Boardmanwasoneofthosewhoseldomlaugh;buthisgrinexpressedallthemaliciousenjoymenthefelt。HesaidnothingintheimpressivesilencewhichMaveringletfollowatthispoint。
“Oh,youthinkitwasfunny?”criedMavering。“Ithoughtitwasfunnytoo;butAliceherselfopenedmyeyestowhatI’ddone,andIalwaysintendedtomakeitallrightwiththemwhenIgotthechance。Isupposedshewishedmetoo。”
Boardmangrinnedafresh。
“ShetoldmeImust;thoughsheseemedtodislikemyhavingbeenwiththemthedayaftershe’dthrownmeover。Butif“——Maveringinterruptedhimselftosay,asthegrinwidenedonBoardman’sface——“ifyouthinkitwasanycaseofvulgarjealousy,you’reverymuchmistaken,Boardman。Sheisn’tcapableofit,andshewassomagnanimousaboutitthatImadeupmymindtodoallIcouldtoretrievemyself。Ifeltthatitwasmydutytoher。
Well,lastnightatMrs。JimBellingham’sreception——“
AlookofprofessionalinterestreplacedthederisioninBoardman’seyes。
“Anyparticularoccasionforthereception?Giveninhonourofanybody?”
“I’llcontributetoyoursocietynotessomeothertime,Boardman。”saidMaveringhaughtily。“I’mspeakingtoafriend,notaninterviewer。Well,whomshouldIseeafterthefirstwaltz——I’dbeendancingwithAlice,andweweretakingaturnthroughthedrawing-room,andshehangingonmyarm,andIkneweverybodysawhowitwas,andIwasfeelingwell——whomshouldI
seebutthesewomen。Theywereinacornerbythemselves,lookingatapicture,andtryingtolookasiftheyweredoingitvoluntarily。ButI
couldseeataglancethattheydidn’tknowanybody;andIknewtheyhadbetterbeintheheartoftheSaharawithoutacquaintancesthanwheretheywere;andwhentheybowedforlornlyacrosstheroomtome,myheartwasinmymouth,Ifeltsosorryforthem;andItoldAlicewhotheywere;andI
supposedshe’dwanttorushrightovertothemwithme——“
“Anddidsherush?”askedBoardman,fillingupapausewhichMaveringmadeinwipinghisface。
“Howinfernallyhotyouhaveitinhere!“Hewenttothewindowandthrewitup;andthendidnotsitdownagain,butcontinuedtowalkbackandforthashetalked。“Shedidn’tseemtoknowwhotheywereatfirst,andwhenImadeherunderstandshehungback,andsaid,’Thoseshowythings?’
andImustsayIthinkshewaswrong;theyweredressedasquietlyasnine-tenthsofthepeoplethere;onlytheyareratherlarge,handsomewomen。IsaidIthoughtweoughttogoandspeaktothem,theyseemedstrandedthere;butshedidn’tseemtoseeit;and,whenIpersisted,shesaid,’Well,yougoifyouthinkbest;buttakemetomamma。’AndI
supposeditwasallright;andItoldMrs。PasmerI’dbebackinaminute,andthenIwentofftothosewomen。AndafterI’dtalkedwiththemawhileIsawMrs。BrinkleysittingwitholdBromfieldCoreyinanothercorner,andIgotthemacrossandintroducedthem;afterI’dexplainedtoMrs。Brinkleywhotheywere;andtheybegantohaveagoodtime,andI——
didn’t。”
“Justso。”saidBoardman。
“IthoughtIhadn’tbeengoneanywhileatallfromAlice;buttheweatherhadchangedbythetimeIhadgotback。Alicewasprettyserious,andshewasengagedtwoorthreedancesdeep;andIcouldseeherlookingoverthefellows’shoulders,asshewentroundandround,prettypale。Ihungabouttillshewasfree;butthenshecouldn’tdancewithme;shesaidherheadached,andshemadehermothertakeherhomebeforesupper;andI
moonedroundlikemyownghostawhile,andthenIwenthome。Andasifthatwasn’tenough,Icouldseebythelooksofthoseotherwomen——oldCoreyforgotMissWrayneinthesupper-room,andIhadtotakeherback——
thatIhadn’tmadeitrightwiththem,even;theywereashardandsmoothasglass。I’druinedmyself,andruinedmyselffornothing。”
MaveringflungBoardman’schairover,andseatedhimselfonitsrungs。
“Iwenttobed,andwaitedforthenextthingtohappen。IfoundmythunderboltwaitingformewhenIwokeup。Ididn’tknowwhatitwasgoingtobe,butwhenIfeltaringthroughtheenvelopeofthatnoteI
knewwhatitwas。Imind-readthatnotebeforeIopenedit。”
“GiveittotheSocietyforPsychicalResearch。”suggestedBoardman。
“Beentobreakfast?”
“Breakfast!“echoedMavering。“Well,now,Boardman,whatusedoyousupposeI’vegotforbreakfastunderthecircumstances?”
“Well,notverymuch;butyourstory’smademeprettyhungry。Wouldyoumindturningyourback,orgoingoutandsittingonthetopstepofthestairs’landing,orsomething,whileIgetupanddress?”
“Oh,Icango,ifyouwanttogetridofme。”saidMavering,withunresentfulsadness。“ButIhopedyoumighthavesomethingtosuggest,Boardy。’
“Well,I’vesuggestedtwothings,andyoudon’tlikeeither。Whynotgoroundandasktoseetheoldlady?”
“Mrs。Pasmer?”
“Yes。”
“Well,Ithoughtofthat。ButIdidn’tliketomentionit,forfearyou’dsitonit。Whenwouldyougo?”
“Well,aboutasquickasIcouldgetthere。It’searlyforacall,butit’sapeculiaroccasion,andit’llshowyourinterestinthething。Youcan’tverywellletitcoolonyourhands,unlessyoumeantoacceptthesituation。”
“Whatdoyoumean?”demandedMavering,gettingupandstandingoverBoardman。“DoyouthinkIcouldacceptthesituation,asyoucallit,andlive?”
“Youdidonce。”saidBoardman。“Youcouldn’t,unlessyoucouldfixitupwithMrs。Frobisher’ssister。”
Maveringblushed。“Itwasadifferentthingaltogetherthen。Icouldhavebrokenoffthen,butItellyouitwouldkillmenow。I’vegotintoodeep。Mywholelife’ssetonthatgirl。Youcan’tunderstand,Boardman,becauseyou’veneverbeenthere;butIcouldn’tgiveherup。”
“Allright。Bettergoandseetheoldladywithoutlossoftime;ortheoldman,ifyouprefer。”
Maveringsatdownontheedgeofthebedagain。“Lookhere,Boardman,whatdoyoumean?”
“Bywhat?”
“Bybeingsoconfoundedlyheartless。DidyousupposethatIwantedtopaythosewomenanyattentionlastnightfromaninterestedmotive?”
“SeemstohavebeenMissPasmer’simpression。”
“Well,you’remistaken。Shehadnosuchimpression。Shewouldhavetoomuchself-respect,toomuchpride——magnanimity。ShewouldknowthataftersuchagirlassheisIcouldn’tthinkofanyotherwoman;thethingissimplyimpossible。”
“That’sthetheory。”
“Theory?It’sthepractice!“
“Certainexceptions。”
“There’snoexceptioninmycase。No,sir!Itellyouthisthingisforalltime——foreternity。Itmakesmeoritmarsme,onceforall。Shemaylistentomeorshemaynotlisten,butaslongasshelivesthere’snootherwomanaliveforme。”
“Bettergoandtellherso。You’rewastingyourargumentsonme。”
“Why?”
