OldMr。Rivers,shesaid,wasaplainmanenough,butagentleman,andofasancientafamilyascouldbefound。MarshEndhadbelongedtotheRiverseversinceitwasahouse:anditwas,sheaffirmed,“aboontwohundredyearold—forallitlookedbutasmall,humbleplace,naughttocomparewi’Mr。Oliver’sgrandhalldowni’MortonVale。ButshecouldrememberBillOliver’sfatherajourneymanneedlemaker;andth’Riversworgentryi’th’owddayso’th’Henrys,asonybodymightseebylookingintoth’registersi’MortonChurchvestry。”Still,sheallowed,“theowdmaisterwaslikeotherfolk—naughtmichouto’t’commonway:starkmado’shooting,andfarming,andsichlike。”Themistresswasdifferent。Shewasagreatreader,andstudiedadeal;andthe“bairns”hadtakenafterher。Therewasnothinglikethemintheseparts,noreverhadbeen;theyhadlikedlearning,allthree,almostfromthetimetheycouldspeak;andtheyhadalwaysbeen“ofamak’oftheirown。”Mr。St。John,whenhegrewup,wouldgotocollegeandbeaparson;andthegirls,assoonastheyleftschool,wouldseekplacesasgovernesses:fortheyhadtoldhertheirfatherhadsomeyearsagolostagreatdealofmoneybyamanhehadtrustedturningbankrupt;andashewasnownotrichenoughtogivethemfortunes,theymustprovideforthemselves。Theyhadlivedverylittleathomeforalongwhile,andwereonlycomenowtostayafewweeksonaccountoftheirfather’sdeath;buttheydidsolikeMarshEndandMorton,andallthesemoorsandhillsabout。TheyhadbeeninLondon,andmanyothergrandtowns;buttheyalwayssaidtherewasnoplacelikehome;andthentheyweresoagreeablewitheachother—neverfelloutnor“threaped。”Shedidnotknowwheretherewassuchafamilyforbeingunited。
Havingfinishedmytaskofgooseberrypicking,Iaskedwherethetwoladiesandtheirbrotherwerenow。
“GoneovertoMortonforawalk;buttheywouldbebackinhalf—an—hourtotea。”
TheyreturnedwithinthetimeHannahhadallottedthem:theyenteredbythekitchendoor。Mr。St。John,whenhesawme,merelybowedandpassedthrough;thetwoladiesstopped:Mary,inafewwords,kindlyandcalmlyexpressedthepleasureshefeltinseeingmewellenoughtobeabletocomedown;Dianatookmyhand:sheshookherheadatme。
“Youshouldhavewaitedformyleavetodescend,”shesaid。“Youstilllookverypale—andsothin!Poorchild!—poorgirl!”
Dianahadavoicetoned,tomyear,likethecooingofadove。ShepossessedeyeswhosegazeIdelightedtoencounter。Herwholefaceseemedtomefillofcharm。Mary’scountenancewasequallyintelligent—herfeaturesequallypretty;butherexpressionwasmorereserved,andhermanners,thoughgentle,moredistant。Dianalookedandspokewithacertainauthority:shehadawill,evidently。Itwasmynaturetofeelpleasureinyieldingtoanauthoritysupportedlikehers,andtobend,wheremyconscienceandself—respectpermitted,toanactivewill。
“Andwhatbusinesshaveyouhere?”shecontinued。“Itisnotyourplace。MaryandIsitinthekitchensometimes,becauseathomeweliketobefree,eventolicense—butyouareavisitor,andmustgointotheparlour。”
“Iamverywellhere。”
“Notatall,withHannahbustlingaboutandcoveringyouwithflour。”
“Besides,thefireistoohotforyou,”interposedMary。
“Tobesure,”addedhersister。“Come,youmustbeobedient。”Andstillholdingmyhandshemademerise,andledmeintotheinnerroom。
“Sitthere,”shesaid,placingmeonthesofa,“whilewetakeourthingsoffandgettheteaready;itisanotherprivilegeweexerciseinourlittlemoorlandhome—toprepareourownmealswhenwearesoinclined,orwhenHannahisbaking,brewing,washing,orironing。”
Sheclosedthedoor,leavingmesoluswithMr。St。John,whosatopposite,abookornewspaperinhishand。Iexaminedfirst,theparlour,andthenitsoccupant。
