Beatriceaskedthesequestionsinalowvoiceandgavemenochancetoanswer。Thentakingarhythmfromthemusicbeforeher,shesaid——
“Atthebackofthehouseisagarden——adoorinthewall——onthelane。Understand?”
Iturnedoverthepageswithoutanyeffectonherplaying。
“When?”Iasked。
Shedealtinchords。“IwishICOULDplaythis!”shesaid。
“Midnight。”
Shegaveherattentiontothemusicforatime。
“Youmayhavetowait。”
“I’llwait。”
Shebroughtherplayingtoanendby——asschoolboyssay——“stashingitup。”
“Ican’tplayto-night。”shesaid,standingupandmeetingmyeyes。“Iwantedtogiveyouapartingvoluntary。”
“WasthatWagner,Beatrice?”askedLadyOspreylookingupfromhercards。“Itsoundedveryconfused。”
Itookmyleave。IhadacurioustwingeofconscienceasI
partedfromLadyOsprey。Eitherafirstintimationofmiddle-ageormyinexperienceinromanticaffairswastoblame,butIfeltaverydistinctobjectiontotheprospectofinvadingthisgoodlady’spremisesfromthegardendoor。Imotoreduptothepavilion,foundCothopereadinginbed,toldhimforthefirsttimeofWestAfrica,spentanhourwithhiminsettlingalltheoutstandingdetailsofLordRobertsB,andleftthatinhishandstofinishagainstmyreturn。IsentthemotorbacktoLadyGrove,andstillwearingmyfurcoat——fortheJanuarynightwasdampandbitterlycold——walkedtoBedleyCorner。IfoundthelanetothebackoftheDowerHousewithoutanydifficulty,andwasatthedoorinthewallwithtenminutestospare。Ilitacigarandfelltowalkingupanddown。Thisqueerflavourofintrigue,thisnocturnalgarden-doorbusiness,hadtakenmebysurpriseandchangedmymentalaltitudes。IwasstartledoutofmyegotisticalposeandthinkingintentlyofBeatrice,ofthatelfinqualityinherthatalwayspleasedme,thatalwaystookmebysurprise,thathadmadeherforexamplesoinstantlyconceivethismeeting。
Shecamewithinaminuteofmidnight;thedooropenedsoftlyandsheappeared,ashort,greyfigureinamotor-coatofsheepskin,bareheadedtothecolddrizzle。Sheflitteduptome,andhereyeswereshadowsinherduskyface。
“WhyareyougoingtoWestAfrica?”sheaskedatonce。
“Businesscrisis。Ihavetogo。”
“You’renotgoing——?You’recomingback?”
“Threeorfourmonths。”Isaid,“atmost。”
“Then,it’snothingtodowithme?”
“Nothing。”Isaid。“Whyshouldithave?”
“Oh,that’sallright。Oneneverknowswhatpeoplethinkorwhatpeoplefancy。”Shetookmebythearm,“Let’sgoforawalk。”
shesaid。
Ilookedaboutmeatdarknessandrain。
“That’sallright。”shelaughed。“WecangoalongthelaneandintotheOldWokingRoad。Doyoumind?Ofcourseyoudon’t。Myhead。Itdoesn’tmatter。Onenevermeetsanybody。”
“Howdoyouknow?”
“I’vewanderedlikethisbefore。Ofcourse。Didyouthink“——shenoddedherheadbackatherhome——“that’sall?”
“No,byJove!”Icried;“it’smanifestitisn’t。”
Shetookmyarmandturnedmedownthelane。“Night’smytime。”
shesaidbymyside。“There’satouchofthewerewolfinmyblood。Oneneverknowsintheseoldfamilies。I’vewonderedoften。Hereweare,anyhow,aloneintheworld。Justdarknessandcoldandaskyofcloudsandwet。Andwe——together。
Ilikethewetonmyfaceandhair,don’tyou?Whendoyousail?”
Itoldherto-morrow。
“Oh,well,there’snoto-morrownow。YouandI!”Shestoppedandconfrontedme。
“Youdon’tsayawordexcepttoanswer!”
