``Ifyouknowthat,’’saidthegeneralinhisevenslowway,monotonous,almostlifeless,``youknowyou’dbettercomewithmethanstandoutagainstme。’’
Shedidnotlethimseehowthisstruckterrorintoher。Shesaid:``Nomatterwhatyoumightdotome,whenI’mawayfromyou,itwouldbelessthanyou’ddowithmeunderyourroof。Atanyrate,it’dseemless。’’
Thegeneralreflected,decidedtochangetoanotherpoint:``Youmadeabargainwithme。You’vebrokenit。Ineverletanyonebreakabargainwithmewithoutmakingthemregretit。I’mgivingyouachancetokeepyourbargain。’’
Shewastemptedtodiscuss,butshecouldnotfindthewords,orthestrength。Besides,howfutiletodiscusswithsuchaman。Shesankbackinherchairwearily。``Ishallnevergoback,’’shesaid。
Helookedather,hisfacedevoidofexpression,butshehadasenseofmalignanceunutterableeyingherfrombehindascreen。Hesaid:``Iseeyou’vemisunderstoodmygenerosity。YouthinkI’mweakwhereyouareconcernedbecauseI’vecometoyouinsteadofdoingasIsaidandmakingyoucometome。’’Herose。
``Well,myoffertoyouisclosed。AndoncemoreI
say,youwillcometomeandasktobetakenback。I
mayormaynottakeyouback。ItdependsonhowI’llfeelatthattime。’’
Slowly,withhisludicrouslypompousstrut,hemarchedtothedrawing-roomdoor。Shehadnotfeltlikesmiling,butiftherehadbeenanysuchinclinationitwouldhavefledbeforethecountenancethatturneduponheratthethreshold。Itwasthelean,littlefacewiththefunnytoupeeandneedle-likemustacheandimperial,butbehinditlayapersonalitylikethedull,cold,yelloweyesofthedevil-fishambushedinthehazymassofdun-coloredformlessnessofcollapsedbodyandtentacles。Hesaid:
``You’dbestbecarefulhowyouconductyourself。
You’llbeunderconstantobservation。Andanyfriendsyoumake——they’ddowelltoavoidyou。’’
Hewasgone。Shesatwithoutthepowerofmotion,withoutthepowerofthought。Afteratime——perhapslong,perhapsshort,shedidnotknow——Mrs。
Belloccameinandentereduponavolubleapologyforthemaid’shavingshown``thelittlegentleman’’intothedrawing-roomwhenanotherwasalreadythere。
``Thatmaid’sasgreenasspringcorn,’’saidshe。
``Suchathingneverhappenedinmyhousebefore。
Andit’llneverhappenagain。Idohopeitdidn’tcausetrouble。’’
``Itwasmyhusband,’’saidMildred。``Ihadtoseehimsometime。’’
``He’scertainlyaveryelegantlittlegentleman,’’
saidMrs。Belloc。``Iratherlikesmallmen,myself。’’
Mildredgazedathervaguelyandsaid,``Tellme——
arichman,averyrichman——ifhehatesanyone,canhemaketrouble?’’
``Moneycandoanythinginthistown,’’repliedMrs。
Belloc。``Butusuallyrichmenaretimidandstingy。
Iftheyweren’t,they’dmakeusallcringe。Asitis,I’veheardsomeawfulstoriesofhowmenandwomenwho’vegotsomepowerfulpersondownonthemhavebeenhounded。’’
Mildredturneddeathlysick。``IthinkI’llgotomyroom,’’shesaid,risinguncertainlyandforcingherselftowardthedoor。
Mrs。Belloc’scuriositycouldnotrestrainitself。
``You’releaving?’’sheasked。``You’regoingbacktoyourhusband?’’
Shewasstartledwhenthegirlabruptlyturnedonherandcriedwithflashingeyesandvoicestrongandvibrantwithpassion:``Never!Never!Nomatterwhatcomes——NEVER!’’
Therestofthedayandthatnightshehidinherroomandmadenoefforttoresisttheterrorthatpreyeduponher。Justasourstrengthisoftenthesourceofweakness,soourweaknessesoftengivebirthtostrength。
Herterrorofthelittlegeneral,givenfullswing,shriekedandgrimaceditselfintoabsurdity。Shewasashamedofherorgy,waslaughingatitasthesunandintoxicatingairofatypicalNewYorkmorningpouredinuponher。SheacceptedMrs。Belloc’sinvitationtotakeaturnthroughtheparkandupRiversideDriveinataxicab,camebackrestoredtohernormalstateofblindconfidenceinthefuture。AboutnoonStanleyBairdtelephoned。
``Wemustnotseeeachotheragainforsometime,’’
saidhe。``Irathersuspectthatyou——know——whomaybehavingyouwatched。’’
``I’msureofit,’’saidshe。``Hewarnedme。’’
``Don’tletthatdisturbyou,’’pursuedStanley。``A
man——asingingteacher——hisname’sEugeneJennings——
willcallonyouthisafternoonatthree。Doexactlyashesuggests。Lethimdoallthetalking。’’
ShehadintendedtotellBairdfranklythatshethought,indeedknew,thatitwashighlydangerousforhimtoenterintoheraffairsinanyway,andtourgehimtodrawoff。Shefeltthatitwasonlyfairtoactsotowardonewhohadbeenunselfishlygeneroustoher。Butnowthatthetimeforspeakinghadcome,shefoundherselfunabletospeak。Onlybyflatlyrefusingtohaveanythingtodowithhisprojectcouldsheprevailuponhim。Tosaylessthanthatshehadcompletelyandfinallychangedhermindwouldsound,andwouldbe,insincere。Andthatshecouldnotsay。
Shefelthownobleitwouldbetosaythis,howselfish,andweak,too,itwastoclingtohim,possiblytoinvolvehimindisagreeableandevendangerouscomplications,butshehadnostrengthtodowhatshewouldhavedenouncedanotherasbasefornotdoing。Insteadoftheloftywordsthatflowsofreelyfromthelipsofstageandfictionheroines,insteadofthewordsthatanyandeveryreaderofthishistorywoulddoubtlesshavepronouncedinthesamecircumstances,shesaid:
``You’requitesureyouwanttogoon?’’
``Whynot?’’cameinstantlybackoverthewire。
``Heisavery,veryrelentlessman,’’repliedshe。
``Didhetrytofrightenyou?’’
