PARTICAMBRIDGE
I
"Thecowisthere,"saidAnsell,lightingamatchandholdingitoutoverthecarpet。Noonespoke。Hewaitedtilltheendofthematchfelloff。Thenhesaidagain,"Sheisthere,thecow。
There,now。"
"Youhavenotprovedit,"saidavoice。
"Ihaveprovedittomyself。"
"Ihaveprovedtomyselfthatsheisn’t,"saidthevoice。
"Thecowisnotthere。"Ansellfrownedandlitanothermatch。
"She’sthereforme,"hedeclared。"Idon’tcarewhethershe’sthereforyouornot。WhetherI’minCambridgeorIcelandordead,thecowwillbethere。"
Itwasphilosophy。Theywerediscussingtheexistenceofobjects。
Dotheyexistonlywhenthereissomeonetolookatthem?Orhavetheyarealexistenceoftheirown?Itisallveryinteresting,butatthesametimeitisdifficult。Hencethecow。
Sheseemedtomakethingseasier。Shewassofamiliar,sosolid,thatsurelythetruthsthatsheillustratedwouldintimebecomefamiliarandsolidalso。Isthecowthereornot?Thiswasbetterthandecidingbetweenobjectivityandsubjectivity。SoatOxford,justatthesametime,onewasasking,"Whatdoourroomslooklikeinthevac。?"
"Lookhere,Ansell。I’mthere——inthemeadow——thecow’sthere。You’rethere——thecow’sthere。Doyouagreesofar?"
"Well?"
"Well,ifyougo,thecowstops;butifIgo,thecowgoes。
ThenwhatwillhappenifyoustopandIgo?"
Severalvoicescriedoutthatthiswasquibbling。
"Iknowitis,"saidthespeakerbrightly,andsilencedescendedagain,whiletheytriedhonestlytothinkthematterout。
Rickie,onwhosecarpetthematcheswerebeingdropped,didnotliketojoininthediscussion。Itwastoodifficultforhim。Hecouldnotevenquibble。Ifhespoke,heshouldsimplymakehimselfafool。Hepreferredtolisten,andtowatchthetobacco—smokestealingoutpastthewindow—seatintothetranquilOctoberair。Hecouldseethecourttoo,andthecollegecatteasingthecollegetortoise,andthekitchen—menwithsupper—traysupontheirheads。Hotfoodforone——thatmustbeforthegeographicaldon,whonevercameinforHall;coldfoodforthree,apparentlyathalf—a—crownahead,forsomeonehedidnotknow;hotfood,alacarte——obviouslyfortheladieshauntingthenextstaircase;coldfoodfortwo,attwoshillings——goingtoAnsell’sroomsforhimselfandAnsell,andasitpassedunderthelamphesawthatitwasmeringuesagain。Thenthebedmakersbegantoarrive,chattingtoeachotherpleasantly,andhecouldhearAnsell’sbedmakersay,"Ohdang!"whenshefoundshehadtolayAnsell’stablecloth;fortherewasnotabreathstirring。Thegreatelmsweremotionless,andseemedstillinthegloryofmidsummer,forthedarknesshidtheyellowblotchesontheirleaves,andtheiroutlineswerestillroundedagainstthetendersky。ThoseelmswereDryads——soRickiebelievedorpretended,andthelinebetweenthetwoissubtlerthanweadmit。Atalleventstheywereladytrees,andhadforgenerationsfooledthecollegestatutesbytheirresidenceinthehauntsofyouth。
Butwhataboutthecow?Hereturnedtoherwithastart,forthiswouldneverdo。Healsowouldtrytothinkthematterout。Wasshethereornot?Thecow。Thereornot。Hestrainedhiseyesintothenight。
Eitherwayitwasattractive。Ifshewasthere,othercowsweretheretoo。ThedarknessofEuropewasdottedwiththem,andinthefarEasttheirflankswereshiningintherisingsun。Greatherdsofthemstoodbrowsinginpastureswherenomancamenorneedevercome,orplashedknee—deepbythebrinkofimpassablerivers。Andthis,moreover,wastheviewofAnsell。YetTilliard’sviewhadagooddealinit。OnemightdoworsethanfollowTilliard,andsupposethecownottobethereunlessoneselfwastheretoseeher。Acowlessworld,then,stretchedroundhimoneveryside。Yethehadonlytopeepintoafield,and,click!itwouldatoncebecomeradiantwithbovinelife。
