IV
AfterthatSundaycall,GypsatinthewindowatBuryStreetclosetoabowlofheliotropeonthewindow-sill。Shewasthinkingoverapassageoftheirconversation。”Mrs。Fiorsen,tellmeaboutyourself。””Why?Whatdoyouwanttoknow?””Yourmarriage?””Imadeafearfulmistake——againstmyfather’swish。Ihaven’tseenmyhusbandformonths;IshallneverseehimagainifIcanhelpit。Isthatenough?””Andyoulovehim?””No。””Itmustbelikehavingyourheadinchancery。Can’tyougetitout?””No。””Why?””Divorce-court!Ugh!Icouldn’t!””Yes,Iknow——it’shellish!”
Washe,whogrippedherhandsohardandsaidthat,reallythesamenonchalantyoungmanwhohadleanedoutofthecarriagewindow,gurglingwithlaughter?Andwhathadmadethedifference?Sheburiedherfaceintheheliotrope,whoseperfumeseemedthememoryofhisvisit;then,goingtothepiano,begantoplay。SheplayedDebussy,McDowell,Ravel;thechordsofmodernmusicsuitedherfeelingsjustthen。Andshewasstillplayingwhenherfathercamein。Duringtheselastninemonthsofhisdaughter’ssociety,hehadregainedadistinctmeasureofyouthfulness,anextratwistinhislittlemoustache,anextratouchofdandyisminhisclothes,andtheglossofhisshorthair。Gypstoppedplayingatonce,andshutthepiano。”Mr。Summerhay’sbeenhere,Dad。Hewassorrytomissyou。”
TherewasanappreciablepausebeforeWintonanswered:”Mydear,Idoubtit。”
AndtherepassedthroughGypthethoughtthatshecouldneveragainbefriendswithamanwithoutgivingthatpause。Then,consciousthatherfatherwasgazingather,sheturnedandsaid:”Well,wasitniceinthePark?””Thirtyyearsagotheywereallnobsandsnobs;nowGodhimselfdoesn’tknowwhattheyare!””Butweren’ttheflowersnice?””Ah——andthetrees,andthebirds——but,byJove,thehumansdotheirbesttodressthebalance!””Whatamisanthropeyou’regetting!””I’dliketorunastudfortwo-leggers;theywantproperbreeding。
WhatsortofafellowisyoungSummerhay?Notabadface。”
Sheansweredimpassively:”Yes;it’ssoalive。”
Inspiteofhisself-control,shecouldalwaysreadherfather’sthoughtsquickerthanhecouldreadhers,andknewthathewasstrugglingbetweenthewishthatsheshouldhaveagoodtimeandthedesiretoconveysomekindofwarning。Hesaid,withasigh:”Whatdoesayoungman’sfancyturntoinsummer,Gyp?”
Womenwhohavesubtleinstinctsandsomeexperienceareabletoimposetheirownrestraintonthosewho,attheliftingofahand,wouldbecometheirlovers。Fromthatafternoonon,Gypknewthatawordfromherwouldchangeeverything;butshewasfarfromspeakingit。Andyet,exceptatweek-ends,whenshewentbacktoherbabyatMildenham,shesawSummerhaymostdays——intheRow,attheopera,oratBuryStreet。ShehadahabitofgoingtoSt。
James’sParkinthelateafternoonandsittingtherebythewater。
Wasitbychancethathepassedonedayonhiswayhomefromchambers,andthat,afterthis,theysattheretogetherconstantly?
Whymakeherfatheruneasy——whentherewasnothingtobeuneasyabout——bylettinghimcometoooftentoBuryStreet?Itwassopleasant,too,outthere,talkingcalmlyofmanythings,whileinfrontofthemthesmallraggedchildrenfishedandputthefishesintoclearglassbottles,toeat,orwatchonrainydays,asisthecustomofmanwiththeminorworksofGod。
So,innature,whentheseasonsareabouttochange,thedayspass,tranquil,waitingforthewindthatbringsinthenew。Andwasitnotnaturaltositunderthetrees,bytheflowersandthewater,thepigeonsandtheducks,thatwonderfulJuly?ForallwaspeacefulinGyp’smind,except,nowandthen,whenasortofremorsepossessedher,asortofterror,andasortoftroublingsweetness。
V
Summerhaydidnotwearhisheartonhissleeve,andwhen,ontheclosing-dayofterm,helefthischamberstowalktothatlastmeeting,hisfacewasmuchasusualunderhisgreytophat。But,intruth,hehadcometoaprettypass。Hehadhisowncodeofwhatwasbefittingtoagentleman。Itwasperhapsatrifle”oldGeorgian,”butitincludeddoingnothingtodistressawoman。Alltheseweekshehadkepthimselfinhand;buttodosohadcosthimmorethanhelikedtoreflecton。TheonlywitnessofhisstruggleswashisoldScotchterrier,whosedreamshehaddisturbednightafternight,trampingupanddownthelongback-to-frontsitting-roomofhislittlehouse。Sheknew——mustknow——whathewasfeeling。Ifshewantedhislove,shehadbuttoraiseherfinger;
andshehadnotraisedit。Whenhetouchedher,whenherdressdisengageditsperfumeorhiseyestracedtheslow,softmovementofherbreathing,hisheadwouldgoround,andtokeepcalmandfriendlyhadbeentorture。
Whilehecouldseeheralmosteveryday,thiscontrolhadbeenjustpossible;butnowthathewasabouttoloseher——forweeks——hisheartfeltsickwithinhim。Hehadbeenhardputtoitbeforetheworld。Amanpassionatelyinlovecravessolitude,inwhichtoalternatebetweenfierceexerciseandthattrance-likestillnesswhenaloversimplyachesorisbusyconjuringherfaceupoutofdarknessorthesunlight。Hehadmanagedtodohiswork,hadbeengratefulforhavingittodo;buttohisfriendshehadnotgivenattentionenoughtopreventthemsaying:”What’supwitholdBryan?”Alwaysratherelusiveinhismovements,hewasnowtooelusivealtogetherforthosewhohadbeenaccustomedtolunch,dine,dance,andsportwithhim。Andyetheshunnedhisowncompany——goingwhereverstrangefaces,life,anythingdistractedhimalittle,withoutdemandingrealattention。Itmustbeconfessedthathehadcomeunwillinglytodiscoveryofthedepthofhispassion,awarethatitmeantgivinguptoomuch。Buttherearewomenwhoinspirefeelingsodirectandsimplethatreasondoesnotcomeintoplay;andhehadneveraskedhimselfwhetherGypwasworthloving,whethershehadthisorthatquality,suchorsuchvirtue。Hewantedherexactlyasshewas;anddidnotweighherinanysortofbalance。Itispossibleformentolovepassionately,yetknowthattheirpassionisbutdesire,possibleformentoloveforsheerspiritualworth,feelingthatthelovedonelacksthisorthatcharm。
Summerhay’slovehadnosuchdividedconsciousness。Aboutherpast,too,hedismissedspeculation。Herememberedhavingheardinthehunting-fieldthatshewasWinton’snaturaldaughter;eventhenithadmadehimlongtopunchtheheadofthatcovertsidescandal-
monger。Themoretheremightbeagainstthedesirabilityoflovingher,themorehewouldloveher;evenherwretchedmarriageonlyaffectedhiminsofarasitaffectedherhappiness。Itdidnotmatter——nothingmatteredexcepttoseeherandbewithherasmuchasshewouldlethim。Andnowshewasgoingtotheseaforamonth,andhehimself——curseit!——wasdueinPerthshiretoshootgrouse。Amonth!
