V
Itwasearly,andwhenfirstIgottomyroomIfeltlittleinclinedforsleep。Iwanderedtothewindow,anddrawingasidethecurtains,lookedoutuponthestill,starlitsky。AtleastI
shouldrestquietto-night。Theairwasveryclear,andtheskyseemedfullofstars。AsIstoodtherescrapsofschoolroomlearningcamebacktomymind。Thatthestarswereallsuns,surroundedperhapsintheirturnbyworldsaslargeorlargerthanourown。Worldsbeyondworlds,andothersfartherstill,whichnomanmightnumberorevendescry。Andaboutthedistanceofthosewonderfulsunstoo,——thatone,forinstance,atwhichIwaslooking,——whatwasitthatIhadbeentold?Thatourworldwasnotyetpeopled,perhapsnotyetformed,whentheactualspotoflightwhichnowstruckmysightfirststartedfromthestar’ssurface!
Whileitflashedalong,itselftheverysymbolofspeed,thewholeofmankindhadhadtimetobeborn,andlive,anddie!
Mygazedropped,andfelluponthedim,half-seenoutlineoftheDeadStone。Thatwomantoo。Whilethatonerayspeededtowardsmeherlifehadbeenlivedandended,andherbodyhadrottedawayintotheground。Howclosetogetherweallwere!Herlifeandmine;ourjoys,sufferings,deaths——allcrowdedtogetherintothespaceofoneflashoflight!Andyettherewasnothingtherebutahorribleskeletonofdeadbones,whileI——!
Istoppedwithashudder,andturnedbackintotheroom。IwishedthatAlanhadnottoldmewhatlayunderthestone;IwishedthatI
hadneveraskedhim。Itwasaghastlythingtothinkabout,andspoiltallthebeautyofthenighttome。
Igotquicklyintobed,andsoondroppedasleep。IdonotknowhowlongIslept;butwhenIwokeitwaswiththeconsciousnessagainofthathauntingwind。
Itwasworsethanever。Theworldseemedfilledwithitsdin。
Hurlingitselfpassionatelyagainstthehouse,itgatheredstrengthwitheverygust,tillitseemedasiftheoldwallsmustsooncrashinruinsroundme。Gustupongust;blowuponblow;swelling,lessening,neverceasing。Thenoisesurroundedme;itpenetratedmyinmostbeing,asall-pervadingassilenceitself,andwrappingmeinasolitudeevenmorecomplete。TherewasnothingleftintheworldbutthewindandI,andthenaweirdintangibledoubtastomyownidentityseizedme。Thewindwasreal,thewindwithitsechoesofpassionandmiseryfromtheeternalabyss;butwasthereanythingelse?Whatwas,andwhathadbeen,theworldofsenseandofknowledge,myownconsciousness,myveryself,——allseemedgatheredupandsweptawayinthatonesole-existentfuryofsound。
Ipulledmyselftogether,andgettingoutofbed,gropedmywaytothetablewhichstoodbetweenthebedandthefireplace。Thematcheswerethere,andmyhalf-burntcandle,whichIlit。Thewindpenetratingtherattlingcasementcircledroundtheroom,andtheflameofmycandlebentandflaredandshrankbeforeit,throwingstrangemovinglightsandshadowsineverycorner。I
stoodthereshiveringinmythinnightdress,halfstunnedbythecataractofnoisebeatingonthewallsoutside,andpeeredanxiouslyaroundme。Theroomwasnotthesame。Somethingwaschanged。Whatwasit?Howtheshadowsleapedandfell,dancingintimetothewind’smusic。Everythingseemedalive。Iturnedmyheadslowlytotheleft,andthentotheright,andthenround——andstoppedwithasuddengaspoffear。
Thecabinetwasopen!
Ilookedaway,andback,andagain。Therewasnoroomfordoubt。
Thedoorswerethrownback,andwerewavinggentlyinthedraught。
Oneofthelowerdrawerswaspulledout,andinasuddenflareofthecandle-lightIcouldseesomethingglisteningatitsbottom。
Thenthelightdwindledagain,thecandlewasalmostout,andthecabinetshowedadimblackmassinthedarkness。Upanddownwenttheflame,andeachreturningbrightnessflashedbackatmefromthethinginsidethedrawer。Istoodfascinated,myeyesfixeduponthespot,waitingforthefitfulglitterasitcameandwent。
Whatwastherethere?IknewthatImustgoandsee,butIdidnotwantto。IfonlythecabinetwouldcloseagainbeforeIlooked,beforeIknewwhatwasinsideit。Butitstoodopen,andtheglitteringthinglaythere,draggingmetowardsitself。
Slowlyatlast,andwithinfinitereluctance,Iwent。Thedrawerwaslinedwithsoftwhitesatin,anduponthesatinlayalong,slenderknife,hiltedandsheathedinantiquesilver,richlysetwithjewels。Itookitupandturnedbacktothetabletoexamineit。ItwasItalianinworkmanship,andIknewthatthecarvingandchasingofthesilverweremorepreciouseventhanthejewelswhichstuddedit,andwhoseroughsettinggavesofirmagrasptomyhand。Wasthebladeasfairasthecovering,Iwondered?Alittleresistanceatfirst,andthenthelongthinsteelslideasilyout。
Sharp,andbright,andfinelytempereditlookedwithitsdeadly,taperingpoint。Stains,dullandirregular,crossedthefineengravingonitssurfaceanddimmeditspolish。Ibenttoexaminethemmoreclosely,andasIdidsoasuddenstrongergustofwindblewoutthecandle。Ishudderedalittleatthedarknessandlookedup。Butitdidnotmatter:thecurtainwasstilldrawnawayfromthewindowoppositemybedside,andthroughitafloodofmoonlightwaspouringinuponfloorandbed。
Puttingthesheathdownuponthetable,Iwalkedtothewindowtoexaminetheknifemorecloselybythatpalelight。Howgloriouslybrilliantitwas!darkenednowandagainbythequicklypassingshadowsofwind-drivenclouds。AtleastsoIthought,andI
glancedupandoutofthewindowtoseethem。Ablackworldmetmygaze。Neithermoonwastherenormoonlight:thebroadsilverbeaminwhichIstoodstretchednofartherthanthewindow。Icaughtmybreath,andmylimbsstiffenedasIlooked。Nomoon,nocloud,nomovementintheclear,calm,starlitsky;whilestilltheghastlylightstretchedroundme,andthespectralshadowsdriftedacrosstheroom。
Butitwasnotalldarkoutside:onespotcaughtmyeye,brightwithalividunearthlybrightness——theDeadStoneshiningoutintothenightlikeanemberfromhell’sfurnace!Therewasahorridsemblanceoflifeinthelight,——apalpitating,breathingglow,——
andmypulsesbeatintimetoit,tillIseemedtobedrawingitintomyveins。Ithadnowarmth,andasitenteredmybloodmyheartgrewcolder,andmymusclesmorerigid。Myfingersclutchedthedagger-hilttillitsjeweledroughnesspressedpainfullyintomypalm。Allthestrengthofmystrainedpowersseemedgatheredinthatgrasp,andthemoretightlyIheldthemorevividlydidtherockgleamandquiverwithinfernallife。Thedeadwoman!Thedeadwoman!WhathadItodowithher?Letherbonesrestinthefilthoftheirowndecay,——outthereundertheaccursedstone。
Andnowthenoiseofthewindlessensinmyears。Letitgoon,——
yes,louderandwilder,drowningmysensesinitstumult。Whatistherewithmeintheroom——thegreatemptyroombehindme?
Nothing;onlythecabinetwithitswavingdoors。Theyarewavingtoandfro,toandfro——Iknowit。Butthereisnootherlifeintheroombutthat——no,no;nootherlifeintheroombutthat。
Oh!don’tletthewindstop。Ican’thearanythingwhileitgoeson;——butifitstops!Ah!thegustsgrowweaker,struggling,forcedintorest。Now——now——theyhaveceased。
Silence!
Afearfulpause。
WhatisthatthatIhear?There,behindmeintheroom?
DoIhearit?Isthereanything?
Thethrobbingofmyownbloodinmyears。
No,no!Thereissomethingaswell,——somethingoutsidemyself。
Whatisit?
Low;heavy;regular。
God!itis——itisthebreathofalivingcreature!Alivingcreature!here——closetome——alonewithme!
