"Well,onedayIan'oleDocGurney,wewereinthere,andIundertooktoshowBibbshowtorunhismachine。Hetoldmetolookout,butIwouldn'tlisten,andIdidn'tlookout——andthat'showIgotmyhandhurt,tryin'toshowBibbshowtodosomethingheknewhowtodoandIdidn't。MademesomadIjustwouldn'tevenadmittomyselfitWAShurt——andso,byandby,oleDocGurneyhadtotakekindo'radicalmeasureswithme。He'sarightgooddoctor,too。
Don'tyouthinkso,MissVertrees?"
"Yes。"
"Yes,heisso!"Sheridannowhadtheairofaramblingtalkerandgossipwithalldayonhishands。"TakehimonBibbs'scase。Iwastalkin'aboutBibbs'scasewithhimthismorning。Well,you'dlaughtohearthewayoleGurneytalksaboutTHAT!'CourseheISjustasmuchafriendasheisdoctor——andhetakesasmuchinterestinBibbsasifhewasinthefamily。HesaysBibbsisn'tanywaysbadoffYET;andhethinkshecouldstandthepaceandgetfatonitif——well,thisiswhat'dmadeYOUlaughifyou'dbeenthere,MissVertrees——honestitwould!"Hepausedtochuckle,andstoleaglanceather。Shewasgazingstraightbeforeheratthewall;herlipswereparted,and——visibly——shewasbreathingheavilyandquickly。Hefearedthatshewasgrowingfuriouslyangry;buthehadledtowhathewantedtosay,andhewenton,determinednowtosayitall。Heleanedforwardandalteredhisvoicetooneofconfidentialfriendliness,thoughinithestillmaintainedatonewhichindicatedthatoleDocGurney'sopinionwasonlyajokehesharedwithher。"Yes,sir,youcertainlywould'a'laughed!Why,thatolemanthinksYOUgotsomethingtodowithit。You'llhavetoblameitonhim,younglady,ifitmakesyoufeellikestartin'outtowhipsomebody!He'sactuallygotTHIStheory:hesaysBibbsgottogettin'betterwhileheworkedoverthereattheshopbecauseyoukepthimcheeredupandfeelin'good。Andhesaysifyoucouldmanagetojuststandhimhangin'aroundalittle——maybenotmuch,butjustSOMEtimes——again,hebelievedit'ddoBibbsamightyloto'good。
'Course,that'sonlywhatthedoctorsaid。Me,Idon'tknowanythingaboutthat;butIcansaythismuch——IneversawanysuchaMENTALimprovementinanybodyinmylifeasIhavelatelyinBibbs。Iexpectyou'dfindhimagooddealmoreentertainingthanwhatheusedtobe——andIknowit'sakindofembarrassingthingtosuggestafterthewayhepiledinoverherethatdaytoaskyoutostandupbeforethepreacherwithhim,butaccordin'tooleDocGURNEY,he'sgotyouonhisbrainsobad——"
Maryjumped。"Mr。Sheridan!"sheexclaimed。
Hesighedprofoundly。"There!Inoticedyouweregettin'mad。Ididn't——"
"No,no,no!"shecried。"ButIdon'tunderstand——andIthinkyoudon't。
Whatisityouwantmetodo?"
Hesighedagain,butthistimewithrelief。"Well,well!"hesaid。"You'reright。It'llbeeasiertotalkplain。IoughttoknownIcouldwithyou,allthetime。Ijusthopedyou'dletthatboycomeandseeyousometimes,oncemore。Couldyou?"
"Youdon'tunderstand。"Sheclaspedherhandstogetherinasorrowfulgesture。"Yes,wemusttalkplain。BibbsheardthatI'dtriedtomakeyouroldestsoncareformebecauseIwaspoor,andsoBibbscameandaskedmetomarryhim——becausehewassorryforme。AndICAN'Tseehimanymore,"shecriedindistress。"ICAN'T!"
Sheridanclearedhisthroatuncomfortably。"Youmeanbecausehethoughtthataboutyou?"
"No,no!WhathethoughtwasTRUE!"
