Allthatdayandthenexthehardlyutteredaword,buttherewasinhiseyesanoticingofeverythingdoneforhim,alookonhisfacewhichtoldherhewasfighting;andshedidnotlosehope。
Hisverystillness,thewayheconservedeverylittlescrapofenergy,showedthetenacitywithwhichhewasfighting。Ittouchedherdeeply;andthoughherfacewascomposedandcomfortableinthesick-room,tearsrandownhercheekswhenshewasoutofit。
Abouttea-timeonthethirdday——shehadjustchangedherdress,keepingherappearancesoasnottoalarmhim,becausehenoticedeverything——shesawadifference。’It’snouse;I’mtired,’waswrittenplainlyacrossthatwhiteface,andwhenshewentuptohim,hemuttered:”SendforSoames。””Yes,James,”shesaidcomfortably;”allright——atonce。”Andshekissedhisforehead。Ateardroppedthere,andasshewipeditoffshesawthathiseyeslookedgrateful。Muchupset,andwithouthopenow,shesentSoamesthetelegram。
Whenheenteredoutoftheblackwindynight,thebighousewasstillasagrave。Warmson’sbroadfacelookedalmostnarrow;hetookthefurcoatwithasortofaddedcare,saying:”Willyouhaveaglassofwine,sir?”
Soamesshookhishead,andhiseyebrowsmadeenquiry。
Warmson’slipstwitched。”He’saskingforyou,sir;”andsuddenlyheblewhisnose。”It’salongtime,sir,”hesaid,”thatI’vebeenwithMr。Forsyte——alongtime。”
Soameslefthimfoldingthecoat,andbegantomountthestairs。
Thishouse,wherehehadbeenbornandsheltered,hadneverseemedtohimsowarm,andrich,andcosy,asduringthislastpilgrimagetohisfather’sroom。Itwasnothistaste;butinitsownsub-
stantial,lincrustawayitwastheacmeofcomfortandsecurity。
Andthenightwassodarkandwindy;thegravesocoldandlonelyHepausedoutsidethedoor。Nosoundcamefromwithin。Heturnedthehandlesoftlyandwasintheroombeforehewasperceived。Thelightwasshaded。HismotherandWinifredweresittingonthefarsideofthebed;thenursewasmovingawayfromthenearsidewherewasanemptychair。’Forme!’thoughtSoames。Ashemovedfromthedoorhismotherandsisterrose,buthesignedwithhishandandtheysatdownagain。Hewentuptothechairandstoodlookingathisfather。James’breathingwasasifstrangled;hiseyeswereclosed。AndinSoames,lookingonhisfathersowornandwhiteandwasted,listeningtohisstrangledbreathing,thereroseapassionatevehemenceofangeragainstNature,cruel,inexorableNature,kneelingonthechestofthatwispofabody,slowlypressingoutthebreath,pressingoutthelifeofthebeingwhowasdearesttohimintheworld。Hisfather,ofallmen,hadlivedacarefullife,moderate,abstemious,andthiswashisreward——tohavelifeslowly,painfullysqueezedoutofhim!And,withoutknowingthathespoke,hesaid:”It’scruel!”
HesawhismothercoverhereyesandWinifredbowherfacetowardsthebed。Women!Theyputupwiththingssomuch。betterthanmen。Hetookastepnearertohisfather。ForthreedaysJameshadnotbeenshaved,andhislipsandchinwerecoveredwithhair,hardlymoresnowythanhisforehead。Itsoftenedhisface,gaveitaqueerlookalreadynotofthisworld。Hiseyesopened。Soameswentquitecloseandbentover。Thelipsmoved。”HereIam,Father:””Um——what——whatnews?Theynevertell……”thevoicedied,andafloodofemotionmadeSoames’faceworksothathecouldnotspeak。
Tellhim?——yes。Butwhat?Hemadeagreateffort,gothislipstogether,andsaid:”Goodnews,dear,good——Annette,ason。””Ah!”Itwasthequeerestsound,ugly,relieved,pitiful,triumphant——likethenoiseababymakesgettingwhatitwants。Theeyesclosed,andthatstrangledsoundofbreathingbeganagain。
Soamesrecoiledtothechairandstonilysatdown。Theliehehadtold,based,asitwere,onsomedeep,temperamentalinstinctthatafterdeathJameswouldnotknowthetruth,hadtakenawayallpoweroffeelingforthemoment。Hisarmbrushedagainstsomething。Itwashisfather’snakedfoot。Inthestruggletobreathehehadpusheditoutfromundertheclothes。Soamestookitinhishand,acoldfoot,lightandthin,white,verycold。
Whatusetoputitback,towrapupthatwhichmustbecoldersoon!
