IV
GypwasinthehabitofwalkingwithWintontotheKochbrunnen,where,withotherpatient-folk,hewasrequiredtodrinkslowlyfortwentyminuteseverymorning。Whilehewasimbibingshewouldsitinaremotecornerofthegarden,andreadanovelintheReclamedition,asadailyGermanlesson。
Shewassittingthere,themorningafterthe”at-home”attheBaronessvonMaisen’s,readingTurgenev’s”TorrentsofSpring,”
whenshesawCountRoseksaunteringdownthepathwithaglassofthewatersinhishand。InstantmemoryofthesmilewithwhichhehadintroducedFiorsenmadehertakecoverbeneathhersunshade。
Shecouldseehispatent-leatheredfeet,andwell-turned,peg-top-
trouseredlegsgobywiththegaitofamanwhosewaistiscorseted。Thecertaintythatheworethoseprerogativesofwomanhoodincreasedherdislike。Howdaremenbesoeffeminate?
Yetsomeonehadtoldherthathewasagoodrider,agoodfencer,andverystrong。Shedrewabreathofreliefwhenhewaspast,and,forfearhemightturnandcomeback,closedherlittlebookandslippedaway。Butherfigureandherspringingstepweremoreunmistakablethansheknew。
Nextmorning,onthesamebench,shewasreadingbreathlesslythescenebetweenGemmaandSaninatthewindow,whensheheardFiorsen’svoice,behindher,say:”MissWinton!”
He,too,heldaglassofthewatersinonehand,andhishatintheother。”Ihavejustmadeyourfather’sacquaintance。MayIsitdownaminute?”
Gypdrewtoonesideonthebench,andhesatdown。”Whatareyoureading?””Astorycalled’TorrentsofSpring。’””Ah,thefinesteverwritten!Whereareyou?””GemmaandSanininthethunderstorm。””Wait!YouhaveMadamePolozovtocome!Whatacreation!Howoldareyou,MissWinton?””Twenty-two。””YouwouldbetooyoungtoappreciatethatstoryifyouwerenotYOU。Butyouknowmuch——byinstinct。WhatisyourChristianname——
forgiveme!””Ghita。””Ghita?Notsoftenough。””IamalwayscalledGyp。””Gyp——ah,Gyp!Yes;Gyp!”
Herepeatedhernamesoimpersonallythatshecouldnotbeangry。”ItoldyourfatherIhavehadthepleasureofmeetingyou。Hewasverypolite。”
Gypsaidcoldly:”Myfatherisalwayspolite。””Liketheiceinwhichtheyputchampagne。”
Gypsmiled;shecouldnothelpit。
Andsuddenlyhesaid:”IsupposetheyhavetoldyouthatIamamauvaissujet。”Gypinclinedherhead。Helookedathersteadily,andsaid:”Itistrue。ButIcouldbebetter——much。”
Shewantedtolookathim,butcouldnot。Aqueersortofexultationhadseizedonher。Thismanhadpower;yetshehadpoweroverhim。Ifshewishedshecouldmakehimherslave,herdog,chainhimtoher。Shehadbuttoholdoutherhand,andhewouldgoonhiskneestokissit。Shehadbuttosay,”Come,”andhewouldcomefromwhereverhemightbe。Shehadbuttosay,”Begood,”andhewouldbegood。Itwasherfirstexperienceofpower;
anditwasintoxicating。But——but!Gypcouldneverbeself-
confidentforlong;overhermostvictoriousmomentsbroodedtheshadowofdistrust。Asifhereadherthought,Fiorsensaid:”Tellmetodosomething——anything;Iwilldoit,MissWinton。””Then——gobacktoLondonatonce。Youarewastingyourselfhere,youknow。Yousaidso!”
Helookedather,bewilderedandupset,andmuttered:”YouhaveaskedmetheonethingIcan’tdo,Miss——MissGyp!””Please——notthat;it’slikeaservant!””IAMyourservant!””Isthatwhyyouwon’tdowhatIaskyou?””Youarecruel。”
Gyplaughed。
Hegotupandsaid,withsuddenfierceness:”Iamnotgoingawayfromyou;donotthinkit。”Bendingwiththeutmostswiftness,hetookherhand,puthislipstoit,andturnedonhisheel。
Gyp,uneasyandastonished,staredatherhand,stilltinglingfromthepressureofhisbristlymoustache。Thenshelaughedagain——itwasjust”foreign”tohaveyourhandkissed——andwentbacktoherbook,withouttakinginthewords。
Wasevercourtshipmorestrangethanthatwhichfollowed?Itissaidthatthecatfascinatesthebirditdesirestoeat;herethebirdfascinatedthecat,butthebirdtoowasfascinated。Gypneverlostthesenseofhavingthewhip-hand,alwaysfeltlikeonegivingalms,orextendingfavour,yethadafeelingofbeingunabletogetaway,whichseemedtocomefromtheverystrengthofthespellshelaidonhim。Themagnetismwithwhichsheheldhimreactedonherself。Thoroughlyscepticalatfirst,shecouldnotremainso。Hewastooutterlymoroseandunhappyifshedidnotsmileonhim,tooaliveandexcitedandgratefulifshedid。Thechangeinhiseyesfromtheirordinaryrestless,fierce,andfurtiveexpressiontohumbleadorationorwistfulhungerwhentheylookedathercouldneverhavebeensimulated。Andshehadnolackofchancetoseethatmetamorphosis。Wherevershewent,therehewas。Iftoaconcert,hewouldbeafewpacesfromthedoor,waitingforherentrance。Iftoaconfectioner’sfortea,aslikelyasnothewouldcomein。Everyafternoonhewalkedwhereshemustpass,ridingtotheNeroberg。
ExceptinthegardensoftheKochbrunnen,whenhewouldcomeuphumblyandasktositwithherfiveminutes,heneverforcedhiscompany,ortriedinanywaytocompromiseher。Experience,nodoubt,servedhimthere;buthemusthavehadaninstinctthatitwasdangerouswithonesosensitive。Therewereothermoths,too,roundthatbrightcandle,andtheyservedtokeephisattentionsfrombeingtooconspicuous。Didshecomprehendwhatwasgoingon,understandhowherdefenceswerebeingsapped,graspthedangertoretreatthatlayinpermittinghimtohoverroundher?Notreally。
Itallservedtoswellthetriumphantintoxicationofdayswhenshewasevermoreandmoreinlovewithliving,moreandmoreconsciousthattheworldappreciatedandadmiredher,thatshehadpowertodowhatotherscouldn’t。
WasnotFiorsen,withhisgreattalent,andhisdubiousreputation,proofofthat?Andheexcitedher。Whateverelseonemightbeinhismoody,vividcompany,onewouldnotbedull。Onemorning,hetoldhersomethingofhislife。HisfatherhadbeenasmallSwedishlandowner,averystrongmanandaveryharddrinker;hismother,thedaughterofapainter。Shehadtaughthimtheviolin,butdiedwhilehewasstillaboy。Whenhewasseventeenhehadquarrelledwithhisfather,andhadtoplayhisviolinforalivinginthestreetsofStockholm。Awell-knownviolinist,hearinghimoneday,tookhiminhand。Thenhisfatherhaddrunkhimselftodeath,andhehadinheritedthelittleestate。Hehadsolditatonce——”forfollies,”asheputitcrudely。”Yes,MissWinton;I
havecommittedmanyfollies,buttheyarenothingtothoseIshallcommitthedayIdonotseeyouanymore!”And,withthatdisturbingremark,hegotupandlefther。Shehadsmiledathiswords,butwithinherselfshefeltexcitement,scepticism,compassion,andsomethingshedidnotunderstandatall。Inthosedays,sheunderstoodherselfverylittle。
ButhowfardidWintonunderstand,howfarseewhatwasgoingon?