"Well——youmeanhewassomuchin——youmeanhethoughtsomuchofyou——"ThewordswereinconceivablyawkwarduponSheridan'stongue;heseemedtobeindoubtevenaboutpronouncingthem,butafteraghastlypausehebravelyrepeatedthem。"Youmeanhethoughtsomuchofyouthatyoujustcouldn'tstandhimaround?"
"NO!Hewassorryforme。Hecaredforme;hewasfondofme;andhe'drespectedme——toomuch!Inthefinestwayhelovedme,ifyoulike,andhe'dhavedoneanythingonearthforme,asIwouldforhim,andasheknewI
would。Itwasbeautiful,Mr。Sheridan,"shesaid。"Butthecheap,badthingsonehasdoneseemalwaystocomeback——theywait,andpullyoudownwhenyou'rehappiest。Bibbsfoundmeout,yousee;andhewasn't'inlove'withmeatall。"
"Hewasn't?Well,itseemstomehegaveupeverythinghewantedtodo——itwasfoolstuff,buthecertainlywanteditmightybad——hejustthrewitawayandwalkedrightupandtookthejobhesworeheneverwould——justforyou。
Anditlookstomeasifamanthat'ddothatmustthinkquiteaheapo'thegirlhedoesitfor!Yousayitwasonlybecausehewassorry,butletmetellyouthere'sonlyONEgirlhecouldfeelTHATsorryfor!Yes,sir!"
"No,no,"shesaid。"Bibbsisn'tlikeothermen——hewoulddoanythingforanybody。"
Sheridangrinned。"Perhapsnotsomuchasyouthink,nowadays,"hesaid。"Forinstance,Igotkindofasuspicionhedoesn'tbelievein'sentimentinbusiness。'Butthat'sneitherherenorthere。Whathewantedwas,justplainandsimple,foryoutomarryhim。Well,Iwasafraidhisthinkin'somuchOF
youhadkindo'sickenedyouofhim——thewayitdoessometimes。Butfromthewayyoutalk,Iunderstandthatain'tthetrouble。"Hecoughed,andhisvoicetrembledalittle。"Nowhere,MissVertrees,Idon'thavetotellyou——becauseyouseethingseasy——IknowIgotnobusinesscomin'toyoulikethis,butIhadtomakeBibbsgomywayinsteadofhisown——Ihadtodoitforthesakeo'mybusinessandonhisownaccount,too——andIexpectyougotsomeideahowithurthimtogiveup。Well,he'smadegood。Hedidn'tcomeinhalf—heartedormean;hecamein——alltheway!Butthereisn'tanythinginittohim;youcanseehe'sjustshuthisteethonitandgoin'aheadwithdustinhismouth。Yousee,onewayoflookin'atit,he'sgotnothin'toworkFOR。Anditseemstomelikeitcosthimyourfriendship,andIbelieve——honest——that'swhathurthimtheworst。Nowyousaidwe'dtalkplain。Whycan'tyoulethimcomeback?"
Shecoveredherfacedesperatelywithherhands。"Ican't!"
Herose,defeated,andlookingit。
"Well,Imustn'tpressyou,"hesaid,gently。
Atthatshecriedout,anddroppedherhandsandlethimseeherface。"Ah!
Hewasonlysorryforme!"
Hegazedatherintently。Marywasproud,butshehadafatalhonesty,anditconfessedthetruthofhernow;shewashelpless。ItwassoclearthatevenSheridan,marvelingandamazed,wasabletoseeit。Thenachangecameoverhim;gloomfellfromhim,andhegrewradient。
"Don't!Don't"shecried。"Youmustn't——"
"Iwon'ttellhim,"saidSheridan,fromthedoorway。"Iwon'ttellanybodyanything!"
