Thatnight，afterhehadkissedhissisters，hethoughtpropertoforgeteventoshakehandswithme，butlefttheroominsilence。I—who，thoughIhadnolove，hadmuchfriendshipforhim—washurtbythemarkedomission:somuchhurtthattearsstartedtomyeyes。
　　“IseeyouandSt。Johnhavebeenquarrelling，Jane，”saidDiana，“duringyourwalkonthemoor。Butgoafterhim;heisnowlingeringinthepassageexpectingyou—hewillmakeitup。”
　　Ihavenotmuchprideundersuchcircumstances:Iwouldalwaysratherbehappythandignified;andIranafterhim—hestoodatthefootofthestairs。
　　“Good—night，St。John，”saidI。
　　“Good—night，Jane，”herepliedcalmly。
　　“Thenshakehands，”Iadded。
　　Whatacold，loosetouch，heimpressedonmyfingers！Hewasdeeplydispleasedbywhathadoccurredthatday;cordialitywouldnotwarm，nortearsmovehim。Nohappyreconciliationwastobehadwithhim—nocheeringsmileorgenerousword:butstilltheChristianwaspatientandplacid;andwhenIaskedhimifheforgaveme，heansweredthathewasnotinthehabitofcherishingtheremembranceofvexation;thathehadnothingtoforgive，nothavingbeenoffended。
　　Andwiththatanswerheleftme。Iwouldmuchratherhehadknockedmedown。
　　Chapter35
　　HedidnotleaveforCambridgethenextday，ashehadsaidhewould。Hedeferredhisdepartureawholeweek，andduringthattimehemademefeelwhatseverepunishmentagoodyetstern，aconscientiousyetimplacablemancaninflictononewhohasoffendedhim。Withoutoneovertactofhostility，oneupbraidingword，hecontrivedtoimpressmemomentlywiththeconvictionthatIwasputbeyondthepaleofhisfavour。
　　NotthatSt。Johnharbouredaspiritofunchristianvindictiveness—notthathewouldhaveinjuredahairofmyhead，ifithadbeenfullyinhispowertodoso。Bothbynatureandprinciple，hewassuperiortothemeangratificationofvengeance:hehadforgivenmeforsayingIscornedhimandhislove，buthehadnotforgottenthewords;andaslongasheandIlivedheneverwouldforgetthem。Isawbyhislook，whenheturnedtome，thattheywerealwayswrittenontheairbetweenmeandhim;wheneverIspoke，theysoundedinmyvoicetohisear，andtheirechotonedeveryanswerhegaveme。
　　Hedidnotabstainfromconversingwithme:heevencalledmeasusualeachmorningtojoinhimathisdesk;andIfearthecorruptmanwithinhimhadapleasureunimpartedto，andunsharedby，thepureChristian，inevincingwithwhatskillhecould，whileactingandspeakingapparentlyjustasusual，extractfromeverydeedandeveryphrasethespiritofinterestandapprovalwhichhadformerlycommunicatedacertainausterecharmtohislanguageandmanner。Tome，hewasinrealitybecomenolongerflesh，butmarble;hiseyewasacold，bright，bluegem;histongueaspeakinginstrument—nothingmore。
　　Allthiswastorturetome—refined，lingeringtorture。Itkeptupaslowfireofindignationandatremblingtroubleofgrief，whichharassedandcrushedmealtogether。Ifelthow—ifIwerehiswife，thisgoodman，pureasthedeepsunlesssource，couldsoonkillme，withoutdrawingfrommyveinsasingledropofblood，orreceivingonhisowncrystalconsciencethefainteststainofcrime。EspeciallyIfeltthiswhenImadeanyattempttopropitiatehim。Noruthmetmyruth。Heexperiencednosufferingfromestrangement—noyearningafterreconciliation;andthough，morethanonce，myfastfallingtearsblisteredthepageoverwhichwebothbent，theyproducednomoreeffectonhimthanifhishearthadbeenreallyamatterofstoneormetal。Tohissisters，meantime，hewassomewhatkinderthanusual:asifafraidthatmerecoldnesswouldnotsufficientlyconvincemehowcompletelyIwasbanishedandbanned，headdedtheforceofcontrast;andthisIamsurehedidnotbyforce，butonprinciple。
