首页 >出版文学> The Price She Paid>第9章
  Cyrillaheldupthepaper。``Thistellshowshebecameoneofthesurestandmostpowerfuldramaticsopranosthateverlived。’’
  ``Shemusthavebeenadullpersontohavebeenabletoleadthekindoflifethat’sdescribedthere,’’saidMildred。
  ``Onlytwokindsofpersonscoulddoit,’’repliedCyrilla——``adullperson——aplodder——andagenius。
  Middlingpeople——they’rethekindthatfilltheworld,they’reyouandI,mydear——middlingpeoplehavetofusswiththetriflesthatmustbesacrificedifoneistodoanythingbig。Youcallthosetriflesyourfreedom,butthey’reyourslavery。AndbysacrificingthemtheLuciaRivisbuytheirfreedom。’’Cyrillalookedatthepaperwithaheavysigh。``Ah,IwishIhadseenthiswhenIwasyourage。Now,it’stoolate。’’
  SaidMildred:``Wouldyouseriouslyadvisemetotrythat?’’
  Cyrillacameandsatbesideherandputanarmaroundher。``Mildred,’’shesaid,``I’veneverthrustadviceonyou。Ionlydaredoitnowbecauseyouaskme,andbecauseIloveyou。Youmusttryit。It’syouronechance。Ifyoudonot,youwillfail。Youdon’tbelieveme?’’
  Inatonethatwasadmission,Mildredsaid:``I
  don’tknow。’’
  ``Keithhasgivenyoutherethesecretofasuccessfulcareer。You’llneverreaditinanybook,orgetitfromanyteacher,orfromanysingerormanagerordoctor。Youmustlivelikethat,youmustdothosethingsoryouwillfaileveninmusicalcomedy。Youwouldfailevenasanactress,ifyoutriedthat,whenyoufoundoutthatthesingingwasoutofthequestion。’’
  Mildredwasimpressed。PerhapsshewouldhavebeenmoreimpressedhadshenotseenKeithandMrs。
  Brindleyinthetaxi,KeithtalkingearnestlyandMrs。
  Brindleylisteningasiftoanoracle。Saidshe:
  ``PerhapsI’lladoptsomeofthesuggestions。’’
  Cyrillashookherhead。``It’saroutetosuccess。
  Youmustgothewholerouteornotatall。’’
  ``Don’tforgetthattherehavebeenothersingersbesidesRivi。’’
  ``NotanythatIrecallwhoweren’tnaturallypowerfulineveryway。Andhowmanyofthembreakdown?
  Mildred,pleasedoputthesillynonsenseaboutnervesandtemperamentandinspirationandoverworkandweatherandclimate——putallthatoutofyourhead。
  Buildyourtempleofacareerashighandgracefulanddelicateasyoulike,butbuilditonthecoarse,hard,solidrock,dear!’’
  Mildredtriedtolaughlightly。``HowMr。Keithdoeshypnotizepeople!’’criedshe。
  Mrs。Brindley’scheeksburned,andhereyesloweredinacuteembarrassment。``Hehasawayofbeingsplendidlyandsensiblyright,’’saidshe。``Andthetruthiswonderfullyconvincing——onceoneseesit。’’
  Shechangedthesubject,anditdidnotcomeup——or,perhaps,comeOUTagain——beforetheywenttobed。
  ThenextdayMildredbeganthedepressing,hopelesssearchforaplacetolivethatwouldbeclean,comfortable,andcheap。Thosethreeadjectivesdescribetheideallodging。butitwillbenotedthatallthesearerelative。Infact,noneofthethreemeansexactlythesamethingtoanytwomembersofthehumanfamily。
  Mildred’snotionofclean——likehernotionofcomfortable——onaccountofherbringingupimpliedalargeelementofluxury。Asfortheword``cheap,’’itreallymeantnothingatalltoher。Fromonestand-
  pointeverythingseemedcheap。fromanother,everythingseemeddear。thatis,toodearforayoungwomanwithlessthanfivehundreddollarsintheworldandnosubstantialprospectofgettingasingledollarmore——
  unlessbyhookandcrook,bothofwhichmeansshewasresolvednottoemploy。
  Neverhavingearnedsomuchasasinglepenny,theideaofanyone’sgivingheranythingforwhatshemightbeabletodowasdisturbinglyvagueandunreal。
  Ontheotherhand,lookingabouther,shesawscoresofmenandwomen,personallyknowntohertobedullofconversation,andnotwellmanneredorwelldressedorwellanything,whoweremakinglivingswithoutoverwhelmingdifficulty。WhynotMildredGower?Inthisviewtheoutlookwasnotdiscouraging。``I’llnodoubtgothroughsomediscomfort,gettingmyselfplaced。ButsomewhereandsomehowIshallbeplaced——andhowIshallrevengemyselfonDonaldKeith!’’
  Hisfascinationforherhadnotbeendestroyedbyhishumiliatinglackofbeliefinher,norbyhiscold-hearteddesertionatjustthecriticalmoment。Buthisconducthadgivenhertheincentiveofrage,ofstungvanity——
  orwoundedpride,ifyouprefer。Shewouldgethimback。shewouldforcehimtoadmit。shewouldwinhim,ifshecould——andthatoughtnottobedifficultwhensheshouldbesuccessful。Havingwonhim,then——
  Whatthen?Somethingsuperbinthewayofrevenge。
  shewoulddecidewhat,whenthehouroftriumphcame。
  Meanwhileshemustsearchforlodgings。
  Inherjourneyingsundertheguidanceofattractiveadvertisementsand``carefullyselected’’agents’lists,shefoundherselfinfrontofherfirstlodgingsinNewYork——thehouseofMrs。Belloc。ShehadoftenthoughtoftheNewEnglandschool-teacher,arrivedbysuchstrangepathsatsuchastrangepositioninNewYork。Shehadstartedtocallonhermanytimes,buteachtimehadbeenturnedaside。NewYorkmakesitmorethandifficulttofindtimetodoanythingthatdoesnothavetobedoneatadefinitetimeandforadefinitereason。Shewaswornoutwithherfutiletrampingsupanddownstreets,upanddownstairs。Upthestonestepsshewentandrangthebell。
  Yes,Mrs。Bellocwasin,andwouldbegladtoseeher,ifMissStevenswouldwaitinthedrawing-roomafewminutes。Shehadnotseatedherselfwhendownthestairscamethefresh,pleasantlycountrifiedvoiceofMrs。Belloc,invitinghertoascend。AsMildredstartedup,shesawattheheadofthestairsthefrankandcheerfulfaceoftheladyherself。Shewasholdingtogetherattheneckathinsilkwrapperwhoselinesstronglysuggestedthatitwastheonlygarmentshehadon。
  ``Whyshouldoldfriendsstandonceremony?’’saidMrs。Belloc。``Comerightup。I’vebeentakingabath。Mymasseusehasjustgone。’’Mrs。Bellocenclosedherinadelightfullyperfumedembrace,andtheykissedwithenthusiasm。
  ``IAMgladtoseeyou,’’saidMildred,feelingallatonceathrillingsenseofat-homeness。``Ididn’trealizehowgladI’dbetillIsawyou。’’
  ``It’dbeaprettystiffsortthatwouldn’tfeelathomewithme,’’observedMrs。Belloc。``NewYorkusuallystiffenspeopleup。It’shadtheoppositeeffectonme。
  ThoughImustsay,IhavelearnedtostiffenwithpeopleIdon’tlike——andI’llhavetoadmitthatIlikefewerandfewer。Peopledon’twearwell,dothey?WhatIS
  thematterwiththem?Whycan’ttheybenaturalandnotmakethemselvesintorubbishy,oldscrap-bagsfulloffakesandpretenses?You’relookingatmyhair。’’
  TheywereinMrs。Belloc’scomfortablesitting-roomnow,andshewassmokingacigaretteandregardingMildredwithanexpressionofdelightthatwasmostflattering。SaidMildred:
  ``Yourhairdoeslookwell。It’sthicker——isn’tit?’’
