"Butprevention，"IheardMargaretbehindme，"istheessenceofourwork。"
　　Iturned。"There'snopreventionbuteducation。There'snoantisepticsinlifebutloveandfinethinking。Makepeoplefine，makefinepeople。Don'tbeafraid。TheseToryleadersarebetterpeopleindividuallythantheaverage；whycastthemforthevillainsofthepiece？Therealvillaininthepiece——inthewholehumandrama——isthemuddle-headedness，anditmattersverylittleifit'svirtuous-mindedorwicked。Iwanttogetatmuddle-headedness。IfIcoulddothatIcouldletallthatyoucallwickednessintheworldrunaboutanddowhatitjollywellpleased。Itwouldmatteraboutasmuchasaslightlyneglecteddog——inanotherwisewell-
　　managedhome。"
　　Mythoughtshadrunawaywithme。
　　"Ican'tunderstandyou，"saidMargaret，intheprofoundestdistress。"Ican'tunderstandhowitisyouarecomingtoseethingslikethis。"
　　10
　　Themoodsofathinkingmaninpoliticsarecuriouslyevasiveanddifficulttodescribe。Neitherthepublicnorthehistorianwillpermitthestatesmanmoods。HehasfromthefirsttoassumehehasanAim，adefiniteAim，andtopretendtoanabsoluteconsistencywiththat。Thosesubtlequestioningsabouttheveryfundamentalsoflifewhichplagueusallsorelentlesslynowadaysaresupposedtobesilenced。HeliftshischinandpursueshisAimexplicitlyinthesightofallmen。Thosewhohavenorealpoliticalexperiencecanscarcelyimaginetheimmensementalandmoralstrainthereisbetweenone'severydayactsandutterancesontheonehandandthe"thinking-out"processontheother。Itisperplexinglydifficulttokeepinyourmind，fixedandfirm，aschemeessentiallycomplex，tokeepbalancingaswayingpossibilitywhileatthesametimeunderjealous，hostile，andstupidobservationyoutreadyourpartintheplatitudinous，quarrelsome，ill-presentedmarchofaffairs……
　　Themostimpossibleofallautobiographiesisanintellectualautobiography。IhavethrowntogetherinthecrudestwaytheelementsoftheproblemIstruggledwith，butIcangivenorecordofthesubtledetails；IcantellnothingofthelongvacillationsbetweenProteanvalues，thetalksandre-talks，themeditations，thebleakluciditiesofsleeplessnights……
　　AndyetthesethingsIhavestruggledwithmustbethoughtout，and，tobeginwith，theymustbethoughtoutinthismuddled，experimentingway。Togointoastudytothinkaboutstatecraftistoturnyourbackontherealitiesyouareconstantlyneedingtofeelandtestandsoundifyourthinkingistoremainvital；tochooseanaimandpursueitindespiteofallsubsequentquestioningsistoburythetalentofyourmind。Itisnousedealingwiththeintricateasthoughitweresimple，toleaphaphazardatthefirstcourseofactionthatpresentsitself；thewholeworldofpoliticiansisfartoolikeamanwhosnatchesapokertoafailingwatch。Itiseasytosayhewantsto"getsomethingdone，"buttheonlysanethingtodoforthemomentistoputasidethatpokerandtakethoughtandgetabetterimplement……
　　OneoftheresultsofthesefundamentalpreoccupationsofminewasacuriousirritabilitytowardsMargaretthatIfounddifficulttoconceal。Itwasoneoftheincidentalcrueltiesofourpositionthatthisshouldhappen。Iwasinsuchdoubtmyself，thatIhadnopowertophrasethingsforherinaformshecoulduse。HithertoI
　　hadstage-managedour"serious"conversations。NowIwastoomuchinearnestandtoouncertaintogoondoingthis。Iavoidedtalkwithher。Herserene，sustainedconfidenceinvagueformulaeandsentimentalaspirationsexasperatedme；herwantofsympatheticapprehensionmademyfeweffortstoindicatemychangingattitudesdistressingandfutile。Itwasn'tthatIwasalwaysthinkingright，andthatshewasalwayssayingwrong。ItwasthatIwasstrugglingtogetholdofadifficultthingthatwas，atanyrate，halftrue，I
　　couldnotgaugehowtrue，andthatMargaret'shabitualphrasingignoredtheseelusiveelementsoftruth，andwithoutpremeditationfittedintotheweaknessesofmynewintimations，asthoughtheyhadnothingbutweaknesses。Itwas，forexample，obviousthatthesebigpeople，whowerethebackboneofImperialismandConservatism，weretemperamentallylax，muchmoreindolent，muchmoresensuous，thanourdeliberatelyvirtuousYoungLiberals。Ididn'twanttoberemindedofthat，justwhenIwasinfullefforttorealisethefinerelementsintheircomposition。Margaretclassedthemanddisposedofthem。Itwasourincurabledifferencesinhabitsandgesturesofthoughtcomingbetweenusagain。
　　Thedesertofmisunderstandingwidened。Iwasforcedbackuponmyselfandmyownsecretcouncils。ForatimeIwentmywayalone；
　　anunmixedevilforbothofus。ExceptforthatPentagramevening，aseriesoftalkswithIsabelRivers，whowasnowbecomingmoreandmoreimportantinmyintellectuallife，andtheargumentsI
　　maintainedwithCrupp，Ineverreallyopenedmymindatallduringthatperiodofindecisions，slowabandonments，andslowacquisitions。
　　CHAPTERTHETHIRD
　　SECESSION
　　1
　　Atlast，outofavastaccumulationofimpressions，decisiondistilledquitesuddenly。IsuccumbedtoEveshamandthatdreamoftherightthingtriumphantthroughexpression。IdeterminedIwouldgoovertotheConservatives，andusemyeverygiftandpoweronthesideofsuchforcesonthatsideasmadeforeducationalreorganisation，scientificresearch，literature，criticism，andintellectualdevelopment。Thatwasin1909。IjudgedtheToriesweredrivingstraightataconflictwiththecountry，andIthoughtthemboundtoincuranelectoraldefeat。Iunder-estimatedtheirstrengthinthecounties。Therewouldfollow，Icalculated，aperiodofprofoundreconstructioninmethodandpolicyalike。IwasentirelyatonewithCruppinperceivinginthisanimmenseopportunityforthethingswedesired。Anaristocracyquickenedbyconflictandonthedefensive，andfulloftheideaofjustificationbyreconstruction，mightprovealtogethermoreaptforthoughtandhighprofessionsthanMrs。Redmondson'sspoiltchildren。BehindthenowinevitablestruggleforareformoftheHouseofLords，therewouldbegreatheartsearchingsandeducationalendeavour。Onthatwereckoned……
　　Atlastwetalkeditouttothepracticalpitch，andCruppandShoesmith，andIandGane，madeourdefiniteagreementtogether……
　　IemergedfromenormoussilencesuponMargaretoneevening。
　　ShewasjustbackfromthedisplayofsomenewmusiciansattheHartsteins。Iremembersheworeadressofgoldensatin，veryrich-
　　lookingandsplendid。Aboutherslendernecktherewasaropeofgold-setamberbeads。Herhaircaughtupandechoedandreturnedthesegoldennotes。I，too，wasineveningdress，butwhereIhadbeenescapesme，——someforgottendinner，Isuppose。Iwentintoherroom。IrememberIdidn'tspeakforsomemoments。Iwentacrosstothewindowandpulledtheblindaside，andlookedoutupontherailedgardenofthesquare，withitsshrubsandshadowedturfgleamingpallidlyandirregularlyinthelightofthebigelectricstandardinthecorner。
　　"Margaret，"Isaid，"IthinkIshallbreakwiththeparty。"
　　Shemadenoanswer。Iturnedpresently，amovementofenquiry。
　　"Iwasafraidyoumeanttodothat，"shesaid。
　　"I'moutoftouch，"Iexplained。"Altogether。"
　　"Oh！Iknow。"
　　"Itplacesmeinadifficultposition，"Isaid。
　　Margaretstoodatherdressing-table，lookingsteadfastlyatherselfintheglass，andwithherfingersplayingwithalitterofstopperedbottlesoftintedglass。"Iwasafraiditwascomingtothis，"shesaid。
　　"Inaway，"Isaid，"we'vebeenallies。Iowemyseattoyou。I
　　couldn'thavegoneintoParliament……"
　　"Idon'twantconsiderationslikethattoaffectus，"sheinterrupted。