　　Thenightbeforehelefthome，happeningtoseehimwalkinginthegardenaboutsunset，andremembering，asIlookedathim，thatthisman，alienatedashenowwas，hadoncesavedmylife，andthatwewerenearrelations，Iwasmovedtomakealastattempttoregainhisfriendship。Iwentoutandapproachedhimashestoodleaningoverthelittlegate;Ispoketothepointatonce。
　　“St。John，Iamunhappybecauseyouarestillangrywithme。Letusbefriends。”
　　“Ihopewearefriends，”wastheunmovedreply;whilehestillwatchedtherisingofthemoon，whichhehadbeencontemplatingasIapproached。
　　“No，St。John，wearenotfriendsaswewere。Youknowthat。”
　　“Arewenot？Thatiswrong。Formypart，Iwishyounoillandallgood。”
　　“Ibelieveyou，St。John;forIamsureyouareincapableofwishinganyoneill;but，asIamyourkinswoman，Ishoulddesiresomewhatmoreofaffectionthanthatsortofgeneralphilanthropyyouextendtomerestrangers。”
　　“Ofcourse，”hesaid。“Yourwishisreasonable，andIamfarfromregardingyouasastranger。”
　　This，spokeninacool，tranquiltone，wasmortifyingandbafflingenough。HadIattendedtothesuggestionsofprideandire，Ishouldimmediatelyhavelefthim;butsomethingworkedwithinmemorestronglythanthosefeelingscould。Ideeplyveneratedmycousin’stalentandprinciple。Hisfriendshipwasofvaluetome:toloseittriedmeseverely。Iwouldnotsosoonrelinquishtheattempttoreconquerit。
　　“Mustwepartinthisway，St。John？AndwhenyougotoIndia，willyouleavemeso，withoutakinderwordthanyouhaveyetspoken？”
　　Henowturnedquitefromthemoonandfacedme。
　　“WhenIgotoIndia，Jane，willIleaveyou！What！doyounotgotoIndia？”
　　“YousaidIcouldnotunlessImarriedyou。”
　　“Andyouwillnotmarryme！Youadheretothatresolution？”
　　Reader，doyouknow，asIdo，whatterrorthosecoldpeoplecanputintotheiceoftheirquestions？Howmuchofthefalloftheavalancheisintheiranger？ofthebreakingupofthefrozenseaintheirdispleasure？
　　“No。St。John，Iwillnotmarryyou。Iadheretomyresolution。”
　　Theavalanchehadshakenandslidalittleforward，butitdidnotyetcrashdown。
　　“Oncemore，whythisrefusal？”heasked。
　　“Formerly，”Ianswered，“becauseyoudidnotloveme;now，Ireply，becauseyoualmosthateme。IfIweretomarryyou，youwouldkillme。Youarekillingmenow。”
　　Hislipsandcheeksturnedwhite—quitewhite。
　　“Ishouldkillyou—Iamkillingyou？Yourwordsaresuchasoughtnottobeused:violent，unfeminine，anduntrue。Theybetrayanunfortunatestateofmind:theymeritseverereproof:theywouldseeminexcusable，butthatitisthedutyofmantoforgivehisfellowevenuntilseventy—and—seventimes。”
　　Ihadfinishedthebusinessnow。Whileearnestlywishingtoerasefromhismindthetraceofmyformeroffence，Ihadstampedonthattenacioussurfaceanotherandfardeeperimpression，Ihadburntitin。
　　“Nowyouwillindeedhateme，”Isaid。“Itisuselesstoattempttoconciliateyou:IseeIhavemadeaneternalenemyofyou。”
