首页 >出版文学> South Sea Tales>第15章

第15章

  Claralookedatherloverclosely。Therewassomethinginhim,shehated,asortofdetachedcriticismofherself,acoldness,whichmadeherwoman’ssoulhardenagainsthim。
  “Andwhatareyougoingtodo?”sheasked。
  “How?”
  “AboutBaxter。”
  “There’snothingtodo,isthere?”hereplied。
  “Youcanfighthimifyouhaveto,Isuppose?”shesaid。
  “No;Ihaven’ttheleastsenseofthe’fist’。It’sfunny。
  Withmostmenthere’stheinstincttoclenchthefistandhit。
  It’snotsowithme。Ishouldwantaknifeorapistolorsomething,tofightwith。”
  “Thenyou’dbettercarrysomething,“shesaid。
  “Nay,“helaughed;“I’mnotdaggeroso。”
  “Buthe’lldosomethingtoyou。Youdon’tknowhim。”
  “Allright,“hesaid,“we’llsee。”
  “Andyou’lllethim?”
  “Perhaps,ifIcan’thelpit。”
  “Andifhekillsyou?”shesaid。
  “Ishouldbesorry,forhissakeandmine。”
  Clarawassilentforamoment。
  “YouDOmakemeangry!”sheexclaimed。
  “That’snothingafresh,“helaughed。
  “Butwhyareyousosilly?,Youdon’tknowhim。”
  “Anddon’twant。”
  “Yes,butyou’renotgoingtoletamandoashelikeswithyou?”
  “WhatmustIdo?”hereplied,laughing。
  “Ishouldcarryarevolver,“shesaid。”I’msurehe’sdangerous。”
  “Imightblowmyfingersoff,“hesaid。
  “No;butwon’tyou?”shepleaded。
  “No。”
  “Notanything?”
  “No。”
  “Andyou’llleavehimto——?”
  “Yes。”
  “Youareafool!”
  “Fact!”
  Shesetherteethwithanger。
  “IcouldSHAKEyou!”shecried,tremblingwithpassion。
  “Why?”
  “LetamanlikeHIMdoashelikeswithyou。”
  “Youcangobacktohimifhetriumphs,“hesaid。
  “Doyouwantmetohateyou?”sheasked。
  “Well,Ionlytellyou,“hesaid。
  “AndYOUsayyouLOVEme!”sheexclaimed,lowandindignant。
  “OughtItoslayhimtopleaseyou?”hesaid。”ButifIdid,seewhataholdhe’dhaveoverme。”
  “DoyouthinkI’mafool!”sheexclaimed。
  “Notatall。Butyoudon’tunderstandme,mydear。”
  Therewasapausebetweenthem。
  “ButyououghtNOTtoexposeyourself,“shepleaded。
  Heshruggedhisshoulders。
  “’Themaninrighteousnessarrayed,Thepureandblamelessliver,NeedsnotthekeenToledoblade,Norvenom-freightedquiver,’“
  hequoted。
  Shelookedathimsearchingly。
  “IwishIcouldunderstandyou,“shesaid。
  “There’ssimplynothingtounderstand,“helaughed。
  Shebowedherhead,brooding。
  HedidnotseeDawesforseveraldays;thenonemorningashe,ranupstairsfromtheSpiralroomhealmostcollidedwiththeburly,metal-worker。
  “Whatthe——!”criedthesmith。
  “Sorry!”saidPaul,andpassedon。
  “SORRY!”sneeredDawes。
  Paulwhistledlightly,“PutMeamongtheGirls“。
  “I’llstopyourwhistle,myjockey!”hesaid。
  Theothertooknonotice。
  “You’regoin’toanswerforthatjoboftheothernight。”
  Paulwenttohisdeskinhiscorner,andturnedovertheleaves,oftheledger。
  “GoandtellFannyIwantorder097,quick!”hesaidtohisboy。
  Dawesstoodinthedoorway,tallandthreatening,lookingat,thetopoftheyoungman’shead。
  “Sixandfive’selevenandseven’sone-and-six,“Pauladdedaloud。
  “An’youhear,doyou!”saidDawes。
  “FIVEANDNINEPENCE!”Hewroteafigure。”What’sthat?”
  hesaid。
  “I’mgoingtoshowyouwhatitis,“saidthesmith。
  Theotherwentonaddingthefiguresaloud。
  “Yercrawlin’little——,yerdaresn’tfacemeproper!”
  Paulquicklysnatchedtheheavyruler。Dawesstarted。
  Theyoungmanruledsomelinesinhisledger。Theelderman,wasinfuriated。
  “ButwaittillIlightonyou,nomatterwhereitis,I’llsettleyourhashforabit,yerlittleswine!”
  “Allright,“saidPaul。
  Atthatthesmithstartedheavilyfromthedoorway。Justthen,awhistlepipedshrilly。Paulwenttothespeaking-tube。
  “Yes!”hesaid,andhelistened。”Er——yes!”Helistened,thenhelaughed。”I’llcomedowndirectly。I’vegotavisitor,justnow。”
  DawesknewfromhistonethathehadbeenspeakingtoClara。
  Hesteppedforward。
  “Yerlittledevil!”hesaid。”I’llvisitoryou,insideof,twominutes!,ThinkI’mgoin’tohaveYOUwhipperty-snappin’round?”
  Theotherclerksinthewarehouselookedup。Paul’soffice-boy,appeared,holdingsomewhitearticle。
  “Fannysaysyoucouldhavehaditlastnightifyou’dlet,herknow,“hesaid。
  “Allright,“answeredPaul,lookingatthestocking。
  “Getitoff。”,Dawesstoodfrustrated,helplesswithrage。
  Morelturnedround。
  “Excusemeaminute,“hesaidtoDawes,andhewouldhave,rundownstairs。
  “ByGod,I’llstopyourgallop!”shoutedthesmith,seizinghim,bythearm。Heturnedquickly。
  “Hey!,Hey!”criedtheoffice-boy,alarmed。
  ThomasJordanstartedoutofhislittleglassoffice,andcame,runningdowntheroom。
  “What’sa-matter,what’sa-matter?”hesaid,inhisoldman’s,sharpvoice。
  “I’mjustgoin’tersettlethislittle——,that’sall,“
  saidDawesdesperately。
  “Whatdoyoumean?”snappedThomasJordan。
  “WhatIsay,“saidDawes,buthehungfire。
  Morelwasleaningagainstthecounter,ashamed,half-grinning。
  “What’sitallabout?”snappedThomasJordan。
  “Couldn’tsay,“saidPaul,shakinghisheadandshrugging,hisshoulders。
  “Couldn’tyer,couldn’tyer!”criedDawes,thrustingforward,hishandsome,furiousface,andsquaringhisfist。
  “Haveyoufinished?”criedtheoldman,strutting。”Getoff,aboutyourbusiness,anddon’tcomeheretipsyinthemorning。”
  Dawesturnedhisbigframeslowlyuponhim。
  “Tipsy!”hesaid。”Who’stipsy?,I’mnomoretipsythan,YOUare!”
