首页 >出版文学> The Longest Journey>第14章
  Ansellyawned。
  "IsawRickietoo。OnceIdinedthere。"
  Anotheryawn。
  "MycousinthinksMrs。Elliotoneofthemosthorriblewomenhehaseverseen。Hecallsher’MedusainArcady。’She’ssopleasant,too。Butcertainlyitwasaverystonymeal。"
  "Whatkindofstoniness"
  "Noonestoppedtalkingforamoment。"
  "That’stherealkind,"saidAnsellmoodily。"Theonlykind。"
  "Well,I,"hecontinued,"aminclinedtocomparehertoanelectriclight。Click!she’son。Click!she’soff。Nowaste。Noflicker。"
  "Iwishshe’dfuse。"
  "She’llneverfuse——unlessanythingwastohappenatthemain。"
  "Whatdoyoumeanbythemain?"saidAnsell,whoalwayspursuedametaphorrelentlessly。
  Widdringtondidnotknowwhathemeant,andsuggestedthatAnsellshouldvisitSawstontoseewhetheronecouldknow。
  "Itisnogoodmegoing。IshouldnotfindMrs。Elliot:shehasnorealexistence。"
  "Rickiehas。"
  "Iverymuchdoubtit。IhadtwolettersfromIlfracombelastApril,andIverymuchdoubtthatthemanwhowrotethemcanexist。"Bendingdownwardshebegantoadornthemanuscriptofhisdissertationwithasquare,andinsidethatacircle,andinsidethatanothersquare。Itwashisseconddissertation:thefirsthadfailed。
  "Ithinkheexists:heissounhappy。"
  Ansellnodded。"Howdidyouknowhewasunhappy?"
  "Becausehewasalwaystalking。"Afterapauseheadded,"Whatcleveryoungmenweare!"
  "Aren’twe?Iexpectweshallgetaskedinmarriagesoon。Isay,Widdrington,shallwe——?"
  "Accept?Ofcourse。Itisnotyoungmanlytosayno。"
  "Imeantshallweeverdoamoretremendousthing,——fuseMrs。
  Elliot。"
  "No,"saidWiddringtonpromptly。"Weshallneverdothatinallourlives。"Headded,"IthinkyoumightgodowntoSawston,though。"
  "Ihavealreadyrefusedorignoredthreeinvitations。"
  "SoIgathered。"
  "What’sthegoodofit?"saidAnsellthroughhisteeth。"1willnotputupwithlittlethings。IwouldratherberudethantolistentotwaddlefromamanI’veknown。
  "YoumightgodowntoSawston,justforanight,toseehim。"
  "Isawhimlastmonth——atleast,soTilliardinformsme。Hesaysthatweallthreelunchedtogether,thatRickiepaid,andthattheconversationwasmostinteresting。"
  "Well,Icontendthathedoesexist,andthatifyougo——oh,I
  can’tbecleveranylonger。Youreallymustgo,man。I’mcertainhe’smiserableandlonely。DunwoodHousereeksofcommerceandsnobberyandallthethingshehatedmost。Hedoesn’tdoanything。Hedoesn’tmakeanyfriends。Heissoodd,too。Inthisday—boyrowthathasjuststartedhe’sgoneformycousin。Wouldyoubelieveit?Quitespitefully。ItmadequiteadifficultywhenIwantedtodine。Itisn’tlikehimeitherthesentimentsorthebehaviour。I’msurehe’snothimself。Pembrokeusedtolookaftertheday—boys,andsohecan’tverywelltaketheleadagainstthem,andperhapsRickie’sdoinghisdirtywork——andhasoverdoneit,asdecentpeoplegenerallydo。He’sevenalteringtotalkto。
  Yethe’snotbeenmarriedayear。Pembrokeandthatwifesimplyrunhim。Idon’tseewhytheyshould,andnomoredoyou;andthat’swhyIwantyoutogotoSawston,ifonlyforonenight。"
  Ansellshookhishead,andlookedupatthedomeasothermenlookatthesky。Initthegreatarclampssputteredandflared,forthemonthwasagainNovember。Thenheloweredhiseyesfromthecoldvioletradiancetothebooks。