Thenumbnessofterrorconquersme。Icanneitherstirnorspeak。
Onlymywholesoulstrainsatmyearstolisten。
Wheredoesthesoundcomefrom?
Closebehindme——close。
Ah-h!
Itisfromthere——fromthebedwhereIwaslyingamomentago!……
Itrytoshriek,butthesoundgurglesunutteredinmythroat。I
clutchthestonemullionsofthewindow,andpressmyselfagainstthepanes。IfIcouldbutthrowmyselfout!——anywhere,anywhere——
awayfromthatdreadfulsound——fromthatthingclosebehindmeinthebed!ButIcandonothing。Thewindhasbrokenforthagainnow;thestormcrashesroundme。AndstillthroughitallIheartheghastlybreathing——even,low,scarcelyaudible——butIhearit。
IshallhearitaslongasIlive!……
Isthethingmoving?
Isitcomingnearer?
No,no;notthat,——thatwasbutafancytofreezemedead。
Buttostandhere,withthatcreaturebehindme,listening,waitingforthewarmhorrorofitsbreathtotouchmyneck!Ah!Icannot。
Iwilllook。Iwillseeitfacetoface。Betteranyagonythanthisone。
Slowly,withheldbreath,andeyesachingintheirstretchedfixity,Iturn。Thereitis!ClearinthemoonlightIseethemonstrousformwithinthebed,——thedarkcoverletrisesandfallswithitsheavingbreath……Ah!heavenhavemercy!Istherenonetohelp,nonetosavemefromthisawfulpresence?……
Andtheknife-hiltdrawsmyfingersroundit,whilemyfleshquivers,andmysoulgrowssickwithloathing。Thewindhowls,theshadowschasethroughtheroom,huntingwithfearfuldarknessmorefearfullight;andIstandlooking,……listening……
Imustnotstandhereforever;Imustbeupanddoing。Whatanoisethewindmakes,andtherattlingofthewindowsandthedoors。Ifhesleepsthroughthishewillsleepthroughall。
NoiselesslymybarefeettreadthecarpetasIapproachthebed;
noiselesslymyleftarmraisestheheavycurtain。Whatdoesithide?DoInotknow?Thebestialfeatures,half-hiddenincoarse,blackgrowth;themuddy,blotchedskin,oozingfoulnessateverypore。Oh,Iknowthemtoowell!Whatamonsteritis!Howtherankbreathgurglesthroughhisthroatinhisdrunkensleep。Theeyesareclosednow,butIknowthemtoo;theirodiousleer,andthevenomoushatredwithwhichtheycanglareatmefromtheirbloodshotsetting。Butthetimehascomeatlast。Neveragainshalltheirpassioninsultme,ortheirfurydegrademeinslavishterror。Therehelies;thereatmymercy,themanwhoforfifteenyearshasmadeGod’slightashametome,andHisdarknessaterror。Theendhascomeatlast,——theonlyendpossible,theonlyendleftme。Onhisheadbethebloodandthecrime!Godalmighty,Iamnotguilty!Theendhascome;Icanbearmyburdennofarther。”Bearethallthings,endurethallthings。”
WherehaveIheardthosewords?TheyareintheBible;thepreceptofcharity。Whathasthattodowithme?Nothing。Iheardthewordsinmydreamssomewhere。Awhite-facedmansaidthem,awhite-facedmanwithpureeyes。Tome?——no,no,nottome;toagirlitwas——anignorant,innocentgirl,andsheacceptedthemasaneternal,unqualifiedlaw。LetherbearbuthalfthatIhaveborne,letherendurebutone-tenthofwhatIhaveendured,andthenifshedareletherspeakinjudgmentagainstme。
Softlynow;Imustdrawtheheavycoveringsaway,andbarehisbreasttothestroke,——thestrokethatshallfreeme。Iknowwellwheretoplantit;Ihavelearnedthatfromtheoldlady’sItalian。
DidheguesswhyIquestionedhimsocloselyofthesurest,straightestroadtoaman’sheart?Nomatter,hecannothindermenow。Gently!Ah!Ihavedisturbedhim。Hemoves,muttersinhissleep,throwsouthisarm。Down;down;crouchingbehindthecurtain。Heavens!ifhewakesandseesme,hewillkillme。No!
alas!ifonlyhewould。Iwouldkissthehandthathestruckmewith;butheistoocruelforthat。Hewillimaginesomenewandmorehellishtorturetopunishmewith。Buttheknife!Ihavegotthat;heshallnevertouchmelivingagain……Heisquieternow。Ihearhisbreath,hoarseandheavyasawildbeast’spanting。Hedrawsitmoreevenly,moredeeply。Thedangerispast。ThankGod!
God!WhathaveItodowithHim?AGodofJudgment。Ha,ha!
Hellcannotfrightenme;itwillnotbeworsethanearth。Onlyhewillbetheretoo。Notwithhim,notwithhim,——sendmetothelowestcircleoftorment,butnotwithhim。There,hisbreastisbarenow。Istheknifesharp?Yes;andthebladeisstrongenough。Nowletmestrike——myselfafterwardsifneedbe,buthimfirst。Isitthedevilthatpromptsme?Thenthedevilismyfriend,andthefriendoftheworld。No。GodisaGodoflove。
Hecannotwishsuchamantolive。Hemadehim,butthedevilspoilthim;andletthedevilhavehishandiworkbackagain。Ithasservedhimlongenoughhere;anditslastserviceshallbetomakemeamurderess。
Howthemoonlightgleamsfromthebladeasmyarmswingsupandback:withhowcloseagrasptheroughhiltdrawsmyfingersroundit。Now。
Amurderess?
Waitamoment。Amomentmaymakemefree;amomentmaymakeme——
that!
Wait。
Handanddaggerdroopagain。Hislifehasdraggeditsslimeovermysoul;shallhisdeathpoisonitwithafoulercorruptionstill?”Myownsoul’swarden。”
Whatwasthat?Dreammemoriesagain。”Resist,strive,endure。”
Easywords。Whatdotheymeanforme?Tocreepbacknowtobedbyhisside,andtobeginlivingagainto-morrowthelifewhichIhavelivedto-day?No,no;Icannotdoit。Heavencannotaskitofme。
Andthereisnootherway。Thatorthis;thisorthat。Whichshallitbe?Ah!Ihavestriven,Godknows。IhaveenduredsolongthatIhopedeventodosototheend。Butto-day!Oh!thetormentandtheoutrage:bodyandsoulstillbearthestainofit。
Ithoughtthatmyheartandmyprideweredeadtogether,buthehasstungthemagainintoaching,shamefullife。YesterdayImighthavesparedhim,tosavemyowncoldsoulfromsin;butnowitiscoldnolonger。Itburns,itburnsandthefiremustbeslaked。
Ay,Iwillkillhim,andhavedonewithit。WhyshouldIpauseanylonger?Theknifedragsmyhandbackforthestroke。Onlythedreamsurroundsme;thepureman’sfaceisthere,white,beseeching,andGod’svoiceringsinmyheart——”Tohimthatovercometh。”
ButIcannotovercome。Evilhasgovernedmylife,andevilisstrongerthanIam。WhatshallIdo?whatshallIdo?God,ifThouartstrongerthanevil,fightforme。”ThevictoryoftheCrossisours。”
Yes,Iknowit。Itistrue,itistrue。Buttheknife?IcannotloosetheknifeifIwould。Howtowrenchitfrommyownhold?
ThouGodofVictorybewithme!Christhelpme!