  “We’veheardthatsongbefore,“snappedtheoldman。”Nowyou,getoff,anddon’tbelongaboutit。Comin’HEREwithyourrowdying。”
  Thesmithlookeddowncontemptuouslyonhisemployer。
  Hishands,large,andgrimy,andyetwellshapedforhislabour,workedrestlessly。PaulrememberedtheywerethehandsofClara’s,husband,andaflashofhatewentthroughhim。
  “Getoutbeforeyou’returnedout!”snappedThomasJordan。
  “Why,who’llturnmeout?”saidDawes,beginningtosneer。
  Mr。Jordanstarted,marcheduptothesmith,wavinghimoff,thrustinghisstoutlittlefigureattheman,saying:
  “Getoffmypremises——getoff!”
  HeseizedandtwitchedDawes’sarm。
  “Comeoff!”saidthesmith,andwithajerkoftheelbowhe,sentthelittlemanufacturerstaggeringbackwards。
  Beforeanyonecouldhelphim,ThomasJordanhadcollided,withtheflimsyspring-door。Ithadgivenway,andlethimcrash,downthehalf-dozenstepsintoFanny’sroom。Therewasasecond,ofamazement;thenmenandgirlswererunning。Dawesstoodamoment,lookingbitterlyonthescene,thenhetookhisdeparture。
  ThomasJordanwasshakenandbraised,nototherwisehurt。
  Hewas,however,besidehimselfwithrage。HedismissedDawesfrom,hisemployment,andsummonedhimforassault。
  AtthetrialPaulMorelhadtogiveevidence。Askedhow,thetroublebegan,hesaid:
  “DawestookoccasiontoinsultMrs。DawesandmebecauseI
  accompaniedhertothetheatreoneevening;thenIthrewsomebeer,athim,andhewantedhisrevenge。”
  “Cherchezlafemme!”smiledthemagistrate。
  ThecasewasdismissedafterthemagistratehadtoldDaweshe,thoughthimaskunk。
  “Yougavethecaseaway,“snappedMr。JordantoPaul。
  “Idon’tthinkIdid,“repliedthelatter。”Besides,you,didn’treallywantaconviction,didyou?”
  “WhatdoyouthinkItookthecaseupfor?”
  “Well,“saidPaul,“I’msorryifIsaidthewrongthing。”
  Clarawasalsoveryangry。
  “WhyneedMYnamehavebeendraggedin?”shesaid。
  “Betterspeakitopenlythanleaveittobewhispered。”
  “Therewasnoneedforanythingatall,“shedeclared。
  “Wearenonethepoorer,“hesaidindifferently。
  “YOUmaynotbe,“shesaid。
  “Andyou?”heasked。
  “Ineedneverhavebeenmentioned。”
  “I’msorry,“hesaid;buthedidnotsoundsorry。
  Hetoldhimselfeasily:,“Shewillcomeround。”,Andshedid。
  HetoldhismotheraboutthefallofMr。Jordanandthetrial,ofDawes。Mrs。Morelwatchedhimclosely。
  “Andwhatdoyouthinkofitall?”sheaskedhim。
  “Ithinkhe’safool,“hesaid。
  Buthewasveryuncomfortable,nevertheless。
  “Haveyoueverconsideredwhereitwillend?”hismothersaid。
  “No,“heanswered;“thingsworkoutofthemselves。”
  “Theydo,inawayonedoesn’tlike,asarule,“saidhismother。
  “Andthenonehastoputupwiththem,“hesaid。
  “You’llfindyou’renotasgoodat’puttingup’asyouimagine,“
  shesaid。
  Hewentonworkingrapidlyathisdesign。
  “DoyoueveraskHERopinion?”shesaidatlength。
  “Whatof?”
  “Ofyou,andthewholething。”
  “Idon’tcarewhatheropinionofmeis。She’sfearfully,inlovewithme,butit’snotverydeep。”
  “Butquiteasdeepasyourfeelingforher。”
  Helookedupathismothercuriously。
  “Yes,“hesaid。”Youknow,mother,Ithinktheremustbe,somethingthematterwithme,thatICAN’Tlove。Whenshe’sthere,asarule,IDOloveher。Sometimes,whenIseeherjustasTHEWOMAN,Iloveher,mother;butthen,whenshetalksandcriticises,Ioftendon’tlistentoher。”
  “Yetshe’sasmuchsenseasMiriam。”
  “Perhaps;andIloveherbetterthanMiriam。ButWHYdon’t,theyholdme?”
  Thelastquestionwasalmostalamentation。Hismother,turnedawayherface,satlookingacrosstheroom,veryquiet,grave,withsomethingofrenunciation。
  “Butyouwouldn’twanttomarryClara?”shesaid。
  “No;atfirstperhapsIwould。Butwhy——whydon’tIwanttomarry,heroranybody?,IfeelsometimesasifIwrongedmywomen,mother。”
  “Howwrongedthem,myson?”
  “Idon’tknow。”
  Hewentonpaintingratherdespairingly;hehadtouched,thequickofthetrouble。
  “Andasforwantingtomarry,“saidhismother,“there’splenty,oftimeyet。”
  “Butno,mother。IevenloveClara,andIdidMiriam;buttoGIVE
  myselftotheminmarriageIcouldn’t。Icouldn’tbelongtothem。
  TheyseemtowantME,andIcan’tevergiveitthem。”
  “Youhaven’tmettherightwoman。”
  “AndInevershallmeettherightwomanwhileyoulive,“
  hesaid。
  Shewasveryquiet。Nowshebegantofeelagaintired,asifsheweredone。
  “We’llsee,myson,“sheanswered。
  Thefeelingthatthingsweregoinginacirclemadehimmad。
  Clarawas,indeed,passionatelyinlovewithhim,andhewithher,asfaraspassionwent。Inthedaytimeheforgotheragooddeal。
  Shewasworkinginthesamebuilding,buthewasnotawareofit。
  Hewasbusy,andherexistencewasofnomattertohim。Butallthe,timeshewasinherSpiralroomshehadasensethathewasupstairs,aphysicalsenseofhispersoninthesamebuilding。Everysecond,sheexpectedhimtocomethroughthedoor,andwhenhecameit,wasashocktoher。Buthewasoftenshortandoffhandwithher。
  Hegaveherhisdirectionsinanofficialmanner,keepingheratbay。
  Withwhatwitsshehadleftshelistenedtohim。Shedarednot,misunderstandorfailtoremember,butitwasacrueltytoher。
  Shewantedtotouchhischest。Sheknewexactlyhowhisbreastwas,shapenunderthewaistcoat,andshewantedtotouchit。Itmaddened,hertohearhismechanicalvoicegivingordersaboutthework。
  Shewantedtobreakthroughtheshamofit,smashthetrivialcoating,ofbusinesswhichcoveredhimwithhardness,getatthemanagain;
  butshewasafraid,andbeforeshecouldfeelonetouchofhiswarmthhe,wasgone,andsheachedagain。
  Heknewthatshewasdrearyeveryeveningshedidnotseehim,sohegaveheragooddealofhistime。Thedayswereoften,amiserytoher,buttheeveningsandthenightswereusually,ablisstothemboth。Thentheyweresilent。Forhoursthey,sattogether,orwalkedtogetherinthedark,andtalkedonly,afew,almostmeaninglesswords。Buthehadherhandinhis,andherbosomleftitswarmthinhischest,makinghimfeelwhole。
  Oneeveningtheywerewalkingdownbythecanal,andsomethingwastroublinghim。Sheknewshehadnotgothim。
  Allthetimehewhistledsoftlyandpersistentlytohimself。
  Shelistened,feelingshecouldlearnmorefromhiswhistlingthan,fromhisspeech。Itwasasaddissatisfiedtune——atunethatmade,herfeelhewouldnotstaywithher。Shewalkedoninsilence。
  Whentheycametotheswingbridgehesatdownonthegreatpole,lookingatthestarsinthewater。Hewasalongwayfromher。
  Shehadbeenthinking。
  “WillyoualwaysstayatJordan’s?”sheasked。
  “No,“heansweredwithoutreflecting。”No;Is’llleave,Nottinghamandgoabroad——soon。”
  “Goabroad!,Whatfor?”