``I’mafraidhesucceeded。’’
``You’renotgoingbackonthecareer!’’exclaimedheexcitedly。``I’llcomedownthereand——’’
``No,no,’’criedshe。``Iwassimplygivingyouachancetofreeyourself。’’Shefeltsureofhimnow。
Shescrambledtowardtheheightsofmoralgrandeur。
``Iwantyoutostop。I’venorighttoaskyoutoinvolveyourselfinmymisfortunes。Stanley,youmustn’t。Ican’tallowit。’’
``Oh,fudge!’’laughedhe。``Don’tgivemethesescares。Don’tforget——Jenningsatthree。Good-byandgoodluck。’’
Andherangoffthatshemighthavenochanceonimpulsetodoherselfmischiefwithhergenerousthoughtfulnessforhim。Shefeltrathermean,butnotnearlysomeanasshewouldhavefelthadshelettheopportunitygobywithnogenerouswordsaid。``Andnodoubtmyaversionforthatlittlewretch,’’thoughtshe,``makesmethinkhimmoreterriblethanheis。
Afterall,whatcanhedo?Watchme——anddiscovernothing,becausethere’llbenothingtodiscover。’’
Jenningscameexactlyatthree——camewiththeairofamanwhowastesnoone’stimeandletsnoonewastehistime。Hewasayoungishmanoffortyorthere-
abouts,withalongsharpnose,alargetightmouth,andeyesthatseemedtobelookingrestlesslyaboutformoney。Thattheyhadnotlookedinvainseemedtobeindicatedbysuchfactsasthathecameinaprivatebroughamandthathewasmostcarefullydressed,apparentlywiththeaidofavalet。
``MissStevens,’’hesaidwithanabruptbow,beforeMildredhadachancetospeak,``youhavecometoNewYorktotakesinginglessons——toprepareyourselfforthestage。Andyouwishacomfortableplacetoliveandtowork。’’Heextendedhisglovedhand,shookhersfrigidly,droppedit。``Weshallgeton——IFyouwork,butonlyifyouwork。Idonotwastemyselfupontriflers。’’Hedrewacardfromhispocket。``Ifyouwillgotoseetheladywhosenameandaddressarewrittenonthiscard,Ithinkyouwillfindthequartersyouarelookingfor。’’
``Thankyou,’’saidMildred。
``Cometome——myaddressisonthecard,also——
athalf-pasttenonSaturday。Wewillthenlayoutyourwork。’’
``IfyoufindIhaveavoiceworthwhile,’’Mildredventured。
``That,ofcourse,’’saidMr。Jenningscurtly。
``Untilhalf-pasttenonSaturday,goodday。’’
Againhegavetheabruptforeignbowand,whileMildredwasstillstrugglingwithhersurpriseandconfusion,shesawhim,throughthewindow,drivingrapidlyaway。Mrs。Belloccamedriftingthroughtheroom。shehadthehabitoflookingaboutwhenevertherewerenewvisitors,andinheritwasnotirritatingbecauseherinterestwasinnocentandsympathetic。
SaidMildred:
``Didyouseethatman,Mrs。Belloc?’’
``Whatanextraordinarynosehehad,’’repliedshe。
``Yes,Inoticedthat,’’saidMildred。``ButitwastheonlythingIdidnotice。Heisasingingteacher——
Mr。Jennings。’’
``EugeneJennings?’’
``Yes,Eugene。’’
``He’sthebestknownsingingteacherinNewYork。
Hegetsfifteendollarsahalf-hour。’’
``ThenIsimplycan’ttakefromhim!’’exclaimedMildred,beforeshethought。``That’sfrightful!’’
``Isn’tit,though?’’echoedMrs。Belloc。``I’veheardhisincomeisfiftythousandayear,whatwithlessonsandcoachingandoddsandends。There’salotofthemthatdowell,becausesomanyfoolwomenwithnothingtodocultivatetheirvoices——whentheycan’tsingalittlebit。Buthetopsthemall。Idon’tseehowANYteachercanputfifteendollarsofvalueintohalfanhour。ButIsupposehedoes,orhewouldn’tgetit。Still,hismaybejustanothercaseofNewYorknerve。Thisisthebiggestblufftownintheworld,I
dobelieve。Here,youcangetawaywithanything,I
don’tcarewhatitis,ifonlyyoubluffhardenough。’’
Astherewasnoreasonfordelayandmanyreasonsagainstit,MildredwentatoncetotheaddressonthecardJenningshadleft。ShefoundMrs。HowellBrindleyinstalledinaplaincomfortableapartmentinFifty-ninthStreet,overlookingtheparkandhighenoughtomakethenoiseofthetrafficendurable。A
Swedishmaid,prepossessinglywhiteandclean,usheredherintothelittledrawing-room,whichwasfurnishedwithmoresimplicityandindividualtastethanisusualanywhereinNewYork,cursedofthemaniaforuselessandtastelessshowiness。Therewerenomessydraperies,nofussystatuettes,vases,giltboxes,andthelike。
MildredawaitedtheentranceofMrs。Brindleyhopefully。
Shewasnotdisappointed。Presentlyincameaquietly-dressed,frank-lookingwomanofayoungforty——awomanwhohadbynomeanslostherphysicalfreshness,buthadgainedcharmofanotherandmoreenduringkind。Asshecameforwardwithextendedbutnotovereagerhand,shesaid:
``Iwasexpectingyou,Mrs。Siddall——thatis,MissStevens。’’
``Mr。JenningsdidnotsaywhenIwastocome。IfIamdisturbingyou——’’
Mrs。Brindleyhastenedtoassureherthathervisitwasquiteconvenient。``Imusthavesomeonetosharetheexpenseofthisapartmentwithme,andIwantthemattersettled。Mr。Jenningshasexplainedaboutyoutome,andnowthatI’veseenyou——’’hereshesmiledcharmingly——``Iamreadytosaythatitisforyoutosay。’’
Mildreddidnotknowhowtobegin。ShelookedatMrs。Brindleywithappealinhertroubledyoungeyes。
``Younodoubtwishtoknowsomethingaboutme,’’
saidMrs。Brindley。``Myhusbandwasacomposer——
afriendofMr。Jennings。Hediedtwoyearsago。
IamhereinNewYorktoteachthepiano。Whatthelessonswillbring,withmysmallincome,willenablemetolive——ifIcanfindsomeonetohelpoutattheexpenseshere。AsIunderstandit,youarewillingtopayfortydollarsaweek,Itorunthehouse,payallthebills,andsoon——all,ofcourse,ifyouwishtocomehere。’’
Mildredmadeanotverysuccessfulattempttoconcealherembarrassment。
``Perhapsyouwouldliketolookattheapartment?’’
suggestedMrs。Brindley。
``Thankyou,yes,’’saidMildred。
Thetouroftheapartment——twobedrooms,dining-
room,kitchen,sitting-room,largebath-room,drawing-
room——tookonlyafewminutes,butMildredandMrs。
Brindleycontrivedtobecomemuchbetteracquainted。
SaidMildred,whentheywereinthedrawing-roomagain:
``It’smostattractive——justwhatIshouldlike。
What——howmuchdidMr。Jenningssay?’’
``Fortydollarsaweek。’’Shecoloredslightlyandspokewiththenervousnessofonenotinthehabitofdiscussingmoneymatters。``IdonotseehowIcouldmakeitless。Thatisthefairshareofthe——’’
``Oh,Ithinkthatismostreasonable,’’interruptedMildred。``AndIwishtocome。’’
Mrs。Brindleygaveanalmostchildlikesighofreliefandsmiledradiantly。``Thenit’ssettled,’’saidshe。
``I’vebeensonervousaboutit。’’ShelookedatMildredwithfriendlyunderstanding。``IthinkyouandIaresomewhatalikeaboutpracticalthings。You’venothadmuchexperience,either,haveyou?IjudgesofromthefactthatMr。Jenningsislookingaftereverythingforyou。’’
``I’vehadnoexperienceatall,’’saidMildred。
``ThatiswhyI’mhesitating。I’mwonderingifIcanaffordtopaysomuch。’’
Mrs。Brindleylaughed。``Mr。Jenningswishedtofixitatsixtyaweek,butIinsistedthatfortywasenough,’’saidshe。
Mildredcoloredhighwithembarrassment。HowmuchdidMrs。Brindleyknow?——orhowlittle?Shestammered:``Well,ifMr。Jenningssaysitisallright,I’llcome。’’
``You’llletmeknowto-morrow?YoucantelephoneMr。Jennings。’’
``Yes,I’llletyouknowto-morrow。I’malmostsureI’llcome。Infact,I’mquitesure。And——Ithinkweshallgetonwelltogether。’’
``Wecanhelpeachother,’’saidMrs。Brindley。``I
don’tcareforanythingintheworldbutmusic。’’
``Iwanttobethatway,’’saidMildred。``Ishallbethatway。’’
``It’stheonlysurehappiness——tocareforsomething,forsomeTHING,’’saidMrs。Brindley。``Peopledie,ordisappointone,orbecomeestranged。Butwhenonecentersonsomekindofwork,itgivespleasurealways——moreandmorepleasure。’’
``IamsoafraidIhaven’tvoiceenough,oroftherightkind,’’saidMildred。``Mr。JenningsisgoingtotrymeonSaturday。ReallyI’venorighttosettleanythinguntilhehasgivenhisopinion。’’
Mrs。Brindleysmiledwithhereyesonly,andMildredwondered。
``IfheshouldsaythatIwouldn’tdo,’’shewenton,``I’dnotknowwhichwaytoturn。’’
``Buthe’llnotsaythat,’’saidMrs。Brindley。``Youcansing,can’tyou?Youhavesung?’’
