Eyes,openingfromthedarknessofdesire,eyesthatdimmedthebreakingeast。Whatwastheirlanguidgracebutthesoftnessofchambering?AndwhatwastheirshimmerbuttheshimmerofthescumthatmantledthecesspoolofthecourtofaslobberingStuart。Andhetastedinthelanguageofmemoryamberedwines,dyingfallingsofsweetairs,theproudpavan,andsawwiththeeyesofmemorykindgentlewomeninCoventGardenwooingfromtheirbalconieswithsuckingmouthsandthepox-fouledwenchesofthetavernsandyoungwivesthat,gailyyieldingtotheirravishers,clippedandclippedagain。
Theimageshehadsummonedgavehimnopleasure。Theyweresecretandinflamingbutherimagewasnotentangledbythem。Thatwasnotthewaytothinkofher。Itwasnoteventhewayinwhichhethoughtofher。Couldhismindthennottrustitself?Oldphrases,sweetonlywithadisinterredsweetnesslikethefigseedsCranlyrootedoutofhisgleamingteeth。
Itwasnotthoughtnorvisionthoughheknewvaguelythatherfigurewaspassinghomewardthroughthecity。Vaguelyfirstandthenmoresharplyhesmeltherbody。Aconsciousunrestseethedinhisblood。Yes,itwasherbodyhesmelt,awildandlanguidsmell,thetepidlimbsoverwhichhismusichadfloweddesirouslyandthesecretsoftlinenuponwhichherfleshdistilledodourandadew。
Alousecrawledoverthenapeofhisneckand,puttinghisthumbandforefingerdeftlybeneathhisloosecollar,hecaughtit。Herolleditsbody,tenderyetbrittleasagrainofrice,betweenthumbandfingerforaninstantbeforeheletitfallfromhimandwonderedwoulditliveordie。TherecametohismindacuriousphrasefromCorneliusà;LapidewhichsaidthatthelicebornofhumansweatwerenotcreatedbyGodwiththeotheranimalsonthesixthday。Buttheticklingoftheskinofhisneckmadehismindrawandred。Thelifeofhisbody,illclad,illfed,louse-eaten,madehimclosehiseyelidsinasuddenspasmofdespairandinthedarknesshesawthebrittlebrightbodiesoflicefallingfromtheairandturningoftenastheyfell。Yes,anditwasnotdarknessthatfellfromtheair。Itwasbrightness。Brightnessfallsfromtheair。HehadnotevenrememberedrightlyNash'sline。Alltheimagesithadawakenedwerefalse。Hismindbredvermin。Histhoughtswerelicebornofthesweatofsloth。
Hecamebackquicklyalongthecolonnadetowardsthegroupofstudents。
Wellthen,lethergoandbedamnedtoher!Shecouldlovesomecleanathletewhowashedhimselfeverymorningtothewaistandhadblackhaironhischest。Lether。
Cranlyhadtakenanotherdriedfigfromthesupplyinhispocketandwaseatingitslowlyandnoisily。Templesatonthepedimentofapillar,leaningback,hiscappulleddownonhissleepyeyes。Asquatyoungmancameoutoftheporch,aleatherportfoliotuckedunderhisarmpit。Hemarchedtowardsthegroup,strikingtheflagswiththeheelsofhisbootsandwiththeferruleofhisheavyumbrella。Then,raisingtheumbrellainsalute,hesaidtoall:——
Goodevening,sirs。
Hestrucktheflagsagainandtitteredwhilehisheadtrembledwithaslightnervousmovement。ThetallconsumptivestudentandDixonandO'KeeffewerespeakinginIrishanddidnotanswerhim。Then,turningtoCranly,hesaid:——
Goodevening,particularlytoyou。
Hemovedtheumbrellainindicationandtitteredagain。Cranly,whowasstillchewingthefig,answeredwithloudmovementsofhisjaws——
Good?Yes。Itisagoodevening。
Thesquatstudentlookedathimseriouslyandshookhisumbrellagentlyandreprovingly——
Icansee,hesaid,thatyouareabouttomakeobviousremarks——
Um,Cranlyanswered,holdingoutwhatremainedofthehalfchewedfigandjerkingittowardsthesquatstudent'smouthinsignthatheshouldeat。
Thesquatstudentdidnoteatitbut,indulginghisspecialhumour,saidgravely,stilltitteringandproddinghisphrasewithhisumbrella:——
Doyouintendthat?
Hebrokeoff,pointedbluntlytothemunchedpulpofthefig,andsaidloudly:——
Ialludetothat。
Um,Cranlysaidasbefore——
Doyouintendthatnow,thesquatstudentsaid,asipsofactoor,letussay,assotospeak?
Dixonturnedasidefromhisgroup,saying:——
Gogginswaswaitingforyou,Glynn。HehasgoneroundtotheAdelphitolookforyouandMoynihan。Whathaveyouthere?heasked,tappingtheportfoliounderGlynn'sarm——
Examinationpapers,Glynnanswered。Igivethemmonthlyexaminationstoseethattheyareprofitingbymytuition。
Healsotappedtheportfolioandcoughedgentlyandsmiled——
Tuition!saidCranlyrudely。Isupposeyoumeanthebarefootedchildrenthataretaughtbyabloodyapelikeyou。Godhelpthem!