Iseizethebladewithmylefthand;thetwo-edgedsteelslidesthroughmygrasp;asharppaininfingersandpalm;andthen——
nothing……
VI
WhenIagainbecameconscious,Ifoundmyselfhalfkneeling,halflyingacrossthebed,myarmsstretchedoutinfrontofme,myfaceburiedintheclothes。Bodyandmindwerealikenumbed。A
smartingpaininmylefthand,adreadfulterrorinmyheart,wereatfirsttheonlysensationsofwhichIwasaware。Slowly,veryslowly,senseandmemoryreturnedtome,andwiththemamorevividintensityofmentalanguish,asdetailbydetailIrecalledtheweirdhorrorofthenight。Haditreallyhappened,——wasthethingstillthere,——orwasitallaghastlynightmare?ItwassomeminutesbeforeIdaredeithertomoveorlookup,andthenfearfullyIraisedmyhead。Beforemestretchedthesmoothwhitecoverlet,faintlybrightwithyellowsunshine。Weakandgiddy,I
struggledtomyfeet,and,steadyingmyselfagainstthefootofthebed,withclenchedteethandburstingheart,forcedmygazeroundtotheotherend。Thepillowlaythere,bareandunmarkedsaveforwhatmightwellhavebeenthepressureofmyownhead。Mybreathcamemorefreely,andIturnedtothewindow。Thesunhadjustrisen,thegoldentree-topsweretouchedwithlight,faintthreadsofmisthunghereandthereacrossthesky,andthetwitteringofbirdssoundedclearlythroughthecrispautumnair。
Itwasnothingbutabaddreamthen,afterall,thishorrorwhichstillhungroundme,leavingmeincapableofeffort,almostofthought。Irememberedthecabinet,andlookedswiftlyinthatdirection。Thereitstood,closedasusual,closedasithadbeentheeveningbefore,asithadbeenforthelastthreehundredyears,exceptinmydreams。
Yes,thatwasit;nothingbutadream,——agruesome,hauntingdream。
Withaninstinctofwipingoutthedreadfulmemory,Iraisedmyhandwearilytomyforehead。AsIdidso,Ibecameconsciousagainofhowithurtme。Ilookedatit。Itwascoveredwithhalf-driedblood,andtwostraightcleancutsappeared,oneacrossthepalmandoneacrosstheinsideofthefingersjustbelowtheknuckles。
Ilookedagaintowardsthebed,and,intheplacewheremyhandhadrestedduringmyfaint,asmallpatchofredbloodwastobeseen。
Thenitwastrue!Thenithadallhappened!WithalowshudderingsobIthrewmyselfdownuponthecouchatthefootofthebed,andlaythereforsomeminutes,mylimbstrembling,andmysoulshrinkingwithinme。Amistofevil,fearfulandloathsome,haddescendeduponmygirlhood’slife,sullyingitsignorantinnocence,saddeningitsbrightness,asIfelt,forever。Ilaytheretillmyteethbegantochatter,andIrealizedthatIwasbitterlycold。
Toreturntothataccursedbedwasimpossible,soIpulledarugwhichhungatoneendofthesofaoverme,and,utterlywornoutinmindandbody,felluneasilyasleep。
Iwasrousedbytheentranceofmymaid。IstoppedherexclamationsandquestionsbyshortlystatingthatIhadhadabadnight,hadbeenunabletorestinbed,andhadhadanaccidentwithmyhand,——withoutfurtherspecifyingofwhatdescription。”Ididn’tknowthatyouhadbeenfeelingunwellwhenyouwenttobedlastnight,miss,”shesaid。”WhenIwenttobedlastnight?Unwell?Whatdoyoumean?””OnlyMr。Alanhasjustaskedmetolethimknowhowyoufindyourselfthismorning,”sheanswered。
Thenheexpectedsomething,dreadedsomething。Ah!whyhadheyieldedandallowedmetosleephere,Iaskedmyselfbitterly,astheincidentsofthedaybeforeflashedthroughmymind。”Tellhim,”Isaid,”whatIhavetoldyou;andsaythatIwishtospeaktohimdirectlyafterbreakfast。”Icouldnotconfidemystorytoanyoneelse,butspeakofitImusttosomeoneorgomad。
Everymomentpassedinthatplacewasanaddedmisery。Muchtomymaid’ssurpriseIsaidthatIwoulddressinherroom——thelittleonewhich,asIhavesaid,wasclosetomyown。Ifeltbetterthere;butmyutterfatigueandmywoundedhandcombinedtomakemytoiletslow,andIfoundthatmostofthepartyhadfinishedbreakfastwhenIreachedthedining-room。Iwasgladofthis,forevenasitwasIfounditdifficultenoughtogivecoherentanswerstothequestionswhichmywhitefaceandbandagedhandcalledforth。Alanhelpedmebygivingaresoluteturntotheconversation。Onceonlyoureyesmetacrossthetable。HelookedashaggardandwornasIdid:Ilearnedafterwardsthathehadpassedmostofthatfearfulnightpacingthepassageoutsidemydoor,thoughhelistenedinvainforanyindicationofwhatwasgoingonwithintheroom。
ThemomentIhadfinishedbreakfasthewasbymyside。”Youwishtospeaktome?now?”heaskedinalowtone。”Yes;now,”Ianswered,breathlessly,andwithoutraisingmyeyesfromtheground。”Whereshallwego?Outside?Itisabrightday,andweshallbefreertherefrominterruption。”
Iassented;andthenlookingupathimappealingly,”Willyoufetchmythingsforme?ICANNOTgouptothatroomagain。”
Heseemedtounderstandme,nodded,andwasgone。Afewminuteslaterweleftthehouse,andmadeourwayinsilencetowardsagrassyspotonthesideoftheravinewherewehadalreadyindulgedinmorethanonefriendlytalk。
Aswewent,theDeadStonecameforamomentintoview。IseizedAlan’sarminanalmostconvulsivegrip。”Tellme,”Iwhispered,——”yourefusedtotellmeyesterday,butyoumustnow,——whoisburiedbeneaththatrock?”
Therewasnowneithertimiditynorembarrassmentinmytone。Thehorrorsofthathousehadbecomepartofmylifeforever,andtheirsecretswereminebyright。Alan,afteramoment’spause,aquestioningglanceatmyface,tacitlyacceptedtheposition。”Itoldyouthetruth,”hereplied,”whenIsaidthatIdidnotknow;butIcantellyouthepopulartraditiononthesubject,ifyoulike。TheysaythatMargaretMervyn,thewomanwhomurderedherhusband,isburiedthere,andthatDameAlicehadtherockplacedoverhergrave,——whethertosaveitfrominsultortomarkitoutforopprobrium,Ineverheard。Thepoorpeopleaboutheredonotcaretogoneartheplaceafterdark,andamongtheolderonestherearestillsome,Ibelieve,whospitatthesuicide’sgraveastheypass。””Poorwoman,poorwoman!”Iexclaimed,inaburstofuncontrollablecompassion。”Whyshouldyoupityher?”demandedhewithsuddensternness;”sheWASasuicideandamurderesstoo。Itwouldbebetterforthepublicconscience,Ibelieve,ifsuchwerestillhunginchains,orburiedatthecross-roadswithastakethroughtheirbodies。””Hush,Alan,hush!”Icriedhysterically,asIclungtohim;”don’tspeakharshlyofher:youdonotknow,youcannottell,howterriblyshewastempted。Howcanyou?”