　　Therewasapause。Shesatdowninachairbyherdressing-table，liftedanivoryhand-glass，andputitdownagain。
　　"Iwish，"shesaid，withsomethinglikeasobinhervoice，"itwerepossiblethatyoushouldn'tdothis。"Shestoppedabruptly，andI
　　didnotlookather，becauseIcouldfeeltheeffortshewasmakingtocontrolherself。
　　"Ithought，"shebeganagain，"whenyoucameintoParliament——"
　　Therecameanothersilence。"It'sallgonesodifferently，"shesaid。"Everythinghasgonesodifferently。"
　　Ihadasuddenmemoryofher，shiningtriumphantaftertheKinghampsteadelection，andforthefirsttimeIrealisedjusthowperplexinganddisappointingmysubsequentcareermusthavebeentoher。
　　"I'mnotdoingthiswithoutconsideration，"Isaid。
　　"Iknow，"shesaid，inavoiceofdespair，"I'veseenitcoming。
　　But——Istilldon'tunderstandit。Idon'tunderstandhowyoucangoover。"
　　"Myideashavechangedanddeveloped，"Isaid。
　　Iwalkedacrosstoherbearskinhearthrug，andstoodbythemantel。
　　"Tothinkthatyou，"shesaid；"youwhomighthavebeenleader——"
　　Shecouldnotfinishit。"Alltheforcesofreaction，"shethrewout。
　　"Idon'tthinktheyaretheforcesofreaction，"Isaid。"IthinkI
　　canfindworktodo——betterworkonthatside。"
　　"Againstus！"shesaid。"Asifprogresswasn'thardenough！Asifitdidn'tcalluponeveryableman！"
　　"Idon'tthinkLiberalismhasamonopolyofprogress。"
　　Shedidnotanswerthat。Shesatquitestilllookinginfrontofher。"WHYhaveyougoneover？"sheaskedabruptlyasthoughIhadsaidnothing。
　　TherecameasilencethatIwasimpelledtoend。Ibeganastiffdissertationfromthehearthrug。"Iamgoingover，becauseIthinkImayjoininanintellectualrenascenceontheConservativeside。
　　Ithinkthatinthecomingstruggletherewillbeapartialandaltogetherconfusedanddemoralisingvictoryfordemocracy，thatwillstirtheclasseswhichnowdominatetheConservativepartyintoanenergeticrevival。Theywillsetouttowinback，andwinback。
　　Evenifmyestimateofcon-temporaryforcesiswrongandtheywin，theywillstillbeforcedtoreconstructtheiroutlook。Awarabroadwillsupplythechasteningifhomepoliticsfail。Theeffortatrenascenceisboundtocomebyeitheralternative。IbelieveI
　　candomoreinrelationtothateffortthaninanyotherconnexionintheworldofpoliticsatthepresenttime。That'smycase，Margaret。"
　　ShecertainlydidnotgraspwhatIsaid。"Andsoyouwillthrowasideallthebeginnings，allthebeliefsandpledges——"Againhersentenceremainedincomplete。"Idoubtifeven，onceyouhavegoneover，theywillwelcomeyou。"
　　"Thathardlymatters。"
　　Imadeanefforttoresumemyspeech。
　　"IcameintoParliament，Margaret，"Isaid，"alittleprematurely。
　　Still——IsupposeitwasonlybycomingintoParliamentthatIcouldseethingsasIdonowintermsofpersonalityandimaginativerange……"Istopped。Herstiff，unhappy，unlisteningsilencebrokeupmydisquisition。
　　"Afterall，"Iremarked，"mostofthishasbeenimplicitinmywritings。"
　　Shemadenosignofadmission。
　　"Whatareyougoingtodo？"sheasked。
　　"Keepmyseatforatimeandmakethereasonsofmybreachclear。
　　TheneitherImustresignor——probablythisnewBudgetwillleadtoaGeneralElection。It'sevidentlymeanttostraintheLordsandprovokeaquarrel。"
　　"Youmight，Ithink，havestayedtofightfortheBudget。"
　　"I'mnot，"Isaid，"sokeenagainsttheLords。"
　　Onthatwehalted。
　　"Butwhatareyougoingtodo？"sheasked。
　　"IshallmakemyquarreloversomepointsintheBudget。Ican'tquitetellyouyetwheremychancewillcome。ThenIshalleitherresignmyseat——orifthingsdrifttodissolutionIshallstandagain。"
　　"It'spoliticalsuicide。"
　　"Notaltogether。"
　　"Ican'timagineyououtofParliamentagain。It'sjustlike——likeundoingallwehavedone。Whatwillyoudo？"
　　"Write。Makeanew，moredefiniteplaceformyself。Youknow，ofcourse，there'salreadyasortofgroupaboutCruppandGane。"
　　Margaretseemedlostforatimeinpainfulthought。
　　"Forme，"shesaidatlast，"ourpoliticalworkhasbeenareligion——
　　ithasbeenmorethanareligion。"
　　Iheardinsilence。Ihadnoformofprotestavailableagainsttheimplicationsofthat。
　　"AndthenIfindyouturningagainstallweaimedtodo——talkingofgoingover，almostlightly——tothoseothers。"……
　　Shewaswhite-lippedasshespoke。Inthemostcuriouswayshehadcapturedthemoralvaluesofthesituation。Ifoundmyselfprotestingineffectuallyagainstherfixedconviction。"It'sbecauseIthinkmydutyliesinthischangethatImakeit，"Isaid。
　　"Idon'tseehowyoucansaythat，"sherepliedquietly。
　　Therewasanotherpausebetweenus。
　　"Oh！"shesaidandclenchedherhanduponthetable。"Thatitshouldhavecometothis！"
　　Shewasextraordinarilydignifiedandextraordinarilyabsurd。Shewashurtandthwartedbeyondmeasure。Shehadnoplaceinherideas，Ithought，forme。Icouldseehowitappearedtoher，butI
　　couldnotmakeherseeanythingoftheintricateprocessthathadbroughtmetothisdivergence。Theoppositionofourintellectualtemperamentswaslikeagaginmymouth。Whatwasthereformetosay？Aflashofintuitiontoldmethatbehindherwhitedignitywasapassionatedisappointment，ashatteringofdreamsthatneededbeforeeverythingelsethereliefofweeping。
　　"I'vetoldyou，"Isaidawkwardly，"assoonasIcould。"
　　Therewasanotherlongsilence。"Sothatishowwestand，"Isaidwithanairofhavingthingsdefined。Iwalkedslowlytothedoor。
　　Shehadrisenandstoodnowstaringinfrontofher。
　　"Good-night，"Isaid，makingnomovementtowardsourhabitualkiss。
　　"Good-night，"sheansweredinatragicnote……
　　Iclosedthedoorsoftly。Iremainedforamomentorsoonthebiglanding，hesitatingbetweenmybedroomandmystudy。AsIdidsoI
　　heardthesoftrustleofhermovementandtheclickofthekeyinherbedroomdoor。Theneverythingwasstill……
　　Shehidhertearsfromme。Somethinggrippedmyheartatthethought。
　　"Damnation！"Isaidwincing。"Whythedevilcan'tpeopleatleastTHINKinthesamemanner？"
　　2
　　Andthatinsufficientcolloquywasthebeginningofaprolongedestrangementbetweenus。Itwascharacteristicofourrelationsthatweneverreopenedthediscussion。Thethinghadbeenintheairforsometime；wehadrecogniseditnow；thewideningbreachbetweenuswasconfessed。Myownfeelingswerecuriouslydivided。
　　ItisremarkablethatmyveryrealaffectionforMargaretonlybecameevidenttomewiththisquarrel。Thechangesoftheheartareverysubtlechanges。Iamquiteunawarehoworwhenmyearlyromanticloveforherpurityandbeautyandhigh-principleddevotionevaporatedfrommylife；butIdoknowthatquiteearlyinmyparliamentarydaystherehadcomeavague，unconfessedresentmentatthetiethatseemedtoholdmeinservitudetoherstandardsofprivatelivingandpublicact。IfeltIwascaught，andnonethelesssobecauseithadbeenmyownacttorivetonmyshackles。SolongasIstillheldmyselfboundtoherthatresentmentgrew。Now，sinceIhadbrokenmybondsandtakenmylineitwitheredagain，andIcouldthinkofMargaretwithareturningkindliness。
　　ButIstillfeltembarrassmentwithher。Ifeltmyselfdependentuponherforhouseroomandfoodandsocialsupport，asitwereunderfalsepretences。Iwouldhavelikedtohaveseparatedourfinancialaffairsaltogether。ButIknewthattoraisetheissuewouldhaveseemedalastbrutalindelicacy。SoItriedalmostfurtivelytokeepmypersonalexpenditurewithinthescopeoftheprivateincomeImadebywriting，andwewentouttogetherinhermotorbrougham，dinedandmadeappearances，metpolitelyatbreakfast——partedatnightwithakissuponhercheek。Thelockingofherdooruponme，whichatthattimeIquiteunderstood，whichI
