ItwasimpossiblethatIcouldviewascenesostrangewithoutfeelingsofadmirationaswellaspity;orwithoutforgettingforawhile,inmyrespectforMadamedeBruhl'sdevotion,theriskwhichhadseemedsogreattomeonthestairs.Ihadcomesimplyforapurposeofmyown,andwithnothoughtofaidinghimwholayhere.Butsogreat,asIhavenoticedonotheroccasions,isthepowerofanobleexample,that,beforeIknewit,IfoundmyselfwonderingwhatIcoulddotohelpthisman,andhowI
couldrelievemadame,inthedischargeofofficeswhichherhusbandhadaslittlerighttoexpectatherhandsasatmine.
AtthemeresoundofthewordPlagueIknewshewouldbedesertedinthiswildernessbyall,ornearlyall;areflectionwhichsuggestedtomethatIshouldfirstremovemademoiselletoadistance,andthenconsiderwhathelpIcouldaffordhere.
IwasabouttotellherthepurposewithwhichIhadcomewhenaparoxysmmorethanordinarilyviolent,andinducedperhapsbytheexcitementofmypresence——thoughheseemedbesidehimself——
seizedhim,andthreatenedtotaxherpowerstotheutmost.I
couldnotlookonandseeherspendherselfinvain;andalmostbeforeIknewwhatIwasdoingIhadlaidmyhandsonhimandafterabriefstrugglethrusthimbackexhaustedonthecouch.
Shelookedatmesostrangelyafterthatthatinthehalf-lightwhichtheloopholesaffordedItriedinvaintoreadhermeaning.
'Whydidyoucome?'shecriedatlength,breathingquickly.
'You,ofallmen?Whydidyoucome?Hewasnofriendofyours,Heavenknows!'
'No,madame,norIofhis,'Iansweredbitterly,withasuddenrevulsionoffeeling.
'Thenwhyareyouhere?'sheretorted.
'Icouldnotsendoneofmymen,'Ianswered.'AndIwantthekeyoftheroomabove.'
Atthementionofthattheroomabove——sheflinchedasifIhadstruckher,andlookedasstrangelyatBruhlasshehadbeforelookedatme.NodoubtthereferencetoMademoiselledelaVirerecalledtohermindherhusband'swildpassionforthegirl,whichforthemomentshehadforgotten.Neverthelessshedidnotspeak,thoughherfaceturnedverypale.Shestoopedoverthecouch,suchasitwas,andsearchinghisclothes,presentlystoodup,andheldoutthekeytome.'Takeit,andletherout,'shesaidwithaforcedsmile.'Takeitupyourself,anddoit.Youhavedonesomuchforheritisrightthatyoushoulddothis.'
Itookthekey,thankingherwithmorehastethanthought,andturnedtowardsthedoor,intendingtogostraightuptotheflooraboveandreleasemademoiselle.Myhandwasalreadyonthedoor,whichmadame,Ifound,hadleftajarintheexcitementofmyentrance,whenIheardherstepbehindme.Thenextinstantshetouchedmeontheshoulder.'Youfool!'sheexclaimed,hereyesflashing,'wouldyoukillher?'Wouldyougofromhimtoher,andtaketheplaguetoher?Godforgiveme,itwasinmymindtosendyou.Andmenaresuchpuppetsyouwouldhavegone!'
Itrembledwithhorror,asmuchatmystupidityasathercraft.
Forshewasright:inanothermomentIshouldhavegone,andcomprehensionandremorsewouldhavecometoolate.Asitwas,inmylongingatoncetoreproachherforherwickednessandtothankherforhertimelyrepentance,Ifoundnowords;butI
turnedawayinsilenceandwentoutwithafullheart.
CHAPTERXXX.
STRICKEN.
Outsidethedoor,standinginthedimnessofthelanding,IfoundM.d'Agen.AtanyothertimeIshouldhavebeenthefirsttoaskhimwhyhehadleftthepostwhichIhadassignedtohim.ButatthemomentIwasoffmybalance,andhispresencesuggestednothingmorethanthatherewastheverypersonwhocouldbestexecutemywishes.Iheldoutthekeytohimatarmslength,andbadehimreleaseMademoiselledelaVire,whowasintheroomabove,andescortheroutofthecastle.'Donotletherlingerhere,'Icontinuedurgently.'Takehertotheplacewherewefoundthewood-cutters.Youneedfearnoresistance.'
'ButBruhl?'hesaid,ashetookthekeymechanicallyfromme.
'Heisoutofthequestion,'Iansweredinalowvoice.'Wehavedonewithhim.Hehastheplague.'
Heutteredasharpexclamation.'Whatofmadame,then?'hemuttered.
'Sheiswithhim,'Isaid.
Hecriedoutsuddenlyatthat,suckinginhisbreath,asIhaveknownmendoinpain.AndbutthatIdrewbackhewouldhavelaidhishandonmysleeve.'Withhim?'hestammered.'Howisthat?'
'Why,man,whereelseshouldshebe?'Ianswered,forgettingthatthesightofthosetwotogetherhadatfirstsurprisedmealso,aswellasmovedme.'Orwhoelseshouldbewithhim?Heisherhusband.'
Hestaredatmeforamomentatthat,andthenheturnedslowlyawayandbegantogoup;whileIlookedafterhim,graduallythinkingoutthecluetohisconduct.Coulditbethatitwasnotmademoiselleattractedhim,butMadamedeBruhl?
