Therewasapause。
　　“AndIdon’tsee，“saidPaul，“whyyoushouldn’tgoonwhere，youleftoff。”
　　“What——“saidDawes，suggestively。
　　“Yes——fityouroldhometogetheragain。”
　　Daweshidhisfaceandshookhishead。
　　“Couldn’tbedone，“hesaid，andlookedupwithanironicsmile。
　　“Why？，Becauseyoudon’twant？”
　　“Perhaps。”
　　Theysmokedinsilence。Dawesshowedhisteethashebit，hispipestem。
　　“Youmeanyoudon’twanther？”askedPaul。
　　Dawesstaredupatthepicturewithacausticexpression，onhisface。
　　“Ihardlyknow，“hesaid。
　　Thesmokefloatedsoftlyup。
　　“Ibelieveshewantsyou，“saidPaul。
　　“Doyou？”repliedtheother，soft，satirical，abstract。
　　“Yes。Sheneverreallyhitchedontome——youwerealwaysthere，inthebackground。That’swhyshewouldn’tgetadivorce。”
　　Dawescontinuedtostareinasatiricalfashionatthepicture，overthemantelpiece。
　　“That’showwomenarewithme，“saidPaul。”Theywantme，likemad，buttheydon’twanttobelongtome。AndsheBELONGED
　　toyouallthetime。Iknew。”
　　ThetriumphantmalecameupinDawes。Heshowedhisteeth，moredistinctly。
　　“PerhapsIwasafool，“hesaid。
　　“Youwereabigfool，“saidMorel。
　　“ButperhapsevenTHENyouwereabiggerfool，“saidDawes。
　　Therewasatouchoftriumphandmaliceinit。
　　“Doyouthinkso？”saidPaul。
　　Theyweresilentforsometime。
　　“Atanyrate，I’mclearingoutto-morrow，“saidMorel。
　　“Isee，“answeredDawes。
　　Thentheydidnottalkanymore。Theinstincttomurder，eachotherhadreturned。Theyalmostavoidedeachother。
　　Theysharedthesamebedroom。WhentheyretiredDawes，seemedabstract，thinkingofsomething。Hesatontheside，ofthebedinhisshirt，lookingathislegs。
　　“Aren’tyougettingcold？”askedMorel。
　　“Iwaslookin’attheselegs，“repliedtheother。
　　“What’supwith’em？，Theylookallright，“repliedPaul，fromhisbed。
　　“Theylookallright。Butthere’ssomewaterin’emyet。”
　　“Andwhataboutit？”
　　“Comeandlook。”
　　Paulreluctantlygotoutofbedandwenttolookattherather，handsomelegsoftheothermanthatwerecoveredwithglistening，darkgoldhair。
　　“Lookhere，“saidDawes，pointingtohisshin。”Lookat，thewaterunderhere。”
　　“Where？”saidPaul。
　　Themanpressedinhisfinger-tips。Theyleftlittledents，thatfilledupslowly。
　　“It’snothing，“saidPaul。
　　“Youfeel，“saidDawes。
　　Paultriedwithhisfingers。Itmadelittledents。
　　“H’m！”hesaid。
　　“Rotten，isn’tit？”saidDawes。
　　“Why？，It’snothingmuch。”
　　“You’renotmuchofamanwithwaterinyourlegs。”
　　“Ican’tseeasitmakesanydifference，“saidMorel。
　　“I’vegotaweakchest。”
　　Hereturnedtohisownbed。
　　“Isupposetherestofme’sallright，“saidDawes，andhe，putoutthelight。
　　Inthemorningitwasraining。Morelpackedhisbag。
　　Theseawasgreyandshaggyanddismal。Heseemedtobecutting，himselfofffromlifemoreandmore。Itgavehimawickedpleasure，todoit。
　　Thetwomenwereatthestation。Clarasteppedoutofthetrain，andcamealongtheplatform，veryerectandcoldlycomposed。
　　Sheworealongcoatandatweedhat。Bothmenhatedher，forhercomposure。Paulshookhandswithheratthebarrier。
　　Daweswasleaningagainstthebookstall，watching。Hisblackovercoat，wasbuttoneduptothechinbecauseoftherain。Hewaspale，withalmostatouchofnobilityinhisquietness。Hecameforward，limpingslightly。
　　“Yououghttolookbetterthanthis，“shesaid。
　　“Oh，I’mallrightnow。”
　　Thethreestoodataloss。Shekeptthetwomenhesitating，nearher。
　　“Shallwegotothelodgingstraightoff，“saidPaul，“orsomewhereelse？”
　　“Wemayaswellgohome，“saidDawes。
　　Paulwalkedontheoutsideofthepavement，thenDawes，thenClara。
　　Theymadepoliteconversation。Thesitting-roomfacedthesea，whosetide，greyandshaggy，hissednotfaroff。
　　Morelswungupthebigarm-chair。
　　“Sitdown，Jack，“hesaid。
　　“Idon’twantthatchair，“saidDawes。
　　“Sitdown！”Morelrepeated。
　　Claratookoffherthingsandlaidthemonthecouch。Shehad，aslightairofresentment。Liftingherhairwithherfingers，shesatdown，ratheraloofandcomposed。Paulrandownstairs，tospeaktothelandlady。
　　“Ishouldthinkyou’recold，“saidDawestohiswife。
　　“Comenearertothefire。”
　　“Thankyou，I’mquitewarm，“sheanswered。
