首页 >出版文学> Crime and Punishment(罪与罚)>第3章
  Thedoorwasasbeforeopenedatinycrack,andagaintwosharpandsuspiciouseyesstaredathimoutofthedarkness。ThenRaskolnikovlosthisheadandnearlymadeagreatmistake。
  Fearingtheoldwomanwouldbefrightenedbytheirbeingalone,andnothopingthatthesightofhimwoulddisarmhersuspicions,hetookholdofthedooranddrewittowardshimtopreventtheoldwomanfromattemptingtoshutitagain。Seeingthisshedidnotpullthedoorback,butshedidnotletgothehandlesothathealmostdraggedheroutwithitontothestairs。Seeingthatshewasstandinginthedoorwaynotallowinghimtopass,headvancedstraightuponher。Shesteppedbackinalarm,triedtosaysomething,butseemedunabletospeakandstaredwithopeneyesathim。
  “Goodevening,AlyonaIvanovna,”hebegan,tryingtospeakeasily,buthisvoicewouldnotobeyhim,itbrokeandshook。“Ihavecome…Ihavebroughtsomething…butwe’dbettercomein…tothelight。…”
  Andleavingher,hepassedstraightintotheroomuninvited。Theoldwomanranafterhim;hertonguewasunloosed。
  “Goodheavens!Whatitis?Whoisit?Whatdoyouwant?”
  “Why,AlyonaIvanovna,youknowme…Raskolnikov…here,IbroughtyouthepledgeIpromisedtheotherday…”Andheheldoutthepledge。
  Theoldwomanglancedforamomentatthepledge,butatoncestaredintheeyesofheruninvitedvisitor。Shelookedintently,maliciouslyandmistrustfully。Aminutepassed;heevenfanciedsomethinglikeasneerinhereyes,asthoughshehadalreadyguessedeverything。Hefeltthathewaslosinghishead,thathewasalmostfrightened,sofrightenedthatifsheweretolooklikethatandnotsayawordforanotherhalfminute,hethoughthewouldhaverunawayfromher。
  “Whydoyoulookatmeasthoughyoudidnotknowme?”hesaidsuddenly,alsowithmalice。“Takeitifyoulike,ifnotI’llgoelsewhere,Iaminahurry。”
  Hehadnoteventhoughtofsayingthis,butitwassuddenlysaidofitself。Theoldwomanrecoveredherself,andhervisitor’sresolutetoneevidentlyrestoredherconfidence。
  “Butwhy,mygoodsir,allofaminute。…Whatisit?”sheasked,lookingatthepledge。
  “Thesilvercigarettecase;Ispokeofitlasttime,youknow。”
  Sheheldoutherhand。
  “Buthowpaleyouare,tobesure…andyourhandsaretremblingtoo?Haveyoubeenbathing,orwhat?”
  “Fever,”heansweredabruptly。“Youcan’thelpgettingpale…ifyou’venothingtoeat,”headded,withdifficultyarticulatingthewords。
  Hisstrengthwasfailinghimagain。Buthisanswersoundedlikethetruth;theoldwomantookthepledge。
  “Whatisit?”sheaskedoncemore,scanningRaskolnikovintently,andweighingthepledgeinherhand。
  “Athing…cigarettecase。…Silver。…Lookatit。”
  “Itdoesnotseemsomehowlikesilver。…Howhehaswrappeditup!”
  Tryingtountiethestringandturningtothewindow,tothelightallherwindowswereshut,inspiteofthestiflingheat,shelefthimaltogetherforsomesecondsandstoodwithherbacktohim。Heunbuttonedhiscoatandfreedtheaxefromthenoose,butdidnotyettakeitoutaltogether,simplyholdingitinhisrighthandunderthecoat。Hishandswerefearfullyweak,hefeltthemeverymomentgrowingmorenumbandmorewooden。Hewasafraidhewouldlettheaxeslipandfall。…Asuddengiddinesscameoverhim。
  “Butwhathashetiedituplikethisfor?”theoldwomancriedwithvexationandmovedtowardshim。
  Hehadnotaminutemoretolose。Hepulledtheaxequiteout,swungitwithbotharms,scarcelyconsciousofhimself,andalmostwithouteffort,almostmechanically,broughtthebluntsidedownonherhead。Heseemednottousehisownstrengthinthis。Butassoonashehadoncebroughttheaxedown,hisstrengthreturnedtohim。
  Theoldwomanwasasalwaysbareheaded。Herthin,lighthair,streakedwithgrey,thicklysmearedwithgrease,wasplaitedinarat’stailandfastenedbyabrokenhorncombwhichstoodoutonthenapeofherneck。Asshewassoshort,theblowfellontheverytopofherskull。Shecriedout,butveryfaintly,andsuddenlysankallofaheaponthefloor,raisingherhandstoherhead。Inonehandshestillheld“thepledge。”Thenhedealtheranotherandanotherblowwiththebluntsideandonthesamespot。Thebloodgushedasfromanoverturnedglass,thebodyfellback。Hesteppedback,letitfall,andatoncebentoverherface;shewasdead。Hereyesseemedtobestartingoutoftheirsockets,thebrowandthewholefaceweredrawnandcontortedconvulsively。
  Helaidtheaxeonthegroundnearthedeadbodyandfeltatonceinherpockettryingtoavoidthestreamingbody—thesameright-handpocketfromwhichshehadtakenthekeyonhislastvisit。Hewasinfullpossessionofhisfaculties,freefromconfusionorgiddiness,buthishandswerestilltrembling。Herememberedafterwardsthathehadbeenparticularlycollectedandcareful,tryingallthetimenottogetsmearedwithblood。…Hepulledoutthekeysatonce,theywereall,asbefore,inonebunchonasteelring。Heranatonceintothebedroomwiththem。Itwasaverysmallroomwithawholeshrineofholyimages。Againsttheotherwallstoodabigbed,verycleanandcoveredwithasilkpatchworkwaddedquilt。Againstathirdwallwasachestofdrawers。Strangetosay,sosoonashebegantofitthekeysintothechest,sosoonasheheardtheirjingling,aconvulsiveshudderpassedoverhim。Hesuddenlyfelttemptedagaintogiveitallupandgoaway。Butthatwasonlyforaninstant;itwastoolatetogoback。Hepositivelysmiledathimself,whensuddenlyanotherterrifyingideaoccurredtohismind。Hesuddenlyfanciedthattheoldwomanmightbestillaliveandmightrecoverhersenses。Leavingthekeysinthechest,heranbacktothebody,snatcheduptheaxeandlifteditoncemoreovertheoldwoman,butdidnotbringitdown。Therewasnodoubtthatshewasdead。Bendingdownandexaminingheragainmoreclosely,hesawclearlythattheskullwasbrokenandevenbatteredinononeside。Hewasabouttofeelitwithhisfinger,butdrewbackhishandandindeeditwasevidentwithoutthat。Meanwhiletherewasaperfectpoolofblood。Allatoncehenoticedastringonherneck;hetuggedatit,butthestringwasstronganddidnotsnapandbesides,itwassoakedwithblood。Hetriedtopullitoutfromthefrontofthedress,butsomethinghelditandpreventeditscoming。Inhisimpatienceheraisedtheaxeagaintocutthestringfromaboveonthebody,butdidnotdare,andwithdifficulty,smearinghishandandtheaxeintheblood,aftertwominutes’hurriedeffort,hecutthestringandtookitoffwithouttouchingthebodywiththeaxe;hewasnotmistaken—itwasapurse。Onthestringweretwocrosses,oneofCypruswoodandoneofcopper,andanimageinsilverfiligree,andwiththemasmallgreasychamoisleatherpursewithasteelrimandring。Thepursewasstuffedveryfull;Raskolnikovthrustitinhispocketwithoutlookingatit,flungthecrossesontheoldwoman’sbodyandrushedbackintothebedroom,thistimetakingtheaxewithhim。
  Hewasinterriblehaste,hesnatchedthekeys,andbegantryingthemagain。Buthewasunsuccessful。Theywouldnotfitinthelocks。Itwasnotsomuchthathishandswereshaking,butthathekeptmakingmistakes;thoughhesawforinstancethatakeywasnottherightoneandwouldnotfit,stillhetriedtoputitin。Suddenlyherememberedandrealisedthatthebigkeywiththedeepnotches,whichwashangingtherewiththesmallkeyscouldnotpossiblybelongtothechestofdrawersonhislastvisitthishadstruckhim,buttosomestrongbox,andthateverythingperhapswashiddeninthatbox。Heleftthechestofdrawers,andatoncefeltunderthebedstead,knowingthatoldwomenusuallykeepboxesundertheirbeds。Andsoitwas;therewasagood-sizedboxunderthebed,atleastayardinlength,withanarchedlidcoveredwithredleatherandstuddedwithsteelnails。Thenotchedkeyfittedatonceandunlockedit。Atthetop,underawhitesheet,wasacoatofredbrocadelinedwithhareskin;underitwasasilkdress,thenashawlanditseemedasthoughtherewasnothingbelowbutclothes。Thefirstthinghedidwastowipehisblood-stainedhandsontheredbrocade。“It’sred,andonredbloodwillbelessnoticeable,”thethoughtpassedthroughhismind;thenhesuddenlycametohimself。“GoodGod,amIgoingoutofmysenses?”hethoughtwithterror。