Theparlourwasratherasmallroom,veryplainlyfurnished,yetcomfortable,becausecleanandneat。Theold—fashionedchairswereverybright,andthewalnut—woodtablewaslikealooking—glass。Afewstrange,antiqueportraitsofthemenandwomenofotherdaysdecoratedthestainedwalls;acupboardwithglassdoorscontainedsomebooksandanancientsetofchina。Therewasnosuperfluousornamentintheroom—notonemodernpieceoffurniture,saveabraceofworkboxesandalady’sdeskinrosewood,whichstoodonaside—table:everything—includingthecarpetandcurtains—lookedatoncewellwornandwellsaved。
Mr。St。John—sittingasstillasoneofthedustypicturesonthewalls,keepinghiseyesfixedonthepageheperused,andhislipsmutelysealed—waseasyenoughtoexamine。Hadhebeenastatueinsteadofaman,hecouldnothavebeeneasier。Hewasyoung—perhapsfromtwenty—eighttothirty—tall,slender;hisfacerivetedtheeye;itwaslikeaGreekface,verypureinoutline:quiteastraight,classicnose;quiteanAthenianmouthandchin。Itisseldom,indeed,anEnglishfacecomessoneartheantiquemodelsasdidhis。Hemightwellbealittleshockedattheirregularityofmylineaments,hisownbeingsoharmonious。Hiseyeswerelargeandblue,withbrownlashes;hishighforehead,colourlessasivory,waspartiallystreakedoverbycarelesslocksoffairhair。
Thisisagentledelineation,isitnot,reader?Yethewhomitdescribesscarcelyimpressedonewiththeideaofagentle,ayielding,animpressible,orevenofaplacidnature。Quiescentashenowsat,therewassomethingabouthisnostril,hismouth,hisbrow,which,tomyperceptions,indicatedelementswithineitherrestless,orhard,oreager。Hedidnotspeaktomeoneword,norevendirecttomeoneglance,tillhissistersreturned。Diana,asshepassedinandout,inthecourseofpreparingtea,broughtmealittlecake,bakedonthetopoftheoven。
“Eatthatnow,”shesaid:“youmustbehungry。Hannahsaysyouhavehadnothingbutsomegruelsincebreakfast。”
Ididnotrefuseit,formyappetitewasawakenedandkeen。Mr。Riversnowclosedhisbook,approachedthetable,and,ashetookaseat,fixedhisbluepictorial—lookingeyesfullonme。Therewasanunceremoniousdirectness,asearching,decidedsteadfastnessinhisgazenow,whichtoldthatintention,andnotdiffidence,hadhithertokeptitavertedfromthestranger。
“Youareveryhungry,”hesaid。
“Iam,sir。”Itismyway—italwayswasmyway,byinstinct—evertomeetthebriefwithbrevity,thedirectwithplainness。
“Itiswellforyouthatalowfeverhasforcedyoutoabstainforthelastthreedays:therewouldhavebeendangerinyieldingtothecravingsofyourappetiteatfirst。Nowyoumayeat,thoughstillnotimmoderately。”
“ItrustIshallnoteatlongatyourexpense,sir,”wasmyveryclumsily—contrived,unpolishedanswer。
“No,”hesaidcoolly:“whenyouhaveindicatedtoustheresidenceofyourfriends,wecanwritetothem,andyoumayberestoredtohome。”
“That,Imustplainlytellyou,isoutofmypowertodo;beingabsolutelywithouthomeandfriends。”
Thethreelookedatme,butnotdistrustfully;Ifelttherewasnosuspicionintheirglances:therewasmoreofcuriosity。Ispeakparticularlyoftheyoungladies。St。John’seyes,thoughclearenoughinaliteralsense,inafigurativeoneweredifficulttofathom。Heseemedtousethemratherasinstrumentstosearchotherpeople’sthoughts,thanasagentstorevealhisown:thewhichcombinationofkeennessandreservewasconsiderablymorecalculatedtoembarrassthantoencourage。
“Doyoumeantosay,”heasked,“thatyouarecompletelyisolatedfromeveryconnection?”
“Ido。Notatielinksmetoanylivingthing:notaclaimdoIpossesstoadmittanceunderanyroofinEngland。”
“Amostsingularpositionatyourage!”
HereIsawhisglancedirectedtomyhands,whichwerefoldedonthetablebeforeme。Iwonderedwhathesoughtthere:hiswordssoonexplainedthequest。
“Youhaveneverbeenmarried?Youareaspinster?”
