首页 >出版文学> A Gentleman of France>第19章
  ItwasimpossiblethatIcouldviewascenesostrangewithoutfeelingsofadmirationaswellaspity;orwithoutforgettingforawhile,inmyrespectforMadamedeBruhl'sdevotion,theriskwhichhadseemedsogreattomeonthestairs.Ihadcomesimplyforapurposeofmyown,andwithnothoughtofaidinghimwholayhere.Butsogreat,asIhavenoticedonotheroccasions,isthepowerofanobleexample,that,beforeIknewit,IfoundmyselfwonderingwhatIcoulddotohelpthisman,andhowI
  couldrelievemadame,inthedischargeofofficeswhichherhusbandhadaslittlerighttoexpectatherhandsasatmine.
  AtthemeresoundofthewordPlagueIknewshewouldbedesertedinthiswildernessbyall,ornearlyall;areflectionwhichsuggestedtomethatIshouldfirstremovemademoiselletoadistance,andthenconsiderwhathelpIcouldaffordhere.
  IwasabouttotellherthepurposewithwhichIhadcomewhenaparoxysmmorethanordinarilyviolent,andinducedperhapsbytheexcitementofmypresence——thoughheseemedbesidehimself——
  seizedhim,andthreatenedtotaxherpowerstotheutmost.I
  couldnotlookonandseeherspendherselfinvain;andalmostbeforeIknewwhatIwasdoingIhadlaidmyhandsonhimandafterabriefstrugglethrusthimbackexhaustedonthecouch.
  Shelookedatmesostrangelyafterthatthatinthehalf-lightwhichtheloopholesaffordedItriedinvaintoreadhermeaning.
  'Whydidyoucome?'shecriedatlength,breathingquickly.
  'You,ofallmen?Whydidyoucome?Hewasnofriendofyours,Heavenknows!'
  'No,madame,norIofhis,'Iansweredbitterly,withasuddenrevulsionoffeeling.
  'Thenwhyareyouhere?'sheretorted.
  'Icouldnotsendoneofmymen,'Ianswered.'AndIwantthekeyoftheroomabove.'
  Atthementionofthattheroomabove——sheflinchedasifIhadstruckher,andlookedasstrangelyatBruhlasshehadbeforelookedatme.NodoubtthereferencetoMademoiselledelaVirerecalledtohermindherhusband'swildpassionforthegirl,whichforthemomentshehadforgotten.Neverthelessshedidnotspeak,thoughherfaceturnedverypale.Shestoopedoverthecouch,suchasitwas,andsearchinghisclothes,presentlystoodup,andheldoutthekeytome.'Takeit,andletherout,'shesaidwithaforcedsmile.'Takeitupyourself,anddoit.Youhavedonesomuchforheritisrightthatyoushoulddothis.'
  Itookthekey,thankingherwithmorehastethanthought,andturnedtowardsthedoor,intendingtogostraightuptotheflooraboveandreleasemademoiselle.Myhandwasalreadyonthedoor,whichmadame,Ifound,hadleftajarintheexcitementofmyentrance,whenIheardherstepbehindme.Thenextinstantshetouchedmeontheshoulder.'Youfool!'sheexclaimed,hereyesflashing,'wouldyoukillher?'Wouldyougofromhimtoher,andtaketheplaguetoher?Godforgiveme,itwasinmymindtosendyou.Andmenaresuchpuppetsyouwouldhavegone!'
  Itrembledwithhorror,asmuchatmystupidityasathercraft.
  Forshewasright:inanothermomentIshouldhavegone,andcomprehensionandremorsewouldhavecometoolate.Asitwas,inmylongingatoncetoreproachherforherwickednessandtothankherforhertimelyrepentance,Ifoundnowords;butI
  turnedawayinsilenceandwentoutwithafullheart.
  CHAPTERXXX.
  STRICKEN.
  Outsidethedoor,standinginthedimnessofthelanding,IfoundM.d'Agen.AtanyothertimeIshouldhavebeenthefirsttoaskhimwhyhehadleftthepostwhichIhadassignedtohim.ButatthemomentIwasoffmybalance,andhispresencesuggestednothingmorethanthatherewastheverypersonwhocouldbestexecutemywishes.Iheldoutthekeytohimatarmslength,andbadehimreleaseMademoiselledelaVire,whowasintheroomabove,andescortheroutofthecastle.'Donotletherlingerhere,'Icontinuedurgently.'Takehertotheplacewherewefoundthewood-cutters.Youneedfearnoresistance.'
  'ButBruhl?'hesaid,ashetookthekeymechanicallyfromme.
  'Heisoutofthequestion,'Iansweredinalowvoice.'Wehavedonewithhim.Hehastheplague.'
  Heutteredasharpexclamation.'Whatofmadame,then?'hemuttered.
  'Sheiswithhim,'Isaid.
  Hecriedoutsuddenlyatthat,suckinginhisbreath,asIhaveknownmendoinpain.AndbutthatIdrewbackhewouldhavelaidhishandonmysleeve.'Withhim?'hestammered.'Howisthat?'
  'Why,man,whereelseshouldshebe?'Ianswered,forgettingthatthesightofthosetwotogetherhadatfirstsurprisedmealso,aswellasmovedme.'Orwhoelseshouldbewithhim?Heisherhusband.'
  Hestaredatmeforamomentatthat,andthenheturnedslowlyawayandbegantogoup;whileIlookedafterhim,graduallythinkingoutthecluetohisconduct.Coulditbethatitwasnotmademoiselleattractedhim,butMadamedeBruhl?
