hadalwaysknownitwasnoniceway。Imusthavegonetosleepafterawhile,butwhenIwokeupIwasstillthinkingaboutit,andtosaveme,Icouldn’tquit。Allday,whereverIwent,thatquestionoffather’skeptgoingoverinmyhead。IthoughtaboutituntilIwasalmostcrazy,andIjustcouldn’tseewhereanythingaboutshamecamein。
Shewasonlymistaken。SheTHOUGHThelovedher,andhedidn’t。
Shenevercouldhavebeensobloomy,sofilledwithsong,laughter,andlovelylikeshewas,ifshehadn’ttrulybelievedwithallherheartthathelovedher。Ofcourseitwouldalmostfinishhertogivehimup,whenshefeltlikethat;andmaybeshedidwrongtoletherselfcaresomuch,beforeshewassureabouthim;butthatwouldonlybefoolish,therewouldn’tbeevenashadowofshameaboutit。Besides,Laddiehaddoneexactlythesamething。HelovedthePrincessuntilitnearlykilledhimwhenhethoughthehadtogiveherup,andhelovedherashardaseverhecould,whenhehadn’tanideawhethershewouldlovehimback,evenatinyspeck;andthepersonwhowasn’tfoolish,andneverwouldbe,wasLaddie。
ThemoreIthought,theworseIgotworkedup,andIcouldn’tseehowShelleywastoblameforanythingatall。Lovejustcametoher,likeitcametoLaddie。ShewouldhardlyhavekneltdownandbeseechedtheLordtomakeherfallinlovewithamanshescarcelyknew,andwhenshecouldn’tbesurewhathewasgoingtodoaboutit——nottheLord,theman,Imean。Youcouldseeforyourselfshewouldn’tdothat。Ifinishedmywork,andthenI
triedtodothingsforher,andshewouldn’tletme。MothertoldmetoaskhertomakeGraceGreenwoodthedressshehadpromisedwhenIwassosick;soItooktheScotchplaidtoherandremindedher,andshepushedmeawayandsaid:“Sometime!“
IevengotGrace,andshowedShelleythespillsonherdress,andhowbadlysheneededanewone,butsheneverlooked,shesaid:
“Ohbother!Myheadaches。Doletmebe!“
Motherwaslistening。Icouldseeherstandingoutsidethedoor。
Shemotionedtometocomeaway,soIwenttoherandshewaswhiteasShelley。Shewassicktoo,shecouldn’tsayawordforaminute,butafterawhileshekissedme,Icouldfeelthequiversinherlips,andshesaidstifflike:“Nevermind,she’llbebettersoon,thenshewill!Runplaynow!“
SometimesIwanderedaroundlookingatthingsandlivingdully。
Ididn’ttrytostudyoutanything,butImusthavewatchedcloserthanIknew,foreverysinglethingIsawthen,overthatwholefarm,Icanshutmyeyesandseeto-day;everything,fromtheoldhawktiltinghistailtosteerhiminsoaring,toasnakecatchingfieldmiceinthegrass,lichensonthefence,flowers,butterflies,everysinglething。MostlyIsattowatchsomethingthatpromisedtobecomeinteresting,andbeforeIknewit,Iwasbackontheshamequestion。That’sthemostdreadfulwordinthedictionary。There’ssomethingaboutitthatmakesyourfaceburn,onlytohaveitinyourmind。
Laddiesaidheneverhadmetanymanwhoknewtheoriginofmorewordsthanfather。Hecouldeventelleveryclipwhatnationalityamanwasfromhisname。HundredsoftimeIhaveheardhimsaytostrangerpeople,“Fromyournameyou’dbeofScotchextraction,“orIrish,orwhateveritwas,andeverytimethepersonhewastalkingwithwouldsay,“Yes。“Somedayawayoutinthefield,alone,IthoughtIwouldaskhimwhatpeoplefirstusedtheword“shame,“andjustexactlywhatitdidmean,andwhatthethingswerethatyoucoulddothatwouldmakethepeoplewholovedyouuntiltheywoulddieforyou,ashamedofyou。
