“Wouldshetakemygloves?”
“No!whatcouldshedowiththem?”
Reader,itisnotpleasanttodwellonthesedetails。Somesaythereisenjoymentinlookingbacktopainfulexperiencepast;butatthisdayIcanscarcelybeartoreviewthetimestowhichIallude:themoraldegradation,blentwiththephysicalsuffering,formtoodistressingarecollectionevertobewillinglydwelton。Iblamednoneofthosewhorepulsedme。Ifeltitwaswhatwastobeexpected,andwhatcouldnotbehelped:anordinarybeggarisfrequentlyanobjectofsuspicion;awell—dressedbeggarinevitablyso。Tobesure,whatIbeggedwasemployment;butwhosebusinesswasittoprovidemewithemployment?Not,certainly,thatofpersonswhosawmethenforthefirsttime,andwhoknewnothingaboutmycharacter。Andastothewomanwhowouldnottakemyhandkerchiefinexchangeforherbread,why,shewasright,iftheofferappearedtohersinisterortheexchangeunprofitable。Letmecondensenow。Iamsickofthesubject。
AlittlebeforedarkIpassedafarm—house,attheopendoorofwhichthefarmerwassitting,eatinghissupperofbreadandcheese。Istoppedandsaid—
“Willyougivemeapieceofbread?forIamveryhungry。”Hecastonmeaglanceofsurprise;butwithoutanswering,hecutathickslicefromhisloaf,andgaveittome。IimaginehedidnotthinkIwasabeggar,butonlyaneccentricsortoflady,whohadtakenafancytohisbrownloaf。AssoonasIwasoutofsightofhishouse,Isatdownandateit。
Icouldnothopetogetalodgingunderaroof,andsoughtitinthewoodIhavebeforealludedto。Butmynightwaswretched,myrestbroken:thegroundwasdamp,theaircold:besides,intruderspassednearmemorethanonce,andIhadagainandagaintochangemyquarters;nosenseofsafetyortranquillitybefriendedme。Towardsmorningitrained;thewholeofthefollowingdaywaswet。Donotaskme,reader,togiveaminuteaccountofthatday;asbefore,Isoughtwork;asbefore,Iwasrepulsed;asbefore,Istarved;butoncedidfoodpassmylips。AtthedoorofacottageIsawalittlegirlabouttothrowamessofcoldporridgeintoapigtrough。“Willyougivemethat?”Iasked。
Shestaredatme。“Mother!”sheexclaimed,“thereisawomanwantsmetogivehertheseporridge。”
“Welllass,”repliedavoicewithin,“giveitherifshe’sabeggar。Tpigdoesn’twantit。”
Thegirlemptiedthestiffenedmouldintomyhand,andIdevoureditravenously。
Asthewettwilightdeepened,Istoppedinasolitarybridle—path,whichIhadbeenpursuinganhourormore。
“Mystrengthisquitefailingme,”Isaidinasoliloquy。“IfeelIcannotgomuchfarther。ShallIbeanoutcastagainthisnight?Whiletheraindescendsso,mustIlaymyheadonthecold,drenchedground?IfearIcannotdootherwise:forwhowillreceiveme?Butitwillbeverydreadful,withthisfeelingofhunger,faintness,chill,andthissenseofdesolation—thistotalprostrationofhope。Inalllikelihood,though,Ishoulddiebeforemorning。AndwhycannotIreconcilemyselftotheprospectofdeath?WhydoIstruggletoretainavaluelesslife?BecauseIknow,orbelieve,Mr。Rochesterisliving:andthen,todieofwantandcoldisafatetowhichnaturecannotsubmitpassively。Oh,Providence!sustainmealittlelonger!Aid!—directme!”