  ``Thinkso?’’saidMrs。Belloc。``Itoughttobe,withallthetimeandmoneyI’vespentonit。My,howNewYorkdoessetawomantorepairingandfixingup。
  Nothingartificialgoeshere。Itmustn’tbepaintandplumpersandpads,buttherealteeth。Why,I’vehadfourrealteethsetinasiftheywererooted——andmyhipstoneddown。YoumayrememberwhatheavylegsIhad——piano-legs。Lookat’emnow。’’Mrs。Bellocdrewthewrappertoherkneeandexposedinapale-
  bluesilkstockingathinandcomelycalf。
  ``YouHAVEbeenbusy!’’saidMildred。
  ``That’sonlyalittlepart。Istartedtotellyouaboutthehair。Itwasgettinggray——notinanice,prettyway,allover,butinspotsandstreaks。Nothingelsemakesawomanlooksoraggedanddingyandoldasspotted,streakygrayhair。SoIhadthehair-womantouchitup。Shevowsitwon’tmakemyfacehard。
  That’sthetroublewithdyedortouchedhair,youknow。
  Butthisisanewprocess。’’
  ``It’scertainlyasuccess,’’saidMildred。Andinfactitwas,andthankstoitandtheotherimprovementsMrs。
  Bellocwasanattractiveandevenaprettywoman,yearsyoungerthanwhenMildredsawher。
  ``Yes,IthinkI’veimproved,’’saidMrs。Belloc。
  ``Nothingtoscreamabout——butworthwhile。That’swhatwe’realivefor——toimprove——isn’tit?I’venopatiencewithpeoplewhoslideback,ordon’tgeton——
  peoplewhogetlessandlessastheygrowolder。Thetroublewiththemisthey’revain,satisfiedwiththemselvesastheyare,andlazy。Mostwomenaretoolazytolive。They’llonlyfixuptocatchaman。’’
  Mildredhadgrownsoberandthoughtful。
  ``Tocatchaman,’’continuedMrs。Belloc。``Andnotmuchevenforthat。I’llwarrantYOU’REgettingon。
  Tellmeaboutit。’’
  ``Tellmeaboutyourself,first,’’saidMildred。
  ``WHYallthisexcitementaboutimproving?’’
  Andshesmiledsignificantly。
  ``No,you’llhavetoguessagain,’’saidMrs。Belloc。
  ``Notaman。Youremember,IusedtobecrazyaboutgaylifeinNewYork——goingout,andmen,theaters,andlobster-palaces——everythingIdidn’tgetinmyhometown,everythingthecitymeanstothejays。
  Well,I’vegottenoverallthat。I’mimproving,mindandbody,justtokeepmyselfinterestedinlife,tokeepmyselfyoungandcheerful。I’minterestedinmyself,inmyhouseandinwoman’ssuffrage。Notthatthewomenarefittovote。Theyaren’t,anymorethanthemen。ButwhatMAKESpeople?Why,responsibility。
  ThatoldscampImarried——he’sdead。AndI’vegotthemoney,andeverything’sverycomfortablewithme。
  Justthink,Ididn’thaveanylucktillIwasanoldmaidfargone。I’mnottellingmyage。Allmylifeithadrainedbadluck——pitchforks,tinesdown。Andwhy?’’
  ``Yes,why?’’saidMildred。Shedidnotunderstandhowitwas,butMrs。Bellocseemedtobesayingtheexactthingssheneededtohear。
  ``I’lltellyouwhy。BecauseIdidn’twork。Drudgingalongisn’tworkanymorethandawdlingalong。
  Workmeanspurpose,meanshead。Andmyluckbeganjustasanybody’sdoes——whenIroseupandgotbusy。Youmaysayitwasn’tverycreditable,thewayIbegan。butitwasthebest_I_coulddo。Iknowitisn’tgoodmorals,butI’mwillingtobetthatmanyamanhaslaidthefoundationsofabigfinecareerbydoingsomethingthatwasn’tatallniceorright。Hehadtodoit,to`getthrough。’Ifhehadn’tdoneit,he’dneverhave`gotthrough。’Anyhow,whetherthat’ssoornot,everyone’sgottomakeafighttobreakintothepartoftheworldwhereliving’sreallyworthliving。ButI
  needn’ttellYOUthat。You’redoingit。’’
  ``No,I’mnot,’’repliedMildred。``I’mashamedtosayso,butI’mnot。I’vebeenbluffing——andwastingtime。’’
  ``That’sbad,that’sbad,’’saidMrs。Belloc。
  ``Especially,asyou’vegotitinyoutogetthere。What’sbeenthetrouble?Thewrongkindofassociations?’’
  ``Partly,’’saidMildred。
  Mrs。Belloc,watchingherinterestedly,suddenlylightedup。``Whynotcomebackheretolive?’’saidshe。``Now,pleasedon’trefusetillIexplain。YourememberwhatkindofpeopleIhadhere?’’
  Mildredsmiled。``Rather——unconventional?’’
  ``That’spolite。Well,I’vecleared’emout。NotthatImindedtheirunconventionality。Ilikedit。Itwassodifferentfromthestraight-jacketsandthehypocrisyI’dbeenlivingamongandhating。ButIsoonfoundoutthat——well,MissStevens,theaveragehumanbeingoughttobeprettyconventionalinhismoralsofacertainkind。Ifhe——orSHE——isn’t,theybegintogetunconventionalineveryway——aboutpayingtheirbills,forinstance,andaboutdrinking。Igotsickandtiredofthosepeople。So,Iput’emallout——madeasweep。AndnowI’vebecomequiteasrespectableasIcaretobe——orasisnecessary。Thecouplesinthehousearemarried,andthey’renicepeopleofgoodfamilies。ItwasMrs。Dyckman——she’sgotthewholesec-
  ondfloorfront,sheandherhusbandandthedaughter——itwasMrs。Dyckmanwhointerestedmeinthesuffragemovement。Youmusthearherspeak。Andthedaughterdoeswellatit,too——andkeepsafashionablemillinery-shop——andshe’sonlytwenty-four。Thenthere’sNoraBlond。’’
  ``Theactress?’’
  ``Theactress。She’sthequietest,hardest-workingpersonhere。She’sgotthewholefirstfloorfront。
  Nobodyevercomestoseeher,exceptonSundayafternoon。
  Sheleadsthequeerestlife。’’
  ``Tellmeaboutthat,’’saidMildred。
  ``Idon’tknowmuchaboutit,’’confessedMrs。
  Belloc。``She’sregularasaclock——doeseverythingontime,andatthesametime。Twomealsaday——oneofthemadrylittlebreakfastshegetsherself。Walks,fencing,athletics,study。’’
  ``Whatslavery!’’
  ``She’sthehappiestpersonIeversaw,’’retortedMrs。
  Belloc。``Why,she’sgotherwork,hercareer。Youdon’tlookatitright,MissStevens。Youdon’tlookhappy。What’sthematter?Isn’titbecauseyouhaven’tbeenworkingright——becauseyou’vebeendoingtheseallegedpleasantthingsthatleaveabadtasteinyourmouthandweakenyou?I’llbet,ifyouhadbeenworkinghard,you’dnotbeunhappynow。Bettercomeheretolive。’’
  ``Willyouletmetellyouaboutmyself?’’
