首页 >出版文学> South Sea Tales>第10章

第10章

  SoinMaysheaskedhimtocometoWilleyFarmandmeet,Mrs。Dawes。Therewassomethinghehankeredafter。Shesawhim,whenevertheyspokeofClaraDawes,rouseandgetslightlyangry。
  Hesaidhedidnotlikeher。Yethewaskeentoknowabouther。
  Well,heshouldputhimselftothetest。Shebelievedthatthere,wereinhimdesiresforhigherthings,anddesiresforlower,andthat,thedesireforthehigherwouldconquer。Atanyrate,heshouldtry。
  Sheforgotthather“higher“and“lower“werearbitrary。
  HewasratherexcitedattheideaofmeetingClaraatWilleyFarm。
  Mrs。Dawescamefortheday。Herheavy,dun-colouredhairwas,coiledontopofherhead。Sheworeawhiteblouseandnavyskirt,andsomehow,wherevershewas,seemedtomakethingslookpaltry,andinsignificant。Whenshewasintheroom,thekitchenseemed,toosmallandmeanaltogether。Miriam’sbeautifultwilighty,parlourlookedstiffandstupid。AlltheLeiverswereeclipsed,likecandles。Theyfoundherratherhardtoputupwith。
  Yetshewasperfectlyamiable,butindifferent,andratherhard。
  Pauldidnotcometillafternoon。Hewasearly。Asheswung,offhisbicycle,Miriamsawhimlookroundatthehouseeagerly。
  Hewouldbedisappointedifthevisitorhadnotcome。Miriamwent,outtomeethim,bowingherheadbecauseofthesunshine。
  Nasturtiumswerecomingoutcrimsonunderthecoolgreenshadow,oftheirleaves。Thegirlstood,dark-haired,gladtoseehim。
  “Hasn’tClaracome?”heasked。
  “Yes,“repliedMiriaminhermusicaltone。”She’sreading。”
  Hewheeledhisbicycleintothebarn。Hehadput,onahandsometie,ofwhichhewasratherproud,andsockstomatch。
  “Shecamethismorning?”heasked。
  “Yes,“repliedMiriam,asshewalkedathisside。”Yousaidyou’d,bringmethatletterfromthemanatLiberty’s。Haveyouremembered?”
  “Oh,dash,no!”hesaid。”Butnagatmetillyougetit。”
  “Idon’tliketonagatyou。”
  “Doitwhetherornot。Andissheanymoreagreeable?”
  hecontinued。
  “YouknowIalwaysthinksheisquiteagreeable。”
  Hewassilent。Evidentlyhiseagernesstobeearlyto-day,hadbeenthenewcomer。Miriamalreadybegantosuffer。Theywent,togethertowardsthehouse。Hetooktheclipsoffhistrousers,butwastoolazytobrushthedustfromhisshoes,inspiteofthe,socksandtie。
  Clarasatinthecoolparlourreading。Hesawthenapeofher,whiteneck,andthefinehairliftedfromit。Sherose,lookingat,himindifferently。Toshakehandssheliftedherarmstraight,inamannerthatseemedatoncetokeephimatadistance,andyettoflingsomethingtohim。Henoticedhowherbreasts,swelledinsideherblouse,andhowhershouldercurvedhandsomely,underthethinmuslinatthetopofherarm。
  “Youhavechosenafineday,“hesaid。
  “Ithappensso,“shesaid。
  “Yes,“hesaid;“Iamglad。”
  Shesatdown,notthankinghimforhispoliteness。
  “Whathaveyoubeendoingallmorning?”askedPaulofMiriam。
  “Well,yousee,“saidMiriam,coughinghuskily,“Claraonly,camewithfather——andso——she’snotbeenhereverylong。”
  Clarasatleaningonthetable,holdingaloof。Henoticed,herhandswerelarge,butwellkept。Andtheskinonthemseemed,almostcoarse,opaque,andwhite,withfinegoldenhairs。Shedid,notmindifheobservedherhands。Sheintendedtoscornhim。
  Herheavyarmlaynegligentlyonthetable。Hermouthwasclosed,asifshewereoffended,andshekeptherfaceslightlyaverted。
  “YouwereatMargaretBonford’smeetingtheotherevening,“
  hesaidtoher。
  MiriamdidnotknowthiscourteousPaul。Claraglancedathim。
  “Yes,“shesaid。
  “Why,“askedMiriam,“howdoyouknow?”
  “Iwentinforafewminutesbeforethetraincame,“heanswered。
  Claraturnedawayagainratherdisdainfully。
  “Ithinkshe’salovablelittlewoman,“saidPaul。
  “MargaretBonford!”exclaimedClara。”She’sagreatdeal,clevererthanmostmen。”
  “Well,Ididn’tsayshewasn’t,“hesaid,deprecating。
  “She’slovableforallthat。”
  “And,ofcourse,thatisallthatmatters,“saidClarawitheringly。
  Herubbedhishead,ratherperplexed,ratherannoyed。
  “Isupposeitmattersmorethanhercleverness,“hesaid;
  “which,afterall,wouldnevergethertoheaven。”
  “It’snotheavenshewantstoget——it’sherfairshareonearth,“
  retortedClara。Shespokeasifhewereresponsibleforsome,deprivationwhichMissBonfordsuffered。
  “Well,“hesaid,“Ithoughtshewaswarm,andawfullynice——only,toofrail。Iwishedshewassittingcomfortablyinpeace——“
  “’Darningherhusband’sstockings,’“saidClarascathingly。
  “I’msureshewouldn’tminddarningevenmystockings,“hesaid。
  “AndI’msureshe’ddothemwell。JustasIwouldn’tmindblacking,herbootsifshewantedmeto。”
  ButClararefusedtoanswerthissallyofhis。Hetalked,toMiriamforalittlewhile。Theotherwomanheldaloof。
  “Well,“hesaid,“IthinkI’llgoandseeEdgar。Ishe,ontheland?”
  “Ibelieve,“saidMiriam,“he’sgoneforaloadofcoal。
  Heshouldbebackdirectly。”
  “Then,“hesaid,“I’llgoandmeethim。”
  Miriamdarednotproposeanythingforthethreeofthem。
  Heroseandleftthem。
  Onthetoproad,wherethegorsewasout,hesawEdgarwalking,lazilybesidethemare,whonoddedherwhite-starredforehead,asshedraggedtheclankingloadofcoal。Theyoungfarmer’sface,lightedupashesawhisfriend。Edgarwasgood-looking,withdark,warmeyes。Hisclotheswereoldandratherdisreputable,andhe,walkedwithconsiderablepride。
  “Hello!”hesaid,seeingPaulbareheaded。”Whereareyougoing?”
  “Cametomeetyou。Can’tstand’Nevermore。’“
  Edgar’steethflashedinalaughofamusement。
  “Whois’Nevermore’?”heasked。
  “Thelady——Mrs。Dawes——itoughttobeMrs。TheRaventhatquothed,’Nevermore。’“
  Edgarlaughedwithglee。
  “Don’tyoulikeher?”heasked。
  “Notafatlot,“saidPaul。”Why,doyou?”
  “No!”Theanswercamewithadeepringofconviction。”No!”