Myglazedeyewanderedoverthedimandmistylandscape。IsawIhadstrayedfarfromthevillage:itwasquiteoutofsight。Theverycultivationsurroundingithaddisappeared。Ihad,bycross—waysandby—paths,oncemoredrawnnearthetractofmoorland;andnow,onlyafewfields,almostaswildandunproductiveastheheathfromwhichtheywerescarcelyreclaimed,laybetweenmeandtheduskyhill。
“Well,Iwouldratherdieyonderthaninastreetoronafrequentedroad,”Ireflected。“Andfarbetterthatcrowsandravens—ifanyravenstherebeintheseregions—shouldpickmyfleshfrommybones,thanthattheyshouldbeprisonedinaworkhousecoffinandmoulderinapauper’sgrave。”
Tothehill,then,Iturned。Ireachedit。ItremainednowonlytofindahollowwhereIcouldliedown,andfeelatleasthidden,ifnotsecure。Butallthesurfaceofthewastelookedlevel。Itshowednovariationbutoftint:green,whererushandmossovergrewthemarshes;black,wherethedrysoilboreonlyheath。Darkasitwasgetting,Icouldstillseethesechanges,thoughbutasmerealternationsoflightandshade;forcolourhadfadedwiththedaylight。
Myeyestillrovedoverthesullenswellandalongthemoor—edge,vanishingamidstthewildestscenery,whenatonedimpoint,farinamongthemarshesandtheridges,alightsprangup。“Thatisanignisfatuus,”wasmyfirstthought;andIexpecteditwouldsoonvanish。Itburnton,however,quitesteadily,neitherrecedingnoradvancing。“Isit,then,abonfirejustkindled?”Iquestioned。Iwatchedtoseewhetheritwouldspread:butno;asitdidnotdiminish,soitdidnotenlarge。“Itmaybeacandleinahouse,”Ithenconjectured;“butifso,Icanneverreachit。Itismuchtoofaraway:andwereitwithinayardofme,whatwoulditavail?Ishouldbutknockatthedoortohaveitshutinmyface。”
AndIsankdownwhereIstood,andhidmyfaceagainsttheground。Ilaystillawhile:thenight—windsweptoverthehillandoverme,anddiedmoaninginthedistance;therainfellfast,wettingmeafreshtotheskin。CouldIbuthavestiffenedtothestillfrost—thefriendlynumbnessofdeath—itmighthavepeltedon;Ishouldnothavefeltit;butmyyetlivingfleshshudderedatitschillinginfluence。Iroseerelong。
Thelightwasyetthere,shiningdimbutconstantthroughtherain。Itriedtowalkagain:Idraggedmyexhaustedlimbsslowlytowardsit。Itledmeaslantoverthehill,throughawidebog,whichwouldhavebeenimpassableinwinter,andwassplashyandshakingevennow,intheheightofsummer。HereIfelltwice;butasoftenIroseandralliedmyfaculties。Thislightwasmyforlornhope:Imustgainit。
Havingcrossedthemarsh,Isawatraceofwhiteoverthemoor。Iapproachedit;itwasaroadoratrack:itledstraightuptothelight,whichnowbeamedfromasortofknoll,amidstaclumpoftrees—firs,apparently,fromwhatIcoulddistinguishofthecharacteroftheirformsandfoliagethroughthegloom。MystarvanishedasIdrewnear:someobstaclehadintervenedbetweenmeandit。Iputoutmyhandtofeelthedarkmassbeforeme:Idiscriminatedtheroughstonesofalowwall—aboveit,somethinglikepalisades,andwithin,ahighandpricklyhedge。Igropedon。Againawhitishobjectgleamedbeforeme:itwasagate—awicket;itmovedonitshingesasItouchedit。Oneachsidestoodasablebush—hollyoryew。
Enteringthegateandpassingtheshrubs,thesilhouetteofahouserosetoview,black,low,andratherlong;buttheguidinglightshonenowhere。Allwasobscurity。Weretheinmatesretiredtorest?Ifeareditmustbeso。Inseekingthedoor,Iturnedanangle:thereshotoutthefriendlygleamagain,fromthelozengedpanesofaverysmalllatticedwindow,withinafootoftheground,madestillsmallerbythegrowthofivyorsomeothercreepingplant,whoseleavesclusteredthickovertheportionofthehousewallinwhichitwasset。Theaperturewassoscreenedandnarrow,thatcurtainorshutterhadbeendeemedunnecessary;andwhenIstoopeddownandputasidethesprayoffoliageshootingoverit,Icouldseeallwithin。Icouldseeclearlyaroomwithasandedfloor,cleanscoured;adresserofwalnut,withpewterplatesrangedinrows,reflectingtherednessandradianceofaglowingpeat—fire。Icouldseeaclock,awhitedealtable,somechairs。Thecandle,whoserayhadbeenmybeacon,burntonthetable;andbyitslightanelderlywoman,somewhatrough—looking,butscrupulouslyclean,likeallabouther,wasknittingastocking。