  "No,Widdrington;no。Wedon’tgotoseepeoplebecausetheyarehappyorunhappy。Wegowhenwecantalktothem。IcannottalktoRickie,thereforeIwillnotwastemytimeatSawston。"
  "Ithinkyou’reright,"saidWiddringtonsoftly。"Butwearebloodlessbrutes。Iwonderwhether—Ifweweredifferentpeople——somethingmightbedonetosavehim。Thatisthecurseofbeingalittleintellectual。Youandoursorthavealwaysseentooclearly。Westandaside——andmeanwhileheturnsintostone。
  TwophilosophicyouthsrepiningintheBritishMuseum!Whathavewedone?Whatshallweeverdo?Justdriftandcriticize,whilepeoplewhoknowwhattheywantsnatchitawayfromusandlaugh。"
  "Perhapsyouarethatsort。I’mnot。WhenthemomentcomesI
  shallhitoutlikeanyploughboy。Don’tbelievethoseliesaboutintellectualpeople。They’reonlywrittentosoothethemajority。
  Doyousuppose,withtheworldasitis,thatit’saneasymattertokeepquiet?DoyousupposethatIdidn’twanttorescuehimfromthatghastlywoman?Action!Nothing’seasierthanaction;asfoolstestify。ButIwanttoactrightly。"
  "Thesuperintendentislookingatus。Imustgetbacktomywork。"
  "Youthinkthisallnonsense,"saidAnsell,detaininghim。
  "PleaserememberthatifIdoact,youareboundtohelpme。"
  Widdringtonlookedalittlegrave。Hewasnoanarchist。AfewplaintivecriesagainstMrs。Elliotwereallthathepreparedtoemit。
  "There’snomystery,"continuedAnsell。"Ihaven’ttheshadowofaplaninmyhead。IknownotonlyRickiebutthewholeofhishistory:yourememberthedaynearMadingley。Nothingineitherhelpsme:I’mjustwatching。"
  "Butwhatfor?"
  "FortheSpiritofLife。"
  Widdringtonwassurprised。Itwasaphraseunknowntotheirphilosophy。Theyhadtrespassedintopoetry。
  "Youcan’tfightMedusawithanythingelse。IfyouaskmewhattheSpiritofLifeis,ortowhatitisattached,Ican’ttellyou。Ionlytellyou,watchforit。MyselfI’vefounditinbooks。Somepeoplefinditoutofdoorsorineachother。Nevermind。It’sthesamespirit,andItrustmyselftoknowitanywhere,andtouseitrightly。"
  Butatthispointthesuperintendentsentamessage。
  Widdringtonthensuggestedastrollinthegalleries。Itwasfoggy:theyneededfreshair。Helovedandadmiredhisfriend,buttodayhecouldnotgrasphim。TheworldasAnsellsawitseemedsuchafantasticplace,governedbybrand—newlaws。WhatmorecouldonedothantoseeRickieasoftenaspossible,toinvitehisconfidence,toofferhimspiritualsupport?AndMrs。
  Elliot——whatpowercould"fuse"arespectablewoman?
  Ansellconsentedtothestroll,but,asusual,onlybreatheddepression。Thecomfortofbooksdesertedhimamongthosemarblegoddessesandgods。Theeyeofanartistfindspleasureintextureandpoise,buthecouldonlythinkofthevanishedincenseanddesertedtemplesbesideanunfurrowedsea。
  "Letusgo,"hesaid。"Idonotlikecarvedstones。"
  "Youaretooparticular,"saidWiddrington。"Youarealwaysexpectingtomeetlivingpeople。Oneneverdoes。IamcontentwiththeParthenonfrieze。"Andhemovedalongafewyardsofit,whileAnsellfollowed,consciousonlyofitspathos。
  "There’sTilliard,"heobserved。"Shallwekillhim?"