“BecauseI’mconvincedalready。Becausepeoplealwaysmarrytheirfirstandonlyloves。Becausepeoplenevermarrytwiceforlove。BecauseI’veneverseenyouhitbefore,andIknowyounevercouldbeagain。NowgoandconvinceMissPasmer。She’llbelieveyou,becauseshe’llknowthatshecannevercareforanyonebutyou,andyounaturallycan’tcareforanybodybuther。It’saperfectlyclearcase。Allyou’vegottodoistosetitbeforeher。”
“IfIwereyou,Iwouldn’ttrytoworkthatcynicalracket,Boardman。”
saidMavering。Herose,buthesigheddrearily,andregardedBoardman’sgrinwithlack-lustreabsence。Buthewentawaywithoutsayinganythingmore;andwalkedmechanicallytowardtheCavendish。AsherangatthedoorofMrs。Pasmer’sapartmentsherecalledanotherearlyvisithehadpaidthere;hethoughthowjoyfulandexuberanthewasthen,andhowcrushedanddesperatenow。Hewasnotwithoutyouthfulsatisfactioninthedisparityofhisdifferentmoods;itseemedtostamphimasamanoflargeandvariedexperience。
XXXVIII。
Mrs。PasmerwasgenuinelysurprisedtoseeMavering,andhepursuedhisadvantage——ifitwasanadvantage——bycomingdirectlytothepoint。Hetookitforgrantedthatsheknewallaboutthematter,andhethrewhimselfuponhermercywithoutdelay。
“Mrs。Pasmer,youmusthelpmeaboutthisbusinesswithAlice。”hebrokeoutatonce。“Idon’tknowwhattomakeofit;butIknowIcanexplainit。Ofcourse。”headded,smilingruefully,“thetwostatementsdon’thangtogether;butwhatImeanisthatifIcanfindoutwhatthetroubleis,Icanmakeitallright,becausethere’snothingwrongaboutit;don’tyousee?”
Mrs。Pasmertriedtokeepthemystificationoutofhereye;butshecouldnotevensucceedinseemingtodoso,whichshewouldhavelikedalmostaswell。
“Don’tyouknowwhatImean?”askedDan。
Mrs。Pasmerchancedit。“ThatAlicewasalittleoutofsortslastnight?”shequeriedleadingly。
“Yes。”saidMaveringfervently。“Andabouther——herwritingtome。”
“Writingtoyou?”Mrs。Pasmerwasgoingtoask,whenDangavehertheletter。
“Idon’tknowwhetherIoughttoshowit,butImust。Imusthaveyourhelp,andIcan’t,unlessyouunderstandthecase。”
Mrs。Pasmerhadbeguntoreadthenote。Itexplainedwhatthegirlherselfhadrefusedtogiveanysatisfactoryreasonfor——herearlyretirementfromthereception,hermysteriousdisappearanceintoherownroomonreachinghome,andherresolutesilenceontheway。Mrs。PasmerhadknownthattheremustbesometroublewithDan,andshehadsuspectedthatAlicewasvexedwithhimonaccountofthosewomen;butitwasbeyondhercheerfulimaginationthatsheshouldgotosuchlengthsinherresentment。Shecouldconceiveofherwishingtopunishhim,toretaliatehersufferingonhim;buttorenouncehimforitwasanotherthing;andshedidnotattributetoherdaughteranyothermotivethanshewouldhavefeltherself。ItwasalwaysthiswaywithMrs。Pasmer:shefollowedherdaughteraccuratelyuptoacertainpoint;beyondthatshedidnotbelievethegirlknewherselfwhatshemeant;andperhapsshewasnotaltogetherwrong。Girlhoodisoftenaturmoilofwildimpulses,ignorantexaltations,mistakenideals,whichreallyrepresentnointelligentpurpose,andcomefromdisorderednerves,ill-advisedreading,andtheerroneousperspectiveofinexperience。Mrs。Pasmerfeltthis,andshewastemptedtobreakintoalaughoverAlice’sheroics;butshepreferredtokeepaseriouscountenance,partlybecauseshedidnotfeeltheleastseriously。ShewasinstantlyresolvednottoletthisletteraccomplishanythingmorethanDan’stemporaryabasement,andshewouldhavepreferredtoshortenthistothebriefestmomentpossible。Shelikedhim,andshewasconvincedthatAlicecouldneverdobetter,ifhalfsowell。Shewouldnowhavepreferredtotreathimwithfamiliarconfidence,totellhimthatshehadnoideaofAlice’swritinghimthatnonsensicalletter,andhewasnottopaytheleastattentiontoit;forofcourseitmeantnothing;butanotherprincipleofhercomplexnaturecameintoplay,andshesilentlyfoldedthenoteandreturnedittoDan,tremblingbeforeher。
“Well?”hequavered。
“Well。”returnedMrs。Pasmerjudicially,whilesheenjoyedhistremor,whoseneedlessnessinwardlyamusedher——“well,ofcourse,Alicewas——“
“Annoyed,Iknow。Anditwasallmyfault——ormymisfortune。ButI
assureyou,Mrs。Pasmer,thatIthoughtIwasdoingsomethingthatwouldpleaseher——inthehighestandnoblestway。Nowdon’tyouknowIdid?”
Mrs。Pasmeragainwishedtolaugh,butinthefaceofDan’stragedyshehadtoforbear。Shecontentedherselfwithsaying:“Ofcourse。Butperhapsitwasn’tthebesttimeforpleasingherjustinthatway。”
“Itwasthenornever。Icanseenow——why,Icouldseeallthetime——justhowitmightlook;butIsupposedAlicewouldn’tcareforthat,andifI
hadn’ttriedtomakesomereparationthentoMrs。Frobisherandhersister,Inevercould。Don’tyousee?”
“Yes,certainly。But——“
“AndAliceherselftoldmetogoandlookafterthem。”interposedMavering。Hesuppressed,alittleuncandidly,thefactofherfirstreluctance。
“Butyouknowitwasthefirsttimeyouhadbeenouttogether?”
“Yes。”
“Andnaturallyshewouldwishtohaveyouagooddealtoherself,oratleastnotseemingtorunafterotherpeople。”
“Yes,yes;Iknowthat。”
“Andnooneeverlikestobetakenattheirwordinathinglikethat。”
“Ioughttohavethoughtofthat,butIdidn’t。IwishIhadgonetoyoufirst,Mrs。Pasmer。SomehowitseemstomeasifIwereveryyoungandinexperienced;Ididn’tusetofeelso。Iwishyouwerealwaysonhandtoadviseme,Mrs。Pasmer。”Danhunghishead,andhisface,usuallysogay,wasblottedwithgloom。
“Willyoutakemyadvicenow?”askedMrs。Pasmer。
“IndeedIwill!“criedtheyoungfellow,liftinghishead。“Whatisit?”
“SeeAliceaboutthis。”
Danjumpedtohisfeet,andthesunshinebrokeoutoverhisfaceagain。
“Mrs。Pasmer,Ipromisedtotakeyouradvice,andI’lldoit。Iwillseeher。Buthow?Where?Letmehaveyouradviceonthatpointtoo。”
Theybegantolaughtogether,andDanwasatonceinexpressiblyhappy。
Thosetwolightnaturesthoroughlycomprehendedeachother。
Mrs。PasmerhadproposedhisseeingAlicewithdueseriousness,butnowshehadalongingtoletherselfgo;shefeltallthepleasurethatotherpeoplefeltindoingDanMaveringapleasure,andsomethingmore,becausehewassoperfectlyintelligibletoher。Sheletherselfgo。
“Youmightstaytobreakfast。”
“Mrs。Pasmer,Iwill——Iwilldothattoo。I’mawfullyhungry,andIputmyselfinyourhands。”
“Letmesee。”saidMrs。Pasmerthoughtfully,“howitcanbecontrived。”
“Yes;“saidMavering,readyforapanic。“How?Shewouldn’tstandasurprise?”