Helookeddownatmeinbewilderedsurprise。”HowcanI?”herepeated。”YouspeakasifYOUcould。Whatdoyoumean?””Don’taskme,”Ianswered,turningtowardshimmyface,——white,quivering,tear-stained。”Don’taskme。Notnow。Youmustanswermyquestionsfirst,andafterthatIwilltellyou。ButIcannottalkofitnow。Notyet。”
WehadreachedtheplacewewereinsearchofasIspoke。There,wherethespreadingrootsofagreatbeech-treeformedanaturalrestingplaceuponthesteepsideoftheravine,Itookmyseat,andAlanstretchedhimselfuponthegrassbesideme。Thenlookingupatme——”Idonotknowwhatquestionsyouwouldask,”hesaid,quietly;”butIwillanswerthem,whatevertheymaybe。”
ButIdidnotaskthemyet。Isatinsteadwithmyhandsclaspingmyknee,lookingoppositeatthegloryofharmoniouscolor,ordowntheglenatthevistaoffar-off,dream-likeloveliness,onwhichitopenedout。Theyellowautumnsunshinemadeeverythinggolden,thefreshautumnbreezesfilledtheairwithlife;buttomealoathsomeshadowseemedtorestuponall,andtostretchitselfoutfarbeyondwheremyeyescouldreach,befoulingthebeautyofthewholewideworld。AtlastIspoke。”Youhaveknownofitall,I
suppose;ofthiscursethatisintheworld,——sinandsuffering,andwhatsuchwordsmean。””Yes,”hesaid,lookingatmewithwonderingpity,”Iamafraidso。””Buthaveyouknownthemastheyareknowntosome,——agonized,hopelesssuffering,andsinthatisallbutinevitable?Sometimeinyourlifeprobablyyouhaverealizedthatsuchthingsare:ithascomehometoyou,andtoeveryoneelse,nodoubt,exceptafewignorantgirlssuchasIwasyesterday。Buttherearesome,——yes,thousandsandthousands,——whoevennow,atthismoment,arefeelingsorrowlikethat,aresinkingdeep,deeperintothebottomlesspitoftheirsoul’sdegradation。Andyetmenwhoknowthis,whohaveseenit,laugh,talk,arehappy,amusethemselves——howcanthey,howcanthey?”Istoppedwithacatchinmyvoice,andthenstretchingoutmyarmsinfrontofme——”Anditisnotonlymen。
Lookhowbeautifultheearthis,andGodhasmadeit,andletsthesuncrowniteverydaywithanewglory,whilethishorrorofevilbroodsoverandpoisonsitall。Oh,whyisitso?Icannotunderstandit。”
MyarmsdroopedagainasIfinished,andmyeyessoughtAlan’s。
Hiswerefulloftears,buttherewasalmostasmilequiveringatthecornersofhislipsashereplied:”Whenyouhavefoundananswertothatquestion,Evie,comeandtellmeandmankindatlarge:itwillbenewstousall。”Thenhecontinued——”But,afterall,theearthisbeautiful,andthesundoesshine:wehaveourownhappinesstorejoicein,ourownsorrowstobear,thesufferingthatisneartoustograpplewith。Fortherest,forthisblacknessofevilwhichsurroundsus,andwhichwecandonothingtolighten,itwillsoon,thankGod,becomevagueandfarofftoyouasitistoothers:yourfeelingofitwillbedulled,and,exceptatmoments,youtoowillforget。””Butthatishorrible,”Iexclaimed,passionately;”theevilwillbethereallthesame,whetherIfeelitornot。Menandwomenwillbestrugglingintheirmiseryandsin,onlyIshallbetooselfishtocare。””Wecannotgooutsidethelimitsofourownnature,”hereplied;”ourknowledgeisshallowandourspiritualinsightdark,andGodinHismercyhasmadeourheartsshallowtoo,andourimaginationdull。If,knowingandtrustingonlyasmendo,weweretofeelasangelsfeel,earthwouldbehellindeed。”
Itwascoldcomfort,butatthatmomentanythingwarmerorbrighterwouldhavebeenunrealandutterlyrepellenttome。Ihardlytookinthemeaningofhiswords,butitwasasifahandhadbeenstretchedouttome,strugglinginthedeepmire,byonewhohimselffeltsolidgroundbeneathhim。WherehestoodIalsomightsomedaystand,andthatthoughtseemedtomakepatiencepossible。
Itwashewhofirstbrokethesilencewhichfollowed。”Youweresayingthatyouhadquestionstoaskme。Iamimpatienttoputmineinreturn,sopleasegoon。”
Ithadbeenarelieftometoturneventogeneralizationsofdespairfromtheactualhorrorwhichhadinspiredthem,andtowhichmymindwasthusrecalled。WithaneffortIreplied,”Yes,I
wanttoaskyouaboutthatroom——theroominwhichIslept,and——
andthemurderwhichwascommittedthere。”InspiteofallthatI
coulddo,myvoicesankalmosttoawhisperasIconcluded,andI
wastremblingfromheadtofoot。”Whotoldyouthatamurderwascommittedthere?”Somethinginmyfaceasheaskedthequestionmadehimaddquickly,”Nevermind。
Youareright。ThatistheroominwhichHughMervynwasmurderedbyhiswife。Iwassurprisedatyourquestion,forIdidnotknowthatanyonebutmybrothersandmyselfwereawareofthefact。Thesubjectisnevermentioned:itiscloselyconnectedwithoneintenselypainfultoourfamily,andbesides,ifspokenof,therewouldbeinconveniencesarisingfromthesuperstitiousterrorsofservants,andthenaturaldislikeofgueststosleepinaroomwheresuchathinghadhappened。Indeeditwaslargelywiththeviewofwipingoutthelastmemoryofthecrime’slocality,thatmyfatherrenewedtheinterioroftheroomsometwentyyearsago。Theonlytraditionwhichhasbeenadheredtoinconnectionwithitistheonewhichhasnowbeenviolatedinyourperson——theonewhichprecludesanyunmarriedwomanfromsleepingthere。Exceptforthat,theroomhas,asyouknow,lostallsinisterreputation,anditstitleof’haunted’hasbecomepurelyconventional。
Nevertheless,asIsaid,youareright——thatisundoubtedlytheroominwhichthemurderwascommitted。”
Hestoppedandlookedupatme,waitingformore。”Goon;tellmeaboutit,andwhatfollowed。”Mylipsformedthewords;myheartbeattoofaintlyformybreathtoutterthem。”Aboutthemurderitselfthereisnotmuchtotell。Theman,I
believe,wasaninhumanscoundrel,andthewomanfirstkilledhimindesperation,andafterwardsherselfindespair。TheonlydetailconnectedwiththeactualcrimeofwhichIhaveeverheard,wasthegalethatwasblowingthatnight——thefiercestknowntothiscountrysideinthatgeneration;andithasalwaysbeensaidsincethatanymisfortunetotheMervyns——especiallyanymisfortuneconnectedwiththecurse——comeswithastormofwind。ThatwaswhyIsodislikedyourstoryoftheimaginarytempestswhichhavedisturbedyournightssinceyousleptthere。Astowhatfollowed,”——hegaveasigh,——”thatstoryislongenoughandfullofincident。Onthemorningafterthemurder,sorunsthetale,DameAlicecamedowntotheGrangefromthetowertowhichshehadretiredwhenherson’swickednesseshaddrivenherfromhishouse,andthereinthepresenceofthetwocorpsessheforetoldthecursewhichshouldrestupontheirdescendantsforgenerationstocome。
Aclergymanwhowaspresent,horrified,itissaidatherwords,adjuredherbythemercyofHeaventoplacesometermtothedoomwhichshehadpronounced。Sherepliedthatnomortalmightreckonthefruitofaplantwhichdrewitslifefromhell;thatatermthereshouldbe,butasitpassedthewisdomofmantofixit,soitshouldpassthewitofmantodiscoverit。Shethenplacedintheroomthiscabinet,constructedbyherselfandherItalianfollower,andsaidthatthecurseshouldnotdepartfromthefamilyuntilthedaywhenitsdoorswereunlockedanditslegendread。”Suchisthestory。Itellittoyouasitwastoldtome。Onethingonlyiscertain,thatthedoomthustraditionallyforetoldhasbeenonlytooamplyfulfilled。””Andwhatwasthedoom?”
Alanhesitatedalittle,andwhenhespokehisvoicewasalmostawfulinitspassionlesssternness,initsdespairingfinality;itseemedtoechotheirrevocablejudgmentwhichhiswordspronounced:”ThatthecrimesagainstGodandeachotherwhichhaddestroyedtheparents’lifeshouldenterintothechildren’sblood,andthatneverthereaftershouldtherefailaMervyntobringshameordeathupononegenerationofhisfather’shouse。”Thereweretwosonsofthatill-fatedmarriage,”hewentonafterapause,”boysatthetimeoftheirparents’death。Whentheygrewuptheybothfellinlovewiththesamewoman,andonekilledtheotherinaduel。Thestoryofthenextgenerationwasapeculiarlysadone。Twobrotherstookoppositesidesduringtheciviltroubles;butsofearfulweretheyofthecursewhichlayuponthefamily,thattheychieflymadeuseoftheirmutualpositioninordertoprotectandguardeachother。Afterthewarswereover,theyoungerbrother,whiletravelinguponsomeparliamentarycommission,stoppedanightattheGrange。There,throughamistake,heexchangedthereportwhichhewasbringingtoLondonforapacketofpapersimplicatinghisbrotherandseveralbesidesinaroyalistplot。Heonlydiscoveredhiserrorashehandedthepaperstohissuperior,andwasbutjustabletowarnhisbrotherintimeforhimtosavehislifebyflight。Theothermeninvolvedweretakenandexecuted,andasitwasknownbywhatmeansinformationhadreachedtheGovernment,theelderMervynwasuniversallychargedwiththevilesttreachery。ItissaidthatwhenaftertheRestorationhisreturnhomewasrumoredtheneighboringgentryassembled,armedwithridingwhips,tofloghimoutofthecountryifheshoulddaretoshowhisfacethere。Hediedabroad,shame-strickenandbroken-hearted。Itwashisson,broughtupbyhisuncleinthesternesttenetsofPuritanism,who,cominghomeafteralengthenedjourney,foundthatduringhisabsencehissisterhadbeenshamefullyseduced。Heturnedheroutofdoors,thenandthere,inthemidstofabitterJanuarynight,andthenextmorningherdeadbodyandthatofhernew-borninfantwerefoundhalfburiedinthefresh-fallensnowonthetopofthewolds。The’whitelady’isstillsupposedbythevillagerstohauntthatsideoftheglen。Andsoitwenton。Abeautiful,heartlessMervyninQueenAnne’stimeenticedawaytheaffectionsofhersister’sbetrothed,andonthedayofherownweddingwithhim,herforsakensisterwasfounddrownedbyherownactinthepondatthebottomofthegarden。TwobrothersweresoldierstogetherinsomeContinentalwar,andonewasinvoluntarilythemeansofdiscoveringandexposingthetreasonoftheother。Agirlwasbetrayedintoafalsemarriage,andherliferuinedbyamanwhocameintothehouseasherbrother’sfriend,andwhoseinfamousdesignswereforwardedandfinallyaccomplishedbythatsamebrother’sactivethoughunsuspectingassistance。Generationaftergeneration,menorwomen,guiltyorinnocent,throughtheactionoftheirownwillorinspiteofit,thecursehasneveryetfailedofitsvictims。””Neveryet?Butsurelyinourowntime——yourfather?”Ididnotdaretoputthequestionwhichwasburningmylips。”Haveyouneverheardofthetragicendofmypooryounguncles?”