Dianalaughed。“Why,shecan’theaboveseventeenoreighteenyearsold,St。John,”saidshe。
“Iamnearnineteen:butIamnotmarried。No。”
Ifeltaburningglowmounttomyface;forbitterandagitatingrecollectionswereawakenedbytheallusiontomarriage。Theyallsawtheembarrassmentandtheemotion。DianaandMaryrelievedmebyturningtheireyeselsewherethantomycrimsonedvisage;butthecolderandsternerbrothercontinuedtogaze,tillthetroublehehadexcitedforcedouttearsaswellascolour。
“Wheredidyoulastreside?”henowasked。
“Youaretooinquisitive,St。John,”murmuredMaryinalowvoice;butheleanedoverthetableandrequiredananswerbyasecondfirmandpiercinglook。
“Thenameoftheplacewhere,andofthepersonwithwhomIlived,ismysecret,”Irepliedconcisely。
“Which,ifyoulike,youhave,inmyopinion,arighttokeep,bothfromSt。Johnandeveryotherquestioner,”remarkedDiana。
“YetifIknownothingaboutyouoryourhistory,Icannothelpyou,”hesaid。“Andyouneedhelp,doyounot?”
“Ineedit,andIseekitsofar,sir,thatsometruephilanthropistwillputmeinthewayofgettingworkwhichIcando,andtheremunerationforwhichwillkeepme,ifbutinthebarestnecessariesoflife。”
“IknownotwhetherIamatruephilanthropist;yetIamwillingtoaidyoutotheutmostofmypowerinapurposesohonest。First,then,tellmewhatyouhavebeenaccustomedtodo,andwhatyoucando。”
Ihadnowswallowedmytea。Iwasmightilyrefreshedbythebeverage;asmuchsoasagiantwithwine:itgavenewtonetomyunstrungnerves,andenabledmetoaddressthispenetratingyoungjudgesteadily。
“Mr。Rivers,”Isaid,turningtohim,andlookingathim,ashelookedatme,openlyandwithoutdiffidence,“youandyoursistershavedonemeagreatservice—thegreatestmancandohisfellow—being;youhaverescuedme,byyournoblehospitality,fromdeath。Thisbenefitconferredgivesyouanunlimitedclaimonmygratitude,andaclaim,toacertainextent,onmyconfidence。Iwilltellyouasmuchofthehistoryofthewandereryouhaveharboured,asIcantellwithoutcompromisingmyownpeaceofmind—myownsecurity,moralandphysical,andthatofothers。
“Iamanorphan,thedaughterofaclergyman。MyparentsdiedbeforeIcouldknowthem。Iwasbroughtupadependant;educatedinacharitableinstitution。Iwilleventellyouthenameoftheestablishment,whereIpassedsixyearsasapupil,andtwoasateacher—LowoodOrphanAsylum,—shire:youwillhaveheardofit,Mr。Rivers?—theRev。RobertBrocklehurstisthetreasurer。”
“IhaveheardofMr。Brocklehurst,andIhaveseentheschool。”
“IleftLowoodnearlyayearsincetobecomeaprivategoverness。Iobtainedagoodsituation,andwashappy。ThisplaceIwasobligedtoleavefourdaysbeforeIcamehere。ThereasonofmydepartureIcannotandoughtnottoexplain:itwouldbeuseless,dangerous,andwouldsoundincredible。Noblameattachedtome:Iamasfreefromculpabilityasanyoneofyouthree。MiserableIam,andmustbeforatime;forthecatastrophewhichdrovemefromahouseIhadfoundaparadisewasofastrangeanddirefulnature。Iobservedbuttwopointsinplanningmydeparture—speed,secrecy:tosecurethese,IhadtoleavebehindmeeverythingIpossessedexceptasmallparcel;which,inmyhurryandtroubleofmind,IforgottotakeoutofthecoachthatbroughtmetoWhitcross。Tothisneighbourhood,then,Icame,quitedestitute。Islepttwonightsintheopenair,andwanderedabouttwodayswithoutcrossingathreshold:buttwiceinthatspaceoftimedidItastefood;anditwaswhenbroughtbyhunger,exhaustion,anddespairalmosttothelastgasp,thatyou,Mr。Rivers,forbademetoperishofwantatyourdoor,andtookmeundertheshelterofyourroof。Iknowallyoursistershavedoneformesince—forIhavenotbeeninsensibleduringmyseemingtorpor—andIowetotheirspontaneous,genuine,genialcompassionaslargeadebtastoyourevangelicalcharity。”
“Don’tmakehertalkanymorenow,St。John,”saidDiana,asIpaused;“sheisevidentlynotyetfitforexcitement。Cometothesofaandsitdownnow,MissElliott。”
Igaveaninvoluntaryhalfstartathearingthealias:Ihadforgottenmynewname。Mr。Rivers,whomnothingseemedtoescape,noticeditatonce。
“YousaidyournamewasJaneElliott?”heobserved。
“Ididsayso;anditisthenamebywhichIthinkitexpedienttobecalledatpresent,butitisnotmyrealname,andwhenIhearit,itsoundsstrangetome。”
“Yourrealnameyouwillnotgive?”