  Edgarpurseduphislips。”Ican’tsayshe’smuchinmyline。”
  Hemusedalittle。Then:,“Butwhydoyoucallher’Nevermore’?”
  heasked。
  “Well,“saidPaul,“ifshelooksatamanshesayshaughtily,’Nevermore,’andifshelooksatherselfinthelooking-glassshe,saysdisdainfully’Nevermore,’andifshethinksbackshesaysit,indisgust,andifshelooksforwardshesaysitcynically。”
  Edgarconsideredthisspeech,failedtomakemuchoutofit,andsaid,laughing:
  “Youthinkshe’saman-hater?”
  “SHEthinkssheis,“repliedPaul。
  “Butyoudon’tthinkso?”
  “No,“repliedPaul。
  “Wasn’tshenicewithyou,then?”
  “CouldyouimagineherNICEwithanybody?”askedtheyoungman。
  Edgarlaughed。Togethertheyunloadedthecoalintheyard。
  Paulwasratherself-conscious,becauseheknewClaracouldseeifshe,lookedoutofthewindow。Shedidn’tlook。
  OnSaturdayafternoonsthehorseswerebrusheddownandgroomed。
  PaulandEdgarworkedtogether,sneezingwiththedustthatcame,fromthepeltsofJimmyandFlower。
  “Doyouknowanewsongtoteachme?”saidEdgar。
  Hecontinuedtoworkallthetime。Thebackofhisneck,wassun-redwhenhebentdown,andhisfingersthatheldthebrush,werethick。Paulwatchedhimsometimes。
  “’MaryMorrison’?”suggestedtheyounger。
  Edgaragreed。Hehadagoodtenorvoice,andhelovedtolearn,allthesongshisfriendcouldteachhim,sothathecouldsing,whilsthewascarting。Paulhadaveryindifferentbaritonevoice,butagoodear。However,hesangsoftly,forfearofClara。
  Edgarrepeatedthelineinacleartenor。Attimestheybothbroke,offtosneeze,andfirstone,thentheother,abusedhishorse。
  Miriamwasimpatientofmen。Ittooksolittletoamuse,them——evenPaul。Shethoughtitanomalousinhimthathecould,besothoroughlyabsorbedinatriviality。
  Itwastea-timewhentheyhadfinished。
  “Whatsongwasthat?”askedMiriam。
  Edgartoldher。Theconversationturnedtosinging。
  “Wehavesuchjollytimes,“MiriamsaidtoClara。
  Mrs。Dawesatehermealinaslow,dignifiedway。
  Wheneverthemenwerepresentshegrewdistant。
  “Doyoulikesinging?”Miriamaskedher。
  “Ifitisgood,“shesaid。
  Paul,ofcourse,coloured。
  “Youmeanifitishigh-classandtrained?”hesaid。
  “Ithinkavoiceneedstrainingbeforethesingingisanything,“
  shesaid。
  “Youmightaswellinsistonhavingpeople’svoicestrained,beforeyouallowedthemtotalk,“hereplied。”Really,peoplesing,fortheirownpleasure,asarule。”
  “Anditmaybeforotherpeople’sdiscomfort。”
  “Thentheotherpeopleshouldhaveflapstotheirears,“
  hereplied。
  Theboyslaughed。Therewasasilence。Heflusheddeeply,andateinsilence。
  Aftertea,whenallthemenhadgonebutPaul,Mrs。Leivers,saidtoClara:
  “Andyoufindlifehappiernow?”
  “Infinitely。”
  “Andyouaresatisfied?”
  “SolongasIcanbefreeandindependent。”
  “Andyoudon’tMISSanythinginyourlife?”
  askedMrs。Leiversgently。
  “I’veputallthatbehindme。”
  Paulhadbeenfeelinguncomfortableduringthisdiscourse。
  Hegotup。
  “You’llfindyou’realwaystumblingoverthethingsyou’veput,behindyou,“hesaid。Thenhetookhisdeparturetothecowsheds。
  Hefelthehadbeenwitty,andhismanlypridewashigh。Hewhistled,ashewentdownthebricktrack。
  Miriamcameforhimalittlelatertoknowifhewouldgowith,Claraandherforawalk。TheysetoffdowntoStrelleyMillFarm。
  Astheyweregoingbesidethebrook,ontheWilleyWaterside,lookingthroughthebrakeattheedgeofthewood,wherepinkcampions,glowedunderafewsunbeams,theysaw,beyondthetree-trunks,andthethinhazelbushes,amanleadingagreatbayhorsethrough,thegullies。Thebigredbeastseemedtodanceromantically,throughthatdimnessofgreenhazeldrift,awaythere,wheretheairwasshadowy,asifitwereinthepast,amongthefadingbluebellsthatmighthavebloomed,forDeidreorIseult。
  Thethreestoodcharmed。
  “Whatatreattobeaknight,“hesaid,“andtohave,apavilionhere。”
  “Andtohaveusshutupsafely?”repliedClara。
  “Yes,“heanswered,“singingwithyourmaidsatyourbroidery。
  Iwouldcarryyourbannerofwhiteandgreenandheliotrope。Iwould,have’W。S。P。U。’emblazonedonmyshield,beneathawomanrampant。”
  “Ihavenodoubt,“saidClara,“thatyouwouldmuchrather,fightforawomanthanletherfightforherself。”
  “Iwould。Whenshefightsforherselfsheseemslikeadog,beforealooking-glass,goneintoamadfurywithitsownshadow。”
  “AndYOUarethelooking-glass?”sheasked,withacurl,ofthelip。
  “Ortheshadow,“hereplied。
  “Iamafraid,“shesaid,“thatyouaretooclever。”
  “Well,IleaveittoyoutobeGOOD,“heretorted,laughing。
  “Begood,sweetmaid,andjustletMEbeclever。”
  ButClaraweariedofhisflippancy。Suddenly,lookingather,hesawthattheupwardliftingofherfacewasmiseryandnotscorn。
  Hisheartgrewtenderforeverybody。Heturnedandwasgentle,withMiriam,whomhehadneglectedtillthen。
  Atthewood’sedgetheymetLimb,athin,swarthymanofforty,tenantofStrelleyMill,whichheranasacattle-raisingfarm。
  Heheldthehalterofthepowerfulstallionindifferently,asifhe,weretired。Thethreestoodtolethimpassoverthestepping-stones,ofthefirstbrook。Pauladmiredthatsolargeananimalshould,walkonsuchspringytoes,withanendlessexcessofvigour。
  Limbpulledupbeforethem。
  “Tellyourfather,MissLeivers,“hesaid,inapeculiar,pipingvoice,“thathisyoungbeas’es’asbrokethatbottomfence,threedaysan’runnin’。”
  “Which?”askedMiriam,tremulous。
  Thegreathorsebreathedheavily,shiftingrounditsredflanks,andlookingsuspiciouslywithitswonderfulbigeyesupwardsfrom,underitsloweredheadandfallingmane。
  “Comealongabit,“repliedLimb,“an’I’llshowyou。”
  Themanandthestallionwentforward。Itdancedsideways,shakingitswhitefetlocksandlookingfrightened,asitfeltitself,inthebrook。
  “Nohanky-pankyin’,“saidthemanaffectionatelytothebeast。
  Itwentupthebankinlittleleaps,thensplashedfinelythrough,thesecondbrook。Clara,walkingwithakindofsulkyabandon,watchedithalf-fascinated,half-contemptuous。Limbstopped,andpointedtothefenceundersomewillows。
  “There,youseewheretheygotthrough,“hesaid。”Myman’s,druv’embackthreetimes。”
  “Yes,“answeredMiriam,colouringasifshewereatfault。
  “Areyoucomin’in?”askedtheman。
  “No,thanks;butweshouldliketogobythepond。”
  “Well,justasyou’veamind,“hesaid。
  Thehorsegavelittlewhinneysofpleasureatbeingsonearhome。
  “Heisgladtobeback,“saidClara,whowasinterested,inthecreature。
  “Yes——’e’sbeenatidystepto-day。”
  Theywentthroughthegate,andsawapproachingthemfrom,thebigfarmhouseasmallish,dark,excitable-lookingwoman,ofaboutthirty-five。Herhairwastouchedwithgrey,herdark,eyeslookedwild。Shewalkedwithherhandsbehindherback。
  Herbrotherwentforward。Asitsawher,thebigbaystallion,whinneyedagain。Shecameupexcitedly。
  “Areyouhomeagain,myboy!”shesaidtenderlytothehorse,nottotheman。Thegreatbeastshiftedroundtoher,duckinghishead。
  Shesmuggledintohismouththewrinkledyellowappleshehad,beenhidingbehindherback,thenshekissedhimneartheeyes。
  Hegaveabigsighofpleasure。Sheheldhisheadinherarms,againstherbreast。
  “Isn’thesplendid!”saidMiriamtoher。
  MissLimblookedup。HerdarkeyesglancedstraightatPaul。
  “Oh,good-evening,MissLeivers,“shesaid。”It’sages,sinceyou’vebeendown。”
  Miriamintroducedherfriends。
  “YourhorseISafinefellow!”saidClara。
  “Isn’the!”Againshekissedhim。”Aslovingasanyman!”
