ScarcelyhadIutteredthesewords,whenmyattentionwasstartledbythesoundoffootsteps。Theydenotedsomeonesteppingintothepiazzainfrontofmyhouse。Mynew-bornconfidencewasextinguishedinamoment。Carwin,Ithought,hadrepentedhisdeparture,andwashastilyreturning。Thepossibilitythathisreturnwaspromptedbyintentionsconsistentwithmysafety,foundnoplaceinmymind。Imagesofviolationandmurderassailedmeanew,andtheterrorswhichsucceededalmostincapacitatedmefromtakinganymeasuresformydefence。ItwasanimpulseofwhichIwasscarcelyconscious,thatmademefastenthelockanddrawtheboltsofmychamberdoor。Havingdonethis,Ithrewmyselfonaseat;forItrembledtoadegreewhichdisabledmefromstanding,andmysoulwassoperfectlyabsorbedintheactoflistening,thatalmostthevitalmotionswerestopped。
Thedoorbelowcreakedonitshinges。Itwasnotagainthrustto,butappearedtoremainopen。Footstepsentered,traversedtheentry,andbegantomountthestairs。HowI
detestedthefollyofnotpursuingthemanwhenhewithdrew,andboltingafterhimtheouterdoor!Mighthenotconceivethisomissiontobeaproofthatmyangelhaddesertedme,andbetherebyfortifiedinguilt?
Everysteponthestairs,whichbroughthimnearertomychamber,addedvigortomydesperation。TheevilwithwhichI
wasmenacedwastobeatanyrateeluded。HowlittledidI
preconceivetheconductwhich,inanexigencelikethis,I
shouldbepronetoadopt。Youwillsupposethatdeliberationanddespairwouldhavesuggestedthesamecourseofaction,andthatIshouldhave,unhesitatingly,resortedtothebestmeansofpersonaldefencewithinmypower。Apenknifelayopenuponmytable。Irememberedthatitwasthere,andseizedit。Forwhatpurposeyouwillscarcelyinquire。ItwillbeimmediatelysupposedthatImeantitformylastrefuge,andthatifallothermeansshouldfail,Ishouldplungeitintotheheartofmyravisher。
Ihavelostallfaithinthestedfastnessofhumanresolves。
ItwasthusthatinperiodsofcalmIhaddeterminedtoact。Nocowardicehadbeenheldbymeingreaterabhorrencethanthatwhichpromptedaninjuredfemaletodestroy,notherinjurereretheinjurywasperpetrated,butherselfwhenitwaswithoutremedy。Yetnowthispenknifeappearedtomeofnootherusethantobafflemyassailant,andpreventthecrimebydestroyingmyself。Todeliberateatsuchatimewasimpossible;butamongthetumultuoussuggestionsofthemoment,Idonotrecollectthatitonceoccurredtometouseitasaninstrumentofdirectdefence。
Thestepshadnowreachedthesecondfloor。Everyfootfallacceleratedthecompletion,withoutaugmenting,thecertaintyofevil。Theconsciousnessthatthedoorwasfast,nowthatnothingbutthatwasinterposedbetweenmeanddanger,wasasourceofsomeconsolation。Icastmyeyetowardsthewindow。
This,likewise,wasanewsuggestion。Ifthedoorshouldgiveway,itwasmysuddenresolutiontothrowmyselffromthewindow。Itsheightfromtheground,whichwascoveredbeneathbyabrickpavement,wouldinsuremydestruction;butIthoughtnotofthat。
Whenoppositetomydoorthefootstepsceased。Washelisteningwhethermyfearswereallayed,andmycautionwereasleep?Didhehopetotakemebysurprize?Yet,ifso,whydidheallowsomanynoisysignalstobetrayhisapproach?