  ``Gorightahead。MayIaskquestions,whereI
  wanttoknowmore?Idohatetogetthingshalfway。’’
  Mildredfreelygaveherleave,thenproceededtotellherwholestory,omittingnothingthatwasessentialtoanunderstanding。Inconclusionshesaid:``I’dliketocome。Yousee,I’veverylittlemoney。Whenit’sgone,I’llgo,unlessImakesomemore。’’
  ``Yes,youmustcome。ThatMrs。Brindleyseemstobeanicewoman,amightynicewoman。Butherhouse,andthepeoplethatcomethere——theyaren’ttherightsortforagirlthat’smakingastart。Icangiveyouaroomonthetopfloor——infront。Theyoungladynexttoyouisaclerkinanarchitect’soffice,andafinegirlsheis。’’
  ``Howmuchdoesshepay?’’saidMildred。
  ``Yourroomwon’tbequiteasniceashers。Iputyouatthetopbecauseyoucansingupthere,partofthemorningsandpartoftheafternoons,withoutdisturbinganybody。Idon’thaveageneraltableanymore。Youcantakeyourmealsinyourroomorattherestaurantintheapartment-housenextdoor。It’sgoodandquitereasonable。’’
  ``Howmuchfortheroom?’’persistedMildred,laughing。
  ``Sevendollarsaweek,andtheuseofthebath。’’
  Mildredfinallywrungfromherthattherightpricewastwelvedollarsaweek,andinsistedonpayingthat——``untilmymoneygetslow。’’
  ``Don’tworryaboutthat,’’saidMrs。Belloc。
  ``Youmustn’tweakenme,’’criedMildred。``Youmustn’tencouragemetobeacowardandtoshirk。
  That’swhyI’mcominghere。’’
  ``Iunderstand,’’saidMrs。Belloc。``I’vegottheNewEnglandstreakofhardnessinme,thoughI
  believethatmasseusehasalmostironeditoutofmyface。
  DoIlooklikeaNewEnglandschoolmarm?’’
  Mildredcouldtruthfullyanswerthattherewasn’tatraceofit。
  WhenshereturnedtoMrs。Brindley’s——alreadyshehadceasedtothinkofitashome——sheannouncedhernewplans。Mrs。Brindleysaidnothing,butMildredunderstoodthequicktighteningofthelinesroundhermouthandtheshiftingoftheeyes。ShehastenedtoexplainthatMrs。Bellocwasnolongerthesortofwomanorthesortoflandladyshehadbeenafewmonthsbefore。Mrs。BrindleyoftheolderNewYork,couldneitherunderstandnorbelieveinthepeopleofthenewandrealNewYorkwhomitmoldsforbetterorforworsesorapidly——andevenremoldsagainandagain。ButMildredwasabletosatisfyherthatthehousewasatleastnotsuspicious。
  ``Itdoesn’tmatterwhereyou’regoing,’’saidMrs。
  Brindley。``It’sthatyouaregoing。Ican’tbeargivingyouup。Ihadhopedthatourliveswouldflowonandontogether。’’Shewaswithdifficultycontrollingheremotions。``It’stheseseparationsthatageone,thattakeone’slife。IalmostwishIhadn’tmetyou。’’
  Mildredwasmoved,herself。NotsomuchasMrs。
  Brindleybecauseshehadthenecessitiesofhercareergrippingherandclaimingthestrongestfeelingstherewereinher。Also,shewasmuchtheyounger,notmerelyinyearsbutinexperience。Andseparationshavenorealpoignancyinthemforyouth``Yes,Iknowyouloveme,’’saidCyrilla,``butlovedoesn’tmeantoyouwhatitmeanstome。I’minthatmiddleperiodoflifewhereeverythinghasitsfullestmeaning。Inyouthwe’reeasilyconsoledanddistractedbecauselifeseemssofullofpossibilities,andwecan’tbelievefriendshipandlovearerare,andstillmorerarelyworthwhile。Inoldage,whenthearterieshardenandthebloodflowsslowandcold,webecomeindifferent。
  Butbetweenthirty-fiveandfifty-fivehowtheheartcanache!’’Shesmiled,withtremblinglips。``Andhowitcanrejoice!’’shecriedbravely。``Imustnotforgettomentionthat。Ah,mydear,youmustlearntoliveintensely。IfIhadhadyourchance!’’
  ``Ridiculous!’’laughedMildred。``Youtalklikeanoldwoman。AndIneverthinkofyouasolderthanmyself。’’
  ``IAManoldwoman,’’saidCyrilla。And,withatighteningattheheartMildredsaw,deepinthedepthsofhereyes,thelookofoldage。``I’vefoundthatI’mtoooldforlove——forman-and-womanlove——andthatmeansI’manoldwoman。’’
  Mildredfeltthattherewasonlyathinbarrierofreservebetweenherandsomesadsecretofthisstrange,shy,lovingwoman’s——abarriersothinthatshecouldalmosthearthestifledmoanofabrokenheart。Butthebarrierremained。itwouldhavebeenimpossibleforCyrillaBrindleytotalkfranklyaboutherself。
  WhenMildredcameoutofherroomthenextmorning,Cyrillahadgone,leavinganote:
  Ican’tbeargood-bys。Besides,we’llseeeachotherverysoon。Forgivemeforshrinking,butreallyIcan’t。
  BeforenightMildredwassettledinthenewplaceandthenewroom,withnosenseofstrangeness。Shewasreproachingherselfforhardness,fornotcaringaboutCyrilla,thebestandtruestfriendshehadeverhad。
  Butthetruthlayinquiteadifferentdirection。Thehouse,thesurroundings,whereshehadlivedluxuriously,dreamingherfoolishandfatuousdreams,wasnottheplaceforsuchastruggleaswasnowuponher。
  Andforthatstruggleshepreferred,tosensitive,sober,refined,impracticalCyrillaBrindley,thecompanionshipandthesympathy,thepracticalsympathy,ofAgnesBelloc。NooneneedbeashamedornervousbeforeAgnesBellocaboutbeingpoororunsuccessfulorhavingtoresorttoshabbymakeshiftsorhavingtoendurecoarsecontacts。Cyrillarepresentedrefinement,appreciationofthefinishedwork——luxuriousandsterileappreciationandenjoyment。Agnesrepresentedtheworkshop——whereallthedoersofallthatisdoneliveandwork。Mildredwasdescendingfromtheheightswherelivethosewhohavegraduatedfromthelotofthehumanraceandhavelostallthatsuperficialorcasualresemblancetothatrace。Shewasgoingdowntolivewiththerace,toshareinitslot。ShewasgladAgnesBellocwastobethere。
  Generalizingaboutsuchahaphazardconglomerateashumannatureishighlyunsatisfactory,butitmaybecautiouslyventuredthatinNewEngland,asinoldEngland,thereisacuriouslycontradictorywayofdealingwithconventionality。Nowhereisconventionalitymoreinreverence。yetwhenaNew-Englander,manorwoman,happenstoelecttobreakwithit,nowhereisthebreaksoutterandsodefiant。IfAgnesBelloc,cutloosefromtheconventionsthathadboundherfromchildhoodtowellintomiddlelife,hadremainedathome,nodoubtshewouldhavespentalargepartofhernightsinthinkingoutwaysofemployingherdaysinoutragingtheconventionalitiesbeforeherhorrifiedandinfuriatedneighbors。ButofwhatuseinNewYorktocuffandspitupondeitiesreveredbyonlyaninsignificantclass——andonlyofficiallyreveredbythatclass?