AndwiththathintIunderstooditall.Isawinamoment;theconclusiontowhichhehadcomeonhearingofthepresenceofmadameinmyroom.Inmyroomatnight!Thechangehaddatedfromthattime;insteadofacareless,light-spiritedyouthhehadbecomeinamomentamoroseandrestivechurl,asdifficulttomanageasanunbrokencolt.QuiteclearlyIsawnowthemeaningofthechange;whyhehadshrunkfromme,andwhyallintercoursebetweenushadbeensodifficult;andsoconstrained.
Ilaughedtothinkhowhehaddeceivedhimself,andhownearlyI
hadcometodeceivingmyselfalso.AndwhatmoreImighthavethoughtIdonotknow,formymeditationswerecutshortatthispointbyaloudoutcrybelow,which,beginninginoneortwosharpcriesofalarmandwarning,culminatedquicklyinaroarofangeranddismay.
FancyingIrecognisedMaignan'svoice,Irandownthestairs,seekingaloopholewhenceIcouldcommandthescene;butfindingnone,andbecomingmoreandmorealarmed,Idescendedtothecourt,whichIfound,tomygreatsurprise,asemptyandsilentasanoldbattle-field.Neitherontheenemy'ssidenoronourswasasinglemantobeseen.WithgrowingdismayIsprangacrossthecourtanddartedthroughtheoutertower,onlytofindthatandthegatewayequallyunguarded.NorwasituntilIhadpassedthroughthelatter,andstoodonthebrowoftheslope,whichwehadhadtoclamberwithsomuchtoil,thatIlearnedwhatwasamiss.
Farbelowmeastringofmen,boundingandrunningatspeed,streameddownthehilltowardsthehorses.Somewereshouting,somerunningsilently,withtheirelbowsattheirsidesandtheirscabbardsleapingagainsttheircalves.Thehorsesstoodtetheredinaringneartheedgeofthewood,andbysomeoversighthadbeenleftunguarded.TheforemostrunnerImadeouttobeFresnoy;butanumberofhismenwerecloseuponhim,andthenafteranintervalcameMaignan,wavinghisbladeandemittingfranticthreatswitheverystride.ComprehendingatoncethatFresnoyandhisfollowing,rendereddesperatebypanicandtheprospectivelossoftheirhorses,hadtakenadvantageofmyabsenceandgivenMaignantheslip,IsawIcoulddonothingsavewatchtheresultofthestruggle.
Thiswasnotlongdelayed.Maignan'sthreats,whichseemedtomemerewasteofbreath,werenotwithouteffectonthosehefollowed.Thereisnothingwhichdemoralisesmenlikeflight.
Trooperswhohavestoodchargeafterchargewhilevictorywaspossiblewillflylikesheep,andlikesheepallowthemselvestohebutchered,whentheyhaveonceturnedtheback.Soitwashere.ManyofFresnoy'smenwerestoutfellows,buthavingstartedtoruntheyhadnostomachforfighting.TheirfearscausedMaignantoappearnear,whilethehorsesseemeddistant;
andoneafteranothertheyturnedasideandmadelikerabbitsforthewood.OnlyFresnoy,whohadtakencaretohavethestartofall,kepton,and,reachingthehorses,cuttheropewhichtetheredthenearest,andvaultednimblyonitsback.Safelyseatedthere,hetriedtofrightentheothersintobreakingloose;butnotsucceedingatthefirstattempt,andseeingMaignan,breathingvengeance,comingupwithhim,hestartedhishorse,abrightbay,androdeofflaughingalongtheedgeofthewood.
Fullycontentwiththeresult——forourcarelessnessmighthavecostusverydearly——IwasabouttoturnawaywhenIsawthatMaignanhadmountedandwaspreparingtofollow.Istayedaccordinglytoseetheend,andfrommyelevatedpositionenjoyedafirst-rateviewoftheracewhichensued.Bothwereheavyweights,andatfirstMaignangainednoground.ButwhenacoupleofhundredyardshadbeencoveredFresnoyhadtheill-lucktoblunderintosomeheavyground,andthisenablinghispursuer,whohadtimetoavoidit,togetwithintwo-scorepacesofhim,theracebecameasexcitingasIcouldwish.SlowlyandsurelyMaignan,whohadchosentheCid,reducedthedistancebetweenthemtoascoreofpaces——tofifteen——toten.ThenFresnoy,becomingalarmed,begantolookoverhisshoulderandrideinearnest.Hehadnowhip,andIsawhimraisehissheathedsword,andstrikehisbeastontheflank.Itsprangforward,andappearedforafewstridestobeholdingitsown.Againherepeatedtheblowbutthistimewithadifferentresult.Whilehishandwasstillintheair,hishorsestumbled,asitseemedtome,madeadesperateefforttorecoveritself,fellheadlongandrolledoverandover.
Somethinginthefashionofthefall,whichremindedmeofthemishapIhadsufferedonthewaytoChizeledmetolookmoreparticularlyatthehorseasitrosetremblingtoitsfeet,andstoodwithdroopinghead.Sureenough,acarefulglanceenabledme,evenatthatdistance,toidentifyitasMatthew'sbay——thetrick-horse.Shadingmyeyes,andgazingonthescenewithincreasedinterest,IsawMaignan,whohaddismounted,stoopoversomethingontheground,andagainafteranintervalstandupright.