“No:Ifeardiscoveryaboveallthings;andwhateverdisclosurewouldleadtoit,Iavoid。”
“Youarequiteright,Iamsure,”saidDiana。“Nowdo,brother,letherbeatpeaceawhile。”
ButwhenSt。Johnhadmusedafewmomentsherecommencedasimperturbablyandwithasmuchacumenasever。
“Youwouldnotliketobelongdependentonourhospitality—youwouldwish,Isee,todispenseassoonasmaybewithmysisters’compassion,and,aboveall,withmycharity(Iamquitesensibleofthedistinctiondrawn,nordoIresentit—itisjust):youdesiretobeindependentofus?”
“Ido:Ihavealreadysaidso。Showmehowtowork,orhowtoseekwork:thatisallInowask;thenletmego,ifitbebuttothemeanestcottage;buttillthen,allowmetostayhere:Idreadanotheressayofthehorrorsofhomelessdestitution。”
“Indeedyoushallstayhere,”saidDiana,puttingherwhitehandonmyhead。“Youshall,”repeatedMary,inthetoneofundemonstrativesinceritywhichseemednaturaltoher。
“Mysisters,yousee,haveapleasureinkeepingyou,”saidMr。St。John,“astheywouldhaveapleasureinkeepingandcherishingahalf—frozenbird,somewintrywindmighthavedriventhroughtheircasement。Ifeelmoreinclinationtoputyouinthewayofkeepingyourself,andshallendeavourtodoso;butobserve,mysphereisnarrow。Iambuttheincumbentofapoorcountryparish:myaidmustbeofthehumblestsort。Andifyouareinclinedtodespisethedayofsmallthings,seeksomemoreefficientsuccourthansuchasIcanoffer。”
“Shehasalreadysaidthatsheiswillingtodoanythinghonestshecando,”answeredDianaforme;“andyouknow,St。John,shehasnochoiceofhelpers:sheisforcedtoputupwithsuchcrustypeopleasyou。”
“Iwillbeadressmaker;Iwillbeaplain—workwoman;Iwillbeaservant,anurse—girl,ifIcanbenobetter,”Ianswered。
“Right,”saidMr。St。John,quitecoolly。“Ifsuchisyourspirit,Ipromisetoaidyou,inmyowntimeandway。”
Henowresumedthebookwithwhichhehadbeenoccupiedbeforetea。Isoonwithdrew,forIhadtalkedasmuch,andsatupaslong,asmypresentstrengthwouldpermit。
Chapter30
ThemoreIknewoftheinmatesofMoorHouse,thebetterIlikedthem。InafewdaysIhadsofarrecoveredmyhealththatIcouldsitupallday,andwalkoutsometimes。IcouldjoinwithDianaandMaryinalltheiroccupations;conversewiththemasmuchastheywished,andaidthemwhenandwheretheywouldallowme。Therewasarevivingpleasureinthisintercourse,ofakindnowtastedbymeforthefirsttime—thepleasurearisingfromperfectcongenialityoftastes,sentiments,andprinciples。
Ilikedtoreadwhattheylikedtoread:whattheyenjoyed,delightedme;whattheyapproved,Ireverenced。Theylovedtheirsequesteredhome。I,too,inthegrey,small,antiquestructure,withitslowroof,itslatticedcasements,itsmoulderingwalls,itsavenueofagedfirs—allgrownaslantunderthestressofmountainwinds;itsgarden,darkwithyewandholly—andwherenoflowersbutofthehardiestspecieswouldbloom—foundacharmbothpotentandpermanent。Theyclungtothepurplemoorsbehindandaroundtheirdwelling—tothehollowvaleintowhichthepebblybridle—pathleadingfromtheirgatedescended,andwhichwoundbetweenfern—banksfirst,andthenamongstafewofthewildestlittlepasture—fieldsthateverborderedawildernessofheath,orgavesustenancetoaflockofgreymoorlandsheep,withtheirlittlemossy—facedlambs:—theyclungtothisscene,Isay,withaperfectenthusiasmofattachment。