetmeandmypencilsuccessfullyatdefiance。ThatprisonerwasGentlemanJones。
　　Hehadreceivedhisnamefromthesuavityofhiscountenance，theinveteratepolitenessofhislanguage，andtheunassailablecomposureofhismanner。Hewasintheprimeoflife，butverybald——hadbeeninthearmyandthecoaltrade——woreverystiffcollarsandprodigiouslylongwristbands——seldomlaughed，buttalkedwithremarkableglibness，andwasneverknowntolosehistemperunderthemostaggravatingcircumstancesofprisonexistence。
　　Heabstainedfrominterferingwithmeandmystudies，untilitwasreportedinoursociety，thatinthesixthprintofmyseries，GentlemanJones，highlycaricatured，wastoformoneoftheprincipalfigures。Hethenappealedtomepersonallyandpublicly，ontheracket-ground，inthefollowingterms:
　　"Sir，"saidhe，withhisusualpolitenessandhisunwaveringsmile，"youwillgreatlyobligemebynotcaricaturingmypersonalpeculiarities。Iamsounfortunateasnottopossessasenseofhumor；andifyoudidmylikeness，IamafraidIshouldnotseethejokeofit。”
　　"Sir，"Ireturned，withmycustomaryimpudence，"itisnotoftheslightestimportancewhether_you_seethejokeofitornot。Thepublicwill——andthatisenoughforme。”
　　Withthatcivilspeech，Iturnedonmyheel；andtheprisonersnearallburstoutlaughing。GentlemanJones，notintheleastalteredorruffled，smootheddownhiswristbands，smiled，andwalkedaway。
　　ThesameeveningIwasinmyroomalone，designingthenewprint，whentherecameaknockatthedoor，andGentlemanJoneswalkedin。Igotup，andaskedwhatthedevilhewanted。Hesmiled，andturneduphislongwristbands。
　　"Onlytogiveyoualessoninpoliteness，"saidGentlemanJones。
　　"Whatdoyoumean，sir？Howdareyou——？"
　　Theanswerwasasmartslapontheface。Iinstantlystruckoutinastateoffury——wasstoppedwithgreatneatness——andreceivedinreturnablowonthehead，whichsentmedownonthecarpethalfstunned，andtoogiddytoknowthedifferencebetweenthefloorandtheceiling。
　　"Sir，"saidGentlemanJones，smoothingdownhiswristbandsagain，andaddressingmeblandlyasIlayonthefloor，"Ihavethehonortoinformyouthatyouhavenowreceivedyourfirstlessoninpoliteness。Alwaysbeciviltothosewhoareciviltoyou。Thelittlematterofthecaricaturewewillsettleonafutureoccasion。Iwishyougood-evening。”
　　Thenoiseofmyfallhadbeenheardbytheotheroccupantsofroomsonmylanding。Mostfortunatelyformydignity，theydidnotcomeintoseewhatwasthematteruntilIhadbeenabletogetintomychairagain。Whentheyentered，Ifeltthattheimpressionoftheslapwasredonmyfacestill，butthemarkoftheblowwashiddenbymyhair。Underthesefortunatecircumstances，Iwasabletokeepupmycharacteramongmyfriends，whentheyinquiredaboutthescuffle，byinformingthemthatGentlemanJoneshadaudaciouslyslappedmyface，andthatI
　　hadbeenobligedtoretaliatebyknockinghimdown。Mywordintheprisonwasasgoodashis；andifmyversionofthestorygotfairlythestartofhis，Ihadthebetterchanceofthetwoofbeingbelieved。
　　Iwasratheranxious，thenextday，toknowwhatcoursemypoliteandpugilisticinstructorwouldtake。Tomyutteramazement，hebowedtomeascivillyasusualwhenwemetintheyard；heneverdeniedmyversionofthestory；andwhenmyfriendslaughedathimasathrashedman，hetooknottheslightestnoticeoftheiragreeablemerriment。Antiquity，Ithink，furnishesuswithfewmoreremarkablecharactersthanGentlemanJones。
　　ThateveningIthoughtitdesirabletoinviteafriendtopassthetimewithme。Aslongasmyliquorlastedhestopped；whenitwasgone，hewentaway。Iwasjustlockingthedoorafterhim，whenitwaspushedopengently，butveryfirmly，andGentlemanJoneswalkedin。