ButFresnoydidnotrise.Norwasitwithoutawethat,guessingwhathadhappenedtohim,Irememberedhowhehadusedthisveryhorsetobefoolme;howheartlesslyhehadabandonedMatthew,itsowner;andbywhatmarvelloushaps——whichmencallchances——
Providencehadbroughtittothisplace,andputitinhishearttochooseitoutofascorewhichstoodreadytohishand!
Iwasright.Theman'sneckwasbroken.Hewasquitedead.
Maignanpassedthewordtoone,andhetoanother,andsoitreachedmeonthehill.Itdidnotfailtoawakenmemoriesbothgraveandwholesome.IthoughtofSt.Jeand'Angely,ofChize,ofthehouseintheRuelled'Arcy;theninthemidstofthesereflectionsIheardvoices,andturnedtofindmademoiselle,withM.d'Agenbehindme.
Herhandwasstillbandaged,andherdress,whichshehadnotchangedsinceleavingBlois,wastornandstainedwithmud.Herhairwasindisorder;shewalkedwithalimp.Fatigueandapprehensionhadstolenthecolourfromhercheeks,andinawordshelooked,whenIturned,sowanandmiserablethatforamomentIfearedtheplaguehadseizedher.
Theinstant,however,thatshecaughtsightofmeawaveofcolourinvaded,nothercheeksonly,butherbrowandneck.Fromherhairtothecollarofhergownshewasallcrimson.Forasecondshestoodgazingatme,andthen,asIsalutedher,shesprangforward.HadInotsteppedbackshewouldhavetakenmyhands.
Myheartsooverflowedwithjoyatthissight,thatinthecertaintyherblushgavemeIwasfaintotoywithmyhappiness.
AlljealousyofM.d'Agenwasforgotten;onlyIthoughtitwellnottoalarmherbytellingherwhatIknewoftheBruhls.
'Mademoiselle,'Isaidearnestly,bowing,butretreatingfromher,'IthankGodforyourescape.Oneofyourenemieslieshelplesshere,andanotherisdeadyonder.'
'ItisnotofmyenemiesIamthinking,'sheansweredquickly,'butofGod,ofwhomyourightlyremindme;andthenofmyfriends.'
'Nevertheless,'Iansweredasquickly,'Ibegyouwillnotstaytothankthemnow,butgodowntothewoodwithM.d'Agen,whowilldoallthatmaybepossibletomakeyoucomfortable.'
'Andyou,sir?'shesaid,withacharmingairofconfusion.
'Imuststayhere,'Ianswered,'forawhile.'
'Why?'sheaskedwithaslightfrown.
Ididnotknowhowtotellher,andIbeganlamely.'Someonemuststopwithmadame,'Isaidwithoutthought.
'Madame?'sheexclaimed.'Doessherequireassistance?Iwillstop.'
'Godforbid!'Icried.
Idonotknowhowsheunderstoodthewords,butherface,whichhadbeenfullofsoftness,grewhard.Shemovedquicklytowardsme;but,mindfulofthedangerIcarriedaboutme,Idrewfartherback.'Nonearer,mademoiselle,'Imurmured,'ifyouplease.'
Shelookedpuzzled,andfinallyangry,turningawaywithasarcasticbow.'Sobeit,then,sir,'shesaidproudly,'ifyoudesireit.M.d'Agen,ifyouarenotafraidofme,willyouleadmedown?'
Istoodandwatchedthemgodownthehill,comfortingmyselfwiththereflectionthatto-morrow,orthenextday,orwithinafewdaysatmost,allwouldbewell.Scanningherfigureasshemoved,Ifanciedthatshewentwithlessspiritasthespaceincreasedbetweenus.AndIpleasedmyselfwiththenotion.A
fewdays,afewhours,Ithought,andallwouldbewell.Thesunsetwhichblazedinthewestwasnomorethanafaintreflectionoftheglowwhichforafewminutespervadedmymind,longaccustomedtocoldprospectsandthechillofneglect.
AtermwasputtothesepleasantimaginingsbythearrivalofMaignan;who,pantingfromtheascentofthehill,informedmewithashamefacedairthatthetaleofhorseswascomplete,butthatfourofourmenweremissing,andhaddoubtlessgoneoffwiththefugitives.TheseprovedtobeM.d'Agen'stwolackeysandthetwovarletsM.deRambouillethadlentus.ThereremainedbesidesSimonFleixonlyMaignan'sthreemenfromRosny;
butthestateinwhichouraffairsnowstoodenabledustomakelightofthis.Iinformedtheequerry——whovisiblypaledatthenews——thatM.deBruhllayilloftheplague,andliketodie;
andIbadehimformacampinthewoodbelow,and,sendingforfoodtothehousewherewehadsleptthenightbefore,makemademoiselleascomfortableascircumstancespermitted.
Helistenedwithsurprise,andwhenIhaddoneaskedwithconcernwhatIintendedtodomyself.
'SomeonemustremainwithMadamdeBruhl,'Ianswered.'Ihavealreadybeentothebedsidetoprocurethekeyofmademoiselle'sroom,andIrunnofartherrisk.AllIaskisthatyouwillremainintheneighbourhood,andfurnishuswithsuppliesshoulditbenecessary.'
Helookedatmewithemotion,which,stronglyinconflictwithhisfearsasitwas,touchedmenotalittle.'Butmorbleu!M.
deMarsac,'hesaid,'youwilltaketheplagueanddie.'
