WhenKittyhadgoneandLevinwasleftalone,hefeltsuchuneasinesswithoutherandsuchanimpatientlongingtogetasquicklyaspossibletotomorrowmorning,whenhewouldseeheragainandbeplightedtoherforever,thathefeltafraid,asthoughofdeath,ofthosefourteenhoursthathehadtogetthroughwithouther。Itwasessentialforhimtobewithsomeonetotalkto,soasnottobeleftalone;todeceivetime。StepanArkadyevichwouldhavebeenthecompanionmostcongenialtohim,buthewasgoingout,hesaid,toasoiree-inrealitytotheballet。Levinonlyhadtimetotellhimhewashappy,andthathelovedhim,andwouldnever,neverforgetwhathehaddoneforhim。TheeyesandthesmileofStepanArkadyevichshowedLevinthathecomprehendedthatfeelingfittingly。
`Oh,soit’snottimetodieyet?’saidStepanArkadyevich,pressingLevin’shandwithemotion。
`N-n-no!’saidLevin。
DaryaAlexandrovnatoo,asshesaidgood-bytohim,gavehimasortofcongratulation,saying,`HowgladIamyouhavemetKittyagain!Onemustvalueoldfriends。’LevindidnotlikethesewordsofDaryaAlexandrovna’s。Shecouldnotunderstandhowloftyandbeyondheritallwas,andsheoughtnottohavedaredtoalludetoit。Levinsaidgood-bytothem,but,nottobeleftalone,heattachedhimselftohisbrother。
`Whereareyougoing?’
`I’mgoingtoameeting。’
`Well,I’llcomewithyou。MayI?’
`Whatfor?Yes,comealong,’saidSergeiIvanovich,smiling。`Whatisthematterwithyoutoday?’
`Withme?Happinessisthematterwithme!’saidLevin,lettingdownthewindowofthecarriagetheyweredrivingin。`Youdon’tmind?It’ssostifling。Happinessisallthat’sthematterwithme!Whyisityouhavenevermarried?’
SergeiIvanovichsmiled。
`Iamveryglad-sheseemsalovelygi……’SergeiIvanovichwasbeginning。
`Don’tsayit!Don’tsayit!’shoutedLevin,clutchingatthecollarofhisfurcoatwithbothhands,andmufflinghimupinit。`She’salovelygirl’weresuchsimple,humblewords,sooutofharmonywithhisfeeling。
SergeiIvanovichlaughedoutrightamerrylaugh,whichwasrarewithhim。
`Well,anyway,ImaysaythatI’mverygladofit。’
`Thatyoumaydotomorrow,tomorrow-andsaynomore!Nothing,nothing-silence,’saidLevin,andmufflinghimoncemoreinhisfurcoat,headded:`Idolikeyouso!Well,isitpossibleformetobepresentatthemeeting?’
`Ofcourseitis。’
`Whatisyourdiscussionabouttoday?’askedLevin,neverceasingsmiling。
Theyarrivedatthemeeting。Levinheardthesecretaryhesitatinglyreadtheminuteswhichheobviouslydidnothimselfunderstand;butLevinsawfromthissecretary’sfacewhatagood,fine,kindheartedpersonhewas。Thiswasevidentfromhisconfusionandembarrassmentinreadingtheminutes。Thenthediscussionbegan。Theyweredisputingaboutthereckoningoffofcertainsumsandthelayingofcertainpipes,andSergeiIvanovichwasverycuttingtotwomembers,andsaidsomethingatgreatlengthwithanairoftriumph;andanothermember,scribblingsomethingonabitofpaper,begantimidlyatfirst,butafterwardansweredhimveryviciouslyanddelightfully。AndthenSviiazhskyhewastherealsosaidsomethingtoo,veryhandsomelyandnobly。Levinlistenedtothem,andsawclearlythatthisreckoningoffofsumsandthesepipeswerenotanythingreal,andthattheywerenotatallangry,butwereallthefinest,kindestpeople,andeverythingwasashappyandcharmingaspossibleamongthem。Theydidnoharmtoanyone,andwereallenjoyingit。WhatstruckLevinwasthathecouldseethroughthemalltoday,andfromlittle,almostimperceptiblesignsknewthesoulofeach,andsawdistinctlythattheywereallgoodatheart。AndtheywereallextremelyfondofLevininparticularthatday。Thiswasevidentfromthewaytheyspoketohim,fromthefriendly,affectionatewayeventhosewhomhedidnotknowlookedathim。
`Well,areyoucontentedwithit?’SergeiIvanovichaskedhim。
`Verymuch。Ineversupposeditwassointeresting,nice,capital!’
SviiazhskywentuptoLevinandinvitedhimtocomeroundtoteawithhim。LevinwasutterlyatalosstocomprehendorrecallwhatitwashehaddislikedinSviiazhsky,whathehadfailedtofindinhim。Hewasacleverandwonderfullygoodheartedman。
`Mostdelighted,’hesaid,andaskedafterhiswifeandsister-in-law。Andfromaqueerassociationofideas,becauseinhisimaginationtheideaofSviiazhsky’ssister-in-lawwasconnectedwithmarriage,itoccurredtohimthattherewasnoonetowhomhecouldmoresuitablyspeakofhishappiness,thantoSviiazhsky’swifeandsister-in-law,andhewasverygladtogotoseethem。
Sviiazhskyquestionedhimabouthisimprovementsonhisestate,presupposing,ashealwaysdid,thattherewasnopossibilityofdoinganythingnotdonealreadyinEurope,andnowthisdidnotintheleastannoyLevin。Onthecontrary,hefeltthatSviiazhskywasright,thatthewholebusinesswasoflittlevalue,andhesawthewonderfulsuavityandconsiderationwithwhichSviiazhskyavoidedfullyexpressinghiscorrectview。TheladiesoftheSviiazhskyhouseholdwereparticularlydelightful。ItseemedtoLevinthattheyknewallaboutitalready,andsympathizedwithhim,sayingnothingmerelyoutofdelicacy。Hestayedwiththemonehour,two,three,talkingofallsortsofsubjects,butimpliedinittheonlythingthatfilledhisheart,anddidnotobservethathewasboringthemdreadfully,andthatitwaslongpasttheirbedtime。Sviiazhskywentwithhimintothehall,yawningandwonderingatthestrangehumorhisfriendwasin。Itwaspastoneo’clock。Levinwentbacktohishotel,andwasdismayedatthethoughtthatallalonenowwithhisimpatiencehehadtenhoursstilllefttogetthrough。Theservant,whoseturnitwastobeupallnight,lightedhiscandles,andwouldhavegoneaway,butLevinstoppedhim。Thisservant,Iegor,whomLevinhadnotnoticedbefore,struckhimasaveryintelligent,excellent,and,aboveall,agoodheartedman。
`Well,Iegor,it’shardworknotsleeping,isn’tit?’
`What’stobedone!It’spartofourwork,yousee。Inagentleman’shouseit’seasier;butthenhereonemakesmore。’
ItappearedthatIegorhadafamily-threeboysandadaughter,aseamstress,whomhewantedtomarrytoacashierinasaddler’sshop。
Levin,onhearingthis,informedIegorthat,inhisopinion,inmarriagethegreatthingwaslove,andthatwithloveonewouldalwaysbehappy,forhappinessrestsonlyononeself。
Iegorlistenedattentively,andobviouslyquitetookinLevin’sidea,butbywayofassenttoitheenunciated,greatlytoLevin’ssurprise,theobservationthatwhenhehadlivedwithgoodmastershehadalwaysbeensatisfiedwithhismasters,andnowwasperfectlysatisfiedwithhisemployer,thoughhewasaFrenchman。
`Wonderfullygoodheartedfellow!’thoughtLevin。
`Well,butyouyourself,Iegor,whenyougotmarried,didyouloveyourwife?’
