chapter43
CHAPTER43
Mariannegotupthenextmorningatherusualtime;
toeveryinquiryrepliedthatshewasbetter，andtriedtoproveherselfso，byengaginginheraccustomaryemployments。
Butadayspentinsittingshiveringoverthefirewithabookinherhand，whichshewasunabletoread，orinlying，wearyandlanguid，onasofa，didnotspeakmuchinfavourofheramendment;andwhen，atlast，shewentearlytobed，moreandmoreindisposed，ColonelBrandonwasonlyastonishedathersister’scomposure，who，thoughattendingandnursingherthewholeday，againstMarianneinclination，andforcingpropermedicinesonheratnight，trusted，likeMarianne，tothecertaintyandefficacyofsleep，andfeltnorealalarm。
Averyrestlessandfeverishnight，however，disappointedtheexpectationofboth;andwhenMarianne，afterpersistinginrising，confessedherselfunabletositup，andreturnedvoluntarilytoherbed，ElinorwasveryreadytoadoptMrs。Jennings’sadvice，ofsendingforthePalmers’apothecary。
Hecame，examinedhispatient，andthoughencouragingMissDashwoodtoexpectthataveryfewdayswouldrestorehersistertohealth，yet，bypronouncingherdisordertohaveaputridtendency，andallowingtheword“infection“
topasshislips，gaveinstantalarmtoMrs。Palmer，onherbaby’saccount。Mrs。Jennings，whohadbeeninclinedfromthefirsttothinkMarianne’scomplaintmoreseriousthanElinor，nowlookedverygraveonMr。Harris’sreport，andconfirmingCharlotte’sfearsandcaution，urgedthenecessityofherimmediateremovalwithherinfant;
andMr。Palmer，thoughtreatingtheirapprehensionsasidle，foundtheanxietyandimportunityofhiswifetoogreattobewithstood。Herdeparture，therefore，wasfixedon;
andwithinanhourafterMr。Harris’sarrival，shesetoff，withherlittleboyandhisnurse，forthehouseofanearrelationofMr。Palmer’s，wholivedafewmilesontheothersideofBath;whitherherhusbandpromised，atherearnestentreaty，tojoinherinadayortwo;
andwhithershewasalmostequallyurgentwithhermothertoaccompanyher。Mrs。Jennings，however，withakindnessofheartwhichmadeElinorreallyloveher，declaredherresolutionofnotstirringfromClevelandaslongasMarianneremainedill，andofendeavouring，byherownattentivecare，tosupplytohertheplaceofthemothershehadtakenherfrom;andElinorfoundheroneveryoccasionamostwillingandactivehelpmate，desiroustoshareinallherfatigues，andoftenbyherbetterexperienceinnursing，ofmaterialuse。
PoorMarianne，languidandlowfromthenatureofhermalady，andfeelingherselfuniversallyill，couldnolongerhopethattomorrowwouldfindherrecovered;
andtheideaofwhattomorrowwouldhaveproduced，butforthisunluckyillness，madeeveryailmentsevere;
foronthatdaytheyweretohavebeguntheirjourneyhome;
and，attendedthewholewaybyaservantofMrs。Jennings，weretohavetakentheirmotherbysurpriseonthefollowingforenoon。Thelittleshesaidwasallinlamentationofthisinevitabledelay;thoughElinortriedtoraiseherspirits，andmakeherbelieve，assheTHEN
reallybelievedherself，thatitwouldbeaveryshortone。
Thenextdayproducedlittleornoalterationinthestateofthepatient;shecertainlywasnotbetter，and，exceptthattherewasnoamendment，didnotappearworse。
Theirpartywasnowfartherreduced;forMr。Palmer，thoughveryunwillingtogoaswellfromrealhumanityandgood-nature，asfromadislikeofappearingtobefrightenedawaybyhiswife，waspersuadedatlastbyColonelBrandontoperformhispromiseoffollowingher;
andwhilehewaspreparingtogo，ColonelBrandonhimself，withamuchgreaterexertion，begantotalkofgoinglikewise——Here，however，thekindnessofMrs。Jenningsinterposedmostacceptably;fortosendtheColonelawaywhilehislovewasinsomuchuneasinessonhersister’saccount，wouldbetodeprivethemboth，shethought，ofeverycomfort;andthereforetellinghimatoncethathisstayatClevelandwasnecessarytoherself，thatsheshouldwanthimtoplayatpiquetofanevening，whileMissDashwoodwasabovewithhersister，&c。sheurgedhimsostronglytoremain，thathe，whowasgratifyingthefirstwishofhisownheartbyacompliance，couldnotlongevenaffecttodemur;especiallyasMrs。Jennings’sentreatywaswarmlysecondedbyMr。Palmer，whoseemedtofeelarelieftohimself，inleavingbehindhimapersonsowellabletoassistoradviseMissDashwoodinanyemergence。
Mariannewas，ofcourse，keptinignoranceofallthesearrangements。SheknewnotthatshehadbeenthemeansofsendingtheownersofClevelandaway，inaboutsevendaysfromthetimeoftheirarrival。
ItgavehernosurprisethatshesawnothingofMrs。Palmer;
andasitgaveherlikewisenoconcern，shenevermentionedhername。
TwodayspassedawayfromthetimeofMr。Palmer’sdeparture，andhersituationcontinued，withlittlevariation，thesame。Mr。Harris，whoattendedhereveryday，stilltalkedboldlyofaspeedyrecovery，andMissDashwoodwasequallysanguine;buttheexpectationoftheotherswasbynomeanssocheerful。Mrs。JenningshaddeterminedveryearlyintheseizurethatMariannewouldnevergetoverit，andColonelBrandon，whowaschieflyofuseinlisteningtoMrs。Jennings’sforebodings，wasnotinastateofmindtoresisttheirinfluence。
Hetriedtoreasonhimselfoutoffears，whichthedifferentjudgmentoftheapothecaryseemedtorenderabsurd;
butthemanyhoursofeachdayinwhichhewasleftentirelyalone，werebuttoofavourablefortheadmissionofeverymelancholyidea，andhecouldnotexpelfromhismindthepersuasionthatheshouldseeMariannenomore。
Onthemorningofthethirddayhowever，thegloomyanticipationsofbothwerealmostdoneaway;forwhenMr。Harrisarrived，hedeclaredhispatientmateriallybetter。
Herpulsewasmuchstronger，andeverysymptommorefavourablethanontheprecedingvisit。Elinor，confirmedineverypleasanthope，wasallcheerfulness;rejoicingthatinherletterstohermother，shehadpursuedherownjudgmentratherthanherfriend’s，inmakingverylightoftheindispositionwhichdelayedthematCleveland;
andalmostfixingonthetimewhenMariannewouldbeabletotravel。
Butthedaydidnotclosesoauspiciouslyasitbegan——
TowardstheeveningMariannebecameillagain，growingmoreheavy，restless，anduncomfortablethanbefore。
Hersister，however，stillsanguine，waswillingtoattributethechangetonothingmorethanthefatigueofhavingsatuptohaveherbedmade;andcarefullyadministeringthecordialsprescribed，sawher，withsatisfaction，sinkatlastintoaslumber，fromwhichsheexpectedthemostbeneficialeffects。Hersleep，thoughnotsoquietasElinorwishedtoseeit，lastedaconsiderabletime;andanxioustoobservetheresultofitherself，sheresolvedtositwithherduringthewholeofit。Mrs。Jennings，knowingnothingofanychangeinthepatient，wentunusuallyearlytobed;
hermaid，whowasoneoftheprincipalnurses，wasrecreatingherselfinthehousekeeper’sroom，andElinorremainedalonewithMarianne。
Thereposeofthelatterbecamemoreandmoredisturbed;