hereplied。”Theywereseveralyearsolderthanmyfather。Whenboysoffourteenandfifteentheyweresentoutwiththekeeperfortheirfirstshootinglesson,andtheeldershothisbrotherthroughtheheart。Hehimselfwasdelicate,andtheysaythatheneverentirelyrecoveredfromtheshock。Hediedbeforehewastwenty,andmyfather,thenachildofsevenyearsold,becametheheir。
Itwaspartly,nodoubt,owingtothiscalamityhavingthusoccurredbeforehewasoldenoughtofeelit,thathiscomparativeskepticismonthewholesubjectwasdue。TothatIsuppose,andtothefactthathegrewupinanageofrailwaysandliberalculture。””Hedidn’tbelieve,then,inthecurse?””Well,rather,hethoughtnothingaboutit。Until,thatis,thetimecamewhenittookeffect,tobreakhisheartandendhislife。””Howdoyoumean?”
Therewassilenceforalittle。Alanhadturnedawayhishead,sothatIcouldnotseehisface。Then——”IsupposeyouhaveneverbeentoldthetruestoryofwhyJackleftthecountry?””No。Washe——ishe——?””Heisonevictimofthecurseinthisgeneration,andI,Godhelpme,amtheother,andperhapsmorewretchedone。”
Hisvoicetrembledandbroke,andforthefirsttimethatdayI
almostforgotthemysterioushorrorofthenightbefore,inmypityfortheactual,tangiblesufferingbeforeme。Istretchedoutmyhandtohis,andhisfingersclosedonminewithasudden,painfulgrip。Thenquietly——”Iwilltellyouthestory,”hesaid,”thoughsincethatmiserabletimeIhavespokenofittonoone。”
Therewasapausebeforehebegan。Helaytherebymyside,hisgazeturnedacrossmeupthesunbright,autumn-tintedglen,buthiseyesshadowedbythememorieswhichhewasstrivingtorecallandarrangeindueorderinhismind。Andwhenhedidspeakitwasnotdirectlytobeginthepromisedrecital。”YouneverknewJack,”hesaid,abruptly。”Hardly,”Iacquiesced。”Irememberthinkinghimveryhandsome。””Therecouldnotbetwoopinionsastothat,”heanswered。”Andamanwhocouldhavedoneanythinghelikedwithlife,hadthingsgonedifferently。Hisabilitieswerefine,buthisstrengthlayaboveallinhischaracter:hewasstrong,——stronginhislikesandinhisdislikes,resolute,fearless,incapableofhalfmeasures——aman,everyinchofhim。Hewasnotgenerallypopular——stiff,hard,unsympathetic,peoplecalledhim。Fromonepointofview,andoneonly,heperhapsdeservedtheepithets。Ifawomanlosthisrespectsheseemedtolosehispitytoo。Likeamediaevalmonk,helookeduponsuchratherasthecausethantheresultofmaledepravity,andhiscontemptforthemmingledwithanger,almost,asIsometimesthought,withhatred。Andthisattitudewas,Ihavenodoubt,resentedbythemenofhisownclassandset,whosharedneitherhisfaultsnorhisvirtues。Butinotherwayshewasnothard。Hecouldlove;I,atleast,havecausetoknowit。Ifyouwouldhearhisstoryrightlyfrommylips,Evie,youmusttryandseehimwithmyeyes。Thefriendwholovedme,andwhomIlovedwiththepassionwhich,ifnotthestrongest,iscertainly,I
believe,themostenduringofwhichmenarecapable,——thatperfectbrother’slove,whichsogrowsintoourbeingthatwhenitisatpeacewearescarcelyconsciousofitsexistence,andwhenitiswoundedourverylife-bloodseemstoflowatthestroke。Brothersdonotalwayslovelikethat:Icanonlywishthatwehadnotdoneso。
VII”Well,aboutfiveyearsago,beforeIhadtakenmydegree,IbecameacquaintedwithawomanwhomIwillcall’Delia,’——itisnearenoughtothenamebywhichshewent。Shewasafewyearsolderthanmyself,verybeautiful,andIbelievedhertobewhatshedescribedherself——theinnocentvictimofcircumstanceandfalseappearance,ahelplesspreytothevilecalumniesofworldlings。
Insoberfact,Iamafraidthat,whateverherlifemayhavebeenactuallyatthetimethatIknewher——asubjectwhichIhavenevercaredtoinvestigate——herpasthadbeennotonlybadenoughirretrievablytofixherpositioninsociety,butbadenoughtoleaveherwithoutanidealintheworld,thoughstillretainingwithinherheartthepossibilitiesofapassionwhich,fromthemomentthatitcametolife,wasstrongenoughtoturnherwholeexistenceintoonedesperaterecklessstrainingafteranobjecthopelesslybeyondherreach。Thatwasthewomanwithwhom,attheageoftwenty,Ifanciedmyselfinlove。Shewantedtogetahusband,andshethoughtme——rightly——assenoughtoacceptthepost。Iwasveryyoungthenevenformyyears,——astudent,anidealist,withanimaginationhighlydeveloped,andnoknowledgewhateveroftheworldasitactuallyis。Anyhow,beforeIhadknownheramonth,Ihaddeterminedtomakehermywife。Myparentswereabroadatthetime,GeorgeandLucyhere,sothatitwastoJackthatIimpartedthenewsofmyresolve。Asyoumayimagine,hedidallthathecouldtoshakeit。ButIwasimmovable。Idisbelievedhisfacts,anddespisedhiscontemptfromthestandpointofmyownsuperiormorality。Thisstateofthingscontinuedforseveralweeks,duringthegreaterpartofwhichtimeIwasatOxford。IonlyknewthatwhileIwasthere,JackhadmadeDelia’sacquaintance,andwasapparentlycultivatingitassiduously。”Oneday,duringtheEastervacation,Igotanotefromheraskingmetosupperatherhouse。Jackwasinvitedtoo:welodgedtogetherwhilemypeoplewereaway。”Thereisnoneedtodwelluponthatsupper。Thereweretwoorthreewomenthereofherownsort,orworse,andadozenmenfromamongthemostprofligateinLondon。Theconversationwas,I
shouldthink,badevenforthatclass;andshe,thegoddessofmyidolatry,outstrippedthemallbythefoul,coarseshamelessnessofherlanguageandbehavior。Beforetheentertainmentwashalfover,Iroseandtookmyleave,accompaniedbyJackandanotherman,——
Legardwashisname,——whoIpresumewasbored。Justaswehadpassedthroughintotheanteroom,whichlaybeyondtheoneinwhichwehadbeeneating,Deliafollowedus,andlayingherhandonJack’sarm,saidthatshemustspeakwithhim。LegardandIwentintotheouterhall,andwehadnotbeentheremorethanaminutewhenthedoorfromtheanteroomopened,andweheardDelia’svoice。
Irememberthewordswell,——thatwasnottheonlyoccasiononwhichIwastohearthem。’Iwillkeeptheringasarecordofmylove,’
shesaid,’andunderstand,thatthoughyoumayforget,Inevershall。’Jackcamethrough,thedoorclosed,andaswewentoutI
glancedtowardshislefthand,andsaw,asIexpectedtosee,theabsenceoftheringwhichheusuallyworethere。ItcontainedagemwhichmymotherhadpickedupintheEast,andIknewthathevalueditquitepeculiarly。WealwayscalleditJack’stalisman。”Amiserabletimefollowed,atimeformeofagonizingwonderanddoubt,duringwhichregretformydeadillusionwasentirelyswallowedupintheterribledreadofmybrother’sdegradation。
ThencametheannouncementofhisengagementtoLadySylviaGrey;