Icouldcomprehendthefeeling,andsharebothitsstrengthandtruth。Isawthefascinationofthelocality。Ifelttheconsecrationofitsloneliness:myeyefeastedontheoutlineofswellandsweep—onthewildcolouringcommunicatedtoridgeanddellbymoss,byheath—bell,byflower—sprinkledturf,bybrilliantbracken,andmellowgranitecrag。Thesedetailswerejusttomewhattheyweretothem—somanypureandsweetsourcesofpleasure。Thestrongblastandthesoftbreeze;theroughandthehalcyonday;thehoursofsunriseandsunset;themoonlightandthecloudednight,developedforme,intheseregions,thesameattractionasforthem—woundroundmyfacultiesthesamespellthatentrancedtheirs。
Indoorsweagreedequallywell。TheywerebothmoreaccomplishedandbetterreadthanIwas;butwitheagernessIfollowedinthepathofknowledgetheyhadtroddenbeforeme。Idevouredthebookstheylentme:thenitwasfullsatisfactiontodiscusswiththemintheeveningwhatIhadperusedduringtheday。Thoughtfittedthought;opinionmetopinion:wecoincided,inshort,perfectly。
Ifinourtriotherewasasuperiorandaleader,itwasDiana。Physically,shefarexcelledme:shewashandsome;shewasvigorous。Inheranimalspiritstherewasanaffluenceoflifeandcertaintyofflow,suchasexcitedmywonder,whileitbaffledmycomprehension。Icouldtalkawhilewhentheeveningcommenced,butthefirstgushofvivacityandfluencygone,IwasfaintositonastoolatDiana’sfeet,torestmyheadonherknee,andlistenalternatelytoherandMary,whiletheysoundedthoroughlythetopiconwhichIhadbuttouched。DianaofferedtoteachmeGerman。Ilikedtolearnofher:Isawthepartofinstructresspleasedandsuitedher;thatofscholarpleasedandsuitedmenoless。Ournaturesdovetailed:mutualaffection—ofthestrongestkind—wastheresult。TheydiscoveredIcoulddraw:theirpencilsandcolour—boxeswereimmediatelyatmyservice。Myskill,greaterinthisonepointthantheirs,surprisedandcharmedthem。Marywouldsitandwatchmebythehourtogether:thenshewouldtakelessons;andadocile,intelligent,assiduouspupilshemade。Thusoccupied,andmutuallyentertained,dayspassedlikehours,andweekslikedays。
AstoMr。StJohn,theintimacywhichhadarisensonaturallyandrapidlybetweenmeandhissistersdidnotextendtohim。Onereasonofthedistanceyetobservedbetweenuswas,thathewascomparativelyseldomathome:alargeproportionofhistimeappeareddevotedtovisitingthesickandpooramongthescatteredpopulationofhisparish。
Noweatherseemedtohinderhiminthesepastoralexcursions:rainorfair,hewould,whenhishoursofmorningstudywereover,takehishat,and,followedbyhisfather’soldpointer,Carlo,gooutonhismissionofloveorduty—Iscarcelyknowinwhichlightheregardedit。Sometimes,whenthedaywasveryunfavourable,hissisterswouldexpostulate。Hewouldthensay,withapeculiarsmile,moresolemnthancheerful—
“AndifIletagustofwindorasprinklingofrainturnmeasidefromtheseeasytasks,whatpreparationwouldsuchslothbeforthefutureIproposetomyself?”