Hewasastoic;butthatdidnotpreventjealousyfromtakingalarm,andcausinghimtwingesmoreacutethanthosehestillfeltinhisleftfoot。Hewasafraidofshowingdisquietbyanydramaticchange,orhewouldhavecarriedheroffafortnightatleastbeforehiscurewasover。Heknewtoowellthesignsofpassion。Thatlong,loping,wolfishfiddlingfellowwiththebroadcheekbonesandlittleside-whiskersGoodGod!andgreenisheyeswhoselooksatGyphesecretlymarkeddown,rousedhiscompletedistrust。PerhapshisinbredEnglishcontemptforforeignersandartistskepthimfromdirectaction。HeCOULDnottakeitquiteseriously。Gyp,hisfastidiousperfectGyp,succumbing,evenalittletoafellowlikethat!Never!Hisjealousaffection,too,couldnotadmitthatshewouldneglecttoconsulthiminanydoubtordifficulty。Heforgotthesensitivesecrecyofgirls,forgotthathisloveforherhadevershunnedwords,herloveforhimneverindulgedinconfidences。Nordidheseemorethanalittleofwhattherewastosee,andthatlittlewasdoctoredbyFiorsenforhiseyes,shrewdthoughtheywere。Norwasthereinallsoverymuch,exceptoneepisodethedaybeforetheyleft,andofthatheknewnothing。
Thatlastafternoonwasverystill,alittlemournful。Ithadrainedthenightbefore,andthesoakedtree-trunks,thesoakedfallenleavesgaveoffafaintliquorice-likeperfume。InGyptherewasafeeling,asifherspirithadbeensuddenlyemptiedofexcitementanddelight。Wasittheday,orthethoughtofleavingthisplacewhereshehadsoenjoyedherself?Afterlunch,whenWintonwassettlinghisaccounts,shewanderedoutthroughthelongparkstretchingupthevalley。Theskywasbrooding-grey,thetreeswerestillandmelancholy。Itwasallalittlemelancholy,andshewentonandon,acrossthestream,roundintoamuddylanethatledupthroughtheoutskirtsofavillage,ontothehighergroundwhenceshecouldreturnbythemainroad。Whymustthingscometoanend?Forthefirsttimeinherlife,shethoughtofMildenhamandhuntingwithoutenthusiasm。ShewouldratherstayinLondon。Thereshewouldnotbecutofffrommusic,fromdancing,frompeople,andalltheexhilarationofbeingappreciated。Ontheaircametheshrilly,hollowdroningofathresher,andthesoundseemedexactlytoexpressherfeelings。Apigeonflewover,whiteagainsttheleadensky;somebirch-treesthathadgonegoldenshiveredandletfallashowerofdrops。Itwaslonelyhere!And,suddenly,twolittleboysboltedoutofthehedge,nearlyupsettingher,andscurrieddowntheroad。Somethinghadstartledthem。
Gyp,puttingupherfacetosee,feltonitsoftpin-pointsofrain。Herfrockwouldbespoiled,anditwasoneshewasfondof——
dove-coloured,velvety,notmeantforweather。Sheturnedforrefugetothebirch-trees。Itwouldbeoverdirectly,perhaps。
Muffledindistance,thewhiningdroneofthatthresherstillcametravelling,deepeningherdiscomfort。Theninthehedge,whencetheboyshadbolteddown,amanrearedhimselfabovethelane,andcamestridingalongtowardher。Hejumpeddownthebank,amongthebirch-trees。AndshesawitwasFiorsen——panting,dishevelled,palewithheat。Hemusthavefollowedher,andclimbedstraightupthehillsidefromthepathshehadcomealonginthebottom,beforecrossingthestream。Hisartisticdandyismhadbeenharshlytreatedbythatscramble。Shemighthavelaughed;but,instead,shefeltexcited,alittlescaredbythelookonhishot,paleface。Hesaid,breathlessly:”Ihavecaughtyou。Soyouaregoingto-morrow,andnevertoldme!
Youthoughtyouwouldslipaway——notawordforme!Areyoualwayssocruel?Well,Iwillnotspareyou,either!”
Crouchingsuddenly,hetookholdofherbroadribbonsash,andburiedhisfaceinit。Gypstoodtrembling——theactionhadnotstirredhersenseoftheridiculous。Hecircledherkneeswithhisarms。”Oh,Gyp,Iloveyou——Iloveyou——don’tsendmeaway——letmebewithyou!Iamyourdog——yourslave。Oh,Gyp,Iloveyou!”
Hisvoicemovedandterrifiedher。Menhadsaid”Iloveyou”
severaltimesduringthoselasttwoyears,butneverwiththatlost-soulringofpassion,neverwiththatlookintheeyesatoncefiercelyhungryandsosupplicating,neverwiththatrestless,eager,timidtouchofhands。Shecouldonlymurmur:”Pleasegetup!”
Buthewenton:”Lovemealittle,onlyalittle——loveme!Oh,Gyp!”
ThethoughtflashedthroughGyp:’Tohowmanyhasheknelt,I
wonder?’Hisfacehadakindofbeautyinitsabandonment——thebeautythatcomesfromyearning——andshelostherfrightenedfeeling。Hewenton,withhisstammeringmurmur:”Iamaprodigal,Iknow;butifyouloveme,Iwillnolongerbe。Iwilldogreatthingsforyou。Oh,Gyp,ifyouwillsomedaymarryme!Notnow。
WhenIhaveproved。Oh,Gyp,youaresosweet——sowonderful!”
Hisarmscreptuptillhehadburiedhisfaceagainstherwaist。
Withoutquiteknowingwhatshedid,Gyptouchedhishair,andsaidagain:”No;pleasegetup。”
Hegotupthen,andstandingnear,withhishandshardclenchedathissides,whispered:”Havemercy!Speaktome!”
Shecouldnot。Allwasstrangeandmazedandquiveringinher,herspiritstrainingaway,drawntohim,fantasticallyconfused。Shecouldonlylookintohisfacewithhertroubled,darkeyes。Andsuddenlyshewasseizedandcrushedtohim。Sheshrankaway,pushinghimbackwithallherstrength。Hehunghishead,abashed,suffering,witheyesshut,lipstrembling;andherheartfeltagainthatquiverofcompassion。Shemurmured:”Idon’tknow。Iwilltellyoulater——later——inEngland。”
Hebowed,foldinghisarms,asiftomakeherfeelsafefromhim。
Andwhen,regardlessoftherain,shebegantomoveon,hewalkedbesideher,ayardorsoaway,humbly,asthoughhehadneverpouredoutthosewordsorhurtherlipswiththeviolenceofhiskiss。
Backinherroom,takingoffherwetdress,Gyptriedtorememberwhathehadsaidandwhatshehadanswered。Shehadnotpromisedanything。Butshehadgivenhimheraddress,bothinLondonandthecountry。Unlesssheresolutelythoughtofotherthings,shestillfelttherestlesstouchofhishands,thegripofhisarms,andsawhiseyesastheywerewhenhewaskissingher;andoncemoreshefeltfrightenedandexcited。
Hewasplayingattheconcertthatevening——herlastconcert。Andsurelyhehadneverplayedlikethat——withadespairingbeauty,asortoffrenziedrapture。Listening,therecametoherafeeling——
afeelingoffatality——that,whethershewouldorno,shecouldnotfreeherselffromhim。
V
OncebackinEngland,Gyplostthatfeeling,orverynearly。HerscepticismtoldherthatFiorsenwouldsoonseesomeoneelsewhoseemedallhehadsaidshewas!Howridiculoustosupposethathewouldstophisfolliesforher,thatshehadanyrealpoweroverhim!But,deepdown,shedidnotquitebelievethis。Itwouldhavewoundedherbeliefinherselftoomuch——abeliefsosubtleandintimatethatshewasnotconsciousofit;beliefinthatsomethingaboutherwhichhadinspiredthebaronesstousetheword”fatality。”
Winton,whobreathedagain,hurriedherofftoMildenham。Hehadboughtheranewhorse。Theywereintimeforthelastofthecubbing。And,foraweekatleast,thepassionforridingandthesightofhoundscarriedallbeforeit。Then,justastherealbusinessoftheseasonwasbeginning,shebegantofeeldullandrestless。Mildenhamwasdark;theautumnwindsmadedrearynoises。