　　Afreshwrongdidthesewordsinflict:theworse，becausetheytouchedonthetruth。Thatbloodlesslipquiveredtoatemporaryspasm。IknewthesteelyireIhadwhetted。Iwasheart—wrung。
　　“Youutterlymisinterpretmywords，”Isaid，atonceseizinghishand:“Ihavenointentiontogrieveorpainyou—indeed，Ihavenot。”
　　Mostbitterlyhesmiled—mostdecidedlyhewithdrewhishandfrommine。“Andnowyourecallyourpromise，andwillnotgotoIndiaatall，Ipresume？”saidhe，afteraconsiderablepause。
　　“Yes，Iwill，asyourassistant，”Ianswered。
　　Averylongsilencesucceeded。WhatstruggletherewasinhimbetweenNatureandGraceinthisinterval，Icannottell:onlysingulargleamsscintillatedinhiseyes，andstrangeshadowspassedoverhisface。Hespokeatlast。
　　“Ibeforeprovedtoyoutheabsurdityofasinglewomanofyourageproposingtoaccompanyabroadasinglemanofmine。Iprovedittoyouinsuchtermsas，Ishouldhavethought，wouldhavepreventedyoureveragainalludingtotheplan。Thatyouhavedoneso，Iregret—foryoursake。”
　　Iinterruptedhim。Anythinglikeatangiblereproachgavemecourageatonce。“Keeptocommonsense，St。John:youarevergingonnonsense。YoupretendtobeshockedbywhatIhavesaid。Youarenotreallyshocked:for，withyoursuperiormind，youcannotbeeithersodullorsoconceitedastomisunderstandmymeaning。Isayagain，Iwillbeyourcurate，ifyoulike，butneveryourwife。”
　　Againheturnedlividlypale;but，asbefore，controlledhispassionperfectly。Heansweredemphaticallybutcalmly—
　　“Afemalecurate，whoisnotmywife，wouldneversuitme。Withme，then，itseems，youcannotgo:butifyouaresincereinyouroffer，Iwill，whileintown，speaktoamarriedmissionary，whosewifeneedsacoadjutor。YourownfortunewillmakeyouindependentoftheSociety’said;andthusyoumaystillbesparedthedishonourofbreakingyourpromiseanddesertingthebandyouengagedtojoin。”
　　NowIneverhad，asthereaderknows，eithergivenanyformalpromiseorenteredintoanyengagement;andthislanguagewasallmuchtoohardandmuchtoodespoticfortheoccasion。Ireplied—
　　“Thereisnodishonour，nobreachofpromise，nodesertioninthecase。IamnotundertheslightestobligationtogotoIndia，especiallywithstrangers。WithyouIwouldhaveventuredmuch，becauseIadmire，confidein，and，asasister，Iloveyou;butIamconvincedthat，gowhenandwithwhomIwould，Ishouldnotlivelonginthatclimate。”
　　“Ah！youareafraidofyourself，”hesaid，curlinghislip。
　　“Iam。Goddidnotgivememylifetothrowaway;andtodoasyouwishmewould，Ibegintothink，bealmostequivalenttocommittingsuicide。Moreover，beforeIdefinitivelyresolveonquittingEngland，IwillknowforcertainwhetherIcannotbeofgreaterusebyremaininginitthanbyleavingit。”
　　“Whatdoyoumean？”
　　“Itwouldbefruitlesstoattempttoexplain;butthereisapointonwhichIhavelongenduredpainfuldoubt，andIcangonowheretillbysomemeansthatdoubtisremoved。”
　　“Iknowwhereyourheartturnsandtowhatitclings。Theinterestyoucherishislawlessandunconsecrated。Longsinceyououghttohavecrushedit:nowyoushouldblushtoalludetoit。YouthinkofMr。Rochester？”
　　Itwastrue。Iconfesseditbysilence。
　　“AreyougoingtoseekMr。Rochester？”
　　“Imustfindoutwhatisbecomeofhim。”
　　“Itremainsforme，then，”hesaid，“torememberyouinmyprayers，andtoentreatGodforyou，inallearnestness，thatyoumaynotindeedbecomeacastaway。IhadthoughtIrecognisedinyouoneofthechosen。ButGodseesnotasmansees:Hiswillbedone—”