  AndwiththathintIunderstooditall.Isawinamoment;theconclusiontowhichhehadcomeonhearingofthepresenceofmadameinmyroom.Inmyroomatnight!Thechangehaddatedfromthattime;insteadofacareless,light-spiritedyouthhehadbecomeinamomentamoroseandrestivechurl,asdifficulttomanageasanunbrokencolt.QuiteclearlyIsawnowthemeaningofthechange;whyhehadshrunkfromme,andwhyallintercoursebetweenushadbeensodifficult;andsoconstrained.
  Ilaughedtothinkhowhehaddeceivedhimself,andhownearlyI
  hadcometodeceivingmyselfalso.AndwhatmoreImighthavethoughtIdonotknow,formymeditationswerecutshortatthispointbyaloudoutcrybelow,which,beginninginoneortwosharpcriesofalarmandwarning,culminatedquicklyinaroarofangeranddismay.
  FancyingIrecognisedMaignan'svoice,Irandownthestairs,seekingaloopholewhenceIcouldcommandthescene;butfindingnone,andbecomingmoreandmorealarmed,Idescendedtothecourt,whichIfound,tomygreatsurprise,asemptyandsilentasanoldbattle-field.Neitherontheenemy'ssidenoronourswasasinglemantobeseen.WithgrowingdismayIsprangacrossthecourtanddartedthroughtheoutertower,onlytofindthatandthegatewayequallyunguarded.NorwasituntilIhadpassedthroughthelatter,andstoodonthebrowoftheslope,whichwehadhadtoclamberwithsomuchtoil,thatIlearnedwhatwasamiss.
  Farbelowmeastringofmen,boundingandrunningatspeed,streameddownthehilltowardsthehorses.Somewereshouting,somerunningsilently,withtheirelbowsattheirsidesandtheirscabbardsleapingagainsttheircalves.Thehorsesstoodtetheredinaringneartheedgeofthewood,andbysomeoversighthadbeenleftunguarded.TheforemostrunnerImadeouttobeFresnoy;butanumberofhismenwerecloseuponhim,andthenafteranintervalcameMaignan,wavinghisbladeandemittingfranticthreatswitheverystride.ComprehendingatoncethatFresnoyandhisfollowing,rendereddesperatebypanicandtheprospectivelossoftheirhorses,hadtakenadvantageofmyabsenceandgivenMaignantheslip,IsawIcoulddonothingsavewatchtheresultofthestruggle.
  Thiswasnotlongdelayed.Maignan'sthreats,whichseemedtomemerewasteofbreath,werenotwithouteffectonthosehefollowed.Thereisnothingwhichdemoralisesmenlikeflight.
  Trooperswhohavestoodchargeafterchargewhilevictorywaspossiblewillflylikesheep,andlikesheepallowthemselvestohebutchered,whentheyhaveonceturnedtheback.Soitwashere.ManyofFresnoy'smenwerestoutfellows,buthavingstartedtoruntheyhadnostomachforfighting.TheirfearscausedMaignantoappearnear,whilethehorsesseemeddistant;
  andoneafteranothertheyturnedasideandmadelikerabbitsforthewood.OnlyFresnoy,whohadtakencaretohavethestartofall,kepton,and,reachingthehorses,cuttheropewhichtetheredthenearest,andvaultednimblyonitsback.Safelyseatedthere,hetriedtofrightentheothersintobreakingloose;butnotsucceedingatthefirstattempt,andseeingMaignan,breathingvengeance,comingupwithhim,hestartedhishorse,abrightbay,androdeofflaughingalongtheedgeofthewood.
  Fullycontentwiththeresult——forourcarelessnessmighthavecostusverydearly——IwasabouttoturnawaywhenIsawthatMaignanhadmountedandwaspreparingtofollow.Istayedaccordinglytoseetheend,andfrommyelevatedpositionenjoyedafirst-rateviewoftheracewhichensued.Bothwereheavyweights,andatfirstMaignangainednoground.ButwhenacoupleofhundredyardshadbeencoveredFresnoyhadtheill-lucktoblunderintosomeheavyground,andthisenablinghispursuer,whohadtimetoavoidit,togetwithintwo-scorepacesofhim,theracebecameasexcitingasIcouldwish.SlowlyandsurelyMaignan,whohadchosentheCid,reducedthedistancebetweenthemtoascoreofpaces——tofifteen——toten.ThenFresnoy,becomingalarmed,begantolookoverhisshoulderandrideinearnest.Hehadnowhip,andIsawhimraisehissheathedsword,andstrikehisbeastontheflank.Itsprangforward,andappearedforafewstridestobeholdingitsown.Againherepeatedtheblowbutthistimewithadifferentresult.Whilehishandwasstillintheair,hishorsestumbled,asitseemedtome,madeadesperateefforttorecoveritself,fellheadlongandrolledoverandover.
  Somethinginthefashionofthefall,whichremindedmeofthemishapIhadsufferedonthewaytoChizeledmetolookmoreparticularlyatthehorseasitrosetremblingtoitsfeet,andstoodwithdroopinghead.Sureenough,acarefulglanceenabledme,evenatthatdistance,toidentifyitasMatthew'sbay——thetrick-horse.Shadingmyeyes,andgazingonthescenewithincreasedinterest,IsawMaignan,whohaddismounted,stoopoversomethingontheground,andagainafteranintervalstandupright.
