III
Towake,andhearthebirdsatearlypractise,andfeelthatwinterisover——isthereanypleasantermoment?
Thatfirstmorninginhernewhouse,Gypwokewiththesparrow,orwhateverthebirdwhichuttersthefirstcheepsandtwitters,sooneclipsedbysomuchthatismoreimportantinbird-song。ItseemedasifallthefeatheredcreaturesinLondonmustbeassembledinhergarden;andtheoldversecameintoherhead:”AlldearNature’schildrensweetLieatbrideandbridegroom’sfeet,Blessingtheirsense。
Notacreatureoftheair,Birdmelodiousorbirdfair,Beabsenthence!”
Sheturnedandlookedatherhusband。Helaywithhisheadsnoozleddownintothepillow,sothatshecouldonlyseehisthick,rumpledhair。Andashiverwentthroughher,exactlyasifastrangemanwerelyingthere。Didhereallybelongtoher,andshetohim——forgood?Andwasthistheirhouse——together?Itallseemedsomehowdifferent,moreseriousandtroubling,inthisstrangebed,ofthisstrangeroom,thatwastobesopermanent。
Carefulnottowakehim,sheslippedoutandstoodbetweenthecurtainsandthewindow。Lightwasallinconfusionyet;awaylowdownbehindthetrees,theroseofdawnstillclung。Onemightalmosthavebeeninthecountry,butforthefaint,rumorousnoisesofthetownbeginningtowake,andthatfilmofground-mistwhichveilsthefeetofLondonmornings。Shethought:”Iammistressinthishouse,havetodirectitall——seetoeverything!Andmypups!
Oh,whatdotheyeat?”
Thatwasthefirstofmanyhoursofanxiety,forshewasveryconscientious。Herfastidiousnessdesiredperfection,buthersensitivenessrefusedtodemanditofothers——especiallyservants。
Whyshouldsheharrythem?
Fiorsenhadnotthefaintestnotionofregularity。Shefoundthathecouldnotevenbegintoappreciateherstrugglesinhousekeeping。Andshewasmuchtooproudtoaskhishelp,orperhapstoowise,sincehewasobviouslyunfittogiveit。Tolivelikethebirdsoftheairwashismotto。Gypwouldhavelikednothingbetter;but,forthat,onemustnothaveahousewiththreeservants,severalmeals,twopuppy-dogs,andnogreatexperienceofhowtodealwithanyofthem。
Shespokeofherdifficultiestonooneandsufferedthemore。
WithBetty——who,bone-conservative,admittedFiorsenashardlyasshehadonceadmittedWinton——shehadtobeverycareful。Buthergreattroublewaswithherfather。Thoughshelongedtoseehim,sheliterallydreadedtheirmeeting。Hefirstcame——ashehadbeenwonttocomewhenshewasatinygirl——atthehourwhenhethoughtthefellowtowhomshenowbelongedwouldmostlikelybeout。Herheartbeat,whenshesawhimunderthetrellis。Sheopenedthedoorherself,andhungabouthimsothathisshrewdeyesshouldnotseeherface。Andshebeganatoncetotalkofthepuppies,whomshehadnamedDonandDoff。Theywereperfectdarlings;nothingwassafefromthem;herslipperswerecompletelydonefor;theyhadalreadygotintoherchina-cabinetandgonetosleepthere!Hemustcomeandseeallover。
Hookingherarmintohis,andtalkingallthetime,shetookhimup-stairsanddown,andoutintothegarden,tothestudio,ormusic-room,attheend,whichhadanentrancetoitselfontoabacklane。Thisroomhadbeenthegreatattraction。Fiorsencouldpracticethereinpeace。Wintonwentalongwithherveryquietly,makingashrewdcommentnowandthen。Atthefarendofthegarden,lookingoverthewall,downintothatnarrowpassagewhichlaybetweenitandthebackofanothergardenhesqueezedherarmsuddenlyandsaid:”Well,Gyp,whatsortofatime?”
Thequestionhadcomeatlast。”Oh,ratherlovely——insomeways。”Butshedidnotlookathim,norheather。”See,Dad!Thecatshavemadequiteapaththere!”
Wintonbithislipsandturnedfromthewall。Thethoughtofthatfellowwasbitterwithinhim。Shemeanttotellhimnothing,meanttokeepupthatlightheartedlook——whichdidn’tdeceivehimabit!”Lookatmycrocuses!It’sreallyspringtoday!”
Itwas。Evenabeeortwohadcome。Thetinyleaveshadatransparentlook,toothinasyettokeepthesunlightfrompassingthroughthem。Thepurple,delicate-veinedcrocuses,withlittleflamesoforangeblowingfromtheircentres,seemedtoholdthelightasincups。Awind,withoutharshness,swungtheboughs;adryleafortwostillrustledroundhereandthere。Andonthegrass,andinthebluesky,andonthealmond-blossomwasthefirstspringbrilliance。Gypclaspedherhandsbehindherhead。”Lovely——tofeelthespring!”
AndWintonthought:’She’schanged!’Shehadsoftened,quickened——
moredepthofcolourinher,moregravity,moreswayinherbody,moresweetnessinhersmile。But——wasshehappy?
Avoicesaid:”Ah,whatapleasure!”
Thefellowhadslunkuplikethegreatcathewas。AnditseemedtoWintonthatGyphadwinced。”Dadthinksweoughttohavedarkcurtainsinthemusic-room,Gustav。”
Fiorsenmadeabow。”Yes,yes——likeaLondonclub。”
Winton,watching,wassureofsupplicationinherface。And,forcingasmile,hesaid:”Youseemverysnughere。Gladtoseeyouagain。Gyplookssplendid。”
Anotherofthosebowshesodetested!Mountebank!Never,neverwouldhebeabletostandthefellow!Buthemustnot,wouldnot,showit。And,assoonashedecentlycould,hewent,takinghislonelywaybackthroughthisregion,ofwhichhisknowledgewasalmostlimitedtoLord’sCricket-ground,withasenseofdoubtanddesolation,anirritationmorethanevermixedwiththeresolvetobealwaysathandifthechildwantedhim。
HehadnotbeengonetenminutesbeforeAuntRosamundappeared,withacrutch-handledstickandagentlemanlylimp,forshe,too,indulgedherancestorsingout。Adesireforexclusivepossessionoftheirfriendsisnaturaltosomepeople,andthegoodladyhadnotknownhowfondshewasofherniecetillthegirlhadslippedoffintothismarriage。Shewantedherback,togoaboutwithandmakemuchof,asbefore。Andherwell-breddrawldidnotquitedisguisethisfeeling。
GypcoulddetectFiorsensubtlymimickingthatdrawl;andherearsbegantoburn。Thepuppiesaffordedadiversion——theirpoints,noses,boldness,andfood,heldthedangerinabeyanceforsomeminutes。Thenthemimicrybeganagain。WhenAuntRosamundhadtakenasomewhatsuddenleave,Gypstoodatthewindowofherdrawing-roomwiththemaskoffherface。Fiorsencameup,puthisarmroundherfrombehind,andsaidwithafiercesigh:”Aretheycomingoften——theseexcellentpeople?”
Gypdrewbackfromhimagainstthewall。”Ifyouloveme,whydoyoutrytohurtthepeoplewholovemetoo?””BecauseIamjealous。Iamjealousevenofthosepuppies。””Andshallyoutrytohurtthem?””IfIseethemtoomuchnearyou,perhapsIshall。””DoyouthinkIcanbehappyifyouhurtthingsbecausetheyloveme?”
Hesatdownanddrewherontohisknee。Shedidnotresist,butmadenotthefaintestreturntohiscaresses。Thefirsttime——theveryfirstfriendtocomeintoherownnewhome!Itwastoomuch!
Fiorsensaidhoarsely:”Youdonotloveme。Ifyoulovedme,Ishouldfeelitthroughyourlips。Ishouldseeitinyoureyes。Oh,loveme,Gyp!Youshall!”
