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第63章

  Beatriceaskedthesequestionsinalowvoiceandgavemenochancetoanswer。Thentakingarhythmfromthemusicbeforeher,shesaid——
  “Atthebackofthehouseisagarden——adoorinthewall——onthelane。Understand?”
  Iturnedoverthepageswithoutanyeffectonherplaying。
  “When?”Iasked。
  Shedealtinchords。“IwishICOULDplaythis!”shesaid。
  “Midnight。”
  Shegaveherattentiontothemusicforatime。
  “Youmayhavetowait。”
  “I’llwait。”
  Shebroughtherplayingtoanendby——asschoolboyssay——“stashingitup。”
  “Ican’tplayto-night。”shesaid,standingupandmeetingmyeyes。“Iwantedtogiveyouapartingvoluntary。”
  “WasthatWagner,Beatrice?”askedLadyOspreylookingupfromhercards。“Itsoundedveryconfused。”
  Itookmyleave。IhadacurioustwingeofconscienceasI
  partedfromLadyOsprey。Eitherafirstintimationofmiddle-ageormyinexperienceinromanticaffairswastoblame,butIfeltaverydistinctobjectiontotheprospectofinvadingthisgoodlady’spremisesfromthegardendoor。Imotoreduptothepavilion,foundCothopereadinginbed,toldhimforthefirsttimeofWestAfrica,spentanhourwithhiminsettlingalltheoutstandingdetailsofLordRobertsB,andleftthatinhishandstofinishagainstmyreturn。IsentthemotorbacktoLadyGrove,andstillwearingmyfurcoat——fortheJanuarynightwasdampandbitterlycold——walkedtoBedleyCorner。IfoundthelanetothebackoftheDowerHousewithoutanydifficulty,andwasatthedoorinthewallwithtenminutestospare。Ilitacigarandfelltowalkingupanddown。Thisqueerflavourofintrigue,thisnocturnalgarden-doorbusiness,hadtakenmebysurpriseandchangedmymentalaltitudes。IwasstartledoutofmyegotisticalposeandthinkingintentlyofBeatrice,ofthatelfinqualityinherthatalwayspleasedme,thatalwaystookmebysurprise,thathadmadeherforexamplesoinstantlyconceivethismeeting。
  Shecamewithinaminuteofmidnight;thedooropenedsoftlyandsheappeared,ashort,greyfigureinamotor-coatofsheepskin,bareheadedtothecolddrizzle。Sheflitteduptome,andhereyeswereshadowsinherduskyface。
  “WhyareyougoingtoWestAfrica?”sheaskedatonce。
  “Businesscrisis。Ihavetogo。”
  “You’renotgoing——?You’recomingback?”
  “Threeorfourmonths。”Isaid,“atmost。”
  “Then,it’snothingtodowithme?”
  “Nothing。”Isaid。“Whyshouldithave?”
  “Oh,that’sallright。Oneneverknowswhatpeoplethinkorwhatpeoplefancy。”Shetookmebythearm,“Let’sgoforawalk。”
  shesaid。
  Ilookedaboutmeatdarknessandrain。
  “That’sallright。”shelaughed。“WecangoalongthelaneandintotheOldWokingRoad。Doyoumind?Ofcourseyoudon’t。Myhead。Itdoesn’tmatter。Onenevermeetsanybody。”
  “Howdoyouknow?”
  “I’vewanderedlikethisbefore。Ofcourse。Didyouthink“——shenoddedherheadbackatherhome——“that’sall?”
  “No,byJove!”Icried;“it’smanifestitisn’t。”
  Shetookmyarmandturnedmedownthelane。“Night’smytime。”
  shesaidbymyside。“There’satouchofthewerewolfinmyblood。Oneneverknowsintheseoldfamilies。I’vewonderedoften。Hereweare,anyhow,aloneintheworld。Justdarknessandcoldandaskyofcloudsandwet。Andwe——together。
  Ilikethewetonmyfaceandhair,don’tyou?Whendoyousail?”
  Itoldherto-morrow。
  “Oh,well,there’snoto-morrownow。YouandI!”Shestoppedandconfrontedme。
  “Youdon’tsayawordexcepttoanswer!”