  ButFresnoydidnotrise.Norwasitwithoutawethat,guessingwhathadhappenedtohim,Irememberedhowhehadusedthisveryhorsetobefoolme;howheartlesslyhehadabandonedMatthew,itsowner;andbywhatmarvelloushaps——whichmencallchances——
  Providencehadbroughtittothisplace,andputitinhishearttochooseitoutofascorewhichstoodreadytohishand!
  Iwasright.Theman'sneckwasbroken.Hewasquitedead.
  Maignanpassedthewordtoone,andhetoanother,andsoitreachedmeonthehill.Itdidnotfailtoawakenmemoriesbothgraveandwholesome.IthoughtofSt.Jeand'Angely,ofChize,ofthehouseintheRuelled'Arcy;theninthemidstofthesereflectionsIheardvoices,andturnedtofindmademoiselle,withM.d'Agenbehindme.
  Herhandwasstillbandaged,andherdress,whichshehadnotchangedsinceleavingBlois,wastornandstainedwithmud.Herhairwasindisorder;shewalkedwithalimp.Fatigueandapprehensionhadstolenthecolourfromhercheeks,andinawordshelooked,whenIturned,sowanandmiserablethatforamomentIfearedtheplaguehadseizedher.
  Theinstant,however,thatshecaughtsightofmeawaveofcolourinvaded,nothercheeksonly,butherbrowandneck.Fromherhairtothecollarofhergownshewasallcrimson.Forasecondshestoodgazingatme,andthen,asIsalutedher,shesprangforward.HadInotsteppedbackshewouldhavetakenmyhands.
  Myheartsooverflowedwithjoyatthissight,thatinthecertaintyherblushgavemeIwasfaintotoywithmyhappiness.
  AlljealousyofM.d'Agenwasforgotten;onlyIthoughtitwellnottoalarmherbytellingherwhatIknewoftheBruhls.
  'Mademoiselle,'Isaidearnestly,bowing,butretreatingfromher,'IthankGodforyourescape.Oneofyourenemieslieshelplesshere,andanotherisdeadyonder.'
  'ItisnotofmyenemiesIamthinking,'sheansweredquickly,'butofGod,ofwhomyourightlyremindme;andthenofmyfriends.'
  'Nevertheless,'Iansweredasquickly,'Ibegyouwillnotstaytothankthemnow,butgodowntothewoodwithM.d'Agen,whowilldoallthatmaybepossibletomakeyoucomfortable.'
  'Andyou,sir?'shesaid,withacharmingairofconfusion.
  'Imuststayhere,'Ianswered,'forawhile.'
  'Why?'sheaskedwithaslightfrown.
  Ididnotknowhowtotellher,andIbeganlamely.'Someonemuststopwithmadame,'Isaidwithoutthought.
  'Madame?'sheexclaimed.'Doessherequireassistance?Iwillstop.'
  'Godforbid!'Icried.
  Idonotknowhowsheunderstoodthewords,butherface,whichhadbeenfullofsoftness,grewhard.Shemovedquicklytowardsme;but,mindfulofthedangerIcarriedaboutme,Idrewfartherback.'Nonearer,mademoiselle,'Imurmured,'ifyouplease.'
  Shelookedpuzzled,andfinallyangry,turningawaywithasarcasticbow.'Sobeit,then,sir,'shesaidproudly,'ifyoudesireit.M.d'Agen,ifyouarenotafraidofme,willyouleadmedown?'
  Istoodandwatchedthemgodownthehill,comfortingmyselfwiththereflectionthatto-morrow,orthenextday,orwithinafewdaysatmost,allwouldbewell.Scanningherfigureasshemoved,Ifanciedthatshewentwithlessspiritasthespaceincreasedbetweenus.AndIpleasedmyselfwiththenotion.A
  fewdays,afewhours,Ithought,andallwouldbewell.Thesunsetwhichblazedinthewestwasnomorethanafaintreflectionoftheglowwhichforafewminutespervadedmymind,longaccustomedtocoldprospectsandthechillofneglect.
  AtermwasputtothesepleasantimaginingsbythearrivalofMaignan;who,pantingfromtheascentofthehill,informedmewithashamefacedairthatthetaleofhorseswascomplete,butthatfourofourmenweremissing,andhaddoubtlessgoneoffwiththefugitives.TheseprovedtobeM.d'Agen'stwolackeysandthetwovarletsM.deRambouillethadlentus.ThereremainedbesidesSimonFleixonlyMaignan'sthreemenfromRosny;
  butthestateinwhichouraffairsnowstoodenabledustomakelightofthis.Iinformedtheequerry——whovisiblypaledatthenews——thatM.deBruhllayilloftheplague,andliketodie;
  andIbadehimformacampinthewoodbelow,and,sendingforfoodtothehousewherewehadsleptthenightbefore,makemademoiselleascomfortableascircumstancespermitted.
  Helistenedwithsurprise,andwhenIhaddoneaskedwithconcernwhatIintendedtodomyself.
  'SomeonemustremainwithMadamdeBruhl,'Ianswered.'Ihavealreadybeentothebedsidetoprocurethekeyofmademoiselle'sroom,andIrunnofartherrisk.AllIaskisthatyouwillremainintheneighbourhood,andfurnishuswithsuppliesshoulditbenecessary.'
  Helookedatmewithemotion,which,stronglyinconflictwithhisfearsasitwas,touchedmenotalittle.'Butmorbleu!M.
  deMarsac,'hesaid,'youwilltaketheplagueanddie.'