　　understandnow，becameforatimeinmymind，throughsomeobscureprocessofthesoul，anoffence。Inevercrossedthelandingtoherroomagain。
　　Inallthismatter，and，indeed，inallmyrelationswithMargaret，IperceivenowIbehavedbadlyandfoolishly。MymanifestblunderisthatI，whowasseveralyearsolderthanshe，muchsubtlerandinmanywayswiser，neverinanymeasuresoughttoguideandcontrolher。AfterourmarriageItreatedheralwaysasanequal，andlethergoherway；heldherresponsibleforalltheweakandineffectiveandunfortunatethingsshesaidanddidtome。Shewasn'tcleverenoughtojustifythat。Itwasn'tfairtoexpecthertosympathise，anticipate，andunderstand。Ioughttohavetakencareofher，ropedhertomewhenitcametocrossingthedifficultplaces。IfIhadlovedhermore，andwiselierandmoretenderly，iftherehadnotbeentheconsciousnessofmyfinancialdependenceonheralwaysstiffeningmypride，Ithinkshewouldhavemovedwithmefromtheoutset，andlefttheLiberalswithme。ButshedidnotgetanyinklingoftheendsIsoughtinmychangeofsides。Itmusthaveseemedtoherinexplicableperversity。Shehad，Iknew——forsurelyIknewitthen——animmensecapacityforloyaltyanddevotion。
　　Thereshewaswiththesetreasuresuntouched，neglectedandperplexed。Awomanwholoveswantstogive。Itisthedutyandbusinessofthemanshehasmarriedforlovetohelphertohelpandgive。ButIwasstupid。Myeyeshadneverbeenopened。Iwasstiffwithheranddifficulttoher，becauseevenonmyweddingmorningtherehadbeen，deepdowninmysoul，voicelessthoughpresent，somethingweaklyprotesting，afaintperceptionofwrong-
　　doing，theinfinitesimallysmall，slow-multiplyinggermsofshame。
　　3
　　ImademybreachwiththepartyontheBudget。
　　InmanywaysIwasdisposedtoregardthe1909Budgetasafinepieceofstatecraft。ItsproductionwascertainlyaveryunexpecteddisplayofvigourontheLiberalside。But，onthewhole，thismovementtowardscollectivistorganisationonthepartoftheLiberalsratherstrengthenedthanweakenedmyresolvetocrossthefloorofthehouse。Itmadeitmorenecessary，Ithought，toleaventhepurelyobstructiveandreactionaryelementsthatwereatoncemanifestintheopposition。Iassailedthelandtaxationproposalsinonemainspeech，andaseriesofminorspeechesincommittee。
　　ThelineofattackIchosewasthatthelandwasagreatpublicservicethatneededtobecontrolledonbroadandfar-sightedlines。
　　Ihadnoobjectiontoitsnationalisation，butIdidobjectmoststrenuouslytotheideaofleavingitinprivatehands，andattemptingtoproducebeneficialsocialresultsthroughthepressureoftaxationupontheland-owningclass。Thatmightbreakitupinanutterlydisastrousway。Thedriftofthegovernmentproposalswasallinthedirectionofsweatingthelandownertogetimmediatevaluesfromhisproperty，andsuchacourseofactionwasboundtogiveusanirritatedandvindictiveland-owningclass，theclassuponwhichwehadhithertorelied——notunjustifiably——forcertainbroad，patrioticservicesandaninfluenceuponourcollectivejudgmentsthatnootherclassseemedpreparedtoexercise。Abolishlandlordismifyouwill，Isaid，buyitout，butdonotdriveittoadefensivefight，andleaveitstillsufficientlystrongandwealthytobecomeamalcontentelementinyourstate。YouhavetaxedandcontrolledthebrewerandthepublicanuntiltheoutragedLiquorInteresthasbecomeanationaldanger。Younowproposetodothesamethingonalargerscale。Youturnaclasswhichhasmanyfineandtrulyaristocratictraditionstowardsrevolt，andthereisnothingintheseoranyotherofyourproposalsthatshowsanysenseoftheneedforleadershiptoreplacethesetraditionalleadersyouareousting。Thiswasthesubstanceofmycase，andIhammeredatitnotonlyintheHouse，butinthepress……
　　TheKinghampsteaddivisionremainedforsometimeinsensitivetomydefection。
　　Thenitwokeupsuddenly，andbegan，inthecolumnsoftheKINGSHAMPSTEADGUARDIAN，anindignant，confusedoutcry。Iwastreatedtoanopenletter，signedJuniusSecundus，"andIrepliedinprovocativeterms。Thereweretwothinlyattendedpublicmeetingsatdifferentendsoftheconstituency，andthenIhadacorrespondencewithmyoldfriendParvill，thephotographer，whichendedinmyseeingadeputation。
　　Myimpressionisthatitconsistedofabouteighteenortwentypeople。Theyhadhadtocomeupstairstomeandtheyweremanifestlyfullofindignationandalittleshortofbreath。TherewasParvillhimself，J。P。，dressedwhollyinblack——Ithinktomarkhissenseoftheoccasion——andcuriouslysuggestiveinhisrespectformycharacterandhisconcernforthehonourablenessoftheKINGHAMPSTEADGUARDIANeditor，ofMarkAntonyatthefuneralofCesar。TherewasMrs。Bulger，alsoinmourning；shehadneverabandonedthewidow'sstreamerssincethedeathofherhusbandtenyearsago，andherloyaltytoLiberalismoftheseveresttypewaspartasitwereofherweeds。TherewasanephewofSirRoderickNewton，abrightyoungHebrewofthegravertype，andacoupleofdissentingministersinhighcollarsandhatsthatstoppedhalfwaybetweenthebowlerofthisworldandtheshovel-hatofheaven。
　　TherewasalsoayoungsolicitorfromLurkydoneinthehorseystyle，andtherewasaverylittlenervousmanwithahighbrowandafacecontractingbelowasthoughthejawbonesandteethhadbeentakenoutandthefeaturescompressed。Therestofthedeputation，whichincludedtwootherpublic-spiritedladiesandseveralministersofreligion，mighthavebeenrakedoutofanyomnibusgoingStrandwardduringtheMaymeetings。TheythrustParvillforwardasspokesman，andmanifestedastrongdispositiontosay"Hear，hear！"tohismorestrenuousprotestsprovidedmyeyewasn'tuponthematthetime。
　　IregardedthisappallingdeputationasParvill'sapologeticbutquitedefiniteutterancesdrewtoanend。Ihadamomentofvision。
　　BehindthemIsawthewonderfularrayofskeletonforcesthatstandforpublicopinion，thatareasmuchpublicopinionasexistsindeedatthepresenttime。Thewholeprocessofpoliticswhichbulkssosolidlyinhistoryseemedforthatclairvoyantinstantbutafrothofpettymotivesaboveabysmsofindifference……
　　Someonehadfinished。IperceivedIhadtospeak。
　　"Verywell，"Isaid，"Iwon'tkeepyoulonginreplying。I'llresignifthereisn'tadissolutionbeforenextFebruary，andifthereisIshan'tstandagain。Youdon'twantthebotherandexpenseofabye-electionapprovingmurmursifitcanbeavoided。
　　ButImaytellyouplainlynowthatIdon'tthinkitwillbenecessaryformetoresign，andthesooneryoufindmysuccessorthebetterfortheparty。TheLordsareinacorner；they'vegottofightnowornever，andIthinktheywillthrowouttheBudget。
　　Thentheywillgoonfighting。Itisafightthatwilllastforyears。Theyhaveasortofsocialdiscipline，andyouhaven't。YouLiberalswillfindyourselveswithacountrybehindyou，vaguelyindignantperhaps，buttotallyunpreparedwithanyideaswhateverinthematter，facetofacewiththeproblemofbringingtheBritishconstitutionup-to-date。Anythingmayhappen，providedonlythatitissufficientlyabsurd。IftheKingbackstheLords——andIdon'tseewhyheshouldn't——youhavenoRepublicanmovementwhatevertofallbackupon。YoulostitduringtheEraofGoodTaste。Thecountry，Isay，isdestituteofideas，andyouhavenoideastogiveit。Idon'tseewhatyouwilldo……Formyownpart，Imeantospendayearorsobetweenawindowandmywritingdesk。"
　　Ipaused。"Ithink，gentlemen，"beganParvill，"thatwehearallthiswithverygreatregret……"
　　4