  AgneshadsoonseenthattherewasnoamusementorinterestwhateverinanenterprisewhichinherNewEnglandhomewouldhavefilledherlifetothebrimwithexcitement。Also,shesawthatshewaswellintothattimeoflifewheretheabsenceofreputationinawomanendangershercomfort,makesherliabletobeleftalone——notdespisedanddenounced,butsimplyavoidedandignored。SoshewastellingMildredtheexacttruth。
  Shehadlaiddownthearmsshehadtakenupagainstthesocialsystem,andhadcomein——andwasfightingitfromthesaferandwiserinside。Shestillinsistedthatawomanhadthesamerightsasaman。butshetookcaretomakeitclearthatsheclaimedthoserightsonlyforothers,thatsheneitherexercisedthemnorcaredforthemforherself。Andtomakeherpropagandathemoreeffective,shewasnotonlycircumspectherself,butwasexceedinglycarefultobesurroundedbycircumspectpeople。Noonecouldcitehercaseasproofthatwomanwouldexpandlibertyintolicense。Intheorytherewasnothinglivelythatshedidnotlookuponatleastwithtolerance。inpractice,moreandmoreshedislikedseeingoneofhersexdoanythingthatmightcausetheworldtosay``womanwouldabuselibertyifshehadit。’’``Sensiblepeople,’’shenowsaid,``doastheylike。Buttheydon’tgivefoolsachancetotitterandchatter。’’
  AgnesBellocwastypical——certainlyofalargeandgrowingclassinthisday——ofthedecayofancienttemplesandthedeclineoftheold-fashionedidealismthatmademenfancytheylivednoblybecausetheyprofessedandbelievednobly。Shehadnoethicalstandards。Shesimplymeteachsituationasitaroseanddealtwithitascommonsenseseemedinthatparticularinstancetodictate。Forathousandyearsgeniushasbeenstrivingwiththehumanracetoinduceittoabandonitssuperstitionsandhypocrisiesandtodefycommonsense,soadaptable,sotolerant,soconducivetolongandhealthyandhappylife。Grosslymaterialistic,butalluringlycomfortable。Whetherforgoodorforevilorforbothgoodandevil,thegeniusesseeminafairwayatlasttoprevailovertheidealists,religiousandpolitical。
  AndMrs。Belloc,withoutintheleastrealizingit,wasamostsignificantsignofthetimes。
  ``Yourthroatseemstobebetterto-day,’’saidshetoMildredatbreakfast。``Thosesimplehouse-remediesItriedonyoulastnightseemtohavedonesomegood。
  Nothinglikeheat——hotwater——andnoeating。Themainthingwasdoingwithoutdinnerlastnight。’’
  ``Mynervesarequieter,’’advancedMildredasthelikelierexplanationofthereturnofthesoulofmusictoitsseat。``Andmymind’satrest。’’
  ``Yes,that’sgood,’’saidplainAgnesBelloc。``Butgettingthestomachstraightandkeepingitstraight’sthemainthing。Myoldgrandmothercouldeatanythinganddoanything。I’veseenherputinaglassofmilkorasaucerofice-creamontopofatomato-salad。
  Thewayshekeptwellwas,whenevershebegantofeeltheleastbitoff,shestoppedeating。Notabitewouldshetouchtillshefeltwellagain。’’
  Mildred,movedbyanimpulsestrongerthanherinclination,producedtheKeithpaper。``Iwishyou’dreadthis,andtellmewhatyouthinkofit。You’vegotsomuchcommonsense。’’
  Agnesreaditthroughtotheend,beganatthebeginningandreaditthroughagain。``Thatsoundsgoodtome,’’saidshe。``Iwanttothinkitover。Ifyoudon’tmindI’dliketoshowittoMissBlond。Sheknowsalotaboutthosethings。Isupposeyou’regoingtoseeMr。Crossleyto-day?——that’sthemusicalmanager’sname,isn’tit?’’
  ``I’mgoingateleven。Thatisn’ttooearly,isit?’’
  ``IfIwereyou,I’dgoassoonasIwasdressedforthestreet。Andifyoudon’tgettoseehim,waittillyoudo。Don’ttalktounder-staffers。Alwaysgostraightfortheheadman。You’vegotsomethingthat’sworthhiswhile。Howdidhegettobeheadman?
  Becauseheknowsagoodthingtheminuteheseesit。Theunderfellowsareusuallyunderbecausetheyaresotakenupwiththemselvesandwithimpressingpeoplehowgrandtheyarethattheydon’tseeanythingelse。
  So,whenyoutalktothem,youwearyourselfoutandwasteyourtime。’’
  ``There’sonlyonethingthatmakesmenervous,’’
  saidMildred。``EveryoneI’veevertalkedwithaboutgoingonthestage——everyonewhohastalkedcandidly——hassaid——’’
  ``Yes,Iknow,’’saidMrs。Belloc,asMildredpausedtosearchforsmooth-soundingwordsinwhichtodress,withoutdisguising,adistinctlyuglyidea。``I’veheardthat,too。Idon’tknowwhetherthere’sanythinginitornot。’’ShelookedadmiringlyatMildred,whothatmorningwascertainlylovelyenoughtotemptanyman。
  ``Ifthereisanythinginit,why,IreckonYOU’Dbeupagainstit。That’stheworstofhavingmenatthetopinanytradeandprofession。Awoman’sgottogetherchancethroughsomeman,andifhedon’tchoosetoletherhaveit,she’slikelytofail。’’
  Mildredshowedhowthisdepressedher。
  ``Butdon’tyoufretaboutthattillyouhaveto,’’
  advisedMrs。Belloc。``I’veanotionthat,evenifit’strue,itmaynotapplytoyou。Whereawomanoffersforaplacethatshecanfillaboutaswellasahundredotherwomen,she’sattheman’smercy。butifsheknowsthatshe’sfarandawaythebestfortheplace,Idon’tthinkaman’sgoingtostandinhisownlight。LethimseethathecanmakemoneythroughYOU,moneyhewon’tmakeifhedon’tgetyou。Then,Idon’tthinkyou’llhaveanytrouble。’’
  ButMildred’sdepressiondidnotdecrease。``Ifmyvoicecouldonlybereliedon!’’sheexclaimed。``Isn’titexasperatingthatI’vegotadelicatethroat!’’
  ``It’salwayssomething,’’saidMrs。Belloc。``Onething’saboutasbadasanother,andanythingcanbeovercome。’’
  ``No,notinmycase,’’saidMildred。``Thepeculiarqualityofmyvoice——whatmakesitunusual——isduetothedelicatenessofmythroat。’’
  ``Maybeso,’’saidMrs。Belloc。
  ``Ofcourse,Icanalwayssing——afterafashion,’’
  continuedMildred。``Buttobereallyvaluableonthestageyou’vegottobeablealwaystosingatyourbest。
  SoI’mafraidI’mintheclassofthosewho’llsuit,oneaboutaswellasanother。’’
  ``You’vegottogetoutofthatclass,’’saidMrs。
  Belloc。``Themeninthatclass,andthewomen,havetodoanydirtyworkthebossseesfittogive’em——andnotmuchpay,either。Letmetellyouonething,MissStevens。Ifyoucan’tgetamongthefewatthetopinthesinginggame,youmustlookroundforsomegamewhereyoucanhopetobeamongthefew。NomatterWHATitis。Byusingyourbrainsandworkinghard,there’ssomethingyoucandobetterthanprettynearlyanybodyelsecanorwilldoit。Youfindthat。’’
  Thewordssankin,sankdeep。Mildred,senseofhersurroundingslost,wasgazingstraightaheadwithanexpressionthatgaveMrs。Bellochopeandevenacertainamountofconfidence。Therewasadistinctadvance。for,aftershereflecteduponallthatMildredhadtoldher,littleofherformeropinionofMildred’schancesforsuccesshadremainedbutahopedetainednotwithoutdifficulty。Mrs。Bellocknewthehumanraceunusuallywellforawoman——unusuallywellforahumanbeingofwhateversexorexperience。Shehaddiscoveredhowrareisthetemperament,thecombinationofintelligenceandtenacity,thatmakesforsuccess。
  Shehadlearnedthatmostpeople,judgedbyanystand-
  ard,werealmosttotalfailures,thatmostofthemoreorlesssuccessfulweresomerelybecausetheworldhadanenormousamountofimportantworktobedone,eventhoughhalf-way,andhadnoonebutthosehalf-
  competentstodoit。Asincompetenceinamanwouldbetoleratedwhereitwouldnotbeinawoman,obviouslyawoman,togeton,musthavetherealtemperamentofsuccess。