'IfGodwills,'Ianswered,verylugubriouslyIconfess,forpalelooksinonecommonlysofearlesscouldnotbutdepressme.'Butifnot,Ishallescape.Anyway,myfriend,'Icontinued,'Ioweyouaquittance.SimonFleixhasaninkhornandpaper.Bidhimbringthemtothisstoneandleavethem,andIwillwritethatMaignan,theequerryoftheBarondeRosny,servedmetotheendasabravesoldierandanhonestfriend.'What,MONAMI?'I
continued,forIsawthathewasovercomebythis,whichwas,indeed,ahappythoughtofmine.'Whynot?Itistrue,andwillacquityouwiththeBaron.Doit,andgo.AdviseM.d'Agen,andbetohimwhatyouhavebeentome.'
Hesworetwoorthreegreatoaths,suchasmenofhiskindusetohideanexcessoffeeling,andaftersomefurtherremonstrancewentawaytocarryoutmyorders;leavingmetostandonthebrowinastrangekindofsolitude,andwatchhorsesandmenwithdrawtothewood,untilthewholevalleyseemedlefttomeandstillnessandthegreyevening.ForatimeIstoodinthought.
Thenremindingmyself,forafilliptomyspirits,thatIhadbeenfarmorealonewhenIwalkedthestreetsofSt.JeanfriendlessandthreadbarethanIwasnow,Iturned,andswingingmyscabbardagainstmybootsforcompany,stumbledthroughthedark,silentcourtyard,andmountedascheerfullyasIcouldtomadame'sroom.
Todetailallthatpassedduringthenextfivedayswouldbetediousandinindifferenttaste,seeingthatIamwritingthismemoirfortheperusalofmenofhonour;forthoughIconsidertheofficeswhichthewholecanperformforthesicktobeworthyoftheattentionofeveryman,howeverwellborn,whoproposestoseeservice,theyseemtobemorehonourableinthedoingthanthetelling.Oneepisode,however,whichmarkedthosedaysfilledmethen,asitdoesnow,withthemostlivelypleasure;
andthatwastheunexpecteddevotiondisplayedbySimonFleix,who,comingtome,refusedtoleave,andshowedhimselfatthispinchtobepossessedofsuchsterlingqualitiesthatIfreelyforgavehimthedeceithehadformerlypractisedonme.Thefitsofmoodysilenceintowhichhestillfellattimesandanoccasionalirascibilityseemedtoshowthathehadnotaltogetherconqueredhisinsanefancy;butthemerefactthat;hehadcometomeinasituationofhazard,andvoluntarilyremovedhimselffrommademoiselle'sneighbourhood,gavemegoodhopeforthefuture.
M.deBruhldiedearlyonthemorningofthesecondday,andSimonandIburiedhimatnoon.Hewasamanofcourageandaddress,lackingonlyprinciples.Inspiteofmadame'sgriefandprostration,whichwereasgreatasthoughshehadlostthebesthusbandintheworld,weremovedbeforenighttoaseparatecampinthewoods;andleftwiththeutmostreliefthegreyruinonthehill,inwhich,itseemedtome,wehadlivedanage.Inournewbivouac,where,gamebeingabundant,andtheweatherwarm,welackednocomfort,exceptthesocietyofourfriends,weremainedfourdayslonger.Onthefifthmorningwemettheothersofourcompanybyappointmentonthenorthroad,andcommencedthereturnjourney.
Thankfulthatwehadescapedcontagion,weneverthelessstillproposedtoobserveforatimesuchprecautionsinregardtotheothersasseemednecessary;ridingintherearandhavingnocommunicationwiththem,thoughtheyshowedbysignsthepleasuretheyfeltatseeingus.Fromthefrequencywithwhichmademoiselleturnedandlookedbehindher,Ijudgedshehadovercomeherpiqueatmystrangeconduct;whichtheothersshouldbythistimehaveexplainedtoher.Content,therefore,withthepresent,andfullofconfidenceinthefuture,Irodealonginararestateofsatisfaction;atonemomentplanningwhatIwoulddo,andatanotherreviewingwhatIhaddone.
Thebrightnessandsoftnessoftheday,andthebeautyofthewoods,whichinsomeplaces,Iremember,wereburstingintoleaf,contributedmuchtoestablishmeinthisframeofmind.Thehatefulmist,whichhadsogreatlydepressedus,haddisappeared;
leavingthefaceofthecountryvisibleinallthebrillianceofearlyspring.Themenwhorodebeforeus,cheeredbythehappyomen,laughedandtalkedastheyrode,ortriedthepacesoftheirhorses,wherethetreesgrewsparsely;andtheirjestsandlaughtercomingpleasantlytoourearsaswefollowed,warmedevenmadame'ssadfacetoasemblanceofhappiness.
Iwasridingalonginthisstateofcontentmentwhenafeelingoffatigue,whichthedistancewehadcomedidnotseemtojustify,ledmetospurtheCidintoabriskerpace.Thesensationoflassitudestillcontinued,however,andindeedgrewworse;sothatIwonderedidlywhetherIhadover-eatenmyselfatmylastmeal.Thenthethingpassedforawhilefrommymind,whichthedescentofasteephillsufficientlyoccupied.
Butafewminuteslater,happeningtoturninthesaddle,I
experiencedastrangeandsuddendizziness;soexcessiveastoforcemetograspthecantle,andclingtoit,whiletreesandhillsappearedtodanceroundme.Aquick,hotpaininthesidefollowed,almostbeforeIrecoveredthepowerofthought;andthisincreasedsorapidly,andwasfromthefirstsodefinite,that,withadreadfulapprehensionalreadyformedinmymind,I
thrustmyhandinsidemyclothes,andfoundthatswellingwhichisthemostsureanddeadlysymptomoftheplague.