Hebitofftherestofthefigandflungawaythebutt——
Isufferlittlechildrentocomeuntome,Glynnsaidamiably——
Abloodyape,Cranlyrepeatedwithemphasis,andablasphemousbloodyape!
Templestoodupand,pushingpastCranly,addressedGlynn:——
Thatphraseyousaidnow,hesaid,isfromthenewtestamentaboutsufferthechildrentocometome——
Gotosleepagain,Temple,saidO'Keeffe——
Verywell,then,Templecontinued,stilladdressingGlynn,andifJesussufferedthechildrentocomewhydoesthechurchsendthemalltohelliftheydieunbaptized?Whyisthat?——
Wereyoubaptizedyourself,Temple?theconsumptivestudentasked——
ButwhyaretheysenttohellifJesussaidtheywerealltocome?
Templesaid,hiseyessearchingGlynn'seyes。
Glynncoughedandsaidgently,holdingbackwithdifficultythenervoustitterinhisvoiceandmovinghisumbrellaateveryword:——
And,asyouremark,ifitisthus,Iaskemphaticallywhencecomesthisthusness——
Becausethechurchiscruellikealloldsinners,Templesaid——
Areyouquiteorthodoxonthatpoint,Temple?Dixonsaidsuavely——
SaintAugustinesaysthataboutunbaptizedchildrengoingtohell,Templeanswered,becausehewasacrueloldsinnertoo——
Ibowtoyou,Dixonsaid,butIhadtheimpressionthatlimboexistedforsuchcases——
Don'targuewithhim,Dixon,Cranlysaidbrutally。Don'ttalktohimorlookathim。Leadhimhomewithasuganthewayyou'dleadableatinggoat——
Limbo!Templecried。That'safineinventiontoo。Likehell——
Butwiththeunpleasantnessleftout,Dixonsaid。Heturnedsmilingtotheothersandsaid:——
IthinkIamvoicingtheopinionsofallpresentinsayingsomuch-
Youare,Glynnsaidinafirmtone。OnthatpointIrelandisunited。
Hestrucktheferruleofhisumbrellaonthestonefloorofthecolonnade——
Hell,Templesaid。IcanrespectthatinventionofthegreyspouseofSatan。HellisRoman,likethewallsoftheRomans,strongandugly。
Butwhatislimbo?——
Puthimbackintotheperambulator,Cranly,O'Keeffecalledout。
CranlymadeaswiftsteptowardsTemple,halted,stampinghisfoot,cryingasiftoafowl:——
Hoosh!
Templemovedawaynimbly——
Doyouknowwhatlimbois?hecried。DoyouknowwhatwecallanotionlikethatinRoscommon?——
Hoosh!Blastyou!Cranlycried,clappinghishands——
Neithermyarsenormyelbow!Templecriedoutscornfully。Andthat'swhatIcalllimbo——
Giveusthatstickhere,Cranlysaid。
HesnatchedtheashplantroughlyfromStephen'shandandsprangdownthesteps:butTemple,hearinghimmoveinpursuit,fledthroughthedusklikeawildcreature,nimbleandfleet-footed。Cranly'sheavybootswereheardloudlychargingacrossthequadrangleandthenreturningheavily,foiledandspurningthegravelateachstep。
HisstepwasangryandwithanangryabruptgesturehethrustthestickbackintoStephen'shand。Stephenfeltthathisangerhadanothercausebut,feigningpatience,touchedhisarmslightlyandsaidquietly:——
Cranly,ItoldyouIwantedtospeaktoyou。Comeaway。Cranlylookedathimforafewmomentsandasked:——
Now?——
Yes,now,Stephensaid。Wecan'tspeakhere。Comeaway。
Theycrossedthequadrangletogetherwithoutspeaking。ThebirdcallfromSigfriedwhistledsoftlyfollowedthemfromthestepsoftheporch。Cranlyturned,andDixon,whohadwhistled,calledout:——
Whereareyoufellowsoffto?Whataboutthatgame,Cranly?
