Egad，howhepinkedthatgreatred-hairedfellow！saidone。
　　No。didI？saidPoinsinet。
　　Didyou？Psha！don’ttrytoplaythemodest，andhumbugUS。youknowyoudid。Isupposeyouwillsay，next，thatyouwerenotforthreeminutespointtopointwithCartentiercehimself，themostdreadfulswordsmanofthearmy。
　　Why，yousee，saysPoinsinet，quitedelighted，itwassodarkthatIdidnotknowwithwhomIwasengaged。although，corbleu，I
　　DIDFORoneortwoofthefellows。Andafteralittlemoreofsuchconversation，duringwhichhewasfullypersuadedthathehaddoneforadozenoftheenemyatleast，Poinsinetwenttobed，hislittlepersontremblingwithfrightandpleasure。andhefellasleep，anddreamedofrescuingladies，anddestroyingmonsters，likeasecondAmadisdeGaul。
　　Whenheawokeinthemorning，hefoundapartyofhisfriendsinhisroom：onewasexamininghiscoatandwaistcoat。anotherwascastingmanycuriousglancesathisinexpressibles。Lookhere！
　　saidthisgentleman，holdingupthegarmenttothelight。one——
　　two——threegashes！IamhangedifthecowardsdidnotaimatPoinsinet’slegs！Therearefourholesintheswordarmofhiscoat，andsevenhavegonerightthroughcoatandwaistcoat。Goodheaven！Poinsinet，haveyouhadasurgeontoyourwounds？
　　Wounds！saidthelittleman，springingup，Idon’tknow——thatis，Ihope——thatis——OLord！OLord！IhopeI’mnotwounded！and，afteraproperexamination，hediscoveredhewasnot。
　　Thankheaven！thankheaven！saidoneofthewagswho，indeed，duringtheslumbersofPoinsinethadbeenoccupiedinmakingtheseveryholesthroughthegarmentsofthatindividual，ifyouhaveescaped，itisbyamiracle。Alas！alas！allyourenemieshavenotbeensolucky。
　　How！isanybodywounded？saidPoinsinet。
　　Mydearestfriend，prepareyourself。thatunhappymanwhocametorevengehismenacedhonor——thatgallantofficer——thatinjuredhusband，ColonelCountdeCartentierce——
　　Well？
　　ISNOMORE！hediedthismorning，piercedthroughwithnineteenwoundsfromyourhand，andcallinguponhiscountrytorevengehismurder。
　　Whenthisawfulsentencewaspronounced，alltheauditorygaveapatheticandsimultaneoussob。andasforPoinsinet，hesankbackonhisbedwithahowlofterror，whichwouldhavemeltedaVisigothtotears，ortolaughter。Assoonashisterrorandremorsehad，insomedegree，subsided，hiscomradesspoketohimofthenecessityofmakinghisescape。and，huddlingonhisclothes，andbiddingthemallatenderadieu，hesetoff，incontinently，withouthisbreakfast，forEngland，America，orRussia，notknowingexactlywhich。
　　Oneofhiscompanionsagreedtoaccompanyhimonapartofthisjourney，——thatis，asfarasthebarrierofSt。Denis，whichis，aseverybodyknows，onthehighroadtoDover。andthere，beingtolerablysecure，theyenteredatavernforbreakfast。whichmeal，thelastthatheeverwastotake，perhaps，inhisnativecity，Poinsinetwasjustabouttodiscuss，when，behold！agentlemanenteredtheapartmentwherePoinsinetandhisfriendwereseated，and，drawingfromhispocketapaper，withAUNOMDUROY
　　flourishedonthetop，readfromit，orratherfromPoinsinet’sownfigure，hisexactsignalement，laidhishandonhisshoulder，andarrestedhiminthenameoftheKing，andoftheprovost-marshalofParis。Iarrestyou，sir，saidhe，gravely，withregret。youhaveslain，withseventeenwounds，insinglecombat，ColonelCountdeCartentierce，oneofhisMajesty’shousehold。and，ashismurderer，youfallundertheimmediateauthorityoftheprovost-
　　marshal，anddiewithouttrialorbenefitofclergy。
　　Youmayfancyhowthepoorlittleman’sappetitefellwhenheheardthisspeech。Intheprovost-marshal’shands？saidhisfriend：
　　thenitisallover，indeed！Whendoesmypoorfriendsuffer，sir？
　　Athalf-pastsixo’clock，thedayafterto-morrow，saidtheofficer，sittingdown，andhelpinghimselftowine。Butstop，
　　saidhe，suddenly。sureIcan’tmistake？Yes——no——yes，itis。Mydearfriend，mydearDurand！don’tyourecollectyouroldschoolfellow，Antoine？AndherewiththeofficerflunghimselfintothearmsofDurand，Poinsinet’scomrade，andtheyperformedamostaffectingsceneoffriendship。
　　Thismaybeofsomeservicetoyou，whisperedDurandtoPoinsinet。and，aftersomefurtherparley，heaskedtheofficerwhenhewasboundtodeliveruphisprisoner。and，hearingthathewasnotcalledupontoappearattheMarshalseabeforesixo’clockatnight，MonsieurDurandprevaileduponMonsieurAntoinetowaituntilthathour，andinthemeantimetoallowhisprisonertowalkaboutthetowninhiscompany。Thisrequestwas，withalittledifficulty，granted。andpoorPoinsinetbeggedtobecarriedtothehousesofhisvariousfriends，andbidthemfarewell。Somewereawareofthetrickthathadbeenplayeduponhim：otherswerenot。
　　butthepoorlittleman’scredulitywassogreat，thatitwasimpossibletoundeceivehim。andhewentfromhousetohousebewailinghisfate，andfollowedbythecomplaisantmarshal’sofficer。
　　Thenewsofhisdeathhereceivedwithmuchmoremeeknessthancouldhavebeenexpected。butwhathecouldnotreconciletohimselfwas，theideaofdissectionafterwards。Whatcantheywantwithme？criedthepoorwretch，inanunusualfitofcandor。
　　Iamverysmallandugly。itwouldbedifferentifIwereatallfine-lookingfellow。Buthewasgiventounderstandthatbeautymadeverylittledifferencetothesurgeons，who，onthecontrary，would，oncertainoccasions，preferadeformedmantoahandsomeone。forsciencewasmuchadvancedbythestudyofsuchmonstrosities。WiththisreasonPoinsinetwasobligedtobecontent。andsopaidhisroundsofvisits，andrepeatedhisdismaladieux。
　　Theofficeroftheprovost-marshal，howeveramusingPoinsinet’swoesmighthavebeen，began，bythistime，togrowverywearyofthem，andgavehimmorethanoneopportunitytoescape。Hewouldstopatshop-windows，loiterroundcorners，andlookupinthesky，butallinvain：Poinsinetwouldnotescape，dowhattheotherwould。Atlength，luckily，aboutdinner-time，theofficermetoneofPoinsinet’sfriendsandhisown：andthethreeagreedtodineatatavern，astheyhadbreakfasted。andheretheofficer，whovowedthathehadbeenupforfiveweeksincessantly，fellsuddenlyasleep，intheprofoundestfatigue。andPoinsinetwaspersuaded，aftermuchhesitationonhispart，totakeleaveofhim。
　　Andnow，thisdangerovercome，anotherwastobeavoided。Beyondadoubtthepolicewereafterhim，andhowwashetoavoidthem？Hemustbedisguised，ofcourse。andoneofhisfriends，atall，gauntlawyer’sclerk，agreedtoprovidehimwithhabits。
　　SolittlePoinsinetdressedhimselfoutintheclerk’sdingyblacksuit，ofwhichtheknee-breecheshungdowntohisheels，andthewaistofthecoatreachedtothecalvesofhislegs。and，furthermore，heblackedhiseyebrows，andworeahugeblackperiwig，inwhichhisfriendvowedthatnoonecouldrecognizehim。
　　Butthemostpainfulincident，withregardtotheperiwig，was，thatPoinsinet，whosesolitarybeauty——ifbeautyitmightbecalled——wasaheadofcopious，curling，yellowhair，wascompelledtosnipoffeveryoneofhisgoldenlocks，andtorubthebristleswithablackdye。forifyourwigweretocomeoff，saidthelawyer，andyourfairhairtotumbleoveryourshoulders，everymanwouldknow，oratleastsuspectyou。Sooffthelockswerecut，andinhisblacksuitandperiwiglittlePoinsinetwentabroad。
　　Hisfriendshadtheircue。andwhenheappearedamongstthem，notoneseemedtoknowhim。Hewastakenintocompanieswherehischaracterwasdiscussedbeforehim，andhiswonderfulescapespokenof。Atlasthewasintroducedtotheveryofficeroftheprovost-
　　marshalwhohadtakenhimintocustody，andwhotoldhimthathehadbeendismissedtheprovost’sservice，inconsequenceoftheescapeoftheprisoner。Now，forthefirsttime，poorPoinsinetthoughthimselftolerablysafe，andblessedhiskindfriendswhohadprocuredforhimsuchacompletedisguise。HowthisaffairendedIknownot，——whethersomenewliewascoinedtoaccountforhisrelease，orwhetherhewassimplytoldthathehadbeenhoaxed：