Inoticedtheseobjectscursorilyonly—inthemtherewasnothingextraordinary。Agroupofmoreinterestappearednearthehearth,sittingstillamidsttherosypeaceandwarmthsuffusingit。Twoyoung,gracefulwomen—ladiesineverypoint—sat,oneinalowrocking—chair,theotheronalowerstool;bothworedeepmourningofcrapeandbombazeen,whichsombregarbsingularlysetoffveryfairnecksandfaces:alargeoldpointerdogresteditsmassiveheadonthekneeofonegirl—inthelapoftheotherwascushionedablackcat。
Astrangeplacewasthishumblekitchenforsuchoccupants!Whowerethey?Theycouldnotbethedaughtersoftheelderlypersonatthetable;forshelookedlikearustic,andtheywerealldelicacyandcultivation。Ihadnowhereseensuchfacesastheirs:andyet,asIgazedonthem,Iseemedintimatewitheverylineament。Icannotcallthemhandsome—theyweretoopaleandgravefortheword:astheyeachbentoverabook,theylookedthoughtfulalmosttoseverity。Astandbetweenthemsupportedasecondcandleandtwogreatvolumes,towhichtheyfrequentlyreferred,comparingthem,seemingly,withthesmallerbookstheyheldintheirhands,likepeopleconsultingadictionarytoaidtheminthetaskoftranslation。Thisscenewasassilentasifallthefigureshadbeenshadowsandthefirelitapartmentapicture:sohushedwasit,Icouldhearthecindersfallfromthegrate,theclocktickinitsobscurecorner;andIevenfanciedIcoulddistinguishtheclick—clickofthewoman’sknitting—needles。When,therefore,avoicebrokethestrangestillnessatlast,itwasaudibleenoughtome。
“Listen,Diana,”saidoneoftheabsorbedstudents;“FranzandoldDanielaretogetherinthenight—time,andFranzistellingadreamfromwhichhehasawakenedinterror—listen!”Andinalowvoiceshereadsomething,ofwhichnotonewordwasintelligibletome;foritwasinanunknowntongue—neitherFrenchnorLatin。WhetheritwereGreekorGermanIcouldnottell。
“Thatisstrong,”shesaid,whenshehadfinished:“Irelishit。”Theothergirl,whohadliftedherheadtolistentohersister,repeated,whileshegazedatthefire,alineofwhathadbeenread。Atalaterday,Iknewthelanguageandthebook;therefore,Iwillherequotetheline:though,whenIfirstheardit,itwasonlylikeastrokeonsoundingbrasstome—conveyingnomeaning:—
“‘DatrathervorEiner,anzusehenwiedieSternenNacht。’Good!good!”sheexclaimed,whileherdarkanddeepeyesparkled。“Thereyouhaveadimandmightyarchangelfitlysetbeforeyou!Thelineisworthahundredpagesoffustian。‘IchwagedieGedankeninderSchalemeinesZornesunddieWerkemitdemGewichtemeinesGrimms。’Ilikeit!”
Bothwereagainsilent。
“Isthereonycountrywheretheytalki’thatway?”askedtheoldwoman,lookingupfromherknitting。
“Yes,Hannah—afarlargercountrythanEngland,wheretheytalkinnootherway。”
“Well,forsurecase,Iknawn’thowtheycanunderstandt’onet’other:andifeithero’yewentthere,yecouldtellwhattheysaid,Iguess?”
“Wecouldprobablytellsomethingofwhattheysaid,butnotall—forwearenotascleverasyouthinkus,Hannah。Wedon’tspeakGerman,andwecannotreaditwithoutadictionarytohelpus。”
“Andwhatgooddoesitdoyou?”
“Wemeantoteachitsometime—oratleasttheelements,astheysay;andthenweshallgetmoremoneythanwedonow。”
“Varrylike:butgiveowerstudying;ye’vedoneenoughforto—night。”
“Ithinkwehave:atleastI’mtired。Mary,areyou?”
“Mortally:afterall,it’stoughworkfaggingawayatalanguagewithnomasterbutalexicon。”
“Itis,especiallysuchalanguageasthiscrabbedbutgloriousDeutsch。IwonderwhenSt。Johnwillcomehome。”
“Surelyhewillnotbelongnow:itisjustten(lookingatalittlegoldwatchshedrewfromhergirdle)。Itrainsfast,Hannah:willyouhavethegoodnesstolookatthefireintheparlour?”