Hewalkedslowlyalongtheriver。Daredhespeak?Attimes,herfacewaslikeachild’swhenitexpectssomeharshorfrighteningword。Onecouldnothurther——impossible!But,attimes,hehadalmostthoughtshewouldlikehimtospeak。Onceortwicehehadcaughtaslowsoftglance——gonethemomenthehadsightofit。
Hewasbeforehistime,and,leaningontheriverparapet,watchedthetiderundown。Thesunshoneonthewater,brighteningitsyellowishswirl,andlittleblackeddies——thesamewaterthathadflowedalongunderthewillowspastEynsham,pastOxford,underthechurchatClifton,pastMoulsford,pastSonning。Andhethought:
’MyGod!Tohavehertomyselfonedayontheriver——onewholelongday!’Whyhadhebeensopusillanimousallthistime?Hepassedhishandoverhisface。Broadfacesdonoteasilygrowthin,buthisfeltthintohim,andthisgavehimakindofmorbidsatisfaction。Ifsheknewhowhewaslonging,howhesuffered!Heturnedaway,towardWhitehall。Twomenheknewstoppedtobandyajest。Oneofthemwasjustmarried。They,too,wereofftoScotlandforthetwelfth。Pah!Howstaleandflatseemedthatwhichtillthenhadbeentheacmeofthewholeyeartohim!Ah,butifhehadbeengoingtoScotlandWITHHER!HedrewhisbreathinwithasighthatnearlyremovedtheHomeOffice。
ObliviousofthegorgeoussentriesattheHorseGuards,obliviousofallbeauty,hepassedirresolutealongthewater,makingfortheirusualseat;already,infancy,hewassittingthere,proddingatthegravel,anervoustwitteringinhisheart,andthateternalquestion:DareIspeak?askingitselfwithinhim。Andsuddenlyhesawthatshewasbeforehim,sittingtherealready。Hisheartgaveajump。Nomorecraning——heWOULDspeak!
Shewaswearingamaize-colouredmuslintowhichthesunlightgaveasortoftransparency,andsat,leaningback,herkneescrossed,onehandrestingontheknobofherfurledsunshade,herfacehalfhiddenbyhershadyhat。Summerhayclenchedhisteeth,andwentstraightuptoher。”Gyp!No,Iwon’tcallyouanythingelse。Thiscan’tgoon!Youknowitcan’t。YouknowIworshipyou!Ifyoucan’tloveme,I’vegottobreakaway。Allday,allnight,Ithinkanddreamofnothingbutyou。Gyp,doyouwantmetogo?”
Supposeshesaid:”Yes,go!”Shemadealittlemovement,asifinprotest,andwithoutlookingathim,answeredverylow:”OfcourseIdon’twantyoutogo。HowcouldI?”
Summerhaygasped。”ThenyouDOloveme?”
Sheturnedherfaceaway。”Wait,please。Waitalittlelonger。WhenwecomebackI’lltellyou:Ipromise!””Solong?””Amonth。Isthatlong?Please!It’snoteasyforme。”Shesmiledfaintly,liftedhereyestohimjustforasecond。”Pleasenotanymorenow。”
Thateveningathisclub,throughthebluishsmokeofcigaretteaftercigarette,hesawherfaceasshehadlifteditforthatonesecond;andnowhewasinheaven,nowinhell。
VI
TheverandahedbungalowontheSouthCoast,builtandinhabitedbyanartistfriendofAuntRosamund’s,hadagardenofwhichthechieffeaturewasonepine-treewhichhadstrayedinadvanceofthewoodbehind。Thelittlehousestoodinsolitude,justabovealowbankofcliffwhencethebeachsankinsandyridges。Theverandahandthickpinewoodgaveampleshade,andthebeachallthesunandseaairneedfultotanlittleGyp,afat,tumblingsoul,ashermotherhadbeenatthesameage,incurablyfondandfearlessofdogsoranykindofbeast,andspeakingwordsalreadythatrequiredaglossary。
Atnight,Gyp,lookingfromherbedroomthroughtheflatbranchesofthepine,wouldgetafeelingofbeingtheonlycreatureintheworld。Thecrinkled,silverysea,thatlonelypine-tree,thecoldmoon,theskydarkcorn-flowerblue,thehissandsuckingrustleofthesurfoverthebeachpebbles,eventhesalt,chillair,seemedlonely。Byday,too——inthehazyheatwhenthecloudsmerged,scarcedrifting,intotheblue,andthecoarsesea-grasstuftshardlyquivered,andsea-birdspassedcloseabovethewaterwithchuckleandcry——italloftenseemedpartofadream。Shebathed,andgrewastannedasherlittledaughter,aregularGypsy,inherbroadhatandlinenfrocks;andyetshehardlyseemedtobelivingdownhereatall,forshewasneverfreeofthememoryofthatlastmeetingwithSummerhay。Whyhadhespokenandputanendtotheirquietfriendship,andlefthertosuchheart-searchingsallbyherself?Butshedidnotwanthiswordsunsaid。Only,howtoknowwhethertorecoilandfly,ortopassbeyondthedreadoflettingherselfgo,ofplungingdeepintotheunknowndepthsoflove——ofthatpassion,whosenatureforthefirsttimeshehadtremulouslyfelt,watching”Pagliacci”——andhadeversincebeenfeelingandtremblingat!Mustitreallybeneckornothing?Didshecareenoughtobreakthroughallbarriers,flingherselfintomidstream?
Whentheycouldseeeachothereveryday,itwassoeasytoliveforthenextmeeting——notthinkofwhatwascomingafter。Butnow,withallelsecutaway,therewasonlythefuturetothinkabout——
hersandhis。Butneedshetroubleabouthis?Wouldhenotjustloveheraslongasheliked?
Thenshethoughtofherfather——stillfaithfultoamemory——andfeltashamed。Somemenlovedon——yes——evenbeyonddeath!But,sometimes,shewouldthink:’AmIacandle-flameagain?Ishejustgoingtoburnhimself?WhatrealgoodcanIbetohim——I,withoutfreedom,andwithmybaby,whowillgrowup?’Yetallthesethoughtswere,inaway,unreal。Thestrugglewasinherself,sodeepthatshecouldhardlyunderstandit;asmightbeanefforttosubduetheinstinctivedreadofaprecipice。Andshewouldfeelakindofresentmentagainstallthehappyliferoundherthesesummerdays——thesea-birds,thesunlight,andthewaves;thewhitesailsfarout;thecalmsun-steepedpine-trees;herbaby,tumblingandsmilingandsoftlytwittering;andBettyandtheotherservants——allthislifethatseemedsosimpleanduntortured。
Totheoneposteachdayshelookedforwardterribly。Andyethisletters,whichbeganlikehers:”Mydearfriend,”mighthavebeenreadbyanyone——almost。Shespentalongtimeoverheranswers。
Shewasnotsleepingwell;and,lyingawake,shecouldseehisfaceverydistinctbeforeherclosedeyes——itsteasing,lazysmile,itssuddenintentgravity。Onceshehadadreamofhim,rushingpastherdownintothesea。Shecalled,but,withoutturninghishead,heswamoutfurther,further,tillshelostsightofhim,andwokeupsuddenlywithapaininherheart。”Ifyoucan’tloveme,I’vegottobreakaway!”Hisface,hisflung-backheadremindedhertoosharplyofthosewords。Nowthathewasawayfromher,wouldhenotfeelthatitwasbesttobreak,andforgether?Upthere,hewouldmeetgirlsuntouchedbylife——notlikeherself。Hehadeverythingbeforehim;couldhepossiblygoonwantingonewhohadnothingbeforeher?Someblue-eyedgirlwithauburnhair——thattypesosuperiortoherown——wouldsweep,perhapshadalreadyswepthim,awayfromher!Whatthen?Noworsethanitusedtobe?Ah,somuchworsethatshedarednotthinkofit!
Then,forfivedays,nolettercame。And,witheachblankmorning,theacheinhergrew——asharp,definiteacheoflongingandjealousy,utterlyunlikethemerefeelingofoutragedpridewhenshehadsurprisedFiorsenandDaphneWinginthemusic-room——ahundredyearsago,itseemed。WhenonthefifthdaythepostmanleftnothingbutabillforlittleGyp’sshoes,andanotefromAuntRosamundatHarrogate,whereshehadgonewithWintonfortheannualcure,Gyp’sheartsanktothedepths。Wasthistheend?
