Theletterofacceptancewastobewrittenthatnight,afterwhichhisdeparturefromHintockwouldbeirrevocable。Butcouldhegoaway,rememberingwhathadjustpassed?Thetrees,thehills,theleaves,thegrass——eachhadbeenendowedandquickenedwithasubtlecharmsincehehaddiscoveredthepersonandhistory,and,aboveall,moodoftheirowner。Therewaseverytemporalreasonforleaving;itwouldbeenteringagainintoaworldwhichhehadonlyquittedinapassionforisolation,inducedbyafitofAchilleanmoodinessafteranimaginedslight。Hiswifeherselfsawtheawkwardnessoftheirpositionhere,andcheerfullywelcomedthepurposedchange,towardswhicheverystephadbeentakenbutthelast。Butcouldhefinditinhisheart——ashefounditclearlyenoughinhisconscience——togoaway?
Hedrewatroubledbreath,andwentin-doors。Hereherapidlypennedaletter,whereinhewithdrewonceforallfromthetreatyfortheBudmouthpractice。AsthepostmanhadalreadyleftLittleHintockforthatnight,hesentoneofMelbury’smentointerceptamail-cartonanotherturnpike-road,andsogottheletteroff。
Themanreturned,metFitzpiersinthelane,andtoldhimthethingwasdone。Fitzpierswentbacktohishousemusing。Whyhadhecarriedoutthisimpulse——takensuchwildtroubletoeffectaprobableinjurytohisownandhisyoungwife’sprospects?Hismotivewasfantastic,glowing,shapelessasthefierysceneryaboutthewesternsky。Mrs。Charmondcouldovertlybenothingmoretohimthanapatientnow,andtohiswife,attheoutside,apatron。Intheunattachedbachelordaysofhisfirstsojourningherehowhighlyproperanemotionalreasonforlingeringonwouldhaveappearedtotroublesomedubiousness。Matrimonialambitionissuchanhonorablething。
“MyfatherhastoldmethatyouhavesentoffoneofthemenwithalatelettertoBudmouth。”criedGrace,comingoutvivaciouslytomeethimunderthedeclininglightofthesky,whereinhung,solitary,thefoldingstar。“Isaidatoncethatyouhadfinallyagreedtopaythepremiumtheyask,andthatthetediousquestionhadbeensettled。Whendowego,Edgar?”
“Ihavealteredmymind。”saidhe。“Theywanttoomuch——sevenhundredandfiftyistoolargeasum——andinshort,Ihavedeclinedtogofurther。Wemustwaitforanotheropportunity。I
fearIamnotagoodbusiness-man。”Hespokethelastwordswithamomentaryfalteringatthegreatfoolishnessofhisact;for,ashelookedinherfairandhonorableface,hisheartreproachedhimforwhathehaddone。
Hermannerthateveningshowedherdisappointment。Personallyshelikedthehomeofherchildhoodmuch,andshewasnotambitious。
Butherhusbandhadseemedsodissatisfiedwiththecircumstanceshereaboutsincetheirmarriagethatshehadsincerelyhopedtogoforhissake。
ItwastwoorthreedaysbeforehevisitedMrs。Charmondagain。
Themorninghadbeenwindy,andlittleshowershadsowedthemselveslikegrainagainstthewallsandwindow-panesoftheHintockcottages。Hewentonfootacrossthewilderrecessesofthepark,whereslimystreamsofgreenmoisture,exudingfromdecayedholescausedbyoldamputations,randownthebarkoftheoaksandelms,therindbelowbeingcoatedwithalichenouswashasgreenasemerald。Theywerestout-trunkedtrees,thatneverrockedtheirstemsinthefiercestgale,respondingtoitentirelybycrookingtheirlimbs。Wrinkledlikeanoldcrone’sface,andantleredwithdeadbranchesthatroseabovethefoliageoftheirsummits,theywereneverthelessstillgreen——thoughyellowhadinvadedtheleavesofothertrees。
Shewasinalittleboudoirorwriting-roomonthefirstfloor,andFitzpierswasmuchsurprisedtofindthatthewindow-curtainswereclosedandared-shadedlampandcandlesburning,thoughout-