　　itmatteredlittle。forthelittlemanwasquiteasreadytobehoaxedthenextday。
　　PoinsinetwasonedayinvitedtodinewithoneoftheservantsoftheTuileries。and，beforehisarrival，apersonincompanyhadbeendecoratedwithaknotoflaceandagoldkey，suchaschamberlainswear。hewasintroducedtoPoinsinetastheCountdeTruchses，chamberlaintotheKingofPrussia。AfterdinnertheconversationfellupontheCount’svisittoParis。whenhisExcellency，withamysteriousair，vowedthathehadonlycomeforpleasure。Itismightywell，saidathirdperson，and，ofcourse，wecan’tcross-questionyourlordshiptooclosely。butatthesametimeitwashintedtoPoinsinetthatapersonofsuchconsequencedidnottravelforNOTHING，withwhichopinionPoinsinetsolemnlyagreed。and，indeed，itwasborneoutbyasubsequentdeclarationoftheCount，whocondescended，atlast，totellthecompany，inconfidence，thatheHADamission，andamostimportantone——tofind，namely，amongtheliterarymenofFrance，agovernorforthePrinceRoyalofPrussia。ThecompanyseemedastonishedthattheKinghadnotmadechoiceofVoltaireorD’Alembert，andmentionedadozenotherdistinguishedmenwhomightbecompetenttothisimportantduty。buttheCount，asmaybeimagined，foundobjectionstoeveryoneofthem。and，atlast，oneoftheguestssaid，that，ifhisPrussianMajestywasnotparticularastoage，heknewapersonmorefittedfortheplacethananyotherwhocouldbefound，——hishonorablefriend，M。
　　Poinsinet，wastheindividualtowhomhealluded。
　　Goodheavens！criedtheCount，isitpossiblethatthecelebratedPoinsinetwouldtakesuchaplace？Iwouldgivetheworldtoseehim？AndyoumayfancyhowPoinsinetsimperedandblushedwhentheintroductionimmediatelytookplace。
　　TheCountprotestedtohimthattheKingwouldbecharmedtoknowhim。andadded，thatoneofhisoperasforitmustbetoldthatourlittlefriendwasavaudeville-makerbytradehadbeenactedseven-and-twentytimesatthetheatreatPotsdam。HisExcellencythendetailedtohimallthehonorsandprivilegeswhichthegovernorofthePrinceRoyalmightexpect。andalltheguestsencouragedthelittleman’svanity，byaskinghimforhisprotectionandfavor。Inashorttimeourherogrewsoinflatedwithprideandvanity，thathewasforpatronizingthechamberlainhimself，whoproceededtoinformhimthathewasfurnishedwithallthenecessarypowersbyhissovereign，whohadspeciallyenjoinedhimtoconferuponthefuturegovernorofhissontheroyalorderoftheBlackEagle。
　　Poinsinet，delighted，wasorderedtokneeldown。andtheCountproducedalargeyellowribbon，whichhehungoverhisshoulder，andwhichwas，hedeclared，thegrandcordonoftheorder。YoumustfancyPoinsinet’sface，andexcessivedelightatthis。forasfordescribingthem，nobodycan。Forfour-and-twentyhoursthehappychevalierparadedthroughPariswiththisflaringyellowribbon。andhewasnotundeceiveduntilhisfriendshadanothertrickinstoreforhim。
　　Hedinedonedayinthecompanyofamanwhounderstoodalittleofthenobleartofconjuring，andperformedsomeclevertricksonthecards。Poinsinet’sorganofwonderwasenormous。helookedonwiththegravityandaweofachild，andthoughttheman’strickssheermiracles。Itwantednomoretosethiscompanionstowork。
　　Whoisthiswonderfulman？saidhetohisneighbor。
　　Why，saidtheother，mysteriously，onehardlyknowswhoheis。
　　or，atleast，onedoesnotliketosaytosuchanindiscreetfellowasyouare。Poinsinetatoncesworetobesecret。Well，then，
　　saidhisfriend，youwillhearthatman——thatwonderfulman——
　　calledbyanamewhichisnothis：hisrealnameisAcosta：heisaPortugueseJew，aRosicrucian，andCabalistofthefirstorder，andcompelledtoleaveLisbonforfearoftheInquisition。Heperformshere，asyousee，someextraordinarythings，occasionally。butthemasterofthehouse，wholoveshimexcessively，wouldnot，fortheworld，thathisnameshouldbemadepublic。
　　Ah，bah！saidPoinsinet，whoaffectedthebelesprit。youdon’tmeantosaythatyoubelieveinmagic，andcabalas，andsuchtrash？
　　DoInot？Youshalljudgeforyourself。And，accordingly，Poinsinetwaspresentedtothemagician，whopretendedtotakeavastlikingforhim，anddeclaredthathesawinhimcertainmarkswhichwouldinfalliblyleadhimtogreateminenceinthemagicart，ifhechosetostudyit。
　　Dinnerwasserved，andPoinsinetplacedbythesideofthemiracle-
　　worker，whobecameveryconfidentialwithhim，andpromisedhim——
　　ay，beforedinnerwasover——aremarkableinstanceofhispower。
　　Nobody，onthisoccasion，venturedtocutasinglejokeagainstpoorPoinsinet。norcouldhefancythatanytrickwasintendedagainsthim，forthedemeanorofthesocietytowardshimwasperfectlygraveandrespectful，andtheconversationserious。Onasudden，however，somebodyexclaimed，WhereisPoinsinet？Didanyoneseehimleavetheroom？
　　Allthecompanyexclaimedhowsingularthedisappearancewas。andPoinsinethimself，growingalarmed，turnedroundtohisneighbor，andwasabouttoexplain。
　　Hush！saidthemagician，inawhisper。ItoldyouthatyoushouldseewhatIcoulddo。IHAVEMADEYOUINVISIBLE。bequiet，andyoushallseesomemoretricksthatIshallplaywiththesefellows。
　　Poinsinetremainedthensilent，andlistenedtohisneighbors，whoagreed，atlast，thathewasaquiet，orderlypersonage，andhadleftthetableearly，beingunwillingtodrinktoomuch。Presentlytheyceasedtotalkabouthim，andresumedtheirconversationuponothermatters。
　　Atfirstitwasveryquietandgrave，butthemasterofthehousebroughtbackthetalktothesubjectofPoinsinet，andutteredallsortsofabuseconcerninghim。Hebeggedthegentleman，whohadintroducedsuchalittlescampintohishouse，tobringhimthithernomore：whereupontheothertookup，warmly，Poinsinet’sdefence。
　　declaredthathewasamanofthegreatestmerit，frequentingthebestsociety，andremarkableforhistalentsaswellashisvirtues。
　　Ah！saidPoinsinettothemagician，quitecharmedatwhatheheard，howevershallIthankyou，mydearsir，forthusshowingmewhomytruefriendsare？
　　Themagicianpromisedhimstillfurtherfavorsinprospect。andtoldhimtolookoutnow，forhewasabouttothrowallthecompanyintoatemporaryfitofmadness，which，nodoubt，wouldbeveryamusing。
　　Inconsequence，allthecompany，whohadheardeverysyllableoftheconversation，begantoperformthemostextraordinaryantics，muchtothedelightofPoinsinet。Oneaskedanonsensicalquestion，andtheotherdeliveredananswernotatalltothepurpose。Ifamanaskedforadrink，theypouredhimoutapepper-
　　boxoranapkin：theytookapinchofsnuff，andsworeitwasexcellentwine。andvowedthatthebreadwasthemostdeliciousmuttonevertasted。Thelittlemanwasdelighted。
　　Ah！saidhe，thesefellowsareprettilypunishedfortheirrascallybackbitingofme！
　　Gentlemen，saidthehost，Ishallnowgiveyousomecelebratedchampagne，andhepouredouttoeachaglassofwater。
　　Goodheavens！saidone，spittingitout，withthemosthorriblegrimace，wheredidyougetthisdetestableclaret？
　　Ah，faugh！saidasecond，Inevertastedsuchvilecorkedburgundyinallmydays！andhethrewtheglassofwaterintoPoinsinet’sface，asdidhalfadozenoftheotherguests，drenchingthepoorwretchtotheskin。Tocompletethispleasantillusion，twooftheguestsfelltoboxingacrossPoinsinet，whoreceivedanumberoftheblows，andreceivedthemwiththepatienceofafakir，feelinghimselfmoreflatteredbythepreciousprivilegeofbeholdingthissceneinvisible，thanhurtbytheblowsandbuffetswhichthemadcompanybestoweduponhim。