Thewomanrose:sheopenedadoor,throughwhichIdimlysawapassage:soonIheardherstirafireinaninnerroom;shepresentlycameback。
“Ah,childer!”saidshe,“itfairtroublesmetogointoyond’roomnow:itlookssolonesomewi’thechairemptyandsetbackinacorner。”
Shewipedhereyeswithherapron:thetwogirls,gravebefore,lookedsadnow。
“Butheisinabetterplace,”continuedHannah:“weshouldn’twishhimhereagain。Andthen,nobodyneedtohaveaquieterdeathnorhehad。”
“Yousayhenevermentionedus?”inquiredoneoftheladies。
“Hehadn’ttime,bairn:hewasgoneinaminute,wasyourfather。Hehadbeenabitailinglikethedaybefore,butnaughttosignify;andwhenMr。St。Johnaskedifhewouldlikeeithero’yetobesentfor,hefairlaughedathim。Hebeganagainwithabitofaheavinessinhisheadthenextday—thatis,afortnightsin’—andhewenttosleepandniverwakened:hewora’moststarkwhenyourbrotherwentintot’chamberandfandhim。Ah,childer!that’st’lasto’t’oldstock—foryeandMr。St。Johnislikeofdifferentsoarttothem‘at’sgone;forallyourmotherwormichi’yourway,anda’mostasbook—learned。Sheworthepictur’o’ye,Mary:Dianaismorelikeyourfather。”
IthoughtthemsosimilarIcouldnottellwheretheoldservant(forsuchInowconcludedhertobe)sawthedifference。Bothwerefaircomplexionedandslenderlymade;bothpossessedfacesfullofdistinctionandintelligence。One,tobesure,hadhairashadedarkerthantheother,andtherewasadifferenceintheirstyleofwearingit;Mary’spalebrownlockswerepartedandbraidedsmooth:Diana’sduskiertressescoveredherneckwiththickcurls。Theclockstruckten。
“Ye’llwantyoursupper,Iamsure,”observedHannah;“andsowillMr。St。Johnwhenhecomesin。”
Andsheproceededtopreparethemeal。Theladiesrose;theyseemedabouttowithdrawtotheparlour。Tillthismoment,Ihadbeensointentonwatchingthem,theirappearanceandconversationhadexcitedinmesokeenaninterest,Ihadhalf—forgottenmyownwretchedposition:nowitrecurredtome。Moredesolate,moredesperatethanever,itseemedfromcontrast。Andhowimpossiblediditappeartotouchtheinmatesofthishousewithconcernonmybehalf;tomakethembelieveinthetruthofmywantsandwoes—toinducethemtovouchsafearestformywanderings!AsIgropedoutthedoor,andknockedatithesitatingly,Ifeltthatlastideatobeamerechimera。Hannahopened。
“Whatdoyouwant?”sheinquired,inavoiceofsurprise,asshesurveyedmebythelightofthecandlesheheld。
“MayIspeaktoyourmistresses?”Isaid。
“Youhadbettertellmewhatyouhavetosaytothem。Wheredoyoucomefrom?”
“Iamastranger。”
“Whatisyourbusinesshereatthishour?”
“Iwantanight’sshelterinanout—houseoranywhere,andamorselofbreadtoeat。”
Distrust,theveryfeelingIdreaded,appearedinHannah’sface。“I’llgiveyouapieceofbread,”shesaid,afterapause;“butwecan’ttakeinavagranttolodge。Itisn’tlikely。”
“Doletmespeaktoyourmistresses。”
“No,notI。Whatcantheydoforyou?Youshouldnotberovingaboutnow;itlooksveryill。”
“ButwhereshallIgoifyoudrivemeaway?WhatshallIdo?”
“Oh,I’llwarrantyouknowwheretogoandwhattodo。Mindyoudon’tdowrong,that’sall。Hereisapenny;nowgo—”
“Apennycannotfeedme,andIhavenostrengthtogofarther。Don’tshutthedoor:—oh,don’t,forGod’ssake!”