`Ay!Andwhynot?’respondedIegor。
AndLevinsawthatIegortoowasinanexcitedstateandintendingtoexpressallhismostheartfeltemotions。
`Mylife,too,hasbeenawonderfulone。Fromachildup……’hewasbeginningwithflashingeyes,apparentlycatchingLevin’senthusiasm,justaspeoplecatchyawning。
Butatthatmomentaringwasheard。Iegordeparted,andLevinwasleftalone。Hehadeatenscarcelyanythingatdinner,hadrefusedteaandsupperatSviiazhsky’s,buthewasincapableofthinkingofsupper。Hehadnotsleptthepreviousnight,butwasincapableofthinkingofsleepeither。Hisroomwascold,buthewasoppressedbyheat。Heopenedboththemovablepanesinhiswindowsandsatdownonthetableoppositetheopenpanes。Overthesnow-coveredroofscouldbeseenadecoratedcross,withchains,andaboveittherisingtriangleofAuriga,withtheyellowishlightofCapella。Hegazedatthecross,thenatthestar,drankinthefreshfreezingairthatflowedevenlyintotheroom,andfollowedasthoughinadreamtheimagesandmemoriesthatroseinhisimagination。Atfouro’clockheheardstepsinthepassageandpeepedoutofthedoor。ItwasthegamblerMiaskin,whomheknew,comingfromtheclub。Hewalkedgloomily,frowningandcoughing。`Poor,unluckyfellow!’thoughtLevin,andtearscameintohiseyesfromloveandpityforthisman。Hewouldhavetalkedwithhim,andtriedtocomforthim,butrememberingthathehadnothingbuthisshirton,hechangedhismindandsatdownagainattheopenpanetobatheinthecoldairandgazeattheexquisitelinesofthecross,silent,butfullofmeaningforhim,andthemountingluridyellowstar。Atsixo’clocktherewasanoiseofpeoplepolishingthefloors,andchurchbellsringingtosomedivineservice,andLevinfeltthathewasbeginningtogetfrozen。Heclosedthepane,washed,dressed,andwentoutintothestreet。
Thestreetswerestillempty。LevinwenttothehouseoftheShcherbatskys。Thevisitors’doorswereclosedandeverythingwasasleep。Hewalkedback,wentintohisroomagain,andaskedforcoffee。Thedayservant,notIegorthistime,broughtittohim。Levinwouldhaveenteredintoconversationwithhim,butabellrangfortheservant,andhewentout。Levintriedtodrinkcoffeeandtakeabiteofaroll,buthismouthwasquiteatalosswhattodowiththeroll。Levin,rejectingtheroll,putonhiscoatandwentoutagainforawalk。Itwasnineo’clockwhenhereachedtheShcherbatskys’stepsthesecondtime。Inthehousetheywereonlyjustup,andthecookcameouttogomarketing。Hehadtogetthroughatleasttwohoursmore。
AllthatnightandmorningLevinlivedperfectlyunconsciously,andfeltperfectlyliftedoutoftheconditionsofmateriallife。Hehadeatennothingforawholeday,hehadnotsleptfortwonights,hadspentseveralhoursundressedinthefrozenair,andfeltnotonlyfresherandstrongerthanever,butfeltutterlyindependentofhisbody;hemovedwithoutmusculareffort,andfeltasifhecoulddoanything。Hewasconvincedhecouldflyupwardorliftthecornerofthehouse,ifneedbe。Hespenttheremainderofthetimeinthestreet,incessantlylookingathiswatchandgazingabouthim。
Andwhathesawthen,heneversawagainafter。Especiallythechildrengoingtoschool,theblue-graydovesflutteringdownfromtheroofstothepavement,andthelittleloavescoveredwithflour,setoutbyanunseenhand,touchedhim。Thoseloaves,thosedoves,andthosetwoboyswerenotofthisearth。Itallhappenedatthesametime:aboyrantowardadoveandglancedsmilingatLevin;thedove,withawhirofherwings,dartedaway,flashinginthesun,amidgrainsofsnowthatquiveredintheair,whilefromalittlewindowtherecameasmelloffresh-bakedbread,andtheloavesweresetout。AllofthistogetherwassoextraordinarilyresplendentthatLevinlaughedandcriedwithdelight。GoingalongwayroundbyGazetnyLaneandKislovka,hewentbackagaintothehotel,and,puttinghiswatchbeforehim,satdowntowaitfortwelveo’clock。Inthenextroomtheyweretalkingaboutsomesortofmachines,andswindling,andcoughingtheirmorningcoughs。Theydidnotrealizethatthehandwasneartwelve。Thehandreachedit。Levinwentoutonthesteps。Thesleighdriversclearlyknewallaboutit。TheycrowdedroundLevinwithhappyfaces,quarrelingamongthemselves,andofferingtheirservices。Tryingnottooffendtheothersleighdrivers,andpromisingtodrivewiththemtoo,LevintookoneandtoldhimtodrivetotheShcherbatskys’。Thesleighdriverwassplendidinawhiteshirtcollar,stickingoutoverhisovercoatandintohisstrong,full-bloodedredneck。Thesleighwashighandcomfortable,andaltogethersuchaoneasLevinneverdroveinafter,andthehorsewasagoodone,andtriedtogallopyetdidn’tseemtomove。ThedriverknewtheShcherbatskys’house,anddrewupattheentrance,squaringhisarmsandsayinga`Whoa!’especiallyindicativeofrespectforhisfare。TheShcherbatskys’hallportercertainlyknewallaboutit。Thiswasevidentfromthesmileinhiseyesandthewayhesaid:
`Well,it’salongwhilesinceyou’vebeentoseeus,KonstantinDmitrievich!’
Notonlydidheknowallaboutit,buthewasunmistakablydelightedandmakingeffortstoconcealhisjoy。Lookingintohiskindlyoldeyes,Levinrealizedevensomethingnewinhishappiness。
`Aretheyup?’
`Praywalkin!Leaveithere,’saidhe,smiling,asLevinwouldhavecomebacktotakehishat。Thatmeantsomething。
`TowhomshallIannounceyourhonor?’askedthefootman。
Thefootman,thoughayoungman,andoneofthenewschooloffootmen-adandy-wasaverykindhearted,goodfellow,andhetooknewallaboutit。
`ThePrincess……thePrince……theyoungPrincess……’saidLevin。
ThefirstpersonhesawwasMademoiselleLinon。Shewalkedacrosstheroom,andherringletsandherfacewerebeaming。Hehadbarelyspokentoher,whensuddenlyheheardtherustleofaskirtatthedoor,andMademoiselleLinonvanishedfromLevin’seyes,andajoyfulterrorcameoverhimatthenearnessofhishappiness。MademoiselleLinonwasingreathaste,and,leavinghim,wentoutattheotherdoor。Directlyshehadgoneout,swift,swiftlightstepssoundedontheparquet,andhisbliss,hislife,hisownself-whatwasbestinhimself,whathehadsolongsoughtandlongedfor-wasquickly,soquicklyapproachinghim。Shedidnotwalk,butseemed,bysomeunseenforce,tofloattowardhim。
Hesawnothingbutherclear,truthfuleyes,frightenedbythesameblissoflovethatfloodedhisheart。Thoseeyeswereshiningnearerandnearer,blindinghimwiththeirlightoflove。Shestoppedclosetohim,touchinghim。Herhandsroseanddroppedonhisshoulders。
Shehaddoneallshecould-shehadrunuptohimandgivenherselfupentirely,shyandhappy。Heputhisarmsroundher,andpressedhislipstohermouth,whichsoughthiskiss。
Shetoohadnotsleptallnight,andhadbeenexpectinghimallthemorning。
Hermotherandfatherhadconsentedwithoutdemur,andwerehappyinherhappiness。Shehadbeenwaitingforhim。Shewantedtobethefirsttotellhimherhappinessandhis。Shehadgotreadytoseehimalone,andhadbeendelightedattheidea,andhadbeenshyandashamed,anddidnotknowherselfwhatshewastodo。Shehadheardhisstepsandvoice,andhadwaitedatthedoorforMademoiselleLinontogo。MademoiselleLinonhadgoneaway。Withoutthinking,withoutaskingherselfhowandwhat,shehadgoneuptohim,anddidasshewasdoing。
`Letusgotomamma!’shesaid,takinghimbythehand。Foralongwhilehecouldsaynothing,notsomuchbecausehewasafraidofdesecratingtheloftinessofhisemotionbyaword,asthateverytimehetriedtosaysomething,insteadofwordshefeltthattearsofhappinesswerewellingup。Hetookherhandandkissedit。
`Canitbetrue?’hesaidatlastinachokedvoice。`Ican’tbelieveyouloveme,dear!’
Shesmiledatthat`dear,’andatthetimiditywithwhichheglancedather。
`Yes!’shesaidsignificantly,deliberately。`Iamsohappy!’
Withoutlettinggohishand,shewentintothedrawingroom。ThePrincess,seeingthem,breathedquickly,andimmediatelybegantocry,andthenimmediatelybegantolaugh,and,withavigorousstepLevinhadnotexpected,ranuptohim,andhugginghishead,kissedhim,wettinghischeekswithhertears。
`Soitisallsettled!Iamglad。Loveher。Iamglad……Kitty!’
`You’venotbeenlongsettlingthings,’saidtheoldPrince,tryingtoseemunmoved;butLevinnoticedthathiseyeswerewetwhenheturnedtohim。`I’velong-always-wishedforthis!’saidthePrince,takingLevinbythearmanddrawinghimtowardhimself。`Evenwhenthislittlefeatherheadfancied……’
`Papa!’shriekedKitty,andshuthismouthwithherhands。
`Well,Iwon’t!’hesaid。`I’mvery,very……plea……Oh,whatafoolIam……’
HeembracedKitty,kissedherface,herhand,herfaceagain,andmadethesignofthecrossoverher。
AndtherecameoverLevinanewfeelingofloveforthisman,theoldPrince,tillthensolittleknowntohim,whenhesawhowslowlyandtenderlyKittykissedhismuscularhand。
ThePrincesswassittinginherarmchair,silentandsmiling;thePrincesatdownbesideher。Kittystoodbyherfather’schair,stillholdinghishand。Allweresilent。
ThePrincesswasthefirsttoputeverythingintowords,andtotranslateallthoughtsandfeelingsintopracticalquestions。Andallfeltequallystrangeandpainfulforthefirstminute。
`Whenisittobe?Wemusthavethebenedictionandannouncement。Andwhen’stheweddingtobe?Whatdoyouthink,Alexandre?
`Hereheis,’saidtheoldPrince,pointingtoLevin-`he’stheprincipalpersoninthematter。’
`When?’saidLevinblushing。`Tomorrow。Ifyouaskme,Ishouldsay,thebenedictiontoday,andtheweddingtomorrow。’
`Come,moncher,that’snonsense!’
`Well,inaweek。’
`He’squitemad。’
`No,whyso?’
`Well,uponmyword!’saidthemother,smiling,delightedatthishaste。`Howaboutthetrousseau?’
