Shewasnotclumsy,andyetnoneofhermovementsseemedquite,THEmovement。Often,whenwipingthedishes,shewouldstand,inbewildermentandchagrinbecauseshehadpulledintwohalves,acuporatumbler。Itwasasif,inherfearandself-mistrust,sheputtoomuchstrengthintotheeffort。Therewasnolooseness,orabandonabouther。Everythingwasgrippedstiffwithintensity,andhereffort,overcharged,closedinonitself。
Sherarelyvariedfromherswinging,forward,intensewalk。
OccasionallysheranwithPauldownthefields。Thenhereyes,blazednakedinakindofecstasythatfrightenedhim。Butshewas,physicallyafraid。Ifsheweregettingoverastile,shegrippedhis,handsinalittlehardanguish,andbegantoloseherpresenceofmind。
Andhecouldnotpersuadehertojumpfromevenasmallheight。
Hereyesdilated,becameexposedandpalpitating。
“No!”shecried,halflaughinginterror——“no!”
“Youshall!”hecriedonce,and,jerkingherforward,hebrought,herfallingfromthefence。Butherwild“Ah!”ofpain,asifshe,werelosingconsciousness,cuthim。Shelandedonherfeetsafely,andafterwardshadcourageinthisrespect。
Shewasverymuchdissatisfiedwithherlot。
“Don’tyoulikebeingathome?”Paulaskedher,surprised。
“Whowould?”sheanswered,lowandintense。”Whatisit?
I’malldaycleaningwhattheboysmakejustasbadinfiveminutes。
Idon’tWANTtobeathome。”
“Whatdoyouwant,then?”
“Iwanttodosomething。Iwantachancelikeanybodyelse。
Whyshould1,becauseI’magirl,bekeptathomeandnotallowed,tobeanything?,WhatchanceHAVEI?”
“Chanceofwhat?”
“Ofknowinganything——oflearning,ofdoinganything。
It’snotfair,becauseI’mawoman。”
Sheseemedverybitter。Paulwondered。InhisownhomeAnnie,wasalmostgladtobeagirl。Shehadnotsomuchresponsibility;
thingswerelighterforher。Sheneverwantedtobeotherthanagirl。
ButMiriamalmostfiercelywishedshewereaman。Andyetshehated,menatthesametime。
“Butit’saswelltobeawomanasaman,“hesaid,frowning。
“Ha!Isit?,Menhaveeverything。”
“Ishouldthinkwomenoughttobeasgladtobewomenasmen,aretobemen,“heanswered。
“No!”——sheshookherhead——“no!Everythingthemenhave。”
“Butwhatdoyouwant?”heasked。
“Iwanttolearn。WhySHOULDitbethatIknownothing?”
“What!suchasmathematicsandFrench?”
“WhySHOULDN’TIknowmathematics?,Yes!”shecried,hereye,expandinginakindofdefiance。
“Well,youcanlearnasmuchasIknow,“hesaid。”I’llteachyou,ifyoulike。”
Hereyesdilated。Shemistrustedhimasteacher。
“Wouldyou?”heasked。
Herheadhaddropped,andshewassuckingherfingerbroodingly。
“Yes,“shesaidhesitatingly。
Heusedtotellhismotherallthesethings。
“I’mgoingtoteachMiriamalgebra,“hesaid。
“Well,“repliedMrs。Morel,“Ihopeshe’llgetfatonit。”
WhenhewentuptothefarmontheMondayevening,itwas,drawingtwilight。Miriamwasjustsweepingupthekitchen,andwas,kneelingatthehearthwhenheentered。Everyonewasoutbuther。
Shelookedroundathim,flushed,herdarkeyesshining,herfine,hairfallingaboutherface。
“Hello!”shesaid,softandmusical。”Iknewitwasyou。”
“How?”
“Iknewyourstep。Nobodytreadssoquickandfirm。”
Hesatdown,sighing。
“Readytodosomealgebra?”heasked,drawingalittlebook,fromhispocket。
“But——“
Hecouldfeelherbackingaway。
“Yousaidyouwanted,“heinsisted。
“To-night,though?”shefaltered。
“ButIcameonpurpose。Andifyouwanttolearnit,youmustbegin。”
Shetookupherashesinthedustpanandlookedathim,halftremulously,laughing。
“Yes,butto-night!Yousee,Ihaven’tthoughtofit。”
“Well,mygoodness!,Taketheashesandcome。”
Hewentandsatonthestonebenchintheback-yard,where,thebigmilk-canswerestanding,tippedup,toair。Themenwere,inthecowsheds。Hecouldhearthelittlesing-songofthemilk,spurtingintothepails。Presentlyshecame,bringingsomebig,greenishapples。
“Youknowyoulikethem,“shesaid。
Hetookabite。
“Sitdown,“hesaid,withhismouthfull。
Shewasshort-sighted,andpeeredoverhisshoulder。
Itirritatedhim。Hegaveherthebookquickly。
“Here,“hesaid。”It’sonlylettersforfigures。Youput,down’a’insteadof’2’or’6’。”
Theyworked,hetalking,shewithherheaddownonthebook。
Hewasquickandhasty。Sheneveranswered。Occasionally,whenhe,demandedofher,“Doyousee?”shelookedupathim,hereyeswide,withthehalf-laughthatcomesoffear。”Don’tyou?”hecried。
Hehadbeentoofast。Butshesaidnothing。Hequestioned,hermore,thengothot。Itmadehisbloodrousetoseeherthere,asitwere,athismercy,hermouthopen,hereyesdilatedwith,laughterthatwasafraid,apologetic,ashamed。ThenEdgarcame,alongwithtwobucketsofmilk。
“Hello!”hesaid。”Whatareyoudoing?”
“Algebra,“repliedPaul。
“Algebra!”repeatedEdgarcuriously。Thenhepassedonwith,alaugh。Paultookabiteathisforgottenapple,lookedatthe,miserablecabbagesinthegarden,peckedintolacebythefowls,andhewantedtopullthemup。ThenheglancedatMiriam。
Shewasporingoverthebook,seemedabsorbedinit,yettrembling,lestshecouldnotgetatit。Itmadehimcross。Shewasruddy,andbeautiful。Yethersoulseemedtobeintenselysupplicating。
Thealgebra-booksheclosed,shrinking,knowinghewasangered;
andatthesameinstanthegrewgentle,seeingherhurtbecauseshedid,notunderstand。
Butthingscameslowlytoher。Andwhensheheldherself,inagrip,seemedsoutterlyhumblebeforethelesson,itmadehis,bloodrouse。Hestormedather,gotashamed,continuedthelesson,andgrewfuriousagain,abusingher。Shelistenedinsilence。
Occasionally,veryrarely,shedefendedherself。Herliquiddark,eyesblazedathim。
“Youdon’tgivemetimetolearnit,“shesaid。
“Allright,“heanswered,throwingthebookonthetableandlighting,acigarette。Then,afterawhile,hewentbacktoherrepentant。
Sothelessonswent。Hewasalwayseitherinarageorverygentle。
“WhatdoyoutrembleyourSOULbeforeitfor?”hecried。
“Youdon’tlearnalgebrawithyourblessedsoul。Can’tyoulook,atitwithyourclearsimplewits?”