TheyparleyedinshoutsacrossthestillairaboutagameofbilliardstobeplayedintheAdelphihotel。StephenwalkedonaloneandoutintothequietofKildareStreetoppositeMaple'shotelhestoodtowait,patientagain。Thenameofthehotel,acolourlesspolishedwood,anditscolourlessfrontstunghimlikeaglanceofpolitedisdain。Hestaredangrilybackatthesoftlylitdrawing-roomofthehotelinwhichheimaginedthesleeklivesofthepatriciansofIrelandhousedincalm。Theythoughtofarmycommissionsandlandagents:peasantsgreetedthemalongtheroadsinthecountry;theyknewthenamesofcertainFrenchdishesandgaveorderstojarviesinhigh-pitchedprovincialvoiceswhichpiercedthroughtheirskin-tightaccents。
Howcouldhehittheirconscienceorhowcasthisshadowovertheimaginationsoftheirdaughters,beforetheirsquiresbegatuponthem,thattheymightbreedaracelessignoblethantheirown?Andunderthedeepenedduskhefeltthethoughtsanddesiresoftheracetowhichhebelongedflittinglikebatsacrossthedarkcountrylanes,undertreesbytheedgesofstreamsandnearthepool-mottledbogs。AwomanhadwaitedinthedoorwayasDavinhadpassedbyatnightand,offeringhimacupofmilk,hadallbutwooedhimtoherbed;forDavinhadthemildeyesofonewhocouldbesecret。
Buthimnowoman'seyeshadwooed。
HisarmwastakeninastronggripandCranly'svoicesaid:——
Letusekego。
Theywalkedsouthwardinsilence。ThenCranlysaid:——
Thatblitheringidiot,Temple!IsweartoMoses,doyouknow,thatI'llbethedeathofthatfellowonetime。
buthisvoicewasnolongerangryandStephenwonderedwashethinkingofhergreetingtohimundertheporch。
Theyturnedtotheleftandwalkedonasbefore。WhentheyhadgoneonsoforsometimeStephensaid:——
Cranly,Ihadanunpleasantquarrelthisevening——
Withyourpeople?Cranlyasked——
Withmymother——
Aboutreligion?——
Yes,Stephenanswered。
AfterapauseCranlyasked:——
Whatageisyourmother?——
Notold,Stephensaid。Shewishesmetomakemyeasterduty——
Andwillyou?——
Iwillnot,Stephensaid——
Whynot?Cranlysaid——
Iwillnotserve,answeredStephen——
Thatremarkwasmadebefore,Cranlysaidcalmly——
Itismadebehindnow,saidStephenhotly。
CranlypressedStephen'sarm,saying:——
Goeasy,mydearman。You'reanexcitablebloodyman,doyouknow。
Helaughednervouslyashespokeand,lookingupintoStephen'sfacewithmovedandfriendlyeyes,said:——
Doyouknowthatyouareanexcitableman?——
IdaresayIam,saidStephen,laughingalso。
Theirminds,latelyestranged,seemedsuddenlytohavebeendrawncloser,onetotheother——
Doyoubelieveintheeucharist?Cranlyasked——
Idonot,Stephensaid——
Doyoudisbelievethen?——
Ineitherbelieveinitnordisbelieveinit,Stephenanswered——
Manypersonshavedoubts,evenreligiouspersons,yettheyovercomethemorputthemaside,Cranlysaid。Areyourdoubtsonthatpointtoostrong?——
Idonotwishtoovercomethem,Stephenanswered。
Cranly,embarrassedforamoment,tookanotherfigfromhispocketandwasabouttoeatitwhenStephensaid:——
Don't,please。Youcannotdiscussthisquestionwithyourmouthfullofchewedfig。
Cranlyexaminedthefigbythelightofalampunderwhichhehalted。
Thenhesmeltitwithbothnostrils,bitatinypiece,spatitoutandthrewthefigrudelyintothegutter。
Addressingitasitlay,hesaid:——
Departfromme,yecursed,intoeverlastingfire!TakingStephen'sarms,hewentonagainandsaid:——
DoyounotfearthatthosewordsmaybespokentoyouonthedayofJudgement?——
Whatisofferedmeontheotherhand?Stephenasked。Aneternityofblissinthecompanyofthedeanofstudies?——
Remember,Cranlysaid,thathewouldbeglorified——
Ay,Stephensaidsomewhatbitterly,bright,agile,impassibleand,aboveall,subtle——
Itisacuriousthing,doyouknow,Cranlysaiddispassionately,howyourmindissupersaturatedwiththereligioninwhichyousayyoudisbelieve。Didyoubelieveinitwhenyouwereatschool?Ibetyoudid——
Idid,Stephenanswered——
Andwereyouhappierthen?Cranlyaskedsoftly,happierthanyouarenow,forinstance?——
Oftenhappy,Stephensaid,andoftenunhappy。Iwassomeoneelsethen——
Howsomeoneelse?Whatdoyoumeanbythatstatement?——
Imean,saidStephen,thatIwasnotmyselfasIamnow,asIhadtobecome——
Notasyouarenow,notasyouhadtobecome,Cranlyrepeated。Letmeaskyouaquestion。Doyouloveyourmother?
Stephenshookhisheadslowly——
Idon'tknowwhatyourwordsmean,hesaidsimply——
Haveyouneverlovedanyone?Cranlyasked——
Doyoumeanwomen?——
Iamnotspeakingofthat,Cranlysaidinacoldertone。Iaskyouifyoueverfeltlovetowardsanyoneoranything?