And,withablind,numbfeeling,shewanderedoutintothewood,wherethefallofthepine-needles,seasonafterseason,hadmadeofthegroundonesoft,dark,dust-colouredbed,onwhichthesunlighttracedthepatternofthepineboughs,andantsrummagedabouttheirgreatheapeddwellings。
Gypwentalongtillshecouldseenoouterworldforthegrey-browntree-stemsstreakedwithgum-resin;and,throwingherselfdownonherface,dugherelbowsdeepintothepinedust。Tears,sorarewithher,forcedtheirwayup,andtrickledslowlytothehandswhereonherchinrested。Nogood——crying!Cryingonlymadeherill;cryingwasnorelief。Sheturnedoveronherbackandlaymotionless,thesunbeamswarmonhercheeks。Silenthere,evenatnoon!Thesoughofthecalmseacouldnotreachsofar;theflieswerefew;nobirdsang。Thetallbarepinestemsroseupallroundlikecolumnsinatempleroofedwiththedarkboughsandsky。
Cloud-fleecesdriftedslowlyovertheblue。Thereshouldbepeace——
butinherhearttherewasnone!
Aduskyshapecamepaddingthroughthetreesalittlewayoff,another——twodonkeysloosefromsomewhere,whostoodlickingeachother’snecksandnoses。Thosetwohumblebeasts,sofriendly,madeherfeelashamed。Whyshouldshebesorryforherself,shewhohadeverythinginlifeshewanted——exceptlove——theloveshehadthoughtshewouldneverwant?Ah,butshewanteditnow,wanteditatlastwithallherbeing!
Withashudder,shesprangup;theantshadgottoher,andshehadtopickthemoffherneckanddress。Shewanderedbacktowardsthebeach。Ifhehadtrulyfoundsomeonetofillhisthoughts,anddriveherout,allthebetterforhim;shewouldnever,bywordorsign,showhimthatshemissed,andwantedhim——never!Shewouldsoonerdie!
Shecameoutintothesunshine。Thetidewaslow;andthewetforeshoregleamedwithopaltints;therewerewanderingtracksonthesea,asofgreatserpentswindingtheirwaybeneaththesurface;andawaytothewestthearchwayed,tawnyrockthatcutoffthelineofcoastwaslikeadream-shape。Allwasdreamy。
And,suddenlyherheartbeganbeatingtosuffocationandthecolourfloodedupinhercheeks。Ontheedgeofthelowcliffbank,bythesideofthepath,Summerhaywassitting!
Hegotupandcametowardher。Puttingherhandsuptoherglowingface,shesaid:”Yes;it’sme。Didyoueverseesuchagipsifiedobject?I
thoughtyouwerestillinScotland。How’sdearOssy?”Thenherself-possessionfailed,andshelookeddown。”It’snogood,Gyp。Imustknow。”
ItseemedtoGypthatherhearthadgivenupbeating;shesaidquietly:”Let’ssitdownaminute”;andmovedunderthecliffbankwheretheycouldnotbeseenfromthehouse。There,drawingthecoarsegrassbladesthroughherfingers,shesaid,withashiver:”Ididn’ttrytomakeyou,didI?Inevertried。””No;never。””It’swrong。””Whocares?NoonecouldcarewholovesasIdo。Oh,Gyp,can’tyouloveme?IknowI’mnothingmuch。”Howquaintandboyish!”Butit’selevenweeksto-daysincewemetinthetrain。Idon’tthinkI’vehadoneminute’slet-upsince。””Haveyoutried?””WhyshouldI,whenIloveyou?”
Gypsighed;relief,delight,pain——shedidnotknow。”Thenwhatistobedone?Lookoverthere——thatbitofblueinthegrassismybabydaughter。There’sher——andmyfather——and——””Andwhat?””I’mafraid——afraidoflove,Bryan!”
Atthatfirstuseofhisname,Summerhayturnedpaleandseizedherhand。”Afraid——how——afraid?”
Gypsaidverylow:”Imightlovetoomuch。Don’tsayanymorenow。No;don’t!Let’sgoinandhavelunch。”Andshegotup。
Hestayedtilltea-time,andnotawordmoreoflovedidhespeak。
Butwhenhewasgone,shesatunderthepine-treewithlittleGyponherlap。Love!Ifhermotherhadcheckedlove,sheherselfwouldneverhavebeenborn。Themidgeswerebitingbeforeshewentin。AfterwatchingBettygivelittleGypherbath,shecrossedthepassagetoherbedroomandleanedoutofthewindow。Couldithavebeento-dayshehadlainonthegroundwithtearsofdespairrunningdownontoherhands?Awaytotheleftofthepine-tree,themoonhadfloatedup,soft,barelyvisibleinthepalingsky。A
newworld,anenchantedgarden!Andbetweenherandit——whatwasthere?
Thateveningshesatwithabookonherlap,notreading;andinherwentonthestrangerevolutionwhichcomesinthesoulsofallwomenwhoarenothalf-menwhenfirsttheylove——thesinkingof’I’
into’Thou,’thepassionate,spiritualsubjection,theintense,unconsciousgiving-upofwill,inpreparationforcompleterunion。
Shesleptwithoutdreaming,awokeheavyandoppressed。Toolanguidtobathe,shesatlistlessonthebeachwithlittleGypallthemorning。Hadsheenergyorspirittomeethimintheafternoonbytherockarchway,asshehadpromised?Forthefirsttimesinceshewasasmallandnaughtychild,sheavoidedtheeyesofBetty。
Onecouldnotbeafraidofthatstout,devotedsoul,butonecouldfeelthatsheknewtoomuch。Whenthetimecame,afterearlytea,shestartedout;forifshedidnotgo,hewouldcome,andshedidnotwanttheservantstoseehimtwodaysrunning。
ThislastdayofAugustwaswarmandstill,andhadakindofbeneficence——thecornallgatheredin,theapplesmellowing,robinssingingalready,afewslumberous,softclouds,apalebluesky,asmilingsea。Shewentinland,acrossthestream,andtookafootpathbacktotheshore。Nopinesgrewonthatside,wherethesoilwasricher——ofaruddybrown。Thesecondcropsofcloverwerealreadyhigh;inthemhumblebeeswerehardatwork;and,above,thewhite-throatedswallowsdippedandsoared。Gypgatheredabunchofchicoryflowers。Shewascloseabovetheshorebeforeshesawhimstandingintherockarchway,lookingforheracrossthebeach。
Afterthehumofthebeesandflies,itwasveryquiethere——onlythefaintesthissoftinywaves。Hehadnotyetheardhercoming,andthethoughtflashedthroughher:’IfItakeanotherstep,itisforever!Shestoodtherescarcelybreathing,thechicoryflowersheldbeforeherlips。Thensheheardhimsigh,and,movingquicklyforward,said:”HereIam。”
Heturnedround,seizedherhand,and,withoutaword,theypassedthroughthearchway。Theywalkedonthehardsand,sidebyside,tillhesaid:”Let’sgoupintothefields。”
Theyscrambledupthelowcliffandwentalongthegrassytoptoagateintoastubblefield。Hehelditopenforher,but,asshepassed,caughtherinhisarmsandkissedherlipsasifhewouldneverstop。Toher,whohadbeenkissedathousandtimes,itwasthefirstkiss。Deadlypale,shefellbackfromhimagainstthegate;then,herlipsstillquivering,hereyesverydark,shelookedathimdistraughtwithpassion,drunkonthatkiss。And,suddenlyturningroundtothegate,shelaidherarmsonthetopbarandburiedherfaceonthem。Asobcameupinherthroatthatseemedtotearhertobits,andshecriedasifherheartwouldbreak。Histimiddespairingtouches,hisvoiceclosetoherear:”Gyp,Gyp!Mydarling!Mylove!Oh,don’t,Gyp!”werenotoftheleastavail;shecouldnotstop。Thatkisshadbrokendownsomethinginhersoul,sweptawayherlifeuptothatmoment,donesomethingterribleandwonderful。Atlast,shestruggledout:”I’msorry——sosorry!Don’t——don’tlookatme!Goawayalittle,andI’ll——I’llbeallright。”
Heobeyedwithoutaword,and,passingthroughthegate,satdownontheedgeofthecliffwithhisbacktoher,lookingoutoverthesea。
Grippingthewoodoftheoldgreygatetillithurtherhands,Gypgazedatthechicoryflowersandpoppiesthathadgrownupagaininthestubblefield,atthebutterflieschasinginthesunlightoverthehedgetowardthecrinklyfoamedgingthequietseatilltheywerebutflutteringwhitespecksintheblue。
Butwhenshehadrubbedhercheeksandsmoothedherface,shewasnonearertofeelingthatshecouldtrustherself。Whathadhappenedinherwastooviolent,toosweet,tooterrifying。Andgoinguptohimshesaid:”Letmegohomenowbymyself。Please,letmego,dear。
To-morrow!”