Presentlythestepswereagainheardtoapproachthedoor。Anhandwaslaiduponthelock,andthelatchpulledback。DidheimagineitpossiblethatIshouldfailtosecurethedoor?A
slighteffortwasmadetopushitopen,asifallboltsbeingwithdrawn,aslighteffortonlywasrequired。
Inosoonerperceivedthis,thanImovedswiftlytowardsthewindow。Carwin'sframemightbesaidtobeallmuscle。Hisstrengthandactivityhadappeared,invariousinstances,tobeprodigious。Aslightexertionofhisforcewoulddemolishthedoor。Wouldnotthatexertionbemade?Toosurelyitwould;
but,atthesamemomentthatthisobstacleshouldyield,andheshouldentertheapartment,mydeterminationwasformedtoleapfromthewindow。Mysenseswerestillboundtothisobject。I
gazedatthedoorinmomentaryexpectationthattheassaultwouldbemade。Thepausecontinued。Thepersonwithoutwasirresoluteandmotionless。
Suddenly,itoccurredtomethatCarwinmightconceivemetohavefled。ThatIhadnotbetakenmyselftoflightwas,indeed,theleastprobableofallconclusions。Inthispersuasionhemusthavebeenconfirmedonfindingthelowerdoorunfastened,andthechamberdoorlocked。Wasitnotwisetofosterthispersuasion?ShouldImaintaindeepsilence,this,inadditiontoothercircumstances,mightencouragethebelief,andhewouldoncemoredepart。Everynewreflectionaddedplausibilitytothisreasoning。Itwaspresentlymorestronglyenforced,whenInoticedfootstepswithdrawingfromthedoor。Thebloodoncemoreflowedbacktomyheart,andadawnofexultationbegantorise:butmyjoywasshortlived。Insteadofdescendingthestairs,hepassedtothedooroftheoppositechamber,openedit,andhavingentered,shutitafterhimwithaviolencethatshookthehouse。
HowwasItointerpretthiscircumstance?Forwhatendcouldhehaveenteredthischamber?Didtheviolencewithwhichheclosedthedoortestifythedepthofhisvexation?ThisroomwasusuallyoccupiedbyPleyel。WasCarwinawareofhisabsenceonthisnight?Couldhebesuspectedofadesignsosordidaspillage?Ifthiswerehisviewtherewerenomeansinmypowertofrustrateit。Itbehovedmetoseizethefirstopportunitytoescape;butifmyescapeweresupposedbymyenemytohavebeenalreadyeffected,noasylumwasmoresecurethanthepresent。Howcouldmypassagefromthehousebeaccomplishedwithoutnoisesthatmightincitehimtopursueme?
UtterlyatalosstoaccountforhisgoingintoPleyel'schamber,Iwaitedininstantexpectationofhearinghimcomeforth。All,however,wasprofoundlystill。Ilistenedinvainforaconsiderableperiod,tocatchthesoundofthedoorwhenitshouldagainbeopened。Therewasnootheravenuebywhichhecouldescape,butadoorwhichledintothegirl'schamber。
Wouldanyevilfromthisquarterbefallthegirl?
Hencearoseanewtrainofapprehensions。Theymerelyaddedtotheturbulenceandagonyofmyreflections。Whateverevilimpendedoverher,Ihadnopowertoavertit。Seclusionandsilenceweretheonlymeansofsavingmyselffromtheperilsofthisfatalnight。WhatsolemnvowsdidIputup,thatifI
shouldoncemorebeholdthelightofday,Iwouldnevertrustmyselfagainwithinthethresholdofthisdwelling!
Minutelingeredafterminute,butnotokenwasgiventhatCarwinhadreturnedtothepassage。What,Iagainasked,coulddetainhiminthisroom?Wasitpossiblethathehadreturned,andglided,unperceived,away?Iwasspeedilyawareofthedifficultythatattendedanenterprizelikethis;andyet,asifbythatmeansIwerecapableofgaininganyinformationonthathead,Icastanxiouslooksfromthewindow。
Theobjectthatfirstattractedmyattentionwasanhumanfigurestandingontheedgeofthebank。Perhapsmypenetrationwasassistedbymyhopes。Bethatasitwill,thefigureofCarwinwasclearlydistinguishable。Fromtheobscurityofmystation,itwasimpossiblethatIshouldbediscernedbyhim,andyethescarcelysufferedmetocatchaglimpseofhim。Heturnedandwentdownthesteep,which,inthispart,wasnotdifficulttobescaled。
Myconjecturethenhadbeenright。Carwinhassoftlyopenedthedoor,descendedthestairs,andissuedforth。ThatIshouldnothaveoverheardhissteps,wasonlylessincrediblethanthatmyeyeshaddeceivedme。Butwhatwasnowtobedone?Thehousewasatlengthdeliveredfromthisdetestedinmate。Byoneavenuemightheagainre-enter。Wasitnotwisetobarthelowerdoor?Perhapshehadgoneoutbythekitchendoor。Forthisend,hemusthavepassedthroughJudith'schamber。Theseentrancesbeingclosedandbolted,asgreatsecuritywasgainedaswascompatiblewithmylonelycondition。
