"OfcourseIdon’treallythinkaboutwriting，"hesaid，ashepouredthecoldwaterintothecoffee。"Evenifmythingseverweredecent，Idon’tthinkthemagazineswouldtakethem，andthemagazinesareone’sonlychance。Ireadsomewhere，too，thatMarieCorelli’sabouttheonlypersonwhomakesathingoutofliterature。I’mcertainitwouldn’tpayme。"
"Inevermentionedtheword’pay，’"saidMr。Pembrokeuneasily。
"Youmustnotconsidermoney。Thereareidealstoo。"
"Ihavenoideals。"
Rickie！"sheexclaimed。"Horribleboy！"
"No，Agnes，Ihavenoideals。"Thenhegotveryred，foritwasaphrasehehadcaughtfromAnsell，andhecouldnotrememberwhatcamenext。
"Thepersonwhohasnoideals，"sheexclaimed，"istobepitied。"
"Ithinksotoo，"saidMr。Pembroke，sippinghiscoffee。"Lifewithoutanidealwouldbeliketheskywithoutthesun。"
Rickielookedtowardsthenight，whereintherenowtwinkledinnumerablestars——godsandheroes，virginsandbrides，towhomtheGreekshavegiventheirnames。
"Lifewithoutanideal——"repeatedMr。Pembroke，andthenstopped，forhismouthwasfullofcoffeegrounds。ThesameafflictionhadovertakenAgnes。Afteralittlejocoselaughtertheydepartedtotheirlodgings，andRickie，havingseenthemasfarastheporter’slodge，hurried，singingashewent，toAnsell’sroom，burstopenthedoor，andsaid，"Lookhere！
Whateverdoyoumeanbyit？"
"Bywhat？"Ansellwassittingalonewithapieceofpaperinfrontofhim。Onitwasadiagram——acircleinsideasquare，insidewhichwasagainasquare。
"Bybeingsorude。You’renogentleman，andItoldherso。"Heslammedhimontheheadwithasofacushion。"I’mcertainoneoughttobepolite，eventopeoplewhoaren’tsaved。"（"Notsaved"wasaphrasetheyappliedjustthentothosewhomtheydidnotlikeorintimatelyknow。）"AndIbelievesheissaved。I
neverknewanyonesoalwaysgood—temperedandkind。She’sbeenkindtomeeversinceIknewher。Iwishyou’dheardhertryingtostopherbrother:you’dhavecertainlycomeround。Notbutwhathewasonlybeingniceaswell。Butsheisreallynice。AndIthoughtshecameintotheroomsobeautifully。Doyouknow——oh，ofcourse，youdespisemusic——butAndersonwasplayingWagner，andhe’djustgottothepartwheretheysing’Rheingold！
’Rheingold！
andthesunstrikesintothewaters，andthemusic，whichuptothenhassooftenbeeninEflat——"
"GoesintoDsharp。Ihavenotunderstoodasingleword，partlybecauseyoutalkasifyourmouthwasfullofplums，partlybecauseIdon’tknowwhomyou’retalkingabout。"
"MissPembroke——whomyousaw。"
"Isawnoone。"
"Whocamein？"
"Noonecamein。"
"You’reanass！"shriekedRickie。"Shecamein。Yousawhercomein。Sheandherbrotherhavebeentodinner。"
"Youonlythinkso。Theywerenotreallythere。"
"ButtheystoptillMonday。"
"Youonlythinkthattheyarestopping。"
"But——oh，lookhere，shutup！Thegirllikeanempress——"
"Isawnoempress，noranygirl，norhaveyouseenthem。"
"Ansell，don’trag。"
"Elliot，Ineverrag，andyouknowit。Shewasnotreallythere。"
Therewasamoment’ssilence。ThenRickieexclaimed，"I’vegotyou。Yousay——orwasitTilliard？——no，YOUsaythatthecow’sthere。Well——therethesepeopleare，then。Gotyou。Yah！"
"Diditneverstrikeyouthatphenomenamaybeoftwokinds:ONE，thosewhichhavearealexistence，suchasthecow;TWO，thosewhicharethesubjectiveproductofadiseasedimagination，andwhich，toourdestruction，weinvestwiththesemblanceofreality？Ifthisneverstruckyou，letitstrikeyounow。"
Rickiespokeagain，butreceivednoanswer。Hepacedalittleupanddownthesombreroam。Thenhesatontheedgeofthetableandwatchedhiscleverfrienddrawwithinthesquareacircle，andwithinthecircleasquare，andinsidethatanothercircle，andinsidethatanothersquare。