  'IfGodwills,'Ianswered,verylugubriouslyIconfess,forpalelooksinonecommonlysofearlesscouldnotbutdepressme.'Butifnot,Ishallescape.Anyway,myfriend,'Icontinued,'Ioweyouaquittance.SimonFleixhasaninkhornandpaper.Bidhimbringthemtothisstoneandleavethem,andIwillwritethatMaignan,theequerryoftheBarondeRosny,servedmetotheendasabravesoldierandanhonestfriend.'What,MONAMI?'I
  continued,forIsawthathewasovercomebythis,whichwas,indeed,ahappythoughtofmine.'Whynot?Itistrue,andwillacquityouwiththeBaron.Doit,andgo.AdviseM.d'Agen,andbetohimwhatyouhavebeentome.'
  Hesworetwoorthreegreatoaths,suchasmenofhiskindusetohideanexcessoffeeling,andaftersomefurtherremonstrancewentawaytocarryoutmyorders;leavingmetostandonthebrowinastrangekindofsolitude,andwatchhorsesandmenwithdrawtothewood,untilthewholevalleyseemedlefttomeandstillnessandthegreyevening.ForatimeIstoodinthought.
  Thenremindingmyself,forafilliptomyspirits,thatIhadbeenfarmorealonewhenIwalkedthestreetsofSt.JeanfriendlessandthreadbarethanIwasnow,Iturned,andswingingmyscabbardagainstmybootsforcompany,stumbledthroughthedark,silentcourtyard,andmountedascheerfullyasIcouldtomadame'sroom.
  Todetailallthatpassedduringthenextfivedayswouldbetediousandinindifferenttaste,seeingthatIamwritingthismemoirfortheperusalofmenofhonour;forthoughIconsidertheofficeswhichthewholecanperformforthesicktobeworthyoftheattentionofeveryman,howeverwellborn,whoproposestoseeservice,theyseemtobemorehonourableinthedoingthanthetelling.Oneepisode,however,whichmarkedthosedaysfilledmethen,asitdoesnow,withthemostlivelypleasure;
  andthatwastheunexpecteddevotiondisplayedbySimonFleix,who,comingtome,refusedtoleave,andshowedhimselfatthispinchtobepossessedofsuchsterlingqualitiesthatIfreelyforgavehimthedeceithehadformerlypractisedonme.Thefitsofmoodysilenceintowhichhestillfellattimesandanoccasionalirascibilityseemedtoshowthathehadnotaltogetherconqueredhisinsanefancy;butthemerefactthat;hehadcometomeinasituationofhazard,andvoluntarilyremovedhimselffrommademoiselle'sneighbourhood,gavemegoodhopeforthefuture.
  M.deBruhldiedearlyonthemorningofthesecondday,andSimonandIburiedhimatnoon.Hewasamanofcourageandaddress,lackingonlyprinciples.Inspiteofmadame'sgriefandprostration,whichwereasgreatasthoughshehadlostthebesthusbandintheworld,weremovedbeforenighttoaseparatecampinthewoods;andleftwiththeutmostreliefthegreyruinonthehill,inwhich,itseemedtome,wehadlivedanage.Inournewbivouac,where,gamebeingabundant,andtheweatherwarm,welackednocomfort,exceptthesocietyofourfriends,weremainedfourdayslonger.Onthefifthmorningwemettheothersofourcompanybyappointmentonthenorthroad,andcommencedthereturnjourney.
  Thankfulthatwehadescapedcontagion,weneverthelessstillproposedtoobserveforatimesuchprecautionsinregardtotheothersasseemednecessary;ridingintherearandhavingnocommunicationwiththem,thoughtheyshowedbysignsthepleasuretheyfeltatseeingus.Fromthefrequencywithwhichmademoiselleturnedandlookedbehindher,Ijudgedshehadovercomeherpiqueatmystrangeconduct;whichtheothersshouldbythistimehaveexplainedtoher.Content,therefore,withthepresent,andfullofconfidenceinthefuture,Irodealonginararestateofsatisfaction;atonemomentplanningwhatIwoulddo,andatanotherreviewingwhatIhaddone.
  Thebrightnessandsoftnessoftheday,andthebeautyofthewoods,whichinsomeplaces,Iremember,wereburstingintoleaf,contributedmuchtoestablishmeinthisframeofmind.Thehatefulmist,whichhadsogreatlydepressedus,haddisappeared;
  leavingthefaceofthecountryvisibleinallthebrillianceofearlyspring.Themenwhorodebeforeus,cheeredbythehappyomen,laughedandtalkedastheyrode,ortriedthepacesoftheirhorses,wherethetreesgrewsparsely;andtheirjestsandlaughtercomingpleasantlytoourearsaswefollowed,warmedevenmadame'ssadfacetoasemblanceofhappiness.
  Iwasridingalonginthisstateofcontentmentwhenafeelingoffatigue,whichthedistancewehadcomedidnotseemtojustify,ledmetospurtheCidintoabriskerpace.Thesensationoflassitudestillcontinued,however,andindeedgrewworse;sothatIwonderedidlywhetherIhadover-eatenmyselfatmylastmeal.Thenthethingpassedforawhilefrommymind,whichthedescentofasteephillsufficientlyoccupied.
  Butafewminuteslater,happeningtoturninthesaddle,I
  experiencedastrangeandsuddendizziness;soexcessiveastoforcemetograspthecantle,andclingtoit,whiletreesandhillsappearedtodanceroundme.Aquick,hotpaininthesidefollowed,almostbeforeIrecoveredthepowerofthought;andthisincreasedsorapidly,andwasfromthefirstsodefinite,that,withadreadfulapprehensionalreadyformedinmymind,I
  thrustmyhandinsidemyclothes,andfoundthatswellingwhichisthemostsureanddeadlysymptomoftheplague.