Theproprietyofthesemeasureswastoomanifestnottomakemestrugglesuccessfullywithmyfears。YetIopenedmyowndoorwiththeutmostcaution,anddescendedasifIwereafraidthatCarwinhadbeenstillimmuredinPleyel'schamber。Theouterdoorwasa-jar。Ishut,withtremblingeagerness,anddreweveryboltthatappendedtoit。Ithenpassedwithlightandlesscautiousstepsthroughtheparlour,butwassurprizedtodiscoverthatthekitchendoorwassecure。IwascompelledtoacquiesceinthefirstconjecturethatCarwinhadescapedthroughtheentry。
Myheartwasnowsomewhateasedoftheloadofapprehension。
Ireturnedoncemoretomychamber,thedoorofwhichIwascarefultolock。Itwasnotimetothinkofrepose。Themoon-lightbeganalreadytofadebeforethelightoftheday。
Theapproachofmorningwasbetokenedbytheusualsignals。I
musedupontheeventsofthisnight,anddeterminedtotakeupmyabodehenceforthatmybrother's。WhetherIshouldinformhimofwhathadhappenedwasaquestionwhichseemedtodemandsomeconsideration。MysafetyunquestionablyrequiredthatI
shouldabandonmypresenthabitation。
Asmythoughtsbegantoflowwithfewerimpediments,theimageofPleyel,andthedubiousnessofhiscondition,againrecurredtome。Iagainranoverthepossiblecausesofhisabsenceontheprecedingday。Mymindwasattunedtomelancholy。Idwelt,withanobstinacyforwhichIcouldnotaccount,ontheideaofhisdeath。Ipaintedtomyselfhisstruggleswiththebillows,andhislastappearance。Iimaginedmyselfamidnightwandererontheshore,andtohavestumbledonhiscorpse,whichthetidehadcastup。Thesedrearyimagesaffectedmeeventotears。Iendeavourednottorestrainthem。
TheyimpartedareliefwhichIhadnotanticipated。Themorecopiouslytheyflowed,themoredidmygeneralsensationsappeartosubsideintocalm,andacertainrestlessnessgivewaytorepose。
Perhaps,relievedbythiseffusion,theslumbersomuchwantedmighthavestolenonmysenses,hadtherebeennonewcauseofalarm。
ChapterXI
Iwasarousedfromthisstuporbysoundsthatevidentlyaroseinthenextchamber。WasitpossiblethatIhadbeenmistakeninthefigurewhichIhadseenonthebank?orhadCarwin,bysomeinscrutablemeans,penetratedoncemoreintothischamber?
Theoppositedooropened;footstepscameforth,andtheperson,advancingtomine,knocked。
Sounexpectedanincidentrobbedmeofallpresenceofmind,and,startingup,Iinvoluntarilyexclaimed,"Whoisthere?"Ananswerwasimmediatelygiven。Thevoice,tomyinexpressibleastonishment,wasPleyel's。
"ItisI。Haveyourisen?Ifyouhavenot,makehaste;I
wantthreeminutesconversationwithyouintheparlour——Iwillwaitforyouthere。"Sayingthisheretiredfromthedoor。
ShouldIconfideinthetestimonyofmyears?Ifthatweretrue,itwasPleyelthathadbeenhithertoimmuredintheoppositechamber:hewhommyruefulfancyhaddepictedinsomanyruinousandghastlyshapes:hewhosefootstepshadbeenlistenedtowithsuchinquietude!Whatisman,thatknowledgeissosparinglyconferreduponhim!thathisheartshouldbewrungwithdistress,andhisframebeexanimatedwithfear,thoughhissafetybeencompassedwithimpregnablewalls!Whataretheboundsofhumanimbecility!Hethatwarnedmeofthepresenceofmyfoerefusedtheintimationbywhichsomanyrackingfearswouldhavebeenprecluded。
YetwhowouldhaveimaginedthearrivalofPleyelatsuchanhour?Histonewasdespondingandanxious。Whythisunseasonablesummons?andwhythishastydeparture?Sometidingshe,perhaps,bearsofmysteriousandunwelcomeimport。
Myimpatiencewouldnotallowmetoconsumemuchtimeindeliberation:Ihasteneddown。PleyelIfoundstandingatawindow,witheyescastdownasinmeditation,andarmsfoldedonhisbreast。Everylineinhiscountenancewaspregnantwithsorrow。Tothiswasaddedacertainwannessandairoffatigue。
ThelasttimeIhadseenhimappearanceshadbeenthereverseofthese。Iwasstartledatthechange。Thefirstimpulsewastoquestionhimastothecause。Thisimpulsewassupplantedbysomedegreeofconfusion,flowingfromaconsciousnessthatlovehadtoolarge,and,asitmightprove,aperceptibleshareincreatingthisimpulse。Iwassilent。
Presentlyheraisedhiseyesandfixedthemuponme。Ireadinthemananguishaltogetherineffable。NeverhadIwitnessedalikedemeanourinPleyel。Never,indeed,hadIobservedanhumancountenanceinwhichgriefwasmorelegiblyinscribed。Heseemedstrugglingforutterance;buthisstrugglesbeingfruitless,heshookhisheadandturnedawayfromme。
Myimpatiencewouldnotallowmetobelongersilent:
"What,"saidI,"forheaven'ssake,myfriend,whatisthematter?"