  "Please,"saidWiddrington,andashespokeTilliardjoinedthem。
  Hebroughtthemnews。ThatmorninghehadheardfromRickie:Mrs。
  Elliotwasexpectingachild。
  "Achild?"saidAnsell,suddenlybewildered。
  "Oh,Iforgot,"interposedWiddrington。"Mycousindidtellme。"
  "Youforgot!Well,afterall,Iforgotthatitmightbe,Weareindeedyoungmen。"HeleantagainstthepedestalofIlissusandrememberedtheirtalkabouttheSpiritofLife。Inhisignoranceofwhatachildmeanshewonderedwhethertheopportunityhesoughtlayhere。
  "Iamveryglad,"saidTilliard,notwithoutintention。"Achildwilldrawthemevenclosertogether。Iliketoseeyoungpeoplewrappedupintheirchild。"
  "IsupposeImustbegettingbacktomydissertation,"saidAnsell。HelefttheParthenontopassbythemonumentsofourmorereticentbeliefs——thetempleoftheEphesianArtemis,thestatueoftheCnidianDemeter。Honest,heknewthatherewerepowershecouldnotcopewith,nor,asyet,understand。
  XXI
  ThemiststhathadgatheredroundRickieseemedtobebreaking。
  Hehadfoundlightneitherinworkforwhichhewasunfittednorinawomanwhohadceasedtorespecthim,andwhomhewasceasingtolove。Thoughhecalledhimselffickleandtookalltheblameoftheirmarriageonhisownshoulders,thereremainedinAgnescertainterriblefaultsofheartandhead,andnoself—reproachwoulddiminishthem。Theglamourofwedlockhadfaded;indeed,hesawnowthatithadfadedevenbeforewedlock,andthatduringthefinalmonthshehadshuthiseyesandpretendeditwasstillthere。Butnowthemistswerebreaking。
  ThatNovemberthesupremeeventapproached。HesawitwithNature’seyes。Itdawnedonhim,asonAnsell,thatpersonalloveandmarriageonlycoveronesideoftheshield,andthatontheotherisgraventheepicofbirth。Inthemidstoflessonshewouldgrowdreamy,asonewhospiesanewsymbolfortheuniverse,afreshcirclewithinthesquare。Withinthesquareshallbeacircle,withinthecircleanothersquare,untilthevisualeyeisbaffled。Hereismeaningofakind。Hismotherhadforgottenherselfinhim。Hewouldforgethimselfinhisson。
  Hewasathisdutieswhenthenewsarrived——takingpreparation。
  Boysaremarvellouscreatures。Perhapstheywillsinkbelowthebrutes;perhapstheywillattaintoawoman’stenderness。ThoughtheydespisedRickie,andhadsufferedunderAgnes’smeanness,theironethoughtthistermwastobegentleandtogivenotrouble。
  "Rickie——onemoment——"
  Hisfacegrewashen。HefollowedHerbertintothepassage,closingthedoorofthepreparationroombehindhim。"Oh,isshesafe?"hewhispered。
  "Yes,yes,"saidHerbert;buttheresoundedinhisanswerasombrehostilenote。
  "Ourboy?"
  "Girl——agirl,dearRickie;alittledaughter。She——sheisinmanywaysahealthychild。Shewilllive——ohyes。"Aflashofhorrorpassedoverhisface。Hehurriedintothepreparationroom,liftedthelidofhisdesk,glancedmechanicallyattheboys,andcameoutagain。
  Mrs。Lewinappearedthroughthedoorthatledintotheirownpartofthehouse。
  "Bothgoingonwell!"shecried;buthervoicealsowasgrave,exasperated。
  "Whatisit?"hegasped。"It’ssomethingyoudaren’ttellme。"
  "Onlythis——stutteredHerbert。"Youmustn’tmindwhenyousee——
  she’slame。"
  Mrs。Lewindisappeared。"Lame!butnotaslameasIam?"