of-doorsitwasbroaddaylight。Moreover,alargefirewasburninginthegrate,thoughitwasnotcold。
“Whatdoesitallmean?”heasked。
Shesatinaneasy-chair,herfacebeingturnedaway。“Oh。”shemurmured,“itisbecausetheworldissodrearyoutside。Sorrowandbitternessinthesky,andfloodsofagonizedtearsbeatingagainstthepanes。Ilayawakelastnight,andIcouldhearthescrapeofsnailscreepingupthewindow-glass;itwassosad!MyeyesweresoheavythismorningthatIcouldhaveweptmylifeaway。Icannotbearyoutoseemyface;Ikeepitawayfromyoupurposely。Oh!whywerewegivenhungryheartsandwilddesiresifwehavetoliveinaworldlikethis?WhyshouldDeathonlylendwhatLifeiscompelledtoborrow——rest?Answerthat,Dr。
Fitzpiers。”
“Youmusteatofasecondtreeofknowledgebeforeyoucandoit,FeliceCharmond。”
“Then,whenmyemotionshaveexhaustedthemselves,Ibecomefulloffears,tillIthinkIshalldieforveryfear。Theterribleinsistenciesofsociety——howseveretheyare,andcoldandinexorable——ghastlytowardsthosewhoaremadeofwaxandnotofstone。Oh,Iamafraidofthem;astabforthiserror,andastabforthat——correctivesandregulationsframedthatsocietymaytendtoperfection——anendwhichIdon’tcareforintheleast。Yetforthis,allIdocareforhastobestuntedandstarved。”
Fitzpiershadseatedhimselfnearher。“Whatsetsyouinthismournfulmood?”heasked,gently。Inrealityheknewthatitwastheresultofalossoftonefromstayingin-doorssomuch,buthedidnotsayso。
“Myreflections。Doctor,youmustnotcomehereanymore。Theybegintothinkitafarcealready。Isayyoumustcomenomore。
There——don’tbeangrywithme;“andshejumpedup,pressedhishand,andlookedanxiouslyathim。“Itisnecessary。Itisbestforbothyouandme。”
“But。”saidFitzpiers,gloomily,“whathavewedone?”
“Done——wehavedonenothing。Perhapswehavethoughtthemore。
However,itisallvexation。IamgoingawaytoMiddletonAbbey,nearShottsford,wherearelativeofmylatehusbandlives,whoisconfinedtoherbed。TheengagementwasmadeinLondon,andI
can’tgetoutofit。PerhapsitisforthebestthatIgotheretillallthisispast。Whenareyougoingtoenteronyournewpractice,andleaveHintockbehindforever,withyourprettywifeonyourarm?”
“Ihaverefusedtheopportunity。Ilovethisplacetoowelltodepart。”
“YouHAVE?”shesaid,regardinghimwithwilduncertainty。
“Whydoyouruinyourselfinthatway?GreatHeaven,whathaveI
done!”
“Nothing。Besides,youaregoingaway。”
“Ohyes;butonlytoMiddletonAbbeyforamonthortwo。YetperhapsIshallgainstrengththere——particularlystrengthofmind——Irequireit。AndwhenIcomebackIshallbeanewwoman;
andyoucancomeandseemesafelythen,andbringyourwifewithyou,andwe’llbefriends——sheandI。Oh,howthisshuttingupofone’sselfdoesleadtoindulgenceinidlesentiments。Ishallnotwishyoutogiveyourattendancetomeafterto-day。ButIamgladthatyouarenotgoingaway——ifyourremainingdoesnotinjureyourprospectsatall。”
Assoonashehadlefttheroomthemildfriendlinessshehadpreservedinhertoneatparting,theplayfulsadnesswithwhichshehadconversedwithhim,equallydepartedfromher。Shebecameasheavyaslead——justasshehadbeenbeforehearrived。Herwholebeingseemedtodissolveinasadpowerlessnesstodoanything,andthesenseofitmadeherlipstremulousandherclosedeyeswet。Hisfootstepsagainstartledher,andsheturnedround。
“Ireturnedforamomenttotellyouthattheeveningisgoingtobefine。Thesunisshining;sodoopenyourcurtainsandputoutthoselights。ShallIdoitforyou?”