"Whvwillyoudothat？"
Noanswer。
"Aretheyreal？"
"Theinsideoneis——theoneinthemiddleofeverything，thatthere’sneverroomenoughtodraw。"
II
AlittlethissideofMadingley，totheleftoftheroad，thereisasecludeddell，pavedwithgrassandplantedwithfir—trees。
Itcouldnothavebeenworthavisittwentyyearsago，forthenitwasonlyascarofchalk，anditisnotworthavisitatthepresentday，forthetreeshavegrowntoothickandchokedit。
ButwhenRickiewasup，itchancedtobethebriefseasonofitsromance，aseasonasbriefforachalk—pitasaman——itsdivineintervalbetweenthebarenessofboyhoodandthestuffinessofage。Rickiehaddiscovereditinhissecondterm，whentheJanuarysnowshadmeltedandleftfiordsandlagoonsofclearestwaterbetweentheinequalitiesofthefloor。TheplacelookedasbigasSwitzerlandorNorway——asindeedforthemomentitwas——
andhecameuponitatatimewhenhislifetoowasbeginningtoexpand。Accordinglythedellbecameforhimakindofchurch——achurchwhereindeedyoucoulddoanythingyouliked，butwhereanythingyoudidwouldbetransfigured。LiketheancientGreeks，hecouldevenlaughathisholyplaceandleaveitnolessholy。
Hechattedgailyaboutit，andaboutthepleasantthoughtswithwhichitinspiredhim;hetookhisfriendsthere;heeventookpeoplewhomhedidnotlike。"Proculeste，profani！"exclaimedadelightedaestheteonbeingintroducedtoit。ButthiswasnevertobetheattitudeofRickie。Hedidnotlovethevulgarherd，butheknewthathisownvulgaritywouldbegreaterifheforbadeitingress，andthatitwasnotbypreciositythathewouldattaintotheintimatespiritofthedell。Indeed，ifhehadagreedwiththeaesthete，hewouldpossiblynothaveintroducedhim。Ifthedellwastobearanyinscription，hewouldhavelikedittobe"ThiswaytoHeaven，"paintedonasign—postbythehigh—road，andhedidnotrealizetilllateryearsthatthenumberofvisitorswouldnottherebyhavesensiblyincreased。
OntheblessedMondaythatthePembrokesleft，hewalkedoutherewiththreefriends。Itwasadaywhentheskyseemedenormous。
Onecloud，aslargeasacontinent，wasvoyagingnearthesun，whilstothercloudsseemedanchoredtothehorizon，toolazyortoohappytomove。Theskyitselfwasofthepalestblue，palingtowhitewhereitapproachedtheearth;andtheearth，brown，wet，andodorous，wasengagedbeneathitonitsyearlydutyofdecay。Rickiewasopentothecomplexitiesofautumn;hefeltextremelytiny——extremelytinyandextremelyimportant;andperhapsthecombinationisasfairasanythatexists。Hehopedthatallhislifehewouldneverbepeevishorunkind。
"Elliotisinadangerousstate，"saidAnsell。Theyhadreachedthedell，andhadstoodforsometimeinsilence，eachleaningagainstatree。Itwastoowettositdown。
"How’sthat？"askedRickie，whohadnotknownhewasinanystateatall。HeshutupKeats，whomhethoughthehadbeenreading，andslippedhimbackintohiscoat—pocket。Scarcelyeverwashewithoutabook。
"He’stryingtolikepeople。"
"Thenhe’sdonefor，"saidWiddrington。"He’sdead。"
"He’stryingtolikeHornblower。"
Theothersgaveshrillagonizedcries。
"Hewantstobindthecollegetogether。Hewantstolinkustothebeefyset。"
"IdolikeHornblower，"heprotested。"Idon’ttry。"
"AndHornblowertriestolikeyou。"
"Thatpartdoesn’tmatter。"
"Buthedoestrytolikeyou。Hetriesnottodespiseyou。Itisaltogetheramostpublic—spiritedaffair。"
