Thehorsessweatedevenatwalking-pace，butanythingwasbetterthansittingstillinourowndarkhouses。Whenwemovedoffunderthefullmoonwewerefourcouples，onetriplet，andMr。SaumarezrodewiththeCopleighgirls，andIloiteredatthetailoftheprocession，wonderingwithwhomSaumarezwouldridehome。Everyonewashappyandcontented；butweallfeltthatthingsweregoingtohappen。Werodeslowly:anditwasnearlymidnightbeforewereachedtheoldtomb，facingtheruinedtank，inthedecayedgardenswhereweweregoingtoeatanddrink。Iwaslateincomingup；andbeforeIwentintothegarden，Isawthatthehorizontothenorthcarriedafaint，dun-coloredfeather。Butnoonewouldhavethankedmeforspoilingsowell-managedanentertainmentasthispicnic——andadust-storm，moreorless，doesnogreatharm。
Wegatheredbythetank。Someonehadbroughtoutabanjo——whichisamostsentimentalinstrument——andthreeorfourofussang。
Youmustnotlaughatthis。Ouramusementsinout-of-the-wayStationsareveryfewindeed。Thenwetalkedingroupsortogether，lyingunderthetrees，withthesun-bakedrosesdroppingtheirpetalsonourfeet，untilsupperwasready。Itwasabeautifulsupper，ascoldandasicedasyoucouldwish；andwestayedlongoverit。
Ihadfeltthattheairwasgrowinghotterandhotter；butnobodyseemedtonoticeituntilthemoonwentoutandaburninghotwindbeganlashingtheorange-treeswithasoundlikethenoiseofthesea。Beforeweknewwherewewere，thedust-stormwasonus，andeverythingwasroaring，whirlingdarkness。Thesupper-tablewasblownbodilyintothetank。Wewereafraidofstayinganywhereneartheoldtombforfearitmightbeblowndown。Sowefeltourwaytotheorange-treeswherethehorseswerepicketedandwaitedforthestormtoblowover。Thenthelittlelightthatwasleftvanished，andyoucouldnotseeyourhandbeforeyourface。Theairwasheavywithdustandsandfromthebedoftheriver，thatfilledbootsandpocketsanddrifteddownnecksandcoatedeyebrowsandmoustaches。Itwasoneoftheworstdust-stormsoftheyear。
Wewereallhuddledtogetherclosetothetremblinghorses，withthethunderclatteringoverhead，andthelightningspurtinglikewaterfromasluice，allwaysatonce。Therewasnodanger，ofcourse，unlessthehorsesbrokeloose。Iwasstandingwithmyheaddownwardandmyhandsovermymouth，hearingthetreesthrashingeachother。Icouldnotseewhowasnextmetilltheflashescame。
ThenIfoundthatIwaspackednearSaumarezandtheeldestMissCopleigh，withmyownhorsejustinfrontofme。IrecognizedtheeldestMissCopleigh，becauseshehadapagriroundherhelmet，andtheyoungerhadnot。AlltheelectricityintheairhadgoneintomybodyandIwasquiveringandtinglingfromheadtofoot——exactlyasacornshootsandtinglesbeforerain。Itwasagrandstorm。
Thewindseemedtobepickinguptheearthandpitchingittoleewardingreatheaps；andtheheatbeatupfromthegroundliketheheatoftheDayofJudgment。
Thestormlulledslightlyafterthefirsthalf-hour，andIheardadespairinglittlevoiceclosetomyear，sayingtoitself，quietlyandsoftly，asifsomelostsoulwereflyingaboutwiththewind:
“OmyGod！“ThentheyoungerMissCopleighstumbledintomyarms，saying:“Whereismyhorse?Getmyhorse。Iwanttogohome。I
WANTtogohome。Takemehome。”
Ithoughtthatthelightningandtheblackdarknesshadfrightenedher；soIsaidtherewasnodanger，butshemustwaittillthestormblewover。Sheanswered:“ItisnotTHAT！ItisnotTHAT！
Iwanttogohome！Otakemeawayfromhere！“
Isaidthatshecouldnotgotillthelightcame；butIfeltherbrushpastmeandgoaway。Itwastoodarktoseewhere。Thenthewholeskywassplitopenwithonetremendousflash，asiftheendoftheworldwerecoming，andallthewomenshrieked。
Almostdirectlyafterthis，Ifeltaman'shandonmyshoulderandheardSaumarezbellowinginmyear。Throughtherattlingofthetreesandhowlingofthewind，Ididnotcatchhiswordsatonce，butatlastIheardhimsay:“I'veproposedtothewrongone！WhatshallIdo?“Saumarezhadnooccasiontomakethisconfidencetome。Iwasneverafriendofhis，noramInow；butIfancyneitherofuswereourselvesjustthen。Hewasshakingashestoodwithexcitement，andIwasfeelingqueeralloverwiththeelectricity。
Icouldnotthinkofanythingtosayexcept:——“Morefoolyouforproposinginadust-storm。”ButIdidnotseehowthatwouldimprovethemistake。
Thenheshouted:“Where'sEdith——EdithCopleigh?“Edithwastheyoungestsister。Iansweredoutofmyastonishment:——“WhatdoyouwantwithHER?“Wouldyoubelieveit，forthenexttwominutes，heandIwereshoutingateachotherlikemaniacs——hevowingthatitwastheyoungestsisterhehadmeanttoproposetoallalong，andI
tellinghimtillmythroatwashoarsethathemusthavemadeamistake！Ican'taccountforthisexcept，again，bythefactthatwewereneitherofusourselves。Everythingseemedtomelikeabaddream——fromthestampingofthehorsesinthedarknesstoSaumareztellingmethestoryofhislovingEdithCopleighsincethefirst。HewasstillclawingmyshoulderandbeggingmetotellhimwhereEdithCopleighwas，whenanotherlullcameandbroughtlightwithit，andwesawthedust-cloudformingontheplaininfrontofus。Soweknewtheworstwasover。Themoonwaslowdown，andtherewasjusttheglimmerofthefalsedawnthatcomesaboutanhourbeforetherealone。Butthelightwasveryfaint，andtheduncloudroaredlikeabull。IwonderedwhereEdithCopleighhadgone；andasIwaswonderingIsawthreethingstogether:FirstMaudCopleigh'sfacecomesmilingoutofthedarknessandmovetowardsSaumarez，whowasstandingbyme。I
heardthegirlwhisper，“George，“andslideherarmthroughthearmthatwasnotclawingmyshoulder，andIsawthatlookonherfacewhichonlycomesonceortwiceinalifetime-whenawomanisperfectlyhappyandtheairisfulloftrumpetsandgorgeous-
coloredfireandtheEarthturnsintocloudbecauseshelovesandisloved。Atthesametime，IsawSaumarez'sfaceasheheardMaudCopleigh'svoice，andfiftyyardsawayfromtheclumpoforange-
treesIsawabrownhollandhabitgettinguponahorse。
Itmusthavebeenmystateofover-excitementthatmademesoquicktomeddlewithwhatdidnotconcernme。Saumarezwasmovingofftothehabit；butIpushedhimbackandsaid:——“Stophereandexplain。
I'llfetchherback！“andIranouttogetatmyownhorse。Ihadaperfectlyunnecessarynotionthateverythingmustbedonedecentlyandinorder，andthatSaumarez'sfirstcarewastowipethehappylookoutofMaudCopleigh'sface。AllthetimeIwaslinkingupthecurb-chainIwonderedhowhewoulddoit。
IcanteredafterEdithCopleigh，thinkingtobringherbackslowlyonsomepretenceoranother。Butshegallopedawayassoonasshesawme，andIwasforcedtorideafterherinearnest。Shecalledbackoverhershoulder——“Goaway！I'mgoinghome。Oh，goaway！“
twoorthreetimes；butmybusinesswastocatchherfirst，andarguelater。Theridejustfittedinwiththerestoftheevildream。Thegroundwasverybad，andnowandagainwerushedthroughthewhirling，choking“dust-devils“intheskirtsoftheflyingstorm。Therewasaburninghotwindblowingthatbroughtupastenchofstalebrick-kilnswithit；andthroughthehalflightandthroughthedust-devils，acrossthatdesolateplain，flickeredthebrownhollandhabitonthegrayhorse。SheheadedfortheStationatfirst。Thenshewheeledroundandsetofffortheriverthroughbedsofburntdownjungle-grass，badeventorideapigover。IncoldbloodIshouldneverhavedreamedofgoingoversuchacountryatnight，butitseemedquiterightandnaturalwiththelightningcracklingoverhead，andareeklikethesmellofthePitinmynostrils。Irodeandshouted，andshebentforwardandlashedherhorse，andtheaftermathofthedust-stormcameupandcaughtusboth，anddroveusdownwindlikepiecesofpaper。