DianaandMary’sgeneralanswertothisquestionwasasigh,andsomeminutesofapparentlymournfulmeditation。
Butbesideshisfrequentabsences,therewasanotherbarriertofriendshipwithhim:heseemedofareserved,anabstracted,andevenofabroodingnature。Zealousinhisministeriallabours,blamelessinhislifeandhabits,heyetdidnotappeartoenjoythatmentalserenity,thatinwardcontent,whichshouldbetherewardofeverysincereChristianandpracticalphilanthropist。Often,ofanevening,whenhesatatthewindow,hisdeskandpapersbeforehim,hewouldceasereadingorwriting,resthischinonhishand,anddeliverhimselfuptoIknownotwhatcourseofthought;butthatitwasperturbedandexcitingmightbeseeninthefrequentflashandchangefuldilationofhiseye。
Ithink,moreover,thatNaturewasnottohimthattreasuryofdelightitwastohissisters。Heexpressedonce,andbutonceinmyhearing,astrongsenseoftheruggedcharmofthehills,andaninbornaffectionforthedarkroofandhoarywallshecalledhishome;buttherewasmoreofgloomthanpleasureinthetoneandwordsinwhichthesentimentwasmanifested;andneverdidheseemtoroamthemoorsforthesakeoftheirsoothingsilence—neverseekoutordwelluponthethousandpeacefuldelightstheycouldyield。
Incommunicativeashewas,sometimeelapsedbeforeIhadanopportunityofgauginghismind。IfirstgotanideaofitscalibrewhenIheardhimpreachinhisownchurchatMorton。IwishIcoulddescribethatsermon:butitispastmypower。Icannotevenrenderfaithfullytheeffectitproducedonme。
Itbegancalm—andindeed,asfarasdeliveryandpitchofvoicewent,itwascalmtotheend:anearnestlyfelt,yetstrictlyrestrainedzealbreathedsooninthedistinctaccents,andpromptedthenervouslanguage。Thisgrewtoforce—compressed,condensed,controlled。Theheartwasthrilled,themindastonished,bythepowerofthepreacher:neitherweresoftened。Throughouttherewasastrangebitterness;anabsenceofconsolatorygentleness;sternallusionstoCalvinisticdoctrines—election,predestination,reprobation—werefrequent;andeachreferencetothesepointssoundedlikeasentencepronouncedfordoom。Whenhehaddone,insteadoffeelingbetter,calmer,moreenlightenedbyhisdiscourse,Iexperiencedaninexpressiblesadness;foritseemedtome—Iknownotwhetherequallysotoothers—thattheeloquencetowhichIhadbeenlisteninghadsprungfromadepthwherelayturbiddregsofdisappointment—wheremovedtroublingimpulsesofinsatiateyearningsanddisquietingaspirations。IwassureSt。JohnRivers—pure—lived,conscientious,zealousashewas—hadnotyetfoundthatpeaceofGodwhichpassethallunderstanding:hehadnomorefoundit,Ithought,thanhadIwithmyconcealedandrackingregretsformybrokenidolandlostelysium—regretstowhichIhavelatterlyavoidedreferring,butwhichpossessedmeandtyrannisedovermeruthlessly。
Meantimeamonthwasgone。DianaandMaryweresoontoleaveMoorHouse,andreturntothefardifferentlifeandscenewhichawaitedthem,asgovernessesinalarge,fashionable,south—of—Englandcity,whereeachheldasituationinfamiliesbywhosewealthyandhaughtymemberstheywereregardedonlyashumbledependants,andwhoneitherknewnorsoughtouttheirinnateexcellences,andappreciatedonlytheiracquiredaccomplishmentsastheyappreciatedtheskilloftheircookorthetasteoftheirwaiting—woman。Mr。St。Johnhadsaidnothingtomeyetabouttheemploymenthehadpromisedtoobtainforme;yetitbecameurgentthatIshouldhaveavocationofsomekind。Onemorning,beingleftalonewithhimafewminutesintheparlour,Iventuredtoapproachthewindow—recess—whichhistable,chair,anddeskconsecratedasakindofstudy—andIwasgoingtospeak,thoughnotverywellknowinginwhatwordstoframemyinquiry—foritisatalltimesdifficulttobreaktheiceofreserveglassingoversuchnaturesashis—whenhesavedmethetroublebybeingthefirsttocommenceadialogue。
LookingupasIdrewnear—“Youhaveaquestiontoaskofme?”hesaid。
“Yes;IwishtoknowwhetheryouhaveheardofanyserviceIcanoffermyselftoundertake?”