"Tilliardstartedthem，"saidWiddrington。"Tilliardthinksitsuchapitythecollegeshouldbesplitintosets。"
"Oh，Tilliard！"saidAnsell，withmuchirritation。"Butwhatcanyouexpectfromapersonwho’seternallybeautiful？Theothernightwehadbeendiscussingalongtime，andsuddenlythelightwasturnedon。Everyoneelselookedasight，astheyought。ButtherewasTilliard，sittingneatlyonalittlechair，likeanundersizedgod，withnotacurlcrooked。IshouldsayhewillgetintotheForeignOffice。"
"Whyaremostofussougly？"laughedRickie。
"It’smerelyasignofoursalvation——merelyanothersignthatthecollegeissplit。"
"Thecollegeisn’tsplit，"criedRickie，whogotexcitedonthissubjectwithunfailingregularity。"Thecollegeis，andhasbeen，andalwayswillbe，one。Whatyoucallthebeefysetaren’tasetatall。They’rejusttherowingpeople，andnaturallytheychieflyseeeachother;butthey’realwaysnicetomeortoanyone。Ofcourse，theythinkusratherasses，butit’squiteinapleasantway。"
"That’smywholeobjection，"saidAnsell。"Whatrighthavetheytothinkusassesinapleasantway？Whydon’ttheyhateus？WhatrighthasHornblowertosmackmeonthebackwhenI’vebeenrudetohim？"
"Well，whatrighthaveyoutoberudetohim？"
"BecauseIhatehim。Youthinkitissosplendidtohatenoone。
Itellyouitisacrime。Youwanttoloveeveryoneequally，andthat’sworsethanimpossibleit’swrong。Whenyoudenouncesets，you’rereallytryingtodestroyfriendship。"
"Imaintain，"saidRickie——itwasaverbheclungto，inthehopethatitwouldlendstabilitytowhatfollowed——"Imaintainthatonecanlikemanymorepeoplethanonesupposes。"
"AndImaintainthatyouhatemanymorepeoplethanyoupretend。"
"Ihatenoone，"heexclaimedwithextraordinaryvehemence，andthedellre—echoedthatithatednoone。
"Weareobligedtobelieveyou，"saidWiddrington，smilingalittle"butwearesorryaboutit。"
"Notevenyourfather？"askedAnsell。
Rickiewassilent。
"Notevenyourfather？"
Thecloudaboveextendedagreatpromontoryacrossthesun。Itonlylaythereforamoment，yetthatwasenoughtosummonthelurkingcoldnessfromtheearth。
"Doeshehatehisfather？"saidWiddrington，whohadnotknown。
"Oh，good！"
"Buthisfather’sdead。Hewillsayitdoesn’tcount。"
"Still，it’ssomething。Doyouhateyours？"
Anselldidnotreply。Rickiesaid:"Isay，Iwonderwhetheroneoughttotalklikethis？"
"Abouthatingdeadpeople？"
"Yes——"
"Didyouhateyourmother？"askedWiddrington。
Rickieturnedcrimson。
"Idon’tseeHornblower’ssucharotter，"remarkedtheotherman，whosenamewasJames。
"James，youarediplomatic，"saidAnsell。"Youaretryingtotideoveranawkwardmoment。Youcango。"
Widdringtonwascrimsontoo。Inhiswishtobesprightlyhehadusedwordswithoutthinkingoftheirmeanings。Suddenlyherealizedthat"father"and"mother"reallymeantfatherandmother——peoplewhomhehadhimselfathome。Hewasveryuncomfortable，andthoughtRickiehadbeenratherqueer。HetootriedtoreverttoHornblower，butAnsellwouldnotlethim。Thesuncameout，andstruckonthewhiterampartsofthedell。
Rickielookedstraightatit。Thenhesaidabruptly——
"IthinkIwanttotalk。"
"Ithinkyoudo，"repliedAnsell。
"Shouldn’tIberatherafoolifIwentthroughCambridgewithouttalking？It’ssaidnevertocomesoeasyagain。Allthepeoplearedeadtoo。Ican’tseewhyIshouldn’ttellyoumostthingsaboutmybirthandparentageandeducation。"
"Talkaway。Ifyouboreus，wehavebooks。"
WiththisinvitationRickiebegantorelatehishistory。Thereaderwhohasnobookwillbeobligedtolistentoit。