Herlittlebrownspaniel,veryold,whoseemedonlytohaveheldontolifejustforherreturn,died。Sheaccusedherselfterriblyforhavingleftitsolongwhenitwasfailing。ThinkingofallthedaysLasshadbeenwatchingforhertocomehome——asBetty,withthatloveofwoefulrecitalsodeartosimplehearts,tookgoodcaretomakeplain——shefeltasifshehadbeencruel。Foreventssuchasthese,Gypwasbothtootender-heartedandtoohardonherself。Shewasquiteillforseveraldays。Themomentshewasbetter,Winton,indismay,whiskedherbacktoAuntRosamund,intown。Hewouldlosehercompany,butifitdidhergood,tookheroutofherself,hewouldbecontent。Runningupfortheweek-
end,threedayslater,hewasrelievedtofindherdecidedlyperked-up,andleftheragainwiththeeasierheart。
ItwasonthedayafterhewentbacktoMildenhamthatshereceivedaletterfromFiorsen,forwardedfromBuryStreet。Hewas——itsaid——justreturningtoLondon;hehadnotforgottenanylookshehadevergivenhim,oranywordshehadspoken。Heshouldnotresttillhecouldseeheragain。”Foralongtime,”theletterended,”beforeIfirstsawyou,Iwaslikethedead——lost。Allwasbitterapplestome。NowIamashipthatcomesfromthewhirlpoolstoawarmbluesea;nowIseeagaintheeveningstar。Ikissyourhands,andamyourfaithfulslave——GustavFiorsen。”Thesewords,whichfromanyothermanwouldhaveexcitedherderision,renewedinGypthatflutteredfeeling,thepleasurable,frightenedsensethatshecouldnotgetawayfromhispursuit。
ShewroteinanswertotheaddresshegaveherinLondon,tosaythatshewasstayingforafewdaysinCurzonStreetwithheraunt,whowouldbegladtoseehimifhecaredtocomeinanyafternoonbetweenfiveandsix,andsignedherself”GhitaWinton。”Shewaslongoverthatlittlenote。Itscurtformalitygavehersatisfaction。Wasshereallymistressofherself——andhim;abletodisposeasshewished?Yes;andsurelythenoteshowedit。
ItwasnevereasytotellGyp’sfeelingsfromherface;evenWintonwasoftenbaffled。HerpreparationofAuntRosamundforthereceptionofFiorsenwasamasterpieceofcasualness。Whenhedulycame,he,too,seemeddoublyalivetotheneedforcaution,onlygazingatGypwhenhecouldnotbeseendoingso。But,goingout,hewhispered:”Notlikethis——notlikethis;Imustseeyoualone——
Imust!”Shesmiledandshookherhead。Butbubbleshadcomebacktothewineinhercup。
ThateveningshesaidquietlytoAuntRosamund:”Daddoesn’tlikeMr。Fiorsen——can’tappreciatehisplaying,ofcourse。”
AndthismostdiscreetremarkcausedAuntRosamund,avid——inawell-bredway——ofmusic,toomitmentionoftheintruderwhenwritingtoherbrother。Thenexttwoweekshecamealmosteveryday,alwaysbringinghisviolin,Gypplayinghisaccompaniments,andthoughhishungrystaresometimesmadeherfeelhot,shewouldhavemissedit。
ButwhenWintonnextcameuptoBuryStreet,shewasinaquandary。
ToconfessthatFiorsenwashere,havingomittedtospeakofhiminherletters?Nottoconfess,andleavehimtofinditoutfromAuntRosamund?Whichwasworse?Seizedwithpanic,shedidneither,buttoldherfathershewasdyingforagallop。Hailingthatasthebestofsigns,hetookherforthwithbacktoMildenham。
Andcuriouswereherfeelings——light-hearted,compunctious,asofonewhoescapesyetknowsshewillsoonbeseekingtoreturn。Themeetwasratherfarnextday,butsheinsistedonridingtoit,sinceoldPettance,thesuperannuatedjockey,charitablyemployedasextrastablehelpatMildenham,wastobringonhersecondhorse。Therewasagoodscenting-wind,withrainintheoffing,andoutsidethecoverttheyhadacornertothemselves——Wintonknowingatrickworthtwoofthefield’sat-large。Theyhadslippedthere,luckilyunseen,fortheknowingweregiventofollowingtheone-handedhorsemaninfadedpink,who,onhisbang-
tailedblackmare,hadaknackofgettingsowellaway。Oneofthewhips,alittledarkfellowwithsmoulderyeyesandsucked-inweatheredcheeks,dashedoutofcovert,rodepast,saluting,anddashedinagain。Ajaycameoutwithascreech,dived,anddoubledback;aharemadeoffacrossthefallow——thelight-brownloppingcreaturewasbarelyvisibleagainstthebrownishsoil。Pigeons,veryhighup,flewoverandawaytothenextwood。Theshrillingvoicesofthewhipsrosefromthecovert-depths,andjustawhimpernowandthenfromthehounds,swiftlywheelingtheirnosesamongthefernandbriers。
Gyp,crispingherfingersonthereins,drew-indeepbreaths。Itsmelledsosweetandsoftandfreshunderthatsky,piedofblue,andofwhiteandlight-greyswift-movingclouds——nothalfthewinddownherethattherewasupthere,justenoughtobecarryingoffthebeechandoakleaves,loosenedbyfrosttwodaysbefore。Ifonlyafoxwouldbreakthisside,andtheycouldhavethefirstfieldstothemselves!Itwassolovelytobealonewithhounds!
Oneofthesecametrottingout,aprettyyoungcreature,busyandunconcerned,raisingitstan-and-whitehead,itsmildreproachfuldeep-browneyes,atWinton’s,”Loo-inTrix!”Whatadarling!A
burstofmusicfromthecovert,andthedarlingvanishedamongthebriers。
Gyp’snewbrownhorseprickeditsears。Ayoungmaninagreycutaway,buffcords,andjack-boots,onalowchestnutmare,cameslippingroundthecovert。Oh——didthatmeantheywereallcoming?
Impatientlysheglancedatthisintruder,whoraisedhishatalittleandsmiled。Thatsmile,faintlyimpudent,wassoinfectious,thatGypwasmeltedtoaslightresponse。Thenshefrowned。Hehadspoiledtheirlovelyloneliness。Whowashe?Helookedunpardonablysereneandhappysittingthere。Shedidnotrememberhisfaceatall,yettherewassomethingfamiliaraboutit。Hehadtakenhishatoff——abroadface,verywellcut,andclean-shaved,withdarkcurlyhair,extraordinarycleareyes,abold,cool,merrylook。Wherehadsheseensomebodylikehim?
AtinysoundfromWintonmadeherturnherhead。Thefox——stealingoutbeyondthosefurtherbushes!Breathless,shefixedhereyesonherfather’sface。Itwashardassteel,watching。Notasound,notaquiver,asifhorseandmanhadturnedtometal。Washenevergoingtogivetheview-halloo?Thenhislipswrithed,andoutitcame。Gypcastaswiftsmileofgratitudeattheyoungmanforhavinghadtasteandsensetoleavethattoherfather,andagainhesmiledather。Therewerethefirsthoundsstreamingout——
oneontheother——musicandfeather!Whydidn’tDadgo?Theywouldallberoundthiswayinaminute!
Thentheblackmareslidpasther,and,withabound,herhorsefollowed。Theyoungmanonthechestnutwasawayontheleft。
Onlythehunts-manandonewhip——besidetheirthreeselves!
Glorious!ThebrownhorsewenttoofastatthatfirstfenceandWintoncalledback:”Steady,Gyp!Steadyhim!”Butshecouldn’t;
anditdidn’tmatter。Grass,threefieldsofgrass!Oh,whatalovelyfox——goingsostraight!Andeachtimethebrownhorserose,shethought:”Perfect!ICANride!Oh,Iamhappy!”Andshehopedherfatherandtheyoungmanwerelooking。Therewasnofeelingintheworldlikethis,withaleaderlikeDad,houndsmovingfree,goodgoing,andthefielddistanced。Betterthandancing;better——yes,betterthanlisteningtomusic。Ifonecouldspendone’slifegalloping,sailingoverfences;ifitwouldneverstop!Thenewhorsewasadarling,thoughheDIDpull。
Shecrossedthenextfencelevelwiththeyoungman,whoselowchestnutmaremovedwithastealthyaction。Hishatwascrammeddownnow,andhisfaceverydetermined,buthislipsstillhadsomethingofthatsmile。Gypthought:”He’sgotagoodseat——verystrong,onlyhelookslike’thrusting。’NobodyrideslikeDad——sobeautifullyquiet!”Indeed,Winton’sseatonahorsewasperfection,alldonewithsuchaminimumexpenditure。Thehoundsswungroundinacurve。Nowshewaswiththem,reallywiththem!