andaweeklater,theverydayafterIhadfinallyreturnedtoLondonfromOxford,IreceivedasummonsfromDeliatocomeandseeher。Curiosity,andthehauntingfearaboutJack,whichstillhungroundme,inducedmetoconsenttowhatotherwisewouldhavebeenintolerablyrepellenttome,andIwent。Ifoundherinamadpassionoffury。Jackhadrefusedtoseeherortoanswerherletters,andshehadsentforme,thatImightgivehimhermessage,——tellhimthathebelongedtoherandheronly,andthathenevershouldmarryanotherwoman。Angryatmyinterference,Jackdisdainedeventorepudiateherclaims,onlysendingbackathreatofappealingtothepoliceifsheventureduponanyfurtherannoyance。Iwroteasshetoldme,andsheemphasizedmysilenceonthesubjectbywritingbacktomeamoredefiniteandexplicitassertionofherrights。Beyondthatforsomeweeksshemadenosign。Ihavenodoubtthatshehadmeansofkeepingwatchuponbothhismovementsandmine;andduringthattime,assherelinquishedgraduallyallhopesofinducinghimtoabandonhispurpose,shewasbeingdriventoherlastdespairingresolve。”Later,whenallwasover,Jacktoldmethestoryofthatspringandsummer。Hetoldmehow,whenhefoundmeimmovableonthesubject,hehadresolvedtostopthemarriagesomehowthroughDeliaherself。Hehadmadeheracquaintance,andsoughthersocietyfrequently。Shehadtakenafancytohim,andheadmittedthathehadavailedhimselfofthisfacttoincreasehisintimacywithher,and,ashehopedultimately,hispoweroverher。Buthewasnotconsciousofeverhavingvariedinhismannertowardsherofcontemptuousindifference。Thiscontradictorybehavior,——hisbeingconstantlynearher,yetalwaysbeyondherreach,——wasprobablytheverythingwhichexcitedherfancyintopassion,theonestrongpassionofthepoorwoman’slife。Thencamehisdeliberatedemandthatsheshouldbyherownactunmaskherselfinmysight。Theunfortunatewomantriedtobargainforsomeproofofaffectioninreturn,andonthisoccasionhadfirstopenlydeclaredherfeelingstowardshim。Hedidnotbelieveher;herefusedherterms;butwhenasherpaymentsheaskedfortheringwhichwassoespeciallyassociatedwithhimself,heagreedtogiveittoher。Otherwisehoping,nodoubtagainsthope,dreadingaboveallthingsaquarrelandfinalseparation,shesubmittedunconditionally。Andfromthetimeofthatevening,whenLegardandIhadoverheardherpartingwords,Jackneversawheragainuntilthelastandfinalcatastrophe。”ItwasinJuly。MyparentshadreturnedtoEngland,buthadcomestraightonhere。JackandIwerediningtogetherwithLadySylviaatherfather’shouse——herbrother,youngGrey,makingthefourthatdinner。Ihadarrangedtogotoapartywithyourmother,andI
toldtheservantsthataladywouldcallformeearlyintheevening。ThehousestoodinParkLane,andafterdinnerweallwentoutontothebroadbalconywhichopenedfromthedrawing-
room。Therewasastrongwindblowingthatnight,andIrememberwellthevague,disquietedfeelingofunrealitythatpossessedme,——
sweepingthroughme,asitwere,witheachgustofwind。Then,suddenly,aservantstoodbehindme,sayingthattheladyhadcomeforme,andwasinthedrawing-room。Shockedthatmyauntshouldhavetroubledherselftocomesofar,Iturnedquickly,steppedbackintotheroom,andfoundmyselffacetofacewithDelia。Shewasfullydressedfortheevening,withalongsilkopera-cloakoverhershoulders,herfaceaswhiteashergown,hersplendideyesstrangelywideopenandshining。Idon’tknowwhatIsaidordid;Itriedtogetheraway,butitwastoolate。Theothershadheardus,andappearedattheopenwindow。Jackcameforwardatonce,speakingrapidly,fiercely;tellinghertoleavethehouseatonce;promisingdesperatelythathewouldseeherinhisownroomsonthemorrow。WellIrememberhowheranswerrangout,——”’Neitherto-morrownoranotherday:IwillneverleaveyouagainwhileIlive。’”Atthesameinstantshedrewsomethingswiftlyfromunderhercloak,therewasthesoundofapistolshotandshelaydeadatourfeet,herbloodsplashinguponJack’sshirtandhandsasshefell。”
Alanpausedinhisrecital。Hewastremblingfromheadtofoot;
buthekepthiseyesturnedsteadilydownwards,andbothfaceandvoicewerecold——almostexpressionless。”Ofcoursetherewasaninquest,”heresumed,”which,asusual,exerciseditsveryill-definedpowersininquiringintoallpossiblemotivesforthesuicide。YoungGrey,whohadsteppedintotheroomjustbeforetheshothadbeenfired,sworetothelastwordsDeliahaduttered;Legardtothosehehadoverheardthenightofthatdreadfulsupper:therewerescoresofmentobearwitnesstotheintimaterelationswhichhadexistedbetweenherandJackduringthewholeofthepreviousspring。Ihadtogiveevidence。
Askillfullawyerhadbeenretainedbyoneofhersisters,andhadbeeninstructedbyheronpointswhichnodoubtshehadoriginallylearntfromDeliaherself。Inhishands,IhadnotonlytocorroborateGreyandLegard,andtogivefulldetailsofthatlastinterview,butalsotosweartothepeculiarvaluewhichJackattachedtothetalismanringwhichhehadgivenDelia;tothelanguageshehadheldwhenIsawheraftermyreturnfromOxford;
tohersubsequentletter,andJack’sfatalsilenceontheoccasion。
ThestorybywhichJackandIstrovetoaccountforthefactswaslaughedatasaclumsyinvention,andmyundisguisedreluctanceingivingevidenceaddedgreatlytoitsweightagainstmybrother’scharacter。”Thejuryreturnedaverdictofsuicidewhileofunsoundmind,theresultofdesertionbyherlover。YoumayimaginehowthatverdictwascommenteduponbyeveryRadicalnewspaperinthekingdom,andforoncesocietymorethancorroboratedtheopinionsofthepress。
Thelargerpublicregardedthestoryasanextremecaseoftheinnocentvictimandthecowardlysocietyvillain。ItwasonlyamongacomparativelysmallsetthatDelia’sreputationwasknown,andthere,inviewofJack’snotoriousandpeculiarintimacy,hisrepudiationofallrelationswithherwasreceivedwithcontemptuousincredulity。ThatheshouldhavefirstentereduponsuchrelationsattheverytimewhenhewasalreadycourtingLadySylviawasregardedeveninthosecirclesasa’strongorder,’andtheylookeduponhispresentattitudewithgreatindignation,asacowardlyattempttosavehisowncharacterbycastinguponthedeadwoman’smemoryalltheodiumofafalseaccusation。Withanentireabsenceoflogic,too,hewasmaderesponsibleforthesuicidehavingtakenplaceinLadySylvia’spresence。Shehadbrokenofftheengagementthedayafterthecatastrophe,andherfamily,aclanpowerfulintheLondonworld,furiousatthemudthroughwhichhernamehadbeendragged,didallthattheycouldtointensifythefeelingalreadyexistingagainstJack。”Notavoicewasraisedinhisdefense。Hewasadvisedtoleavethearmy;hewasrequestedtowithdrawfromsomeofhisclubs,turnedoutofothers,avoidedbyhisfastacquaintances,cutbyhisrespectableones。Itwasenoughtokillaweakerman。”Heshowednoresentmentatthemeasurethusdealtouttohim。