`Willtherereallybeatrousseauandallthat?’Levinthoughtwithhorror。`Butcanthetrousseauandthebenedictionandallthat-canitspoilmyhappiness?Nothingcanspoilit!’HeglancedatKittyandnoticedthatshewasnotintheleast,notintheveryleast,disturbedbytheideaofthetrousseau。`Thenitmustbeallright,’hethought。
`Oh,Iknownothingaboutit;IonlysaidwhatIshouldlike,’hesaidapologetically。
`We’lltalkitover,then。Thebenedictionandannouncementcantakeplacenow。That’sverywell。’
ThePrincesswentuptoherhusband,kissedhim,andwouldhavegoneaway,butheheldherback,embracedher,andtenderly,asayounglover,kissedherseveraltimes,smiling。Theoldpeoplewereobviouslymuddledforamoment,anddidnotquiteknowwhetheritwastheywhowereinloveagainortheirdaughter。WhenthePrinceandthePrincesshadgone,Levinwentuptohisbetrothedandtookherhand。Hewasself-possessednowandcouldspeak,andhehadagreatdealhewantedtotellher。Buthedidnotsayatallwhathehadtosay。
`HowIknewitwouldbeso!Ineverhopedforit;andyetinmyheartIwasalwayssure,’hesaid。`Ibelievethatitwasordained。’
`AndI?’shesaid。`Evenwhen……’Shestoppedandwentonagain,lookingathimresolutelywithhertruthfuleyes,`EvenwhenIthrustmyhappinessfromme。Ialwayslovedyouonly,butIwascarriedaway。Ioughttotellyou……Canyouforgiveit?’
`Perhapsitwasforthebest。Youwillhavetoforgivemesomuch。Ioughttotellyou……’
Thiswasoneofthethingshehadmeanttospeakabout。Hehadresolvedfromthefirsttotellhertwothings-thathewasnotchasteasshewas,andthathewasnotabeliever。Itwasagonizing,butheconsideredheoughttotellherboththesefacts。
`No,notnow,later!’hesaid。
`Verywell,later,butyoumustcertainlytellme。I’mnotafraidofanything。Iwanttoknoweverything。Nowitissettled。’
Headded:
`Settledthatyou’lltakemewhateverImaybe-youwon’tgivemeup?Yes?’
`Yes,yes。’
TheirconversationwasinterruptedbyMademoiselleLinon,whowithanaffectedbuttendersmilecametocongratulateherfavoritepupil。Beforeshehadgone,theservantscameinwiththeircongratulations。Thenrelationsarrived,andtherebeganthatstateofblissfulabsurdityfromwhichLevindidnotemergetillthedayafterhiswedding。Levinwasinacontinualstateofawkwardnessanddiscomfort,buttheintensityofhishappinesswentonincreasingallthewhile。Hefeltcontinuallythatagreatdealwasbeingexpectedofhim-what,hedidnotknow;andhedideverythinghewastold,anditallgavehimhappiness。Hehadthoughthisengagementwouldhavenothingaboutitlikeothers,thattheordinaryconditionsofengagedcoupleswouldspoilhisspecialhappiness;butitendedinhisdoingexactlyasotherpeopledid,andhishappinessbeingonlyincreasedtherebyandbecomingmoreandmorespecial,moreandmoreunlikeanythingthathadeverhappened。
`Nowweshallhavesweetmeatstoeat,’saidMademoiselleLinon-andLevindroveofftobuysweetmeats。
`Well,I’mveryglad,’saidSviiazhsky。`IadviseyoutogetthebouquetsfromFomin’s。’
`Oh,aretheywanted?’AndhedrovetoFomin’s。
Hisbrotherrecommendedlendingmoneytohim,ashewouldhavesomanyexpenses,presentstogive……
`Oh,arepresentswanted?’AndhegallopedtoFoulde’s。
Andattheconfectioner’s,andatFomin’s,andatFoulde’shesawthathewasexpected;thattheywerepleasedtoseehim,andpridedthemselvesonhishappiness,justaseveryonedidwhomhehadtodowithduringthosedays。Whatwasextraordinarywasthateveryonenotonlylikedhim,butevenpeoplepreviouslyunsympathetic,cold,andcallous,wereenthusiasticoverhim,gavewaytohimineverything,treatedhisfeelingswithtendernessanddelicacy,andsharedhisconvictionthathewasthehappiestmanintheworldbecausehisbetrothedwasbeyondperfection。Kittytoofeltthesamething。WhenCountessNordstoneventuredtohintthatshehadhopedforsomethingbetter,KittywassoangryandprovedsoconclusivelythatnothingintheworldcouldbebetterthanLevin,thatCountessNordstonehadtoadmitit,andinKitty’spresencenevermetLevinwithoutasmileofecstaticadmiration。
Theconfessionhehadpromisedwastheonepainfulincidentofthistime。HeconsultedtheoldPrince,andwithhissanctiongaveKittyhisdiary,inwhichtherewaswrittentheconfessionthattorturedhim。Hehadwrittenthisdiaryatthetimewithaviewtohisfuturewife。Twothingscausedhimanguish:hislackofpurityandhislackoffaith。Hisconfessionofunbeliefpassedunnoticed。Shewasreligious,hadneverdoubtedthetruthsofreligion,buthisexternalunbeliefdidnotaffectherintheleast。Throughlovesheknewallhissoul,andinhissoulshesawwhatshewanted,andthatsuchastateofsoulshouldbecalledunbelievingwastoheramatterofnoaccount。Theotherconfessionsetherweepingbitterly。
Levin,notwithoutaninnerstruggle,handedherhisdiary。Heknewthatbetweenhimandhertherecouldnotbe,andshouldnotbe,anysecrets,andsohehaddecidedthatsoitmustbe。Buthehadnotrealizedwhataneffectitwouldhaveonher,hehadnotputhimselfinherplace。Itwasonlywhenthesameeveninghecametotheirhousebeforethetheater,wentintoherroom,andsawhertearstained,pitiful,sweetface,miserablewiththesufferinghehadcausedandnothingcouldundo,thathefelttheabyssthatseparatedhisshamefulpastfromherdovelikepurity,andwasappalledatwhathehaddone。
`Takethem,takethesedreadfulbooks!’shesaid,pushingawaythenotebookslyingbeforeheronthetable。`Whydidyougivethemme?No,itwasbetteranyway,’sheadded,touchedbyhisdespairingface。`Butit’sawful,awful!’
Hisheadsank,andhewassilent。Hecouldsaynothing。
`Youcan’tforgiveme,’hewhispered。
`Yes,Iforgiveyou;butit’shorrible!’
Buthishappinesswassoimmensethatthisconfessiondidnotshatterit,itonlyaddedanothershadetoit。Sheforgavehim;butfromthattime,morethanever,heconsideredhimselfunworthyofher,morallyboweddownlowerthaneverbeforeher,andprizedmorehighlythaneverhisundeservedhappiness。
Unconsciouslygoingoverinhismemorytheconversationsthathadtakenplaceduringandafterdinner,AlexeiAlexandrovichreturnedtohissolitaryroom。DaryaAlexandrovna’swordsaboutforgivenesshadarousedinhimnothingbutannoyance。TheapplicabilityornonapplicabilityoftheChristianprecepttohisowncasewastoodifficultaquestiontobediscussedlightly,andthisquestionhadlongagobeenansweredbyAlexeiAlexandrovichinthenegative。Ofallthathadbeensaid,whatstuckmostinhismemorywasthephraseofstupid,good-naturedTurovtsin:`Actedlikeaman,hedid!Calledhimoutandshothim!’Everyonehadapparentlysharedthisfeeling,thoughfrompolitenesstheyhadnotexpressedit。
`Butthematterissettled;it’suselessthinkingaboutit,’AlexeiAlexandrovichtoldhimself。Andthinkingofnothingbutthejourneybeforehim,andtherevisionworkhehadtodo,hewentintohisroomandaskedtheporterwhoescortedhimwherehismanwas;theportersaidthatthemanhadjustgoneout。AlexeiAlexandrovichorderedteatobesenthim,satdowntothetable,and,takingtheschedule,beganconsideringtherouteofhisjourney。
`Twotelegrams,’saidhisvalet,comingintotheroom。`Ibegyourpardon,YourExcellency;I’djuststeppedoutthisveryminute。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichtookthetelegramsandopenedthem。ThefirsttelegramwastheannouncementofStremov’sappointmenttotheverypostKareninhadcoveted。AlexeiAlexandrovichflungthetelegramdown,and,flushing,gotupandbegantopaceupanddowntheroom。`Quosvultperderedementat,’hesaid,meaningbyquosthepersonsresponsibleforthisappointment。Hewasnotsomuchannoyedatnotreceivingthepost,asathavingbeensoconspicuouslypassedover;butitwasincomprehensible,amazingtohimthattheydidnotseethatthewordyphrasemongerStremovwasthelastmanfitforit。Howcouldtheyfailtoseetheywereruiningthemselves,loweringtheirprestigebythisappointment?