　　ThefameofthisadventurespreadquicklyoverParis，andalltheworldlongedtohaveattheirhousestherepresentationofPoinsinettheInvisible。Theservantsandthewholecompanyusedtobeputuptothetrick。andPoinsinet，whobelievedinhisinvisibilityasmuchashedidinhisexistence，wentaboutwithhisfriendandprotectorthemagician。People，ofcourse，neverpretendedtoseehim，andwouldveryoftennottalkofhimatallforsometime，butholdsoberconversationaboutanythingelseintheworld。Whendinnerwasserved，ofcoursetherewasnocoverlaidforPoinsinet，whocarriedaboutalittlestool，onwhichhesatbythesideofthemagician，andalwaysateoffhisplate。
　　Everybodywasastonishedatthemagician’sappetiteandatthequantityofwinehedrank。asforlittlePoinsinet，heneveroncesuspectedanytrick，andhadsuchaconfidenceinhismagician，that，Idobelieve，ifthelatterhadtoldhimtoflinghimselfoutofwindow，hewouldhavedoneso，withouttheslightesttrepidation。
　　AmongothermystificationsinwhichthePortugueseenchanterplungedhim，wasonewhichusedtoaffordalwaysagooddealofamusement。HeinformedPoinsinet，withgreatmystery，thatHEWAS
　　NOTHIMSELF。hewasnot，thatistosay，thatugly，deformedlittlemonster，calledPoinsinet。butthathisbirthwasmostillustrious，andhisrealnamePolycarte。Hewas，infact，thesonofacelebratedmagician。butothermagicians，enemiesofhisfather，hadchangedhiminhiscradle，alteringhisfeaturesintotheirpresenthideousshape，inorderthatasillyoldfellow，calledPoinsinet，mighttakehimtobehisownson，whichlittlemonsterthemagicianhadlikewisespiritedaway。
　　Thepoorwretchwassadlycastdownatthis。forhetriedtofancythathispersonwasagreeabletotheladies，ofwhomhewasoneofthewarmestlittleadmirerspossible。andtoconsolehimsomewhat，themagiciantoldhimthathisrealshapewasexquisitelybeautiful，andassoonasheshouldappearinit，allthebeautiesinPariswouldbeathisfeet。Buthowtoregainit？Oh，foroneminuteofthatbeauty！criedthelittleman。whatwouldhenotgivetoappearunderthatenchantingform！Themagicianhereuponwavedhisstickoverhishead，pronouncedsomeawfulmagicalwords，andtwistedhimroundthreetimes。atthethirdtwist，themenincompanyseemedstruckwithastonishmentandenvy，theladiesclaspedtheirhands，andsomeofthemkissedhis。Everybodydeclaredhisbeautytobesupernatural。
　　Poinsinet，enchanted，rushedtoaglass。Fool！saidthemagician。doyousupposethatYOUcanseethechange？Mypowertorenderyouinvisible，beautiful，ortentimesmorehideouseventhanyouare，extendsonlytoothers，nottoyou。Youmaylookathousandtimesintheglass，andyouwillonlyseethosedeformedlimbsanddisgustingfeatureswithwhichdevilishmalicehasdisguisedyou。PoorlittlePoinsinetlooked，andcamebackintears。But，resumedthemagician，——ha，ha，ha！——Iknowawayinwhichtodisappointthemachinationsofthesefiendishmagi。
　　Oh，mybenefactor！——mygreatmaster！——forheaven’ssaketellit！
　　gaspedPoinsinet。
　　Lookyou——itisthis。Apreytoenchantmentanddemoniacartallyourlifelong，youhaveliveduntilyourpresentageperfectlysatisfied。nay，absolutelyvainofapersonthemostsingularlyhideousthateverwalkedtheearth！
　　ISit？whisperedPoinsinet。IndeedandindeedIdidn’tthinkitsobad！
　　Heacknowledgesit！heacknowledgesit！roaredthemagician。
　　Wretch，dotard，owl，mole，miserablebuzzard！Ihavenoreasontotelltheenowthatthyformismonstrous，thatchildrencry，thatcowardsturnpale，thatteemingmatronsshuddertobeholdit。Itisnotthyfaultthatthouartthusungainly：butwhereforesoblind？whereforesoconceitedofthyself！Itellthee，Poinsinet，thatovereveryfreshinstanceofthyvanitythehostileenchantersrejoiceandtriumph。Aslongasthouartblindlysatisfiedwiththyself。aslongasthoupretendest，inthypresentodiousshape，towintheloveofaughtaboveanegress。nay，furtherstill，untilthouhastlearnedtoregardthatface，asothersdo，withthemostintolerablehorroranddisgust，toabuseitwhenthouseestit，todespiseit，inshort，andtreatthatmiserabledisguiseinwhichtheenchantershavewrappedtheewiththestrongest，hatredandscorn，solongartthoudestinedtowearit。
　　Suchspeechesasthese，continuallyrepeated，causedPoinsinettobefullyconvincedofhisugliness。heusedtogoaboutincompanies，andtakeeveryopportunityofinveighingagainsthimself。hemadeversesandepigramsagainsthimself。hetalkedaboutthatdwarf，Poinsinet。thatbuffoon，Poinsinet。thatconceited，hump-backedPoinsinet。andhewouldspendhoursbeforetheglass，abusinghisownfaceashesawitreflectedthere，andvowingthathegrewhandsomerateveryfreshepithetthatheuttered。
　　Ofcoursethewags，fromtimetotime，usedtogivehimeverypossibleencouragement，anddeclaredthatsincethisexercise，hispersonwasamazinglyimproved。Theladies，too，begantobesoexcessivelyfondofhim，thatthelittlefellowwasobligedtocautionthematlast——forthegood，ashesaid，ofsociety。herecommendedthemtodrawlots，forhecouldnotgratifythemall。
　　butpromisedwhenhismetamorphosiswascomplete，thattheonechosenshouldbecomethehappyMrs。Poinsinet。or，tospeakmorecorrectly，Mrs。Polycarte。
　　Iamsorrytosay，however，that，onthescoreofgallantry，Poinsinetwasneverquiteconvincedofthehideousnessofhisappearance。Hehadanumberofadventures，accordingly，withtheladies，butstrangetosay，thehusbandsorfatherswerealwaysinterruptinghim。Ononeoccasionhewasmadetopassthenightinaslipper-bathfullofwater。where，althoughhehadallhisclotheson，hedeclaredthathenearlycaughthisdeathofcold。
　　Anothernight，inrevenge，thepoorfellow——danslesimpleappareilD’unebeaute，qu’onvientd’arracherausommeil，
　　spentanumberofhourscontemplatingthebeautyofthemoononthetiles。TheseadventuresareprettynumerousinthememoirsofM。
　　Poinsinet。butthefactis，thatpeopleinFrancewereagreatdealmorephilosophicalinthosedaysthantheEnglisharenow，sothatPoinsinet’slovesmustbepassedover，asnotbeingtoourtaste。
　　Hismagicianwasagreatdiver，andtoldPoinsinetthemostwonderfultalesofhistwominutes’absenceunderwater。Thesetwominutes，hesaid，lastedthroughayear，atleast，whichhespentinthecompanyofanaiad，morebeautifulthanVenus，inapalacemoresplendidthanevenVersailles。Firedbythedescription，Poinsinetusedtodip，anddip，butheneverwasknowntomakeanymermaidacquaintances，althoughhefullybelievedthatonedayheshouldfindsuch。
　　TheinvisiblejokewasbroughttoanendbyPoinsinet’stoogreatrelianceonit。forbeing，aswehavesaid，ofaverytenderandsanguinedisposition，heonedayfellinlovewithaladyinwhosecompanyhedined，andwhomheactuallyproposedtoembrace。butthefairlady，inthehurryofthemoment，forgottoactuptothejoke。andinsteadofreceivingPoinsinet’ssalutewithcalmness，grewindignant，calledhimanimpudentlittlescoundrel，andlenthimasoundboxontheear。WiththisslaptheinvisibilityofPoinsinetdisappeared，thegnomesandgeniilefthim，andhesettleddownintocommonlifeagain，andwashoaxedonlybyvulgarmeans。
　　Avastnumberofpagesmightbefilledwithnarrativesofthetricksthatwereplayeduponhim。buttheyresembleeachotheragooddeal，asmaybeimagined，andthechiefpointremarkableaboutthemisthewondrousfaithofPoinsinet。AfterbeingintroducedtothePrussianambassadorattheTuileries，hewaspresentedtotheTurkishenvoyatthePlaceVendome，whoreceivedhiminstate，surroundedbytheofficersofhisestablishment，alldressedinthesmartestdressesthatthewardrobeoftheOperaComiquecouldfurnish。
　　Asthegreatesthonorthatcouldbedonetohim，Poinsinetwasinvitedtoeat，andatraywasproduced，onwhichwasadelicatedishpreparedintheTurkishmanner。Thisconsistedofareasonablequantityofmustard，salt，cinnamonandginger，nutmegsandcloves，withacoupleoftablespoonfulsofcayennepepper，togivethewholeaflavor。andPoinsinet’scountenancemaybeimaginedwhenheintroducedintohismouthaquantityofthisexquisitecompound。