　　MyestrangementfromMargaretstandsinmymemorynowassomethingthatplayeditselfoutwithinthefourwallsofourhouseinRadnorSquare，whichwas，indeed，confinedtothoselimits。IwenttoandfrobetweenmyhouseandtheHouseofCommons，andthedining-roomsandclubsandofficesinwhichwewerepreparingournewdevelopments，inastateofaggressiveandenergeticdissociation，inthenascentstate，asachemistwouldsay。Iwasfreenow，andgreedyforfreshcombination。Ihadatremendoussenseofreleasedenergies。IhadgotbacktothesortofthingIcoulddo，andtotheworkthathadbeenshapingitselfforsolonginmyimagination。
　　Ourpurposenowwasplain，bold，andextraordinarilycongenial。WemeantnolessthantoorganiseanewmovementinEnglishthoughtandlife，toresuscitateaPublicOpinionandpreparethegroundforarevisedandrenovatedrulingculture。
　　ForatimeIseemedquitewonderfullyabletodowhateverIwantedtodo。Shoesmithrespondedtomyfirstadvances。Wedecidedtocreateaweeklypaperasournucleus，andCruppandIsettoworkforthwithtocollectagroupofwritersandspeakers，includingEsmeer，Britten，LordGane，Neal，andoneortwoyoungermen，whichshouldconstituteamoreorlessdefiniteeditorialcouncilaboutme，andmeetataweeklylunchonTuesdaytosustainourgeneralco-
　　operations。WemarkedourclaimuponToryismeveninthecolourofourwrapper，andspokeofourselvescollectivelyastheBlueWeeklies。Butourluncheswereopentoallsortsofguests，andourdeliberationswereneverofacharactertocontrolmeeffectivelyinmyeditorialdecisions。MyonlyinfluentialcouncilloratfirstwasoldBritten，whobecamemysub-editor。Itwascurioushowwetwohadpickedupourancientintimacyagainandresumedtheeasygiveandtakeofourspeculativedreamingschoolboydays。
　　Foratimemylifecentredaltogetheruponthisjournalisticwork。
　　Brittenwasanexperiencedjournalist，andIhadmostofthenecessaryinstinctsforthebusiness。Wemeanttomakethepaperrightandgooddowntothesmallestdetail，andwesetourselvesatthiswithextraordinaryzeal。Itwasn'tourintentiontoshowourpoliticalmotivestoomarkedlyatfirst，andthroughalltheduststormandtumultandstressofthepoliticalstruggleof1910，wemadealittleintellectualoasisofgoodartcriticismandgoodwriting。ItwasthefirmbeliefofnearlyallofusthattheLordsweredestinedtobebeatenbadlyin1910，andourgamewasthelongergameofreconstructionthatwouldbeginwhentheshoutingandtumultofthatimmediateconflictwereover。Meanwhilewehadtogetintotouchwithjustasmanygoodmindsaspossible。
　　Aswefeltourfeet，Idevelopedslowlyandcarefullyabroadlyconceivedandconsistentpoliticalattitude。AsIwillexplainlater，wewerefeministfromtheoutset，thoughthatcausedShoesmithandGanegreatsearchingofheart；wedevelopedEsmeer'sHouseofLordsreformschemeintoageneralcultofthearistocraticvirtues，andwedidmuchtohumaniseandliberalisethenarrowexcellenciesofthatBreak-upofthePoorLawagitation，whichhadbeenorganisedoriginallybyBeatriceandSidneyWebb。Inaddition，withoutanyverydefiniteexplanationtoanyonebutEsmeerandIsabelRivers，andasifitwasquiteasmallmatter，Isetmyselftosecureauniformphilosophicalqualityinourcolumns。
　　That，indeed，wasthepeculiarvirtueandcharacteristicoftheBLUE
　　WEEKLY。Iwasnowverydefinitelyconvincedthatmuchoftheconfusionandfutilityofcontemporarythoughtwasduetothegeneralneedofmetaphysicaltraining……Thegreatmassofpeople——andnotsimplycommonpeople，butpeopleactiveandinfluentialinintellectualthings——arestillquiteuntrainedinthemethodsofthoughtandabsolutelyinnocentofanycriticismofmethod；itisscarcelyacaricaturetocalltheirthinkingacrazypatchwork，discontinuousandchaotic。Theyarriveatconclusionsbyakindofaccident，anddonotsuspectanyotherwaymaybefoundtotheirattainment。Astageabovethisgeneralconditionstandsthatminorityofpeoplewhohaveatsometimeorotherdiscoveredgeneraltermsandacertainuseforgeneralisations。Theyare——tofallbackontheancienttechnicality——Realistsofacrudesort。WhenIsayRealistofcourseImeanRealistasopposedtoNominalist，andnotRealistinthealmostdiametricallydifferentsenseofoppositiontoIdealist。SucharetheBaileys；such，totaketheirgreatprototype，wasHerbertSpencerwhocouldn'treadKant；sucharewholeregimentsofprominentandentirelyself-satisfiedcontemporaries。Theygothroughqueerlittleprocessesofdefinitionandgeneralisationanddeductionwiththecompletestbeliefinthevalidityoftheintellectualinstrumenttheyareusing。TheyareRealists——Cocksurists——inmatteroffact；
　　sentimentalistsinbehaviour。TheBaileyshavinggottothisgloriousstageinmentaldevelopment——itisgloriousbecauseithasnodoubts——werealwaystalkingabouttraining"Experts"toapplythesamesimpleprocesstoalltheaffairsofmankind。Well，Realismisn'tthelastwordofhumanwisdom。Modest-mindedpeople，doubtfulpeople，subtlepeople，andthelike——thekindofpeopleWilliamJameswritesofas"tough-minded，"goonbeyondthismethodicalhappiness，andareforeveraftercriticalofpremisesandterms。
　　Theyaretruer——andlessconfident。Theyhavereachedscepticismandtheartisticmethod。TheyhaveemergedintothenewNominalism。
　　BothIsabelandIbelievefirmlythatthesedifferencesofintellectualmethodmatterprofoundlyintheaffairsofmankind，thatthecollectivemindofthisintricatecomplexmodernstatecanonlyfunctionproperlyuponneo-Nominalistlines。Thishasalwaysbeenhersideofourmentalco-operationratherthanmine。Hermindhasthelightmovementthatgoessooftenwithnaturalmentalpower；
　　shehasawonderfulartinillustration，and，asthereaderprobablyknowsalready，shewritesofmetaphysicalmatterswithararecharmandvividness。Sofartherehasbeennocollectionofherpaperspublished，buttheyaretobefoundnotonlyintheBLUEWEEKLY
　　columnsbutscatteredaboutthemonthlies；manypeoplemustbefamiliarwithherstyle。Itwasanintentionwedidmuchtorealisebeforeourprivatedownfall，thatwewouldusetheBLUEWEEKLYtomaintainastreamofsuggestionagainstcrudethinking，andatlastscarcelyaweekpassedbutsomepopulardistinction，somelargeimposinggeneralisation，wastouchedtoflacciditybyherpenormine……
　　Iwasatgreatpainstogivemyphilosophical，political，andsocialmatterthebestliteraryandcriticalbackingwecouldgetinLondon。Ihuntedsedulouslyforgooddescriptivewritingandgoodcriticism；Iwasindefatigableinmyreadinesstohearandconsider，ifnottoacceptadvice；Iwatchedeverycornerofthepaper，andhadadozenmenalerttogetmespecialmatterofthesortthatdrawsintheunattachedreader。Thechiefdangerontheliterarysideofaweeklyisthatitshouldfallintothehandsofsomeparticularschool，andthisIwatchedforclosely。Itseemsimpossibletogetvividnessofapprehensionandbreadthofviewtogetherinthesamecritic。Soitfallstothewiseeditortosecurethefirstandimposethesecond。DirectlyIdetectedtheshrillpartisannoteinourcriticism，theattempttopuffapoorthingbecauseitwas"intherightdirection，"ordamnavigorouspieceofworkbecauseitwasn't，Itackledthemanandhaditoutwithhim。Ourpaywasgoodenoughforthattomatteragooddeal……
　　Ourdistinctivelittleblueandwhiteposterkeptupitsneatpersistentappealtothepubliceye，andbefore1911wasout，theBLUEWEEKLYwasprintingtwentypagesofpublishers'advertisements，andwentintoalltheclubsinLondonandthree-quartersofthecountryhouseswhereweek-endpartiesgathertogether。Itssalebynewsagentsandbookstallsgrewsteadily。Onegotmoreandmorethereassuringsenseofbeingdiscussed，andinfluencingdiscussion。