Hewarmeditmechanicallywithhishand,listeningtohisfather’slabouredbreathing;whilethepoweroffeelingroseagainwithinhim。Alittlesob,quicklysmothered,camefromWinifred,buthismothersatunmovingwithhereyesfixedonJames。Soamessignedtothenurse。”Where’sthedoctor?”hewhispered。”He’sbeensentfor。””Can’tyoudoanythingtoeasehisbreathing?””Onlyaninjection;andhecan’tstandit。Thedoctorsaid,whilehewasfighting……””He’snotfighting,”whisperedSoames,”he’sbeingslowlysmothered。It’sawful。”
Jamesstirreduneasily,asifheknewwhattheyweresaying。
Soamesroseandbentoverhim。Jamesfeeblymovedhistwohands,andSoamestookthem。”Hewantstobepulledup,”whisperedthenurse。
Soamespulled。Hethoughthepulledgently,butalookalmostofangerpassedoverJames’face。Thenurseplumpedthepillows。
Soameslaidthehandsdown,andbendingoverkissedhisfather’sforehead。Ashewasraisinghimselfagain,James’eyesbentonhimalookwhichseemedtocomefromtheverydepthsofwhatwasleftwithin。’I’mdone,myboy,’itseemedtosay,’takecareofthem,takecareofyourself;takecare——Ileaveitalltoyou。’”Yes,Yes,”Soameswhispered,”yes,yes。”
Behindhimthenursedidheknew,notwhat,forhisfathermadeatinymovementofrepulsionasifresentingthatinterference;andalmostatoncehisbreathingeasedaway,becamequiet;helayverystill。Thestrainedexpressiononhisfacepassed,acuriouswhitetranquillitytookitsplace。Hiseyelidsquivered,rested;thewholefacerested;atease。Onlybythefaintpuffingofhislipscouldtheytellthathewasbreathing。Soamessankbackonhischair,andfelltocherishingthefootagain。Heheardthenursequietlycryingovertherebythefire;curiousthatshe,astranger,shouldbetheonlyoneofthemwhocried!Heheardthequietlickandflutterofthefireflames。OnemoreoldForsytegoingtohislongrest——wonderful,theywere!——wonderfulhowhehadheldon!HismotherandWinifredwereleaningforward,hangingonthesightofJames’lips。ButSoamesbentsidewaysoverthefeet,warmingthemboth;theygavehimcomfort,colderandcolderthoughtheygrew。Suddenlyhestartedup;asound,adreadfulsoundsuchashehadneverheard,wascomingfromhisfather’slips,asifanoutragedhearthadbrokenwithalongmoan。Whatastrongheart,tohaveutteredthatfarewell!Itceased。Soaineslookedintotheface。Nomotion;nobreath!Dead!Hekissedthebrow,turnedroundandwentoutoftheroom。Heranupstairstothebedroom,hisoldbedroom,stillkeptforhim;flunghimselffacedownonthebed,andbrokeintosobswhichhestilledwiththepillow……
Alittlelaterhewentdownstairsandpassedintotheroom。Jameslayalone,wonderfullycalm,freefromshadowandanxiety,withthegravityonhisravagedfacewhichunderliesgreatage,thewornfinegravityofoldcoins。
Soameslookedsteadilyatthatface,atthefire,atalltheroomwithwindowsthrownopentotheLondonnight。”Good-bye!”hewhispered,andwentout。
CHAPTERXIV
HIS
Hehadmuchtoseeto,thatnightandallnextday。AtelegramatbreakfastreassuredhimaboutAnnette,andheonlycaughtthelasttrainbacktoReading,withEmily’skissonhisforeheadandinhisearsherwords:”Idon’tknowwhatIshouldhavedonewithoutyou,mydearboy。”