　　Thebestofthejokewas，saystheauthorwhorecordssomanyofthepitilesstrickspractiseduponpoorPoinsinet，thatthelittlemanusedtolaughatthemafterwardshimselfwithperfectgoodhumor。andlivedinthedailyhopethat，frombeingthesufferer，heshouldbecometheagentinthesehoaxes，anddotoothersashehadbeendoneby。Passing，therefore，oneday，onthePontNeuf，withafriend，whohadbeenoneofthegreatestperformers，thelattersaidtohim，Poinsinet，mygoodfellow，thouhastsufferedenough，andthysufferingshavemadetheesowiseandcunning，thatthouartworthyofenteringamongtheinitiated，andhoaxinginthyturn。Poinsinetwascharmed。heaskedwhenheshouldbeinitiated，andhow？Itwastoldhimthatamomentwouldsuffice，andthattheceremonymightbeperformedonthespot。Atthisnews，andaccordingtoorder，Poinsinetflunghimselfstraightwayonhiskneesinthekennel。andtheother，drawinghissword，solemnlyinitiatedhimintothesacredorderofjokers。Fromthatdaythelittlemanbelievedhimselfreceivedintothesociety。andtothishavingbroughthim，letusbidhimarespectfuladieu。
　　THEDEVIL’SWAGER。
　　Itwasthehourofthenightwhentherebenonestirringsavechurchyardghosts——whenalldoorsareclosedexceptthegatesofgraves，andalleyesshutbuttheeyesofwickedmen。
　　Whenthereisnosoundontheearthexceptthetickingofthegrasshopper，orthecroakingofobscenefrogsinthepoole。
　　Andnolightexceptthatoftheblinkingstarres，andthewickedanddevilishwills-o’-the-wisp，astheygambolamongthemarshes，andleadgoodmenastraye。
　　Whenthereisnothingmovinginheavenexcepttheowle，asheflappethalonglazily。orthemagician，asheridesonhisinfernalbroomsticke，whistlingthroughtheairelikethearrowesofaYorkshirearchere。
　　Itwasatthishournamely，attwelveo’clockofthenight，thattwobeingswentwingingthroughtheblackclouds，andholdingconversewitheachother。
　　NowthefirstwasMercurius，themessenger，notofgodsastheheathensfeigned，butofdaemons。andthesecond，withwhomheheldcompany，wasthesoulofSirRogerdeRollo，thebraveknight。SirRogerwasCountofChauchigny，inChampagne。SeigneurofSanterre，Villacerfandaultrelieux。Butthegreatdieaswellasthehumble。andnothingremainedofbraveRodgernow，buthiscoffinandhisdeathlesssoul。
　　AndMercurius，inordertokeepfastthesoul，hiscompanion，hadboundhimroundtheneckwithhistail。which，whenthesoulwasstubborn，hewoulddrawsotightastostranglehimwellnigh，stickingintohimthebarbedpointthereof。whereatthepoorsoul，SirRollo，wouldgroanandroarlustily。
　　Nowtheytwohadcometogetherfromthegatesofpurgatorie，beingboundtothoseregionsoffireandflamewherepoorsinnersfryandroastinsaeculasaeculorum。
　　Itishard，saidthepoorSirRollo，astheywentglidingthroughtheclouds，thatIshouldthusbecondemnedforever，andallforwantofasingleave。
　　How，SirSoul？saidthedaemon。Youwereonearthsowicked，thatnotone，oramillionofaves，couldsufficetokeepfromhell-flameacreaturelikethee。butcheerupandbemerry。thouwiltbebutasubjectofourlordtheDevil，asamI。and，perhaps，thouwiltbeadvancedtopostsofhonor，asamIalso：andtoshowhisauthoritie，helashedwithhistailtheribbesofthewretchedRollo。
　　Nevertheless，sinnerasIam，onemoreavewouldhavesavedme。
　　formysister，whowasAbbessofSt。MaryofChauchigny，didsoprevail，byherprayerandgoodworks，formylostandwretchedsoul，thateverydayIfeltthepainsofpurgatorydecrease。thepitchforkswhich，onmyfirstentry，hadneverceasedtovexandtormentmypoorcarcass，werenownotappliedaboveonceaweek。
　　theroastinghadceased，theboilinghaddiscontinued。onlyacertainwarmthwaskeptup，toremindmeofmysituation。
　　Agentlestewe，saidthedaemon。
　　Yea，truly，Iwasbutinastew，andallfromtheeffectsoftheprayersofmyblessedsister。Butyesterday，hewhowatchedmeinpurgatorytoldme，thatyetanotherprayerfrommysister，andmybondsshouldbeunloosed，andI，whoamnowadevil，shouldhavebeenablessedangel。
　　Andtheotherave？saidthedaemon。
　　Shedied，sir——mysisterdied——deathchokedherinthemiddleoftheprayer。Andhereatthewretchedspiritbegantoweepeandwhinepiteously。hissalttearsfallingoverhisbeard，andscaldingthetailofMercuriusthedevil。
　　Itis，intruth，ahardcase，saidthedaemon。butIknowofnoremedysavepatience，andforthatyouwillhaveanexcellentopportunityinyourlodgingsbelow。
　　ButIhaverelations，saidtheEarl。mykinsmanRandal，whohasinheritedmylands，willhenotsayaprayerforhisuncle？
　　Thoudidsthateandoppresshimwhenliving。
　　Itistrue。butanaveisnotmuch。hissister，myniece，Matilda——
　　Youshutherinaconvent，andhangedherlover。
　　HadInotreason？besides，hasshenotothers？
　　Adozen，withoutdoubt。
　　Andmybrother，theprior？
　　AliegesubjectofmylordtheDevil：heneveropenshismouth，excepttoutteranoath，ortoswallowacupofwine。
　　Andyet，ifbutoneofthesewouldbutsayanaveforme，Ishouldbesaved。
　　Aveswiththemareraraeaves，repliedMercurius，wagginghistailrightwaggishly。and，whatismore，Iwilllaytheeanywagerthatnotoneofthesewillsayaprayertosavethee。
　　Iwouldwagerwillingly，respondedheofChauchigny。butwhathasapoorsoullikemetostake？
　　Everyevening，aftertheday’sroasting，mylordSatangivethacupofcoldwatertohisservants。Iwillbettheethywaterforayear，thatnoneofthethreewillprayforthee。
　　Done！saidRollo。
　　Done！saidthedaemon。andhere，ifImistakenot，isthycastleofChauchigny。
　　Indeed，itwastrue。Thesoul，onlookingdown，perceivedthetalltowers，thecourts，thestables，andthefairgardensofthecastle。Althoughitwaspastmidnight，therewasablazeoflightinthebanqueting-hall，andalampburningintheopenwindowoftheLadyMatilda。
　　Withwhomshallwebegin？saidthedaemon：withthebaronorthelady？
　　Withthelady，ifyouwill。
　　Beitso。herwindowisopen，letusenter。
　　Sotheydescended，andenteredsilentlyintoMatilda’schamber。
　　Theyounglady’seyeswerefixedsointentlyonalittleclock，thatitwasnowonderthatshedidnotperceivetheentranceofhertwovisitors。Herfaircheekrestedonherwhitearm，andherwhitearmonthecushionofagreatchairinwhichshesat，pleasantlysupportedbysweetthoughtsandswan’sdown。alutewasatherside，andabookofprayerslayunderthetableforpietyisalwaysmodest。LiketheamorousAlexander，shesighedandlookedattheclock——andsighedfortenminutesormore，whenshesoftlybreathedthewordEdward！
　　AtthisthesouloftheBaronwaswroth。Thejadeisatheroldpranks，saidhetothedevil。andthenaddressingMatilda：Ipraythee，sweetniece，turnthythoughtsforamomentfromthatvillanouspage，Edward，andgivethemtothineaffectionateuncle。
　　Whensheheardthevoice，andsawtheawfulapparitionofheruncleforayear’ssojourninpurgatoryhadnotincreasedthecomelinessofhisappearance，shestarted，screamed，andofcoursefainted。
　　ButthedevilMercuriussoonrestoredhertoherself。What’so’clock？saidshe，assoonasshehadrecoveredfromherfit：ishecome？
　　Notthylover，Maude，butthineuncle——thatis，hissoul。Fortheloveofheaven，listentome：Ihavebeenfryinginpurgatoryforayearpast，andshouldhavebeeninheavenbutforthewantofasingleave。
　　Iwillsayitfortheeto-morrow，uncle。
　　To-night，ornever。
　　Well，to-nightbeit：andsherequestedthedevilMercuriustogivehertheprayer-bookfromunderthetable。buthehadnosoonertouchedtheholybookthanhedroppeditwithashriekandayell。
　　Itwashotter，hesaid，thanhismasterSirLucifer’sownparticularpitchfork。Andtheladywasforcedtobeginheravewithouttheaidofhermissal。