ThinkingaboutthatandplanningoutwhatitwasthatIwantedtoknow,gavemeanotheridea。Whynotaskher?Shewastheonlyonewhoknewwhatshehaddoneawaythereinthecity,aloneamongstrangers;Iwasn’tsurewhetherallthemusicagirlcouldlearnwasworthlettinghertakethechancesshewouldhavetoinabigcity。FromthewayLaddieandfatherhatedthem,theywereapoorplaceformen,andtheymusthavebeenmuchworseforgirls。Shelleyknew,whynotaskHER?MaybeIcouldcoaxhertotellme,anditwouldmakemylifemucheasiertoknow;andonlythinkwhatwasgoingoninfather’sandmother’sheadsandhearts,whenIfeltthatway,anddidn’tevenknowwhattherewastobeashamedabout。Shewouldn’tanymorethanslapme;andsickasshewas,Imadeupmymindnottogetangryather,orevertotell,ifshedid。I’dratherhaveherhitmewhenshewassosickthantohaveSallybeatmeuntilshecouldn’tstrikeanotherlick,justbecauseshewasangry。ButIforgaveherthat,andIwasnevergoingtothinkofitagain——onlyIdid。
MotherkeptsendingLeontothepost-office,andshemethimatthegatehalfthetimeherselfandfairlysnatchedthelettersfromhishands。Hum!Shecouldn’tpullthewoolovermyeyes。
Iknewshehopedsomehow,someway,therewouldbeabigfatonewithPaget,LegalAdviser,orwhateveraChicagolawyerputsonhisenvelopes。Jerry’sjustsay:“AttorneyatLaw。“
NoletterevercamethathadPagetinthecorner,oranythinghappenedthatdidShelleyanygood。Farotherwise!JustbeforesupperLeoncamefromGrovevilleoneevening,andallofuscouldseeataglancethathehadbeencryinglikeababy。Hehadwipedup,andwastryingtoholdin,buthewaskilled,next。I
nearlysaid,“Well,forheaven’ssake,another!“whenIsawhim。
Heslammeddownabig,longenvelope,havingprintingonit,beforefather,andglaredatitasifhewantedtotearittosmithereens,andhesaid:“Ifyouwanttoknowwhyitlookslikethat,Iburieditunderastoneonce;butIhadtogoback,andthenIthrewitasfarasIcouldsendit,intoDitton’sgully,butafterawhileIhunteditupagain!“
Thenhekeeledoveronthecouchmotherkeepsforherinthedining-room,andsobbeduntilhelookedlikehe’dcomeapart。
Ofcourseallofusknewexactlywhatthatletterwasfromthewayheacted。Motherhadtoldhim,timeandagain,nottosethisheartso;fatherhad,tooandLaddie,andeveryoneofus,butthatlittlehalf-Arab,half-Kentuckymarewastheworsttemptationamanwholovedhorsescouldpossiblyhave;andwhilefatherandmotherstoppedatgoodworkhorses,andmatchedroadstersforthecarriage,theymanagedtoprizeandtendthemsothateveryoneofushadbeenbornhorse-crazy,andwehadbeenallowedtoride,carefor,andtaughttolovehorsesallourlives。Treatahorseugly,andwe’dhavegoneonthethrashingfloorourselves。
Fatherlaidtheletterfacedown,hishandonit,andshookhishead。“Thisistoobad!“hesaid。“It’saburningshame,butthemoney,theexactamount,wastakenfromafarmerinMedinaCounty,Ohio,byatravellerheshelteredafewdays,becausehecomplainedofabadfoot。Thedescriptionofthemanwhorobbedusisperfect。Themoneywasfromthesaleofsomeprizecattle。
Itwillhavetobereturned。“
“Justletmeseetheletteraminute,“saidLaddie。
Hereaditoverthoughtfully。Hewaslongenoughaboutittohavegoneoveritthreetimes;thenhelookedatLeon,andhisforeheadcreasedinadeepfrown。Thetearssliddownmother’scheeks,butshedidn’tknowit,orelseshe’dhavewipedthemaway。Shewasnevermussyabouttheleastlittlething。
“Father!“shesaid。“Father——!“
Thatwasasfarasshecouldgo。