  "Oh,mydearboy,worse。Don’t——oh,beamaninthis。Comeawayfromthepreparationroom。Remembershe’lllive——inmanywayshealthy——onlyjustthisonedefect。"
  Thehorrorofthatweekneverpassedawayfromhim。Totheendofhislifeherememberedtheexcuses——theconsolationsthatthechildwouldlive;sufferedverylittle,ifatall;wouldwalkwithcrutches;wouldcertainlylive。Godwasmoremerciful。A
  windowwasopenedtoowideonadraughtyday——afterashort,painlessillnesshisdaughterdied。ButthelessonhehadlearntsogliblyatCambridgeshouldbeheedednow;nochildshouldeverbeborntohimagain。
  XXII
  ThatsametermtheretookplaceatDunwoodHouseanotherevent。
  Withtheirprivatetragedyitseemedtohavenoconnection;butintimeRickieperceiveditasabittercomment。Itsdevelopmentswereunforeseenandlasting。Itwasperhapsthemostterriblethinghehadtobear。
  Vardenhadnowbeenaboarderfortenmonths。Hishealthhadbrokeninthepreviousterm,——partly,itistobefeared,astheresultoftheindifferentfood——andduringthesummerholidayshewasattackedbyaseriesofagonizingearaches。Hismother,afeebleperson,wishedtokeephimathome,butHerbertdissuadedher。SoonafterthedeathofthechildtherearoseatDunwoodHouseoneofthosewavesofhostilityofwhichnoboyknowstheoriginnoranymastercancalculatethecourse。Vardenhadneverbeenpopular——therewasnoreasonwhyheshouldbe——buthehadneverbeenseriouslybulliedhitherto。Oneeveningnearlythewholehousesetonhim。Theprefectsabsentedthemselves,thebiggerboysstoodroundandthelesserboys,towhompowerwasdelegated,flunghimdown,andrubbedhisfaceunderthedesks,andwrenchedathisears。Thenoisepenetratedthebaizedoors,andHerbertsweptthroughandpunishedthewholehouse,includingVarden,whomitwouldnotdotoleaveout。Thepoormanwashorrified。Heapprovedofalittlehealthyroughness,butthiswaspurebrutalization。Whathadcomeoverhisboys?Weretheynotgentlemen’ssons?Hewouldnotadmitthatifyouherdto—
  getherhumanbeingsbeforetheycanunderstandeachotherthegreatgodPanisangry,andwillintheendevadeyourregulationsanddrivethemmad。Thatnightthevictimwasscreamingwithpain,andthedoctornextdayspokeofanoperation。Thesuspenselastedawholeweek。Commentwasmadeinthelocalpapers,andthereputationnotonlyofthehousebutoftheschoolwasimperilled。"IfonlyIhadknown,"repeatedHerbert——"ifonlyIhadknownIwouldhavearrangeditalldifferently。Heshouldhavehadacubicle。"Theboydidnotdie,butheleftSawston,nevertoreturn。
  ThedaybeforehisdepartureRickiesatwithhimsometime,andtriedtotalkinawaythatwasnotpedantic。Inhisownsorrow,whichhecouldsharewithnoone,leastofallwithhiswife,hewasstillalivetothesorrowsofothers。Hestillfoughtagainstapathy,thoughhewaslosingthebattle。
  "Don’tloseheart,"hetoldhim。"Theworldisn’tallgoingtobelikethis。Therearetemptationsandtrials,ofcourse,butnothingatallofthekindyouhavehadhere。"
  "Butschoolistheworldinminiature,isitnot,sir?"askedtheboy,hopingtopleaseonemasterbyechoingwhathadbeentoldhimbyanother。Hewasalwaysonthelookoutforsympathy——:itwasoneofthethingsthathadcontributedtohisdownfall。
  "Inevernoticedthatmyself。Iwasunhappyatschool,andintheworldpeoplecanbeveryhappy。"
  Vardensighedandrolledabouthiseyes。"Arethefellowssorryforwhattheydidtome?"heaskedinanaffectedvoice。"IamsureIforgivethemfromthebottomofmyheart。Weoughttoforgiveourenemies,oughtn’twe,sir?"