  Butnosoonerdidhetouchtheclothesthanagoldwatchslippedfromunderthefurcoat。Hemadehastetoturnthemallover。Thereturnedouttobevariousarticlesmadeofgoldamongtheclothes—probablyallpledges,unredeemedorwaitingtoberedeemed—bracelets,chains,ear-rings,pinsandsuchthings。Somewereincases,otherssimplywrappedinnewspaper,carefullyandexactlyfolded,andtiedroundwithtape。Withoutanydelay,hebeganfillingupthepocketsofhistrousersandovercoatwithoutexaminingorundoingtheparcelsandcases;buthehadnottimetotakemany。…
  Hesuddenlyheardstepsintheroomwheretheoldwomanlay。Hestoppedshortandwasstillasdeath。Butallwasquiet,soitmusthavebeenhisfancy。Allatoncehehearddistinctlyafaintcry,asthoughsomeonehadutteredalowbrokenmoan。Thenagaindeadsilenceforaminuteortwo。Hesatsquattingonhisheelsbytheboxandwaitedholdinghisbreath。Suddenlyhejumpedup,seizedtheaxeandranoutofthebedroom。
  InthemiddleoftheroomstoodLizavetawithabigbundleinherarms。Shewasgazinginstupefactionathermurderedsister,whiteasasheetandseemingnottohavethestrengthtocryout。Seeinghimrunoutofthebedroom,shebeganfaintlyquiveringallover,likealeaf,ashudderrandownherface;sheliftedherhand,openedhermouth,butstilldidnotscream。Shebeganslowlybackingawayfromhimintothecorner,staringintently,persistentlyathim,butstillutterednosound,asthoughshecouldnotgetbreathtoscream。Herushedatherwiththeaxe;hermouthtwitchedpiteously,asoneseesbabies’mouths,whentheybegintobefrightened,stareintentlyatwhatfrightensthemandareonthepointofscreaming。AndthishaplessLizavetawassosimpleandhadbeensothoroughlycrushedandscaredthatshedidnotevenraiseahandtoguardherface,thoughthatwasthemostnecessaryandnaturalactionatthemoment,fortheaxewasraisedoverherface。Sheonlyputupheremptylefthand,butnottoherface,slowlyholdingitoutbeforeherasthoughmotioninghimaway。Theaxefellwiththesharpedgejustontheskullandsplitatoneblowallthetopofthehead。Shefellheavilyatonce。Raskolnikovcompletelylosthishead,snatchingupherbundle,droppeditagainandranintotheentry。
  Feargainedmoreandmoremasteryoverhim,especiallyafterthissecond,quiteunexpectedmurder。Helongedtorunawayfromtheplaceasfastaspossible。Andifatthatmomenthehadbeencapableofseeingandreasoningmorecorrectly,ifhehadbeenabletorealiseallthedifficultiesofhisposition,thehopelessness,thehideousnessandtheabsurdityofit,ifhecouldhaveunderstoodhowmanyobstaclesand,perhaps,crimeshehadstilltoovercomeortocommit,togetoutofthatplaceandtomakehiswayhome,itisverypossiblethathewouldhaveflungupeverything,andwouldhavegonetogivehimselfup,andnotfromfear,butfromsimplehorrorandloathingofwhathehaddone。Thefeelingofloathingespeciallysurgedupwithinhimandgrewstrongereveryminute。Hewouldnotnowhavegonetotheboxorevenintotheroomforanythingintheworld。
  Butasortofblankness,evendreaminess,hadbegunbydegreestotakepossessionofhim;atmomentsheforgothimself,orrather,forgotwhatwasofimportance,andcaughtattrifles。Glancing,however,intothekitchenandseeingabuckethalffullofwateronabench,hebethoughthimofwashinghishandsandtheaxe。Hishandswerestickywithblood。Hedroppedtheaxewiththebladeinthewater,snatchedapieceofsoapthatlayinabrokensauceronthewindow,andbeganwashinghishandsinthebucket。Whentheywereclean,hetookouttheaxe,washedthebladeandspentalongtime,aboutthreeminutes,washingthewoodwheretherewerespotsofbloodrubbingthemwithsoap。Thenhewipeditallwithsomelinenthatwashangingtodryonalineinthekitchenandthenhewasalongwhileattentivelyexaminingtheaxeatthewindow。Therewasnotraceleftonit,onlythewoodwasstilldamp。Hecarefullyhungtheaxeinthenooseunderhiscoat。Thenasfaraswaspossible,inthedimlightinthekitchen,helookedoverhisovercoat,histrousersandhisboots。Atthefirstglancethereseemedtobenothingbutstainsontheboots。Hewettedtheragandrubbedtheboots。Butheknewhewasnotlookingthoroughly,thattheremightbesomethingquitenoticeablethathewasoverlooking。Hestoodinthemiddleoftheroom,lostinthought。Darkagonisingideasroseinhismind—theideathathewasmadandthatatthatmomenthewasincapableofreasoning,ofprotectinghimself,thatheoughtperhapstobedoingsomethingutterlydifferentfromwhathewasnowdoing。“GoodGod!”hemuttered“Imustfly,fly,”andherushedintotheentry。Buthereashockofterrorawaitedhimsuchashehadneverknownbefore。
  Hestoodandgazedandcouldnotbelievehiseyes:thedoor,theouterdoorfromthestairs,atwhichhehadnotlongbeforewaitedandrung,wasstandingunfastenedandatleastsixinchesopen。Nolock,nobolt,allthetime,allthattime!Theoldwomanhadnotshutitafterhimperhapsasaprecaution。But,goodGod!Why,hehadseenLizavetaafterwards!Andhowcouldhe,howcouldhehavefailedtoreflectthatshemusthavecomeinsomehow!Shecouldnothavecomethroughthewall!
  Hedashedtothedoorandfastenedthelatch。
  “Butno,thewrongthingagain!Imustgetaway,getaway。…”
  Heunfastenedthelatch,openedthedoorandbeganlisteningonthestaircase。
  Helistenedalongtime。Somewherefaraway,itmightbeinthegateway,twovoiceswereloudlyandshrillyshouting,quarrellingandscolding。“Whataretheyabout?”Hewaitedpatiently。Atlastallwasstill,asthoughsuddenlycutoff;theyhadseparated。Hewasmeaningtogoout,butsuddenly,onthefloorbelow,adoorwasnoisilyopenedandsomeonebegangoingdownstairshummingatune。“Howisittheyallmakesuchanoise?”flashedthroughhismind。Oncemoreheclosedthedoorandwaited。Atlastallwasstill,notasoulstirring。Hewasjusttakingasteptowardsthestairswhenheheardfreshfootsteps。
  Thestepssoundedveryfaroff,attheverybottomofthestairs,butherememberedquiteclearlyanddistinctlythatfromthefirstsoundhebeganforsomereasontosuspectthatthiswassomeonecomingthere,tothefourthfloor,totheoldwoman。Why?Werethesoundssomehowpeculiar,significant?Thestepswereheavy,evenandunhurried。Nowhehadpassedthefirstfloor,nowhewasmountinghigher,itwasgrowingmoreandmoredistinct!Hecouldhearhisheavybreathing。Andnowthethirdstoreyhadbeenreached。Cominghere!Anditseemedtohimallatoncethathewasturnedtostone,thatitwaslikeadreaminwhichoneisbeingpursued,nearlycaughtandwillbekilled,andisrootedtothespotandcannotevenmoveone’sarms。
  Atlastwhentheunknownwasmountingtothefourthfloor,hesuddenlystarted,andsucceededinslippingneatlyandquicklybackintotheflatandclosingthedoorbehindhim。Thenhetookthehookandsoftly,noiselessly,fixeditinthecatch。Instincthelpedhim。Whenhehaddonethis,hecrouchedholdinghisbreath,bythedoor。Theunknownvisitorwasbynowalsoatthedoor。Theywerenowstandingoppositeoneanother,ashehadjustbeforebeenstandingwiththeoldwoman,whenthedoordividedthemandhewaslistening。
  Thevisitorpantedseveraltimes。“Hemustbeabig,fatman,”thoughtRaskolnikov,squeezingtheaxeinhishand。Itseemedlikeadreamindeed。Thevisitortookholdofthebellandrangitloudly。
  Assoonasthetinbelltinkled,Raskolnikovseemedtobeawareofsomethingmovingintheroom。Forsomesecondshelistenedquiteseriously。Theunknownrangagain,waitedandsuddenlytuggedviolentlyandimpatientlyatthehandleofthedoor。Raskolnikovgazedinhorroratthehookshakinginitsfastening,andinblankterrorexpectedeveryminutethatthefasteningwouldbepulledout。Itcertainlydidseempossible,soviolentlywasheshakingit。Hewastemptedtoholdthefastening,buthemightbeawareofit。Agiddinesscameoverhimagain。“Ishallfalldown!”flashedthroughhismind,buttheunknownbegantospeakandherecoveredhimselfatonce。
  “What’sup?Aretheyasleepormurdered?D-damnthem!”hebawledinathickvoice,“Hey,AlyonaIvanovna,oldwitch!LizavetaIvanovna,hey,mybeauty!openthedoor!Oh,damnthem!Aretheyasleeporwhat?”