  “Morelovingthanmostmen,Ishouldthink,“repliedClara。
  “He’saniceboy!”criedthewoman,againembracingthehorse。
  Clara,fascinatedbythebigbeast,wentuptostrokehisneck。
  “He’squitegentle,“saidMissLimb。”Don’tyouthinkbig,fellowsare?”
  “He’sabeauty!”repliedClara。
  Shewantedtolookinhiseyes。Shewantedhimtolookather。
  “It’sapityhecan’ttalk,“shesaid。
  “Oh,buthecan——allbut,“repliedtheotherwoman。
  Thenherbrothermovedonwiththehorse。
  “Areyoucomingin?,DOcomein,Mr——Ididn’tcatchit。”
  “Morel,“saidMiriam。”No,wewon’tcomein,butweshould,liketogobythemill-pond。”
  “Yes——yes,do。Doyoufish,Mr。Morel?”
  “No,“saidPaul。
  “Becauseifyoudoyoumightcomeandfishanytime,“
  saidMissLimb。”Wescarcelyseeasoulfromweek’sendtoweek’send。
  Ishouldbethankful。”
  “Whatfisharethereinthepond?”heasked。
  Theywentthroughthefrontgarden,overthesluice,andupthesteepbanktothepond,whichlayinshadow,withits,twowoodedislets。PaulwalkedwithMissLimb。
  “Ishouldn’tmindswimminghere,“hesaid。
  “Do,“shereplied。”Comewhenyoulike。Mybrotherwillbe,awfullypleasedtotalkwithyou。Heissoquiet,becausethere,isnoonetotalkto。Docomeandswim。”
  Claracameup。
  “It’safinedepth,“shesaid,“andsoclear。”
  “Yes,“saidMissLimb。
  “Doyouswim?”saidPaul。”MissLimbwasjustsayingwecould,comewhenweliked。”
  “Ofcoursethere’sthefarm-hands,“saidMissLimb。
  Theytalkedafewmoments,thenwentonupthewildhill,leavingthelonely,haggard-eyedwomanonthebank。
  Thehillsidewasallripewithsunshine。Itwaswildandtussocky,givenovertorabbits。Thethreewalkedinsilence。Then:
  “Shemakesmefeeluncomfortable,“saidPaul。
  “YoumeanMissLimb?”askedMiriam。”Yes。”
  “What’samatterwithher?,Isshegoingdottywithbeing,toolonely?”
  “Yes,“saidMiriam。”It’snottherightsortoflifeforher。
  Ithinkit’scrueltoburyherthere。Ireallyoughttogoandsee,hermore。But——sheupsetsme。”
  “Shemakesmefeelsorryforher——yes,andshebothersme,“
  hesaid。
  “Isuppose,“blurtedClarasuddenly,“shewantsaman。”
  Theothertwoweresilentforafewmoments。
  “Butit’sthelonelinesssendshercracked,“saidPaul。
  Claradidnotanswer,butstrodeonuphill。Shewaswalking,withherhandhanging,herlegsswingingasshekickedthrough,thedeadthistlesandthetussockygrass,herarmshangingloose。
  Ratherthanwalking,herhandsomebodyseemedtobeblunderingup,thehill。AhotwavewentoverPaul。Hewascuriousabouther。
  Perhapslifehadbeencrueltoher。HeforgotMiriam,whowaswalking,besidehimtalkingtohim。Sheglancedathim,findinghedidnot,answerher。HiseyeswerefixedaheadonClara。
  “Doyoustillthinksheisdisagreeable?”sheasked。
  Hedidnotnoticethatthequestionwassudden。Itran,withhisthoughts。
  “Something’sthematterwithher,“hesaid。
  “Yes,“answeredMiriam。
  Theyfoundatthetopofthehillahiddenwildfield,twosidesofwhichwerebackedbythewood,theothersidesbyhigh,loosehedgesofhawthornandelderbushes。Betweentheseovergrown,bushesweregapsthatthecattlemighthavewalkedthroughhad,therebeenanycattlenow。Theretheturfwassmoothasvelveteen,paddedandholedbytherabbits。Thefielditselfwascoarse,andcrowdedwithtall,bigcowslipsthathadneverbeencut。
  Clustersofstrongflowersroseeverywhereabovethecoarse,tussocksofbent。Itwaslikearoadsteadcrowdedwithtan,fairyshipping。
  “Ah!”criedMiriam,andshelookedatPaul,herdarkeyesdilating。
  Hesmiled。Togethertheyenjoyedthefieldofflowers。Clara,alittlewayoff,waslookingatthecowslipsdisconsolately。
  PaulandMiriamstayedclosetogether,talkinginsubduedtones。
  Hekneeledononeknee,quicklygatheringthebestblossoms,movingfromtufttotuftrestlessly,talkingsoftlyallthetime。
  Miriampluckedtheflowerslovingly,lingeringoverthem。
  Healwaysseemedtohertooquickandalmostscientific。
  Yethisbuncheshadanaturalbeautymorethanhers。
  Helovedthem,butasiftheywerehisandhehadaright,tothem。Shehadmorereverenceforthem:
  theyheldsomethingshehadnot。
  Theflowerswereveryfreshandsweet。Hewantedtodrinkthem。
  Ashegatheredthem,heatethelittleyellowtrumpets。
  Clarawasstillwanderingaboutdisconsolately。Goingtowardsher,hesaid:
  “Whydon’tyougetsome?”