Whatapace——cracking!Nofoxcouldstandthislong!
Andsuddenlyshecaughtsightofhim,barelyafieldahead,scurryingdesperately,brushdown;andthethoughtflashedthroughher:’Oh!don’tlet’scatchyou。Goon,fox;goon!Getaway!’
Weretheyreallyallafterthatlittlehuntedredthing——ahundredgreatcreatures,horsesandmenandwomenanddogs,andonlythatonelittlefox!Butthencameanotherfence,andquicklyanother,andshelostfeelingsofshameandpityintheexultationofflyingoverthem。Aminutelaterthefoxwenttoearthwithinafewhundredyardsoftheleadinghound,andshewasglad。Shehadbeeninatdeathsbefore——horrid!Butithadbeenalovelygallop。
And,breathless,smilingrapturously,shewonderedwhethershecouldmopherfacebeforethefieldcameup,withoutthatyoungmannoticing。
Shecouldseehimtalkingtoherfather,andtakingoutawispofahandkerchiefthatsmelledofcyclamen,shehadagoodscrubround。
Whensherodeup,theyoungmanraisedhishat,andlookingfullathersaid:”Youdidgo!”Hisvoice,ratherhigh-pitched,hadinitaspiceofpleasantlaziness。Gypmadehimanironicallittlebow,andmurmured:”Mynewhorse,youmean。”Hebrokeagainintothatirrepressiblesmile,but,allthesame,sheknewthatheadmiredher。Andshekeptthinking:’WhereHAVEIseensomeonelikehim?’
Theyhadtwomoreruns,butnothinglikethatfirstgallop。Nordidsheagainseetheyoungman,whosename——itseemed——wasSummerhay,sonofacertainLadySummerhayatWidrington,tenmilesfromMildenham。
Allthatlong,silentjoghomewithWintoninfadingdaylight,shefeltveryhappy——saturatedwithairandelation。Thetreesandfields,thehay-stacks,gates,andpondsbesidethelanesgrewdim;
lightscameupinthecottagewindows;theairsmelledsweetofwoodsmoke。And,forthefirsttimeallday,shethoughtofFiorsen,thoughtofhimalmostlongingly。Ifhecouldbethereinthecosyolddrawing-room,toplaytoherwhileshelayback——
drowsing,dreamingbythefireinthescentofburningcedarlogs——
theMozartminuet,orthatlittleheart-catchingtuneofPoise,playedthefirsttimesheheardhim,oradozenotherofthethingsheplayedunaccompanied!Thatwouldbethemostlovelyendingtothislovelyday。Justtheglowandwarmthwanting,tomakeallperfect——theglowandwarmthofmusicandadoration!
Andtouchingthemarewithherheel,shesighed。ToindulgefanciesaboutmusicandFiorsenwassafehere,farawayfromhim;
sheeventhoughtshewouldnotmindifheweretobehaveagainashehadunderthebirch-treesintherainatWiesbaden。Itwassogoodtobeadored。Heroldmare,riddennowsixyears,begantheseriesofcontentedsnufflesthatsignifiedshesmelthome。Herewasthelastturn,andtheloomoftheshortbeech-treeavenuetothehouse——theoldmanor-house,comfortable,roomy,ratherdark,withwideshallowstairs。Ah,shewastired;anditwasdrizzlingnow。Shewouldbenicelystiffto-morrow。InthelightcomingfromtheopendoorshesawMarkeystanding;andwhilefishingfromherpockettheusuallumpsofsugar,heardhimsay:”Mr。Fiorsen,sir——gentlemanfromWiesbaden——toseeyou。”
Herheartthumped。Whatdidthismean?Whyhadhecome?Howhadhedared?Howcouldhehavebeensotreacheroustoher?Ah,buthewasignorant,ofcourse,thatshehadnottoldherfather。A
veritablejudgmentonher!Sheranstraightinandupthestairs。
ThevoiceofBetty,”Yourbath’sready,MissGyp,”rousedher。Andcrying,”Oh,Bettydarling,bringmeupmytea!”sheranintothebathroom。Shewassafethere;andinthedeliciousheatofthebathfacedthesituationbetter。
Therecouldbeonlyonemeaning。Hehadcometoaskforher。And,suddenly,shetookcomfort。Betterso;therewouldbenomoresecrecyfromDad!AndhewouldstandbetweenherandFiorsenif——
ifshedecidednottomarryhim。Thethoughtstaggeredher。Hadshe,withoutknowingit,gotsofarasthis?Yes,andfurther。Itwasallnogood;Fiorsenwouldneveracceptrefusal,evenifshegaveit!But,didshewanttorefuse?
Shelovedhotbaths,buthadneverstayedinonesolong。Lifewassoeasythere,andsodifficultoutside。Betty’sknockforcedhertogetoutatlast,andletherinwithteaandthemessage。WouldMissGyppleasetogodownwhenshewasready?
VI
Wintonwasstaggered。WithaglanceatGyp’svanishingfigure,hesaidcurtlytoMarkey,”Wherehaveyouputthisgentleman?”Buttheuseoftheword”this”wastheonlytraceheshowedofhisemotions。Inthatlittlejourneyacrossthehallheentertainedmanyextravagantthoughts。Arrivedatthestudy,heinclinedhisheadcourteouslyenough,waitingforFiorsentospeak。The”fiddler,”stillinhisfur-linedcoat,wastwistingasquashhatinhishands。Inhisownpeculiarstylehewasimpressive。Butwhycouldn’thelookyouintheface;or,ifhedid,whydidheseemabouttoeatyou?”YouknewIwasreturnedtoLondon,MajorWinton?”
ThenGyphadbeenseeingthefellowwithoutlettinghimknow!ThethoughtwaschillandbittertoWinton。Hemustnotgiveheraway,however,andhesimplybowed。Hefeltthathisvisitorwasafraidofhisfrigidcourtesy;andhedidnotmeantohelphimoverthatfear。Hecouldnot,ofcourse,realizethatthisascendancywouldnotpreventFiorsenfromlaughingathimbehindhisbackandactingasifhedidnotexist。Norealcontest,infact,waspossiblebetweenmenmovingonsuchdifferentplanes,neitherhavingtheslightestrespectfortheother’sstandardsorbeliefs。
Fiorsen,whohadbeguntopacetheroom,stopped,andsaidwithagitation:”MajorWinton,yourdaughteristhemostbeautifulthingonearth。
Iloveherdesperately。Iamamanwithafuture,thoughyoumaynotthinkit。IhavewhatfutureIlikeinmyartifonlyIcanmarryher。Ihavealittlemoney,too——notmuch;butinmyviolinthereisallthefortuneshecanwant。”
Winton’sfaceexpressednothingbutcoldcontempt。Thatthisfellowshouldtakehimforonewhowouldconsidermoneyinconnectionwithhisdaughtersimplyaffrontedhim。
Fiorsenwenton:”Youdonotlikeme——thatisclear。Isawitthefirstmoment。
YouareanEnglishgentleman”——hepronouncedthewordswithasortofirony——”Iamnothingtoyou。Yet,inMYworld,Iamsomething。
Iamnotanadventurer。Willyoupermitmetobegyourdaughtertobemywife?”Heraisedhishandsthatstillheldthehat;
involuntarilytheyhadassumedtheattitudeofprayer。
Forasecond,Wintonrealizedthathewassuffering。Thatweaknesswentinaflash,andhesaidfrigidly:”Iamobligedtoyou,sir,forcomingtomefirst。Youareinmyhouse,andIdon’twanttobediscourteous,butIshouldbegladifyouwouldbegoodenoughtowithdrawandtakeitthatIshallcertainlyopposeyourwishasbestIcan。”
ThealmostchildishdisappointmentandtroubleinFiorsen’sfacechangedquicklytoanexpressionfierce,furtive,mocking;andthenshiftedtodespair。”MajorWinton,youhaveloved;youmusthavelovedhermother。I
suffer!”
