ThenIhadlanded,andwasgoingbacktowhereherhorsestoodstillandtrembling。
Weexchangednogreetings。Sheslidfromhersaddleintomyarms,andforoneinstantIheldher。
“Thosegreatwings。”shesaid,andthatwasall。
Shelayinmyarms,andIthoughtforamomentshehadfainted。
“Verynearanastyaccident。”saidCothope,comingupandregardingourgroupingwithdisfavour。Hetookherhorsebythebridle。“Verydangerousthingcomingacrossuslikethat。”
Beatricedisengagedherselffromme,stoodforamomenttrembling,andthensatdownontheturf“I’lljustsitdownforamoment。”shesaid。
“Oh!”shesaid。
Shecoveredherfacewithherhands,whileCothopelookedatherwithanexpressionbetweensuspicionandimpatience。
Forsomemomentsnobodymoved。ThenCothoperemarkedthatperhapshe’dbettergetherwater。
Asforme,Iwasfilledwithanewoutrageousidea,begottenI
scarcelyknowhowfromthisincident,withitsinstantcontactsandswiftemotions,andthatwasthatImustmakelovetoandpossessBeatrice。Iseenoparticularreasonwhythatthoughtshouldhavecometomeinthatmoment,butitdid。IdonotbelievethatbeforethenIhadthoughtofourrelationsinsuchtermsatall。Suddenly,asIrememberit,thefactorofpassioncame。Shecrouchedthere,andIstoodoverher,andneitherofussaidaword。Butitwasjustasthoughsomethinghadbeenshoutedfromthesky。
Cothopehadgonetwentypacesperhapswhensheuncoveredherface。“Ishan’twantanywater。”shesaid。“Callhimback。”
Afterthatthespiritofourrelationschanged。Theoldeasehadgone。Shecametomelessfrequently,andwhenshecameshewouldhavesomeonewithher,usuallyoldCarnaby,andhewoulddothebulkofthetalking。AllthroughSeptembershewasaway。
Whenwewerealonetogethertherewasacuriousconstraint。Webecamecloudsofinexpressiblefeelingtowardsoneanother;wecouldthinkofnothingthatwasnottoomomentousforwords。
ThencamethesmashofLordRobertsA,andIfoundmyselfwithabandagedfaceinabedroomintheBedleyCornerdower-housewithBeatricepresidingoveraninefficientnurse,LadyOspreyverypinkandshockedinthebackground,andmyauntjealouslyintervening。
Myinjuriesweremuchmoreshowythanserious,andIcouldhavebeentakentoLadyGrovenextday,butBeatricewouldnotpermitthat,andkeptmeatBedleyCornerthreecleardays。Intheafternoonoftheseconddayshebecameextremelysolicitousfortheproperaerationofthenurse,packedheroffforanhourinabriskrain,andsatbymealone。
Iaskedhertomarryme。
AllthewholeImustadmititwasnotasituationthatlentitselftoeloquence。Ilayonmybackandtalkedthroughbandages,andwithsomelittledifficulty,formytongueandmouthhadswollen。ButIwasfeverishandinpain,andtheemotionalsuspenseIhadbeeninsolongwithregardtoherbecamenowanunendurableimpatience。
“Comfortable?”sheasked。
“Yes。”
“ShallIreadtoyou?”
“No。Iwanttotalk。”
“Youcan’t。I’dbettertalktoyou。”
“No。”Isaid,“Iwanttotalktoyou。”
Shecameandstoodbymybedsideandlookedmeintheeyes。“I
don’t——Idon’twantyoutotalktome。”shesaid。“Ithoughtyoucouldn’ttalk。”
“Igetfewchances——ofyou。”
“You’dbetternottalk。Don’ttalknow。Letmechatterinstead。
Yououghtnottotalk。”
“Itisn’tmuch“Isaid。
“I’dratheryoudidn’t。”
“I’mnotgoingtobedisfigured。”Isaid。“Onlyascar。”
“Oh!”shesaid,asifshehadexpectedsomethingquitedifferent。“Didyouthinkyou’dbecomeasortofgargoyle?”
“L’HommequiRit!——Ididn’tknow。Butthat’sallright。Jollyflowersthoseare!”
“Michaelmasdaisies。”shesaid。“I’mgladyou’rnotdisfigured,andthoseareperennialsunflowers。Doyouknownoflowersatall?WhenIsawyouonthegroundIcertainlythoughtyouweredead。Yououghttohavebeen,byalltherulesofthegame。”
Shesaidsomeotherthings,butIwasthinkingofmynextmove。
“Arewesocialequals?”Isaidabruptly。
Shestaredatme。“Queerquestion。”shesaid。
“Butarewe?”
“H’m。Difficulttosay。Butwhydoyouask?IsthedaughterofacourtesyBaronwhodied——ofgeneraldisreputableness,I
believe——beforehisfather——?Igiveitup。Doesitmatter?”
“No。Mymindisconfused。Iwanttoknowifyouwillmarryme。”
Shewhitenedandsaidnothing。IsuddenlyfeltImustpleadwithher。“Damnthesebandages!”Isaid,breakingintoineffectualfebrilerage。
Sherousedherselftoherdutiesasnurse。“Whatareyoudoing?
Whyareyoutryingtositup?Sitdown!Don’ttouchyourbandages。Itoldyounottotalk。”
Shestoodhelplessforamoment,thentookmefirmlybytheshouldersandpushedmebackuponthepillow。ShegrippedthewristofthehandIhadraisedtomyface。
“Itoldyounottotalk。”shewhisperedclosetomyface。“I
askedyounottotalk。Whycouldn’tyoudoasIaskedyou?”
“You’vebeenavoidingmeforamonth。”Isaid。
“Iknow。Youmighthaveknown。Putyourhandback——downbyyourside。”
Iobeyed。Shesatontheedgeofthebed。Aflushhadcometohercheeks,andhereyeswereverybright。“Iaskedyou。”sherepeated,“nottotalk。”
Myeyesquestionedhermutely。
Sheputherhandonmychest。Hereyesweretormented。
“HowcanIansweryounow?”shesaid。
“HowcanIsayanythingnow?”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Iasked。
Shemadenoanswer。
“Doyoumeanitmustbe’No’?”
Shenodded。
“But“Isaid,andmywholesoulwasfullofaccusations。
“Iknow。”shesaid。“Ican’texplain。Ican’t。Butithastobe’No!’Itcan’tbe。It’sutterly,finally,foreverimpossible。Keepyourhandsstill!”
“But。”Isaid,“whenwemetagain——“
“Ican’tmarry。Ican’tandwon’t。”
Shestoodup。“Whydidyoutalk?”shecried,“couldn’tyouSEE?”
Sheseemedtohavesomethingitwasimpossibletosay。
ShecametothetablebesidemybedandpulledtheMichaelmasdaisiesawry。“Whydidyoutalklikethat?”shesaidinatoneofinfinitebitterness。“Tobeginlikethat!”
“Butwhatisit?”Isaid。“Isitsomecircumstance——mysocialposition?”
“Oh,DAMNyoursocialposition!”shecried。
Shewentandstoodatthefurtherwindow,staringoutattherain。Foralongtimewewereabsolutelystill。Thewindandraincameinlittlegustsuponthepane。Sheturnedtomeabruptly。
“Youdidn’taskmeifIlovedyou。”shesaid。
“Oh,ifit’sTHAT!”saidI。
“It’snotthat。”shesaid。“Butifyouwanttoknow——“Shepaused。
“Ido。”shesaid。
Westaredatoneanother。
“Ido——withallmyheart,ifyouwanttoknow。”
“Then,whythedevil——?”Iasked。
第59章