　　Heopenedthegate，passedthroughit，andstrayedawaydowntheglen。Hewassoonoutofsight。
　　Onre—enteringtheparlour，IfoundDianastandingatthewindow，lookingverythoughtful。DianawasagreatdealtallerthanI:sheputherhandonmyshoulder，and，stooping，examinedmyface。
　　“Jane，”shesaid，“youarealwaysagitatedandpalenow。Iamsurethereissomethingthematter。TellmewhatbusinessSt。Johnandyouhaveonhands。Ihavewatchedyouthishalfhourfromthewindow;youmustforgivemybeingsuchaspy，butforalongtimeIhavefanciedIhardlyknowwhat。St。Johnisastrangebeing—”
　　Shepaused—Ididnotspeak:soonsheresumed—
　　“Thatbrotherofminecherishespeculiarviewsofsomesortrespectingyou，Iamsure:hehaslongdistinguishedyoubyanoticeandinteresthenevershowedtoanyoneelse—towhatend？Iwishhelovedyou—doeshe，Jane？”
　　Iputhercoolhandtomyhotforehead;“No，Die，notonewhit。”
　　“Thenwhydoeshefollowyousowithhiseyes，andgetyousofrequentlyalonewithhim，andkeepyousocontinuallyathisside？MaryandIhadbothconcludedhewishedyoutomarryhim。”
　　“Hedoes—hehasaskedmetobehiswife。”
　　Dianaclappedherhands。“Thatisjustwhatwehopedandthought！Andyouwillmarryhim，Jane，won’tyou？AndthenhewillstayinEngland。”
　　“Farfromthat，Diana;hissoleideainproposingtomeistoprocureafittingfellow—labourerinhisIndiantoils。”
　　“What！HewishesyoutogotoIndia？”
　　“Yes。”
　　“Madness！”sheexclaimed。“Youwouldnotlivethreemonthsthere，Iamcertain。Younevershallgo:youhavenotconsented，haveyou，Jane？”
　　“Ihaverefusedtomarryhim—”
　　“Andhaveconsequentlydispleasedhim？”shesuggested。
　　“Deeply:hewillneverforgiveme，Ifear:yetIofferedtoaccompanyhimashissister。”
　　“Itwasfranticfollytodoso，Jane。Thinkofthetaskyouundertook—oneofincessantfatigue，wherefatiguekillseventhestrong，andyouareweak。St。John—youknowhim—wouldurgeyoutoimpossibilities:withhimtherewouldbenopermissiontorestduringthehothours;andunfortunately，Ihavenoticed，whateverheexacts，youforceyourselftoperform。Iamastonishedyoufoundcouragetorefusehishand。Youdonotlovehimthen，Jane？”
　　“Notasahusband。”
　　“Yetheisahandsomefellow。”
　　“AndIamsoplain，yousee，Die。Weshouldneversuit。”
　　“Plain！You？Notatall。Youaremuchtoopretty，aswellastoogood，tobegrilledaliveinCalcutta。”Andagainsheearnestlyconjuredmetogiveupallthoughtsofgoingoutwithherbrother。
　　“Imustindeed，”Isaid;“forwhenjustnowIrepeatedtheofferofservinghimforadeacon，heexpressedhimselfshockedatmywantofdecency。HeseemedtothinkIhadcommittedanimproprietyinproposingtoaccompanyhimunmarried:asifIhadnotfromthefirsthopedtofindinhimabrother，andhabituallyregardedhimassuch。”
　　“Whatmakesyousayhedoesnotloveyou，Jane？”
　　“Youshouldhearhimselfonthesubject。Hehasagainandagainexplainedthatitisnothimself，buthisofficehewishestomate。HehastoldmeIamformedforlabour—notforlove:whichistrue，nodoubt。But，inmyopinion，ifIamnotformedforlove，itfollowsthatIamnotformedformarriage。Woulditnotbestrange，Die，tobechainedforlifetoamanwhoregardedonebutasausefultool？”
　　“Insupportable—unnatural—outofthequestion！”
