Hewentondownthereandaccostedthisantiquity,andmadearemarkortwo。Icouldnotcatchup。TheyweresocasualIcouldnotrecognizewhichoneitwasthattouchedthatbottom,forinaninstantthatoldmanwasliterallyineruptionandwasfillingthewholeplacewithprofanityofthemostexquisitekind。Youneverheardsuchaccomplishedprofanity。Ineverhearditalsodeliveredwithsucheloquence。
　　IneverenjoyedprofanityasIenjoyeditthen—morethanifIhadbeenutteringitmyself。Thereisnothinglikelisteningtoanartist—
　　allhispassionspassingawayinlava,smoke,thunder,lightning,andearthquake。
　　Thenthisfriendsaidtome:"Now,Iwilltellyouaboutthat。Aboutsixtyyearsagothatmanwasayoungfellowoftwenty—three,andhadjustcomehomefromathreeyears'whalingvoyage。Hecameintothatvillageofhis,happyandproudbecausenow,insteadofbeingchiefmate,hewasgoingtobemasterofawhaleship,andhewasproudandhappyaboutit。
　　"Thenhefoundthattherehadbeenakindofacoldfrostcomeuponthattownandthewholeregionroundabout;forwhilehehadbeenawaytheFatherMathewtemperanceexcitementhadcomeuponthewholeregion。Therefore,everybodyhadtakenthepledge;therewasn'tanybodyformilesandmilesaroundthathadnottakenthepledge。
　　"Soyoucanseewhatasolitudeitwastothisyoungman,whowasfondofhisgrog。Andhewasjustanoutcast,becausewhentheyfoundhewouldnotjoinFatherMathew'sSocietytheyostracizedhim,andhewentaboutthattownthreeweeks,dayandnight,inutterloneliness—theonlyhumanbeinginthewholeplacewhoevertookgrog,andhehadtotakeitprivately。
　　"Ifyoudon'tknowwhatitistobeostracized,tobeshunnedbyyourfellow—man,mayyouneverknowit。Thenherecognizedthattherewassomethingmorevaluableinthislifethangrog,andthatisthefellowshipofyourfellow—man。Andatlasthegaveitup,andatnineo'clockonenighthewentdowntotheFatherMathewTemperanceSociety,andwithabrokenhearthesaid:'Putmynamedownformembershipinthissociety。'
　　"Andthenhewentawaycrying,andatearliestdawnthenextmorningtheycameforhimandroutedhimout,andtheysaidthatnewshipofhiswasreadytosailonathreeyears'voyage。Inaminutehewasonboardthatshipandgone。
　　"Andhesaid—well,hewasnotoutofsightofthattowntillhebegantorepent,buthehadmadeuphismindthathewouldnottakeadrink,andsothatwholevoyageofthreeyearswasathreeyears'
　　agonytothatmanbecausehesawallthetimethemistakehehadmade。
　　"Hefeltitallthrough;hehadconstantremindersofit,becausethecrewwouldpasshimwiththeirgrog,comeoutonthedeckandtakeit,andtherewasthetorturoussmellofit。
　　"Hewentthroughthewholethreeyearsofsuffering,andatlastcomingintoportitwassnowy,itwascold,hewasstampingthroughthesnowtwofeetdeeponthedeckandlongingtogethome,andtherewashiscrewtorturinghimtothelastminutewithhotgrog,butatlasthehadhisreward。Hereallydidgettoshoreatlast,andjumpedandranandboughtajugandrushedtothesociety'soffice,andsaidtothesecretary:
　　"'Takemynameoffyourmembershipbooks,anddoitrightaway！I
　　havegotathreeyears'thirston。'
　　"Andthesecretarysaid:'Itisnotnecessary。Youwereblackballed！'"
　　WATTERSONANDTWAINASREBELS。
　　ADDRESSATTHECELEBRATIONOFABRAHAMLINCOLN'S92D
　　BIRTHDAYANNIVERSARY,CARNEGIEHALL,FEBRUARY11,1901,TORAISEFUNDSFORTHELINCOLNMEMORIAL