Idon'tknowhowfarwerode；butthedrummingofthehorse-hoofsandtheroarofthewindandtheraceofthefaintblood-redmoonthroughtheyellowmistseemedtohavegoneonforyearsandyears，andIwasliterallydrenchedwithsweatfrommyhelmettomygaiterswhenthegraystumbled，recoveredhimself，andpulledupdeadlame。Mybrutewasusedupaltogether。EdithCopleighwasinasadstate，plasteredwithdust，herhelmetoff，andcryingbitterly。“Whycan'tyouletmealone?“shesaid。“Ionlywantedtogetawayandgohome。Oh，PLEASEletmego！“
“Youhavegottocomebackwithme，MissCopleigh。Saumarezhassomethingtosaytoyou。”
Itwasafoolishwayofputtingit；butIhardlyknewMissCopleigh；and，thoughIwasplayingProvidenceatthecostofmyhorse，IcouldnottellherinasmanywordswhatSaumarezhadtoldme。Ithoughthecoulddothatbetterhimself。Allherpretenceaboutbeingtiredandwantingtogohomebrokedown，andsherockedherselftoandfrointhesaddleasshesobbed，andthehotwindblewherblackhairtoleeward。Iamnotgoingtorepeatwhatshesaid，becauseshewasutterlyunstrung。
This，ifyouplease，wasthecynicalMissCopleigh。HerewasI，almostanutterstrangertoher，tryingtotellherthatSaumarezlovedherandshewastocomebacktohearhimsayso！IbelieveI
mademyselfunderstood，forshegatheredthegraytogetherandmadehimhobblesomehow，andwesetoffforthetomb，whilethestormwentthunderingdowntoUmballaandafewbigdropsofwarmrainfell。IfoundoutthatshehadbeenstandingclosetoSaumarezwhenheproposedtohersisterandhadwantedtogohomeandcryinpeace，asanEnglishgirlshould。Shedabbledhereyeswithherpocket-handkerchiefaswewentalong，andbabbledtomeoutofsheerlightnessofheartandhysteria。Thatwasperfectlyunnatural；andyet，itseemedallrightatthetimeandintheplace。AlltheworldwasonlythetwoCopleighgirls，SaumarezandI，ringedinwiththelightningandthedark；andtheguidanceofthismisguidedworldseemedtolieinmyhands。
Whenwereturnedtothetombinthedeep，deadstillnessthatfollowedthestorm，thedawnwasjustbreakingandnobodyhadgoneaway。Theywerewaitingforourreturn。Saumarezmostofall。
Hisfacewaswhiteanddrawn。AsMissCopleighandIlimpedup，hecameforwardtomeetus，and，whenhehelpedherdownfromhersaddle，hekissedherbeforeallthepicnic。Itwaslikeasceneinatheatre，andthelikenesswasheightenedbyallthedust-
white，ghostly-lookingmenandwomenundertheorange-trees，clappingtheirhands，asiftheywerewatchingaplay——atSaumarez'schoice。Ineverknewanythingsoun-Englishinmylife。
Lastly，SaumarezsaidwemustallgohomeortheStationwouldcomeouttolookforus，andWOULDIbegoodenoughtoridehomewithMaudCopleigh?Nothingwouldgivemegreaterpleasure，Isaid。
So，weformedup，sixcouplesinall，andwentbacktwobytwo；
SaumarezwalkingatthesideofEdithCopleigh，whowasridinghishorse。
Theairwascleared；andlittlebylittle，asthesunrose，Ifeltwewerealldroppingbackagainintoordinarymenandwomenandthatthe“GreatPopPicnic“wasathingaltogetherapartandoutoftheworld——nevertohappenagain。Ithadgonewiththedust-stormandthetingleinthehotair。
Ifelttiredandlimp，andagooddealashamedofmyselfasIwentinforabathandsomesleep。
Thereisawoman'sversionofthisstory，butitwillneverbewritten……unlessMaudCopleighcarestotry。
THERESCUEOFPLUFFLES。
Thus，foraseason，theyfoughtitfair——
SheandhiscousinMay——
Tactful，talented，debonnaire，Decorousfoeswerethey；
ButnevercanbattleofmancompareWithmercilessfemininefray。
TwoandOne。
Mrs。Hauksbeewassometimesnicetoherownsex。Hereisastorytoprovethis；andyoucanbelievejustasmuchaseveryouplease。
Pluffleswasasubalterninthe“Unmentionables。”Hewascallow，evenforasubaltern。Hewascallowallover——likeacanarythathadnotfinishedfledgingitself。Theworstofitwashehadthreetimesasmuchmoneyaswasgoodforhim；Pluffles'PapabeingarichmanandPlufflesbeingtheonlyson。Pluffles'Mammaadoredhim。ShewasonlyalittlelesscallowthanPlufflesandshebelievedeverythinghesaid。
Pluffles'weaknesswasnotbelievingwhatpeoplesaid。Hepreferredwhathecalled“trustingtohisownjudgment。”Hehadasmuchjudgmentashehadseatorhands；andthispreferencetumbledhimintotroubleonceortwice。ButthebiggesttroublePlufflesevermanufacturedcameaboutatSimla——someyearsago，whenhewasfour-and-twenty。
Hebeganbytrustingtohisownjudgment，asusual，andtheresultwasthat，afteratime，hewasboundhandandfoottoMrs。Reiver's'rickshawwheels。
TherewasnothinggoodaboutMrs。Reiver，unlessitwasherdress。
Shewasbadfromherhair——whichstartedlifeonaBrittany'sgirl'shead——toherboot-heels，whichweretwoandthree-eighthincheshigh。ShewasnothonestlymischievouslikeMrs。Hauksbee；
shewaswickedinabusiness-likeway。
Therewasneveranyscandal——shehadnotgenerousimpulsesenoughforthat。ShewastheexceptionwhichprovedtherulethatAnglo-
IndianladiesareineverywayasniceastheirsistersatHome。
Shespentherlifeinprovingthatrule。
Mrs。Hauksbeeandshehatedeachotherfervently。Theyheardfartoomuchtoclash；butthethingstheysaidofeachotherwerestartling——nottosayoriginal。Mrs。Hauksbeewashonest——honestasherownfrontteeth——and，butforherloveofmischief，wouldhavebeenawoman'swoman。TherewasnohonestyaboutMrs。Reiver；
nothingbutselfishness。Andatthebeginningoftheseason，poorlittlePlufflesfellapreytoher。Shelaidherselfouttothatend，andwhowasPluffles，toresist?Hewentontrustingtohisjudgment，andhegotjudged。
IhaveseenHayesarguewithatoughhorse——Ihaveseenatonga-
drivercoerceastubbornpony——Ihaveseenariotoussetterbrokentogunbyahardkeeper——butthebreaking-inofPlufflesofthe“Unmentionables“wasbeyondallthese。Helearnedtofetchandcarrylikeadog，andtowaitlikeone，too，forawordfromMrs。
Reiver。HelearnedtokeepappointmentswhichMrs。Reiverhadnointentionofkeeping。HelearnedtotakethankfullydanceswhichMrs。Reiverhadnointentionofgivinghim。HelearnedtoshiverforanhourandaquarteronthewindwardsideofElysiumwhileMrs。Reiverwasmakinguphermindtocomeforaride。Helearnedtohuntfora'rickshaw，inalightdress-suitunderapeltingrain，andtowalkbythesideofthat'rickshawwhenhehadfoundit。Helearnedwhatitwastobespokentolikeacoolieandorderedaboutlikeacook。Helearnedallthisandmanyotherthingsbesides。Andhepaidforhisschooling。
Perhaps，insomehazyway，hefanciedthatitwasfineandimpressive，thatitgavehimastatusamongmen，andwasaltogetherthethingtodo。Itwasnobody'sbusinesstowarnPlufflesthathewasunwise。Thepacethatseasonwastoogoodtoinquire；andmeddlingwithanotherman'sfollyisalwaysthanklesswork。
Pluffles'Colonelshouldhaveorderedhimbacktohisregimentwhenheheardhowthingsweregoing。ButPluffleshadgothimselfengagedtoagirlinEnglandthelasttimehewenthome；andiftherewasonethingmorethananotherwhichtheColoneldetested，itwasamarriedsubaltern。HechuckledwhenheheardoftheeducationofPluffles，andsaiditwas“goodtrainingfortheboy。”
Butitwasnotgoodtrainingintheleast。Itledhimintospendingmoneybeyondhismeans，whichweregood:abovethat，theeducationspoiltanaverageboyandmadeitatenth-ratemanofanobjectionablekind。Hewanderedintoabadset，andhislittlebillatHamilton'swasathingtowonderat。
ThenMrs。Hauksbeerosetotheoccasion。Sheplayedhergamealone，knowingwhatpeoplewouldsayofher；andsheplayeditforthesakeofagirlshehadneverseen。Pluffles'fianceewastocomeout，underthechaperonageofanaunt，inOctober，tobemarriedtoPluffles。