　　“Andthen，”Icontinued，“thoughIhaveonlysisterlyaffectionforhimnow，yet，ifforcedtobehiswife，Icanimaginethepossibilityofconceivinganinevitable，strange，torturingkindofloveforhim，becauseheissotalented;andthereisoftenacertainheroicgrandeurinhislook，manner，andconversation。Inthatcase，mylotwouldbecomeunspeakablywretched。Hewouldnotwantmetolovehim;andifIshowedthefeeling，hewouldmakemesensiblethatitwasasuperfluity，unrequiredbyhim，unbecominginme。Iknowhewould。”
　　“AndyetSt。Johnisagoodman，”saidDiana。
　　“Heisagoodandagreatman;butheforgets，pitilessly，thefeelingsandclaimsoflittlepeople，inpursuinghisownlargeviews。Itisbetter，therefore，fortheinsignificanttokeepoutofhisway，lest，inhisprogress，heshouldtramplethemdown。Herehecomes！Iwillleaveyou，Diana。”AndIhastenedupstairsasIsawhimenteringthegarden。
　　ButIwasforcedtomeethimagainatsupper。Duringthatmealheappearedjustascomposedasusual。Ihadthoughthewouldhardlyspeaktome，andIwascertainhehadgivenupthepursuitofhismatrimonialscheme:thesequelshowedIwasmistakenonbothpoints。Headdressedmepreciselyinhisordinarymanner，orwhathad，oflate，beenhisordinarymanner—onescrupulouslypolite。NodoubthehadinvokedthehelpoftheHolySpirittosubduetheangerIhadrousedinhim，andnowbelievedhehadforgivenmeoncemore。
　　Fortheeveningreadingbeforeprayers，heselectedthetwenty—firstchapterofRevelation。ItwasatalltimespleasanttolistenwhilefromhislipsfellthewordsoftheBible:neverdidhisfinevoicesoundatoncesosweetandfull—neverdidhismannerbecomesoimpressiveinitsnoblesimplicity，aswhenhedeliveredtheoraclesofGod:andto—nightthatvoicetookamoresolemntone—thatmanneramorethrillingmeaning—ashesatinthemidstofhishouseholdcircle（theMaymoonshininginthroughtheuncurtainedwindow，andrenderingalmostunnecessarythelightofthecandleonthetable）:ashesatthere，bendingoverthegreatoldBible，anddescribedfromitspagethevisionofthenewheavenandthenewearth—toldhowGodwouldcometodwellwithmen，howHewouldwipeawayalltearsfromtheireyes，andpromisedthatthereshouldbenomoredeath，neithersorrownorcrying，noranymorepain，becausetheformerthingswerepassedaway。
　　Thesucceedingwordsthrilledmestrangelyashespokethem:especiallyasIfelt，bytheslight，indescribablealterationinsound，thatinutteringthem，hiseyehadturnedonme。
　　“Hethatovercomethshallinheritallthings;andIwillbehisGod，andheshallbemyson。But，”wasslowly，distinctlyread，“thefearful，theunbelieving，&c。，shallhavetheirpartinthelakewhichburnethwithfireandbrimstone，whichistheseconddeath。”
　　Henceforward，IknewwhatfateSt。Johnfearedforme。
　　Acalm，subduedtriumph，blentwithalongingearnestness，markedhisenunciationofthelastgloriousversesofthatchapter。ThereaderbelievedhisnamewasalreadywrittenintheLamb’sbookoflife，andheyearnedafterthehourwhichshouldadmithimtothecitytowhichthekingsoftheearthbringtheirgloryandhonour;whichhasnoneedofsunormoontoshineinit，becausethegloryofGodlightensit，andtheLambisthelightthereof。