  Thehorrorofthatmoment——inwhichIsawallthosethingsonthepossessionofwhichIhadjustbeencongratulatingmyself,passhopelesslyfromme,leavingmeindreadfulgloom——Iwillnotattempttodescribeinthisplace.Letitsufficethattheworldlostinamomentitsjoyousness,thesunshineitswarmth.Thegreennessandbeautyroundme,whichaninstantbeforehadfilledmewithpleasure,seemedonasuddennomorethanagrimandcrueljestatmyexpense,andIanatomperishingunmarkedandunnoticed.Yes,anatom,amote;thebitternessofthatfeelingIwellremember.Then,innolongtime——beingasoldier——I
  recoveredmycoolness,and,retainingthepowertothink,decidedwhatitbehovedmetodo.
  CHAPTERXXXI.
  UNDERTHEGREENWOOD.
  Toescapefrommycompanionsonsomepretext,whichshouldenablemetoensuretheirsafetywithoutarousingtheirfears,wastheonethoughtwhichpossessedmeonthesubsidenceofmyfirstalarm.Probablyitansweredtothatinstinctinanimalswhichbidsthemgetawayalonewhenwoundedorattackedbydisease;andwithmeithadthefullerplayasthepainprevailedratherbyparoxysms,thaninpermanence,and,comingandgoing,allowedintervalsofease,inwhichIwasabletothinkclearlyandconsecutively,andeventositfirmlyinthesaddle.
  Themomentoneoftheseintervalsenabledmetocontrolmyself,I
  usedittothinkwhereImightgowithoutdangertoothers;andatonceandnaturallymythoughtsturnedtothelastplacewehadpassed;whichhappenedtobethehouseinthegorgewherewehadreceivednewsofBruhl'sdivergencefromtheroad.Themanwholivedtherealonehadhadtheplague;thereforehedidnotfearit.Theplaceitselfwassolitary,andIcouldreachit,ridingslowly,inhalfanhour.OntheinstantandwithoutmoredelayI
  determinedonthiscourse.Iwouldreturn,and,committingmyselftothefellow'sgoodoffices,bidhimdenymetoothers,andespeciallytomyfriends——shouldtheyseekme.
  AwarethatIbadnotimetoloseifIwouldputthisplanintoexecutionbeforethepainsreturnedtosapmycourage,Idrewbridleatonce,andmutteredsomeexcusetomadame;ifIrememberrightly,thatIhaddroppedmygauntlet.Whateverthepretext——
  andmydreadwasgreatlestsheshouldobserveanystrangenessinmymanner——itpassedwithher;byreason,chiefly,Ithink,ofthegriefwhichmonopolisedher.Sheletmego,andbeforeanyoneelsecouldmarkormissmeIwasahundredyardsawayontheback-track,andalreadyshelteredfromobservationbyaturnintheroad.
  Theexcitementofmyevasionsupportedmeforawhileafterleavingher;andthenforanotherwhile,aparoxysmofpaindeprivedmeofthepowerofthought.Butwhenthislastwasover,leavingmeweakandshaken,yetclearinmymind,themostmiserablesadnessanddepressionthatcanbeconceivedcameuponme;and,accompanyingmethroughthewood,filleditsavenueswhichdoubtlesswerefairenoughtoothers'eyeswiththeblacknessofdespair.Isawbutthecharnel-house,andthateverywhere.Itwasnotonlythatthehorrorsofthefirstdiscoveryreturneduponmeandalmostunmannedme;noronlythatregretsandmemories,picturesofthepastandplansforthefuture,crowdedthickuponmymind,sothatIcouldhaveweptatthethoughtofallendinghere.Butinmyweaknessmademoiselle'sfaceshonewherethewoodwasdarkest,and,temptingandprovokingmetoreturn——wereitonlytotellherthat,grimanddullasIseemed,Ilovedher——triedmewithasubtletemptationalmostbeyondmystrengthtoresist.Allthatwasmeaninmeroseinarms,allthatwasselfishclamouredtoknowwhyImustdieintheditchwhileothersrodeinthesunshine;whyImustgotothepit,whileotherslovedandlived!
  AndsohardwasIpressedthatIthinkIshouldhavegivenwayhadtheridebeenlongerormyhorselesssmoothandnimble.Butinthemidstofmymisery,whichbodilypainwasbeginningtoaugmenttosuchadegreethatIcouldscarcelysee,andhadtoridegrippingthesaddlewithbothhands,Ireachedthemill.Myhorsestoppedofitsownaccord.Themanwehadseenbeforecameout.IhadIjuststrengthlefttotellhimwhatwasthematter,andwhatIwantedandthenafreshattackcameon,withsickness,andovercomebyvertigoIfelltotheground.
  Ihavebutanindistinctideawhathappenedafterthat;untilI
  foundmyselfinsidethehouse,clingingtotheman'sarm.Hepointedtoabox-bedinonecorneroftheroomwhichwas,orseemedtomysickeyes,gloomyanddarksomeintheextreme,andwouldhavehadmeliedowninit.Butsomethinginsidemerevoltedagainstthebed,anddespitetheforceheused,Ibrokeaway,andthrewmyselfonaheapofstrawwhichIsawinanothercorner.