  Andagain,enraged,hetuggedwithallhismightadozentimesatthebell。Hemustcertainlybeamanofauthorityandanintimateacquaintance。
  Atthismomentlighthurriedstepswereheardnotfaroff,onthestairs。someoneelsewasapproaching。Raskolnikovhadnotheardthematfirst。
  “Youdon’tsaythere’snooneathome,”thenew-comercriedinacheerful,ringingvoice,addressingthefirstvisitor,whostillwentonpullingthebell。“Goodevening,Koch。”
  “Fromhisvoicehemustbequiteyoung,”thoughtRaskolnikov。
  “Whothedevilcantell?I’vealmostbrokenthelock,”answeredKoch。“Buthowdoyoucometoknowme?
  “Why!ThedaybeforeyesterdayIbeatyouthreetimesrunningatbilliardsatGambrinus’。”
  “Oh!”
  “Sotheyarenotathome?That’squeer。It’sawfullystupidthough。Wherecouldtheoldwomanhavegone?I’vecomeonbusiness。”
  “Yes;andIhavebusinesswithher,too。”
  “Well,whatcanwedo?Goback,Isuppose,Aie—aie!AndIwashopingtogetsomemoney!”criedtheyoungman。
  “Wemustgiveitup,ofcourse,butwhatdidshefixthistimefor?Theoldwitchfixedthetimeformetocomeherself。It’soutofmyway。Andwherethedevilshecanhavegotto,Ican’tmakeout。Shesitsherefromyear’sendtoyear’send,theoldhag;herlegsarebadandyethereallofasuddensheisoutforawalk!”
  “Hadn’twebetterasktheporter?”
  “What?”
  “Whereshe’sgoneandwhenshe’llbeback。”
  “Hm。…Damnitall!…Wemightask。…Butyouknowsheneverdoesgoanywhere。”
  Andheoncemoretuggedatthedoor-handle。
  “Damnitall。There’snothingtobedone,wemustgo!”
  “Stay!”criedtheyoungmansuddenly。“Doyouseehowthedoorshakesifyoupullit?”
  “Well?”
  “Thatshowsit’snotlocked,butfastenedwiththehook!Doyouhearhowthehookclanks?”
  “Well?”
  “Why,don’tyousee?Thatprovesthatoneofthemisathome。Iftheywereallout,theywouldhavelockedthedoorfromtheoutsidewiththekeyandnotwiththehookfrominside。There,doyouhearhowthehookisclanking?Tofastenthehookontheinsidetheymustbeathome,don’tyousee。Sotheretheyaresittinginsideanddon’topenthedoor!”
  “Well!Andsotheymustbe!”criedKoch,astonished。“Whataretheyaboutinthere?”Andhebeganfuriouslyshakingthedoor。
  “Stay!”criedtheyoungmanagain。“Don’tpullatit!Theremustbesomethingwrong。…Here,you’vebeenringingandpullingatthedoorandstilltheydon’topen!Soeitherthey’vebothfaintedor…”
  “What?”
  “Itellyouwhat。Let’sgofetchtheporter,lethimwakethemup。”
  “Allright。”
  Bothweregoingdown。
  “Stay。YoustopherewhileIrundownfortheporter。”
  “Whatfor?”
  “Well,you’dbetter。”
  “Allright。”
  “I’mstudyingthelawyousee!It’sevident,e-vi-dentthere’ssomethingwronghere!”theyoungmancriedhotly,andherandownstairs。
  Kochremained。Oncemorehesoftlytouchedthebellwhichgaveonetinkle,thengently,asthoughreflectingandlookingabouthim,begantouchingthedoor-handlepullingitandlettingitgotomakesureoncemorethatitwasonlyfastenedbythehook。Thenpuffingandpantinghebentdownandbeganlookingatthekeyhole:butthekeywasinthelockontheinsideandsonothingcouldbeseen。
  Raskolnikovstoodkeepingtightholdoftheaxe。Hewasinasortofdelirium。Hewasevenmakingreadytofightwhentheyshouldcomein。Whiletheywereknockingandtalkingtogether,theideaseveraltimesoccurredtohimtoenditallatonceandshouttothemthroughthedoor。Nowandthenhewastemptedtoswearatthem,tojeeratthem,whiletheycouldnotopenthedoor!“Onlymakehaste!”wasthethoughtthatflashedthroughhismind。
  “Butwhatthedevilisheabout?…”Timewaspassing,oneminute,andanother—noonecame。Kochbegantoberestless。
  “Whatthedevil?”hecriedsuddenlyandinimpatiencedesertinghissentryduty,he,too,wentdown,hurryingandthumpingwithhisheavybootsonthestairs。Thestepsdiedaway。
  “Goodheavens!WhatamItodo?”
  Raskolnikovunfastenedthehook,openedthedoor—therewasnosound。Abruptly,withoutanythoughtatall,hewentout,closingthedoorasthoroughlyashecould,andwentdownstairs。
  Hehadgonedownthreeflightswhenhesuddenlyheardaloudvoicebelow—wherecouldhego!Therewasnowheretohide。Hewasjustgoingbacktotheflat。
  “Heythere!Catchthebrute!”
  Somebodydashedoutofaflatbelow,shouting,andratherfellthanrandownthestairs,bawlingatthetopofhisvoice。
  “Mitka!Mitka!Mitka!Mitka!Mitka!Blasthim!”
  Theshoutendedinashriek;thelastsoundscamefromtheyard;allwasstill。Butatthesameinstantseveralmentalkingloudandfastbegannoisilymountingthestairs。Therewerethreeorfourofthem。Hedistinguishedtheringingvoiceoftheyoungman。“They!”
  Filledwithdespairhewentstraighttomeetthem,feeling“comewhatmust!”Iftheystoppedhim—allwaslost;iftheylethimpass—allwaslosttoo;theywouldrememberhim。Theywereapproaching;theywereonlyaflightfromhim—andsuddenlydeliverance!Afewstepsfromhimontheright,therewasanemptyflatwiththedoorwideopen,theflatonthesecondfloorwherethepaintershadbeenatwork,andwhich,asthoughforhisbenefit,theyhadjustleft。Itwasthey,nodoubt,whohadjustrundown,shouting。Thefloorhadonlyjustbeenpainted,inthemiddleoftheroomstoodapailandabrokenpotwithpaintandbrushes。Inoneinstanthehadwhiskedinattheopendoorandhiddenbehindthewallandonlyinthenickoftime;theyhadalreadyreachedthelanding。Thentheyturnedandwentonuptothefourthfloor,talkingloudly。Hewaited,wentoutontiptoeandrandownthestairs。
  Noonewasonthestairs,norinthegateway。Hepassedquicklythroughthegatewayandturnedtotheleftinthestreet。
  Heknew,heknewperfectlywellthatatthatmomenttheywereattheflat,thattheyweregreatlyastonishedatfindingitunlocked,asthedoorhadjustbeenfastened,thatbynowtheywerelookingatthebodies,thatbeforeanotherminutehadpassedtheywouldguessandcompletelyrealisethatthemurdererhadjustbeenthere,andhadsucceededinhidingsomewhere,slippingbythemandescaping。Theywouldguessmostlikelythathehadbeenintheemptyflat,whiletheyweregoingupstairs。Andmeanwhilehedarednotquickenhispacemuch,thoughthenextturningwasstillnearlyahundredyardsaway。“Shouldheslipthroughsomegatewayandwaitsomewhereinanunknownstreet?No,hopeless!Shouldheflingawaytheaxe?Shouldhetakeacab?Hopeless,hopeless!”