　　5
　　OurofficewasattheverytopofabigbuildingneartheendofAdelphiTerrace；themainwindowbesidemydesk，abigundividedwindowofplateglass，lookedoutuponCleopatra'sNeedle，thecorneroftheHotelCecil，thefinearchesofWaterlooBridge，andthelongsweepofsouthbankwithitsshottowersandchimneys，pastBanksidetothedimlyseenpiersofthegreatbridgebelowtheTower。ThedomeofSt。Paul'sjustfloatedintoviewontheleftagainstthehotelfacade。Bynightandday，ineverylightandatmosphere，itwasabeautifulandvariousview，aliveasathrobbingheart；aperpetualflowoftrafficploughedandsplashedthestreamingsilveroftheriver，andbynighttheshapesofthingsbecamevelvetblackandgrey，andthewaterashiningmirrorofsteel，wearingcoruscatinggemsoflight。IntheforegroundtheEmbankmenttramssailedglowingby，acrossthewateradvertisementsflashedandflickered，trainswentandcameandarollingdriftofsmokereflectedunseenfires。Bydaythatspectaclewassometimesamarvelofshiningwetandwind-clearedatmosphere，sometimesamysteryofdriftingfog，sometimesamiracleofcrowdeddetails，minutelyfine。
　　AsIthinkofthatview，sovariouslyspaciousineffect，Iambackthere，andthissunlitpapermightbelamp-litandlyingonmyolddesk。Iseeitallagain，feelitallagain。Intheforegroundisagreenshadedlampandcrumpledgalleyslipsandpagedproofsandletters，twoorthreepapersinmanuscript，andsoforth。Intheshadowsarechairsandanothertablebearingpapersandbooks，arotatingbookcasedimlyseen，alongwindowseatblackinthedarkness，andthenthecoolunbrokenspectacleofthewindow。HowoftenIwouldwatchsometram-car，somestringofbargesgofrommeslowlyoutofsight。Thepeoplewereblackanimalculaebyday，clustering，collecting，dispersing，bynight，theywerephantomface-speckscoming，vanishing，stirringobscurelybetweenlightandshade。
　　Irecallmanyhoursatmydeskinthatroombeforethecrisiscame，hoursfullofthepeculiarhappinessofeffectivestrenuouswork。
　　Oncesomepieceofwritingwenton，holdingmeintentandforgetfuloftimeuntilIlookedupfromthewarmcircleofmyelectriclamptoseetheeastwardskyabovethepalesilhouetteoftheTowerBridge，flushedandbandedbrightlywiththedawn。
　　CHAPTERTHEFOURTH
　　THEBESETTINGOFSEX
　　1
　　Artisselectionandsoismostautobiography。ButIamconcernedwithamoretangledbusinessthanselection，Iwanttoshowacontemporarymaninrelationtothestateandsocialusage，andthesocialorganisminrelationtothatman。TotellmystoryatallI
　　havetosimplify。Ihavegivennowthebroadlinesofmypoliticaldevelopment，andhowIpassedfrommyinitialliberal-socialismtotheconceptionofaconstructivearistocracy。Ihavetriedtosetthatoutintheformofamandiscoveringhimself。Incidentallythatself-developmentledtoaprofoundbreachwithmywife。Onehasreadstoriesbeforeofhusbandandwifespeakingseverallytwodifferentlanguagesandcomingtoanunderstanding。ButMargaretandIbeganinherdialect，and，asIcamemoreandmoretousemyown，diverged。
　　IhadthoughtwhenImarriedthatthematterofwomankindhadendedforme。IhavetriedtotellallthatsexandwomenhadbeentomeuptomymarriedlifewithMargaretandourfatalentanglement，triedtoshowthequeer，crippled，embarrassedandlimitedwayinwhichtheseinterestsbreakuponthelifeofayoungmanundercontemporaryconditions。Idonotthinkmylotwasaveryexceptionalone。Imissedthechanceofsistersandgirlplaymates，butthatisnotanuncommonmisadventureinanageofsmallfamilies；InevercametoknowanywomanatallintimatelyuntilI
　　wasmarriedtoMargaret。Myearlierloveaffairswereencountersofsex，underconditionsoffurtivenessandadventurethatmadethemthingsinthemselves，restrictedandunilluminating。FromaboyishdispositiontobemysticalandworshippingtowardswomenIhadpassedintoadisregardfulattitude，asthoughwomenwerethingsinferiororirrelevant，disturbersingreataffairs。ForatimeMargarethadblottedoutallotherwomen；shewassodifferentandsonear；shewaslikeapersonwhostandssuddenlyinfrontofalittlewindowthroughwhichonehasbeensurveyingacrowd。Shedidn'tbecomewomankindformesomuchaseliminatewomankindfrommyworld……Andthencamethissecretseparation……
　　UntilthisestrangementandtherapidanduncontrollabledevelopmentofmyrelationswithIsabelwhichchancedtofollowit，Iseemedtohavesolvedtheproblemofwomenbymarriageanddisregard。I
　　thoughtthesethingswereover。IwentaboutmycareerwithMargaretbesideme，herbrowslightlyknit，hermannerfaintlystrenuous，helping，helping；andifwehadnotaltogetherabolishedsexwehadatleastsocircumscribedandisolateditthatitwouldnothaveaffectedthegeneraltenorofourlivesintheslightestdegreeifwehad。
　　Andthen，clothingitselfmoreandmoreintheformofIsabelandherproblems，thisold，thisfundamentalobsessionofmylifereturned。ThethingstoleuponmymindsothatIwasunawareofitsinvasionandhowitwaschangingourlongintimacy。IhavealreadycomparedthelotofthemodernpublicisttoMachiavelliwritinginhisstudy；inhisdaywomenandsexwereasdisregardedinthesehighaffairsas，letussay，thechemistryofairorthewillofthebeastsinthefields；inoursthecasehasaltogetherchanged，andwomanhascomenowtostandbesidethetallcandles，halfinthelight，halfinthemysteryoftheshadows，besetting，interrupting，demandingunrelentinglyanaltogetherunprecedentedattention。I
　　feelthatinthesemattersmylifehasbeenalmosttypicalofmytime。Womaninsistsuponherpresence。Sheisnolongeramerephysicalneed，anaestheticbye-play，asentimentalbackground；sheisamoralandintellectualnecessityinaman'slife。Shecomestothepoliticiananddemands，Issheachildoracitizen？Issheathingorasoul？Shecomestotheindividualman，asshecametomeandasks，Issheacherishedweaklingoranequalmate，anunavoidablehelper？Isshetobetriedandtrustedorguardedandcontrolled，bondorfree？Forifsheisamate，onemustatoncetrustmoreandexactmore，exactingtoil，courage，andthehardest，mostnecessarythingofall，theclearest，mostshameless，explicitnessofunderstanding……
　　2
　　InallmyearlierimaginingsofstatecraftIhadtacitlyassumedeitherthattherelationsofthesexeswereallrightorthatanyhowtheydidn'tconcernthestate。Itwasamatterthey，whoever"they"
　　were，hadtosettleamongthemselves。Thatsortofdisregardwaspossiblethen。Butevenbefore1906therewereendlessintimationsthatthedamsholdingbackgreatreservoirsofdiscussionwerecrumbling。Wepoliticalschemerswereploughingwiderthananyonehadploughedbeforeinthefieldofsocialreconstruction。Wehadalso，werealised，toploughdeeper。Wehadtoploughdownatlasttothepassionateelementsofsexualrelationshipandexamineanddecideuponthem。
　　Thesignsmultiplied。InayearorsohalfthepoliceofthemetropoliswerescarcesufficienttoprotecttheHousefromoneclamorousaspectofthenewproblem。ThememberswentaboutWestminsterwithanodd，newsenseofbeingbeset。AgoodproportionofuskeptupthepretencethattheVoteforWomenwasanisolatedfad，andtheagitationanepidemicmadnessthatwouldpresentlypass。Butitwasmanifesttoanyonewhosoughtmorethancomfortinthematterthatthestreamsofwomenandsympathisersandmoneyforthcomingmarkedfardeeperandwiderthingsthananidlefancyforthefranchise。TheexistinglawsandconventionsofrelationshipbetweenManandWomanwerejustasunsatisfactoryadisorderasanythingelseinourtumbledconfusionofaworld，andthatalsowascomingtobearuponstatecraft。