“No;Ihadthoughtofthat。”
“Nobehind-a-screenornext-roombusiness?”
“No。”saidMrs。Pasmer,withalightsigh。“Aliceispeculiar。I’mafraidshewouldn’tlikeit。”
“Isn’tthereanylittleruseshewouldlike?”
“Ican’tthinkofany。PerhapsI’dbettergoandtellheryou’rehereandwishtoseeher。”
“Doyouthinkyou’dbetter?”askedDandoubtfully。“Perhapsshewon’tcome。”
“Shewillcome。”saidMrs。Pasmerconfidently。
ShedidnotsaythatshethoughtAlicewouldbecurioustoknowwhyhehadcome,andthatshewastoojusttocondemnhimunheard。
Butshewasrightaboutthemainpoint。Alicecame,andDancouldseewithhisownwearyeyesthatshehadnotslepteither。
Shestoppedjustinsidetheportiere,andwaitedforhimtospeak。Buthecouldnot,thoughasmilefromhissenseoftheabsurdityoftheirseriousnesshoveredabouthislips。Hisfirstimpulsewastorushuponherandcatchherinhisarms,andperhapsthismighthavebeenwell,butthemomentforitpassed,andthenitbecameimpossible。
“Well?”shesaidatlast,liftingherhead,andlookingathimwithimpassionedsolemnity。“Youwishedtoseeme?Ihopedyouwouldn’t。Itwouldhavesparedmesomething。ButperhapsIhadnorighttoyourforbearance。”
“Alice,howcanyousaysuchthingstome?”askedtheyoungfellow,deeplyhurt。
Sherespondedtohistone。“I’msorryifitwoundsyou。ButIonlymeanwhatIsay。”
“You’vearighttomyforbearance,andnotonlythat,buttomy——mylife;
toeverythingthatIam。”criedDan,inaquiveroftendernessatthesightofherandthesoundofhervoice。“Alice,whydidyouwritemethatletter?——whydidyousendmebackmyring?”
“Because。”shesaid,lookinghimseriouslyintheface——“becauseIwishedyoutobefree,tobehappy。”
“Well,you’vegonethewrongwayaboutit。Icanneverbefreefromyou;
Inevercanbehappywithoutyou。”
“Ididitforyourgood,then,whichoughttobeaboveyourhappiness。
Don’tthinkIactedhastily。Ithoughtitoverallnightlong。Ididn’tsleep——“
“NeitherdidI。”interposedDan。
“AndIsawthatIhadnoclaimtoyou;thatyounevercouldbetrulyhappywithme——“
“I’lltakethechances。”heinterrupted。“Alice,youdon’tsupposeI
caredforthosewomenanymorethanthegroundunderyourfeet,doyou?I
don’tsupposeIshouldeverhavegiventhemasecondthoughtifyouhadn’tseemedtofeelsobadlyaboutmyneglectingthem;andIthoughtyou’dbepleasedtohavemetrytomakeituptothemifIcould。”
“Iknowyourmotivewasgood——thenoblest。Don’tthinkthatIdidyouinjustice,orthatIwasvexedbecauseyouwentawaywiththem。”
“Yousentme。”
“Yes;andnowIgiveyouuptothemaltogether。Itwasamistake,acrime,formetothinkwecouldheanythingtoeachotherwhenourlovebeganwithawrongtosomeoneelse。”
“Withawrongtosomeoneelse?”
“YouneglectedthemonClassDayafteryousawme。”
“Why,ofcourseIdid。HowcouldIhelpit?”
Aflushofpleasurecameintothegirl’spaleface;butshebanishedit,andcontinuedgravely,“ThenatPortlandyouwerewiththemallday。”
“You’dgivenmeup——you’dthrownmeover,Alice。”hepleaded。
“Iknowthat;Idon’tblameyou。Butyoumadethembelievethatyouwereverymuchinterestedinthem。”
“Idon’tknowwhatIdid。Iwasperfectlydesperate。”
“Yes;itwasmyfault。Andthen,whentheycametomeetyouattheMuseum,Ihadmadeyouforgetthem;I’dmadeyouwoundthemandinsultthemagain。No。I’vethoughtitallout,andwenevercouldbehappy。
Don’tthinkthatIdoitfromanyresentfulmotive。”
“Alice?howcouldIthinkthat?——Ofyou!“
“Ihavetried——prayed——tobepurifiedfromthat,andIbelievethatIhavebeen。”
“Youneverhadaselfishthought。”
“AndIhavecometoseethatyouwereperfectlyrightinwhatyoudidlastnight。AtfirstIwaswounded。”
“Oh,didIwoundyou,Alice?”hegrieved。
“ButafterwardIcouldseethatyoubelongedtothem,andnotme,and——andIgiveyouuptothem。Yes,freely,fully。”
Alicestoodthere,beautiful,pathetic,austere;andDanhadhaltedinthespottowhichhehadadvanced,whenhereyeforbadehimtoapproachnearer。Hedidnotmeantojoke,anditwasindespairthathecriedout:
“Butwhich,Alice?Therearetwoofthem。”
“Two?”sherepeatedvaguely。
“Yes;Mrs。FrobisherandMissWrayne。Youcan’tgivemeuptobothofthem。”
“Both?”sherepeatedagain。Shecouldnotcondescendtospecify;itwouldberidiculous,andasitwas,shefeltherdignityhopelesslyshaken。Thetearscameintohereyes。
“Yes。Andneitherofthemwantsme——theyhaven’tgotanyuseforme。
Mrs。Frobisherismarriedalready,andMissWraynetookthetroublelastnighttoletmefeelthat,sofarasshewasconcerned,Ihadn’tmadeitallright,andcouldn’t。IthoughtIhadratheracoldpartingwithyou,Alice,butitwasquitetropicaltowhatyouleftmeto。”Afaintsmile,mingledwithablushofrelenting,stoleintoherface,andhehurriedon。
“Idon’tsupposeItriedveryhardtothawherout。Iwasn’tmuchinterested。Ifyoumustgivemeup,youmustgivemeuptosomeoneelse,fortheydon’twantme,andIdon’twantthem。”Alice’sheaddroppedlover,andhecouldcomenearernowwithoutherseemingtoknowit。“Butwhyneedyougivemeup?There’sreallynooccasionforit,Iassureyou。”
“Iwished。”sheexplained,“toshowyouthatIlovedyouforsomethingaboveyourselfandmyself——faraboveeither——“
Shestoppedanddroppedthehandwhichshehadraisedtofendhimoff;andheprofitedbythelittlepauseshemadetotakeherinhisarmswithoutseemingtodoso。“Well。”hesaid,“Idon’tbelieveIwasformedtobelovedonaveryhighplane。ButI’mnottooproudtobelovedformyownsake;andIdon’tthinkthere’sanythingaboveyou,Alice。”
“Ohyes,thereis!Idon’tdeservetobehappy,andthat’sthereasonwhyI’mnotallowedtobehappyinanynobleway。Ican’tbeartogiveyouup;youknowIcan’t;butyououghttogivemeup——indeedyouought。I
haveideals,but1can’tliveuptothem。Yououghttogo。Yououghttoleaveme。”Sheaccentedeachlittlesentencebyvividlypressingherselftohisheart,andhehadthewisdomortheinstincttotreattheirreconciliationasnothingsettled,butmerelyprovisionalinitsnature。
“Well,we’llseeaboutthat。Idon’twanttogotillafterbreakfast,anyway;yourmothersaysImaystay,andI’mawfullyhungry。IfIseeanythingparticularlybaseinyou,perhapsIsha’n’tcomebacktolunch。”
Danwouldhavelikedtoturnitaltoffintoajoke,nowthattheworstwasapparentlyover;butAlicefreedherselffromhim,andheldhimoffwithherhandsetagainsthisbreast。“Doesmammaknowaboutit?”shedemandedsternly。
“Well,sheknowsthere’sbeensomemisunderstanding。”saidDan,withalaughthatwasanxious,inviewofthecloudspossiblygatheringagain。
“Howmuch?”