Often,whenhewentagainintothekitchen,Mrs。Leiverswould,lookathimreproachfully,saying:
“Paul,don’tbesohardonMiriam。Shemaynotbequick,butI’msureshetries。”
“Ican’thelpit,“hesaidratherpitiably。”Igoofflikeit。”
“Youdon’tmindme,Miriam,doyou?”heaskedofthegirllater。
“No,“shereassuredhiminherbeautifuldeeptones——“no,I
don’tmind。”
“Don’tmindme;it’smyfault。”
But,inspiteofhimself,hisbloodbegantoboilwithher。
Itwasstrangethatnooneelsemadehiminsuchfury。
Heflaredagainsther。Oncehethrewthepencilinherface。
Therewasasilence。Sheturnedherfaceslightlyaside。
“Ididn’t——“hebegan,butgotnofarther,feelingweakin,allhisbones。Sheneverreproachedhimorwasangrywithhim。
Hewasoftencruellyashamed。Butstillagainhisangerburst,likeabubblesurcharged;andstill,whenhesawhereager,silent,asitwere,blindface,hefelthewantedtothrowthepencil,init;andstill,whenhesawherhandtremblingandhermouth,partedwithsuffering,hisheartwasscaldedwithpainforher。
Andbecauseoftheintensitytowhichsherousedhim,hesoughther。
ThenheoftenavoidedherandwentwithEdgar。Miriamand,herbrotherwerenaturallyantagonistic。Edgarwasarationalist,whowascurious,andhadasortofscientificinterestinlife。
ItwasagreatbitternesstoMiriamtoseeherselfdesertedbyPaul,forEdgar,whoseemedsomuchlower。Buttheyouthwasveryhappy,withherelderbrother。Thetwomenspentafternoonstogether,onthelandorintheloftdoingcarpentry,whenitrained。
Andtheytalkedtogether,orPaultaughtEdgarthesongshehimself,hadlearnedfromAnnieatthepiano。Andoftenallthemen,Mr。Leiversaswell,hadbitterdebatesonthenationalizingoftheland,andsimilarproblems。Paulhadalreadyheardhismother’sviews,andasthesewereasyethisown,hearguedforher。Miriamattended,andtookpart,butwasallthetimewaitinguntilitshouldbeover,andapersonalcommunicationmightbegin。
“Afterall,“shesaidwithinherself,“iftheland,werenationalized,EdgarandPaulandIwouldbejustthesame。”
Soshewaitedfortheyouthtocomebacktoher。
Hewasstudyingforhispainting。Helovedtositathome,alonewithhismother,atnight,workingandworking。Shesewed,orread。Then,lookingupfromhistask,hewouldresthiseyes,foramomentonherface,thatwasbrightwithlivingwarmth,andhereturnedgladlytohiswork。
“Icandomybestthingswhenyousitthereinyour,rocking-chair,mother,“hesaid。
“I’msure!”sheexclaimed,sniffingwithmockscepticism。
Butshefeltitwasso,andherheartquiveredwithbrightness。
Formanyhoursshesatstill,slightlyconsciousofhimlabouringaway,whilstsheworkedorreadherbook。Andhe,withallhissoul’s,intensitydirectinghispencil,couldfeelherwarmthinsidehim,likestrength。Theywerebothveryhappyso,andbothunconscious,ofit。Thesetimes,thatmeantsomuch,andwhichwererealliving,theyalmostignored。
Hewasconsciousonlywhenstimulated。Asketchfinished,healwayswantedtotakeittoMiriam。Thenhewasstimulated,intoknowledgeoftheworkhehadproducedunconsciously。
IncontactwithMiriamhegainedinsight;hisvisionwentdeeper。
Fromhismotherhedrewthelife-warmth,thestrengthtoproduce;
Miriamurgedthiswarmthintointensitylikeawhitelight。
Whenhereturnedtothefactorytheconditionsofworkwerebetter。
HehadWednesdayafternoonofftogototheArtSchool——
MissJordan’sprovision——returningintheevening。Thenthefactory,closedatsixinsteadofeightonThursdayandFridayevenings。
OneeveninginthesummerMiriamandhewentoverthefields,byHerod’sFarmontheirwayfromthelibraryhome。Soitwas,onlythreemilestoWilleyFarm。Therewasayellowglowoverthe,mowing-grass,andthesorrel-headsburnedcrimson。Gradually,asthey,walkedalongthehighland,thegoldinthewestsankdowntored,theredtocrimson,andthenthechillbluecreptupagainsttheglow。
TheycameoutuponthehighroadtoAlfreton,whichran,whitebetweenthedarkeningfields。TherePaulhesitated。
Itwastwomileshomeforhim,onemileforwardforMiriam。
Theybothlookeduptheroadthatraninshadowrightunderthe,glowofthenorth-westsky。Onthecrestofthehill,Selby,withitsstarkhousesandtheup-prickedheadstocksofthepit,stoodinblacksilhouettesmallagainstthesky。
Helookedathiswatch。
“Nineo’clock!”hesaid。
Thepairstood,lothtopart,huggingtheirbooks。
“Thewoodissolovelynow,“shesaid。”Iwantedyoutoseeit。”
Hefollowedherslowlyacrosstheroadtothewhitegate。
“TheygrumblesoifI’mlate,“hesaid。
“Butyou’renotdoinganythingwrong,“sheansweredimpatiently。
Hefollowedheracrossthenibbledpastureinthedusk。
Therewasacoolnessinthewood,ascentofleaves,ofhoneysuckle,andatwilight。Thetwowalkedinsilence。Nightcamewonderfullythere,amongthethrongofdarktree-trunks。Helookedround,expectant。
Shewantedtoshowhimacertainwild-rosebushshe,haddiscovered。Sheknewitwaswonderful。Andyet,tillhehadseenit,shefeltithadnotcomeintohersoul。
Onlyhecouldmakeitherown,immortal。Shewasdissatisfied。
Dewwasalreadyonthepaths。Intheoldoak-woodamist,wasrising,andhehesitated,wonderingwhetheronewhiteness,wereastrandoffogoronlycampion-flowerspallidinacloud。
Bythetimetheycametothepine-treesMiriamwasgettingvery,eagerandverytense。Herbushmightbegone。Shemightnotbe,abletofindit;andshewanteditsomuch。Almostpassionately,shewantedtobewithhimwhenbestoodbeforetheflowers。
Theyweregoingtohaveacommuniontogether——somethingthat,thrilledher,somethingholy。Hewaswalkingbesideherinsilence。
Theywereveryneartoeachother。Shetrembled,andhelistened,vaguelyanxious。
Comingtotheedgeofthewood,theysawtheskyinfront,likemother-of-pearl,andtheearthgrowingdark。Somewhereonthe,outermostbranchesofthepine-woodthehoneysucklewasstreamingscent。
“Where?”heasked。
“Downthemiddlepath,“shemurmured,quivering。
Whentheyturnedthecornerofthepathshestoodstill。
Inthewidewalkbetweenthepines,gazingratherfrightened,shecoulddistinguishnothingforsomemoments;thegreyinglight,robbedthingsoftheircolour。Thenshesawherbush。
“Ah!”shecried,hasteningforward。
Itwasverystill。Thetreewastallandstraggling。
Ithadthrownitsbriersoverahawthorn-bush,anditslong,streamerstrailedthick,rightdowntothegrass,splashingthe,darknesseverywherewithgreatspiltstars,purewhite。Inbosses,ofivoryandinlargesplashedstarstherosesgleamedonthe,darknessoffoliageandstemsandgrass。PaulandMiriamstood,closetogether,silent,andwatched。Pointafterpointthesteady,rosesshoneouttothem,seemingtokindlesomethingintheirsouls。
Theduskcamelikesmokearound,andstilldidnotputouttheroses。
PaullookedintoMiriam’seyes。Shewaspaleandexpectant,withwonder,herlipswereparted,andherdarkeyeslayopentohim。
Hislookseemedtotraveldownintoher。Hersoulquivered。
Itwasthecommunionshewanted。Heturnedaside,asifpained。
Heturnedtothebush。
“Theyseemasiftheywalklikebutterflies,andshakethemselves,“
hesaid。
Shelookedatherroses。Theywerewhite,someincurvedandholy,othersexpandedinanecstasy。Thetreewasdarkasashadow。
Sheliftedherhandimpulsivelytotheflowers;shewentforward,andtouchedtheminworship。
“Letusgo,“hesaid。
Therewasacoolscentofivoryroses——awhite,virginscent。
Somethingmadehimfeelanxiousandimprisoned。Thetwowalked,insilence。
“TillSunday,“hesaidquietly,andlefther;andshewalked,homeslowly,feelinghersoulsatisfiedwiththeholinessofthenight。
Hestumbleddownthepath。Andassoonashewasoutofthewood,inthefreeopenmeadow,wherehecouldbreathe,hestartedtorun,asfastashecould。Itwaslikeadeliciousdeliriuminhisveins。
AlwayswhenhewentwithMiriam,anditgrewratherlate,heknew,hismotherwasfrettingandgettingangryabouthim——why,hecould,notunderstand。Ashewentintothehouse,flingingdownhiscap,hismotherlookedupattheclock。Shehadbeensittingthinking,becauseachilltohereyespreventedherreading。Shecouldfeel,Paulbeingdrawnawaybythisgirl。AndshedidnotcareforMiriam。
“Sheisoneofthosewhowillwanttosuckaman’ssoulouttill,hehasnoneofhisownleft,“shesaidtoherself;“andheisjust,suchagabyastolethimselfbeabsorbed。Shewillneverlethim,becomeaman;sheneverwill。”,So,whilehewasawaywithMiriam,Mrs。Morelgrewmoreandmoreworkedup。
Sheglancedattheclockandsaid,coldlyandrathertired:
“Youhavebeenfarenoughto-night。”
Hissoul,warmandexposedfromcontactwiththegirl,shrank。
“Youmusthavebeenrighthomewithher,“hismothercontinued。
Hewouldnotanswer。Mrs。Morel,lookingathimquickly,sawhishairwasdamponhisforeheadwithhaste,sawhimfrowning,inhisheavyfashion,resentfully。
“Shemustbewonderfullyfascinating,thatyoucan’tgetaway,fromher,butmustgotrailingeightmilesatthistimeofnight。”
HewashurtbetweenthepastglamourwithMiriamandthe,knowledgethathismotherfretted。Hehadmeantnottosayanything,torefusetoanswer。Buthecouldnothardenhishearttoignore,hismother。
“IDOliketotalktoher,“heansweredirritably。
“Istherenobodyelsetotalkto?”
