首页 >出版文学> The Varieties of Religious Experience>第14章
  ProfessorStarbuckgivesananalogouscase,andaconversecaseofhatredsuddenlyturningintolove,inhisPsychologyofReligion,p。141。Comparetheotherhighlycuriousinstanceswhichhegivesonpp。137-144,ofsuddennon-religiousalterationsofhabitorcharacter。Heseemsrightinconceivingallsuchsuddenchangesasresultsofspecialcerebralfunctionsunconsciouslydevelopinguntiltheyarereadytoplayacontrollingpartwhentheymakeirruptionintotheconsciouslife。Whenwetreatofsudden’conversion,’IshallmakeasmuchuseasIcanofthishypothesisofsubconsciousincubation。
  InJohnFoster’sEssayonDecisionofCharacter,thereisanaccountofacaseofsuddenconversiontoavarice,whichisillustrativeenoughtoquote:——
  Ayoungman,itappears,“wasted,intwoorthreeyears,alargepatrimonyinprofligaterevelswithanumberofworthlessassociateswhocalledthemselveshisfriends,andwho,whenhislastmeanswereexhausted,treatedhimofcoursewithneglectorcontempt。Reducedtoabsolutewant,heonedaywentoutofthehousewithanintentiontoputanendtohislife,butwanderingawhilealmostunconsciously,hecametothebrowofaneminencewhichoverlookedwhatwerelatelyhisestates。Herehesatdown,andremainedfixedinthoughtanumberofhours,attheendofwhichhesprangfromthegroundwithavehement,exultingemotion。Hehadformedhisresolution,whichwas,thatalltheseestatesshouldbehisagain;hehadformedhisplan,too,whichheinstantlybegantoexecute。Hewalkedhastilyforward,determinedtoseizethefirstopportunity,ofhoweverhumbleakind,togainanymoney,thoughitwereeversodespicableatrifle,andresolvedabsolutelynottospend,ifhecouldhelpit,afarthingofwhateverhemightobtain。Thefirstthingthatdrewhisattentionwasaheapofcoalsshotoutofcartsonthepavementbeforeahouse。Heofferedhimselftoshovelorwheelthemintotheplacewheretheyweretobelaid,andwasemployed。
  Hereceivedafewpenceforthelabor;andthen,inpursuanceofthesavingpartofhisplanrequestedsomesmallgratuityofmeatanddrink,whichwasgivenhim。Hethenlookedoutforthenextthingthatmightchance;andwent,withindefatigableindustry,throughasuccessionofservileemploymentsindifferentplaces,oflongerandshorterduration,stillscrupulousinavoiding,asfaraspossible,theexpenseofapenny。Hepromptlyseizedeveryopportunitywhichcouldadvancehisdesign,withoutregardingthemeannessofoccupationorappearance。Bythismethodhehadgained,afteraconsiderabletime,moneyenoughtopurchaseinordertosellagainafewcattle,ofwhichhehadtakenpainstounderstandthevalue。Hespeedilybutcautiouslyturnedhisfirstgainsintosecondadvantages;retainedwithoutasingledeviationhisextremeparsimony;andthusadvancedbydegreesintolargertransactionsandincipientwealth。Ididnothear,orhaveforgotten,thecontinuedcourseofhislife,butthefinalresultwas,thathemorethanrecoveredhislostpossessions,anddiedaninveteratemiser,worthL60,000。”[94]
  [94]Op。cit。,LetterIII。,abridged。
  Letmeturnnowtothekindofcase,thereligiouscase,namely,thatimmediatelyconcernsus。Hereisoneofthesimplestpossibletype,anaccountoftheconversiontothesystematicreligionofhealthy-mindednessofamanwhomustalreadyhavebeennaturallyofthehealthy-mindedtype。Itshowshow,whenthefruitisripe,atouchwillmakeitfall。
  Mr。HoraceFletcher,inhislittlebookcalledMenticulture,relatesthatafriendwithwhomhewastalkingoftheself-controlattainedbytheJapanesethroughtheirpracticeoftheBuddhistdisciplinesaid:——
  “’Youmustfirstgetridofangerandworry。’’But,’saidI,’isthatpossible?’’Yes,’repliedhe;’itispossibletotheJapanese,andoughttobepossibletous。’
  “OnmywaybackIcouldthinkofnothingelsebutthewordsgetrid,getrid’;andtheideamusthavecontinuedtopossessmeduringmysleepinghours,forthefirstconsciousnessinthemorningbroughtbackthesamethought,withtherevelationofadiscovery,whichframeditselfintothereasoning,’Ifitispossibletogetridofangerandworry,whyisitnecessarytohavethematall?’Ifeltthestrengthoftheargument,andatonceacceptedthereasoning。Thebabyhaddiscoveredthatitcouldwalk。Itwouldscorntocreepanylonger。