　　Atthecommencementofherdevotionsthedaemonretired，andcarriedwithhimtheanxioussoulofpoorSirRogerdeRollo。
　　Theladykneltdown——shesigheddeeply。shelookedagainattheclock，andbegan——
　　AveMaria。
　　Whenalutewasheardunderthewindow，andasweetvoicesinging——
　　Hark！saidMatilda。
　　Nowthetoilsofdayareover，Andthesunhathsunktorest，Seeking，likeafierylover，Thebosomoftheblushingwest——
　　Thefaithfulnightkeepswatchandward，Raisingthemoon，hersilvershield，AndsummoningthestarstoguardTheslumbersofmyfairMathilde！
　　Formercy’ssake！saidSirRollo，theavefirst，andnextthesong。
　　SoMatildaagaindutifullybetookhertoherdevotions，andbegan——
　　AveMariagratiaplena！butthemusicbeganagain，andtheprayerceasedofcourse。
　　Thefaithfulnight！NowallthingslieHidbyhermantledarkanddim，InpioushopeIhitherhie，Andhumblychantmineev’ninghymn。
　　Thouartmyprayer，mysaint，myshrine！
　　Forneverholypilgrimkneel’d，Orweptatfeetmorepurethanthine，Myvirginlove，mysweetMathilde！
　　Virginlove！saidtheBaron。Uponmysoul，thisistoobad！
　　andhethoughtofthelady’sloverwhomhehadcausedtobehanged。
　　ButSHEonlythoughtofhimwhostoodsingingatherwindow。
　　NieceMatilda！criedSirRoger，agonizedly，wiltthoulistentotheliesofanimpudentpage，whilstthineuncleiswaitingbutadozenwordstomakehimhappy？
　　AtthisMatildagrewangry：Edwardisneitherimpudentnoraliar，SirUncle，andIwilllistentotheendofthesong。
　　Comeaway，saidMercurius。hehathyetgotwield，field，sealed，congealed，andadozenotherrhymesbeside。andafterthesongwillcomethesupper。
　　Sothepoorsoulwasobligedtogo。whiletheladylistened，andthepagesungawaytillmorning。
　　Myvirtueshavebeenmyruin，saidpoorSirRollo，asheandMercuriusslunksilentlyoutofthewindow。HadIhangedthatknaveEdward，asIdidthepagehispredecessor，myniecewouldhavesungmineave，andIshouldhavebeenbythistimeanangelinheaven。
　　Heisreservedforwiserpurposes，respondedthedevil：hewillassassinateyoursuccessor，theladyMathilde’sbrother。and，inconsequence，willbehanged。Intheloveoftheladyhewillbesucceededbyagardener，whowillbereplacedbyamonk，whowillgivewaytoanostler，whowillbedeposedbyaJewpedler，whoshall，finally，yieldtoanobleearl，thefuturehusbandofthefairMathilde。Sothat，yousee，insteadofhavingonepoorsoula-frying，wemaynowlookforwardtoagoodlyharvestforourlordtheDevil。
　　ThesouloftheBaronbegantothinkthathiscompanionknewtoomuchforonewhowouldmakefairbets。buttherewasnohelpforit。hewouldnot，andhecouldnot，cryoff：andheprayedinwardlythatthebrothermightbefoundmorepiousthanthesister。
　　Butthereseemedlittlechanceofthis。Astheycrossedthecourt，lackeys，withsmokingdishesand，fulljugs，passedandrepassedcontinually，althoughitwaslongpastmidnight。Onenteringthehall，theyfoundSirRandalattheheadofavasttable，surroundedbyafiercerandmoremotleycollectionofindividualsthanhadcongregatedthereeveninthetimeofSirRollo。Thelordofthecastlehadsignifiedthatitwashisroyalpleasuretobedrunk，
　　andthegentlemenofhistrainhadobsequiouslyfollowedtheirmaster。Mercuriuswasdelightedwiththescene，andrelaxedhisusuallyrigidcountenanceintoablandandbenevolentsmile，whichbecamehimwonderfully。
　　TheentranceofSirRoger，whohadbeendeadaboutayear，andapersonwithhoofs，horns，andatail，ratherdisturbedthehilarityofthecompany。SirRandaldroppedhiscupofwine。andFatherPeter，theconfessor，incontinentlypausedinthemidstofaprofanesong，withwhichhewasamusingthesociety。
　　HolyMother！criedhe，itisSirRoger。
　　Alive！screamedSirRandal。
　　No，mylord，Mercuriussaid。SirRogerisdead，butcomethonamatterofbusiness。andIhavethehonortoactashiscounsellorandattendant。
　　Nephew，saidSirRoger，thedaemonsaithjustly。Iamcomeonatriflingaffair，inwhichthyserviceisessential。
　　Iwilldoanything，uncle，inmypower。
　　Thoucanstgivemelife，ifthouwilt？ButSirRandallookedveryblankatthisproposition。Imeanlifespiritual，Randal，
　　saidSirRoger。andthereuponheexplainedtohimthenatureofthewager。
　　Whilsthewastellinghisstory，hiscompanionMercuriuswasplayingallsortsofanticsinthehall。and，byhiswitandfun，becamesopopularwiththisgodlesscrew，thattheylostallthefearwhichhisfirstappearancehadgiventhem。Thefriarwaswonderfullytakenwithhim，andusedhisutmosteloquenceandendeavorstoconvertthedevil。theknightsstoppeddrinkingtolistentotheargument。themen-at-armsforborebrawling。andthewickedlittlepagescrowdedroundthetwostrangedisputants，toheartheiredifyingdiscourse。Theghostlyman，however，hadlittlechanceinthecontroversy，andcertainlylittlelearningtocarryiton。SirRandalinterruptedhim。FatherPeter，saidhe，ourkinsmaniscondemnedforever，forwantofasingleave：wiltthousayitforhim？Willingly，mylord，saidthemonk，withmybook。andaccordinglyheproducedhismissaltoread，withoutwhichaiditappearedthattheholyfathercouldnotmanagethedesiredprayer。ButthecraftyMercuriushad，byhisdevilishart，insertedasongintheplaceoftheave，sothatFatherPeter，insteadofchantinganhymn，sangthefollowingirreverentditty——
　　Somelovethematin-chimes，whichtollThehourofprayertosinner：
　　Butbetterfar’sthemid-daybell，Whichspeaksthehourofdinner。
　　ForwhenIseeasmokingfish，Orcapondrown’dingravy，Ornoblehaunchonsilverdish，FullgladIsingmineave。
　　Mypulpitisanale-housebench，WhereonIsitsojolly。
　　AsmilingrosycountrywenchMysaintandpatronholy。
　　Ikisshercheeksoredandsleek，Ipressherringletswavy。
　　AndinherwillingearIspeakAmostreligiousave。
　　AndifI’mblind，yetheaveniskind，Andholysaintsforgiving。
　　ForsureheleadsarightgoodlifeWhothusadmiresgoodliving。
　　Above，theysay，ourfleshisair，Ourbloodcelestialichor：
　　Oh，grant！midallthechangesthere，Theymaynotchangeourliquor！
　　Andwiththispiouswishtheholyconfessortumbledunderthetableinanagonyofdevoutdrunkenness。whilsttheknights，themen-at-
　　arms，andthewickedlittlepages，rangoutthelastversewithamostmelodiousandemphaticglee。Iamsorry，fairuncle，
　　hiccuppedSirRandal，that，inthematteroftheave，wecouldnotobligetheeinamoreorthodoxmanner。buttheholyfatherhasfailed，andthereisnotanothermaninthehallwhohathanideaofaprayer。
　　Itismyownfault，saidSirRollo。forIhangedthelastconfessor。Andhewishedhisnephewasurlygood-night，ashepreparedtoquittheroom。
　　Aurevoir，gentlemen，saidthedevilMercurius。andoncemorefixedhistailroundtheneckofhisdisappointedcompanion。
　　ThespiritofpoorRollowassadlycastdown。thedevil，onthecontrary，wasinhighgoodhumor。Hewaggedhistailwiththemostsatisfiedairintheworld，andcutahundredjokesattheexpenseofhispoorassociate。Ontheysped，cleavingswiftlythroughthecoldnightwinds，frighteningthebirdsthatwereroostinginthewoods，andtheowlsthatwerewatchinginthetowers。
　　Inthetwinklingofaneye，asitisknown，devilscanflyhundredsofmiles：sothatalmostthesamebeatoftheclockwhichleftthesetwoinChampagne，foundthemhoveringoverParis。TheydroppedintothecourtoftheLazaristConvent，andwindedtheirway，throughpassageandcloister，untiltheyreachedthedooroftheprior’scell。
　　Nowtheprior，Rollo’sbrother，wasawickedandmalignantsorcerer。histimewasspentinconjuringdevilsanddoingwickeddeeds，insteadoffasting，scourging，andsingingholypsalms：thisMercuriusknew。andhe，therefore，wasfullyateaseastothefinalresultofhiswagerwithpoorSirRoger。