Summerhaylookedup。”Whateveryouwish,Gyp——always!”
Hepressedherhandagainsthischeek,thenletitgo,and,foldinghisarmstight,resumedhismeaninglessstareatthesea。Gypturnedaway。Shecrossedbacktotheothersideofthestream,butdidnotgoinforalongtime,sittinginthepinewoodtilltheeveninggatheredandthestarscreptoutinaskyofthatmauve-
bluewhichthepsychicsayisthesoul-garmentcolourofthegood。
Latethatnight,whenshehadfinishedbrushingherhair,sheopenedherwindowandsteppedoutontotheverandah。Howwarm!
Howstill!Notasoundfromthesleepinghouse——notabreathofwind!Herface,framedinherhair,herhands,andallherbody,feltasifonfire。Themoonbehindthepine-treebrancheswasfillingeverycrannyofherbrainwithwakefulness。Thesoftshiverofthewellnighsurflessseaonarisingtide,rose,fell,rose,fell。Thesandcliffshonelikeabankofsnow。Andallwasinhabited,asamoonlitnightiswonttobe,byamagicalPresence。
Abigmothwentpastherface,soclosethatshefelttheflutterofitswings。Alittlenightbeastsomewherewasscruttlinginbushesorthesand。Suddenly,acrossthewangrasstheshadowofthepine-trunkmoved。Itmoved——eversolittle——moved!And,petrified——Gypstared。There,joinedtothetrunk,Summerhaywasstanding,hisfacejustvisibleagainstthestem,themoonlightononecheek,ahandshadinghiseyes。Hemovedthathand,helditoutinsupplication。Forlong——howlong——Gypdidnotstir,lookingstraightatthatbeseechingfigure。Then,withafeelingshehadneverknown,shesawhimcoming。Hecameuptotheverandahandstoodlookingupather。Shecouldseealltheworkingsofhisface——passion,reverence,aboveallamazement;andsheheardhisawedwhisper:”Isityou,Gyp?Reallyyou?Youlooksoyoung——soyoung!”
VII
Fromthemomentofsurrender,Gyppassedstraightintoastatethemoreenchantedbecauseshehadneverbelievedinit,hadneverthoughtthatshecouldloveasshenowloved。Daysandnightswentbyinasortofdream,andwhenSummerhaywasnotwithher,shewassimplywaitingwithasmileonherlipsforthenexthourofmeeting。Justasshehadneverfeltitpossibletoadmittheworldintothesecretsofhermarriedlife,so,nowshedidnotconsidertheworldatall。Onlythethoughtofherfatherweighedonherconscience。Hewasbackintown。Andshefeltthatshemusttellhim。WhenSummerhayheardthisheonlysaid:”Allright,Gyp,whateveryouthinkbest。”
Andtwodaysbeforehermonthatthebungalowwasup,shewent,leavingBettyandlittleGyptofollowonthelastday。Winton,paleandsomewhatlanguid,asmenarewhentheyhavebeencured,foundherwhenhecameinfromtheclub。Shehadputoneveningdress,andabovethepallorofhershoulders,hersunwarmedfaceandthroathadalmostthecolourofanectarine。Hehadneverseenherlooklikethat,neverseenhereyessofulloflight。Andheutteredaquietgruntofsatisfaction。Itwasasifaflower,whichhehadlastseenincloseandelegantshape,hadbloomedinfullperfection。Shedidnotmeethisgazequitesteadilyandallthateveningkeptputtingherconfessionoffandoff。Itwasnoteasy——farfromeasy。Atlast,whenhewassmokinghis”go-to-bed”
cigarette,shetookacushionandsankdownonitbesidehischair,leaningagainsthisknee,whereherfacewashiddenfromhim,asonthatdayafterherfirstball,whenshehadlistenedtoHIS
confession。Andshebegan:”Dad,doyouremembermysayingoncethatIdidn’tunderstandwhatyouandmymotherfeltforeachother?”Wintondidnotspeak;
misgivinghadtakenpossessionofhim。Gypwenton:”Iknownowhowonewouldratherdiethangivesomeoneup。”
Wintondrewhisbreathinsharply:”Who?Summerhay?””Yes;IusedtothinkIshouldneverbeinlove,butyouknewbetter。”
Better!
Indisconsolatesilence,hethoughtrapidly:’What’stobedone?
WhatcanIdo?Getheradivorce?’
Perhapsbecauseoftheringinhervoice,orthesheerseriousnessoftheposition,hedidnotfeelresentmentaswhenhelosthertoFiorsen。Love!Apassionsuchashadovertakenhermotherandhimself!Andthisyoungman?Adecentfellow,agoodrider——
comprehensible!Ah,ifthecoursehadonlybeenclear!Heputhishandonhershoulderandsaid:”Well,Gyp,wemustgoforthedivorce,then,afterall。”
Sheshookherhead。”It’stoolate。LetHIMdivorceme,ifheonlywill!”
Wintonneededallhisself-controlatthatmoment。Toolate?
Already!Suddenrecollectionthathehadnottherighttosayawordalonekepthimsilent。Gypwenton:”Ilovehim,witheverybitofme。Idon’tcarewhatcomes——
whetherit’sopenorsecret。Idon’tcarewhatanybodythinks。”
Shehadturnedroundnow,andifWintonhaddoubtofherfeeling,helostit。ThiswasaGyphehadneverseen!Aglowing,soft,quick-breathingcreature,withjustthatlithewatchfullookofthemothercatorlionesswhosewhelpsarethreatened。Thereflashedthroughhimarecollectionofhow,asachild,withfaceverytense,shewouldrideatfencesthatweretoobig。Atlasthesaid:”I’msorryyoudidn’ttellmesooner。””Icouldn’t。Ididn’tknow。Oh,Dad,I’malwayshurtingyou!
Forgiveme!”
Shewaspressinghishandtohercheekthatfeltburninghot。Andhethought:”Forgive!OfcourseIforgive。That’snotthepoint;
thepointis——”
Andavisionofhislovedonetalkedabout,besmirched,bandiedfrommouthtomouth,orelse——forherwhattherehadbeenforhim,ahole-and-cornerlife,anundergroundexistenceofstealthymeetingskeptdark,aboveallfromherownlittledaughter。Ah,notthat!Andyet——wasnoteventhatbetterthantheother,whichrevoltedtothesoulhisfastidiousprideinher,rousedinadvancehisfuryagainsttonguesthatwouldwag,andeyesthatwouldwinkorbeupliftedinrighteousness?Summerhay’sworldwasmoreorlesshisworld;scandal,which——likeallparasiticgrowths——
flourishesinenclosedspaces,wouldhaveeverychance。And,atonce,hisbrainbegantosearch,steelyandquick,forsomewayout;andtheexpressionaswhenafoxbrokecovert,cameonhisface。”Nobodyknows,Gyp?””No;nobody。”
Thatwassomething!Withanirritationthatrosefromhisverysoul,hemuttered:”Ican’tstanditthatyoushouldsuffer,andthatfellowFiorsengoscot-free。CanyougiveupseeingSummerhaywhilewegetyouadivorce?Wemightdoit,ifnooneknows。Ithinkyouoweittome,Gyp。”
Gypgotupandstoodbythewindowalongtimewithoutanswering。
Wintonwatchedherface。Atlastshesaid:”Icouldn’t。Wemightstopseeingeachother;itisn’tthat。It’swhatIshouldfeel。Ishouldn’trespectmyselfafter;Ishouldfeelsomean。Oh,Dad,don’tyousee?Hereallylovedmeinhisway。Andtopretend!Tomakeoutacaseformyself,tellaboutDaphneWing,abouthisdrinking,andbaby;pretendthatIwantedhimtoloveme,whenIgottohateitanddidn’tcarereallywhetherhewasfaithfulornot——andknowingallthewhilethatI’vebeeneverythingtosomeoneelse!Icouldn’t。I’dmuchratherlethimknow,andaskhimtodivorceme。”
Wintonreplied:”Andsupposehewon’t?””Thenmymindwouldbeclear,anyway;andwewouldtakewhatwecould。””AndlittleGyp?”