`Somethingelseinthesameline,’hesaidtohimselfbitterly,openingthesecondtelegram。Thetelegramwasfromhiswife。Hername,writteninbluepencil,`Anna,’wasthefirstthingthatcaughthiseye。`Iamdying;Ibeg,Iimploreyoutocome。Ishalldieeasierwithyourforgiveness,’heread。Hesmiledcontemptuously,andflungdownthetelegram。Thatthiswasatrickandafraud,ofthat-hethoughtforthefirstminute-therecouldbenodoubt。
`Thereisnodeceitshewouldstickat。Shewasnearherconfinement。Perhapsitistheconfinement。Butwhatcanbetheiraim?Tolegitimizethechild,tocompromiseme,andpreventadivorce,’hethought。`Butsomethingwassaidinit:Iamdying……’Hereadthetelegramagain,andsuddenlytheplainmeaningofwhatwassaidinitstruckhim。`Andifitistrue?’hesaidtohimself。`Ifitistruethatinthemomentofagonyandnearnesstodeathsheisgenuinelypenitent,andI,takingitforatrick,refusetogo?Thatwouldnotonlybecruel,andeveryonewouldblameme,butitwouldbestupidonmypart。’
`Piotr,callacoach;IamgoingtoPeterburg,’hesaidtohisservant。
AlexeiAlexandrovichdecidedthathewouldgotoPeterburgandseehiswife。Ifherillnesswasatrick,hewouldsaynothingandgoawayagain。Ifshewerereallyindanger,andwishedtoseehimbeforeherdeath,hewouldforgiveherifhefoundheralive,andpayherthelastdutiesifhecametoolate。
Allthewayhethoughtnomoreofwhatheoughttodo。
Withasenseofwearinessanduncleannessfromthenightspentinthetrain,intheearlyfogofPeterburg,AlexeiAlexandrovichdrovethroughthedesertedNevskyProspect,andstaredstraightbeforehim,withoutthinkingofwhatwasawaitinghim。Hecouldnotthinkaboutit,becauseinpicturingwhatwouldhappen,hecouldnotdriveawaythereflectionthatherdeathwouldatonceremoveallthedifficultyofhisposition。Bakers,closedshops,nightcabmen,streetsweeperssweepingthepavementsflashedpasthiseyes,andhewatcheditall,tryingtosmotherthethoughtofwhatwasawaitinghim,andwhathedarednothopefor,andyetwashopingfor。Hedroveuptothesteps。Ahackneysleigh,andacoachwithitscoachmanasleep,stoodattheentrance。Ashewentintotheentry,AlexeiAlexandrovichseemedtogetouthisresolutionfromtheremotestcornerofhisbrain,andmastereditthoroughly。Itsmeaningran:`Ifit’satrick,thencalmcontemptanddeparture。Iftruth,dowhatisseemly。’
TheporteropenedthedoorbeforeAlexeiAlexandrovichrang。Theporter,Kapitonich,lookedqueerinanoldcoat,withoutatie,andinslippers。
`Howisyourmistress?’
`Shewasconfinedyesterday,successfully。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichstoppedshortandturnedwhite。Hefeltdistinctlynowhowintenselyhehadlongedforherdeath。
`Andhowisshe?’
Korneiinhismorningapronrandownstairs。
`Veryill,’heanswered。`Therewasaconsultationyesterday,andthedoctor’sherenow。’
`Takemythings,’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich,and,feelingsomereliefatthenewsthattherewasstillhopeofherdeath,hewentintothehall。
Onthehatstandtherewasamilitaryovercoat。AlexeiAlexandrovichnoticeditandasked:
`Whoishere?’
`Thedoctor,themidwife,andCountVronsky。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichwentintotheinnerrooms。
Inthedrawingroomtherewasnoone;atthesoundofhisstepsthemidwifecameoutofAnna’sboudoir,inacapwithlilacribbons。
ShewentuptoAlexeiAlexandrovich,andwiththefamiliaritygivenbytheapproachofdeathtookhimbythearmanddrewhimtowardthebedroom。
`ThankGodyou’vecome!Shekeepsontalkingaboutyou,andnothingbutyou,’shesaid。
`Makehastewiththeice!’thedoctor’speremptoryvoicecamefromthebedroom。
AlexeiAlexandrovichwentintotheboudoir。Athertable,sittingsidewaysinalowchair,wasVronsky,hisfacehiddeninhishands,weeping。Hejumpedupatthedoctor’svoice,tookhishandsfromhisface,andsawAlexeiAlexandrovich。Seeingthehusband,hewassooverwhelmedthathesatdownagain,drawinghisheadintohisshoulders,asifhewantedtodisappear;buthemadeaneffortoverhimself,gotupandsaid:
`Sheisdying。Thedoctorssaythereisnohope。Iamentirelyinyourpower,onlyletmebehere……thoughIamatyourdisposal。I……’
AlexeiAlexandrovich,seeingVronsky’stears,feltarushofthatnervousemotionalwaysproducedinhimbythesightofotherpeople’ssufferings,and,turningawayhisface,hemovedhurriedlytothedoor,withouthearingtherestofthewords。FromthebedroomcamethesoundofAnna’svoicesayingsomething。Hervoicewaslively,animated,withexceedinglydistinctintonations。AlexeiAlexandrovichwentintothebedroom,andwalkeduptothebed。Shewaslyingwithherfaceturnedtowardhim。Hercheekswereflushedcrimson,hereyesglittered,herlittlewhitehandsthrustoutfromthecuffsofherdressinggownwereplayingwiththequilt,twistingitabout。Itseemedasthoughshewerenotonlywellandblooming,butinthehappiestframeofmind。Shewastalkingrapidly,musically,andwithexceptionallycorrectarticulationandexpressiveintonation。
`BecauseAlexei-IamspeakingofAlexeiAlexandrovichwhatastrangeandawfulthingthatbothareAlexeis,isn’tit?-Alexeiwouldnotrefuseme。Ishouldforget,hewouldforgive……Butwhydoesn’thecome?He’ssogood,hedoesn’tknowhimselfhowgoodheis。Ah,myGod,whatpangs!Givemesomewater,quick!Oh,thatwillbebadforher-mylittlegirl!Oh,verywellthen,givehertoanurse。Yes,Iagree,it’sbetterinfact。He’llbecoming;itwillhurthimtoseeher。Givehertothenurse。’
`AnnaArkadyevna,hehascome。Hereheis!’saidthemidwife,tryingtoattractherattentiontoAlexeiAlexandrovich。
`Oh,whatnonsense!’Annawenton,notseeingherhusband。`No,givehertome;givememylittleone!Hehasnotcomeyet。Yousayhewon’tforgiveme,becauseyoudon’tknowhim。Nooneknowshim。I’mtheonlyone,anditwashardformeeven。Ioughttoknowhiseyes-Seriozhahasjustsucheyes-andIcan’tbeartoseethembecauseofit。HasSeriozhahadhisdinner?Iknoweveryonewillforgettodoit。Hewouldnotforget。Seriozhamustbemovedintothecornerroom,andMariettemustbeaskedtosleepwithhim。’
Allofasuddensheshrankback,andwassilent;andinterror,asthoughexpectingablow,asthoughtodefendherself,sheraisedherhandstoherface。Shehadseenherhusband。
`No,no!’shebegan。`Iamnotafraidofhim;Iamafraidofdeath。Alexei,comehere。Iaminahurry,becauseI’venotime,Ihaven’tlonglefttolive;thefeverwillbegindirectlyandIshallunderstandnothingmore。NowIunderstand,Iunderstanditall-Iseeitall!’
AlexeiAlexandrovich’swrinkledfaceworeanexpressionofsuffering;hetookherbythehandandtriedtosaysomething,buthecouldnotutterit;hislowerlipquivered,buthestillwentonstrugglingwithhisemotion,andonlynowandthenglancedather。Andeachtimeheglancedather,hesawhereyesgazingathimwithsuchpassionateandexultanttendernessashehadneveryetseeninthem。
`Waitaminute,youdon’tknow……Stayalittle,stay!……’Shestopped,asthoughcollectingherideas。`Yes,’shebegan,`yes,yes,yes!ThisiswhatIwantedtosay。Don’tbesurprisedatme。I’mstillthesame……Butthereisanotherwomaninme-I’mafraidofher:shelovedthatman,andItriedtohateyou,andcouldnotforgetaboutherthatusedtobe。Thatwomanisn’tmyself。NowI’mmyrealself。I’mdyingnow,IknowIshalldie-askhim。EvennowIfeel-seehere,theweightsonmyfeet,onmyhands,onmyfingers。Myfingers-seehowhugetheyare!Butthiswillsoonbeallover……OnlyonethingIwant:forgiveme,forgivemequite。I’mterrible,butmynursewouldtellme-theholymartyr-whatwashername?Shewasworse。AndI’llgotoRome;there’sawilderness,andthereIshallbenotroubletoanyone,onlyI’lltakeSeriozhaandthelittleone……No,youcan’tforgiveme!Iknow,itcan’tbeforgiven!No,no,goaway,you’retoogood!’Sheheldhishandinoneburninghand,whileshepushedhimawaywiththeother。
ThenervousagitationofAlexeiAlexandrovichkeptincreasing,andhadbynowreachedsuchapointthatheceasedtostrugglewithit。Hesuddenlyfeltthatwhathehadregardedasnervousagitationwasonthecontraryablissfulspiritualconditionthatgavehimallatonceanewhappinesshehadneverknown。HedidnotthinkthattheChristianlaw,whichhehadbeenallhislifetryingtofollow,enjoinedonhimtoforgiveandlovehisenemies;butajoyousfeelingofloveandforgivenessforhisenemiesfilledhisheart。Hekneltdown,andlayinghisheadinthecurveofherarm,whichburnedhimaswithfirethroughthesleeve,hesobbedlikealittlechild。Sheputherarmaroundhishead,whichwasbeginningtogrowbald,movedtowardhim,andwithdefiantpridelifteduphereyes。
`Thatishe。Iknewhim!Now,good-by,everyone,good-by!……They’vecomeagain;whydon’ttheygoaway?……Oh,takethesefurcoatsoffme!’