Stephenwalkedonbesidehisfriend,staringgloomilyatthefootpath——
ItriedtoloveGod,hesaidatlength。ItseemsnowIfailed。Itisverydifficult。ItriedtounitemywillwiththewillofGodinstantbyinstant。InthatIdidnotalwaysfail。Icouldperhapsdothatstill——
Cranlycuthimshortbyasking:——
Hasyourmotherhadahappylife?——
HowdoIknow?Stephensaid——
Howmanychildrenhadshe?——
Nineorten,Stephenanswered。Somedied——
WasyourfatherCranlyinterruptedhimselfforaninstant,andthensaid:Idon'twanttopryintoyourfamilyaffairs。Butwasyourfatherwhatiscalledwell-to-do?Imean,whenyouweregrowingup?——
Yes,Stephensaid——
Whatwashe?Cranlyaskedafterapause。
Stephenbegantoenumerategliblyhisfather'sattributes——
Amedicalstudent,anoarsman,atenor,anamateuractor,ashoutingpolitician,asmalllandlord,asmallinvestor,adrinker,agoodfellow,astory-teller,somebody'ssecretary,somethinginadistillery,atax-gatherer,abankruptandatpresentapraiserofhisownpast。
Cranlylaughed,tighteninghisgriponStephen'sarm,andsaid:——
Thedistilleryisdamngood——
Isthereanythingelseyouwanttoknow?Stephenasked——
Areyouingoodcircumstancesatpresent?——
Do,lookit?Stephenaskedbluntly——
Sothen,Cranlywentonmusingly,youwereborninthelapofluxury。
Heusedthephrasebroadlyandloudlyasheoftenusedtechnicalexpressions,asifhewishedhishearertounderstandthattheywereusedbyhimwithoutconviction——
Yourmothermusthavegonethroughagooddealofsuffering,hesaidthen。Wouldyounottrytosaveherfromsufferingmoreeveniforwouldyou?——
IfIcould,Stephensaid,thatwouldcostmeverylittle——
Thendoso,Cranlysaid。Doasshewishesyoutodo。Whatisitforyou?Youdisbelieveinit。Itisaform:nothingelse。Andyouwillsethermindatrest。
Heceasedand,asStephendidnotreply,remainedsilent。Then,asifgivingutterancetotheprocessofhisownthought,hesaid:——
Whateverelseisunsureinthisstinkingdunghillofaworldamother'sloveisnot。Yourmotherbringsyouintotheworld,carriesyoufirstinherbody。Whatdoweknowaboutwhatshefeels?Butwhatevershefeels,it,atleast,mustbereal。Itmustbe。Whatareourideasorambitions?
Play。Ideas!Why,thatbloodybleatinggoatTemplehasideas。MacCannhasideastoo。Everyjackassgoingtheroadsthinkshehasideas。
Stephen,whohadbeenlisteningtotheunspokenspeechbehindthewords,saidwithassumedcarelessness:——
Pascal,ifIrememberrightly,wouldnotsufferhismothertokisshimashefearedthecontactofhersex——
Pascalwasapig,saidCranly——
AloysiusGonzaga,Ithink,wasofthesamemind,Stephensaid——
Andhewasanotherpigthen,saidCranly——
Thechurchcallshimasaint,Stephenobjected-
Idon'tcareaflamingdamnwhatanyonecallshim,Cranlysaidrudelyandflatly。Icallhimapig。
Stephen,preparingthewordsneatlyinhismind,continued:——
Jesus,too,seemstohavetreatedhismotherwithscantcourtesyinpublicbutSuarez,ajesuittheologianandSpanishgentleman,hasapologizedforhim——
Didtheideaeveroccurtoyou,Cranlyasked,thatJesuswasnotwhathepretendedtobe?——
Thefirstpersontowhomthatideaoccurred,Stephenanswered,wasJesushimself——
Imean,Cranlysaid,hardeninginhisspeech,didtheideaeveroccurtoyouthathewashimselfaconscioushypocrite,whathecalledthejewsofhistime,awhitedsepulchre?Or,toputitmoreplainly,thathewasablackguard?——
Thatideaneveroccurredtome,Stephenanswered。ButIamcurioustoknowareyoutryingtomakeaconvertofmeorapervertofyourself?
Heturnedtowardshisfriend'sfaceandsawtherearawsmilewhichsomeforceofwillstrovetomakefinelysignificant。
Cranlyaskedsuddenlyinaplainsensibletone:——
Tellmethetruth。WereyouatallshockedbywhatIsaid?——
Somewhat,Stephensaid——
Andwhywereyoushocked,Cranlypressedoninthesametone,ifyoufeelsurethatourreligionisfalseandthatJesuswasnotthesonofGod?——
Iamnotatallsureofit,Stephensaid。HeismorelikeasonofGodthanasonofMary——
Andisthatwhyyouwillnotcommunicate,Cranlyasked,becauseyouarenotsureofthattoo,becauseyoufeelthatthehost,too,maybethebodyandbloodofthesonofGodandnotawaferofbread?Andbecauseyoufearthatitmaybe?——
Yes,Stephensaidquietly,IfeelthatandIalsofearit——
Isee,Cranlysaid。
Stephen,struckbyhistoneofclosure,reopenedthediscussionatoncebysaying:——
Ifearmanythings:dogs,horses,fire-arms,thesea,thunder-storms,machinery,thecountryroadsatnight——
Butwhydoyoufearabitofbread?——
Iimagine,Stephensaid,thatthereisamalevolentrealitybehindthosethingsIsayIfear——
Doyoufearthen,Cranlyasked,thattheGodoftheRomancatholicswouldstrikeyoudeadanddamnyouifyoumadeasacrilegiouscommunion?——
TheGodoftheRomancatholicscoulddothatnow,Stephensaid。I
fearmorethanthatthechemicalactionwhichwouldbesetupinmysoulbyafalsehomagetoasymbolbehindwhicharemassedtwentycenturiesofauthorityandveneration——
Wouldyou,Cranlyasked,inextremedanger,committhatparticularsacrilege?Forinstance,ifyoulivedinthepenaldays?——
Icannotanswerforthepast,Stephenreplied。Possiblynot——
Then,saidCranly,youdonotintendtobecomeaprotestant?——
IsaidthatIhadlostthefaith,Stephenanswered,butnotthatIhadlostself-respect。Whatkindofliberationwouldthatbetoforsakeanabsurditywhichislogicalandcoherentandtoembraceonewhichisillogicalandincoherent?