AtthebeginningofAugust，Mrs。Hauksbeediscoveredthatitwastimetointerfere。Amanwhoridesmuchknowsexactlywhatahorseisgoingtodonextbeforehedoesit。Inthesameway，awomanofMrs。Hauksbee'sexperienceknowsaccuratelyhowaboywillbehaveundercertaincircumstances——notablywhenheisinfatuatedwithoneofMrs。Reiver'sstamp。Shesaidthat，soonerorlater，littlePluffleswouldbreakoffthatengagementfornothingatall——simplytogratifyMrs。Reiver，who，inreturn，wouldkeephimatherfeetandinherservicejustsolongasshefounditworthherwhile。
Shesaidsheknewthesignsofthesethings。Ifshedidnot，nooneelsecould。
ThenshewentforthtocapturePlufflesunderthegunsoftheenemy；justasMrs。Cusack-BremmilcarriedawayBremmilunderMrs。
Hauksbee'seyes。
Thisparticularengagementlastedsevenweeks——wecalledittheSevenWeeks'War——andwasfoughtoutinchbyinchonbothsides。A
detailedaccountwouldfillabook，andwouldbeincompletethen。
Anyonewhoknowsaboutthesethingscanfitinthedetailsforhimself。Itwasasuperbfight——therewillneverbeanotherlikeitaslongasJakkostands——andPluffleswastheprizeofvictory。
PeoplesaidshamefulthingsaboutMrs。Hauksbee。Theydidnotknowwhatshewasplayingfor。Mrs。Reiverfought，partlybecausePluffleswasusefultoher，butmainlybecauseshehatedMrs。
Hauksbee，andthematterwasatrialofstrengthbetweenthem。NooneknowswhatPlufflesthought。Hehadnotmanyideasatthebestoftimes，andthefewhepossessedmadehimconceited。Mrs。
Hauksbeesaid:——“Theboymustbecaught；andtheonlywayofcatchinghimisbytreatinghimwell。”
Soshetreatedhimasamanoftheworldandofexperiencesolongastheissuewasdoubtful。Littlebylittle，Plufflesfellawayfromhisoldallegianceandcameovertotheenemy，bywhomhewasmademuchof。Hewasneversentonout-postdutyafter'rickshawsanymore，norwashegivendanceswhichnevercameoff，norwerethedrainsonhispursecontinued。Mrs。Hauksbeeheldhimonthesnaffle；andafterhistreatmentatMrs。Reiver'shands，heappreciatedthechange。
Mrs。Reiverhadbrokenhimoftalkingabouthimself，andmadehimtalkaboutherownmerits。Mrs。Hauksbeeactedotherwise，andwonhisconfidence，tillhementionedhisengagementtothegirlatHome，speakingofitinahighandmightywayasa“pieceofboyishfolly。”Thiswaswhenhewastakingteawithheroneafternoon，anddiscoursinginwhatheconsideredagayandfascinatingstyle。
Mrs。Hauksbeehadseenanearliergenerationofhisstampbudandblossom，anddecayintofatCaptainsandtubbyMajors。
Atamoderateestimatetherewereaboutthreeandtwentysidestothatlady'scharacter。Somemensaymore。ShebegantotalktoPlufflesafterthemannerofamother，andasiftherehadbeenthreehundredyears，insteadoffifteen，betweenthem。Shespokewithasortofthroatyquaverinhervoicewhichhadasoothingeffect，thoughwhatshesaidwasanythingbutsoothing。Shepointedouttheexceedingfolly，nottosaymeanness，ofPluffles'
conduct，andthesmallnessofhisviews。Thenhestammeredsomethingabout“trustingtohisownjudgmentasamanoftheworld；“andthispavedthewayforwhatshewantedtosaynext。ItwouldhavewitheredupPluffleshaditcomefromanyotherwoman；
butinthesoftcooingstyleinwhichMrs。Hauksbeeputit，itonlymadehimfeellimpandrepentant——asifhehadbeeninsomesuperiorkindofchurch。Littlebylittle，verysoftlyandpleasantly，shebegantakingtheconceitoutofPluffles，asyoutaketheribsoutofanumbrellabeforere-coveringit。Shetoldhimwhatshethoughtofhimandhisjudgmentandhisknowledgeoftheworld；andhowhisperformanceshadmadehimridiculoustootherpeople；andhowitwashisintentionmakelovetoherselfifshegavehimthechance。Thenshesaidthatmarriagewouldbethemakingofhim；anddrewaprettylittlepicture——allroseandopal——
oftheMrs。Plufflesofthefuturegoingthroughliferelyingonthe“judgment“and“knowledgeoftheworld“ofahusbandwhohadnothingtoreproachhimselfwith。Howshereconciledthesetwostatementsshealoneknew。ButtheydidnotstrikePlufflesasconflicting。
Herswasaperfectlittlehomily——muchbetterthananyclergymancouldhavegiven——anditendedwithtouchingallusionstoPluffles'
MammaandPapa，andthewisdomoftakinghisbrideHome。
ThenshesentPlufflesoutforawalk，tothinkoverwhatshehadsaid。Plufflesleft，blowinghisnoseveryhardandholdinghimselfverystraight。Mrs。Hauksbeelaughed。
WhatPluffleshadintendedtodointhematteroftheengagementonlyMrs。Reiverknew，andshekeptherowncounseltoherdeath。
Shewouldhavelikeditspoiledasacompliment，Ifancy。
PlufflesenjoyedmanytalkswithMrs。Hauksbeeduringthenextfewdays。Theywerealltothesameend，andtheyhelpedPlufflesinthepathofVirtue。
Mrs。Hauksbeewantedtokeephimunderherwingtothelast。
ThereforeshediscountenancedhisgoingdowntoBombaytogetmarried。“Goodnessonlyknowswhatmighthappenbytheway！“shesaid。“PlufflesiscursedwiththecurseofReuben，andIndiaisnofitplaceforhim！“
Intheend，thefianceearrivedwithheraunt；andPluffles，havingreducedhisaffairstosomesortoforder——hereagainMrs。Hauksbeehelpedhim——wasmarried。
Mrs。Hauksbeegaveasighofreliefwhenboththe“Iwills“hadbeensaid，andwentherway。
PluffiestookheradviceaboutgoingHome。HelefttheService，andisnowraisingspeckledcattleinsidegreenpaintedfencessomewhereatHome。Ibelievehedoesthisveryjudiciously。Hewouldhavecometoextremegriefouthere。
ForthesereasonsifanyonesaysanythingmorethanusuallynastyaboutMrs。Hauksbee，tellhimthestoryoftheRescueofPluffles。
CUPID'SARROWS。
Pitwherethebuffalocooledhishide，Bythehotsunemptied，andblisteredanddried；
Loginthereh-grass，hiddenandalone；
Bundwheretheearth-rat'smoundsarestrown:
Caveinthebankwheretheslystreamsteals；
Aloethatstabsatthebellyandheels，Jumpifyoudareonasteeduntried——
Saferitistogowide——gowide！
Hark，frominfrontwherethebestmenride:——
“Pulltotheoff，boys！Wide！Gowide！“
ThePeoraHunt。
OnceuponatimetherelivedatSimlaaveryprettygirl，thedaughterofapoorbuthonestDistrictandSessionsJudge。Shewasagoodgirl，butcouldnothelpknowingherpowerandusingit。
HerMammawasveryanxiousaboutherdaughter'sfuture，asallgoodMammasshouldbe。
WhenamanisaCommissionerandabachelorandhastherightofwearingopen-workjam-tartjewelsingoldandenamelonhisclothes，andofgoingthroughadoorbeforeeveryoneexceptaMemberofCouncil，aLieutenant-Governor，oraViceroy，heisworthmarrying。Atleast，thatiswhatladiessay。TherewasaCommissionerinSimla，inthosedays，whowas，andwore，anddid，allIhavesaid。Hewasaplainman——anuglyman——theugliestmaninAsia，withtwoexceptions。Hiswasafacetodreamaboutandtrytocarveonapipe-headafterwards。HisnamewasSaggott——
Barr-Saggott——AnthonyBarr-Saggottandsixletterstofollow。
Departmentally，hewasoneofthebestmentheGovernmentofIndiaowned。Socially，hewaslikeablandishinggorilla。
WhenheturnedhisattentionstoMissBeighton，IbelievethatMrs。
BeightonweptwithdelightattherewardProvidencehadsentherinheroldage。
Mr。Beightonheldhistongue。Hewasaneasy-goingman。
NowaCommissionerisveryrich。Hispayisbeyondthedreamsofavarice——issoenormousthathecanaffordtosaveandscrapeinawaythatwouldalmostdiscreditaMemberofCouncil。MostCommissionersaremean；butBarr-Saggottwasanexception。Heentertainedroyally；hehorsedhimselfwell；hegavedances；hewasapowerintheland；andhebehavedassuch。