andhersister，whowatched，withunremittingattentionhercontinualchangeofposture，andheardthefrequentbutinarticulatesoundsofcomplaintwhichpassedherlips，wasalmostwishingtorouseherfromsopainfulaslumber，whenMarianne，suddenlyawakenedbysomeaccidentalnoiseinthehouse，startedhastilyup，and，withfeverishwildness，criedout，——
“Ismamacoming？——“
“Notyet，“criedtheother，concealingherterror，andassistingMariannetoliedownagain，“butshewillbehere，Ihope，beforeitislong。Itisagreatway，youknow，fromhencetoBarton。”
“ButshemustnotgoroundbyLondon，“criedMarianne，inthesamehurriedmanner。”Ishallneverseeher，ifshegoesbyLondon。”
Elinorperceivedwithalarmthatshewasnotquiteherself，and，whileattemptingtosootheher，eagerlyfeltherpulse。Itwaslowerandquickerthanever！
andMarianne，stilltalkingwildlyofmama，heralarmincreasedsorapidly，astodetermineheronsendinginstantlyforMr。Harris，anddespatchingamessengertoBartonforhermother。ToconsultwithColonelBrandononthebestmeansofeffectingthelatter，wasathoughtwhichimmediatelyfollowedtheresolutionofitsperformance;
andassoonshehadrungupthemaidtotakeherplacebyhersister，shehasteneddowntothedrawing-room，wheresheknewhewasgenerallytobefoundatamuchlaterhourthanthepresent。
Itwasnotimeforhesitation。Herfearsandherdifficultieswereimmediatelybeforehim。Herfears，hehadnocourage，noconfidencetoattempttheremovalof：——
helistenedtotheminsilentdespondence;——butherdifficultieswereinstantlyobviated，forwithareadinessthatseemedtospeaktheoccasion，andtheservicepre-arrangedinhismind，heofferedhimselfasthemessengerwhoshouldfetchMrs。Dashwood。Elinormadenoresistancethatwasnoteasilyovercome。Shethankedhimwithbrief，thoughferventgratitude，andwhilehewenttohurryoffhisservantwithamessagetoMr。Harris，andanorderforpost-horsesdirectly，shewroteafewlinestohermother。
ThecomfortofsuchafriendatthatmomentasColonelBrandon——orsuchacompanionforhermother，——howgratefullywasitfelt！——acompanionwhosejudgmentwouldguide，whoseattendancemustrelieve，andwhosefriendshipmightsootheher！——asfarastheshockofsuchasummonsCOULD
belessenedtoher，hispresence，hismanners，hisassistance，wouldlessenit。
HE，meanwhile，whateverhemightfeel，actedwithallthefirmnessofacollectedmind，madeeverynecessaryarrangementwiththeutmostdespatch，andcalculatedwithexactnessthetimeinwhichshemightlookforhisreturn。Notamomentwaslostindelayofanykind。
Thehorsesarrived，evenbeforetheywereexpected，andColonelBrandononlypressingherhandwithalookofsolemnity，andafewwordsspokentoolowtoreachherear，hurriedintothecarriage。Itwasthenabouttwelveo’clock，andshereturnedtohersister’sapartmenttowaitforthearrivaloftheapothecary，andtowatchbyhertherestofthenight。Itwasanightofalmostequalsufferingtoboth。HourafterhourpassedawayinsleeplesspainanddeliriumonMarianne’sside，andinthemostcruelanxietyonElinor’s，beforeMr。Harrisappeared。
Herapprehensionsonceraised，paidbytheirexcessforallherformersecurity;andtheservantwhosatupwithher，forshewouldnotallowMrs。Jenningstobecalled，onlytorturedhermore，byhintsofwhathermistresshadalwaysthought。
Marianne’sideaswerestill，atintervals，fixedincoherentlyonhermother，andwhenevershementionedhername，itgaveapangtotheheartofpoorElinor，who，reproachingherselfforhavingtrifledwithsomanydaysofillness，andwretchedforsomeimmediaterelief，fanciedthatallreliefmightsoonbeinvain，thateverythinghadbeendelayedtoolong，andpicturedtoherselfhersufferingmotherarrivingtoolatetoseethisdarlingchild，ortoseeherrational。
ShewasonthepointofsendingagainforMr。
Harris，orifHEcouldnotcome，forsomeotheradvice，whentheformer——butnottillafterfiveo’clock——arrived。
Hisopinion，however，madesomelittleamendsforhisdelay，forthoughacknowledgingaveryunexpectedandunpleasantalterationinhispatient，hewouldnotallowthedangertobematerial，andtalkedofthereliefwhichafreshmodeoftreatmentmustprocure，withaconfidencewhich，inalesserdegree，wascommunicatedtoElinor。Hepromisedtocallagaininthecourseofthreeorfourhours，andleftboththepatientandheranxiousattendantmorecomposedthanhehadfoundthem。
Withstrongconcern，andwithmanyreproachesfornotbeingcalledtotheiraid，didMrs。Jenningshearinthemorningofwhathadpassed。Herformerapprehensions，nowwithgreaterreasonrestored，lefthernodoubtoftheevent;andthoughtryingtospeakcomforttoElinor，herconvictionofhersister’sdangerwouldnotallowhertoofferthecomfortofhope。Herheartwasreallygrieved。
Therapiddecay，theearlydeathofagirlsoyoung，solovelyasMarianne，musthavestruckalessinterestedpersonwithconcern。OnMrs。Jennings’scompassionshehadotherclaims。Shehadbeenforthreemonthshercompanion，wasstillunderhercare，andshewasknowntohavebeengreatlyinjured，andlongunhappy。
Thedistressofhersistertoo，particularlyafavourite，wasbeforeher;——andasfortheirmother，whenMrs。JenningsconsideredthatMariannemightprobablybetoHERwhatCharlottewastoherself，hersympathyinHERsufferingswasverysincere。
Mr。Harriswaspunctualinhissecondvisit;——
buthecametobedisappointedinhishopesofwhatthelastwouldproduce。Hismedicineshadfailed;——thefeverwasunabated;andMarianneonlymorequiet——notmoreherself——remainedinaheavystupor。Elinor，catchingall，andmorethanall，hisfearsinamoment，proposedtocallinfurtheradvice。Buthejudgeditunnecessary：hehadstillsomethingmoretotry，somemorefreshapplication，ofwhosesuccesshewasasconfidentasthelast，andhisvisitconcludedwithencouragingassuranceswhichreachedtheear，butcouldnotentertheheartofMissDashwood。
Shewascalm，exceptwhenshethoughtofhermother;
butshewasalmosthopeless;andinthisstateshecontinuedtillnoon，scarcelystirringfromhersister’sbed，herthoughtswanderingfromoneimageofgrief，onesufferingfriendtoanother，andherspiritsoppressedtotheutmostbytheconversationofMrs。Jennings，whoscruplednottoattributetheseverityanddangerofthisattacktothemanyweeksofpreviousindispositionwhichMarianne’sdisappointmenthadbroughton。
Elinorfeltallthereasonablenessoftheidea，anditgavefreshmiserytoherreflections。
Aboutnoon，however，shebegan——butwithacaution——adreadofdisappointmentwhichforsometimekepthersilent，eventoherfriend——tofancy，tohopeshecouldperceiveaslightamendmentinhersister’spulse;——shewaited，watched，andexamineditagainandagain;——andatlast，withanagitationmoredifficulttoburyunderexteriorcalmness，thanallherforegoingdistress，venturedtocommunicateherhopes。Mrs。Jennings，thoughforced，onexamination，toacknowledgeatemporaryrevival，triedtokeepheryoungfriendfromindulgingathoughtofitscontinuance;——
andElinor，conningovereveryinjunctionofdistrust，toldherselflikewisenottohope。Butitwastoolate。
Hopehadalreadyentered;andfeelingallitsanxiousflutter，shebentoverhersistertowatch——shehardlyknewforwhat。