  ShenowknewenoughaboutMildredtobeableto``place’’herinthe``lady’’class——thosebroughtupnotonlyknowinghowtodonothingwithamoneyvalueexceptlawfulorunlawfulman-trapping,butalsotrainedtoasensitivenessandrefinementandfalseshameaboutworkthatmadeitexceedinglydifficultifnotimpossibleforthemtolearnusefulness。SheknewallMildred’shandicaps,boththosethegirlwasconsciousofandthosefarheavieroneswhichshefatuouslyregardedasadvantages。HowwasMildredevertolearntodismissanddisregardherselfastheprettywomanofgoodsocialposition,anobjectofadmirationandconsideration?Mildred,inthebottomofherheart,wasregardingherselfasalreadysuccessful——successfulatthehighestawomancanachieveoroughttoaspiretoachieve——wasregardinghercareer,howevershemighttalkormightfancyshebelieved,asamerelivelihood,asideissue。Shewouldbeperhapsmorethanalittleashamedofherstageconnections,shouldshemakeany,untilsheshouldbeattheverytop——
  andhowgettothetopwhenoneisworkingunderthehandicapofshame?Aboveall,howwasthisindulgentlyandshelteredlyrearedladytobecomeawork-
  ingwoman,livingaroutinelife,toilingawaydayinanddayout,withnoletup,permittingnooneandnothingtobreakherroutine?``Really,’’thoughtAgnesBelloc,``sheoughttohavemarriedthatBairdman——orstayedonwiththenastygeneral。Iwonderwhyshedidn’t!That’stheonlythingthatgivesmehope。Theremustbesomethinginher——somethingthatdon’tappear——somethingshedoesn’tknowabout,herself。Whatisit?Maybeitwasonlyvanityandvacillation。Again,Idon’tknow。’’
  ThedifficultyMrs。BelloclaboredunderinherattempttoexploreandmapMildredGowerwasadifficultywealllaborunderinthosesameenterprises。Wecannotconvinceourselves——inspiteofexperienceafterexperience——thatahumancharacterisneverconsistentandhomogeneous,isalwaysconglomerate,thattherearenotwotraits,howevernaturallyexclusive,whichcannotcoexistinthesamepersonality,thatcircumstanceisthedominatingfactorinhumanactionandbringsforwardasdominantcharacteristicsnowonetraitorsetoftraits,consistentorinconsistent,andnowanother。TheAlexanderwhowasAristotle’smodelpupilwasthesameAlexanderasthedrunkendebaucher。
  Indeed,mayitnotbethatthecharacterswhichplaythelargepartsinthecomedyoflifearenaturallythosethatoffertotheshiftingwindsofcircumstancesthegreatestvarietyofstronglydevelopedandcontradictoryqualities?Forexample,ifitwasMildred’slatentcouragerescuedherfromSiddall,wasitnotherstrongtendencytovacillationthatsavedherfromalovelessandmercenarymarriagetoStanleyBaird?Perhapsthedeepunderlyingtruthisthatallunusualpeoplehaveincommonthecharacterthatcentersapowerfulaversiontostagnation。thus,nowbytheirstrongqualities,nowbytheirweaknesses,theyaresweptinevitablyonandonandeveron。Goodto-day,badto-morrow,goodagainthedayafter,weakinthisinstance,stronginthat,nowbraveandnowcowardly,softatonetime,hardatanother,generousandthereversebyturns,theyareconsistentonlyinthattheyareneveratrest,butincessantlyandinevitablygo。
  Mildredreluctantlyrose,movedtowardthedoorwithlingeringstep。``IguessI’dbettermakeastart,’’
  saidshe。
  ``That’sthetalk,’’saidMrs。Bellocheartily。Buttheaffectionateglanceshesentafterthegirlwasdubious——
  evenpitying。
  IX
  TWOminutes’walkthroughtoBroadway,andshewasatherdestination。There,ontheothersideoftheway,stoodtheGayetyTheater,withtheofficesofMr。
  ClarenceCrossleyoverlookingtheintersectionofthetwostreets。Crossleywasintrenchedintheremotestofaseriesofrooms,eachtenantedbyunder-staffersofdiminishingimportanceasyoudrewwayfromthegreatman。Itwasnexttoimpossibletogetathim——
  acauseofmuchsneeringanddissatisfactionintheatricalcircles。Crossley,theysaid,wasexclusive,hadtheswollenhead,hadforgottenthatonlyafewyearsbeforehehadbeenacheaplittleticket-sellergratefulforabowfromanyactorwhohadeverhadhisnameup。Crossleyinsistedthathewasnotavictimoffoliedegrandeur,that,onthecontrary,hehadbecomelessvainashehadrisen,wherehecouldseehowtrivialathingrisingwasandhowaccidental。Saidhe:
  ``WhydoIshutmyselfin?BecauseI’mwhatIam——agoodthing,easyfruit。YousaythatmenahundredtimesbiggerthanI’lleverbedon’tshutthemselvesup。YousaythatMountain,thebiggestfinancierinthecountry,sitsrightoutwhereanybodycangouptohim。Yes,butwho’ddaregouptohim?It’sgenerallyknownthathe’sacannibal,thathekillshisownfoodandeatsitwarmandraw。Sohecanaffordtositintheopen。IfIdidthat,allmytimeandallmymoneywouldgotothecheap-skateswithhard-lucktales。Idon’thidebecauseI’mhaughty,butbecauseI’mweakandsoft。’’
  InappearanceMr。Crossleydidnotsuggesthisname。
  Hewasatallish,powerful-lookingpersonwithasmooth,handsome,audaciousface,withfine,laughing,butsomehowuntrustworthyeyes——atleastuntrustworthyforwomen,thoughwomenhadneverprofitedbythewarning。Hedressedinexcellenttaste,almostconspicuously,andthegayandexpensivedetailsofhistoiletsuggestedamangivenovertoliveliness。Asamatteroffact,thislivelinesswaspotentialratherthanactual。Mr。Crossleywasalwaysintendingtoresumethegiddywaysoftheyearsbeforehebecameagreatman,butwasalwayssofarbehindintheimportantthingstobedoneanddoneatoncethathewasforcedtoputoff。However,hisnecktiesandhisshirtsandhisflirtations,untrustworthyeyeskepthimareputationforbeingoneoftheworstcasesinBroadway。Invaindidhisachievementsshowthathecouldnotpossiblyhavetimeorstrengthforanythingbutwork。Helookedlikearounder。hewasinabusinessthatgaveendlessdazzlingopportunitiesforthelivelylife。arounderhewas,therefore。
  Hewasaboutforty。Atfirstglance,sovividandenergeticwashe,helookedlikethirty-five,butatsecondglanceonesawthelines,theunderlyingmelancholysignsofstrain,theheavypricehehadpaidforphenomenalsuccesswonbyaseriesofthesortofrisksthatmakethehairfallasautumnleavesonawindydayandmakesuchhairsasstickturnrapidlygray。Thus,thereweremanywhothoughtCrossleywasthroughvanityshyofthetruthbyfiveorsixyearswhenhesaidforty。
  InordinarycircumstancesMildredwouldneverhavegotatCrossley。Thiswasthefirstbusinesscallofherlifewhereshehadcomeasanunknownandunsupportedsuitor。HerreceptionwouldhavebeensuchatthehandsofCrossley’sinsolentandill-manneredunderlingsthatshewouldhavefledinshameandconfusion。
  Itisevenwellwithinthepossibilitiesthatshewouldhavegivenupallideaofacareer,wouldhavesentforBaird,andsoon。Andnotoneofthosewho,timidandinexperienced,havesufferedruderebuffattheirfirstadvance,wouldhavecondemnedher。Butitsochanced——whetherbygoodfortuneorbyilltheeventwastotell——thatshedidnothavetofaceasingleunderling。
  Thehalldoorwasopen。Sheentered。Ithappenedthatwhileshewascomingupintheelevatoraquarrelbetweenamotormanandadriverhadheatedintoafight,intoasmallriot。Alltheunderlingshadrushedoutonabalconythatcommandedasuperbviewofthebattle。Theconnectingdoorswereopen。
  Mildredadvancedfromroomtoroom,seekingsomeonewhowouldtakehercardtoMr。Crossley。Whensheatlastfacedacloseddoorsheknocked。
  ``Come!’’criedapleasantvoice。
  Andinshewent,tofaceCrossleyhimself——Crossley,the``weakandsoft,’’caughtbehindhislastentrenchmentwithnochancetoescape。HadMildredlookedtheusualsortwhocomelookingforjobsinmusicalcomedy,Mr。Crossleywouldnothaverisen——notbe-
  causehewassnobbish,butbecause,beingasensitive,high-strungperson,heinstinctivelyadoptedthemannerthatwouldputthepersonbeforehimatease。HeglancedatMildred,rose,andthrustbackforthwiththeslangy,offhandpersonalitythatwasperhapsthemostnatural——orwasitmerelythemostused?——ofhismanypersonalities。ItwasCrossleythemanoftheworld,themanoftheartisticworld,whodelightedMildredwithacourteousbowandofferofachair,ashesaid:
  ``Youwishedtoseeme?’’