``Oh,yes。’’
``Thenyou’llbeacceptedbyhim。Anditwilltakehimalongtimetofindoutwhetheryou’lldoforaprofessional。’’
``I’mafraidIsingverybadly。’’
``Thatwillnotmatter。You’llsingbetterthanatleasthalfofJennings’spupils。’’
``Thenhedoesn’ttakeonlythoseworthwhile?’’
Mrs。Brindleylookedamused。``Howwouldheliveifhedidthat?It’sateacher’sbusinesstoteach。
Learning——that’sthepupil’slookout。Ifteacherstaughtonlythosewhocouldandwouldlearn,howwouldtheylive?’’
``ThenI’llnotknowwhetherI’lldo!’’exclaimedMildred。
``You’llhavetofindoutforyourself,’’saidMrs。
Brindley。``Noonecantellyou。Anyone’sopinionmightbewrong。Forexample,I’veknownJennings,whoisaverygoodjudge,tobewrong——bothways。’’
Hesitatingly:``Whynotsingforme?I’dliketohear。’’
``Wouldyoutellmewhatyouhonestlythought?’’
saidMildred。
Mrs。Brindleylaughinglyshookherhead。
Mildredlikedherhonesty。``Thenit’dbeuselesstosingforyou,’’saidshe。``I’mnotvainaboutmyvoice。
I’dsimplyliketomakealivingbyit,ifIcould。I’llevenconfessthattherearemanythingsIcareformorethanformusic。DoesthatprovethatIcanneversingprofessionally?’’
``No,indeed,’’Mrs。Brindleyassuredher。``It’dbestrangeifagirlofyouragecaredexclusivelyformusic。Thepassioncomeswiththework,withprogress,success。Andsomeofthegreatest——thatis,themostfamousandbestpaid——singersnevercaremuchaboutmusic,exceptasavanity,andneverunderstandit。A
singermeansapersonbornwithacertainshapeofmouthandthroat,acertainkindofvocalchords。Therestmaybenaturaloracquired。It’stheinstrumentthatmakesthesinger,notbrainsortemperament。’’
``Doletmesingforyou,’’saidMildred。``Ithinkitwillhelpme。’’
BetweenthemtheychosealittleFrenchsong——
``Chansond’Antonine’’——andMrs。Brindleyinsistedonherplayingherownaccompaniment。``Iwishtolisten,’’saidshe,``andIcan’tifIplay。’’
Mildredwassurprisedatherownfreedomfromnervousness。Shesangneitherbetternorworsethanusual——sangintheclearandpleasantsopranowhichsheflatteredherselfwasnotunmusical。Whenshefinishedshesaid:
``That’saboutasIusuallysing。Whatdoyouthink?’’
Mrs。Brindleyreflectedbeforeshereplied:``I
BELIEVEit’sworthtrying。IfIwereyou,Ishouldkeepontrying,nomatterwhatanyonesaid。’’
Mildredwasinstantlydepressed。``YouthinkMr。
Jenningsmayrejectme?’’sheasked。
``IKNOWhewillnot,’’repliedMrs。Brindley。``Notaslongasyoucanpayforthelessons。ButIwasthinkingoftherealthing——ofwhetheryoucouldwinoutasasinger。’’
``Andyoudon’tthinkIcan?’’saidMildred。
``Onthecontrary,Ibelieveyoucan,’’repliedMrs。
Brindley。``Asingermeanssomuchbesidessinging。
Thesingingisthesmallestpartofit。You’llunderstandwhenyougettowork。Icouldn’texplainnow。
ButIcansaythatyououghttogoahead。’’
Mildred,whohadhershareofvanity,hadhopedforsomeenthusiasm。Mrs。Brindley’sjudicialtonewasasevereblow。Shefeltalittleresentful,begantocastaboutforvanity-consolingreasonsforMrs。Brindley’srestraint。``Shemeanswell,’’shesaidtoherself,``butshe’sprobablyjustatinybitjealous。She’snotsoyoungassheoncewas,andshehasn’tthefaintesthopeofeverbeinganythingmorethanapiano-teacher。’’
Mrs。BrindleyshowedthatshehadmorethananinklingofMildred’sframeofmindbygoingontosayinagentle,candidway:``Iwanttohelpyou。SoIshallbecarefulnottoencourageyoutobelievetoomuchinwhatyouhave。Thatwouldpreventyoufromgettingwhatyouneed。Youmustremember,youarenolongeradrawing-roomsinger,butacandidatefortheprofession。That’saverydifferentthing。’’
Mildredsawthatshewasmistaken,thatMrs。Brindleywashonestandfrankandhaddoubtlesstoldhertheexacttruth。Buthervanityremainedsore。Neverbe-
forehadanyonesaidanylessofhersingingthanthatitwaswonderful,marvelous,equaltoagreatdealthatpassedforfineingrandopera。Shehadknownthatthiswasexaggeration,butshehadnotknownhowgrosslyexaggerated。Thus,thisherfirstexperienceoftheprofessionalattitudewasgalling。OnlyherunusualgoodsensesavedherfrombeingangrywithMrs。
Brindley。Anditwasthatsamegoodsensethatmovedherpresentlytotrytolaughatherself。Withabraveattempttosmilegaylyshesaid:
``Youdon’trealizehowyou’vetakenmedown。I
hadnoideaIwassoconceitedaboutmysinging。I
can’ttruthfullysayIlikeyourfrankness,butthere’sapartofmethat’sgratefultoyouforit,andwhenI
getoverfeelinghurt,I’llbegratefulthroughandthrough。’’
Mrs。Brindley’sfacelightedupbeautifully。``You’llDO!’’