Halfanhourpassedaway，andthefavourablesymptomyetblessedher。Othersevenarosetoconfirmit。
Herbreath，herskin，herlips，allflatteredElinorwithsignsofamendment;andMariannefixedhereyesonherwitharational，thoughlanguid，gaze。Anxietyandhopenowoppressedherinequaldegrees，andlefthernomomentoftranquillitytillthearrivalofMr。Harrisatfouro’clock;——whenhisassurances，hisfelicitationsonarecoveryinhersisterevensurpassinghisexpectation，gaveherconfidence，comfort，andtearsofjoy。
Mariannewasineveryrespectmateriallybetter，andhedeclaredherentirelyoutofdanger。Mrs。Jennings，perhapssatisfiedwiththepartialjustificationofherforebodingswhichhadbeenfoundintheirlatealarm，allowedherselftotrustinhisjudgment，andadmitted，withunfeignedjoy，andsoonwithunequivocalcheerfulness，theprobabilityofanentirerecovery。
Elinorcouldnotbecheerful。Herjoywasofadifferentkind，andledtoanythingratherthantogaiety。
Mariannerestoredtolife，health，friends，andtoherdotingmother，wasanideatofillherheartwithsensationsofexquisitecomfort，andexpanditinferventgratitude;——
butitleadtonooutwarddemonstrationsofjoy，nowords，nosmiles。AllwithinElinor’sbreastwassatisfaction，silentandstrong。
Shecontinuedbythesideofhersister，withlittleintermissionthewholeafternoon，calmingeveryfear，satisfyingeveryinquiryofherenfeebledspirits，supplyingeverysuccour，andwatchingalmosteverylookandeverybreath。Thepossibilityofarelapsewouldofcourse，insomemoments，occurtoremindherofwhatanxietywas——
butwhenshesaw，onherfrequentandminuteexamination，thateverysymptomofrecoverycontinued，andsawMarianneatsixo’clocksinkintoaquiet，steady，andtoallappearancecomfortable，sleep，shesilencedeverydoubt。
Thetimewasnowdrawingon，whenColonelBrandonmightbeexpectedback。Atteno’clock，shetrusted，oratleastnotmuchlaterhermotherwouldberelievedfromthedreadfulsuspenseinwhichshemustnowbetravellingtowardsthem。TheColonel，too！——perhapsscarcelylessanobjectofpity！——Oh！——howslowwastheprogressoftimewhichyetkepttheminignorance！
Atseveno’clock，leavingMariannestillsweetlyasleep，shejoinedMrs。Jenningsinthedrawing-roomtotea。
Ofbreakfastshehadbeenkeptbyherfears，andofdinnerbytheirsuddenreverse，fromeatingmuch;——
andthepresentrefreshment，therefore，withsuchfeelingsofcontentasshebroughttoit，wasparticularlywelcome。
Mrs。Jenningswouldhavepersuadedher，atitsconclusion，totakesomerestbeforehermother’sarrival，andallowHERtotakeherplacebyMarianne;butElinorhadnosenseoffatigue，nocapabilityofsleepatthatmomentabouther，andshewasnottobekeptawayfromhersisteranunnecessaryinstant。
Mrs。Jenningsthereforeattendingherupstairsintothesickchamber，tosatisfyherselfthatallcontinuedright，leftherthereagaintoherchargeandherthoughts，andretiredtoherownroomtowritelettersandsleep。
Thenightwascoldandstormy。Thewindroaredroundthehouse，andtherainbeatagainstthewindows;
butElinor，allhappinesswithin，regardeditnot。
Mariannesleptthrougheveryblast;andthetravellers——
theyhadarichrewardinstore，foreverypresentinconvenience。
Theclockstruckeight。Haditbeenten，Elinorwouldhavebeenconvincedthatatthatmomentsheheardacarriagedrivinguptothehouse;
andsostrongwasthepersuasionthatsheDID，inspiteoftheALMOSTimpossibilityoftheirbeingalreadycome，thatshemovedintotheadjoiningdressing-closetandopenedawindowshutter，tobesatisfiedofthetruth。
Sheinstantlysawthatherearshadnotdeceivedher。
Theflaringlampsofacarriagewereimmediatelyinview。
Bytheiruncertainlightshethoughtshecoulddiscernittobedrawnbyfourhorses;andthis，whileittoldtheexcessofherpoormother’salarm，gavesomeexplanationtosuchunexpectedrapidity。
NeverinherlifehadElinorfounditsodifficulttobecalm，asatthatmoment。Theknowledgeofwhathermothermustbefeelingasthecarriagestoptatthedoor——
ofherdoubt——herdread——perhapsherdespair！——andofwhatSHEhadtotell！——withsuchknowledgeitwasimpossibletobecalm。Allthatremainedtobedonewastobespeedy;and，thereforestayingonlytillshecouldleaveMrs。Jennings’smaidwithhersister，shehurrieddownstairs。
Thebustleinthevestibule，asshepassedalonganinnerlobby，assuredherthattheywerealreadyinthehouse。Sherushedtothedrawing-room，——sheenteredit，——andsawonlyWilloughby。
chapter44
CHAPTER44
Elinor，startingbackwithalookofhorroratthesightofhim，obeyedthefirstimpulseofherheartinturninginstantlytoquittheroom，andherhandwasalreadyonthelock，whenitsactionwassuspendedbyhishastilyadvancing，andsaying，inavoiceratherofcommandthansupplication，“MissDashwood，forhalfanhour——fortenminutes——
Ientreatyoutostay。”
“No，sir，“sherepliedwithfirmness，“IshallNOTstay。
YourbusinesscannotbewithME。Theservants，Isuppose，forgottotellyouthatMr。Palmerwasnotinthehouse。”
“Hadtheytoldme，“hecriedwithvehemence，“thatMr。Palmerandallhisrelationswereatthedevil，itwouldnothaveturnedmefromthedoor。Mybusinessiswithyou，andonlyyou。”
“Withme！”——intheutmostamazement——“well，sir，——
bequick——andifyoucan——lessviolent。”
“Sitdown，andIwillbeboth。”
Shehesitated;sheknewnotwhattodo。
ThepossibilityofColonelBrandon’sarrivingandfindingherthere，cameacrossher。Butshehadpromisedtohearhim，andhercuriositynolessthanherhonorwasengaged。
Afteramoment’srecollection，therefore，concludingthatprudencerequireddispatch，andthatheracquiescencewouldbestpromoteit，shewalkedsilentlytowardsthetable，andsatdown。Hetooktheoppositechair，andforhalfaminutenotawordwassaidbyeither。
“Praybequick，sir，“——saidElinor，impatiently;——
“Ihavenotimetospare。”
Hewassittinginanattitudeofdeepmeditation，andseemednottohearher。
“Yoursister，“saidhe，withabruptness，amomentafterwards——“isoutofdanger。Ihearditfromtheservant。
Godbepraised！——Butisittrue？isitreallytrue？”
Elinorwouldnotspeak。Herepeatedtheinquirywithyetgreatereagerness。
“ForGod’ssaketellme，issheoutofdanger，orisshenot？”
“Wehopesheis。”
Heroseup，andwalkedacrosstheroom。
“HadIknownasmuchhalfanhourago——ButsinceIAMhere，“——speakingwithaforcedvivacityashereturnedtohisseat——“whatdoesitsignify？——Foronce，MissDashwood——itwillbethelasttime，perhaps——letusbecheerfultogether——Iaminafinemoodforgaiety——
Tellmehonestly“——adeeperglowoverspreadinghischeeks——
“doyouthinkmemostaknaveorafool？”
Elinorlookedathimwithgreaterastonishmentthanever。
Shebegantothinkthatbemustbeinliquor;——thestrangenessofsuchavisit，andofsuchmanners，seemednootherwiseintelligible;andwiththisimpressionsheimmediatelyrose，saying，“Mr。Willoughby，IadviseyouatpresenttoreturntoCombe——Iamnotatleisuretoremainwithyoulonger——
Whateveryourbusinessmaybewithme，willitbebetterrecollectedandexplainedto-morrow。”
“Iunderstandyou，“hereplied，withanexpressivesmile，andavoiceperfectlycalm;“yes，Iamverydrunk——