　　Shelookedoutofthewindowattherainandatthesea。
　　“Whenareyougoingback？”sheasked。
　　“Well，theroomsaretakenuntilto-morrow，sohewantsme，tostop。He’sgoingbackto-night。”
　　“Andthenyou’rethinkingofgoingtoSheffield？”
　　“Yes。”
　　“Areyoufittostartwork？”
　　“I’mgoingtostart。”
　　“You’vereallygotaplace？”
　　“Yes——beginonMonday。”
　　“Youdon’tlookfit。”
　　“Whydon’tI？”
　　Shelookedagainoutofthewindowinsteadofanswering。
　　“AndhaveyougotlodgingsinSheffield？”
　　“Yes。”
　　Againshelookedawayoutofthewindow。Thepaneswere，blurredwithstreamingrain。
　　“Andcanyoumanageallright？”sheasked。
　　“Is’dthinkso。Is’llhaveto！”
　　TheyweresilentwhenMorelreturned。
　　“Ishallgobythefour-twenty，“hesaidasheentered。
　　Nobodyanswered。
　　“Iwishyou’dtakeyourbootsoff，“hesaidtoClara。
　　“There’sapairofslippersofmine。”
　　“Thankyou，“shesaid。”Theyaren’twet。”
　　Heputtheslippersnearherfeet。Sheleftthemthere。
　　Morelsatdown。Boththemenseemedhelpless，andeachofthem，hadaratherhuntedlook。ButDawesnowcarriedhimselfquietly，seemedtoyieldhimself，whilePaulseemedtoscrewhimselfup。
　　Clarathoughtshehadneverseenhimlooksosmallandmean。
　　Hewasasiftryingtogethimselfintothesmallestpossiblecompass。
　　Andashewentaboutarranging，andashesattalking，thereseemed，somethingfalseabouthimandoutoftune。Watchinghimunknown，shesaidtoherselftherewasnostabilityabouthim。Hewasfine，inhisway，passionate，andabletogiveherdrinksofpurelife，whenhewasinonemood。Andnowhelookedpaltryandinsignificant。
　　Therewasnothingstableabouthim。Herhusbandhadmoremanlydignity。
　　AtanyrateHEdidnotwaftaboutwithanywind。Therewassomething，evanescentaboutMorel，shethought，somethingshiftingandfalse。
　　Hewouldnevermakesuregroundforanywomantostandon。
　　Shedespisedhimratherforhisshrinkingtogether，gettingsmaller。
　　Herhusbandatleastwasmanly，andwhenhewasbeatengavein。
　　Butthisotherwouldneverowntobeingbeaten。Hewouldshiftround，andround，prowl，getsmaller。Shedespisedhim。Andyetshewatched，himratherthanDawes，anditseemedasiftheirthreefateslayin，hishands。Shehatedhimforit。
　　Sheseemedtounderstandbetternowaboutmen，andwhattheycould，orwoulddo。Shewaslessafraidofthem，moresureofherself。
　　Thattheywerenotthesmallegoistsshehadimaginedthemmade，hermorecomfortable。Shehadlearnedagooddeal——almostasmuch，asshewantedtolearn。Hercuphadbeenfull。Itwasstillasfull，asshecouldcarry。Onthewhole，shewouldnotbesorrywhenhe，wasgone。
　　Theyhaddinner，andsateatingnutsanddrinkingbythefire。
　　Notaseriouswordhadbeenspoken。YetClararealisedthatMorel，waswithdrawingfromthecircle，leavinghertheoptiontostay，withherhusband。Itangeredher。Hewasameanfellow，afterall，totakewhathewantedandthengiveherback。Shedid，notrememberthatsheherselfhadhadwhatshewanted，andreally，atthebottomofherheart，wishedtobegivenback。
　　Paulfeltcrumpledupandlonely。Hismotherhadreally，supportedhislife。Hehadlovedher;theytwohad，infact，facedtheworldtogether。Nowshewasgone，andforeverbehind，himwasthegapinlife，thetearintheveil，throughwhichhis，lifeseemedtodriftslowly，asifheweredrawntowardsdeath。
　　Hewantedsomeoneoftheirownfreeinitiativetohelphim。Thelesser，thingshebegantoletgofromhim，forfearofthisbigthing，thelapsetowardsdeath，followinginthewakeofhisbeloved。
　　Claracouldnotstandforhimtoholdonto。Shewantedhim，butnottounderstandhim。Hefeltshewantedthemanontop，nottherealhimthatwasintrouble。Thatwouldbetoomuchtrouble，toher;hedarednotgiveither。Shecouldnotcopewithhim。
　　Itmadehimashamed。So，secretlyashamedbecausehewasinsuch，amess，becausehisownholdonlifewassounsure，becausenobody，heldhim，feelingunsubstantial，shadowy，asifhedidnotcount，formuchinthisconcreteworld，hedrewhimselftogethersmaller，andsmaller。Hedidnotwanttodie;hewouldnotgivein。
　　Buthewasnotafraidofdeath。Ifnobodywouldhelp，hewouldgo，onalone。