　　UNIVERSITYATCUMBERLANDGAP,TENN。
　　LADIESANDGENTLEMEN,—Theremainderofmydutiesaspresidingchairmanherethiseveningarebuttwo—onlytwo。Oneofthemiseasy,andtheotherdifficult。Thatistosay,Imustintroducetheorator,andthenkeepstillandgivehimachance。ThenameofHenryWattersoncarrieswithititsownexplanation。ItislikeanelectriclightontopofMadisonSquareGarden;youtouchthebuttonandthelightflashesupoutofthedarkness。YoumentionthenameofHenryWatterson,andyourmindsareatonceilluminatedwiththesplendidradianceofhisfameandachievements。Ajournalist,asoldier,anorator,astatesman,arebel。Yes,hewasarebel;and,betterstill,nowheisareconstructedrebel。
　　Itisacuriouscircumstance,acircumstancebroughtaboutwithoutanycollusionorprearrangement,thatheandI,bothofwhomwererebelsrelatedbybloodtoeachother,shouldbebroughtheretogetherthiseveningbearingatributeinourhandsandbowingourheadsinreverencetothatnoblesoulwhoforthreeyearswetriedtodestroy。Idon'tknowasthefacthaseverbeenmentionedbefore,butitisafact,nevertheless。ColonelWattersonandIwerebothrebels,andwearebloodrelations。IwasasecondlieutenantinaConfederatecompany—forawhile—oh,IcouldhavestayedonifI
　　hadwantedto。Imademyselffelt,Ilefttracksallaroundthecountry。Icouldhavestayedon,butitwassuchweather。Ineversawsuchweathertobeout—of—doorsin,inallmylife。
　　TheColonelcommandedaregiment,anddidhispart,Isuppose,todestroytheUnion。Hedidnotsucceed,yetifhehadobeyedmehewouldhavedoneso。Ihadaplan,andIfullyintendedtodriveGeneralGrantintothePacificOcean—ifIcouldgettransportation。I
　　toldColonelWattersonaboutit。Itoldhimwhathehadtodo。WhatIwantedhimtodowastosurroundtheEasternarmyandwaituntilI
　　cameup。Buthewasinsubordinate;hestuckonsomequibbleofmilitaryetiquetteaboutasecondlieutenantgivingorderstoacolonelorsomethinglikethat。Andwhatwastheconsequence？TheUnionwaspreserved。ThisisthefirsttimeIbelievethatthatsecrethaseverbeenrevealed。
　　Nooneoutsideofthefamilycircle,Ithink,knewitbefore;buttherethefactsare。WattersonsavedtheUnion;yes,hesavedtheUnion。Andyettherehesits,andnotastephasbeentakenoramovementmadetowardgrantinghimapension。Thatisthewaythingsaredone。Itisacasewheresomeblushingoughttobedone。Yououghttoblush,andIoughttoblush,andhe—well,he'salittleoutofpracticenow。
　　ROBERTFULTONFUND。
　　ADDRESSMADEONTHEEVENINGOFAPRIL19,1906。
　　Mr。ClemenshadbeenaskedtoaddresstheassociationbyGen。
　　FrederickD。Grant,president。Hewasofferedafeeof$1000,butrefusedit,saying:
　　"Ishallbegladtodoit,butImuststipulatethatyoukeepthe$1000,andaddittotheMemorialFundasmycontributiontoerectamonumentinNewYorktothememoryofthemanwhoappliedsteamtonavigation。"
　　AtthismeetingMr。Clemensmadethisformalannouncementfromtheplatform:
　　"Thisismylastappearanceonthepaidplatform。IshallnotretirefromthegratisplatformuntilIamburied,andcourtesywillcompelmetokeepstillandnotdisturbtheothers。Now,sinceImust,I
　　shallsaygood—bye。Iseemanyfacesinthisaudiencewellknowntome。Theyareallmyfriends,andIfeelthatthoseIdon'tknowaremyfriends,too。Iwishtoconsiderthatyourepresentthenation,andthatinsayinggood—byetoyouIamsayinggood—byetothenation。