　　Intheprayerfollowingthechapter，allhisenergygathered—allhissternzealwoke:hewasindeepearnest，wrestlingwithGod，andresolvedonaconquest。Hesupplicatedstrengthfortheweak—hearted;guidanceforwanderersfromthefold:areturn，evenattheeleventhhour，forthosewhomthetemptationsoftheworldandthefleshwereluringfromthenarrowpath。Heasked，heurged，heclaimedtheboonofabrandsnatchedfromtheburning。Earnestnessiseverdeeplysolemn:first，asIlistenedtothatprayer，Iwonderedathis;then，whenitcontinuedandrose，Iwastouchedbyit，andatlastawed。Hefeltthegreatnessandgoodnessofhispurposesosincerely:otherswhoheardhimpleadforit，couldnotbutfeelittoo。
　　Theprayerover，wetookleaveofhim:hewastogoataveryearlyhourinthemorning。DianaandMaryhavingkissedhim，lefttheroom—incompliance，Ithink，withawhisperedhintfromhim:Itenderedmyhand，andwishedhimapleasantjourney。
　　“Thankyou，Jane。AsIsaid，IshallreturnfromCambridgeinafortnight:thatspace，then，isyetleftyouforreflection。IfIlistenedtohumanpride，Ishouldsaynomoretoyouofmarriagewithme;butIlistentomyduty，andkeepsteadilyinviewmyfirstaim—todoallthingstothegloryofGod。MyMasterwaslong—suffering:sowillIbe。Icannotgiveyouuptoperditionasavesselofwrath:repent—resolve，whilethereisyettime。Remember，wearebidtoworkwhileitisday—warnedthat‘thenightcomethwhennomanshallwork。’RememberthefateofDives，whohadhisgoodthingsinthislife。Godgiveyoustrengthtochoosethatbetterpartwhichshallnotbetakenfromyou！”
　　Helaidhishandonmyheadasheutteredthelastwords。Hehadspokenearnestly，mildly:hislookwasnot，indeed，thatofaloverbeholdinghismistress，butitwasthatofapastorrecallinghiswanderingsheep—orbetter，ofaguardianangelwatchingthesoulforwhichheisresponsible。Allmenoftalent，whethertheybemenoffeelingornot;whethertheybezealots，oraspirants，ordespots—providedonlytheybesincere—havetheirsublimemoments，whentheysubdueandrule。IfeltvenerationforSt。John—venerationsostrongthatitsimpetusthrustmeatoncetothepointIhadsolongshunned。Iwastemptedtoceasestrugglingwithhim—torushdownthetorrentofhiswillintothegulfofhisexistence，andtherelosemyown。IwasalmostashardbesetbyhimnowasIhadbeenoncebefore，inadifferentway，byanother。Iwasafoolbothtimes。Tohaveyieldedthenwouldhavebeenanerrorofprinciple;tohaveyieldednowwouldhavebeenanerrorofjudgment。SoIthinkatthishour，whenIlookbacktothecrisisthroughthequietmediumoftime:Iwasunconsciousoffollyattheinstant。
　　Istoodmotionlessundermyhierophant’stouch。Myrefusalswereforgotten—myfearsovercome—mywrestlingsparalysed。TheImpossible—i。e。，mymarriagewithSt。John—wasfastbecomingthePossible。Allwaschangingutterlywithasuddensweep。Religioncalled—Angelsbeckoned—Godcommanded—liferolledtogetherlikeascroll—death’sgatesopening，showedeternitybeyond:itseemed，thatforsafetyandblissthere，allheremightbesacrificedinasecond。Thedimroomwasfullofvisions。
　　“Couldyoudecidenow？”askedthemissionary。Theinquirywasputingentletones:hedrewmetohimasgently。Oh，thatgentleness！howfarmorepotentisitthanforce！IcouldresistSt。John’swrath:Igrewpliantasareedunderhiskindness。YetIknewallthetime，ifIyieldednow，Ishouldnotthelessbemadetorepent，someday，ofmyformerrebellion。Hisnaturewasnotchangedbyonehourofsolemnprayer:itwasonlyelevated。