　　MyfirstparliamentwastheparliamentoftheSuffragettes。Idon'tproposetotellhereofthatamazingcampaign，withitsabsurditiesandfollies，itscourageanddevotion。Therewereaspectsofthatunquenchableagitationthatwereabsolutelyheroicandaspectsthatwereabsolutelypitiful。Itwasunreasonable，unwise，and，exceptforitsonecentralinsistence，astonishinglyincoherent。Itwasamazinglyeffective。Theveryincoherenceofthedemandwitnessed，Ithink，totheforcesthatlaybehindit。Itwasn'tasimpleargumentbasedonasimpleassumption；itwasthefirstcrudeexpressionofagreatmassandminglingofconvergentfeelings，ofawidespread，confusedpersuasionamongmoderneducatedwomenthattheconditionsoftheirrelationswithmenwereoppressive，ugly，dishonouring，andhadtobealtered。TheyhadnotmerelyadoptedtheVoteasasymbolofequality；itwasfairlymanifesttomethat，givenit，theymeanttouseit，andtouseitperhapsevenvindictivelyandblindly，asaweaponagainstmanythingstheyhadeveryreasontohate……
　　Iremember，withexceptionalvividness，thatgreatnightearlyinthesessionof1909，when——Ithinkitwas——fiftyorsixtywomenwenttoprison。IhadbeendiningattheBarham's，andLordBarhamandI
　　camedownfromthedirectionofSt。James'sParkintoacrowdandaconfusionoutsidetheCaxtonHall。WefoundourselvesdriftingwithanimmensemultitudetowardsParliamentSquareandparallelwithasilent，close-packedcolumnofgirlsandwomen，forthemostpartwhite-facedandintent。Istillremembertheeffectoftheirfacesuponme。Itwasquitedifferentfromthegeneraleffectofstaringaboutanddividedattentiononegetsinapoliticalprocessionofmen。Therewasanexpressionofheroictension。
　　Therehadbeenaprettydeliberateappealonthepartofthewomen'sorganiserstotheUnemployed，whohadbeendemonstratingthroughoutthatwinter，tojoinforceswiththemovement，andtheresultwasshowninthequalityofthecrowduponthepavement。Itwasanugly，dangerous-lookingcrowd，butasyetgood-temperedandsympathetic。WhenatlastwegotwithinsightoftheHousethesquarewasaseethingseatofexcitedpeople，andthearrayofpoliceonhorseandonfootmighthavebeenassembledforarevolutionaryoutbreak。ThereweredensemassesofpeopleupWhitehall，andrightontoWestminsterBridge。Thescufflethatendedinthearrestswasthepoorestexplosiontofollowsuchstupendouspreparations……
　　3
　　Lateroninthatyearthewomenbegananewattack。Dayandnight，andallthroughthelongnightsoftheBudgetsittings，atallthepiersofthegatesofNewPalaceYardandatSt。Stephen'sPorch，stoodwomenpickets，andwatchedussilentlyandreproachfullyaswewenttoandfro。Theywerewomenofallsorts，though，ofcourse，theindependentworker-classpredominated。Thereweregrey-headedoldladiesstandingthere，sturdilycharmingintherain；battered-
　　looking，ambiguouswomen，withsomethingofthedesperatebitternessofbatteredwomenshowingintheireyes；north-countryfactorygirls；cheaply-dressedsuburbanwomen；trim，comfortablemothersoffamilies；valiant-eyedgirlgraduatesandundergraduates；lank，hungry-lookingcreatures，whostirredone'simagination；oneverydaintylittlewomanindeepmourning，Irecall，graveandsteadfast，witheyesfixedondistantthings。Someofthosewomenlookeddefiant，sometimidlyaggressive，somefullofthestirofadventure，somedroopingwithcoldandfatigue。Thesupplyneverceased。Ihadamortalfearthatsomehowthesupplymighthaltorcease。Ifoundthatcontinualsiegeofthelegislatureextraordinarilyimpressive——infinitelymoreimpressivethanthefeeble-forcible"ragging"ofthemoremilitantsection。Ithoughtoftheappealthatmustbegoingthroughthecountry，summoningthewomenfromcountlessscatteredhomes，rooms，colleges，toWestminster。
　　IremembertoothepettylittledifficultyIfeltwhetherIshouldignorethesepicketsaltogether，orliftahatasIhurriedpastwithavertedeyes，orlooktheminthefaceasIdidso。TowardstheendtheHouseevokedanetiquetteofsalutation。
　　4
　　Therewasatendency，evenonthepartofitssympathisers，totreatthewholesuffrageagitationasifitwereadisconnectedissue，irrelevanttoallotherbroaddevelopmentsofsocialandpoliticallife。Westruggled，allofus，toignoretheindicatingfingeritthrustoutbeforeus。"Yourschemes，foralltheirbigness，"itinsistedtoourreluctant，avertedminds，"stilldon'tgodowntotheessentialthings……"
　　Wehavetogodeeper，orourinadequatechildren'sinsufficientchildrenwillstarveamidstharvestsofearlessfutility。Thatconservatismwhichworksineveryclasstopreserveinitsessentialsthehabitualdailylifeisallagainstaprofoundertreatmentofpoliticalissues。Thepolitician，almostasabsurdlyasthephilosopher，tendsconstantly，inspiteofmagnificentpreludes，vastintimations，tospecialisehimselfoutoftherealityhehassostupendouslysummoned——heboltsbacktolittleness。Theworldhastobemouldedanew，hecontinuestoadmit，butwithout，headds，anyriskofupsettinghisweek-endvisits，hismorningcupoftea……
　　Thediscussionoftherelationsofmenandwomendisturbseveryone。
　　Itreactsupontheprivatelifeofeveryonewhoattemptsit。Andatanyparticulartimeonlyasmallminorityhaveapersonalinterestinchangingtheestablishedstateofaffairs。Habitandinterestareinaconstantlyrecruitedmajorityagainstconsciouschangeandadjustmentinthesematters。Driftrulesus。Thegreatmassofpeople，andanoverwhelmingproportionofinfluentialpeople，arepeoplewhohavebanishedtheirdreamsandmadetheircompromise。Wonderfulandbeautifulpossibilitiesarenolongertobethoughtabout。Theyhavegivenupanyaspirationsforintenselove，theirsplendidoffspring，forkeendelights，haveacceptedacultivatedkindlinessandanuncriticalsenseofrighteousnessastheircompensation。It'sasettledaffairwiththem，asettled，dangerousaffair。Mostofthemfear，andmanyhate，theslightestreminderofthoseabandoneddreams。AsDaytononcesaidtothePentagramCircle，whenwewerediscussingtheproblemofauniversalmarriageanddivorcelawthroughouttheEmpire，"Iamforleavingallthesethingsalone。"Andthen，withagroaninhisvoice，"Leavethemalone！Leavethemallalone！"
　　Thatwashiswholespeechfortheevening，inanoteofsuppressedpassion，andpresently，againstallouretiquette，hegotupandwentout。
　　Forsomeyearsaftermymarriage，Itoowasforleavingthemalone。
　　Idevelopedadreadanddislikeforromance，foremotionalmusic，forthehumanfigureinart——turningmyhearttolandscape。I
　　wantedtosneeratloversandtheirecstasies，andwasuncomfortableuntilIfoundtheeffectivesneer。Inmattersofprivatemoralstheseweremymostuncharitableyears。Ididn'twanttothinkofthesethingsanymoreforever。Ihatedthepeoplewhosetalkorpracticeshowedtheywerenotofmyopinion。Iwantedtobelievethattheirviewswereimmoralandobjectionableandcontemptible，becauseIhaddecidedtotreatthemasatthatlevel。Iwas，infact，fallingintotheattitudeofthenormaldecentman。
　　Andyetonecannothelpthinking！Thesensiblemoralisedmanfindsithardtoescapethestreamofsuggestionthattherearestilldreamsbeyondthesecommonplaceacquiescences，——theappealofbeautysuddenlyshininguponone，themothlikestirringsofserenesummernights，thesweetnessofdistantmusic……