Hestartedatthesoundofmyvoice。Hislooks,foramoment,becameconvulsedwithanemotionverydifferentfromgrief。Hisaccentswerebrokenwithrage。
"Thematter——Owretch!——thusexquisitelyfashioned——onwhomnatureseemedtohaveexhaustedallhergraces;withcharmssoawfulandsopure!howartthoufallen!Fromwhatheightfallen!Aruinsocomplete——sounheardof!"
Hiswordswereagainchoakedbyemotion。Griefandpitywereagainmingledinhisfeatures。Heresumed,inatonehalfsuffocatedbysobs:
"ButwhyshouldIupbraidthee?CouldIrestoretotheewhatthouhastlost;effacethiscursedstain;snatchtheefromthejawsofthisfiend;Iwoulddoit。Yetwhatwillavailmyefforts?Ihavenotarmswithwhichtocontendwithsoconsummate,sofrightfuladepravity。
"Evidencelessthanthiswouldonlyhaveexcitedresentmentandscorn。Thewretchwhoshouldhavebreathedasuspicioninjurioustothyhonor,wouldhavebeenregardedwithoutanger;
nothatredorenvycouldhavepromptedhim;itwouldmerelybeanargumentofmadness。Thatmyeyes,thatmyears,shouldbearwitnesstothyfall!Bynootherwaycoulddetestibleconvictionbeimparted。
"WhydoIsummontheetothisconference?Whyexposemyselftothyderision?Hereadmonitionandentreatyarevain。Thouknowesthimalready,foramurdererandthief。Ihadthoughttohavebeenthefirsttodisclosetotheehisinfamy;tohavewarnedtheeofthepittowhichthouarthastening;butthyeyesareopeninvain。Ofoulandinsupportabledisgrace!
"Thereisbutonepath。Iknowyouwilldisappeartogether。
Inthyruin,howwillthefelicityandhonorofmultitudesbeinvolved!Butitmustcome。Thissceneshallnotbeblottedbyhispresence。Nodoubtthouwiltshortlyseethydetestedparamour。Thisscenewillbeagainpollutedbyamidnightassignation。Informhimofhisdanger;tellhimthathiscrimesareknown;lethimflyfarandinstantlyfromthisspot,ifhedesirestoavoidthefatewhichmenacedhiminIreland。
"Andwiltthounotstaybehind?——Butshameuponmyweakness。
IknownotwhatIwouldsay——IhavedonewhatIpurposed。Tostaylonger,toexpostulate,tobeseech,toenumeratetheconsequencesofthyact——whatendcanitservebuttoblazonthyinfamyandembitterourwoes?Andyet,Othink,thinkereitbetoolate,onthedistresseswhichthyflightwillentailuponus;onthebase,grovelling,andatrociouscharacterofthewretchtowhomthouhastsoldthyhonor。Butwhatisthis?Isnotthyeffronteryimpenetrable,andthyheartthoroughlycankered?Omostspecious,andmostprofligateofwomen!"
Sayingthis,herushedoutofthehouse。Isawhiminafewmomentshurryingalongthepathwhichledtomybrother's。I
hadnopowertopreventhisgoing,ortorecall,ortofollowhim。TheaccentsIhadheardwerecalculatedtoconfoundandbewilder。Ilookedaroundmetoassuremyselfthatthescenewasreal。ImovedthatImightbanishthedoubtthatIwasawake。SuchenormousimputationsfromthemouthofPleyel!Tobestigmatizedwiththenamesofwantonandprofligate!Tobechargedwiththesacrificeofhonor!withmidnightmeetingswithawretchknowntobeamurdererandthief!withanintentiontoflyinhiscompany!
WhatIhadheardwassurelythedictateofphrenzy,oritwasbuiltuponsomefatal,someincomprehensiblemistake。Afterthehorrorsofthenight;afterundergoingperilssoimminentfromthisman,tobesummonedtoaninterviewlikethis;tofindPleyelfraughtwithabeliefthat,insteadofhavingchosendeathasarefugefromtheviolenceofthisman,Ihadhuggedhisbasenesstomyheart,hadsacrificedforhimmypurity,myspotlessname,myfriendships,andmyfortune!thatevenmadnesscouldengenderaccusationslikethesewasnottobebelieved。
Whatevidencecouldpossiblysuggestconceptionssowild?