Suddenlyherealizedthatthis,again,wouldneverdo。Asusual,hehadmissedthewholepoint,andwasoverlayingphilosophywithgrossandsenselessdetails。Forifthecowwasnotthere,theworldandthefieldswerenotthereeither。
AndwhatwouldAnsellcareaboutsunlitflanksorimpassablestreams?Rickierebukedhisowngrovelingsoul,andturnedhiseyesawayfromthenight,whichhadledhimtosuchabsurdconclusions。
Thefirewasdancing,andtheshadowofAnsell,whostoodcloseuptoit,seemedtodominatethelittleroom。Hewasstilltalking,orratherjerking,andhewasstilllightingmatchesanddroppingtheirendsuponthecarpet。Nowandthenhewouldmakeamotionwithhisfeetasifhewererunningquicklybackwardupstairs,andwouldtreadontheedgeofthefender,sothatthefire—ironswentflyingandthebuttered—bundishescrashedagainsteachotherinthehearth。Theotherphilosopherswerecrouchedinoddshapesonthesofaandtableandchairs,andone,whowasalittlebored,hadcrawledtothepianoandwastimidlytryingthePreludetoRhinegoldwithhiskneeuponthesoftpedal。Theairwasheavywithgoodtobacco—smokeandthepleasantwarmthoftea,andasRickiebecamemoresleepytheeventsofthedayseemedtofloatonebyonebeforehisacquiescenteyes。InthemorninghehadreadTheocritus,whomhebelievedtobethegreatestofGreekpoets;hehadlunchedwithamerrydonandhadtastedZwiebackbiscuits;thenhehadwalkedwithpeopleheliked,andhadwalkedjustlongenough;andnowhisroomwasfullofotherpeoplewhomheliked,andwhentheylefthewouldgoandhavesupperwithAnsell,whomhelikedaswellasanyone。Ayearagohehadknownnoneofthesejoys。Hehadcreptcoldandfriendlessandignorantoutofagreatpublicschool,preparingforasilentandsolitaryjourney,andprayingasahighestfavourthathemightbeleftalone。Cambridgehadnotansweredhisprayer。Shehadtakenandsoothedhim,andwarmedhim,andhadlaughedathimalittle,sayingthathemustnotbesotragicyetawhile,forhisboyhoodhadbeenbutadustycorridorthatledtothespacioushallsofyouth。Inoneyearhehadmademanyfriendsandlearntmuch,andhemightlearnevenmoreifhecouldbutconcentratehisattentiononthatcow。
Thefirehaddieddown,andinthegloomthemanbythepianoventuredtoaskwhatwouldhappenifanobjectivecowhadasubjectivecalf。Ansellgaveanangrysigh,andatthatmomenttherewasataponthedoor。
"Comein!"saidRickie。
Thedooropened。Atallyoungwomanstoodframedinthelightthatfellfromthepassage。
"Ladies!"whisperedevery—oneingreatagitation。
"Yes?"hesaidnervously,limpingtowardsthedoor(hewasratherlame)。"Yes?Pleasecomein。CanIbeanygood——"
"Wickedboy!"exclaimedtheyounglady,advancingaglovedfingerintotheroom。"Wicked,wickedboy!"
Heclaspedhisheadwithhishands。
"Agnes!Ohhowperfectlyawful!"
"Wicked,intolerableboy!"Sheturnedontheelectriclight。Thephilosopherswererevealedwithunpleasingsuddenness。"Mygoodness,atea—party!Ohreally,Rickie,youaretoobad!Isayagain:wicked,abominable,intolerableboy!I’llhaveyouhorsewhipped。Ifyouplease"——sheturnedtothesymposium,whichhadnowrisentoitsfeet"Ifyouplease,heasksmeandmybrotherfortheweek—end。Weaccept。Atthestation,noRickie。
Wedrivetowherehisoldlodgingswere——TrumperyRoadorsomesuchname——andhe’sleftthem。I’mfurious,andbeforeIcanstopmybrother,he’spaidoffthecabandtherewearestranded。I’vewalked——walkedformiles。PraycanyoutellmewhatistobedonewithRickie?"