TheyhadwalkedontowardsthetownshipofPembrokeandnow,astheywentonslowlyalongtheavenues,thetreesandthescatteredlightsinthevillassoothedtheirminds。Theairofwealthandreposediffusedaboutthemseemedtocomforttheirneediness。Behindahedgeoflaurelalightglimmeredinthewindowofakitchenandthevoiceofaservantwasheardsingingasshesharpenedknives。Shesang,inshortbrokenbars:RosieO'Grady。Cranlystoppedtolisten,saying:——Muliercantat。ThesoftbeautyoftheLatinwordtouchedwithanenchantingtouchthedarkoftheevening,withatouchfainterandmorepersuadingthanthetouchofmusicorofawoman'shand。Thestrifeoftheirmindswasquelled。
Thefigureofawomanassheappearsintheliturgyofthechurchpassedsilentlythroughthedarkness:awhite-robedfigure,smallandslenderasaboy,andwithafallinggirdle。Hervoice,frailandhighasaboy's,washeardintoningfromadistantchoirthefirstwordsofawomanwhichpiercethegloomandclamourofthefirstchantingofthepassion:EttucumJesuGalilaeoeras。Andallheartsweretouchedandturnedtohervoice,shininglikeayoungstar,shiningclearerasthevoiceintonedthepro-paroxytoneandmorefaintlyasthecadencedied。
Thesingingceased。Theywentontogether,Cranlyrepeatinginstronglystressedrhythmtheendoftherefrain:Andwhenwearemarried,O,howhappywe'llbeForIlovesweetRosieO'GradyAndRosieO'Gradylovesme——There'srealpoetryforyou,hesaid。There'sreallove。
HeglancedsidewaysatStephenwithastrangesmileandsaid:——
Doyouconsiderthatpoetry?Ordoyouknowwhatthewordsmean?——
IwanttoseeRosiefirst,saidStephen——
She'seasytofind,Cranlysaid。
Hishathadcomedownonhisforehead。HeshoveditbackandintheshadowofthetreesStephensawhispaleface,framedbythedark,andhislargedarkeyes。Yes。Hisfacewashandsomeandhisbodywasstrongandhard。Hehadspokenofamother'slove。Hefeltthenthesufferingsofwomen,theweaknessesoftheirbodiesandsouls;andwouldshieldthemwithastrongandresolutearmandbowhismindtothem。
Awaythen:itistimetogo。AvoicespokesoftlytoStephen'slonelyheart,biddinghimgoandtellinghimthathisfriendshipwascomingtoanend。Yes;hewouldgo。Hecouldnotstriveagainstanother。Heknewhispart——
ProbablyIshallgoaway,hesaid——
Where?Cranlyasked——
WhereIcan,Stephensaid——
Yes,Cranlysaid。Itmightbedifficultforyoutoliveherenow。
Butisitthatmakesyougo?——
Ihavetogo,Stephenanswered——
Because,Cranlycontinued,youneednotlookuponyourselfasdrivenawayifyoudonotwishtogoorasahereticoranoutlaw。Therearemanygoodbelieverswhothinkasyoudo。Wouldthatsurpriseyou?Thechurchisnotthestonebuildingnoreventheclergyandtheirdogmas。Itisthewholemassofthosebornintoit。Idon'tknowwhatyouwishtodoinlife。
IsitwhatyoutoldmethenightwewerestandingoutsideHarcourtStreetstation?——
Yes,Stephensaid,smilinginspiteofhimselfatCranly'swayofrememberingthoughtsinconnexionwithplaces。ThenightyouspenthalfanhourwranglingwithDohertyabouttheshortestwayfromSallygaptoLarras——
Pothead!Cranlysaidwithcalmcontempt。WhatdoesheknowaboutthewayfromSallygaptoLarras?Orwhatdoesheknowaboutanythingforthatmatter?Andthebigslobberingwashing-potheadofhim!
Hebrokeintoaloudlonglaugh——
Well?Stephensaid。Doyouremembertherest?