　　Inthegreatnameofhumanity,letmesaythisfinalword:Iofferanappealinbehalfofthatvast,patheticmultitudeoffathers,mothers,andhelplesslittlechildren。Theywereshelteredandhappytwodaysago。Nowtheyarewandering,forlorn,hopeless,andhomeless,thevictimsofagreatdisaster。SoIbegofyou,Ibegofyou,toopenyourheartsandopenyourpursesandrememberSanFrancisco,thesmittencity。"
　　IWISHtodeliverahistoricaladdress。I'vebeenstudyingthehistoryof—er—a—letmesee—a[thenhestoppedinconfusion,andwalkedovertoGen。FredD。Grant,whosatattheheadoftheplatform。Heleanedoverinawhisper,andthenreturnedtothefrontofthestageandcontinued]。Ohyes！I'vebeenstudyingRobertFulton。I'vebeenstudyingabiographicalsketchofRobertFulton,theinventorof—er—a—let'ssee—ohyes,theinventoroftheelectrictelegraphandtheMorsesewing—machine。Also,Iunderstandheinventedtheair—diria—pshaw！Ihaveitatlast—thedirigibleballoon。
　　Yes,thedirigiblebutitisadifficultword,andIdon'tseewhyanybodyshouldmarryacoupleofwordslikethatwhentheydon'twanttobemarriedatallandarelikelytoquarrelwitheachotherallthetime。IshouldputthatcoupleofwordsunderthebanoftheUnitedStatesSupremeCourt,underitsdecisionofafewdaysago,andtake'emoutanddrown'em。
　　IusedtoknowFulton。Itusedtodomegoodtoseehimdashingthroughthetownonawildbroncho。
　　AndFultonwasborniner—a—well,itdoesn'tmakemuchdifferencewherehewasborn,doesit？Irememberamanwhocametointerviewmeonce,togetasketchofmylife。Iconsultedwithafriend—apracticalman—beforehecame,toknowhowIshouldtreathim。
　　"Wheneveryougivetheinterviewerafact,"hesaid,"givehimanotherfactthatwillcontradictit。Thenhe'llgoawaywithajumblethathecan'tuseatall。Begentle,besweet,smilelikeanidiot—
　　justbenatural。"That'swhatmyfriendtoldmetodo,andIdidit。
　　"Wherewereyouborn？"askedtheinterviewer。
　　"Well—er—a,"Ibegan,"IwasborninAlabama,orAlaska,ortheSandwichIslands;Idon'tknowwhere,butrightaroundtheresomewhere。Andyouhadbetterputitdownbeforeyouforgetit。"
　　"Butyouweren'tborninallthoseplaces,"hesaid。
　　"Well,I'veofferedyouthreeplaces。Takeyourchoice。They'reallatthesameprice。"
　　"Howoldareyou？"heasked。
　　"IshallbenineteeninJune,"Isaid。
　　"Why,there'ssuchadiscrepancybetweenyourageandyourlooks,"
　　hesaid。
　　"Oh,that'snothing,"Isaid,"Iwasborndiscrepantly。"
　　ThenwegottotalkingaboutmybrotherSamuel,andhetoldmemyexplanationswereconfusing。
　　"Isupposeheisdead,"Isaid。"Somesaidthathewasdeadandsomesaidthathewasn't。"
　　"Didyouburyhimwithoutknowingwhetherhewasdeadornot？"askedthereporter。
　　"Therewasamystery,"saidI。"Weweretwins,andonedaywhenweweretwoweeksold—thatis,hewasoneweekold,andIwasoneweekold—wegotmixedupinthebath—tub,andoneofusdrowned。Wenevercouldtellwhich。Oneofushadastrawberrybirthmarkonthebackofhishand。Thereitisonmyhand。Thisistheonethatwasdrowned。There'snodoubtaboutit。"
　　"Where'sthemystery？"hesaid。
　　"Why,don'tyouseehowstupiditwastoburythewrongtwin？"I
　　answered。Ididn'texplainitanymorebecausehesaidtheexplanationconfusedhim。Tomeitisperfectlyplain。