  Atlasthereachedtheturning。Heturneddownitmoredeadthanalive。Herehewashalfwaytosafety,andheunderstoodit;itwaslessriskybecausetherewasagreatcrowdofpeople,andhewaslostinitlikeagrainofsand。Butallhehadsufferedhadsoweakenedhimthathecouldscarcelymove。Perspirationrandownhimindrops,hisneckwasallwet。“Myword,hehasbeengoingit!”someoneshoutedathimwhenhecameoutonthecanalbank。
  Hewasonlydimlyconsciousofhimselfnow,andthefartherhewenttheworseitwas。Herememberedhowever,thatoncomingoutontothecanalbank,hewasalarmedatfindingfewpeoplethereandsobeingmoreconspicuous,andhehadthoughtofturningback。Thoughhewasalmostfallingfromfatigue,hewentalongwayroundsoastogethomefromquiteadifferentdirection。
  Hewasnotfullyconsciouswhenhepassedthroughthegatewayofhishouse!hewasalreadyonthestaircasebeforeherecollectedtheaxe。Andyethehadaverygraveproblembeforehim,toputitbackandtoescapeobservationasfaraspossibleindoingso。Hewasofcourseincapableofreflectingthatitmightperhapsbefarbetternottorestoretheaxeatall,buttodropitlateroninsomebody’syard。Butitallhappenedfortunately,thedooroftheporter’sroomwasclosedbutnotlocked,sothatitseemedmostlikelythattheporterwasathome。Buthehadsocompletelylostallpowerofreflectionthathewalkedstraighttothedoorandopenedit。Iftheporterhadaskedhim,“Whatdoyouwant?”hewouldperhapshavesimplyhandedhimtheaxe。Butagaintheporterwasnotathome,andhesucceededinputtingtheaxebackunderthebench,andevencoveringitwiththechunkofwoodasbefore。Hemetnoone,notasoul,afterwardsonthewaytohisroom;thelandlady’sdoorwasshut。Whenhewasinhisroom,heflunghimselfonthesofajustashewas—hedidnotsleep,butsankintoblankforgetfulness。Ifanyonehadcomeintohisroomthen,hewouldhavejumpedupatonceandscreamed。Scrapsandshredsofthoughtsweresimplyswarminginhisbrain,buthecouldnotcatchatone,hecouldnotrestonone,inspiteofallhisefforts。…
  Sohelayaverylongwhile。Nowandthenheseemedtowakeup,andatsuchmomentshenoticedthatitwasfarintothenight,butitdidnotoccurtohimtogetup。Atlasthenoticedthatitwasbeginningtogetlight。Hewaslyingonhisback,stilldazedfromhisrecentoblivion。Fearful,despairingcriesroseshrillyfromthestreet,soundswhichheheardeverynight,indeed,underhiswindowaftertwoo’clock。Theywokehimupnow。
  “Ah!thedrunkenmenarecomingoutofthetaverns,”hethought,“it’spasttwoo’clock,”andatonceheleapedup,asthoughsomeonehadpulledhimfromthesofa。
  “What!Pasttwoo’clock!”
  Hesatdownonthesofa—andinstantlyrecollectedeverything!Allatonce,inoneflash,herecollectedeverything。
  Forthefirstmomenthethoughthewasgoingmad。Adreadfulchillcameoverhim;butthechillwasfromthefeverthathadbegunlongbeforeinhissleep。Nowhewassuddenlytakenwithviolentshivering,sothathisteethchatteredandallhislimbswereshaking。Heopenedthedoorandbeganlistening—everythinginthehousewasasleep。Withamazementhegazedathimselfandeverythingintheroomaroundhim,wonderinghowhecouldhavecomeinthenightbeforewithoutfasteningthedoor,andhaveflunghimselfonthesofawithoutundressing,withouteventakinghishatoff。Ithadfallenoffandwaslyingonthefloornearhispillow。
  “Ifanyonehadcomein,whatwouldhehavethought?ThatI’mdrunkbut…”
  Herushedtothewindow。Therewaslightenough,andhebeganhurriedlylookinghimselfalloverfromheadtofoot,allhisclothes;weretherenotraces?Buttherewasnodoingitlikethat;shiveringwithcold,hebegantakingoffeverythingandlookingoveragain。Heturnedeverythingovertothelastthreadsandrags,andmistrustinghimself,wentthroughhissearchthreetimes。
  Butthereseemedtobenothing,notrace,exceptinoneplace,wheresomethickdropsofcongealedbloodwereclingingtothefrayededgeofhistrousers。Hepickedupabigclaspknifeandcutoffthefrayedthreads。Thereseemedtobenothingmore。
  Suddenlyherememberedthatthepurseandthethingshehadtakenoutoftheoldwoman’sboxwerestillinhispockets!Hehadnotthoughttillthenoftakingthemoutandhidingthem!Hehadnoteventhoughtofthemwhilehewasexamininghisclothes!Whatnext?Instantlyherushedtotakethemoutandflingthemonthetable。Whenhehadpulledouteverything,andturnedthepocketinsideouttobesuretherewasnothingleft,hecarriedthewholeheaptothecorner。Thepaperhadcomeoffthebottomofthewallandhungthereintatters。Hebeganstuffingallthethingsintotheholeunderthepaper:“They’rein!Alloutofsight,andthepursetoo!”hethoughtgleefully,gettingupandgazingblanklyattheholewhichbulgedoutmorethanever。Suddenlyheshudderedalloverwithhorror;“MyGod!”hewhisperedindespair:“what’sthematterwithme?Isthathidden?Isthatthewaytohidethings?”
  Hehadnotreckonedonhavingtrinketstohide。Hehadonlythoughtofmoney,andsohadnotpreparedahiding-place。
  “Butnow,now,whatamIgladof?”hethought,“Isthathidingthings?Myreason’sdesertingme—simply!”
  Hesatdownonthesofainexhaustionandwasatonceshakenbyanotherunbearablefitofshivering。Mechanicallyhedrewfromachairbesidehimhisoldstudent’swintercoat,whichwasstillwarmthoughalmostinrags,coveredhimselfupwithitandoncemoresankintodrowsinessanddelirium。Helostconsciousness。
  Notmorethanfiveminuteshadpassedwhenhejumpedupasecondtime,andatoncepouncedinafrenzyonhisclothesagain。
  “HowcouldIgotosleepagainwithnothingdone?Yes,yes;Ihavenottakentheloopoffthearmhole!Iforgotit,forgotathinglikethat!Suchapieceofevidence!”
  Hepulledoffthenoose,hurriedlycutittopiecesandthrewthebitsamonghislinenunderthepillow。
  “Piecesoftornlinencouldn’trousesuspicion,whateverhappened;Ithinknot,Ithinknot,anyway!”herepeated,standinginthemiddleoftheroom,andwithpainfulconcentrationhefelltogazingabouthimagain,atthefloorandeverywhere,tryingtomakesurehehadnotforgottenanything。Theconvictionthatallhisfaculties,evenmemory,andthesimplestpowerofreflectionwerefailinghim,begantobeaninsufferabletorture。
  “Surelyitisn’tbeginningalready!Surelyitisn’tmypunishmentcominguponme?Itis!”
  Thefrayedragshehadcutoffhistrouserswereactuallylyingonthefloorinthemiddleoftheroom,whereanyonecominginwouldseethem!
  “Whatisthematterwithme!”hecriedagain,likeonedistraught。
  Thenastrangeideaenteredhishead;that,perhaps,allhisclotheswerecoveredwithblood,that,perhaps,therewereagreatmanystains,butthathedidnotseethem,didnotnoticethembecausehisperceptionswerefailing,weregoingtopieces…hisreasonwasclouded。…Suddenlyherememberedthattherehadbeenbloodonthepursetoo。“Ah!Thentheremustbebloodonthepockettoo,forIputthewetpurseinmypocket!”
  Inaflashhehadturnedthepocketinsideoutand,yes!—thereweretraces,stainsontheliningofthepocket!
  “Somyreasonhasnotquitedesertedme,soIstillhavesomesenseandmemory,sinceIguesseditofmyself,”hethoughttriumphantly,withadeepsighofrelief;“it’ssimplytheweaknessoffever,amoment’sdelirium,”andhetorethewholeliningoutoftheleftpocketofhistrousers。Atthatinstantthesunlightfellonhisleftboot;onthesockwhichpokedoutfromtheboot,hefanciedthereweretraces!Heflungoffhisboots;“tracesindeed!Thetipofthesockwassoakedwithblood;”hemusthaveunwarilysteppedintothatpool。…“ButwhatamItodowiththisnow?WhereamItoputthesockandragsandpocket?”