Therewasaheavytown—fogthatafternoon,asmoke—mist,densestinthesanctuaryofthetemple。Thepeoplewentaboutinit,busyanddirty,thickeningtheiroutsideandinsideliningsofcoal—tar,asphalt,sulphurousacid,oilofvitriol,andtheotherfamiliarthingsthemenlikedtobreatheandtohaveupontheirskinsandgarmentsandupontheirwivesandbabiesandsweethearts。Thegrowthofthecitywasvisibleinthesmokeandthenoiseandtherush。TherewasmoresmokethantherehadbeenthisdayofFebruaryayearearlier;therewasmorenoise;andthecrowdswerethicker——yetquickerinspiteofthat。Thetrafficpolicemanhadahardtime,forthepeoplewereindependent——theyretainedsomehabitsoftheoldmarket—townperiod,andwouldcrossthestreetanywhereandanyhow,whichnotonlygotthemkilledmorefrequentlythaniftheyclungtothelegalcrossings,butkeptthemotormen,thechauffeurs,andthetruck—driversinastewofprofanenervousness。Sothetrafficpolicemenledharriedlives;theythemselveswerekilled,ofcourse,withacertainperiodicity,buttheirmaintroublewasthattheycouldnotmakethecitizensrealizethatitwasactuallyandmortallyperiloustogoabouttheircity。Itwasstrange,fortherewereprobablynocitizensofanylengthofresidencewhohadnotpersonallyknowneithersomeonewhohadbeenkilledorinjuredinanaccident,orsomeonewhohadaccidentallykilledorinjuredothers。Andyet,perhapsitwasnotstrange,seeingthesharppreoccupationofthefaces——thepeoplehadsomethingontheirminds;theycouldnotstoptobotheraboutdirtanddanger。
MaryVertreeswasnotoftendown—town;shehadneverseenanaccidentuntilthisafternoon。Shehadcomeuponerrandsforhermotherconnectedwithatimorousrefurbishment;andasshedidthese,inandoutofthedepartmentstores,shehadaninsistentconsciousnessoftheSheridanBuilding。Fromthestreet,anywhere,itwasalmostalwaysinsight,likesomemonstrousgeometricalshadow,murk—coloredandrisinglimitlesslyintotheswimmingheightsofthesmoke—mist。Itwasgauntandgrimyandrepellent;ithadnothingbutstrengthandsize——butinthatconsciousnessofMary'sthegreatstructuremayhavepartakenofbeauty。Sheridanhadmadesomeofthethingshesaidemphaticenoughttoremainwithher。Shewentoverandoverthem——andtheybegantoseemtrue:"OnlyONEgirlhecouldfeelTHATsorryfor!"
"Gurneysayshe'sgotyouonhisbrainsobad——"Theman'sclumsytalkbegantosinginherheart。Thesongwasbeguntherewhenshesawtheaccident。
ShewasdirectlyoppositetheSheridanBuildingthen,waitingforthetraffictothinbeforeshecrossed,thoughotherpeoplewereriskingthepassage,dartingandhaltinganddodgingparlously。Twomencamefromthecrowdbehindher,talkingearnestly,andstartedacross。Bothworeblack;onewastallandbroadandthick,andtheotherwastaller,butnoticeablyslender。AndMarycaughtherbreath,fortheywereBibbsandhisfather。Theydidnotseeher,andshecaughtaphraseinBibbs'smellowvoice,whichhadtakenacrisperring:"Sixty—eightthousanddollars?Notsixty—eightthousandbuttons!"Itstartledherqueerly,andastherewasaglimpseofhisprofileshesawforthefirsttimearesemblancetohisfather。
Shewatchedthem。InthemiddleofthestreetBibbshadtostepaheadofhisfather,andthetwowereseparated。Buttherecklesspassingofatruck,beyondthesecondlineofrails,frightenedagroupofcountrywomenwhowereincourseofpassage;theywerejustinfrontofBibbs,andshovedbackwarduponhimviolently。Toextricatehimselffromthemhesteppedback,directlyinfrontofamovingtrolley—car——noplaceforabsent—mindedness,butBibbswasstillabsorbedinthoughtsconcernedwithwhathehadbeensayingtohisfather。Therewereshrieksandyells;Bibbslookedthewrongway——andthenMarysawtheheavyfigureofSheridanplungestraightforwardinfrontofthecar。Withabsolutedisregardofhisownlife,hehurledhimselfatBibbslikeafootball—playershuntingoffanopponent,andtoMaryitseemedthattheybothwentdowntogether。Butthatwasallshecouldsee——automobiles,trucks,andwagonsclosedinbetween。Shemadeoutthatthetrolley—carstoppedjerkily,andshesawapolicemanbreakinghiswaythroughtheinstantlycondensingcrowd,whilethetrafficcametoastandstill,andpeoplestoodupinautomobilesorclimbeduponthehubsandtiresofwheels,nottomissachanceofseeinganythinghorrible。
Marytriedtogetthrough;itwasimpossible。Otherpolicemencametohelpthefirst,andinaminuteortwothetrafficwasinmotionagain。Thecrowdbecamepliant,dispersing——therewasnofigureupontheground,andnoambulancecame。Butoneofthepolicemenwasdetainedbytheclingingandbeseechingofaglovedhand。
"WhatISthematter,lady?"