Aftertheunlooked-forinterviewwithCarwininmychamber,heretired。CouldPleyelhaveobservedhisexit?ItwasnotlongafterthatPleyelhimselfentered。Didhebuildonthisincident,hisodiousconclusions?Couldthelongseriesofmyactionsandsentimentsgrantmenoexemptionfromsuspicionssofoul?WasitnotmorerationaltoinferthatCarwin'sdesignshadbeenillicit;thatmylifehadbeenendangeredbythefuryofonewhom,bysomemeans,hehaddiscoveredtobeanassassinandrobber;thatmyhonorhadbeenassailed,notbyblandishments,butbyviolence?
Hehasjudgedmewithouthearing。Hehasdrawnfromdubiousappearances,conclusionsthemostimprobableandunjust。Hehasloadedmewithalloutrageousepithets。Hehasrankedmewithprostitutesandthieves。Icannotpardonthee,Pleyel,forthisinjustice。Thyunderstandingmustbehurt。Ifitbenot,ifthyconductwassoberanddeliberate,Icanneverforgiveanoutragesounmanly,andsogross。
Thesethoughtsgraduallygaveplacetoothers。Pleyelwaspossessedbysomemomentaryphrenzy:appearanceshadledhimintopalpableerrors。Whencecouldhissagacityhavecontractedthisblindness?Wasitnotlove?PreviouslyassuredofmyaffectionforCarwin,distractedwithgriefandjealousy,andimpelledhitheratthatlatehourbysomeunknowninstigation,hisimaginationtransformedshadowsintomonsters,andplungedhimintothesedeplorableerrors。
Thisideawasnotunattendedwithconsolation。Mysoulwasdividedbetweenindignationathisinjustice,anddelightonaccountofthesourcefromwhichIconceivedittospring。Foralongtimetheywouldallowadmissiontonootherthoughts。
Surprizeisanemotionthatenfeebles,notinvigorates。Allmymeditationswereaccompaniedwithwonder。Irambledwithvagueness,orclungtooneimagewithanobstinacywhichsufficientlytestifiedthemaddeninginfluenceoflatetransactions。
GraduallyIproceededtoreflectupontheconsequencesofPleyel'smistake,andonthemeasuresIshouldtaketoguardmyselfagainstfutureinjuryfromCarwin。ShouldIsufferthismistaketobedetectedbytime?Whenhispassionshouldsubside,wouldhenotperceivetheflagrancyofhisinjustice,andhastentoatoneforit?Diditnotbecomemycharactertotestifyresentmentforlanguageandtreatmentsoopprobrious?
Wraptupintheconsciousnessofinnocence,andconfidingintheinfluenceoftimeandreflectiontoconfutesogroundlessacharge,itwasmyprovincetobepassiveandsilent。
AstotheviolencesmeditatedbyCarwin,andthemeansofeludingthem,thepathtobetakenbymewasobvious。I
resolvedtotellthetaletomybrother,andregulatemyselfbyhisadvice。Forthisend,whenthemorningwassomewhatadvanced,Itookthewaytohishouse。Mysisterwasengagedinhercustomaryoccupations。AssoonasIappeared,sheremarkedachangeinmylooks。IwasnotwillingtoalarmherbytheinformationwhichIhadtocommunicate。Herhealthwasinthatconditionwhichrenderedadisastroustaleparticularlyunsuitable。Iforboreadirectanswertoherinquiries,andinquired,inmyturn,forWieland。
"Why,"saidshe,"Isuspectsomethingmysteriousandunpleasanthashappenedthismorning。ScarcelyhadwerisenwhenPleyeldroppedamongus。WhatcouldhavepromptedhimtomakeussoearlyandsounseasonableavisitIcannottell。Tojudgefromthedisorderofhisdress,andhiscountenance,somethingofanextraordinarynaturehasoccurred。Hepermittedmemerelytoknowthathehadsleptnone,norevenundressed,duringthepastnight。Hetookyourbrothertowalkwithhim。
Sometopicmusthavedeeplyengagedthem,forWielanddidnotreturntillthebreakfasthourwaspassed,andreturnedalone。