　　Mypride，whichhadnotallowedmetoapplyforprotectiontotheprisonauthorities，wouldnotallowmenowtocallforhelp。I
　　triedtogettothefireplaceandarmmyselfwiththepoker，butGentlemanJoneswastooquickforme。"Ihavecome，sir，togiveyoualessoninmoralityto-night，"hesaid；andupwenthisrighthand。
　　Istoppedthepreliminaryslap，butbeforeIcouldhithim，histerribleleftfistreachedmyheadagain；anddownIfelloncemore——uponthehearth-rugthistime——notover-heavily。
　　"Sir，"saidGentlemanJones，makingmeabow，"youhavenowreceivedyourfirstlessoninmorality。Alwaysspeakthetruth；
　　andneversaywhatisfalseofanothermanbehindhisback。
　　To-morrow，withyourkindpermission，wewillfinallysettletheadjournedquestionofthecaricature。Good-night。”
　　Iwasfartoosensibleamantoleavethesettlingofthatquestiontohim。ThefirstthinginthemorningIsentapolitenotetoGentlemanJones，informinghimthatIhadabandonedallideaofexhibitinghislikenesstothepublicinmyseriesofprints，andgivinghimfullpermissiontoinspecteverydesignI
　　madebeforeitwentoutoftheprison。Ireceivedamostcivilanswer，thankingmeformycourtesy，andcomplimentingmeontheextraordinaryaptitudewithwhichIprofitedbythemostincompleteandelementaryinstruction。IthoughtIdeservedthecompliment，andIthinksostill。Ourconduct，asIhavealreadyintimated，washonorabletous，oneitherside。ItwashonorableattentiononthepartofGentlemanJonestocorrectmewhenIwasinerror；itwashonorablecommonsenseinmetoprofitbythecorrection。Ihaveneverseenthisgreatmansincehecompoundedwithhiscreditorsandgotoutofprison；butmyfeelingstowardhimarestillthoseofprofoundgratitudeandrespect。HegavemetheonlyusefulteachingIeverhad；andifthisshouldmeettheeyeofGentlemanJonesIherebythankhimforbeginningandendingmyeducationintwoevenings，withoutcostingmeormyfamilyasinglefarthing。
　　CHAPTERIII。
　　Toreturntomybusinessaffairs。WhenIwascomfortablysettledintheprison，andknewexactlywhatIowed，Ithoughtitmydutytomyfathertogivehimthefirstchanceofgettingmeout。HisanswertomylettercontainedaquotationfromShakespeareonthesubjectofthanklesschildren，butnoremittanceofmoney。Afterthat，myonlycoursewastoemployalawyerandbedeclaredabankrupt。Iwasmostuncivillytreated，andremandedtwoorthreetimes。WheneverythingIpossessedhadbeensoldforthebenefitofmycreditors，Iwasreprimandedandletout。Itispleasanttothinkthat，eventhen，myfaithinmyselfandinhumannaturewasstillnotshaken。
　　Abouttendaysbeforemyliberation，Iwasthunderstruckatreceivingavisitfrommysister'smahogany-coloredhusband，Mr。
　　Batterbury。WhenIwasrespectablysettledathome，thisgentlemanwouldnotsomuchaslookatmewithoutafrown；andnow，whenIwasascamp，inprison，hemercifullyandfraternallycametocondolewithmeonmymisfortunes。Alittledexterousquestioningdisclosedthesecretofthisprodigiouschangeinourrelationstowardeachother，andinformedmeofafamilyeventwhichalteredmypositiontowardmysisterinthemostwhimsicalmanner。
　　WhileIwasbeingremovedtothebankruptcycourt，myuncleinthesoapandcandletradewasbeingremovedtotheotherworld。
　　Hiswilltooknonoticeofmyfatherormymother；buthelefttomysisteralwayssupposedtobehisfavoriteinthefamilyamostextraordinarylegacyofpossiblepin-money，intheshapeofacontingentreversiontothesumofthreethousandpounds，payableonthedeathofLadyMalkinshaw，providedIsurvivedher。
　　WhetherthisdocumentsprangintoexistenceoutofanyofhisinvolvedmoneytransactionswithhismotherwasmorethanMr。