ConsiderthateverythingIamwritingoftookplaceinanalmostpre-historicerainthehistoryofBritishIndia。Somefolkmayremembertheyearsbeforelawn-tenniswasbornwhenweallplayedcroquet。Therewereseasonsbeforethat，ifyouwillbelieveme，whenevencroquethadnotbeeninvented，andarchery——whichwasrevivedinEnglandin1844——wasasgreatapestaslawn-tennisisnow。Peopletalkedlearnedlyabout“holding“and“loosing，“
“steles，““reflexedbows，““56-poundbows，““backed“or“self-yewbows，“aswetalkabout“rallies，““volleys，““smashes，““returns，“
and“16-ouncerackets。”
MissBeightonshotdivinelyoverladies'distance——60yards，thatis——andwasacknowledgedthebestladyarcherinSimla。Mencalledher“DianaofTara-Devi。”
Barr-Saggottpaidhergreatattention；and，asIhavesaid，theheartofhermotherwasupliftedinconsequence。KittyBeightontookmattersmorecalmly。ItwaspleasanttobesingledoutbyaCommissionerwithlettersafterhisname，andtofilltheheartsofothergirlswithbadfeelings。ButtherewasnodenyingthefactthatBarr-Saggottwasphenomenallyugly；andallhisattemptstoadornhimselfonlymadehimmoregrotesque。Hewasnotchristened“TheLangur“——whichmeansgrayape——fornothing。Itwaspleasant，Kittythought，tohavehimatherfeet，butitwasbettertoescapefromhimandridewiththegracelessCubbon——themaninaDragoonRegimentatUmballa——theboywithahandsomeface，andnoprospects。KittylikedCubbonmorethanalittle。Heneverpretendedforamomentthehewasanythinglessthanheadoverheelsinlovewithher；forhewasanhonestboy。SoKittyfled，nowandagain，fromthestatelywooingsofBarr-SaggotttothecompanyofyoungCubbon，andwasscoldedbyherMammainconsequence。“But，Mother，“shesaid，“Mr。Saggotissuch——sucha——
issoFEARFULLYugly，youknow！“
“Mydear，“saidMrs。Beighton，piously，“wecannotbeotherthananall-rulingProvidencehasmadeus。Besides，youwilltakeprecedenceofyourownMother，youknow！Thinkofthatandbereasonable。”
ThenKittyputupherlittlechinandsaidirreverentthingsaboutprecedence，andCommissioners，andmatrimony。Mr。Beightonrubbedthetopofhishead；forhewasaneasy-goingman。
Lateintheseason，whenhejudgedthatthetimewasripe，Barr-
Saggottdevelopedaplanwhichdidgreatcredittohisadministrativepowers。Hearrangedanarcherytournamentforladies，withamostsumptuousdiamond-studdedbraceletasprize。
Hedrewuphistermsskilfully，andeveryonesawthatthebraceletwasagifttoMissBeighton；theacceptancecarryingwithitthehandandtheheartofCommissionerBarr-Saggott。ThetermswereaSt。Leonard'sRound——thirty-sixshotsatsixtyyards——undertherulesoftheSimlaToxophiliteSociety。
AllSimlawasinvited。Therewerebeautifullyarrangedtea-tablesunderthedeodarsatAnnandale，wheretheGrandStandisnow；and，aloneinitsglory，winkinginthesun，satthediamondbraceletinabluevelvetcase。MissBeightonwasanxious——almosttooanxioustocompete。Ontheappointedafternoon，allSimlarodedowntoAnnandaletowitnesstheJudgmentofParisturnedupsidedown。
KittyrodewithyoungCubbon，anditwaseasytoseethattheboywastroubledinhismind。Hemustbeheldinnocentofeverythingthatfollowed。Kittywaspaleandnervous，andlookedlongatthebracelet。Barr-Saggottwasgorgeouslydressed，evenmorenervousthanKitty，andmorehideousthanever。
Mrs。Beightonsmiledcondescendingly，asbefittedthemotherofapotentialCommissioneress，andtheshootingbegan；alltheworldstandinginasemicircleastheladiescameoutoneaftertheother。
Nothingissotediousasanarcherycompetition。Theyshot，andtheyshot，andtheykeptonshooting，tillthesunleftthevalley，andlittlebreezesgotupinthedeodars，andpeoplewaitedforMissBeightontoshootandwin。Cubbonwasatonehornofthesemicircleroundtheshooters，andBarr-Saggottattheother。MissBeightonwaslastonthelist。Thescoringhadbeenweak，andthebracelet，PLUSCommissionerBarr-Saggott，washerstoacertainty。
TheCommissionerstrungherbowwithhisownsacredhands。Shesteppedforward，lookedatthebracelet，andherfirstarrowwenttruetoahair——fullintotheheartofthe“gold“——countingninepoints。
YoungCubbonontheleftturnedwhite，andhisDevilpromptedBarr-
Saggotttosmile。NowhorsesusedtoshywhenBarr-Saggottsmiled。
Kittysawthatsmile。Shelookedtoherleft-front，gaveanalmostimperceptiblenodtoCubbon，andwentonshooting。
IwishIcoulddescribethescenethatfollowed。Itwasoutoftheordinaryandmostimproper。MissKittyfittedherarrowswithimmensedeliberation，sothateveryonemightseewhatshewasdoing。Shewasaperfectshot；andher46-poundbowsuitedhertoanicety。Shepinnedthewoodenlegsofthetargetwithgreatcarefoursuccessivetimes。Shepinnedthewoodentopofthetargetonce，andalltheladieslookedateachother。Thenshebegansomefancyshootingatthewhite，which，ifyouhitit，countsexactlyonepoint。Sheputfivearrowsintothewhite。Itwaswonderfularchery；but，seeingthatherbusinesswastomake“golds“andwinthebracelet，Barr-Saggottturnedadelicategreenlikeyoungwater-grass。Next，sheshotoverthetargettwice，thenwidetothelefttwice——alwayswiththesamedeliberation——whileachillyhushfelloverthecompany，andMrs。Beightontookoutherhandkerchief。ThenKittyshotatthegroundinfrontofthetarget，andsplitseveralarrows。Thenshemadeared——orsevenpoints——justtoshowwhatshecoulddoifsheliked，andfinishedupheramazingperformancewithsomemorefancyshootingatthetarget-supports。Hereisherscoreasitwaspickedoff:——
Gold。Red。Blue。Black。White。TotalHits。TotalScoreMissBeighton11005721
Barr-Saggottlookedasifthelastfewarrowheadshadbeendrivenintohislegsinsteadofthetarget's，andthedeepstillnesswasbrokenbyalittlesnubby，mottled，half-growngirlsayinginashrillvoiceoftriumph:“ThenI'VEwon！“
Mrs。Beightondidherbesttobearup；butsheweptinthepresenceofthepeople。Notrainingcouldhelpherthroughsuchadisappointment。Kittyunstrungherbowwithaviciousjerk，andwentbacktoherplace，whileBarr-Saggottwastryingtopretendthatheenjoyedsnappingthebraceletonthesnubbygirl'sraw，redwrist。Itwasanawkwardscene——mostawkward。EveryonetriedtodepartinabodyandleaveKittytothemercyofherMamma。
ButCubbontookherawayinstead，and——therestisn'tworthprinting。
HISCHANCEINLIFE。
Thenapileofheadsbelaid——
Thirtythousandheapedonhigh——
AlltopleasetheKafirmaid，WheretheOxusripplesby。
GrimlyspakeAtullaKhan:——
“LovehathmadethisthingaMan。”
Oatta'sStory。
IfyougostraightawayfromLeveesandGovernmentHouseLists，pastTrades'Balls——farbeyondeverythingandeverybodyyoueverknewinyourrespectablelife——youcross，intime，theBorderlinewherethelastdropofWhitebloodendsandthefulltideofBlacksetsin。ItwouldbeeasiertotalktoanewmadeDuchessonthespurofthemomentthantotheBorderlinefolkwithoutviolatingsomeoftheirconventionsorhurtingtheirfeelings。TheBlackandtheWhitemixveryquaintlyintheirways。SometimestheWhiteshowsinspurtsoffierce，childishpride——whichisPrideofRaceruncrooked——andsometimestheBlackinstillfiercerabasementandhumility，halfheathenishcustomsandstrange，unaccountableimpulsestocrime。Oneofthesedays，thispeople——understandtheyarefarlowerthantheclasswhenceDerozio，themanwhoimitatedByron，sprung——willturnoutawriterorapoet；andthenweshallknowhowtheyliveandwhattheyfeel。Inthemeantime，anystoriesaboutthemcannotbeabsolutelycorrectinfactorinference。
MissVezziscamefromacrosstheBorderlinetolookaftersomechildrenwhobelongedtoaladyuntilaregularlyordainednursecouldcomeout。TheladysaidMissVezziswasabad，dirtynurseandinattentive。ItneverstruckherthatMissVezzishadherownlifetoleadandherownaffairstoworryover，andthattheseaffairswerethemostimportantthingsintheworldtoMissVezzis。