  “Idunno!,Ifeelrestless。”
  “Butwhatshallyoudo?”
  “Ishallhavetogetsomesteadydesigningwork,andsomesort,ofsaleformypicturesfirst,“hesaid。”Iamgraduallymaking,myway。IknowIam。”
  “Andwhendoyouthinkyou’llgo?”
  “Idon’tknow。Ishallhardlygoforlong,whilethere’s,mymother。”
  “Youcouldn’tleaveher?”
  “Notforlong。”
  Shelookedatthestarsintheblackwater。Theylayvery,whiteandstaring。Itwasanagonytoknowhewouldleaveher,butitwasalmostanagonytohavehimnearher。
  “Andifyoumadeanicelotofmoney,whatwouldyoudo?”
  sheasked。
  “GosomewhereinaprettyhousenearLondonwithmymother。”
  “Isee。”
  Therewasalongpause。
  “Icouldstillcomeandseeyou,“hesaid。”Idon’tknow。
  Don’taskmewhatIshoulddo;Idon’tknow。”
  Therewasasilence。Thestarsshudderedandbrokeupon,thewater。Therecameabreathofwind。Hewentsuddenlytoher,andputhishandonhershoulder。
  “Don’taskmeanythingaboutthefuture,“hesaidmiserably。
  “Idon’tknowanything。Bewithmenow,willyou,nomatterwhat,itis?”
  Andshetookhiminherarms。Afterall,shewasamarriedwoman,andshehadnorighteventowhathegaveher。Heneededherbadly。
  Shehadhiminherarms,andhewasmiserable。Withherwarmthshe,foldedhimover,consoledhim,lovedhim。Shewouldletthemoment,standforitself。
  Afteramomentheliftedhisheadasifhewantedtospeak。
  “Clara,“hesaid,struggling。
  Shecaughthimpassionatelytoher,pressedhisheaddownonher,breastwithherhand。Shecouldnotbearthesufferinginhisvoice。
  Shewasafraidinhersoul。Hemighthaveanythingofher——anything;
  butshedidnotwanttoKNOW。Shefeltshecouldnotbearit。
  Shewantedhimtobesootheduponher——soothed。Shestoodclaspinghim,andcaressinghim,andhewassomethingunknowntoher——something,almostuncanny。Shewantedtosoothehimintoforgetfulness。
  Andsoonthestrugglewentdowninhissoul,andheforgot。
  ButthenClarawasnotthereforhim,onlyawoman,warm,somethinghe,lovedandalmostworshipped,thereinthedark。ButitwasnotClara,andshesubmittedtohim。Thenakedhungerandinevitability,ofhislovingher,somethingstrongandblindandruthless,initsprimitiveness,madethehouralmostterribletoher。
  Sheknewhowstarkandalonehewas,andshefeltitwasgreat,thathecametoher;andshetookhimsimplybecausehisneedwas,biggereitherthanherorhim,andhersoulwasstillwithinher。
  Shedidthisforhiminhisneed,evenifhelefther,forshe,lovedhim。
  Allthewhilethepeewitswerescreaminginthefield。
  Whenhecameto,hewonderedwhatwasnearhiseyes,curvingand,strongwithlifeinthedark,andwhatvoiceitwasspeaking。
  Thenherealiseditwasthegrass,andthepeewitwascalling。
  ThewarmthwasClara’sbreathingheaving。Heliftedhishead,andlookedintohereyes。Theyweredarkandshiningandstrange,lifewildatthesourcestaringintohislife,strangertohim,yetmeetinghim;andheputhisfacedownonherthroat,afraid。
  Whatwasshe?,Astrong,strange,wildlife,thatbreathedwithhis,inthedarknessthroughthishour。Itwasallsomuchbiggerthan,themselvesthathewashushed。Theyhadmet,andincludedintheir,meetingthethrustofthemanifoldgrassstems,thecryofthepeewit,thewheelofthestars。
  Whentheystooduptheysawotherloversstealingdownthe,oppositehedge。Itseemednaturaltheywerethere;thenight,containedthem。
  Andaftersuchaneveningtheybothwereverystill,havingknown,theimmensityofpassion。Theyfeltsmall,half-afraid,childish,andwondering,likeAdamandEvewhentheylosttheirinnocence,andrealisedthemagnificenceofthepowerwhichdrove,themoutofParadiseandacrossthegreatnightandthegreatday,ofhumanity。Itwasforeachofthemaninitiationandasatisfaction。
  Toknowtheirownnothingness,toknowthetremendouslivingflood,whichcarriedthemalways,gavethemrestwithinthemselves。
  Ifsogreatamagnificentpowercouldoverwhelmthem,identifythem,altogetherwithitself,sothattheyknewtheywereonlygrainsin,thetremendousheavethatliftedeverygrassbladeitslittleheight,andeverytree,andlivingthing,thenwhyfretaboutthemselves?
  Theycouldletthemselvesbecarriedbylife,andtheyfeltasort,ofpeaceeachintheother。Therewasaverificationwhichtheyhad,hadtogether。Nothingcouldnullifyit,nothingcouldtakeitaway;
  itwasalmosttheirbeliefinlife。
  ButClarawasnotsatisfied。Somethinggreatwasthere,sheknew;somethinggreatenvelopedher。Butitdidnotkeepher。
  Inthemorningitwasnotthesame。TheyhadKNOWN,butshe,couldnotkeepthemoment。Shewanteditagain;shewanted,somethingpermanent。Shehadnotrealisedfully。Shethought,itwashewhomshewanted。Hewasnotsafetoher。Thisthat,hadbeenbetweenthemmightneverbeagain;hemightleaveher。
  Shehadnotgothim;shewasnotsatisfied。Shehadbeenthere,butshehadnotgrippedthe——thesomething——sheknewnotwhat——whichshe,wasmadtohave。
  Inthemorninghehadconsiderablepeace,andwashappy,inhimself。Itseemedalmostasifhehadknownthebaptismof,fireinpassion,anditlefthimatrest。ButitwasnotClara。
  Itwassomethingthathappenedbecauseofher,butitwasnother。
  Theywerescarcelyanynearereachother。Itwasasiftheyhadbeen,blindagentsofagreatforce。
  Whenshesawhimthatdayatthefactoryherheartmeltedlike,adropoffire。Itwashisbody,hisbrows。Thedropoffiregrew,moreintenseinherbreast;shemustholdhim。Buthe,veryquiet,verysubduedthismorning,wentongivinghisinstruction。Shefollowed,himintothedark,uglybasement,andliftedherarmstohim。
  Hekissedher,andtheintensityofpassionbegantoburnhimagain。
  Somebodywasatthedoor。Heranupstairs;shereturnedtoherroom,movingasifinatrance。
  Afterthatthefireslowlywentdown。Hefeltmoreandmorethat,hisexperiencehadbeenimpersonal,andnotClara。Helovedher。
  Therewasabigtenderness,asafterastrongemotionthey,hadknowntogether;butitwasnotshewhocouldkeephissoulsteady。
  Hehadwantedhertobesomethingshecouldnotbe。
  Andshewasmadwithdesireofhim。Shecouldnotsee,himwithouttouchinghim。Inthefactory,ashetalkedtoher,aboutSpiralhose,sheranherhandsecretlyalonghisside。
  Shefollowedhimoutintothebasementforaquickkiss;hereyes,alwaysmuteandyearning,fullofunrestrainedpassion,shekept,fixedonhis。Hewasafraidofher,lestsheshouldtooflagrantly,giveherselfawaybeforetheothergirls。Sheinvariablywaited,forhimatdinnertimeforhimtoembraceherbeforeshewent。
  Hefeltasifshewerehelpless,almostaburdentohim,andit,irritatedhim。
  “Butwhatdoyoualwayswanttobekissingandembracingfor?”