　　Batterburycouldtell。Icouldascertainnothinginrelationtoit，exceptthatthebequestwasaccompaniedbysomecynicalremarks，totheeffectthatthetestatorwouldfeelhappyifhislegacywereinstrumentalinrevivingthedormantinterestofonlyonememberofDoctorSoftly'sfamilyinthefortunesofthehopefulyounggentlemanwhohadrunawayfromhome。Myesteemeduncleevidentlyfeltthathecouldnotincommondecencyavoiddoingsomethingforhissister'sfamily；andhehaddoneitaccordinglyinthemostmaliciousandmischievousmanner。Thiswascharacteristicofhim；hewasjusttheman，ifhehadnotpossessedthedocumentbefore，tohavehaditdrawnoutonhisdeath-bedfortheamiablepurposewhichitwasnowdevotedtoserve。
　　Herewasaprettycomplication!Herewasmysister'shandsomelegacymadedependentonmyoutlivingmygrandmother!Thiswasdivertingenough；butMr。Batterbury'sconductwasmoreamusingstill。
　　Themiserlylittlewretchnotonlytriedtoconcealhisgreedydesiretosavehisownpocketsbysecuringtheallowanceofpin-moneylefttohiswife，butabsolutelypersistedinignoringtheplainfactthathisvisittomesprangfromtheseriouspecuniaryinterestwhichheandAnnabellanowhadinthelifeandhealthofyourhumbleservant。ImadeallthenecessaryjokesaboutthestrengthofthevitalprincipleinLadyMalkinshaw，andthebrokenconditionofmyownconstitution；buthesolemnlyabstainedfromunderstandingoneofthem。Heresolutelykeptupappearancesintheveryfaceofdetection；notthefaintestshadeofredcameoverhiswickedoldmahoganyfaceashetoldmehowshockedheandhiswifewereatmypresentposition，andhowanxiousAnnabellawasthatheshouldnotforgettogivemeherlove。Tenderheartedcreature!Ihadonlybeeninprisonsixmonthswhenthatoverwhelmingtestimonyofsisterlyaffectioncametoconsolemeinmycaptivity。Ministeringangel!youshallgetyourthreethousandpounds。IamfiftyyearsyoungerthanLadyMalkinshaw，andIwilltakecareofmyself，Annabella，forthydearsake!
　　ThenexttimeIsawMr。BatterburywasonthedaywhenIatlastgotmydischarge。HewasnotwaitingtoseewhereIwasgoingnext，orwhatvitalrisksIwaslikelytorunontherecoveryofmyfreedom，buttocongratulateme，andtogivemeAnnabella'slove。Itwasaverygratifyingattention，andIsaidasmuch，intonesofthedeepestfeeling。
　　"HowisdearLadyMalkinshaw？"Iasked，whenmygratefulemotionshadsubsided。
　　Mr。Batterburyshookhisheadmournfully。"Iregrettosay，notquitesowellasherfriendscouldwish，"heanswered。"ThelasttimeIhadthepleasureofseeingherladyship，shelookedsoyellowthatifwehadbeeninJamaicaIshouldhavesaiditwasacaseofdeathintwelvehours。Irespectfullyendeavoredtoimpressuponherladyshipthenecessityofkeepingthefunctionsoftheliveractivebydailywalkingexercise；time，distance，andpacebeingregulatedwithproperregardtoherage——youunderstandme？——ofcourse，withproperregardtoherage。”
　　"Youcouldnotpossiblyhavegivenherbetteradvice，"Isaid。
　　"WhenIsawher，aslongastwoyearsago，LadyMalkinshaw'sfavoritedelusionwasthatshewasthemostactivewomanofseventy-fiveinallEngland。Sheusedtotumbledownstairstwoorthreetimesaweek，then，becausesheneverwouldallowanyonetohelpher；andcouldnotbebroughttobelievethatshewasasblindasamole，andasricketyonherlegsasachildofayearold。Nowyouhaveencouragedhertotaketowalking，shewillbemoreobstinatethanever，andissuretotumbledowndaily，outofdoorsaswellasin。NoteventhecelebratedMalkinshawtoughnesscanlastoutmorethanafewweeksofthatpractice。
　　Consideringthepresentshatteredconditionofmyconstitution，youcouldn'thavegivenherbetteradvice——uponmywordofhonor，youcouldn'thavegivenherbetteradvice!"