“Youwouldn’tsayanythingifIwentwithEdgar。”
“YouknowIshould。Youknow,whoeveryouwentwith,Ishouldsayitwastoofarforyoutogotrailing,lateatnight,whenyou’vebeentoNottingham。Besides“——hervoicesuddenlyflashed,intoangerandcontempt——“itisdisgusting——bits,ofladsandgirlscourting。”
“ItisNOTcourting,“hecried。
“Idon’tknowwhatelseyoucallit。”
“It’snot!,DoyouthinkweSPOONanddo?,Weonlytalk。”
“Tillgoodnessknowswhattimeanddistance,“wasthe,sarcasticrejoinder。
Paulsnappedatthelacesofhisbootsangrily。
“Whatareyousomadabout?”heasked。”Becauseyoudon’t,likeher。”
“Idon’tsayIdon’tlikeher。ButIdon’tholdwithchildren,keepingcompany,andneverdid。”
“Butyoudon’tmindourAnniegoingoutwithJimInger。”
“They’vemoresensethanyoutwo。”
“Why?”
“OurAnnie’snotoneofthedeepsort。”
Hefailedtoseethemeaningofthisremark。Buthismother,lookedtired。ShewasneversostrongafterWilliam’sdeath;
andhereyeshurther。
“Well,“hesaid,“it’ssoprettyinthecountry。Mr。Sleath,askedaboutyou。Hesaidhe’dmissedyou。Areyouabitbetter?”
“Ioughttohavebeeninbedalongtimeago,“shereplied。
“Why,mother,youknowyouwouldn’thavegonebefore,quarter-pastten。”
“Oh,yes,Ishould!”
“Oh,littlewoman,you’dsayanythingnowyou’redisagreeable,withme,wouldn’tyou?”
Hekissedherforeheadthatheknewsowell:,thedeepmarks,betweenthebrows,therisingofthefinehair,greyingnow,andthe,proudsettingofthetemples。Hishandlingeredonhershoulder,afterhiskiss。Thenhewentslowlytobed。HehadforgottenMiriam;
heonlysawhowhismother’shairwasliftedbackfromherwarm,broadbrow。Andsomehow,shewashurt。
ThenthenexttimehesawMiriamhesaidtoher:
“Don’tletmebelateto-night——notlaterthanteno’clock。My,mothergetssoupset。”
Miriamdroppedherbead,brooding。
“Whydoesshegetupset?”sheasked。
“BecauseshesaysIoughtn’ttobeoutlatewhenIhavetoget,upearly。”
“Verywell!”saidMiriam,ratherquietly,withjustatouch,ofasneer。
Heresentedthat。Andhewasusuallylateagain。
ThattherewasanylovegrowingbetweenhimandMiriamneither,ofthemwouldhaveacknowledged。Hethoughthewastoosanefor,suchsentimentality,andshethoughtherselftoolofty。Theybothwere,lateincomingtomaturity,andpsychicalripenesswasmuchbehind,eventhephysical。Miriamwasexceedinglysensitive,ashermother,hadalwaysbeen。Theslightestgrossnessmadeherrecoilalmost,inanguish。Herbrotherswerebrutal,butnevercoarseinspeech。
Themendidallthediscussingoffarmmattersoutside。But,perhaps,becauseofthecontinualbusinessofbirthandofbegettingwhichgoes,onuponeveryfarm,Miriamwasthemorehypersensitivetothematter,andherbloodwaschastenedalmosttodisgustofthefaintest,suggestionofsuchintercourse。Paultookhispitchfromher,andtheirintimacywentoninanutterlyblanchedandchastefashion。
Itcouldneverbementionedthatthemarewasinfoal。
Whenhewasnineteen,hewasearningonlytwentyshillingsaweek,buthewashappy。Hispaintingwentwell,andlifewentwellenough。
OntheGoodFridayheorganisedawalktotheHemlockStone。
Therewerethreeladsofhisownage,thenAnnieandArthur,MiriamandGeoffrey。Arthur,apprenticedasanelectrician,inNottingham,washomefortheholiday。Morel,asusual,wasupearly,whistlingandsawingintheyard。Atseveno’clockthefamilyheard,himbuythreepennyworthofhot-crossbuns;hetalkedwithgusto,tothelittlegirlwhobroughtthem,callingher“mydarling“。He,turnedawayseveralboyswhocamewithmorebuns,tellingthem,theyhadbeen“kested“byalittlelass。ThenMrs。Morelgotup,andthefamilystraggleddown。Itwasanimmenseluxurytoeverybody,thislyinginbedjustbeyondtheordinarytimeonaweekday。
AndPaulandArthurreadbeforebreakfast,andhadthemealunwashed,sittingintheirshirt-sleeves。Thiswasanotherholidayluxury。
Theroomwaswarm。Everythingfeltfreeofcareandanxiety。
Therewasasenseofplentyinthehouse。
Whiletheboyswerereading,Mrs。Morelwentintothegarden。
Theywerenowinanotherhouse,anoldone,neartheScargill,Streethome,whichhadbeenleftsoonafterWilliamhaddied。
Directlycameanexcitedcryfromthegarden:
“Paul!,Paul!,comeandlook!”
Itwashismother’svoice。Hethrewdownhisbookandwentout。
Therewasalonggardenthatrantoafield。Itwasagrey,coldday,withasharpwindblowingoutofDerbyshire。Twofieldsaway,Bestwoodbegan,withajumbleofroofsandredhouse-ends,outofwhich,rosethechurchtowerandthespireoftheCongregationalChapel。
Andbeyondwentwoodsandhills,rightawaytothepalegreyheights,ofthePennineChain。
Paullookeddownthegardenforhismother。Herheadappeared,amongtheyoungcurrant-bushes。
“Comehere!”shecried。
“Whatfor?”heanswered。
“Comeandsee。”
Shehadbeenlookingatthebudsonthecurranttrees。
Paulwentup。
“Tothink,“shesaid,“thathereImightneverhaveseenthem!”
Hersonwenttoherside。Underthefence,inalittlebed,wasaravelofpoorgrassyleaves,suchascomefromveryimmaturebulbs,andthreescyllasinbloom。Mrs。Morelpointedtothedeepblueflowers。
“Now,justseethose!”sheexclaimed。”Iwaslookingat,thecurrantbushes,when,thinksItomyself,’There’ssomething,veryblue;isitabitofsugar-bag?’andthere,beholdyou!
Sugar-bag!Threegloriesofthesnow,andsuchbeauties!
Butwhereonearthdidtheycomefrom?”