Veryfewmistressesadmitthissortofreasoning。MissVezziswasasblackasaboot，andtoourstandardoftaste，hideouslyugly。
Sheworecotton-printgownsandbulgedshoes；andwhenshelosthertemperwiththechildren，sheabusedtheminthelanguageoftheBorderline——whichispartEnglish，partPortuguese，andpartNative。Shewasnotattractive；butshehadherpride，andshepreferredbeingcalled“MissVezzis。”
EverySundayshedressedherselfwonderfullyandwenttoseeherMamma，wholived，forthemostpart，onanoldcanechairinagreasytussur-silkdressing-gownandabigrabbit-warrenofahousefullofVezzises，Pereiras，Ribieras，LisboasandGansalveses，andafloatingpopulationofloafers；besidesfragmentsoftheday'sbazar，garlic，staleincense，clothesthrownonthefloor，petticoatshungonstringsforscreens，oldbottles，pewtercrucifixes，driedimmortelles，pariahpuppies，plasterimagesoftheVirgin，andhatswithoutcrowns。MissVezzisdrewtwentyrupeesamonthforactingasnurse，andshesquabbledweeklywithherMammaastothepercentagetobegiventowardshousekeeping。
Whenthequarrelwasover，MicheleD'CruzeusedtoshambleacrossthelowmudwallofthecompoundandmakelovetoMissVezzisafterthefashionoftheBorderline，whichishedgedaboutwithmuchceremony。Michelewasapoor，sicklyweedandveryblack；buthehadhispride。Hewouldnotbeseensmokingahuqaforanything；
andhelookeddownonnativesasonlyamanwithseven-eighthsnativebloodinhisveinscan。TheVezzisFamilyhadtheirpridetoo。Theytracedtheirdescentfromamythicalplate-layerwhohadworkedontheSoneBridgewhenrailwayswerenewinIndia，andtheyvaluedtheirEnglishorigin。MichelewasaTelegraphSignalleronRs。35amonth。ThefactthathewasinGovernmentemploymadeMrs。Vezzislenienttotheshortcomingsofhisancestors。
Therewasacompromisinglegend——DomAnnathetailorbroughtitfromPoonani——thatablackJewofCochinhadoncemarriedintotheD'Cruzefamily；whileitwasanopensecretthatanuncleofMrs。
D'Cruzewasatthatverytimedoingmenialwork，connectedwithcooking，foraClubinSouthernIndia！HesentMrsD'Cruzesevenrupeeseightannasamonth；butshefeltthedisgracetothefamilyverykeenlyallthesame。
However，inthecourseofafewSundays，Mrs。VezzisbroughtherselftooverlooktheseblemishesandgaveherconsenttothemarriageofherdaughterwithMichele，onconditionthatMicheleshouldhaveatleastfiftyrupeesamonthtostartmarriedlifeupon。Thiswonderfulprudencemusthavebeenalingeringtouchofthemythicalplate-layer'sYorkshireblood；foracrosstheBorderlinepeopletakeaprideinmarryingwhentheyplease——notwhentheycan。
Havingregardtohisdepartmentalprospects，MissVezzismightaswellhaveaskedMicheletogoawayandcomebackwiththeMooninhispocket。ButMichelewasdeeplyinlovewithMissVezzis，andthathelpedhimtoendure。HeaccompaniedMissVezzistoMassoneSunday，andafterMass，walkinghomethroughthehotstaledustwithherhandinhis，hesworebyseveralSaints，whosenameswouldnotinterestyou，nevertoforgetMissVezzis；andshesworebyherHonorandtheSaints——theoathrunsrathercuriously；“InnomineSanctissimae——“whateverthenameoftheshe-Saintisandsoforth，endingwithakissontheforehead，akissontheleftcheek，andakissonthemouth——nevertoforgetMichele。
NextweekMichelewastransferred，andMissVezzisdroppedtearsuponthewindow-sashofthe“Intermediate“compartmentashelefttheStation。
Ifyoulookatthetelegraph-mapofIndiayouwillseealonglineskirtingthecoastfromBackergungetoMadras。MichelewasorderedtoTibasu，alittleSub-officeone-thirddownthisline，tosendmessagesonfromBerhampurtoChicacola，andtothinkofMissVezzisandhischancesofgettingfiftyrupeesamonthoutofofficehours。HehadthenoiseoftheBayofBengalandaBengaliBabuforcompany；nothingmore。Hesentfoolishletters，withcrossestuckedinsidetheflapsoftheenvelopes，toMissVezzis。
WhenhehadbeenatTibasufornearlythreeweekshischancecame。
NeverforgetthatunlesstheoutwardandvisiblesignsofOurAuthorityarealwaysbeforeanativeheisasincapableasachildofunderstandingwhatauthoritymeans，orwhereisthedangerofdisobeyingit。TibasuwasaforgottenlittleplacewithafewOrissaMohamedansinit。These，hearingnothingoftheCollector-
Sahibforsometime，andheartilydespisingtheHinduSub-Judge，arrangedtostartalittleMohurrumriotoftheirown。ButtheHindusturnedoutandbroketheirheads；when，findinglawlessnesspleasant，HindusandMahomedanstogetherraisedanaimlesssortofDonnybrookjusttoseehowfartheycouldgo。Theylootedeachother'sshops，andpaidoffprivategrudgesintheregularway。Itwasanastylittleriot，butnotworthputtinginthenewspapers。
Michelewasworkinginhisofficewhenheheardthesoundthatamanneverforgetsallhislife——the“ah-yah“ofanangrycrowd。
[Whenthatsounddropsaboutthreetones，andchangestoathick，droningut，themanwhohearsithadbettergoawayifheisalone。]TheNativePoliceInspectorraninandtoldMichelethatthetownwasinanuproarandcomingtowrecktheTelegraphOffice。
TheBabuputonhiscapandquietlydroppedoutofthewindow；
whilethePoliceInspector，afraid，butobeyingtheoldrace-
instinctwhichrecognizesadropofWhitebloodasfarasitcanbediluted，said:——“WhatordersdoestheSahibgive?“
The“Sahib“decidedMichele。Thoughhorriblyfrightened，hefeltthat，forthehour，he，themanwiththeCochinJewandthemenialuncleinhispedigree，wastheonlyrepresentativeofEnglishauthorityintheplace。ThenhethoughtofMissVezzisandthefiftyrupees，andtookthesituationonhimself。ThereweresevennativepolicemeninTibasu，andfourcrazysmooth-boremusketsamongthem。Allthemenweregraywithfear，butnotbeyondleading。Micheledroppedthekeyofthetelegraphinstrument，andwentout，attheheadofhisarmy，tomeetthemob。Astheshoutingcrewcameroundacorneroftheroad，hedroppedandfired；themenbehindhimloosinginstinctivelyatthesametime。
Thewholecrowd——curstothebackbone——yelledandran；leavingonemandead，andanotherdyingintheroad。Michelewassweatingwithfear，buthekepthisweaknessunder，andwentdownintothetown，pastthehousewheretheSub-Judgehadbarricadedhimself。Thestreetswereempty。TibasuwasmorefrightenedthanMichele，forthemobhadbeentakenattherighttime。
MichelereturnedtotheTelegraph-Office，andsentamessagetoChicacolaaskingforhelp。Beforeananswercame，hereceivedadeputationoftheeldersofTibasu，tellinghimthattheSub-Judgesaidhisactionsgenerallywere“unconstitional，“andtryingtobullyhim。ButtheheartofMicheleD'Cruzewasbigandwhiteinhisbreast，becauseofhisloveforMissVezzis，thenurse-girl，andbecausehehadtastedforthefirsttimeResponsibilityandSuccess。Thosetwomakeanintoxicatingdrink，andhaveruinedmorementhaneverhasWhiskey。MicheleansweredthattheSub-
Judgemightsaywhathepleased，but，untiltheAssistantCollectorcame，theTelegraphSignallerwastheGovernmentofIndiainTibasu，andtheeldersofthetownwouldbeheldaccountableforfurtherrioting。Thentheybowedtheirheadsandsaid:“Showmercy！“orwordstothateffect，andwentbackingreatfear；eachaccusingtheotherofhavingbeguntherioting。