　　"Iamafraid，"saidMr。Batterbury，withapoweroffaceI
　　envied；"Iamafraid，mydearFrankletmecallyouFrank，thatIdon'tquiteapprehendyourmeaning:andwehaveunfortunatelynotimetoenterintoexplanations。Fivemilesherebyaroundaboutwayisonlyhalfmydailyallowanceofwalkingexercise；fivemilesbackbyaroundaboutwayremaintobenowaccomplished。Sogladtoseeyouatlibertyagain!Mindyouletusknowwhereyousettle，andtakecareofyourself；anddorecognizetheimportancetothewholeanimaleconomyofdailywalkingexercise——donow!DidIgiveyouAnnabella'slove？She'ssowell。Good-by。”
　　AwaywentMr。Batterburytofinishhiswalkforthesakeofhishealth，andawaywentItovisitmypublisherforthesakeofmypocket。
　　Anunexpecteddisappointmentawaitedme。My"ScenesofModernPrisonLife"hadnotsoldsowellashadbeenanticipated，andmypublisherwasgrufflydisinclinedtospeculateinanyfutureworksdoneinthesamestyle。Duringthetimeofmyimprisonment，anewcaricaturisthadstarted，withamannerofhisown；hehadalreadyformedanewschool，andtheficklepublicwereallrunningtogetherafterhimandhisdisciples。Isaidtomyself:
　　"Thissceneinthedramaofyourlife，myfriend，hasclosedin；
　　youmustenteronanother，ordropthecurtainatonce。”OfcourseIenteredonanother。
　　Takingleaveofmypublisher，Iwenttoconsultanartist-friendonmyfutureprospects。Isupposedmyselftobemerelyonmywaytoachangeofprofession。Asdestinyorderedit，Iwasalsoonmywaytothewomanwhowasnotonlytobetheobjectofmyfirstlove，buttheinnocentcauseofthegreatdisasterofmylife。
　　IfirstsawherinoneofthenarrowstreetsleadingfromLeicesterSquaretotheStrand。TherewassomethinginherfacedimlyvisiblebehindathickveilthatinstantlystoppedmeasIpassedher。Ilookedbackandhesitated。Herfigurewastheperfectionofmodestgrace。Iyieldedtotheimpulseofthemoment。Inplainwords，Ididwhatyouwouldhavedone，inmyplace——Ifollowedher。
　　Shelookedround——discoveredme——andinstantlyquickenedherpace。ReachingthewestwardendoftheStrand，shecrossedthestreetandsuddenlyenteredashop。
　　Ilookedthroughthewindow，andsawherspeaktoarespectableelderlypersonbehindthecounter，whodartedanindignantlookatme，andatonceledmycharmingstrangerintoabackoffice。
　　Forthemoment，Iwasfoolenoughtofeelpuzzled；itwasoutofmycharacteryouwillsay——butremember，allmenarefoolswhentheyfirstfallinlove。AfteralittlewhileIrecoveredtheuseofmysenses。Theshopwasatthecornerofasidestreet，leadingtothemarket，sinceremovedtomakeroomfortherailway。"There'sabackentrancetothehouse!"Ithoughttomyself——andrandownthesidestreet。Toolate!thelovelyfugitivehadescapedme。HadIlostherforeverinthegreatworldofLondon？Ithoughtsoatthetime。EventswillshowthatIneverwasmoremistakeninmylife。
　　Iwasinnohumortocallonmyfriend。ItwasnotuntilanotherdayhadpassedthatIsufficientlyrecoveredmycomposuretoseepovertystaringmeintheface，andtounderstandthatIhadreallynoalternativebuttoaskthegood-naturedartisttolendmeahelpinghand。