Staringbeforeherasiftryingtoseeintothefuture,shesaidslowly:”Someday,she’llunderstand,asIdo。Orperhapsitwillbealloverbeforesheknows。Doeshappinesseverlast?”
And,goinguptohim,shebentover,kissedhisforehead,andwentout。Thewarmthfromherlips,andthescentofherremainedwithWintonlikeasensationwaftedfromthepast。
Wastherethennothingtobedone——nothing?Menofhisstampdonot,asageneralthing,seeverydeepevenintothosewhoarenearesttothem;butto-nighthesawhisdaughter’snaturemorefullyperhapsthaneverbefore。Nousetoimportunehertoactagainstherinstincts——notabitofuse!Andyet——howtositandwatchitall——watchhisownpassionwithitsecstasyanditsheart-
burningsre-enactedwithher——perhapsformanyyears?Andtheoldvulgarsayingpassedthroughhismind:”What’sbredinthebonewillcomeoutinthemeat。”Nowshehadgiven,shewouldgivewithbothhands——beyondmeasure——beyond!——ashehimself,ashermotherhadgiven!Ah,well,shewasbetteroffthanhisownlovedonehadbeen。Onemustnotgoaheadoftrouble,orcryoverspilledmilk!
VIII
Gyphadawakefulnight。Thequestionsheherselfhadraised,oftellingFiorsen,keptherthoughtsinturmoil。Washelikelytodivorceherifshedid?Hiscontemptforwhathecalled’thesebourgeoismorals,’hisinstability,theveryunpleasantness,andoffencetohisvanity——allthiswouldpreventhim。No;hewouldnotdivorceher,shewassure,unlessbyanychancehewantedlegalfreedom,andthatwasquiteunlikely。Whatthenwouldbegained?
Easeforherconscience?Buthadsheanyrighttoeaseherconscienceifitbroughtharmtoherlover?Andwasitnotridiculoustothinkofconscienceinregardtoonewho,withinayearofmarriage,hadtakentohimselfamistress,andnotevensparedthehomepaidforandsupportedbyhiswife?No;ifshetoldFiorsen,itwouldonlybetosalveherpride,woundedbydoingwhatshedidnotavow。Besides,wherewashe?Attheotherendoftheworldforallsheknew。
Shecamedowntobreakfast,darkundertheeyesandnowhitadvancedtowarddecision。Neitherofthemmentionedtheirlastnight’stalk,andGypwentbacktoherroomtobusyherselfwithdress,afterthoseweeksaway。Itwaspastnoonwhen,atamuffledknock,shefoundMarkeyoutsideherdoor。”Mr。Fiorsen,m’m。”
Gypbeckonedhimin,andclosedthedoor。”Inthehall,m’m——slippedinwhenIansweredthebell;shortofshoving,Icouldn’tkeephimout。”
Gypstoodfullhalfaminutebeforeshesaid:”Ismyfatherin?””No,m’m;themajor’sgonetothefencin’-club。””Whatdidyousay?””SaidIwouldsee。SofarasIwasaware,nobodywasin。ShallI
haveatrytoshifthim,m’m?”
WithafaintsmileGypshookherhead。”Saynoonecanseehim。”
Markey’swoodcockeyes,undertheirthin,dark,twistingbrows,fastenedonherdolefully;heopenedthedoortogo。Fiorsenwasstandingthere,and,withaquickmovement,camein。ShesawMarkeyraisehisarmsasiftocatchhimroundthewaist,andsaidquietly:”Markey——waitoutside,please。”
Whenthedoorwasshut,sheretreatedagainstherdressing-tableandstoodgazingatherhusband,whileherheartthrobbedasifitwouldleapthroughitscoverings。
Hehadgrownashortbeard,hischeeksseemedalittlefatter,andhiseyessurelymoregreen;otherwise,helookedmuchassherememberedhim。Andthefirstthoughtthatpassedthroughherwas:
’WhydidIeverpityhim?He’llneverfretordrinkhimselftodeath——he’sgotenoughvitalityfortwentymen。’
Hisface,whichhadwornafixed,nervoussmile,grewsuddenlygraveasherown,andhiseyesrovedroundtheroomintheoldhalf-fierce,half-furtiveway。”Well,Gyp,”hesaid,andhisvoiceshookalittle:”Atlast!
Won’tyoukissme?”
ThequestionseemedtoGypidiotic;andsuddenlyshefeltquitecool。”Ifyouwanttospeaktomyfather,youmustcomelater;he’sout。”
Fiorsengaveoneofhisfierceshrugs。”Isitlikely?Look,Gyp!IreturnedfromRussiayesterday。I
wasagreatsuccess,madealotofmoneyoutthere。Comebacktome!Iwillbegood——Iswearit!NowIhaveseenyouagain,I
can’tbewithoutyou。Ah,Gyp,comebacktome!AndseehowgoodIwillbe。Iwilltakeyouabroad,youandthebambina。WewillgotoRome——anywhereyoulike——livehowyoulike。Onlycomebacktome!”
Gypansweredstonily:”Youaretalkingnonsense。””Gyp,IsweartoyouIhavenotseenawoman——notonefittoputbesideyou。Oh,Gyp,begoodtomeoncemore。ThistimeIwillnotfail。Tryme!Tryme,myGyp!”
Onlyatthismomentofhispleading,whosetragictonesseemedtoherbothfalseandchildish,didGyprealizethestrengthofthenewfeelinginherheart。Andthemorethatfeelingthrobbedwithinher,theharderherfaceandhervoicegrew。Shesaid:”Ifthatisallyoucametosay——pleasego。Iwillnevercomebacktoyou。Onceforall,understand,PLEASE。”
Thesilenceinwhichhereceivedherwords,andhisexpression,impressedherfarmorethanhisappeal;withoneofhisstealthymovementshecamequiteclose,and,puttinghisfaceforwardtillitalmosttouchedher,said:”Youaremywife。Iwantyouback。Imusthaveyouback。Ifyoudonotcome,Iwillkilleitheryouormyself。”
Andsuddenlyshefelthisarmsknottedbehindherback,crushinghertohim。Shestilledascream;then,veryswiftly,tookaresolve,and,rigidinhisarms,said:”Letgo;youhurtme。Sitdownquietly。Iwilltellyousomething。”
Thetoneofhervoicemadehimloosenhisgraspandcranebacktoseeherface。Gypdetachedhisarmsfromhercompletely,satdownonanoldoakchest,andmotionedhimtothewindow-seat。Herheartthumpedpitifully;coldwavesofalmostphysicalsicknesspassedthroughandthroughher。Shehadsmeltbrandyinhisbreathwhenhewasclosetoher。Itwaslikebeinginthecageofawildbeast;itwaslikebeingwithamadman!Theremembranceofhimwithhisfingersstretchedoutlikeclawsaboveherbabywassovividatthatmomentthatshecouldscarcelyseehimashewas,sittingtherequietly,waitingforwhatshewasgoingtosay。Andfixinghereyesonhim,shesaidsoftly:”Yousayyouloveme,Gustav。Itriedtoloveyou,too,butI
nevercould——neverfromthefirst。Itriedveryhard。Surelyyoucarewhatawomanfeels,evenifshehappenstobeyourwife。”
Shecouldseehisfacequiver;andshewenton:”WhenIfoundIcouldn’tloveyou,IfeltIhadnorightoveryou。
Ididn’tstandonmyrights。DidI?”