  ``IfyouareMr。Crossley,’’saidMildred。
  ``IshouldbetemptedtosayIwas,ifIwasn’t,’’
  saidhe,andhismannermadeitamerepleasantrytoputheratease。
  ``Therewasnooneintheoutsideroom,soIwalkedonandonuntilyourdoorstoppedme。’’
  ``You’llneverknowhowluckyyouwere,’’saidhe。
  ``Theytellmethosefellowsouttherehaveshockingmanners。’’
  ``Haveyoutimetoseemenow?I’vecometoapplyforapositioninmusicalcomedy。’’
  ``Youhavenotbeenonthestage,Miss——’’
  ``Gower。MildredGower。I’vedecidedtousemyownname。’’
  ``Iknowyouhavenotbeenonthestage。’’
  ``Exceptasanamateur——andnoteventhatforseveralyears。ButI’vebeenworkingatmyvoice。’’
  Crossleywasstudyingher,asshestoodtalking——
  shehadrefusedthechair。Hewasmorethanfavorablyimpressed。ButthedecidingelementwasnotMildred’sexcellentfigureorhercharmofmannerorhersweetandlovelyface。Itwassuperstition。JustatthattimeCrossleyhadbeenabruptlydesertedbyEstelleHoward。insteadofgoingonwiththerehearsalsof``TheFullMoon,’’inwhichshewastobestarred,shehadrushedawaytoEuropewithaviolinistwithwhomshehadfalleninloveatthefirstrehearsal。
  Crossleywaslookingaboutforsomeonetotakeherplace。Hehadbeenentrenchedinthoseofficesfornearlyfiveyears。inallthattimenotasinglesoulofthedesperatecrowdsthatdoggedhimhadbrokenthroughhisguard。Crossleywasassuperstitiousaswaseveryoneelsewhohastodowiththestage。
  ``Whatkindofavoice?’’askedhe。
  ``Lyricsoprano。’’
  ``Youhavemusicthere。What?’’
  ```BattiBatti’andalittlesonginEnglish——`TheRoseandtheBee。’’’
  Crossleyforgothismanners,turnedhisbacksquarelyuponher,thrusthishandsdeepintohistrouserspockets,andstaredoutthroughthewindow。Hepresentlywheeledround。Shewouldnothavethoughthiseyescouldbesokeen。Saidhe:``Youwerestudyingforgrandopera?’’
  ``Yes。’’
  ``Whydoyoudropitandtakeupthis?’’
  ``Nomoney,’’repliedshe。``I’vegottomakemylivingatonce。’’
  ``Well,let’ssee。Comewithme,please。’’
  Theywentoutbyadoorintothehall,wentbacktotherearofthebuilding,inatanirondoor,downaflightofsteepironskeletonstepsdimlylighted。
  Mildredhadoftenbeenbehindthescenesinheramateurtheatricaldays。butevenifshehadnot,shewouldhaveknownwhereshewas。Crossleycalled,``Moldini!
  Moldini!’’
  Thenamewascaughtupbyothervoicesandrepeatedagainandagain,moreandmoreremotely。A
  moment,andasmalldarkmanwithasuperabundanceofgreasydarkhairappeared。``MissGower,’’saidCrossley,``thisisSignorMoldini。Hewillplayyouraccompaniments。’’ThentothelittleItalian,``Pianoonthestage?’’
  ``Yes,sir。’’
  ToMildredwithasmile,``Willyoutry?’’
  Shebentherhead。Shehadnovoice——notforsong,notforspeech,notevenforamonosyllable。
  CrossleytookMoldiniasidewhereMildredcouldnothear。``Mollie,’’saidhe,``thisgirlcreptuponme,andI’vegottogiveheratrial。Asyousee,she’salady,andyouknowwhattheyare。’’
  ``Punk,’’saidMoldini。
  Crossleynodded。``Sheseemsanicesort,soIwanttoletherdowneasy。I’llsitbackinthehouse,inthedark。Runherthroughthat`BattiBatti’thingshe’sgotwithher。Ifshe’splainlyonthefritz,I’lllightacigarette。IfIdon’tlightup,trytheothersongshehas。IfIstilldon’tlightupmakehergothroughthat`Ah,wereyouhere,love,’fromthepiece。ButifIlightup,itmeansthatI’mgoingtolightout,andthatyou’retogetridofher——tellherwe’llletherknowifshe’llleaveheraddress。Youunderstand?’’
  ``Perfectly。’’
  Farfrombeingthrilledandinspired,hersurroundingsmadehersickatheart——thechill,thedampness,thebarewalls,thedim,drearylights,thecoarsely-
  paintedflats——Atlastshewasonthethresholdofherchosenprofession。Whataprofessionforsuchapersonasshehadalwaysbeen!ShestoodbesideMoldini,seatedatthepiano。Shegazedatthedarkness,somewhereinwhosedepthsCrossleywashidden。Afterseveralfalsestartsshesangthe``BattiBatti’’through,sangitatrociously——notlikeapoorprofessional,butlikeapretentiousamateur,areversiontoamannerofsingingshehadoncehad,buthadlongsincegotridof。
  Shepausedattheend,appalledbythesilence,bytheawfulnessofherownperformance。
  Fromthedarknessaslightclick。Ifshehadknown!——
  for,itwasCrossley’smatch-safe。
  Thesound,slightyetsoclear,startledher,rousedher。Shecalledout:``Mr。Crossley,won’tyoupleasebepatientenoughtoletmetrythatagain?’’
  Abriefhesitation,then:``Certainly。’’
  Oncemoreshebegan。Butthistimetherewasnohesitation。FromfirsttolastshediditasJenningshadcoachedher,diditwithallthebeautyandenergyofherreallylovelyvoice。Assheended,Moldinisaidinaquietbutintenseundertone:``Bravo!Bravo!
  Freshasabirdonabrightspringmorning。’’Andfromthedarknesscame:``Ah——that’sbetter,MissGower。Thatwasprofessionalwork。Nowfortheother。’’
  Thusencouragedandwithhervoicewellwarmed,shecouldnotbutmakeasuccessofthesongthatwasnearertowhatwouldbeexpectedofherinmusicalcomedy。
  Crossleycalledout:``Now,thesightsinging,Moldini。
  Idon’texpectyoutodothiswell,MissGower。Isimplywishtogetanideaofhowyou’ddoapiecewehaveinrehearsal。’’
  ``You’llhavenotroublewiththis,’’saidMoldini,asheopenedthecomedysongupontherackwithacontemptuouswhirl。``It’stheeasyshowystuffthatsuitsthetiredbusinessmanandhislaced-inwife。Goatitandyell。’’
  Mildredglancedthroughit。Therewasasubtlesomethingintheatmospherenowthatputheratherease。Shereadthewordsaloud,laughingattheirsillysentimentality,sheandMoldiniandCrossleymakingjokesaboutit。Soonshesaid:``I’mready。’’
  Shesangitwell。Sheaskedthemtolethertryitagain。Andthesecondtime,withthewordsinhermindandthesimplemelody,shewasabletoputexpressionintoitandtoindicate,withrestraint,theaction。Crossleycamedowntheaisle。
  ``Whatdoyouthink,Mollie?’’hesaidtoMoldini。
  ``Wemighttestheratafewrehearsals。’’
  Crossleymeeklyacceptedthesalutarycheckonhisenthusiasm。``Doyouwishtotry,MissGower?’’