  hesaid。”Surelythere’satimeforeverything。”
  Shelookedupathim,andthehatecameintohereyes。
  “DOIalwayswanttobekissingyou?”shesaid。
  “Always,evenifIcometoaskyouaboutthework。Idon’t,wantanythingtodowithlovewhenI’matwork。Work’swork——“
  “Andwhatislove?”sheasked。”Hasittohavespecialhours?”
  “Yes;outofworkhours。”
  “Andyou’llregulateitaccordingtoMr。Jordan’sclosingtime?”
  “Yes;andaccordingtothefreedomfrombusinessofanysort。”
  “Itisonlytoexistinsparetime?”
  “That’sall,andnotalwaysthen——notthekissingsortoflove。”
  “Andthat’sallyouthinkofit?”
  “It’squiteenough。”
  “I’mgladyouthinkso。”
  Andshewascoldtohimforsometime——shehatedhim;andwhile,shewascoldandcontemptuous,hewasuneasytillshehadforgiven,himagain。Butwhentheystartedafreshtheywerenotanynearer。
  Hekeptherbecauseheneversatisfiedher。
  Inthespringtheywenttogethertotheseaside。Theyhadrooms,atalittlecottagenearTheddlethorpe,andlivedasmanandwife。
  Mrs。Radfordsometimeswentwiththem。
  ItwasknowninNottinghamthatPaulMorelandMrs。Dawes,weregoingtogether,butasnothingwasveryobvious,andClara,alwaysasolitaryperson,andheseemedsosimpleandinnocent,itdidnotmakemuchdifference。
  HelovedtheLincolnshirecoast,andshelovedthesea。
  Intheearlymorningtheyoftenwentouttogethertobathe。
  Thegreyofthedawn,thefar,desolatereachesofthefenland,smittenwithwinter,thesea-meadowsrankwithherbage,werestark,enoughtorejoicehissoul。Astheysteppedontothehighroadfrom,theirplankbridge,andlookedroundattheendlessmonotonyoflevels,thelandalittledarkerthanthesky,theseasoundingsmallbeyond,thesandhills,hisheartfilledstrongwiththesweepingrelentlessness,oflife。Shelovedhimthen。Hewassolitaryandstrong,andhiseyes,hadabeautifullight。
  Theyshudderedwithcold;thenheracedherdowntheroadto,thegreenturfbridge。Shecouldrunwell。Hercoloursooncame,herthroatwasbare,hereyesshone。Helovedherforbeingso,luxuriouslyheavy,andyetsoquick。Himselfwaslight;shewent,withabeautifulrush。Theygrewwarm,andwalkedhandinhand。
  Aflushcameintothesky,thewanmoon,half-waydown,thewest,sankintoinsignificance。Ontheshadowylandthings,begantotakelife,plantswithgreatleavesbecamedistinct。
  Theycamethroughapassinthebig,coldsandhillsontothebeach。
  Thelongwasteofforeshorelaymoaningunderthedawnandthesea;
  theoceanwasaflatdarkstripwithawhiteedge。Overthegloomy,seatheskygrewred。Quicklythefirespreadamongtheclouds,andscatteredthem。Crimsonburnedtoorange,orangetodullgold,andinagoldenglitterthesuncameup,dribblingfierilyoverthe,wavesinlittlesplashes,asifsomeonehadgonealongandthelight,hadspilledfromherpailasshewalked。
  Thebreakersrandowntheshoreinlong,hoarsestrokes。
  Tinyseagulls,likespecksofspray,wheeledabovethelineofsurf。
  Theircryingseemedlargerthanthey。Farawaythecoastreachedout,andmeltedintothemorning,thetussockysandhillsseemedtosink,toalevelwiththebeach。Mablethorpewastinyontheirright。
  Theyhadalonethespaceofallthislevelshore,thesea,andthe,upcomingsun,thefaintnoiseofthewaters,thesharpcryingof,thegulls。
  Theyhadawarmhollowinthesandhillswherethewinddid,notcome。Hestoodlookingouttosea。
  “It’sveryfine,“hesaid。
  “Nowdon’tgetsentimental,“shesaid。
  Itirritatedhertoseehimstandinggazingatthesea,likea,solitaryandpoeticperson。Helaughed。Shequicklyundressed。
  “Therearesomefinewavesthismorning,“shesaidtriumphantly。
  Shewasabetterswimmerthanhe;hestoodidlywatchingher。
  “Aren’tyoucoming?”shesaid。
  “Inaminute,“heanswered。
  Shewaswhiteandvelvetskinned,withheavyshoulders。
  Alittlewind,comingfromthesea,blewacrossherbodyandruffled,herhair。
  Themorningwasofalovelylimpidgoldcolour。Veilsofshadow,seemedtobedriftingawayonthenorthandthesouth。Clarastood,shrinkingslightlyfromthetouchofthewind,twistingherhair。
  Thesea-grassrosebehindthewhitestrippedwoman。Sheglanced,atthesea,thenlookedathim。Hewaswatchingherwithdarkeyes,whichshelovedandcouldnotunderstand。Shehuggedherbreasts,betweenherarms,cringing,laughing:
  “Oo,itwillbesocold!”shesaid。
  Hebentforwardandkissedher,heldhersuddenlyclose,andkissedheragain。Shestoodwaiting。Helookedintohereyes,thenawayatthepalesands。
  “Go,then!”hesaidquietly。
  Sheflungherarmsroundhisneck,drewhimagainsther,kissedhimpassionately,andwent,saying:
  “Butyou’llcomein?”
  “Inaminute。”
  Shewentploddingheavilyoverthesandthatwassoftasvelvet。
  He,onthesandhills,watchedthegreatpalecoastenvelopher。
  Shegrewsmaller,lostproportion,seemedonlylikealargewhite,birdtoilingforward。
  “Notmuchmorethanabigwhitepebbleonthebeach,notmuch,morethanaclotoffoambeingblownandrolledoverthesand,“
  hesaidtohimself。
  Sheseemedtomoveveryslowlyacrossthevastsoundingshore。
  Ashewatched,helosther。Shewasdazzledoutofsightby,thesunshine。Againhesawher,themerestwhitespeckmoving,againstthewhite,mutteringsea-edge。
  “Lookhowlittlesheis!”hesaidtohimself。”She’slostlike,agrainofsandinthebeach——justaconcentratedspeckblownalong,atinywhitefoam-bubble,almostnothingamongthemorning。
  Whydoessheabsorbme?”