ButtosaytoLove:”Standanddeliver!”wasnotthewaytotouchGyp。Itseemedtohermereill-bredstupidity。Shefrozeagainsthiminsoul,allthemorethatsheyieldedherbody。Whenawomanrefusesnothingtoonewhomshedoesnotreallylove,shadowsarealreadyfallingonthebride-house。AndFiorsenknewit;buthisself-controlaboutequalledthatofthetwopuppies。
Yet,onthewhole,thesefirstweeksinhernewhomewerehappy,toobusytoallowmuchroomfordoubtingorregret。SeveralimportantconcertswerefixedforMay。Shelookedforwardtothesewithintenseeagerness,andpushedeverythingthatinterferedwithpreparationintothebackground。Asthoughtomakeupforthatinstinctiverecoilfromgivingherheart,ofwhichshewasalwayssubconscious,shegavehimallheractivities,withoutcalculationorreserve。Shewasreadytoplayforhimalldayandeveryday,justasfromthefirstshehadheldherselfatthedisposalofhispassion。Tofailhiminthesewayswouldhavetarnishedheropinionofherself。Butshehadsomefreehoursinthemorning,forhehadthehabitoflyinginbedtilleleven,andwasneverreadyforpractisebeforetwelve。Inthoseearlyhoursshegotthroughherordersandhershopping——thatpursuitwhichtosomanywomenistheonlyreal”sport”——achaseoftheideal;apittingofone’stasteandknowledgeagainstthatoftheworldatlarge;asecretpassion,eveninthebeautiful,formakingoneselfandone’shousemorebeautiful。Gypneverwentshoppingwithoutthatfaintthrillrunningupanddownhernerves。Shehatedtobetouchedbystrangefingers,butnoteventhatstoppedherpleasureinturningandturningbeforelongmirrors,whilethesaleswomanorman,withadmirationatfirstcrocodilicandthengenuine,ranthetipsoffingersoverthosecurves,smoothingandpinning,andutteringtheword,”moddam。”
Onothermornings,shewouldridewithWinton,whowouldcomeforher,leavingheragainatherdooraftertheiroutings。Oneday,afterarideinRichmondPark,wherethehorse-chestnutswerejustcomingintoflower,theyhadlatebreakfastontheverandaofahotelbeforestartingforhome。Somefruit-treeswerestillinblossomjustbelowthem,andthesunlightshoweringdownfromablueskybrightenedtosilverthewindingsoftheriver,andtogoldthebuddingleavesoftheoak-trees。Winton,smokinghisafter-breakfastcigar,stareddownacrossthetopsofthosetreestowardtheriverandthewoodedfieldsbeyond。Stealingaglanceathim,Gypsaidverysoftly:”Didyoueverridewithmymother,Dad?””Onlyonce——theveryridewe’vebeento-day。Shewasonablackmare;Ihadachestnut——”Yes,inthatgroveonthelittlehill,whichtheyhadriddenthroughthatmorning,hehaddismountedandstoodbesideher。
Gypstretchedherhandacrossthetableandlaiditonhis。”Tellmeabouther,dear。Wasshebeautiful?””Yes。””Dark?Tall?””Verylikeyou,Gyp。Alittle——alittle”——hedidnotknowhowtodescribethatdifference——”alittlemoreforeign-lookingperhaps。
OneofhergrandmotherswasItalian,youknow。””Howdidyoucometoloveher?Suddenly?””Assuddenlyas”——hedrewhishandawayandlaiditontheverandarail——”asthatsuncameonmyhand。”
Gypsaidquietly,asiftoherself:”Yes;Idon’tthinkIunderstandthat——yet。”
Wintondrewbreaththroughhisteethwithasubduedhiss。”Didsheloveyouatfirstsight,too?”
Heblewoutalongpuffofsmoke。”Oneeasilybelieveswhatonewantsto——butIthinkshedid。Sheusedtosayso。””Andhowlong?””Onlyayear。”
Gypsaidverysoftly:”PoordarlingDad。”Andsuddenlysheadded:”Ican’tbeartothinkIkilledher——Ican’tbearit!”
Wintongotupinthediscomfortofthesesuddenconfidences;ablackbird,startledbythemovement,ceasedhissong。Gypsaidinahardvoice:”No;Idon’twanttohaveanychildren。””Withoutthat,Ishouldn’thavehadyou,Gyp。””No;butIdon’twanttohavethem。AndIdon’t——Idon’twanttolovelikethat。Ishouldbeafraid。”
Wintonlookedatherforalongtimewithoutspeaking,hisbrowsdrawndown,frowning,puzzled,asthoughoverhisownpast。”Love,”hesaid,”itcatchesyou,andyou’regone。Whenitcomes,youwelcomeit,whetherit’stokillyouornot。Shallwestartback,mychild?”
Whenshegothome,itwasnotquitenoon。Shehurriedoverherbathanddressing,andranouttothemusic-room。ItswallshadbeenhungwithWillesdenscrimgildedover;thecurtainsweresilver-grey;therewasadivancoveredwithsilver-and-goldstuff,andabeatenbrassfireplace。Itwasastudyinsilver,andgold,savefortwotouchesoffantasy——ascreenroundthepiano-head,coveredwithbrilliantlypaintedpeacocks’tails,andabluePersianvase,inwhichwereflowersofvarioushuesofred。
Fiorsenwasstandingatthewindowinafumeofcigarettesmoke。
Hedidnotturnround。Gypputherhandwithinhisarm,andsaid:”Sosorry,dear。Butit’sonlyjusthalf-pasttwelve。”
Hisfacewasasifthewholeworldhadinjuredhim。”Pityyoucameback!Verynice,riding,I’msure!”
Couldshenotgoridingwithherownfather?Whatinsensatejealousyandegomania!Sheturnedaway,withoutaword,andsatdownatthepiano。Shewasnotgoodatstandinginjustice——notgoodatall!Thescentofbrandy,too,wasmixedwiththefumesofhiscigarette。Drinkinthemorningwassougly——reallyhorrid!
Shesatatthepiano,waiting。Hewouldbelikethistillhehadplayedawaythefumesofhisillmood,andthenhewouldcomeandpawhershouldersandputhislipstoherneck。Yes;butitwasnotthewaytobehave,notthewaytomakeherlovehim。Andshesaidsuddenly:”Gustav;whatexactlyhaveIdonethatyoudislike?””Youhavehadafather。”
Gypsatquitestillforafewseconds,andthenbegantolaugh。Helookedsolikeasulkychild,standingthere。Heturnedswiftlyonherandputhishandoverhermouth。Shelookedupoverthathandwhichsmelledoftobacco。Herheartwasdoingthegrandecartwithinher,thiswayincompunction,thatwayinresentment。Hiseyesfellbeforehers;hedroppedhishand。”Well,shallwebegin?”shesaid。
Heansweredroughly:”No,”andwentoutintothegarden。
Gypwasleftdismayed,disgusted。Wasitpossiblethatshecouldhavetakenpartinsuchahorridlittlescene?Sheremainedsittingatthepiano,playingoverandoverasinglepassage,withoutheedingwhatitwas。
IV
Sofar,theyhadseennothingofRosekatthelittlehouse。ShewonderedifFiorsenhadpassedontohimherremark,thoughifhehad,hewouldsurelysayhehadn’t;shehadlearnedthatherhusbandspokethetruthwhenconvenient,notwhenitcausedhimpain。Aboutmusic,oranyart,however,hecouldbeimplicitlyreliedon;andhisfranknesswasappallingwhenhisnerveswereruffled。
ButatthefirstconcertshesawRosek’sunwelcomefigureontheothersideofthegangway,tworowsback。Hewastalkingtoayounggirl,whoseface,shortandbeautifullyformed,hadtheopaquetransparencyofalabaster。Withherroundblueeyesfixedonhim,andherlipsjustparted,shehadaslightlyvacantlook。
Herlaugh,too,wasjustalittlevacant。Andyetherfeaturesweresobeautiful,herhairsosmoothandfair,hercolouringsopaleandfine,hernecksowhiteandround,thepoiseofherbodysoperfectthatGypfounditdifficulttotakeherglanceaway。
Shehadrefusedheraunt’scompanionship。ItmightirritateFiorsenandaffecthisplayingtoseeherwith”thatstiffEnglishcreature。”Shewanted,too,tofeelagainthesensationsofWiesbaden。Therewouldbeakindofsacredpleasureinknowingthatshehadhelpedtoperfectsoundswhichtouchedtheheartsandsensesofsomanylisteners。Shehadlookedforwardtothisconcertsolong。Andshesatscarcelybreathing,abstractedfromconsciousnessofthoseabouther,softandstill,radiatingwarmthandeagerness。
Fiorsenlookedhisworst,asever,whenfirstcomingbeforeanaudience——cold,furtive,defensive,defiant,halfturnedaway,withthoselongfingerstighteningthescrews,touchingthestrings。Itseemedqueertothinkthatonlysixhoursagoshehadstolenoutofbedfrombesidehim。Wiesbaden!No;thiswasnotlikeWiesbaden!