　　Itisoneoftheparadoxicalfactorsinourpubliclifeatthepresenttime，whichpenalisesabandonmenttolovesoabundantlyandsoheavily，thatpower，influenceandcontrolfalllargelytounencumberedpeopleandsterilepeopleandpeoplewhohavemarriedforpassionlesspurposes，peoplewhoseverydeficiencyinfeelinghasleftthemfreetofollowambition，peoplebeautyblind，whodon'tunderstandwhatitistofallinlove，whatitistodesirechildrenorhavethem，whatitistofeelintheirbloodandbodiesthesupremeclaimofgoodbirthsandselectivebirthsaboveallotheraffairsinlife，peoplealmostofnecessityaversefromthismostfundamentalaspectofexistence……
　　5
　　Itwasn't，however，mydeepeningsympathywithandunderstandingofthepositionofwomeningeneral，orthechangeinmyideasaboutalltheseintimatethingsmyfastfriendshipwithIsabelwasbringingabout，thatledmetothehereticalviewsIhaveinthelastfiveyearsdraggedfromtheregionofacademicandtimiddiscussionintothefieldofpracticalpolitics。Thoseinfluences，nodoubt，haveconvergedtothesameend，andgivenmeapowerfulemotionalpushuponmyroad，butitwasabroaderandcolderviewofthingsthatfirstdeterminedmeinmyattempttografttheEndowmentofMotherhoodinsomeformorotheruponBritishImperialism。NowthatIamexiledfromthepoliticalworld，itispossibletoestimatejusthoweffectuallythatgraftinghasbeendone。
　　Ihaveexplainedhowtheideasofatrainedaristocracyandauniversaleducationgrewtoparamountimportanceinmypoliticalscheme。Itisbutashortstepfromthistothequestionofthequantityandqualityofbirthsinthecommunity，andfromthatagaintotheseforbiddenandfear-besettopicsofmarriage，divorce，andthefamilyorganisation。Asporadicdiscussionoftheseaspectshadbeengoingonforyears，aEugenicsocietyexisted，andarticlesontheFallingBirthRate，andtheRapidMultiplicationoftheUnfitwerestaplesofthemonthlymagazines。Butbeyondanintermittentscoldingofprosperouschildlesspeopleingeneral——oneneveraddressedtheminparticular——nothingwasdonetowardsarrestingthoseadverseprocesses。Almostagainstmynaturalinclination，I
　　foundmyselfforcedtogointothesethings。Icametotheconclusionthatundermodernconditionstheisolatedprivatefamily，basedontheexistingmarriagecontract，wasfailinginitswork。
　　Itwasn'tproducingenoughchildren，andchildrengoodenoughandwelltrainedenoughforthedemandsofthedevelopingcivilisedstate。Ourcivilisationwasgrowingoutwardly，anddecayinginitsintimatesubstance，andunlessitwaspresentlytocollapse，someveryextensiveandcourageousreorganisationwasneeded。Theoldhaphazardsystemofpairing，qualifiedmoreandmorebyworldlydiscretions，nolongersecuresayoungpopulationnumerousenoughorgoodenoughforthegrowingneedsandpossibilitiesofourEmpire。
　　Statecraftsitsweavingsplendidgarments，nodoubt，butwithapuny，ugly，insufficientbabyinthecradle。
　　Noonesofarhasdaredtotakeupthisproblemasapresentquestionforstatecraft，butitcomesunheralded，unadvocated，andsitsateverylegislativeboard。Everyimprovementisprovisionalexcepttheimprovementoftherace，anditbecamemoreandmoredoubtfultomeifwewereimprovingtheraceatall！Splendidandbeautifulandcourageouspeoplemustcometogetherandhavechildren，womenwiththeirfinesensesandgloriousdevotionmustbefreedfromthenetthatcompelsthemtobecelibate，compelsthemtobechildlessanduseless，ortobearchildrenignoblytomenwhomneedandignoranceandthetreacherouspressureofcircumstanceshaveforceduponthem。Weallknowthat，andsofewdareeventowhisperitforfearthattheyshouldseem，inseekingtosavethefamily，tothreatenitsexistence。Itisasifapartyofpigmiesinanottoocapaciousroomhadbeenjoinedbyacarnivorousgiant——
　　anddecidedtogoonlivinghappilybycuttinghimdead……
　　Theproblemthedevelopingcivilisedstatehastosolveishowitcangetthebestpossibleincreaseunderthebestpossibleconditions。Ibecamemoreandmoreconvincedthattheindependentfamilyunitofto-day，inwhichthemanismasterofthewifeandownerofthechildren，inwhichallaredependentuponhim，subordinatedtohisenterprisesandliabletofollowhisfortunesupordown，doesnotsupplyanythinglikethebestconceivableconditions。Wewanttomodernisethefamilyfootingaltogether。Anenormouspremiumbothinpleasureandcompetitiveefficiencyisputuponvoluntarychildlessness，andenormousinducementsareheldouttowomentosubordinateinstinctiveandselectivepreferencestosocialandmaterialconsiderations。
　　Thepracticalreactionofmodernconditionsupontheoldtraditionofthefamilyisthis：thatbeneaththepretencethatnothingischanging，secretlyandwithalltheunwholesomenessofsecrecyeverythingischanged。Offspringfallaway，thebirthratefallsandfallsmostamongjustthemostefficientandactiveandbestadaptedclassesinthecommunity。Thespeciesisrecruitedfromamongitsfailuresandfromamonglesscivilisedaliens。
　　Contemporarycivilisationsareineffectburningthebestoftheirpossiblebabiesinthefurnacesthatrunthemachinery。IntheUnitedStatesthenativeAnglo-Americanstrainhasscarcelyincreasedatallsince1830，andinmostWesternEuropeancountriesthesameisprobablytrueoftheablestandmostenergeticelementsinthecommunity。Thewomenoftheseclassesstillremainlegallyandpracticallydependentandprotected，withtheonlynaturalexcusefortheirdependencegone……
　　Themodernworldbecomesanimmensespectacleofunsatisfactorygroupings；herechildlesscouplesboredtodeathinthehopelessefforttosustainanincessanthoneymoon，herehomesinwhichasolitarychildgrowsunsocially，heresmalltwoorthree-childhomesthatdonomorethancontinuethecultureoftheparentsatagreatsocialcost，herenumbersofunhappyeducatedbutchildlessmarriedwomen，herecareless，decivilisedfecundhomes，hereorphanagesandasylumsfortheheedlesslybegotten。ItisjustthedisorderlyproliferationofBromsteadoveragain，inlivesinsteadofinhouses。
　　Whatisthegood，whatisthecommonsense，ofrectifyingboundaries，pushingresearchanddiscovery，buildingcities，improvingallthefacilitiesoflife，makinggreatfleets，wagingwars，whilethisaimlessdecadenceremainsthequalityofthebiologicaloutlook？……
　　ItisdifficultnowtotracehowIchangedfrommyearlyaversionuntilIfacedthismassofproblems。Butsofarbackas1910IhaditclearinmymindthatIwouldratherfailutterlythanparticipateinallthesurrendersofmindandbodythatareimpliedinDayton'ssnarlof"Leaveitalone；leaveitallalone！"Marriageandthebegettingandcareofchildren，istheverygroundsubstanceinthelifeofthecommunity。Inaworldinwhicheverythingchanges，inwhichfreshmethods，freshadjustmentsandfreshideasperpetuallyrenewthecircumstancesoflife，itispreposterousthatweshouldnotevenexamineintothesematters，shouldrestcontenttoberuledbytheuncriticisedtraditionsofabarbaricage。
　　Now，itseemstomethatthesolutionofthisproblemisalsothesolutionofthewoman'sindividualproblem。Thetwogotogether，arerightandleftofonequestion。TheonlyconceivablewayoutfromourIMPASSEliesintherecognitionofparentage，thatistosayofadequatemothering，asnolongerachanceproductofindividualpassionsbutaservicerenderedtotheState。Womenmustbecomelessandlesssubordinatedtoindividualmen，sincethisworksoutinamoreorlesscompletelimitation，waste，andsterilisationoftheiressentiallysocialfunction；theymustbecomemoreandmoresubordinatedasindividuallyindependentcitizenstothecollectivepurpose。Or，toexpressthethingbyafamiliarphrase，thehighlyorganised，scientificstatewedesiremust，ifitistoexistatall，baseitselfnotupontheirresponsibleman-ruledfamily，butuponthematriarchalfamily，thecitizen-shipandfreedomofwomenandthepublicendowmentofmotherhood。