Somepeoplespendtheirlivesinasuburb，andnotforanyurgentreason。ThishadbeenthefateofRickie。Hehadopenedhiseyestofilmyheavens，andtakenhisfirstwalkonasphalt。Hehadseencivilizationasarowofsemi—detachedvillas，andsocietyasastateinwhichmendonotknowthemenwholivenextdoor。
Hehadhimselfbecomepartofthegreymonotonythatsurroundsallcities。Therewasnonecessityforthis——itwasonlyratherconvenienttohisfather。
Mr。Elliotwasabarrister。Inappearanceheresembledhisson，beingweaklyandlame，withhollowlittlecheeks，abroadwhitebandofforehead，andstiffimpoverishedhair。Hisvoice，whichhedidnottransmit，wasverysuave，withafinecommandofcynicalintonation。Byalteringiteversolittlehecouldmakepeoplewince，especiallyiftheyweresimpleorpoor。Nordidhetransmithiseyes。Theirpeculiarflatness，asifthesoullookedthroughdirtywindow—panes，theunkindnessofthem，thecowardice，thefearinthem，weretotroubletheworldnolonger。
Hemarriedagirlwhosevoicewasbeautiful。Therewasnocaressinityetallwhohearditweresoothed，asthoughtheworldheldsomeunexpectedblessing。Shecalledtoherdogsonenightoverinvisiblewaters，andhe，atouristuponthebridge，thought"thatisextraordinarilyadequate。"Intimehediscoveredthatherfigure，face，andthoughtswereadequatealso，andasshewasnotimpossiblesocially，hemarriedher。"Ihavetakenaplunge，"
hetoldhisfamily。Thefamily，hostileatfirst，hadnotawordtosaywhenthewomanwasintroducedtothem;andhissisterdeclaredthattheplungehadbeentakenfromtheoppositebank。
Thingsonlywentrightforalittletime。Thoughbeautifulwithoutandwithin，Mrs。Elliothadnotthegiftofmakingherhomebeautiful;andoneday，whensheboughtacarpetforthedining—roomthatclashed，helaughedgently，saidhe"reallycouldn’t，"anddeparted。Departureisperhapstoostrongaword。
InMrs。Elliot’smouthitbecame，"Myhusbandhastosleepmoreintown。"Heoftencamedowntoseethem，nearlyalwaysunexpectedly，andoccasionallytheywenttoseehim。"Father’shouse，"asRickiecalledit，onlyhadthreerooms，butthesewerefullofbooksandpicturesandflowers;andtheflowers，insteadofbeingsquasheddownintothevasesastheywereinmummy’shouse，rosegracefullyfromframesofleadwhichlaycoiledatthebottom，asdoubtlesstheseaserpenthastolie，coiledatthebottomofthesea。Oncehewaslettoliftaframeout——onlyonce，forhedroppedsomewateronacreton。"Ithinkhe’sgoingtohavetaste，"saidMr。Elliotlanguidly。"Itisquitepossible，"hiswifereplied。Shehadnottakenoffherhatandgloves，norevenpulledupherveil。Mr。Elliotlaughed，andsoonafterwardsanotherladycamein，andthey——wentaway。
"Whydoesfatheralwayslaugh？"askedRickieintheeveningwhenheandhismotherweresittinginthenursery。
"Itisawayofyourfather’s。"
"Whydoeshealwayslaughatme？AmIsofunny？"Thenafterapause，"Youhavenosenseofhumour，haveyou，mummy？"
Mrs。Elliot，whowasraisingathreadofcottontoherlips，helditsuspendedinamazement。
"Youtoldhimsothisafternoon。ButIhaveseenyoulaugh。"Henoddedwisely。"Ihaveseenyoulaugheversooften。Onedayyouwerelaughingalonealldowninthesweetpeas。"
"WasI？"
"Yes。Wereyoulaughingatme？"
"Iwasnotthinkingaboutyou。Cotton，please——areelofNo。50
whitefrommychestofdrawers。Lefthanddrawer。Nowwhichisyourlefthand？"
"Thesidemypocketis。"
"Andifyouhadnopocket？"
"Thesidemybadfootis。"
"Imeantyoutosay，’thesidemyheartis，’"saidMrs。Elliot，holdingupthedusterbetweenthem。"Mostofus——Imeanallofus——canfeelononesidealittlewatch，thatneverstopsticking。Soevenifyouhadnobadfootyouwouldstillknowwhichistheleft。No。50white，please。No;I’llgetitmyself。"