“Idon’tknow,“saidPaul。
“Well,that’samarvel,now!,ITHOUGHTIkneweveryweed,andbladeinthisgarden。ButHAVEN’Ttheydonewell?,Yousee,thatgooseberry-bushjustsheltersthem。Notnipped,nottouched!”
Hecroucheddownandturnedupthebellsofthelittle,blueflowers。
“They’reagloriouscolour!”hesaid。
“Aren’tthey!”shecried。”IguesstheycomefromSwitzerland,wheretheysaytheyhavesuchlovelythings。Fancythemagainst,thesnow!,Butwherehavetheycomefrom?,Theycan’thaveBLOWNhere,canthey?”
Thenherememberedhavingsetherealotoflittletrash,ofbulbstomature。
“Andyounevertoldme,“shesaid。
“No!,IthoughtI’dleaveittilltheymightflower。”
“Andnow,yousee!,Imighthavemissedthem。AndI’venever,hadagloryofthesnowinmygardeninmylife。”
Shewasfullofexcitementandelation。Thegardenwas,anendlessjoytoher。Paulwasthankfulforhersakeatlast,tobeinahousewithalonggardenthatwentdowntoafield。
Everymorningafterbreakfastshewentoutandwashappypottering,aboutinit。Anditwastrue,shekneweveryweedandblade。
Everybodyturnedupforthewalk。Foodwaspacked,andthey,setoff,amerry,delightedparty。Theyhungoverthewallofthe,mill-race,droppedpaperinthewaterononesideofthetunnel,andwatcheditshootoutontheother。Theystoodonthefoot-bridge,overBoathouseStationandlookedatthemetalsgleamingcoldly。
“YoushouldseetheFlyingScotsmancomethroughathalf-pastsix!”
saidLeonard,whosefatherwasasignalman。”Lad,butshedoesn’t,halfbuzz!”andthelittlepartylookedupthelinesoneway,toLondon,andtheotherway,toScotland,andtheyfeltthetouch,ofthesetwomagicalplaces。
InIlkestonthecollierswerewaitingingangsforthe,public-housestoopen。Itwasatownofidlenessandlounging。
AtStantonGatetheironfoundryblazed。Overeverythingtherewere,greatdiscussions。AtTrowelltheycrossedagainfromDerbyshire,intoNottinghamshire。TheycametotheHemlockStoneatdinner-time。
ItsfieldwascrowdedwithfolkfromNottinghamandIlkeston。
Theyhadexpectedavenerableanddignifiedmonument。
Theyfoundalittle,gnarled,twistedstumpofrock,somethinglikea,decayedmushroom,standingoutpatheticallyonthesideofafield。
LeonardandDickimmediatelyproceededtocarvetheirinitials,“L。W。”and“R。P。”,intheoldredsandstone;butPauldesisted,becausehehadreadinthenewspapersatiricalremarksabout,initial-carvers,whocouldfindnootherroadtoimmortality。
Thenalltheladsclimbedtothetopoftherocktolookround。
Everywhereinthefieldbelow,factorygirlsandladswereeating,lunchorsportingabout。Beyondwasthegardenofanoldmanor。
Ithadyew-hedgesandthickclumpsandborders,ofyellowcrocusesroundthelawn。
“See,“saidPaultoMiriam,“whataquietgarden!”
Shesawthedarkyewsandthegoldencrocuses,thenshe,lookedgratefully。Hehadnotseemedtobelongtoheramongall,theseothers;hewasdifferentthen——notherPaul,whounderstood,theslightestquiverofherinnermostsoul,butsomethingelse,speakinganotherlanguagethanhers。Howithurther,anddeadened,herveryperceptions。Onlywhenhecamerightbacktoher,leavinghisother,hislesserself,asshethought,wouldshe,feelaliveagain。Andnowheaskedhertolookatthisgarden,wantingthecontactwithheragain。Impatientofthesetinthefield,sheturnedtothequietlawn,surroundedbysheavesofshut-upcrocuses。
Afeelingofstillness,almostofecstasy,cameoverher。
Itfeltalmostasifshewerealonewithhiminthisgarden。
Thenheleftheragainandjoinedtheothers。Soonthey,startedhome。Miriamloiteredbehind,alone。Shedidnot,fitinwiththeothers;shecouldveryrarelygetintohuman,relationswithanyone:,soherfriend,hercompanion,herlover,wasNature。Shesawthesundecliningwanly。Inthedusky,coldhedgerowsweresomeredleaves。Shelingeredtogatherthem,tenderly,passionately。Theloveinherfinger-tipscaressed,theleaves;thepassioninherheartcametoaglowupontheleaves。
Suddenlysherealisedshewasaloneinastrangeroad,andshehurriedforward。Turningacornerinthelane,shecame,uponPaul,whostoodbentoversomething,hismindfixedonit,workingawaysteadily,patiently,alittlehopelessly。Shehesitated,inherapproach,towatch。
Heremainedconcentratedinthemiddleoftheroad。Beyond,oneriftofrichgoldinthatcolourlessgreyeveningseemedtomake,himstandoutindarkrelief。Shesawhim,slenderandfirm,asifthesettingsunhadgivenhimtoher。Adeeppaintookhold,ofher,andsheknewshemustlovehim。Andshehaddiscoveredhim,discoveredinhimararepotentiality,discoveredhisloneliness。
Quiveringasatsome“annunciation“shewentslowlyforward。
Atlasthelookedup。
“Why,“heexclaimedgratefully,“haveyouwaitedforme!”
Shesawadeepshadowinhiseyes。
“Whatisit?”sheasked。
“Thespringbrokenhere;“andheshowedherwherehisumbrella,wasinjured。
Instantly,withsomeshame,sheknewhehadnotdone,thedamagehimself,butthatGeoffreywasresponsible。
“Itisonlyanoldumbrella,isn’tit?”sheasked。
Shewonderedwhyhe,whodidnotusuallytroubleovertrifles,madesuchamountainofthismolehill。
“ButitwasWilliam’san’mymothercan’thelpbutknow,“
hesaidquietly,stillpatientlyworkingattheumbrella。
ThewordswentthroughMiriamlikeablade。This,then,wasthe,confirmationofhervisionofhim!,Shelookedathim。Butthere,wasabouthimacertainreserve,andshedarednotcomforthim,notevenspeaksoftlytohim。
“Comeon,“hesaid。”Ican’tdoit;“andtheywentinsilence,alongtheroad。
Thatsameeveningtheywerewalkingalongunderthetrees,byNetherGreen。Hewastalkingtoherfretfully,seemedtobe,strugglingtoconvincehimself。
“Youknow,“hesaid,withaneffort,“ifonepersonloves,theotherdoes。”
“Ah!”sheanswered。”LikemothersaidtomewhenIwaslittle,’Lovebegetslove。’“
“Yes,somethinglikethat,IthinkitMUSTbe。”
“Ihopeso,because,ifitwerenot,lovemightbeavery,terriblething,“shesaid。
“Yes,butitIS——atleastwithmostpeople,“heanswered。
AndMiriam,thinkinghehadassuredhimself,feltstrong,inherself。Shealwaysregardedthatsuddencominguponhim,inthelaneasarevelation。Andthisconversationremained,graveninhermindasoneofthelettersofthelaw。
Nowshestoodwithhimandforhim。When,aboutthistime,heoutragedthefamilyfeelingatWilleyFarmbysomeoverbearinginsult,shestucktohim,andbelievedhewasright。Andatthistimeshe,dreameddreamsofhim,vivid,unforgettable。Thesedreamscame,againlateron,developedtoamoresubtlepsychologicalstage。
OntheEasterMondaythesamepartytookanexcursion,toWingfieldManor。ItwasgreatexcitementtoMiriamtocatcha,trainatSethleyBridge,amidallthebustleoftheBankHolidaycrowd。
TheyleftthetrainatAlfreton。Paulwasinterestedinthe,streetandinthecollierswiththeirdogs。Herewasanewrace,ofminers。Miriamdidnotlivetilltheycametothechurch。