“Well,Ican’tsayexactly。”Hewouldnotsaythathedidnotknow,buthefeltthathecouldtrulysaythathecouldnotsay。
Shedroppedherhand,andconsentedtobedeceived。Dancaughtheragaintohisbreast;buthehadanodd,vaguesenseofdoingitcarefully,ofusingalittleofthecautionwithwhichoneseizesthestemofarosebetweenthethorns。
“Icanbeartoberidiculouswithyou。”shewhispered,withanimplicationwhichheunderstood。
“Youhaven’tbeenridiculous,dearest。”hesaid;andhistensiongavewayinaconvulsivelaugh,whichpartiallyexpressedhisfeelingofrestoredsecurity,andpartlyhisamusementinrealisinghowthesituationwouldhavepleasedMrs。Pasmerifshecouldhaveknownit。
Mrs。Pasmerwasseatedbehindhercoffeebigginatthebreakfast-tablewhenhecameintotheroomwithAlice,andsheliftedaneyefromitsglassbulblongenoughtocatchhisflyingglanceofexultationandadmonition。Then,whilesheregardedthechemicalstruggleinthebulb,withtherapteyeofamagicianreadingfateinhiscrystalball,shequestionedherselfhowmuchsheshouldknow,andhowmuchsheshouldignore。ItwasagreatmomentforMrs。Pasmer,fullofdeliciouschoice。
“Doyouunderstandthisprocess,Mr。Mavering?”shesaid,glancingupathimwarilyforfartherinstruction。
“I’veseenitdone。”saidDan,“butIneverknewhowitwasmanaged。I
alwaysthoughtitwasgoingtoblowup;butitseemedtomethatifyouweregoodandtrueandverymeek,andhadaconsciencevoidofoffence,itwouldn’t。”
“Yes,that’swhatitseemstodependupon。”saidMrs。Pasmer,keepinghereyeonthebulb。Shedodgedsuddenlyforward,andputoutthespirit-
lamp。“Nowhaveyourcoffee!“shecried,withagreatairofrelief。“Youmustneeditbythistime。”shesaidwithalowcynicallaugh——“bothofyou!“
“DidyoualwaysmakecoffeewithabiggininFrance,Mrs。Pasmer?”askedDan;andhelaughedoutthelastburdenthatlurkedinhisheart。
Mrs。Pasmerjoinedhim。“No,Mr。Mavering。InFranceyoudon’tneedabiggin。IsetmineupwhenwewenttoEngland。”
Alicelookeddarklyfromoneoftheselightspiritstotheother,andthentheyallshriekedtogether。
Theywentontalkingvolublyfromthat,andtheytalkedasfarawayfromwhattheywerethinkingaboutaspossible。TheytalkedofEurope,andMrs。Pasmersaidwheretheywouldliveandwhattheywoulddowhentheyallgotbacktheretogether。Danabettedher,andsaidthattheymustcrossinJune。Mrs。PasmersaidthatshethoughtJunewasagoodmonth。
Heaskedifitwerenotthemonthofthemarriagestoo,andsheansweredthathemustaskAliceaboutthat。Aliceblushedandlaughedhersweetreluctantlaugh,andsaidshedidnotknow;shehadneverbeenmarried。
Itwassilly,butitwasdelicious;itmadethemreallyonefamily。DeepinhisconsciousnessacompunctionpiercedandteasedDan。ButhesaidtohimselfthatitwasallajokeabouttheirEuropeanplans,orelsehispeoplewouldconsenttoitifhereallywishedit。
XXXIX。
Aperiodofentireharmonyandtendernessfollowedtheepisodewhichseemedtothreatentheloverswiththelossofeachother。MaveringforboretomakeAlicefeelthatinattemptingasacrificewhichconsultedonlyhisgoodandignoredhishappiness,andthenfailinginitsopromptly,shehadplayedratherasillypart。Afteroneortwotentativejokesinthatdirectionhefoundthegroundunsafe,andwiththeinstinctwhichservedhiminplaceofmorepremeditatedpietyhewithdrew,andwasabletotreattheaffairwithsomethinglikereligiousawe。Hewasobliged,infact,tosteadyAlice’sownfaithinit,andtokeepherfromfallingunderdangerousself-condemnationinthatandotherexcessesofuninstructedself-devotion。Thisbroughtnofatiguetohisrobustaffection,whateveritmighthavedonetoaheartmoretriedinsuchexercises。Loveacquaintsyouthwithmanythingsincharacterandtemperamentwhicharenonethelessinterestingbecauseitneverexplainsthem;andDanwasofsuchamakethatitsrevelationsofAlicewerecharmingtohimbecausetheywerenovel。Hehadthoughtherapersonofsuchsereneandflawlesswisdomthatitwasratherarelieftofindhersubjecttogustsofimprudence,tounexpectedpassionsandresentments,tofoiblesanderrors,likeotherpeople。Herpowerofcoldreticence;whichshecouldemployatwill,wassomethingthatfascinatedhimalmostasmuchasthathabitofimpulsiveconcessionwhichseemedtocameneitherfromherwillnorherreason。Hewasapersonhimselfwhowassoeagertogiveotherpeoplepleasurethathequiveredwithimpatiencetoseethemhappythroughhiswordsoracts;hecouldnotbeartothinkthatanyonetowhomhewasspeakingwasnotperfectlycomfortableinregardtohim;anditwasforthisreasonperhapsthatheadmiredagirlwhocouldprescribeherselfalineofsocialconduct,andfollowitoutregardlessofindividualpangs——whocouldactfromidealsandprinciples,andnotfromemotionsandsympathies。Heknewthatshehadtheemotionsandsympathies,forthereweretimeswhenshelavishedthemonhim;andthatshecouldseemwithoutthemwasanotherproofofthatdepthofnaturewhichhelikedtoimaginehadfirstattractedhimtoher。DanMaveringhadneverbeenabletosnubanyoneinhislife;itgavehimagreatrespectforAlicethatitseemednottocostheraneffortoraregret,anditcharmedhimtothinkthatherseveritywaspartoftheunconsciousshamwhichimposedherupontheworldforapersonofinflexibledesignandinvariableconstancytoit。
Hewasnotlonginseeingthatshesharedthisillusion,ifitwasanillusion,andthatperhapstheonlypersonbesideshimselfwhowasinthejokewashermother。Mrs。Pasmerandhegrewmoreandmoreintoeachother’sconfidenceintalkingAliceover,andheadmiredtheintrepidityofthislady,whowasnotafraidofherdaughtereveninthegirl’smosttoppingmomentsofself-abasement。Forhisownpart,thesemoodsofhersneverfailedtocausehimconfusionandanxiety。Theycommonlyintimatedthemselvesparentheticallyinthemidstofsomeblissfultalktheywerehaving,andovercasthisclearskywithretrospectiveidealsofconductorpresentimentalplansforcontingenciesthatmightneveroccur。Hefoundhimselfsuddenlyundercondemnationfornothavingreprovedheratagiventimewhensheforcedhimtoadmitshehadseemedunkindorcoldtoothers;
shemadehimpromisethatevenattheriskofalienatingheraffectionshewouldmakeupforherdeficienciesofbehaviourinsuchmatterswheneverhenoticedthem。ShenowpraisedhimforwhathehaddoneforMrs。