Earlyinthedawn，afteranight'spatrolwithhissevenpolicemen，Michelewentdowntheroad，musketinhand，tomeettheAssistantCollector，whohadriddenintoquellTibasu。But，inthepresenceofthisyoungEnglishman，Michelefelthimselfslippingbackmoreandmoreintothenative，andthetaleoftheTibasuRiotsended，withthestrainontheteller，inanhystericaloutburstoftears，bredbysorrowthathehadkilledaman，shamethathecouldnotfeelasupliftedashehadfeltthroughthenight，andchildishangerthathistonguecouldnotdojusticetohisgreatdeeds。ItwastheWhitedropinMichele'sveinsdyingout，thoughhedidnotknowit。
ButtheEnglishmanunderstood；and，afterhehadschooledthosemenofTibasu，andhadconferredwiththeSub-Judgetillthatexcellentofficialturnedgreen，hefoundtimetodraughtanofficialletterdescribingtheconductofMichele。WhichletterfilteredthroughtheProperChannels，andendedinthetransferofMicheleup-
countryoncemore，ontheImperialsalaryofsixty-sixrupeesamonth。
SoheandMissVezzisweremarriedwithgreatstateandancientry；
andnowthereareseverallittleD'CruzessprawlingabouttheverandahsoftheCentralTelegraphOffice。
But，ifthewholerevenueoftheDepartmentheservesweretobehisrewardMichelecouldnever，neverrepeatwhathedidatTibasuforthesakeofMissVezzisthenurse-girl。
Whichprovesthat，whenamandoesgoodworkoutofallproportiontohispay，insevencasesoutofninethereisawomanatthebackofthevirtue。
Thetwoexceptionsmusthavesufferedfromsunstroke。
WATCHESOFTHENIGHT。
WhatisintheBrahmin'sbooksthatisintheBrahmin'sheart。
NeitheryounorIknewtherewassomuchevilintheworld。
HinduProverb。
Thisbeganinapracticaljoke；butithasgonefarenoughnow，andisgettingserious。
Platte，theSubaltern，beingpoor，hadaWaterburywatchandaplainleatherguard。
TheColonelhadaWaterburywatchalso，andforguard，thelip-
strapofacurb-chain。Lip-strapsmakethebestwatchguards。
Theyarestrongandshort。Betweenalip-strapandanordinaryleatherguardthereisnogreatdifference；betweenoneWaterburywatchandanotherthereisnoneatall。EveryoneinthestationknewtheColonel'slip-strap。Hewasnotahorseyman，buthelikedpeopletobelievehehadbeenononce；andhewovefantasticstoriesofthehunting-bridletowhichthisparticularlip-straphadbelonged。Otherwisehewaspainfullyreligious。
PlatteandtheColonelweredressingattheClub——bothlatefortheirengagements，andbothinahurry。ThatwasKismet。Thetwowatcheswereonashelfbelowthelooking-glass——guardshangingdown。Thatwascarelessness。Plattechangedfirst，snatchedawatch，lookedintheglass，settledhistie，andran。Fortysecondslater，theColoneldidexactlythesamething；eachmantakingtheother'swatch。
Youmayhavenoticedthatmanyreligiouspeoplearedeeplysuspicious。Theyseem——forpurelyreligiouspurposes，ofcourse——
toknowmoreaboutiniquitythantheUnregenerate。Perhapstheywerespeciallybadbeforetheybecameconverted！Atanyrate，intheimputationofthingsevil，andinputtingtheworstconstructiononthingsinnocent，acertaintypeofgoodpeoplemaybetrustedtosurpassallothers。TheColonelandhisWifewereofthattype。ButtheColonel'sWifewastheworst。ShemanufacturedtheStationscandal，and——TALKEDTOHERAYAH！Nothingmoreneedbesaid。TheColonel'sWifebrokeuptheLaplace'shome。TheColonel'sWifestoppedtheFerris-Haughtreyengagement。TheColonel'sWifeinducedyoungBuxtontokeephiswifedowninthePlainsthroughthefirstyearofthemarriage。WherebylittleMrs。
Buxtondied，andthebabywithher。ThesethingswillberememberedagainsttheColonel'sWifesolongasthereisaregimentinthecountry。
ButtocomebacktotheColonelandPlatte。Theywenttheirseveralwaysfromthedressing-room。TheColoneldinedwithtwoChaplains，whilePlattewenttoabachelor-party，andwhisttofollow。
Markhowthingshappen！IfPlatte'ssaishadputthenewsaddle-
padonthemare，thebuttsoftheterritswouldnothaveworkedthroughthewornleather，andtheoldpadintothemare'swithers，whenshewascominghomeattwoo'clockinthemorning。Shewouldnothavereared，bolted，fallenintoaditch，upsetthecart，andsentPlatteflyingoveranaloe-hedgeontoMrs。Larkyn'swell-keptlawn；andthistalewouldneverhavebeenwritten。Butthemaredidallthesethings，andwhilePlattewasrollingoverandoverontheturf，likeashotrabbit，thewatchandguardflewfromhiswaistcoat——asanInfantryMajor'sswordhopsoutofthescabbardwhentheyarefiringafeudejoie——androlledandrolledinthemoonlight，tillitstoppedunderawindow。
Plattestuffedhishandkerchiefunderthepad，putthecartstraight，andwenthome。
MarkagainhowKismetworks！Thiswouldnothappenonceinahundredyears。TowardstheendofhisdinnerwiththetwoChaplains，theColonelletouthiswaistcoatandleanedoverthetabletolookatsomeMissionReports。Thebarofthewatch-guardworkedthroughthebuttonhole，andthewatch——Platte'swatch——slidquietlyontothecarpet。Wherethebearerfounditnextmorningandkeptit。
ThentheColonelwenthometothewifeofhisbosom；butthedriverofthecarriagewasdrunkandlosthisway。SotheColonelreturnedatanunseemlyhourandhisexcuseswerenotaccepted。IftheColonel'sWifehadbeenanordinary“vesselofwrathappointedfordestruction，“shewouldhaveknownthatwhenamanstaysawayonpurpose，hisexcuseisalwayssoundandoriginal。TheverybaldnessoftheColonel'sexplanationproveditstruth。
SeeoncemoretheworkingsofKismet！TheColonel'swatchwhichcamewithPlattehurriedlyontoMrs。Larkyn'slawn，chosetostopjustunderMrs。Larkyn'swindow，whereshesawitearlyinthemorning，recognizedit，andpickeditup。ShehadheardthecrashofPlatte'scartattwoo'clockthatmorning，andhisvoicecallingthemarenames。SheknewPlatteandlikedhim。Thatdaysheshowedhimthewatchandheardhisstory。Heputhisheadononeside，winkedandsaid:——“Howdisgusting！Shockingoldman！withhisreligioustraining，too！IshouldsendthewatchtotheColonel'sWifeandaskforexplanations。”
Mrs。LarkynthoughtforaminuteoftheLaplaces——whomshehadknownwhenLaplaceandhiswifebelievedineachother——andanswered:——“Iwillsendit。Ithinkitwilldohergood。Butremember，wemustNEVERtellherthetruth。”
PlatteguessedthathisownwatchwasintheColonel'spossession，andthoughtthatthereturnofthelip-strappedWaterburywithasoothingnotefromMrs。Larkyn，wouldmerelycreateasmalltroubleforafewminutes。Mrs。Larkynknewbetter。Sheknewthatanypoisondroppedwouldfindgoodholding-groundintheheartoftheColonel'sWife。
Thepacket，andanotecontainingafewremarksontheColonel'scalling-hours，weresentovertotheColonel'sWife，whoweptinherownroomandtookcounselwithherself。
IftherewasonewomanunderHeavenwhomtheColonel'sWifehatedwithholyfervor，itwasMrs。Larkyn。Mrs。Larkynwasafrivolouslady，andcalledtheColonel'sWife“oldcat。”TheColonel'sWifesaidthatsomebodyinRevelationswasremarkablylikeMrs。Larkyn。
ShementionedotherScripturepeopleaswell。FromtheOldTestament。[ButtheColonel'sWifewastheonlypersonwhocaredordaredtosayanythingagainstMrs。Larkyn。Everyoneelseacceptedherasanamusing，honestlittlebody。]Wherefore，tobelievethatherhusbandhadbeensheddingwatchesunderthat“Thing's“windowatungodlyhours，coupledwiththefactofhislatearrivalonthepreviousnight，was……
Atthispointsheroseupandsoughtherhusband。Hedeniedeverythingexcepttheownershipofthewatch。Shebesoughthim，forhisSoul'ssake，tospeakthetruth。Hedeniedafresh，withtwobadwords。ThenastonysilenceheldtheColonel'sWife，whileamancoulddrawhisbreathfivetimes。
Thespeechthatfollowedisnoaffairofmineoryours。Itwasmadeupofwifelyandwomanlyjealousy；knowledgeofoldageandsunkencheeks；deepmistrustbornofthetextthatsaysevenlittlebabies'heartsareasbadastheymakethem；rancoroushatredofMrs。Larkyn，andthetenetsofthecreedoftheColonel'sWife'supbringing。