　　But,togetbacktoFulton。I'mgoingalonglikeanoldmanIusedtoknowwhousedtostarttotellastoryabouthisgrandfather。Hehadanawfullyretentivememory,andheneverfinishedthestory,becauseheswitchedoffintosomethingelse。Heusedtotellabouthowhisgrandfatheronedaywentintoapasture,wheretherewasaram。
　　Theoldmandroppedasilverdimeinthegrass,andstoopedovertopickitup。Theramwasobservinghim,andtooktheoldman'sactionasaninvitation。
　　Justashewasgoingtofinishabouttheramthisfriendofminewouldrecallthathisgrandfatherhadaniecewhohadaglasseye。Sheusedtoloanthatglasseyetoanotherladyfriend,whouseditwhenshereceivedcompany。Theeyedidn'tfitthefriend'sface,anditwasloose。Andwhenevershewinkeditwouldturnover。
　　Thenhegotonthesubjectofaccidents,andhewouldtellastoryabouthowhebelievedaccidentsneverhappened。
　　"TherewasanIrishmancomingdownaladderwithahodofbricks,"
　　hesaid,"andaDutchmanwasstandingonthegroundbelow。TheIrishmanfellontheDutchmanandkilledhim。Accident？Never！IftheDutchmanhadn'tbeentheretheIrishmanwouldhavebeenkilled。
　　Whydidn'ttheIrishmanfallonadogwhichwasnexttotheDutchman？Becausethedogwouldhaveseenhimcoming。"
　　Thenhe'dgetofffromtheDutchmantoanunclenamedReginaldWilson。Reginaldwentintoacarpetfactoryoneday,andgottwistedintothemachinery'sbelt。Hewentexcursioningaroundthefactoryuntilhewasproperlydistributedandwaswovenintosixty—nineyardsofthebestthree—plycarpet。Hiswifeboughtthecarpet,andthensheerectedamonumenttohismemory。Itread:
　　Sacredtothememoryofsixty—nineyardsofthebestthree—plycarpetcontainingthemortalremaindersofREGINALDWILSON
　　GothouanddolikewiseAndsoonhewouldrambleabouttellingthestoryofhisgrandfatheruntilweneverweretoldwhetherhefoundtheten—centpieceorwhethersomethingelsehappened。
　　FULTONDAY,JAMESTOWN。
　　ADDRESSDELIVEREDSEPTEMBER23,1907。
　　Lieutenant—GovernorEllyson,ofVirginia,inintroducingMr。
　　Clemens,said:
　　"Thepeoplehavecomeheretobringatributeofaffectionaterecollectionforthemanwhohascontributedsomuchtotheprogressoftheworldandthehappinessofmankind。"AsMr。Clemenscamedowntotheplatformtheapplausebecamelouderandlouder,untilMr。
　　Clemensheldouthishandforsilence。Itwasagreattriumph,anditwasalmostaminuteaftertheapplauseceasedbeforeMr。Clemenscouldspeak。Heattempteditonce,andwhentheaudiencenoticedhisemotion,itcheeredagainloudly。
　　LADIESANDGENTLEMEN,—Iambuthuman,andwhenyougivemeareceptionlikethatIamobligedtowaitalittlewhileIgetmyvoice。Whenyouappealtomyhead,Idon'tfeelit;butwhenyouappealtomyheart,Idofeelit。
　　WeareheretocelebrateoneofthegreatesteventsofAmericanhistory,andnotonlyinAmericanhistory,butintheworld'shistory。
　　Indeeditwas—theapplicationofsteambyRobertFulton。
　　Itwasaworldevent—therearenotmanyofthem。ItispeculiarlyanAmericanevent,thatistrue,buttheinfluencewasverybroadineffect。WeshouldregardthisdayasaverygreatAmericanholiday。WehavenotmanythatareexclusivelyAmericanholidays。WehavetheFourthofJuly,whichweregardasanAmericanholiday,butitisnothingofthekind。Iamwaitingforadissentingvoice。AllgreateffortsthatleduptotheFourthofJulyweremade,notbyAmericans,butbyEnglishresidentsofAmerica,subjectsoftheKingofEngland。