“Themanmusthavehismoney,“saidfather,“butwe’lllookintothis——“
Hepushedbacktheplatesandtablecloth,andclearedhisendofthetable。Motherneverbudgedtostacktheplates,orstraightentheclothsoitwouldn’tbewrinkled。Thenfatherbroughthisbigaccountbookfromtheblackwalnutchestinourroom,somelittlebooks,andpapers,sharpenedapencilandbegangoingupanddownthecolumnsandpickingoutfigureshereandtherethathesetonapieceofpaper。Ineverhadseenhimlookeitheroldortiredbefore;buthedidthen。Mothernoticedittoo,forherlipstightened,sheliftedherhead,wipedhereyes,andpretendedthatshefeltbetter。Laddiesaidsomethingaboutdoingthefeeding,andslippedout。JustthenShelleycameintotheroom,stopped,andlookedquestioninglyatus。Hereyesopenedwide,andshestaredhardatLeon。
“Whywhatailshim?“sheaskedmother。
“YourememberwhatIwroteyouaboutamanwhorobbedus,andthemoneyLeonwastohave,providednoownerwasfoundinareasonabletime;andthehorsetheboyhadplannedtobuy,andhowhehadbeengoingtoPryors’——Oh,Ithinkhe’sslippedoverthereonceaday,andoftenthreetimes,allthisspring!Mr。
Pryorencouragedhim,lethimtakehisolderhorsestopractiseon,evenwentoutandtaughthimcross-countryridinghimself——“
“Iremember!“saidShelley。
Leonsobbedoutloud。Shelleycrossedtheroomswiftly,droppedbesidehimandwhisperedsomethinginhisear。Quickasashothisarmreachedoutandwentaroundher。Shehidherheaddeepinthepillowbesidehim,andtheywenttopiecestogether。
Cleartopieces!Prettysoonfatherhadtotakeoffhisglassesandwipethemsohecouldseethefigures。Mothertookonelonglookathim,ashortoneatLeonandShelley,thenshearose,hervoiceasevenandsmooth,andshesaid:“Whileyoufigure,father,I’llseeaboutsupper。Ihavetriedtoplananextragoodonethisevening。“
Shelefttheroom。NOW,IguessyouknowaboutallIcantellyouofmother!Ican’tseethatthere’sathingleft。Thatwasthekindofsoldiershewas。TalkaboutCrusaders,andagoodfight!Allthebloodofbattleinourfamilywasn’tonfather’sside,notbyanymeans!TheDutchcouldfighttoo!
Father’spencilscrapedalittle,abeethathadslippedinbuzzedovertheapplebutter,whiletheclocktickedasifitusedahammer。Itwassoloudonewantedtopitchitfromthewindow。MayandIsatstillasmicewhenthecatisnear。
Candacecouldn’tkeepawayfromthekitchendoortosaveher,andwheremotherwentIhadn’tanidea,butshewasn’tgettinganextragoodsupper。ShelleyandLeonwerequieternow。Maynudgedme,andIsawthathisarmaroundherwasgrippinghertight,whileherhandonhisheadwaspattinghimandfingeringhishair。
Ca-lumph!Ca-lumph!camethefunniestsoundrightonthestonewalkleadingtotheeastdoor,thenashrillwhickerthatmadefatherdrophispencil。Leonwasonhisfeet,Shelleybesidehim,whileatthedoorstoodLaddiegrinningasifhisfacewouldsplit,andwithherforefeetonthestepandhernoseintheroom,stoodtheprettiest,theveryprettiesthorseIeversaw。
ShewasstickinghernosetowardLeon,whinnyingsoftly,assheliftedonefoot,andifLaddiehadn’tbackedher,shewouldhavewalkedrightintothedining-room。
“Comeon,Weiscope,she’syours!“saidLaddie。“Takehertothebarn,andputherinoneofthecowstalls,untilwefixaplaceforher。“
Leoncrossedtheroom,buthenevertouchedthehorse。HethrewhisarmsaroundLaddie’sneck。
“Son!Son!Haven’tyouletyourfeelingsrunawaywithyou?