shecried。``I’msureyou’lldo。I’vebeenwaitingandwatchingtoseehowyouwouldtakemycriticism。
That’sthetest——howtheytakecriticism。Iftheydon’ttakeitatall,they’llnotgoveryfar,nomatterhowtalentedtheyare。Iftheytakeitasyou’vetakenit,there’shope——greathope。Now,I’mnotafraidtotellyouthatyousangsplendidlyforanamateur——thatyousurprisedme。’’
``Don’tspoilitall,’’saidMildred。``Youwereright。Ican’tsing。’’
``Notforgrandopera,notforcomicoperaeven,’’
repliedMrs。Brindley。``Butyouwillsing,andsingwell,inoneortheother,ifyouwork。’’
``Youreallymeanthat?’’saidMildred。
``Ifyouworkintelligentlyandpersistently,’’saidMrs。Brindley。``That’sabigif——asyou’lldiscoverinayearorso。’’
``You’llsee,’’saidMildredconfidently。``Why,I’venothingelsetodo,andnootherhope。’’
Mrs。Brindley’ssmilehadacertainsadnessinit。
Shesaid:
``It’sthebiggestifinallthisworld。’’
V
ATMrs。Belloc’satelephonemessagefromJenningswasawaitingher。hewouldcallataquarter-pasteightandwoulddetainMissStevensonlyamoment。Andateightfifteenexactlyherangthebell。ThistimeMildredwasprepared。sherefusedtobedisconcertedbyhisabruptmannerandbyhislongsharpnosethatseemedtowarnaway,tothreatenaway,eventothrustawayanyglanceseekingtoinvestigatetherestofhisfaceorhispersonality。Shelookedathimcandidly,calmly,andseeingly。Seeingly。Witheyesthatsawastheyhadneverseenbefore。Perhapsfromthedeathofherfather,certainlyfromthebeginningofSiddall’scourtship,Mildredhadbeenwakingup。Thereisapartofournature——theactiveandaggressivepart——
thatsleepsallourliveslongorbecomesatrophiedifweleadlivesofeaseandsecuredependence。Itistheimportantpartofus,too——thepartthatdeterminescharacter。ThethingthatcompletedtheawakeningofMildredwasheracquaintancewithMrs。Belloc。
Thatpositiveandfinely-poisedladyfascinatedher,influencedherpowerfully——gaveherjustwhatsheneededattheparticularmoment。Thevitalmomentsinlifearenotthecrisesoverwhichshallowpeoplelinger,butarethemomentswherewemetandabsorbedtheideasthatenabledustoweatherthesecrises。TheacquaintancewithMrs。Bellocwasoneofthosevitalmoments。for,Mrs。Belloc’spersonality——herlookandmanner,whatshesaidandthewayshesaidit——wasaproffertoMildredofinvaluablelessonswhichherawakeningcharactereagerlyabsorbed。ShesawJenningsashewas。Shedecidedthathewasofcommonorigin,thathisvanitywascolossalandaquiverthroughoutwithsensitiveness。thathebelongedtothefamiliartypeofNew-Yorkerwhosucceedsbybluffing。Also,shesaworfeltacertainsexlessnessorindifferencetosex——andthisshelaterunderstood。Menwhoseoccupationcompelsthemconstantlytodealwithwomengotooneextremeortheother——eitherbecomeacutelysensitivetowomenaswomenorbecomeutterlyindifferent,unlesstheirhighlydiscriminatedtasteisappealedto——whichcannothappenoften。Jennings,teachingonlywomenbecauseonlywomenspendingmoneytheyhadnotearnedandcouldnotearnwouldtoleratehistermsandhismethods,had,asmuchthroughnecessityasthroughinclination,gonetotheextremeoflackofinterestinallmattersofsex。Onelookathimandthewomanwhohadcomewiththeideaofofferingherselfinfullorpartpaymentforlessonsdroopedininstinctivediscouragement。
JenningshastenedtoexplaintoMildredthatsheneednothesitateaboutclosingwithMrs。Brindley。``Yourlessonsarearrangedfor,’’saidhe。``TherehasbeenputinthePlazaTrustCompanytoyourcreditthesumoffivethousanddollars。Thisgivesyouaboutahundreddollarsaweekforyourboardandotherpersonalexpenses。Ifthatisnotenough,youwillletmeknow。
ButIestimatedthatitwouldbeenough。Idonotthinkitwiseforyoungwomenenteringuponthepreparationforaseriouscareertohavetoomuchmoney。’’
``Itismorethanenough,’’murmuredthegirl。``I
knownothingaboutthosethings,butitseemstome——’’
``Youcanuseaslittleofitasyoulike,’’interruptedJennings,rising。
Mildredfeltasthoughshehadbeencaughtandexposedinahypocriticalprotest。Jenningswasholdingoutsomethingtowardher。Shetookit,andhewenton:
``That’syourcheck-book。Thebankwillsendyoustatementsofyouraccount,andwillnotifyyouwhenanyfurthersumsareadded。Now,Ihavenothingmoretodowithyouraffairs——except,ofcourse,theartisticside——yourdevelopmentasasinger。You’venotforgottenyourappointment?’’
``No,’’saidMildred,likeaprimaryschool-childbeforeaformidableteacher。
``Beprompt,please。Imakenoreductionforlessonswhollyorpartlymissed。Thehalf-hourIshallassigntoyoubelongstoyou。Ifyoudonotuseit,thatisyouraffair。Atfirstyouwillprobablybelikeallwomen——carelessaboutyourappointments,comingwithlessonsunprepared,telephoningexcuses。Butifyouareseriousyouwillsoonfallintotheroutine。’’
``Ishalltrytoberegular,’’murmuredMildred。
Jenningsapparentlydidnothear。``I’monmywaytotheopera-house,’’saidhe。``Oneofmyoldpupilsisappearinginanewrole,andsheisnervous。Goodnight。’’
Oncemorethatswift,quietexit,followedalmostinstantaneouslybythesoundofwheelsrollingaway。
Neverhadsheseensuchrapidityofmotionwithoutlossofdignity。``Yes,he’safraud,’’shesaidtoherself,``buthe’sagoodone。’’
Theideaofacareerhadnowbecomelessindefinite。
Itwasstillwithoutanyattraction——notbecauseofthetoilitinvolved,forthatmadesmallimpressionuponherwhohadneverworkedandhadneverseenanyonework,butbecauseacareermeantcuttingherselfofffromeverythingshehadbeenbroughtuptoregardasfitandproperforalady。Shewasashamedofthis。
shedidnotadmititsexistenceeventoherself,andinhertalkswithBairdaboutthecareershehadprofessedexactlytheoppositeview。Yetthereitwas——norneedshehavebeenashamedofafeelingthatisinstilledintowomenofherclassfrombabyhoodaspartoftheirladylikeeducation。Thecareerhadnotbecomedefinite。
Shecouldnotimagineherselfoutonastageinsomesortofacostume,withapaintedface,singingbeforeanaudience。Still,thecareerwaslessindefinitethanwhenithadnoexistencebeyondStanleyBaird’senthusiasmandherownwhipped-uppretenseofenthusiasm。
Sheshrankfromtheactualstart,butatthesametimewaseagerforit。Inactionbegantofrethernerves,andshewishedtobedoingsomethingtoshowherappreciationofStanleyBaird’sgenerosity。ShetelephonedMrs。Brindleythatshewouldcomeinthemorning,andthenshetoldherlandlady。
Mrs。Bellocwasmorethanregretful。shewasdistressed。Saidshe:``I’vetakenatremendousfancytoyou,andIhatetogiveyouup。I’ddomostanythingtokeepyou。’’
Mildredexplainedthatherworkcompelledhertogo。
``That’sveryinteresting,’’saidMrs。Belloc。``IfI
wereafewyearsyounger,andhadn’tspentallmyenergyinteachingschoolandputtingthroughthatmarriage,I’dtrytogetonthestage,myself。Idon’twanttolosesightofyou。’’
``Oh,I’llcometoseeyoufromtimetotime。’’
``No,youwon’t,’’saidMrs。Bellocpractically。``NomorethanI’dcometoseeyou。Ourliveslieindifferentdirections,andinNewYorkthatmeanswe’llneverhavetimetomeet。Butwemaybethrowntogetheragain,sometime。AsI’vegotatwentyyears’leaseonthishouse,Iguessyou’llhavenotroubleinfindingme。IsupposeIcouldlookyouupthroughProfessorJennings?’’
