首页 >出版文学> The Varieties of Religious Experience>第12章
  E。g。,“Ouryoungpeoplearediseasedwiththetheologicalproblemsoforiginalsin,originofevil,predestination,andthelike。Theseneverpresentedapracticaldifficultytoanyman——neverdarkenedacrossanyman’sroad,whodidnotgooutofhiswaytoseekthem。Thesearethesoul’smumps,andmeasles,andwhooping-coughs,etc。Emerson:SpiritualLaws。
  Thepsychologicalbasisofthetwice-borncharacterseemstobeacertaindiscordancyorheterogeneityinthenativetemperamentofthesubject,anincompletelyunifiedmoralandintellectualconstitution。
  “Homoduplex,homoduplex!”writesAlphonseDaudet。“ThefirsttimethatIperceivedthatIwastwowasatthedeathofmybrotherHenri,whenmyfathercriedoutsodramatically,’Heisdead,heisdead!’Whilemyfirstselfwept,mysecondselfthought,’Howtrulygivenwasthatcry,howfineitwouldbeatthetheatre。’Iwasthenfourteenyearsold。
  “Thishorribledualityhasoftengivenmematterforreflection。
  Oh,thisterriblesecondme,alwaysseatedwhilsttheotherisonfoot,acting,living,suffering,bestirringitself。ThissecondmethatIhaveneverbeenabletointoxicate,tomakeshedtears,orputtosleep。Andhowitseesintothings,andhowitmocks!”[87]
  [87]NotessurlaVie,p。1。
  Recentworksonthepsychologyofcharacterhavehadmuchtosayuponthispoint。[88]Somepersonsarebornwithaninnerconstitutionwhichisharmoniousandwellbalancedfromtheoutset。Theirimpulsesareconsistentwithoneanother,theirwillfollowswithouttroubletheguidanceoftheirintellect,theirpassionsarenotexcessive,andtheirlivesarelittlehauntedbyregrets。Othersareoppositelyconstituted;andaresoindegreeswhichmayvaryfromsomethingsoslightastoresultinamerelyoddorwhimsicalinconsistency,toadiscordancyofwhichtheconsequencesmaybeinconvenientintheextreme。OfthemoreinnocentkindsofheterogeneityIfindagoodexampleinMrs。AnnieBesant’sautobiography。
  [88]See,forexample,F。Paulhan,inhisbookLesCaracteres,1894,whocontrastslesEquilibres,lesUnifies,withlesInquiets,lesContrariants,lesIncoherents,lesEmiettes,assomanydiversepsychictypes。
  “Ihaveeverbeenthequeerestmixtureofweaknessandstrength,andhavepaidheavilyfortheweakness。AsachildIusedtosuffertorturesofshyness,andifmyshoe-lacewasuntiedwouldfeelshamefacedlythateveryeyewasfixedontheunluckystring;
  asagirlIwouldshrinkawayfromstrangersandthinkmyselfunwantedandunliked,sothatIwasfullofeagergratitudetoanyonewhonoticedmekindly,astheyoungmistressofahouseI
  wasafraidofmyservants,andwouldletcarelessworkpassratherthanbearthepainofreprovingtheill-doer;whenIhavebeenlecturinganddebatingwithnolackofspiritontheplatform,IhavepreferredtogowithoutwhatIwantedatthehotelratherthantoringandmakethewaiterfetchit。
  CombativeontheplatformindefenseofanycauseIcaredfor,I
  shrinkfromquarrelordisapprovalinthehouse,andamacowardatheartinprivatewhileagoodfighterinpublic。HowoftenhaveIpassedunhappyquartersofanhourscrewingupmycouragetofindfaultwithsomesubordinatewhommydutycompelledmetoreprove,andhowoftenhaveIjeeredmyselfforafraudasthedoughtyplatformcombatant,whenshrinkingfromblamingsomeladorlassfordoingtheirworkbadly。Anunkindlookorwordhasavailedtomakemeshrinkintomyselfasasnailintoitsshell,while,ontheplatform,oppositionmakesmespeakmybest。”[89]
  [89]AnnieBesant:anAutobiography,p。82。
  Thisamountofinconsistencywillonlycountasamiableweakness;
  butastrongerdegreeofheterogeneitymaymakehavocofthesubject’slife。Therearepersonswhoseexistenceislittlemorethanaseriesofzig-zags,asnowonetendencyandnowanothergetstheupperhand。Theirspiritwarswiththeirflesh,theywishforincompatibles,waywardimpulsesinterrupttheirmostdeliberateplans,andtheirlivesareonelongdramaofrepentanceandofefforttorepairmisdemeanorsandmistakes。
  Heterogeneouspersonalityhasbeenexplainedastheresultofinheritance——thetraitsofcharacterofincompatibleandantagonisticancestorsaresupposedtobepreservedalongsideofeachother。[90]Thisexplanationmaypassforwhatitisworth——itcertainlyneedscorroboration。Butwhateverthecauseofheterogeneouspersonalitymaybe,wefindtheextremeexamplesofitinthepsychopathictemperament,ofwhichIspokeinmyfirstlecture。Allwritersaboutthattemperamentmaketheinnerheterogeneityprominentintheirdescriptions。Frequently,indeed,itisonlythistraitthatleadsustoascribethattemperamenttoamanatall。A“degeneresuperieur“issimplyamanofsensibilityinmanydirections,whofindsmoredifficultythaniscommoninkeepinghisspiritualhouseinorderandrunninghisfurrowstraight,becausehisfeelingsandimpulsesaretookeenandtoodiscrepantmutually。Inthehauntingandinsistentideas,intheirrationalimpulses,themorbidscruples,dreads,andinhibitionswhichbesetthepsychopathictemperamentwhenitisthoroughlypronounced,wehaveexquisiteexamplesofheterogeneouspersonality。Bunyanhadanobsessionofthewords,“SellChristforthis,sellhimforthat,sellhim,sellhim!”