Overandaboveall，wasthedamninglip-strappedWaterbury，tickingawayinthepalmofhershaking，witheredhand。Atthathour，I
think，theColonel'sWiferealizedalittleoftherestlesssuspicionsshehadinjectedintooldLaplace'smind，alittleofpoorMissHaughtrey'smisery，andsomeofthecankerthatateintoBuxton'sheartashewatchedhiswifedyingbeforehiseyes。TheColonelstammeredandtriedtoexplain。Thenherememberedthathiswatchhaddisappeared；andthemysterygrewgreater。TheColonel'sWifetalkedandprayedbyturnstillshewastired，andwentawaytodevisemeansfor“chasteningthestubbornheartofherhusband。”Whichtranslated，means，inourslang，“tail-twisting。”
Yousee，beingdeeplyimpressedwiththedoctrineofOriginalSin，shecouldnotbelieveinthefaceofappearances。Sheknewtoomuch，andjumpedtothewildestconclusions。
Butitwasgoodforher。Itspoiltherlife，asshehadspoiltthelifeoftheLaplaces。ShehadlostherfaithintheColonel，and——
herethecreed-suspicioncamein——hemight，sheargued，haveerredmanytimes，beforeamercifulProvidence，atthehandsofsounworthyaninstrumentasMrs。Larkyn，hadestablishedhisguilt。
Hewasabad，wicked，gray-hairedprofligate。Thismaysoundtoosuddenarevulsionforalong-weddedwife；butitisavenerablefactthat，ifamanorwomanmakesapracticeof，andtakesadelightin，believingandspreadingevilofpeopleindifferenttohimorher，heorshewillendinbelievingeviloffolkverynearanddear。Youmaythink，also，thatthemereincidentofthewatchwastoosmallandtrivialtoraisethismisunderstanding。Itisanotheragedfactthat，inlifeaswellasracing，alltheworstaccidentshappenatlittleditchesandcut-downfences。Inthesameway，yousometimesseeawomanwhowouldhavemadeaJoanofArcinanothercenturyandclimate，threshingherselftopiecesoverallthemeanworryofhousekeeping。Butthatisanotherstory。
HerbeliefonlymadetheColonel'sWifemorewretched，becauseitinsistedsostronglyonthevillainyofmen。Rememberingwhatshehaddone，itwaspleasanttowatchherunhappiness，andthepenny-
farthingattemptsshemadetohideitfromtheStation。ButtheStationknewandlaughedheartlessly；fortheyhadheardthestoryofthewatch，withmuchdramaticgesture，fromMrs。Larkyn'slips。
OnceortwicePlattesaidtoMrs。Larkyn，seeingthattheColonelhadnotclearedhimself:——“Thisthinghasgonefarenough。ImovewetelltheColonel'sWifehowithappened。”Mrs。Larkynshutherlipsandshookherhead，andvowedthattheColonel'sWifemustbearherpunishmentasbestshecould。NowMrs。Larkynwasafrivolouswoman，inwhomnonewouldhavesuspecteddeephate。SoPlattetooknoaction，andcametobelievegradually，fromtheColonel'ssilence，thattheColonelmusthave“runofftheline“
somewherethatnight，and，therefore，preferredtostandsentenceonthelessercountoframblingintootherpeople'scompoundsoutofcallinghours。Platteforgotaboutthewatchbusinessafterawhile，andmoveddown-countrywithhisregiment。Mrs。Larkynwenthomewhenherhusband'stourofIndianserviceexpired。Sheneverforgot。
ButPlattewasquiterightwhenhesaidthatthejokehadgonetoofar。Themistrustandthetragedyofit——whichweoutsiderscannotseeanddonotbelievein——arekillingtheColonel'sWife，andaremakingtheColonelwretched。Ifeitherofthemreadthisstory，theycandependuponitsbeingafairlytrueaccountofthecase，andcan“kissandmakefriends。”
ShakespearealludestothepleasureofwatchinganEngineerbeingshelledbyhisownBattery。Nowthisshowsthatpoetsshouldnotwriteaboutwhattheydonotunderstand。AnyonecouldhavetoldhimthatSappersandGunnersareperfectlydifferentbranchesoftheService。But，ifyoucorrectthesentence，andsubstituteGunnerforSapper，themoralcomesjustthesame。
THEOTHERMAN。
Whentheearthwassickandtheskiesweregray，Andthewoodswererottedwithrain，TheDeadManrodethroughtheautumndayTovisithisloveagain。
OldBallad。
Farbackinthe“seventies，“beforetheyhadbuiltanyPublicOfficesatSimla，andthebroadroadroundJakkolivedinapigeon-
holeintheP。W。D。hovels，herparentsmadeMissGaureymarryColonelSchriederling。HecouldnothavebeenMUCHmorethanthirty-fiveyearshersenior；and，ashelivedontwohundredrupeesamonthandhadmoneyofhisown，hewaswelloff。Hebelongedtogoodpeople，andsufferedinthecoldweatherfromlungcomplaints。Inthehotweatherhedangledonthebrinkofheat-
apoplexy；butitneverquitekilledhim。
Understand，IdonotblameSchriederling。Hewasagoodhusbandaccordingtohislights，andhistemperonlyfailedhimwhenhewasbeingnursed。Whichwassomeseventeendaysineachmonth。Hewasalmostgeneroustohiswifeaboutmoneymatters，andthat，forhim，wasaconcession。StillMrs。Schreiderlingwasnothappy。Theymarriedherwhenshewasthissideoftwentyandhadgivenallherpoorlittlehearttoanotherman。Ihaveforgottenhisname，butwewillcallhimtheOtherMan。Hehadnomoneyandnoprospects。
Hewasnotevengood-looking；andIthinkhewasintheCommissariatorTransport。But，inspiteofallthesethings，shelovedhimverymadly；andtherewassomesortofanengagementbetweenthetwowhenSchreiderlingappearedandtoldMrs。Gaureythathewishedtomarryherdaughter。Thentheotherengagementwasbrokenoff——washedawaybyMrs。Gaurey'stears，forthatladygovernedherhousebyweepingoverdisobediencetoherauthorityandthelackofreverenceshereceivedinheroldage。Thedaughterdidnottakeafterhermother。Shenevercried。Notevenatthewedding。
TheOtherManborehislossquietly，andwastransferredtoasbadastationashecouldfind。Perhapstheclimateconsoledhim。Hesufferedfromintermittentfever，andthatmayhavedistractedhimfromhisothertrouble。Hewasweakabouttheheartalso。Bothways。Oneofthevalveswasaffected，andthefevermadeitworse。
Thisshoweditselflateron。
Thenmanymonthspassed，andMrs。Schreiderlingtooktobeingill。
Shedidnotpineawaylikepeopleinstorybooks，butsheseemedtopickupeveryformofillnessthatwentaboutastation，fromsimplefeverupwards。Shewasnevermorethanordinarilyprettyatthebestoftimes；andtheillnessmadeherugly。Schreiderlingsaidso。Hepridedhimselfonspeakinghismind。
Whensheceasedbeingpretty，helefthertoherowndevices，andwentbacktothelairsofhisbachelordom。SheusedtotrotupanddownSimlaMallinaforlornsortofway，withagrayTeraihatwellonthebackofherhead，andashockingbadsaddleunderher。
Schreiderling'sgenerositystoppedatthehorse。HesaidthatanysaddlewoulddoforawomanasnervousasMrs。Schreiderling。Sheneverwasaskedtodance，becauseshedidnotdancewell；andshewassodullanduninteresting，thatherboxveryseldomhadanycardsinit。Schreiderlingsaidthatifhehadknownthatshewasgoingtobesuchascare-crowafterhermarriage，hewouldneverhavemarriedher。Healwayspridedhimselfonspeakinghismind，didSchreiderling！
HeleftheratSimlaoneAugust，andwentdowntohisregiment。
Thensherevivedalittle，butsheneverrecoveredherlooks。I
foundoutattheClubthattheOtherManiscomingupsick——verysick——onanoffchanceofrecovery。Thefeverandtheheart-valveshadnearlykilledhim。Sheknewthat，too，andsheknew——whatI
hadnointerestinknowing——whenhewascomingup。Isupposehewrotetotellher。Theyhadnotseeneachothersinceamonthbeforethewedding。Andherecomestheunpleasantpartofthestory。
AlatecallkeptmedownattheDovedellHoteltillduskoneevening。Mrs。SchreidlerlinghadbeenflittingupanddowntheMallalltheafternoonintherain。ComingupalongtheCart-road，atongapassedme，andmypony，tiredwithstandingsolong，setoffatacanter。JustbytheroaddowntotheTongaOfficeMrs。