Hisdisturbancewasexcessive;buthewouldnotlistentomyimportunities,ortellmewhathadhappened。Igatheredfromhintswhichheletfall,thatyoursituationwas,insomeway,thecause:yetheassuredmethatyouwereatyourownhouse,alive,ingoodhealth,andinperfectsafety。Hescarcelyateamorsel,andimmediatelyafterbreakfastwentoutagain。Hewouldnotinformmewhitherhewasgoing,butmentionedthatheprobablymightnotreturnbeforenight。"
Iwasequallyastonishedandalarmedbythisinformation。
Pleyelhadtoldhistaletomybrother,andhad,byaplausibleandexaggeratedpicture,instilledintohimunfavorablethoughtsofme。YetwouldnotthemorecorrectjudgmentofWielandperceiveandexposethefallacyofhisconclusions?PerhapshisuneasinessmightarisefromsomeinsightintothecharacterofCarwin,andfromapprehensionsformysafety。TheappearancesbywhichPleyelhadbeenmisled,mightinducehimlikewisetobelievethatIentertainedanindiscreet,thoughnotdishonorableaffectionforCarwin。Suchweretheconjecturesrapidlyformed。Iwasinexpressiblyanxioustochangethemintocertainty。Forthisendaninterviewwithmybrotherwasdesirable。Hewasgone,nooneknewwhither,andwasnotexpectedspeedilytoreturn。Ihadnocluebywhichtotracehisfootsteps。
Myanxietiescouldnotbeconcealedfrommysister。Theyheightenedhersolicitudetobeacquaintedwiththecause。
Thereweremanyreasonspersuadingmetosilence:atleast,tillIhadseenmybrother,itwouldbeanactofinexcusabletemeritytounfoldwhathadlatelypassed。Nootherexpedientforeludingherimportunitiesoccurredtome,butthatofreturningtomyownhouse。Irecollectedmydeterminationtobecomeatenantofthisroof。Imentionedittoher。Shejoyfullyaccededtothisproposal,andsufferedme,withlessreluctance,todepart,whenItoldherthatitwaswithaviewtocollectandsendtomynewdwellingwhatarticleswouldbeimmediatelyusefultome。
OncemoreIreturnedtothehousewhichhadbeenthesceneofsomuchturbulenceanddanger。IwasatnogreatdistancefromitwhenIobservedmybrothercomingout。Onseeingmehestopped,andafterascertaining,asitseemed,whichwayIwasgoing,hereturnedintothehousebeforeme。Isincerelyrejoicedatthisevent,andIhastenedtosetthings,ifpossible,ontheirrightfooting。
HisbrowwasbynomeansexpressiveofthosevehementemotionswithwhichPleyelhadbeenagitated。Idrewafavorableomenfromthiscircumstance。WithoutdelayIbegantheconversation。
"Ihavebeentolookforyou,"saidI,"butwastoldbyCatharinethatPleyelhadengagedyouonsomeimportantanddisagreeableaffair。Beforehisinterviewwithyouhespentafewminuteswithme。TheseminutesheemployedinupbraidingmeforcrimesandintentionswithwhichIambynomeanschargeable。Ibelievehimtohavetakenuphisopinionsonveryinsufficientgrounds。Hisbehaviourwasinthehighestdegreeprecipitateandunjust,and,untilIreceivesomeatonement,I
shalltreathim,inmyturn,withthatcontemptwhichhejustlymerits:meanwhileIamfearfulthathehasprejudicedmybrotheragainstme。ThatisanevilwhichImostanxiouslydeprecate,andwhichIshallindeedexertmyselftoremove。Hashemademethesubjectofthismorning'sconversation?"
Mybrother'scountenancetestifiednosurprizeatmyaddress。
Thebenignityofhislookswerenowisediminished。
"Itistrue,"saidhe,"yourconductwasthesubjectofourdiscourse。Iamyourfriend,aswellasyourbrother。ThereisnohumanbeingwhomIlovewithmoretenderness,andwhosewelfareisnearermyheart。JudgethenwithwhatemotionsI
listenedtoPleyel'sstory。Iexpectanddesireyoutovindicateyourselffromaspersionssofoul,ifvindicationbepossible。"
Thetonewithwhichheutteredthelastwordsaffectedmedeeply。"Ifvindicationbepossible!"repeatedI。"Fromwhatyouknow,doyoudeemaformalvindicationnecessary?Canyouharbourforamomentthebeliefofmyguilt?"