Whatyousaid,isit?Cranlyasked。Yes,Irememberit。Todiscoverthemodeoflifeorofartwherebyyourspiritcouldexpressitselfinunfetteredfreedom。
Stephenraisedhishatinacknowledgement——
Freedom!Cranlyrepeated。Butyouarenotfreeenoughyettocommitasacrilege。Tellmewouldyourob?——
Iwouldbegfirst,Stephensaid——
Andifyougotnothing,wouldyourob?——
Youwishmetosay,Stephenanswered,thattherightsofpropertyareprovisional,andthatincertaincircumstancesitisnotunlawfultorob。Everyonewouldactinthatbelief。SoIwillnotmakeyouthatanswer。
Applytothejesuittheologian,JuanMarianadeTalavera,whowillalsoexplaintoyouinwhatcircumstancesyoumaylawfullyKillyourKingandwhetheryouhadbetterhandhimhispoisoninagobletorsmearitforhimuponhisrobeorhissaddlebow。AskmeratherwouldIsufferotherstorobme,oriftheydid,wouldIcalldownuponthemwhatIbelieveiscalledthechastisementoftheseculararm?——
Andwouldyou?——
Ithink,Stephensaid,itwouldpainmeasmuchtodosoastoberobbed——
Isee,Cranlysaid。
Heproducedhismatchandbegantocleanthecrevicebetweentwoteeth。
Thenhesaidcarelessly:——
Tellme,forexample,wouldyoudefloweravirgin?——
Excuseme,Stephensaidpolitely,isthatnottheambitionofmostyounggentlemen?——
Whatthenisyourpointofview?Cranlyasked。
Hislastphrase,soursmellingasthesmokeofcharcoalanddisheartening,excitedStephen'sbrain,overwhichitsfumesseemedtobrood——
Lookhere,Cranly,hesaid。YouhaveaskedmewhatIwoulddoandwhatIwouldnotdo。IwilltellyouwhatIwilldoandwhatIwillnotdo。IwillnotservethatinwhichInolongerbelieve,whetheritcallitselfmyhome,myfatherland,ormychurch:andIwilltrytoexpressmyselfinsomemodeoflifeorartasfreelyasIcanandaswhollyasIcan,usingformydefencetheonlyarmsIallowmyselftouse-silence,exile,andcunning。
CranlyseizedhisarmandsteeredhimroundsoastoleadhimbacktowardsLeesonPark。HelaughedalmostslylyandpressedStephen'sarmwithanelder'saffection——
Cunningindeed!hesaid。Isityou?Youpoorpoet,you!——
Andyoumademeconfesstoyou,Stephensaid,thrilledbyhistouch,asIhaveconfessedtoyousomanyotherthings,haveInot?——
Yes,mychild,Cranlysaid,stillgaily——
YoumademeconfessthefearsthatIhave。ButIwilltellyoualsowhatIdonotfear。IdonotfeartobealoneortobespurnedforanotherortoleavewhateverIhavetoleave。AndIamnotafraidtomakeamistake,evenagreatmistake,alifelongmistake,andperhapsaslongaseternitytoo。
Cranly,nowgraveagain,slowedhispaceandsaid:——
Alone,quitealone。Youhavenofearofthat。Andyouknowwhatthatwordmeans?Notonlytobeseparatefromallothersbuttohavenotevenonefriend——
Iwilltaketherisk,saidStephen——
Andnottohaveanyoneperson,Cranlysaid,whowouldbemorethanafriend,moreeventhanthenoblestandtruestfriendamaneverhad。
Hiswordsseemedtohavestrucksomedeepchordinhisownnature。Hadhespokenofhimself,ofhimselfashewasorwishedtobe?Stephenwatchedhisfaceforsomemomentsinsilence。Acoldsadnesswasthere。Hehadspokenofhimself,ofhisownlonelinesswhichhefeared——
Ofwhomareyouspeaking?Stephenaskedatlength。Cranlydidnotanswer。
March20。LongtalkwithCranlyonthesubjectofmyrevolt。
Hehadhisgrandmanneron。Isuppleandsuave。Attackedmeonthescoreofloveforone'smother。Triedtoimaginehismother:cannot。Toldmeonce,inamomentofthoughtlessness,hisfatherwassixty-onewhenhewasborn。Canseehim。Strongfarmertype。Pepperandsaltsuit。Squarefeet。Unkempt,grizzledbeard。Probablyattendscoursingmatches。PayshisduesregularlybutnotplentifullytoFatherDwyerofLarras。Sometimestalkstogirlsafternightfall。Buthismother?Veryyoungorveryold?