“Imust;therainisdrivingin—”
“Telltheyoungladies。Letmeseethem—”
“Indeed,Iwillnot。Youarenotwhatyououghttobe,oryouwouldn’tmakesuchanoise。Moveoff。”
“ButImustdieifIamturnedaway。”
“Notyou。I’mfear’dyouhavesomeillplansagate,thatbringyouaboutfolk’shousesatthistimeo’night。Ifyou’veanyfollowers—housebreakersorsuchlike—anywherenear,youmaytellthemwearenotbyourselvesinthehouse;wehaveagentleman,anddogs,andguns。”Herethehonestbutinflexibleservantclappedthedoortoandbolteditwithin。
Thiswastheclimax。Apangofexquisitesuffering—athroeoftruedespair—rentandheavedmyheart。Wornout,indeed,Iwas;notanotherstepcouldIstir。Isankonthewetdoorstep:Igroaned—Iwrungmyhands—Iweptinutteranguish。Oh,thisspectreofdeath!Oh,thislasthour,approachinginsuchhorror!Alas,thisisolation—thisbanishmentfrommykind!Notonlytheanchorofhope,butthefootingoffortitudewasgone—atleastforamoment;butthelastIsoonendeavouredtoregain。
“Icanbutdie,”Isaid,“andIbelieveinGod。LetmetrytowaitHiswillinsilence。”
ThesewordsInotonlythought,bututtered;andthrustingbackallmymiseryintomyheart,Imadeanefforttocompelittoremainthere—dumbandstill。
“Allmenmustdie,”saidavoicequitecloseathand;“butallarenotcondemnedtomeetalingeringandprematuredoom,suchasyourswouldbeifyouperishedhereofwant。”
“Whoorwhatspeaks?”Iasked,terrifiedattheunexpectedsound,andincapablenowofderivingfromanyoccurrenceahopeofaid。Aformwasnear—whatform,thepitch—darknightandmyenfeebledvisionpreventedmefromdistinguishing。Withaloudlongknock,thenew—comerappealedtothedoor。
“Isityou,Mr。St。John?”criedHannah。
“Yes—yes;openquickly。”
“Well,howwetandcoldyoumustbe,suchawildnightasitis!Comein—yoursistersarequiteuneasyaboutyou,andIbelievetherearebadfolksabout。Therehasbeenabeggar—woman—Ideclaresheisnotgoneyet!—laiddownthere。Getup!forshame!Moveoff,Isay!”
“Hush,Hannah!Ihaveawordtosaytothewoman。Youhavedoneyourdutyinexcluding,nowletmedomineinadmittingher。Iwasnear,andlistenedtobothyouandher。Ithinkthisisapeculiarcase—Imustatleastexamineintoit。Youngwoman,rise,andpassbeforemeintothehouse。”
WithdifficultyIobeyedhim。PresentlyIstoodwithinthatclean,brightkitchen—ontheveryhearth—trembling,sickening;consciousofanaspectinthelastdegreeghastly,wild,andweather—beaten。Thetwoladies,theirbrother,Mr。St。John,theoldservant,wereallgazingatme。
“St。John,whoisit?”Iheardoneask。
“Icannottell:Ifoundheratthedoor,”wasthereply。
“Shedoeslookwhite,”saidHannah。
“Aswhiteasclayordeath,”wasresponded。“Shewillfall:lethersit。”
Andindeedmyheadswam:Idropped,butachairreceivedme。Istillpossessedmysenses,thoughjustnowIcouldnotspeak。
“Perhapsalittlewaterwouldrestoreher。Hannah,fetchsome。Butsheisworntonothing。Howverythin,andhowverybloodless!”
“Amerespectre!”
“Issheill,oronlyfamished?”
“Famished,Ithink。Hannah,isthatmilk?Giveitme,andapieceofbread。”
Diana(IknewherbythelongcurlswhichIsawdroopingbetweenmeandthefireasshebentoverme)brokesomebread,dippeditinmilk,andputittomylips。Herfacewasnearmine:Isawtherewaspityinit,andIfeltsympathyinherhurriedbreathing。Inhersimplewords,too,thesamebalm—likeemotionspoke:“Trytoeat。”
“Yes—try,”repeatedMarygently;andMary’shandremovedmysoddenbonnetandliftedmyhead。Itastedwhattheyofferedme:feeblyatfirst,eagerlysoon。
“Nottoomuchatfirst—restrainher,”saidthebrother;“shehashadenough。”Andhewithdrewthecupofmilkandtheplateofbread。
“Alittlemore,St。John—lookattheavidityinhereyes。”
“Nomoreatpresent,sister。Tryifshecanspeaknow—askherhername。”
IfeltIcouldspeak,andIanswered—“MynameisJaneElliott。”Anxiousasevertoavoiddiscovery,Ihadbeforeresolvedtoassumeanalias。
“Andwheredoyoulive?Whereareyourfriends?”