　　Daweshadbeendriventotheextremityoflife，untilhe，wasafraid。Hecouldgotothebrinkofdeath，hecouldlieon，theedgeandlookin。Then，cowed，afraid，hehadtocrawlback，andlikeabeggartakewhatoffered。Therewasacertainnobility，init。AsClarasaw，heownedhimselfbeaten，andhewanted，tobetakenbackwhetherornot。Thatshecoulddoforhim。
　　Itwasthreeo’clock。
　　“Iamgoingbythefour-twenty，“saidPaulagaintoClara。
　　“Areyoucomingthenorlater？”
　　“Idon’tknow，“shesaid。
　　“I’mmeetingmyfatherinNottinghamatseven-fifteen，“
　　hesaid。
　　“Then，“sheanswered，“I’llcomelater。”
　　Dawesjerkedsuddenly，asifhehadbeenheldonastrain。
　　Helookedoutoverthesea，buthesawnothing。
　　“Thereareoneortwobooksinthecorner，“saidMorel。
　　“I’vedonewith’em。”
　　Ataboutfouro’clockhewent。
　　“Ishallseeyoubothlater，“hesaid，asheshookhands。
　　“Isupposeso，“saidDawes。”An’perhaps——oneday——Is’ll，beabletopayyoubackthemoneyas——“
　　“Ishallcomeforit，you’llsee，“laughedPaul。”Is’ll，beontherocksbeforeI’mverymucholder。”
　　“Ay——well——“saidDawes。
　　“Good-bye，“hesaidtoClara。
　　“Good-bye，“shesaid，givinghimherhand。Thensheglanced，athimforthelasttime，dumbandhumble。
　　Hewasgone。Dawesandhiswifesatdownagain。
　　“It’sanastydayfortravelling，“saidtheman。
　　“Yes，“sheanswered。
　　Theytalkedinadesultoryfashionuntilitgrewdark。
　　Thelandladybroughtinthetea。Dawesdrewuphischairtothe，tablewithoutbeinginvited，likeahusband。Thenhesathumbly，waitingforhiscup。Sheservedhimasshewould，likeawife，notconsultinghiswish。
　　Aftertea，asitdrewneartosixo’clock，hewenttothewindow。
　　Allwasdarkoutside。Theseawasroaring。
　　“It’srainingyet，“hesaid。
　　“Isit？”sheanswered。
　　“Youwon’tgoto-night，shallyou？”hesaid，hesitating。
　　Shedidnotanswer。Hewaited。
　　“Ishouldn’tgointhisrain，“hesaid。
　　“DoyouWANTmetostay？”sheasked。
　　Hishandasheheldthedarkcurtaintrembled。
　　“Yes，“hesaid。
　　Heremainedwithhisbacktoher。Sheroseandwentslowly，tohim。Heletgothecurtain，turned，hesitating，towardsher。
　　Shestoodwithherhandsbehindherback，lookingupathiminaheavy，inscrutablefashion。
　　“Doyouwantme，Baxter？”sheasked。
　　Hisvoicewashoarseasheanswered：
　　“Doyouwanttocomebacktome？”
　　Shemadeamoaningnoise，liftedherarms，andputthemround，hisneck，drawinghimtoher。Hehidhisfaceonhershoulder，holdingherclasped。
　　“Takemeback！”shewhispered，ecstatic。”Takemeback，takemeback！”Andsheputherfingersthroughhisfine，thindarkhair，asifshewereonlysemi-conscious。Hetightenedhisgrasponher。
　　“Doyouwantmeagain？”hemurmured，broken。
　　CHAPTERXV
　　DERELICT
　　CLARAwentwithherhusbandtoSheffield，andPaulscarcelysaw，heragain。WalterMorelseemedtohaveletallthetroublegooverhim，andtherehewas，crawlingaboutonthemudofit，justthesame。
　　Therewasscarcelyanybondbetweenfatherandson，savethateach，felthemustnotlettheothergoinanyactualwant。Asthere，wasnoonetokeeponthehome，andastheycouldneitherofthem，beartheemptinessofthehouse，PaultooklodgingsinNottingham，andMorelwenttolivewithafriendlyfamilyinBestwood。
　　Everythingseemedtohavegonesmashfortheyoungman。
　　Hecouldnotpaint。Thepicturehefinishedonthedayofhis，mother’sdeath——onethatsatisfiedhim——wasthelastthinghedid。
　　AtworktherewasnoClara。Whenhecamehomehecouldnottakeup，hisbrushesagain。Therewasnothingleft。
　　Sohewasalwaysinthetownatoneplaceoranother，drinking，knockingaboutwiththemenheknew。Itreallyweariedhim。
　　Hetalkedtobarmaids，toalmostanywoman，buttherewasthatdark，strainedlookinhiseyes，asifhewerehuntingsomething。
　　Everythingseemedsodifferent，sounreal。Thereseemed，noreasonwhypeopleshouldgoalongthestreet，andhouses，pileupinthedaylight。Thereseemednoreasonwhythese，thingsshouldoccupythespace，insteadofleavingitempty。
　　Hisfriendstalkedtohim：，heheardthesounds，andheanswered。
　　Butwhythereshouldbethenoiseofspeechhecouldnotunderstand。
　　Hewasmosthimselfwhenhewasalone，orworkinghardand，mechanicallyatthefactory。Inthelattercasetherewaspure，forgetfulness，whenhelapsedfromconsciousness。Butithadtocome，toanend。Ithurthimso，thatthingshadlosttheirreality。