Whatdoesthismean?“askedfathersternly。
“There’snothingremarkableinabigsix-footerlikemebuyingahorse,“saidLaddie。“Iexpecttopurchaseanumbersoon,andwithoutacenttopay,inthebargain。Icontractedtogivefivehundreddollarsforthismare。Sheisworthmore;butthatshouldbesatisfactoryallaround。IamgoingtoearnitbyputtingfiveofMr。Pryor’sfancy,pedigreedhorsesinshapeformarket,takingthempersonally,andsellingthemtomenfittoownandhandlerealhorses。Igetonehundredeach,andmyexpensesforthejob。I’llhaveasmuchfundoingitasIeverhadatanything。Itsuitsmefarbetterthanplowing,even。“
Motherenteredtheroomatasweep,andpushedLeonaside。
“Ohyoumanofmyheart!“shecried。“Youmanaftermyownheart!“
Laddiebentandkissedher,holdinghertightashelookedoverherheadatfather。
“It’sallright,ofcourse?“hesaid。
“Ineverhaveknownofanythingquitesoaltogetherright,“saidfather。“Thankyou,lad,andGodblessyou!“
HetookLaddie’shand,andalmostliftedhimfromthefloor,thenhewipedhisglasses,gathereduphisbookswithabig,deepbreathofrelief,andwentintohisroom。Iftheothershadlookedtoseewhyhewasgonesolong,theywouldhaveseenhimonhiskneesbesidehisbedthankingGod,asusual。Leoncouldn’thavecomecloserthanwhenhesaid,“Thesameyesterday,to-day,andforever,“aboutfather。
Leonhadhisarmsaroundtheneckofhishorsenow,andhewaskissingher,pattingher,andexplainingtoShelleyjustwhynootherhorsewaslikeher。Hewaspouringoutajumbleallabouttheoasisofthedesert,thetentdwellers,quotinglinesfrom“TheArabtoHisHorse,“bluegrass,andgentlenesscombinedwithspirit,whileShelleyhaditsheadbetweenherhands,strokingitandsaying,“Yes,“toeverywordLeontoldher。Thenhesaid:
“Justhoponherbackfromthattopstepandridehertothebarn,ifyouwanttoseethemotionshehas。“
Shelleysaid:“Hasawomaneverbeenonherback?Won’tsheshyatmyskirts?“
“No,“explainedLeon。“I’vebeentrainingherwithahorseblanketpinnedaroundme,soSusiecouldrideher!She’llbeallright。“
SoShelleymounted,andthehorseturnedherhead,andtriedtorubagainsther,asshewalkedaway,tameasasheep。Iwonderedifshecouldbetoogentle。Ifshewent“likethewind,“asLeonsaid,itdidn’tshowthen。Iwasalmostcrazytogoalong,andmaybeLeonwouldletmeridealittlewhile;butIhadaquestionthatitwouldhelpmetoknowtheanswerandIwantedtoaskfatherbeforeIforgot;soIwaiteduntilhecameout。Whenhesatdown,smiledatmeandsaid,“Well,isthegirlhappyforbrother?“Iknewitwasagoodtime,andIcouldaskanythingI
chose,soIsatonhiskneeandsaid:“Father,whenyouprayforanythingthatit’sallperfectlyrightforyoutohave,doesGodcomedownfromheavenanddoitHimself,ordoesHesendamanlikeLaddietodoitforhim?“
Fatherhuggedmetight,smilingthehappiest。
“Why,youhavethewholethingrightthereinanutshell,LittleSister,“hesaid。“Youseeit’slikethis:theBooktellsusmostdistinctlythat`Godislove。’NowitwaslovethatsentLaddietobindhimselfforalong,tediousjob,togiveLeonhishorse,wasn’tit?“
“Ofcourse!“Isaid。“Hewouldn’thavebeenlikelytodoitifhehatedhim。Itwaslove,ofcourse!“
“ThenitwasGod,“saidfather,“because`Godislove。’Theyareoneandthesamething。“
第47章