  Themorningwasaltogetheruninterrupted:,shewasgonein,thewater。Farandwidethebeach,thesandhillswiththeirbluemarrain,theshiningwater,glowedtogetherinimmense,unbrokensolitude。
  “Whatisshe,afterall?”hesaidtohimself。”Here’sthe,seacoastmorning,bigandpermanentandbeautiful;thereisshe,fretting,alwaysunsatisfied,andtemporaryasabubbleoffoam。
  Whatdoesshemeantome,afterall?,Sherepresentssomething,likeabubbleoffoamrepresentsthesea。Butwhatisshe?
  It’snotherIcarefor。”
  Then,startledbyhisownunconsciousthoughts,thatseemed,tospeaksodistinctlythatallthemorningcouldhear,heundressed,andranquicklydownthesands。Shewaswatchingforhim。Herarm,flasheduptohim,sheheavedonawave,subsided,hershoulders,inapoolofliquidsilver。Hejumpedthroughthebreakers,andinamomentherhandwasonhisshoulder。
  Hewasapoorswimmer,andcouldnotstaylonginthewater。
  Sheplayedroundhimintriumph,sportingwithhersuperiority,whichhebegrudgedher。Thesunshinestooddeepandfineonthewater。
  Theylaughedintheseaforaminuteortwo,thenracedeachotherback,tothesandhills。
  Whentheyweredryingthemselves,pantingheavily,hewatchedherlaughing,breathlessface,herbrightshoulders,herbreaststhatswayedandmadehimfrightenedassherubbedthem,andhethoughtagain:
  “Butsheismagnificent,andevenbiggerthanthemorning,andthesea。Isshe——?Isshe——“
  She,seeinghisdarkeyesfixedonher,brokeofffromher,dryingwithalaugh。
  “Whatareyoulookingat?”shesaid。
  “You,“heanswered,laughing。
  Hereyesmethis,andinamomenthewaskissing,herwhite“goose-fleshed“shoulder,andthinking:
  “Whatisshe?,Whatisshe?”
  Shelovedhiminthemorning。Therewassomethingdetached,hard,andelementalabouthiskissesthen,asifhewereonly,consciousofhisownwill,notintheleastofherandherwantinghim。
  Laterinthedayhewentoutsketching。
  “You,“hesaidtoher,“gowithyourmothertoSutton。
  Iamsodull。”
  Shestoodandlookedathim。Heknewshewantedtocome,withhim,buthepreferredtobealone。Shemadehimfeelimprisoned,whenshewasthere,asifhecouldnotgetafreedeepbreath,asifthereweresomethingontopofhim。Shefelthisdesire,tobefreeofher。
  Intheeveninghecamebacktoher。Theywalkeddowntheshore,inthedarkness,thensatforawhileintheshelterofthesandhills。
  “Itseems,“shesaid,astheystaredoverthedarknessofthesea,wherenolightwastobeseen——“itseemedasifyouonlylovedme,atnight——asifyoudidn’tlovemeinthedaytime。”
  Heranthecoldsandthroughhisfingers,feelingguilty,undertheaccusation。
  “Thenightisfreetoyou,“hereplied。”InthedaytimeI
  wanttobebymyself。”
  “Butwhy?”shesaid。”Why,evennow,whenweareonthis,shortholiday?”
  “Idon’tknow。Love-makingstiflesmeinthedaytime。”
  “Butitneedn’tbealwayslove-making,“shesaid。
  “Italwaysis,“heanswered,“whenyouandIaretogether。”
  Shesatfeelingverybitter。
  “Doyoueverwanttomarryme?”heaskedcuriously。
  “Doyoume?”shereplied。
  “Yes,yes;Ishouldlikeustohavechildren,“heansweredslowly。
  Shesatwithherheadbent,fingeringthesand。
  “Butyoudon’treallywantadivorcefromBaxter,doyou?”
  hesaid。
  Itwassomeminutesbeforeshereplied。
  “No,“shesaid,verydeliberately;“Idon’tthinkIdo。”
  “Why?”
  “Idon’tknow。”
  “Doyoufeelasifyoubelongedtohim?”
  “No;Idon’tthinkso。”
  “What,then?”
  “Ithinkhebelongstome,“shereplied。
  Hewassilentforsomeminutes,listeningtothewindblowing,overthehoarse,darksea。
  “AndyouneverreallyintendedtobelongtoME?”hesaid。
  “Yes,Idobelongtoyou,“sheanswered。
  “No,“hesaid;“becauseyoudon’twanttobedivorced。”
  Itwasaknottheycouldnotuntie,sotheyleftit,tookwhat,theycouldget,andwhattheycouldnotattaintheyignored。
  “IconsideryoutreatedBaxterrottenly,“hesaidanothertime。
  Hehalf-expectedClaratoanswerhim,ashismotherwould:
  “Youconsideryourownaffairs,anddon’tknowsomuchabout,otherpeople’s。”,Butshetookhimseriously,almosttohisownsurprise。
  “Why?”shesaid。
  “Isupposeyouthoughthewasalilyofthevalley,andso,youputhiminanappropriatepot,andtendedhimaccording。
  Youmadeupyourmindhewasalilyofthevalleyanditwasno,goodhisbeingacow-parsnip。Youwouldn’thaveit。”
  “Icertainlyneverimaginedhimalilyofthevalley。”
  “Youimaginedhimsomethinghewasn’t。That’sjustwhatawomanis。
  Shethinkssheknowswhat’sgoodforaman,andshe’sgoingtosee,hegetsit;andnomatterifhe’sstarving,hemaysitandwhistle,forwhatheneeds,whileshe’sgothim,andisgivinghimwhat’s,goodforhim。”
  “Andwhatareyoudoing?”sheasked。
  “I’mthinkingwhattuneIshallwhistle,“helaughed。
  Andinsteadofboxinghisears,sheconsideredhiminearnest。
  “YouthinkIwanttogiveyouwhat’sgoodforyou?”sheasked。
  “Ihopeso;butloveshouldgiveasenseoffreedom,notofprison。Miriammademefeeltieduplikeadonkeytoastake。
  Imustfeedonherpatch,andnowhereelse。It’ssickening!”
  “AndwouldYOUletaWOMANdoasshelikes?”