　　“IcoulddecideifIwerebutcertain，”Ianswered:“wereIbutconvincedthatitisGod’swillIshouldmarryyou，Icouldvowtomarryyouhereandnow—comeafterwardswhatwould！”
　　“MyIprayersareheard！”ejaculatedSt。John。Hepressedhishandfirmeronmyhead，asifheclaimedme:hesurroundedmewithhisarm，almostasifhelovedme（Isayalmost—Iknewthedifference—forIhadfeltwhatitwastobeloved;but，likehim，Ihadnowputloveoutofthequestion，andthoughtonlyofduty）。Icontendedwithmyinwarddimnessofvision，beforewhichcloudsyetrolled。Isincerely，deeply，ferventlylongedtodowhatwasright;andonlythat。“Showme，showmethepath！”IentreatedofHeaven。IwasexcitedmorethanIhadeverbeen;andwhetherwhatfollowedwastheeffectofexcitementthereadershalljudge。
　　Allthehousewasstill;forIbelieveall，exceptSt。Johnandmyself，werenowretiredtorest。Theonecandlewasdyingout:theroomwasfullofmoonlight。Myheartbeatfastandthick:Ihearditsthrob。Suddenlyitstoodstilltoaninexpressiblefeelingthatthrilleditthrough，andpassedatoncetomyheadandextremities。Thefeelingwasnotlikeanelectricshock，butitwasquiteassharp，asstrange，asstartling:itactedonmysensesasiftheirutmostactivityhithertohadbeenbuttorpor，fromwhichtheywerenowsummonedandforcedtowake。Theyroseexpectant:eyeandearwaitedwhilethefleshquiveredonmybones。
　　“Whathaveyouheard？Whatdoyousee？”askedSt。John。Isawnothing，butIheardavoicesomewherecry—
　　“Jane！Jane！Jane！”—nothingmore。
　　“OGod！whatisit？”Igasped。
　　Imighthavesaid，“Whereisit？”foritdidnotseemintheroom—norinthehouse—norinthegarden;itdidnotcomeoutoftheair—norfromundertheearth—norfromoverhead。Ihadheardit—where，orwhence，foreverimpossibletoknow！Anditwasthevoiceofahumanbeing—aknown，loved，well—rememberedvoice—thatofEdwardFairfaxRochester;anditspokeinpainandwoe，wildly，eerily，urgently。
　　“Iamcoming！”Icried。“Waitforme！Oh，Iwillcome！”Iflewtothedoorandlookedintothepassage:itwasdark。Iranoutintothegarden:itwasvoid。
　　“Whereareyou？”Iexclaimed。
　　ThehillsbeyondMarshGlensenttheanswerfaintlyback—“Whereareyou？”Ilistened。Thewindsighedlowinthefirs:allwasmoorlandlonelinessandmidnighthush。
　　“Downsuperstition！”Icommented，asthatspectreroseupblackbytheblackyewatthegate。“Thisisnotthydeception，northywitchcraft:itistheworkofnature。Shewasroused，anddid—nomiracle—butherbest。”
　　IbrokefromSt。John，whohadfollowed，andwouldhavedetainedme。Itwasmytimetoassumeascendency。Mypowerswereinplayandinforce。Itoldhimtoforbearquestionorremark;Idesiredhimtoleaveme:Imustandwouldbealone。Heobeyedatonce。Wherethereisenergytocommandwellenough，obedienceneverfails。Imountedtomychamber;lockedmyselfin;fellonmyknees;andprayedinmyway—adifferentwaytoSt。John’s，buteffectiveinitsownfashion。IseemedtopenetrateverynearaMightySpirit;andmysoulrushedoutingratitudeatHisfeet。Irosefromthethanksgiving—tookaresolve—andlaydown，unscared，enlightened—eagerbutforthedaylight。
　　Chapter36
　　Thedaylightcame。Iroseatdawn。Ibusiedmyselfforanhourortwowitharrangingmythingsinmychamber，drawers，andwardrobe，intheorderwhereinIshouldwishtoleavethemduringabriefabsence。Meantime，IheardSt。Johnquithisroom。Hestoppedatmydoor:Ifearedhewouldknock—no，butaslipofpaperwaspassedunderthedoor。Itookitup。Itborethesewords—