"Wherearethey?"Marycried。
"Who?OlemanSheridan?IreckonHEwasn'tmuchhurt!"
"HisSON——"
"Wasthatwhotheotheronewas?Iseenhimknockhim——oh,he'snotbadoff,Iguess,lady。Theolemangothimoutofthewayallright。Thefendershovedtheolemanaroundsome,butIreckonheonlygotshookup。TheybothwentonintheSheridanBuildingwithoutanyhelp。Excuseme,lady。"
SheridanandBibbs,infact,wereatthatmomentintheelevator,ascending。
"Whisk—broomupintheoffice,"Sheridanwassaying。"Yougottolookoutonthosecornersnowadays,Itellyou。Idon'tknowIgotanycalltoblow,though——becauseItriedtocrossafteryoudid。That'showIhappenedtorunintoyou。Well,youwantremembertolookoutafterthis。Weweretalkin'
aboutMurtrie'saskin'sixty—eightthousandflatforthatninety—nine—yearlease。It'shislookoutifhe'drathertakeitthatway,andIdon'tknowbut——"
"No,"saidBibbs,emphatically,astheelevatorstopped;"hewon'tgetit。NotfromUs,hewon't,andI'llshowyouwhy。Icanconvinceyouinfiveminutes。"Hefollowedhisfatherintotheofficeanteroom——andconvincedhim。
Then,havingbeendiligentlybrushedbyayouthofcolor,Bibbswentintohisownroomandclosedthedoor。
Hewasmoreshakenthanhehadallowedhisfathertoperceive,andhissidewassorewhereSheridanhadstruckhim。Hedesiredtobealone;hewantedtorubhimselfand,foronce,todosomeuselessthinkingagain。Heknewthathisfatherhadnot"happened"torunintohim;heknewthatSheridanhadinstantly——andinstinctively——provedthatheheldhisownlifeofnoaccountwhatevercomparedtothatofhissonandheir。Bibbshadbeenunabletospeakofthat,ortoseemtoknowit;forSheridan,justasinstinctively,hadsweptthematteraside——asofnoimportance,sinceallwaswell——revertingimmediatelytobusiness。
Bibbsbegantothinkintentlyofhisfather。Heperceived,ashehadneverperceivedbefore,theshadowingofsomethingenormousandindomitable——andlawless;nottobedauntedbythewillofnature'sveryself;laughingatthelightningandatwoundsandmutilation;conquering,irresistible——andblindlynoble。ForthefirsttimeinhislifeBibbsbegantounderstandthemeaningofbeingtrulythisman'sson。
Hewouldbethemoretrulyhissonhenceforth,though,asSheridansaid,Bibbshadnotcomedown—townwithhimmeanlyorhalf—heartedly。Hehadgivenhiswordbecausehehadwantedthemoney,simply,forMaryVertreesinherneed。
Andheshiveredwithhorrorofhimself,thinkinghowhehadgonetohertoofferit,askinghertomarryhim——withhisheadonhisbreastinshamefulfearthatshewouldaccepthim!Hehadnotknownher;theknowinghadlosthertohim,andthishadbeenhisrealawakening;forheknewnowhowdeephadbeenthatslumberwhereinhedreamilycelebratedthesuperiorityof"friendship"!Thesleep—walkerhadwakenedtobitterknowledgeofloveandlife,findinghimselfafailureinboth。Hehadmadeaburntofferingofhisdreams,andthesacrificehadbeenanunforgivablehurttoMary。Allthatwasleftforhimwastheworkhehadnotchosen,butatleasthewouldnotfailinthat,thoughitwasindeednomorethan"dustinhismouth。"Iftherehadbeenanything"toworkfor——"
Hewenttothewindow,raisedit,andletintheuproarofthestreetsbelow。