Thedoctorunloosedherhands,carefullylayingheronthepillow,andcoveredheruptotheshoulders。Shelaybacksubmissively,andlookedbeforeherwithbeamingeyes。
`Rememberonething,thatIneedednothingbutforgiveness,andIwantnothingmore……Whydoesn’thecome?’shesaid,turningtothedoor,towardVronsky。`Docome,docome!Givehimyourhand。’
Vronskycametothesideofthebed,andseeingAnna,againhidhisfaceinhishands。
`Uncoveryourface-lookathim!He’sasaint,’shesaid。`Oh!uncoveryourface,douncoverit!’shesaidangrily。`AlexeiAlexandrovich,douncoverhisface!Iwanttoseehim。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichtookVronsky’shandsanddrewthemawayfromhisface,whichwasawfulwiththeexpressionofagonyandshameuponit。
`Givehimyourhand。Forgivehim。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichgavehimhishand,notattemptingtorestrainthetearsthatstreamedfromhiseyes。
`ThankGod,thankGod!’shesaid,`noweverythingisready。Onlytostretchmylegsalittle。There,that’scapital。Howbadlytheseflowersaredone-notabitlikeaviolet,’shesaid,pointingtothehangings。`MyGod,myGod!whenwillitend?Givemesomemorphine。Doctor,givemesomemorphine!Oh,myGod,myGod!’
Andshetossedaboutonthebed。
Thedoctorssaidthatitwaspuerperalfever,andthatninety-ninechancesinahundreditwouldendindeath。Thewholedaylongtherewasfever,delirium,andunconsciousness。Atmidnightthepatientlaywithoutconsciousness,andalmostwithoutpulse。
Theendwasexpectedeveryminute。
Vronskyhadgonehome,butinthemorninghecametoinquire,andAlexeiAlexandrovich,meetinghiminthehall,said:`Betterstay,shemightaskforyou,’andhimselfledhimtohiswife’sboudoir。Towardmorningtherewasareturnagainofexcitement,rapidthoughtandtalk,andagainitendedinunconsciousness。Onthethirddayitwasthesamething,andthedoctorssaidtherewashope。ThatdayAlexeiAlexandrovichwentintotheboudoirwhereVronskywassitting,and,closingthedoor,satdownoppositehim。
`AlexeiAlexandrovich,’saidVronsky,feelingthatastatementofthesituationwascoming,`Ican’tspeak,Ican’tunderstand。Spareme!Howeverharditisforyou,believeme,itismoreterribleforme。’
Hewouldhaverisen;butAlexeiAlexandrovichtookhimbythehandandsaid:
`Ibegyoutohearmeout;itisnecessary。Imustexplainmyfeelings,thefeelingsthathaveguidedme,andwillguideme,sothatyoumaynotbeinerrorregardingme。YouknowIhadresolvedonadivorce,andhadevenbeguntotakeproceedings。Iwon’tconcealfromyouthatinbeginningthisIwasinuncertainty,Iwasinmisery;IwillconfessthatIwaspursuedbyadesiretorevengemyselfonyouandonher。WhenIgotthetelegram,Icameherewiththesamefeelings;Iwillsaymore-Ilongedforherdeath。But……’Hepaused,ponderingwhethertodiscloseornottodisclosehisfeelings。`ButIsawherandforgaveher。Andthehappinessofforgivenesshasrevealedtomemyduty。Iforgivecompletely。Iwouldoffertheothercheek,Iwouldgivemycloakifmycoatbetaken。IpraytoGodonlynottotakefrommetheblissofforgiveness!’
Tearsstoodinhiseyes,andtheluminous,serenelookinthemimpressedVronsky。
`Thisismyposition:youcantramplemeinthemud,makemethelaughingstockoftheworld-Iwillnotabandonher,andIwillneverutterawordofreproachtoyou,’AlexeiAlexandrovichwenton。`Mydutyisclearlymarkedforme;Ioughttobewithher,andIwillbe。Ifshewishestoseeyou,Iwillletyouknow,butnowIsupposeitwouldbebetterforyoutogoaway。’
Hegotup,andsobscutshorthiswords。Vronskytoowasgettingup,andinastooping,notyeterectposture,lookedupathimfromunderhisbrows。HedidnotunderstandAlexeiAlexandrovich’sfeeling,buthefeltthatitwassomethinghigher,andevenunattainableforhimwithhisviewoflife。
AftertheconversationwithAlexeiAlexandrovich,VronskywentoutonthestepsoftheKarenins’houseandstoodstill,withdifficultyrememberingwherehewas,andwhereheoughttowalkordrive。Hefeltdisgraced,humiliated,guilty,anddeprivedofallpossibilityofwashingawayhishumiliation。Hefeltthrustoutofthebeatentrackalongwhichhehadsoproudlyandlightlywalkedtillthen。Allthehabitsandrulesofhislifethathadseemedsofirm,hadturnedoutsuddenlyfalseandinapplicable。Thebetrayedhusband,whohadfiguredtillthattimeasapitifulcreature,anincidentalandsomewhatludicrousobstacletohishappiness,hadsuddenlybeensummonedbyherherself,elevatedtoanawe-inspiringpinnacle,andonthepinnaclethathusbandhadshownhimself-notmalignant,notfalse,notludicrous-butkindandstraightforwardandgrand。Vronskycouldnotbutfeelthis,andtherolesweresuddenlyreversed。Vronskyfelttheother’selevationandhisownabasement,theother’struthandhisownfalsehood。Hefeltthatthehusbandwasmagnanimouseveninhissorrow,whilehehadbeenbaseandpettyinhisdeceit。Butthissenseofhisownhumiliationbeforethemanhehadunjustlydespisedmadeuponlyasmallpartofhismisery。Hefeltunutterablywretchednow,forhispassionforAnna,whichhadseemedtohimoflatetobegrowingcooler,nowthatheknewhehadlostherforever,wasstrongerthaneverithadbeen。Hehadseenallofherinherillness,hadcometoknowherverysoul,anditseemedtohimthathehadneverlovedhertillthen。Andnow,whenhehadlearnedtoknowher,toloveherassheshouldbeloved,hehadbeenhumiliatedbeforeher,andhadlostherforever,leavingwithhernothingofhimselfbutashamefulmemory。Mostterribleofallhadbeenhisludicrous,shamefulpositionwhenAlexeiAlexandrovichhadpulledhishandsawayfromhishumiliatedface。HestoodonthestepsoftheKarenins’houselikeonedistraught,anddidnotknowwhattodo。
`Ahack,sir?’askedtheporter。
`Yes-ahack。’
Ongettinghome,afterthreesleeplessnights,Vronsky,withoutundressing,layproneonthesofa,claspinghishandsandlayinghisheadonthem。Hisheadwasheavy。Images,memories,andideasofthestrangestdescriptionfollowedoneanotherwithextraordinaryrapidityandvividness。Firstitwasthemedicinehehadpouredoutforthepatientandspilledoutofthespoon;thenthemidwife’swhitehands;thenthequeerpostureofAlexeiAlexandrovichonthefloorbesidethebed。
`Tosleep!Toforget!’hesaidtohimselfwiththesereneconfidenceofahealthymanthatifheistiredandsleepy,hewillgotosleepatonce。Andthesameinstanthisheaddidbegintofeeldrowsyandhebegantodropoffintoforgetfulness。Thewavesoftheseaofunconsciousnesshadbeguntomeetoverhishead,whenallatonceitseemedasthoughaviolentshockofelectricityhadpassedoverhim。Hestartedsothatheleapeduponthespringsofthesofa,andleaningonhisarmsgotonhiskneesinafright。Hiseyeswerewideopenasthoughhehadneverbeenasleep。Theheavinessinhisheadandtheflabbinessinhislimbsthathehadfeltaminutebeforehadsuddenlygone。
`Youmaytramplemeinthemud,’heheardAlexeiAlexandrovich’swordsandsawhimstandingbeforehim,andsawAnna’sfacewithitsburningflushandglitteringeyes,gazingwithloveandtendernessnotathimbutatAlexeiAlexandrovich;hesawhisown,ashefancied,foolishandludicrousfigurewhenAlexeiAlexandrovichhadtakenhishandsawayfromhisface。Hestretchedouthislegsagainandflunghimselfonthesofainthesamepositionandshuthiseyes。
`Tosleep!Tosleep!’herepeatedtohimself。ButwithhiseyesshuthesawmoredistinctlythaneverAnna’sfaceasithadbeenonthememorableeveningbeforetheraces。
`Thiscannot,andwillnotbe,andshewantstowipeitoutofhermemory。ButIcannotlivewithoutit。Howcanwebereconciled?Howcanwebereconciled?’hesaidaloud,andunconsciouslybegantorepeatthesewords。Thisrepetitionofwordscheckedtherisingoffreshimagesandmemories,whichhefeltwerethronginginhisbrain。Butrepeatingwordsdidnotcheckhisimaginationforlong。Again,inextraordinarilyrapidsuccession,hisbestmomentsrosebeforehismind,andthenhisrecenthumiliation。`Takeawayhishands,’Anna’svoicewassaying。Hetakesawayhishandsandfeelstheshame-struckandidioticexpressionofhisface。
Hewasstilllyingdown,tryingtosleep,thoughhefelttherewasnotthesmallesthopeofit,andkeptrepeatingstraywordsfromsomechainofthought,tryingbythistochecktherisingfloodoffreshimages。Helistened,andheardwordsrepeatedinastrange,madwhisper:`Youdidnotappreciateit,didnotmakeenoughofit。Youdidnotappreciateit,didnotmakeenoughofit。’
`What’sthis?AmIgoingoutofmymind?’hesaidtohimself`Perhaps。Whatmakesmengooutoftheirminds-whatmakesmenshootthemselves?’heansweredhimself,and,openinghiseyes,hesawwithwonderanembroideredcushionbesidehim,workedbyVaria,hisbrother’swife。Hetouchedthetasselofthecushion,andtriedtothinkofVaria,ofwhenhehadseenherlast。Buttothinkofanythingextraneouswasanagonizingeffort。`No,Imustsleep!’Hemovedthecushionup,andpressedhisheadintoit,buthehadtomakeanefforttokeephiseyesshut。Hejumpedupandsatdown。`That’salloverforme,’hesaidtohimself。`Imustthinkwhattodo。Whatisleft?’HismindrapidlyranthroughhislifeapartfromhisloveofAnna。