FrobisherandhersisteratMrs。Bellingham’sreception;shesaiditwasgenerous,heroic。ButMaveringrestedsatisfiedwithhisachievementinthatinstance,anddidnotattemptanythingelseofthekind。Hedidnotreasonfromcausetoeffectinregardtoit:aman’sloveissuchthatwhileitlastshecannotprojectitsobjectfarenoughfromhimtojudgeitreasonableorunreasonable;butDan’sinstinctshadbeendisciplinedandhisperceptionssharpenedbythatexperience。Besides,inbiddinghimtakethisimpartialandevenadmonitorycoursetowardher,shestipulatedthattheyshouldmaintaintotheworldaperfectharmonyofconductwhichshouldbeanoutwardimageoftheunionoftheirlives。Shesaidthatanythinglessthanacontinuedself-sacrificeofonetotheotherwasnotworthyofthenameoflove,andthatsheshouldnotbehappyunlessherequiredthisofher。Shesaidthattheyoughteachtofindoutwhatwasthemostdistastefulthingwhichtheycouldmutuallyrequire,andthendoit;sheaskedhimtotrytothinkwhatshemosthated,andletherdothatforhim;asforher,sheonlyaskedtoasknothingofhim。
Maveringcouldnotworshipenoughthisnobilityofsoulinher,andhecelebratedittoBoardmanwiththepassionateneedofimpartinghisrapturewhichaloverfeel。Boardmanacquiescedinsilence,withaglanceofreservedsarcasm,orcontentedhimselfwithlaconicsatireofhisfriend’sgeneralcondition,andavoidedanycommentthatmightspecificallyapplytothepointsDanmade。Aliceallowedhimtohavethisconfidant,anddidnotdemandofhimareportofallhesaidtoBoardman。
Amainfactoftheirlove,shesaid,mustbetheirutterfaithineachother。Shehadherownconfidante,andthedisparityofyearsbetweenherandMissCottoncountedfornothinginthefriendshipwhichtheirexchangeoftrustandsympathycemented。MissCotton,inthefreshnessofhersympathyandtheidealityofherinexperience,wasinfactyoungerthanAlice,atwhosefeet,inthethingsofsoulandcharacter,shelovedtosit。Sheneversaidtoherwhatshebelieved:thatagirlofherexemplaryprinciples,anatureconsciousofsuchnobleideals,sosuperiortoothergirls,whoinherplacewouldbegivenuptothehappinessofthemoment,andindifferenttothesenseofdutytoherselfandtoothers,wassacrificedtoapersonofMavering’sgay,brightnatureandtrivialconceptionoflife。Shedidnotdenyhissweetness;thatwasperhapstheonesavingthingabouthim;andsheconfessedthathesimplyadoredAlice;
thatcountedforeverything,anditwaseverythinginhisfavourthathecouldappreciatesuchagirl。Shehoped,sheprayed,thatAlicemightneverrealisehowlittledepthhehad;thatshemightgothroughlifeandneversuspectit。Ifshedidso,thentheymightbehappytogethertotheend,oratleastAlicemightneverknowshewasunhappy。
MissCottonneversaidthesethingsinsomanywords;itisdoubtfulifsheeversaidtheminanyformofwords;withhersensitiveanxietynottodoinjusticetoanyone,shetookDan’spartagainstthosewhoviewedtheengagementassheallowedittoappearonlytohersecretheart。ShedefendedhimthemoreeagerlybecauseshefeltthatitwasforAlice’ssake,andthateverythingmustbedonetokeepherfromknowinghowpeoplelookedattheaffair,eventochangingpeople’sminds。ShesaidtoallwhospoketoherofitthatofcourseAlicewassuperiortohim,buthewasdevotedtoher,andhewouldgrowintoanequalitywithher。Hewasnaturallyveryrefined,shesaid,and,ifhewasnotaveryseriousperson,hewasamiablebeyondanything。SheallegedmanylittleincidentsoftheiracquaintanceatCampobelloinproofofhertheorythathehadaninstinctiveappreciationofAlice,andshewassurethatnoonecouldvaluehernoblenessofcharactermorethanhe。Shehadseenthemagooddealtogethersincetheirengagement,anditwasbeautifultoseehismannerwithher。Theywereopposites,butshecountedagooddealuponthatverydifferenceintheirtemperamentstodrawthemtoeachother。
ItwasaneasymattertoseeDanandAlicetogether。Theirengagementcameoutintheusualway:ithadbeenannouncedtoafewoftheirnearestfriends,andintelligenceofitsoonspreadfromtheirownsetthroughsocietygenerally;ithadbeenpublishedintheSundaypaperswhileitwasstillinthetenderconditionofarumour,andhadbeendeniedbysomeoftheiracquaintanceandbelievedbyall。
ThePasmercousinshiphadbeenjustintheperformanceofthedutiesofbloodtowardAlicesincethereturnofherfamilyfromEurope,andnowdidwhatwasproperinthecircumstances。Allwhowereconnectedwithhercalleduponherandcongratulatedher;theyknewDan,theyoungerofthem,muchbetterthantheyknewher;andthoughhehadshrunkfromthenebulousbulkofsocialpotentialitywhicheveryyoungmanistothatmuchsmallernucleustowhichdefinitebetrothalreduceshim,theycouldbeperfectlysincereincallinghimthesweetestfellowthateverwas,andtoolovelytolive。
InsuchamatterMr。Pasmerwasnaturallynothing;hecouldnotbelessthanhewasatothertimes,buthewasnotmore;anditwasMrs。PasmerwhosharedfullywithherdaughterthemomentaryinterestwhichtheengagementgaveAlicewithallherkindred。Theybelieved,ofcourse,thattheyrecognisedinitaneffectofherskillinmanaging;theyagreedtosupposethatshehadgotMaveringforAlice,andtoignorethebeautyandpassionofyouthasfactorsinthecase。Theclosestofthekindred,withtheromanticdelicacyofAmericansinsuchthings,approachedthequestionofDan’spositionandprospects,andheardwithsatisfactionthegoodaccountswhichMrs。Pasmerwasabletogiveofhisfather’sprosperity。TherehadalwaysbeenmoreorlessapprehensionamongthemofatimewhenafamilysubscriptionwouldbenecessaryforBobPasmer,andinthereliefwhichthenewsituationgavethemsomeofthemtriedtorememberhavingknownDan’sfatherinCollege,butitfinallycametotheirguessingthattheymusthaveheardJohnMuntspeakofhim。
Mrs。Pasmerhadasupremecontrolintheaffair。Shebelievedwiththerest——sodeeplyisthisdelusionseated——thatshehadmadethematch;butknowingherselftohaveusednodishonestmagicintheprocess,shewasabletoenjoyitwithacleanconscience。ShegrewfonderofDan;theyunderstoodeachother;shewashisrefugefromAlice’sideals,andhelpedhimlaughoffhisperplexitywiththem。Theywerenonethelesssincerebecausetheywerenotintheleastfrankwitheachother。SheletDanbeataboutthebushtohisheart’scontent,andwaitedforhimatthepointwhichsheknewhewascomingto,withanunconsciousnesswhichheknewwasfactitious;neitherofthemgottiredofthis,orfailedfreshlytoadmiretheother’sstrategy。
XL。
ItcannotbepretendedthatAlicewasquitepleasedwiththewayherfriendstookherengagement,orratherthewayinwhichtheyspokeofDan。
Itseemedtoherthatshealone,orshechiefly,oughttofeelthatsweetnessandlovelinessofwhicheveryonetoldher,asifshecouldnothaveknownit。Ifhewassweetandlovelytoeveryone,howwashedifferenttoherexceptindegree?Oughthenottobedifferentinkind?