  "Buttheyaren’tyourenemies。Ifyoumeetinfiveyears’timeyoumayfindeachothersplendidfellows。"
  Theboywouldnotadmitthis。Hehadbeenreadingsomerevivalisticliterature。"Weoughttoforgiveourenemies,"herepeated;"andhoweverwickedtheyare,weoughtnottowishthemevil。WhenIwasill,anddeathseemednearest,Ihadmanykindlettersonthissubject。"
  Rickieknewaboutthese"manykindletters。"Vardenhadinducedthesillynursetowritetopeople——peopleofallsorts,peoplethathescarcelyknewordidnotknowatall——detailinghismisfortune,andaskingforspiritualaidandsympathy。
  "Iamsorryforthem,"hepursued。"Iwouldnotliketobelikethem。"
  Rickiesighed。HesawthatayearatDunwoodHousehadproducedasanctimoniousprig。"Don’tthinkaboutthem,Varden。Thinkaboutanythingbeautiful——say,music。Youlikemusic。Behappy。It’syourduty。Youcan’tbegooduntilyou’vehadalittlehappiness。
  Thenperhapsyouwillthinklessaboutforgivingpeopleandmoreaboutlovingthem。"
  "Ilovethemalready,sir。"AndRickie,indesperation,askedifhemightlookatthemanykindletters。
  Permissionwasgladlygiven。Aneatbundlewasproduced,andforabouttwentyminutesthemasterperusedit,whiletheinvalidkeptwatchonhisface。Rookscawedoutintheplaying—fields,andcloseundertilewindowtherewasthesoundofdelightful,good—temperedlaughter。Aboyisnodevil,whateverboysmaybe。
  Theletterswerechillyproductions,somewhatclericalintone,bywhomsoeverwritten。Varden,becausehewasillatthetime,hadbeentakenseriously。Thewritersdeclaredthathisillnesswasfulfillingsomemysteriouspurpose:sufferingengenderedspiritualgrowth:hewasshowingsignsofthisalready。Theyconsentedtoprayforhim,somemajestically,othersshyly。Buttheyallconsentedwithoneexception,whowordedhisrefusalasfollows:——
  DearA。C。Varden,——
  IoughttosaythatIneverrememberseeingyou。Iamsorrythatyouareill,andhopeyouarewrongaboutit。Whydidyounotwritebefore,forIcouldhavehelpedyouthen?Whentheypulledyourear,yououghttohavegonelikethis(herewasaroughsketch)。Icouldnotundertakepraying,butwouldthinkofyouinstead,ifthatwoulddo。Iamtwenty—twoinApril,builtratherheavy,ordinarybroadface,witheyes,etc。Iwriteallthisbecauseyouhavemixedmewithsomeoneelse,forIamnotmarried,anddonotwanttobe。Icannotthinkofyoualways,butwillpromiseaquarterofanhourdaily(say7。00—7。15A。M。),andmightcometoseeyouwhenyouarebetter——thatis,ifyouareakid,andyoureadlikeone。Ihavebeenotter—hunting——
  Yourssincerely,StephenWonhamXXIII
  RiekiewentstraightfromVardentohiswife,wholayonthesofainherbedroom。Therewasnowawidegulfbetweenthem。She,liketheworldshehadcreatedforhim,wasunreal。
  "Agnes,darling,"hebegan,strokingherhand,"suchanawkwardlittlethinghashappened。"
  "Whatisit,dear?JustwaittillI’veaddedupthishook。"
  Shehadgotoverthetragedy:shegotovereverything。
  Whenshewasatleisurehetoldher。HithertotheyhadseldommentionedStephen。Hewasclassedamongtheunprofitabledead。
  Shewasmoresympatheticthanheexpected。"DearRickie,"shemurmuredwithavertedeyes。"Howtiresomeforyou。"
  "IwishthatVardenhadstoppedwithMrs。Orr。"
  "Well,heleavesusforgoodtomorrow。"
  "Yes,yes。AndImadehimanswertheletterandapologize。Theyhadnevermet。ItwassomeconfusionwithamanintheChurchArmy,livingataplacecalledCodford。Iaskedthenurse。Itisallexplained。"
  "Therethematterends。"
  "Isupposeso——ifmatterseverend。"
  "If,byill—luck,thepersondoescall。Iwilljustseehimandsaythattheboyhasgone。"
  "You,orI。Ihavegotoverallnonsensebythistime。He’sabsolutelynothingtomenow。"Hetookupthetradesman’sbookandplayedwithitidly。Onitscrimsoncoverwasstampedagrotesquesheep。Howstaleandstupidtheirlifehadbecome!