　　Thefirstsnowdropscame。Hesawthetinydrop-pearlsamongthe，grey。Theywouldhavegivenhimtheliveliestemotionatonetime。
　　Nowtheywerethere，buttheydidnotseemtomeananything。In，afewmomentstheywouldceasetooccupythatplace，andjustthe，spacewouldbe，wheretheyhadbeen。Tall，brillianttram-cars，ranalongthestreetatnight。Itseemedalmostawonderthey，shouldtroubletorustlebackwardsandforwards。”Whytrouble，togotiltingdowntoTrentBridges？”heaskedofthebigtrams。
　　ItseemedtheyjustaswellmightNOTbeasbe。
　　Therealestthingwasthethickdarknessatnight。Thatseemed，tohimwholeandcomprehensibleandrestful。Hecouldleavehimself，toit。Suddenlyapieceofpaperstartednearhisfeetandblew，alongdownthepavement。Hestoodstill，rigid，withclenchedfists，aflameofagonygoingoverhim。Andhesawagainthesick-room，hismother，hereyes。Unconsciouslyhehadbeenwithher，inhercompany。Theswifthopofthepaperremindedhimshewasgone。
　　Buthehadbeenwithher。Hewantedeverythingtostandstill，sothathecouldbewithheragain。
　　Thedayspassed，theweeks。Buteverythingseemedtohavefused，goneintoaconglomeratedmass。Hecouldnottelloneday，fromanother，oneweekfromanother，hardlyoneplacefromanother。
　　Nothingwasdistinctordistinguishable。Oftenhelosthimself，foranhouratatime，couldnotrememberwhathehaddone。
　　Oneeveninghecamehomelatetohislodging。Thefirewas，burninglow;everybodywasinbed。Hethrewonsomemorecoal，glancedatthetable，anddecidedhewantednosupper。Thenhe，satdowninthearm-chair。Itwasperfectlystill。Hedidnot，knowanything，yethesawthedimsmokewaveringupthechimney。
　　Presentlytwomicecameout，cautiously，nibblingthefallencrumbs。
　　Hewatchedthemasitwerefromalongwayoff。Thechurchclock，strucktwo。Farawayhecouldhearthesharpclinkingofthetrucks，ontherailway。No，itwasnottheythatwerefaraway。Theywere，thereintheirplaces。Butwherewashehimself？
　　Thetimepassed。Thetwomice，careeringwildly，scamperedcheekily，overhisslippers。Hehadnotmovedamuscle。Hedidnotwant，tomove。Hewasnotthinkingofanything。Itwaseasierso。
　　Therewasnowrenchofknowinganything。Then，fromtimetotime，someotherconsciousness，workingmechanically，flashedinto，sharpphrases。
　　“WhatamIdoing？”
　　Andoutofthesemi-intoxicatedtrancecametheanswer：
　　“Destroyingmyself。”
　　Thenadull，livefeeling，goneinaninstant，toldhimthatit，waswrong。Afterawhile，suddenlycamethequestion：
　　“Whywrong？”
　　Againtherewasnoanswer，butastrokeofhotstubbornness，insidehischestresistedhisownannihilation。
　　Therewasasoundofaheavycartclankingdowntheroad。
　　Suddenlytheelectriclightwentout;therewasabruisingthud，inthepenny-in-the-slotmeter。Hedidnotstir，butsatgazing，infrontofhim。Onlythemicehadscuttled，andthefireglowedred，inthedarkroom。
　　Then，quitemechanicallyandmoredistinctly，theconversation，beganagaininsidehim。
　　“She’sdead。Whatwasitallfor——herstruggle？”
　　Thatwashisdespairwantingtogoafterher。
　　“You’realive。”
　　“She’snot。”
　　“Sheis——inyou。”
　　Suddenlyhefelttiredwiththeburdenofit。
　　“You’vegottokeepaliveforhersake，“saidhiswillinhim。
　　Somethingfeltsulky，asifitwouldnotrouse。
　　“You’vegottocarryforwardherliving，andwhatshehaddone，goonwithit。”
　　Buthedidnotwantto。Hewantedtogiveup。
　　“Butyoucangoonwithyourpainting，“saidthewillinhim。
　　“Orelseyoucanbegetchildren。Theybothcarryonhereffort。”
　　“Paintingisnotliving。”
　　“Thenlive。”
　　“Marrywhom？”camethesulkyquestion。
　　“Asbestyoucan。”
　　“Miriam？”
　　Buthedidnottrustthat。
　　Herosesuddenly，wentstraighttobed。Whenhegotinside，hisbedroomandclosedthedoor，hestoodwithclenchedfist。
　　“Mater，mydear——“hebegan，withthewholeforceofhissoul。
　　Thenhestopped。Hewouldnotsayit。Hewouldnotadmitthathe，wantedtodie，tohavedone。Hewouldnotownthatlife，hadbeatenhim，orthatdeathhadbeatenhim。Goingstraighttobed，hesleptatonce，abandoninghimselftothesleep。
　　Sotheweekswenton。Alwaysalone，hissouloscillated，firstonthesideofdeath，thenonthesideoflife，doggedly。