Hardlythefirst。Ifso,Cranlywouldnothavespokenashedid。Oldthen。
Probably,andneglected。HenceCranly'sdespairofsoul:thechildofexhaustedloins。
March21,morning。Thoughtthisinbedlastnightbutwastoolazyandfreetoaddtoit。Free,yes。TheexhaustedloinsarethoseofElizabethandZacchary。Thenheistheprecursor。Item:heeatschieflybellybaconanddriedfigs。Readlocustsandwildhoney。Also,whenthinkingofhim,sawalwaysasternseveredheadordeathmaskasifoutlinedonagreycurtainorveronica。Decollationtheycallitinthegold。PuzzledforthemomentbysaintJohnattheLatingate。WhatdoIsee?Adecollatedpercursortryingtopickthelock。
March21,night。Free。Soulfreeandfancyfree。Letthedeadburythedead。Ay。Andletthedeadmarrythedead。
March22。IncompanywithLynchfollowedasizeablehospitalnurse。Lynch'sidea。Dislikeit。Twoleanhungrygreyhoundswalkingafteraheifer。
March23。Havenotseenhersincethatnight。Unwell?Sitsatthefireperhapswithmamma'sshawlonhershoulders。Butnotpeevish。
Anicebowlofgruel?Won'tyounow?
March24。Beganwithadiscussionwithmymother。Subject:B。V。M。
Handicappedbymysexandyouth。ToescapehelduprelationsbetweenJesusandPapaagainstthose-betweenMaryandherson。Saidreligionwasnotalying-inhospital。Motherindulgent。SaidIhaveaqueermindandhavereadtoomuch。Nottrue。Havereadlittleandunderstoodless。ThenshesaidIwouldcomebacktofaithbecauseIhadarestlessmind。Thismeanstoleavechurchbybackdoorofsinandre-enterthroughtheskylightofrepentance。Cannotrepent。Toldhersoandaskedforsixpence。Gotthreepence。
Thenwenttocollege。Otherwranglewithlittleroundheadrogue'seyeGhezzi。ThistimeaboutBrunotheNolan。BeganinItalianandendedinpidginEnglish。HesaidBrunowasaterribleheretic。Isaidhewasterriblyburned。Heagreedtothiswithsomesorrow。Thengavemerecipeforwhathecallsrisottoallabergamasca。Whenhepronouncesasoftoheprotrudeshisfullcarnallipsasifhekissedthevowel。Hashe?Andcouldherepent?Yes,hecould:andcrytworoundrogue'stears,onefromeacheye。
CrossingStephen's,thatis,mygreen,rememberedthathiscountrymenandnotminehadinventedwhatCranlytheothernightcalledourreligion。
Aquartetofthem,soldiersoftheninety-seventhinfantryregiment,satatthefootofthecrossandtossedupdicefortheovercoatofthecrucified。
Wenttolibrary。Triedtoreadthreereviews。Useless。Sheisnotoutyet。AmIalarmed?Aboutwhat?Thatshewillneverbeoutagain。
Blakewrote:IwonderifWilliamBondwilldieForassuredlyheisveryill。Alas,poorWilliam!
IwasonceatadioramainRotunda。Attheendwerepicturesofbignobs。AmongthemWilliamEwartGladstone,justthendead。OrchestraplayedOWillie,wehavemissedyou。
Araceofclodhoppers!
March25,morning。Atroublednightofdreams。Wanttogetthemoffmychest。
Alongcurvinggallery。Fromthefloorascendpillarsofdarkvapours。
Itispeopledbytheimagesoffabulouskings,setinstone。Theirhandsarefoldedupontheirkneesintokenofwearinessandtheireyesaredarkenedfortheerrorsofmengoupbeforethemforeverasdarkvapours。
Strangefiguresadvanceasfromacave。Theyarenotastallasmen。
Onedoesnotseemtostandquiteapartfromanother。Theirfacesarephosphorescent,withdarkerstreaks。Theypeeratmeandtheireyesseemtoaskmesomething。
Theydonotspeak。
March30。ThiseveningCranlywasintheporchofthelibrary,proposingaproblemtoDixonandherbrother。AmotherletherchildfallintotheNile。Stillharpingonthemother。Acrocodileseizedthechild。
Motheraskeditback。Crocodilesaidallrightifshetoldhimwhathewasgoingtodowiththechild,eatitornoteatIt。
Thismentality,Lepiduswouldsay,isindeedbredoutofyourmudbytheoperationofyoursun。
Andmine?Isitnottoo?ThenintoNilemudwithit!
April1。Disapproveofthislastphrase。
April2。SawherdrinkingteaandeatingcakesinJohnston's,MooneyandO'Brien's。Rather,lynx-eyedLynchsawheraswepassed。HetellsmeCranlywasinvitedtherebybrother。Didhebringhiscrocodile?
Ishetheshininglightnow?Well,Idiscoveredhim。IprotestIdid。ShiningquietlybehindabushelofWicklowbran。
April3。MetDavinatthecigarshopoppositeFindlater'schurch。
Hewasinablacksweaterandhadahurleystick。AskedmewasittrueIwasgoingawayandwhy。ToldhimtheshortestwaytoTarawasviaHolyhead。Justthenmyfathercameup。Introduction。Fatherpoliteandobservant。AskedDavinifhemightofferhimsomerefreshment。Davincouldnot,wasgoingtoameeting。Whenwecameawayfathertoldmehehadagoodhonesteye。AskedmewhyIdidnotjoinarowingclub。Ipretendedtothinkitover。ToldmethenhowhebrokePennyfeather'sheart。Wantsmetoreadlaw。SaysIwascutoutforthat。Moremud,morecrocodiles。
April5。Wildspring。Scuddingclouds。Olife!Darkstreamofswirlingbogwateronwhichapple-treeshavecastdowntheirdelicateflowers。
Eyesofgirlsamongtheleaves。Girlsdemureandromping。Allfairorauburn:
nodarkones。Theyblushbetter。Houpla!