  Hegatheredthemallupinhishandsandstoodinthemiddleoftheroom。
  “Inthestove?Buttheywouldransackthestovefirstofall。Burnthem?ButwhatcanIburnthemwith?Therearenomatcheseven。No,bettergooutandthrowitallawaysomewhere。Yes,betterthrowitaway,”herepeated,sittingdownonthesofaagain,“andatonce,thisminute,withoutlingering…”
  Buthisheadsankonthepillowinstead。Againtheunbearableicyshiveringcameoverhim;againhedrewhiscoatoverhim。
  Andforalongwhile,forsomehours,hewashauntedbytheimpulseto“gooffsomewhereatonce,thismoment,andflingitallaway,sothatitmaybeoutofsightanddonewith,atonce,atonce!”Severaltimeshetriedtorisefromthesofa,butcouldnot。
  Hewasthoroughlywakedupatlastbyaviolentknockingathisdoor。
  “Open,do,areyoudeadoralive?Hekeepssleepinghere!”shoutedNastasya,bangingwithherfistonthedoor。“Forwholedaystogetherhe’ssnoringherelikeadog!Adogheistoo。OpenItellyou。It’spastten。”
  “Maybehe’snotathome,”saidaman’svoice。
  “Ha!that’stheporter’svoice。…Whatdoeshewant?”
  Hejumpedupandsatonthesofa。Thebeatingofhisheartwasapositivepain。
  “Thenwhocanhavelatchedthedoor?”retortedNastasya。“He’stakentoboltinghimselfin!Asifhewereworthstealing!Open,youstupid,wakeup!”
  “Whatdotheywant?Whytheporter?All’sdiscovered。Resistoropen?Comewhatmay!…”
  Hehalfrose,stoopedforwardandunlatchedthedoor。
  Hisroomwassosmallthathecouldundothelatchwithoutleavingthebed。Yes;theporterandNastasyawerestandingthere。
  Nastasyastaredathiminastrangeway。Heglancedwithadefiantanddesperateairattheporter,whowithoutawordheldoutagreyfoldedpapersealedwithbottle-wax。
  “Anoticefromtheoffice,”heannounced,ashegavehimthepaper。
  “Fromwhatoffice?”
  “Asummonstothepoliceoffice,ofcourse。Youknowwhichoffice。”
  “Tothepolice?…Whatfor?…”
  “HowcanItell?You’resentfor,soyougo。”
  Themanlookedathimattentively,lookedroundtheroomandturnedtogoaway。
  “He’sdownrightill!”observedNastasya,nottakinghereyesoffhim。Theporterturnedhisheadforamoment。“He’sbeeninafeversinceyesterday,”sheadded。
  Raskolnikovmadenoresponseandheldthepaperinhishands,withoutopeningit。“Don’tyougetupthen,”Nastasyawentoncompassionately,seeingthathewaslettinghisfeetdownfromthesofa。“You’reill,andsodon’tgo;there’snosuchhurry。Whathaveyougotthere?”
  Helooked;inhisrighthandheheldtheshredshehadcutfromhistrousers,thesock,andtheragsofthepocket。Sohehadbeenasleepwiththeminhishand。Afterwardsreflectinguponit,herememberedthathalfwakingupinhisfever,hehadgraspedallthistightlyinhishandandsofallenasleepagain。
  “Lookattheragshe’scollectedandsleepswiththem,asthoughhehasgotholdofatreasure…”
  AndNastasyawentoffintoherhystericalgiggle。
  Instantlyhethrustthemallunderhisgreatcoatandfixedhiseyesintentlyuponher。Farashewasfrombeingcapableofrationalreflectionatthatmoment,hefeltthatnoonewouldbehavelikethatwithapersonwhowasgoingtobearrested。“But…thepolice?”
  “You’dbetterhavesometea!Yes?I’llbringit,there’ssomeleft。”
  “No…I’mgoing;I’llgoatonce,”hemuttered,gettingontohisfeet。
  “Why,you’llnevergetdownstairs!”
  “Yes,I’llgo。”
  “Asyouplease。”
  Shefollowedtheporterout。
  Atonceherushedtothelighttoexaminethesockandtherags。
  “Therearestains,butnotverynoticeable;allcoveredwithdirt,andrubbedandalreadydiscoloured。Noonewhohadnosuspicioncoulddistinguishanything。Nastasyafromadistancecouldnothavenoticed,thankGod!”Thenwithatremorhebrokethesealofthenoticeandbeganreading;hewasalongwhilereading,beforeheunderstood。Itwasanordinarysummonsfromthedistrictpolice-stationtoappearthatdayathalf-pastnineattheofficeofthedistrictsuperintendent。
  “Butwhenhassuchathinghappened?Ineverhaveanythingtodowiththepolice!Andwhyjustto-day?”hethoughtinagonisingbewilderment。“GoodGod,onlygetitoversoon!”
  Hewasflinginghimselfonhiskneestopray,butbrokeintolaughter—notattheideaofprayer,butathimself。
  Hebegan,hurriedlydressing。“IfI’mlost,Iamlost,Idon’tcare!ShallIputthesockon?”hesuddenlywondered,“itwillgetdustierstillandthetraceswillbegone。”
  Butnosoonerhadheputitonthanhepulleditoffagaininloathingandhorror。Hepulleditoff,butreflectingthathehadnoothersocks,hepickeditupandputitonagain—andagainhelaughed。
  “That’sallconventional,that’sallrelative,merelyawayoflookingatit,”hethoughtinaflash,butonlyonthetopsurfaceofhismind,whilehewasshudderingallover,“there,I’vegotiton!Ihavefinishedbygettingiton!”
  Buthislaughterwasquicklyfollowedbydespair。
  “No,it’stoomuchforme…”hethought。Hislegsshook。“Fromfear,”hemuttered。Hisheadswamandachedwithfever。“It’satrick!Theywanttodecoymethereandconfoundmeovereverything,”hemused,ashewentoutontothestairs—“theworstofitisI’malmostlight-headed…Imayblurtoutsomethingstupid…”
  Onthestairsherememberedthathewasleavingallthethingsjustastheywereintheholeinthewall,“andverylikely,it’sonpurposetosearchwhenI’mout,”hethought,andstoppedshort。Buthewaspossessedbysuchdespair,suchcynicismofmisery,ifonemaysocallit,thatwithawaveofhishandhewenton。“Onlytogetitover!”
  Inthestreettheheatwasinsufferableagain;notadropofrainhadfallenallthosedays。Againdust,bricksandmortar,againthestenchfromtheshopsandpot-houses,againthedrunkenmen,theFinnishpedlarsandhalf-broken-downcabs。Thesunshonestraightinhiseyes,sothatithurthimtolookoutofthem,andhefelthisheadgoinground—asamaninafeverisapttofeelwhenhecomesoutintothestreetonabrightsunnyday。
  Whenhereachedtheturningintothestreet,inanagonyoftrepidationhelookeddownit…atthehouse…andatonceavertedhiseyes。
  “Iftheyquestionme,perhapsI’llsimplytell,”hethought,ashedrewnearthepolice-station。
  Thepolice-stationwasaboutaquarterofamileoff。Ithadlatelybeenmovedtonewroomsonthefourthfloorofanewhouse。Hehadbeenonceforamomentintheoldofficebutlongago。Turninginatthegateway,hesawontherightaflightofstairswhichapeasantwasmountingwithabookinhishand。“Ahouse-porter,nodoubt;sothen,theofficeishere,”andhebeganascendingthestairsonthechance。Hedidnotwanttoaskquestionsofanyone。
  “I’llgoin,fallonmyknees,andconfesseverything…”hethought,ashereachedthefourthfloor。
  Thestaircasewassteep,narrowandallsloppywithdirtywater。Thekitchensoftheflatsopenedontothestairsandstoodopenalmostthewholeday。Sotherewasafearfulsmellandheat。Thestaircasewascrowdedwithportersgoingupanddownwiththeirbooksundertheirarms,policemen,andpersonsofallsortsandbothsexes。Thedooroftheoffice,too,stoodwideopen。Peasantsstoodwaitingwithin。There,too,theheatwasstiflingandtherewasasickeningsmelloffreshpaintandstaleoilfromthenewlydecoratedrooms。
  Afterwaitingalittle,hedecidedtomoveforwardintothenextroom。Alltheroomsweresmallandlow-pitched。Afearfulimpatiencedrewhimonandon。Noonepaidattentiontohim。Inthesecondroomsomeclerkssatwriting,dressedhardlybetterthanhewas,andratheraqueer-lookingset。Hewentuptooneofthem。
  “Whatisit?”
