“Sitdown,Crawford,“shesaidgently。“Sitdownandtellmeallaboutit。“
Hetoldher。Therewaslittlemoretotellthanhehadwritten。
HisfatherhadnotbecomemorereconciledtotheideaofhismarryingMary。Insteadhisoppositionwasjustasviolentand,tohisson’smind,asunreasonablyabsurd。DayafterdayCrawfordwaited,hopingthattimewouldbringachangeorthathisownargumentsmighthaveaneffect,butneithertimenorargumentsoftenedEdwinSmith’sobstinacy。
“Hebehavedlikeamadmanattimes,“declaredCrawford。“Andatothershewouldalmostbegmeonhiskneestogiveyouup。Iaskedhimwhy。Itoldhimoverandoveragainthatheshouldbeproudtohavesuchagirlforhisdaughter-in-law。IsaideverythingI
could。ItoldhimIwoulddoanythingforhim——anythingheasked——
exceptgiveyouup。ThatIwouldnotdo。Anditwastheonlythingheseemedtowishmetodo。Talkedaboutbringingshameanddisgraceonhisheadandmine——andallsortsofwildnonsense。WhenIaskedwhathemeantbydisgracehecouldnottellme。Ofcoursehecouldn’t。“
Thatwastrue,ofcoursehecouldnottell。Maryknew,andsherealizedoncemorethetortureswhichthemanmusthavesuffered,mustbesufferingatthatmoment。
“Soatlastweparted,“saidCrawford。“Ileftword——leftalettersayingthat,sofarasIcouldsee,itwasbestthatIwentaway。
Wecouldnotagreeapparently,heandI,upontheonepointwhich,asIsawit,wasthemostimportantdecisionofmylife。AndIhadmadethatdecision。ItoldhimhowmuchIhatedtoleavehim;thatIlovedhimasmuchasIeverdid。’But,’Isaid,’Ishallnotgiveupmyhappinessandmyfuturemerelytogratifyyourunreasonablewhim。’ThenIcameawayandstartedEasttoyou。“
Hepaused,evidentlyexpectingMarytomakesomecommentoraskaquestion,butshewassilent。Afteramomenthewenton。
“Ihaven’tmadeanydefiniteplansasyet,“hesaid。“IhaveanotheryearattheMedicalSchool——orshouldhaveit。IamhopingthatImaybeabletogobacktotheHarvardMed。hereinBostonandworkmywaythrough。OtherchapshavedoneitandI’msureIcan。
Andafterthat——well,afterthatImusttakemychanceatfindingalocationandapractice,likeanyotheryoungM。D。Butfirstofall,Mary,Iwantyoutotellmethatyouwillwaitforme。It’salottoask;Iknowhowmuch。Butwillyou,Marydear?That’swhatI’vecomeherefor——togetyoutosaythatyouwill。AfterthatI
canfaceanything——yes,andwinout,too。“
Marylookedathim。Hisfacewasaglowwithearnestnessandhisvoiceshookashefinishedspeaking。Heroseandheldouthishands。
“Willyou,Mary?“hebegged。
Shelookedathimnolonger。Shewasafraidtodoso——afraidofherownweakness。Butnosignofthatweaknessshoweditselfinhertoneassheanswered。
“I’msorry,Crawford,“shesaid,gently。“IwishIcould,butI
can’t。“
“Can’t!Can’twaitforme?“
“Icouldwaitforyou,itisn’tthat。Ifitweremerelyaquestionofwaiting——ifthatwereall——howeasyitwouldbe!Butitisn’t。
Crawford,youmustgobacktoyourfather。Youmustgobacktohimandforgetallaboutme。Youmust。“
Hestaredatherforamoment。Thenhelaughed。
“Forgetyou!“herepeated。“Mary,areyou——“
“Oh,please,Crawford!Don’tmakethisanyharderforbothofusthanithastobe。Youmustgobacktoyourfatherandyoumustforgetme。Icannotmarryyou,Ican’t。“
Hecametowardher。
“But,Mary,“hecried,“I——I——OfcourseIknowyoucan’t——now。I
knowhowyoufeelaboutyourdutytoyouruncles。Iknowtheyneedyou。Iamnotaskingthatyouleavethem。Iaskonlythatyousayyouwillwaituntil——untilbyandby,when——“
“Please,Crawford!No,Ican’t。“
“Mary!You——Oh,butyoumustsayit!Don’ttellmeyoudon’tloveme!“
Shewassilent。Heputhishandsuponhershoulders。Shecouldfeelthemtremble。
“Don’tyouloveme,Mary?“herepeated。“Lookup!Lookatme!