Theywereallrathertimidofentering,withtheirbagsoffood,forfearofbeingturnedout。Leonard,acomic,thinfellow,wentfirst;Paul,whowouldhavediedratherthanbesentback,wentlast。TheplacewasdecoratedforEaster。Inthefonthundreds,ofwhitenarcissiseemedtobegrowing。Theairwasdimandcoloured,fromthewindowsandthrilledwithasubtlescentoflilies,andnarcissi。InthatatmosphereMiriam’ssoulcameintoaglow。
Paulwasafraidofthethingshemustn’tdo;andhewassensitive,tothefeeloftheplace。Miriamturnedtohim。Heanswered。
Theyweretogether。HewouldnotgobeyondtheCommunion-rail。She,lovedhimforthat。Hersoulexpandedintoprayerbesidehim。
Hefeltthestrangefascinationofshadowyreligiousplaces。
Allhislatentmysticismquiveredintolife。Shewasdrawntohim。
Hewasaprayeralongwithher。
Miriamveryrarelytalkedtotheotherlads。Theyatonce,becameawkwardinconversationwithher。Sousuallyshewassilent。
Itwaspastmiddaywhentheyclimbedthesteeppathtothemanor。
Allthingsshonesoftlyinthesun,whichwaswonderfullywarm,andenlivening。Celandinesandvioletswereout。Everybodywas,tip-topfullwithhappiness。Theglitteroftheivy,thesoft,atmosphericgreyofthecastlewalls,thegentlenessofeverything,neartheruin,wasperfect。
Themanorisofhard,palegreystone,andtheotherwalls,areblankandcalm。Theyoungfolkwereinraptures。Theywent,intrepidation,almostafraidthatthedelightofexploringthis,ruinmightbedeniedthem。Inthefirstcourtyard,withinthehigh,brokenwalls,werefarm-carts,withtheirshaftslyingidleon,theground,thetyresofthewheelsbrilliantwithgold-redrust。
Itwasverystill。
Alleagerlypaidtheirsixpences,andwenttimidlythrough,thefinecleanarchoftheinnercourtyard。Theywereshy。
Hereonthepavement,wherethehallhadbeen,anoldthorntree,wasbudding。Allkindsofstrangeopeningsandbrokenroomswere,intheshadowaroundthem。
Afterlunchtheysetoffoncemoretoexploretheruin。
Thistimethegirlswentwiththeboys,whocouldactasguides,andexpositors。Therewasonetalltowerinacorner,rathertottering,wheretheysayMaryQueenofScotswasimprisoned。
“ThinkoftheQueengoinguphere!”saidMiriaminalowvoice,assheclimbedthehollowstairs。
“Ifshecouldgetup,“saidPaul,“forshehadrheumatism,likeanything。Ireckontheytreatedherrottenly。”
“Youdon’tthinkshedeservedit?”askedMiriam。
“No,Idon’t。Shewasonlylively。”
Theycontinuedtomountthewindingstaircase。Ahighwind,blowingthroughtheloopholes,wentrushinguptheshaft,andfilledthegirl’sskirtslikeaballoon,sothatshewasashamed,untilhetookthehemofherdressandhelditdownforher。
Hediditperfectlysimply,ashewouldhavepickedupherglove。
Sherememberedthisalways。
Roundthebrokentopofthetowertheivybushedout,oldandhandsome。Also,therewereafewchillgillivers,inpalecoldbud。Miriamwantedtoleanoverforsomeivy,buthewouldnotlether。Instead,shehadtowaitbehindhim,andtakefromhimeachsprayashegathereditandheldittoher,eachoneseparately,inthepurestmannerofchivalry。Thetower,seemedtorockinthewind。Theylookedovermilesandmiles,ofwoodedcountry,andcountrywithgleamsofpasture。
Thecryptunderneaththemanorwasbeautiful,andin,perfectpreservation。Paulmadeadrawing:,Miriamstayedwithhim。
ShewasthinkingofMaryQueenofScotslookingwithherstrained,hopelesseyes,thatcouldnotunderstandmisery,overthehills,whencenohelpcame,orsittinginthiscrypt,beingtoldofaGod,ascoldastheplaceshesatin。
Theysetoffagaingaily,lookingroundontheirbelovedmanor,thatstoodsocleanandbigonitshill。
“SupposingyoucouldhaveTHATfarm,“saidPaultoMiriam。
“Yes!”
“Wouldn’titbelovelytocomeandseeyou!”
Theywerenowinthebarecountryofstonewalls,whichheloved,andwhich,thoughonlytenmilesfromhome,seemedsoforeign,toMiriam。Thepartywasstraggling。Astheywerecrossinga,largemeadowthatslopedawayfromthesun,alongapathembedded,withinnumerabletinyglitteringpoints,Paul,walking,alongside,lacedhisfingersinthestringsofthebagMiriam,wascarrying,andinstantlyshefeltAnniebehind,watchfulandjealous。
Butthemeadowwasbathedinagloryofsunshine,andthepath,wasjewelled,anditwasseldomthathegaveheranysign。
Sheheldherfingersverystillamongthestringsofthebag,hisfingerstouching;andtheplacewasgoldenasavision。
AtlasttheycameintothestragglinggreyvillageofCrich,thatlieshigh。BeyondthevillagewasthefamousCrichStand,thatPaulcouldseefromthegardenathome。Thepartypushedon。
Greatexpanseofcountryspreadaroundandbelow。Theladswere,eagertogettothetopofthehill。Itwascappedbyaroundknoll,halfofwhichwasbynowcutaway,andonthetopofwhichstood,anancientmonument,sturdyandsquat,forsignallinginolddaysfar,downintothelevellandsofNottinghamshireandLeicestershire。
Itwasblowingsohard,highupthereintheexposedplace,thattheonlywaytobesafewastostandnailedbythewind,tothewanofthetower。Attheirfeetfelltheprecipice,wherethelimestonewasquarriedaway。Belowwasajumbleof,hillsandtinyvillages——Mattock,Ambergate,StoneyMiddleton。
TheladswereeagertospyoutthechurchofBestwood,faraway,amongtherathercrowdedcountryontheleft。Theyweredisgusted,thatitseemedtostandonaplain。TheysawthehillsofDerbyshire,fallintothemonotonyoftheMidlandsthatsweptawaySouth。
Miriamwassomewhatscaredbythewind,buttheladsenjoyedit。
Theywenton,milesandmiles,toWhatstandwell。Allthefood,waseaten,everybodywashungry,andtherewasverylittlemoneytoget,homewith。Buttheymanagedtoprocurealoafandacurrant-loaf,whichtheyhackedtopieceswithshut-knives,andatesittingon,thewallnearthebridge,watchingthebrightDerwentrushingby,andthebrakesfromMatlockpullingupattheinn。
Paulwasnowpalewithweariness。Hehadbeenresponsible,forthepartyallday,andnowhewasdone。Miriamunderstood,andkeptclosetohim,andhelefthimselfinherhands。
TheyhadanhourtowaitatAmbergateStation。Trainscame,crowdedwithexcursionistsreturningtoManchester,Birmingham,andLondon。
“Wemightbegoingthere——folkeasilymightthinkwe’regoing,thatfar,“saidPaul。
Theygotbackratherlate。Miriam,walkinghomewithGeoffrey,watchedthemoonrisebigandredandmisty。Shefeltsomething,wasfulfilledinher。
Shehadaneldersister,Agatha,whowasaschool-teacher。
Betweenthetwogirlswasafeud。MiriamconsideredAgathaworldly。
Andshewantedherselftobeaschool-teacher。
OneSaturdayafternoonAgathaandMiriamwereupstairsdressing。
Theirbedroomwasoverthestable。Itwasalowroom,notverylarge,andbare。MiriamhadnailedonthewallareproductionofVeronese’s,“St。Catherine“。Shelovedthewomanwhosatinthewindow,dreaming。
Herownwindowsweretoosmalltositin。Butthefrontonewas,drippedoverwithhoneysuckleandvirginiacreeper,andlooked,uponthetree-topsoftheoak-woodacrosstheyard,whilethe,littlebackwindow,nobiggerthanahandkerchief,wasaloophole,totheeast,tothedawnbeatingupagainstthebelovedroundhills。