  Mildredwassilent。Sheknewnowthesortofpieceinwhichshewastoappear。Shehadseenafewofthem,thosecheapandvulgarfarceswiththeirthinmusic,theirmorethandubious-lookingpeople。Whatacome-down!Whatadegradation!ItwasasbadinitswayasbeingthewifeofGeneralSiddall。Andshewastodothis,inpreferencetomarryingStanleyBaird。
  ``Youwillbepaid,ofcourse,duringrehearsal。thatis,aslongaswearetakingyourtime。Fiftydollarsaweekisaboutasmuchaswecanafford。’’Crossleywaswatchinghershrewdly,wasadvancingtheseremarksinresponsetothehesitationhesawsoplainly。
  ``Ofcourseitisn’tgrandopera,’’hewenton。``Infact,it’sprettylow——almostaslowasthepublictaste。
  Yousee,wearen’tsubsidizedbymillionaireswhowantpeopletothinkthey’reartistic,sowehavetohustletoseparatethepublicfromitsmoney。Butifyoumakeahit,youcanearnenoughtoputyouintograndoperainfinestyle。’’
  ``Ineverheardofanyone’sgraduatingfromhereintograndopera,’’saidMildred。
  ``Becauseourstarsmakesomuchmoneyandmakeitsoeasily。It’llbeyourownfaultifyoudon’t。’’
  ``Can’tIcometojustonerehearsal——toseewhetherIcan——candoit?’’pleadedMildred。
  Crossley,madethemoreeagerandthemoresuperstitiousbythisunprecedentedreluctance,shookhishead。
  ``No。Youmustagreetostayaslongaswewantyou,’’saidhe。``Wecan’tallowourselvestobetrifledwith。’’
  ``Verywell,’’saidMildredresignedly。``Iwillrehearseaslongasyouwantme。’’
  ``Andwillstayfortherunofthepiece,ifwewantthat?’’saidCrossley。``Youtogetahundredaweekifyouareputinthecast。More,ofcourse,ifyoumakeahit。’’
  ``YoumeanI’mtosignacontract?’’criedMildredindismay。
  ``Exactly,’’saidCrossley。Atrulyamazingperformance。Moldiniwasnotastonished,however,forhehadheardthesongs,andheknewCrossley’sdifficultiesthroughEstelleHoward’sflight。Also,heknewCrossley——
  neverso``weakandsoft’’thathetrifledwithunlikelycandidatesforhisproductions。Crossleyhadgotupbecauseheknewwhattodoandwhentodoit。
  Mildredacquiesced。Beforeshewasfreetogointothestreetagain,shehadsignedapaperthatboundhertorehearseforthreeweeksatfiftydollarsaweekandtostayonatahundreddollarsaweekforfortyweeksortherunof``TheFullMoon,’’ifCrossleysodesired。
  ifhedidnot,shewasfreeattheendoftherehearsals。
  Ashrewdlyone-sidedcontract。ButCrossleytoldhimselfhewouldcorrectit,ifsheshouldbysomeremotechancebegoodenoughforthepartandshouldmakeahitinit。Thiswasnomeresalvetoconscience,bytheway。Crossleywouldnotbefoolishenoughtogiveasuccessfulstarjustcausefordislikinganddistrustinghimandattheearliestopportunityleavinghimtomakemoneyforsomerivalmanager。
  Mrs。Bellochadnotgoneout,hadbeenwaitinginafeverofanxiety。WhenMildredcameintohersitting-
  roomwithagloomyfaceanddroppedtoachairasifherlasthopehadabandonedher,itwasallAgnesBelloccoulddotorestrainhertears。Saidshe:
  ``Don’tbefoolish,mydear。Youcouldn’texpectanythingtocomeofyourfirstattempt。’’
  ``Thatisn’tit,’’saidMildred。``IthinkI’llgiveitup——dosomethingelse。Grandopera’sbadenough。
  TherewerealotofthingsaboutitthatIwasfightingmydistastefor。’’
  ``Iknow,’’saidAgnes。``Andyou’dbetterfightthemhard。They’reunworthyofyou。’’
  ``But——musicalcomedy!It’s——frightful!’’
  ``It’sanhonestwayofmakingaliving,andthat’smorethancanbesaidof——ofsomethings。Isupposeyou’reafraidyou’llhavetoweartights——orsomenonsenselikethat。’’
  ``No,no。It’sdoingitatall。Suchrottenmusic——andwhataloathsomemess!’’
  Mrs。Belloc’seyesflashed。``I’mlosingallpatience!’’shecried。``Iknowyou’vebeenbroughtuplikeafoolandalwayssurroundedbyfools。Isupposeyou’drathersellyourselftosomeman。Doyouknowwhat’sthematterwithyou,atbottom?Why,you’relazyandyou’reacoward。Toolazytowork。Andafraidofwhatalotofcheapwomen’llsay——womenearningtheirboardandclothesinaboutthelowestwaysuchathingcanbedone。Haven’tyougotanyself-
  respect?’’
  Mildredrose。``Mrs。Belloc,’’shesaidangrily,``I
  can’tpermitevenyoutosaysuchthingstome。’’
  ``Theshoeseemstofit,’’retortedMrs。Belloc。``I
  neveryetsawalady,areal,silk-and-diamonds,sit-in-
  the-parlorlady,whohadanyself-respect。IfIhadmywaytheywouldn’tgetamouthfultoeattilltheyhadearnedit。That’dbeasurecurefortheladydisease。I’mashamedofyou,MissStevens!Andyou’reashamedofyourself。’’
  ``Yes,Iam,’’saidMildred,withasuddenchangeofmood。
  ``Thebestthingyoucandoistoresttilllunch-time。
  Thenstartoutafterlunchandhuntajob。I’llgowithyou。’’
  ``ButI’vegotajob,’’saidMildred。``That’swhat’sthematter。’’
  AgnesBelloc’sjawdroppedandherratherheavyeyebrowsshotuptowardthelowsweepinglineofherauburnhair。ShemadesuchaludicrousfacethatMildredlaughedoutright。Saidshe:
  ``It’squitetime。Fiftyaweek,forthreeweeksofrehearsal。Nodoubt_I_cangoonifIlike。Nothingcouldbeeasier。’’
  ``Crossley?’’
  ``Yes。Hewasverynice——heardmesingthreepieces——anditwasallsettled。I’mtobeginto-morrow。’’
  ThecolorroseinAgnesBelloc’sfaceuntilshelookedapoplectic。Sheabruptlyretreatedtoherbedroom。
  Afterafewminutesshecameback,hernormalcomplexionrestored。``Icouldn’ttrustmyselftospeak,’’
  saidshe。``ThatwastheworstcaseofingratitudeIevermetupwith。You,gettingaplaceatfiftydollarsaweek——andonyourfirsttrial——andyoucomeinlookingasifyou’dlostyourmoneyandyourreputation。Whatkindofagirlareyou,anyway?’’
  ``Idon’tknow,’’saidMildred。``IwishIdid。’’
  ``Well,I’msorryyougotitsoeasy。Nowyou’llhaveafalsenotionfromthestart。It’salwaysbettertohaveahardtimegettingthings。Thenyouappreciatethem,andhavelearnedhowtoholdon。’’
  ``Notroubleaboutholdingontothis,’’saidMildredcarelessly。
  ``Pleasedon’ttalkthatway,child,’’pleadedAgnes,almosttearful。``It’sfrightfultome,who’vehadexperience,tohearyouinviteafall-down。’’
  Mildreddisdainfullyflutteredthetypewrittencopyofthemusicalcomedy。``Thisischild’splay,’’saidshe。
  ``Thelinesarebeneathcontempt。Asforthesongs,youneverheardsuchslop。’’
  ``Thestarsinthosepiecesgetfourandfivehundred,andmore,aweek,’’saidMrs。Belloc。``Believeme,thosemanagersdon’tpayoutanysuchsumsforchild’splay。Youlookout。You’regoingatthiswrong。’’
  ``Ishan’tcareifIdofail,’’saidMildred。
  ``Doyoumeanthat?’’demandedMrs。Belloc。
  ``No,Idon’t,’’saidMildred。``Oh,Idon’tknowwhatImean。’’
  ``Iguessyou’rejusttalking,’’saidMrs。Bellocafterareflectivesilence。``Iguessagirlwhogoesandgetsagoodjob,firstcrackoutofthebox,musthaveastreakofshrewdness。’’
  ``Ihopeso,’’saidMildreddoubtfully。
  ``Iguessyou’llworkhard,allright。Afteryouwentoutthismorning,ItookthatpaperdowntoMissBlond。She’scrazyaboutit。Shewantstomakeacopyofit。ItoldherI’daskyou。’’
  ``Certainly,’’saidMildred。
  ``Shesaysshe’llreturnitthesameday。’’
  ``Tellhershecankeepitaslongasshelikes。’’
  Mrs。Belloceyedhergravely,startedtospeak,checkedherself。Instead,shesaid,``No,Ishan’tdothat。I’llhaveitbackinyourroombythisevening。
  Youmightchangeyourmind,andwanttouseit。’’
  ``Verywell,’’saidMildred,pointedlyuninterestedandignoringMrs。Belloc’sdelicatebutdistinctemphasisupon``might。’’
  Mrs。Bellockeptasuspiciouseyeuponher——aneyethatwasnoteasilydeceived。ThemoreshethoughtaboutMildred’sstateofdepressionanddisdainthemoretolerantshebecame。Thatmoodwasthenaturalandnecessaryresultofthegirl’sbringingupandmodeoflife。Theimportantthing——andthewonderfulthing——washerbeingabletoovercomeit。Afteraweekofrehearsalshesaid:``I’mmakingthebestofit。ButIdon’tlikeit,andnevershall。’’
  ``Ishouldhopenot,’’repliedMrs。Belloc。``You’regoingtothetop。I’dhatetoseeyoucontentedatthebottom。Aren’tyoulearningagooddealthat’llbeusefullateron?’’