  “Idon’tbelieveinit。Theylookbettergrowing。”
  “Butyou’dlikesome?”
  “Theywanttobeleft。”
  “Idon’tbelievetheydo。”
  “Idon’twantthecorpsesofflowersaboutme,“shesaid。
  “That’sastiff,artificialnotion,“hesaid。”Theydon’tdie,anyquickerinwaterthanontheirroots。Andbesides,theyLOOK
  niceinabowl——theylookjolly。Andyouonlycallathingacorpse,becauseitlookscorpse-like。”
  “Whetheritisoneornot?”sheargued。
  “Itisn’tonetome。Adeadflowerisn’tacorpseofaflower。”
  Claranowignoredhim。
  “Andevenso——whatrighthaveyoutopullthem?”sheasked。
  “BecauseIlikethem,andwantthem——andthere’splentyofthem。”
  “Andthatissufficient?”
  “Yes。Whynot?,I’msurethey’dsmellniceinyourroom,inNottingham。”
  “AndIshouldhavethepleasureofwatchingthemdie。”
  “Butthen——itdoesnotmatteriftheydodie。”
  Whereuponhelefther,andwentstoopingovertheclumps,oftangledflowerswhichthicklysprinkledthefieldlikepale,luminousfoam-clots。Miriamhadcomeclose。Clarawaskneeling,breathingsomescentfromthecowslips。
  “Ithink,“saidMiriam,“ifyoutreatthemwithreverenceyou,don’tdothemanyharm。Itisthespirityouplucktheminthatmatters。”
  “Yes,“hesaid。”Butno,youget’embecauseyouwant’em,andthat’sall。”,Heheldouthisbunch。
  Miriamwassilent。Hepickedsomemore。
  “Lookatthese!”hecontinued;“sturdyandlustylikelittle,treesandlikeboyswithfatlegs。”
  Clara’shatlayonthegrassnotfaroff。Shewaskneeling,bendingforwardstilltosmelltheflowers。Herneckgavehim,asharppang,suchabeautifulthing,yetnotproudofitself,justnow。Herbreastsswungslightlyinherblouse。Thearching,curveofherbackwasbeautifulandstrong;sheworenostays。
  Suddenly,withoutknowing,hewasscatteringahandfulofcowslips,overherhairandneck,saying:
  “Ashestoashes,anddusttodust,IftheLordwon’thaveyouthedevilmust。”
  Thechillflowersfellonherneck。Shelookedupathim,withalmostpitiful,scaredgreyeyes,wonderingwhathewasdoing。
  Flowersfellonherface,andsheshuthereyes。
  Suddenly,standingthereaboveher,hefeltawkward。
  “Ithoughtyouwantedafuneral,“hesaid,illatease。
  Claralaughedstrangely,androse,pickingthecowslipsfrom,herhair。Shetookupherhatandpinnediton。Oneflowerhad,remainedtangledinherhair。Hesaw,butwouldnottellher。
  Hegathereduptheflowershehadsprinkledoverher。
  Attheedgeofthewoodthebluebellshadflowedoverintothe,fieldandstoodtherelikeflood-water。Buttheywerefadingnow。
  Clarastrayeduptothem。Hewanderedafterher。Thebluebells,pleasedhim。
  “Lookhowthey’vecomeoutofthewood!”hesaid。
  Thensheturnedwithaflashofwarmthandofgratitude。
  “Yes,“shesmiled。
  Hisbloodbeatup。
  “Itmakesmethinkofthewildmenofthewoods,howterrified,theywouldbewhentheygotbreasttobreastwiththeopenspace。”
  “Doyouthinktheywere?”sheasked。
  “Iwonderwhichwasmorefrightenedamongoldtribes——those,burstingoutoftheirdarknessofwoodsuponallthespaceoflight,orthosefromtheopentiptoeingintotheforests。”
  “Ishouldthinkthesecond,“sheanswered。
  “Yes,youDOfeellikeoneoftheopenspacesort,tryingto,forceyourselfintothedark,don’tyou?”
  “HowshouldIknow?”sheansweredqueerly。
  Theconversationendedthere。
  Theeveningwasdeepeningovertheearth。Alreadythevalleywas,fullofshadow。OnetinysquareoflightstoodoppositeatCrossleigh,BankFarm。Brightnesswasswimmingonthetopsofthehills。
  Miriamcameupslowly,herfaceinherbig,loosebunchofflowers,walkingankle-deepthroughthescatteredfrothofthecowslips。
  Beyondherthetreeswerecomingintoshape,allshadow。
  “Shallwego?”sheasked。
  Andthethreeturnedaway。Theywereallsilent。
  Goingdownthepaththeycouldseethelightofhomerightacross,andontheridgeofthehillathindarkoutlinewithlittlelights,wherethecollieryvillagetouchedthesky。
  “Ithasbeennice,hasn’tit?”heasked。
  Miriammurmuredassent。Clarawassilent。
  “Don’tyouthinkso?”hepersisted。
  Butshewalkedwithherheadup,andstilldidnotanswer。
  Hecouldtellbythewayshemoved,asifshedidn’tcare,thatshesuffered。
  AtthistimePaultookhismothertoLincoln。Shewasbright,andenthusiasticasever,butashesatoppositeherinthe,railwaycarriage,sheseemedtolookfrail。Hehadamomentary,sensationasifshewereslippingawayfromhim。Thenhe,wantedtogetholdofher,tofastenher,almosttochainher。
  Hefelthemustkeepholdofherwithhishand。
  Theydrewneartothecity。Bothwereatthewindowlooking,forthecathedral。
  “Theresheis,mother!”hecried。
  Theysawthegreatcathedrallyingcouchantabovetheplain。
  “Ah!”sheexclaimed。”Sosheis!”
  Helookedathismother。Herblueeyeswerewatchingthe,cathedralquietly。Sheseemedagaintobebeyondhim。Somethingin,theeternalreposeoftheupliftedcathedral,blueandnoble,againstthesky,wasreflectedinher,somethingofthefatality。
  Whatwas,WAS。Withallhisyoungwillhecouldnotalterit。
  Hesawherface,theskinstillfreshandpinkanddowny,butcrow’s-feetnearhereyes,hereyelidssteady,sinkingalittle,hermouthalwaysclosedwithdisillusion;andtherewasonherthesame,eternallook,asifsheknewfateatlast。Hebeatagainstit,withallthestrengthofhissoul。
  “Look,mother,howbigsheisabovethetown!,Think,therearestreets,andstreetsbelowher!,Shelooksbiggerthanthecityaltogether。”
  “Soshedoes!”exclaimedhismother,breakingbright,intolifeagain。Buthehadseenhersitting,lookingsteady,outofthewindowatthecathedral,herfaceandeyesfixed,reflectingtherelentlessnessoflife。Andthecrow’s-feetnear,hereyes,andhermouthshutsohard,madehimfeelhewouldgomad。
  Theyateamealthatsheconsideredwildlyextravagant。
  “Don’timagineIlikeit,“shesaid,assheatehercutlet。
  “IDON’Tlikeit,Ireallydon’t!,JustTHINKofyourmoneywasted!”
  “Younevermindmymoney,“hesaid。”YouforgetI’mafellow,takinghisgirlforanouting。”
  Andheboughthersomeblueviolets。
  “Stopitatonce,sir!”shecommanded。”HowcanIdoit?”
