首页 >出版文学> The Varieties of Religious Experience>第59章
  “Nottowhatismosteasy,buttowhatishardest;
  “Nottowhattastesbest,buttowhatismostdistasteful;
  “Nottowhatmostpleases,buttowhatdisgusts;
  “Nottomatterofconsolation,buttomatterfordesolationrather;
  “Nottorest,buttolabor;
  “Nottodesirethemore,buttheless;
  “Nottoaspiretowhatishighestandmostprecious,buttowhatislowestandmostcontemptible;
  “Nottowillanything,buttowillnothing;
  “Nottoseekthebestineverything,buttoseektheworst,sothatyoumayenterfortheloveofChristintoacompletedestitution,aperfectpovertyofspirit,andanabsoluterenunciationofeverythinginthisworld。
  “Embracethesepracticeswithalltheenergyofyoursoulandyouwillfindinashorttimegreatdelightsandunspeakableconsolations。
  “Despiseyourself,andwishthatothersshoulddespiseyou;
  “Speaktoyourowndisadvantage,anddesireotherstodothesame;
  “Conceivealowopinionofyourself,andfinditgoodwhenothersholdthesame;
  “Toenjoythetasteofallthings,havenotasteforanything。
  “Toknowallthings,learntoknownothing。
  “Topossessallthings,resolvetopossessnothing。
  “Tobeallthings,bewillingtobenothing。
  “Togettowhereyouhavenotasteforanything,gothroughwhateverexperiencesyouhavenotastefor。
  “Tolearntoknownothing,gowhitheryouareignorant。
  “Toreachwhatyoupossessnot,gowhithersoeveryouownnothing。
  “Tobewhatyouarenot,experiencewhatyouarenot。”
  Theselaterversesplaywiththatvertigoofself-contradictionwhichissodeartomysticism。Thosethatcomenextarecompletelymystical,forinthemSaintJohnpassesfromGodtothemoremetaphysicalnotionoftheAll。
  “Whenyoustopatonething,youceasetoopenyourselftotheAll。
  “FortocometotheAllyoumustgiveuptheAll。
  “AndifyoushouldattaintoowningtheAll,youmustownit,desiringNothing。
  “Inthisspoliation,thesoulfindsitstranquillityandrest。
  Profoundlyestablishedinthecentreofitsownnothingness,itcanbeassailedbynaughtthatcomesfrombelow;andsinceitnolongerdesiresanything,whatcomesfromabovecannotdepressit;
  foritsdesiresalonearethecausesofitswoes。”[182]
  [182]SaintJeandelaCroix,vieetOeuvres,Paris,1893,ii。
  94,99,abridged。
  Andnow,asamoreconcreteexampleofheads4and5,infactofallourheadstogether,andoftheirrationalextremetowhichapsychopathicindividualmaygointhelineofbodilyausterity,I
  willquotethesincereSuso’saccountofhisownself-tortures。
  Suso,youwillremember,wasoneofthefourteenthcenturyGermanmystics;hisautobiography,writteninthethirdperson,isaclassicreligiousdocument。
  “Hewasinhisyouthofatemperamentfulloffireandlife;andwhenthisbegantomakeitselffelt,itwasverygrievoustohim;
  andhesoughtbymanydeviceshowhemightbringhisbodyintosubjection。Heworeforalongtimeahairshirtandanironchain,untilthebloodranfromhim,sothathewasobligedtoleavethemoff。Hesecretlycausedanundergarmenttobemadeforhim;andintheundergarmenthehadstripsofleatherfixed,intowhichahundredandfiftybrassnails,pointedandfiledsharp,weredriven,andthepointsofthenailswerealwaysturnedtowardstheflesh。Hehadthisgarmentmadeverytight,andsoarrangedastogoroundhimandfasteninfrontinorderthatitmightfittheclosertohisbody,andthepointednailsmightbedrivenintohisflesh;anditwashighenoughtoreachupwardstohisnavel。Inthisheusedtosleepatnight。Nowinsummer,whenitwashot,andhewasverytiredandillfromhisjourneyings,orwhenheheldtheofficeoflecturer,hewouldsometimes,ashelaythusinbonds,andoppressedwithtoil,andtormentedalsobynoxiousinsects,cryaloudandgivewaytofretfulness,andtwistroundandroundinagony,asawormdoeswhenrunthroughwithapointedneedle。Itoftenseemedtohimasifhewerelyinguponanant-hill,fromthetorturecausedbytheinsects;forifhewishedtosleep,orwhenhehadfallenasleep,theyviedwithoneanother。[183]SometimeshecriedtoAlmightyGodinthefullnessofhisheart:Alas!GentleGod,whatadyingisthis!Whenamaniskilledbymurderersorstrongbeastsofpreyitissoonover;butIliedyinghereunderthecruelinsects,andyetcannotdie。