Indeed,atthefirst,exceptforSylvia’sdesertionofhim,heseemeddullyindifferenttoitall。Itwasasifhissoulhadbeenstunned,fromthemomentthatthatwretchedwoman’sbloodhadsplasheduponhisfingers,andherdeadeyeshadlookedupintohisown。”Butitwasnotlongbeforeherealizedthefullextentofthesocialdamnationwhichhadbeeninflicteduponhim,andhethenresolvedtoleavethecountryandgotoAmerica。Thenightbeforehestartedhecamedownheretotakeleave。Iwasherelookingaftermyparents——George,whosemindwasalmostunhingedbythefamilydisgrace,havinggoneabroadwithhiswife。Mymotheratthefirstnewsofwhathadhappenedhadtakentoherbed,nevertoleaveitagain;andthusitwasinmypresencealone,upthereinmyfather’slittlestudy,thatJackgavehimthatnightthewholestory。Hetolditquietlyenough;butwhenhehadfinished,withasuddenoutburstoffeelingheturneduponme。ItwasIwhohadbeenthecauseofitall。Myinsensatefollyhadinducedhimtomaketheunhappywoman’sacquaintance,toallowandevenencourageherfatallove,tocommitalltheblundersandsinswhichhadbroughtabouthermiserableendingandhisfinaloverthrow。Itwasbymeansofmethatshehadobtainedaccesstohimonthatdreadfulnight;myevidencewhichmostutterlydamnedhiminpublicopinion;
throughmehehadlosthisreputation,hisfriends,hiscareer,hiscountry,thewomanheloved,hishopesforthefuture;throughme,aboveall,thattheburdenofthathorribledeathwouldlieforeveronhissoul。Hewaslashinghimselftofurywithhisownwordsashespoke;andIstoodleaningagainstthewalloppositetohim,cold,dumb,unresisting,whensuddenlymyfatherinterrupted。
IthinkthatbothJackandIhadforgottenhispresence;butatthesoundofhisvoice,changedfromwhatwehadeverheardit,weturnedtohim,andIthenforthefirsttimesawinhisfacethedeath-lookwhichneverafterwardsquittedit。”’Stop,Jack,’hesaid;’Alanisnottoblame;andifithadnotbeeninthisway,itwouldhavebeeninsomeother。Ionlyamguilty,whobroughtyoubothintoexistencewithmyownhell-
stainedbloodinyourveins。Ifyouwishtocurseanyone,curseyourfamily,yourname,meifyouwill,andmayGodforgivemethatyouwereeverbornintotheworld!’”
Alanstoppedwithashudder,andthencontinued,dully,”ItwaswhenIheardthosewords,themostterriblethatafathercouldhaveuttered,thatIfirstunderstoodallthatthatoldsixteenth-
centurytalemightmeantomeandmine,——Ihaverealizeditvividlyenoughsince。Earlythenextmorning,whenthedawnwasjustbreaking,Jackcametothedoorofmyroomtobidmegood-by。Allhispassionwasgone。Hislooksandtonesseemedpartandparcelofthedimgraymorninglight。Hefreelywithdrewallthechargeshehadmadeagainstmethenightbefore;forgavemeallthesharethatIhadhadinhismisfortunes;andthenbeggedthatIwouldnevercomenearhim,orlethimhearfrommeagain。’Thecurseisheavyuponusboth,’hesaid,’anditistheonlyfavorwhichyoucandome。’Ihaveneverseenhimsince。””Butyouhaveheardofhim!”Iexclaimed;”whathasbecomeofhim?”
Alanraisedhimselftoasittingposture。”ThelastthatIheard,”
hesaid,withacatchinhisvoice,”wasthatinhismiseryandhopelessnesshewastakingtodrink。Georgewritestohim,anddoeswhathecan;butI——Idarenotsayaword,forfearitshouldturntopoisononmylips,——Idarenotliftahandtohelphim,forfearitshouldhavepowertostrikehimtotheground。Theworstmaybeyettocome;Iamstillliving,stillliving:therearedepthsofshametowhichhehasnotsunk。Andoh,Evie,Evie,heismyown,mybest-lovedbrother!”
Allhiscomposurewasgonenow。Hisvoicerosetoakindofwailwiththelastwords,andfoldinghisarmsonhisraisedknee,helethisheadfalluponthem,whilehisfigurequiveredwithscarcelyrestrainedemotion。Therewasasilenceforsomemomentswhilehesatthus,Ilookingoninwretchedhelplessnessbesidehim。Thenheraisedhishead,and,withoutlookingroundatme,wentoninalowtone:”Andwhatisinthefuture?Ipraythatdeathinsteadofshamemaybetheportionofthenextgeneration,andIlookatGeorge’sboysonlytowonderwhichofthemisthehappyonewhoshallsomedayliedeadathisbrother’sfeet。Areyousurprisedatmyresolutionnevertomarry?Thefatalprophecyisrichinitsfulfillment;noneofournameandbloodaresafe;
andthedaymightcomewhenItooshouldhavetocalluponmychildrentocursemefortheirbirth,——shouldhavetowatchwhiletheburdenwhichIcouldnolongerbearalonepressedthelifefromtheirmother’sheart。”
ThroughthetragedyofthisspeechIwasconsciousofafaintsuggestionofcomfort,afar-offglimmer,asofunseenhome-lightsonamidnightsky。Iwasinnomoodthentounderstand,ortoseektounderstand,whatitwas;butIknownowthathiswordshadremovedtheweightofhelplessbanishmentfrommyspirit——thathisheart,speakingthroughthemtomyown,hadmademeforlifethesharerofhisgrief。
VIII
Presentlyhedrewhisshoulderstogetherwithaslightdeterminedjerk,threwhimselfbackuponthegrass,andturningtome,withthattremulous,haggardsmileuponhislipswhichIknewsowell,butwhichhadneverbeforestruckmewithsuchinfinitepathos,”Luckily,”hesaid,”thereareotherthingstodoinlifebesidesbeinghappy。OnlyperhapsyouunderstandnowwhatImeantlastnightwhenIspokeofthingswhichfleshandbloodcannotbear,andyetwhichmustbeborne。”
Suddenlyandsharplyhiswordsrousedagainintoactivitytheloathsomememorywhichmyinterestinhisstoryhadpartiallydeadened。Henoticedthequickinvoluntarycontractionofmymuscles,andreaditaright。”Thatremindsme,”hewenton;”I
mustclaimyourpromise。Ihavetoldyoumystory。Now,tellmeyours。”
Itoldhim;notasIhavesetitdownhere,thoughperhapseveningreaterdetail,butincoherently,bitbybit,whilehehelpedmeoutwithgentlequestions,quicklycomprehendinggestures,andpatientwaitingduringthepausesofexhaustionwhichperforceinterposedthemselves。Asmystoryapproacheditsclimax,hisagitationgrewalmostequaltomyown,andhelistenedtotheclose,histeethclenched,hisbrowsbent,asifpassingagainwithmethroughthatawfulconflict。WhenIhadfinished,itwassomemomentsbeforeeitherofuscouldspeak;andthenheburstforthintobitterself-reproachforhavingsofaryieldedtohisbrother’sangryobstinacyastoallowmetosleepthethirdnightinthatfatalroom。”Itwascowardice,”hesaid,”sheercowardice!Afterallthathashappened,Idarednothaveaquarrelwithoneofmyownblood。AndyetifIhadnothardenedmyheart,IhadreasontoknowwhatIwasrisking。””Howdoyoumean?”Iasked。”Thoseothertwogirlswhosleptthere,”hesaid,breathlessly;”itwasineachcaseafterthethirdnighttherethattheywerefounddead——dead,Evie,sorunsthestory,withamarkupontheirneckssimilarinshapeandpositiontothedeath-woundwhichMargaretMervyninflicteduponherself。”
Icouldnotspeak,butIclutchedhishandwithanalmostconvulsivegrip。”AndIknewthestory,——Iknewit!”hecried。”Asboyswewerenotallowedtohearmuchofourfamilytraditions,butthisoneIknew。
Whenmyfatherredidtheinterioroftheeastroom,heremovedatthesametimeaboardfromabovethedoorwayoutside,onwhichhadbeenwritten——itissaidbyDameAliceherself——awarninguponthisverysubject。Ihappenedtobepresentwhenouroldhousekeeper,whohadbeenhisnurse,remonstratedwithhimwarmlyuponthisact;