"Hemustindeedbehorsewhipped,"saidTilliardpleasantly。Thenhemadeaboltforthedoor。
"Tilliard——dostop——letmeintroduceMissPembroke——don’tallgo!"Forhisfriendswereflyingfromhisvisitorlikemistsbeforethesun。"Oh,Agnes,Iamsosorry;I’venothingtosay。I
simplyforgotyouwerecoming,andeverythingaboutyou。"
"Thankyou,thankyou!AndhowsoonwillyouremembertoaskwhereHerbertis?"
"Whereishe,then?"
"Ishallnottellyou。"
"Butdidn’thewalkwithyou?"
"Ishallnottell,Rickie。It’spartofyourpunishment。Youarenotreallysorryyet。Ishallpunishyouagainlater。"
Shewasquiteright。Rickiewasnotasmuchupsetasheoughttohavebeen。Hewassorrythathehadforgotten,andthathehadcausedhisvisitorsinconvenience。Buthedidnotfeelprofoundlydegraded,asayoungmanshouldwhohasacteddiscourteouslytoayounglady。Hadheacteddiscourteouslytohisbedmakerorhisgyp,hewouldhavemindedjustasmuch,whichwasnotpoliteofhim。
"First,I’llgoandgetfood。Dositdownandrest。Oh,letmeintroduce——"
Ansellwasnowthesoleremnantofthediscussionparty。Hestillstoodonthehearthrugwithaburntmatchinhishand。MissPembroke’sarrivalhadneverdisturbedhim。
"LetmeintroduceMr。Ansell——MissPembroke。"
Therecameanawfulmoment——amomentwhenhealmostregrettedthathehadacleverfriend。Ansellremainedabsolutelymotionless,movingneitherhandnorhead。SuchbehaviourissounknownthatMissPembrokedidnotrealizewhathadhappened,andkeptherownhandstretchedoutlongerthanismaidenly。
"Comingtosupper?"askedAnsellinlow,gravetones。
"Idon’tthinkso,"saidRickiehelplessly。
Anselldepartedwithoutanotherword。
"Don’tmindus,"saidMissPembrokepleasantly。"Whyshouldn’tyoukeepyourengagementwithyourfriend?Herbert’sfindinglodgings,——that’swhyhe’snothere,——andthey’resuretobeabletogiveussomedinner。Whatjollyroomsyou’vegot!"
"Ohno——notabit。Isay,Iamsorry。Iamsorry。Iammostawfullysorry。"
"Whatabout?"
"Ansell"Thenheburstforth。"Ansellisn’tagentleman。Hisfather’sadraper。Hisunclesarefarmers。He’sherebecausehe’ssoclever——justonaccountofhisbrains。Now,sitdown。Heisn’tagentlemanatall。"Andhehurriedofftoordersomedinner。
"Whatasnobtheboyisgetting!"thoughtAgnes,agooddealmollified。Itneverstruckherthatthosecouldbethewordsofaffection——thatRickiewouldneverhavespokenthemaboutapersonwhomhedisliked。NordiditstrikeherthatAnsell’shumblebirthscarcelyexplainedthequalityofhisrudeness。Shewaswillingtofindlifefulloftrivialities。Sixmonthsagoandshemighthaveminded;butnow——shecarednotwhatmenmightdountoher,forshehadherownsplendidlover,whocouldhaveknockedalltheseunhealthyundergraduatesintoacocked—hat。ShedarednottellGeraldawordofwhathadhappened:hemighthavecomeupfromwhereverhewasandhalfkilledAnsell。Andshedeterminednottotellherbrothereither,forhernaturewaskindly,anditpleasedhertopassthingsover。