　　Youseemtobewellacquaintedwiththeroad，saidtheknight。
　　Ihavereason，answeredMercurius，having，foralongperiod，hadtheacquaintanceofhisreverence，yourbrother。butyouhavelittlechancewithhim。
　　Andwhy？saidSirRollo。
　　Heisunderabondtomymaster，nevertosayaprayer，orelsehissoulandhisbodyareforfeitedatonce。
　　Why，thoufalseandtraitorousdevil！saidtheenragedknight。
　　andthouknewestthiswhenwemadeourwager？
　　Undoubtedly：doyousupposeIwouldhavedonesohadtherebeenanychanceoflosing？
　　AndwiththistheyarrivedatFatherIgnatius’sdoor。
　　Thycursedpresencethrewaspellonmyniece，andstoppedthetongueofmynephew’schaplain。IdobelievethathadIseeneitherofthemalone，mywagerhadbeenwon。
　　Certainly。therefore，Itookgoodcaretogowiththee：however，thoumayestseetheprioralone，ifthouwilt。andlo！hisdoorisopen。Iwillstandwithoutforfiveminutes，whenitwillbetimetocommenceourjourney。
　　ItwasthepoorBaron’slastchance：andheenteredhisbrother’sroommoreforthefiveminutes’respitethanfromanyhopeofsuccess。
　　FatherIgnatius，theprior，wasabsorbedinmagiccalculations：hestoodinthemiddleofacircleofskulls，withnogarmentexcepthislongwhitebeard，whichreachedtohisknees。hewaswavingasilverrod，andmutteringimprecationsinsomehorribletongue。
　　ButSirRollocameforwardandinterruptedhisincantation。I
　　am，saidhe，theshadeofthybrotherRogerdeRollo。andhavecome，frompurebrotherlylove，towarntheeofthyfate。
　　Whencecamestthou？
　　FromtheabodeoftheblessedinParadise，repliedSirRoger，whowasinspiredwithasuddenthought。itwasbutfiveminutesagothatthePatronSaintofthychurchtoldmeofthydanger，andofthywickedcompactwiththefiend。’Go，’saidhe，’tothymiserablebrother，andtellhimthereisbutonewaybywhichhemayescapefrompayingtheawfulforfeitofhisbond。’
　　Andhowmaythatbe？saidtheprior。thefalsefiendhathdeceivedme。Ihavegivenhimmysoul，buthavereceivednoworldlybenefitinreturn。Brother！dearbrother！howmayIescape？
　　Iwilltellthee。AssoonasIheardthevoiceofblessedSt。
　　MaryLazarustheworthyEarlhad，atapinch，coinedthenameofasaint，Ilefttheclouds，where，withotherangels，Iwasseated，andspedhithertosavethee。’Thybrother，’saidtheSaint，’hathbutonedaymoretolive，whenhewillbecomeforalleternitythesubjectofSatan。ifhewouldescape，hemustboldlybreakhisbond，bysayinganave。’
　　Itistheexpressconditionoftheagreement，saidtheunhappymonk，Imustsaynoprayer，orthatinstantIbecomeSatan’s，bodyandsoul。
　　ItistheexpressconditionoftheSaint，answeredRoger，fiercely。pray，brother，pray，orthouartlostforever。
　　Sothefoolishmonkkneltdown，anddevoutlysungoutanave。
　　Amen！saidSirRoger，devoutly。
　　Amen！saidMercurius，as，suddenly，comingbehind，heseizedIgnatiusbyhislongbeard，andflewupwithhimtothetopofthechurch-steeple。
　　Themonkroared，andscreamed，andsworeagainsthisbrother。butitwasofnoavail：SirRogersmiledkindlyonhim，andsaid，Donotfret，brother。itmusthavecometothisinayearortwo。
　　AndheflewalongsideofMercuriustothesteeple-top：BUTTHIS
　　TIMETHEDEVILHADNOTHISTAILROUNDHISNECK。Iwilllettheeoffthybet，saidhetothedaemon。forhecouldafford，now，tobegenerous。
　　Ibelieve，mylord，saidthedaemon，politely，thatourwaysseparatehere。SirRogersailedgaylyupwards：whileMercuriushavingboundthemiserablemonkfasterthanever，hesunkdownwardstoearth，andperhapslower。Ignatiuswasheardroaringandscreamingasthedevildashedhimagainsttheironspikesandbuttressesofthechurch。
　　Themoralofthisstorywillbegiveninthesecondedition。
　　MADAMESANDANDTHENEWAPOCALYPSE。
　　Idon’tknowanimpressionmorecuriousthanthatwhichisformedinaforeigner’smind，whohasbeenabsentfromthisplacefortwoorthreeyears，returnstoit，andbeholdsthechangewhichhastakenplace，inthemeantime，inFrenchfashionsandwaysofthinking。Twoyearsago，forinstance，whenIleftthecapital，I
　　lefttheyounggentlemenofFrancewiththeirhairbrushedentoupetinfront，andthetoesoftheirbootsround。nowtheboot-
　　toesarepointed，andthehaircombedflat，and，partedinthemiddle，fallsinringletsonthefashionableshoulders。and，inlikemanner，withbooksaswithboots，thefashionhaschangedconsiderably，anditisnotalittlecurioustocontrasttheoldmodeswiththenew。Absurdaswastheliterarydandyismofthosedays，itisnotawhitlessabsurdnow：onlythemannerischanged，andourversatileFrenchmenhavepassedfromonecaricaturetoanother。
　　Therevolutionmaybecalledacaricatureoffreedom，astheempirewasofglory。andwhattheyborrowfromforeignersundergoesthesameprocess。Theytaketop-bootsandmackintoshesfromacrossthewater，andcaricatureourfashions。theyreadalittle，verylittle，Shakespeare，andcaricatureourpoetry：andwhileinDavid’stimeartandreligionwereonlyacaricatureofHeathenism，now，onthecontrary，thesetwocommoditiesareimportedfromGermany。anddistortedcaricaturesoriginally，arestillfartherdistortedonpassingthefrontier。
　　ItrustinheaventhatGermanartandreligionwilltakenoholdinourcountrywherethereisafundofroast-beefthatwillexpelanysuchhumbugintheend。butthesesprightlyFrenchmenhaverelishedthemysticaldoctrinesmightily。andhavingwatchedtheGermans，withtheirsanctifiedlooks，andquaintimitationsoftheoldtimes，andmysterioustranscendentaltalk，areapingmanyoftheirfashions。aswellandsolemnlyastheycan：notverysolemnly，Godwot。forIthinkoneshouldalwayspreparetogrinwhenaFrenchmanlooksparticularlygrave，beingsurethatthereissomethingfalseandridiculouslurkingundertheowl-likesolemnity。
　　WhenlastinParis，wewereinthemidstofwhatwascalledaCatholicreaction。Artiststalkedoffaithinpoemsandpictures。
　　churcheswerebuilthereandthere。oldmissalswerecopiedandpurchased。andnumberlessportraitsofsaints，withasmuchgildingaboutthemaseverwasusedinthefifteenthcentury，appearedinchurches，ladies’boudoirs，andpicture-shops。Oneortwofashionablepreachersrose，andwereeagerlyfollowed。theveryyouthoftheschoolsgaveuptheirpipesandbilliardsforsometime，andflockedincrowdstoNotreDame，tositunderthefeetofLacordaire。IwenttovisittheChurchofNotreDamedeLoretteyesterday，whichwasfinishedintheheatofthisCatholicrage，andwasnotalittlestruckbythesimilarityoftheplacetotheworshipcelebratedinit，andtheadmirablemannerinwhichthearchitecthascausedhisworktoexpressthepublicfeelingofthemoment。Itisaprettylittlebijouofachurch：itissupportedbyshammarblepillars。ithasagaudyceilingofblueandgold，whichwilllookverywellforsometime。andisfilledwithgaudypicturesandcarvings，intheverypinkofthemode。ThecongregationdidnotofferabadillustrationofthepresentstateofCatholicreaction。Twoorthreestraypeoplewereatprayers。
　　therewasnoservice。afewcountrymenandidlerswerestaringaboutatthepictures。andtheSwiss，thepaidguardianoftheplace，wascomfortablyandappropriatelyasleeponhisbenchatthedoor。Iaminclinedtothinkthefamousreactionisover：thestudentshavetakentotheirSundaypipesandbilliardsagain。andoneortwocafeshavebeenestablished，withinthelastyear，thataretentimeshandsomerthanNotreDamedeLorette。
　　However，iftheimmortalGorresandtheGermanmysticshavehadtheirday，thereistheimmortalGothe，andthePantheists。andI
　　inclinetothinkthatthefashionhassetverystronglyintheirfavor。VoltaireandtheEncyclopaediansarevoted，now，barbares，andthereisnotermofreprobationstrongenoughforheartlessHumesandHelvetiuses，wholivedbuttodestroy，andwhoonlythoughttodoubt。WretchedasVoltaire’ssneersandpunsare，I