  'Isnotthe,bedgoodenoughforyou?'hegrumbled.
  Istrovetotellhimitwasnotthat.
  'Itshouldbegoodenoughtodieon,'hecontinuedbrutally.
  'There'sfivehavediedonthatbed,I'dhaveyouknow!Mywifeone,andmysonanother,andmydaughteranother;andthenmysonagain,andadaughteragain.Five!Ay,fiveinthatbed!'
  Broodinginthegloomofthechimney-corner,wherehewasbusiedaboutablackpot,hecontinuedtomutterandglanceatmeaskance;butafterawhileIswoonedawaywithpain.
  WhenIopenedmyeyesagaintheroomwasdarker.ThemanstillsatwhereIhadlastseenhim,butanoise,thesame,perhaps,whichhadrousedme,drewhimasIlookedtotheunglazedwindow.
  Avoiceoutside,thetonesofwhichIseemedtoknow,inquiredifhehadseenme;andsocarriedawaywasIbytheexcitementofthemomentthatIroseonmyelbowtoheartheanswer.Butthemanwasstaunch.Iheardhimdenyallknowledgeofme,andpresentlythesoundofretreatinghoofsandtheechoofvoicesdyinginthedistanceassuredmeIwasleft.
  Then,atthatinstant,adoubtofthemanonwhosecompassionI
  hadthrownmyselfenteredmymind.Plague-stricken,hopelessasIwas,itchilledmetotheveryheart;stayinginamomentthefeebletearsIwasabouttoshed,andcuringeventhevertigo,whichforcedmetoclutchatthestrawonwhichIlay.Whetherthethoughtarosefromasicklysenseofmyownimpotence,orwasbasedonthefellow'smoroseairandthestealthyglanceshecontinuedtocastatme,IamasunabletosayasIamtodecidewhetheritwaswell-founded,orthefruitofmyownfancy.
  Possiblythegloomoftheroomandtheman'ssurlywordsinclinedmetosuspicion;possiblyhissecretthoughtsportrayedthemselvesinhishang-dogvisage.Afterwardsitappearedthathehadstrippedme,whileIlay,ofeverythingofvalue;buthemayhavedonethisinthebeliefthatIshoulddie.
  AllIknowisthatIknewnothingcertain,becausethefeardiedalmostassoonasitwasborn.Themanhadscarcelyseatedhimselfagain,orIconceivedthethought,whenasecondalarmoutsidecausedhimtospringtohisfeet.Scowlingandmutteringashewent,hehurriedtothewindow.Butbeforehereacheditthedoorwasdashedviolentlyopen,andSimonFleixstoodintheentrance.
  Therecameinwithhimsoblessedarushoflightandlifeasinamomentdispelledthehorroroftheroom,andstrippedmeatoneandthesametimeoffearandmanhood.ForwhetherIwouldorno,atsightofthefamiliarface,whichIhadfledsolately,I
  burstintotears;and,stretchingoutmyhandstohim,asafrightenedchildmighthavedone,calledonhimbyname.I
  supposetheplaguewasbythistimesoplainlywrittenonmyfacethatallwholookedmightread;forhestoodatgaze,staringatme,andwasstillsostandingwhenahandputhimasideandaslighter,smallerfigure,pale-facedandhooded,stoodforamomentbetweenmeandthesunshine.Itwasmademoiselle!
  That,IthankGod,restoredmetomyself,orIhadbeenforevershamed.IcriedtothemwithallthevoiceIhadlefttotakeheraway;andcallingoutfranticallyagainandagainthatIhadtheplagueandshewoulddie,Ibadethemanclosethedoor.
  Nay,regainingsomethingofstrengthinmyfearforher,Iroseup,half-dressedasIwas,andwouldhavefledintosomecornertoavoidher,stillcallingouttothemtotakeheraway,totakeheraway——ifafreshparoxysmhadnotseizedme,sothatIfellblindandhelplesswhereIwas.
  ForatimeafterthatIknewnothing;untilsomeoneheldwatertomylips,andIdrankgreedily,andpresentlyawoketothefactthattheentrancewasdarkwithfacesandfiguresallgazingatmeasIlay.ButIcouldnotseeher;andIhadsenseenoughtoknowandbethankfulthatshewasnolongeramongthem.IwouldfainhavebiddenMaignantobegonetoo,forIreadtheconsternationinhisface.ButIcouldnotmusterstrengthorvoiceforthepurpose,andwhenIturnedmyheadtoseewhoheldme——ahme!itcomesbacktomestillindreams——itwasmademoiselle'shairthatsweptmyforeheadandherhandthatministeredtome;whiletearsshedidnottrytohideorwipeawayfellonmyhotcheek.Icouldhavepushedherawayeventhen,forshewasslightandsmall;butthepainscameuponme,andwithasobchokingmyvoiceIlostallknowledge.
  IamtoldthatIlayformorethanamonthbetweenlifeanddeath,nowburningwithfeverandnowinthecoldfit;andthatbutforthetendancewhichneverfailednorfaltered,norcouldhavebeenoutdonehadmymaladybeentheleastinfectiousintheworld.Imusthavediedahundredtimes,ashundredsroundmediddieweekbyweekinthatyear.FromthefirsttheytookmeoutofthehousewhereIthinkIshouldhaveperishedquickly,soimpregnatedwasitwiththeplaguepoisonandlaidmeunderascreenofboughsintheforest,withavastquantityofcloaksandhorse-clothscunninglydisposedtowindward.HereIransomeriskfromcoldandexposureandthefallofheavydews;but,ontheotherhand,hadalltheairsofheaventoclearawaythehumoursandexpelthefeverfrommybrain.