  Heshowedthenoticehehadreceived。
  “Youareastudent?”themanasked,glancingatthenotice。
  “Yes,formerlyastudent。”
  Theclerklookedathim,butwithouttheslightestinterest。Hewasaparticularlyunkemptpersonwiththelookofafixedideainhiseye。
  “Therewouldbenogettinganythingoutofhim,becausehehasnointerestinanything,”thoughtRaskolnikov。
  “Gointheretotheheadclerk,”saidtheclerk,pointingtowardsthefurthestroom。
  Hewentintothatroom—thefourthinorder;itwasasmallroomandpackedfullofpeople,ratherbetterdressedthanintheouterrooms。Amongthemweretwoladies。One,poorlydressedinmourning,satatthetableoppositethechiefclerk,writingsomethingathisdictation。Theother,averystout,buxomwomanwithapurplish-red,blotchyface,excessivelysmartlydressedwithabroochonherbosomasbigasasaucer,wasstandingononeside,apparentlywaitingforsomething。Raskolnikovthrusthisnoticeupontheheadclerk。Thelatterglancedatit,said:“Waitaminute,”andwentonattendingtotheladyinmourning。
  Hebreathedmorefreely。“Itcan’tbethat!”
  Bydegreeshebegantoregainconfidence,hekepturginghimselftohavecourageandbecalm。
  “Somefoolishness,sometriflingcarelessness,andImaybetraymyself!Hm…it’sapitythere’snoairhere,”headded,“it’sstifling。…Itmakesone’sheaddizzierthanever…andone’smindtoo…”
  Hewasconsciousofaterribleinnerturmoil。Hewasafraidoflosinghisself-control;hetriedtocatchatsomethingandfixhismindonit,somethingquiteirrelevant,buthecouldnotsucceedinthisatall。Yettheheadclerkgreatlyinterestedhim,hekepthopingtoseethroughhimandguesssomethingfromhisface。
  Hewasaveryyoungman,abouttwoandtwenty,withadarkmobilefacethatlookedolderthanhisyears。Hewasfashionablydressedandfoppish,withhishairpartedinthemiddle,wellcombedandpomaded,andworeanumberofringsonhiswell-scrubbedfingersandagoldchainonhiswaistcoat。HesaidacoupleofwordsinFrenchtoaforeignerwhowasintheroom,andsaidthemfairlycorrectly。
  “LuiseIvanovna,youcansitdown,”hesaidcasuallytothegaily-dressed,purple-facedlady,whowasstillstandingasthoughnotventuringtositdown,thoughtherewasachairbesideher。
  “Ichdanke,”saidthelatter,andsoftly,witharustleofsilkshesankintothechair。Herlightbluedresstrimmedwithwhitelacefloatedaboutthetablelikeanair-balloonandfilledalmosthalftheroom。Shesmeltofscent。Butshewasobviouslyembarrassedatfillinghalftheroomandsmellingsostronglyofscent;andthoughhersmilewasimpudentaswellascringing,itbetrayedevidentuneasiness。
  Theladyinmourninghaddoneatlast,andgotup。Allatonce,withsomenoise,anofficerwalkedinveryjauntily,withapeculiarswingofhisshouldersateachstep。Hetossedhiscockadedcaponthetableandsatdowninaneasy-chair。Thesmallladypositivelyskippedfromherseatonseeinghim,andfelltocurtsyinginasortofecstasy;buttheofficertooknotthesmallestnoticeofher,andshedidnotventuretositdownagaininhispresence。Hewastheassistantsuperintendent。Hehadareddishmoustachethatstoodouthorizontallyoneachsideofhisface,andextremelysmallfeatures,expressiveofnothingmuchexceptacertaininsolence。HelookedaskanceandratherindignantlyatRaskolnikov;hewassoverybadlydressed,andinspiteofhishumiliatingposition,hisbearingwasbynomeansinkeepingwithhisclothes。Raskolnikovhadunwarilyfixedaverylonganddirectlookonhim,sothathefeltpositivelyaffronted。
  “Whatdoyouwant?”heshouted,apparentlyastonishedthatsucharaggedfellowwasnotannihilatedbythemajestyofhisglance。
  “Iwassummoned…byanotice…”Raskolnikovfaltered。
  “Fortherecoveryofmoneydue,fromthestudent,”theheadclerkinterferedhurriedly,tearinghimselffromhispapers。“Here!”andheflungRaskolnikovadocumentandpointedouttheplace。“Readthat!”
  “Money?Whatmoney?”thoughtRaskolnikov,“but…then…it’scertainlynotthat。”
  Andhetrembledwithjoy。Hefeltsuddenintenseindescribablerelief。Aloadwasliftedfromhisback。
  “Andpray,whattimewereyoudirectedtoappear,sir?”shoutedtheassistantsuperintendent,seemingforsomeunknownreasonmoreandmoreaggrieved。“Youaretoldtocomeatnine,andnowit’stwelve!”
  “Thenoticewasonlybroughtmeaquarterofanhourago,”Raskolnikovansweredloudlyoverhisshoulder。Tohisownsurprisehe,too,grewsuddenlyangryandfoundacertainpleasureinit。“Andit’senoughthatIhavecomehereillwithfever。”
  “Kindlyrefrainfromshouting!”
  “I’mnotshouting,I’mspeakingveryquietly,it’syouwhoareshoutingatme。I’mastudent,andallownoonetoshoutatme。”
  Theassistantsuperintendentwassofuriousthatforthefirstminutehecouldonlysplutterinarticulately。Heleapedupfromhisseat。
  “Besilent!Youareinagovernmentoffice。Don’tbeimpudent,sir!”
  “You’reinagovernmentoffice,too,”criedRaskolnikov,“andyou’resmokingacigaretteaswellasshouting,soyouareshowingdisrespecttoallofus。”
  Hefeltanindescribablesatisfactionathavingsaidthis。
  Theheadclerklookedathimwithasmile。Theangryassistantsuperintendentwasobviouslydisconcerted。
  “That’snotyourbusiness!”heshoutedatlastwithunnaturalloudness。“Kindlymakethedeclarationdemandedofyou。Showhim。AlexandrGrigorievitch。Thereisacomplaintagainstyou!Youdon’tpayyourdebts!You’reafinebird!”
  ButRaskolnikovwasnotlisteningnow;hehadeagerlyclutchedatthepaper,inhastetofindanexplanation。Hereaditonce,andasecondtime,andstilldidnotunderstand。
  “Whatisthis?”heaskedtheheadclerk。
  “ItisfortherecoveryofmoneyonanIOU,awrit。Youmusteitherpayit,withallexpenses,costsandsoon,orgiveawrittendeclarationwhenyoucanpayit,andatthesametimeanundertakingnottoleavethecapitalwithoutpayment,andnortosellorconcealyourproperty。Thecreditorisatlibertytosellyourproperty,andproceedagainstyouaccordingtothelaw。”
  “ButI…amnotindebttoanyone!”
  “That’snotourbusiness。Here,anIOUforahundredandfifteenroubles,legallyattested,anddueforpayment,hasbeenbroughtusforrecovery,givenbyyoutothewidowoftheassessorZarnitsyn,ninemonthsago,andpaidoverbythewidowZarnitsyntooneMr。Tchebarov。Wethereforesummonyou,hereupon。”
  “Butsheismylandlady!”
  “Andwhatifsheisyourlandlady?”
  Theheadclerklookedathimwithacondescendingsmileofcompassion,andatthesametimewithacertaintriumph,asatanoviceunderfireforthefirsttime—asthoughhewouldsay:“Well,howdoyoufeelnow?”ButwhatdidhecarenowforanIOU,forawritofrecovery!Wasthatworthworryingaboutnow,wasitworthattentioneven!Hestood,heread,helistened,heanswered,heevenaskedquestionshimself,butallmechanically。Thetriumphantsenseofsecurity,ofdeliverancefromoverwhelmingdanger,thatwaswhatfilledhiswholesoulthatmomentwithoutthoughtforthefuture,withoutanalysis,withoutsuppositionsorsurmises,withoutdoubtsandwithoutquestioning。Itwasaninstantoffull,direct,purelyinstinctivejoy。Butatthatverymomentsomethinglikeathunderstormtookplaceintheoffice。Theassistantsuperintendent,stillshakenbyRaskolnikov’sdisrespect,stillfumingandobviouslyanxioustokeepuphiswoundeddignity,pouncedontheunfortunatesmartlady,whohadbeengazingathimeversincehecameinwithanexceedinglysillysmile。
  “Youshamefulhussy!”heshoutedsuddenlyatthetopofhisvoice。Theladyinmourninghadlefttheoffice。“Whatwasgoingonatyourhouselastnight?Eh!Adisgraceagain,you’reascandaltothewholestreet。Fightinganddrinkingagain。Doyouwantthehouseofcorrection?Why,IhavewarnedyoutentimesoverthatIwouldnotletyouofftheeleventh!Andhereyouareagain,again,you…you…!”