``Yes,’’saidMildred。Thenimpulsively,``Mrs。
Belloc,there’sareasonwhyI’dliketochangewithoutanyone’sknowingwhathasbecomeofme——Imean,anyonethatmightbe——watchingme。’’
``Iunderstandperfectly,’’saidMrs。BellocwithareadysympathythatmadeMildredappreciatetheadvantagesofthefriendshipofunconventional,knock-
aboutpeople。``Nothingcouldbeeasier。You’vegotnoluggagebutthatbag。I’lltakeituptotheGrandCentralStationandcheckit,andbringthecheckbackhere。Youcansendforitwhenyouplease。’’
``Butwhataboutme?’’saidMildred。
``Iwascomingtothat。Youwalkoutofhere,say,abouthalfanhourafterIgointhetaxi。YouwalkthroughtothecornerofLexingtonAvenueandThirty-
seventhStreet——therearen’tanycabstobehadthere。
I’llbewaitinginthetaxi,andwe’llmakeadashuptheEastSideandIcandropyouatsomequietplaceintheparkandgoon——andyoucanwalktoyournewaddress。Howdoesthatstrikeyou?’’
Mildredexpressedheradmiration。Theplanwascarriedout,asMrs。Belloc——aborngeniusatallformsofintrigue——hadevolveditinperfectiononthespurofthemoment。AstheywentupthefarEastSide,Mrs。Belloc,lookingbackthroughthelittlerearwindow,sawataxiafewblocksbehindthem。``Wehaven’tgiventhemtheslipyet,’’saidshe,``butwewillinthepark。’’TheyenteredtheparkatEastNinetiethStreet,crossedtotheWestDrive。ActingonMrs。
Belloc’sinstructions,themotormanputonfullspeed——
withdueregardtotheoccasionalpoliceman。AtasharpturningneartheMall,whenthetaxicouldbeseenfromneitherdirection,heabruptlystopped。OutsprangMildredanddisappearedbehindthebushescompletelyscreeningthewalkfromthedrive。Atoncethetaxiwasunder-wayagain。She,waitingwherethescreenofbusheswassecurelythick,sawthetaxithathadfollowedthemintheEastSideflashby——inpursuitofMrs。Bellocalone。
Shewasfree——atleastuntilsomemischanceuncoveredhertothelittlegeneral。AtMrs。Brindley’sshefoundanoteawaitingher——anotefromStanleyBaird:
DEARMILDRED:
I’moffortheFarWest,andprobablyshallnotbeintownagainuntiltheearlysummer。Theclubforwardsmymailandrepeatstelegramsasmarked。Goinandwin,anddon’thesitatetocallonmeifyouneedme。Nofalsepride,PLEASE!I’mgettingoutofthewaybecauseit’sobviouslybestforthepresent。
STANLEY。
Asshefinished,hersenseoffreedomwascomplete。
ShehadnotrealizedhowuneasyshewasfeelingaboutStanley。Shedidnotdoubthisgenerosity,didnotdoubtthathegenuinelyintendedtoleaveherfree,andshebelievedthathisdelicacywasworthyofhisgenerosity。Still,shewasconstantlyfearinglestcircumstancesshouldthrustthemboth——asmuchagainsthiswillashers——intoapositioninwhichshewouldhavetochoosebetweenseeming,nottosaybeing,ungrateful,andplayingthehypocrite,perhapsbasely,withhim。
Thelittlegeneraleluded,Stanleyvoluntarilyremoved。
shewasindeedfree。Nowshecouldworkwithanun-
troubledmind,couldshowMrs。Brindleythatintelligentandpersistentwork——her``biggestifinalltheworld’’——wasinfactaverysimplematter。
ShehadnotbeensettledatMrs。Brindley’smanyhoursbeforeshediscoveredthatnotonlywasshefreefromallhindrances,butwastohaveapositiveandgreathelp。Mrs。Brindley’stalentforputtingpeopleattheireasewasnomeredrawing-roomtrick。
ShemadeMildredfeelimmediatelyathome,asshehadnotfeltathomesincehermotherintroducedJamesPresburyintotheirhouseatHangingRock。Mrs。
Brindleywasabsolutelydevoidofpretenses。WhenMildredspoketoherofthisqualityinhershesaid:
``Iowethattomyhusband。Iwasbroughtuplikeeverybodyelse——tobemoreorlessofaposerandahypocrite。Infact,Ithinktherewasalmostnothinggenuineaboutme。Myhusbandtaughtmetobemyself,tobeafraidofnobody’sopinion,toshowmyselfjustasIwasandtoletpeopleseekoravoidmeastheysawfit。Hewasthatsortofmanhimself。’’
``Hemusthavebeenaremarkableman,’’saidMildred。
``Hewas,’’repliedMrs。Brindley。``Butnotattractive——atleastnottome。Ourmarriagewasamistake。Wequarreledwheneverwewerenotatworkwiththemusic。Ifhehadnotdied,weshouldhavebeendivorced。’’Shesmiledmerrily。``Thenhewouldhavehiredmeashismusicalsecretary,andwe’dhavegotonbeautifully。’’
MildredwasstillthinkingofMrs。Brindley’sfreedomfrompretense。``I’veneverdaredbemyself,’’
confessedshe。``Idon’tknowwhatmyselfreallyislike。
IwasthinkingtheotherdayhowforonereasonandanotherI’vebeenahypocriteallmylife。Yousee,I’vealwaysbeenadependent——havealwayshadtopleasesomeoneinordertogetwhatIwanted。’’
``Youcanneverbeyourselfuntilyouhaveanindependentincome,howeversmall,’’saidMrs。Brindley。
``I’vehadthatjoyonlysincemyhusbanddied。It’saswellthatIdidn’thaveitsooner。Oneisthebetterforhavingservedanapprenticeshipatself-repressionandatpretendingtovirtuesonehasnot。Onlythosewhoearntheirfreedomknowhowtouseit。IfIhadhadittenorfifteenyearsagoI’dhavebeenanintolerabletyrant,makingeveryonearoundmeunhappyandthereforemyself。Theidealworldwouldbeonewhereeveryonewasbornfreeandneverknewanythingelse。
Then,noonebeingafraidorhavingtoserve,everyonewouldhavetobeconsiderateinordertogethimselftolerated。’’
``IwonderifIreallyevershallbeabletoearnaliving?’’sighedMildred。
``Youmustdecidethatwhateveryoucanmakeshallbeforyoualiving,’’saidtheolderwoman。``Ihavelivedonmyfixedincome,whichisundertwothousandayear。AndIamreadytodoitagainratherthantolerateanythingoranybodythatdoesnotsuitme。’’
``Ishallhavetobeextremelycareful,’’laughedMildred。``Ishallbeadreadfulhypocritewithyou。’’
Mrs。Brindleysmiled。butunderneath,Mildredsaw——orperhapsfelt——thathernewfriendwasindeednotonetobetrifledwith。Shesaid:
``YouandIwillgeton。We’llleteachotheralone。
Wehavetobemoreorlessintimate,butwe’llneverbefamiliar。’’
AfteratimeshediscoveredthatMrs。Brindley’sfirstnamewasCyrilla,butMrs。BrindleyandMissStevenstheyremainedtoeachotherforalongtime——untilcircumstanceschangedtheiraccidentalintimacyintoenduringfriendship。Nottoanticipate,inthecourseofthatsameconversationMildredsaid:
``Ifthereisanythingaboutme——aboutmylife——
thatyouwishmetoexplain,Ishallbegladtodoso。’’
``IknowallIwishtoknow,’’repliedCyrillaBrindley。``Yourfaceandyourmannerandyourwayofspeakingtellmealltheessentials。’’
``ThenyoumustnotthinkitstrangewhenIsayI
wishnoonetoknowanythingaboutme。’’
``Itwillbeimpossibleforyouentirelytoavoidmeetingpeople,’’saidCyrilla。``Youmusthavesomesimpleexplanationaboutyourself,oryouwillattractattentionanddefeatyourobject。’’
``LeadpeopletobelievethatI’manorphan——perhapsofsomeobscurefamily——whoistryingtogetupintheworld。Thatispracticallythetruth。’’
Mrs。Brindleylaughed。``QuiteenoughforNewYork,’’saidshe。``Itisnotinterestedinfacts。AlltheNew-Yorkerasksofyouis,`Canyoupayyourbillsandhelpmepaymine?’’’