Heshookhisheadwithanairofacuteanguish。"Ihavestruggled,"saidhe,"todismissthatbelief。Youspeakbeforeajudgewhowillprofitbyanypretencetoacquityou:whoisreadytoquestionhisownsenseswhentheypleadagainstyou。"
Thesewordsincitedanewsetofthoughtsinmymind。I
begantosuspectthatPleyelhadbuilthisaccusationsonsomefoundationunknowntome。"Imaybeastrangertothegroundsofyourbelief。Pleyelloadedmewithindecentandvirulentinvectives,buthewithheldfrommethefactsthatgeneratedhissuspicions。Eventstookplacelastnightofwhichsomeofthecircumstanceswereofanambiguousnature。Iconceivedthatthesemightpossiblyhavefallenunderhiscognizance,andthat,viewedthroughthemistsofprejudiceandpassion,theysuppliedapretenceforhisconduct,butbelievedthatyourmoreunbiassedjudgmentwouldestimatethemattheirjustvalue。
PerhapshistalehasbeendifferentfromwhatIsuspectittobe。Listenthentomynarrative。Iftherebeanythinginhisstoryinconsistentwithmine,hisstoryisfalse。"
Ithenproceededtoacircumstantialrelationoftheincidentsofthelastnight。Wielandlistenedwithdeepattention。Havingfinished,"This,"continuedI,"isthetruth;
youseeinwhatcircumstancesaninterviewtookplacebetweenCarwinandme。Heremainedforhoursinmycloset,andforsomeminutesinmychamber。Hedepartedwithouthasteorinterruption。IfPleyelmarkedhimasheleftthehouse,anditisnotimpossiblethathedid,inferencesinjurioustomycharactermightsuggestthemselvestohim。Inadmittingthem,hegaveproofsoflessdiscernmentandlesscandorthanIonceascribedtohim。"
"Hisproofs,"saidWieland,afteraconsiderablepause,"aredifferent。Thatheshouldbedeceived,isnotpossible。Thathehimselfisnotthedeceiver,couldnotbebelieved,ifhistestimonywerenotinconsistentwithyours;butthedoubtswhichIentertainedarenowremoved。Yourtale,somepartsofit,ismarvellous;thevoicewhichexclaimedagainstyourrashnessinapproachingthecloset,yourpersistingnotwithstandingthatprohibition,yourbeliefthatIwastheruffian,andyoursubsequentconduct,arebelievedbyme,becauseIhaveknownyoufromchildhood,becauseathousandinstanceshaveattestedyourveracity,andbecausenothinglessthanmyownhearingandvisionwouldconvinceme,inoppositiontoherownassertions,thatmysisterhadfallenintowickednesslikethis。"
Ithrewmyarmsaroundhim,andbathedhischeekwithmytears。"That,"saidI,"isspokenlikemybrother。Butwhataretheproofs?"
Hereplied——"Pleyelinformedmethat,ingoingtoyourhouse,hisattentionwasattractedbytwovoices。Thepersonsspeakingsatbeneaththebankoutofsight。Thesepersons,judgingbytheirvoices,wereCarwinandyou。Iwillnotrepeatthedialogue。Ifmysisterwasthefemale,Pleyelwasjustifiedinconcludingyoutobe,indeed,oneofthemostprofligateofwomen。Hence,hisaccusationsofyou,andhiseffortstoobtainmyconcurrencetoaplanbywhichaneternalseparationshouldbebroughtaboutbetweenmysisterandthisman。"
ImadeWielandrepeatthisrecital。Here,indeed,wasataletofillmewithterribleforeboding。Ihadvainlythoughtthatmysafetycouldbesufficientlysecuredbydoorsandbars,butthisisafoefromwhosegraspnopowerofdivinitycansaveme!
Hisartificeswilleverlaymyfameandhappinessathismercy。
HowshallIcounterworkhisplots,ordetecthiscoadjutor?Hehastaughtsomevileandabandonedfemaletomimicmyvoice。
Pleyel'searswerethewitnessesofmydishonor。Thisisthemidnightassignationtowhichhealluded。Thusisthesilencehemaintainedwhenattemptingtoopenthedoorofmychamber,accountedfor。Hesupposedmeabsent,andmeant,perhaps,hadmyapartmentbeenaccessible,toleaveinitsomeaccusingmemorial。
Pleyelwasnolongerequallyculpable。Thesincerityofhisanguish,thedepthofhisdespair,Irememberedwithsometendenciestogratitude。Yetwashenotprecipitate?Wastheconjecturethatmypartwasplayedbysomemimicsoutterlyuntenable?Instancesofthisfacultyarecommon。ThewickednessofCarwinmust,inhisopinion,havebeenadequatetosuchcontrivances,andyetthesuppositionofmyguiltwasadoptedinpreferencetothat。
Buthowwasthiserrortobeunveiled?WhatbutmyownassertionhadItothrowinthebalanceagainstit?Wouldthisbepermittedtooutweighthetestimonyofhissenses?Ihadnowitnessestoprovemyexistenceinanotherplace。Therealeventsofthatnightaremarvellous。Few,towhomtheyshouldberelated,wouldscrupletodiscreditthem。Pleyelisscepticalinatranscendantdegree。IcannotsummonCarwintomybar,andmakehimtheattestorofmyinnocence,andtheaccuserofhimself。
Mybrothersawandcomprehendedmydistress。Hewasunacquainted,however,withthefullextentofit。HeknewnotbyhowmanymotivesIwasincitedtoretrievethegoodopinionofPleyel。Heendeavoredtoconsoleme。Somenewevent,hesaid,wouldoccurtodisentanglethemaze。Hedidnotquestiontheinfluenceofmyeloquence,ifIthoughtpropertoexertit。
WhynotseekaninterviewwithPleyel,andexactfromhimaminuterelation,inwhichsomethingmaybemetwithservingtodestroytheprobabilityofthewhole?