Winton,whohadturnedabruptlytothefire,facedroundagain。”Idon’tcontrolmydaughter’saffections,sir;shewilldoasshewishes。Imerelysayitwillbeagainstmyhopesandjudgmentifshemarriesyou。Iimagineyou’venotaltogetherwaitedformyleave。IwasnotblindtothewayyouhungaboutheratWiesbaden,Mr。Fiorsen。”
Fiorsenansweredwithatwisted,miserablesmile:”Poorwretchesdowhattheycan。MayIseeher?Letmejustseeher。”
Wasitanygoodtorefuse?Shehadbeenseeingthefellowalreadywithouthisknowledge,keepingfromhim——HIM——allherfeelings,whatevertheywere。Andhesaid:”I’llsendforher。Inthemeantime,perhapsyou’llhavesomerefreshment?”
Fiorsenshookhishead,andtherefollowedhalfanhourofacutediscomfort。Winton,inhismud-stainedclothesbeforethefire,supporteditbetterthanhisvisitor。Thatchildofnature,afterendeavouringtoemulatehishost’squietude,renouncedallsucheffortswithanexpressivegesture,fidgetedhere,fidgetedthere,trampedtheroom,wenttothewindow,drewasidethecurtainsandstaredoutintothedark;camebackasifresolvedagaintoconfrontWinton;then,baffledbythatfiguresomotionlessbeforethefire,flunghimselfdowninanarmchair,andturnedhisfacetothewall。Wintonwasnotcruelbynature,butheenjoyedthewrithingsofthisfellowwhowasendangeringGyp’shappiness。
Endangering?Surelynotpossiblethatshewouldaccepthim!Yet,ifnot,whyhadshenottoldhim?Andhe,too,suffered。
Thenshecame。Hehadexpectedhertobepaleandnervous;butGypneveradmittedbeingnaughtytillshehadbeenforgiven。Hersmilingfacehadinitakindofwarningcloseness。ShewentuptoFiorsen,andholdingoutherhand,saidcalmly:”Howniceofyoutocome!”
Wintonhadthebitterfeelingthathe——he——wastheoutsider。Well,hewouldspeakplainly;therehadbeentoomuchunderhanddoing。”Mr。Fiorsenhasdoneusthehonourtowishtomarryyou。I’vetoldhimthatyoudecidesuchthingsforyourself。Ifyouaccepthim,itwillbeagainstmywish,naturally。”
Whilehewasspeaking,theglowinhercheeksdeepened;shelookedneitherathimnoratFiorsen。Wintonnotedtheriseandfallofthelaceonherbreast。Shewassmiling,andgavethetiniestshrugofhershoulders。And,suddenlysmittentotheheart,hewalkedstifflytothedoor。Itwasevidentthatshehadnouseforhisguidance。Ifherloveforhimwasnotworthtohermorethanthisfellow!Buttherehisresentmentstopped。Heknewthathecouldnotaffordwoundedfeelings;couldnotgetonwithouther。
Marriedtothegreatestrascalonearth,hewouldstillbestandingbyher,wantinghercompanionshipandlove。Sherepresentedtoomuchinthepresentand——thepast。Withsoreheart,indeed,hewentdowntodinner。
Fiorsenwasgonewhenhecamedownagain。Whatthefellowhadsaid,orshehadanswered,hewouldnotfortheworldhaveasked。
Gulfsbetweentheproudarenotlightlybridged。Andwhenshecameuptosaygood-night,boththeirfaceswereasthoughcoatedwithwax。
Inthedaysthatfollowed,shegavenosign,utterednowordinanywaysuggestingthatshemeanttogoagainsthiswishes。Fiorsenmightnothaveexisted,foranymentionmadeofhim。ButWintonknewwellthatshewasmoping,andcherishingsomefeelingagainsthimself。Andthishecouldnotbear。So,oneevening,afterdinner,hesaidquietly:”Tellmefrankly,Gyp;doyoucareforthatchap?”
Sheansweredasquietly:”Inaway——yes。””Isthatenough?””Idon’tknow,Dad。”
Herlipshadquivered;andWinton’sheartsoftened,asitalwaysdidwhenhesawhermoved。Heputhishandout,coveredoneofhers,andsaid:”Ishallneverstandinthewayofyourhappiness,Gyp。ButitmustBEhappiness。Canitpossiblybethat?Idon’tthinkso。
Youknowwhattheysaidofhimoutthere?””Yes。”
Hehadnotthoughtsheknew。Andhisheartsank。”That’sprettybad,youknow。Andisheofourworldatall?”
Gyplookedup。”DoyouthinkIbelongto’ourworld,’Dad?”
Wintonturnedaway。Shefollowed,slippingherhandunderhisarm。”Ididn’tmeantohurt。Butit’strue,isn’tit?Idon’tbelongamongsocietypeople。Theywouldn’thaveme,youknow——iftheyknewaboutwhatyoutoldme。EversincethatI’vefeltIdon’tbelongtothem。I’mnearerhim。Musicmeansmoretomethananything!”
Wintongaveherhandaconvulsivegrip。Asenseofcomingdefeatandbereavementwasonhim。”Ifyourhappinesswentwrong,Gyp,Ishouldbemostawfullycutup。””Butwhyshouldn’tIbehappy,Dad?””Ifyouwere,Icouldputupwithanyone。But,Itellyou,Ican’tbelieveyouwouldbe。Ibegyou,mydear——forGod’ssake,makesure。I’llputabulletintothemanwhotreatsyoubadly。”
Gyplaughed,thenkissedhim。Buttheyweresilent。Atbedtimehesaid:”We’llgouptotownto-morrow。”
Whetherfromafeelingoftheinevitable,orfromtheforlornhopethatseeingmoreofthefellowmightbetheonlychanceofcuringher——heputnomoreobstaclesintheway。
Andthequeercourtshipbeganagain。ByChristmasshehadconsented,stillundertheimpressionthatshewasthemistress,nottheslave——thecat,notthebird。Onceortwice,whenFiorsenletpassionoutofhandandhisoverboldcaressesaffrontedher,sherecoiledalmostwithdreadfromwhatshewasgoingtoward。
But,ingeneral,shelivedelated,intoxicatedbymusicandhisadoration,withalremorsefulthatshewasmakingherfathersad。
ShewasbutlittleatMildenham,andhe,inhisunhappiness,wastherenearlyallthetime,ridingextrahard,andleavingGypwithhissister。AuntRosamund,thoughunderthespellofFiorsen’smusic,hadagreedwithherbrotherthatFiorsenwas”impossible。”
ButnothingshesaidmadeanyeffectonGyp。Itwasnewandstartlingtodiscoverinthissoft,sensitivegirlsuchaveinofstubbornness。Oppositionseemedtohardenherresolution。Andthegoodlady’snaturaloptimismbegantopersuadeherthatGypwouldmakeasilkpurseoutofthatsow’searyet。Afterall,themanwasacelebrityinhisway!
ItwassettledforFebruary。AhousewithagardenwastakeninSt。John’sWood。Thelastmonthwent,asallsuchlastmonthsgo,inthoseintoxicatingpastimes,thebuyingoffurnitureandclothes。Ifitwerenotforthat,whoknowshowmanyengagementknotswouldslip!
Andto-daytheyhadbeenmarried。Tothelast,Wintonhadhardlybelieveditwouldcometothat。Hehadshakenthehandofherhusbandandkeptpainanddisappointmentoutofhisface,knowingwellthathedeceivednoone。Thankheaven,therehadbeennochurch,nowedding-cake,invitations,congratulations,fal-lalsofanykind——hecouldneverhavestoodthem。NotevenRosamund——whohadinfluenza——toputupwith!
Lyingbackintherecessesofthatoldchair,hestaredintothefire。
TheywouldbejustaboutatTorquaybynow——justabout。Music!
Whowouldhavethoughtnoisesmadeoutofstringandwoodcouldhavestolenherawayfromhim?Yes,theywouldbeatTorquaybynow,attheirhotel。AndthefirstprayerWintonhadutteredforyearsescapedhislips:”Letherbehappy!Letherbehappy!”