  ThepaperfelloutofRaskolnikov’shands,andhelookedwildlyatthesmartladywhowassounceremoniouslytreated。Buthesoonsawwhatitmeant,andatoncebegantofindpositiveamusementinthescandal。Helistenedwithpleasure,sothathelongedtolaughandlaugh…allhisnerveswereonedge。
  “IlyaPetrovitch!”theheadclerkwasbeginninganxiously,butstoppedshort,forheknewfromexperiencethattheenragedassistantcouldnotbestoppedexceptbyforce。
  Asforthesmartlady,atfirstshepositivelytrembledbeforethestorm。But,strangetosay,themorenumerousandviolentthetermsofabusebecame,themoreamiableshelooked,andthemoreseductivethesmilesshelavishedontheterribleassistant。Shemoveduneasily,andcurtsiedincessantly,waitingimpatientlyforachanceofputtinginherword:andatlastshefoundit。
  “Therewasnosortofnoiseorfightinginmyhouse,Mr。Captain,”shepatteredallatonce,likepeasdropping,speakingRussianconfidently,thoughwithastrongGermanaccent,“andnosortofscandal,andhishonourcamedrunk,andit’sthewholetruthIamtelling,Mr。Captain,andIamnottoblame。…Mineisanhonourablehouse,Mr。Captain,andhonourablebehaviour,Mr。Captain,andIalways,alwaysdislikeanyscandalmyself。Buthecamequitetipsy,andaskedforthreebottlesagain,andthenhelifteduponeleg,andbeganplayingthepianofortewithonefoot,andthatisnotatallrightinanhonourablehouse,andheganzbrokethepiano,anditwasverybadmannersindeedandIsaidso。Andhetookupabottleandbeganhittingeveryonewithit。AndthenIcalledtheporter,andKarlcame,andhetookKarlandhithimintheeye;andhehitHenrietteintheeye,too,andgavemefiveslapsonthecheek。Anditwassoungentlemanlyinanhonourablehouse,Mr。Captain,andIscreamed。Andheopenedthewindowoverthecanal,andstoodinthewindow,squealinglikealittlepig;itwasadisgrace。Theideaofsquealinglikealittlepigatthewindowintothestreet!Fieuponhim!AndKarlpulledhimawayfromthewindowbyhiscoat,anditistrue,Mr。Captain,hetoreseinrock。Andthenheshoutedthatmanmusspayhimfifteenroublesdamages。AndIdidpayhim,Mr。Captain,fiveroublesforseinrock。Andheisanungentlemanlyvisitorandcausedallthescandal。‘Iwillshowyouup,’hesaid,‘forIcanwritetoallthepapersaboutyou。’”
  “Thenhewasanauthor?”
  “Yes,Mr。Captain,andwhatanungentlemanlyvisitorinanhonourablehouse。…”
  “Nowthen!Enough!Ihavetoldyoualready…”
  “IlyaPetrovitch!”theheadclerkrepeatedsignificantly。
  Theassistantglancedrapidlyathim;theheadclerkslightlyshookhishead。
  “…SoItellyouthis,mostrespectableLuiseIvanovna,andItellityouforthelasttime,”theassistantwenton。“Ifthereisascandalinyourhonourablehouseonceagain,Iwillputyouyourselfinthelock-up,asitiscalledinpolitesociety。Doyouhear?Soaliteraryman,anauthortookfiveroublesforhiscoat-tailinan‘honourablehouse’?Aniceset,theseauthors!”
  AndhecastacontemptuousglanceatRaskolnikov。“Therewasascandaltheotherdayinarestaurant,too。Anauthorhadeatenhisdinnerandwouldnotpay;‘I’llwriteasatireonyou,’sayshe。Andtherewasanotherofthemonasteamerlastweekusedthemostdisgracefullanguagetotherespectablefamilyofacivilcouncillor,hiswifeanddaughter。Andtherewasoneofthemturnedoutofaconfectioner’sshoptheotherday。Theyarelikethat,authors,literarymen,students,town-criers。…Pfoo!Yougetalong!Ishalllookinuponyoumyselfoneday。Thenyouhadbetterbecareful!Doyouhear?”
  Withhurrieddeference,LuiseIvanovnafelltocurtsyinginalldirections,andsocurtsiedherselftothedoor。Butatthedoor,shestumbledbackwardsagainstagood-lookingofficerwithafresh,openfaceandsplendidthickfairwhiskers。Thiswasthesuperintendentofthedistricthimself,NikodimFomitch。LuiseIvanovnamadehastetocurtsyalmosttotheground,andwithmincinglittlesteps,sheflutteredoutoftheoffice。
  “Againthunderandlightning—ahurricane!”saidNikodimFomitchtoIlyaPetrovitchinacivilandfriendlytone。“Youarearousedagain,youarefumingagain!Ihearditonthestairs!”
  “Well,whatthen!”IlyaPetrovitchdrawledwithgentlemanlynonchalance;andhewalkedwithsomepaperstoanothertable,withajauntyswingofhisshouldersateachstep。“Here,ifyouwillkindlylook:anauthor,orastudent,hasbeenoneatleast,doesnotpayhisdebts,hasgivenanIOU,won’tclearoutofhisroom,andcomplaintsareconstantlybeinglodgedagainsthim,andherehehasbeenpleasedtomakeaprotestagainstmysmokinginhispresence!Hebehaveslikeacadhimself,andjustlookathim,please。Here’sthegentleman,andveryattractiveheis!”
  “Povertyisnotavice,myfriend,butweknowyougoofflikepowder,youcan’tbearaslight,Idaresayyoutookoffenceatsomethingandwenttoofaryourself,”continuedNikodimFomitch,turningaffablytoRaskolnikov。“Butyouwerewrongthere;heisacapitalfellow,Iassureyou,butexplosive,explosive!Hegetshot,firesup,boilsover,andnostoppinghim!Andthenit’sallover!Andatthebottomhe’saheartofgold!HisnicknameintheregimentwastheExplosiveLieutenant。…”
  “Andwhataregimentitwas,too,”criedIlyaPetrovitch,muchgratifiedatthisagreeablebanter,thoughstillsulky。
  Raskolnikovhadasuddendesiretosaysomethingexceptionallypleasanttothemall。“Excuseme,Captain,”hebeganeasily,suddenlyaddressingNikodimFomitch,“willyouenterintomyposition?…Iamreadytoaskpardon,ifIhavebeenill-mannered。Iamapoorstudent,sickandshatteredshatteredwasthewordheusedbypoverty。Iamnotstudying,becauseIcannotkeepmyselfnow,butIshallgetmoney。…IhaveamotherandsisterintheprovinceofX。Theywillsendittome,andIwillpay。Mylandladyisagood-heartedwoman,butsheissoexasperatedatmyhavinglostmylessons,andnotpayingherforthelastfourmonths,thatshedoesnotevensendupmydinner…andIdon’tunderstandthisIOUatall。SheisaskingmetopayheronthisIOU。HowamItopayher?Judgeforyourselves!…”
  “Butthatisnotourbusiness,youknow,”theheadclerkwasobserving。
  “Yes,yes。Iperfectlyagreewithyou。Butallowmetoexplain…”Raskolnikovputinagain,stilladdressingNikodimFomitch,buttryinghisbesttoaddressIlyaPetrovitchalso,thoughthelatterpersistentlyappearedtoberummagingamonghispapersandtobecontemptuouslyobliviousofhim。“AllowmetoexplainthatIhavebeenlivingwithherfornearlythreeyearsandatfirst…atfirst…forwhyshouldInotconfessit,attheverybeginningIpromisedtomarryherdaughter,itwasaverbalpromise,freelygiven…shewasagirl…indeed,Ilikedher,thoughIwasnotinlovewithher…ayouthfulaffairinfact…thatis,Imeantosay,thatmylandladygavemecreditfreelyinthosedays,andIledalifeof…Iwasveryheedless…”
  “Nobodyasksyouforthesepersonaldetails,sir,we’venotimetowaste,”IlyaPetrovitchinterposedroughlyandwithanoteoftriumph;butRaskolnikovstoppedhimhotly,thoughhesuddenlyfounditexceedinglydifficulttospeak。
  “Butexcuseme,excuseme。Itisformetoexplain…howitallhappened…Inmyturn…thoughIagreewithyou…itisunnecessary。Butayearago,thegirldiedoftyphus。Iremainedlodgingthereasbefore,andwhenmylandladymovedintoherpresentquarters,shesaidtome…andinafriendlyway…thatshehadcompletetrustinme,butstill,wouldInotgiveheranIOUforonehundredandfifteenroubles,allthedebtIowedher。ShesaidifonlyIgaveherthat,shewouldtrustmeagain,asmuchasIliked,andthatshewouldnever,never—thosewereherownwords—makeuseofthatIOUtillIcouldpayofmyself…andnow,whenIhavelostmylessonsandhavenothingtoeat,shetakesactionagainstme。WhatamItosaytothat?”