ApintofporterwithmycoldbeefatMarlboroughwasenoughtoover-setme。”
“AtMarlborough！”——criedElinor，moreandmoreatalosstounderstandwhathewouldbeat。
“Yes，——IleftLondonthismorningateighto’clock，andtheonlytenminutesIhavespentoutofmychaisesincethattimeprocuredmeanuncheonatMarlborough。”
Thesteadinessofhismanner，andtheintelligenceofhiseyeashespoke，convincingElinor，thatwhateverotherunpardonablefollymightbringhimtoCleveland，hewasnotbroughttherebyintoxication，shesaid，afteramoment’srecollection，“Mr。Willoughby，youOUGHTtofeel，andIcertainlyDO——thatafterwhathaspassed——yourcominghereinthismanner，andforcingyourselfuponmynotice，requiresaveryparticularexcuse——Whatisit，thatyoumeanbyit？”——
“Imean，“——saidhe，withseriousenergy——“ifIcan，tomakeyouhatemeonedegreelessthanyoudoNOW。
Imeantooffersomekindofexplanation，somekindofapology，forthepast;toopenmywholehearttoyou，andbyconvincingyou，thatthoughIhavebeenalwaysablockhead，Ihavenotbeenalwaysarascal，toobtainsomethinglikeforgivenessfromMa——fromyoursister。”
“Isthistherealreasonofyourcoming？”
“Uponmysoulitis，“——washisanswer，withawarmthwhichbroughtalltheformerWilloughbytoherremembrance，andinspiteofherselfmadeherthinkhimsincere。
“Ifthatisall，youmaybesatisfiedalready，——
forMarianneDOES——shehasLONGforgivenyou。”
“Hasshe？”——hecried，inthesameeagertone——
“Thenshehasforgivenmebeforesheoughttohavedoneit。
Butsheshallforgivemeagain，andonmorereasonablegrounds——NOWwillyoulistentome？”
Elinorbowedherassent。
“Idonotknow，“saidhe，afterapauseofexpectationonherside，andthoughtfulnessonhisown，——“howYOU
mayhaveaccountedformybehaviourtoyoursister，orwhatdiabolicalmotiveyoumayhaveimputedtome——
Perhapsyouwillhardlythinkthebetterofme，——itisworththetrialhowever，andyoushallheareverything。
WhenIfirstbecameintimateinyourfamily，Ihadnootherintention，nootherviewintheacquaintancethantopassmytimepleasantlywhileIwasobligedtoremaininDevonshire，morepleasantlythanIhadeverdonebefore。
Yoursister’slovelypersonandinterestingmannerscouldnotbutpleaseme;andherbehaviourtomealmostfromthefirst，wasofakind——Itisastonishing，whenIreflectonwhatitwas，andwhatSHEwas，thatmyheartshouldhavebeensoinsensible！，ButatfirstImustconfess，myvanityonlywaselevatedbyit。
Carelessofherhappiness，thinkingonlyofmyownamusement，givingwaytofeelingswhichIhadalwaysbeentoomuchinthehabitofindulging，Iendeavoured，byeverymeansinmypower，tomakemyselfpleasingtoher，withoutanydesignofreturningheraffection。”
MissDashwood，atthispoint，turninghereyesonhimwiththemostangrycontempt，stoppedhim，bysaying，“Itishardlyworthwhile，Mr。Willoughby，foryoutorelate，orformetolistenanylonger。
Suchabeginningasthiscannotbefollowedbyanything——
Donotletmebepainedbyhearinganythingmoreonthesubject。”
“Iinsistonyouhearingthewholeofit，“
hereplied，“Myfortunewasneverlarge，andIhadalwaysbeenexpensive，alwaysinthehabitofassociatingwithpeopleofbetterincomethanmyself。Everyyearsincemycomingofage，orevenbefore，Ibelieve，hadaddedtomydebts;andthoughthedeathofmyoldcousin，Mrs。Smith，wastosetmefree;
yetthateventbeinguncertain，andpossiblyfardistant，ithadbeenforsometimemyintentiontore-establishmycircumstancesbymarryingawomanoffortune。Toattachmyselftoyoursister，therefore，wasnotathingtobethoughtof;——andwithameanness，selfishness，cruelty——
whichnoindignant，nocontemptuouslook，evenofyours，MissDashwood，caneverreprobatetoomuch——Iwasactinginthismanner，tryingtoengageherregard，withoutathoughtofreturningit——Butonethingmaybesaidforme：eveninthathorridstateofselfishvanity，IdidnotknowtheextentoftheinjuryImeditated，becauseIdidnotTHENknowwhatitwastolove。
ButhaveIeverknownit？——Wellmayitbedoubted;for，hadI
reallyloved，couldIhavesacrificedmyfeelingstovanity，toavarice？——or，whatismore，couldIhavesacrificedhers？——
ButIhavedoneit。Toavoidacomparativepoverty，whichheraffectionandhersocietywouldhavedeprivedofallitshorrors，Ihave，byraisingmyselftoaffluence，losteverythingthatcouldmakeitablessing。”
“Youdidthen，“saidElinor，alittlesoftened，“believeyourselfatonetimeattachedtoher？”
“Tohaveresistedsuchattractions，tohavewithstoodsuchtenderness！——Isthereamanonearthwhocouldhavedoneit？——Yes，Ifoundmyself，byinsensibledegrees，sincerelyfondofher;andthehappiesthoursofmylifewerewhatIspentwithherwhenIfeltmyintentionswerestrictlyhonourable，andmyfeelingsblameless。
EvenTHEN，however，whenfullydeterminedonpayingmyaddressestoher，Iallowedmyselfmostimproperlytoputoff，fromdaytoday，themomentofdoingit，fromanunwillingnesstoenterintoanengagementwhilemycircumstancesweresogreatlyembarrassed。
Iwillnotreasonhere——norwillIstopforYOUtoexpatiateontheabsurdity，andtheworsethanabsurdity，ofscruplingtoengagemyfaithwheremyhonourwasalreadybound。
Theeventhasproved，thatIwasacunningfool，providingwithgreatcircumspectionforapossibleopportunityofmakingmyselfcontemptibleandwretchedforever。Atlast，however，myresolutionwastaken，andIhaddetermined，assoonasIcouldengageheralone，tojustifytheattentionsIhadsoinvariablypaidher，andopenlyassureherofanaffectionwhichIhadalreadytakensuchpainstodisplay。Butintheinterim——intheinterimoftheveryfewhoursthatweretopass，beforeI
couldhaveanopportunityofspeakingwithherinprivate——
acircumstanceoccurred——anunluckycircumstance，toruinallmyresolution，andwithitallmycomfort。Adiscoverytookplace，“——herehehesitatedandlookeddown——“Mrs。Smithhadsomehoworotherbeeninformed，Iimaginebysomedistantrelation，whoseinterestitwastodeprivemeofherfavour，ofanaffair，aconnection——butIneednotexplainmyselffarther，“headded，lookingatherwithanheightenedcolourandanenquiringeye——“yourparticularintimacy——youhaveprobablyheardthewholestorylongago。”
“Ihave，“returnedElinor，colouringlikewise，andhardeningherheartanewagainstanycompassionforhim，“Ihavehearditall。Andhowyouwillexplainawayanypartofyourguiltinthatdreadfulbusiness，Iconfessisbeyondmycomprehension。”
“Remember，“criedWilloughby，“fromwhomyoureceivedtheaccount。Coulditbeanimpartialone？，Iacknowledgethathersituationandhercharacteroughttohavebeenrespectedbyme。Idonotmeantojustifymyself，butatthesametimecannotleaveyoutosupposethatIhavenothingtourge——thatbecauseshewasinjuredshewasirreproachable，andbecauseIwasalibertine，SHEmustbeasaint。
Iftheviolenceofherpassions，theweaknessofherunderstanding——Idonotmean，however，todefendmyself。
Heraffectionformedeservedbettertreatment，andIoften，withgreatself-reproach，recallthetendernesswhich，foraveryshorttime，hadthepowerofcreatinganyreturn。