  “You’vegotnothingtodo。Standstill!”
  AndinthemiddleofHighStreethestucktheflowersinhercoat。
  “Anoldthinglikeme!”shesaid,sniffing。
  “Yousee,“hesaid,“Iwantpeopletothinkwe’reawfulswells。
  Solookikey。”
  “I’lljowlyourhead,“shelaughed。
  “Strut!”hecommanded。”Beafantailpigeon。”
  Ittookhimanhourtogetherthroughthestreet。Shestood,aboveGloryHole,shestoodbeforeStoneBow,shestoodeverywhere,andexclaimed。
  Amancameup,tookoffhishat,andbowedtoher。
  “CanIshowyouthetown,madam?”
  “No,thankyou,“sheanswered。”I’vegotmyson。”
  ThenPaulwascrosswithherfornotansweringwithmoredignity。
  “Yougoawaywithyou!”sheexclaimed。”Ha!that’s,theJew’sHouse。Now,doyourememberthatlecture,Paul——?”
  Butshecouldscarcelyclimbthecathedralhill。
  Hedidnotnotice。Thensuddenlyhefoundherunabletospeak。
  Hetookherintoalittlepublic-house,wheresherested。
  “It’snothing,“shesaid。”Myheartisonlyabitold;
  onemustexpectit。”
  Hedidnotanswer,butlookedather。Againhisheartwas,crushedinahotgrip。Hewantedtocry,hewantedtosmashthings,infury。
  Theysetoffagain,pacebypace,soslowly。Andevery,stepseemedlikeaweightonhischest。Hefeltasifhisheart,wouldburst。Atlasttheycametothetop。Shestoodenchanted,lookingatthecastlegate,lookingatthecathedralfront。
  Shehadquiteforgottenherself。
  “NowTHISisbetterthanIthoughtitcouldbe!”shecried。
  Buthehatedit。Everywherehefollowedher,brooding。
  Theysattogetherinthecathedral。Theyattendedalittleservice,inthechoir。Shewastimid。
  “Isupposeitisopentoanybody?”sheaskedhim。
  “Yes,“hereplied。”Doyouthinkthey’dhavethedamnedcheek,tosendusaway。”
  “Well,I’msure,“sheexclaimed,“theywouldiftheyheard,yourlanguage。”
  Herfaceseemedtoshineagainwithjoyandpeaceduring,theservice。Andallthetimehewaswantingtorageandsmash,thingsandcry。
  Afterwards,whentheywereleaningoverthewall,lookingat,thetownbelow,heblurtedsuddenly:
  “Whycan’tamanhaveaYOUNGmother?,Whatissheoldfor?”
  “Well,“hismotherlaughed,“shecanscarcelyhelpit。”
  “Andwhywasn’tItheoldestson?,Look——theysaytheyoung,oneshavetheadvantage——butlook,THEYhadtheyoungmother。
  Youshouldhavehadmeforyoureldestson。”
  “Ididn’tarrangeit,“sheremonstrated。”Cometoconsider,you’reasmuchtoblameasme。”
  Heturnedonher,white,hiseyesfurious。
  “Whatareyouoldfor!”hesaid,madwithhisimpotence。
  “WHYcan’tyouwalk?,WHYcan’tyoucomewithmetoplaces?”
  “Atonetime,“shereplied,“Icouldhaverunupthathill,agooddealbetterthanyou。”
  “What’sthegoodofthattoME?”hecried,hittinghisfist,onthewall。Thenhebecameplaintive。”It’stoobadofyou,tobeill。Little,itis——“
  “Ill!”shecried。”I’mabitold,andyou’llhavetoputup,withit,that’sall。”
  Theywerequiet。Butitwasasmuchastheycouldbear。Theygot,jollyagainovertea。AstheysatbyBrayford,watchingtheboats,hetoldheraboutClara。Hismotheraskedhiminnumerablequestions。
  “Thenwhodoesshelivewith?”
  “Withhermother,onBluebellHill。”
  “Andhavetheyenoughtokeepthem?”
  “Idon’tthinkso。Ithinktheydolacework。”
  “Andwhereinlieshercharm,myboy?”
  “Idon’tknowthatshe’scharming,mother。Butshe’snice。
  Andsheseemsstraight,youknow——notabitdeep,notabit。”
  “Butshe’sagooddealolderthanyou。”
  “She’sthirty,I’mgoingontwenty-three。”
  “Youhaven’ttoldmewhatyoulikeherfor。”
  “BecauseIdon’tknow——asortofdefiantwayshe’sgot——asort,ofangryway。”
  Mrs。Morelconsidered。Shewouldhavebeengladnowforherson,tofallinlovewithsomewomanwhowould——shedidnotknowwhat。
  Buthefrettedso,gotsofurioussuddenly,andagainwasmelancholic。
  Shewishedheknewsomenicewoman——Shedidnotknowwhatshewished,butleftitvague。Atanyrate,shewasnothostiletotheidea,ofClara。
  Annie,too,wasgettingmarried。Leonardhadgoneawaytowork,inBirmingham。Oneweek-endwhenhewashomeshehadsaidtohim:
  “Youdon’tlookverywell,mylad。”
  “Idunno,“hesaid。”Ifeelanyhowornohow,ma。”
  Hecalledher“ma“alreadyinhisboyishfashion。
  “Areyousurethey’regoodlodgings?”sheasked。
  “Yes——yes。Only——it’sawinderwhenyouhavetopouryourown,teaout——an’nobodytogrouseifyouteamitinyoursaucerandsup,itup。Itsomehowtakesa’thetasteoutofit。”
  Mrs。Morellaughed。
  “Andsoitknocksyouup?”shesaid。
  “Idunno。Iwanttogetmarried,“heblurted,twistinghis,fingersandlookingdownathisboots。Therewasasilence。
  “But,“sheexclaimed,“Ithoughtyousaidyou’dwaitanotheryear。”
  “Yes,Ididsayso,“herepliedstubbornly。
  Againsheconsidered。
  “Andyouknow,“shesaid,“Annie’sabitofaspendthrift。
  She’ssavednomorethanelevenpounds。AndIknow,lad,youhaven’t,hadmuchchance。”
  Hecoloureduptotheears。
  “I’vegotthirty-threequid,“hesaid。
  “Itdoesn’tgofar,“sheanswered。
  Hesaidnothing,buttwistedhisfingers。
  “Andyouknow,“shesaid,“I’venothing——“
  “Ididn’twant,ma!”hecried,veryred,sufferingandremonstrating。
  “No,mylad,Iknow。IwasonlywishingIhad。Andtakeaway,fivepoundsfortheweddingandthings——itleavestwenty-ninepounds。
  Youwon’tdomuchonthat。”
  Hetwistedstill,impotent,stubborn,notlookingup。
  “Butdoyoureallywanttogetmarried?”sheasked。”Doyou,feelasifyouought?”