　　Aftertwogenerationsofconfusedandexperimentalrevoltitgrowscleartomodernwomenthataconscious，deliberatemotherhoodandmotheringistheirspecialfunctionintheState，andthatapersonalsubordinationtoanindividualmanwithanunlimitedpowerofcontroloverthisintimateandsupremedutyisadegradation。Nocontemporarywomanofeducationputtothetestiswillingtorecogniseanyclaimamancanmakeuponherbuttheclaimofherfreely-givendevotiontohim。Shewantstherealityofherchoiceandshemeans"family"whileamantoooftenmeansonlypossession。
　　Thisaltersthespiritofthefamilyrelationshipsfundamentally。
　　Theirformremainsjustwhatitwaswhenwomanwasesteemedapretty，desirable，andincidentallyachild-producing，chattel。
　　Againstthesetime-honouredideasthenewspiritofwomanhoodstrugglesinshame，astonishment，bitterness，andtears……
　　Iconfessmyselfaltogetherfeminist。Ihavenodoubtsinthematter。Iwantthiscoddlingandbrowbeatingofwomentocease。I
　　wanttoseewomencomein，freeandfearless，toafullparticipationinthecollectivepurposeofmankind。Women，Iamconvinced，areasfineasmen；theycanbeaswiseasmen；theyarecapableoffargreaterdevotionthanmen。Iwanttoseethemcitizens，withamarriagelawframedprimarilyforthemandfortheirprotectionandthegoodoftherace，andnotformen'ssatisfactions。IwanttoseethembearingandrearinggoodchildrenintheStateasagenerouslyrewardedpublicdutyandservice，choosingtheirhusbandsfreelyanddiscerningly，andinnowayenslavedbyorsubordinatedtothementheyhavechosen。Thesocialconsciousnessofwomenseemstomeanunworked，analmostuntouchedmineofwealthfortheconstructivepurposeoftheworld。Iwanttochangetherespectivevaluesofthefamilygroupaltogether，andmakethehomeindeedthewomen'skingdomandthemothertheownerandresponsibleguardianofherchildren。
　　Itisnousepretendingthatthisisnotnovelandrevolutionary；itis。TheEndowmentofMotherhoodimpliesanewmethodofsocialorganization，arearrangementofthesocialunit，untriedinhumanexpericnce——asuntriedaselectrictractionwasorflyingin1800。
　　Ofcourse，itmayworkouttomodifymen'sideasofmarriageprofoundly。Tomethatisasecondaryconsideration。Idonotbelievethatparticularassertionmyself，becauseIamconvincedthatapracticalmonogamyisapsychologicalnecessitytothemassofcivilisedpeople。ButevenifIdidbelieveitIshouldstillkeeptomypresentline，becauseitistheonlylinethatwillpreventahighlyorganisedcivilisationfromendinginbiologicaldecay。ThepublicEndowmentofMotherhoodistheonlypossiblewaywhichwillensurethepermanentlydevelopingcivilisedstateatwhichallconstructivemindsareaiming。Apointisreachedinthelife-historyofacivilisationwheneitherthisreconstructionmustbeeffectedorthequalityandMORALEofthepopulationproveinsufficientfortheneedsofthedevelopingorganisation。Itisnotsomuchmoraldecadencethatwilldestroyusasmoralinadaptability。Theoldcodefailsunderthenewneeds。Theonlyalternativetothisprofoundreconstructionisadecayinhumanqualityandsocialcollapse。Eitherthisunprecedentedrearrangementmustbeachievedbyourcivilisation，oritmustpresentlycomeuponaphaseofdisorderandcrumbleandperish，asRomeperished，asFrancedeclines，asthestrainofthePilgrimFathersdwindlesoutofAmerica。Whateverhopetheremaybeintheattempttherefore，thereisnoalternativetotheattempt。
　　6
　　Iwantedpoliticalsuccessnowdearlyenough，butnotatthepriceofconstructiverealities。Thesequestionswerenodoubtmonstrouslydangerousinthepoliticalworld；therewasn'tapoliticianalivewhodidn'tlookscaredatthementionof"TheFamily，"butifraisingtheseissueswereessentialtothesocialreconstructionsonwhichmylifewasset，thatdidnotmatter。ItonlyimpliedthatIshouldtakethemupwithdeliberatecaution。
　　Therewasnoreleasebecauseofriskordifficulty。
　　ThequestionofwhetherIshouldcommitmyselftosomeopenprojectinthisdirectionwasgoingoninmymindconcurrentlywithmyspeculationsaboutachangeofparty，likebassandtrebleinacomplexpieceofmusic。Thetwodrewtoaconclusiontogether。I
　　wouldnotonlygoovertoImperialism，butIwouldattempttobiologiseImperialism。
　　IthoughtatfirstthatIwasundertakingamonstrousuphilltask。
　　ButasIcametolookintothepossibilitiesofthematter，astrongpersuasiongrewupinmymindthatthispanicfearoflegislativeproposalsaffectingthefamilybasiswasexcessive，thatthingsweremuchriperfordevelopmentinthisdirectionthanold-experiencedpeopleoutoftouchwiththeyoungergenerationimagined，thattophrasethethinginaparliamentaryfashion，"somethingmightbedoneintheconstituencies"withtheEndowmentofMotherhoodforthwith，providedonlythatitwasmadeperfectlyclearthatanythingasanepersoncouldpossiblyintendby"morality"wasleftuntouchedbytheseproposals。
　　Iwenttoworkverycarefully。IgotRoperoftheDAILYTELEPHONE
　　andBurkettoftheDIALtotryoverasilly-seasondiscussionofStateHelpforMothers，andIputaseriesofarticlesoneugenics，uponthefallinthebirth-rate，andsimilartopicsintheBLUE
　　WEEKLY，leadinguptoatentativeandgeneralisedadvocacyofthepublicendowmentofthenation'schildren。Iwasmoreandmorestruckbytheacceptancewonbyasoberandrestrainedpresentationofthissuggestion。
　　Andthen，inthefourthyearoftheBLUEWEEKLY'Scareer，cametheHanditchelection，andIwasforcedbytheclamourofmyantagonist，andverywillinglyforced，toputmyconvictionstothetest。I
　　returnedtriumphantlytoWestminsterwiththePublicEndowmentofMotherhoodaspartofmyopenprofessionandwiththefullapprovalofthepartypress。ApplaudingbenchesofImperialistscheeredmeonmywaytothetablebetweenthewhips。
　　ThatsecondtimeItooktheoathIwasnotoneofacrowdofnewmembers，butsalient，anevent，asymbolofprofoundchangesandnewpurposesinthenationallife。
　　Hereitismypoliticalbookcomestoanend，andinasensemybookendsaltogether。FortherestisbuttotellhowIwassweptoutofthisgreatworldofpoliticalpossibilities。IclosethisThirdBookasIopenedit，withanadmissionofdifficultiesandcomplexities，butnowwithapileofmanuscriptbeforemeIhavetoconfessthemunsurmountedandstillentangled。
　　Yetmyaimwasafinalsimplicity。Ihavesoughttoshowmygrowingrealisationthattheessentialqualityofallpoliticalandsocialeffortisthedevelopmentofagreatracemindbehindtheinterplayofindividuallives。Thatisthecollectivehumanreality，thebasisofmorality，thepurposeofdevotion。Tothatourlivesmustbegiven，fromthatwillcometheperpetualfreshreleaseandfurtherennoblementofindividuallives……
　　IhavewantedtomakethatideaofacollectivemindplayinthisbookthepartUnitedItalyplaysinMachiavelli'sPRINCE。Ihavecalleditthehinterlandofreality，shownitaccumulatingadominatingtruthandrightnesswhichmustforcemen'snowsporadicmotivesmoreandmoreintoadisciplinedandunderstandingrelationtoaplan。AndIhavetriedtoindicatehowIsoughttoservethisgreatclarificationofourconfusions……
　　NowIcomebacktopersonalityandthestoryofmyself-betrayal，andhowitisIhavehadtoleaveallthatfar-reachingschemeofmine，amereprojectandbeginningforothermentotakeorleaveasitpleasesthem。
　　BOOKTHEFOURTH
　　ISABEL
　　CHAPTERTHEFIRST
　　LOVEANDSUCCESS