Iwish——Iheartilywishithadneverbeen。ButIhaveinjuredmorethanherself;andIhaveinjuredone，whoseaffectionforme——mayIsayit？wasscarcelylesswarmthanhers;
andwhosemind——Oh！howinfinitelysuperior！”——
“Yourindifference，however，towardsthatunfortunategirl——Imustsayit，unpleasanttomeasthediscussionofsuchasubjectmaywellbe——yourindifferenceisnoapologyforyourcruelneglectofher。Donotthinkyourselfexcusedbyanyweakness，anynaturaldefectofunderstandingonherside，inthewantoncrueltysoevidentonyours。
Youmusthaveknown，thatwhileyouwereenjoyingyourselfinDevonshirepursuingfreshschemes，alwaysgay，alwayshappy，shewasreducedtotheextremestindigence。”
“But，uponmysoul，IdidNOTknowit，“hewarmlyreplied;“IdidnotrecollectthatIhadomittedtogivehermydirection;andcommonsensemighthavetoldherhowtofinditout。”
“Well，sir，andwhatsaidMrs。Smith？”
“Shetaxedmewiththeoffenceatonce，andmyconfusionmaybeguessed。Thepurityofherlife，theformalityofhernotions，herignoranceoftheworld——everythingwasagainstme。ThematteritselfIcouldnotdeny，andvainwaseveryendeavourtosoftenit。Shewaspreviouslydisposed，Ibelieve，todoubtthemoralityofmyconductingeneral，andwasmoreoverdiscontentedwiththeverylittleattention，theverylittleportionofmytimethatIhadbestowedonher，inmypresentvisit。
Inshort，itendedinatotalbreach。ByonemeasureI
mighthavesavedmyself。Intheheightofhermorality，goodwoman！sheofferedtoforgivethepast，ifIwouldmarryEliza。Thatcouldnotbe——andIwasformallydismissedfromherfavourandherhouse。Thenightfollowingthisaffair——Iwastogothenextmorning——
wasspentbymeindeliberatingonwhatmyfutureconductshouldbe。Thestrugglewasgreat——butitendedtoosoon。
MyaffectionforMarianne，mythoroughconvictionofherattachmenttome——itwasallinsufficienttooutweighthatdreadofpoverty，orgetthebetterofthosefalseideasofthenecessityofriches，whichIwasnaturallyinclinedtofeel，andexpensivesocietyhadincreased。
Ihadreasontobelievemyselfsecureofmypresentwife，ifIchosetoaddressher，andIpersuadedmyselftothinkthatnothingelseincommonprudenceremainedformetodo。
Aheavyscenehoweverawaitedme，beforeIcouldleaveDevonshire;——Iwasengagedtodinewithyouonthatveryday;
someapologywasthereforenecessaryformybreakingthisengagement。ButwhetherIshouldwritethisapology，ordeliveritinperson，wasapointoflongdebate。
ToseeMarianne，Ifelt，wouldbedreadful，andIevendoubtedwhetherIcouldseeheragain，andkeeptomyresolution。
Inthatpoint，however，Iundervaluedmyownmagnanimity，astheeventdeclared;forIwent，Isawher，andsawhermiserable，andlefthermiserable——andleftherhopingnevertoseeheragain。”
“Whydidyoucall，Mr。Willoughby？”saidElinor，reproachfully;“anotewouldhaveansweredeverypurpose——
Whywasitnecessarytocall？”
“Itwasnecessarytomyownpride。I
couldnotbeartoleavethecountryinamannerthatmightleadyou，ortherestoftheneighbourhood，tosuspectanypartofwhathadreallypassedbetweenMrs。Smithandmyself——
andIresolvedthereforeoncallingatthecottage，inmywaytoHoniton。Thesightofyourdearsister，however，wasreallydreadful;and，toheightenthematter，Ifoundheralone。YouwereallgoneIdonotknowwhere。
Ihadleftheronlytheeveningbefore，sofully，sofirmlyresolvedwithinmyselfondoingright！
Afewhoursweretohaveengagedhertomeforever;
andIrememberhowhappy，howgayweremyspirits，asI
walkedfromthecottagetoAllenham，satisfiedwithmyself，delightedwitheverybody！，Butinthis，ourlastinterviewoffriendship，Iapproachedherwithasenseofguiltthatalmosttookfrommethepowerofdissembling。
Hersorrow，herdisappointment，herdeepregret，whenItoldherthatIwasobligedtoleaveDevonshiresoimmediately——I
nevershallforgetit——unitedtoowithsuchreliance，suchconfidenceinme！——Oh，God！——whatahard-heartedrascalIwas！”
Theywerebothsilentforafewmoments。
Elinorfirstspoke。
“Didyoutellherthatyoushouldsoonreturn？”
“IdonotknowwhatItoldher，“hereplied，impatiently;
“lessthanwasduetothepast，beyondadoubt，andinalllikelihoodmuchmorethanwasjustifiedbythefuture。
Icannotthinkofit——Itwon’tdo——Thencameyourdearmothertotorturemefarther，withallherkindnessandconfidence。
ThankHeaven！itDIDtortureme。Iwasmiserable。
MissDashwood，youcannothaveanideaofthecomfortitgivesmetolookbackonmyownmisery。Iowesuchagrudgetomyselfforthestupid，rascallyfollyofmyownheart，thatallmypastsufferingsunderitareonlytriumphandexultationtomenow。Well，Iwent，leftallthatIloved，andwenttothosetowhom，atbest，Iwasonlyindifferent。
Myjourneytotown——travellingwithmyownhorses，andthereforesotediously——nocreaturetospeakto——myownreflectionssocheerful——whenIlookedforwardeverythingsoinviting！——whenIlookedbackatBarton，thepicturesosoothing！——oh，itwasablessedjourney！”
Hestopped。
“Well，sir，“saidElinor，who，thoughpityinghim，grewimpatientforhisdeparture，“andthisisall？”
“Ah！——no，——haveyouforgotwhatpassedintown？——
Thatinfamousletter——Didsheshewityou？”
“Yes，Isaweverynotethatpassed。”
“Whenthefirstofhersreachedmeasitimmediatelydid，forIwasintownthewholetime，whatIfeltis——
inthecommonphrase，nottobeexpressed;inamoresimpleone——perhapstoosimpletoraiseanyemotion——
myfeelingswerevery，verypainful——Everyline，everywordwas——inthehackneyedmetaphorwhichtheirdearwriter，wereshehere，wouldforbid——adaggertomyheart。
ToknowthatMariannewasintownwas——inthesamelanguage——
athunderbolt——Thunderboltsanddaggers！——whatareproofwouldshehavegivenme！——hertaste，heropinions——Ibelievetheyarebetterknowntomethanmyown，——andIamsuretheyaredearer。”
Elinor’sheart，whichhadundergonemanychangesinthecourseofthisextraordinaryconversation，wasnowsoftenedagain;——yetshefeltitherdutytochecksuchideasinhercompanionasthelast。
“Thisisnotright，Mr。Willoughby——Rememberthatyouaremarried。Relateonlywhatinyourconscienceyouthinknecessaryformetohear。”
“Marianne’snote，byassuringmethatIwasstillasdeartoherasinformerdays，thatinspiteofthemany，manyweekswehadbeenseparated，shewasasconstantinherownfeelings，andasfulloffaithintheconstancyofmineasever，awakenedallmyremorse。Isayawakened，becausetimeandLondon，businessanddissipation，hadinsomemeasurequietedit，andIhadbeengrowingafinehardenedvillain，fancyingmyselfindifferenttoher，andchusingtofancythatshetoomusthavebecomeindifferenttome;talkingtomyselfofourpastattachmentasamereidle，triflingbusiness，shruggingupmyshouldersinproofofitsbeingso，andsilencingeveryreproach，overcomingeveryscruple，bysecretlysayingnowandthen，’Ishallbeheartilygladtohearsheiswellmarried。’——
Butthisnotemademeknowmyselfbetter。Ifeltthatshewasinfinitelydearertomethananyotherwomanintheworld，andthatIwasusingherinfamously。