　　Theyfoughtallthefightingthatwasdone,theyshedandspiltallthebloodthatwasspilt,insecuringtoustheinvaluablelibertieswhichareincorporatedintheDeclarationofIndependence;
　　buttheywerenotAmericans。TheysignedtheDeclarationofIndependence;noAmerican'snameissignedtothatdocumentatall。
　　ThereneverwasanAmericansuchasyouandIareuntilaftertheRevolution,whenithadallbeenfoughtoutandlibertysecured,aftertheadoptionoftheConstitution,andtherecognitionoftheIndependenceofAmericabyallpowers。
　　WhilewereveretheFourthofJuly—andletusalwaysrevereit,andthelibertiesitconferreduponus—yetitwasnotanAmericanevent,agreatAmericanday。
　　ItwasanAmericanwhoappliedthatsteamsuccessfully。Therearenotagreatmanyworldevents,andwehaveourfullshare。Thetelegraph,telephone,andtheapplicationofsteamtonavigation—
　　thesearegreatAmericanevents。
　　To—dayIhavebeenrequested,orIhaverequestedmyself,nottoconfinemyselftofurnishingyouwithinformation,buttoremindyouofthings,andtointroduceoneofthenation'scelebrants。
　　AdmiralHarringtonhereisgoingtotellyouallthatIhaveleftuntold。IamgoingtotellyouallthatIknow,andthenhewillfollowupwithsuchragsandremnantsashecanfind,andtellyouwhatheknows。
　　NodoubtyouhaveheardagreatdealaboutRobertFultonandtheinfluencesthathavegrownfromhisinvention,butthelittlesteamboatissufferingneglect。
　　Youprobablydonotknowagreatdealaboutthatboat。Itwasthemostimportantsteamboatintheworld。Iwasthereandsawit。AdmiralHarringtonwasthereatthetime。Itneednotsurpriseyou,forheisnotasoldashelooks。Thatlittleboatwasinterestingineveryway。Thesizeofit。Theboatwasone[consultsAdmiral],hesaidtenfeetlong。Thebreadthofthatboat[consultsAdmiral],twohundredfeet。Yousee,thefirstandmostimportantdetailisthelength,thenthebreadth,andthenthedepth;thedepthofthatboatwas[consultsagain]—theAdmiralsaysitwasaflatboat。Thenhertonnage—youknownothingaboutaboatuntilyouknowtwomorethings:
　　herspeedandhertonnage。Weknowthespeedshemade。Shemadefourmiles—andsometimesfivemiles。Itwasonherinitialtrip,onAugust11,1807,thatshemadeherinitialtrip,whenshewentfrom[consultsAdmiral]JerseyCity—toChicago。That'sright。ShewentbywayofAlbany。Nowcomesthetonnageofthatboat。Tonnageofaboatmeanstheamountofdisplacement;displacementmeanstheamountofwateravesselcanshoveinaday。Thetonnageofmanisestimatedbytheamountofwhiskeyhecandisplaceinaday。
　　RobertFultonnamedtheClermontinhonorofhisbride,thatis,Clermontwasthenameofthecounty—seat。
　　IfeelthatitsurprisesyouthatIknowsomuch。InmyremarksofwelcomeofAdmiralHarringtonIamnotgoingtogivehimcompliments。Complimentsalwaysembarrassaman。Youdonotknowanythingtosay。Itdoesnotinspireyouwithwords。Thereisnothingyoucansayinanswertoacompliment。Ihavebeencomplimentedmyselfagreatmanytimes,andtheyalwaysembarrassme—Ialwaysfeelthattheyhavenotsaidenough。
　　TheAdmiralandmyselfhaveheldpublicoffice,andwereassociatedtogetheragreatdealinafriendlywayinthetimeofPocahontas。ThatincidentwherePocahontassavesthelifeofSmithfromherfather,Powhatan'sclub,wasgottenupbytheAdmiralandmyselftoadvertiseJamestown。