Andwhenheplayedshehadnotthesameemotions。Shehadheardhimnowtoooften,knewtooexactlyhowheproducedthosesounds;
knewthattheirfireandsweetnessandnobilitysprangfromfingers,ear,brain——notfromhissoul。Norwasitpossibleanylongertodriftoffonthosecurrentsofsoundintonewworlds,tohearbellsatdawn,andthedewsofeveningastheyfell,tofeelthedivinityofwindandsunlight。TheromanceandecstasythatatWiesbadenhadsoakedherspiritcamenomore。Shewaswatchingfortheweakspots,thepassageswithwhichhehadstruggledandshehadstruggled;shewasdistractedbymemoriesofpetulance,blackmoods,andsuddencaresses。Andthenshecaughthiseye。Thelookwaslike,yethowunlike,thoselooksatWiesbaden。Ithadtheoldlove-hunger,buthadlosttheadoration,itsspiritualessence。
Andshethought:’Isitmyfault,orisitonlybecausehehasmenowtodowhathelikeswith?’Itwasallanotherdisillusionment,perhapsthegreatestyet。Butshekindledandflushedattheapplause,andlostherselfinpleasureathissuccess。Attheinterval,sheslippedoutatonce,forherfirstvisittotheartist’sroom,themysteriousenchantmentofapeepbehindthescenes。Hewascomingdownfromhislastrecall;andatsightofherhislookofboredcontemptvanished;liftingherhand,hekissedit。Gypfelthappierthanshehadsincehermarriage。Hereyesshone,andshewhispered:”Beautiful!”
Hewhisperedback:”So!Doyouloveme,Gyp?”
Shenodded。Andatthatmomentshedid,orthoughtso。
Thenpeoplebegantocome;amongstthemheroldmusic-master,MonsieurHarmost,greyandmahoganyasever,who,aftera”Merveilleux,””Tresfort”ortwotoFiorsen,turnedhisbackonhimtotalktohisoldpupil。
SoshehadmarriedFiorsen——dear,dear!Thatwasextraordinary,butextraordinary!Andwhatwasitlike,tobealwayswithhim——alittlefunny——notso?Andhowwashermusic?Itwouldbespoilednow。Ah,whatapity!No?Shemustcometohim,then;yes,comeagain。Allthetimehepattedherarm,asifplayingthepiano,andhisfingers,thathadthetouchofanangel,feltthefirmnessofherflesh,asthoughdebatingwhethershewerelettingitdeteriorate。Heseemedreallytohavemissed”hislittlefriend,”
tobegladatseeingheragain;andGyp,whonevercouldwithstandappreciation,smiledathim。Morepeoplecame。ShesawRosektalkingtoherhusband,andtheyoungalabastergirlstandingsilent,herlipsstillalittleparted,gazingupatFiorsen。A
perfectfigure,thoughrathershort;adovelikeface,whoseexquisitelyshaped,just-openedlipsseemedtobedemandingsugar-
plums。Shecouldnotbemorethannineteen。Whowasshe?
Avoicesaidalmostinherear:”Howdoyoudo,Mrs。Fiorsen?Iamfortunatetoseeyouagainatlast。”
Shewasobligedtoturn。IfGustavhadgivenheraway,onewouldneverknowitfromthisvelvet-maskedcreature,withhissuavewatchfulnessandreadycomposure,whotalkedawaysosmoothly。
Whatwasitthatshesodislikedinhim?Gyphadacuteinstincts,thenaturalintelligencedeepincertainnaturesnotoverintellectual,butwhose”feelers”aretoodelicatetobedeceived。
And,forsomethingtosay,sheasked:”Whoisthegirlyouweretalkingto,CountRosek?Herfaceissolovely。”
Hesmiled,exactlythesmileshehadsodislikedatWiesbaden;
followinghisglance,shesawherhusbandtalkingtothegirl,whoselipsatthatmomentseemedmorethanevertoaskforsugar-plums。”Ayoungdancer,DaphneWing——shewillmakeaname。Adoveflying!
Soyouadmireher,MadameGyp?”
Gypsaid,smiling:”She’sverypretty——Icanimagineherdancingbeautifully。””Willyoucomeonedayandseeher?Shehasstilltomakeherdebut。”
Gypanswered:”Thankyou。Idon’tknow。Ilovedancing,ofcourse。””Good!Iwillarrangeit。”
AndGypthought:”No,no!Idon’twanttohaveanythingtodowithyou!WhydoInotspeakthetruth?Whydidn’tIsayIhatedancing?”
Justthenabellsounded;peoplebeganhurryingaway。ThegirlcameuptoRosek。”MissDaphneWing——Mrs。Fiorsen。”
Gypputoutherhandwithasmile——thisgirlwascertainlyapicture。MissDaphneWingsmiled,too,andsaid,withtheintonationofthosewhohavebeencarefullycorrectedofanaccent:”Oh,Mrs。Fiorsen,howbeautifullyyourhusbandplays——doesn’the?”
Itwasnotmerelythecarefulspeechbutsomethinglackingwhentheperfectmouthmoved——spirit,sensibility,whocouldsay?AndGypfeltsorry,asatblightonaperfectflower。Withafriendlynod,sheturnedawaytoFiorsen,whowaswaitingtogoupontotheplatform。Wasitatheroratthegirlhehadbeenlooking?Shesmiledathimandslidaway。Inthecorridor,Rosek,inattendance,said:”Whynotthisevening?ComewithGustavtomyrooms。Sheshalldancetous,andwewillallhavesupper。Sheadmiresyou,MadameGyp。Shewilllovetodanceforyou。”
Gyplongedforthesimplebrutalitytosay:”Idon’twanttocome。
Idon’tlikeyou!”Butallshecouldmanagewas:”Thankyou。I——IwillaskGustav。”
Onceinherseatagain,sherubbedthecheekthathisbreathhadtouched。Agirlwassingingnow——oneofthosefacesthatGypalwaysadmired,reddish-goldhair,blueeyes——theveryantithesisofherself——andthesongwas”TheBensofJura,”thatstrangeoutpouringfromaheartbrokenbylove:”Andmyheartreftofitsownsun——”
Tearsroseinhereyes,andtheshiverofsomeverydeepresponsepassedthroughher。WhatwasitDadhadsaid:”Lovecatchesyou,andyou’regone!”
She,whowastheresultoflovelikethat,didnotwanttolove!
Thegirlfinishedsinging。Therewaslittleapplause。Yetshehadsungbeautifully;andwhatmorewonderfulsongintheworld?Wasittootragic,toopainful,toostrange——not”pretty”enough?Gypfeltsorryforher。Herheadachednow。Shewouldsohavelikedtoslipawaywhenitwasallover。Butshehadnottheneedfulrudeness。ShewouldhavetogothroughwiththiseveningatRosek’sandbegay。Andwhynot?Whythisshadowovereverything?
Butitwasnonewsensation,thatofhavingenteredbyherownfreewillonalifewhich,foralleffort,wouldnotgiveherafeelingofanchorageorhome。Ofherownaccordshehadsteppedintothecage!