  Hegaveheronestraightlookfromhisblueeyes。
  “Yes,“hesaid。
  “Then,“shereplied,“wemustalldothebestwecanforit,lad。”
  Thenexttimehelookedupthereweretearsinhiseyes。
  “Idon’twantAnnietofeelhandicapped,“hesaid,struggling。
  “Mylad,“shesaid,“you’resteady——you’vegotadecentplace。
  IfamanhadNEEDEDmeI’dhavemarriedhimonhislastweek’swages。
  Shemayfinditabithardtostarthumbly。YounggirlsARElikethat。
  Theylookforwardtothefinehometheythinkthey’llhave。
  ButIhadexpensivefurniture。It’snoteverything。”
  Sotheweddingtookplacealmostimmediately。Arthurcamehome,andwassplendidinuniform。Annielookedniceinadove-grey,dressthatshecouldtakeforSundays。Morelcalledherafool,forgettingmarried,andwascoolwithhisson-in-law。Mrs。Morel,hadwhitetipsinherbonnet,andsomewhiteonherblouse,andwasteasedbybothhersonsforfancyingherselfsogrand。
  Leonardwasjollyandcordial,andfeltafearfulfool。Paulcould,notquiteseewhatAnniewantedtogetmarriedfor。Hewasfondofher,andsheofhim。Still,hehopedratherlugubriouslythatitwould,turnoutallright。Arthurwasastonishinglyhandsomeinhisscarlet,andyellow,andheknewitwell,butwassecretlyashamedoftheuniform。
  Anniecriedhereyesupinthekitchen,onleavinghermother。
  Mrs。Morelcriedalittle,thenpattedheronthebackandsaid:
  “Butdon’tcry,child,he’llbegoodtoyou。”
  Morelstampedandsaidshewasafooltogoandtieherselfup。
  Leonardlookedwhiteandoverwrought。Mrs。Morelsaidtohim:
  “Is’lltrusthertoyou,mylad,andholdyouresponsible,forher。”
  “Youcan,“hesaid,nearlydeadwiththeordeal。Andit,wasallover。
  WhenMorelandArthurwereinbed,Paulsattalking,ashe,oftendid,withhismother。
  “You’renotsorryshe’smarried,mother,areyou?”heasked。
  “I’mnotsorryshe’smarried——but——itseemsstrangethatshe,shouldgofromme。Itevenseemstomehardthatshecanprefer,togowithherLeonard。That’showmothersare——Iknowit’ssilly。”
  “Andshallyoubemiserableabouther?”
  “WhenIthinkofmyownweddingday,“hismotheranswered,“Icanonlyhopeherlifewillbedifferent。”
  “Butyoucantrusthimtobegoodtoher?”
  “Yes,yes。Theysayhe’snotgoodenoughforher。ButIsay,ifamanisGENUINE,asheis,andagirlisfondofhim——then——it,shouldbeallright。He’sasgoodasshe。”
  “Soyoudon’tmind?”
  “IwouldNEVERhaveletadaughterofminemarryamanIdidn’t,FEELtobegenuinethroughandthrough。Andyet,there’sagap,nowshe’sgone。”
  Theywerebothmiserable,andwantedherbackagain。
  ItseemedtoPaulhismotherlookedlonely,inhernewblacksilk,blousewithitsbitofwhitetrimming。
  “Atanyrate,mother,Is’llnevermarry,“hesaid。
  “Ay,theyallsaythat,mylad。You’venotmettheoneyet。
  Onlywaitayearortwo。”
  “ButIshan’tmarry,mother。Ishalllivewithyou,andwe’ll,haveaservant。”
  “Ay,mylad,it’seasytotalk。We’llseewhenthetimecomes。”
  “Whattime?,I’mnearlytwenty-three。”
  “Yes,you’renotonethatwouldmarryyoung。Butin,threeyears’time——“
  “Ishallbewithyoujustthesame。”
  “We’llsee,myboy,we’llsee。”
  “Butyoudon’twantmetomarry?”
  “Ishouldn’tliketothinkofyougoingthroughyourlife,withoutanybodytocareforyouanddo——no。”
  “AndyouthinkIoughttomarry?”
  “Soonerorlatereverymanought。”
  “Butyou’dratheritwerelater。”
  “Itwouldbehard——andveryhard。It’sastheysay:
  “’Ason’smysontillhetakeshimawife,Butmydaughter’smydaughterthewholeofherlife。’“
  “AndyouthinkI’dletawifetakemefromyou?”
  “Well,youwouldn’taskhertomarryyourmotheraswellasyou,“
  Mrs。Morelsmiled。
  “Shecoulddowhatsheliked;shewouldn’thavetointerfere。”
  “Shewouldn’t——tillshe’dgotyou——andthenyou’dsee。”
  “Ineverwillsee。I’llnevermarrywhileI’vegotyou——Iwon’t。”
  “ButIshouldn’tliketoleaveyouwithnobody,myboy,“
  shecried。
  “You’renotgoingtoleaveme。Whatareyou?,Fifty-three!,I’ll,giveyoutillseventy-five。Thereyouare,I’mfatandforty-four。
  ThenI’llmarryastaidbody。See!”
  Hismothersatandlaughed。
  “Gotobed,“shesaid——“gotobed。”
  “Andwe’llhaveaprettyhouse,youandme,andaservant,andit’llbejustallright。Is’llperhapsberichwithmypainting。”
  “Willyougotobed!”
  “Andthenyous’llhaveapony-carriage。Seeyourself——alittle,QueenVictoriatrottinground。”
  “Itellyoutogotobed,“shelaughed。
  Hekissedherandwent。Hisplansforthefuturewerealways,thesame。
  Mrs。Morelsatbrooding——aboutherdaughter,aboutPaul,aboutArthur。ShefrettedatlosingAnnie。Thefamilywasvery,closelybound。AndshefeltsheMUSTlivenow,tobewithher,children。Lifewassorichforher。Paulwantedher,andsodidArthur。
  Arthurneverknewhowdeeplyhelovedher。Hewasacreature,ofthemoment。Neveryethadhebeenforcedtorealisehimself。
  Thearmyhaddisciplinedhisbody,butnothissoul。Hewasin,perfecthealthandveryhandsome。Hisdark,vigoroushairsatclose,tohissmallishhead。Therewassomethingchildishabouthisnose,somethingalmostgirlishabouthisdarkblueeyes。Buthehadthefun,redmouthofamanunderhisbrownmoustache,andhisjawwasstrong。
  Itwashisfather’smouth;itwasthenoseandeyesofherownmother’s,people——good-looking,weak-principledfolk。Mrs。Morelwasanxious,abouthim。Oncehehadreallyruntherighewassafe。Buthowfar,wouldhego?