Thehorrorofthatmoment——inwhichIsawallthosethingsonthepossessionofwhichIhadjustbeencongratulatingmyself,passhopelesslyfromme,leavingmeindreadfulgloom——Iwillnotattempttodescribeinthisplace.Letitsufficethattheworldlostinamomentitsjoyousness,thesunshineitswarmth.Thegreennessandbeautyroundme,whichaninstantbeforehadfilledmewithpleasure,seemedonasuddennomorethanagrimandcrueljestatmyexpense,andIanatomperishingunmarkedandunnoticed.Yes,anatom,amote;thebitternessofthatfeelingIwellremember.Then,innolongtime——beingasoldier——I
recoveredmycoolness,and,retainingthepowertothink,decidedwhatitbehovedmetodo.
CHAPTERXXXI.
UNDERTHEGREENWOOD.
Toescapefrommycompanionsonsomepretext,whichshouldenablemetoensuretheirsafetywithoutarousingtheirfears,wastheonethoughtwhichpossessedmeonthesubsidenceofmyfirstalarm.Probablyitansweredtothatinstinctinanimalswhichbidsthemgetawayalonewhenwoundedorattackedbydisease;andwithmeithadthefullerplayasthepainprevailedratherbyparoxysms,thaninpermanence,and,comingandgoing,allowedintervalsofease,inwhichIwasabletothinkclearlyandconsecutively,andeventositfirmlyinthesaddle.
Themomentoneoftheseintervalsenabledmetocontrolmyself,I
usedittothinkwhereImightgowithoutdangertoothers;andatonceandnaturallymythoughtsturnedtothelastplacewehadpassed;whichhappenedtobethehouseinthegorgewherewehadreceivednewsofBruhl'sdivergencefromtheroad.Themanwholivedtherealonehadhadtheplague;thereforehedidnotfearit.Theplaceitselfwassolitary,andIcouldreachit,ridingslowly,inhalfanhour.OntheinstantandwithoutmoredelayI
determinedonthiscourse.Iwouldreturn,and,committingmyselftothefellow'sgoodoffices,bidhimdenymetoothers,andespeciallytomyfriends——shouldtheyseekme.
AwarethatIbadnotimetoloseifIwouldputthisplanintoexecutionbeforethepainsreturnedtosapmycourage,Idrewbridleatonce,andmutteredsomeexcusetomadame;ifIrememberrightly,thatIhaddroppedmygauntlet.Whateverthepretext——
andmydreadwasgreatlestsheshouldobserveanystrangenessinmymanner——itpassedwithher;byreason,chiefly,Ithink,ofthegriefwhichmonopolisedher.Sheletmego,andbeforeanyoneelsecouldmarkormissmeIwasahundredyardsawayontheback-track,andalreadyshelteredfromobservationbyaturnintheroad.
Theexcitementofmyevasionsupportedmeforawhileafterleavingher;andthenforanotherwhile,aparoxysmofpaindeprivedmeofthepowerofthought.Butwhenthislastwasover,leavingmeweakandshaken,yetclearinmymind,themostmiserablesadnessanddepressionthatcanbeconceivedcameuponme;and,accompanyingmethroughthewood,filleditsavenueswhichdoubtlesswerefairenoughtoothers'eyeswiththeblacknessofdespair.Isawbutthecharnel-house,andthateverywhere.Itwasnotonlythatthehorrorsofthefirstdiscoveryreturneduponmeandalmostunmannedme;noronlythatregretsandmemories,picturesofthepastandplansforthefuture,crowdedthickuponmymind,sothatIcouldhaveweptatthethoughtofallendinghere.Butinmyweaknessmademoiselle'sfaceshonewherethewoodwasdarkest,and,temptingandprovokingmetoreturn——wereitonlytotellherthat,grimanddullasIseemed,Ilovedher——triedmewithasubtletemptationalmostbeyondmystrengthtoresist.Allthatwasmeaninmeroseinarms,allthatwasselfishclamouredtoknowwhyImustdieintheditchwhileothersrodeinthesunshine;whyImustgotothepit,whileotherslovedandlived!
AndsohardwasIpressedthatIthinkIshouldhavegivenwayhadtheridebeenlongerormyhorselesssmoothandnimble.Butinthemidstofmymisery,whichbodilypainwasbeginningtoaugmenttosuchadegreethatIcouldscarcelysee,andhadtoridegrippingthesaddlewithbothhands,Ireachedthemill.Myhorsestoppedofitsownaccord.Themanwehadseenbeforecameout.IhadIjuststrengthlefttotellhimwhatwasthematter,andwhatIwantedandthenafreshattackcameon,withsickness,andovercomebyvertigoIfelltotheground.
Ihavebutanindistinctideawhathappenedafterthat;untilI
foundmyselfinsidethehouse,clingingtotheman'sarm.Hepointedtoabox-bedinonecorneroftheroomwhichwas,orseemedtomysickeyes,gloomyanddarksomeintheextreme,andwouldhavehadmeliedowninit.Butsomethinginsidemerevoltedagainstthebed,anddespitetheforceheused,Ibrokeaway,andthrewmyselfonaheapofstrawwhichIsawinanothercorner.