Competentmenarerare。but,thankstotheadvantageofthemalesexinhavingtomakethestruggleforaliving,theyarenotsorareascompetentwomen。
Mrs。BrindleywasthefirstcompetentwomanMildredhadeverknown。Shehadspentbutafewhourswithherbeforeshebegantoappreciatewhatabadatmosphereshehadalwaysbreathed——badforawomanwhohasherwaytomakeintheworld,orindeedforanywomannotwillingtobecontentasmeremoreorlessshiftless,moreorlesshypocriticalandpretentious,dependentandparasite。Mrs。Brindley——wellbredandwelleducated——knewallthelittlematterswhichMildredhadbeentaughttoregardasthewholeofalady’seducation。ButMildredsawthatthesetrifleswerebutatriflingincidentinMrs。Brindley’sknowledge。Sheknewrealthings,thiswomanwhowasathorough-goinghousekeeperandwhotrebledherincomebygivingmusiclessonsafewhoursadaytosuchpupilsasshethoughtworththeteaching。Whenshespoke,shealwayssaidsomethingoneofthefirstthingsnoticedbyMildred,who,beingtoolazytothinkexceptashernaturallygoodmindinsistedonexercisingitself,usuallytalkedsimplytokilltimeandwithoutanyideaofgettinganywhere。ButwhileCyrilla——withoutintheleastintendingit——rousedhertoapainfulsenseofherownlimitations,shedidnotdiscourageher。Mildredalsobegantofeelthatinthisnewatmosphereofideas,ofwork,ofaccomplishment,shewouldrapidlydevelopintoadifferentsortofperson。Itwasextremelyfortunateforher,thoughtshe,thatshewaslivingwithsuchapersonasCyrillaBrindley。Intheoldatmosphere,orwithanytaintofit,shewouldhavebeenunabletobecomeaseriousperson。Shewouldsimplyhavedawdledalong,twaddlingabout``art’’andseriousnessandcareersandsacrifice,contentwiththeamateur’smethodsandtheamateur’sresults——anddeludingherselfthatshewasmakingprogress。Now——
Itwasasdifferentaspublicschoolfromprivateschool——publicschoolwherethemindisrudelystimulated,privateschoolwhereitissedulouslymollycoddled。Shehadcomeoutofthehothouseintotheopen。
AtfirstshethoughtthatJenningswastobeasgreatahelptoherasCyrillaBrindley。Certainlyifevertherewasamanwiththeairofaworkerandaplacewiththeairofaworkshop,thatmanandthatplacewereEugeneJenningsandhisstudioinCarnegieHall。
WhenMildredentered,onthatSaturdaymorning,atexactlyhalf-pastten,Jennings——inaplainifeleganthouse-suit——lookedather,lookedattheclock,stoppedagirlinthemidstofaburstoftremulousnoisymelody。
``Thatwilldo,MissBristow,’’saidhe。``Youhaveneversungitworse。Youdonotimprove。Anotherlessonlikethis,andweshallgobackandbeginalloveragain。’’
Thegirl,afattish,``temperamental’’blonde,burstintotears。
``Kindlytakethatoutintothehall,’’saidJenningscoldly。``Yourtimeisup。WecannotwasteMissStevens’stimewithyourhysterics。’’
MissBristowswitchedfromtearstofury。``Youbrute!Youbeast!’’sheshrieked,andflungherselfoutoftheroom,slammingthedoorafterher。Jenningstookabookfromapileuponatable,openedit,andsetitonamusic-stand。EvidentlyMissBristowwasforgotten——indeed,hadpassedoutofhismindathalf-pasttenexactly,nottoenteritagainuntilsheshouldappearattenonMondaymorning。HesaidtoMildred:
``Now,we’llseewhatyoucando。Begin。’’
``I’malittlenervous,’’saidMildredwithashylaugh。``Ifyoudon’tmind,I’dliketowaittillI’vegotusedtomysurroundings。’’
Jenningslookedather。Thelongsharpnoseseemedtoberappingherontheforeheadlikeawood-
pecker’sbeakonthebarkofthetree。``Begin,’’hesaid,pointingtothebook。
Mildredflushedangrily。``IshallnotbeginuntilICANbegin,’’saidshe。Thetimetoshowthismanthathecouldnottreatherbrutallywasattheoutset。
Jenningsopenedthedoorintothehall。``Goodday,MissStevens,’’hesaidwithhisabruptbow。
Mildredlookedathim。helookedather。Herliptrembled,thehottearsfloodedandblindedhereyes。
Shewentunsteadilytothemusic-standandtriedtoseethenotesoftheexercises。Jenningsclosedthedoorandseatedhimselfatthefarendoftheroom。Shebegan——aridiculousattempt。Shestopped,grittedherteeth,beganagain。Oncemoretheresultwasabsurd。butthistimeshewasabletokeepon,notimproving,butmaintainingherinitialoff-keyquavering。
Shestopped。
``Yousee,’’saidshe。``ShallIgoon?’’
``Don’tstopagainuntilItellyouto,please,’’saidhe。
ShestaggeredandstumbledandsomersaultedthroughtwopagesofDO-RE-ME-FA-SOL-LA-SI。Thenhehelduphisfinger。
``Enough,’’saidhe。
Silence,anawfulsilence。SherecalledwhatMrs。
Bellochadtoldherabouthim,whatMrs。Brindleyhadimplied。Butshegotnoconsolation。Shesaidtimidly:
``Really,Mr。Jennings,Icandobetterthanthat。
Won’tyouletmetryasong?’’
``Godforbid!’’saidhe。``Youcan’tstand。Youcan’tbreathe。Youcan’topenyourmouth。Naturally,youcan’tsing。’’
Shedroppedtoachair。
``Takethebook,andgooverthesamething,sitting,’’saidhe。
Shebegantoremoveherwraps。
``Justasyouare,’’hecommanded。``Trytoforgetyourself。Trytoforgetme。TrytoforgetwhatabruteIam,andwhatawonderfulsingeryouare。Justopenyourmouthandthrowthenotesout。’’
Shewasrosywithrage。Shewasreckless。Shesang。Attheendofthreepageshestoppedherwithanenthusiastichand-clapping。``Good!Good!’’hecried。``I’lltakeyou。I’llmakeasingerofyou。
Yes,yes,there’ssomethingtoworkon。’’
Thedooropened。Atall,thinwomanwithmanyjewelsandasuperbfurwrapcameglidingin。Jenningslookedattheclock。Thehandspointedtoeleven。
SaidhetoMildred:
``Takethatbookwithyou。Practicewhatyou’vedoneto-day。Learntokeepyourmouthopen。We’llgointothatfurthernexttime。’’Hewasholdingthedooropenforher。Asshepassedout,sheheardhimsay:
``Ah,Mrs。Roswell。We’llgoatthatthirdsongfirst。’’
Thedoorclosed。Reviewingallthathadoccurred,MildreddecidedthatshemustreviseheropinionofJennings。Amoney-makerhenodoubtwas。Andwhynot?Didhenothavetolive?Butateacheralso,andagreatteacher。Hadhenotdestroyedhervanityatoneblow,demolishedit?——yetwithoutdiscouragingher。Andhewentstraighttothebottomofthings——
verydifferentfromanyoftheteacherssheusedtohavewhenshewasposingindrawing-roomsasapersonwithavoiceequaltothemostdifficultopera,ifonlysheweren’taladyandthereforenotforcedtobeaprofessionalsingingperson。Yes,agreatteacher——andindeadlyearnest。Hewouldpermitnotrifling!Howshewouldhavetowork!