Thetwosistersdidnottalkmuchtoeachother。Agatha,whowasfairandsmallanddetermined,hadrebelledagainst,thehomeatmosphere,againstthedoctrineof“theothercheek“。
Shewasoutintheworldnow,inafairwaytobeindependent。
Andsheinsistedonworldlyvalues,onappearance,onmanners,onposition,whichMiriamwouldfainhaveignored。
Bothgirlslikedtobeupstairs,outoftheway,whenPaulcame。
Theypreferredtocomerunningdown,openthestair-footdoor,andseehimwatching,expectantofthem。Miriamstoodpainfully,pullingoverherheadarosaryhehadgivenher。Itcaught,inthefinemeshofherhair。Butatlastshehaditon,andthe,red-brownwoodenbeadslookedwellagainsthercoolbrownneck。
Shewasawell-developedgirl,andveryhandsome。Butinthelittle,looking-glassnailedagainstthewhitewashedwallshecouldonlysee,afragmentofherselfatatime。Agathahadboughtalittlemirror,ofherown,whichsheproppeduptosuitherself。Miriamwasnear,thewindow。Suddenlysheheardthewell-knownclickofthechain,andshesawPaulflingopenthegate,pushhisbicycleintotheyard。
Shesawhimlookatthehouse,andsheshrankaway。Hewalked,inanonchalantfashion,andhisbicyclewentwithhimasifit,werealivething。
“Paul’scome!”sheexclaimed。
“Aren’tyouglad?”saidAgathacuttingly。
Miriamstoodstillinamazementandbewilderment。
“Well,aren’tyou?”sheasked。
“Yes,butI’mnotgoingtolethimseeit,andthinkIwantedhim。”
Miriamwasstartled。Sheheardhimputtinghisbicycleinthe,stableunderneath,andtalkingtoJimmy,whohadbeenapit-horse,andwhowasseedy。
“Well,Jimmymylad,howareter?,Nobbutsickan’
sadly,like?,Why,then,it’sashame,myowdlad。”
Sheheardtheroperunthroughtheholeasthehorseliftedits,headfromthelad’scaress。Howshelovedtolistenwhenhethought,onlythehorsecouldhear。ButtherewasaserpentinherEden。
ShesearchedearnestlyinherselftoseeifshewantedPaulMorel。
Shefelttherewouldbesomedisgraceinit。Fulloftwistedfeeling,shewasafraidshedidwanthim。Shestoodself-convicted。Then,cameanagonyofnewshame。Sheshrankwithinherselfinacoil,oftorture。DidshewantPaulMorel,anddidheknowshewantedhim?
Whatasubtleinfamyuponher。Shefeltasifherwholesoulcoiled,intoknotsofshame。
Agathawasdressedfirst,andrandownstairs。Miriamheard,hergreettheladgaily,knewexactlyhowbrillianthergrey,eyesbecamewiththattone。Sheherselfwouldhavefeltitbold,tohavegreetedhiminsuchwise。Yetthereshestoodunderthe,self-accusationofwantinghim,tiedtothatstakeoftorture。
Inbitterperplexityshekneeleddownandprayed:
“OLord,letmenotlovePaulMorel。Keepmefromlovinghim,ifIoughtnottolovehim。”
Somethinganomalousintheprayerarrestedher。Shelifted,herheadandpondered。Howcoulditbewrongtolovehim?,Lovewas,God’sgift。Andyetitcausedhershame。Thatwasbecauseofhim,PaulMorel。But,then,itwasnothisaffair,itwasherown,betweenherselfandGod。Shewastobeasacrifice。Butitwas,God’ssacrifice,notPaulMorel’sorherown。Afterafewminutes,shehidherfaceinthepillowagain,andsaid:
“But,Lord,ifitisThywillthatIshouldlovehim,makemelovehim——asChristwould,whodiedforthesoulsofmen。
Makemelovehimsplendidly,becauseheisThyson。”
Sheremainedkneelingforsometime,quitestill,anddeeplymoved,herblackhairagainsttheredsquaresandthelavender-sprigged,squaresofthepatchworkquilt。Prayerwasalmostessentialtoher。
Thenshefellintothatraptureofself-sacrifice,identifyingherselfwithaGodwhowassacrificed,whichgives,tosomanyhumansoulstheirdeepestbliss。
WhenshewentdownstairsPaulwaslyingbackinanarmchair,holdingforthwithmuchvehemencetoAgatha,whowasscorningalittle,paintinghehadbroughttoshowher。Miriamglancedatthetwo,andavoidedtheirlevity。Shewentintotheparlourtobealone。
Itwastea-timebeforeshewasabletospeaktoPaul,andthen,hermannerwassodistanthethoughthehadoffendedher。
MiriamdiscontinuedherpracticeofgoingeachThursdayevening,tothelibraryinBestwood。AftercallingforPaulregularly,duringthewholespring,anumberoftriflingincidentsandtiny,insultsfromhisfamilyawakenedhertotheirattitudetowardsher,andshedecidedtogonomore。SosheannouncedtoPauloneevening,shewouldnotcallathishouseagainforhimonThursdaynights。
“Why?”heasked,veryshort。
“Nothing。OnlyI’drathernot。”
“Verywell。”
“But,“shefaltered,“ifyou’dcaretomeetme,wecouldstill,gotogether。”
“Meetyouwhere?”
“Somewhere——whereyoulike。”
“Ishan’tmeetyouanywhere。Idon’tseewhyyoushouldn’t,keepcallingforme。Butifyouwon’t,Idon’twanttomeetyou。”
SotheThursdayeveningswhichhadbeensoprecioustoher,andtohim,weredropped。Heworkedinstead。Mrs。Morelsniffed,withsatisfactionatthisarrangement。
Hewouldnothaveitthattheywerelovers。Theintimacy,betweenthemhadbeenkeptsoabstract,suchamatterofthesoul,allthoughtandwearystruggleintoconsciousness,thathesawitonly,asaplatonicfriendship。Hestoutlydeniedtherewasanythingelse,betweenthem。Miriamwassilent,orelsesheveryquietlyagreed。
Hewasafoolwhodidnotknowwhatwashappeningtohimself。
Bytacitagreementtheyignoredtheremarksandinsinuationsof,theiracquaintances。
“Wearen’tlovers,wearefriends,“hesaidtoher。”WEknowit。
Letthemtalk。Whatdoesitmatterwhattheysay。”
Sometimes,astheywerewalkingtogether,sheslippedherarm,timidlyintohis。Buthealwaysresentedit,andsheknewit。
Itcausedaviolentconflictinhim。WithMiriamhewasalways,onthehighplaneofabstraction,whenhisnaturalfireoflovewas,transmittedintothefinestreamofthought。Shewouldhaveitso。
Ifhewerejollyand,assheputit,flippant,shewaitedtillhecame,backtoher,tillthechangehadtakenplaceinhimagain,andhe,waswrestlingwithhisownsoul,frowning,passionateinhisdesire,forunderstanding。Andinthispassionforunderstandinghersoul,layclosetohis;shehadhimalltoherself。Buthemustbemade,abstractfirst。
Then,ifsheputherarminhis,itcausedhimalmosttorture。
Hisconsciousnessseemedtosplit。Theplacewhereshewastouching,himranhotwithfriction。Hewasoneinternecinebattle,andhe,becamecrueltoherbecauseofit。
OneeveninginmidsummerMiriamcalledatthehouse,warmfromclimbing。Paulwasaloneinthekitchen;hismother,couldbeheardmovingaboutupstairs。
“Comeandlookatthesweet-peas,“hesaidtothegirl。
Theywentintothegarden。Theskybehindthetownletandthe,churchwasorange-red;theflower-gardenwasfloodedwithastrange,warmlightthatliftedeveryleafintosignificance。Paulpassed,alongafinerowofsweet-peas,gatheringablossomhereandthere,allcreamandpaleblue。Miriamfollowed,breathingthefragrance。