Thenightsinwinterwereneversolong,norwasthesummersohot,astomakehimleaveoffthisexercise。Onthecontrary,hedevisedsomethingfarther——twoleathernloopsintowhichheputhishands,andfastenedoneoneachsidehisthroat,andmadethefasteningssosecurethatevenifhiscellhadbeenonfireabouthim,hecouldnothavehelpedhimself。Thishecontinueduntilhishandsandarmshadbecomealmosttremulouswiththestrain,andthenhedevisedsomethingelse:twoleathergloves;andhecausedabraziertofitthemalloverwithsharp-pointedbrasstacks,andheusedtoputthemonatnight,inorderthatifheshouldtrywhileasleeptothrowoffthehairundergarment,orrelievehimselffromthegnawingsofthevileinsects,thetacksmightthenstickintohisbody。Andsoitcametopass。Ifeverhesoughttohelphimselfwithhishandsinhissleep,hedrovethesharptacksintohisbreast,andtorehimself,sothathisfleshfestered。Whenaftermanyweeksthewoundshadhealed,hetorehimselfagainandmadefreshwounds。
  [183]“Insects。”i。e。lice,wereanunfailingtokenofmediaevalsainthood。WereadofFrancisofAssisi’ssheepskinthat“oftenacompanionofthesaintwouldtakeittothefiretocleananddispediculateit,doingso,ashesaid,becausetheseraphicfatherhimselfwasnoenemyofpedocchi,butonthecontrarykeptthemonhimleportavaadossoandhelditforanhonorandaglorytowearthesecelestialpearlsinhishabit。QuotedbyP。
  Sabatier:SpeculumPerfectionis,etc。,Paris,1898,p。231,note。
  “Hecontinuedthistormentingexerciseforaboutsixteenyears。
  Attheendofthistime,whenhisbloodwasnowchilled,andthefireofhistemperamentdestroyed,thereappearedtohiminavisiononWhitsunday,amessengerfromheaven,whotoldhimthatGodrequiredthisofhimnolonger。Whereuponhediscontinuedit,andthrewallthesethingsawayintoarunningstream。”
  Susothentellshow,toemulatethesorrowsofhiscrucifiedLord,hemadehimselfacrosswiththirtyprotrudingironneedlesandnails。Thisheboreonhisbarebackbetweenhisshouldersdayandnight。“Thefirsttimethathestretchedoutthiscrossuponhisbackhistenderframewasstruckwithterroratit,andbluntedthesharpnailsslightlyagainstastone。Butsoon,repentingofthiswomanlycowardice,hepointedthemallagainwithafile,andplacedoncemorethecrossuponhim。Itmadehisback,wherethebonesare,bloodyandseared。Wheneverhesatdownorstoodup,itwasasifahedgehog-skinwereonhim。
  Ifanyonetouchedhimunawares,orpushedagainsthisclothes,ittorehim。”
  Susonexttellsofhispenitencesbymeansofstrikingthiscrossandforcingthenailsdeeperintotheflesh,andlikewiseofhisself-scourgings——adreadfulstory——andthengoesonasfollows:
  “AtthissameperiodtheServitorprocuredanoldcastawaydoor,andheusedtolieuponitatnightwithoutanybedclothestomakehimcomfortable,exceptthathetookoffhisshoesandwrappedathickcloakroundhim。Hethussecuredforhimselfamostmiserablebed;forhardpea-stalkslayinhumpsunderhishead,thecrosswiththesharpnailsstuckintohisback,hisarmswerelockedfastinbonds,thehorsehairundergarmentwasroundhisloins,andthecloaktoowasheavyandthedoorhard。
  Thushelayinwretchedness,afraidtostir,justlikealog,andhewouldsendupmanyasightoGod。
  “Inwinterhesufferedverymuchfromthefrost。Ifhestretchedouthisfeettheylaybareonthefloorandfroze,ifhegatheredthemupthebloodbecameallonfireinhislegs,andthiswasgreatpain。Hisfeetwerefullofsores,hislegsdropsical,hiskneesbloodyandseared,hisloinscoveredwithscarsfromthehorsehair,hisbodywasted,hismouthparchedwithintensethirst,andhishandstremulousfromweakness。Amidthesetormentshespenthisnightsanddays;andheenduredthemalloutofthegreatnessofthelovewhichheboreinhishearttotheDivineandEternalWisdom,ourLordJesusChrist,whoseagonizingsufferingshesoughttoimitate。Afteratimehegaveupthispenitentialexerciseofthedoor,andinsteadofithetookuphisabodeinaverysmallcell,andusedthebench,whichwassonarrowandshortthathecouldnotstretchhimselfuponit,ashisbed。Inthishole,oruponthedoor,helayatnightinhisusualbonds,forabouteightyears。