Hereachedhishouseatmidnight。Theweatherhadchanged,wasmildagain,asthough,havingfinisheditsworkandsentaForsytetohislastaccount,itcouldrelax。Asecondtelegram,receivedatdinner-time,hadconfirmedthegoodnewsofAnnette,and,insteadofgoingin,Soamespasseddownthroughthegardeninthemoonlighttohishouseboat。Hecouldsleeptherequitewell。
Bitterlytired,helaydownonthesofainhisfurcoatandfellasleep。Hewokesoonafterdawnandwentondeck。Hestoodagainsttherail,lookingwestwheretheriversweptroundinawidecurveunderthewoods。InSoames,appreciationofnaturalbeautywascuriouslylikethatofhisfarmerancestors,asenseofgrievanceifitwasn’tthere,sharpened,nodoubt,andcivilised,byhisresearchesamonglandscapepainting。Butdawnhaspowertofertilisethemostmatter-of-factvision,andhewasstirred。Itwasanotherworldfromtheriverheknew,underthatremotecoollight;aworldintowhichmanhadnotentered,anunrealworld,likesomestrangeshoresightedbydiscovery。Itscolourwasnotthecolourofconvention,washardlycolouratall;itsshapeswerebroodingyetdistinct;itssilencestunning;ithadnoscent。Whyitshouldmovehimhecouldnottell,unlessitwerethathefeltsoaloneinit,bareofallrelationshipandallpossessions。Intosuchaworldhisfathermightbevoyaging,forallresemblanceithadtotheworldhehadleft。AndSoamestookrefugefromitinwonderingwhatpaintercouldhavedoneitjustice。Thewhite-greywaterwaslike——likethebellyofafish!Wasitpossiblethatthisworldonwhichhelookedwasallprivateproperty,exceptthewater——andeventhatwastapped!Notree,noshrub,notabladeofgrass,notabirdorbeast,notevenafishthatwasnotowned。
Andonceonatimeallthiswasjungleandmarshandwater,andweirdcreaturesroamedandsportedwithouthumancognizancetogivethemnames;rottingluxuriancehadriotedwherethosetall,care-
fullyplantedwoodscamedowntothewater,andmarsh-mistedreedsonthatfarsidehadcoveredallthepasture。Well!theyhadgotitunder,kennelleditallup,labelledit,andstoweditinlawyers’offices。Andagoodthingtoo!Butonceinaway,asnow,theghostofthepastcameouttohauntandbroodandwhispertoanyhumanwhochancedtobeawake:’Outofmyunownedlonelinessyouallcame,intoitsomedayyouwillallreturn。’
AndSoames,whofeltthechillandtheeerinessofthatworld-newtohimandsoveryold:theworld,unowned,visitingthesceneofitspast——wentdownandmadehimselfteaonaspirit-lamp。Whenhehaddrunkit,hetookoutwritingmaterialsandwrotetwoparagraphs:”Onthe20thinstantathisresidenceinParkLane,JamesForsyte,inhisninety-firstyear。Funeralatnoononthe24thatHighgate。
Noflowersbyrequest。””Onthe20thinstantatTheShelter;Mapledurham,Annette,wifeofSoamesForsyte,ofadaughter。”Andunderneathontheblottingpaperhetracedtheword”son。”
Itwaseighto’clockinanordinaryautumnworldwhenhewentacrosstothehouse。Bushesacrosstheriverstoodroundandbright-colouredoutofamilkyhaze;thewood-smokewentupblueandstraight;andhisdovescooed,preeningtheirfeathersinthesunlight。
Hestoleuptohisdressing-room,bathed,shaved,putonfreshlinenanddarkclothes。
MadameLamottewasbeginningherbreakfastwhenhewentdown。
Shelookedathisclothes,said,”Don’ttellme!”andpressedhishand。”Annetteispretteewell。Butthedoctorsayshecanneverhavenomorechildren。Youknewthat?”Soamesnodded。”It’sapity。Maislapetiteestadorable。Ducafe?”