Iwassilent。
“Canwesendforanyoneyouknow?”
Ishookmyhead。
“Whataccountcanyougiveofyourself?”
Somehow,nowthatIhadoncecrossedthethresholdofthishouse,andoncewasbroughtfacetofacewithitsowners,Ifeltnolongeroutcast,vagrant,anddisownedbythewideworld。Idaredtoputoffthemendicant—toresumemynaturalmannerandcharacter。Ibeganoncemoretoknowmyself;andwhenMr。St。Johndemandedanaccount—whichatpresentIwasfartooweaktorender—Isaidafterabriefpause—
“Sir,Icangiveyounodetailsto—night。”
“Butwhat,then,”saidhe,“doyouexpectmetodoforyou?”
“Nothing,”Ireplied。Mystrengthsufficedforbutshortanswers。Dianatooktheword—
“Doyoumean,”sheasked,“thatwehavenowgivenyouwhataidyourequire?andthatwemaydismissyoutothemoorandtherainynight?”
Ilookedather。Shehad,Ithought,aremarkablecountenance,instinctbothwithpowerandgoodness。Itooksuddencourage。Answeringhercompassionategatewithasmile,Isaid—“Iwilltrustyou。IfIwereamasterlessandstraydog,Iknowthatyouwouldnotturnmefromyourhearthto—night:asitis,Ireallyhavenofear。Dowithmeandformeasyoulike;butexcusemefrommuchdiscourse—mybreathisshort—IfeelaspasmwhenIspeak。”Allthreesurveyedme,andallthreeweresilent。
“Hannah,”saidMr。St。John,atlast,“lethersitthereatpresent,andaskhernoquestions;intenminutesmore,givehertheremainderofthatmilkandbread。MaryandDiana,letusgointotheparlourandtalkthematterover。”
Theywithdrew。Verysoononeoftheladiesreturned—Icouldnottellwhich。AkindofpleasantstuporwasstealingovermeasIsatbythegenialfire。InanundertoneshegavesomedirectionstoHannah。Erelong,withtheservant’said,Icontrivedtomountastaircase;mydrippingclotheswereremoved;soonawarm,drybedreceivedme。IthankedGod—experiencedamidstunutterableexhaustionaglowofgratefuljoy—andslept。
Chapter29
Therecollectionofaboutthreedaysandnightssucceedingthisisverydiminmymind。Icanrecallsomesensationsfeltinthatinterval;butfewthoughtsframed,andnoactionsperformed。IknewIwasinasmallroomandinanarrowbed。TothatbedIseemedtohavegrown;Ilayonitmotionlessasastone;andtohavetornmefromitwouldhavebeenalmosttokillme。Itooknonoteofthelapseoftime—ofthechangefrommorningtonoon,fromnoontoevening。Iobservedwhenanyoneenteredorlefttheapartment:Icouldeventellwhotheywere;Icouldunderstandwhatwassaidwhenthespeakerstoodneartome;butIcouldnotanswer;toopenmylipsormovemylimbswasequallyimpossible。Hannah,theservant,wasmymostfrequentvisitor。Hercomingdisturbedme。Ihadafeelingthatshewishedmeaway:thatshedidnotunderstandmeormycircumstances;thatshewasprejudicedagainstme。DianaandMaryappearedinthechamberonceortwiceaday。Theywouldwhispersentencesofthissortatmybedside—
“Itisverywellwetookherin。”
“Yes;shewouldcertainlyhavebeenfounddeadatthedoorinthemorninghadshebeenleftoutallnight。Iwonderwhatshehasgonethrough?”
“Strangehardships,Iimagine—poor,emaciated,pallidwanderer?”