　　“Youleftmetoosuddenlylastnight。Hadyoustayedbutalittlelonger，youwouldhavelaidyourhandontheChristian’scrossandtheangel’scrown。IshallexpectyourcleardecisionwhenIreturnthisdayfortnight。Meantime，watchandpraythatyouenternotintotemptation:thespirit，Itrust，iswilling，buttheflesh，Isee，isweak。Ishallprayforyouhourly。—Yours，ST。JOHN。”
　　“Myspirit，”Iansweredmentally，“iswillingtodowhatisright;andmyflesh，Ihope，isstrongenoughtoaccomplishthewillofHeaven，whenoncethatwillisdistinctlyknowntome。Atanyrate，itshallbestrongenoughtosearch—inquire—togropeanoutletfromthiscloudofdoubt，andfindtheopendayofcertainty。”
　　ItwasthefirstofJune;yetthemorningwasovercastandchilly:rainbeatfastonmycasement。Iheardthefront—dooropen，andSt。Johnpassout。Lookingthroughthewindow，Isawhimtraversethegarden。HetookthewayoverthemistymoorsinthedirectionofWhitcross—therehewouldmeetthecoach。
　　“InafewmorehoursIshallsucceedyouinthattrack，cousin，”thoughtI:“ItoohaveacoachtomeetatWhitcross。ItoohavesometoseeandaskafterinEngland，beforeIdepartforever。”
　　Itwantedyettwohoursofbreakfast—time。Ifilledtheintervalinwalkingsoftlyaboutmyroom，andponderingthevisitationwhichhadgivenmyplanstheirpresentbent。IrecalledthatinwardsensationIhadexperienced:forIcouldrecallit，withallitsunspeakablestrangeness。IrecalledthevoiceIhadheard;againIquestionedwhenceitcame，asvainlyasbefore:itseemedinme—notintheexternalworld。Iaskedwasitamerenervousimpression—adelusion？Icouldnotconceiveorbelieve:itwasmorelikeaninspiration。ThewondrousshockoffeelinghadcomeliketheearthquakewhichshookthefoundationsofPaulandSilas’sprison;ithadopenedthedoorsofthesoul’scellandlooseditsbands—ithadwakeneditoutofitssleep，whenceitsprangtrembling，listening，aghast;thenvibratedthriceacryonmystartledear，andinmyquakingheartandthroughmyspirit，whichneitherfearednorshook，butexultedasifinjoyoverthesuccessofoneeffortithadbeenprivilegedtomake，independentofthecumbrousbody。
　　“Eremanydays，”Isaid，asIterminatedmymusings，“Iwillknowsomethingofhimwhosevoiceseemedlastnighttosummonme。Lettershaveprovedofnoavail—personalinquiryshallreplacethem。”
　　AtbreakfastIannouncedtoDianaandMarythatIwasgoingajourney，andshouldbeabsentatleastfourdays。
　　“Alone，Jane？”theyasked。
　　“Yes;itwastoseeorhearnewsofafriendaboutwhomIhadforsometimebeenuneasy。”
　　Theymighthavesaid，asIhavenodoubttheythought，thattheyhadbelievedmetobewithoutanyfriendssavethem:for，indeed，Ihadoftensaidso;but，withtheirtruenaturaldelicacy，theyabstainedfromcomment，exceptthatDianaaskedmeifIwassureIwaswellenoughtotravel。Ilookedverypale，sheobserved。Ireplied，thatnothingailedmesaveanxietyofmind，whichIhopedsoontoalleviate。
　　Itwaseasytomakemyfurtherarrangements;forIwastroubledwithnoinquiries—nosurmises。HavingonceexplainedtothemthatIcouldnotnowbeexplicitaboutmyplans，theykindlyandwiselyacquiescedinthesilencewithwhichIpursuedthem，accordingtometheprivilegeoffreeactionIshouldundersimilarcircumstanceshaveaccordedthem。