andIaskedherafterwardswhattheboardwas,andwhyshecaredaboutitsomuch。Inherexcitementshetoldmethestoryofthoseunhappygirls,repeatingagainandagainthat,ifthewarningweretakenaway,evilwouldcomeofit。””Andshewasright,”Isaid,dully。”Oh,ifonlyyourfatherhadleftitthere!””Isuppose,”heanswered,speakingmorequietly,”thathewasimpatientoftraditionswhich,asItoldyou,heatthattimemorethanhalfdespised。Indeedhealteredtheshapeofthedoorway,raisingit,andmakingitflatandsquare,sothattheoldinscriptioncouldnothavebeenreplaced,evenhaditbeenwished。
IrememberitwasfittedroundthelowTudorarchwhichwaspreviouslythere。”
Mymind,toowornwithmanyemotionsfordeliberatethought,wanderedonlanguidly,andasitweremechanically,upontheselasttrivialwords。Thedoorwaypresenteditselftomyviewasithadoriginallystood,withthediscardedwarningaboveit;andthen,byaspontaneouscomparisonofmentalvision,IrecalledthepaintedboardwhichIhadnoticedthreedaysbeforeinDameAlice’stower。
IsuggestedtoAlanthatitmighthavebeentheidenticalone——itsshapewasashedescribed。”Verylikely,”heanswered,absently。”Doyourememberwhatthewordswere?””Yes,Ithinkso,”Ireplied。”Letmesee。”AndIrepeatedthemslowly,draggingthemoutasitwereonebyonefrommymemory:”Wherethewomansinnedthemaidshallwin;
ButGodhelpthemaidthatsleepswithin。””Yousee,”Isaid,turningtowardshimslowly,”thelastlineisawarningsuchasyouspokeof。”
ButtomysurpriseAlanhadsprungtohisfeet,andwaslookingdownatme,hiswholebodyquiveringwithexcitement。”Yes,Evie,”
hecried,”andthefirstlineisaprophecy;——wherethewomansinnedthemaidHASwon。”HeseizedthehandwhichIinstinctivelyreachedouttohim。”Wehavenotseentheendofthisyet,”hewenton,speakingrapidly,andasifarticulationhadbecomedifficulttohim。”Come,Evie,wemustgobacktothehouseandlookatthecabinet——now,atonce。”
Ihadrisentomyfeetbythistime,butIshrankawayatthosewords。”Tothatroom?Oh,Alan——no,Icannot。”
Hehadholdofmyhandstill,andhetightenedhisgraspuponit。”Ishallbewithyou;youwillnotbeafraidwithme,”hesaid。”Come。”Hiseyeswereburning,hisfaceflushedandpaledinrapidalternation,andhishandheldminelikeaviceofiron。
Iturnedwithhim,andwewalkedbacktotheGrange,Alanquickeninghispaceashewent,tillIalmosthadtorunbyhisside。Asweapproachedthedreadedroommysenseofrepulsionbecamealmostunbearable;butIwasnowinfectedbyhisexcitement,thoughIbutdimlycomprehendeditscause。Wemetnooneonourway,andinamomenthehadhurriedmeintothehouse,upthestairs,andalongthenarrowpassage,andIwasoncemoreintheeastroom,andinthepresenceofallthememoriesofthataccursednight。ForaninstantIstoodstrengthless,helpless,onthethreshold,mygazefixedpanic-strickenonthespotwhereIhadtakensuchawfulpartinthatphantomtragedyofevil;thenAlanthrewhisarmroundme,anddrewmehastilyoninfrontofthecabinet。Withoutapause,givinghimselftimeneithertospeaknorthink,hestretchedouthislefthandandmovedthebuttonsoneafteranother。HoworinwhatdirectionhemovedthemIknownot;
butasthelastturnedwithaclick,thedoors,whichnomortalhandhadunclosedforthreehundredyears,flewback,andthecabinetstoodopen。Igavealittlegaspoffear。Alanpressedhislipscloselytogether,andturnedtomewitheagerquestioninginhiseyes。IpointedinanswertremblinglyatthedrawerwhichI
hadseenopenthenightbefore。Hedrewitout,andthereonitssatinbedlaythedaggerinitssilversheath。Stillwithoutawordhetookitup,andreachinghisrighthandroundme,forI
couldnotnowhavestoodhadhewithdrawnhissupport,withaswiftstrongjerkheunsheathedtheblade。ThereintheclearautumnsunshineIcouldseethesamedullstainsIhadmarkedintheflickeringcandle-light,andoverthem,stillruddyandmoist,werethedropsofmyownhalf-driedblood。Igraspedthelapelofhiscoatwithbothmyhands,andclungtohimlikeachildinterror,whiletheeyesofbothofusremainedfixedasiffascinatedupontheknife-blade。Then,withasuddenstartofmemory,Alanraisedhistothecorniceofthecabinet,andminefollowed。NochangethatIcoulddetecthadtakenplaceinthattwistedgoldwork;butthere,clearinthesightofusboth,stoodforththewordsofthemagicmotto:”Purebloodshedbytheblood-stainedknifeEndsMervynshame,healsMervynstrife。”
InlowsteadytonesAlanreadoutthelines,andthentherewassilence——onmypartofstunnedbewilderment,thebewildermentofaspiritoverwhelmedbeyondthepowerofcomprehensionbyrushing,conflictingemotions。Alanpressedmeclosertohim,whilethesilenceseemedtothrobwiththebeatingofhisheartandthepantingofhisbreath。Butexceptforthatheremainedmotionless,gazingatthegoldenmessagebeforehim。AtlengthIfeltamovement,andlookingupsawhisfaceturneddowntowardsmine,thelipsquivering,thecheeksflushed,theeyessoftwithpassionatefeeling。”Wearesaved,mydarling,”hewhispered;”saved,andthroughyou。”Thenhebenthisheadlower,andthereinthatroomofhorror,Ireceivedthefirstlonglover’skissfrommyowndearhusband’slips……
Myhusband,yes;butnottillsometimeafterthat。Alan’sfirstact,whenhehadoncefullyrealizedthatthecursewasindeedremoved,was——throwinghisbuddingpracticetothewinds——tosetsailforAmerica。TherehesoughtoutJack,andlaboredhardtoimparttohimsomeofhisownnewfoundhope。Itwasslowwork,buthesucceededatlast;andonlylefthimwhen,twoyearslater,hehadhandedhimovertothechargeofabright-eyedWesterngirl,towhomthewholestoryhadbeentold,andwhoshowedherselfreadyandanxioustohelpinbuildingupagainthebrokenlifeofherEnglishlover。Tojudgefromthelettersthatwehavesincereceived,shehasshownherselfwellfittedforthetask。Amongotherthingsshehasmoney,andJack’sworldlyaffairshavesoprosperedthatGeorgedeclaresthathecanwellaffordnowtowastesomeofhissuperfluouscashuponfarmingafewofhiselderbrother’sacres。TheideaseemstosmileuponJack,andIhaveeveryhopethiswinterofbeingabletoinstituteanactualcomparisonbetweenoursmallboy,hisnamesake,andhisownthree-
year-oldAlan。Thecomparison,bytheway,willhavetobeconditional,forJacket——thenamebywhichmysonandheirisfamiliarlyknown——isbutalittlemorethantwo。
Iturnmyeyesforamoment,andtheyfalluponthenortherncorneroftheEastRoom,whichshowsroundtheedgeofthehouse。Thentheskeletonleapsfromthecupboardofmymemory;theicyhandwhichliesevernearmysoulgripsitsuddenlywithachillshudder。Notfornothingwasthatwretchedwoman’slifeinterwovenwithmyown,ifonlyforanhour;notfornothingdidmyspiritharboraconflictandanagony,which,thankGod,arefarfromitsownstory。ThoughMargaretMervyn’sdaggerfailedtopiercemyflesh,thewoundinmysoulmayneverwhollybehealed。Iknowthatthatisso;andyetasIturntostartthroughthesunshinetothecedarshadeanditslaughingoccupants,Iwhispertomyselfwithferventconviction,”Itwasworthit。”
End