  “Yes;I’llseethatshelikestoloveme。Ifshedoesn’t——well,Idon’tholdher。”
  “Ifyouwereaswonderfulasyousay——,“repliedClara。
  “IshouldbethemarvelIam,“helaughed。
  Therewasasilenceinwhichtheyhatedeachother,thoughtheylaughed。
  “Love’sadoginamanger,“hesaid。
  “Andwhichofusisthedog?”sheasked。
  “Ohwell,you,ofcourse。”
  Sotherewentonabattlebetweenthem。Sheknewsheneverfully,hadhim。Somepart,bigandvitalinhim,shehadnoholdover;
  nordidsheevertrytogetit,oreventorealisewhatitwas。
  AndheknewinsomewaythatsheheldherselfstillasMrs。Dawes。
  ShedidnotloveDawes,neverhadlovedhim;butshebelievedhe,lovedher,atleastdependedonher。Shefeltacertainsurety,abouthimthatsheneverfeltwithPaulMorel。Herpassion,fortheyoungmanhadfilledhersoul,givenheracertain,satisfaction,easedherofherself-mistrust,herdoubt。
  Whateverelseshewas,shewasinwardlyassured。Itwasalmost,asifshehadgainedHERSELF,andstoodnowdistinctandcomplete。
  Shehadreceivedherconfirmation;butsheneverbelievedthather,lifebelongedtoPaulMorel,norhistoher。Theywouldseparate,intheend,andtherestofherlifewouldbeanacheafterhim。
  Butatanyrate,sheknewnow,shewassureofherself。Andthe,samecouldalmostbesaidofhim。Togethertheyhadreceived,thebaptismoflife,eachthroughtheother;butnowtheirmissions,wereseparate。Wherehewantedtogoshecouldnotcomewithhim。
  Theywouldhavetopartsoonerorlater。Eveniftheymarried,andwerefaithfultoeachother,stillhewouldhavetoleaveher,goonalone,andshewouldonlyhavetoattendtohimwhenhe,camehome。Butitwasnotpossible。Eachwantedamatetogoside,bysidewith。
  ClarahadgonetolivewithhermotheruponMapperleyPlains。
  Oneevening,asPaulandshewerewalkingalongWoodboroughRoad,theymetDawes。Morelknewsomethingaboutthebearingofthe,manapproaching,buthewasabsorbedinhisthinkingatthemoment,sothatonlyhisartist’seyewatchedtheformofthestranger。
  ThenhesuddenlyturnedtoClarawithalaugh,andputhishandon,hershoulder,saying,laughing:
  “Butwewalksidebyside,andyetI’minLondonarguing,withanimaginaryOrpen;andwhereareyou?”
  AtthatinstantDawespassed,almosttouchingMorel。
  Theyoungmanglanced,sawthedarkbrowneyesburning,fullofhate,andyettired。
  “Whowasthat?”heaskedofClara。
  “ItwasBaxter,“shereplied。
  Paultookhishandfromhershoulderandglancedround;
  thenhesawagaindistinctlytheman’sformasitapproachedhim。
  Dawesstillwalkederect,withhisfineshouldersflungback,andhis,facelifted;buttherewasafurtivelookinhiseyesthatgave,onetheimpressionhewastryingtogetunnoticedpasteveryperson,hemet,glancingsuspiciouslytoseewhattheythoughtofhim。
  Andhishandsseemedtobewantingtohide。Heworeoldclothes,thetrousersweretornattheknee,andthehandkerchieftiedround,histhroatwasdirty;buthiscapwasstilldefiantlyoveroneeye。
  Asshesawhim,Clarafeltguilty。Therewasatirednessanddespair,onhisfacethatmadeherhatehim,becauseithurther。
  “Helooksshady,“saidPaul。
  Butthenoteofpityinhisvoicereproachedher,andmade,herfeelhard。
  “Histruecommonnesscomesout,“sheanswered。
  “Doyouhatehim?”heasked。
  “Youtalk,“shesaid,“aboutthecrueltyofwomen;Iwishyou,knewthecrueltyofmenintheirbruteforce。Theysimplydon’t,knowthatthewomanexists。”
  “Don’tI?”hesaid。
  “No,“sheanswered。
  “Don’tIknowyouexist?”
  “AboutMEyouknownothing,“shesaidbitterly——“aboutME!”
  “NomorethanBaxterknew?”heasked。
  “Perhapsnotasmuch。”
  Hefeltpuzzled,andhelpless,andangry。Thereshewalked,unknowntohim,thoughtheyhadbeenthroughsuchexperiencetogether。
  “ButyouknowMEprettywell,“hesaid。
  Shedidnotanswer。
  “DidyouknowBaxteraswellasyouknowme?”heasked。
  “Hewouldn’tletme,“shesaid。
  “AndIhaveletyouknowme?”
  “It’swhatmenWON’Tletyoudo。Theywon’tletyouget,reallyneartothem,“shesaid。
  “Andhaven’tIletyou?”
  “Yes,“sheansweredslowly;“butyou’venevercomeneartome。
  Youcan’tcomeoutofyourself,youcan’t。Baxtercoulddothatbetter,thanyou。”
  Hewalkedonpondering。Hewasangrywithherforprefering,Baxtertohim。
  “YoubegintovalueBaxternowyou’venotgothim,“hesaid。
  “No;Icanonlyseewherehewasdifferentfromyou。”
  Buthefeltshehadagrudgeagainsthim。
  Oneevening,astheywerecominghomeoverthefields,shestartledhimbyasking:
  “Doyouthinkit’sworthit——the——thesexpart?”
  “Theactofloving,itself?”
  “Yes;isitworthanythingtoyou?”
  “Buthowcanyouseparateit?”hesaid。”It’stheculmination,ofeverything。Allourintimacyculminatesthen。”
  “Notforme,“shesaid。
  Hewassilent。Aflashofhateforhercameup。Afterall,shewasdissatisfiedwithhim,eventhere,wherehethoughtthey,fulfilledeachother。Buthebelievedhertooimplicitly。
  “Ifeel,“shecontinuedslowly,“asifIhadn’tgotyou,asifallofyouweren’tthere,andasifitweren’tMEyouweretaking——“
  “Who,then?”
  “Somethingjustforyourself。Ithasbeenfine,sothatI
  daren’tthinkofit。ButisitMEyouwant,orisitIT?”
  Heagainfeltguilty。DidheleaveClaraoutofcount,andtakesimplywomen?,Buthethoughtthatwassplittingahair。
  “WhenIhadBaxter,actuallyhadhim,thenIDIDfeelasifI
  hadallofhim,“shesaid。
  “Anditwasbetter?”heasked。
  “Yes,yes;itwasmorewhole。Idon’tsayyouhaven’tgiven,memorethanheevergaveme。”
  “Orcouldgiveyou。”
  “Yes,perhaps;butyou’venevergivenmeyourself。”
  Heknittedhisbrowsangrily。
  “IfIstarttomakelovetoyou,“hesaid,“Ijustgolike,aleafdownthewind。”
  “Andleavemeoutofcount,“shesaid。
  “Andthenisitnothingtoyou?”heasked,almostrigid,withchagrin。
  “It’ssomething;andsometimesyouhavecarriedmeaway——right,away——Iknow——and——Ireverenceyouforit——but——“
  “Don’t’but’me,“hesaid,kissingherquickly,asafireran,throughhim。
  Shesubmitted,andwassilent。
  Itwastrueashesaid。Asarule,whenhestartedlove-making,theemotionwasstrongenoughtocarrywithiteverything——reason,soul,blood——inagreatsweep,liketheTrentcarriesbodilyitsback-swirls,andintertwinings,noiselessly。Graduallythelittlecriticisms,thelittlesensations,werelost,thoughtalsowent,everythingborne,alonginoneflood。Hebecame,notamanwithamind,buta,greatinstinct。Hishandswerelikecreatures,living;hislimbs,hisbody,werealllifeandconsciousness,subjecttonowillofhis,butlivinginthemselves。Justashewas,soitseemedthevigorous,wintrystarswerestrongalsowithlife。Heandtheystruckwith,thesamepulseoffire,andthesamejoyofstrengthwhichheld,thebracken-frondstiffnearhiseyesheldhisownbodyfirm。
  Itwasasifhe,andthestars,andthedarkherbage,andClara,werelickedupinanimmensetongueofflame,whichtoreonwards,andupwards。Everythingrushedalonginlivingbesidehim;
  everythingwasstill,perfectinitself,alongwithhim。
  Thiswonderfulstillnessineachthinginitself,whileitwasbeing,bornealonginaveryecstasyofliving,seemedthehighestpoint,ofbliss。
  AndClaraknewthisheldhimtoher,soshetrustedaltogether,tothepassion。It,however,failedherveryoften。Theydid,notoftenreachagaintheheightofthatoncewhenthepeewits,hadcalled。Gradually,somemechanicaleffortspoilttheirloving,or,whentheyhadsplendidmoments,theyhadthemseparately,andnotsosatisfactorily。Sooftenheseemedmerelytoberunning,onalone;oftentheyrealisedithadbeenafailure,notwhatthey,hadwanted。Helefther,knowingTHATeveninghadonlymade,alittlesplitbetweenthem。Theirlovinggrewmoremechanical,withoutthemarvellousglamour。Graduallytheybegantointroduce,novelties,togetbacksomeofthefeelingofsatisfaction。
  Theywouldbeverynear,almostdangerouslyneartotheriver,sothattheblackwaterrannotfarfromhisface,anditgave,alittlethrill;ortheylovedsometimesinalittlehollowbelow,thefenceofthepathwherepeoplewerepassingoccasionally,ontheedgeofthetown,andtheyheardfootstepscoming,almostfelt,thevibrationofthetread,andtheyheardwhatthepassersby,said——strangelittlethingsthatwereneverintendedtobeheard。
  Andafterwardseachofthemwasratherashamed,andthesethings,causedadistancebetweenthetwoofthem。Hebegantodespiseher,alittle,asifshehadmeritedit!