Then,hearingMarkeyopenthedoor,heclosedhiseyesandfeignedsleep。
PartII
I
Whenagirlfirstsitsoppositethemanshehasmarried,ofwhatdoesshethink?Notoftheissuesandemotionsthatlieinwait。
Theyaretoooverwhelming;shewouldavoidthemwhileshecan。Gypthoughtofherfrock,amushroom-colouredvelvetcord。Notmanygirlsofherclassaremarriedwithout”fal-lals,”asWintonhadcalledthem。Notmanygirlssitinthecorneroftheirreservedfirst-classcompartmentswithouttheexcitementofhavingbeensupremecentreoftheworldforsomeflatteringhourstobuoythemuponthattrainjourney,withnomemoriesoffriends’behaviour,speech,appearance,tochatofwithherhusband,soastokeepthoughtaway。ForGyp,herdress,firstwornthatday,Betty’sbreakdown,thefaces,blankashats,oftheregistrarandclerk,wereaboutallshehadtodistracther。Shestolealookatherhusband,clothedinblueserge,justopposite。Herhusband!Mrs。
GustavFiorsen!No!Peoplemightcallherthat;toherself,shewasGhitaWinton。GhitaFiorsenwouldneverseemright。And,notconfessingthatshewasafraidtomeethiseyes,butafraidallthesame,shelookedoutofthewindow。Adull,bleak,dismalday;nowarmth,nosun,nomusicinit——theThamesasgreyaslead,thewillowsonitsbanksforlorn。
Suddenlyshefelthishandonhers。Shehadnotseenhisfacelikethatbefore——yes;onceortwicewhenhewasplaying——aspiritshiningthough。Shefeltsuddenlysecure。Ifitstayedlikethat,then!——Hishandrestedonherknee;hisfacechangedjustalittle;
thespiritseemedtowaver,tobefading;hislipsgrewfuller。Hecrossedoverandsatbesideher。Instantlyshebegantotalkabouttheirhouse,wheretheyweregoingtoputcertainthings——presentsandallthat。He,too,talkedofthehouse;buteverynowandthenheglancedatthecorridor,andmuttered。Itwaspleasanttofeelthatthethoughtofherpossessedhimthroughandthrough,butshewastremulouslygladofthatcorridor。Lifeismercifullymadeupoflittlethings!AndGypwasalwaysabletoliveinthemoment。
Inthehourstheyhadspenttogether,uptonow,hehadbeenlikeastarvedmansnatchinghastymeals;nowthathehadhertohimselfforgood,hewasanothercreaturealtogether——likeaboyoutofschool,andkeptherlaughingnearlyallthetime。
Presentlyhegotdownhispractiseviolin,andputtingonthemute,played,lookingatheroverhisshoulderwithadrollsmile。Shefelthappy,muchwarmeratheart,now。Andwhenhisfacewasturnedaway,shelookedathim。Hewassomuchbetterlookingnowthanwhenhehadthoselittlewhiskers。Onedayshehadtouchedoneofthemandsaid:”Ah!ifonlythesewingscouldfly!”Nextmorningtheyhadflown。Hisfacewasnotonetobeeasilygotusedto;shewasnotusedtoityet,anymorethanshewasusedtohistouch。Whenitgrewdark,andhewantedtodrawdowntheblinds,shecaughthimbythesleeve,andsaid:”No,no;they’llknowwe’rehoneymooners!””Well,myGyp,andarewenot?”
Butheobeyed;only,asthehourswenton,hiseyesseemednevertoletheralone。
AtTorquay,theskywasclearandstarry;thewindbroughtwhiffsofsea-scentintotheircab;lightswinkedfaroutonaheadland;
andinthelittleharbour,allbluishdark,manylittleboatsfloatedliketamebirds。Hehadputhisarmroundher,andshecouldfeelhishandrestingonherheart。Shewasgratefulthathekeptsostill。Whenthecabstoppedandtheyenteredthehallofthehotel,shewhispered:”Don’tlet’sletthemsee!”
Still,mercifully,littlethings!Inspectingthethreerooms,gettingtheluggagedividedbetweendressing-roomandbedroom,unpacking,wonderingwhichdresstoputonfordinner,stoppingtolookoutoverthedarkrocksandthesea,wherethemoonwascomingup,wonderingifshedaredlockthedoorwhileshewasdressing,decidingthatitwouldbesilly;dressingsoquickly,flutteringwhenshefoundhimsuddenlythereclosebehindher,beginningtodoupherhooks。Thosefingersweretooskilful!Itwasthefirsttimeshehadthoughtofhispastwithasortofhurtprideandfastidiousness。Whenhehadfinished,hetwistedherround,heldheraway,lookedatherfromheadtofoot,andsaidbelowhisbreath:”Mine!”
Herheartbeatfastthen;butsuddenlyhelaughed,slippedhisarmabouther,anddancedhertwiceroundtheroom。Helethergodemurelydownthestairsinfrontofhim,saying:”Theyshan’tsee——myGyp。Oh,theyshan’tsee!Weareoldmarriedpeople,tiredofeachother——very!”
Atdinneritamusedhimatfirst——hertoo,alittle——tokeepupthisfarceofindifference。Buteverynowandthenheturnedandstaredatsomeinoffensivevisitorwhowastakinginterestinthem,withsuchfierceandgenuinecontemptthatGyptookalarm;whereonhelaughed。Whenshehaddrunkalittlewineandhehaddrunkagooddeal,thefarceofindifferencecametoitsend。Hetalkedatagreatratenow,slyingnicknamingthewaitersandmimickingthepeoplearound——happythruststhatmadehersmilebutshiveralittle,lesttheyshouldbeheardorseen。Theirheadswereclosetogetheracrossthelittletable。Theywentoutintothelounge。
Coffeecame,andhewantedhertosmokewithhim。Shehadneversmokedinapublicroom。Butitseemedstiffand”missish”torefuse——shemustdonowashisworlddid。Anditwasanotherlittlething;shewantedlittlethings,allthetimewantedthem。
Shedrewbackawindow-curtain,andtheystoodtheresidebyside。
Theseawasdeepbluebeneathbrightstars,andthemoonshonethrougharaggedpine-treeonalittleheadland。Thoughshestoodfivefeetsixinhershoes,shewasonlyuptohismouth。Hesighedandsaid:”Beautifulnight,myGyp!”Andsuddenlyitstruckherthatsheknewnothingofwhatwasinhim,andyethewasherhusband!”Husband”——funnyword,notpretty!Shefeltasachildopeningthedoorofadarkroom,and,clutchinghisarm,said:”Look!There’sasailing-boat。What’sitdoingoutthereatnight?”Anotherlittlething!Anylittlething!