  “No。”Isaid。
  “Lasttimeyoudidallthetalking。”
  “Likeafool。Now——“
  Welookedateachother’stwodimfaces。“You’regladtobehere?”
  “I’mglad——I’mbeginningtobe——it’smorethanglad。”
  Sheputherhandsonmyshouldersanddrewmedowntokissher。
  “Ah!”shesaid,andforamomentorsowejustclungtooneanother。
  “That’sall。”shesaid,releasingherself。“Whatbundlesofclothesweareto-night。Ifeltweshouldkisssomedayagain。
  Always。Thelasttimewasagesago。”
  “Amongthefernstalks。”
  “Amongthebracken。Youremember。Andyourlipswerecold。
  Weremine?Thesamelips——aftersolong——aftersomuch!。Andnowlet’strudgethroughthisblotted-outworldtogetherforatime。Yes,letmetakeyourarm。Justtrudge。See?HoldtighttomebecauseIknowtheway——anddon’ttalk——don’ttalk。Unlessyouwanttotalk。Letmetellyouthings!Yousee,dear,thewholeworldisblottedout——it’sdeadandgone,andwe’reinthisplace。Thisdarkwildplace。We’redead。Oralltheworldisdead。No!We’redead。Noonecanseeus。We’reshadows。
  We’vegotoutofourpositions,outofourbodies——andtogether。
  That’sthegoodthingofit——together。Butthat’swhytheworldcan’tseeusandwhywehardlyseetheworld。Sssh!Isitallright?”
  “It’sallright。”Isaid。
  Westumbledalongforatimeinaclosesilence。Wepassedadim-lit,rain-veiledwindow。
  “Thesillyworld。”shesaid,“thesillyworld!Iteatsandsleeps。Ifthewetdidn’tpattersofromthetreeswe’dhearitsnoring。It’sdreamingsuchstupidthings——stupidjudgments。Itdoesn’tknowwearepassing,wetwo——freeofit——clearofit。
  YouandI!”
  Wepressedagainsteachotherreassuringly。
  “I’mgladwe’redead。”shewhispered。“I’mgladwe’redead。I
  wastiredofit,dear。Iwassotiredofit,dear,andsoentangled。”
  Shestoppedabruptly。
  Wesplashedthroughastringofpuddles。IbegantorememberthingsIhadmeanttosay。
  “Lookhere!”Icried。“Iwanttohelpyoubeyondmeasure。Youareentangled。Whatisthetrouble?Iaskedyoutomarryme。
  Yousaidyouwould。Butthere’ssomething。”
  MythoughtssoundedclumsyasIsaidthem。
  “Isitsomethingaboutmyposition?。Orisitsomething——perhaps——aboutsomeotherman?”
  Therewasanimmenseassentingsilence。
  “You’vepuzzledmeso。Atfirst——Imeanquiteearly——Ithoughtyoumeanttomakememarryyou。”
  “Idid。”
  “Andthen?”
  “To-night。”shesaidafteralongpause,“Ican’texplain。No!
  Ican’texplain。Iloveyou!But——explanations!To-nightmydear,hereweareintheworldalone——andtheworlddoesn’tmatter。Nothingmatters。HereIaminthecoldwithyouandmybedawaytheredeserted。I’dtellyou——Iwilltellyouwhenthingsenablemetotellyou,andsoonenoughtheywill。Butto-night——Iwon’t——Iwon’t。”
  Sheleftmysideandwentinfrontofme。
  Sheturneduponme。“Lookhere。”shesaid,“Iinsistuponyourbeingdead。Doyouunderstand?I’mnotjoking。To-nightyouandIareoutoflife。It’sourtimetogether。Theremaybeothertimes,butthiswewon’tspoil。We’re——inHadesifyoulike。Wherethere’snothingtohideandnothingtotell。Nobodieseven。Nobothers。Welovedeachother——downthere——andwerekeptapart,butnowitdoesn’tmatter。It’sover。Ifyouwon’tagreetothat——Iwillgohome。”
  “Iwanted。”Ibegan。
  “Iknow。Oh!mydear,ifyou’donlyunderstandIunderstand。Ifyou’donlynotcare——andlovemeto-night。”
  “Idoloveyou。”Isaid。
  “ThenLOVEme。”sheanswered,“andleaveallthethingsthatbotheryou。Loveme!HereIam!”