　　AtthattimetheAdmiralandmyselfdidnothavethefacilitiesofadvertisingthatyouhave。
　　IhaveknownAdmiralHarringtoninallkindsofsituations—inpublicservice,ontheplatform,andinthechain—gangnowandthen—
　　butitwasamistake。Acaseofmistakenidentity。IdonotthinkitisatallanecessitytotellyouAdmiralHarrington'spublichistory。
　　Youknowthatitisinthehistories。Iamnotheretotellyouanythingabouthispubliclife,buttoexposehisprivatelife。
　　Iamsomethingofapoet。Whenthegreatpoetlaureate,Tennyson,died,andIfoundthattheplacewasopen,Itriedtogetit—butI
　　didnotgetit。Anybodycanwritethefirstlineofapoem,butitisaverydifficulttasktomakethesecondlinerhymewiththefirst。
　　WhenIwasdowninAustraliathereweretwotownsnamedJohnswoodandPar—am。Imadethisrhyme:
　　"ThepeopleofJohnswoodarepiousandgood;
　　ThepeopleofPar—amtheydon'tcarea—"
　　IdonotwanttocomplimentAdmiralHarrington,butaslongassuchmenashedevotetheirlivestothepublicservicethecreditofthecountrywillnevercease。Iwillsaythatthesamehighqualities,thesamemoralandintellectualattainments,thesamegraciousnessofmanner,ofconduct,ofobservation,andexpressionhavecausedAdmiralHarringtontobemistakenforme—andIhavebeenmistakenforhim。
　　Amutualcomplimentcangonofurther,andInowhavethehonorandprivilegeofintroducingtoyouAdmiralHarrington。
　　LOTOSCLUBDINNERINHONOR
　　OFMARKTWAIN。
　　ADDRESSATTHEFIRSTFORMALDINNERINTHENEWCLUB—HOUSE,NOVEMBER11,1893。
　　Inintroducingtheguestoftheevening,Mr。Lawrencesaid:
　　"To—nighttheoldfacesappearoncemoreamidnewsurroundings。
　　Theplacewherelastwemetaboutthetablehasvanished,andto—nightwehaveourfirstLotosdinnerinahomethatisallourown。Itispeculiarlyfittingthattheboardshouldnowbespreadinhonorofonewhohasbeenamemberoftheclubforfullascoreofyears,anditisahappyauguryforthefuturethatourfellow—memberwhomweassembletogreetshouldbethebearerofamostdistinguishednameintheworldofletters;fortheLotosClubiseveratitsbestwhenpayinghomagetogeniusinliteratureorinart。IsthereacivilizedbeingwhohasnotheardthenameofMarkTwain？Weknewhimlongyearsago,beforehecameoutoftheboundlessWest,brimfulofwitandeloquence,withnoreverenceforanything,andwentabroadtoeducatetheuntutoredEuropeaninthesubtletiesoftheAmericanjoke。Theworldhaslookedonandapplaudedwhilehehasbrokenmanyimages。Hehasledusinimaginationallovertheglobe。
　　WithhimasourguidewehavetraversedaliketheMississippiandtheSeaofGalilee。Athisbiddingwehavelaughedatathousandabsurdities。ByalaboriousprocessofreasoninghehasconvincedusthattheEgyptianmummiesareactuallydead。HehasheldusspellboundupontheplainatthefootofthegreatSphinx,andwehavejoinedhiminweepingbittertearsatthetombofAdam。To—nightwegreethimintheflesh。Whatnameisthereinliteraturethatcanbelikenedtohis？Perhapssomeofthedistinguishedgentlemenaboutthistablecantellus,butIknowofnone。Himselfhisonlyparallel！"
　　MR。PRESIDENT,GENTLEMEN,ANDFELLOW—MEMBERSOFTHELOTOSCLUB,—I
　　haveseldominmylifetimelistenedtocomplimentssofelicitouslyphrasedorsowelldeserved。Ireturnthanksforthemfromafullheartandanappreciativespirit,andIwillsaythisinself—defence:
　　WhileIamchargedwithhavingnoreverenceforanything,IwishtosaythatIhavereverenceforthemanwhocanuttersuchtruths,andI
　　alsohaveadeepreverenceandasincereoneforaclubthatcandosuchjusticetome。Tobethechiefguestofsuchaclubissomethingtobeenvied,andifIreadyourcountenancesrightlyIamenvied。Iamgladtoseethisclubinsuchpalatialquarters。I
　　rememberittwentyyearsagowhenitwashousedinastable。
　　NowwhenIwasstudyingfortheministrythereweretwoorthreethingsthatstruckmyattentionparticularly。Atthefirstbanquetmentionedinhistorythatotherprodigalsonwhocamebackfromhistravelswasinvitedtostandupandhavehissay。Theywereallthere,hisbrethren,DavidandGoliath,ander,andifhehadhadsuchexperienceasIhavehadhewouldhavewaiteduntilthoseotherpeoplegotthroughtalking。Hegotupandtestifiedtoallhisfailings。
　　Nowifhehadwaitedbeforetellingallabouthisriotouslivinguntiltheothershadspokenhemightnothavegivenhimselfawayashedid,andIthinkthatIwouldgivemyselfawayifIshouldgoon。I
　　thinkI'dbetterwaituntiltheothershandintheirtestimony;thenifitisnecessaryformetomakeanexplanation,Iwillgetupandexplain,andifIcannotdothat,I'lldenyithappened。
　　LaterintheeveningMr。Clemensmadeanotherspeech,replyingtoafireofshortspeechesbyCharlesDudleyWarner,CharlesA。Dana,SethLow,GeneralPorter,andmanyothers,eachwelcomingtheguestofhonor。
　　Idon'tseethatIhaveagreatdealtoexplain。Igotoffverywell,consideringtheopportunitiesthattheseotherfellowshad。I
　　don'tseethatMr。Lowsaidanythingagainstme,andneitherdidMr。
　　Dana。However,IwillsaythatIneverheardsomanyliestoldinoneeveningasweretoldbyMr。McKelway—andIconsidermyselfverycapable;buteveninhiscase,whenhegotthrough,Iwasgratifiedbyfindinghowmuchhehadn'tfoundout。ByaccidenthemissedtheverythingsthatIdidn'twanttohavesaid,andnow,gentlemen,aboutAmericanism。
　　IhavebeenonthecontinentofEuropefortwoandahalfyears。I
　　havemetmanyAmericansthere,somesojourningforashorttimeonly,othersmakingprotractedstays,andithasbeenverygratifyingtometofindthatnearlyallpreservedtheirAmericanism。IhavefoundtheyallliketoseetheFlagfly,andthattheirheartsrisewhentheyseetheStarsandStripes。Imetonlyoneladywhohadforgottenthelandofherbirthandglorifiedmonarchicalinstitutions。
　　IthinkitisagreatthingtosaythatintwoandahalfyearsI
　　metonlyonepersonwhohadfallenavictimtotheshams—Ithinkwemaycallthemshams—ofnobilitiesandofheredities。Shewasentirelylostinthem。AfterIhadlistenedtoherforalongtime,Isaidtoher:"Atleastyoumustadmitthatwehaveonemerit。WearenotliketheChinese,whorefusetoallowtheircitizenswhoaretiredofthecountrytoleaveit。ThankGod,wedon't！"
　　COPYRIGHT
　　COPYRIGHT。
　　WithMr。Howells,EdwardEverettHale,ThomasNelsonPage,andanumberofotherauthors,Mr。ClemensappearedbeforethecommitteeDecember6,1906。ThenewCopyrightBillcontemplatedanauthor'scopyrightforthetermofhislifeandforfiftyyearsthereafter,applyingalsoforthebenefitofartists,musicians,andothers,buttheauthorsdidmostofthetalking。F。D。Milletmadeaspeechfortheartists,andJohnPhilipSousaforthemusicians。