“Sheisnotanuneducatedperson,Ishouldthink,byhermannerofspeaking;heraccentwasquitepure;andtheclothesshetookoff,thoughsplashedandwet,werelittlewornandfine。”
“Shehasapeculiarface;fleshlessandhaggardasitis,Iratherlikeit;andwheningoodhealthandanimated,Icanfancyherphysiognomywouldbeagreeable。”
NeveronceintheirdialoguesdidIhearasyllableofregretatthehospitalitytheyhadextendedtome,orofsuspicionof,oraversionto,myself。Iwascomforted。
Mr。St。Johncamebutonce:helookedatme,andsaidmystateoflethargywastheresultofreactionfromexcessiveandprotractedfatigue。Hepronounceditneedlesstosendforadoctor:nature,hewassure,wouldmanagebest,lefttoherself。Hesaideverynervehadbeenoverstrainedinsomeway,andthewholesystemmustsleeptorpidawhile。Therewasnodisease。Heimaginedmyrecoverywouldberapidenoughwhenoncecommenced。Theseopinionshedeliveredinafewwords,inaquiet,lowvoice;andadded,afterapause,inthetoneofamanlittleaccustomedtoexpansivecomment,“Ratheranunusualphysiognomy;certainly,notindicativeofvulgarityordegradation。”
“Farotherwise,”respondedDiana。“Tospeaktruth,St。John,myheartratherwarmstothepoorlittlesoul。Iwishwemaybeabletobenefitherpermanently。”
“Thatishardlylikely,”wasthereply。“Youwillfindsheissomeyoungladywhohashadamisunderstandingwithherfriends,andhasprobablyinjudiciouslyleftthem。Wemay,perhaps,succeedinrestoringhertothem,ifsheisnotobstinate:butItracelinesofforceinherfacewhichmakemescepticalofhertractability。”Hestoodconsideringmesomeminutes;thenadded,“Shelookssensible,butnotatallhandsome。”
“Sheissoill,St。John。”
“Illorwell,shewouldalwaysbeplain。Thegraceandharmonyofbeautyarequitewantinginthosefeatures。”
OnthethirddayIwasbetter;onthefourth,Icouldspeak,move,riseinbed,andturn。Hannahhadbroughtmesomegruelanddrytoast,about,asIsupposed,thedinner—hour。Ihadeatenwithrelish:thefoodwasgood—voidofthefeverishflavourwhichhadhithertopoisonedwhatIhadswallowed。Whensheleftme,Ifeltcomparativelystrongandrevived:erelongsatietyofreposeanddesireforactionstirredme。Iwishedtorise;butwhatcouldIputon?Onlymydampandbemiredapparel;inwhichIhadsleptonthegroundandfalleninthemarsh。Ifeltashamedtoappearbeforemybenefactorssoclad。Iwassparedthehumiliation。
Onachairbythebedsidewereallmyownthings,cleananddry。Myblacksilkfrockhungagainstthewall。Thetracesofthebogwereremovedfromit;thecreasesleftbythewetsmoothedout:itwasquitedecent。Myveryshoesandstockingswerepurifiedandrenderedpresentable。Therewerethemeansofwashingintheroom,andacombandbrushtosmoothmyhair。Afterawearyprocess,andrestingeveryfiveminutes,Isucceededindressingmyself。Myclotheshunglooseonme;forIwasmuchwasted,butIcovereddeficiencieswithashawl,andoncemore,cleanandrespectablelooking—nospeckofthedirt,notraceofthedisorderIsohated,andwhichseemedsotodegrademe,left—Icreptdownastonestaircasewiththeaidofthebanisters,toanarrowlowpassage,andfoundmywaypresentlytothekitchen。
Itwasfullofthefragranceofnewbreadandthewarmthofagenerousfire。Hannahwasbaking。Prejudices,itiswellknown,aremostdifficulttoeradicatefromtheheartwhosesoilhasneverbeenloosenedorfertilisedbyeducation:theygrowthere,firmasweedsamongstones。Hannahhadbeencoldandstiff,indeed,atthefirst:latterlyshehadbeguntorelentalittle;andwhenshesawmecomeintidyandwell—dressed,sheevensmiled。
“What,youhavegotup!”shesaid。“Youarebetter,then。Youmaysityoudowninmychaironthehearthstone,ifyouwill。”
Shepointedtotherocking—chair:Itookit。Shebustledabout,examiningmeeverynowandthenwiththecornerofhereye。Turningtome,asshetooksomeloavesfromtheoven,sheaskedbluntly—
“Didyouevergoa—beggingaforeyoucamehere?”
Iwasindignantforamoment;butrememberingthatangerwasoutofthequestion,andthatIhadindeedappearedasabeggartoher,Iansweredquietly,butstillnotwithoutacertainmarkedfirmness—
“Youaremistakeninsupposingmeabeggar。Iamnobeggar;anymorethanyourselforyouryoungladies。”
Afterapauseshesaid,“Idunnutunderstandthat:you’velikenohouse,nornobrass,Iguess?”