OnthewaytoRosek’srooms,shedisguisedfromFiorsenherheadacheanddepression。Hewasinoneofhisboy-out-of-schoolmoods,elatedbyapplause,mimickingheroldmaster,theidolatriesofhisworshippers,Rosek,thegirldancer’supturnedexpectantlips。AndheslippedhisarmroundGypinthecab,crushingheragainsthimandsniffingathercheekasifshehadbeenaflower。
Rosekhadthefirstfloorofanold-timemansioninRussellSquare。
Thesmellofincenseorsomekindredperfumewasatonceaboutone;
and,onthewallsofthedarkhall,electriclightburned,injarsofalabasterpickedupintheEast。Thewholeplacewasinfactasanctumofthecollector’sspirit。Itsownerhadapassionforblack——thewalls,divans,picture-frames,evensomeofthetilingswereblack,withglimmeringsofgold,ivory,andmoonlight。Onaroundblacktabletherestoodagoldenbowlfilledwithmoonlight-
colouredvelvety”palm”and”honesty”;fromablackwallgleamedouttheivorymaskofafaun’sface;fromadarknichethelittlesilverfigureofadancinggirl。Itwasbeautiful,butdeathly。
AndGyp,thoughexcitedalwaysbyanythingnew,keenlyalivetoeverysortofbeauty,feltalongingforairandsunlight。Itwasarelieftogetclosetooneoftheblack-curtainedwindows,andseethewesteringsunshowerwarmthandlightonthetreesoftheSquaregardens。ShewasintroducedtoaMr。andMrs。Gallant,adark-faced,cynical-lookingmanwithclever,maliciouseyes,andoneofthoselargecornucopiasofwomenwithavidbluestares。Thelittledancerwasnotthere。Shehad”gonetoputonnothing,”
Rosekinformedthem。
HetookGyptheroundofhistreasures,scarabs,Ropsdrawings,death-masks,Chinesepictures,andqueeroldflutes,withanairofdisplayingthemforthefirsttimetoonewhocouldtrulyappreciate。Andshekeptthinkingofthatsaying,”Unetechniquemerveilleuse。”Herinstinctapprehendedtherefinedbone-
viciousnessofthisplace,wherenothing,saveperhapstaste,wouldbesacred。Itwasherfirstglimpseintothatgilt-edgedbohemia,whencethegenerosities,theelans,thestrugglesofthetruebohemiaareasrigidlyexcludedasfromthesphereswherebishopsmoved。Butshetalkedandsmiled;andnoonecouldhavetoldthathernerveswerecrispingasifatcontactwithacorpse。Whileshowingherthosealabasterjars,herhosthadlaidhishandsoftlyonherwrist,andintakingitaway,helethisfingers,withatouchsofterthanakitten’spaw,rippleovertheskin,thenputthemtohislips。Ah,thereitwas——the——theTECHNIQUE!A
desperatedesiretolaughseizedher。Andhesawit——oh,yes,hesawit!Hegaveheronelook,passedthatsamehandoverhissmoothface,and——behold!——itshowedasbefore,unmortified,unconscious。Adeadlylittleman!
Whentheyreturnedtothesalon,asitwascalled,MissDaphneWinginablackkimono,whenceherfaceandarmsemergedmorelikealabasterthanever,wassittingonadivanbesideFiorsen。SheroseatonceandcameacrosstoGyp。”Oh,Mrs。Fiorsen”——whydideverythingshesaidbeginwith”Oh”——”isn’tthisroomlovely?It’sperfectfordancing。Ionlybroughtcream,andflame-colour;theygosobeautifullywithblack。”
ShethrewbackherkimonoforGyptoinspectherdress——agirdledcream-colouredshift,whichmadeherivoryarmsandneckseemmorethaneverdazzling;andhermouthopened,asifforasugar-plumofpraise。Then,loweringhervoice,shemurmured:”Doyouknow,I’mratherafraidofCountRosek。””Why?””Oh,Idon’tknow;he’ssocritical,andsmooth,andhecomesupsoquietly。Idothinkyourhusbandplayswonderfully。Oh,Mrs。
Fiorsen,youarebeautiful,aren’tyou?”Gyplaughed。”Whatwouldyoulikemetodancefirst?AwaltzofChopin’s?””Yes;IloveChopin。””ThenIshall。Ishalldanceexactlywhatyoulike,becauseIdoadmireyou,andI’msureyou’reawfullysweet。Oh,yes;youare;I
canseethat!AndIthinkyourhusband’sawfullyinlovewithyou。
Ishouldbe,ifIwereaman。Youknow,I’vebeenstudyingfiveyears,andIhaven’tcomeoutyet。ButnowCountRosek’sgoingtobackme,Iexpectit’llbeverysoon。Willyoucometomyfirstnight?MothersaysI’vegottobeawfullycareful。Sheonlyletmecomethiseveningbecauseyouweregoingtobehere。Wouldyoulikemetobegin?”
SheslidacrosstoRosek,andGypheardhersay:”Oh,Mrs。Fiorsenwantsmetobegin;aChopinwaltz,please。Theonethatgoeslikethis。”
Rosekwenttothepiano,thelittledancertothecentreoftheroom。GypsatdownbesideFiorsen。
Rosekbeganplaying,hiseyesfixedonthegirl,andhismouthloosenedfromcompressioninasweetishsmile。MissDaphneWingwasstandingwithherfinger-tipsjoinedatherbreast——aperfectstatueofebonyandpalestwax。Suddenlysheflungawaytheblackkimono。AthrillsweptGypfromheadtofoot。SheCOULDdance——
thatcommonlittlegirl!Everymovementofherround,sinuousbody,ofherbarelimbs,hadtheecstasyofnaturalgenius,controlledbythequiveringbalanceofareallyfinetraining。”A
doveflying!”Soshewas。Herfacehadlostitsvacancy,orratheritsvacancyhadbecomedivine,havingthatlook——notlostbutgonebefore——whichdancedemands。Yes,shewasagem,evenifshehadacommonsoul。TearscameupinGyp’seyes。Itwassolovely——likeadove,whenitflingsitselfupinthewind,breastingonup,up——wingsbentback,poised。Abandonment,freedom——chastened,shaped,controlled!
When,afterthedance,thegirlcameandsatdownbesideher,shesqueezedherhotlittlehand,butthecaresswasforherart,notforthismoistlittlepersonwiththelipsavidofsugar-plums。”Oh,didyoulikeit?I’msoglad。ShallIgoandputonmyflame-colour,now?”
Themomentshewasgone,commentbrokeoutfreely。ThedarkandcynicalGallantthoughtthegirl’sdancinglikeacertainNapierkowskawhomhehadseeninMoscow,withoutherfire——thetouchofpassionwouldhavetobesupplied。Shewantedlove!
Love!AndsuddenlyGypwasbackintheconcert-hall,listeningtothatothergirlsingingthesongofabrokenheart。”Thykiss,dearlove——
Likewatercressgatheredfreshfromcoolstreams。”
Love!inthisabode——offauns’heads,deepcushions,silverdancinggirls!Love!Shehadasuddensenseofdeepabasement。Whatwasshe,herself,butjustafeastforaman’ssenses?Herhome,whatbutaplacelikethis?MissDaphneWingwasbackagain。Gyplookedatherhusband’sfacewhileshewasdancing。Hislips!Howwasitthatshecouldseethatdisturbanceinhim,andnotcare?
Ifshehadreallylovedhim,toseehislipslikethatwouldhavehurther,butshemighthaveunderstoodperhaps,andforgiven。Nowsheneitherquiteunderstoodnorquiteforgave。
Andthatnight,whenhekissedher,shemurmured:”Wouldyouratheritwerethatgirl——notme?””Thatgirl!Icouldswallowheratadraft。Butyou,myGyp——I
wanttodrinkforever!”
Wasthattrue?IFshehadlovedhim——howgoodtohear!