  Henceitwasthatwhenthefirstfeeblebeginningsofconsciousnessawokeinmeagain,theyandthelightstoleinonmethroughgreenleaves,andoverhangingboughs,andthefreshnessandverdureofthespringwoods.Thesunshinewhichreachedmywateryeyeswassoftenedbyitspassagethroughgreattrees,whichgrewandexpandedasIgazedupintothem,untileachbecameaverdantworld,withallaworld'sdiversityoflife.Growntiredofthis,Ihadstilllongavenuesofshade,carpetedwithflowers,topeerinto;oralittlewoodedbottom——wherethegroundfellawayononeside——thatblazedandburnedwithredthorn.Ay,andhenceitwasthatthefirstsoundsI
  heard,whenthefeverleftmeatlast,andIknewmorningfromevening,andmanfromwoman,werethesongsofbirdscallingtotheirmates.
  MademoiselleandMadamedeBruhl,withFanchetteandSimonFleix,layallthistimeinsuchshelterascouldberaisedforthemwhereIlay;M.Francoisandthreestoutfellows,whomMaignanlefttoguarduslivinginahutwithinhail.Maignanhimself,afterseeingoutaweekofmyillness,hadperforcereturnedtohismaster,andnonewshadsincebeenreceivedfromhim.Thankstothetimelymoveintothewoods,nootherofthepartyfellill,andbythetimeIwasabletostandandspeaktheravagesofthediseasehadsogreatlydecreasedthatfearwasatanend.
  IshouldwastewordswereItotrytodescribehowthepeaceandquietudeofthelifeweledintheforestduringthetimeofmyrecoverysankintomyheart;whichhadknown,savebymymother'sbedside,littleofsuchjoys.Toawakeinthemorningtosweetsoundsandscents,toeatwithrevivingappetiteandfeeltheslowgrowthofstrength,toliealldayinshadeorsunshineasitpleasedme,andhearwomen'svoicesandtinklinglaughter,tohavenothoughtoftheworldandnoknowledgeofit,sothatwemighthavebeen,foranythingwesaw,inanothersphere——thesethingsmighthavesufficedforhappinesswithoutthatwhichaddedtoeachandeveryoneofthemasweeteranddeeperandmorelastingjoy.Ofwhichnext.
  IhadnotbeguntotakenoticelongbeforeIsawthatM.Francoisandmadamehadcometoanunderstanding;suchanone,atleast,aspermittedhimtodoallforhercomfortandentertainmentwithoutcommittinghertomorethanwasbecomingatsuch,aseason.Naturallythisleftmademoisellemuchinmycompany;acircumstancewhichwouldhaveripenedintopassiontheaffectionIbeforeentertainedforher,hadnotgratitudeandanearerobservanceofhermeritsalreadyelevatedmyregardintothemostardentworshipthateventheyoungestlovereverfeltforhismistress.
  Inproportion,however,asIandmylovegrewstronger,andmademoiselle'spresencegrewmorenecessarytomyhappiness——sothatweresheawaybutanhourIfella-moping——shebegantodrawofffromme,andabsentingherselfmoreandmoreonlongwalksinthewoods,by-and-byreducedmetosuchapitch,ofmiseryasbidfairtocompletewhatthefeverhadleftundone,IfthishadhappenedintheworldIthinkitlikelythatIshouldhavesufferedinsilence.Buthere,underthegreenwood,incommonenjoymentofGod'sairandearth,weseemedmorenearlyequal.Shewasscarcebetterdressed,thanasutler'swife;
  whilerecollectionsofherwealthandstation,thoughtheyassailedmenightly,lostmuchoftheirpointinpresenceofheryouthandofthatfairandpatientgentlenesswhichforestlifeandthedutiesofanursehadfostered.
  Soithappenedthatoneday,whenshehadbeenabsentlongerthanusual,Itookmycourageinmyhandandwenttomeetherasfarasthestreamwhichranthroughthebottombytheredthorn.
  Here,ataplacewheretherewerethreestepping-stones,Iwaitedforher;firsttakingawaythestepping-stones,thatshemighthavetopause,and,beingataloss,mightbegladtoseeme.
  Shecamepresently,trippingthroughanalleyinthelowwood,withhereyesontheground,andherwholecarriagefullofasweetpensivenesswhichitdidmegoodtosee.Iturnedmybackonthestreambeforeshesawme,andmadeapretenceofbeingtakenupwithsomethinginanotherdirection.Doubtlesssheespiedmesoon,andbeforeshecameverynear;butshemadenosignuntilshereachedthebrink,andfoundthestepping-stonesweregone.
  Then,whethershesuspectedmeornot,shecalledouttome,notonce,butseveraltimes.For,partlytotantaliseher,asloverswill,andpartlybecauseitcharmedmetohearherusemyname,I
  wouldnotturnatonce.
  WhenIdid,anddiscoveredherstandingwithonesmallfootdallyingwiththewater,Icriedoutwithwell-affectedconcern;
  andinagreathurryrantowardsher,payingnoattentiontoherchidingorthepettishhaughtinesswithwhichshespoketome.
  'Thestepping-stonesareallonyourside,'shesaidimperiously.
  'Whohasmovedthem?'