Itwasalsohiscustom,duringthespaceoftwenty-fiveyears,providedhewasstayingintheconvent,nevertogoaftercomplineinwinterintoanywarmroom,ortotheconventstovetowarmhimself,nomatterhowcolditmightbe,unlesshewasobligedtodosoforotherreasons。Throughoutalltheseyearshenevertookabath,eitherawaterorasweatingbath;andthishedidinordertomortifyhiscomfort-seekingbody。Hepracticedduringalongtimesuchrigidpovertythathewouldneitherreceivenortouchapenny,eitherwithleaveorwithoutit。Foraconsiderabletimehestrovetoattainsuchahighdegreeofpuritythathewouldneitherscratchnortouchanypartofhisbody,saveonlyhishandsandfeet。”[184]
  [184]TheLifeoftheBlessedHenrySuso,byHimself,translatedbyT。F。Knox,London,1865,pp。56-80,abridged。
  IspareyoutherecitalofpoorSuso’sself-inflictedtorturesfromthirst。Itispleasanttoknowthatafterhisfortiethyear,Godshowedhimbyaseriesofvisionsthathehadsufficientlybrokendownthenaturalman,andthathemightleavetheseexercisesoff。Hiscaseisdistinctlypathological,buthedoesnotseemtohavehadthealleviation,whichsomeasceticshaveenjoyed,ofanalterationofsensibilitycapableofactuallyturningtormentintoaperversekindofpleasure。OfthefounderoftheSacredHeartorder,forexample,wereadthat“Herloveofpainandsufferingwasinsatiable……Shesaidthatshecouldcheerfullylivetillthedayofjudgment,providedshemightalwayshavematterforsufferingforGod;butthattoliveasingledaywithoutsufferingwouldbeintolerable。Shesaidagainthatshewasdevouredwithtwounassuageablefevers,onefortheholycommunion,theotherforsuffering,humiliation,andannihilation。’Nothingbutpain,’shecontinuallysaidinherletters,’makesmylifesupportable。’“[185]
  [185]Bougaud:HistdelabienheureuseMargueriteMarie,Paris,1894,pp。265,171。Compare,also,pp。386,387。
  Somuchforthephenomenatowhichtheasceticimpulsewillincertainpersonsgiverise。Intheecclesiasticallyconsecratedcharacterthreeminorbranchesofself-mortificationhavebeenrecognizedasindispensablepathwaystoperfection。Irefertothechastity,obedience,andpovertywhichthemonkvowstoobserve;andupontheheadsofobedienceandpovertyIwillmakeafewremarks。
  First,ofObedience。Thesecularlifeofourtwentiethcenturyopenswiththisvirtueheldinnohighesteem。Thedutyoftheindividualtodeterminehisownconductandprofitorsufferbytheconsequencesseems,onthecontrary,tobeoneofourbestrootedcontemporaryProtestantsocialideals。Somuchsothatitisdifficultevenimaginativelytocomprehendhowmenpossessedofaninnerlifeoftheirowncouldeverhavecometothinkthesubjectionofitswilltothatofotherfinitecreaturesrecommendable。Iconfessthattomyselfitseemssomethingofamystery。Yetitevidentlycorrespondstoaprofoundinteriorneedofmanypersons,andwemustdoourbesttounderstandit。
  Onthelowestpossibleplane,oneseeshowtheexpediencyofobedienceinafirmecclesiasticalorganizationmusthaveledtoitsbeingviewedasmeritorious。Next,experienceshowsthattherearetimesineveryone’slifewhenonecanbebettercounseledbyothersthanbyone’sself。Inabilitytodecideisoneofthecommonestsymptomsoffatiguednerves;friendswhoseeourtroublesmorebroadly,oftenseethemmorewiselythanwedo;
  soitisfrequentlyanactofexcellentvirtuetoconsultandobeyadoctor,apartner,orawife。But,leavingtheselowerprudentialregions,wefind,inthenatureofsomeofthespiritualexcitementswhichwehavebeenstudying,goodreasonsforidealizingobedience。Obediencemayspringfromthegeneralreligiousphenomenonofinnersofteningandself-surrenderandthrowingone’sselfonhigherpowers。Sosavingaretheseattitudesfelttobethatinthemselves,apartfromutility,theybecomeideallyconsecrated;andinobeyingamanwhosefallibilityweseethroughthoroughly,we,nevertheless,mayfeelmuchaswedowhenweresignourwilltothatofinfinitewisdom。
  Addself-despairandthepassionofself-crucifixiontothis,andobediencebecomesanasceticsacrifice,agreeablequiteirrespectiveofwhateverprudentialusesitmighthave。