“No。”Isaid。
“Lasttimeyoudidallthetalking。”
“Likeafool。Now——“
Welookedateachother’stwodimfaces。“You’regladtobehere?”
“I’mglad——I’mbeginningtobe——it’smorethanglad。”
Sheputherhandsonmyshouldersanddrewmedowntokissher。
“Ah!”shesaid,andforamomentorsowejustclungtooneanother。
“That’sall。”shesaid,releasingherself。“Whatbundlesofclothesweareto-night。Ifeltweshouldkisssomedayagain。
Always。Thelasttimewasagesago。”
“Amongthefernstalks。”
“Amongthebracken。Youremember。Andyourlipswerecold。
Weremine?Thesamelips——aftersolong——aftersomuch!。Andnowlet’strudgethroughthisblotted-outworldtogetherforatime。Yes,letmetakeyourarm。Justtrudge。See?HoldtighttomebecauseIknowtheway——anddon’ttalk——don’ttalk。Unlessyouwanttotalk。Letmetellyouthings!Yousee,dear,thewholeworldisblottedout——it’sdeadandgone,andwe’reinthisplace。Thisdarkwildplace。We’redead。Oralltheworldisdead。No!We’redead。Noonecanseeus。We’reshadows。
We’vegotoutofourpositions,outofourbodies——andtogether。
That’sthegoodthingofit——together。Butthat’swhytheworldcan’tseeusandwhywehardlyseetheworld。Sssh!Isitallright?”
“It’sallright。”Isaid。
Westumbledalongforatimeinaclosesilence。Wepassedadim-lit,rain-veiledwindow。
“Thesillyworld。”shesaid,“thesillyworld!Iteatsandsleeps。Ifthewetdidn’tpattersofromthetreeswe’dhearitsnoring。It’sdreamingsuchstupidthings——stupidjudgments。Itdoesn’tknowwearepassing,wetwo——freeofit——clearofit。
YouandI!”
Wepressedagainsteachotherreassuringly。
“I’mgladwe’redead。”shewhispered。“I’mgladwe’redead。I
wastiredofit,dear。Iwassotiredofit,dear,andsoentangled。”
Shestoppedabruptly。
Wesplashedthroughastringofpuddles。IbegantorememberthingsIhadmeanttosay。
“Lookhere!”Icried。“Iwanttohelpyoubeyondmeasure。Youareentangled。Whatisthetrouble?Iaskedyoutomarryme。
Yousaidyouwould。Butthere’ssomething。”
MythoughtssoundedclumsyasIsaidthem。
“Isitsomethingaboutmyposition?。Orisitsomething——perhaps——aboutsomeotherman?”
Therewasanimmenseassentingsilence。
“You’vepuzzledmeso。Atfirst——Imeanquiteearly——Ithoughtyoumeanttomakememarryyou。”
“Idid。”
“Andthen?”
“To-night。”shesaidafteralongpause,“Ican’texplain。No!
Ican’texplain。Iloveyou!But——explanations!To-nightmydear,hereweareintheworldalone——andtheworlddoesn’tmatter。Nothingmatters。HereIaminthecoldwithyouandmybedawaytheredeserted。I’dtellyou——Iwilltellyouwhenthingsenablemetotellyou,andsoonenoughtheywill。Butto-night——Iwon’t——Iwon’t。”
Sheleftmysideandwentinfrontofme。
Sheturneduponme。“Lookhere。”shesaid,“Iinsistuponyourbeingdead。Doyouunderstand?I’mnotjoking。To-nightyouandIareoutoflife。It’sourtimetogether。Theremaybeothertimes,butthiswewon’tspoil。We’re——inHadesifyoulike。Wherethere’snothingtohideandnothingtotell。Nobodieseven。Nobothers。Welovedeachother——downthere——andwerekeptapart,butnowitdoesn’tmatter。It’sover。Ifyouwon’tagreetothat——Iwillgohome。”
“Iwanted。”Ibegan。
“Iknow。Oh!mydear,ifyou’donlyunderstandIunderstand。Ifyou’donlynotcare——andlovemeto-night。”
“Idoloveyou。”Isaid。
“ThenLOVEme。”sheanswered,“andleaveallthethingsthatbotheryou。Loveme!HereIam!”
第63章