“Please——ifyoudon’tmind。”
Hedrewbackthewindow-curtains,whereupontheredglowofthelampandthetwocandle-flamesbecamealmostinvisiblewiththefloodoflateautumnsunlightthatpouredin。“ShallIcomeroundtoyou?”heasked,herbackbeingtowardshim。
“No。”shereplied。
“Whynot?”
“BecauseIamcrying,andIdon’twanttoseeyou。”
Hestoodamomentirresolute,andregrettedthathehadkilledtherosy,passionatelamplightbyopeningthecurtainsandlettingingarishday。
“ThenIamgoing。”hesaid。
“Verywell。”sheanswered,stretchingonehandroundtohim,andpattinghereyeswithahandkerchiefheldintheother。
“ShallIwritealinetoyouat——“
“No,no。”Agentlereasonablenesscameintohertoneassheadded,“Itmustnotbe,youknow。Itwon’tdo。”
“Verywell。Good-by。”Thenextmomenthewasgone。
Intheevening,withlistlessadroitness,sheencouragedthemaidwhodressedherfordinnertospeakofDr。Fitzpiers’smarriage。
“Mrs。FitzpierswasoncesupposedtofavorMr。Winterborne。”saidtheyoungwoman。
“Andwhydidn’tshemarryhim?”saidMrs。Charmond。
“Because,yousee,ma’am,helosthishouses。”
“Losthishouses?Howcamehetodothat?”
“Thehouseswereheldonlives,andthelivesdropped,andyouragentwouldn’trenewthem,thoughitissaidthatMr。Winterbornehadaverygoodclaim。That’sasI’veheardit,ma’am,anditwasthroughitthatthematchwasbrokeoff。”
Beingjustthendistractedbyadozenemotions,Mrs。Charmondsunkintoamoodofdismalself-reproach。“Inrefusingthatpoormanhisreasonablerequest。”shesaidtoherself,“Iforedoomedmyrejuvenatedgirlhood’sromance。Whowouldhavethoughtsuchabusinessmattercouldhavenettledmyownheartlikethis?Nowforawinterofregretsandagoniesanduselesswishes,tillIforgethiminthespring。Oh!IamgladIamgoingaway。”
Sheleftherchamberandwentdowntodinewithasigh。Onthestairsshestoodoppositethelargewindowforamoment,andlookedoutuponthelawn。Itwasnotyetquitedark。Half-wayupthesteepgreenslopeconfrontingherstoodoldTimothyTangs,whowasshorteninghiswayhomewardbyclamberingherewheretherewasnoroad,andinoppositiontoexpressordersthatnopathwastobemadethere。Tangshadmomentarilystoppedtotakeapinchofsnuff;butobservingMrs。Charmondgazingathim,hehastenedtogetoverthetopoutofhail。Hisprecipitancymadehimmisshisfooting,andherolledlikeabarreltothebottom,hissnuffboxrollinginfrontofhim。
Herindefinite,idle,impossiblepassionforFitzpiers;herconstitutionalcloudofmisery;thesorrowfuldropsthatstillhunguponhereyelashes,allmadewayfortheincursivemoodstartedbythespectacle。Sheburstintoanimmoderatefitoflaughter,herverygloomoftheprevioushourseemingtorenderitthemoreuncontrollable。Ithadnotdiedoutofherwhenshereachedthedining-room;andevenhere,beforetheservants,hershoulderssuddenlyshookasthescenereturneduponher;andthetearsofherhilaritymingledwiththeremnantsofthoseengenderedbyhergrief。
Sheresolvedtobesadnomore。Shedranktwoglassesofchampagne,andalittlemorestillafterthose,andamusedherselfintheeveningwithsinginglittleamatorysongs。
“ImustdosomethingforthatpoormanWinterborne,however。”shesaid。
第39章