SheputthecasetoMissCotton,whomitpuzzled,whilesheassuredAlicethathewasdifferentinkindtoher,thoughhemightnotseemso;theveryfactthathewasdifferentindegreeprovedthathewasdifferentinkind。Thislogicsufficedforthemomentofitsexpression,butitdidnotpreventAlicefromputtingthecasetoDanhimself。Atoneofthoselittletimeswhenshesatbesidehimaloneandrearrangedhisnecktie,orplayedwithhiswatchchain,orpassedacriticalhandoverhiscowlick,sheaskedhimifhedidnotthinktheyoughttohaveanidealintheirengagement。“Whatideal?”heasked。Hethoughtitwasallsolididealthroughandthrough。“Oh。”shesaid,“bemoreandmoretoeachother。”
Hesaidhedidnotseehowthatcouldbe;iftherewasanythingmoreofhim,shewaswelcometoit,butheratherthoughtshehaditall。Sheexplainedthatshemeantbeinglesstoothers;andheaskedhertoexplainthat。
“Well,whenwe’reanywheretogether,don’tyouthinkweoughttoshowhowdifferentwearetoeachotherfromwhatwearetoanyoneelse。”
Danlaughed。“I’mafraidwedo,Alice;Ialwayssupposedoneoughttohidethatlittlepreferenceasmuchaspossible。Youdon’twantmetobedanglingafteryoueverymoment?”
“No-o-o。Butnot——dangleafterothers。”
Dansighedalittle——alittleimpatiently。“DoIdangleafterothers?”
“Ofcoursenot。Butshowthatwe’rethoroughlyunitedinallourtastesandfeelings,and——likeanddislikethesamepersons。”
“Idon’tthinkthatwillbedifficult。”saidDan。
Shewassilentamoment,andthenshesaid;“Youdon’tliketohavemebringupsuchthings?”
“Ohyes,Ido。Iwishtobeanddojustwhatyouwish。”
“ButIcansee,Icanunderstand,thatyouwouldsoonerpassthetimewithouttalkingofthem。Youliketobeperfectlyhappy,andnottohaveanycareswhen——whenyou’rewithmethisway?”
“Well,yes,IsupposeIdo。”saidDan,laughingagain。“IsupposeI
ratherdoliketokeeppleasureanddutyapart。Butthere’snothingyoucanwish,Alice,thatisn’tapleasuretome。”
“I’mverydifferent。”saidthegirl。“Ican’tbeatpeaceunlessIknowthatIhavearighttobeso。Butnow,afterthis,I’mgoingtodoyourway。Ifit’syourway,it’llbetherightway——forme。”Shelookedsublimelyresolved,withagrandliftoftheeyes,andDancaughthertohiminarapture,breakingintolaughter。
“Oh,don’t!Mine’sabadway——theworstkindofaway。”hecried。
“Itmakeseverybodylikeyou,andminemakesnobodylikeme。”
“Itmakesmelikeyou,andthat’squiteenough。Idon’twantotherpeopletolikeyou!“
“Yes,that’swhatImean!“criedAlice;andnowsheflungherselfonhisneck,andthetearscame。“Doyousupposeitcanbeverypleasanttohaveeverybodytalkingofyouasifeverybodylovedyouasmuch——asmuchasI
do?”Sheclutchedhimtighterandsobbed。
“OAlice!Alice!Alice!Nobodycouldeverbewhatyouaretome!“Hesoothedandcomfortedherwithendearingwordsandtouches;butbeforehecouldhavebelievedherhalfconsoledshepulledawayfromhim,andasked,withshiningeyes,“DoyouthinkMr。Boardmanisagoodinfluenceinyourlife?”
“Boardman!“criedMavering,inastonishment。“Why,IthoughtyoulikedBoardman?”
“Ido;andIrespecthimverymuch。Butthatisn’tthequestion。Don’tyouthinkweoughttoaskourselveshowothersinfluenceus?”
“Well,Idon’tseemuchofBoardynowadays;butIliketodropdownandtouchearthinBoardyonceinawhile——I’mintheairsomuch。Boardhasmorecommon-sense,moresolidchunk-wisdom,thananybodyIknow。He’skeptmefrommakingafoolofmyselfmoretimes——“
“Wasn’thewithyouthatdaywith——withthosewomeninPortland?”
Danwincedalittle,andthenlaughed。“No,hewasn’t。Thatwasthetrouble。Boardmanwasoffonthepressboat。IthoughtItoldyou。ButifyouobjecttoBoardman——“
“Idon’t。Youmustn’tthinkIobjecttopeoplewhenIaskyouaboutthem。
AllthatIwishedwasthatyoushouldthinkyourselfwhatsortofinfluencehewas。Ithinkhe’saverygoodinfluence。”
“He’sasplendidfellow,Boardmanis,Alice!“criedDan。“Yououghttohaveseenhowhefoughthiswaythroughcollegeonsuchalittlemoney,andneverskulkedorfeltmean。Hewasn’tappreciatedforit;themendon’tnoticethesethingsmuch;buthedidn’twanttohaveitnoticed;
alwaysactedasifitwasneitherherenorthere;andnowIguesshesendsouthomewhateverhehasleftafterkeepingsoulandbodytogethereveryweek。”
Hespoke,perhaps,withtoogreataneffectofrelief。Alicelistened,asitseemed,tohistoneratherthanhiswords,andsaidabsently——
“Yes,that’sgrand。ButIdon’twantyoutoactasifyouwereafraidofmeinsuchthings。”
“Afraid?”Danechoed。
“Idon’tmeanactuallyafraid,butasifyouthoughtIcouldn’tbereasonable;asifyousupposedIdidn’texpectyoutomakemistakesortobeimperfect。”
“Yes,Iknowyou’reveryreasonable,andyou’remorepatientwithmethanIdeserve;Iknowallthat,andit’sonlymywishtocomeuptoyourstandard,Isuppose,thatgivesmethatapprehensiveappearance。”
“ThatwaswhatvexedmewithyouthereatCampobello,whenyou——askedme“
“Yes,Iknow。”
“Yououghttohaveunderstoodmebetter。YououghttoknownowthatI
don’twishyoutodoanythingonmyaccount,butbecauseit’ssomethingweowetoothers。”
“Oh,excuseme!I’dmuchratherdoitforyou。”criedDan;butAlicelookedsograve,sohurt,thathehastenedon:“Howintheworlddoesitconcernotherswhetherwearedevotedornot,whetherwe’reharmoniousandtwo-souls-with-but-a-single-thought,andallthat?”Hecouldnothelpbeinglightaboutit。
“How?”Alicerepeated。“Won’titgivethemanideaofwhat——what——ofhowmuch——howtruly——ifwecareforeachother——howpeopleoughttocare?Wedon’tdoitforourselves。Thatwouldbeselfishanddisgusting。Wedoitbecauseit’ssomethingthatweowetotheideaofbeingengaged——ofhavingdevotedourlivestoeachother,andwouldshow——wouldteach——“
“Ohyes!Iknowwhatyoumean。”saidDan,andhegavewayinasputteringlaugh。“Buttheywouldn’tunderstand。They’donlythinkwewerespoonsoneachother;andiftheynoticedthatIcooledofftowardpeopleI’dliked,andwarmeduptowardthoseyouliked,they’dsayyoumademe。”
“Shouldyoucare?”askedAlicesublimely,withdrawingalittlefromhisarm。
“Ohno!onlyonyouraccount。”heanswered,checkinghislaugh。
“Youneedn’tonmyaccount。”shereturned。“Ifwesacrificesomelittlepreferencestoeachother,isn’tthatright?Ishallbegladtosacrificeallofminetoyou。Isn’tour——marriagetobefullofsuchsacrifices?I
expecttogiveupeverythingtoyou。”Shelookedathimwithasadseverity。
Hebegantolaughagain。“Ohno,Alice!Don’tdothat!Icouldn’tstandit。Iwantsomelittlechanceattherenunciationsmyself。”
Shewithdrewstillfurtherfromhisside,andsaid,withacoldanger,“It’sthatdetestableMrs。Brinkley。”
“Mrs。Brinkley!“shoutedDan。
“Yes;withherpessimism。Ihaveheardhertalk。Sheinfluencesyou。
Nothingissacredtoher。Itwasshewhotookupwiththosearmywomenthatnight。”
“Well,Alice,Imustsayyoucangivethingsasuglynamesasthenextone。Ihaven’tseenMrs。Brinkleythewholewinter,exceptinyourcompany。ButshehasmoresensethanalltheotherwomenIknow。”
“Oh,thankyou!“
“YouknowIdon’tmeanyou。”hepushedon。“Andsheisn’tapessimist。
She’sverykindhearted,andthatnightshewasverypoliteandgoodtothosearmywomen,asyoucallthem,whenyouhadrefusedtosayawordordoanythingforthem。”
“Iknewithadbeenranklinginyourmindallalong。”saidthegirl“I
expectedittocomaoutsoonerorlater。Andyoutalkaboutrenunciation!