Andshewenttoworkwithanenergyshewouldnothavebelievedshepossessed。Heinstructedherminutelyinhowtostand,inhowtobreathe,inhowtoopenhermouthandkeepitopen,inhowtorelaxherthroatandleaveitrelaxed。Hefilledeverysecondofherhalf-hour。shehadneverbeforerealizedhowmuchtimehalfanhourwas,howusecouldbemadeofeveryoneofitseighteenhundredseconds。Shewenttohearotherteachersgivelessons,andsheunderstoodwhyJenningscouldgetsuchprices,couldtreathispupilsashesawfit。Shebecameanextravagantadmirerofhimasateacher,thoughthimagenius,feltconfidentthathewouldmakeagreatsingerofher。Withthesecondlessonshebegantoprogressrapidly。Inafewweekssheamazedherself。Atlastshewasreallysinging。
Notinagreatway,butinthebeginningsofagreatway。Hervoicehadmanytimesthepowerofherdrawing-roomdays。Hernoteswerefullandround,andcamewithoutaneffort。Herformerideasofwhatconstitutedfacialandvocalexpressionnowseemedridiculoustoher。Shewasnowsingingwithoutmakingthosedreadfulfaceswhichshehadoncethoughtcharmingandnecessary。Herlowerregister,alwaysherbest,wasalmostperfect。Hermiddleregister——thetestpartofavoice——wasshowingsignsofstrengthandsteadinessandevenness。Andshewasfastgettingarealupperregister,asdistinguishedfromtheforcedandshriekyhighnotesthatpassasanupperregisterwithmostsingers,evenoperasingers。Afteramonthofthismarvelousforwardmarch,shesangforMrs。Brindley——sangthesamesongshehadessayedattheirfirstmeeting。Whenshefinished,Mrs。Brindleysaid:
``Yes,you’vedonewonders。I’vebeennoticingyourimprovementasyoupracticed。Youcertainlyhaveaverydifferentvoiceandmethodfromthoseyouhadamonthago,’’andsoonthroughaboutfiveminutesofcriticalanddiscriminatingpraise。
Mildredlistened,wonderingwhyherdissatisfaction,herirritation,increasedasMrs。Brindleypraisedonandon。BeyondquestionCyrillawassincere,andwassayingevenmorethanMildredhadhopedshewouldsay。Yet——Mildredsatmoodilymeasuringoffoctavesonthekeyboardofthepiano。Ifshehadbeenlookingatherfriend’sfaceshewouldhaveflaredoutinanger。forCyrillaBrindleywastakingadvantageofherabstractiontoobserveherwithfriendlysympathyandsadness。Presentlysheconcealedthiscandidexpressionandsaid:
``Youaresatisfiedwithyourprogress,aren’tyou,MissStevens?’’
Mildredflaredupangrily。``Certainly!’’repliedshe。``HowcouldIfailtobe?’’
Mrs。Brindleydidnotanswer——perhapsbecauseshethoughtnoanswerwasneededorexpected。ButtoMildredhersilencesomehowseemedadenial。
``Ifyoucanonlykeepwhatyou’vegot——andgoon,’’saidMrs。Brindley。
``Oh,Ishall,neverfear,’’retortedMildred。
``ButIdofear,’’saidMrs。Brindley。``Ithinkit’salwayswelltofearuntilsuccessisactuallywon。Andthenthere’stheawfulfearofnotbeingabletoholdit。’’
Afteramoment’ssilenceMildred,whocouldnothideawayresentmentagainstonesheliked,said:``Whyaren’tYOUsatisfied,Mrs。Brindley?’’
``ButIamsatisfied,’’protestedCyrilla。``OnlyitmakesmeafraidtoseeYOUsowellsatisfied。I’veseenthatofteninpeoplefirststarting,andit’salwaysdangerous。Yousee,mydear,you’vegotastraight-awayhundredmilestowalk。Can’tyouseethatitwouldbepossibleforyoutobecometoomuchelatedbythewayyouwalkedthefirstpartofthefirstmile?’’
``Whydoyoutrytodiscourageme?’’saidMildred。
Mrs。Brindleycolored。``IdoitbecauseIwanttosaveyoufromdespairalittlelater,’’saidshe。``Butthatisfoolishofme。Ishallonlyirritateyouagainstme。I’llnotdoitagain。Andpleasedon’taskmyopinion。Ifyoudo,Ican’thelpshowingexactlywhatIthink。’’
``Thenyoudon’tthinkI’vedonewell?’’criedMildred。
``Indeedyouhave,’’repliedCyrillawarmly。
``ThenIdon’tunderstand。WhatDOyoumean?’’