　　thinkthereissomethingmoremanlyandearnesteveninthem，thaninthepresentmuddyFrenchtranscendentalism。Pantheismisthewordnow。oneandallhavebeguntoeprouverthebesoinofareligioussentiment。andwearedelugedwithahostofgodsaccordingly。MonsieurdeBalzacfeelshimselftobeinspired。
　　VictorHugoisagod。MadameSandisagod。thattawdrymanofgenius，JulesJanin，whowritestheatricalreviewsfortheDebats，hasdivineintimations。andthereisscarceabeggarly，beardlessscribblerofpoemsandprose，buttellsyou，inhispreface，ofthesainteteofthesacerdocelitteraire。oradirtystudent，suckingtobaccoandbeer，andreelinghomewithagrisettefromthechaumiere，whoisnotconvincedofthenecessityofanewMessianism，andwillhiccup，tosuchaswilllisten，chaptersofhisowndrunkenApocalypse。Surely，thenegativesoftheolddayswerefarlessdangerousthantheassertionsofthepresent。andyoumayfancywhatareligionthatmustbe，whichhassuchhighpriests。
　　Thereisnoreasontotroublethereaderwithdetailsofthelivesofmanyoftheseprophetsandexpoundersofnewrevelations。
　　MadameSand，forinstance，Idonotknowpersonally，andcanonlyspeakofherfromreport。Trueorfalse，thehistory，atanyrate，isnotveryedifying。andsomaybepassedover：but，asacertaingreatphilosophertoldus，inveryhumbleandsimplewords，thatwearenottoexpecttogathergrapesfromthorns，orfigsfromthistles，wemay，atleast，demand，inallpersonsassumingthecharacterofmoralistorphilosopher——order，soberness，andregularityoflife。forweareapttodistrusttheintellectthatwefancycanbeswayedbycircumstanceorpassion。andweknowhowcircumstanceandpassionWILLswaytheintellect：howmortifiedvanitywillformexcusesforitself。andhowtemperturnsangrilyuponconscience，thatreprovesit。Howoftenhavewecalledourjudgeourenemy，becausehehasgivensentenceagainstus！——Howoftenhavewecalledtherightwrong，becausetherightcondemnsus！AndinthelivesofmanyofthebitterfoesoftheChristiandoctrine，canwefindnopersonalreasonfortheirhostility？ThemeninAthenssaiditwasoutofregardforreligionthattheymurderedSocrates。butwehavehadtime，sincethen，toreconsidertheverdict。andSocrates’characterisprettypurenow，inspiteofthesentenceandthejuryofthosedays。
　　TheParisianphilosopherswillattempttoexplaintoyouthechangesthroughwhichMadameSand’smindhaspassed，——theinitiatorytrials，labors，andsufferingswhichshehashadtogothrough，——beforeshereachedherpresenthappystateofmentalillumination。Sheteachesherwisdominparables，thatare，mostly，acoupleofvolumeslong。andbegan，first，byaneloquentattackonmarriage，inthecharmingnovelofIndiana。Pity，
　　criedshe，forthepoorwomanwho，unitedtoabeingwhosebruteforcemakeshimhersuperior，shouldventuretobreakthebondagewhichisimposedonher，andallowherhearttobefree。
　　Insupportofthisclaimofpity，shewritestwovolumesofthemostexquisiteprose。Whatatender，sufferingcreatureisIndiana。howlittleherhusbandappreciatesthatgentlenesswhichheiscrushingbyhistyrannyandbrutalscorn。hownaturalitisthat，intheabsenceofhissympathy，she，poorclingingconfidingcreature，shouldseekelsewhereforshelter。howcautiousshouldwebe，tocallcriminal——tovisitwithtooheavyacensure——anactwhichisoneofthenaturalimpulsesofatenderheart，thatseeksbutforaworthyobjectoflove。ButwhyattempttotellthetaleofbeautifulIndiana？MadameSandhaswrittenitsowell，thatnotthehardest-heartedhusbandinChristendomcanfailtobetouchedbyhersorrows，thoughhemayrefusetolistentoherargument。
　　Letusgrant，forargument’ssake，thatthelawsofmarriage，especiallytheFrenchlawsofmarriage，pressverycruellyuponunfortunatewomen。
　　Butifonewantstohaveaquestionofthis，oranynature，honestlyargued，itis，better，surely，toapplytoanindifferentpersonforanumpire。Forinstance，thestealingofpocket-
　　handkerchiefsorsnuff-boxesmayormaynotbevicious。butifwe，whohavenotthewit，orwillnottakethetroubletodecidethequestionourselves，wanttoheartherealrightsofthematter，weshouldnot，surely，applytoapickpockettoknowwhathethoughtonthepoint。Itmightnaturallybepresumedthathewouldberatheraprejudicedperson——particularlyashisreasoning，ifsuccessful，mightgethimOUTOFGAOL。Thisisahomelyillustration，nodoubt。allwewouldurgebyitis，thatMadameSandhaving，accordingtotheFrenchnewspapers，hadasternhusband，andalsohaving，accordingtothenewspapers，soughtsympathyelsewhere，herargumentsmaybeconsideredtobesomewhatpartial，andreceivedwithsomelittlecaution。
　　Andtelluswhohavebeenthesocialreformers？——thehaters，thatis，ofthepresentsystem，accordingtowhichwelive，love，marry，havechildren，educatethem，andendowthem——ARETHEYPURE
　　THEMSELVES？Idobelievenotone。anddirectlyamanbeginstoquarrelwiththeworldanditsways，andtoliftup，ashecallsit，thevoiceofhisdespair，andpreachpassionatelytomankindaboutthistyrannyoffaith，customs，laws。ifweexaminewhatthepersonalcharacterofthepreacheris，webeginprettyclearlytounderstandthevalueofthedoctrine。AnyonecanseewhyRousseaushouldbesuchawhimperingreformer，andByronsuchafreeandeasymisanthropist，andwhyouraccomplishedMadameSand，whohasageniusandeloquenceinferiortoneither，shouldtakethepresentconditionofmankindFrench-kindsomuchtoheart，andlaborsohotlytosetitright。
　　AfterIndianawhich，wepresume，containsthelady’snotionsuponwivesandhusbandscameValentine，whichmaybesaidtoexhibitherdoctrine，inregardofyoungmenandmaidens，towhomtheauthorwouldaccord，aswefancy，thesametenderlicense。
　　ValentinewasfollowedbyLelia，awonderfulbookindeed，gorgeousineloquence，andrichinmagnificentpoetry：aregulartopsyturvyficationofmorality，athieves’andprostitutes’
　　apotheosis。Thisbookhasreceivedsomelateenlargementsandemendationsbythewriter。itcontainshernotionsonmorals，which，aswehavesaid，aresopeculiar，that，alas！theyonlycanbementionedhere，notparticularized：butofSpiridionwemaywriteafewpages，asitisherreligiousmanifesto。
　　Inthiswork，theladyassertsherpantheisticaldoctrine，andopenlyattacksthereceivedChristiancreed。Shedeclaresittobeuselessnow，andunfittedtotheexigenciesandthedegreeofcultureoftheactualworld。and，thoughitwouldbehardlyworthwhiletocombatheropinionsindueform，itis，atleast，worthwhiletonoticethem，notmerelyfromtheextraordinaryeloquenceandgeniusofthewomanherself，butbecausetheyexpresstheopinionsofagreatnumberofpeoplebesides：forshenotonlyproducesherownthoughts，butimitatesthoseofothersveryeagerly。andonefindsinherwritingssomuchsimilaritywithothers，or，inothers，somuchresemblancetoher，thatthebookbeforeusmaypassfortheexpressionofthesentimentsofacertainFrenchparty。
　　Dieuestmort，saysanotherwriterofthesameclass，andofgreatgeniustoo——Dieuestmort，writesMr。HenryHeine，speakingoftheChristianGod。andheadds，inadaringfigureofspeech——N’entendez-vouspassonnerlaClochette？——onportelessacremensaunDieuquisemeurt！Anotherofthepantheistpoeticalphilosophers，Mr。EdgarQuinet，hasapoem，inwhichChristandtheVirginMaryaremadetodiesimilarly，andtheformerisclassedwithPrometheus。ThisbookofSpiridionisacontinuationofthetheme，andperhapsyouwilllistentosomeoftheauthor’sexpositionsofit。
　　Itmustbeconfessedthatthecontroversialistsofthepresentdayhaveaneminentadvantageovertheirpredecessorsinthedaysoffolios。itrequiredsomelearningthentowriteabook，andsometime，atleast——fortheverylaborofwritingoutathousandsuchvastpageswoulddemandaconsiderableperiod。Butnow，intheageofduodecimos，thesystemisreformedaltogether：amaleorfemalecontroversialistdrawsuponhisimagination，andnothislearning。