`Ambition?Serpukhovskoy?Society?TheCourt?’Hecouldnotcometoapauseanywhere。Allofithadhadmeaningbefore,butnowtherewasnorealityinit。Hegotupfromthesofa,tookoffhiscoat,undidhisbelt,and,uncoveringhishairychesttobreathemorefreely,walkedupanddowntheroom。`Thisishowpeoplegomad,’herepeated,`andhowtheyshootthemselves……toescapehumiliation,’headdedslowly。
Hewenttothedoorandclosedit,andthenwithfixedeyesandclenchedteethhewentuptothetable,tookarevolver,lookeditabout,turnedittoaloadedbarrel,andsankintothought。Fortwominutes,hisheadbentforwardwithanexpressionofanintenseeffortofthought,hestoodwiththerevolverinhishand,motionless,thinking。`Ofcourse,’hesaidtohimself,asthoughalogical,continuous,andclearchainofreasoninghadbroughthimtoanindubitableconclusion。Inrealitythis`ofcourse,’soconvincingtohim,wassimplytheresultofrepeatingexactlythesamecircleofmemoriesandimagesthroughwhichhehadalreadypassedtentimesduringthelasthour。Therewerethesamememoriesofhappinesslostforever,thesameconceptionofthesenselessnessofeverythingtocomeinlife,thesameconsciousnessofhumiliation。Therewasthesamesequenceoftheseimagesandemotionstoo。
`Ofcourse,’herepeated,whenforthethirdtimehisthoughtpassedagainroundthesamespellboundcircleofmemoriesandimages,and,puttingtherevolvertotheleftsideofhischest,andtwitchingvigorouslywithhiswholehand,asthoughsqueezingitinhisfist,hepulledthetrigger。Hedidnothearthesoundoftheshot,butaviolentblowonhischestknockedhimdown。Hetriedtoclutchattheedgeofthetable,droppedtherevolver,staggered,andsatdownontheground,lookingabouthiminastonishment。Hedidnotrecognizehisroom,ashelookedupfromthegroundatthebentlegsofthetable,atthewastepaperbasket,andthetigerskinrug。Thehurried,creakingstepsofhisservantcomingthroughthedrawingroombroughthimtohissenses。Hemadeaneffortatthought,andwasawarethathewasonthefloor;andseeingbloodonthetigerskinrugandonhisarm,heknewhehadshothimself。
`Idiotic!Missed!’hesaid,fumblingaftertherevolver。Therevolverwasclosebesidehim-hewasgropingfartheroff。Stillgropingforit,hestretchedouttotheotherside,andnotbeingstrongenoughtokeephisbalance,fellover,streamingwithblood。
Theelegant,whiskeredmanservant,whousedtobecontinuallycomplainingtohisacquaintancesofthedelicacyofhisnerves,wassopanic-strickenonseeinghismasterlyingonthefloorthathelefthimlosingbloodwhileheranforassistance。AnhourlaterVaria,hisbrother’swife,hadarrived,andwiththeassistanceofthreedoctors,whomshehadsentforinalldirections,andwhoallappearedatthesamemoment,shegotthewoundedmantobed,andremainedtonursehim。
ThemistakemadebyAlexeiAlexandrovich,whenpreparingtoseehiswife,inhavingoverlookedthepossibilitythatherrepentancemightbesincere,andthathemightforgiveher,andshemightnotdie-thismistakewastwomonthsafterhisreturnfromMoscowbroughthometohiminallitssignificance。Butthemistakemadebyhimhadarisennotsimplyfromhishavingoverlookedthatcontingency,butalsofromthefactthat,untilthedayofhisinterviewwithhisdyingwife,hehadnotknownhisownheart。Athissickwife’sbedsidehehadforthefirsttimeinhislifegivenwaytothatfeelingofsympatheticsufferingalwaysrousedinhimbythesufferingsofothers,andhithertolookedonbyhimwithshameasaharmfulweakness。Andpityforher,andremorseforhavingdesiredherdeath,and,mostofall,thejoyofforgiveness,madehimatonceconscious,notsimplyofthereliefofhisownsufferings,butofaspiritualpeacehehadneverexperiencedbefore。Hesuddenlyfeltthattheverythingthatwasthesourceofhissufferingshadbecomethesourceofhisspiritualjoy;thatwhathadseemedinsolvablewhilehewasjudging,blaming,andhating,hadbecomeclearandsimplewhenheforgaveandloved。
Heforgavehiswifeandpitiedherforhersufferingsandherremorse。HeforgaveVronsky,andpitiedhim,especiallyafterreportsreachedhimofhisdespairingaction。Hefeltmoreforhissonthanbefore。Andheblamedhimselfnowforhavingtakentoolittleinterestinhim。Butforthelittlenewbornbabyhefeltaquitepeculiarsentiment,notofpityonly,butoftenderness。Atfirst,fromafeelingofcompassionalone,hehadbeeninterestedinthedelicatelittlecreature,whowasnothischild,andwhowasneglectedduringhermother’sillness,andwouldcertainlyhavediedifhehadnottroubledabouther;andhedidnothimselfobservehowfondhebecameofher。Hewouldgointothenurseryseveraltimesaday,andsitthereforalongwhile,sothatthenurseandwetnurses,whowereatfirstafraidofhim,gotquiteusedtohispresence。Sometimes,forhalfanhouratastretch,hewouldsitsilentlygazingatthesaffron-red,downy,wrinkledfaceofthesleepingbaby,watchingthemovementsofthefrowningbrows,andtheplumplittlehandswithclenchedfingers,thatrubbedthelittleeyesandbridgeofthenosewiththebackoftheirpalms。AtsuchmomentsparticularlyAlexeiAlexandrovichhadasenseofperfectpeaceandinwardharmony,andsawnothingextraordinaryinhisposition,nothingthatoughttobechanged。
But,astimewenton,hesawmoreandmoredistinctlythathowevernaturalthepositionnowseemedtohim,hewouldnotlongbeallowedtoremaininit。Hefeltthatbesidestheblessedspiritualforcecontrollinghissoul,therewasanother,abrutalforce,aspowerful,ormorepowerful,whichcontrolledhislife,andthatthisforcewouldnotallowhimthathumblepeacehelongedfor。Hefeltthateveryonewaslookingathimwithinquiringwonder,thathewasnotunderstood,andthatsomethingwasexpectedofhim。Aboveall,hefelttheinstabilityandunnaturalnessofhisrelationswithhiswife。
Whenthesofteningeffectofthenearapproachofdeathhadpassedaway,AlexeiAlexandrovichbegantonoticethatAnnawasafraidofhim,illateasewithhim,andcouldnotlookhimstraightintheface。Sheseemedtobewanting,yetnotdaring,totellhimsomething;and,asthoughforeseeingthattheirpresentrelationscouldnotcontinue,sheseemedtobeexpectingsomethingfromhim。
TowardtheendofFebruaryAnna’sbabydaughter,whohadalsobeennamedAnna,happenedtofallill。AlexeiAlexandrovichwasinthenurseryinthemorning,andleavingordersforthedoctortobesentfor,hewenttohisoffice。Onfinishinghiswork,hereturnedhomeatfour。Goingintothehallhesawahandsomefootman,inagalloonedliveryandabear-furcape,holdingawhitefurcloak。
`Whoishere?’askedAlexeiAlexandrovich。
`PrincessElizavetaFiodorovnaTverskaia,’thefootmananswered,anditseemedtoAlexeiAlexandrovichthatthefellowgrinned。
DuringallthisdifficulttimeAlexeiAlexandrovichhadnoticedthathisworldlyacquaintances,especiallywomen,tookapeculiarinterestinhimandhiswife。Heobservedalltheseacquaintanceswithdifficultyconcealingtheirmirthatsomething-thesamemirththathehadperceivedinthelawyer’seyes,and,justnow,intheeyesofthisfootman。Everyoneseemed,somehow,hugelydelighted,asthoughjustcomefromawedding。Whentheymethim,theyinquiredwithill-disguisedenjoymentafterhiswife’shealth。
ThepresenceofPrincessTverskaiawasunpleasanttoAlexeiAlexandrovichfromthememoriesassociatedwithher,andalsobecausehedislikedher,andhewentstraighttothenursery。InthedaynurserySeriozha,leaningonthetablewithhislegsonachair,wasdrawingandchattingawaymerrily。TheEnglishgoverness,whohadduringAnna’sillnessreplacedtheFrenchone,wassittingneartheboy,knittingmignardise。Shehurriedlygotup,curtsied,andpulledSeriozha。
AlexeiAlexandrovichstrokedhisson’shair,answeredthegoverness’sinquiriesabouthiswife,andaskedwhatthedoctorhadsaidofthebaby。
`Thedoctorsaiditwasnothingserious,andheorderedabath,sir。’
`Butsheisstillinpain,’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich,listeningtothebaby’sscreaminginthenextroom。
`Ithinkit’sthewetnurse,sir,’theEnglishwomansaidfirmly。
`Whatmakesyouthinkso?’heasked,stoppingshort。
`It’sjustasitwasatCountessPaul’s,sir。Theygavethebabymedicine,anditturnedoutthatthebabywassimplyhungry:thewetnursehadnomilk,sir。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichpondered,andafterstandingstillafewsecondshewentinattheotherdoor。Thebabywaslyingwithitsheadthrownback,stiffeningitselfinthenurse’sarms,andwouldnottaketheplumpbreastofferedit;anditneverceasedscreaminginspiteofthedoublehushingofthewetnurseandtheothernurse,whowasbendingoverher。
`Stillnobetter?’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich。
`She’sveryrestless,’answeredthenurseinawhisper。
`MissEdwardssaysthatperhapsthewetnursehasnomilk,’hesaid。
`Ithinksotoo,AlexeiAlexandrovich。’
`Thenwhydidn’tyousayso?’