Schreiderling，drippingfromheadtofoot，waswaitingforthetonga。Iturnedup-hill，asthetongawasnoaffairofmine；andjustthenshebegantoshriek。Iwentbackatonceandsaw，undertheTongaOfficelamps，Mrs。Schreiderlingkneelinginthewetroadbythebackseatofthenewly-arrivedtonga，screaminghideously。
ThenshefellfacedowninthedirtasIcameup。
Sittinginthebackseat，verysquareandfirm，withonehandontheawning-stanchionandthewetpouringoffhishatandmoustache，wastheOtherMan——dead。Thesixty-mileup-hilljolthadbeentoomuchforhisvalve，Isuppose。Thetonga-driversaid:——“TheSahibdiedtwostagesoutofSolon。Therefore，Itiedhimwitharope，lestheshouldfalloutbytheway，andsocametoSimla。WilltheSahibgivemebukshish?IT，“pointingtotheOtherMan，“shouldhavegivenonerupee。”
TheOtherMansatwithagrinonhisface，asifheenjoyedthejokeofhisarrival；andMrs。Schreiderling，inthemud，begantogroan。Therewasnooneexceptusfourintheofficeanditwasrainingheavily。ThefirstthingwastotakeMrs。Schreiderlinghome，andthesecondwastopreventhernamefrombeingmixedupwiththeaffair。Thetonga-driverreceivedfiverupeestofindabazar'rickshawforMrs。Schreiderling。HewastotellthetongaBabuafterwardsoftheOtherMan，andtheBabuwastomakesucharrangementsasseemedbest。
Mrs。Schreiderlingwascarriedintotheshedoutoftherain，andforthree-quartersofanhourwetwowaitedforthe'rickshaw。TheOtherManwasleftexactlyashehadarrived。Mrs。Schreiderlingwoulddoeverythingbutcry，whichmighthavehelpedher。Shetriedtoscreamassoonashersensescameback，andthenshebeganprayingfortheOtherMan'ssoul。Hadshenotbeenashonestastheday，shewouldhaveprayedforherownsoultoo。Iwaitedtohearherdothis，butshedidnot。ThenItriedtogetsomeofthemudoffherhabit。Lastly，the'rickshawcame，andIgotheraway——
parrtlybyforce。Itwasaterriblebusinessfrombeginningtoend；butmostofallwhenthe'rickshawhadtosqueezebetweenthewallandthetonga，andshesawbythelamp-lightthatthin，yellowhandgraspingtheawning-stanchion。
ShewastakenhomejustaseveryonewasgoingtoadanceatViceregalLodge——“Peterhoff“itwasthen——andthedoctorfoundthatshehadfallenfromherhorse，thatIhadpickedherupatthebackofJakko，andreallydeservedgreatcreditforthepromptmannerinwhichIhadsecuredmedicalaid。Shedidnotdie——menofSchreiderling'sstampmarrywomenwhodon'tdieeasily。Theyliveandgrowugly。
Shenevertoldofheronemeeting，sincehermarriage，withtheOtherMan；and，whenthechillandcoughfollowingtheexposureofthatevening，allowedherabroad，sheneverbywordorsignalludedtohavingmetmebytheTongaOffice。Perhapssheneverknew。
SheusedtotrotupanddowntheMall，onthatshockingbadsaddle，lookingasifsheexpectedtomeetsomeoneroundthecornereveryminute。Twoyearsafterward，shewentHome，anddied——atBournemouth，Ithink。
Schreiderling，whenhegrewmaudlinatMess，usedtotalkabout“mypoordearwife。”Healwayssetgreatstoreonspeakinghismind，didSchreiderling！
CONSEQUENCES。
RosicruciansubtletiesIntheOrienthadrise；
YemayfindtheirteachersstillUnderJacatala'sHill。
SeekyeBombastParacelsus，ReadwhatFloodtheSeekertellsusOftheDominantthatrunsThroughthecyclesoftheSuns——
ReadmystorylastandseeLunaatherapogee。
Thereareyearlyappointments，andtwo-yearlyappointments，andfive-yearlyappointmentsatSimla，andthereare，orusedtobe，permanentappointments，whereonyoustayedupforthetermofyournaturallifeandsecuredredcheeksandaniceincome。Ofcourse，youcoulddescendinthecoldweather；forSimlaisratherdullthen。
Tarrioncamefromgoodnessknowswhere——allawayandawayinsomeforsakenpartofCentralIndia，wheretheycallPachmaria“Sanitarium，“anddrivebehindtrottingbullocks，Ibelieve。Hebelongedtoaregiment；butwhathereallywantedtodowastoescapefromhisregimentandliveinSimlaforeverandever。Hehadnopreferenceforanythinginparticular，beyondagoodhorseandanicepartner。Hethoughthecoulddoeverythingwell；whichisabeautifulbeliefwhenyouholditwithallyourheart。Hewascleverinmanyways，andgoodtolookat，andalwaysmadepeopleroundhimcomfortable——eveninCentralIndia。
SohewentuptoSimla，and，becausehewascleverandamusing，hegravitatednaturallytoMrs。Hauksbee，whocouldforgiveeverythingbutstupidity。Oncehedidhergreatservicebychangingthedateonaninvitation-cardforabigdancewhichMrs。Hauksbeewishedtoattend，butcouldn'tbecauseshehadquarrelledwiththeA-D-C。，whotookcare，beingameanman，toinvitehertoasmalldanceonthe6thinsteadofthebigBallofthe26th。Itwasaverycleverpieceofforgery；andwhenMrs。HauksbeeshowedtheA-D-C。herinvitation-card，andchaffedhimmildlyfornotbettermanaginghisvendettas，hereallythoughthehadmadeamistake；and——whichwaswise——realizedthatitwasnousetofightwithMrs。Hauksbee。ShewasgratefultoTarrionandaskedwhatshecoulddoforhim。Hesaidsimply:“I'maFreelanceuphereonleave，andonthelookoutforwhatIcanloot。Ihaven'tasquareinchofinterestinallSimla。Mynameisn'tknowntoanymanwithanappointmentinhisgift，andIwantanappointment——agood，sound，pukkaone。I
believeyoucandoanythingyouturnyourselftodo。Willyouhelpme?“Mrs。Hauksbeethoughtforaminute，andpassedthelastofherriding-whipthroughherlips，aswashercustomwhenthinking。
Thenhereyessparkled，andshesaid:——“Iwill；“andsheshookhandsonit。Tarrion，havingperfectconfidenceinthisgreatwoman，tooknofurtherthoughtofthebusinessatall。Excepttowonderwhatsortofanappointmenthewouldwin。
Mrs。HauksbeebegancalculatingthepricesofalltheHeadsofDepartmentsandMembersofCouncilsheknew，andthemoreshethoughtthemoreshelaughed，becauseherheartwasinthegameanditamusedher。ThenshetookaCivilListandranoverafewoftheappointments。TherearesomebeautifulappointmentsintheCivilList。Eventually，shedecidedthat，thoughTarrionwastoogoodforthePoliticalDepartment，shehadbetterbeginbytryingtogethiminthere。Whatwereherownplanstothisend，doesnotmatterintheleast，forLuckorFateplayedintoherhands，andshehadnothingtodobuttowatchthecourseofeventsandtakethecreditofthem。
AllViceroys，whentheyfirstcomeout，passthroughthe“DiplomaticSecrecy“craze。Itwearsoffintime；buttheyallcatchitinthebeginning，becausetheyarenewtothecountry。
TheparticularViceroywhowassufferingfromthecomplaintjustthen——thiswasalongtimeago，beforeLordDufferinevercamefromCanada，orLordRiponfromthebosomoftheEnglishChurch——haditverybadly；andtheresultwasthatmenwhowerenewtokeepingofficialsecretswentaboutlookingunhappy；andtheViceroyplumedhimselfonthewayinwhichhehadinstillednotionsofreticenceintohisStaff。
Now，theSupremeGovernmenthaveacarelesscustomofcommittingwhattheydotoprintedpapers。Thesepapersdealwithallsortsofthings——fromthepaymentofRs。200toa“secretservice“
native，uptorebukesadministeredtoVakilsandMotamidsofNativeStates，andratherbrusqueletterstoNativePrinces，tellingthemtoputtheirhousesinorder，torefrainfromkidnappingwomen，orfillingoffenderswithpoundedredpepper，andeccentricitiesofthatkind。Ofcourse，thesethingscouldneverbemadepublic，becauseNativePrincesnevererrofficially，andtheirStatesare，officially，aswelladministeredasOurterritories。Also，theprivateallowancestovariousqueerpeoplearenotexactlymatterstoputintonewspapers，thoughtheygivequaintreadingsometimes。