Againhisfacequivered,andagainshehurriedon:”Butyouwouldn’texpectmetogoallthroughmylifewithouteverfeelinglove——youwho’vefeltitsomanytimes?”Then,claspingherhandstight,withasortofwonderatherself,shemurmured:”I
AMinlove。I’vegivenmyself。”
Hemadeaqueer,whiningsound,coveringhisface。Andthebeggar’stag:”’Aveafeelin’’eart,gentleman——’aveafeelin’
’eart!”passedidioticallythroughGyp’smind。Wouldhegetupandstrangleher?Shouldshedashtothedoor——escape?Foralong,miserablemoment,shewatchedhimswayingonthewindow-seat,withhisfacecovered。Then,withoutlookingather,hecrammedaclenchedhandupagainsthismouth,andrushedout。
Throughtheopendoor,GyphadaglimpseofMarkey’smotionlessfigure,comingtolifeasFiorsenpassed。Shedrewalongbreath,lockedthedoor,andlaydownonherbed。Herheartbeatdreadfully。Foramoment,somethinghadcheckedhisjealousrage。
Butifonthisshockhebegantodrink,whatmightnothappen?Hehadsaidsomethingwild。Andsheshuddered。Butwhatrighthadhetofeeljealousyandrageagainsther?Whatright?Shegotupandwenttotheglass,trembling,mechanicallytidyingherhair。
Miraculousthatshehadcomethroughunscathed!
HerthoughtsflewtoSummerhay。Theyweretomeetatthreeo’clockbytheseatinSt。James’sPark。Butallwasdifferent,now;
difficultanddangerous!Shemustwait,takecounselwithherfather。Andyetifshedidnotkeepthattryst,howanxioushewouldbe——thinkingthatallsortsofthingshadhappenedtoher;
thinkingperhaps——oh,foolish!——thatshehadforgotten,orevenrepentedofherlove。Whatwouldsheherselfthink,ifheweretofailherattheirfirsttrystafterthosedaysofbliss?Certainlythathehadchangedhismind,seenshewasnotworthit,seenthatawomanwhocouldgiveherselfsosoon,soeasily,wasonetowhomhecouldnotsacrificehislife。
Inthiscrueluncertainty,shespentthenexttwohours,tillitwasnearlythree。Ifshedidnotgoout,hewouldcomeontoBuryStreet,andthatwouldbestillmoredangerous。SheputonherhatandwalkedswiftlytowardsSt。James’sPalace。Oncesurethatshewasnotbeingfollowed,hercouragerose,andshepassedrapidlydowntowardthewater。Shewastenminuteslate,andseeinghimthere,walkingupanddown,turninghisheadeveryfewsecondssoasnottolosesightofthebench,shefeltalmostlightheadedfromjoy。Whentheyhadgreetedwiththatpatheticcasualnessofloverswhichdeceivessofew,theywalkedontogetherpastBuckinghamPalace,upintotheGreenPark,beneaththetrees。Duringthisprogress,shetoldhimaboutherfather;butonlywhentheywereseatedinthatcomparativerefuge,andhishandwasholdinghersundercoverofthesunshadethatlayacrossherknee,didshespeakofFiorsen。
Hetightenedhisgraspofherhand;then,suddenlydroppingit,said:”Didhetouchyou,Gyp?”
Gypheardthatquestionwithashock。Touchher!Yes!Butwhatdiditmatter?
Hemadealittleshudderingsound;and,wondering,mournful,shelookedathim。Hishandsandteethwereclenched。Shesaidsoftly:”Bryan!Don’t!Iwouldn’tlethimkissme。”
Heseemedtohavetoforcehiseyestolookather。”It’sallright,”hesaid,and,staringbeforehim,bithisnails。
Gypsatmotionless,cuttotheheart。Shewassoiled,andspoiledforhim!Ofcourse!Andyetasenseofinjusticeburnedinher。
Herhearthadneverbeentouched;itwashisutterly。Butthatwasnotenoughforaman——hewantedanuntouchedbody,too。Thatshecouldnotgive;heshouldhavethoughtofthatsooner,insteadofonlynow。And,miserably,she,too,staredbeforeher,andherfacehardened。
Alittleboycameandstoodstillinfrontofthem,regardingherwithround,unmovingeyes。Shewasconsciousofasliceofbreadandjaminhishand,andthathismouthandcheeksweresmearedwithred。Awomancalledout:”Jacky!Comeon,now!”andhewashauledaway,stilllookingback,andholdingouthisbreadandjamasthoughofferingherabite。ShefeltSummerhay’sarmslippingroundher。”It’sover,darling。Neveragain——Ipromiseyou!”
Ah,hemightpromise——mightevenkeepthatpromise。Buthewouldsuffer,alwayssuffer,thinkingofthatother。Andshesaid:”YoucanonlyhavemeasIam,Bryan。Ican’tmakemyselfnewforyou;IwishIcould——oh,IwishIcould!””Ioughttohavecutmytongueoutfirst!Don’tthinkofit!Comehometomeandhavetea——there’snoonethere。Ah,do,Gyp——come!”
Hetookherhandsandpulledherup。AndallelseleftGypbutthejoyofbeingclosetohim,goingtohappiness。
IX
Fiorsen,passingMarkeylikeablindman,madehiswayoutintothestreet,buthadnotgoneahundredyardsbeforehewashurryingback。Hehadlefthishat。Theservant,stillstandingthere,handedhimthatwide-brimmedobjectandclosedthedoorinhisface。Oncemorehemovedaway,goingtowardsPiccadilly。IfithadnotbeenfortheexpressiononGyp’sface,whatmighthenothavedone?And,mixedwithsickeningjealousy,hefeltasortofrelief,asifhehadbeensavedfromsomethinghorrible。Soshehadneverlovedhim!Neveratall?Impossible!Impossiblethatawomanonwhomhehadlavishedsuchpassionshouldneverhavefeltpassionforhim——neverany!Innumerableimagesofherpassedbeforehim——surrendering,alwayssurrendering。Itcouldnotallhavebeenpretence!Hewasnotacommonman——sheherselfhadsaidso;hehadcharm——or,otherwomenthoughtso!Shehadlied;shemusthavelied,toexcuseherself!
Hewentintoacafeandaskedforafinechampagne。Theybroughthimacarafe,withthemeasuresmarked。Hesattherealongtime。
Whenherose,hehaddrunknine,andhefeltbetter,withakindofferocitythatwaspleasantinhisveinsandakindofnobilitythatwaspleasantinhissoul。Letherlove,andbehappywithherlover!Butlethimgethisfingersonthatfellow’sthroat!Letherbehappy,ifshecouldkeepherloverfromhim!Andsuddenly,hestoppedinhistracks,forthereonasandwich-boardjustinfrontofhimwerethewords:”DaphneWing。Pantheon。DaphneWing。
PlasticDanseuse。PoetryofMotion。To-dayatthreeo’clock。
Pantheon。DaphneWing。”
Ah,SHEhadlovedhim——littleDaphne!Itwaspastthree。Goingin,hetookhisplaceinthestalls,closetothestage,andstaredbeforehim,withasortofbitteramusement。Thiswasironyindeed!Ah——andhereshecame!APierrette——inshort,diaphanousmuslin,herfacewhitenedtomatchit;aPierrettewhostoodslowlyspinningonhertoes,witharmsraisedandhandsjoinedinanarchaboveherglisteninghair。
Idioticpose!Idiotic!Buttherewastheoldexpressiononherface,limpid,dovelike。AndthatsomethingofthedivineaboutherdancingsmoteFiorsenthroughallthesheerimbecilityofherposturings。Acrossandacrosssheflitted,pirouetting,caughtupatintervalsbyaPierrotinblacktightswithafaceaswhitenedasherown,heldupsidedown,orrightendupwithonekneebentsideways,andthetoeofafootpressedagainsttheankleoftheother,andarmsarchedaboveher。Then,withPierrot’shandsgraspingherwaist,shewouldstandupononetoeandslowlytwiddle,liftingherotherlegtowardtheroof,whilethetremblingofherformmanifestedcunninglytoallhowharditwas;then,offthetoe,shecaperedouttothewings,andcaperedback,wearingonherfacethatdivine,lost,dovelikelook,whileherperfectlegsgleamedwhiteuptotheverythigh-joint。Yes;onthestageshewasadorable!Andraisinghishandshigh,Fiorsenclappedandcalledout:”Brava!”Hemarkedthesuddenroundnessofhereyes,atinystart——nomore。Shehadseenhim。’Ah!Somedon’tforgetme!’hethought。
Andnowshecameonforherseconddance,assistedthistimeonlybyherownimagereflectedinalittleweedypoolaboutthemiddleofthestage。FromtheprogrammeFiorsenread,”Ophelia’slastdance,”andagainhegrinned。Inaclingingsea-greengown,cuthereandtheretoshowherinevitablelegs,withmargueritesandcorn-flowersinherunboundhair,shecircledherownreflection,languid,pale,desolate;thenslowlygainingtheabandonneedfultoafulldisplay,dancedwithfrenzytill,inagleamoflimelight,shesankintotheapparentwaterandfloatedamongpaperwater-
liliesonherback。Lovelyshelookedthere,withhereyesstillopen,herlipsparted,herhairtrailingbehind。AndagainFiorsenraisedhishandshightoclap,andagaincalledout:’Brava!’Butthecurtainfell,andOpheliadidnotreappear。Wasitthesightofhim,orwasshepreservingtheillusionthatshewasdrowned?