  OnenighthelefthertogotoDaybrookStationoverthefields。
  Itwasverydark,withanattemptatsnow,althoughthespring,wassofaradvanced。Morelhadnotmuchtime;heplungedforward。
  Thetownceasesalmostabruptlyontheedgeofasteephollow;therethe,houseswiththeiryellowlightsstandupagainstthedarkness。Hewent,overthestile,anddroppedquicklyintothehollowofthefields。
  UndertheorchardonewarmwindowshoneinSwinesheadFarm。
  Paulglancedround。Behind,thehousesstoodonthebrimofthedip,blackagainstthesky,likewildbeastsglaringcuriouslywith,yelloweyesdownintothedarkness。Itwasthetownthatseemed,savageanduncouth,glaringonthecloudsatthebackofhim。
  Somecreaturestirredunderthewillowsofthefarmpond。Itwastoo,darktodistinguishanything。
  Hewascloseuptothenextstilebeforehesawadarkshape,leaningagainstit。Themanmovedaside。
  “Good-evening!”hesaid。
  “Good-evening!”Morelanswered,notnoticing。
  “PaulMorel?”saidtheman。
  ThenheknewitwasDawes。Themanstoppedhisway。
  “I’vegotyer,haveI?”hesaidawkwardly。
  “Ishallmissmytrain,“saidPaul。
  HecouldseenothingofDawes’sface。Theman’steethseemed,tochatterashetalked。
  “You’regoingtogetitfrommenow,“saidDawes。
  Morelattemptedtomoveforward;theothermansteppedinfront,ofhim。
  “Areyergoin’totakethattop-coatoff,“hesaid,“orare,yougoin’toliedowntoit?”
  Paulwasafraidthemanwasmad。
  “But,“hesaid,“Idon’tknowhowtofight。”
  “Allright,then,“answeredDawes,andbeforetheyoungerman,knewwherehewas,hewasstaggeringbackwardsfromablowacross,theface。
  Thewholenightwentblack。Hetoreoffhisovercoatandcoat,dodgingablow,andflungthegarmentsoverDawes。Thelatter,sworesavagely。Morel,inhisshirt-sleeves,wasnowalertand,furious。Hefelthiswholebodyunsheathitselflikeaclaw。
  Hecouldnotfight,sohewouldusehiswits。Theothermanbecame,moredistincttohim;hecouldseeparticularlytheshirt-breast。
  DawesstumbledoverPaul’scoats,thencamerushingforward。
  Theyoungman’smouthwasbleeding。Itwastheotherman’smouth,hewasdyingtogetat,andthedesirewasanguishinitsstrength。
  Hesteppedquicklythroughthestile,andasDaweswascomingthrough,afterhim,likeaflashhegotablowinovertheother’smouth。
  Heshiveredwithpleasure。Dawesadvancedslowly,spitting。Paul,wasafraid;hemovedroundtogettothestileagain。Suddenly,from,outofnowhere,cameagreatblowagainsthisear,thatsenthim,fallinghelplessbackwards。HeheardDawes’sheavypanting,likeawildbeast’s,thencameakickontheknee,givinghim,suchagonythathegotupand,quiteblind,leaptcleanunderhis,enemy’sguard。Hefeltblowsandkicks,buttheydidnothurt。
  Hehungontothebiggermanlikeawildcat,tillatlastDawesfell,withacrash,losinghispresenceofmind。Paulwentdownwithhim。
  Pureinstinctbroughthishandstotheman’sneck,andbeforeDawes,infrenzyandagony,couldwrenchhimfree,hehadgothisfists,twistedinthescarfandhisknucklesduginthethroatofthe,otherman。Hewasapureinstinct,withoutreasonorfeeling。
  Hisbody,hardandwonderfulinitself,cleavedagainstthe,strugglingbodyoftheotherman;notamuscleinhimrelaxed。
  Hewasquiteunconscious,onlyhisbodyhadtakenuponitselftokill,thisotherman。Forhimself,hehadneitherfeelingnorreason。
  Helaypressedhardagainsthisadversary,hisbodyadjustingitself,toitsonepurepurposeofchokingtheotherman,resistingexactly,attherightmoment,withexactlytherightamountofstrength,thestrugglesoftheother,silent,intent,unchanging,gradually,pressingitsknucklesdeeper,feelingthestrugglesoftheother,bodybecomewilderandmorefrenzied。Tighterandtightergrew,hisbody,likeascrewthatisgraduallyincreasinginpressure,tillsomethingbreaks。
  Thensuddenlyherelaxed,fullofwonderandmisgiving。
  Daweshadbeenyielding。Morelfelthisbodyflamewithpain,asherealisedwhathewasdoing;hewasallbewildered。
  Dawes’sstrugglessuddenlyrenewedthemselvesinafuriousspasm。
  Paul’shandswerewrenched,tornoutofthescarfinwhichthey,wereknotted,andhewasflungaway,helpless。Heheardthehorrid,soundoftheother’sgasping,buthelaystunned;then,stilldazed,hefelttheblowsoftheother’sfeet,andlostconsciousness。
  Dawes,gruntingwithpainlikeabeast,waskickingtheprostrate,bodyofhisrival。Suddenlythewhistleofthetrainshrieked,twofieldsaway。Heturnedroundandglaredsuspiciously。
  Whatwascoming?,Hesawthelightsofthetraindrawacrosshisvision。
  Itseemedtohimpeoplewereapproaching。Hemadeoffacrossthe,fieldintoNottingham,anddimlyinhisconsciousnessashewent,hefeltonhisfoottheplacewherehisboothadknockedagainst,oneofthelad’sbones。Theknockseemedtore-echoinsidehim;
  hehurriedtogetawayfromit。
  Morelgraduallycametohimself。Heknewwherehewasand,whathadhappened,buthedidnotwanttomove。Helaystill,withtinybitsofsnowticklinghisface。Itwaspleasant,toliequite,quitestill。Thetimepassed。Itwasthebits,ofsnowthatkeptrousinghimwhenhedidnotwanttoberoused。
  Atlasthiswillclickedintoaction。
  “Imustn’tliehere,“hesaid;“it’ssilly。”
  Butstillhedidnotmove。
  “IsaidIwasgoingtogetup,“herepeated。”Whydon’tI?”