V
Afterthis,Gypwasdailymoreandmoreincontactwithhighbohemia,thatcuriouscompositesectionofsocietywhichembracestheneckofmusic,poetry,andthedrama。Shewasasuccess,butsecretlyshefeltthatshedidnotbelongtoit,nor,intruth,didFiorsen,whowasmuchtoogenuineabohemian,andartist,andmockedattheGallantsandeventheRoseksofthislife,ashemockedatWinton,AuntRosamund,andtheirworld。LifewithhimhadcertainlyoneeffectonGyp;itmadeherfeellessandlessapartofthatoldorthodox,well-bredworldwhichshehadknownbeforeshemarriedhim;buttowhichshehadconfessedtoWintonshehadneverfeltthatshebelonged,sincesheknewthesecretofherbirth。Shewas,intruth,muchtooimpressionable,tooavidofbeauty,andperhapstoonaturallycriticaltoacceptthedictatesoftheirfact-and-form-governedroutine;only,ofherownaccord,shewouldneverhavehadinitiativeenoughtostepoutofitscircle。Loosenedfromthoseroots,unabletoattachherselftothisnewsoil,andnotspirituallyleaguedwithherhusband,shewasmoreandmorelonely。HeronlytrulyhappyhourswerethosespentwithWintonoratherpianoorwithherpuppies。Shewasalwayswonderingatwhatshehaddone,longingtofindthedeep,thesufficientreasonforhavingdoneit。Butthemoreshesoughtandlonged,thedeepergrewherbewilderment,herfeelingofbeinginacage。Oflate,too,anotherandmoredefiniteuneasinesshadcometoher。
Shespentmuchtimeinhergarden,wheretheblossomshadalldropped,lilacwasover,acaciascomingintobloom,andblackbirdssilent。
Winton,who,bycarefulexperiment,hadfoundthatfromhalf-pastthreetosixtherewaslittleornochanceofstumblingacrosshisson-in-law,cameinnearlyeverydayforteaandaquietcigaronthelawn。HewassittingtherewithGyponeafternoon,whenBetty,whousurpedthefunctionsofparlour-maidwheneverthewhimmovedher,broughtoutacardonwhichwereprintedthewords,”MissDaphneWing。””Bringherout,please,Bettydear,andsomefreshtea,andbutteredtoast——plentyofbutteredtoast;yes,andthechocolates,andanyothersweetsthereare,Bettydarling。”
Betty,withthatexpressionwhichalwayscameoverherwhenshewascalled”darling,”withdrewacrossthegrass,andGypsaidtoherfather:”It’sthelittledancerItoldyouof,Dad。Nowyou’llseesomethingperfect。Only,she’llbedressed。It’sapity。”
Shewas。Theoccasionhadevidentlyexercisedherspirit。Inwarmivory,shroudedbyleaf-greenchiffon,withagirdleoftinyartificialleaves,andalightlycoveredheadencircledbyothergreenleaves,shewassomewhatlikeanymphpeeringfromabower。
Ifrathertooarresting,itwascharming,and,afterall,nofrockcouldquitedisguisethebeautyofherfigure。Shewasevidentlynervous。”Oh,Mrs。Fiorsen,Ithoughtyouwouldn’tmindmycoming。Ididsowanttoseeyouagain。CountRoseksaidhethoughtImight。It’sallfixedformycoming-out。Oh,howdoyoudo?”AndwithlipsandeyesopeningatWinton,shesatdowninthechairheplacedforher。Gyp,watchinghisexpression,feltinclinedtolaugh。Dad,andDaphneWing!Andthepoorgirlsoevidentlyanxioustomakeagoodimpression!Presentlysheasked:”HaveyoubeendancingatCountRosek’sagainlately?””Oh,yes,haven’tyou——didn’tyou——I——”Andshestopped。
ThethoughtflashedthroughGyp,’SoGustav’sbeenseeingher,andhasn’ttoldme!’Butshesaidatonce:”Ah,yes,ofcourse;Iforgot。Whenisthenightofyourcoming-
out?””NextFridayweek。Fancy!TheOctagon。Isn’titsplendid?
They’vegivenmesuchagoodengagement。IdosowantyouandMr。
Fiorsentocome,though!”
Gyp,smiling,murmured:”Ofcoursewewill。Myfatherlovesdancing,too;don’tyou,Dad?”
Wintontookhiscigarfromhismouth。”Whenit’sgood,”hesaid,urbanely。”Oh,mineISgood;isn’tit,Mrs。Fiorsen?Imean,IHAVEworked——
eversinceIwasthirteen,youknow。Isimplyloveit。IthinkYOUwoulddancebeautifully,Mrs。Fiorsen。You’vegotsuchaperfectfigure。Isimplylovetoseeyouwalk。”
Gypflushed,andsaid:”Dohaveoneofthese,MissWing——they’vegotwholeraspberriesinside。”
Thelittledancerputoneinhermouth。”Oh,butpleasedon’tcallmeMissWing!Iwishyou’dcallmeDaphne。Mr。Fior——everybodydoes。”
Consciousofherfather’sface,Gypmurmured:”It’salovelyname。Won’tyouhaveanother?Theseareapricot。””They’reperfect。Youknow,myfirstdressisgoingtobeallorange-blossom;Mr。Fiorsensuggestedthat。ButIexpecthetoldyou。Perhapsyousuggesteditreally;didyou?”Gypshookherhead。”CountRoseksaystheworldiswaitingforme——”Shepausedwithasugar-plumhalfwaytoherlips,andaddeddoubtfully:”Doyouthinkthat’strue?”
Gypansweredwithasoft:”Ihopeso。””HesaysI’msomethingnew。Itwouldbenicetothinkthat。Hehasgreattaste;sohasMr。Fiorsen,hasn’the?”
Consciousofthecompressioninthelipsbehindthesmokeofherfather’scigar,andwithasuddenlongingtogetupandwalkaway,Gypnodded。
Thelittledancerplacedthesweetinhermouth,andsaidcomplacently:”Ofcoursehehas;becausehemarriedyou。”
Then,seemingtogrowconsciousofWinton’seyesfixedsointentlyonher,shebecameconfused,swallowedhastily,andsaid:”Oh,isn’titlovelyhere——likethecountry!I’mafraidImustgo;
it’smypractice-time。It’ssoimportantformenottomissanynow,isn’tit?”Andsherose。
Wintongotup,too。Gypsawthegirl’seyes,lightingonhisrigidhand,growroundandrounder;andfromher,walkingpastthesideofthehouse,thecarefulvoicefloatedback:”Oh,Idohope——”Butwhat,couldnotbeheard。
Sinkingbackinherchair,Gypsatmotionless。Beesweremurmurousamongherflowers,pigeonsmurmurousamongthetrees;thesunlightwarmedherknees,andherstretched-outfeetthroughtheopenworkofherstockings。Themaid’slaughter,thedeliciousgrowlingofthepuppiesatplayinthekitchencamedriftingdownthegarden,withthedistantcryofamilkmanuptheroad。Allwasverypeaceful。Butinherheartweresuchcurious,baffledemotions,suchstrange,tangledfeelings。Thismomentofenlightenmentregardingthemeasureofherhusband’sfranknesscamecloseontheheelsofthemomentfatehadchosenforanotherrevelation,forclinchingwithinherafearfeltforweekspast。ShehadsaidtoWintonthatshedidnotwanttohaveachild。Inthoseconsciousthattheirbirthhascauseddeathoreventoogreatsuffering,thereissometimesthishostileinstinct。ShehadnoteventheconsolationthatFiorsenwantedchildren;sheknewthathedidnot。
Andnowshewassureonewascoming。Butitwasmorethanthat。
Shehadnotreached,andknewshecouldnotreach,thatpointofspirit-unionwhichalonemakesmarriagesacred,andthesacrificesdemandedbymotherhoodajoy。Shewasfairlycaughtinthewebofherfoolishandpresumptuousmistake!Sofewmonthsofmarriage——
andsosurethatitwasafailure,sohopelessforthefuture!Inthelightofthisnewcertainty,itwasterrifying。Ahard,naturalfactisneededtobringayearningandbewilderedspirittoknowledgeofthetruth。Disillusionmentisnotwelcometoawoman’sheart;thelesswelcomewhenitisdisillusionmentwithselfasmuchaswithanother。Hergreatdedication——herschemeoflife!Shehadbeengoingto——what?——saveFiorsenfromhimself!Itwaslaughable。Shehadonlylostherself。Alreadyshefeltinprison,andbyachildwouldbeallthemorebound。Tosomewomen,theknowledgethatathingmustbebringsassuagementofthenerves。Gypwastheoppositeofthose。Toforceherwasthewaytostiverupeverycontraryemotion。Shemightwillherselftoacquiesce,but——onecannotchangeone’snature。
Andso,whilethepigeonscooedandthesunlightwarmedherfeet,shespentthebitterestmomentsofherlife——sofar。Pridecametoherhelp。Shehadmadeamiserablemessofit,butnoonemustknow——certainlynotherfather,whohadwarnedhersodesperately!