  “FromtheinstantIrealizedthatthesecancerspotsofworryandangerwereremovable,theyleftme。Withthediscoveryoftheirweaknesstheywereexorcised。Fromthattimelifehashadanentirelydifferentaspect。
  “Althoughfromthatmomentthepossibilityanddesirabilityoffreedomfromthedepressingpassionshasbeenarealitytome,ittookmesomemonthstofeelabsolutesecurityinmynewposition;
  but,astheusualoccasionsforworryandangerhavepresentedthemselvesoverandoveragain,andIhavebeenunabletofeelthemintheslightestdegree,Inolongerdreadorguardagainstthem,andIamamazedatmyincreasedenergyandvigorofmind,atmystrengthtomeetsituationsofallkindsandatmydispositiontoloveandappreciateeverything。
  “Ihavehadoccasiontotravelmorethantenthousandmilesbyrailsincethatmorning。ThesamePullmanporter,conductor,hotel-waiter,peddler,book-agent,cabman,andotherswhowereformerlyasourceofannoyanceandirritationhavebeenmet,butIamnotconsciousofasingleincivility。Allatoncethewholeworldhasturnedgoodtome。Ihavebecome,asitwere,sensitiveonlytotheraysofgood。
  “Icouldrecountmanyexperienceswhichproveabrand-newconditionofmind,butonewillbesufficient。Withouttheslightestfeelingofannoyanceorimpatience,IhaveseenatrainthatIhadplannedtotakewithagooddealofinterestedandpleasurableanticipationmoveoutofthestationwithoutme,becausemybaggagedidnotarrive。Theporterfromthehotelcamerunningandpantingintothestationjustasthetrainpulledoutofsight。Whenhesawme,helookedasifhefearedascolding。andbegantotellofbeingblockedinacrowdedstreetandunabletogetout。Whenhehadfinished,Isaidtohim:’Itdoesn’tmatteratall,youcouldn’thelpit,sowewilltryagainto-morrow。Hereisyourfee,Iamsorryyouhadallthistroubleinearningit。’ThelookofsurprisethatcameoverhisfacewassofilledwithpleasurethatIwasrepaidonthespotforthedelayinmydeparture。Nextdayhewouldnotacceptacentfortheservice,andheandIarefriendsforlife。
  “DuringthefirstweeksofmyexperienceIwasonguardonlyagainstworryandanger;but,inthemeantime,havingnoticedtheabsenceoftheotherdepressinganddwarfingpassions,I
  begantotracearelationship,untilIwasconvincedthattheyareallgrowthsfromthetworootsIhavespecified。IhavefeltthefreedomnowforsolongatimethatIamsureofmyrelationtowardit;andIcouldnomoreharboranyofthethievinganddepressinginfluencesthatonceInursedasaheritageofhumanitythanafopwouldvoluntarilywallowinafilthygutter。
  “ThereisnodoubtinmymindthatpureChristianityandpureBuddhism,andtheMentalSciencesandallReligionsfundamentallyteachwhathasbeenadiscoverytome;butnoneofthemhavepresenteditinthelightofasimpleandeasyprocessofelimination。AtonetimeIwonderediftheeliminationwouldnotyieldtoindifferenceandsloth。Inmyexperience,thecontraryistheresult。IfeelsuchanincreaseddesiretodosomethingusefulthatitseemsasifIwereaboyagainandtheenergyforplayhadreturned。Icouldfightasreadilyasandbetterthan
  ever,iftherewereoccasionforit。Itdoesnotmakeoneacoward。Itcan’t,sincefearisoneofthethingseliminated。I
  noticetheabsenceoftimidityinthepresenceofanyaudience。
  Whenaboy,Iwasstandingunderatreewhichwasstruckbylightning,andreceivedashockfromtheeffectsofwhichIneverknewexemptionuntilIhaddissolvedpartnershipwithworry。
  Sincethen,lightningandthunderhavebeenencounteredunderconditionswhichwouldformerlyhavecausedgreatdepressionanddiscomfort,without[my]experiencingatraceofeither。
  Surpriseisalsogreatlymodified,andoneislessliabletobecomestartledbyunexpectedsightsornoises。
  “AsfarasIamindividuallyconcerned,Iamnotbotheringmyselfatpresentastowhattheresultsofthisemancipatedconditionmaybe。IhavenodoubtthattheperfecthealthaimedatbyChristianSciencemaybeoneofthepossibilities,forInoteamarkedimprovementinthewaymystomachdoesitsdutyinassimilatingthefoodIgiveittohandle,andIamsureitworksbettertothesoundofasongthanunderthefrictionofafrown。