　　Therealagonywasthathehadnowheretogo，nothingtodo，nothingtosay，andWASnothinghimself。Sometimesherandown，thestreetsasifheweremad：，sometimeshewasmad;thingsweren’t，there，thingswerethere。Itmadehimpant。Sometimeshestood，beforethebarofthepublic-housewherehecalledforadrink。
　　Everythingsuddenlystoodbackawayfromhim。Hesawtheface，ofthebarmaid，thegobblingdrinkers，hisownglassontheslopped，mahoganyboard，inthedistance。Therewassomethingbetweenhim，andthem。Hecouldnotgetintotouch。Hedidnotwantthem;
　　hedidnotwanthisdrink。Turningabruptly，hewentout。
　　Onthethresholdhestoodandlookedatthelightedstreet。
　　Buthewasnotofitorinit。Somethingseparatedhim。
　　Everythingwentontherebelowthoselamps，shutawayfromhim。
　　Hecouldnotgetatthem。Hefelthecouldn’ttouchthelamp-posts，notifhereached。Wherecouldhego？，Therewasnowheretogo，neitherbackintotheinn，orforwardanywhere。Hefeltstifled。
　　Therewasnowhereforhim。Thestressgrewinsidehim;hefelthe，shouldsmash。
　　“Imustn’t，“hesaid;and，turningblindly，hewentinanddrank。
　　Sometimesthedrinkdidhimgood;sometimesitmadehimworse。
　　Herandowntheroad。Foreverrestless，hewenthere，there，everywhere。Hedeterminedtowork。Butwhenhehadmadesixstrokes，heloathedthepencilviolently，gotup，andwentaway，hurriedoff，toaclubwherehecouldplaycardsorbilliards，toaplacewherehe，couldflirtwithabarmaidwhowasnomoretohimthanthebrass，pump-handleshedrew。
　　Hewasverythinandlantern-jawed。Hedarednotmeethis，owneyesinthemirror;heneverlookedathimself。Hewanted，togetawayfromhimself，buttherewasnothingtogetholdof。
　　IndespairhethoughtofMiriam。Perhaps——perhaps——？
　　Then，happeningtogointotheUnitarianChurchoneSundayevening，whentheystooduptosingthesecondhymnhesawherbeforehim。
　　Thelightglistenedonherlowerlipasshesang。Shelooked，asifshehadgotsomething，atanyrate：，somehopeinheaven，ifnotinearth。Hercomfortandherlifeseemedintheafter-world。
　　Awarm，strongfeelingforhercameup。Sheseemed，toyearn，asshesang，forthemysteryandcomfort。
　　Heputhishopeinher。Helongedforthesermontobeover，tospeaktoher。
　　Thethrongcarriedheroutjustbeforehim。Hecouldnearly，touchher。Shedidnotknowhewasthere。Hesawthebrown，humblenapeofherneckunderitsblackcurls。Hewouldleave，himselftoher。Shewasbetterandbiggerthanhe。Hewoulddepend，onher。
　　Shewentwandering，inherblindway，throughthelittlethrongs，ofpeopleoutsidethechurch。Shealwayslookedsolostandoutof，placeamongpeople。Hewentforwardandputhishandonherarm。
　　Shestartedviolently。Hergreatbrowneyesdilatedinfear，thenwentquestioningatthesightofhim。Heshrankslightly，fromher。
　　“Ididn’tknow——“shefaltered。
　　“NorI，“hesaid。
　　Helookedaway。Hissudden，flaringhopesankagain。
　　“Whatareyoudoingintown？”heasked。
　　“I’mstayingatCousinAnne’s。”
　　“Ha！，Forlong？”
　　“No;onlytillto-morrow。”
　　“Mustyougostraighthome？”
　　Shelookedathim，thenhidherfaceunderherhat-brim。
　　“No，“shesaid——“no;it’snotnecessary。”
　　Heturnedaway，andshewentwithhim。Theythreaded，throughthethrongofchurchpeople。Theorganwasstillsounding，inSt。Mary’s。Darkfigurescamethroughthelighteddoors;
　　peoplewerecomingdownthesteps。Thelargecolouredwindowsglowed，upinthenight。Thechurchwaslikeagreatlanternsuspended。
　　TheywentdownHollowStone，andhetookthecarfortheBridges。
　　“Youwilljusthavesupperwithme，“hesaid：，“thenI’ll，bringyouback。”
　　“Verywell，“shereplied，lowandhusky。
　　Theyscarcelyspokewhiletheywereonthecar。TheTrent，randarkandfullunderthebridge。AwaytowardsColwickallwas，blacknight。HeliveddownHolmeRoad，onthenakededgeofthetown，facingacrosstherivermeadowstowardsSneintonHermitageandthe，steepscrapofColwickWood。Thefloodswereout。Thesilent，waterandthedarknessspreadawayontheirleft。Almostafraid，theyhurriedalongbythehouses。
　　Supperwaslaid。Heswungthecurtainoverthewindow。
　　Therewasabowloffreesiasandscarletanemonesonthetable。
　　Shebenttothem。Stilltouchingthemwithherfinger-tips，shelooked，upathim，saying：
　　“Aren’ttheybeautiful？”
　　“Yes，“hesaid。”Whatwillyoudrink——coffee？”