Shehadmadeherbed,andshewouldhavetolieonit。
WhenWintoncameback,hefoundhersmiling,andsaid:”Idon’tseethefascination,Gyp。””Don’tyouthinkherfacereallyratherperfect?””Common。””Yes;butthatdropsoffwhenshe’sdancing。”
Wintonlookedatherfromunderhalf-closedeyelids。”Withherclothes?WhatdoesFiorsenthinkofher?”
Gypsmiled。”Doeshethinkofher?Idon’tknow。”
Shecouldfeelthewatchfultighteningofhisface。Andsuddenlyhesaid:”DaphneWing!ByGeorge!”
Thewordswereamasterpieceofresentmentanddistrust。Hisdaughterinperilfrom——suchasthat!
AfterhewasgoneGypsatontillthesunhadquitevanishedandthedewwasstealingthroughherthinfrock。Shewouldthinkofanything,anybodyexceptherself!Tomakeothershappywasthewaytobehappy——orsotheysaid。Shewouldtry——musttry。Betty——sostout,andwiththatrheumatisminherleg——didsheeverthinkofherself?OrAuntRosamund,withherperpetualrescuingsoflostdogs,lamehorses,andpennilessmusicians?AndDad,forallhisman-of-the-worldways,washenotalwaysdoinglittlethingsforthemenofhisoldregiment,alwaysthinkingofher,too,andwhathecoulddotogiveherpleasure?Toloveeverybody,andbringthemhappiness!Wasitnotpossible?Only,peoplewerehardtolove,differentfrombirdsandbeastsandflowers,tolovewhichseemednaturalandeasy。
Shewentuptoherroomandbegantodressfordinner。Whichofherfrocksdidhelikebest?Thepale,low-cutamber,orthatwhite,softone,withthecoffee-dippedlace?Shedecidedonthelatter。Scrutinizinghersupple,slenderimageintheglass,ashudderwentthroughher。Thatwouldallgo;shewouldbelikethosewomentakingcarefulexerciseinthestreets,whomadeherwonderattheirhardihoodinshowingthemselves。Itwasn’tfairthatonemustbecomeunsightly,offensivetotheeye,inordertobringlifeintotheworld。Somewomenseemedproudtobelikethat。Howwasthatpossible?Shewouldneverdaretoshowherselfinthedayscoming。
Shefinisheddressingandwentdownstairs。Itwasnearlyeight,andFiorsenhadnotcomein。Whenthegongwasstruck,sheturnedfromthewindowwithasigh,andwentintodinner。Thatsighhadbeenrelief。Sheateherdinnerwiththetwopupsbesideher,sentthemoff,andsatdownatherpiano。SheplayedChopin——studies,waltzes,mazurkas,preludes,apolonaiseortwo。AndBetty,whohadaweaknessforthatcomposer,satonachairbythedoorwhichpartitionedoffthebackpremises,havingopeneditalittle。Shewishedshecouldgoandtakeapeepather”pretty”inherwhitefrock,withthecandle-flamesoneachside,andthoselovelyliliesinthevasecloseby,smellingbeautiful。Andoneofthemaidscomingtoonear,sheshooedherangrilyaway。
Itgrewlate。Thetrayhadbeenbroughtup;themaidshadgonetobed。Gyphadlongstoppedplaying,hadturnedout,readytogoup,and,bytheFrenchwindow,stoodgazingoutintothedark。Howwarmitwas——warmenoughtodrawforththescentofthejessaminealongthegardenwall!Notastar。TherealwaysseemedsofewstarsinLondon。Asoundmadeherswinground。Somethingtallwasoverthereinthedarkness,bytheopendoor。Sheheardasigh,andcalledout,frightened:”Isthatyou,Gustav?”
Hespokesomewordsthatshecouldnotunderstand。Shuttingthewindowquickly,shewenttowardhim。Lightfromthehalllituponesideofhisfaceandfigure。Hewaspale;hiseyesshonestrangely;hissleevewasallwhite。Hesaidthickly:”Littleghost!”andthensomewordsthatmustbeSwedish。ItwasthefirsttimeGyphadevercometoclosequarterswithdrunkenness。Andherthoughtwassimply:’Howawfulifanybodyweretosee——howawful!’Shemadearushtogetintothehallandlockthedoorleadingtothebackregions,buthecaughtherfrock,rippingthelacefromherneck,andhisentangledfingersclutchedhershoulder。Shestoppeddead,fearingtomakeanoiseorpullhimover,andhisotherhandclutchedherothershoulder,sothathestoodsteadyinghimselfbyher。Whywasshenotshocked,smittentothegroundwithgriefandshameandrage?Sheonlyfelt:”WhatamItodo?Howgethimupstairswithoutanyoneknowing?”Andshelookedupintohisface——itseemedtohersopatheticwithitsshiningeyesanditsstaringwhitenessthatshecouldhaveburstintotears。Shesaidgently:”Gustav,it’sallright。Leanonme;we’llgoup。”
Hishands,thatseemedtohavenopowerorpurpose,touchedhercheeks,mechanicallycaressing。Morethandisgust,shefeltthatawfulpity。Puttingherarmroundhiswaist,shemovedwithhimtowardthestairs。Ifonlynooneheard;ifonlyshecouldgethimquietlyup!Andshemurmured:”Don’ttalk;you’renotwell。Leanonmehard。”
Heseemedtomakeabigeffort;hislipspuffedout,andwithanexpressionofpridethatwouldhavebeencomicifnotsotragic,hemutteredsomething。
Holdinghimclosewithallherstrength,asshemighthaveheldonedesperatelyloved,shebegantomount。Itwaseasierthanshehadthought。Onlyacrossthelandingnow,intothebedroom,andthenthedangerwouldbeover。Done!Hewaslyingacrossthebed,andthedoorshut。Then,foramoment,shegavewaytoafitofshiveringsoviolentthatshecouldhearherteethchatteringyetcouldnotstopthem。Shecaughtsightofherselfinthebigmirror。Herprettylacewasalltorn;hershoulderswereredwherehishandshadgrippedher,holdinghimselfup。Shethrewoffherdress,putonawrapper,andwentuptohim。Hewaslyinginasortofstupor,andwithdifficultyshegothimtositupandleanagainstthebed-rail。Takingoffhistieandcollar,sherackedherbrainsforwhattogivehim。Salvolatile!Surelythatmustberight。Itbroughthimtohimself,sothatheeventriedtokissher。Atlasthewasinbed,andshestoodlookingathim。Hiseyeswereclosed;hewouldnotseeifshegavewaynow。Butshewouldnotcry——shewouldnot。Onesobcame——butthatwasall。
Well,therewasnothingtobedonenowbutgetintobedtoo。Sheundressed,andturnedoutthelight。Hewasinastertoroussleep。
Andlyingthere,witheyeswideopen,staringintothedark,asmilecameonherlips——averystrangesmile!Shewasthinkingofallthosepreposterousyoungwivesshehadreadof,who,blushing,trembling,murmurintotheearsoftheiryounghusbandsthatthey”havesomething——somethingtotellthem!”
VI
LookingatFiorsen,nextmorning,stillsunkinheavysleep,herfirstthoughtwas:’Helooksexactlythesame。’And,suddenly,itseemedqueertoherthatshehadnotbeen,andstillwasnot,disgusted。Itwasalltoodeepfordisgust,andsomehow,toonatural。Shetookthisnewrevelationofhisunbridledwayswithoutresentment。Besides,shehadlongknownofthistasteofhis——onecannotdrinkbrandyandnotbetrayit。
Shestolenoiselesslyfrombed,noiselesslygathereduphisbootsandclothesalltumbledontoachair,andtookthemforthtothedressing-room。Theresheheldthegarmentsuptotheearlylightandbrushedthem,then,noiseless,stolebacktobed,withneedleandthreadandherlace。Noonemustknow;notevenhemustknow。
Forthemomentshehadforgottenthatotherthingsoterrificallyimportant。Itcamebacktoher,verysudden,verysickening。Solongasshecouldkeepitsecret,nooneshouldknowthateither——
heleastofall。
Themorningpassedasusual;butwhenshecametothemusic-roomatnoon,shefoundthathehadgoneout。ShewasjustsittingdowntolunchwhenBetty,withthebroadsmilewhichprevailedonhermoon-
facewhensomeonehadtickledtherightsideofher,announced:”CountRosek。”
Gypgotup,startled。”SaythatMr。Fiorsenisnotin,Betty。But——butaskifhewillcomeandhavesomelunch,andgetabottleofhockup,please。”
Inthefewsecondsbeforehervisitorappeared,Gypexperiencedthesortofexcitementonehasenteringafieldwhereabullisgrazing。
ButnotevenhisseverestcriticscouldaccuseRosekofwantoftact。HehadhopedtoseeGustav,butitwascharmingofhertogivehimlunch——agreatdelight!