Shetookoffhergloves,andthenshetookoffherear—ringsandbegantoadmirethem。Theseear—ringswereafreakofhers——heronlyfreak。Shehadalwayswantedsome,andthedayGeraldaskedhertomarryhimshewenttoashopandhadherearspierced。Insomewonderfulwaysheknewthatitwasright。Andhehadgivenhertherings——littlegoldknobs,copied,thejewellertoldthem,fromsomethingprehistoricandhehadkissedthespotsofbloodonherhandkerchief。Herbert,asusual,hadbeenshocked。
"Ican’thelpit,"shecried,springingup。"I’mnotlikeothergirls。"ShebegantopaceaboutRickie’sroom,forshehatedtokeepquiet。Therewasnothingmuchtoseeinit。Thepictureswerenotattractive,nordidtheyattracther——schoolgroups,Watts’"SirPercival,"adogrunningafterarabbit,amanrunningafteramaid,acheapbrownMadonnainacheapgreenframe——inshort,acollectionwhereonemediocritywasgenerallycancelledbyanother。Overthedoortherehungalongphotographofacitywithwaterways,whichAgnes,whohadneverbeentoVenice,tooktobeVenice,butwhichpeoplewhohadbeentoStockholmknewtobeStockholm。Rickie’smother,lookingrathersweet,wasstandingonthemantelpiece。Somemorepictureshadjustarrivedfromtheframersandwereleaningwiththeirfacestothewall,butshedidnotbothertoturnthemround。Onthetableweredirtyteacups,aflatchocolatecake,andOmarKhayyam,withanOswegobiscuitbetweenhispages。Alsoavasefilledwiththecrimsonleavesofautumn。Thismadehersmile。
Thenshesawherhost’sshoes:hehadleftthemlyingonthesofa。Rickiewasslightlydeformed,andsotheshoeswerenotthesamesize,andoneofthemhadathickheeltohelphimtowardsanevenwalk。"Ugh!"sheexclaimed,andremovedthemgingerlytothebedroom。Thereshesawothershoesandbootsandpumps,awholerowofthem,alldeformed。"Ugh!Poorboy!Itistoobad。
Whyshouldn’thebelikeotherpeople?Thishereditarybusinessistooawful。"Sheshutthedoorwithasigh。ThensherecalledtheperfectformofGerald,hisathleticwalk,thepoiseofhisshoulders,hisarmsstretchedforwardtoreceiveher。Graduallyshewascomforted。
"Ibegyourpardon,miss,butmightIaskhowmanytolay?"Itwasthebedmaker,Mrs。Aberdeen。
"Three,Ithink,"saidAgnes,smilingpleasantly。"Mr。Elliot’llbebackinaminute。Hehasgonetoorderdinner。
"Thankyou,miss。"
"Plentyofteacupstowashup!"
"Butteacupsiseasywashing,particularlyMr。Elliot’s。"
"Whyarehissoeasy?"
"Becausenonastycornersinthemtoholdthedirt。Mr。
Anderson——he’sbelow—hascrinklynoctagons,andonewouldn’tbelievethedifference。ItwasIboughttheseforMr。Elliot。Hisonethoughtistosaveonetrouble。Ineverseedsuchathoughtfulgentleman。Theworld,Isay,willbethebetterforhim。"Shetooktheteacupsintothegyproom,andthenreturnedwiththetablecloth,andadded,"ifhe’sspared。"
"I’mafraidheisn’tstrong,"saidAgnes。
"Oh,miss,hisnose!Idon’tknowwhathe’dsayifheknewI
mentionedhisnose,butreallyImustspeaktosomeone,andhehasneitherfathernormother。Hisnose!ItpouredtwicewithbloodintheLong。"
"Yes?"