ButeverythingwasthenjustsettledbetweenMissGreyandme。Toretreatwasimpossible。AllthatIhadtodo，wastoavoidyouboth。IsentnoanswertoMarianne，intendingbythattopreservemyselffromherfarthernotice;
andforsometimeIwasevendeterminednottocallinBerkeleyStreet;——butatlast，judgingitwisertoaffecttheairofacool，commonacquaintancethananythingelse，Iwatchedyouallsafelyoutofthehouseonemorning，andleftmyname。”
“Watchedusoutofthehouse！”
“Evenso。YouwouldbesurprisedtohearhowoftenIwatchedyou，howoftenIwasonthepointoffallinginwithyou。Ihaveenteredmanyashoptoavoidyoursight，asthecarriagedroveby。LodgingasIdidinBondStreet，therewashardlyadayinwhichIdidnotcatchaglimpseofoneorotherofyou;andnothingbutthemostconstantwatchfulnessonmyside，amostinvariablyprevailingdesiretokeepoutofyoursight，couldhaveseparatedussolong。IavoidedtheMiddletonsasmuchaspossible，aswellaseverybodyelsewhowaslikelytoproveanacquaintanceincommon。Notawareoftheirbeingintown，however，IblunderedonSirJohn，Ibelieve，thefirstdayofhiscoming，andthedayafterIhadcalledatMrs。Jennings’s。Heaskedmetoaparty，adanceathishouseintheevening——HadheNOTtoldmeasaninducementthatyouandyoursisterweretobethere，Ishouldhavefeltittoocertainathing，totrustmyselfnearhim。
ThenextmorningbroughtanothershortnotefromMarianne——
stillaffectionate，open，artless，confiding——everythingthatcouldmakeMYconductmosthateful。Icouldnotanswerit。Itried——butcouldnotframeasentence。
ButIthoughtofher，Ibelieve，everymomentoftheday。
IfyouCANpityme，MissDashwood，pitymysituationasitwasTHEN。Withmyheadandheartfullofyoursister，Iwasforcedtoplaythehappylovertoanotherwoman！——Thosethreeorfourweekswereworsethanall。Well，atlast，asIneednottellyou，youwereforcedonme;andwhatasweetfigureIcut！——whataneveningofagonyitwas！——
Marianne，beautifulasanangelononeside，callingmeWilloughbyinsuchatone！——Oh，God！——holdingoutherhandtome，askingmeforanexplanation，withthosebewitchingeyesfixedinsuchspeakingsolicitudeonmyface！——andSophia，jealousasthedevilontheotherhand，lookingallthatwas——Well，itdoesnotsignify;itisovernow——
Suchanevening！——IranawayfromyouallassoonasIcould;
butnotbeforeIhadseenMarianne’ssweetfaceaswhiteasdeath——THATwasthelast，lastlookIeverhadofher;——
thelastmannerinwhichsheappearedtome。Itwasahorridsight！——yetwhenIthoughtofherto-dayasreallydying，itwasakindofcomforttometoimaginethatIknewexactlyhowshewouldappeartothose，whosawherlastinthisworld。Shewasbeforeme，constantlybeforeme，asItravelled，inthesamelookandhue。”
Ashortpauseofmutualthoughtfulnesssucceeded。
Willoughbyfirstrousinghimself，brokeitthus：
“Well，letmemakehasteandbegone。
Yoursisteriscertainlybetter，certainlyoutofdanger？”
“Weareassuredofit。”
“Yourpoormother，too！——dotingonMarianne。”
“Buttheletter，Mr。Willoughby，yourownletter;
haveyouanythingtosayaboutthat？”
“Yes，yes，THATinparticular。Yoursisterwrotetomeagain，youknow，theverynextmorning。
Yousawwhatshesaid。IwasbreakfastingattheEllisons，——andherletter，withsomeothers，wasbroughttometherefrommylodgings。IthappenedtocatchSophia’seyebeforeitcaughtmine——anditssize，theeleganceofthepaper，thehand-writingaltogether，immediatelygaveherasuspicion。SomevaguereporthadreachedherbeforeofmyattachmenttosomeyoungladyinDevonshire，andwhathadpassedwithinherobservationtheprecedingeveninghadmarkedwhotheyoungladywas，andmadehermorejealousthanever。Affectingthatairofplayfulness，therefore，whichisdelightfulinawomanoneloves，sheopenedtheletterdirectly，andreaditscontents。Shewaswellpaidforherimpudence。
Shereadwhatmadeherwretched。HerwretchednessIcouldhaveborne，butherpassion——hermalice——Atalleventsitmustbeappeased。And，inshort——whatdoyouthinkofmywife’sstyleofletter-writing？——delicate——tender——
trulyfeminine——wasitnot？”
“Yourwife！——Theletterwasinyourownhand-writing。”
“Yes，butIhadonlythecreditofservilelycopyingsuchsentencesasIwasashamedtoputmynameto。
Theoriginalwasallherown——herownhappythoughtsandgentlediction。ButwhatcouldIdo！——wewereengaged，everythinginpreparation，thedayalmostfixed——ButIamtalkinglikeafool。Preparation！——day！——Inhonestwords，hermoneywasnecessarytome，andinasituationlikemine，anythingwastobedonetopreventarupture。
Andafterall，whatdiditsignifytomycharacterintheopinionofMarianneandherfriends，inwhatlanguagemyanswerwascouched？——Itmusthavebeenonlytooneend。
Mybusinesswastodeclaremyselfascoundrel，andwhetherIdiditwithaboworablusterwasoflittleimportance——
’Iamruinedforeverintheiropinion——’saidItomyself——’Iamshutoutforeverfromtheirsociety，theyalreadythinkmeanunprincipledfellow，thisletterwillonlymakethemthinkmeablackguardone。’Suchweremyreasonings，as，inasortofdesperatecarelessness，Icopiedmywife’swords，andpartedwiththelastrelicsofMarianne。Herthreenotes——unluckilytheywereallinmypocketbook，orIshouldhavedeniedtheirexistence，andhoardedthemforever——Iwasforcedtoputthemup，andcouldnotevenkissthem。Andthelockofhair——thattooIhadalwayscarriedaboutmeinthesamepocket-book，whichwasnowsearchedbyMadamwiththemostingratiatingvirulence，——thedearlock——all，everymementowastornfromme。”
“Youareverywrong，Mr。Willoughby，veryblamable，“
saidElinor，whilehervoice，inspiteofherself，betrayedhercompassionateemotion;“yououghtnottospeakinthisway，eitherofMrs。Willoughbyormysister。
Youhadmadeyourownchoice。Itwasnotforcedonyou。
Yourwifehasaclaimtoyourpoliteness，toyourrespect，atleast。Shemustbeattachedtoyou，orshewouldnothavemarriedyou。Totreatherwithunkindness，tospeakofherslightinglyisnoatonementtoMarianne——norcanI
supposeitarelieftoyourownconscience。”
“Donottalktomeofmywife，“saidhewithaheavysigh——
“Shedoesnotdeserveyourcompassion——SheknewIhadnoregardforherwhenwemarried——Well，marriedwewere，andcamedowntoCombeMagnatobehappy，andafterwardsreturnedtotowntobegay——Andnowdoyoupityme，MissDashwood？——orhaveIsaidallthistonopurpose？——
AmI——beitonlyonedegree——amIlessguiltyinyouropinionthanIwasbefore？——Myintentionswerenotalwayswrong。
HaveIexplainedawayanypartofmyguilt？”
“Yes，youhavecertainlyremovedsomething——alittle——
Youhaveprovedyourself，onthewhole，lessfaultythanI
hadbelievedyou。Youhaveprovedyourheartlesswicked，muchlesswicked。ButIhardlyknow——themiserythatyouhaveinflicted——Ihardlyknowwhatcouldhavemadeitworse。”
“Willyourepeattoyoursisterwhensheisrecovered，whatIhavebeentellingyou？——Letmebealittlelightenedtooinheropinionaswellasinyours。Youtellmethatshehasforgivenmealready。Letmebeabletofancythatabetterknowledgeofmyheart，andofmypresentfeelings，willdrawfromheramorespontaneous，morenatural，moregentle，lessdignified，forgiveness。Tellherofmymiseryandmypenitence——tellherthatmyheartwasneverinconstanttoher，andifyouwill，thatatthismomentsheisdearertomethanever。”