Youneverforgetnorforgivetheslightestthing。ButIdon’taskyourforgiveness。”
“Alice!“
“No。Youareashardasiron。Youhavethatpleasantoutsidemannerthatmakespeoplethinkyou’reverygentleandyielding,butallthetimeyou’relikeadamant。Iwouldratherdiethanaskyourforgivenessforanything,andyou’dratherletmethangiveit。”
“Well,then,Iaskyourforgiveness,Alice,andI’msureyouwon’tletmediewithoutit。”
Theyregardedeachotheramoment。Thenthetendernessgushedupintheirhearts,apassionatetide,andsweptthemintoeachother’sarms。
“ODan。”shecried,“howsweetyouare!howgood!howlovely!Oh,howwonderfulitis!Iwantedtohateyou,butIcouldn’t。Icouldn’tdoanythingbutloveyou。Yes,nowIunderstandwhatloveis,andhowitcandoeverything,andlastforever。”
XLI。
Maveringcametolunchthenextday,andhadawordwithMrs。PasmerbeforeAlicecamein。Mr。Pasmerusuallylunchedattheclub。
“Wedon’tseemuchofMrs。Saintsburynowadays。”hesuggested。
“No;it’sagreatwaytoCambridge。”saidMrs。Pasmer,stifling,inalittlesighofapparentregretfortheseparation,thecuriosityshefeltastoDan’smotiveinmentioningMrs。Saintsbury。Shewasverypatientwithhimwhenhewenton。
“Yes,itisagreatway。Andastrangethingaboutitisthatwhenyou’relivinghereit’sagooddealfurtherfromBostontoCambridgethanitisfromCambridgetoBoston。”
“Yes。”saidMrs。Pasmer;“everyonenoticesthat。”
Dansatabsentlysilentforatimebeforehesaid,“Yes,IguessImustgooutandseeMrs。Saintsbury。”
“Yes,youought。She’sveryfondofyou。YouandAliceoughtbothtogo。”
“DoesMrs。Saintsburylikeme?”askedDan。“Well,she’sawfullynice。
Don’tyouthinkshe’sawfullyfondofformulatingpeople?”
“Oh,everybodyinCambridgedoesthat。Theydon’tgossip;theymerelyaccumulatematerialsfortheformulationofcharacter。”
“Andtheygettherejustthesame!“criedDan。“Mrs。Saintsburyusedtothinkshehadgotmedownprettyfine。”hesuggested。
“Yes!“saidMrs。Pasmer,withanindifferencewhichtheybothknewshedidnotfeel。
“Yes。Sheusedtoaccusemeofpreferringtotack,eveninafairwind。”
HelookedinquiringlyatMrs。Pasmer;andshesaid,“Howridiculous!“
“Yes,itwas。Well,IsupposeIamrathercircuitousaboutsomethings。”
“Oh,notatall!“
“AndIsupposeI’mratheratrialtoAliceinthatway。”
HelookedatMrs。Pasmeragain,andshesaid:“Idon’tbelieveyouare,intheleast。Youcan’ttellwhatistryingtoagirl。”
“No。”saidDanpensively,“Ican’t。”Mrs。Pasmertriedtorendertheinterestinherfacelessvivid。“Ican’ttellwhereshe’sgoingtobringup。Talkabouttacking!“
“Doyoumeantheabstractgirl;orAlice?”
“Oh,theabstractgirl。”saidDan,andtheylaughedtogether。“YouthinkAliceisverystraightforward,don’tyou?”
“Very。”saidMrs。Pasmer,lookingdownwithasmile——“foragirl。”
“Yes,that’swhatImean。Anddon’tyouthinkthemostcircuitouskindoffellowwouldbeprettydirectcomparedwiththestraight-forwardestkindofgirl?”
TherewasaruefuldefeatandbewildermentinDan’sfacethatmadeMrs。
Pasmerlaugh。“Whathasshebeendoingnow?”sheasked。
“Mrs。Pasmer。”saidDan,“youandIaretheonlyfrankandopenpeopleI
know。Well,shebegantotalklastnightaboutinfluence——theinfluenceofotherpeopleonus;andshekilledoffnearlyallthepeopleIlikebeforeIknewwhatshewasupto,andshefinishedwithMrs。Brinkley。
I’mgladshedidn’thappentothinkofyou,Mrs。Pasmer,orIshouldn’tbeassociatingwithyouatthepresentmoment。”ThisideaseemedtogiveMrs。Pasmerinexpressiblepleasure。Danwenton:“DoyouquiteseetheconnectionbetweenourbeingentirelydevotedtoeachotherandmydroppingMrs。Brinkley?”
“Idon’tknow。”saidMrs。Pasmer。“Alicedoesn’tlikesatiricalpeople。”
“Well,ofcoursenot。ButMrs。Brinkleyissuchanadmirerofhers。”
“Idaresayshetellsyouso。”
“Oh,butsheis!“
“Idon’tdenyit。”saidMrs。Pasmer。“ButifAlicefeelssomethinginimical——antipatico——inheratmosphere,it’snousetalking。”
“Ohno,it’snousetalking,andIdon’tknowthatIwanttotalk。”Afterapause,Maveringasked,“Mrs。Pasmer,don’tyouthinkthatwheretwopeoplearegoingtobeentirelydevotedtoeachother,andself-
sacrificingtoeachother,theyoughttodivide,andonedoallthedevotion,andtheotheralltheself-sacrifice?”
Mrs。PasmerwasamusedbythedrolllookinDan’seyes。“Ithinktheyoughttobewillingtoshareevenly。”shesaid。
“Yes;that’swhatIsay——shareandsharealike。I’mnotselfishaboutthoselittlethings。”Heblewoffalongsighingbreath。“Mrs。Pasmer,don’tyouthinkweoughttohaveanidealofconduct?”