Presentlyhesaid:”Comeup-stairs!I’llplaytoyou。”
Upintheirsitting-roomwasapiano,but——notpossible;to-morrowtheywouldhavetogetanother。To-morrow!Thefirewashot,andhetookoffhiscoattoplay。Inoneofhisshirt-sleevestherewasarent。Shethought,withasortoftriumph:’Ishallmendthat!’Itwassomethingdefinite,actual——alittlething。Therewereliliesintheroomthatgaveastrong,sweetscent。Hebroughtthemuptohertosniff,and,whileshewassniffing,stoopedsuddenlyandkissedherneck。Sheshuthereyeswithashiver。Hetooktheflowersawayatonce,andwhensheopenedhereyesagain,hisviolinwasathisshoulder。Forawholehourheplayed,andGyp,inhercream-colouredfrock,layback,listening。
Shewastired,notsleepy。Itwouldhavebeennicetohavebeensleepy。Hermouthhaditslittlesadtuckordimpleatthecorner;
hereyesweredeepanddark——acloudychild。Hisgazeneverleftherface;heplayedandplayed,andhisownfitfulfacegrewclouded。Atlastheputawaytheviolin,andsaid:”Gotobed,Gyp;you’retired。”
Obedientlyshegotupandwentintothebedroom。Withasickfeelinginherheart,andasnearthefireasshecouldget,sheundressedwithdesperatehaste,andgottobed。Anage——itseemed——
shelaythereshiveringinherflimsylawnagainstthecoldsheets,hereyesnotquiteclosed,watchingtheflickerofthefirelight。Shedidnotthink——couldnot——justlaystillerthanthedead。Thedoorcreaked。Sheshuthereyes。Hadsheaheartatall?Itdidnotseemtobeat。Shelaythus,witheyesshut,tillshecouldbearitnolonger。Bythefirelightshesawhimcrouchingatthefootofthebed;couldjustseehisface——likeaface——aface——whereseen?Ahyes!——apicture——ofawildmancrouchingatthefeetofIphigenia——sohumble,sohungry——solostingazing。Shegavealittlesmotheredsobandheldoutherhand。
II
Gypwastooproudtogivebyhalves。AndinthoseearlydaysshegaveFiorseneverythingexcept——herheart。Sheearnestlydesiredtogivethattoo;butheartsonlygivethemselves。Perhapsifthewildmaninhim,maddenedbybeautyinitspower,hadnotsooustedthespiritman,herheartmighthavegonewithherlipsandtherestofher。Heknewhewasnotgettingherheart,anditmadehim,inthewildnessofhisnatureandtheperversityofaman,gojustthewrongwaytowork,tryingtoconquerherbythesenses,notthesoul。
Yetshewasnotunhappy——itcannotbesaidshewasunhappy,exceptforasortoflostfeelingsometimes,asifsheweretryingtograspsomethingthatkeptslipping,slippingaway。Shewasgladtogivehimpleasure。Shefeltnorepulsion——thiswasman’snature。
Onlytherewasalwaysthatfeelingthatshewasnotclose。Whenhewasplaying,withthespirit-lookonhisface,shewouldfeel:
’Now,now,surelyIshallgetclosetohim!’Butthelookwouldgo;howtokeepitthereshedidnotknow,andwhenitwent,herfeelingwenttoo。
Theirlittlesuiteofroomswasattheveryendofthehotel,sothathemightplayasmuchashewished。Whilehepractisedinthemorningsshewouldgointothegarden,whichslopedinrock-
terracesdowntothesea。Wrappedinfur,shewouldsittherewithabook。Shesoonkneweachevergreen,orflowerthatwascomingout——aubretia,andlaurustinus,alittlewhiteflowerwhosenamewasuncertain,andonestar-periwinkle。Theairwasoftensoft;
thebirdssangalreadyandwerebusywiththeirweddings,andtwice,atleast,springcameinherheart——thatwonderfulfeelingwhenfirstthewholebeingscentsnewlifepreparingintheearthandthewind——thefeelingthatonlycomeswhenspringisnotyet,andoneachesandrejoicesallatonce。Seagullsoftencameoverher,craningdowntheirgreedybillsandutteringcrieslikeakitten’smewing。
Outhereshehadfeelings,thatshedidnotgetwithhim,ofbeingatonewitheverything。Shedidnotrealizehowtremendouslyshehadgrownupinthesefewdays,howthegroundbasshadalreadycomeintothelightmusicofherlife。LivingwithFiorsenwasopeninghereyestomuchbesidemereknowledgeof”man’snature”;
withherperhapsfatalreceptivity,shewasalreadysoakinguptheatmosphereofhisphilosophy。Hewasalwaysinrevoltagainstacceptingthingsbecausehewasexpectedto;but,likemostexecutantartists,hewasnoreasoner,justamereinstinctivekickeragainstthepricks。Hewouldlosehimselfindelightwithasunset,ascent,atune,anewcaress,inarushofpityforabeggarorablindman,arushofaversionfromamanwithlargefeetoralongnose,ofhatredforawomanwithaflatchestoranexpressionofsanctimony。Hewouldswingalongwhenhewaswalking,ordawdle,dawdle;hewouldsingandlaugh,andmakeherlaughtootillsheached,andhalfanhourlaterwouldsitstaringintosomepitofdarknessinasortofpowerfulbroodingofhiswholebeing。Insensiblyshesharedinthisdeepdrinkingofsensation,butalwaysgracefully,fastidiously,neverlosingsenseofotherpeople’sfeelings。
Inhislove-raptures,hejustavoidedsettinghernervesonedge,becauseheneverfailedtomakeherfeelhisenjoymentofherbeauty;thatperpetualconsciousness,too,ofnotbelongingtotheproperandrespectable,whichshehadtriedtoexplaintoherfather,madehersetherteethagainstfeelingshocked。Butinotherwayshedidshockher。Shecouldnotgetusedtohisutteroblivionofpeople’sfeelings,totheferociouscontemptwithwhichhewouldlookatthosewhogotonhisnerves,andmakehalf-audiblecomments,justashehadcommentedonherownfatherwhenheandCountRosekpassedthem,bytheSchillerstatue。Shewouldvisiblyshrinkatthoseremarks,thoughtheyweresometimessoexcruciatinglyfunnythatshehadtolaugh,andfeeldreadfulimmediatelyafter。Shesawthatheresentedhershrinking;itseemedtoexcitehimtorunamuckthemore。Butshecouldnothelpit。Onceshegotupandwalkedaway。Hefollowedher,satonthefloorbesideherknees,andthrusthishead,likeagreatcat,underherhand。”Forgiveme,myGyp;buttheyaresuchbrutes。Whocouldhelpit?
Nowtellme——whocould,exceptmyGyp?”Andshehadtoforgivehim。But,oneevening,whenhehadbeenreallyoutrageousduringdinner,sheanswered:”No;Ican’t。It’syouthatarethebrute。YouWEREabrutetothem!”
Heleapedupwithafaceoffuriousgloomandwentoutoftheroom。
Itwasthefirsttimehehadgivenwaytoangerwithher。Gypsatbythefire,verydisturbed;chieflybecauseshewasnotreallyupsetathavinghurthim。Surelysheoughttobefeelingmiserableatthat!