“Thewantofhouseorbrass(bywhichIsupposeyoumeanmoney)doesnotmakeabeggarinyoursenseoftheword。”
“Areyoubook—learned?”sheinquiredpresently。
“Yes,very。”
“Butyou’veneverbeentoaboarding—school?”
“Iwasataboarding—schooleightyears。”
Sheopenedhereyeswide。“Whatevercannotyekeepyourselffor,then?”
“Ihavekeptmyself;and,Itrust,shallkeepmyselfagain。Whatareyougoingtodowiththesegooseberries?”Iinquired,asshebroughtoutabasketofthefruit。
“Mak’‘emintopies。”
“GivethemtomeandI’llpickthem。”
“Nay;Idunnutwantyetodonought。”
“ButImustdosomething。Letmehavethem。”
Sheconsented;andsheevenbroughtmeacleantoweltospreadovermydress,“lest,”asshesaid,“Ishouldmuckyit。”
“Ye’venotbeenusedtosarvant’swark,Iseebyyourhands,”sheremarked。“Happenye’vebeenadressmaker?”
“No,youarewrong。Andnow,nevermindwhatIhavebeen:don’ttroubleyourheadfurtheraboutme;buttellmethenameofthehousewhereweare。”
“SomecallsitMarshEnd,andsomecallsitMoorHouse。”
“AndthegentlemanwholiveshereiscalledMr。St。John?”
“Nay;hedoesn’tlivehere:heisonlystayingawhile。Whenheisathome,heisinhisownparishatMorton。”
“Thatvillageafewmilesoff?
“Aye。”
“Andwhatishe?”
“Heisaparson。”
Irememberedtheansweroftheoldhousekeeperattheparsonage,whenIhadaskedtoseetheclergyman。“This,then,washisfather’sresidence?”
“Aye;oldMr。Riverslivedhere,andhisfather,andgrandfather,andgurt(great)grandfatheraforehim。”
“Thename,then,ofthatgentleman,isMr。St。JohnRivers?”
“Aye;St。Johnislikehiskirstenedname。”
“AndhissistersarecalledDianaandMaryRivers?”
“Yes。”
“Theirfatherisdead?”
“Deadthreeweekssin’ofastroke。”
“Theyhavenomother?”
“Themistresshasbeendeadthismonyayear。”
“Haveyoulivedwiththefamilylong?”
“I’velivedherethirtyyear。Inursedthemallthree。”
“Thatprovesyoumusthavebeenanhonestandfaithfulservant。Iwillsaysomuchforyou,thoughyouhavehadtheincivilitytocallmeabeggar。”
Sheagainregardedmewithasurprisedstare。“Ibelieve,”shesaid,“Iwasquitemista’eninmythoughtsofyou:butthereissomonycheatsgoesabout,youmunforgieme。”
“Andthough,”Icontinued,ratherseverely,“youwishedtoturnmefromthedoor,onanightwhenyoushouldnothaveshutoutadog。”
“Well,itwashard:butwhatcanabodydo?Ithoughtmoreo’th’childernorofmysel:poorthings!They’velikenobodytotak’careon‘embutme。I’mliketolooksharpish。”
Imaintainedagravesilenceforsomeminutes。
“Youmunnutthinktoohardlyofme,”sheagainremarked。
“ButIdothinkhardlyofyou,”Isaid;“andI’lltellyouwhy—notsomuchbecauseyourefusedtogivemeshelter,orregardedmeasanimpostor,asbecauseyoujustnowmadeitaspeciesofreproachthatIhadno‘brass’andnohouse。SomeofthebestpeoplethateverlivedhavebeenasdestituteasIam;andifyouareaChristian,yououghtnottoconsiderpovertyacrime。”
“NomoreIought,”saidshe:“Mr。St。Johntellsmesotoo;andIseeIworwrang—butI’veclearadifferentnotiononyounowtowhatIhad。Youlookaraightdowndacentlittlecrater。”
“Thatwilldo—Iforgiveyounow。Shakehands。”
Sheputherflouryandhornyhandintomine;anotherandheartiersmileilluminedherroughface,andfromthatmomentwewerefriends。
Hannahwasevidentlyfondoftalking。WhileIpickedthefruit,andshemadethepasteforthepies,sheproceededtogivemesundrydetailsaboutherdeceasedmasterandmistress,and“thechilder,”asshecalledtheyoungpeople。
第25章