Icaught,witheagerness,atthishope;butmyalacritywasdampedbynewreflections。ShouldI,perfectinthisrespect,andunblemishedasIwas,thrustmyself,uncalled,intohispresence,andmakemyfelicitydependuponhisarbitraryverdict?
"Ifyouchusetoseekaninterview,"continuedWieland,"youmustmakehaste,forPleyelinformedmeofhisintentiontosetoutthiseveningorto-morrowonalongjourney。"
Nointelligencewaslessexpectedorlesswelcomethanthis。
Ihadthrownmyselfinawindowseat;butnow,startingonmyfeet,Iexclaimed,"Goodheavens!whatisityousay?ajourney?whither?when?"
"Icannotsaywhither。ItisasuddenresolutionIbelieve。
Ididnothearofittillthismorning。Hepromisestowritetomeassoonasheissettled。"
Ineedednofurtherinformationastothecauseandissueofthisjourney。Theschemeofhappinesstowhichhehaddevotedhisthoughtswasblastedbythediscoveryoflastnight。Mypreferenceofanother,andmyunworthinesstobeanylongertheobjectofhisadoration,wereevincedbythesameactandinthesamemoment。Thethoughtofutterdesertion,adesertionoriginatinginsuchacause,wasthepreludetodistraction。
ThatPleyelshouldabandonmeforever,becauseIwasblindtohisexcellence,becauseIcovetedpollution,andweddedinfamy,when,onthecontrary,myheartwastheshrineofallpurity,andbeatonlyforhissake,wasadestinywhich,aslongasmylifewasinmyownhands,Iwouldbynomeansconsenttoendure。
Irememberedthatthisevilwasstillpreventable;thatthisfataljourneyitwasstillinmypowertoprocrastinate,or,perhaps,tooccasionittobelaidaside。Therewerenoimpedimentstoavisit:Ionlydreadedlesttheinterviewshouldbetoolongdelayed。Mybrotherbefriendedmyimpatience,andreadilyconsentedtofurnishmewithachaiseandservanttoattendme。MypurposewastogoimmediatelytoPleyel'sfarm,wherehisengagementsusuallydetainedhimduringtheday。
ChapterXII
Mywaylaythroughthecity。IhadscarcelyentereditwhenIwasseizedwithageneralsensationofsickness。Everyobjectgrewdimandswambeforemysight。ItwaswithdifficultyI
preventedmyselffromsinkingtothebottomofthecarriage。I
orderedmyselftobecarriedtoMrs。Baynton's,inhopethatanintervalofreposewouldinvigorateandrefreshme。Mydistractedthoughtswouldallowmebutlittlerest。Growingsomewhatbetterintheafternoon,Iresumedmyjourney。
Mycontemplationswerelimitedtoafewobjects。Iregardedmysuccess,inthepurposewhichIhadinview,asconsiderablydoubtful。Idepended,insomedegree,onthesuggestionsofthemoment,andonthematerialswhichPleyelhimselfshouldfurnishme。WhenIreflectedonthenatureoftheaccusation,Iburnedwithdisdain。Wouldnottruth,andtheconsciousnessofinnocence,rendermetriumphant?ShouldInotcastfromme,withirresistibleforce,suchatrociousimputations?
Whatanentireandmournfulchangehasbeeneffectedinafewhours!Thegulfthatseparatesmanfrominsectsisnotwiderthanthatwhichseversthepollutedfromthechasteamongwomen。
Yesterdayandto-dayIamthesame。Thereisadegreeofdepravitytowhichitisimpossibleformetosink;yet,intheapprehensionofanother,myancientandintimateassociate,theperpetualwitnessofmyactions,andpartakerofmythoughts,I
hadceasedtobethesame。Myintegritywastarnishedandwitheredinhiseyes。Iwasthecolleagueofamurderer,andtheparamourofathief!
Hisopinionwasnotdestituteofevidence:yetwhatproofscouldreasonablyavailtoestablishanopinionlikethis?Ifthesentimentscorrespondednotwiththevoicethatwasheard,theevidencewasdeficient;butthiswantofcorrespondencewouldhavebeensupposedbymeifIhadbeentheauditorandPleyelthecriminal。Butmimicrymightstillmoreplausiblyhavebeenemployedtoexplainthescene。Alas!itisthefateofClaraWielandtofallintothehandsofaprecipitateandinexorablejudge。