"It’sathingthatoughttobeknown。Iassureyou,thatlittleroom!……Andinanycase,Mr。Elliot’sagentlemanthatcanillaffordtoloseit。Luckilyhisfriendswereup;andIalwayssaythey’remorelikebrothersthananythingelse。"
"Niceforhim。Hehasnorealbrothers。"
"Oh,Mr。Hornblower,heisamerrygentleman,andMr。Tilliardtoo!AndMr。Elliothimselflikeshisrompattimes。Why,it’sthemerrieststaircaseinthebuildings!LastnightthebedmakerfromWsaidtome,’Whatareyoudoingtomygentlemen?Here’sMr。
Ansellcomeback’otwithhiscollarflopping。’Isaid,’Andagoodthing。’Somebedderskeeptheirgentlemenjustso;butsurely,miss,theworldbeingwhatitis,thelongeroneisabletolaughinitthebetter。"
Bedmakershavetobecomicanddishonest。Itisexpectedofthem。
Inapictureofuniversitylifeitistheironlyfunction。Sowhenwemeetonewhohasthefaceofalady,andfeelingsofwhichaladymightbeproud,wepassherby。
"Yes?"saidMissPembroke,andthentheirtalkwasstoppedbythearrivalofherbrother。
"Itistoobad!"heexclaimed。"Itisreallytoobad。"
"Now,Bertieboy,Bertieboy!I’llhavenopeevishness。"
"Iamnotpeevish,Agnes,butIhaveafullrighttobe。Pray,whydidhenotmeetus?Whydidhenotproviderooms?Andpray,whydidyouleavemetodoallthesettling?AllthelodgingsI
knewarefull,andourbedroomslookintoamews。Icannothelpit。Andthen——lookhere!Itreallyistoobad。"Hehelduphisfootlikeawoundeddog。Itwasdrippingwithwater。
"Oho!Thisexplainsthepeevishness。Offwithitatonce。It’llbeanotherofyourcolds。"
"IreallythinkIhadbetter。"Hesatdownbythefireanddaintilyunlacedhisboot。"Inoticeagreatchangeinuniversitytone。IcanneverrememberswaggeringthreeabreastalongthepavementandcharginginoffensivevisitorsintoagutterwhenI
wasanundergraduate。Oneofthemen,too,woreanEtontie。Buttheothers,Ishouldsay,camefromveryqueerschools,iftheycamefromanyschoolsatall。"
Mr。Pembrokewasnearlytwentyyearsolderthanhissister,andhadneverbeenashandsome。Buthewasnotatallthepersontoknockintoagutter,forthoughnotinorders,hehadtheairofbeingonthevergeofthem,andhisfeatures,aswellashisclothes,hadtheclericalcut。Inhispresenceconversationbecamepureandcolourlessandfullofunderstatements,and——justasifhewasarealclergyman——neithermennorboyseverforgotthathewasthere。Hehadobservedthis,anditpleasedhimverymuch。HisconsciencepermittedhimtoentertheChurchwheneverhisprofession,whichwasthescholastic,shoulddemandit。
"Nogutterintheworld’saswetasthis,"saidAgnes,whohadpeeledoffherbrother’ssock,andwasnowtoastingitattheembersonapairoftongs。
"SurelyyouknowtherunningwaterbytheedgeoftheTrumpingtonroad?It’sturnedonoccasionallytoclearawaytherefuse——amostprimitiveidea。WhenIwasupwehadajokeaboutit,andcalleditthe’Pem。’"
"Howcomplimentary!"
"Youfoolishgirl,——notafterme,ofcourse。Wecalleditthe’Pem’becauseitisclosetoPembrokeCollege。Iremember——"Hesmiledalittle,andtwiddledhistoes。Thenherememberedthebedmaker,andsaid,"Mysockisnowdry。Mysock,please。"
"Yoursockissopping。No,youdon’t!"Shetwitchedthetongsawayfromhim。Mrs。Aberdeen,withoutspeaking,fetchedapairofRickie’ssocksandapairofRickie’sshoes。
"Thankyou;ah,thankyou。IamsureMr。Elliotwouldallowit。"
ThenhesaidinFrenchtohissister,"HastherebeentheslightestsignofFrederick?"