  Thearmyhadnotreallydonehimanygood。Heresented,bitterlytheauthorityoftheofficers。Hehatedhavingtoobey,asifhewereananimal。Buthehadtoomuchsensetokick。
  Soheturnedhisattentiontogettingthebestoutofit。
  Hecouldsing,hewasaboon-companion。Oftenhegotintoscrapes,buttheywerethemanlyscrapesthatareeasilycondoned。Sohemade,agoodtimeoutofit,whilsthisself-respectwasinsuppression。
  Hetrustedtohisgoodlooksandhandsomefigure,hisrefinement,hisdecenteducationtogethimmostofwhathewanted,andhe,wasnotdisappointed。Yethewasrestless。Somethingseemed,tognawhiminside。Hewasneverstill,hewasneveralone。
  Withhismotherhewasratherhumble。Paulheadmiredandloved,anddespisedslightly。AndPauladmiredandlovedanddespised,himslightly。
  Mrs。Morelhadhadafewpoundslefttoherbyherfather,andshedecidedtobuyhersonoutofthearmy。Hewaswildwithjoy。
  Nowhewaslikealadtakingaholiday。
  HehadalwaysbeenfondofBeatriceWyld,andduringhisfurlough,hepickedupwithheragain。Shewasstrongerandbetterinhealth。
  Thetwooftenwentlongwalkstogether,Arthurtakingherarm,insoldier’sfashion,ratherstiffly。Andshecametoplaythe,pianowhilsthesang。ThenArthurwouldunhookhistuniccollar。
  Hegrewflushed,hiseyeswerebright,hesanginamanlytenor。
  Afterwardstheysattogetheronthesofa。Heseemedtoflaunt,hisbody:,shewasawareofhimso——thestrongchest,thesides,thethighsintheirclose-fittingtrousers。
  Helikedtolapseintothedialectwhenhetalkedtoher。
  Shewouldsometimessmokewithhim。Occasionallyshe,wouldonlytakeafewwhiffsathiscigarette。
  “Nay,“hesaidtoheroneevening,whenshereached,forhiscigarette。”Nay,thadoesna。I’llgi’etheeasmoke,kissifter’samind。”
  “Iwantedawhiff,nokissatall,“sheanswered。
  “Well,an’thas’ltha’eawhiff,“hesaid,“alongwi’t’kiss。”
  “Iwantadrawatthyfag,“shecried,snatchingforthe,cigarettebetweenhislips。
  Hewassittingwithhisshouldertouchingher。Shewassmall,andquickaslightning。Hejustescaped。
  “I’llgi’etheeasmokekiss,“hesaid。
  “Tha’rtakniveynuisance,ArtyMorel,“shesaid,sittingback。
  “Ha’easmokekiss?”
  Thesoldierleanedforwardtoher,smiling。Hisfacewas,nearhers。
  “Shonna!”shereplied,turningawayherhead。
  Hetookadrawathiscigarette,andpurseduphismouth,andputhislipsclosetoher。Hisdark-browncroppedmoustache,stoodoutlikeabrush。Shelookedatthepuckeredcrimsonlips,thensuddenlysnatchedthecigarettefromhisfingersanddartedaway。
  He,leapingafterher,seizedthecombfromherbackhair。Sheturned,threwthecigaretteathim。Hepickeditup,putitinhismouth,andsatdown。
  “Nuisance!”shecried。”Givememycomb!”
  Shewasafraidthatherhair,speciallydoneforhim,wouldcomedown。Shestoodwithherhandstoherhead。Hehid,thecombbetweenhisknees。
  “I’venongotit,“hesaid。
  Thecigarettetrembledbetweenhislipswithlaughterashespoke。
  “Liar!”shesaid。
  “’StrueasI’mhere!”helaughed,showinghishands。
  “Youbrazenimp!”sheexclaimed,rushingandscufflingfor,thecomb,whichhehadunderhisknees。Asshewrestledwithhim,pullingathissmooth,tight-coveredknees,helaughedtillhe,laybackonthesofashakingwithlaughter。Thecigarettefell,fromhismouthalmostsingeinghisthroat。Underhisdelicatetan,thebloodflushedup,andhelaughedtillhisblueeyeswereblinded,histhroatswollenalmosttochoking。Thenhesatup。Beatricewas,puttinginhercomb。
  “Thatickledme,Beat,“hesaidthickly。
  Likeaflashhersmallwhitehandwentoutandsmackedhisface。
  Hestartedup,glaringather。Theystaredateachother。
  Slowlytheflushmountedhercheek,shedroppedhereyes,thenherhead。
  Hesatdownsulkily。Shewentintothescullerytoadjustherhair。
  Inprivatetheresheshedafewtears,shedidnotknowwhatfor。
  Whenshereturnedshewaspursedupclose。Butitwasonlyafilm,overherfire。He,withruffledhair,wassulkinguponthesofa。
  Shesatdownopposite,inthearmchair,andneitherspoke。
  Theclocktickedinthesilencelikeblows。
  “Youarealittlecat,Beat,“hesaidatlength,halfapologetically。
  “Well,youshouldn’tbebrazen,“shereplied。
  Therewasagainalongsilence。Hewhistledtohimself,likeamanmuchagitatedbutdefiant。Suddenlyshewentacross,tohimandkissedhim。
  “Didit,porefing!”shemocked。
  Heliftedhisface,smilingcuriously。
  “Kiss?”heinvitedher。
  “Daren’tI?”sheasked。
  “Goon!”hechallenged,hismouthliftedtoher。
  Deliberately,andwithapeculiarquiveringsmilethat,seemedtooverspreadherwholebody,sheputhermouthonhis。
  Immediatelyhisarmsfoldedroundher。Assoonasthelongkisswas,finishedshedrewbackherheadfromhim,putherdelicatefingers,onhisneck,throughtheopencollar。Thensheclosedhereyes,givingherselfupagaininakiss。
  Sheactedofherownfreewill。Whatshewoulddoshedid,andmadenobodyresponsible。
  Paulfeltlifechangingaroundhim。Theconditionsofyouth,weregone。Nowitwasahomeofgrown-uppeople。Anniewas,amarriedwoman,Arthurwasfollowinghisownpleasureinaway,unknowntohisfolk。Forsolongtheyhadalllivedathome,andgoneouttopasstheirtime。Butnow,forAnnieandArthur,lifelayoutsidetheirmother’shouse。Theycamehomeforholiday,andforrest。Sotherewasthatstrange,half-emptyfeelingabout,thehouse,asifthebirdshadflown。Paulbecamemoreandmore,unsettled。AnnieandArthurhadgone。Hewasrestlesstofollow。
  Yethomewasforhimbesidehismother。Andstilltherewas,somethingelse,somethingoutside,somethinghewanted。
  Hegrewmoreandmorerestless。Miriamdidnotsatisfyhim。
  Hisoldmaddesiretobewithhergrewweaker。Sometimeshemet,ClarainNottingham,sometimeshewenttomeetingswithher,sometimeshesawheratWilleyFarm。Butontheselastoccasions,thesituationbecamestrained。Therewasatriangleofantagonism,betweenPaulandClaraandMiriam。WithClarahetookonasmart,worldly,mockingtoneveryantagonistictoMiriam。Itdidnot,matterwhatwentbefore。Shemightbeintimateandsadwithhim。
  ThenassoonasClaraappeared,itallvanished,andheplayedto,thenewcomer。
  Miriamhadonebeautifuleveningwithhiminthehay。
  Hehadbeenonthehorse-rake,andhavingfinished,cametohelp,hertoputthehayincocks。Thenhetalkedtoherofhishopes,anddespairs,andhiswholesoulseemedtoliebarebeforeher。
  Shefeltasifshewatchedtheveryquiveringstuffoflifeinhim。
  Themooncameout:,theywalkedhometogether:,heseemedtohave,cometoherbecauseheneededhersobadly,andshelistenedtohim,gavehimallherloveandherfaith。Itseemedtoherhebrought,herthebestofhimselftokeep,andthatshewouldguarditall,herlife。Nay,theskydidnotcherishthestarsmoresurelyand,eternallythanshewouldguardthegoodinthesoulofPaulMorel。
  Shewentonhomealone,feelingexalted,gladinherfaith。
  Andthen,thenextday,Claracame。Theyweretohavetea,inthehayfield。Miriamwatchedtheeveningdrawingtogold,andshadow。AndallthetimePaulwassportingwithClara。
  Hemadehigherandhigherheapsofhaythattheywerejumpingover。
  Miriamdidnotcareforthegame,andstoodaside。EdgarandGeoffrey,andMauriceandClaraandPauljumped。Paulwon,becausehe,waslight。Clara’sbloodwasroused。ShecouldrunlikeanAmazon。
  Paullovedthedeterminedwaysherushedatthehay-cockandleaped,landedontheotherside,herbreastsshaken,herthickhair,comeundone。
  “Youtouched!”hecried。”Youtouched!”