Mrs。Pasmerabandonedherselftolaughter。“ODan!Dan!Youwillbethedeathofme。”
“Wewilldietogether,then,Mrs。Pasmer。Alicewillkillme。”Heregardedherwithasadsympathyinhiseyeasshelaughedandlaughedwithdeliciousintelligenceofthecase。Theintelligencewasperfect,fromtheirpointofview;butwhetheritfathomedthegirl’swholeintentionoraspirationisanothermatter。Perhapsthiswasnotverycleartoherself。Atanyrate,MaveringdidnotgoanymoretoseeMrs。
Brinkley,whosehousehehadlikedtodropinto。Alicewentseveraltimes,toshow,shesaid,thatshehadnofeelinginthematter;andMrs。
Brinkley,whenshemetDan,forboretoembarrasshimwithquestionsorreproaches;sheonlypraisedAlicetohim。
TherewerenotmanyotherinfluencesthatAlicecuthimofffrom;sheevenexposedhimtosomeinfluencesthatmighthavebeenthoughtdeleterious。
Shemadehimgoandcallaloneuponcertainyoungladieswhomshespecified,andshepraisedseveralotherstohim,thoughshedidnotpraisethemforthesamethingsthathedid。OneofthemwasagirltowhomAlicehadtakenagreatfancy,suchasoftenbudsintoaromanticpassionbetweenwomen;shewasverygentleandmild,andshehadnoneofthatstrengthofwillwhichsheadmiredinAlice。Onenighttherewasasleighingpartytoahotelinthesuburbs,wheretheyhaddancingandthensupper。Afterthesuppertheydanced“LittleSallyWaters“forafinale,insteadoftheVirginiaReel,andAlicewouldnotgoonthefloorwithDan;shesaidshedislikedthatdance;butshetoldhimtodancewithMissLangham。Itbecameagaleoffun,andintheheightofitDanslippedandfellwithhispartner。Theylaugheditoff,withtherest,butafterawhilethegirlbegantocry;shehadreceivedapainfulbruise。Allthewayhome,whiletheotherslaughedandsangandchattered,Danwastroubledaboutthispoorgirl;hisanxietybecameajokewiththewholesleighfulofpeople。
WhenhepartedwithAliceatherdoor,hesaid,“I’mafraidIhurtMissLangham;Ifeelawfullyaboutit。”
“Yes;there’snodoubtofthat。Goodnight!“
Shelefthimtogoofftohislodging,hotandtinglingwithindignationatherinjustice。Butkindlierthoughtscametohimbeforeheslept,andhefellasleepwithasmileoftendernessforheronhislips。HecouldseehowhewaswrongtogooutwithanyoneelsewhenAlicesaidshedislikedthedance;heoughtnottohavetakenadvantageofhergenerosityinappointinghimapartner;itwastryingforhertoseehimmakethatludicroustumble,ofcourse;andperhapshehadoverdonetheattentivesympathyonthewayhome。Itflatteredhimthatshecouldnothelpshowingherjealousy——thatisflattering,atfirst;andDanwasabletogoandconfessallbutthistoAlice。Shereceivedhissubmissionmagnanimously,andsaidthatshewasgladithadhappened,becausehissayingthisshowedthatnowtheyunderstoodeachotherperfectly。Thenshefixedhereyesonhis,andsaid,“I’vejustbeenroundtoseeLilly,andshe’saswellasever;itwasonlyanervousshock。”
WhetherMaveringwasreallyindifferenttoMissLangham’scondition,orwhethertheeducationofhisperceptionshadgonesofarthatheconsciouslyignoredher,heanswered,“Thatwassplendidofyou,Alice。”
“No。”shesaid;“it’syouthataresplendid;andyoualwaysare。Oh,I
wonderifIcaneverbeworthyofyou!“
Theirmutualforgivenesswasverysweettothem,andtheywentonpraisingeachother。Alicesuddenlybrokeawayfromthisweakeningexchangeofworship,andsaid,withthatairofcomingtobusinesswhichheladlearnedtorecogniseanddreadalittle,“Dan,don’tyouthinkIoughttowritetoyourmother?”
“Writetomymother?”Why,youhavewrittentoher。Youwroteassoonasyougotback,andsheansweredyou。”
“Yes;butwriteregularly?——ShowthatIthinkofherallthetime?”WhenIreallythinkI’mgoingtotakeyoufromher,Iseemsocruelandheartless!“
“Oh,Idon’tlookatitinthatlight,Alice。”
“Don’tjoke!AndwhenIthinkthatwe’regoingawaytoleaveher,forseveralyears,perhaps,assoonaswe’remarried,Ican’tmakeitseemright。Iknowhowshedependsuponyourbeingnearher,andseeinghereverynowandthen;andtogoofftoEuropeforyears,perhaps——Ofcourseyoucanbeofusetoyourfatherthere;butdoyouthinkit’srighttowardyourmother?Iwantyoutothink。”
Danthought,buthisthinkingwasmainlytotheeffectthathedidnotknowwhatshewasdrivingat。Hadshegotanyinklingofthatplanofhismother’sforthemtocomeandstayayearortwoattheFallsaftertheirmarriage?HealwaysexpectedtobeabletoreconcilethatplanwiththePasmerplanofgoingatonce;tohisoptimismthetwowerenotreallyincompatible;buthedidnotwishthemprematurelyconfrontedinAlice’smind。Wasthisherwayoflettinghimknowthatsheknewwhathismotherwished,andthatshewaswillingtomakethesacrifice?Orwasitjustsomevaguelongingtopleasehimbyashowofaffectiontowardhisfamily,anunmeditatedimpulseofreparation?HehadanimpulsehimselftobefrankwithAlice,totakeheratherword,andtoallowthathedidnotlikethenotionofgoingabroad。ThiswasDan’snotionofbeingfrank;hecouldstillreservethefactthathehadgivenhismotheratacitpromisetobringAlicehometolive,buthepostponedeventhis。Hesaid:“Oh,I
guessthat’llbeallright,Alice。Atanyrate,there’snoneedtothinkaboutityetawhile。Thatcanbearranged。”
“Yes。”saidAlice;“butdon’tyouthinkI’dbettergetintothehabitofwritingregularlytoyourmothernow,sothatthereneedn’tbeanybreakwhenwegoabroad?”Hecouldseenowthatshehadnoideaofgivingthatplanup,andhewasgladthathehadnotsaidanything。“Ithink。”shecontinued,“thatIshallwritetoheronceaweek,andgiveherafullaccountofourlifefromdaytoday;it’llbemorelikeadiary;andthen,whenwegetoverthere,Icankeepitupwithoutanyeffort,andshewon’tfeelsomuchthatyou’vegone。”
Sheseemedtorefertheplantohim,andhesaiditwascapital。Infact,hedidlikethenotionofadiary;thatsortofhistoricalviewwouldinvolvelessdangerofprecipitatingadiscussionofthetwoschemesoflifeforthefuture。“It’sawfullykindofyou,Alice,toproposesuchathing,andyoumustn’tmakeitaburden。Anysortoflittlesketchyrecordwilldo;mothercanreadbetweenthelines,youknow。”
“Itwon’tbeaburden。”saidthegirltenderly。“Ishallseemtobedoingitforyourmother,butIknowIshallbedoingitforyou。Idoeverythingforyou。Doyouthinkit’sright?”
“Oh;itmustbe。”saidDan,laughing。“It’ssopleasant。”
“Oh。”saidthegirlgloomily;“that’swhatmakesmedoubtit。”
第9章