“Iwilltellherallthatisnecessarytowhatmaycomparativelybecalled，yourjustification。Butyouhavenotexplainedtometheparticularreasonofyourcomingnow，norhowyouheardofherillness。”
“Lastnight，inDruryLanelobby，IranagainstSirJohnMiddleton，andwhenhesawwhoIwas——forthefirsttimethesetwomonths——hespoketome——Thathehadcutmeeversincemymarriage，Ihadseenwithoutsurpriseorresentment。Now，however，hisgood-natured，honest，stupidsoul，fullofindignationagainstme，andconcernforyoursister，couldnotresistthetemptationoftellingmewhatheknewoughtto——thoughprobablyhedidnotthinkitWOULD——vexmehorridly。Asbluntlyashecouldspeakit，therefore，hetoldmethatMarianneDashwoodwasdyingofaputridfeveratCleveland——aletterthatmorningreceivedfromMrs。Jenningsdeclaredherdangermostimminent——thePalmersareallgoneoffinafright，&c——IwastoomuchshockedtobeabletopassmyselfoffasinsensibleeventotheundiscerningSirJohn。
Hisheartwassoftenedinseeingminesuffer;andsomuchofhisill-willwasdoneaway，thatwhenweparted，healmostshookmebythehandwhileheremindedmeofanoldpromiseaboutapointerpuppy。WhatIfeltonhearingthatyoursisterwasdying——anddyingtoo，believingmethegreatestvillainuponearth，scorning，hatingmeinherlatestmoments——forhowcouldItellwhathorridprojectsmightnothavebeenimputed？，ONEpersonI
wassurewouldrepresentmeascapableofanything——
WhatIfeltwasdreadful！——Myresolutionwassoonmade，andateighto’clockthismorningIwasinmycarriage。
Nowyouknowall。”
Elinormadenoanswer。Herthoughtsweresilentlyfixedontheirreparableinjurywhichtooearlyanindependenceanditsconsequenthabitsofidleness，dissipation，andluxury，hadmadeinthemind，thecharacter，thehappiness，ofamanwho，toeveryadvantageofpersonandtalents，unitedadispositionnaturallyopenandhonest，andafeeling，affectionatetemper。Theworldhadmadehimextravagantandvain——Extravaganceandvanityhadmadehimcold-heartedandselfish。Vanity，whileseekingitsownguiltytriumphattheexpenseofanother，hadinvolvedhiminarealattachment，whichextravagance，oratleastitsoffspring，necessity，hadrequiredtobesacrificed。
Eachfaultypropensityinleadinghimtoevil，hadledhimlikewisetopunishment。Theattachment，fromwhichagainsthonour，againstfeeling，againsteverybetterinteresthehadoutwardlytornhimself，now，whennolongerallowable，governedeverythought;andtheconnection，forthesakeofwhichhehad，withlittlescruple，lefthersistertomisery，waslikelytoproveasourceofunhappinesstohimselfofafarmoreincurablenature。FromareverieofthiskindshewasrecalledattheendofsomeminutesbyWilloughby，who，rousinghimselffromareverieatleastequallypainful，startedupinpreparationforgoing，andsaid——
“Thereisnouseinstayinghere;Imustbeoff。”
“Areyougoingbacktotown？”
“No——toCombeMagna。Ihavebusinessthere;
fromthencetotowninadayortwo。Goodbye。”
Heheldouthishand。Shecouldnotrefusetogivehimhers’s;——hepresseditwithaffection。
“AndyouDOthinksomethingbetterofmethanyoudid？”——saidhe，lettingitfall，andleaningagainstthemantel-pieceasifforgettinghewastogo。
Elinorassuredhimthatshedid;——thatsheforgave，pitied，wishedhimwell——waseveninterestedinhishappiness——andaddedsomegentlecounselastothebehaviourmostlikelytopromoteit。Hisanswerwasnotveryencouraging。
“Astothat，“saidhe，“ImustrubthroughtheworldaswellasIcan。Domestichappinessisoutofthequestion。
If，however，Iamallowedtothinkthatyouandyoursfeelaninterestinmyfateandactions，itmaybethemeans——itmayputmeonmyguard——atleast，itmaybesomethingtolivefor。Mariannetobesureislosttomeforever。
WereIevenbyanyblessedchanceatlibertyagain——“
Elinorstoppedhimwithareproof。
“Well，“——hereplied——“oncemoregoodbye。I
shallnowgoawayandliveindreadofoneevent。”
“Whatdoyoumean？”
“Yoursister’smarriage。”
“Youareverywrong。Shecanneverbemorelosttoyouthansheisnow。”
“Butshewillbegainedbysomeoneelse。
Andifthatsomeoneshouldbetheveryhewhom，ofallothers，Icouldleastbear——butIwillnotstaytorobmyselfofallyourcompassionategoodwill，byshewingthatwhereIhavemostinjuredIcanleastforgive。
Goodbye，——Godblessyou！”
Andwiththesewords，healmostranoutoftheroom。
chapter45
CHAPTER45
Elinor，forsometimeafterhelefther，forsometimeevenafterthesoundofhiscarriagehaddiedaway，remainedtoomuchoppressedbyacrowdofideas，widelydifferinginthemselves，butofwhichsadnesswasthegeneralresult，tothinkevenofhersister。
Willoughby，he，whomonlyhalfanhouragoshehadabhorredasthemostworthlessofmen，Willoughby，inspiteofallhisfaults，excitedadegreeofcommiserationforthesufferingsproducedbythem，whichmadeherthinkofhimasnowseparatedforeverfromherfamily，withatenderness，aregret，ratherinproportion，asshesoonacknowledgedwithinherself——tohiswishesthantohismerits。Shefeltthathisinfluenceoverhermindwasheightenedbycircumstanceswhichoughtnotinreasontohaveweight;bythatpersonofuncommonattraction，thatopen，affectionate，andlivelymannerwhichitwasnomerittopossess;andbythatstillardentloveforMarianne，whichitwasnoteveninnocenttoindulge。
Butshefeltthatitwasso，long，longbeforeshecouldfeelhisinfluenceless。
WhenatlastshereturnedtotheunconsciousMarianne，shefoundherjustawaking，refreshedbysolongandsweetasleeptotheextentofherhopes。Elinor’sheartwasfull。
Thepast，thepresent，thefuture，Willoughby’svisit，Marianne’ssafety，andhermother’sexpectedarrival，threwheraltogetherintoanagitationofspiritswhichkeptoffeveryindicationoffatigue，andmadeheronlyfearfulofbetrayingherselftohersister。
Shortwasthetime，however，inwhichthatfearcouldaffecther，forwithinhalfanhourafterWilloughby’sleavingthehouse，shewasagaincalleddownstairsbythesoundofanothercarriage——Eagertosavehermotherfromeveryunnecessarymoment’shorriblesuspense，sheranimmediatelyintothehall，andreachedtheoutwarddoorjustintimetoreceiveandsupportherassheenteredit。
Mrs。Dashwood，whoseterrorastheydrewnearthehousehadproducedalmosttheconvictionofMarianne’sbeingnomore，hadnovoicetoinquireafterher，novoiceevenforElinor;butSHE，waitingneitherforsalutationnorinquiry，instantlygavethejoyfulrelief;——
andhermother，catchingitwithallherusualwarmth，wasinamomentasmuchovercomebyherhappiness，asshehadbeenbeforebyherfears。Shewassupportedintothedrawing-roombetweenherdaughterandherfriend;——
andthere，sheddingtearsofjoy，thoughstillunabletospeak，embracedElinoragainandagain，turningfromheratintervalstopressColonelBrandon’shand，withalookwhichspokeatoncehergratitude，andherconvictionofhissharingwithherselfintheblissofthemoment。
Hesharedit，however，inasilenceevengreaterthanherown。