　　makesastoryinsteadofanargument，and，inthecourseof150
　　pageswherethepreacherhasitallhisownwaywillproveordisproveyouanything。And，toourshamebeitsaid，weProtestantshavesettheexampleofthiskindofproselytism——thosedetestablemixturesoftruth，lies，falsesentiment，falsereasoning，badgrammar，correctandgenuinephilanthropyandpiety——
　　Imeanourreligioustracts，whichanywomanorman，beheeversosilly，cantakeuponhimselftowrite，andsellforapenny，asifreligiousinstructionweretheeasiestthingintheworld。We，I
　　say，havesettheexampleinthiskindofcomposition，andallthesectsoftheearthwill，doubtless，speedilyfollowit。Icanpointyououtblasphemiesinfamouspioustractsthatareasdreadfulasthoseabovementioned。butthisisnoplaceforsuchdiscussions，andwehadbetterreturntoMadameSand。AsMrs。
　　Sherwoodexpounds，bymeansofmanytouchinghistoriesandanecdotesoflittleboysandgirls，hernotionsofchurchhistory，churchcatechism，churchdoctrine——astheauthorofFatherClement，aRomanCatholicStory，demolishesthestatelystructureofeighteencenturies，themightyandbeautifulRomanCatholicfaith，inwhosebosomreposesomanysaintsandsages，——bythemeansofathree-and-sixpennyduodecimovolume，whichtumblesoverthevastfabric，asDavid’spebble-stonedidGoliath——as，again，theRomanCatholicauthorofGeraldinefallsfoulofLutherandCalvin，anddrownstheawfulechoesoftheirtremendousprotestbythesoundsofherlittlehalf-crowntrumpet：inlikemanner，bymeansofprettysentimentaltales，andcheapapologues，Mrs。SandproclaimsHERtruth——thatweneedanewMessiah，andthattheChristianreligionisnomore！Oawful，awfulnameofGod！Lightunbearable！Mysteryunfathomable！Vastnessimmeasurable！——Whoarethesewhocomeforwardtoexplainthemystery，andgazeunblinkingintothedepthsofthelight，andmeasuretheimmeasurablevastnesstoahair？Oname，thatGod’speopleofolddidfeartoutter！O
　　light，thatGod’sprophetwouldhaveperishedhadheseen！Whoarethesethatarenowsofamiliarwithit？——Women，truly。forthemostpartweakwomen——weakinintellect，weakmayhapinspellingandgrammar，butmarvellouslystronginfaith：——women，whostepdowntothepeoplewithstatelystepandvoiceofauthority，anddelivertheirtwopennytablets，asifthereweresomeDivineauthorityforthewretchednonsenserecordedthere！
　　Withregardtothespellingandgrammar，ourParisianPythonessstands，inthegoodlyfellowship，remarkable。Herstyleisanoble，and，asfarasaforeignercanjudge，astrangetongue，beautifullyrichandpure。Shehasaveryexuberantimagination，and，withit，averychastestyleofexpression。Sheneverscarcelyindulgesindeclamation，asothermodernprophetsdo，andyethersentencesareexquisitelymelodiousandfull。Sheseldomrunsathoughttodeathafterthemannerofsomeprophets，who，whentheycatchalittleone，toywithituntiltheykillit，butsheleavesyouattheendofoneofherbrief，rich，melancholysentences，withplentyoffoodforfuturecogitation。Ican’texpresstoyouthecharmofthem。theyseemtomelikethesoundofcountrybells——provokingIdon’tknowwhatveinofmusingandmeditation，andfallingsweetlyandsadlyontheear。
　　ThiswonderfulpoweroflanguagemusthavebeenfeltbymostpeoplewhoreadMadameSand’sfirstbooks，ValentineandIndiana：inSpiridionitisgreater，Ithink，thanever。andforthosewhoarenotafraidofthematterofthenovel，themannerwillbefoundmostdelightful。Theauthor’sintention，Ipresume，istodescribe，inaparable，hernotionsofthedownfalloftheCatholicchurch。and，indeed，ofthewholeChristianscheme：sheplacesherheroinamonasteryinItaly，where，amongthecharactersabouthim，andtheeventswhichoccur，theparticulartenetsofMadameDudevant’sdoctrinearenotinaptlylaiddown。Innocent，faithful，tender-hearted，ayoungmonk，bynameAngel，findshimself，whenhehaspronouncedhisvows，anobjectofaversionandhatredtothegodlymenwhoseliveshesomuchrespects，andwhoselovehewouldmakeanysacrificetowin。Afterenduringmuch，heflingshimselfatthefeetofhisconfessor，andbegsforhissympathyandcounsel。buttheconfessorspurnshimaway，andaccuseshim，fiercely，ofsomeunknownandterriblecrime——bidshimneverreturntotheconfessionaluntilcontritionhastouchedhisheart，andthestainswhichsullyhisspiritare，bysincererepentance，washedaway。
　　Thusspeaking，saysAngel，FatherHegesippustoreawayhisrobe，whichIwasholdinginmysupplicatinghands。InasortofwildnessIstillgraspedittighter。hepushedmefiercelyfromhim，andIfellwithmyfacetowardstheground。Hequittedme，closingviolentlyafterhimthedoorofthesacristy，inwhichthisscenehadpassed。Iwasleftaloneinthedarkness。Eitherfromtheviolenceofmyfall，ortheexcessofmygrief，aveinhadburstinmythroat，andahaemorrhageensued。Ihadnottheforcetorise。Ifeltmysensesrapidlysinking，and，presently，Ilaystretchedonthepavement，unconscious，andbathedinmyblood。
　　[Nowthewonderfulpartofthestorybegins。]
　　IknownothowmuchtimeIpassedinthisway。AsIcametomyselfIfeltanagreeablecoolness。Itseemedasifsomeharmoniousairwasplayingroundaboutme，stirringgentlyinmyhair，anddryingthedropsofperspirationonmybrow。Itseemedtoapproach，andthenagaintowithdraw，breathingnowsoftlyandsweetlyinthedistance，andnowreturning，asiftogivemestrengthandcouragetorise。
　　Iwouldnot，however，dosoasyet。forIfeltmyself，asIlay，undertheinfluenceofapleasurequitenewtome。andlistened，inakindofpeacefulaberration，tothegentlemurmursofthesummerwind，asitbreathedonmethroughtheclosedwindow-blindsaboveme。ThenIfanciedIheardavoicethatspoketomefromtheendofthesacristy：itwhisperedsolowthatIcouldnotcatchthewords。Iremainedmotionless，andgaveitmywholeattention。AtlastIheard，distinctly，thefollowingsentence：——’SpiritofTruth，raiseupthesevictimsofignoranceandimposture。’’FatherHegesippus，’saidI，inaweakvoice，’isthatyouwhoarereturningtome？’Butnooneanswered。Iliftedmyselfonmyhandsandknees，Ilistenedagain，butIheardnothing。Igotupcompletely，andlookedaboutme：Ihadfallensoneartotheonlydoorinthislittleroom，thatnone，afterthedepartureoftheconfessor，couldhaveentereditwithoutpassingoverme。besides，thedoorwasshut，andonlyopenedfromtheinsidebyastronglockoftheancientshape。Itouchedit，andassuredmyselfthatitwasclosed。Iwasseizedwithterror，and，forsomemoments，didnotdaretomove。Leaningagainstthedoor，Ilookedround，andendeavoredtoseeintothegloominwhichtheanglesoftheroomwereenveloped。Apalelight，whichcamefromanupperwindow，halfclosed，wasseentobetremblinginthemidstoftheapartment。Thewindbeattheshuttertoandfro，andenlargedordiminishedthespacethroughwhichthelightissued。Theobjectswhichwereinthishalflight——thepraying-desk，surmountedbyitsskull——afewbookslyingonthebenches——asurplicehangingagainstthewall——seemedtomovewiththeshadowofthefoliagethattheairagitatedbehindthewindow。WhenIthoughtIwasalone，Ifeltashamedofmyformertimidity。Imadethesignofthecross，andwasabouttomoveforwardinordertoopentheshutteraltogether，butadeepsighcamefromthepraying-desk，andkeptmenailedtomyplace。AndyetIsawthedeskdistinctlyenoughtobesurethatnopersonwasnearit。ThenIhadanideawhichgavemecourage。
　　Someperson，Ithought，isbehindtheshutter，andhasbeensayinghisprayersoutsidewithoutthinkingofme。ButwhowouldbesoboldastoexpresssuchwishesanduttersuchaprayerasIhadjustheard？