Heseemedtohaveputoff,asifforherbenefit,hiscorsets,andsome,atallevents,ofhisoffendinglooks——seemedsimpler,moregenuine。Hisfacewasslightlybrowned,asif,foronce,hehadbeentakinghisdueofairandsun。Hetalkedwithoutcynicalsubmeanings,wasmostappreciativeofher”charminglittlehouse,”
andevenshowedsomewarmthinhissayingsaboutartandmusic。
Gyphadneverdislikedhimless。Butherinstinctswereonthewatch。Afterlunch,theywentoutacrossthegardentoseethemusic-room,andhesatdownatthepiano。Hehadthedeep,caressingtouchthatliesinfingersofsteelworkedbyarealpassionfortone。Gypsatonthedivanandlistened。Shewasoutofhissightthere;andshelookedathim,wondering。HewasplayingSchumann’sChildMusic。Howcouldonewhoproducedsuchfreshidyllicsoundshavesinisterintentions?Andpresentlyshesaid:”CountRosek!””Madame?””WillyoupleasetellmewhyyousentDaphneWinghereyesterday?””Isendher?””Yes。”
Butinstantlysheregrettedhavingaskedthatquestion。Hehadswungroundonthemusic-stoolandwaslookingfullather。Hisfacehadchanged。”Sinceyouaskme,IthoughtyoushouldknowthatGustavisseeingagooddealofher。”
Hehadgiventheexactanswershehaddivined。”DoyouthinkImindthat?”
Aflickerpassedoverhisface。Hegotupandsaidquietly:”Iamgladthatyoudonot。””Whyglad?”
She,too,hadrisen。Thoughhewaslittletallerthanherself,shewasconscioussuddenlyofhowthickandsteelyhewasbeneathhisdappergarments,andofakindofsnakywill-powerinhisface。
Herheartbeatfaster。
Hecametowardherandsaid:”IamgladyouunderstandthatitisoverwithGustav——finished——”
Hestoppeddead,seeingatoncethathehadgonewrong,andnotknowingquitewhere。Gyphadsimplysmiled。Aflushcolouredhischeeks,andhesaid:”Heisavolcanosoonextinguished。Yousee,Iknowhim。Betteryoushouldknowhim,too。Whydoyousmile?””WhyisitbetterIshouldknow?”
Hewentverypale,andsaidbetweenhisteeth:”Thatyoumaynotwasteyourtime;thereislovewaitingforyou。”
ButGypstillsmiled。”Wasitfromloveofmethatyoumadehimdrunklastnight?”
Hislipsquivered。”Gyp!”Gypturned。Butwiththemerestchangeoffront,hehadputhimselfbetweenherandthedoor。”Youneverlovedhim。Thatismyexcuse。Youhavegivenhimtoomuchalready——morethanheisworth。Ah!God!Iamtorturedbyyou;Iampossessed。”
Hehadgonewhitethroughandthroughlikeaflame,saveforhissmoulderingeyes。Shewasafraid,andbecauseshewasafraid,shestoodherground。Shouldshemakeadashforthedoorthatopenedintothelittlelaneandescapethatway?Thensuddenlyheseemedtoregaincontrol;butshecouldfeelthathewastryingtobreakthroughherdefencesbythesheerintensityofhisgaze——byakindofmesmerism,knowingthathehadfrightenedher。
Underthestrainofthisduelofeyes,shefeltherselfbeginningtosway,togetdizzy。Whetherornohereallymovedhisfeet,heseemedcomingcloserinchbyinch。Shehadahorriblefeeling——asifhisarmswerealreadyroundher。
Withaneffort,shewrenchedhergazefromhis,andsuddenlyhiscrisphaircaughthereyes。Surely——surelyitwascurledwithtongs!Akindofspasmofamusementwassetfreeinherheart,and,almostinaudibly,thewordsescapedherlips:”Unetechniquemerveilleuse!”Hiseyeswavered;heutteredalittlegasp;hislipsfellapart。Gypwalkedacrosstheroomandputherhandonthebell。Shehadlostherfear。Withoutaword,heturned,andwentoutintothegarden。Shewatchedhimcrossthelawn。Gone!
Shehadbeatenhimbytheonethingnotevenviolentpassionscanwithstand——ridicule,almostunconsciousridicule。Thenshegavewayandpulledthebellwithnervousviolence。Thesightofthemaid,inhertrimblackdressandspotlesswhiteapron,comingfromthehousecompletedherrestoration。Wasitpossiblethatshehadreallybeenfrightened,nearlyfailinginthatencounter,nearlydominatedbythatman——inherownhouse,withherownmaidsdownthereathand?Andshesaidquietly:”Iwantthepuppies,please。””Yes,ma’am。”
Overthegarden,thedaybroodedinthefirst-gatheredwarmthofsummer。Mid-Juneofafineyear。Theairwasdrowsywithhumandscent。
AndGyp,sittingintheshade,whilethepuppiesrolledandsnapped,searchedherlittleworldforcomfortandsomesenseofsafety,andcouldnotfindit;asiftherewereallroundherahotheavyfoginwhichthingslurked,andwhereshekepterectonlybyprideandthewillnottocryoutthatshewasstrugglingandafraid。
Fiorsen,leavinghishousethatmorning,hadwalkedtillhesawataxi-cab。Leaningbacktherein,withhatthrownoff,hecausedhimselftobedrivenrapidly,atrandom。Thiswasoneofhishabitswhenhismindwasnotatease——anexpensiveidiosyncrasy,ill-affordedbyapocketthathadholes。Theswiftmotionandtitillationbytheperpetualcloseshavingofothervehiclesweresedativetohim。Heneededsedativesthismorning。Towakeinhisownbedwithouttheleastrememberinghowhehadgottherewasnomorenewtohimthantomanyanothermanoftwenty-eight,butitwasnewsincehismarriage。Ifhehadrememberedevenlesshewouldhavebeenmoreatease。Buthecouldjustrecollectstandinginthedarkdrawing-room,seeingandtouchingaghostlyGypquiteclosetohim。And,somehow,hewasafraid。Andwhenhewasafraid——likemostpeople——hewasathisworst。
Ifshehadbeenlikealltheotherwomeninwhosecompanyhehadeatenpassion-fruit,hewouldnothavefeltthiscarkinghumiliation。Ifshehadbeenlikethem,atthepacehehadbeengoingsinceheobtainedpossessionofher,hewouldalreadyhave”finished,”asRosekhadsaid。Andheknewwellenoughthathehadnot”finished。”Hemightgetdrunk,mightbeloose-endedineveryway,butGypwashookedintohissenses,and,forallthathecouldnotgetnearher,intohisspirit。Herverypassivitywasherstrength,thesecretofhermagnetism。Inher,hefeltsomeofthatmysterioussentiencyofnature,which,eveninyieldingtoman’sfevers,liesapartwithafaintsmile——theuncapturablesmileofthewoodsandfieldsbydayornight,thatmakesoneachewithlonging。Hefeltinhersomeoftheunfathomable,soft,vibratingindifferenceoftheflowersandtreesandstreams,oftherocks,ofbirdsongs,andtheeternalhum,undersunshineorstar-shine。Herdark,half-smilingeyesenticedhim,inspiredanunquenchablethirst。Andhiswasoneofthosenatureswhich,encounteringspiritualdifficulty,atoncejiboff,seekanodynes,trytobandagewoundedegoismwithexcess——aspoiledchild,withthedesperationsandtheinherentpathos,thesomethingrepulsiveandthesomethinglovablethatbelongtoallsuch。Havingwishedforthismoon,andgother,henowdidnotknowwhattodowithher,kepttakinggreatbitesather,withafeelingallthetimeofgettingfurtherandfurtheraway。Atmoments,hedesiredrevengeforhisfailuretogetnearherspiritually,andwasreadytocommitfolliesofallkinds。Hewasonlykeptincontrolatallbyhiswork。Forhedidworkhard;though,eventhere,somethingwaslacking。Hehadallthequalitiesofmakinggood,exceptthemoralbackboneholdingthemtogether,whichalonecouldgivehimhisrightful——ashethought——pre-eminence。Itoftensurprisedandvexedhimtofindthatsomecontemporaryheldhigherrankthanhimself。
Threadingthestreetsinhiscab,hemused:”DidIdoanythingthatreallyshockedherlastnight?Whydidn’tIwaitforherthismorningandfindouttheworst?”Andhislipstwistedawry——fortofindouttheworstwasnothisforte。
Meditation,seekingasusualascapegoat,lightedonRosek。Likemostegoistsaddictedtowomen,hehadnotmanyfriends。Rosekwasthemostconstant。Butevenforhim,Fiorsenhadatoncethecontemptandfearthatamannaturallyuncontrolledandyetofgreaterscopehasforoneoflesstalentbutstrongerwill-power。
Hehadforhim,too,thefeelingofawaywardchildforitsnurse,mixedwiththeneedthatanartist,especiallyanexecutantartist,feelsforaconnoisseurandpatronwithwell-linedpockets。
’CursePaul!’hethought。’Hemustknow——hedoesknow——thatbrandyofhisgoesdownlikewater。Trusthim,hesawIwasgettingsilly!Hehadsomegameon。WheredidIgoafter?HowdidIgethome?’Andagain:’DidIhurtGyp?’Iftheservantshadseen——
thatwouldbetheworst;thatwouldupsetherfearfully!Andhelaughed。Thenhehadafreshaccessoffear。Hedidn’tknowher,neverknewwhatshewasthinkingorfeeling,neverknewanythingabouther。Andhethoughtangrily:’That’snotfair!Idon’thidemyselffromher。Iamasfreeasnature;Iletherseeeverything。
WhatdidIdo?Thatmaidlookedveryqueerlyatmethismorning!’