　　“Ishouldlikeit，“shesaid。
　　“Thenexcusemeamoment。”
　　Hewentouttothekitchen。
　　Miriamtookoffherthingsandlookedround。Itwasabare，severeroom。Herphoto，Clara’s，Annie’s，wereonthewall。
　　Shelookedonthedrawing-boardtoseewhathewasdoing。
　　Therewereonlyafewmeaninglesslines。Shelookedtosee，whatbookshewasreading。Evidentlyjustanordinarynovel。
　　ThelettersintherackshesawwerefromAnnie，Arthur，andfrom，somemanorothershedidnotknow。Everythinghehadtouched，everythingthatwasintheleastpersonaltohim，sheexamined，withlingeringabsorption。Hehadbeengonefromherforsolong，shewantedtorediscoverhim，hisposition，whathewasnow。
　　Buttherewasnotmuchintheroomtohelpher。Itonlymadeherfeel，rathersad，itwassohardandcomfortless。
　　Shewascuriouslyexaminingasketch-bookwhenhereturned，withthecoffee。
　　“There’snothingnewinit，“hesaid，“andnothing，veryinteresting。”
　　Heputdownthetray，andwenttolookoverhershoulder。
　　Sheturnedthepagesslowly，intentonexaminingeverything。
　　“H’m！”hesaid，asshepausedatasketch。”I’dforgottenthat。
　　It’snotbad，isit？”
　　“No，“shesaid。”Idon’tquiteunderstandit。”
　　Hetookthebookfromherandwentthroughit。Againhemade，acurioussoundofsurpriseandpleasure。
　　“There’ssomenotbadstuffinthere，“hesaid。
　　“Notatallbad，“sheansweredgravely。
　　Hefeltagainherinterestinhiswork。Orwasitforhimself？
　　Whywasshealwaysmostinterestedinhimasheappearedinhiswork？
　　Theysatdowntosupper。
　　“Bytheway，“hesaid，“didn’tIhearsomethingaboutyour，earningyourownliving？”
　　“Yes，“shereplied，bowingherdarkheadoverhercup。
　　“Andwhatofit？”
　　“I’mmerelygoingtothefarmingcollegeatBroughtonfor，threemonths，andIshallprobablybekeptonasateacherthere。”
　　“Isay——thatsoundsallrightforyou！，Youalwayswanted，tobeindependent。”
　　“Yes。
　　“Whydidn’tyoutellme？”
　　“Ionlyknewlastweek。”
　　“ButIheardamonthago，“hesaid。
　　“Yes;butnothingwassettledthen。”
　　“Ishouldhavethought，“hesaid，“you’dhavetoldmeyou，weretrying。”
　　Sheateherfoodinthedeliberate，constrainedway，almostasifsherecoiledalittlefromdoinganythingsopublicly，thatheknewsowell。
　　“Isupposeyou’reglad，“hesaid。
　　“Veryglad。”
　　“Yes——itwillbesomething。”
　　Hewasratherdisappointed。
　　“Ithinkitwillbeagreatdeal，“shesaid，almosthaughtily，resentfully。
　　Helaughedshortly。
　　“Whydoyouthinkitwon’t？”sheasked。
　　“Oh，Idon’tthinkitwon’tbeagreatdeal。Onlyyou’llfind，earningyourownlivingisn’teverything。”
　　“No，“shesaid，swallowingwithdifficulty;“Idon’tsuppose，itis。”
　　“IsupposeworkCANbenearlyeverythingtoaman，“hesaid，“thoughitisn’ttome。Butawomanonlyworkswithapartof，herself。Therealandvitalpartiscoveredup。”
　　“ButamancangiveALLhimselftowork？”sheasked。
　　“Yes，practically。”
　　“Andawomanonlytheunimportantpartofherself？”
　　“That’sit。”
　　Shelookedupathim，andhereyesdilatedwithanger。
　　“Then，“shesaid，“ifit’strue，it’sagreatshame。”
　　“Itis。ButIdon’tknoweverything，“heanswered。
　　Aftersuppertheydrewuptothefire。Heswunghera，chairfacinghim，andtheysatdown。Shewaswearingadress，ofdarkclaretcolour，thatsuitedherdarkcomplexionandher，largefeatures。Still，thecurlswerefineandfree，butherface，wasmucholder，thebrownthroatmuchthinner。Sheseemedold，tohim，olderthanClara。Herbloomofyouthhadquicklygone。
　　Asortofstiffness，almostofwoodenness，hadcomeuponher。
　　Shemeditatedalittlewhile，thenlookedathim。
　　“Andhowarethingswithyou？”sheasked。
　　“Aboutallright，“heanswered。
　　Shelookedathim，waiting。
　　“Nay，“shesaid，verylow。
　　Herbrown，nervoushandswereclaspedoverherknee。Theyhad，stillthelackofconfidenceorrepose，thealmosthystericallook。
　　Hewincedashesawthem。Thenhelaughedmirthlessly。Sheput，herfingersbetweenherlips。Hisslim，black，torturedbodylay，quitestillinthechair。Shesuddenlytookherfingerfromher，mouthandlookedathim。
　　“AndyouhavebrokenoffwithClara？”
　　“Yes。”
　　Hisbodylaylikeanabandonedthing，strewninthechair。
　　“Youknow，“shesaid，“Ithinkweoughttobemarried。”