“Ifoundordevisedsomethingforyouthreeweeksago;butasyouseemedbothusefulandhappyhere—asmysistershadevidentlybecomeattachedtoyou,andyoursocietygavethemunusualpleasure—IdeemeditinexpedienttobreakinonyourmutualcomforttilltheirapproachingdeparturefromMarshEndshouldrenderyoursnecessary。”
“Andtheywillgointhreedaysnow?”Isaid。
“Yes;andwhentheygo,IshallreturntotheparsonageatMorton:Hannahwillaccompanyme;andthisoldhousewillbeshutup。”
Iwaitedafewmoments,expectinghewouldgoonwiththesubjectfirstbroached:butheseemedtohaveenteredanothertrainofreflection:hislookdenotedabstractionfrommeandmybusiness。Iwasobligedtorecallhimtoathemewhichwasofnecessityoneofcloseandanxiousinteresttome。
“Whatistheemploymentyouhadinview,Mr。Rivers?Ihopethisdelaywillnothaveincreasedthedifficultyofsecuringit。”
“Oh,no;sinceitisinemploymentwhichdependsonlyonmetogive,andyoutoaccept。”
Heagainpaused:thereseemedareluctancetocontinue。Igrewimpatient:arestlessmovementortwo,andaneagerandexactingglancefastenedonhisface,conveyedthefeelingtohimaseffectuallyaswordscouldhavedone,andwithlesstrouble。
“Youneedbeinnohurrytohear,”hesaid:“letmefranklytellyou,Ihavenothingeligibleorprofitabletosuggest。BeforeIexplain,recall,ifyouplease,mynotice,clearlygiven,thatifIhelpedyou,itmustbeastheblindmanwouldhelpthelame。Iampoor;forIfindthat,whenIhavepaidmyfather’sdebts,allthepatrimonyremainingtomewillbethiscrumblinggrange,therowofscathedfirsbehind,andthepatchofmoorishsoil,withtheyew—treesandholly—bushesinfront。Iamobscure:Riversisanoldname;butofthethreesoledescendantsoftherace,twoearnthedependant’scrustamongstrangers,andthethirdconsidershimselfanalienfromhisnativecountry—notonlyforlife,butindeath。Yes,anddeems,andisboundtodeem,himselfhonouredbythelot,andaspiresbutafterthedaywhenthecrossofseparationfromfleshlytiesshallbelaidonhisshoulders,andwhentheHeadofthatchurch—militantofwhosehumblestmembersheisone,shallgivetheword,‘Rise,followMe!’”
St。Johnsaidthesewordsashepronouncedhissermons,withaquiet,deepvoice;withanunflushedcheek,andacoruscatingradianceofglance。Heresumed—
“AndsinceIammyselfpoorandobscure,Icanofferyoubutaserviceofpovertyandobscurity。Youmayeventhinkitdegrading—forIseenowyourhabitshavebeenwhattheworldcallsrefined:yourtastesleantotheideal,andyoursocietyhasatleastbeenamongsttheeducated;butIconsiderthatnoservicedegradeswhichcanbetterourrace。IholdthatthemorearidandunreclaimedthesoilwheretheChristianlabourer’staskoftillageisappointedhim—thescantierthemeedhistoilbrings—thehigherthehonour。His,undersuchcircumstances,isthedestinyofthepioneer;andthefirstpioneersoftheGospelweretheApostles—theircaptainwasJesus,theRedeemer,Himself。”
“Well?”Isaid,asheagainpaused—“proceed。”
Helookedatmebeforeheproceeded:indeed,heseemedleisurelytoreadmyface,asifitsfeaturesandlineswerecharactersonapage。Theconclusionsdrawnfromthisscrutinyhepartiallyexpressedinhissucceedingobservations。
“IbelieveyouwillacceptthepostIofferyou,”saidhe,“andholditforawhile:notpermanently,though:anymorethanIcouldpermanentlykeepthenarrowandnarrowing—thetranquil,hiddenofficeofEnglishcountryincumbent;forinyournatureisanalloyasdetrimentaltoreposeasthatinmine,thoughofadifferentkind。”
“Doexplain,”Iurged,whenhehaltedoncemore。
“Iwill;andyoushallhearhowpoortheproposalis,—howtrivial—howcramping。IshallnotstaylongatMorton,nowthatmyfatherisdead,andthatIammyownmaster。Ishallleavetheplaceprobablyinthecourseofatwelve—month;butwhileIdostay,Iwillexertmyselftotheutmostforitsimprovement。Morton,whenIcametoittwoyearsago,hadnoschool:thechildrenofthepoorwereexcludedfromeveryhopeofprogress。Iestablishedoneforboys:Imeannowtoopenasecondschoolforgirls。Ihavehiredabuildingforthepurpose,withacottageoftworoomsattachedtoitforthemistress’shouse。Hersalarywillbethirtypoundsayear:herhouseisalreadyfurnished,verysimply,butsufficiently,bythekindnessofalady,MissOliver;theonlydaughterofthesolerichmaninmyparish—Mr。Oliver,theproprietorofaneedle—factoryandiron—foundryinthevalley。Thesameladypaysfortheeducationandclothingofanorphanfromtheworkhouse,onconditionthatsheshallaidthemistressinsuchmenialofficesconnectedwithherownhouseandtheschoolasheroccupationofteachingwillpreventherhavingtimetodischargeinperson。Willyoubethismistress?”