"Now,docallhimRickie,andtalkEnglish。Ifoundhimhere。Hehadforgottenaboutus,andwasverysorry。Nowhe’sgonetogetsomedinner,andIcan’tthinkwhyheisn’tback。"
Mrs。Aberdeenleftthem。
"Hewantspullingupsharply。Thereisnothingoriginalinabsent—mindedness。Trueoriginalitylieselsewhere。Really,thelowerclasseshavenonous。HowevercanIwearsuchdeformities?"Forhehadbeenmadlytryingtocramaright—handfootintoaleft—handshoe。
"Don’t!"saidAgneshastily。"Don’ttouchthepoorfellow’sthings。"Thesightofthesmart,stubbypatentleathermadeheralmostfeelfaint。ShehadknownRickieformanyyears,butitseemedsodreadfulandsodifferentnowthathewasaman。Itwasherfirstgreatcontactwiththeabnormal,andunknownfibresofherbeingroseinrevoltagainstit。Shefrownedwhensheheardhisuneventreaduponthestairs。
"Agnes——beforehearrives——yououghtnevertohaveleftmeandgonetohisroomsalone。Amostelementarytransgression。Imaginetheunpleasantnessifyouhadfoundhimwithfriends。IfGerald——"
Rickiebynowhadgotintoafluster。Atthekitchenshehadlosthishead,andwhenhisturncame——hehadhadtowait——hehadyieldedhisplacetothosebehind,sayingthathedidn’tmatter。
Andhehadwastedmoreprecioustimebuyingbananas,thoughheknewthatthePembrokeswerenotpartialtofruit。Amidmuchtardyandchaotichospitalitythemealgotunderway。Allthespoonsandforkswereanyhow,forMrs。Aberdeen’svirtueswerenotpractical。Thefishseemednevertohavebeenalive,themeathadnokick,andthecorkofthecollegeclaretslidforthsilently,asifashamedofthecontents。Agneswasparticularlypleasant。Butherbrothercouldnotrecoverhimself。Hestillrememberedtheirdesolatearrival,andhecouldfeelthewatersofthePemeatingintohisinstep。
"Rickie,"criedthelady,"areyouawarethatyouhaven’tcongratulatedmeonmyengagement?"
Rickielaughednervously,andsaid,"Whyno!NomoreIhave。"
"Saysomethingpretty,then。"
"Ihopeyou’llbeveryhappy,"hemumbled。"ButIdon’tknowanythingaboutmarriage。"
"Oh,youawfulboy!Herbert,isn’thejustthesame?ButyoudoknowsomethingaboutGerald,sodon’tbesochillyandcautious。
I’vejustrealized,lookingatthosegroups,thatyoumusthavebeenatschooltogether。Didyoucomemuchacrosshim?"
"Verylittle,"heanswered,andsoundedshy。Hegotuphastily,andbegantomuddlewiththecoffee。
"Buthewasinthesamehouse。Surelythat’sahousegroup?"
"Hewasaprefect。"Hemadehiscoffeeonthesimplesystem。Onehadabrownpot,intowhichtheboilingstuffwaspoured。Justbeforeservingoneputinadropofcoldwater,andtheideawasthatthegroundsfelltothebottom。
"Wasn’theakindofathleticmarvel?Couldn’theknockanyboyormasterdown?"
"Yes。"
"Ifhehadwantedto,"saidMr。Pembroke,whohadnotspokenforsometime。
"Ifhehadwantedto,"echoedRickie。"Idohope,Agnes,you’llbemostawfullyhappy。Idon’tknowanythingaboutthearmy,butIshouldthinkitmustbemostawfullyinteresting。"
Mr。Pembrokelaughedfaintly。
"Yes,Rickie。Thearmyisamostinterestingprofession,——theprofessionofWellingtonandMarlboroughandLordRoberts;amostinterestingprofession,asyouobserve。Aprofessionthatmaymeandeath——death,ratherthandishonour。"
"That’snice,"saidRickie,speakingtohimself。"Anyprofessionmaymeandishonour,butoneisn’tallowedtodieinstead。Thearmy’sdifferent。Ifasoldiermakesamess,it’sthoughtratherdecentofhim,isn’tit,ifheblowsouthisbrains?Intheotherprofessionsitsomehowseemscowardly。"
"Iamnotcompetenttopronounce,"saidMr。Pembroke,whowasnotaccustomedtohavehisschoolroomsatirecommentedon。"Imerelyknowthatthearmyisthefinestprofessionintheworld。Whichremindsme,Rickie——haveyoubeenthinkingaboutyours?"