AssoonasMrs。Dashwoodhadrecoveredherself，toseeMariannewasherfirstdesire;andintwominutesshewaswithherbelovedchild，rendereddearertoherthaneverbyabsence，unhappiness，anddanger。Elinor’sdelight，asshesawwhateachfeltinthemeeting，wasonlycheckedbyanapprehensionofitsrobbingMarianneoffarthersleep;——
butMrs。Dashwoodcouldbecalm，couldbeevenprudent，whenthelifeofachildwasatstake，andMarianne，satisfiedinknowinghermotherwasnearher，andconsciousofbeingtooweakforconversation，submittedreadilytothesilenceandquietprescribedbyeverynursearoundher。
Mrs。DashwoodWOULDsitupwithherallnight;andElinor，incompliancewithhermother’sentreaty，wenttobed。
Buttherest，whichonenightentirelysleepless，andmanyhoursofthemostwearinganxietyseemedtomakerequisite，waskeptoffbyirritationofspirits。
Willoughby，“poorWilloughby，“asshenowallowedherselftocallhim，wasconstantlyinherthoughts;shewouldnotbuthaveheardhisvindicationfortheworld，andnowblamed，nowacquittedherselfforhavingjudgedhimsoharshlybefore。Butherpromiseofrelatingittohersisterwasinvariablypainful。Shedreadedtheperformanceofit，dreadedwhatitseffectonMariannemightbe;
doubtedwhetheraftersuchanexplanationshecouldeverbehappywithanother;andforamomentwishedWilloughbyawidower。Then，rememberingColonelBrandon，reprovedherself，feltthattoHISsufferingsandhisconstancyfarmorethantohisrival’s，therewardofhersisterwasdue，andwishedanythingratherthanMrs。Willoughby’sdeath。
TheshockofColonelBrandon’serrandatBartonhadbeenmuchsoftenedtoMrs。Dashwoodbyherownpreviousalarm;
forsogreatwasheruneasinessaboutMarianne，thatshehadalreadydeterminedtosetoutforClevelandonthatveryday，withoutwaitingforanyfurtherintelligence，andhadsofarsettledherjourneybeforehisarrival，thattheCareyswerethenexpectedeverymomenttofetchMargaretaway，ashermotherwasunwillingtotakeherwheretheremightbeinfection。
Mariannecontinuedtomendeveryday，andthebrilliantcheerfulnessofMrs。Dashwood’slooksandspiritsprovedhertobe，assherepeatedlydeclaredherself，oneofthehappiestwomenintheworld。Elinorcouldnothearthedeclaration，norwitnessitsproofswithoutsometimeswonderingwhetherhermothereverrecollectedEdward。
ButMrs。Dashwood，trustingtothetemperateaccountofherowndisappointmentwhichElinorhadsenther，wasledawaybytheexuberanceofherjoytothinkonlyofwhatwouldincreaseit。Mariannewasrestoredtoherfromadangerinwhich，asshenowbegantofeel，herownmistakenjudgmentinencouragingtheunfortunateattachmenttoWilloughby，hadcontributedtoplaceher;——
andinherrecoveryshehadyetanothersourceofjoyunthoughtofbyElinor。Itwasthusimpartedtoher，assoonasanyopportunityofprivateconferencebetweenthemoccurred。
“Atlastwearealone。MyElinor，youdonotyetknowallmyhappiness。ColonelBrandonlovesMarianne。
Hehastoldmesohimself。”
Herdaughter，feelingbyturnsbothpleasedandpained，surprisedandnotsurprised，wasallsilentattention。
“Youareneverlikeme，dearElinor，orIshouldwonderatyourcomposurenow。HadIsatdowntowishforanypossiblegoodtomyfamily，IshouldhavefixedonColonelBrandon’smarryingoneofyouastheobjectmostdesirable。AndIbelieveMariannewillbethemosthappywithhimofthetwo。”
Elinorwashalfinclinedtoaskherreasonforthinkingso，becausesatisfiedthatnonefoundedonanimpartialconsiderationoftheirage，characters，orfeelings，couldbegiven;——buthermothermustalwaysbecarriedawaybyherimaginationonanyinterestingsubject，andthereforeinsteadofaninquiry，shepasseditoffwithasmile。
“Heopenedhiswholehearttomeyesterdayaswetravelled。
Itcameoutquiteunawares，quiteundesignedly。I，youmaywellbelieve，couldtalkofnothingbutmychild;——hecouldnotconcealhisdistress;Isawthatitequalledmyown，andheperhaps，thinkingthatmerefriendship，astheworldnowgoes，wouldnotjustifysowarmasympathy——orrather，notthinkingatall，Isuppose——givingwaytoirresistiblefeelings，mademeacquaintedwithhisearnest，tender，constant，affectionforMarianne。Hehaslovedher，myElinor，eversincethefirstmomentofseeingher。”
Here，however，Elinorperceived，——notthelanguage，nottheprofessionsofColonelBrandon，butthenaturalembellishmentsofhermother’sactivefancy，whichfashionedeverythingdelightfultoherasitchose。
“Hisregardforher，infinitelysurpassinganythingthatWilloughbyeverfeltorfeigned，asmuchmorewarm，asmoresincereorconstant——whicheverwearetocallit——
hassubsistedthroughalltheknowledgeofdearMarianne’sunhappyprepossessionforthatworthlessyoungman！——andwithoutselfishness——withoutencouragingahope！——couldhehaveseenherhappywithanother——Suchanoblemind！——
suchopenness，suchsincerity！——noonecanbedeceivedinHIM。”
“ColonelBrandon’scharacter，“saidElinor，“asanexcellentman，iswellestablished。”
“Iknowitis“——repliedhermotherseriously，“oraftersuchawarning，Ishouldbethelasttoencouragesuchaffection，oreventobepleasedbyit。Buthiscomingformeashedid，withsuchactive，suchreadyfriendship，isenoughtoprovehimoneoftheworthiestofmen。”
“Hischaracter，however，“answeredElinor，“doesnotrestonONEactofkindness，towhichhisaffectionforMarianne，werehumanityoutofthecase，wouldhavepromptedhim。
ToMrs。Jennings，totheMiddletons，hehasbeenlongandintimatelyknown;theyequallyloveandrespecthim;
andevenmyownknowledgeofhim，thoughlatelyacquired，isveryconsiderable;andsohighlydoIvalueandesteemhim，thatifMariannecanbehappywithhim，Ishallbeasreadyasyourselftothinkourconnectionthegreatestblessingtousintheworld。Whatanswerdidyougivehim？——Didyouallowhimtohope？”
“Oh！mylove，Icouldnotthentalkofhopetohimortomyself。Mariannemightatthatmomentbedying。
Buthedidnotaskforhopeorencouragement。Hiswasaninvoluntaryconfidence，anirrepressibleeffusiontoasoothingfriend——notanapplicationtoaparent。
YetafteratimeIDIDsay，foratfirstIwasquiteovercome——thatifshelived，asItrustedshemight，mygreatesthappinesswouldlieinpromotingtheirmarriage;
andsinceourarrival，sinceourdelightfulsecurity，Ihaverepeatedittohimmorefully，havegivenhimeveryencouragementinmypower。Time，averylittletime，Itellhim，willdoeverything;——Marianne’sheartisnottobewastedforeveronsuchamanasWilloughby——
Hisownmeritsmustsoonsecureit。”
“TojudgefromtheColonel’sspirits，however，youhavenotyetmadehimequallysanguine。”
“No——HethinksMarianne’saffectiontoodeeplyrootedforanychangeinitunderagreatlengthoftime，andevensupposingherheartagainfree，istoodiffidentofhimselftobelieve，thatwithsuchadifferenceofageanddispositionhecouldeverattachher。There，however，heisquitemistaken。Hisageisonlysomuchbeyondhersastobeanadvantage，astomakehischaracterandprinciplesfixed;——andhisdisposition，Iamwellconvinced，isexactlytheveryonetomakeyoursisterhappy。
Andhisperson，hismannerstoo，areallinhisfavour。