  "Don’ttalklikethat,though,"shesaiduneasily。"Thinkhowdisastrousitwouldbeifyoumadeaslipinspeakingtohim。"
  "Wouldit?Itwouldhavebeendisastrousonce。ButIexpect,asamatteroffact,thatAuntEmilyhasmadetheslipalready。"
  Hiswifewasdispleased。"Youneednottalkinthatcynicalway。
  IcreditAuntEmilywithbetterfeeling。WhenIwasthereshedidmentionthematter,butonlyonce。She,andI,andallwhohaveanysenseofdecency,knowbetterthantomakeslips,ortothinkofmakingthem。"
  Agneskeptupwhatshecalled"thefamilyconnection。"ShehadbeenoncealonetoCadover,andalsocorrespondedwithMrs。
  Failing。ShehadnevertoldRickieanythingabouthervisitnorhadheeveraskedher。But,fromthismoment,thewholesubjectwasreopened。
  "Mostcertainlyheknowsnothing,"shecontinued。"Why,hedoesnotevenrealizethatVardenlivesinourhouse!Weareperfectlysafe——unlessAuntEmilyweretodie。Perhapsthen——butweareperfectlysafeforthepresent。"
  "Whenshedidmentionthematter,whatdidshesay?"
  "Wehadalongtalk,"saidAgnesquietly。"Shetoldmenothingnew——nothingnewaboutthepast,Imean。Butwehadalongtalkaboutthepresent。Ithink"andhervoicegrewdispleasedagain——
  "thatyouhavebeenbothwrongandfoolishinrefusingtomakeupyourquarrelwithAuntEmily。"
  "Wrongandwise,Ishouldsay。"
  "Itisn’ttobeexpectedthatshe——somucholderandsosensitive——canmakethefirststep。ButIknowshe’dhegladtoseeyou。"
  "AsfarasIcanrememberthatfinalsceneinthegarden,I
  accusedherof’forgettingwhatotherpeoplewerelike。’She’llneverpardonmeforsayingthat。"
  Agneswassilent。Toherthephrasewasmeaningless。YetRickiewascorrect:Mrs。Failinghadresenteditmorethananything。
  "Atallevents,"shesuggested,"youmightgoandseeher。"
  "No,dear。Thankyou,no。"
  "Sheis,afterall——"Shewasgoingtosay"yourfather’ssister,"buttheexpressionwasscarcelyahappyone,andsheturneditinto,"Sheis,afterall,growingoldandlonely。"
  "Soareweall!"hecried,withalapseoftonethatwasnowcharacteristicinhim。
  "Sheoughtn’ttobesoisolatedfromherproperrelatives。
  Therewasamoment’ssilence。Stillplayingwiththebook,heremarked,"Youforget,she’sgotherfavouritenephew。"
  Abrightredflushspreadoverhercheeks。"Whatisthematterwithyouthisafternoon?"sheasked。"Ishouldthinkyou’dbettergoforawalk。"
  "BeforeIgo,tellmewhatisthematterwithyou。"Healsoflushed。"Whydoyouwantmetomakeitupwithmyaunt?"
  "Becauseit’srightandproper。"
  "So?Orbecausesheisold?"
  "Idon’tunderstand,"sheretorted。Buthereyesdropped。Hissuddensuspicionwastrue:shewaslegacyhunting。
  "Agnes,dearAgnes,"hebeganwithpassingtenderness,"howcanyouthinkofsuchthings?Youbehavelikeapoorperson。Wedon’twantanymoneyfromAuntEmily,orfromanyoneelse。Itisn’tvirtuethatmakesmesayit:wearenottemptedinthatway:wehaveasmuchaswewantalready。"
  "Forthepresent,"sheanswered,stilllookingaside。
  "Thereisn’tanyfuture,"hecriedinagustofdespair。
  "Rickie,whatdoyoumean?"