That”arty”touchwouldbejustlikeher。
Avertinghiseyesfromtwocomediansincalico,beatingeachotheraboutthebody,herosewithanaudible”Pish!”andmadehiswayout。Hestoppedinthestreettoscribbleonhiscard,”Willyouseeme?——G。F。”andtookitroundtothestage-door。Theanswercameback:”MissWingwillseeyoumaminute,sir。”
Andleaningagainstthedistemperedwallofthedraughtycorridor,aqueersmileonhisface,Fiorsenwonderedwhythedevilhewasthere,andwhatthedevilshewouldsay。
Whenhewasadmitted,shewasstandingwithherhaton,whileher”dresser”buttonedherpatent-leathershoes。Holdingoutherhandabovethewoman’sback,shesaid:”Oh,Mr。Fiorsen,howdoyoudo?”
Fiorsentookthelittlemoisthand;andhiseyespassedoverher,avoidingadirectmeetingwithhereyes。Hereceivedanimpressionofsomethingharder,moreself-possessed,thanheremembered。Herfacewasthesame,yetnotthesame;onlyherperfect,supplelittlebodywasasithadbeen。Thedresserrose,murmured:”Good-
afternoon,miss,”andwent。
DaphneWingsmiledfaintly。”Ihaven’tseenyouforalongtime,haveI?””No;I’vebeenabroad。Youdanceasbeautifullyasever。””Oh,yes;ithasn’thurtmydancing。”
Withaneffort,helookedherintheface。Wasthisreallythesamegirlwhohadclungtohim,cloyedhimwithherkisses,hertears,herappealsforlove——justalittlelove?Ah,butshewasmoredesirable,muchmoredesirablethanhehadremembered!Andhesaid:”Givemeakiss,littleDaphne!”
DaphneWingdidnotstir;herwhiteteethrestedonherlowerlip;
shesaid:”Oh,no,thankyou!HowisMrs。Fiorsen?”
Fiorsenturnedabruptly。”Thereisnone。””Oh,hasshedivorcedyou?””No。Stoptalkingofher;stoptalking,Isay!”
DaphneWing,stillmotionlessinthecentreofherlittlecrowdeddressing-roomsaid,inamatter-of-factvoice:”Youarepolite,aren’tyou?It’sfunny;Ican’ttellwhetherI’mgladtoseeyou。Ihadabadtime,youknow;andMrs。Fiorsenwasanangel。Whydoyoucometoseemenow?”
Exactly!Whyhadhecome?Thethoughtflashedthroughhim:
’She’llhelpmetoforget。’Andhesaid:”Iwasagreatbrutetoyou,Daphne。Icametomakeup,ifIcan。””Oh,no;youcan’tmakeup——thankyou!”Ashudderranthroughher,andshebegandrawingonhergloves。”Youtaughtmealot,youknow。Ioughttobequitegrateful。Oh,you’vegrownalittlebeard!D’youthinkthatimprovesyou?ItmakesyoulookratherlikeMephistopheles,Ithink。”
Fiorsenstaredfixedlyatthatperfectlyshapedface,whereafaint,underdonepinkmingledwiththefairnessoftheskin。Wasshemockinghim?Impossible!Shelookedtoomatteroffact。”Wheredoyoulivenow?”hesaid。”I’monmyown,inastudio。Youcancomeandseeit,ifyoulike。””Withpleasure。””Only,you’dbetterunderstand。I’vehadenoughoflove。”
Fiorsengrinned。”Evenforanother?”hesaid。
DaphneWingansweredcalmly:”Iwishyouwouldtreatmelikealady。”
Fiorsenbithislip,andbowed。”MayIhavethepleasureofgivingyousometea?””Yes,thankyou;I’mveryhungry。Idon’teatlunchonmatinee-
days;Ifinditbetternot。DoyoulikemyOpheliadance?””It’sartificial。””Yes,itISartificial——it’sdonewithmirrorsandwirenetting,youknow。ButdoIgiveyoutheillusionofbeingmad?”Fiorsennodded。”I’msoglad。Shallwego?Idowantmytea。”
Sheturnedround,scrutinizedherselfintheglass,touchedherhatwithbothhands,revealing,forasecond,allthepoisedbeautyofherfigure,tookalittlebagfromthebackofachair,andsaid:”Ithink,ifyoudon’tmindgoingon,it’slessconspicuous。I’llmeetyouatRuffel’s——theyhavelovelythingsthere。Aurevoir。”
Inastateofbewilderment,irritation,andqueermeekness,FiorsenpasseddownCoventryStreet,andenteringtheemptyRuffel’s,tookatablenearthewindow。Therehesatstaringbeforehim,forthesuddenvisionofGypsittingonthatoakenchest,atthefootofherbed,hadblottedthegirlcleanout。Theattendantcomingtotakehisorder,gazedathispale,furiousface,andsaidmechanically:”WhatcanIgetyou,please?”
Lookingup,FiorsensawDaphneWingoutside,gazingatthecakesinthewindow。Shecamein。”Oh,hereyouare!Ishouldlikeicedcoffeeandwalnutcake,andsomeofthosemarzipansweets——oh,andsomewhippedcreamwithmycake。Doyoumind?”And,sittingdown,shefixedhereyesonhisfaceandasked:”Wherehaveyoubeenabroad?””Stockholm,Budapest,Moscow,otherplaces。””Howperfect!DoyouthinkIshouldmakeasuccessinBudapestorMoscow?””Youmight;youareEnglishenough。””Oh!DoyouthinkI’mveryEnglish?””Utterly。Yourkindof——”Butevenhewasnotquitecapableoffinishingthatsentence——”yourkindofvulgaritycouldnotbeproducedanywhereelse。”DaphneWingfinisheditforhim:”Mykindofbeauty?”
Fiorsengrinnedandnodded。”Oh,Ithinkthat’sthenicestthingyoueversaidtome!Only,ofcourse,IshouldliketothinkI’mmoreoftheGreektype——pagan,youknow。”
Shefellsilent,castinghereyesdown。Herprofileatthatmoment,againstthelight,wasverypureandsoftinline。Andhesaid:”Isupposeyouhateme,littleDaphne?Yououghttohateme。”
DaphneWinglookedup;herround,blue-greyeyespassedoverhimmuchastheyhadbeenpassingoverthemarzipan。”No;Idon’thateyou——now。Ofcourse,ifIhadanyloveleftforyou,Ishould。Oh,isn’tthatIrish?Butonecanthinkanybodyarotterwithouthatingthem,can’tone?”
Fiorsenbithislips。”Soyouthinkmea’rotter’?”
DaphneWing’seyesgrewrounder。”Butaren’tyou?Youcouldn’tbeanythingelse——couldyou?——withthesortofthingsyoudid。””Andyetyoudon’tmindhavingteawithme?”