Toher,flowersappealedwithsuchstrengthshefeltshemust,makethempartofherself。Whenshebentandbreathedaflower,itwasasifsheandtheflowerwerelovingeachother。Paulhated,herforit。Thereseemedasortofexposureabouttheaction,somethingtoointimate。
Whenhehadgotafairbunch,theyreturnedtothehouse。
Helistenedforamomenttohismother’squietmovementupstairs,thenhesaid:
“Comehere,andletmepintheminforyou。”,Hearrangedthem,twoorthreeatatimeinthebosomofherdress,steppingback,nowandthentoseetheeffect。”Youknow,“hesaid,takingthepin,outofhismouth,“awomanoughtalwaystoarrangeherflowers,beforeherglass。”
Miriamlaughed。Shethoughtflowersoughttobepinned,inone’sdresswithoutanycare。ThatPaulshouldtakepains,tofixherflowersforherwashiswhim。
Hewasratheroffendedatherlaughter。
“Somewomendo——thosewholookdecent,“hesaid。
Miriamlaughedagain,butmirthlessly,tohearhimthusmix,herupwithwomeninageneralway。Frommostmenshewouldhave,ignoredit。Butfromhimithurther。
Hehadnearlyfinishedarrangingtheflowerswhenheheard,hismother’sfootsteponthestairs。Hurriedlyhepushed,inthelastpinandturnedaway。
“Don’tletmaterknow,“hesaid。
Miriampickedupherbooksandstoodinthedoorwaylooking,withchagrinatthebeautifulsunset。ShewouldcallforPaul,nomore,shesaid。
“Good-evening,Mrs。Morel,“shesaid,inadeferentialway。
Shesoundedasifshefeltshehadnorighttobethere。
“Oh,isityou,Miriam?”repliedMrs。Morelcoolly。
ButPaulinsistedoneverybody’sacceptinghisfriendship,withthegirl,andMrs。Morelwastoowisetohaveanyopenrupture。
Itwasnottillhewastwentyyearsoldthatthefamilycould,everaffordtogoawayforaholiday。Mrs。Morelhadneverbeenaway,foraholiday,excepttoseehersister,sinceshehadbeenmarried。
NowatlastPaulhadsavedenoughmoney,andtheywereallgoing。
Therewastobeaparty:,someofAnnie’sfriends,onefriendofPaul’s,ayoungmaninthesameofficewhereWilliamhadpreviouslybeen,andMiriam。
Itwasgreatexcitementwritingforrooms。Paulandhis,motherdebateditendlesslybetweenthem。Theywantedafurnished,cottagefortwoweeks。Shethoughtoneweekwouldbeenough,butheinsistedontwo。
AtlasttheygotananswerfromMablethorpe,acottagesuchasthey,wishedforthirtyshillingsaweek。Therewasimmensejubilation。
Paulwaswildwithjoyforhismother’ssake。Shewouldhave,arealholidaynow。Heandshesatateveningpicturingwhatit,wouldbelike。Anniecamein,andLeonard,andAlice,andKitty。
Therewaswildrejoicingandanticipation。PaultoldMiriam。
Sheseemedtobroodwithjoyoverit。ButtheMorel’shouserang,withexcitement。
TheyweretogoonSaturdaymorningbytheseventrain。
PaulsuggestedthatMiriamshouldsleepathishouse,becauseit,wassofarforhertowalk。Shecamedownforsupper。
EverybodywassoexcitedthatevenMiriamwasacceptedwithwarmth。
Butalmostassoonassheenteredthefeelinginthefamilybecamecloseandtight。
HehaddiscoveredapoembyJeanIngelowwhichmentionedMablethorpe,andsohemustreadittoMiriam。Hewouldneverhavegotsofarin,thedirectionofsentimentalityastoreadpoetrytohisownfamily。
Butnowtheycondescendedtolisten。Miriamsatonthesofa,absorbedinhim。Shealwaysseemedabsorbedinhim,andbyhim,whenhewaspresent。Mrs。Morelsatjealouslyinherownchair。
Shewasgoingtohearalso。AndevenAnnieandthefatherattended,Morelwithhisheadcockedononeside,likesomebodylistening,toasermonandfeelingconsciousofthefact。Paulduckedhishead,overthebook。Hehadgotnowalltheaudiencehecaredfor。
AndMrs。MorelandAnniealmostcontestedwithMiriamwhoshouldlisten,bestandwinhisfavour。Hewasinveryhighfeather。
“But,“interruptedMrs。Morel,“whatISthe’BrideofEnderby’
thatthebellsaresupposedtoring?”
“It’sanoldtunetheyusedtoplayonthebellsforawarning,againstwater。IsupposetheBrideofEnderbywasdrownedinaflood,“
hereplied。Hehadnotthefaintestknowledgewhatitreallywas,buthewouldneverhavesunksolowastoconfessthattohiswomenfolk。
Theylistenedandbelievedhim。Hebelievedhimself。
“Andthepeopleknewwhatthattunemeant?”saidhismother。
“Yes——justliketheScotchwhentheyheard’TheFlowerso’
theForest’——andwhentheyusedtoringthebellsbackwardforalarm。”
“How?”saidAnnie。”Abellsoundsthesamewhetherit’srung,backwardsorforwards。”
“But,“hesaid,“ifyoustartwiththedeepbellandringup,tothehighone——der——der——der——der——der——der——der——der!”
Heranupthescale。Everybodythoughtitclever。Hethought,sotoo。Then,waitingaminute,hecontinuedthepoem。
“Hm!”saidMrs。Morelcuriously,whenhefinished。”ButI
wisheverythingthat’swrittenweren’tsosad。”
“Icannaseewhattheywantdrownin’theirselvesfor,“
saidMorel。
Therewasapause。Anniegotuptoclearthetable。
Miriamrosetohelpwiththepots。
“LetMEhelptowashup,“shesaid。
“Certainlynot,“criedAnnie。”Yousitdownagain。
Therearen’tmany。”
AndMiriam,whocouldnotbefamiliarandinsist,satdown,againtolookatthebookwithPaul。
Hewasmasteroftheparty;hisfatherwasnogood。Andgreat,tortureshesufferedlestthetinboxshouldbeputoutatFirsby,insteadofatMablethorpe。Andhewasn’tequaltogettingacarriage。
Hisboldlittlemotherdidthat。
“Here!”shecriedtoaman。”Here!”
PaulandAnniegotbehindtherest,convulsedwithshamedlaughter。
“HowmuchwillitbetodrivetoBrookCottage?”saidMrs。Morel。
“Twoshillings。”
“Why,howfarisit?”
“Agoodway。”
“Idon’tbelieveit,“shesaid。
Butshescrambledin。Therewereeightcrowdedinoneold,seasidecarriage。
“Yousee,“saidMrs。Morel,“it’sonlythreepenceeach,andifitwereatramcar——“
Theydrovealong。Eachcottagetheycameto,Mrs。Morelcried:
“Isitthis?,Now,thisisit!”
Everybodysatbreathless。Theydrovepast。Therewas,auniversalsigh。
“I’mthankfulitwasn’tthatbrute,“saidMrs。Morel。
“IWASfrightened。”,Theydroveonandon。
Atlasttheydescendedatahousethatstoodaloneover,thedykebythehighroad。Therewaswildexcitementbecausethey,hadtocrossalittlebridgetogetintothefrontgarden。
Buttheylovedthehousethatlaysosolitary,withasea-meadow,ononeside,andimmenseexpanseoflandpatchedinwhitebarley,yellowoats,redwheat,andgreenroot-crops,flatandstretching,leveltothesky。
Paulkeptaccounts。Heandhismotherrantheshow。
Thetotalexpenses——lodging,food,everything——wassixteenshillings,aweekperperson。HeandLeonardwentbathinginthemornings。
Morelwaswanderingabroadquiteearly。
“You,Paul,“hismothercalledfromthebedroom,“eatapiece,ofbread-and-butter。”
“Allright,“heanswered。
Andwhenhegotbackhesawhismotherpresidinginstateat,thebreakfast-table。Thewomanofthehousewasyoung。Herhusband,wasblind,andshedidlaundrywork。SoMrs。Morelalwayswashed,thepotsinthekitchenandmadethebeds。
“Butyousaidyou’dhavearealholiday,“saidPaul,“andnow,youwork。”
“Work!”sheexclaimed。”Whatareyoutalkingabout!”