"No。"
"Notatall?"
"No。"
"Now,Herbert,don’tbotherhim。Haveanothermeringue。"
"But,Rickie,mydearboy,you’retwenty。It’stimeyouthought。
TheTriposisthebeginningoflife,nottheend。InlessthantwoyearsyouwillhavegotyourB。A。Whatareyougoingtodowithit?"
"Idon’tknow。"
"You’reM。A。,aren’tyou?"askedAgnes;butherbrotherproceeded——
"Ihaveseensomanypromising,brilliantliveswreckedsimplyonaccountofthis——notsettlingsoonenough。Mydearboy,youmustthink。Consultyourtastesifpossible——butthink。Youhavenotamomenttolose。TheBar,likeyourfather?"
"Oh,Iwouldn’tlikethatatall。"
"Idon’tmentiontheChurch。"
"Oh,Rickie,dobeaclergyman!"saidMissPembroke。"You’dbesimplykillinginawide—awake。"
Helookedathisguestshopelessly。Theirkindnessandcompetenceoverwhelmedhim。"IwishIcouldtalktothemasItalktomyself,"hethought。"I’mnotsuchanasswhenItalktomyself。
Idon’tbelieve,forinstance,thatquiteallIthoughtaboutthecowwasrot。"Aloudhesaid,"I’vesometimeswonderedaboutwriting。"
"Writing?"saidMr。Pembroke,withthetoneofonewhogiveseverythingitstrial。"Well,whataboutwriting?Whatkindofwriting?"
"Iratherlike,"——hesuppressedsomethinginhisthroat,——"I
ratherliketryingtowritelittlestories。"
"Why,Imadesureitwaspoetry!"saidAgnes。"You’rejusttheboyforpoetry。"
"Ihadnoideayouwrote。Wouldyouletmeseesomething?ThenI
couldjudge。"
Theauthorshookhishead。"Idon’tshowittoanyone。Itisn’tanything。Ijusttrybecauseitamusesme。"
"Whatisitabout?"
"Sillynonsense。"
"Areyouevergoingtoshowittoanyone?"
"Idon’tthinkso。"
Mr。Pembrokedidnotreply,firstly,becausethemeringuehewaseatingwas,afterall,Rickie’s;secondly,becauseitwasglueyandstuckhisjawstogether。Agnesobservedthatthewritingwasreallyaverygoodidea:therewasRickie’saunt,——shecouldpushhim。
"AuntEmilyneverpushesanyone;shesaystheyalwaysreboundandcrushher。"
"Ionlyhadthepleasureofseeingyourauntonce。Ishouldhavethoughtheraquiteuncrushableperson。Butshewouldbesuretohelpyou。"
"Icouldn’tshowheranything。She’dthinkthemevensillierthantheyare。"
"Alwaysrunningyourselfdown!Therespeakstheartist!"
"I’mnotmodest,"hesaidanxiously。"Ijustknowthey’rebad。"
Mr。Pembroke’steethwereclearofmeringue,andhecouldrefrainnolonger。"MydearRickie,yourfatherandmotheraredead,andyouoftensayyouraunttakesnointerestinyou。Thereforeyourlifedependsonyourself。Thinkitovercarefully,butsettle,andhavingoncesettled,stick。Ifyouthinkthatthiswritingispracticable,andthatyoucouldmakeyourlivingbyit——thatyoucould,ifneedsbe,supportawife——thenbyallmeanswrite。Butyoumustwork。Workanddrudge。Beginatthebottomoftheladderandworkupwards。"
Rickie’sheaddrooped。Anymetaphorsilencedhim。Heneverthoughtofreplyingthatartisnotaladder——withacurate,asitwere,onthefirstrung,arectoronthesecond,andabishop,stillnearerheaven,atthetop。Heneverretortedthattheartistisnotabricklayeratall,butahorseman,whosebusinessitistocatchPegasusatonce,nottopractiseforhimbymountingtamercolts。Thisishard,hot,andgenerallyungracefulwork,butitisnotdrudgery。Fordrudgeryisnotart,andcannotleadtoit。