Helookeddownattheblurred,hurryingswarms——andhelookedacross,overtheroofswiththeirpantingjetsofvapor,intothevast,foggyheartofthesmoke。Dizzytraceriesofsteelwererisingdimlyagainstit,chatteringwithsteelonsteel,andscreechinginsteam,whiletinyfiguresofmenwalkedonthreadsinthedullsky。BuildingswouldovertoptheSheridan。Bignesswasbeingserved。
Butwhatfor?TheoldquestioncametoBibbswithanewdespair。Here,wherehiseyesfell,hadoncebeengreenfieldsandrunningbrooks,andhowhadthekindearthbeendespoiledanddisfigured!Thepioneershadbegunthework,butintheiroldagetheiroratorshadsaidforthemthattheyhadtoiledandriskedandsacrificedthattheirposteritymightliveinpeaceandwisdom,enjoyingthefruitsoftheearth。Well,theirposteritywashere——andtherewasonlyturmoil。Wherewasthepromisedland?Ithadbeenpromisedbythesoldiersofallthewars;ithadbeenpromisedtothisgenerationbythepioneers;butherewastheveryposteritytowhomithadbeenpromised,toilingandriskingandsacrificinginturn——forwhat?
Theharshroarofthecitycameinthroughtheopenwindow,continuouslybeatinguponBibbs'searuntilhebegantodistinguishapulsationinit——abrokenandirregularcadence。Itseemedtohimthatitwaslikeatitanicvoice,discordant,hoarse,rustilymetallic——thevoiceofthegod,Bigness。
AndthevoicesummonedBibbsasitsummonedallitsservants。
"Comeandwork!"itseemedtoyell。"ComeandworkforMe,allmen!ByyouryouthandyourhopeIsummonyou!ByyourageandyourdespairIsommonyoutoworkforMeyetalittle,withwhatstrengthyouhave。ByyourloveofhomeIsummonyou!ByyourloveofwomanIsummonyou!ByyourhopeofchildrenIsummonyou!
"YoushallbeblindslavesofMine,blindtoeverythingbutMe,youMasterandDriver!Foryourrewardyoushallgazeonlyuponmyugliness。Youshallgiveyourtoilandyourlives,youshallgomadforloveandworshipofmyugliness!YoushallperishstillworshippingMe,andyourchildrenshallperishknowingnoothergod!"
Andthen,asBibbsclosedthewindowdowntight,heheardhisfather'svoiceboominginthenextroom;hecouldnotdistinguishthewords,butthetonewasexultant——andtherecametheTHUMP!THUMP!ofthemaimedhand。BibbsguessedthatSheridanwasbraggingofthecityandofBignesstosomevisitorfromout—of—town。
AndhethoughthowtrulySheridanwasthehighpriestofBigness。Butwiththeold,oldthoughtagain,,"Whatfor?"Bibbscaughtaglimmeroffar,faintlight。HesawthatSheridanhadallhislifestruggledandconquered,andmustallhislifegoonstrugglingandinevitablyconquering,aspartofavastimpulsenothisown。Sheridanservedblindly——butwastheimpulseblind?
Bibbsaskedhimselfifitwasnothewhohadbeeninthegreaterhurry,afterall。Thekilnmustbefiredbeforethevaseisglazed,andtheAcropoliswasnotcrownedwithmarbleinaday。
Thenthevoicecametohimagain,buttherewasastraininitasofsomehughmusicstrugglingtobebornoftheturmoil。"UglyIam,"itseemedtosaytohim,"butneverforgetthatIAMagod!"Andthevoicegrewinsonorousnessandindignity。"Thehighestshouldserve,butsolongasyouworshipmeformyownsakeIwillnotserveyou。Itismanwhomakesmeugly,byhisworshipofme。Ifmanwouldletmeservehim,Ishouldbebeautiful!"