`Who’sonetosayitto?AnnaArkadyevnaisstillill……’saidthenursediscontentedly。
Thenursewasanoldservantofthefamily。AndinhersimplewordsthereseemedtoAlexeiAlexandrovichanallusiontohisposition。
Thebabyscreamedlouderthanever,strugglingandchoking。Thenurse,withagestureofdespair,wenttoit,tookitfromthewetnurse’sarms,andbeganwalkingupanddown,rockingit。
`Youmustaskthedoctortoexaminethewetnurse,’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich。
Thesmartlydressedandhealthy-lookingnurse,frightenedattheideaoflosingherplace,mutteredsomethingtoherself,and,coveringherbosom,smiledcontemptuouslyattheideaofdoubtsbeingcastonherabundanceofmilk。Inthatsmile,too,AlexeiAlexandrovichsawasneerathisposition。
`Lucklesschild,’saidthenurse,hushingthebaby,andstillwalkingupanddownwithit。
AlexeiAlexandrovichsatdown,andwithadespondentandsufferingfacewatchedthenursewalkingtoandfro。
Whenthechildatlastwasstill,andhadbeenputinadeepbed,andthenurse,aftersmoothingthelittlepillow,hadlefther,AlexeiAlexandrovichgotup,and,walkingawkwardlyontiptoe,approachedthebaby。Foraminutehewasstill,andwiththesamedespondentfacegazedatthebaby;butallatonceasmilethatmovedhishairandtheskinofhisforehead,cameoutonhisface,andhewentassoftlyoutoftheroom。
Inthediningroomherangthebell,andtoldtheservantwhocameintosendagainforthedoctor。Hefeltvexedwithhiswifefornotbeinganxiousaboutthischarmingbaby,andinthisvexedhumorhehadnowishtogotoher;hehadnowish,either,toseePrincessBetsy。Buthiswifemightwonderwhyhedidnotgotoherasusual;andso,overcominghisdisinclination,hewenttowardherbedroom。Ashewalkedoverthesoftrugtowardthedoor,hecouldnothelpoverhearingaconversationhedidnotwanttohear。
`Ifhehadn’tbeengoingaway,Icouldhaveunderstoodyourrefusalandhistoo。Butyourhusbandoughttobeabovethat,’Betsywassaying。
`It’snotformyhusband-it’sformyselfIdon’twishit。Don’tsaythat!’answeredAnna’sexcitedvoice。
`Yes,butyoumustcaretosaygood-bytoamanwhohasshothimselfonyouraccount……’
`That’sjustwhyIdon’twantto。’
Withadismayedandguiltyexpression,AlexeiAlexandrovichstoppedandwouldhavegonebackunobserved。Butreflectingthatthiswouldbeundignified,heturnedbackagain,and,clearinghisthroat,heapproachedthebedroom。Thevoicesweresilent,andhewentin。
Anna,inagraydressinggown,withacropofshortclusteringblackcurlsonherroundhead,wassittingonasettee。Theanimationdiedoutofherface,asitalwaysdid,atthesightofherhusband;shedroppedherheadandlookedrounduneasilyatBetsy。Betsy,dressedintheheightofthelatestfashion,inahatthattoweredoverherheadlikeashadeonalamp,inadove-coloreddresswithcrudeobliquestripes,slantingonewayonthebodiceandtheotherwayontheskirt,wassittingbesideAnna,hertallflatfigurehelderect。Bowingherhead,shegreetedAlexeiAlexandrovichwithanironicalsmile。
`Ah!’shesaid,asthoughsurprised。`I’mverygladyou’reathome。Youneverputinanappearanceanywhere,andIhaven’tseenyoueversinceAnnahasbeenill。Ihaveheardallaboutit-youranxiety。Yes,you’reawonderfulhusband!’shesaid,withasignificantandaffableair,asthoughshewerebestowinganorderofmagnanimityonhimforhisconducttowardhiswife。
AlexeiAlexandrovichbowedfrigidly,and,kissinghiswife’shand,askedhowshewas。
`Better,Ithink,’shesaid,avoidinghiseyes。
`Butyou’veratherafeverishcomplexion,’hesaid,layingstressontheword`feverish。’
`We’vebeentalkingtoomuch,’saidBetsy。`Ifeelit’sselfishnessonmypart,andIamgoingaway。’
Shegotup,butAnna,suddenlyflushing,quicklycaughtatherhand。
`No,waitaminute,please。Imusttellyou……no,Imeanyou,’sheturnedtoAlexeiAlexandrovich,andherneckandbrowweresuffusedwithcrimson。`Iwon’tandcan’tkeepanythingsecretfromyou,’shesaid。
AlexeiAlexandrovichcrackedhisfingersandbowedhishead。
`Betsy’sbeentellingmethatCountVronskywantstocomeheretosaygood-bybeforehisdepartureforTashkend。’Shedidnotlookatherhusband,andwasevidentlyinhastetohaveeverythingout,howeverharditmightbeforher。`ItoldherIcouldnotreceivehim。’
`Yousaid,mydear,thatitwoulddependonAlexeiAlexandrovich,’Betsycorrectedher。
`Oh,no,Ican’treceivehim;andwhatobjectwouldtherebein……’Shestoppedsuddenly,andglancedinquiringlyatherhusbandhedidnotlookather。`Inshort,Idon’twishit……’
AlexeiAlexandrovichadvancedandwouldhavetakenherhand。
Herfirstimpulsewastojerkbackherhandfromthedamphandwithbigswollenveinsthatsoughthers,butwithanobviousefforttocontrolherselfshepressedhishand。
`Iamverygratefultoyouforyourconfidence,but……’hesaid,feelingwithconfusionandannoyancethatwhathecoulddecideeasilyandclearlybyhimself,hecouldnotdiscussbeforePrincessTverskaia,whotohimstoodfortheincarnationofthatbruteforcewhichwouldinevitablycontrolhiminthelifeheledintheeyesoftheworld,andhinderhimfromgivingwaytohisfeelingofloveandforgiveness。Hestoppedshort,lookingatPrincessTverskaia。
`Well,good-by,mydarling,’saidBetsy,gettingup。ShekissedAnna,andwentout。AlexeiAlexandrovichescortedherout。
`AlexeiAlexandrovich!Iknowyouareatrulymagnanimousman,’saidBetsy,stoppinginthelittledrawingroom,andwithspecialwarmthshakinghandswithhimoncemore。`Iamanoutsider,butIloveherso,andrespectyou,thatIventuretoadvise。Receivehim。AlexeiVronskyisthesoulofhonor,andheisgoingawaytoTashkend。’
`Thankyou,Princess,foryoursympathyandadvice。Butthequestionofwhethermywifecanorcannotseeanyoneshemustdecideherself。’
Hesaidthisfromhabit,liftinghisbrowswithdignity,andreflectedimmediatelythatwhateverhiswordsmightbe,therecouldbenodignityinhisposition。Andhesawthisbythesuppressed,malicious,andironicalsmilewithwhichBetsyglancedathimafterthisphrase。
AlexeiAlexandrovichtookleaveofBetsyinthedrawingroom,andwenttohiswife。Shewaslyingdown,buthearinghisstepsshesatuphastilyinherformerattitude,andlookedinascaredwayathim。Hesawshehadbeencrying。
`Iamverygratefulforyourconfidenceinme。’HerepeatedgentlyinRussianthephrasehehadsaidinBetsy’spresenceinFrench,andsatdownbesideher。WhenhespoketoherinRussian,usingtheRussian`thou’ofintimacyandaffection,itwasinsufferablyirritatingtoAnna。`AndIamverygratefulforyourdecision。I,too,imaginethatsinceheisgoingaway,thereisnosortofnecessityforCountVronskytocomehere。However,if……’
`ButI’vesaidsoalready,sowhyrepeatit?’Annasuddenlyinterruptedhim,withanirritationshecouldnotsucceedinrepressing。`Nosortofnecessity,’shethought,`foramantocomeandsaygood-bytothewomanheloves,forwhomhewasreadytoruinhimself,andhasruinedhimself,andwhocannotlivewithouthim。Nosortofnecessity!’Shecompressedherlips,anddroppedherburningeyestohishandswiththeirswollenveins。Theywereslowlyrubbingeachother。`Letusneverspeakofit,’sheaddedmorecalmly。
`Ihaveleftthisquestiontoyoutodecide,andIamverygladtosee……’AlexeiAlexandrovichwasbeginning。
`Thatmywishcoincideswithyourown,’shefinishedquickly,exasperatedathistalkingsoslowlywhilesheknewbeforehandallhewouldsay。
`Yes,’heassented;`andPrincessTverskaia’sinterferenceinthemostdifficultprivateaffairsisutterlyuncalledfor。Sheespecially……’
`Idon’tbelieveawordofwhat’ssaidabouther,’saidAnnaquickly。`Iknowshereallycaresforme。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichsighedandsaidnothing。Sheplayednervouslywiththetasselofherdressinggown,glancingathimwiththattorturingsensationofphysicalrepulsionforwhichsheblamedherself,thoughshecouldnotcontrolit。Heronlydesirenowwastoberidofhisrepellingpresence。
`Ihavejustsentforthedoctor,’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich。
`Iamverywell;whatdoIwantthedoctorfor?’