  ``That’swhyI’mreconciledtoit,’’saidshe。``Thestagedirector,Mr。Ransdell,isteachingmeeverything——evenhowtosing。Heknowshisbusiness。’’
  Ransdellnotonlyknew,butalsotookendlesspainswithher。Hewasatall,thin,darkman,strikinglyhandsomeinthedistinguishedway。Sodistinguishedlookingwashethattomeethimwastowonderwhyhehadnotmadeagreatnameforhimself。Anextraordinarymindhecertainlyhad,andaninsightintothereasonsforthingsthatisgivenonlytogenius。Hehadfailedasacomposer,failedasaplaywright,failedasasinger,failedasanactor。Hehadbeenforcedtotakeuptheprofessionofputtingondramaticandmusicalplays,aprofessionthatrequiredvastknowledgeandhightalentsandpaidfortheminniggardlyfashionbothinmoneyandinfame。Crossleyowedtohimmorethantoanyothersingleelementtheseriesofsuccessesthathadmadehimrich。yetthetenthousandayearCrossleypaidhimwasregardedasevidenceofCrossley’slavishgenerosityandwasso。Itwouldhavebeendifficulttosaywhyamansosplendidlyendowedbynatureandsotirelessinimprovinghimselfwasthusunsuccessful。Probablyhelackedjudgment。
  indeed,thatlackmusthavebeenthecause。HecouldjudgeforCrossley。butnotforhimself,notwhenhehadthefeelingofultimateresponsibility。
  Mildredhadanticipatedthemostrepulsiveassociations——
  menandwomenofloworiginandofvulgartastesandofvulgarlylooselives。Shefoundherselfsurroundedbysimple,pleasantpeople,undoubtedlyerraticforthemostpartinalltheirhabits,butwithoutviciousness。Andtheywerehardworkers,all。Ransdell——forCrossley——toleratednononsense。Hispeoplecouldliveastheypleased,awayfromthetheater,buttheretheymustbepromptandfit。Thedisciplinewasassevereasthatofamonastery。Shesawmanysignsthatallsortsofthingsofthesortwithwhichshewishedtohavenocontactweregoingonabouther。butassheheldslightly——butnotatallhaughtily——aloof,shewouldhavehadtogooutofherwaytoseeenoughtoscandalizeher。Shesoonsuspectedthatshewasbeingtreatedwithextraordinaryconsideration。ThiswasbyCrossley’sorders。ButthecarryingoutoftheirspiritaswellastheirletterwasduetoRansdell。Beforetheendofthatfirstweeksheknewthattherewasthepersonalelementbehindhisadmirationforhervoiceandhertalentforacting,behindhisconcentratingmostofhisattentionuponherpart。Helookedhisloveboldlywhenevertheywerealone。hewasalwaystryingtotouchher——neverinawaythatshecouldhaveresented,orfeltlikeresenting。Hewasnotunattractivetoher,andshewaseagertolearnallhehadtoteach,andsawnoharminhelpingherselfbylettinghimlove。
  Towardthemiddleofthesecondweek,whentheywerealoneinherdressing-room,he——withtheingeniouslackofabruptnessoftheexperiencedmanatthegame——tookherhand,andbeforeshewasready,kissedher。
  Hedidnotaccompanytheseadvanceswithanoutburstofpassionatewordsorwithanyfierylightingupoftheeyes,butcalmly,smilingly,asifitwerewhatshewasexpectinghimtodo,whathehadarighttodo。
  Shedidnotknowquitehowtomeetthisnovelattack。
  Shedrewherhandaway,wentontalkingaboutthepart——thechangeshehadsuggestedinherentrance,asshesangherbestsolo。Hediscussedthiswithheruntiltheyrosetoleavethetheater。Helookedsmilinglydownonher,andsaidwiththeflatteringairofthesatisfiedconnoisseur:
  ``Yes,youarecharming,Mildred。Icanmakeagreatartistandagreatsuccessoutofyou。Weneedeachother。’’
  ``Icertainlyneedyou,’’saidshegratefully。``Howmuchyou’vedoneforme。’’
  ``Onlythebeginning,’’repliedhe。``Ah,Ihavesuchplansforyou——suchplans。Crossleydoesn’trealizehowfaryoucanbemadetogo——withtherighttraining。Withoutit——’’Heshookhisheadlaughingly。
  ``Butyoushallhaveit,mydear。’’Andhelaidhishandslightlyandcaressinglyuponhershoulders。
  Thegesturewasapparentlyafriendlyfamiliarity。
  Toresentit,eventodrawaway,wouldputherintheattitudeofthewomanabsurdlyexercisedaboutthedesirabilityandsacrednessofherowncharms。
  Stillsmiling,inthatfriendly,assuredway,hewenton:``You’vebeenverycoldandreservedwithme,mydear。Veryunappreciative。’’
  Mildred,redandtrembling,hungherheadinconfusion。
  ``I’vebeenatthebusinesstenyears,’’hewenton,``andyou’rethefirstwomanI’vebeenmorethancasuallyinterestedin。Theprettyoneswerebores。Thehomelyones——Ican’tinterestmyselfinahomelywoman,nomatterhowmuchtalentshehas。Awomanmustfirstofallsatisfytheeye。Andyou——’’Heseatedhimselfanddrewhertowardhim。She,coldalloverandconfusedinmindandalmoststupefied,resistedwithallherstrength。butherstrengthseemedtobeoozingaway。Shesaid:
  ``Youmustnotdothis。Youmustnotdothis。I’mhorriblydisappointedinyou。’’
  Hedrewhertohislapandheldhertherewithoutanyapparenttaxuponhisstrength。Hekissedher,laughinglypushingawaythearmswithwhichshetriedtoshieldherface。Suddenlyshefoundstrengthtowrenchherselffreeandstoodatadistancefromhim。
  Shewaspantingalittle,waspale,waslookingathimwithcoldanger。
  ``Youwillpleaseleavethisroom,’’saidshe。
  Helitacigarette,crossedhislegscomfortably,andlookedatherwithlaughingeyes。``Don’tdothat,’’hesaidgenially。``Surelymylessonsinactinghaven’tbeeninvain。That’stooobviouslyapose。’’
  Shewenttothemirror,arrangedherhat,andmovedtowardthedoor。Heroseandbarredtheway。
  ``Youareassensibleasyouaresweetandlovely,’’
  saidhe。``Whyshouldyouinsistonourbeingbadfriends?’’
  ``Ifyoudon’tstandaside,I’llcallouttothewatchman。’’
  ``I’dneverhavethoughtyouweredishonest。Infact,Idon’tbelieveityet。Youdon’tlooklikeoneofthoseladieswhowishtotakeeverythingandgivenothing。’’Histoneandmannerweremostattractive。
  Besides,shecouldnotforgetallhehaddoneforher——andallhecoulddoforher。Saidshe:
  ``Mr。Ransdell,ifI’vedoneanythingtocauseyoutomisunderstand,itwasunconscious。AndI’msorry。