  whichwouldrunthroughhismindahundredtimestogether,untilonedayoutofbreathwithretorting,“Iwillnot,Iwillnot。”
  heimpulsivelysaid,“Lethimgoifhewill。”andthislossofthebattlekepthimindespairforoverayear。Thelivesofthesaintsarefullofsuchblasphemousobsessions,ascribedinvariablytothedirectagencyofSatan。Thephenomenonconnectsitselfwiththelifeofthesubconsciousself,so-called,ofwhichwemusterelongspeakmoredirectly。
  [90]SmithBaker,inJournalofNervousandMentalDiseases,September,1893。
  Nowinallofus,howeverconstituted,buttoadegreethegreaterinproportionasweareintenseandsensitiveandsubjecttodiversifiedtemptations,andtothegreatestpossibledegreeifwearedecidedlypsychopathic,doesthenormalevolutionofcharacterchieflyconsistinthestraighteningoutandunifyingoftheinnerself。Thehigherandthelowerfeelings,theusefulandtheerringimpulses,beginbybeingacomparativechaoswithinus——theymustendbyformingastablesystemoffunctionsinrightsubordination。Unhappinessisapttocharacterizetheperiodoforder-makingandstruggle。Iftheindividualbeoftenderconscienceandreligiouslyquickened,theunhappinesswilltaketheformofmoralremorseandcompunction,offeelinginwardlyvileandwrong,andofstandinginfalserelationstotheauthorofone’sbeingandappointerofone’sspiritualfate。
  Thisisthereligiousmelancholyand“convictionofsin“thathaveplayedsolargeapartinthehistoryofProtestantChristianity。Theman’sinteriorisabattle-groundforwhathefeelstobetwodeadlyhostileselves,oneactual,theotherideal。AsVictorHugomakeshisMahometsay:——
  “Jesuislechampvildessublimescombats:
  Tantotl’hommed’enhaut,ettantotl’hommed’enbas;
  Etlemaldansmaboucheaveclebienalterne,Commedansledesertlesableetlaciterne。”
  Wrongliving,impotentaspirations;“WhatIwould,thatdoInot;
  butwhatIhate,thatdoI。”asSaintPaulsays;self-loathing,self-despair;anunintelligibleandintolerableburdentowhichoneismysteriouslytheheir。
  Letmequotefromsometypicalcasesofdiscordantpersonality,withmelancholyintheformofself-condemnationandsenseofsin。SaintAugustine’scaseisaclassicexample。Youallrememberhishalf-pagan,half-ChristianbringingupatCarthage,hisemigrationtoRomeandMilan,hisadoptionofManicheismandsubsequentskepticism,andhisrestlesssearchfortruthandpurityoflife;andfinallyhow,distractedbythestrugglebetweenthetwosoulsinhisbreastandashamedofhisownweaknessofwill,whensomanyotherswhomheknewandknewofhadthrownofftheshacklesofsensualityanddedicatedthemselvestochastityandthehigherlife,heheardavoiceinthegardensay,“Sume,lege“takeandread,andopeningtheBibleatrandom,sawthetext,“notinchamberingandwantonness。”etc。,whichseemeddirectlysenttohisaddress,andlaidtheinnerstormtorestforever。[91]Augustine’spsychologicalgeniushasgivenanaccountofthetroubleofhavingadividedselfwhichhasneverbeensurpassed。
  [91]LouisGourdonEssaisurlaConversiondeSaintAugustine,Paris,Fischbacher,1900hasshownbyananalysisofAugustine’swritingsimmediatelyafterthedateofhisconversionA。D。386
  thattheaccounthegivesintheConfessionsispremature。Thecrisisinthegardenmarkedadefinitiveconversionfromhisformerlife,butitwastotheneo-platonicspiritualismandonlyahalfwaystagetowardChristianity。Thelatterheappearsnotfullyandradicallytohaveembraceduntilfouryearsmorehadpassed。
  “ThenewwillwhichIbegantohavewasnotyetstrongenoughtoovercomethatotherwill,strengthenedbylongindulgence。Sothesetwowills,oneold,onenew,onecarnal,theotherspiritual,contendedwitheachotheranddisturbedmysoul。I
  understoodbymyownexperiencewhatIhadread,’fleshlustethagainstspirit,andspiritagainstflesh。’Itwasmyselfindeedinboththewills,yetmoremyselfinthatwhichIapprovedinmyselfthaninthatwhichIdisapprovedinmyself。Yetitwasthroughmyselfthathabithadattainedsofierceamasteryoverme,becauseIhadwillinglycomewhitherIwillednot。Stillboundtoearth,Irefused,OGod,tofightonthyside,asmuchafraidtobefreedfromallbonds,asIoughttohavefearedbeingtrammeledbythem。