  Whatdidhemean?Hemeantthattherelationsbetweenthemwerefixed——thattherewouldneverbeaninfluxofinterest,norevenofpassion。Totheendoflifetheywouldgoonbeatingtime,andthiswasenoughforher。Shewascontentwiththedailyround,thecommontask,performedindifferently。Buthehaddreamtofanotherhelpmate,andofotherthings。
  "Wedon’twantmoney——why,wedon’tevenspendanyontravelling。
  I’veinvestedallmysalaryandmore。Asfarashumanforesightgoes,weshallneverwantmoney。"Andhisthoughtswentouttothetinygrave。"Youspokeof’rightandproper,’buttherightandproperthingformyaunttodoistoleaveeverypennyshe’sgottoStephen。"
  Herlipquivered,andforonemomenthethoughtthatshewasgoingtocry。"WhatamItodowithyou?"shesaid。"Youtalklikeapersoninpoetry。"
  "I’llputitinprose。He’slivedwithherfortwentyyears,andheoughttobepaidforit。"
  PoorAgnes!Indeed,whatwasshetodo?ThefirstmomentshesetfootinCadovershehadthought,"Oh,hereismoney。Wemusttryandgetit。"Beingalady,shenevermentionedthethoughttoherhusband,butsheconcludedthatitwouldoccurtohimtoo。Andnow,thoughithadoccurredtohimatlast,hewouldnotevenwritehisauntalittlenote。
  Hewastotryheryetfurther。Whiletheyarguedthispointheflashedoutwith,"Ioughttohavetoldhimthatdaywhenhecalleduptoourroom。There’swhereIwentwrongfirst。"
  "Rickie!"
  "InthosedaysIwassentimental。Iminded。FortwopinsI’dwritetohimthisafternoon。Whyshouldn’theknowhe’smybrother?What’sallthisridiculousmystery?"
  Shebecameincoherent。
  "ButWHYnot?Areasonwhyheshouldn’tknow。"
  "AreasonwhyheSHOULDknow,"sheretorted。"Ineverheardsuchrubbish!Givemeareasonwhyheshouldknow。"
  "Becausethelieweactedhasruinedourlives。"
  Shelookedinbewildermentatthewell—appointedroom。
  "It’sbeenlikeapoisonwewon’tacknowledge。Howmanytimeshaveyouthoughtofmybrother?I’vethoughtofhimeveryday——
  notinlove;don’tmisunderstand;onlyasamedicineIshirked。
  Downinwhattheycallthesubconsciousselfhehasbeenhurtingme。"Hisvoicebroke。"Oh,mydarling,weactedaliethen,andthisletterremindsusofitandgivesusonemorechance。Ihavetosay’we’lied。IshouldbelyingagainifItookquitealltheblame。LetusaskGod’sforgivenesstogether。Thenletuswrite,ascoldlyasyouplease,toStephen,andtellhimheismyfather’sson。"
  Herreplyneednotbequoted。Itwasthelasttimeheattemptedintimacy。Andtheremainderoftheirconversation,thoughlongandstormy,isalsobestforgotten。
  ThusthefirsteffectofVarden’sletterwastomakethemquarrel。Theyhadnotopenlydisagreedbefore。Intheeveninghekissedherandsaid,"HowabsurdIwastogetangryaboutthingsthathappenedlastyear。Iwillcertainlynotwritetotheperson。"Shereturnedthekiss。Butheknewthattheyhaddestroyedthehabitofreverence,andwouldquarrelagain。
  OnhisroundshelookedinatVardenandaskednonchalantlyfortheletter。Hecarrieditofftohisroom。Itwasunwiseofhim,forhisnerveswerealreadyunstrung,andthemanhehadtriedtoburywasstirringominously。Inthesilenceheexaminedthehandwritingtillhefeltthatalivingcreaturewaswithhim,whereashe,becausehischildhaddied,wasdead。HeperceivedmoreclearlythecrueltyofNature,towhomourrefinementandpietyarebutasbubbles,hurryingdownwardsontheturbidwaters。Theybreak,andthestreamcontinues。Hisfather,asafinalinsult,hadbroughtintotheworldamanunlikealltherestofthem,amandoweredwithcoarsekindlinessandrusticstrength,akindofcynicalploughboy,againstwhomtheirownmiseryandweaknessmightstandmorevividlyrelieved。"BornanElliot——bornagentleman。"Sothevilephraseran。ButherewasanElliotwhosebadnesswasnotevengentlemanly。ForthatStephenwasbadinherentlyheneverdoubtedforamomentandhewouldhavechildren:he,notRickie,wouldcontributetothestream;he,throughhisremoteposterity,mightmingledwiththeunknownsea。