DON’Tyouloveme?“
Shedidnotlookup,butsheshookherhead。
“No,Crawford,“shesaid。“I’mafraidnot。Notenough。“
Sheheardhimcatchhisbreath,andshelonged——Oh,howshelonged!——
tothrowherarmsabouthim,tellhimthatitwasallalie,thatshedidlovehim。Butsheforcedherselfnottothinkofherownlove,onlyofthosewhomshelovedandwhatdisgraceandshameandmiserywouldcomeuponthemifsheyielded。
“Notenough?“sheheardhimrepeatslowly。“You——youdon’tloveme?
Oh,Mary!“
Sheshookherhead。
“Iamsorry,Crawford,“shesaid。“Ican’ttellyouhowsorry。
Please——pleasedon’tthinkhardlyofme,nottoohardly。Iwish——I
wishitweredifferent。“
Neitherspokeforamoment。Thenhesaid:
“I’mafraidIdon’tunderstand。Istheresomeoneelse?“
“Oh,no,no!Thereisn’tanyone。“
“Then——Butyoutoldme——Youhaveletmethink——“
“Please!ItoldyouIwasnotsureofmyownfeelings。I——Iamsurenow。Iamsosorryyoucame。Ishouldhavewrittenyou。I
hadbeguntheletter。“
Againsilence。Thenhelaughed,ashort,bitterlaughwithanythingbutmirthinit。
“Iamafool,“hesaid。“WHATafoolIhavebeen!“
“Please,Crawford,don’tspeakso……Oh,whereareyougoing?“
“I?Idon’tknow。WhatdifferencedoesitmakewhereIgo?Good-
by。“
“Stop,Crawford!Wait!Itmakesadifferencetoyourfatherwhereyougo。Itmakesadifferencetome。I——Ivalueyourfriendshipveryhighly。IhopedImightkeepthat。Ihopedyouwouldletmebeyourfriend,eventhoughtheothercouldnotbe。Ihopedthat。“
Theminutebeforeshehadaskedhimtoforgether,butshedidnotrememberthat,nordidhe。Hewasstandingbythedoor,lookingout。Foramomenthestoodthere。Thenheturnedandheldouthishand。
“Forgiveme,Mary,“hesaid。“Ihavebehavedlikeacad,I’mafraid。Whenafellowhasbeenbuildingaircastlesandallatoncetheytumbledownuponhisheadhe——well,heislikelytoforgetotherthings。Forgiveme。“
Shetookhishand。Shecouldkeepbackthetearsnolonger;hereyesfilled。
“Thereisnothingformetoforgive,“shesaid。“Ifyouwillforgiveme,thatisallIask。And——andletmestillbeyourfriend。“
“Ofcourse。Blessyou,Mary!I——Ican’ttalkanymorenow。
You’ll——“withanattemptatasmile——“you’llhavetogivemealittletimetogetmybearings,asyourUncleShadwouldsay。“
“And——andwon’tyougobacktoyourfather?Ishallfeelsomuchhappierifyoudo。“
Hehesitated。Thenhenodded。
“Ifyouwishit——yes,“hesaid。“IsupposeitisthethingIoughttodo。Dadwillbehappy,atanyrate。Oh,Mary,CAN’Tyou?“
“No,Crawford,no。Yes,yourfatherwillbehappy。And——andbyandbyyouwillbe,too,Iknow。Areyougoing?“
“Yes,IthinkIhadbetter。Idon’tfeellikemeetinganyoneandyourUncleShadwillbeheresoon,Isuppose。Yourmanhere——
Isaiah——toldmeofMr。Hamilton’ssickness。I’msorry。“
“Yes,poorUncleZoeth!Heisgainingalittle,however。Crawford,Iwon’taskyoutostay。Perhapsitwillbebestforbothofusifyoudonot。Butwon’tyouwritemejustoncemore?Justtotellmethatyouandyourfatherarereconciled?Ishouldliketoknowthat。Anddoforgiveme——Oh,do!IHADtosayit,Crawford!“
“Iforgiveyou,Mary。Ofcourseyouhadtosayit……But