``I’lltellyou,andthenI’llstopandyoumustnotaskmyopinionagain。Welivetooclosetogethertobeabletoaffordtocriticizeeachother。WhatImeantwasthis:Youhavedonewellthefirstpartofthegreattaskthat’sbeforeyou。Ifyouhaddoneitanylesswell,itwouldhavebeenfollyforyoutogoon。’’
``Thatis,whatI’vedonedoesn’tamounttoanything?Mr。Jenningsdoesn’tagreewithyou。’’
``Doubtlesshe’sright,’’saidMrs。Brindley。``Atanyrate,weallagreethatyouhaveshownthatyouhaveavoice。’’
ShesaidthissosimplyandheartilythatMildredcouldnotbutbemollified。Mrs。BrindleychangedthesubjecttothesongMildredhadsung,andMildredstoppedpuzzlingoverthemysteryofwhatshehadmeantbyherapparentlyenthusiasticwords,whichhadyetdiffusedachillatmosphereofdoubt。
Shewasdoingherscalessowellthatshebecameimpatientofsuch``tiresomechild’splay。’’AndpresentlyJenningsgavehersongs,anddidnotdiscourageherwhenshetalkedofroles,ofgettingseriouslyatwhat,afterall,sheintendedtodo。Thentherecameaweekofvileweather,andMildredcaughtacold。Sheneglectedit。Hervoicelefther。Hertonsilsswelled。
Shehadabadattackofulceratedsorethroat。Fornearlythreeweeksshecouldnottakeasingleoneofthelessons,whichwere,nevertheless,paidfor。Jenningsrebukedhersharply。
``Asingerhasnorighttobesick,’’saidhe。
``Youhaveacoldyourself,’’retortedshe。
``ButIamnotasinger。I’venothingthatinterfereswithmywork。’’
``It’simpossiblenottotakecold,’’saidMildred。
``Youareunreasonablewithme。’’
Heshruggedhisshoulders。``Gogetwell,’’hesaid。
ThesorethroatfinallyyieldedtothetreatmentofDr。Hicks,thethroat-specialist。Hisbillwasseventy-
fivedollars。Butwhiletheswellinginthetonsilssubsideditdidnotdepart。Shecouldtakelessonsagain。
Somedaysshesangaswellasever,andonthosedaysJenningswascharming。Otherdaysshesangatrociously,andJenningstreatedherasifsheweredoingitdeliberately。Athirdandworsestatewasthatofthedayswhensheinthesamehalf-houralternatelysangwellandbadly。OnthosedaysJenningsactedlikealunatic。Heravedupanddownthestudio,allbutswearingather。Atfirstshewasafraidofhim——
witheredunderhisscorn,fearedhewouldthrowopenhisdoorandorderheroutandforbidherevertoenteragain。Butgraduallyshecametounderstandhim——
notenoughtoloseherfearofhimaltogether,butenoughtolosethefearofhisgivingupsoprofitableapupil。
ThetruthwasthatJennings,likeeverymanwhosucceedsatanythinginthisworld,operateduponasystemtowhichherigidlyadhered。Hewasamanofsmalltalentandknowledge,butofgreat,persistenceandnotalittlecommonsense。Hehadtriedtobeasinger,hadfailedbecausehisvoicewassmallandunreliable。Hehadadoptedteachingsingingasameansofgettingaliving。Hehadlearnedjustenoughaboutittoenablehimtoteachthetechnicalelements——whatissetdowninthebooks。Byobservingotherandolderteachershehadgottogetherateachingsystemthatwasasgood——andasbad——asany,andthishedubbedtheJenningsMethodandproceededtoexploitastheonlyoneworthwhile。Whenthatmethodwasworkedoutandperfected,heceasedlearning,ceasedtogiveathoughttotheprofessionalsideofhisprofession,justasmostprofessionalmendo。HewouldhaveresentedasuggestionoranewideaasanattackupontheJenningsMethod。Theoverwhelmingmajorityofthehumanrace——indeed,allbutasmallhandful——havethispassionforstagnation,thisferocityagainstchange。
Itisinlargepartduetolaziness。foranewideameansworkinlearningitandinunlearningtheoldideasthathavebeentrueuntiltheunwelcomeadventofthenew。Inpartalsothisresistancetothenewideaarisesfromafearthatthenewidea,iftolerated,willputoneoutofbusiness,willsethimadriftwithoutanymeansofsupport。Thecoachmanhatestheautomobile,thehand-workerhatesthemachine,theorthodoxpreacherhatestheheretic,thepoliticianhatesthereformer,thedoctorhatesthebacteriologistandthechemist,theoldwomanhatesthenew——alltheseinvaryingproportionsaccordingtothedegreeinwhichtheiconoclastattackslazinessorlivelihood。Finallyweallhateanyandallnewideasbecausetheyseemtoimplythatwe,whohaveheldtheoldideas,havebeenignorantandstupidinsodoing。Anewideaisanattackuponthevanityofeveryonewhohasbeenapartisanoftheoldideasandtheirestablishedorder。
Jennings,thoroughlyhumaninthusclosinghismindtoallideasabouthisprofession,wasequallyhumaninthathehadhismindandhissensesopenedfullwidthtoideasonhowtomakemoremoney。IftherehadbeenmoneyinnewideasaboutteachingsingingJenningswouldnothaveclosedtothem。Butthemoneywasallinstudyingandlearninghowbettertohandlethewomen——theywereallwomenwhocametohimforinstruction。Hiscommonsensewarnedhimattheoutsetthattheobviouslyeasygoingteacherwouldnotlongretainhispupils。Ontheotherhand,hesawthatthereallysevereteacherwouldnotretainhispupils,either。
Whowerethesepupils?Inthefirstplace,theywereallignorant,forpeoplewhoalreadyknowdonotgotoschooltolearn。Theyhadtheuniversaldelusionthatateachercanteach。Thefactisthatateacherisawell。Somewellsarefull,othersalmostdry。Somearesoarrangedthatwatercannotbegotfromthem,othershaveattachmentsofvariouskinds,makingthedrawingofwatermoreorlesseasy。Butnotfromthebestwellwiththelatestpumpattachmentcanonegetadrinkunlessonedoesthedrinkingoneself。Ateacherisrarelyawell。Thepupilmustnotonlydrawthewater,butalsodrinkit,mustnotonlyteachhimself,butalsolearnwhatheteaches。Nowweareallofusbornthirstyforknowledge,andnearlyallofusarebornbothcapableofteachingourselvesandcapableoflearningwhatweteach,thatis,ofretainingandassimilatingit。Thereissuchathingasartificiallyfeedingthemind,justasthereissuchathingasartificiallyfeedingthebody。butwhileeveryoneknowsthatartificialfeedingofthebodyisasuccessonlytoalimitedextentandforabriefperiod,everyonebelievesthattheartificialfeedingofthemindisnotonlythebestmethod,buttheonlymethod。Nordoesthediscoverythatthemindissimplythebrain,issimplyapartofthebody,subjecttothebody’slaws,seemmateriallytohavelessenedthisfatuousdelusion。
SomeofJennings’spupils——notmorethantwooftheforty-oddwereingenuineearnest。thatis,thosetwowereeducatingthemselvestobeprofessionalsingers,weredeterminedsotobe,hadlimitedtimeandmeansandendlesscapacityforwork。Othersoftheforty——
abouthalf-thoughttheywereserious,thoughinfacttheideaofacareerwasmoreorlesshazy。Theyweresimplytakinglessonsandtoilingaimlesslyalong,notlessaimlesslybecausetheyindulgedinvaguetalkandvaguerthoughtaboutacareer。Therest——theotherhalfoftheforty——wereamusingthemselvesbytakingsinginglessons。Itkilledtime,itgavethemafeelingofdoingsomething,itgavethemareputationofbeingseriouspeopleandnotmereidlers,itgavethemanexcuseforneglectingthedomesticdutieswhichtheyregardedasdegrading——probablybecausetodothemwellrequiresstudyandearnest,hardwork。TheJenningssinginglesson,atfifteendollarsahalf-hour,wasratheranexpensivehypocrisy。butthewomenwhouseditasacloakforidlenessasutterasthemereyawnersandbridgersandshoppershadrichhusbandsorfathers。
ThusitappearsthattheJenningsSchoolwasaperfectmicrocosm,asthescientistswouldsay,ofthehumanrace——theseriousveryfew,toilingmoreorlesssuccessfullytowardadefinitegoal。themany,compelledtodosomething,andimaginingthemselvesseriousandpurposefulastheytoiledalongtowardnothinginpar-
ticularbutthenextlesson——thatis,thenextday’sappointedtask。theutterlyidle,fancyingthemselvesbusyandimportantwhenintruththeyweresimplyafraudandanexpense。
Jenningsgotverylittlefromthedeeplyandgenuinelyserious。Oneofthemhetaughtfree,takingpromissorynotesforthelessons。Butheheldontothembecausewhentheyfinallydidteachthemselvestosingandarrivedatfame,hiswouldbepartoftheglory——andglorymeantmoreandmorepupilsofthepayingkinds。Hislargeincomecamefromtheothertwokindsofpupils,thelargerpartofitfromthekindthathadnoseriousnessinthem。Hisproblemwashowtokeepallthesepayingpupilsandalsokeephisreputationasateacher。InsolvingthatproblemheevolvedamethodthatwasthetrueJennings’smethod。
NotinallNewYork,filledasitiswithpeoplelivingandlivingwelluponthemanipulationoftheweaknessesoftheirfellowbeings——notinallNewYorkwasthereanadroitermanipulatorthanEugeneJennings。Hewasharshtobrutalitywhenhesawfittobeso——or,rather,whenhedeemeditwisetobeso。Yetneverhadhelostapayingpupilthroughhisharshness。