  Ilookedaboutwithoutanswering,andatlastpretendedtofindthem;whileshestoodwatchingme,tappingthegroundwithonefootthewhile.Despiteherimpatience,thestonewhichwasnearesttoherItookcaretobringlast——thatshemightnotcrosswithoutmyassistance.Butafterallshesteppedoversolightlyandquicklythatthehandsheplacedinmineseemedscarcelytorestthereasecond.YetwhenshewasoverImanagedtoretainit;nordidsheresist,thoughhercheek,whichhadbeenredbefore,turnedcrimsonandhereyesfell,andboundtomebythelinkofherlittlehand,shestoodbesidemewithherwholefiguredrooping.
  'Mademoiselle,'Isaidgravely,summoningallmyresolutiontomyaid,'doyouknowofwhatthatstreamwithitsstepping-stonesremindsme?'
  Sheshookherheadbutdidnotanswer.
  'OfthestreamwhichhasflowedbetweenusfromthedaywhenI
  firstsawyouatSt.Jean,'saidinalowvoice.'Ithasflowedbetweenus,anditstilldoes——separatingus.'
  'Whatstream?'shemurmured,withhereyescastdown,andherfootplayingwiththemoss.'Youspeakinriddles,sir.'
  'Youunderstandthisoneonlytoowell,mademoiselle,'I
  answered.'Areyounotyoungandgayandbeautiful,whileIamold,oralmostold,anddullandgrave?Youarerichandwell-
  thought-ofatCourt,andIasoldieroffortune,nottoosuccessful.WhatdidyouthinkofmewhenyoufirstsawmeatSt.Jean?WhatwhenIcametoRosny?That,mademoiselle,'I
  continuedwithfervour,'isthestreamwhichflowsbetweenusandseparatesus;andIknowofbutonestepping-stonethatcanbridgeit.'
  Shelookedaside,toyingwithapieceofthorn-blossomshehadpicked.Itwasnotredderthanhercheeks.
  'Thatonestepping-stone,'Isaid,afterwaitingvainlyforanywordorsignfromher,'isLove.Manyweeksago,mademoiselle,whenIhadlittlecausetolikeyou,Ilovedyou;IlovedyouwhetherIwouldornot,andwithoutthoughtorhopeofreturn.I
  shouldhavebeenmadhadIspokentoyouthen.Mad,andworsethanmad.Butnow,nowthatIoweyoumylife,nowthatIhavedrunkfromyourhandinfever,and,awakingearlyandlate,havefoundyoubymypillow——nowthat,seeingyoucomeinandoutinthemidstoffearandhardship,Ihavelearnedtoregardyouasawomankindandgentleasmymother——nowthatIloveyou,sothattobewithyouisjoy,andawayfromyougrief,isitpresumptioninmenow,mademoiselle,tothinkthatthatstreammaybebridged?'
  Istopped,outofbreath,andsawthatshewastrembling.Butshespokepresently.'Yousaidonestepping-stone?'shemurmured.
  'Yes,'Iansweredhoarsely,tryinginvaintolookatherface,whichshekeptavertedfromme.
  'Thereshouldbetwo,'shesaid,almostinawhisper.'Yourlove,sir,and——andmine.Youhavesaidmuchoftheone,andnothingoftheother.Inthatyouarewrong,forIamproudstill.AndIwouldnotcrossthestreamyouspeakofforanyloveofyours!'
  'Ah!'Icriedinsharpestpain.
  'But,'shecontinued,lookingupatmeonasuddenwitheyesthattoldmeall,'becauseIloveyouIamwillingtocrossit——tocrossitonceforever,andtolivebeyonditallmylife——ifI
  maylivemylifewithyou.'
  Ifellonmykneeandkissedherhandagainandagaininaraptureofjoyandgratitude.By-and-byshepulleditfromme.
  'Ifyouwill,sir,'shesaid,'youmaykissmylips.Ifyoudonot,nomaneverwill.'
  Afterthat,asmaybeguessed,wewalkedeverydayintheforest,makinglongerandlongerexcursionsasmystrengthcamebacktome,andthenearerpartsgrewfamiliar.Fromearlydawn,whenI
  broughtmyloveaposyofflowers,tolateevening,whenFanchettehurriedherfromme,ourdayswerepassedinalongroundofdelight;beingfilledfullofallbeautifulthings——
  love,andsunshine,andripplingstreams,andgreenbanks,onwhichwesattogetherunderscentedlimes,tellingoneanotherallwehadeverthought,andespeciallyallwehadeverthoughtofoneanother.Sometimes——whenthelightwaslowintheevening——wespokeofmymother;andonce——butthatwasinthesunshine,whenthebeeswerehummingandmybloodhadbeguntorunstronglyinmyveins——Ispokeofmygreatanddistantkinsman,Rohan.Butmademoisellewouldhearnothingofhim,murmuringagainandagaininmyear,'Ihavecrossed,mylove,I
  havecrossed.'
  Trulythesandsofthathour-glasswereofgold.Butintimetheyranout.FirstM.Francois,spurredbytherestlessnessofyouth,andconvincedthatmadamewouldforawhileyieldnofurther,leftus,andwentbacktotheworld.Thennewscameofgreateventsthatcouldnotfailtomoveus.TheKingofFranceandtheKingofNavarrehadmetatTours,andembracinginthesightofanimmensemultitude,hadrepulsedtheLeaguewithslaughterinthesuburbofSt.Symphorien.Fastonthisfollowedthetidingsoftheirmarchnorthwardswithanoverwhelmingarmyoffifty-thousandmenofbothreligions,bent,rumourhadit,onthesignalpunishmentofParis.