Forshehadrememberedthatthedarkpassagefrightenedhim。
Theseweretheoutlines。Rickiefilledtheminwiththeslownessandtheaccuracyofachild。Hewasnevertoldanything，buthediscoveredforhimselfthathisfatherandmotherdidnotloveeachother，andthathismotherwaslovable。HediscoveredthatMr。ElliothaddubbedhimRickiebecausehewasrickety，thathetookpleasureinalludingtohisson’sdeformity，andwassorrythatitwasnotmoreseriousthanhisown。Mr。Elliothadnotonescrapofgenius。Hegatheredthepicturesandthebooksandtheflower—supportsmechanically，notinanyimpulseoflove。Hepassedforaculturedmanbecauseheknewhowtoselect，andhepassedforanunconventionalmanbecausehedidnotselectquitelikeotherpeople。Inrealityheneverdidorsaidorthoughtonesinglethingthathadtheslightestbeautyorvalue。AndintimeRickiediscoveredthisaswell。
Theboygrewupingreatloneliness。Heworshippedhismother，andshewasfondofhim。Butshewasdignifiedandreticent，andpathos，liketattle，wasdisgustingtoher。Shewasafraidofintimacy，incaseitledtoconfidencesandtears，andsoallherlifesheheldhersonatalittledistance。Herkindnessandunselfishnessknewnolimits，butifhetriedtobedramaticandthankher，shetoldhimnottobealittlegoose。Andsotheonlypersonhecametoknowatallwashimself。HewouldplayHalmaagainsthimself。Hewouldconductsolitaryconversations，inwhichonepartofhimaskedandanotherpartanswered。Itwasanexcitinggame，andconcludedwiththeformula:"Good—bye。
Thankyou。Iamgladtohavemetyou。Ihopebeforelongweshallenjoyanotherchat。"Andthenperhapshewouldsobforloneliness，forhewouldseerealpeople——realbrothers，realfriends——doinginwarmlifethethingshehadpretended。"ShallI
everhaveafriend？"hedemandedattheageoftwelve。"Idon’tseehow。Theywalktoofast。AndabrotherIshallneverhave。"
（"Noloss，"interruptedWiddrington。
"ButIshallneverhaveone，andsoIquitewantone，evennow。"）
WhenhewasthirteenMr。Elliotenteredonhisillness。Theprettyroomsintownwouldnotdoforaninvalid，andsohecamebacktohishome。OneofthefirstconsequenceswasthatRickiewassenttoapublicschool。Mrs。Elliotdidwhatshecould，butshehadnoholdwhateveroverherhusband。
"Heworriesme，"hedeclared。"He’sajokeofwhichIhavegottired。"
"Woulditbepossibletosendhimtoaprivatetutor’s？"
"No，"saidMr。Elliot，whohadallthemoney。"Coddling。"
"Iagreethatboysoughttoroughit;butwhenaboyislameandverydelicate，heroughsitsufficientlyifheleaveshome。
Rickiecan’tplaygames。Hedoesn’tmakefriends。Heisn’tbrilliant。Thinkingitover，Ifeelthatasit’slikethis，wecan’teverhopetogivehimtheordinaryeducation。Perhapsyoucouldthinkitovertoo。"No。
"Iamsurethatthingsarebestforhimastheyare。Theday—schoolknocksquiteasmanycornersoffhimashecanstand。
Hehatesit，butitisgoodforhim。Apublicschoolwillnotbegoodforhim。Itistoorough。Insteadofgettingmanlyandhard，hewill——"
"Myhead，please。"
Rickiedepartedinastateofbewilderedmisery，whichwasscarcelyevertogrowclearer。
Eachholidayhefoundhisfathermoreirritable，andalittleweaker。Mrs。Elliotwasquicklygrowingold。Shehadtomanagetheservants，tohushtheneighbouringchildren，toanswerthecorrespondence，topaperandre—papertherooms——andallforthesakeofamanwhomshedidnotlike，andwhodidnotconcealhisdislikeforher。OnedayshefoundRickietearful，andsaidrathercrossly，"Well，whatisitthistime？"