  “No!”sheflashed,turningtoEdgar。”Ididn’ttouch,didI?
  Wasn’tIclear?”
  “Icouldn’tsay,“laughedEdgar。
  Noneofthemcouldsay。
  “Butyoutouched,“saidPaul。”You’rebeaten。”
  “IdidNOTtouch!”shecried。
  “Asplainasanything,“saidPaul。
  “Boxhisearsforme!”shecriedtoEdgar。
  “Nay,“Edgarlaughed。”Idaren’t。Youmustdoityourself。”
  “Andnothingcanalterthefactthatyoutouched,“laughedPaul。
  Shewasfuriouswithhim。Herlittletriumphbeforethese,ladsandmenwasgone。Shehadforgottenherselfinthegame。
  Nowhewastohumbleher。
  “Ithinkyouaredespicable!”shesaid。
  Andagainhelaughed,inawaythattorturedMiriam。
  “AndIKNEWyoucouldn’tjumpthatheap,“heteased。
  Sheturnedherbackonhim。Yeteverybodycouldseethat,theonlypersonshelistenedto,orwasconsciousof,washe,andheofher。Itpleasedthementoseethisbattlebetweenthem。
  ButMiriamwastortured。
  Paulcouldchoosethelesserinplaceofthehigher,shesaw。
  Hecouldbeunfaithfultohimself,unfaithfultothereal,deepPaulMorel。Therewasadangerofhisbecomingfrivolous,ofhis,runningafterhissatisfactionlikeanyArthur,orlikehisfather。
  ItmadeMiriambittertothinkthatheshouldthrowawayhissoul,forthisflippanttrafficoftrivialitywithClara。Shewalked,inbitternessandsilence,whiletheothertworalliedeachother,andPaulsported。
  Andafterwards,hewouldnotownit,buthewasrather,ashamedofhimself,andprostratedhimselfbeforeMiriam。
  Thenagainherebelled。
  “It’snotreligioustobereligious,“hesaid。”Ireckon,acrowisreligiouswhenitsailsacrossthesky。Butitonly,doesitbecauseitfeelsitselfcarriedtowhereit’sgoing,notbecauseitthinksitisbeingeternal。”
  ButMiriamknewthatoneshouldbereligiousineverything,haveGod,whateverGodmightbe,presentineverything。
  “Idon’tbelieveGodknowssuchalotaboutHimself,“
  hecried。”Goddoesn’tKNOWthings,HeISthings。
  AndI’msureHe’snotsoulful。”
  AndthenitseemedtoherthatPaulwasarguingGodontohis,ownside,becausehewantedhisownwayandhisownpleasure。
  Therewasalongbattlebetweenhimandher。Hewasutterly,unfaithfultohereveninherownpresence;thenhewasashamed,thenrepentant;thenhehatedher,andwentoffagain。Thosewere,theever-recurringconditions。
  Shefrettedhimtothebottomofhissoul。Thereshe,remained——sad,pensive,aworshipper。Andhecausedhersorrow。
  Halfthetimehegrievedforher,halfthetimehehatedher。
  Shewashisconscience;andhefelt,somehow,hehadgotaconscience,thatwastoomuchforhim。Hecouldnotleaveher,becauseinone,wayshedidholdthebestofhim。Hecouldnotstaywithher,becauseshedidnottaketherestofhim,whichwasthree-quarters。
  Sohechafedhimselfintorawnessoverher。
  Whenshewastwenty-onehewroteheraletterwhichcould,onlyhavebeenwrittentoher。
  “MayIspeakofourold,wornlove,thislasttime。It,too,ischanging,isitnot?,Say,hasnotthebodyofthatlovedied,andleftyouitsinvulnerablesoul?,Yousee,Icangiveyou,aspiritlove,Ihavegivenityouthislong,longtime;butnot,embodiedpassion。See,youareanun。IhavegivenyouwhatI
  wouldgiveaholynun——asamysticmonktoamysticnun。Surelyyou,esteemitbest。Yetyouregret——no,haveregretted——theother。
  Inallourrelationsnobodyenters。Idonottalktoyouthrough,thesenses——ratherthroughthespirit。Thatiswhywecannotlove,inthecommonsense。Oursisnotaneverydayaffection。Asyetwe,aremortal,andtolivesidebysidewithoneanotherwouldbedreadful,forsomehowwithyouIcannotlongbetrivial,and,youknow,tobealwaysbeyondthismortalstatewouldbetoloseit。
  Ifpeoplemarry,theymustlivetogetherasaffectionatehumans,whomaybecommonplacewitheachotherwithoutfeelingawkward——not,astwosouls。SoIfeelit。
  “OughtItosendthisletter?——Idoubtit。Butthere——it,isbesttounderstand。Aurevoir。”
  Miriamreadthislettertwice,afterwhichshesealeditup。
  Ayearlatershebrokethesealtoshowhermothertheletter。
  “Youareanun——youareanun。”,Thewordswentintoherheart,againandagain。Nothingheeverhadsaidhadgoneintoher,sodeeply,fixedly,likeamortalwound。
  Sheansweredhimtwodaysaftertheparty。
  “’Ourintimacywouldhavebeenall-beautifulbutforone,littlemistake,’“shequoted。”Wasthemistakemine?”
  AlmostimmediatelyherepliedtoherfromNottingham,sendingheratthesametimealittle“OmarKhayyam。”
  “Iamgladyouanswered;youaresocalmandnaturalyouput,metoshame。WhataranterIam!,Weareoftenoutofsympathy。
  ButinfundamentalswemayalwaysbetogetherIthink。
  “Imustthankyouforyoursympathywithmypaintinganddrawing。
  Manyasketchisdedicatedtoyou。Idolookforwardtoyourcriticisms,which,tomyshameandglory,arealwaysgrandappreciations。
  Itisalovelyjoke,that。Aurevoir。”
  ThiswastheendofthefirstphaseofPaul’sloveaffair。
  Hewasnowabouttwenty-threeyearsold,and,thoughstillvirgin,thesexinstinctthatMiriamhadover-refinedforsolongnow,grewparticularlystrong。Often,ashetalkedtoClaraDawes,camethatthickeningandquickeningofhisblood,thatpeculiar,concentrationinthebreast,asifsomethingwerealivethere,anewselforanewcentreofconsciousness,warninghimthat,soonerorlaterhewouldhavetoaskonewomanoranother。Buthe,belongedtoMiriam。Ofthatshewassofixedlysurethatheallowed,herright。