'Isnotthe,bedgoodenoughforyou?'hegrumbled.
Istrovetotellhimitwasnotthat.
'Itshouldbegoodenoughtodieon,'hecontinuedbrutally.
'There'sfivehavediedonthatbed,I'dhaveyouknow!Mywifeone,andmysonanother,andmydaughteranother;andthenmysonagain,andadaughteragain.Five!Ay,fiveinthatbed!'
Broodinginthegloomofthechimney-corner,wherehewasbusiedaboutablackpot,hecontinuedtomutterandglanceatmeaskance;butafterawhileIswoonedawaywithpain.
WhenIopenedmyeyesagaintheroomwasdarker.ThemanstillsatwhereIhadlastseenhim,butanoise,thesame,perhaps,whichhadrousedme,drewhimasIlookedtotheunglazedwindow.
Avoiceoutside,thetonesofwhichIseemedtoknow,inquiredifhehadseenme;andsocarriedawaywasIbytheexcitementofthemomentthatIroseonmyelbowtoheartheanswer.Butthemanwasstaunch.Iheardhimdenyallknowledgeofme,andpresentlythesoundofretreatinghoofsandtheechoofvoicesdyinginthedistanceassuredmeIwasleft.
Then,atthatinstant,adoubtofthemanonwhosecompassionI
hadthrownmyselfenteredmymind.Plague-stricken,hopelessasIwas,itchilledmetotheveryheart;stayinginamomentthefeebletearsIwasabouttoshed,andcuringeventhevertigo,whichforcedmetoclutchatthestrawonwhichIlay.Whetherthethoughtarosefromasicklysenseofmyownimpotence,orwasbasedonthefellow'smoroseairandthestealthyglanceshecontinuedtocastatme,IamasunabletosayasIamtodecidewhetheritwaswell-founded,orthefruitofmyownfancy.
Possiblythegloomoftheroomandtheman'ssurlywordsinclinedmetosuspicion;possiblyhissecretthoughtsportrayedthemselvesinhishang-dogvisage.Afterwardsitappearedthathehadstrippedme,whileIlay,ofeverythingofvalue;buthemayhavedonethisinthebeliefthatIshoulddie.
AllIknowisthatIknewnothingcertain,becausethefeardiedalmostassoonasitwasborn.Themanhadscarcelyseatedhimselfagain,orIconceivedthethought,whenasecondalarmoutsidecausedhimtospringtohisfeet.Scowlingandmutteringashewent,hehurriedtothewindow.Butbeforehereacheditthedoorwasdashedviolentlyopen,andSimonFleixstoodintheentrance.
Therecameinwithhimsoblessedarushoflightandlifeasinamomentdispelledthehorroroftheroom,andstrippedmeatoneandthesametimeoffearandmanhood.ForwhetherIwouldorno,atsightofthefamiliarface,whichIhadfledsolately,I
burstintotears;and,stretchingoutmyhandstohim,asafrightenedchildmighthavedone,calledonhimbyname.I
supposetheplaguewasbythistimesoplainlywrittenonmyfacethatallwholookedmightread;forhestoodatgaze,staringatme,andwasstillsostandingwhenahandputhimasideandaslighter,smallerfigure,pale-facedandhooded,stoodforamomentbetweenmeandthesunshine.Itwasmademoiselle!
That,IthankGod,restoredmetomyself,orIhadbeenforevershamed.IcriedtothemwithallthevoiceIhadlefttotakeheraway;andcallingoutfranticallyagainandagainthatIhadtheplagueandshewoulddie,Ibadethemanclosethedoor.
Nay,regainingsomethingofstrengthinmyfearforher,Iroseup,half-dressedasIwas,andwouldhavefledintosomecornertoavoidher,stillcallingouttothemtotakeheraway,totakeheraway——ifafreshparoxysmhadnotseizedme,sothatIfellblindandhelplesswhereIwas.
ForatimeafterthatIknewnothing;untilsomeoneheldwatertomylips,andIdrankgreedily,andpresentlyawoketothefactthattheentrancewasdarkwithfacesandfiguresallgazingatmeasIlay.ButIcouldnotseeher;andIhadsenseenoughtoknowandbethankfulthatshewasnolongeramongthem.IwouldfainhavebiddenMaignantobegonetoo,forIreadtheconsternationinhisface.ButIcouldnotmusterstrengthorvoiceforthepurpose,andwhenIturnedmyheadtoseewhoheldme——ahme!itcomesbacktomestillindreams——itwasmademoiselle'shairthatsweptmyforeheadandherhandthatministeredtome;whiletearsshedidnottrytohideorwipeawayfellonmyhotcheek.Icouldhavepushedherawayeventhen,forshewasslightandsmall;butthepainscameuponme,andwithasobchokingmyvoiceIlostallknowledge.
IamtoldthatIlayformorethanamonthbetweenlifeanddeath,nowburningwithfeverandnowinthecoldfit;andthatbutforthetendancewhichneverfailednorfaltered,norcouldhavebeenoutdonehadmymaladybeentheleastinfectiousintheworld.Imusthavediedahundredtimes,ashundredsroundmediddieweekbyweekinthatyear.FromthefirsttheytookmeoutofthehousewhereIthinkIshouldhaveperishedquickly,soimpregnatedwasitwiththeplaguepoisonandlaidmeunderascreenofboughsintheforest,withavastquantityofcloaksandhorse-clothscunninglydisposedtowindward.HereIransomeriskfromcoldandexposureandthefallofheavydews;but,ontheotherhand,hadalltheairsofheaventoclearawaythehumoursandexpelthefeverfrommybrain.