　　Mr。Clemenswasthelastspeakeroftheday,anditschieffeature。Hemadeaspeech,theserious,partsofwhichcreatedastrongimpression,andthehumorouspartssettheSenatorsandRepresentativesinroarsoflaughter。
　　IHAVEreadthisbill。AtleastIhavereadsuchportionsasIcouldunderstand。Nobodybutapractisedlegislatorcanreadthebillandthoroughlyunderstandit,andIamnotapractisedlegislator。
　　Iaminterestedparticularlyandespeciallyinthepartofthebillwhichconcernsmytrade。Ilikethatextensionofcopyrightlifetotheauthor'slifeandfiftyyearsafterward。Ithinkthatwouldsatisfyanyreasonableauthor,becauseitwouldtakecareofhischildren。Letthegrand—childrentakecareofthemselves。Thatwouldtakecareofmydaughters,andafterthatIamnotparticular。Ishallthenhavelongbeenoutofthisstruggle,independentofit,indifferenttoit。
　　Itisn'tobjectionabletomethatallthetradesandprofessionsintheUnitedStatesareprotectedbythebill。Ilikethat。Theyareallimportantandworthy,andifwecantakecareofthemundertheCopyrightlawIshouldliketoseeitdone。Ishouldliketoseeoystercultureadded,andanythingelse。
　　Iamawarethatcopyrightmusthavealimit,becausethatisrequiredbytheConstitutionoftheUnitedStates,whichsetsasidetheearlierConstitution,whichwecallthedecalogue。Thedecaloguesaysyoushallnottakeawayfromanymanhisprofit。Idon'tliketobeobligedtousetheharshterm。Whatthedecaloguereallysaysis,"Thoushaltnotsteal,"butIamtryingtousemorepolitelanguage。
　　ThelawsofEnglandandAmericadotakeitaway,doselectbutoneclass,thepeoplewhocreatetheliteratureoftheland。Theyalwaystalkhandsomelyabouttheliteratureoftheland,alwayswhatafine,great,monumentalthingagreatliteratureis,andinthemidstoftheirenthusiasmtheyturnaroundanddowhattheycantodiscourageit。
　　Iknowwemusthavealimit,butforty—twoyearsistoomuchofalimit。Iamquiteunabletoguesswhythereshouldbealimitatalltothepossessionoftheproductofaman'slabor。Thereisnolimittorealestate。
　　DoctorHalehassuggestedthatamanmightjustaswell,afterdiscoveringacoal—mineandworkingitforty—twoyears,havetheGovernmentstepinandtakeitaway。
　　Whatistheexcuse？Itisthattheauthorwhoproducedthatbookhashadtheprofitofitlongenough,andthereforetheGovernmenttakesaprofitwhichdoesnotbelongtoitandgenerouslygivesittothe88,000,000ofpeople。Butitdoesn'tdoanythingofthekind。Itmerelytakestheauthor'sproperty,takeshischildren'sbread,andgivesthepublisherdoubleprofit。Hegoesonpublishingthebookandasmanyofhisconfederatesaschoosetogointotheconspiracydoso,andtheyrearfamiliesinaffluence。
　　Andtheycontinuetheenjoymentofthoseill—gottengainsgenerationaftergenerationforever,fortheyneverdie。InafewweeksormonthsoryearsIshallbeoutofit,Ihopeunderamonument。IhopeIshallnotbeentirelyforgotten,andIshallsubscribetothemonumentmyself。ButIshallnotbecaringwhathappensiftherearefiftyyearsleftofmycopyright。MycopyrightproducesannuallyagooddealmorethanIcanuse,butmychildrencanuseit。Icangetalong;I
　　knowalotoftrades。Butthatgoestomydaughters,whocan'tgetalongaswellasIcanbecauseIhavecarefullyraisedthemasyoungladies,whodon'tknowanythingandcan'tdoanything。IhopeCongresswillextendtothemthecharitywhichtheyhavefailedtogetfromme。