　　Heopenedhiseyesforthefirsttimesincemanymonths，andattendedtoherwithrespect。
　　“Why？”hesaid。
　　“See，“shesaid，“howyouwasteyourself！，Youmightbeill，youmightdie，andIneverknow——benomorethenthanifIhadnever，knownyou。”
　　“Andifwemarried？”heasked。
　　“Atanyrate，Icouldpreventyouwastingyourselfandbeing，apreytootherwomen——like——likeClara。”
　　“Aprey？”herepeated，smiling。
　　Shebowedherheadinsilence。Helayfeelinghisdespair，comeupagain。
　　“I’mnotsure，“hesaidslowly，“thatmarriagewouldbemuchgood。”
　　“Ionlythinkofyou，“shereplied。
　　“Iknowyoudo。But——youlovemesomuch，youwanttoputme，inyourpocket。AndIshoulddietheresmothered。”
　　Shebentherhead，putherfingersbetweenherlips，whilethebitternesssurgedupinherheart。
　　“Andwhatwillyoudootherwise？”sheasked。
　　“Idon’tknow——goon，Isuppose。PerhapsIshallsoongoabroad。”
　　Thedespairingdoggednessinhistonemadehergoonher，kneesontherugbeforethefire，veryneartohim。Thereshe，crouchedasifshewerecrushedbysomething，andcouldnotraise，herhead。Hishandslayquiteinertonthearmsofhischair。
　　Shewasawareofthem。Shefeltthatnowhelayathermercy。
　　Ifshecouldrise，takehim，putherarmsroundhim，andsay，“Youaremine，“thenhewouldleavehimselftoher。Butdareshe？
　　Shecouldeasilysacrificeherself。Butdaresheassertherself？
　　Shewasawareofhisdark-clothed，slenderbody，thatseemed，onestrokeoflife，sprawledinthechairclosetoher。Butno;
　　shedarednotputherarmsroundit，takeitup，andsay，“Itismine，thisbody。Leaveittome。”，Andshewantedto。Itcalledtoallher，woman’sinstinct。Butshecrouched，anddarednot。Shewasafraid，hewouldnotlether。Shewasafraiditwastoomuch。Itlaythere，hisbody，abandoned。Sheknewsheoughttotakeitupandclaimit，andclaimeveryrighttoit。But——couldshedoit？，Herimpotence，beforehim，beforethestrongdemandofsomeunknownthinginhim，washerextremity。Herhandsfluttered;shehalf-liftedherhead。
　　Hereyes，shuddering，appealing，gone，almostdistracted，pleadedto，himsuddenly。Hisheartcaughtwithpity。Hetookherhands，drewher，tohim，andcomfortedher。
　　“Willyouhaveme，tomarryme？”hesaidverylow。
　　Oh，whydidnothetakeher？，Herverysoulbelongedtohim。
　　Whywouldhenottakewhatwashis？，Shehadbornesolong，thecrueltyofbelongingtohimandnotbeingclaimedbyhim。
　　Nowhewasstrainingheragain。Itwastoomuchforher。
　　Shedrewbackherhead，heldhisfacebetweenherhands，andlooked，himintheeyes。No，hewashard。Hewantedsomethingelse。
　　Shepleadedtohimwithallherlovenottomakeitherchoice。
　　Shecouldnotcopewithit，withhim，sheknewnotwithwhat。Butit，strainedhertillshefeltshewouldbreak。
　　“Doyouwantit？”sheasked，verygravely。
　　“Notmuch，“hereplied，withpain。
　　Sheturnedherfaceaside;then，raisingherselfwithdignity，shetookhisheadtoherbosom，androckedhimsoftly。Shewas，nottohavehim，then！，Soshecouldcomforthim。Sheputher，fingersthroughhishair。Forher，theanguishedsweetnessof，self-sacrifice。Forhim，thehateandmiseryofanotherfailure。
　　Hecouldnotbearit——thatbreastwhichwaswarmandwhichcradled，himwithouttakingtheburdenofhim。Somuchhewantedtorest，onherthatthefeintofrestonlytorturedhim。Hedrewaway。
　　“Andwithoutmarriagewecandonothing？”heasked。
　　Hismouthwasliftedfromhisteethwithpain。Sheputher，littlefingerbetweenherlips。
　　“No，“shesaid，lowandlikethetollofabell。”No，Ithinknot。”
　　Itwastheendthenbetweenthem。Shecouldnottakehim，andrelievehimoftheresponsibilityofhimself。Shecouldonly，sacrificeherselftohim——sacrificeherselfeveryday，gladly。
　　Andthathedidnotwant。Hewantedhertoholdhimandsay，withjoyandauthority：，“Stopallthisrestlessnessandbeating，againstdeath。Youaremineforamate。”，Shehadnotthestrength。
　　Orwasitamateshewanted？ordidshewantaChristinhim？
　　Hefelt，inleavingher，hewasdefraudingheroflife。
　　Butheknewthat，instaying，stillingtheinner，desperateman，hewasdenyinghisownlife。Andhedidnothopetogivelifetoher，bydenyinghisown。
　　Shesatveryquiet。Helitacigarette。Thesmoke，wentupfromit，wavering。Hewasthinkingofhismother，andhadforgottenMiriam。Shesuddenlylookedathim。