Hereplied，"Oh，mummy，I’veseenyourwrinklesyourgreyhair——
I’munhappy。"
Suddentendernessovercameher，andshecried，"Mydarling，whatdoesitmatter？Whateverdoesitmatternow？"
Hehadneverknownhersoemotional。Yetevenbetterdidherememberanotherincident。Hearinghighvoicesfromhisfather’sroom，hewentupstairsinthehopethatthesoundofhistreadmightstopthem。Mrs。Elliotburstopenthedoor，andseeinghim，exclaimed，"Mydear！Ifyouplease，he’shitme。"Shetriedtolaughitoff，butafewhourslaterhesawthebruisewhichthestickoftheinvalidhadraiseduponhismother’shand。
Godaloneknowshowfarweareinthegripofourbodies。HealonecanjudgehowfarthecrueltyofMr。Elliotwastheoutcomeofextenuatingcircumstances。ButMrs。Elliotcouldaccuratelyjudgeofitsextent。
Atlasthedied。Rickiewasnowfifteen，andgotoffawholeweek’sschoolforthefuneral。Hismotherwasratherstrange。Shewasmuchhappier，shelookedyounger，andhermourningwasasunobtrusiveasconventionpermitted。Allthishehadexpected。
Butsheseemedtobewatchinghim，andtobeextremelyanxiousforhisopiniononany，subject——moreespeciallyonhisfather。
Why？Atlasthesawthatshewastryingtoestablishconfidencebetweenthem。Butconfidencecannotbeestablishedinamoment。
Theywerebothshy。Thehabitofyearswasuponthem，andtheyalludedtothedeathofMr。Elliotasanirreparableloss。
"Nowthatyourfatherhasgone，thingswillbeverydifferent。"
"Shallwebepoorer，mother？"No。
"Oh！"
"Butnaturallythingswillbeverydifferent。"
"Yes，naturally。"
"Forinstance，yourpoorfatherlikedbeingnearLondon，butI
almostthinkwemightmove。Wouldyoulikethat？"
"Ofcourse，mummy。"Helookeddownattheground。Hewasnotaccustomedtobeingconsulted，anditbewilderedhim。
"Perhapsyoumightlikequiteadifferentlifebetter？"
Hegiggled。
"It’salittledifficultforme，"saidMrs。Elliot，pacingvigorouslyupanddowntheroom，andmoreandmoredidherblackdressseemamockery。"Insomewaysyououghttobeconsulted:
nearlyallthemoneyislefttoyou，asyoumusthearsometimeorother。Butinotherwaysyou’reonlyaboy。WhatamItodo？"
"Idon’tknow，"hereplied，appearingmorehelplessandunhelpfulthanhereallywas。
"Forinstance，wouldyoulikemetoarrangethingsexactlyasI
like？"
"Ohdo！"heexclaimed，thinkingthisamostbrilliantsuggestion。
"Theverynicestthingofall。"Andheadded，inhishalf—pedantic，half—pleasingway，"Ishallbeaswaxinyourhands，mamma。"
Shesmiled。"Verywell，darling。Youshallbe。"Andshepressedhimlovingly，asthoughshewouldmouldhimintosomethingbeautiful。
Forthenextfewdaysgreatpreparationswereintheair。Shewenttoseehisfather’ssister，thegiftedandvivaciousAuntEmily。Theyweretoliveinthecountry——somewhererightinthecountry，withgrassandtreesuptothedoor，andbirdssingingeverywhere，andatutor。Forhewasnottogobacktoschool。
Unbelievable！Hewasnevertogobacktoschool，andthehead—
masterhadwrittensayingthatheregrettedthestep，butthatpossiblyitwasawiseone。
Itwasrawweather，andMrs。Elliotwatchedoverhimwithceaselesstenderness。Itseemedasifshecouldnotdotoomuchtoshieldhimandtodrawhimnearertoher。
"Putonyourgreatcoat，dearest，"shesaidtohim。
"Idon’tthinkIwantit，"answeredRickie，rememberingthathewasnowfifteen。
"Thewindisbitter。Yououghttoputiton。"
"Butit’ssoheavy。"
"Doputiton，dear。"
Hewasnotveryoftenirritableorrude，butheanswered，"Oh，I
shan’tcatchcold。Idowishyouwouldn’tkeeponbothering。"