  “ThusthethoughtsbywhichImeditatedupontheewereliketheeffortsofonewhowouldawake,butbeingoverpoweredwithsleepinessissoonasleepagain。Oftendoesamanwhenheavysleepinessisonhislimbsdefertoshakeitoff,andthoughnotapprovingit,encourageit;evensoIwassureitwasbettertosurrendertothylovethantoyieldtomyownlusts,yetthoughtheformercourseconvincedme,thelatterpleasedandheldmebound。Therewasnaughtinmetoanswerthycall’Awake,thousleeper,’butonlydrawling,drowsywords,’Presently;yes,presently;waitalittlewhile。’Butthe’presently’hadno’present,’andthe’littlewhile’grewlong……ForIwasafraidthouwouldsthearmetoosoon,andhealmeatonceofmydiseaseoflust,whichIwishedtosatiateratherthantoseeextinguished。WithwhatlashesofwordsdidInotscourgemyownsoul。Yetitshrankback;itrefused,thoughithadnoexcusetooffer……Isaidwithinmyself:’Come,letitbedonenow,’
  andasIsaidit,Iwasonthepointoftheresolve。Iallbutdidit,yetIdidnotdoit。AndImadeanothereffort,andalmostsucceeded,yetIdidnotreachit,anddidnotgraspit,hesitatingtodietodeath,andlivetolife,andtheeviltowhichIwassowontedheldmemorethanthebetterlifeIhadnottried。”
  Therecouldbenomoreperfectdescriptionofthedividedwill,whenthehigherwisheslackjustthatlastacuteness,thattouchofexplosiveintensity,ofdynamogenicqualitytousetheslangofthepsychologists,thatenablesthemtobursttheirshell,andmakeirruptionefficaciouslyintolifeandquellthelowertendenciesforever。Inalaterlectureweshallhavemuchtosayaboutthishigherexcitability。
  IfindanothergooddescriptionofthedividedwillintheautobiographyofHenryAlline,theNovaScotianevangelist,ofwhosemelancholyIreadabriefaccountinmylastlecture。Thepooryouth’ssinswere,asyouwillsee,ofthemostharmlessorder,yettheyinterferedwithwhatprovedtobehistruestvocation,sotheygavehimgreatdistress。
  “Iwasnowverymoralinmylife,butfoundnorestofconscience。Inowbegantobeesteemedinyoungcompany,whoknewnothingofmymindallthiswhile,andtheiresteembegantobeasnaretomysoul,forIsoonbegantobefondofcarnalmirth,thoughIstillflatteredmyselfthatifIdidnotgetdrunk,norcurse,norswear,therewouldbenosininfrolickingandcarnalmirth,andIthoughtGodwouldindulgeyoungpeoplewithsomewhatIcalledsimpleorcivilrecreation。Istillkeptaroundofduties,andwouldnotsuffermyselftorunintoanyopenvices,andsogotalongverywellintimeofhealthandprosperity,butwhenIwasdistressedorthreatenedbysickness,death,orheavystormsofthunder,myreligionwouldnotdo,andIfoundtherewassomethingwanting,andwouldbegintorepentmygoingsomuchtofrolics,butwhenthedistresswasover,thedevilandmyownwickedheart,withthesolicitationsofmyassociates,andmyfondnessforyoungcompany,weresuchstrongallurements,Iwouldagaingiveway,andthusIgottobeverywildandrude,atthesametimekeptupmyroundsofsecretprayerandreading;butGod,notwillingIshoulddestroymyself,stillfollowedmewithhiscalls,andmovedwithsuchpoweruponmyconscience,thatIcouldnotsatisfymyselfwithmydiversions,andinthemidstofmymirthsometimeswouldhavesuchasenseofmylostandundonecondition,thatIwouldwishmyselffromthecompany,andafteritwasover,whenIwenthome,wouldmakemanypromisesthatIwouldattendnomoreonthesefrolics,andwouldbegforgivenessforhoursandhours;butwhenIcametohavethetemptationagain,Iwouldgiveway:nosoonerwouldIhearthemusicanddrinkaglassofwine,butI
  wouldfindmymindelevatedandsoonproceedtoanysortofmerrimentordiversion,thatIthoughtwasnotdebauchedoropenlyvicious;butwhenIreturnedfrommycarnalmirthIfeltasguiltyasever,andcouldsometimesnotclosemyeyesforsomehoursafterIhadgonetomybed。Iwasoneofthemostunhappycreaturesonearth。