Henceitwasthatwhenthefirstfeeblebeginningsofconsciousnessawokeinmeagain,theyandthelightstoleinonmethroughgreenleaves,andoverhangingboughs,andthefreshnessandverdureofthespringwoods.Thesunshinewhichreachedmywateryeyeswassoftenedbyitspassagethroughgreattrees,whichgrewandexpandedasIgazedupintothem,untileachbecameaverdantworld,withallaworld'sdiversityoflife.Growntiredofthis,Ihadstilllongavenuesofshade,carpetedwithflowers,topeerinto;oralittlewoodedbottom——wherethegroundfellawayononeside——thatblazedandburnedwithredthorn.Ay,andhenceitwasthatthefirstsoundsI
heard,whenthefeverleftmeatlast,andIknewmorningfromevening,andmanfromwoman,werethesongsofbirdscallingtotheirmates.
MademoiselleandMadamedeBruhl,withFanchetteandSimonFleix,layallthistimeinsuchshelterascouldberaisedforthemwhereIlay;M.Francoisandthreestoutfellows,whomMaignanlefttoguarduslivinginahutwithinhail.Maignanhimself,afterseeingoutaweekofmyillness,hadperforcereturnedtohismaster,andnonewshadsincebeenreceivedfromhim.Thankstothetimelymoveintothewoods,nootherofthepartyfellill,andbythetimeIwasabletostandandspeaktheravagesofthediseasehadsogreatlydecreasedthatfearwasatanend.
IshouldwastewordswereItotrytodescribehowthepeaceandquietudeofthelifeweledintheforestduringthetimeofmyrecoverysankintomyheart;whichhadknown,savebymymother'sbedside,littleofsuchjoys.Toawakeinthemorningtosweetsoundsandscents,toeatwithrevivingappetiteandfeeltheslowgrowthofstrength,toliealldayinshadeorsunshineasitpleasedme,andhearwomen'svoicesandtinklinglaughter,tohavenothoughtoftheworldandnoknowledgeofit,sothatwemighthavebeen,foranythingwesaw,inanothersphere——thesethingsmighthavesufficedforhappinesswithoutthatwhichaddedtoeachandeveryoneofthemasweeteranddeeperandmorelastingjoy.Ofwhichnext.
IhadnotbeguntotakenoticelongbeforeIsawthatM.Francoisandmadamehadcometoanunderstanding;suchanone,atleast,aspermittedhimtodoallforhercomfortandentertainmentwithoutcommittinghertomorethanwasbecomingatsuch,aseason.Naturallythisleftmademoisellemuchinmycompany;acircumstancewhichwouldhaveripenedintopassiontheaffectionIbeforeentertainedforher,hadnotgratitudeandanearerobservanceofhermeritsalreadyelevatedmyregardintothemostardentworshipthateventheyoungestlovereverfeltforhismistress.
Inproportion,however,asIandmylovegrewstronger,andmademoiselle'spresencegrewmorenecessarytomyhappiness——sothatweresheawaybutanhourIfella-moping——shebegantodrawofffromme,andabsentingherselfmoreandmoreonlongwalksinthewoods,by-and-byreducedmetosuchapitch,ofmiseryasbidfairtocompletewhatthefeverhadleftundone,IfthishadhappenedintheworldIthinkitlikelythatIshouldhavesufferedinsilence.Buthere,underthegreenwood,incommonenjoymentofGod'sairandearth,weseemedmorenearlyequal.Shewasscarcebetterdressed,thanasutler'swife;
whilerecollectionsofherwealthandstation,thoughtheyassailedmenightly,lostmuchoftheirpointinpresenceofheryouthandofthatfairandpatientgentlenesswhichforestlifeandthedutiesofanursehadfostered.
Soithappenedthatoneday,whenshehadbeenabsentlongerthanusual,Itookmycourageinmyhandandwenttomeetherasfarasthestreamwhichranthroughthebottombytheredthorn.
Here,ataplacewheretherewerethreestepping-stones,Iwaitedforher;firsttakingawaythestepping-stones,thatshemighthavetopause,and,beingataloss,mightbegladtoseeme.
Shecamepresently,trippingthroughanalleyinthelowwood,withhereyesontheground,andherwholecarriagefullofasweetpensivenesswhichitdidmegoodtosee.Iturnedmybackonthestreambeforeshesawme,andmadeapretenceofbeingtakenupwithsomethinginanotherdirection.Doubtlesssheespiedmesoon,andbeforeshecameverynear;butshemadenosignuntilshereachedthebrink,andfoundthestepping-stonesweregone.
Then,whethershesuspectedmeornot,shecalledouttome,notonce,butseveraltimes.For,partlytotantaliseher,asloverswill,andpartlybecauseitcharmedmetohearherusemyname,I
wouldnotturnatonce.
WhenIdid,anddiscoveredherstandingwithonesmallfootdallyingwiththewater,Icriedoutwithwell-affectedconcern;
andinagreathurryrantowardsher,payingnoattentiontoherchidingorthepettishhaughtinesswithwhichshespoketome.
'Thestepping-stonesareallonyourside,'shesaidimperiously.
'Whohasmovedthem?'