DaphneWing,whohadbeguntoeatanddrink,saidwithhermouthfull:”Yousee,I’mindependentnow,andIknowlife。Thatmakesyouharmless。”
Fiorsenstretchedouthishandandseizedhersjustwhereherlittlewarmpulsewasbeatingverysteadily。Shelookedatit,changedherforkover,andwentoneatingwiththeotherhand。
Fiorsendrewhishandawayasifhehadbeenstung。”Ah,youHAVEchanged——thatiscertain!””Yes;youwouldn’texpectanythingelse,wouldyou?Yousee,onedoesn’tgothroughthatfornothing。IthinkIwasadreadfullittlefool——”Shestopped,withherspoononitswaytohermouth——”andyet——””Iloveyoustill,littleDaphne。”
Sheslowlyturnedherheadtowardhim,andafaintsighescapedher。”OnceIwouldhavegivenalottohearthat。”
Andturningherheadawayagain,shepickedalargewalnutoutofhercakeandputitinhermouth。”Areyoucomingtoseemystudio?I’vegotitratherniceandnew。
I’mmakingtwenty-fiveaweek;mynextengagement,I’mgoingtogetthirty。IshouldlikeMrs。Fiorsentoknow——Oh,Iforgot;youdon’tlikemetospeakofher!Whynot?Iwishyou’dtellme!”
Gazing,astheattendanthad,athisfuriousface,shewenton:”I
don’tknowhowitis,butI’mnotabitafraidofyounow。Iusedtobe。Oh,howisCountRosek?Isheaspaleasever?Aren’tyougoingtohaveanythingmore?You’vehadhardlyanything。D’youknowwhatIshouldlike——achocolateeclairandaraspberryice-
creamsodawithasliceoftangerineinit。”
Whenshehadslowlysuckedupthatbeverage,proddingthesliceoftangerinewithherstraws,theywentoutandtookacab。Onthatjourneytoherstudio,Fiorsentriedtopossesshimselfofherhand,but,foldingherarmsacrossherchest,shesaidquietly:”It’sverybadmannerstotakeadvantageofcabs。”And,withdrawingsullenlyintohiscorner,hewatchedheraskance。Wassheplayingwithhim?Orhadshereallyceasedtocarethesnapofafinger?Itseemedincredible。Thecab,whichhadbeenthreadingthemazeoftheSohostreets,stopped。DaphneWingalighted,proceededdownanarrowpassagetoagreendoorontheright,and,openingitwithalatch-key,pausedtosay:”Ilikeit’sbeinginalittlesordidstreet——ittakesawayallamateurishness。Itwasn’tastudio,ofcourse;itwasthebackpartofapaper-maker’s。Anyspaceconqueredforartissomething,isn’tit?”Sheledthewayupafewgreen-carpetedstairs,intoalargeroomwithaskylight,whosewallswerecoveredinJapanesesilkthecolourofyellowazaleas。Hereshestoodforaminutewithoutspeaking,asthoughlostinthebeautyofherhome:then,pointingtothewalls,shesaid:”Ittookmeages,Ididitallmyself。AndlookatmylittleJapanesetrees;aren’ttheydickies?”Sixlittledarkabortionsoftreeswerearrangedscrupulouslyonaloftywindow-sill,whencetheskylightsloped。Sheaddedsuddenly:”IthinkCountRosekwouldlikethisroom。There’ssomethingbizarreaboutit,isn’tthere?
Iwantedtosurroundmyselfwiththat,youknow——togetthebizarrenoteintomywork。It’ssoimportantnowadays。ButthroughthereI’vegotabedroomandabathroomandalittlekitchenwitheverythingtohand,allquitedomestic;andhotwateralwayson。
MypeopleareSOfunnyaboutthisroom。Theycomesometimes,andstandabout。Buttheycan’tgetusedtotheneighbourhood;ofcourseitISsordid,butIthinkanartistoughttobesuperiortothat。”
Suddenlytouched,Fiorsenansweredgently:”Yes,littleDaphne。”
Shelookedathim,andanothertinysighescapedher。”Whydidyoutreatmelikeyoudid?”shesaid。”It’ssuchapity,becausenowIcan’tfeelanythingatall。”Andturning,shesuddenlypassedthebackofherhandacrosshereyes。Reallymovedbythat,Fiorsenwenttowardsher,butshehadturnedroundagain,andputtingoutherhandtokeephimoff,stoodshakingherhead,withhalfatearglisteningonhereyelashes。”Pleasesitdownonthedivan,”shesaid。”Willyousmoke?TheseareRussians。”Andshetookawhiteboxofpink-colouredcigarettesfromalittlegoldenbirchwoodtable。”IhaveeverythingRussianandJapanesesofarasIcan;Ithinktheyhelpmorethananythingwithatmosphere。I’vegotabalalaika;youcan’tplayonit,canyou?Whatapity!IfonlyIhadaviolin!
ISHOULDhavelikedtohearyouplayagain。”Sheclaspedherhands:”DoyourememberwhenIdancedtoyoubeforethefire?”
Fiorsenrememberedonlytoowell。Thepinkcigarettetrembledinhisfingers,andhesaidratherhoarsely:”Dancetomenow,Daphne!”
Sheshookherhead。”Idon’ttrustyouayard。Nobodywould——wouldthey?”
Fiorsenstartedup。”Thenwhydidyouaskmehere?Whatareyouplayingat,youlittle——”Atsightofherround,unmovingeyes,hestopped。Shesaidcalmly:”Ithoughtyou’dliketoseethatI’dmasteredmyfate——that’sall。
But,ofcourse,ifyoudon’t,youneedn’tstop。”
Fiorsensankbackonthedivan。Aconvictionthateverythingshesaidwasliteralhadbegunslowlytosinkintohim。Andtakingalongpullatthatpinkcigarettehepuffedthesmokeoutwithalaugh。”Whatareyoulaughingat?””Iwasthinking,littleDaphne,thatyouareasgreatanegoistasI。””Iwanttobe。It’stheonlything,isn’tit?”
Fiorsenlaughedagain。”Youneedn’tworry。Youalwayswere。”
ShehadseatedherselfonanIndianstoolcoveredwithabitofTurkishembroidery,and,joiningherhandsonherlap,answeredgravely:”No;IthinkIwasn’t,whileIlovedyou。Butitdidn’tpay,didit?”
Fiorsenstaredather。”Ithasmadeawomanofyou,Daphne。Yourfaceisdifferent。Yourmouthisprettierformykisses——orthewantofthem。Allover,youareprettier。”PinkcameupinDaphneWing’scheeks。And,encouragedbythatflush,hewentonwarmly:”Ifyoulovedmenow,Ishouldnottireofyou。Oh,youcanbelieveme!I——”
Sheshookherhead。”Wewon’ttalkaboutlove,willwe?DidyouhaveabigtriumphinMoscowandSt。Petersburg?Itmustbewonderfultohavereallygreattriumphs!”
Fiorsenansweredgloomily:”Triumphs?Imadealotofmoney。”
DaphneWingpurred:”Oh,Iexpectyou’reveryhappy。”
Didshemeantobeironic?”I’mmiserable。”
Hegotupandwenttowardsher。Shelookedupinhisface。”I’msorryifyou’remiserable。Iknowwhatitfeelslike。””Youcanhelpmenottobe。LittleDaphne,youcanhelpmetoforget。”Hehadstopped,andputhishandsonhershoulders。
WithoutmovingDaphneWinganswered:”Isupposeit’sMrs。Fiorsenyouwanttoforget,isn’tit?””Asifsheweredead。Ah,letitallbeasitwas,Daphne!Youhavegrownup;youareawoman,anartist,andyou——”
DaphneWinghadturnedherheadtowardthestairs。”Thatwasthebell,”shesaid。”Supposeit’smypeople?It’sjusttheirtime!Oh,isn’tthatawkward?”
Fiorsendroppedhisgraspofherandrecoiledagainstthewall。
TherewithhisheadtouchingoneofthelittleJapanesetrees,hestoodbitinghisfingers。Shewasalreadymovingtowardthedoor。”Mymother’sgotakey,andit’snogoodputtingyouanywhere,becauseshealwayshasagoodlookround。Butperhapsitisn’tthem。Besides,I’mnotafraidnow;itmakesawonderfuldifferencebeingonone’sown。”
第8章