Andsuddenlyhesaidtothedriver:”BuryStreet,St。James’s。”Hecouldfindout,atallevents,whetherGyphadbeentoherfather’s。ThethoughtofWintoneverafflictedhim;andhechangedhismindseveraltimesbeforethecabreachedthatlittlestreet,butsoswiftlythathehadnottimetoalterhisinstructionstothedriver。Alightsweatbrokeoutonhisforeheadwhilehewaswaitingforthedoortobeopened。”Mrs。Fiorsenhere?””No,sir。””Notbeenherethismorning?””No,sir。”
Heshruggedawaythethoughtthatheoughttogivesomeexplanationofhisquestion,andgotintothecabagain,tellingthemantodrivetoCurzonStreet。Ifshehadnotbeento”thatAuntRosamund”eitheritwouldbeallright。Shehadnot。Therewasnooneelseshewouldgoto。And,withasighofrelief,hebegantofeelhungry,havinghadnobreakfast。HewouldgotoRosek’s,borrowthemoneytopayhiscab,andlunchthere。ButRosekwasnotin。Hewouldhavetogohometogetthecabpaid。Thedriverseemedtoeyehimqueerlynow,asthoughconceivingdoubtsaboutthefare。
Goinginunderthetrellis,Fiorsenpassedamancomingout,whoheldinhishandalongenvelopeandeyedhimaskance。
Gyp,whowassittingatherbureau,seemedtobeaddingupthecounterfoilsinhercheque-book。Shedidnotturnround,andFiorsenpaused。Howwasshegoingtoreceivehim?”Isthereanylunch?”hesaid。
Shereachedoutandrangthebell。Hefeltsorryforhimself。Hehadbeenquitereadytotakeherinhisarmsandsay:”Forgiveme,littleGyp;I’msorry!”
Bettyansweredthebell。”PleasebringupsomelunchforMr。Fiorsen。”
Heheardthestoutwomansniffasshewentout。Shewasapartofhisostracism。And,withsuddenrage,hesaid:”Whatdoyouwantforahusband——abourgeoiswhowoulddieifhemissedhislunch?”
Gypturnedroundtohimandheldouthercheque-book。”Idon’tintheleastmindaboutmeals;butIdoaboutthis。”Hereadonthecounterfoil:”Messrs。Travers&Sanborn,Tailors,Accountrendered:L5435s。
7d。””Aretheremanyofthese,Gustav?”
Fiorsenhadturnedthepeculiarwhitethatmarkeddeepinjurytohissell-esteem。Hesaidviolently:”Well,whatofthat?Abill!Didyoupayit?Youhavenobusinesstopaymybills。””Themansaidifitwasn’tpaidthistime,he’dsueyou。”Herlipsquivered。”Ithinkowingmoneyishorrible。It’sundignified。
Aretheremanyothers?Pleasetellme!””Ishallnottellyou。Whatisittoyou?””Itisalottome。Ihavetokeepthishouseandpaythemaidsandeverything,andIwanttoknowhowIstand。Iamnotgoingtomakedebts。That’shateful。”
Herfacehadahardnessthathedidnotknow。HeperceiveddimlythatshewasdifferentfromtheGypofthishouryesterday——thelasttimewhen,inpossessionofhissenses,hehadseenorspokentoher。Thenoveltyofherrevoltstirredhiminstrangeways,woundedhisself-conceit,inspiredacuriousfear,andyetexcitedhissenses。Hecameuptoher,saidsoftly:”Money!Cursemoney!Kissme!”Withacertainamazementatthesheerdistasteinherface,heheardhersay:”It’schildishtocursemoney。IwillspendalltheincomeIhave;
butIwillnotspendmore,andIwillnotaskDad。”
Heflunghimselfdowninachair。”Ho!Ho!Virtue!””No——pride。”
Hesaidgloomily:”Soyoudon’tbelieveinme。Youdon’tbelieveIcanearnasmuchasIwant——morethanyouhave——anytime?Youneverhavebelievedinme。””Ithinkyouearnnowasmuchasyouareeverlikelytoearn。””Thatiswhatyouthink!Idon’twantmoney——yourmoney!Icanliveonnothing,anytime。Ihavedoneit——often。””Hssh!”
Helookedroundandsawthemaidinthedoorway。”Please,sir,thedriversayscanhehavehisfare,ordoyouwanthimagain?Twelveshillings。”
Fiorsenstaredatheramomentinthewaythat——asthemaidoftensaid——madeyoufeellikeasilly。”No。Payhim。”
ThegirlglancedatGyp,answered:”Yes,sir,”andwentout。
Fiorsenlaughed;helaughed,holdinghissides。Itwasdrollcomingonthetopofhisassertion,toodroll!And,lookingupather,hesaid:”Thatwasgood,wasn’tit,Gyp?”
Butherfacehadnotabateditsgravity;and,knowingthatshewasevenmoreeasilytickledbytheincongruousthanhimself,hefeltagainthatcatchoffear。Somethingwasdifferent。Yes;somethingwasreallydifferent。”DidIhurtyoulastnight?”
Sheshruggedhershouldersandwenttothewindow。Helookedatherdarkly,jumpedup,andswungoutpastherintothegarden。
And,almostatonce,thesoundofhisviolin,furiouslyplayedinthemusic-room,cameacrossthelawn。
Gyplistenedwithabittersmile。Money,too!Butwhatdiditmatter?Shecouldnotgetoutofwhatshehaddone。Shecouldnevergetout。Tonighthewouldkissher;andshewouldpretenditwasallright。Andsoitwouldgoonandon!Well,itwasherownfault。Takingtwelveshillingsfromherpurse,sheputthemasideonthebureautogivethemaid。Andsuddenlyshethought:’Perhapshe’llgettiredofme。Ifonlyhewouldgettired!’Thatwasalongwaythefurthestshehadyetgone。
第3章