April6。Certainlysheremembersthepast。Lynchsaysallwomendo。Thensheremembersthetimeofherchildhood-andmine,ifIwaseverachild。Thepastisconsumedinthepresentandthepresentislivingonlybecauseitbringsforththefuture。Statuesofwomen,ifLynchberight,shouldalwaysbefullydraped,onehandofthewomanfeelingregretfullyherownhinderparts。
April6,later。MichaelRobartesremembersforgottenbeautyand,whenhisarmswrapherround,hepressesinhisarmsthelovelinesswhichhaslongfadedfromtheworld。Notthis。Notatall。Idesiretopressinmyarmsthelovelinesswhichhasnotyetcomeintotheworld。
April10。Faintly,undertheheavynight,throughthesilenceofthecitywhichhasturnedfromdreamstodreamlesssleepasawearyloverwhomnocaressesmove,thesoundofhoofsupontheroad。Notsofaintlynowastheycomenearthebridge;andinamoment,astheypassthedarkenedwindows,thesilenceisclovenbyalarmasbyanarrow。Theyareheardnowfaraway,hoofsthatshineamidtheheavynightasgems,hurryingbeyondthesleepingfieldstowhatjourney'send-whatheart?-bearingwhattidings?
April11。ReadwhatIwrotelastnight。Vaguewordsforavagueemotion。Wouldshelikeit?Ithinkso。ThenIshouldhavetolikeitalso。
April13。Thattundishhasbeenonmymindforalongtime。I
lookeditupandfinditEnglishandgoodoldbluntEnglishtoo。Damnthedeanofstudiesandhisfunnel!Whatdidhecomeherefortoteachushisownlanguageortolearnitfromus。Damnhimonewayortheother!
April14。JohnAlphonsusMulrennanhasjustreturnedfromthewestofIreland。EuropeanandAsiaticpaperspleasecopy。Hetoldushemetanoldmanthereinamountaincabin。Oldmanhadredeyesandshortpipe。OldmanspokeIrish。MulrennanspokeIrish。ThenoldmanandMulrennanspokeEnglish。Mulrennanspoketohimaboutuniverseandstars。Oldmansat,listened,smoked,spat。Thensaid:——
Ah,theremustbeterriblequeercreaturesatthelatterandoftheworld。
Ifearhim。Ifearhisred-rimmedhornyeyes。ItiswithhimImuststruggleallthroughthisnighttilldaycome,tillheorIliedead,grippinghimbythesinewythroattill。
Tillwhat?Tillheyieldtome?No。Imeannoharm。
April15。MethertodaypointblankinGraftonStreet。Thecrowdbroughtustogether。Webothstopped。SheaskedmewhyInevercame,saidshehadheardallsortsofstoriesaboutme。Thiswasonlytogaintime。
AskedmewasIwritingpoems?Aboutwhom?Iaskedher。ThisconfusedhermoreandIfeltsorryandmean。Turnedoffthatvalveatonceandopenedthespiritual-heroicrefrigeratingapparatus,inventedandpatentedinallcountriesbyDanteAlighieri。Talkedrapidlyofmyselfandmyplans。
InthemidstofitunluckilyImadeasuddengestureofarevolutionarynature。Imusthavelookedlikeafellowthrowingahandfulofpeasintotheair。Peoplebegantolookatus。Sheshookhandsamomentafterand,ingoingaway,saidshehopedIwoulddowhatIsaid。
NowIcallthatfriendly,don'tyou?
Yes,Ilikedhertoday。Alittleormuch?Don'tknow。Ilikedheranditseemsanewfeelingtome。Then,inthatcase,alltherest,allthatIthoughtIthoughtandallthatIfeltIfelt,alltherestbeforenow,infact。O,giveitup,oldchap!Sleepitoff!
April16。Away!Away!
Thespellofarmsandvoices:thewhitearmsofroads,theirpromiseofcloseembracesandtheblackarmsoftallshipsthatstandagainstthemoon,theirtaleofdistantnations。Theyareheldouttosay:Wearealone-come。Andthevoicessaywiththem:Weareyourkinsmen。Andtheairisthickwiththeircompanyastheycalltome,theirkinsman,makingreadytogo,shakingthewingsoftheirexultantandterribleyouth。
April26。Motherisputtingmynewsecondhandclothesinorder。
Shepraysnow,shesays,thatImaylearninmyownlifeandawayfromhomeandfriendswhattheheartisandwhatitfeels。Amen。Sobeit。Welcome,Olife,Igotoencounterforthemillionthtimetherealityofexperienceandtoforgeinthesmithyofmysoultheuncreatedconscienceofmyrace。