Lookingoncemorefromthewindow,Bibbssculpturedforhimself——inthevaguecontortionsofthesmokeandfogabovetheroofs——agiganitcfigurewithfeetpedestaleduponthegreatbuildingsandshouldersdisappearingintheclouds,acolossusofsteelandwhollyblackenedwithsoot。ButBibbscarriedhisfancyfurther——fortherewasstillalittlepoetlingeringinthebackofhishead——andhethoughtthatupovertheclouds,unseenfrombelow,thegiantlaboredwithhishandsinthecleansunshine;andBibbshadaglimpseofwhathemadethere——perhapsforafellowshipofthechildrenofthechildrenthatwerechildrennow——anobleandjoyouscity,unbelievablywhite——"
Itwasthetelephonethatcalledhimfromhisvision。Itrangfiercely。
Heliftedthethingfromhisdeskandanswered——andasthesmallvoiceinsideitspokehedroppedthereceiverwithacrash。Hetrembledviolentlyashepickeditup,buthetoldhimselfhewaswrong——hehadbeenmistaken——yetitwasastartlinglybeautifulvoice;startlinglykind,too,andineffablyliketheonehehungeredmosttohear。
"Who?"hesaid,hisownvoiceshaking——likehishand。
"Mary。"
Herespondedwithtwohushedandincredulouswords:"ISIT?"
Therewasalittlethrillofpathetichalf—laughterintheinstrument。
"Bibbs——Iwantedto——justtoseeifyou——"
"Yes——Mary?"
"Iwaslookingwhenyouweresonearlyrunover。Isawit,Bibbs。Theysaidyouhadn'tbeenhurt,theythought,butIwantedtoknowformyself。"
"No,no,Iwasn'thurtatall——Mary。Itwasfatherwhocamenearerit。Hesavedme。"
"Yes,Isaw;butyouhadfallen。Icouldn'tgetthroughthecrowduntilyouhadgone。AndIwantedtoKNOW。"
"Mary——wouldyou——haveminded?"hesaid。
Therewasalongintervalbeforesheanswered。
"Yes。"
"Thenwhy——"
"Yes,Bibbs?"
"Idon'tknowwhattosay,"hecried。"It'ssowonderfultohearyourvoiceagain——I'mshaking,Mary——I——Idon'tknow——Idon'tknowanythingexceptthatI
AMtalkingtoyou!ItISyou——Mary?"
"Yes,Bibbs!"
"Mary——I'veseenyoufrommywindowathome——onlyfivetimessinceI——sincethen。Youlooked——oh,howcanItellyou?Itwaslikeamanchainedinacavecatchingaglimpseofthebluesky,Mary。Mary,won'tyou——letmeseeyouagain——near?IthinkIcouldmakeyoureallyforgiveme——you'dhaveto——"
"IDID——then。"
"No——notreally——oryouwouldn'thavesaidyoucouldn'tseemeanymore。"
"Thatwasn'tthereason。"Thevoicewasverylow。
"Mary,"hesaid,evenmoretremulouslythanbefore,"Ican't——youCOULDN'T
meanitwasbecause——youcan'tmeanitwasbecauseyou——care?"
Therewasnoanswer。
"Mary?"hecalled,huskily。"IfyoumeanTHAT——you'dletmeseeyou——
wouldn'tyou?"
Andnowthevoicewassolowhecouldnotbesureitspokeatall,butifitdid,thewordswere,"Yes,Bibbs——dear。"
Butthevoicewasnotintheinstrument——itwassogentleandsolight,soalmostnothing,itseemedtobemadeofair——anditcamefromtheair。
Slowlyandincredulouslyheturned——andgloryfelluponhisshiningeyes。Thedoorofhisfather'sroomhadopened。
Marystooduponthethreshold。
第19章