Butwhen,atteno’clock,hehadnotcomeback,shebegantoflutterinearnest。Shehadsaidadreadfulthing!Andyet,inherheart,shedidnottakebackherjudgment。HereallyHADbeenabrute。Shewouldhavelikedtosootheherselfbyplaying,butitwastoolatetodisturbpeople,andgoingtothewindow,shelookedoutoverthesea,feelingbeatenandconfused。ThiswasthefirsttimeshehadgivenfreereintoherfeelingagainstwhatWintonwouldhavecalledhis”bounderism。”IfhehadbeenEnglish,shewouldneverhavebeenattractedbyonewhocouldtramplesoonotherpeople’sfeelings。What,then,hadattractedher?Hisstrangeness,wildness,themesmericpullofhispassionforher,hismusic!Nothingcouldspoilthatinhim。Thesweep,thesurge,andsighinhisplayingwasliketheseaoutthere,dark,andsurf-
edged,beatingontherocks;ortheseadeep-colouredindaylight,withwhitegullsoverit;ortheseawiththosesinuouspathsmadebythewanderingcurrents,thesubtle,smiling,silentsea,holdinginsuspenseitsunfathomablerestlessness,waitingtosurgeandspringagain。Thatwaswhatshewantedfromhim——nothisembraces,notevenhisadoration,hiswit,orhisqueer,lithecomelinesstouchedwithfelinity;no,onlythatinhissoulwhichescapedthroughhisfingersintotheairanddraggedathersoul。If,whenhecamein,sheweretoruntohim,throwherarmsroundhisneck,makeherselffeelclose,loseherselfinhim!Whynot?Itwasherduty;whynotherdelight,too?Butsheshivered。Someinstincttoodeepforanalysis,somethingintheveryheartofhernervesmadeherrecoil,asifshewereafraid,literallyscaredoflettingherselfgo,ofloving——thesubtlestinstinctofself-preservationagainstsomethingfatal;againstbeingledonbeyond——yes,itwaslikethatcurious,instinctivesinkingwhichsomefeelatthemeresightofaprecipice,adreadofgoingnear,lesttheyshouldbedrawnonandoverbyresistlessattraction。
Shepassedintotheirbedroomandbeganslowlytoundress。Togotobedwithoutknowingwherehewas,whatdoing,thinking,seemedalreadyalittleodd;andshesatbrushingherhairslowlywiththesilver-backedbrushes,staringatherownpaleface,whoseeyeslookedsoverylargeanddark。Atlasttherecametoherthefeeling:”Ican’thelpit!Idon’tcare!”And,gettingintobed,sheturnedoutthelight。Itseemedqueerandlonely;therewasnofire。Andthen,withoutmoreado,sheslept。
ShehadadreamofbeingbetweenFiorsenandherfatherinarailway-carriageoutatsea,withthewaterrisinghigherandhigher,swishingandsighing。Awakeningalways,likeadog,toperfectpresenceofmind,sheknewthathewasplayinginthesitting-room,playing——atwhattimeofnight?Shelaylisteningtoaquivering,gibberingtunethatshedidnotknow。Shouldshebefirsttomakeitup,orshouldshewaitforhim?Twiceshehalfslippedoutofbed,butbothtimes,asiffatemeanthernottomove,hechosethatmomenttoswelloutthesound,andeachtimeshethought:’No,Ican’t。It’sjustthesamenow;hedoesn’tcarehowmanypeoplehewakesup。Hedoesjustwhathelikes,andcaresnothingforanyone。’Andcoveringherearswithherhands,shecontinuedtoliemotionless。
Whenshewithdrewherhandsatlast,hehadstopped。Thensheheardhimcoming,andfeignedsleep。Buthedidnotspareevensleep。Shesubmittedtohiskisseswithoutaword,herhearthardeningwithinher——surelyhesmelledofbrandy!Nextmorningheseemedtohaveforgottenitall。ButGyphadnot。Shewantedbadlytoknowwhathehadfelt,wherehehadgone,butwastooproudtoask。
Shewrotetwicetoherfatherinthefirstweek,butafterwards,exceptforapostcardnowandthen,shenevercould。Whytellhimwhatshewasdoing,incompanyofonewhomhecouldnotbeartothinkof?Hadhebeenright?Toconfessthatwouldhurtherpridetoomuch。ButshebegantolongforLondon。Thethoughtofherlittlehousewasagreenspottodwellon。Whentheyweresettledin,andcoulddowhattheylikedwithoutanxietyaboutpeople’sfeelings,itwouldbeallrightperhaps。Whenhecouldstartagainreallyworking,andshehelpinghim,allwouldbedifferent。Hernewhouse,andsomuchtodo;hernewgarden,andfruit-treescomingintoblossom!Shewouldhavedogsandcats,wouldridewhenDadwasintown。AuntRosamundwouldcome,friends,eveningsofmusic,dancesstill,perhaps——hedancedbeautifully,andlovedit,asshedid。Andhisconcerts——theelationofbeingidentifiedwithhissuccess!But,aboveall,theexcitementofmakingherhomeasdaintyasshecould,withdaringexperimentsinformandcolour。
Andyet,atheartsheknewthattobealreadylookingforward,banningthepresent,wasabadsign。
Onething,atallevents,sheenjoyed——sailing。TheyhadbluedayswheneventheMarchsunwaswarm,andtherewasjustbreezeenough。
Hegotonexcellentlywellwiththeoldsaltwhoseboattheyused,forhewasathisbestwithsimplefolk,whoselingohecouldunderstandaboutasmuchastheycouldunderstandhis。
Inthosehours,Gyphadsomerealsensationsofromance。Theseawassoblue,therocksandwoodedspursofthatSoutherncoastsodreamyinthebrightland-haze。Obliviousof”theoldsalt,”hewouldputhisarmroundher;outthere,shecouldswallowdownhersenseofform,andbegratefulforfeelingnearertohiminspirit。
Shemadeloyaleffortstounderstandhimintheseweeksthatwerebringingacertaindisillusionment。Theelementalpartofmarriagewasnotthetrouble;ifshedidnotherselffeelpassion,shedidnotresenthis。When,afteroneofthoseembraces,hismouthcurledwithalittlebittersmile,asiftosay,”Yes,muchyoucareforme,”shewouldfeelcompunctiousandyetaggrieved。Butthetroublelaydeeper——thesenseofaninsuperablebarrier;andalwaysthatdeep,instinctiverecoilfromlettingherselfgo。Shecouldnotletherselfbeknown,andshecouldnotknowhim。Whydidhiseyesoftenfixherwithastarethatdidnotseemtoseeher?Whatmadehim,inthemidstofseriousplaying,breakintosomefuriousordesolatelittletune,ordrophisviolin?Whatgavehimthoselonghoursofdejection,followingthemaddestgaiety?Aboveall,whatdreamshadheinthoseraremomentswhenmusictransformedhisstrangepaleface?Orwasitamerephysicalillusion——hadheanydreams?”Theheartofanotherisadarkforest”——toallbuttheonewholoves。
Onemorning,heheldupaletter。”Ah,ha!PaulRosekwenttoseeourhouse。’Aprettydove’snest!’hecallsit。”
ThememoryofthePole’ssphinxlike,sweetishface,andeyesthatseemedtoknowsomanysecrets,alwaysaffectedGypunpleasantly。
Shesaidquietly:”Whydoyoulikehim,Gustav?””Likehim?Oh,heisuseful。Agoodjudgeofmusic,and——manythings。””Ithinkheishateful。”
Fiorsenlaughed。”Hateful?Whyhateful,myGyp?Heisagoodfriend。Andheadmiresyou——oh,headmiresyouverymuch!Hehassuccesswithwomen。Healwayssays,’J’aiunetechniquemerveilleusepourseduireunefemme’”
Gyplaughed。”Ugh!He’slikeatoad,Ithink。””Ah,Ishalltellhimthat!Hewillbeflattered。””Ifyoudo;ifyougivemeaway——I——”
Hejumpedupandcaughtherinhisarms;hisfacewassocomicallycompunctiousthatshecalmeddownatonce。Shethoughtoverherwordsafterwardsandregrettedthem。Allthesame,Rosekwasasneakandacoldsensualist,shewassure。Andthethoughtthathehadbeenspyingattheirlittlehousetarnishedheranticipationsofhomecoming。
TheywenttoTownthreedayslater。WhilethetaxiwasskirtingLord’sCricket-ground,GypslippedherhandintoFiorsen’s。Shewasbrimfulofexcitement。Thetreeswerebuddinginthegardensthattheypassed;thealmond-blossomcoming——yes,reallycoming!
Theywereintheroadnow。Five,seven,nine——thirteen!Twomore!
Thereitwas,nineteen,inwhitefiguresontheleaf-greenrailings,underthesmallgreenlilacbuds;yes,andtheiralmond-
blossomwasout,too!Shecouldjustcatchaglimpseoverthosetallrailingsofthelowwhitehousewithitsgreenoutsideshutters。ShejumpedoutalmostintothearmsofBetty,whostoodsmilingalloverherbroad,flushedface,while,fromundereacharmpeeredforththeheadofablackdevil,withprickedearsandeyesasbrightasdiamonds。”Betty!Whatdarlings!””MajorWinton’spresent,mydear——ma’am!”
Givingthestoutshouldersahug,Gypseizedtheblackdevils,andranupthepathunderthetrellis,whiletheScotch-terrierpups,squeezedagainstherbreast,madeconfusedsmallnoisesandlickedhernoseandears。Throughthesquarehallsheranintothedrawing-room,whichopenedoutontothelawn;andthere,intheFrenchwindow,stoodspyingbackatthespick-and-spanroom,whereeverythingwas,ofcourse,placedjustwrong。Thecolouring,white,ebony,andsatinwood,lookednicereventhanshehadhoped。
Outinthegarden——herowngarden——thepear-treeswerethickening,butnotinblossomyet;afewdaffodilswereinbloomalongthewalls,andamagnoliahadonebudopened。Andallthetimeshekeptsqueezingthepuppiestoher,enjoyingtheiryoung,warm,fluffysavour,andlettingthemkissher。Sheranoutofthedrawing-room,upthestairs。Herbedroom,thedressing-room,thespareroom,thebathroom——shedashedintothemall。Oh,itwasnicetobeinyourownplace,tobe——Suddenlyshefeltherselfliftedoffthegroundfrombehind,andinthatundignifiedposition,hereyesflying,sheturnedherfacetillhecouldreachherlips。
第2章