`No-thelittleonecries,andtheysaythewetnursehasn’tenoughmilk。’
`Whydidn’tyouletmenurseher,whenIbeggedto?Anyway’AlexeiAlexandrovichknewwhatwasmeantbythat`anyway’,`she’sababy,andthey’rekillingher。’Sherangthebellandorderedthebabytobebroughther。`Ibeggedtonurseher,Iwasn’tallowedto,andnowI’mblamedforit。’
`Idon’tblame……’
`Yes,youdoblameme!MyGod!Whydidn’tIdie!’Andshebrokeintosobs。`Forgiveme,I’mnervous,I’munjust,’shesaid,controllingherself,`butdogoaway……’
`No,itcan’tgoonlikethis,’AlexeiAlexandrovichsaidtohimselfresolutelyashelefthiswife’sroom。
Neverhadtheimpossibilityofhispositionintheworld’seyes,andhiswife’shatredofhim,and,aboveall,themightofthatmysteriousbrutalforcethatguidedhislifeagainsthisspiritualinclinationsandexactedconformitywithitsdecreesandachangeinhispresentattitudetohiswife-neverhaditbeenpresentedtohimwithsuchdistinctnessasonthatday。HesawclearlythatalltheworldandAnnaexpectedsomethingofhim,butwhatexactlyhecouldnotmakeout。Hefeltthatthiswasrousinginhissoulafeelingofangerdestructiveofhispeaceofmind,andofallthegoodofhisachievement。HebelievedthatforAnnaherselfitwouldbebettertobreakoffallrelationswithVronsky;butiftheyallthoughtthisoutofthequestion,hewasevenreadytoallowtheserelationstoberenewed,solongasthechildrenwerenotdisgraced,andhewasnotdeprivedofthemnorforcedtochangehisposition。Badasthismightbe,itwasatanyratebetterthanarupture,whichwouldputherinahopelessandshamefulposition,anddeprivehimofeverythinghecaredfor。Buthefelthelpless;heknewbeforehandthateveryonewasagainsthim,andthathewouldnotbeallowedtodowhatseemedtohimnowsonaturalandright,butwouldbeforcedtodowhatwaswrong,thoughtothemitseemedtheproperthing。
BeforeBetsyhadtimetowalkoutofthedrawingroom,shewasmetinthedoorwaybyStepanArkadyevich,whohadjustcomefromIelisseev’s,whereaconsignmentoffreshoystershadbeenreceived。
`Ah!Princess!Whatadelightfulmeeting!’hebegan。`I’vebeentoseeyou。’
`Ameetingforoneminute,forI’mgoing,’saidBetsy,smilingandputtingonherglove。
`Don’tputonyourgloveyet,Princess;letmekissyourhand。There’snothingI’msothankfultotherevivaloftheoldfashionsforaskissingthehand。’HekissedBetsy’shand。`Whenshallweseeeachother?’
`Youdon’tdeserveit,’answeredBetsy,smiling。
`Oh,yes,Ideserveagreatdeal,forI’vebecomeamostseriousperson。Inotonlymanagemyowndomesticaffairs,butotherpeople’stoo,’hesaid,withasignificantexpression。
`Oh,I’msoglad!’answeredBetsy,atonceunderstandingthathewasspeakingofAnna。And,goingbackintothedrawingroom,theystoodinacorner。`He’skillingher,’saidBetsyinawhisperfullofmeaning。`It’simpossible,impossible……’
`I’msogladyouthinkso,’saidStepanArkadyevich,shakinghisheadwithaseriousandsympatheticallydistressedexpression,`that’swhatI’vecometoPeterburgfor。’
`Thewholetown’stalkingofit,’shesaid。`It’sanimpossiblesituation。Shepinesandpinesaway。Hedoesn’tunderstandthatshe’soneofthosewomenwhocan’ttriflewiththeirfeelings。Oneoftwothings:eitherlethimtakeheraway,actwithenergy,orgiveheradivorce。Thisisstiflingher。’
`Yes,yes……justso……’Oblonskysaid,sighing。
`That’swhatI’vecomefor。Atleastnotsolelyforthat……I’vebeenmadeaKammerherr;ofcourse,onehastogivethanks。Butthechiefthingwashavingtosettlethis。’
`Well,Godhelpyou!’saidBetsy。
AfteraccompanyingBetsytotheoutsidehall,oncemorekissingherhandabovetheglove,atthepointwherethepulsebeats,andmurmuringtohersuchunseemlynonsensethatshedidnotknowwhethertolaughortobeangry,StepanArkadyevichwenttohissister。Hefoundherintears。
Althoughhehappenedtobebubblingoverwithgoodspirits,StepanArkadyevichimmediatelyandquitenaturallyfellintothesympathetic,poeticallyemotionaltonewhichharmonizedwithhermood。Heaskedherhowshewas,andhowshehadspentthemorning。
`Very,verymiserably。Today,andthismorning,andallpastdays,andallthedaystocome,’shesaid。
`Ithinkyou’regivingwaytopessimism。Youmustrouseyourself,youmustlooklifeintheface。Iknowit’shard,but……’
`Ihavehearditsaidthatwomenlovemenevenfortheirvices,’Annabegansuddenly,`butIhatehimforhisvirtues。Ican’tlivewithhim。Doyouunderstand?Thesightofhimhasaphysicaleffectinme-Iambesidemyselffromit。Ican’t,Ican’tlivewithhim。WhatamItodo?Ihavebeenunhappy,andusedtothinkonecouldn’tbeunhappier,buttheawfulstateofthingsIamgoingthroughnowIcouldneverhaveconceived。Wouldyoubelieveit,that,knowinghe’sagoodman,asplendidman,thatI’mnotworthhislittlefinger,Istillhatehim。Ihatehimforhisgenerosity。Andthere’snothingleftformebut……’
Shewouldhavesaid`death,’butStepanArkadyevichwouldnotletherfinish。
`Youareillandoverwrought,’hesaid;`believeme,you’reexaggeratingdreadfully。There’snothingsoterribleinit。’
AndStepanArkadyevichsmiled。NooneelseinStepanArkadyevich’splace,havingtodowithsuchdespair,wouldhaveventuredtosmilethesmilewouldhaveseemedbrutal;butinhissmiletherewassomuchofsweetnessandalmostfemininetendernessthathissmiledidnotwound,butsoftenedandsoothed。Hisgentle,soothingwordsandsmileswereassoothingandsofteningasalmondoil。AndAnnasoonfeltthis。
`No,Stiva,’shesaid,`I’mlost,lost!Worsethanlost!Ican’tsayyetthatallisover;onthecontrary,Ifeelthatit’snotover。I’manoverstrainedcordthatmustsnap。Butit’snotendedyet……Anditwillhaveafearfulend。’
`Nomatter,wemustletthecordbeloosened,littlebylittle。There’snopositionfromwhichthereisnowayofescape。’
`Ihavethought,andthought。Onlyone……’
Againheknewfromherterrifiedeyesthatthisonewayofescapeinherthoughtwasdeath,andhewouldnotlethersayit。
`Notatall,’hesaid。`Listentome。Youcan’tseeyourownpositionasIcan。Letmetellyoucandidlymyopinion。’Againhesmileddiscreetlyhisalmond-oilsmile。`I’llbeginfromthebeginning。Youmarriedamantwentyyearsolderthanyourself。Youmarriedhimwithoutloveandnotknowingwhatlovewas。Itwasamistake,let’sadmit。’
`Afearfulmistake!’saidAnna。
`But,Irepeat,it’sanaccomplishedfact。Thenyouhad,letussay,themisfortunetoloveamannotyourhusband。Thatwasamisfortune;butthat,too,isanaccomplishedfact。Andyourhusbandknewitandforgaveit。’Hestoppedateachsentence,waitingforhertoobject,butshemadenoanswer。`That’sthat。Nowthequestionis:Canyougoonlivingwithyourhusband?Doyouwishit?Doeshewishit?’
`Iknownothing,nothing。’
`Butyousaidyourselfthatyoucan’tendurehim。’
`No,Ididn’tsayso。Idenyit。Idon’tknowanything,Idon’tunderstandanything。’
`Yes,butlet……’
`Youcan’tunderstand。IfeelI’mlyingheaddownwardinasortofpit,butIoughtnottosavemyself。AndIcan’t……’
`Nevermind,we’llslipsomethingunderyouandpullyouout。Iunderstandyou:Iunderstandthatyoucan’ttakeitonyourselftoexpressyourwishes,yourfeelings。’
`There’snothing,nothingIwish……exceptforittobeallover。’
`Butheseesthisandknowsit。Anddoyousupposeitweighsonhimanylessthanonyou?You’rewretched,he’swretched,andwhatgoodcancomeofit?Whiledivorcewouldsolvethewholedifficulty。’WithsomeeffortStepanArkadyevichbroughtouthiscentralidea,andlookedsignificantlyather。
Shesaidnothing,andshookhercroppedheadindissent。Butfromthelookinherface,thatsuddenlybrightenedintoitsformerbeauty,hesawthatifshedidnotdesirethis,itwassimplybecauseitseemedtoheranunattainablehappiness。
`I’mawfullysorryforyouboth!AndhowhappyIshouldbeifIcouldarrangethings!’saidStepanArkadyevich,smilingmoreboldly。`Don’tspeak,don’tsayaword!GodgrantonlythatImayspeakasIfeel。I’mgoingtohim。’
Annalookedathimwithdreamy,shiningeyes,andsaidnothing。