Soamesgotawayfromherassoonashecould。Sheoffendedhim——
solid,matter-of-fact,quick,clear——French。Hecouldnotbearhervowels,her’r’s’;heresentedthewayshehadlookedathim,asifitwerehisfaultthatAnnettecouldneverbearhimason!Hisfault!Heevenresentedhercheapadorationofthedaughterhehadnotyetseen。
Curioushowhejibbedawayfromsightofhiswifeandchild!
Onewouldhavethoughthemusthaverushedupatthefirstmoment。
Onthecontrary,hehadasortofphysicalshrinkingfromit——
fastidiouspossessorthathewas。HewasafraidofwhatAnnettewasthinkingofhim,authorofheragonies,afraidofthelookofthebaby,afraidofshowinghisdisappointmentwiththepresentand——thefuture。
Hespentanhourwalkingupanddownthedrawing-roombeforehecouldscrewhiscourageuptomountthestairsandknockonthedooroftheirroom。
MadameLamotteopenedit。”Ah!Atlastyoucome!Ellevousattend!”Shepassedhim,andSoameswentinwithhisnoiselessstep,hisjawfirmlyset,hiseyesfurtive。
Annettewasverypaleandveryprettylyingthere。Thebabywashiddenawaysomewhere;hecouldnotseeit。Hewentuptothebed,andwithsuddenemotionbentandkissedherforehead。”Hereyouarethen,Soames,”shesaid。”Iamnotsobadnow。ButIsufferedterribly,terribly。IamgladIcannothaveanymore。
Oh!howIsuffered!”
Soamesstoodsilent,strokingherhand;wordsofendearment,ofsympathy,absolutelywouldnotcome;thethoughtpassedthroughhim:’AnEnglishgirlwouldn’thavesaidthat!’Atthismomentheknewwithcertaintythathewouldneverbeneartoherinspiritandintruth,norshetohim。Hehadcollectedher——thatwasall!
AndJolyon’swordscamerushingintohismind:”Ishouldimagineyouwillbegladtohaveyourneckoutofchancery。”Well,hehadgotitout!Hadhegotitinagain?”Wemustfeedyouup,”hesaid,”you’llsoonbestrong。””Don’tyouwanttoseebaby,Soames?Sheisasleep。””Ofcourse,”saidSoames,”verymuch。”
Hepassedroundthefootofthebedtotheothersideandstoodstaring。Forthefirstmomentwhathesawwasmuchwhathehadexpectedtosee——ababy。Butashestaredandthebabybreathedandmadelittlesleepingmovementswithitstinyfeatures,itseemedtoassumeanindividualshape,grewtobelikeapicture,athinghewouldknowagain;notrepulsive,strangelybud-likeandtouching。Ithaddarkhair。Hetoucheditwithhisfinger,hewantedtoseeitseyes。Theyopened,theyweredark——whetherblueorbrownhecouldnottell。Theeyeswinked,stared,theyhadasortofsleepydepthinthem。Andsuddenlyhisheartfeltqueer,warm,asifelated。”Mapetitefleur!”Annettesaidsoftly。”Fleur,”repeatedSoames:”Fleur!we’llcallherthat。”
Thesenseoftriumphandrenewedpossessionswelledwithinhim。
ByGod!this——thisthingwashis!
End