  Andstillitwassometimebeforehehadsufficientlypulled,himselftogethertostir;thengraduallyhegotup。Painmadehim,sickanddazed,buthisbrainwasclear。Reeling,hegropedfor,hiscoatsandgotthemon,buttoninghisovercoatuptohisears。
  Itwassometimebeforehefoundhiscap。Hedidnotknowwhetherhis,facewasstillbleeding。Walkingblindly,everystepmakinghimsick,withpain,hewentbacktothepondandwashedhisfaceandhands。
  Theicywaterhurt,buthelpedtobringhimbacktohimself。
  Hecrawledbackupthehilltothetram。Hewantedtogettohis,mother——hemustgettohismother——thatwashisblindintention。
  Hecoveredhisfaceasmuchashecould,andstruggledsicklyalong。
  Continuallythegroundseemedtofallawayfromhimashewalked,andhefelthimselfdroppingwithasickeningfeelingintospace;so,likeanightmare,hegotthroughwiththejourneyhome。
  Everybodywasinbed。Helookedathimself。Hisfacewas,discolouredandsmearedwithblood,almostlikeadeadman’sface。
  Hewashedit,andwenttobed。Thenightwentbyindelirium。
  Inthemorninghefoundhismotherlookingathim。Herblueeyes——they,wereallhewantedtosee。Shewasthere;hewasinherhands。
  “It’snotmuch,mother,“hesaid。”ItwasBaxterDawes。”
  “Tellmewhereithurtsyou,“shesaidquietly。
  “Idon’tknow——myshoulder。Sayitwasabicycleaccident,mother。”
  Hecouldnotmovehisarm。PresentlyMinnie,thelittleservant,cameupstairswithsometea。
  “Yourmother’snearlyfrightenedmeoutofmywits——faintedaway,“
  shesaid。
  Hefelthecouldnotbearit。Hismothernursedhim;hetold,heraboutit。
  “AndnowIshouldhavedonewiththemall,“shesaidquietly。
  “Iwill,mother。”
  Shecoveredhimup。
  “Anddon’tthinkaboutit,“shesaid——“onlytrytogotosleep。
  Thedoctorwon’tbeheretilleleven。”
  Hehadadislocatedshoulder,andtheseconddayacutebronchitis,setin。Hismotherwaspaleasdeathnow,andverythin。Shewould,sitandlookathim,thenawayintospace。Therewassomething,betweenthemthatneitherdaredmention。Claracametoseehim。
  Afterwardshesaidtohismother:
  “Shemakesmetired,mother。”
  “Yes;Iwishshewouldn’tcome,“Mrs。Morelreplied。
  AnotherdayMiriamcame,butsheseemedalmostlikeastranger,tohim。
  “Youknow,Idon’tcareaboutthem,mother,“hesaid。
  “I’mafraidyoudon’t,myson,“sherepliedsadly。
  Itwasgivenouteverywherethatitwasabicycleaccident。
  Soonhewasabletogotoworkagain,butnowtherewasaconstant,sicknessandgnawingathisheart。HewenttoClara,butthereseemed,asitwere,nobodythere。Hecouldnotwork。Heandhismother,seemedalmosttoavoideachother。Therewassomesecretbetween,themwhichtheycouldnotbear。Hewasnotawareofit。Heonly,knewthathislifeseemedunbalanced,asifitweregoingtosmash,intopieces。
  Claradidnotknowwhatwasthematterwithhim。
  Sherealisedthatheseemedunawareofher。Evenwhenhecame,toherheseemedunawareofher;alwayshewassomewhereelse。
  Shefeltshewasclutchingforhim,andhewassomewhereelse。
  Ittorturedher,andsoshetorturedhim。Foramonthatatime,shekepthimatarm’slength。Healmosthatedher,andwasdriven,toherinspiteofhimself。Hewentmostlyintothecompanyofmen,wasalwaysattheGeorgeortheWhiteHorse。Hismotherwasill,distant,quiet,shadowy。Hewasterrifiedofsomething;hedared,notlookather。Hereyesseemedtogrowdarker,herfacemorewaxen;
  stillshedraggedaboutatherwork。
  AtWhitsuntidehesaidhewouldgotoBlackpoolforfour,dayswithhisfriendNewton。Thelatterwasabig,jollyfellow,withatouchofthebounderabouthim。Paulsaidhismothermustgo,toSheffieldtostayaweekwithAnnie,wholivedthere。Perhapsthe,changewoulddohergood。Mrs。Morelwasattendingawoman’sdoctor,inNottingham。Hesaidherheartandherdigestionwerewrong。
  SheconsentedtogotoSheffield,thoughshedidnotwantto;
  butnowshewoulddoeverythinghersonwishedofher。Paulsaid,hewouldcomeforheronthefifthday,andstayalsoinSheffield,tilltheholidaywasup。Itwasagreed。
  ThetwoyoungmensetoffgailyforBlackpool。Mrs。Morelwas,quitelivelyasPaulkissedherandlefther。Onceatthestation,heforgoteverything。Fourdayswereclear——notananxiety,notathought。Thetwoyoungmensimplyenjoyedthemselves。
  Paulwaslikeanotherman。Noneofhimselfremained——noClara,noMiriam,nomotherthatfrettedhim。Hewrotetothemall,andlongletterstohismother;buttheywerejollylettersthat,madeherlaugh。Hewashavingagoodtime,asyoungfellowswill,inaplacelikeBlackpool。Andunderneathitallwasashadow,forher。
  Paulwasverygay,excitedatthethoughtofstayingwithhis,motherinSheffield。Newtonwastospendthedaywiththem。
  Theirtrainwaslate。Joking,laughing,withtheirpipesbetween,theirteeth,theyoungmenswungtheirbagsontothetram-car。Paul,hadboughthismotheralittlecollarofreallacethathewanted,toseeherwear,sothathecouldteaseheraboutit。
  Annielivedinanicehouse,andhadalittlemaid。Paulran,gailyupthesteps。Heexpectedhismotherlaughinginthehall,butitwasAnniewhoopenedtohim。Sheseemeddistanttohim。
  Hestoodasecondindismay。Annielethimkisshercheek。
  “Ismymotherill?”hesaid。
  “Yes;she’snotverywell。Don’tupsether。”
  “Issheinbed?”
  “Yes。”
  Andthenthequeerfeelingwentoverhim,asifallthesunshine,hadgoneoutofhim,anditwasallshadow。Hedroppedthebag,andranupstairs。Hesitating,heopenedthedoor。Hismother,satupinbed,wearingadressing-gownofold-rosecolour。
  Shelookedathimalmostasifshewereashamedofherself,pleadingtohim,humble。Hesawtheashylookabouther。
  “Mother!”hesaid。
  “Ithoughtyouwerenevercoming,“sheansweredgaily。
  Butheonlyfellonhiskneesatthebedside,andburied,hisfaceinthebedclothes,cryinginagony,andsaying:
  “Mother——mother——mother!”