  NeitheramIwastinganyofthisprecioustimeformulatinganideaofafutureexistenceorafutureHeaven。TheHeaventhatI
  havewithinmyselfisasattractiveasanythathasbeenpromisedorthatIcanimagine;andIamwillingtoletthegrowthleadwhereitwill,aslongastheangerandtheirbroodhavenopartinmisguidingit。”[95]
  [95]H。Fletcher:Menticulture,ortheA-B-CofTrueLiving,NewYorkandChicago,1899,pp。26,36,abridged。
  Theoldermedicineusedtospeakoftwoways,lysisandcrisis,onegradual,theotherabrupt,inwhichonemightrecoverfromabodilydisease。Inthespiritualrealmtherearealsotwoways,onegradual,theothersudden,inwhichinnerunificationmayoccur。TolstoyandBunyanmayagainserveusasexamples,examples,asithappens,ofthegradualway,thoughitmustbeconfessedattheoutsetthatitishardtofollowthesewindingsoftheheartsofothers,andonefeelsthattheirwordsdonotrevealtheirtotalsecret。
  Howe’erthisbe,Tolstoy,pursuinghisunendingquestioning,seemedtocometooneinsightafteranother。Firstheperceivedthathisconvictionthatlifewasmeaninglesstookonlythisfinitelifeintoaccount。Hewaslookingforthevalueofonefiniteterminthatofanother,andthewholeresultcouldonlybeoneofthoseindeterminateequationsinmathematicswhichendwithinfinity。Yetthisisasfarasthereasoningintellectbyitselfcango,unlessirrationalsentimentorfaithbringsintheinfinite。Believeintheinfiniteascommonpeopledo,andlifegrowspossibleagain。
  “Sincemankindhasexisted,whereverlifehasbeen,therealsohasbeenthefaiththatgavethepossibilityofliving。Faithisthesenseoflife,thatsensebyvirtueofwhichmandoesnotdestroyhimself,butcontinuestoliveon。Itistheforcewherebywelive。IfMandidnotbelievethathemustliveforsomething,hewouldnotliveatall。TheideaofaninfiniteGod,ofthedivinityofthesoul,oftheunionofmen’sactionswithGod——theseareideaselaboratedintheinfinitesecretdepthsofhumanthought。Theyareideaswithoutwhichtherewouldbenolife,withoutwhichImyself。”saidTolstoy,“wouldnotexist。IbegantoseethatIhadnorighttorelyonmyindividualreasoningandneglecttheseanswersgivenbyfaith,fortheyaretheonlyanswerstothequestion。”
  Yethowbelieveasthecommonpeoplebelieve,steepedastheyareingrossestsuperstition?Itisimpossible——butyettheirlife!
  theirlife!Itisnormal。Itishappy!Itisananswertothequestion!
  Littlebylittle,Tolstoycametothesettledconviction——hesaysittookhimtwoyearstoarrivethere——thathistroublehadnotbeenwithlifeingeneral,notwiththecommonlifeofcommonmen,butwiththelifeoftheupper,intellectual,artisticclasses,thelifewhichhehadpersonallyalwaysled,thecerebrallife,thelifeofconventionality,artificiality,andpersonalambition。Hehadbeenlivingwronglyandmustchange。
  Toworkforanimalneeds,toabjureliesandvanities,torelievecommonwants,tobesimple,tobelieveinGod,thereinlayhappinessagain。
  “Iremember。”hesays,“onedayinearlyspring,Iwasaloneintheforest,lendingmyeartoitsmysteriousnoises。Ilistened,andmythoughtwentbacktowhatforthesethreeyearsitalwayswasbusywith——thequestofGod。Buttheideaofhim,Isaid,howdidIevercomebytheidea?
  “Andagaintherearoseinme,withthisthought,gladaspirationstowardslife。Everythinginmeawokeandreceivedameaning……WhydoIlookfarther?avoicewithinmeasked。Heisthere:
  he,withoutwhomonecannotlive。ToacknowledgeGodandtoliveareoneandthesamething。Godiswhatlifeis。Well,then!
  live,seekGod,andtherewillbenolifewithouthim……
  “Afterthis,thingsclearedupwithinmeandaboutmebetterthanever,andthelighthasneverwhollydiedaway。Iwassavedfromsuicide。JusthoworwhenthechangetookplaceIcannottell。
  Butasinsensiblyandgraduallyastheforceoflifehadbeenannulledwithinme,andIhadreachedmymoraldeath-bed,justasgraduallyandimperceptiblydidtheenergyoflifecomeback。
  Andwhatwasstrangewasthatthisenergythatcamebackwasnothingnew。Itwasmyancientjuvenileforceoffaith,thebeliefthatthesolepurposeofmylifewastobeBETTER。I