  “Alltheseaffectingdetailsarenobusinessofours。”IlyaPetrovitchinterruptedrudely。“Youmustgiveawrittenundertakingbutasforyourloveaffairsandallthesetragicevents,wehavenothingtodowiththat。”
  “Comenow…youareharsh,”mutteredNikodimFomitch,sittingdownatthetableandalsobeginningtowrite。Helookedalittleashamed。
  “Write!”saidtheheadclerktoRaskolnikov。
  “Writewhat?”thelatterasked,gruffly。
  “Iwilldictatetoyou。”
  Raskolnikovfanciedthattheheadclerktreatedhimmorecasuallyandcontemptuouslyafterhisspeech,butstrangetosayhesuddenlyfeltcompletelyindifferenttoanyone’sopinion,andthisrevulsiontookplaceinaflash,inoneinstant。Ifhehadcaredtothinkalittle,hewouldhavebeenamazedindeedthathecouldhavetalkedtothemlikethataminutebefore,forcinghisfeelingsuponthem。Andwherehadthosefeelingscomefrom?Nowifthewholeroomhadbeenfilled,notwithpoliceofficers,butwiththosenearestanddearesttohim,hewouldnothavefoundonehumanwordforthem,soemptywashisheart。Agloomysensationofagonising,everlastingsolitudeandremoteness,tookconsciousforminhissoul。ItwasnotthemeannessofhissentimentaleffusionsbeforeIlyaPetrovitch,northemeannessofthelatter’striumphoverhimthathadcausedthissuddenrevulsioninhisheart。Oh,whathadhetodonowwithhisownbaseness,withallthesepettyvanities,officers,Germanwomen,debts,police-offices?Ifhehadbeensentencedtobeburntatthatmoment,hewouldnothavestirred,wouldhardlyhaveheardthesentencetotheend。Somethingwashappeningtohimentirelynew,suddenandunknown。Itwasnotthatheunderstood,buthefeltclearlywithalltheintensityofsensationthathecouldnevermoreappealtothesepeopleinthepolice-officewithsentimentaleffusionslikehisrecentoutburst,orwithanythingwhatever;andthatiftheyhadbeenhisownbrothersandsistersandnotpolice-officers,itwouldhavebeenutterlyoutofthequestiontoappealtotheminanycircumstanceoflife。Hehadneverexperiencedsuchastrangeandawfulsensation。Andwhatwasmostagonising—itwasmoreasensationthanaconceptionoridea,adirectsensation,themostagonisingofallthesensationshehadknowninhislife。
  Theheadclerkbegandictatingtohimtheusualformofdeclaration,thathecouldnotpay,thatheundertooktodosoatafuturedate,thathewouldnotleavethetown,norsellhisproperty,andsoon。
  “Butyoucan’twrite,youcanhardlyholdthepen,”observedtheheadclerk,lookingwithcuriosityatRaskolnikov。“Areyouill?”
  “Yes,Iamgiddy。Goon!”
  “That’sall。Signit。”
  Theheadclerktookthepaper,andturnedtoattendtoothers。
  Raskolnikovgavebackthepen;butinsteadofgettingupandgoingaway,heputhiselbowsonthetableandpressedhisheadinhishands。Hefeltasifanailwerebeingdrivenintohisskull。Astrangeideasuddenlyoccurredtohim,togetupatonce,togouptoNikodimFomitch,andtellhimeverythingthathadhappenedyesterday,andthentogowithhimtohislodgingsandtoshowhimthethingsintheholeinthecorner。Theimpulsewassostrongthathegotupfromhisseattocarryitout。“Hadn’tIbetterthinkaminute?”flashedthroughhismind。“No,bettercastofftheburdenwithoutthinking。”Butallatoncehestoodstill,rootedtothespot。NikodimFomitchwastalkingeagerlywithIlyaPetrovitch,andthewordsreachedhim:
  “It’simpossible,they’llbothbereleased。Tobeginwith,thewholestorycontradictsitself。Whyshouldtheyhavecalledtheporter,ifithadbeentheirdoing?Toinformagainstthemselves?Orasablind?No,thatwouldbetoocunning!Besides,Pestryakov,thestudent,wasseenatthegatebyboththeportersandawomanashewentin。Hewaswalkingwiththreefriends,wholefthimonlyatthegate,andheaskedtheporterstodirecthim,inthepresenceofthefriends。Now,wouldhehaveaskedhiswayifhehadbeengoingwithsuchanobject?AsforKoch,hespenthalfanhouratthesilversmith’sbelow,beforehewentuptotheoldwomanandhelefthimatexactlyaquartertoeight。Nowjustconsider…”
  “Butexcuseme,howdoyouexplainthiscontradiction?Theystatethemselvesthattheyknockedandthedoorwaslocked;yetthreeminuteslaterwhentheywentupwiththeporter,itturnedoutthedoorwasunfastened。”
  “That’sjustit;themurderermusthavebeenthereandboltedhimselfin;andthey’dhavecaughthimforacertaintyifKochhadnotbeenanassandgonetolookfortheportertoo。Hemusthaveseizedtheintervaltogetdownstairsandslipbythemsomehow。Kochkeepscrossinghimselfandsaying:‘IfIhadbeenthere,hewouldhavejumpedoutandkilledmewithhisaxe。’Heisgoingtohaveathanksgivingservice—ha,ha!”
  “Andnoonesawthemurderer?”
  “Theymightwellnotseehim;thehouseisaregularNoah’sArk,”saidtheheadclerk,whowaslistening。
  “It’sclear,quiteclear,”NikodimFomitchrepeatedwarmly。
  “No,itisanythingbutclear,”IlyaPetrovitchmaintained。
  Raskolnikovpickeduphishatandwalkedtowardsthedoor,buthedidnotreachit。…
  Whenherecoveredconsciousness,hefoundhimselfsittinginachair,supportedbysomeoneontherightside,whilesomeoneelsewasstandingontheleft,holdingayellowishglassfilledwithyellowwater,andNikodimFomitchstandingbeforehim,lookingintentlyathim。Hegotupfromthechair。
  “What’sthis?Areyouill?”NikodimFomitchasked,rathersharply。
  “Hecouldhardlyholdhispenwhenhewassigning,”saidtheheadclerk,settlingbackinhisplace,andtakinguphisworkagain。
  “Haveyoubeenilllong?”criedIlyaPetrovitchfromhisplace,wherehe,too,waslookingthroughpapers。Hehad,ofcourse,cometolookatthesickmanwhenhefainted,butretiredatoncewhenherecovered。
  “Sinceyesterday,”mutteredRaskolnikovinreply。
  “Didyougooutyesterday?”
  “Yes。”
  “Thoughyouwereill?”
  “Yes。”
  “Atwhattime?”
  “Aboutseven。”
  “Andwheredidyougo,myIask?”
  “Alongthestreet。”
  “Shortandclear。”
  Raskolnikov,whiteasahandkerchief,hadansweredsharply,jerkily,withoutdroppinghisblackfeverisheyesbeforeIlyaPetrovitch’sstare。
  “Hecanscarcelystandupright。Andyou…”NikodimFomitchwasbeginning。
  “Nomatter,”IlyaPetrovitchpronouncedratherpeculiarly。
  NikodimFomitchwouldhavemadesomefurtherprotest,butglancingattheheadclerkwhowaslookingveryhardathim,hedidnotspeak。Therewasasuddensilence。Itwasstrange。
  “Verywell,then,”concludedIlyaPetrovitch,“wewillnotdetainyou。”
  Raskolnikovwentout。Hecaughtthesoundofeagerconversationonhisdeparture,andabovetherestrosethequestioningvoiceofNikodimFomitch。Inthestreet,hisfaintnesspassedoffcompletely。
  “Asearch—therewillbeasearchatonce,”herepeatedtohimself,hurryinghome。“Thebrutes!theysuspect。”
  Hisformerterrormasteredhimcompletelyagain。