Ilookedaboutwithoutanswering,andatlastpretendedtofindthem;whileshestoodwatchingme,tappingthegroundwithonefootthewhile.Despiteherimpatience,thestonewhichwasnearesttoherItookcaretobringlast——thatshemightnotcrosswithoutmyassistance.Butafterallshesteppedoversolightlyandquicklythatthehandsheplacedinmineseemedscarcelytorestthereasecond.YetwhenshewasoverImanagedtoretainit;nordidsheresist,thoughhercheek,whichhadbeenredbefore,turnedcrimsonandhereyesfell,andboundtomebythelinkofherlittlehand,shestoodbesidemewithherwholefiguredrooping.
'Mademoiselle,'Isaidgravely,summoningallmyresolutiontomyaid,'doyouknowofwhatthatstreamwithitsstepping-stonesremindsme?'
Sheshookherheadbutdidnotanswer.
'OfthestreamwhichhasflowedbetweenusfromthedaywhenI
firstsawyouatSt.Jean,'saidinalowvoice.'Ithasflowedbetweenus,anditstilldoes——separatingus.'
'Whatstream?'shemurmured,withhereyescastdown,andherfootplayingwiththemoss.'Youspeakinriddles,sir.'
'Youunderstandthisoneonlytoowell,mademoiselle,'I
answered.'Areyounotyoungandgayandbeautiful,whileIamold,oralmostold,anddullandgrave?Youarerichandwell-
thought-ofatCourt,andIasoldieroffortune,nottoosuccessful.WhatdidyouthinkofmewhenyoufirstsawmeatSt.Jean?WhatwhenIcametoRosny?That,mademoiselle,'I
continuedwithfervour,'isthestreamwhichflowsbetweenusandseparatesus;andIknowofbutonestepping-stonethatcanbridgeit.'
Shelookedaside,toyingwithapieceofthorn-blossomshehadpicked.Itwasnotredderthanhercheeks.
'Thatonestepping-stone,'Isaid,afterwaitingvainlyforanywordorsignfromher,'isLove.Manyweeksago,mademoiselle,whenIhadlittlecausetolikeyou,Ilovedyou;IlovedyouwhetherIwouldornot,andwithoutthoughtorhopeofreturn.I
shouldhavebeenmadhadIspokentoyouthen.Mad,andworsethanmad.Butnow,nowthatIoweyoumylife,nowthatIhavedrunkfromyourhandinfever,and,awakingearlyandlate,havefoundyoubymypillow——nowthat,seeingyoucomeinandoutinthemidstoffearandhardship,Ihavelearnedtoregardyouasawomankindandgentleasmymother——nowthatIloveyou,sothattobewithyouisjoy,andawayfromyougrief,isitpresumptioninmenow,mademoiselle,tothinkthatthatstreammaybebridged?'
Istopped,outofbreath,andsawthatshewastrembling.Butshespokepresently.'Yousaidonestepping-stone?'shemurmured.
'Yes,'Iansweredhoarsely,tryinginvaintolookatherface,whichshekeptavertedfromme.
'Thereshouldbetwo,'shesaid,almostinawhisper.'Yourlove,sir,and——andmine.Youhavesaidmuchoftheone,andnothingoftheother.Inthatyouarewrong,forIamproudstill.AndIwouldnotcrossthestreamyouspeakofforanyloveofyours!'
'Ah!'Icriedinsharpestpain.
'But,'shecontinued,lookingupatmeonasuddenwitheyesthattoldmeall,'becauseIloveyouIamwillingtocrossit——tocrossitonceforever,andtolivebeyonditallmylife——ifI
maylivemylifewithyou.'
Ifellonmykneeandkissedherhandagainandagaininaraptureofjoyandgratitude.By-and-byshepulleditfromme.
'Ifyouwill,sir,'shesaid,'youmaykissmylips.Ifyoudonot,nomaneverwill.'
Afterthat,asmaybeguessed,wewalkedeverydayintheforest,makinglongerandlongerexcursionsasmystrengthcamebacktome,andthenearerpartsgrewfamiliar.Fromearlydawn,whenI
broughtmyloveaposyofflowers,tolateevening,whenFanchettehurriedherfromme,ourdayswerepassedinalongroundofdelight;beingfilledfullofallbeautifulthings——
love,andsunshine,andripplingstreams,andgreenbanks,onwhichwesattogetherunderscentedlimes,tellingoneanotherallwehadeverthought,andespeciallyallwehadeverthoughtofoneanother.Sometimes——whenthelightwaslowintheevening——wespokeofmymother;andonce——butthatwasinthesunshine,whenthebeeswerehummingandmybloodhadbeguntorunstronglyinmyveins——Ispokeofmygreatanddistantkinsman,Rohan.Butmademoisellewouldhearnothingofhim,murmuringagainandagaininmyear,'Ihavecrossed,mylove,I
havecrossed.'
Trulythesandsofthathour-glasswereofgold.Butintimetheyranout.FirstM.Francois,spurredbytherestlessnessofyouth,andconvincedthatmadamewouldforawhileyieldnofurther,leftus,andwentbacktotheworld.Thennewscameofgreateventsthatcouldnotfailtomoveus.TheKingofFranceandtheKingofNavarrehadmetatTours,andembracinginthesightofanimmensemultitude,hadrepulsedtheLeaguewithslaughterinthesuburbofSt.Symphorien.Fastonthisfollowedthetidingsoftheirmarchnorthwardswithanoverwhelmingarmyoffifty-thousandmenofbothreligions,bent,rumourhadit,onthesignalpunishmentofParis.