Heputthequestionratherhurriedly;heseemedhalftoexpectanindignant,oratleastadisdainfulrejectionoftheoffer:notknowingallmythoughtsandfeelings,thoughguessingsome,hecouldnottellinwhatlightthelotwouldappeartome。Intruthitwashumble—butthenitwassheltered,andIwantedasafeasylum:itwasplodding—butthen,comparedwiththatofagovernessinarichhouse,itwasindependent;andthefearofservitudewithstrangersenteredmysoullikeiron:itwasnotignoble—notunworthy—notmentallydegrading,Imademydecision。
“Ithankyoufortheproposal,Mr。Rivers,andIacceptitwithallmyheart。”
“Butyoucomprehendme?”hesaid。“Itisavillageschool:yourscholarswillbeonlypoorgirls—cottagers’children—atthebest,farmers’daughters。Knitting,sewing,reading,writing,ciphering,willbeallyouwillhavetoteach。Whatwillyoudowithyouraccomplishments?What,withthelargestportionofyourmind—sentiments—tastes?”
“Savethemtilltheyarewanted。Theywillkeep。”
“Youknowwhatyouundertake,then?”
“Ido。”
Henowsmiled:andnotabitterorasadsmile,butonewellpleasedanddeeplygratified。
“Andwhenwillyoucommencetheexerciseofyourfunction?”
“Iwillgotomyhouseto—morrow,andopentheschool,ifyoulike,nextweek。”
“Verywell:sobeit。”
Heroseandwalkedthroughtheroom。Standingstill,heagainlookedatme。Heshookhishead。
“Whatdoyoudisapproveof,Mr。Rivers?”Iasked。
“YouwillnotstayatMortonlong:no,no!”
“Why?Whatisyourreasonforsayingso?”
“Ireaditinyoureye;itisnotofthatdescriptionwhichpromisesthemaintenanceofaneventenorinlife。”
“Iamnotambitious。”
Hestartedattheword“ambitious。”Herepeated,“No。Whatmadeyouthinkofambition?Whoisambitious?IknowIam:buthowdidyoufinditout?”
“Iwasspeakingofmyself。”
“Well,ifyouarenotambitious,youare—”Hepaused。
“What?”
“Iwasgoingtosay,impassioned:butperhapsyouwouldhavemisunderstoodtheword,andbeendispleased。Imean,thathumanaffectionsandsympathieshaveamostpowerfulholdonyou。Iamsureyoucannotlongbecontenttopassyourleisureinsolitude,andtodevoteyourworkinghourstoamonotonouslabourwhollyvoidofstimulus:anymorethanIcanbecontent,”headded,withemphasis,“tolivehereburiedinmorass,pentinwithmountains—mynature,thatGodgaveme,contravened;myfaculties,heaven—bestowed,paralysed—madeuseless。YouhearnowhowIcontradictmyself。I,whopreachedcontentmentwithahumblelot,andjustifiedthevocationevenofhewersofwoodanddrawersofwaterinGod’sservice—I,Hisordainedminister,almostraveinmyrestlessness。Well,propensitiesandprinciplesmustbereconciledbysomemeans。”
Helefttheroom。InthisbriefhourIhadlearntmoreofhimthaninthewholepreviousmonth:yetstillhepuzzledme。
DianaandMaryRiversbecamemoresadandsilentasthedayapproachedforleavingtheirbrotherandtheirhome。Theybothtriedtoappearasusual;batthesorrowtheyhadtostruggleagainstwasonethatcouldnotbeentirelyconqueredorconcealed。Dianaintimatedthatthiswouldbeadifferentpartingfromanytheyhadeveryetknown。Itwouldprobably,asfarasSt。Johnwasconcerned,beapartingforyears:itmightbeapartingforlife。
第26章