　　Herbitternesscamesurgingup。Hersacrifice，then，wasuseless。
　　Helaytherealoof，carelessabouther。Suddenlyshesaw，againhislackofreligion，hisrestlessinstability。Hewould，destroyhimselflikeaperversechild。Well，then，hewould！
　　“IthinkImustgo，“shesaidsoftly。
　　Byhertoneheknewshewasdespisinghim。Herosequietly。
　　“I’llcomealongwithyou，“heanswered。
　　Shestoodbeforethemirrorpinningonherhat。Howbitter，howunutterablybitter，itmadeherthatherejectedhersacrifice！
　　Lifeaheadlookeddead，asiftheglowweregoneout。Shebowed，herfaceovertheflowers——thefreesiassosweetandspring-like，thescarletanemonesflauntingoverthetable。Itwaslikehim，tohavethoseflowers。
　　Hemovedabouttheroomwithacertainsurenessoftouch，swiftandrelentlessandquiet。Sheknewshecouldnotcopewithhim。
　　Hewouldescapelikeaweaseloutofherhands。Yetwithouthimher，lifewouldtrailonlifeless。Brooding，shetouchedtheflowers。
　　“Havethem！”hesaid;andhetookthemoutofthejar，drippingastheywere，andwentquicklyintothekitchen。
　　Shewaitedforhim，tooktheflowers，andtheywentouttogether，hetalking，shefeelingdead。
　　Shewasgoingfromhimnow。Inhermiserysheleanedagainsthim，astheysatonthecar。Hewasunresponsive。Wherewouldhego？
　　Whatwouldbetheendofhim？，Shecouldnotbearit，thevacant，feelingwhereheshouldbe。Hewassofoolish，sowasteful，neveratpeacewithhimself。Andnowwherewouldhego？
　　Andwhatdidhecarethathewastedher？，Hehadnoreligion;
　　itwasallforthemoment’sattractionthathecared，nothingelse，nothingdeeper。Well，shewouldwaitandseehowitturned，outwithhim。Whenhehadhadenoughhewouldgiveinandcome，toher。
　　Heshookhandsandleftheratthedoorofhercousin’shouse。
　　Whenheturnedawayhefeltthelastholdforhimhadgone。Thetown，ashesatuponthecar，stretchedawayoverthebayofrailway，a，levelfumeoflights。Beyondthetownthecountry，littlesmouldering，spotsformoretowns——thesea——thenight——onandon！，Andhehadno，placeinit！，Whateverspothestoodon，therehestoodalone。
　　Fromhisbreast，fromhismouth，sprangtheendlessspace，andit，wastherebehindhim，everywhere。Thepeoplehurryingalongthe，streetsofferednoobstructiontothevoidinwhichhefoundhimself。
　　Theyweresmallshadowswhosefootstepsandvoicescouldbeheard，butineachofthemthesamenight，thesamesilence。Hegotoff，thecar。Inthecountryallwasdeadstill。Littlestarsshonehighup;
　　littlestarsspreadfarawayintheflood-waters，afirmamentbelow。
　　Everywherethevastnessandterroroftheimmensenightwhichis，rousedandstirredforabriefwhilebytheday，butwhichreturns，andwillremainatlasteternal，holdingeverythinginitssilence，anditslivinggloom。TherewasnoTime，onlySpace。Whocouldsay，hismotherhadlivedanddidnotlive？，Shehadbeeninoneplace，andwasinanother;thatwasall。Andhissoulcouldnotleaveher，wherevershewas。Nowshewasgoneabroadintothenight，andhe，waswithherstill。Theyweretogether。Butyettherewashisbody，hischest，thatleanedagainstthestile，hishandsonthewoodenbar。
　　Theyseemedsomething。Wherewashe？——onetinyuprightspeckofflesh，lessthananearofwheatlostinthefield。Hecouldnotbearit。
　　Oneverysidetheimmensedarksilenceseemedpressinghim，sotiny，aspark，intoextinction，andyet，almostnothing，hecouldnot，beextinct。Night，inwhicheverythingwaslost，wentreachingout，beyondstarsandsun。Starsandsun，afewbrightgrains，wentspinning，roundforterror，andholdingeachotherinembrace，thereina，darknessthatoutpassedthemall，andleftthemtinyanddaunted。
　　Somuch，andhimself，infinitesimal，atthecoreanothingness，andyetnotnothing。
　　“Mother！”hewhispered——“mother！”
　　Shewastheonlythingthatheldhimup，himself，amidallthis。
　　Andshewasgone，intermingledherself。Hewantedhertotouchhim，havehimalongsidewithher。
　　Butno，hewouldnotgivein。Turningsharply，hewalked，towardsthecity’sgoldphosphorescence。Hisfistswereshut，hismouthsetfast。Hewouldnottakethatdirection，tothe，darkness，tofollowher。Hewalkedtowardsthefaintlyhumming，glowingtown，quickly。
　　THEEND