Helovedtogowithheracrossthefieldstothevillage,andthesea。Shewasafraidoftheplankbridge,andheabusedher,forbeingababy。OnthewholehestucktoherasifhewereHERman。
Miriamdidnotgetmuchofhim,except,perhaps,whenallthe,otherswenttothe“Coons“。CoonswereinsufferablystupidtoMiriam,sohethoughttheyweretohimselfalso,andhepreachedpriggishly,toAnnieaboutthefatuityoflisteningtothem。Yethe,too,knewalltheirsongs,andsangthemalongtheroadsroisterously。
Andifhefoundhimselflistening,thestupiditypleasedhimverymuch。
YettoAnniehesaid:
“Suchrot!thereisn’tagrainofintelligenceinit。Nobodywith,moregumptionthanagrasshoppercouldgoandsitandlisten。”
AndtoMiriamhesaid,withmuchscornofAnnieandtheothers:
“Isupposethey’reatthe’Coons’。”
ItwasqueertoseeMiriamsingingcoonsongs。Shehadastraight,chinthatwentinaperpendicularlinefromthelowerliptotheturn。
ShealwaysremindedPaulofsomesadBotticelliangelwhenshesang,evenwhenitwas:
“Comedownlover’slane,Forawalkwithme,talkwithme。”
Onlywhenhesketched,orateveningwhentheotherswereat,the“Coons“shehadhimtoherself。Hetalkedtoherendlessly,abouthisloveofhorizontals:,howthey,thegreatlevelsofsky,andlandinLincolnshire,meanttohimtheeternalityofthewill,justasthebowedNormanarchesofthechurch,repeatingthemselves,meantthedoggedleapingforwardofthepersistenthumansoul,onandon,nobodyknowswhere;incontradictiontotheperpendicular,linesandtotheGothicarch,which,hesaid,leaptupatheavenand,touchedtheecstasyandlostitselfinthedivine。Himself,hesaid,wasNorman,MiriamwasGothic。Shebowedinconsenteventothat。
Oneeveningheandshewentupthegreatsweepingshore,ofsandtowardsTheddlethorpe。Thelongbreakersplungedandran,inahissoffoamalongthecoast。Itwasawarmevening。
Therewasnotafigurebutthemselvesonthefarreachesofsand,nonoisebutthesoundofthesea。Paullovedtoseeitclanging,attheland。Helovedtofeelhimselfbetweenthenoiseofit,andthesilenceofthesandyshore。Miriamwaswithhim。
Everythinggrewveryintense。Itwasquitedarkwhenthey,turnedagain。Thewayhomewasthroughagapinthesandhills,andthenalongaraisedgrassroadbetweentwodykes。Thecountry,wasblackandstill。Frombehindthesandhillscamethewhisper,ofthesea。PaulandMiriamwalkedinsilence。Suddenlyhestarted。
Thewholeofhisbloodseemedtoburstintoflame,andhecould,scarcelybreathe。Anenormousorangemoonwasstaringatthem,fromtherimofthesandhills。Hestoodstill,lookingatit。
“Ah!”criedMiriam,whenshesawit。
Heremainedperfectlystill,staringattheimmenseandruddy,moon,theonlythinginthefar-reachingdarknessofthelevel。
Hisheartbeatheavily,themusclesofhisarmscontracted。
“Whatisit?”murmuredMiriam,waitingforhim。
Heturnedandlookedather。Shestoodbesidehim,forever,inshadow。Herface,coveredwiththedarknessofherhat,waswatching,himunseen。Butshewasbrooding。Shewasslightlyafraid——deeply,movedandreligious。Thatwasherbeststate。Hewasimpotent,againstit。Hisbloodwasconcentratedlikeaflameinhischest。
Buthecouldnotgetacrosstoher。Therewereflashesinhisblood。
Butsomehowsheignoredthem。Shewasexpectingsomereligious,stateinhim。Stillyearning,shewashalfawareofhispassion,andgazedathim,troubled。
“Whatisit?”shemurmuredagain。
“It’sthemoon,“heanswered,frowning。
“Yes,“sheassented。”Isn’titwonderful?”Shewascurious,abouthim。Thecrisiswaspast。
Hedidnotknowhimselfwhatwasthematter。Hewasnaturally,soyoung,andtheirintimacywassoabstract,hedidnotknowhe,wantedtocrushherontohisbreasttoeasetheachethere。
Hewasafraidofher。Thefactthathemightwantherasamanwants,awomanhadinhimbeensuppressedintoashame。Whensheshrank,inherconvulsed,coiledtorturefromthethoughtofsuch,athing,hehadwincedtothedepthsofhissoul。Andnowthis,“purity“preventedeventheirfirstlove-kiss。Itwasasifshecould,scarcelystandtheshockofphysicallove,evenapassionatekiss,andthenhewastooshrinkingandsensitivetogiveit。
Astheywalkedalongthedarkfen-meadowhewatchedthemoon,anddidnotspeak。Sheploddedbesidehim。Hehatedher,forshe,seemedinsomewaytomakehimdespisehimself。Lookingahead——hesaw,theonelightinthedarkness,thewindowoftheirlamp-litcottage。
Helovedtothinkofhismother,andtheotherjollypeople。
“Well,everybodyelsehasbeeninlongago!”saidhismother,astheyentered。
“Whatdoesthatmatter!”hecriedirritably。”Icangoawalk,ifIlike,can’tI?”
“AndIshouldhavethoughtyoucouldgetintosupperwith,therest,“saidMrs。Morel。
“Ishallpleasemyself,“heretorted。”It’snotLATE。
IshalldoasIlike。”
“Verywell,“saidhismothercuttingly,“thenDOasyoulike。”
Andshetooknofurthernoticeofhimthatevening。Whichhe,pretendedneithertonoticenortocareabout,butsatreading。
Miriamreadalso,obliteratingherself。Mrs。Morelhatedher,formakinghersonlikethis。ShewatchedPaulgrowingirritable,priggish,andmelancholic。ForthissheputtheblameonMiriam。
Annieandallherfriendsjoinedagainstthegirl。Miriamhadno,friendofherown,onlyPaul。Butshedidnotsuffersomuch,becauseshedespisedthetrivialityoftheseotherpeople。
AndPaulhatedherbecause,somehow,shespoilthisease,andnaturalness。Andhewrithedhimselfwithafeelingofhumiliation。
CHAPTERVIII
STRIFEINLOVE
ARTHURfinishedhisapprenticeship,andgotajobontheelectrical,plantatMintonPit。Heearnedverylittle,buthadagoodchance,ofgettingon。Buthewaswildandrestless。Hedidnotdrink,norgamble。Yethesomehowcontrivedtogetintoendlessscrapes,alwaysthroughsomehot-headedthoughtlessness。Eitherhewent,rabbitinginthewoods,likeapoacher,orhestayedinNottingham,allnightinsteadofcominghome,orhemiscalculatedhisdive,intothecanalatBestwood,andscoredhischestintoonemass,ofwoundsontherawstonesandtinsatthebottom。
Hehadnotbeenathisworkmanymonthswhenagainhedid,notcomehomeonenight。
“DoyouknowwhereArthuris?”askedPaulatbreakfast。
“Idonot,“repliedhismother。
“Heisafool,“saidPaul。”AndifheDIDanythingI
shouldn’tmind。Butno,hesimplycan’tcomeawayfromagame,ofwhist,orelsehemustseeagirlhomefromtheskating-rink——quite,proprietously——andsocan’tgethome。He’safool。”
“Idon’tknowthatitwouldmakeitanybetterifhedid,somethingtomakeusallashamed,“saidMrs。Morel。
“Well,Ishouldrespecthimmore,“saidPaul。
“Iverymuchdoubtit,“saidhismothercoldly。
Theywentonwithbreakfast。
“Areyoufearfullyfondofhim?”Paulaskedhismother。
“Whatdoyouaskthatfor?”
“Becausetheysayawomanalwaysliketheyoungestbest。”
“Shemaydo——butIdon’t。No,heweariesme。”
“Andyou’dactuallyratherhewasgood?”
“I’dratherheshowedsomeofaman’scommonsense。”
第7章