Butthehasteningeveningwilldecide。Woulditwerecome!
AndyetIshudderatitsnearapproach。Aninterviewthatmustthusterminate,issurelytobewishedforbyme;andyetitisnotwithoutitsterrors。Wouldtoheavenitwerecomeandgone!
Ifeelnoreluctance,myfriendstobethusexplicit。Timewas,whentheseemotionswouldbehiddenwithimmeasurablesolicitude,fromeveryhumaneye。Alas!theseairyandfleetingimpulsesofshamearegone。Myscrupleswerepreposterousandcriminal。Theyarebredinallhearts,byaperverseandviciouseducation,andtheywouldstillhavemaintainedtheirplaceinmyheart,hadnotmyportionbeensetinmisery。Myerrorshavetaughtmethusmuchwisdom;thatthosesentimentswhichweoughtnottodisclose,itiscriminaltoharbour。
Itwasproposedtobegintherehearsalatfouro'clock;I
countedtheminutesastheypassed;theirflightwasatoncetoorapidandtooslow;mysensationswereofanexcruciatingkind;
Icouldtastenofood,norapplytoanytask,norenjoyamoment'srepose:whenthehourarrived,Ihastenedtomybrother's。
Pleyelwasnotthere。Hehadnotyetcome。Onordinaryoccasions,hewaseminentforpunctuality。Hehadtestifiedgreateagernesstoshareinthepleasuresofthisrehearsal。Hewastodividethetaskwithmybrother,and,intaskslikethese,healwaysengagedwithpeculiarzeal。Hiselocutionwaslesssweetthansonorous;and,therefore,betteradaptedthanthemellifluencesofhisfriend,totheoutrageousvehemenceofthisdrama。
Whatcoulddetainhim?Perhapshelingeredthroughforgetfulness。Yetthiswasincredible。Neverhadhismemorybeenknowntofailuponevenmoretrivialoccasions。Notlessimpossiblewasit,thattheschemehadlostitsattractions,andthathestaid,becausehiscomingwouldaffordhimnogratification。Butwhyshouldweexpecthimtoadheretotheminute?
Anhalfhourelapsed,butPleyelwasstillatadistance。
Perhapshehadmisunderstoodthehourwhichhadbeenproposed。
Perhapshehadconceivedthatto-morrow,andnotto-day,hadbeenselectedforthispurpose:butno。Areviewofprecedingcircumstancesdemonstratedthatsuchmisapprehensionwasimpossible;forhehadhimselfproposedthisday,andthishour。
Thisday,hisattentionwouldnototherwisebeoccupied;butto-morrow,anindispensibleengagementwasforeseen,bywhichallhistimewouldbeengrossed:hisdetention,therefore,mustbeowingtosomeunforeseenandextraordinaryevent。Ourconjectureswerevague,tumultuous,andsometimesfearful。Hissicknessandhisdeathmightpossiblyhavedetainedhim。
Torturedwithsuspense,wesatgazingateachother,andatthepathwhichledfromtheroad。Everyhorsemanthatpassedwas,foramoment,imaginedtobehim。Hoursucceededhour,andthesun,graduallydeclining,atlength,disappeared。Everysignalofhiscomingprovedfallacious,andourhopeswereatlengthdismissed。Hisabsenceaffectedmyfriendsinnoinsupportabledegree。Theyshouldbeobliged,theysaid,todeferthisundertakingtillthemorrow;and,perhaps,theirimpatientcuriositywouldcompelthemtodispenseentirelywithhispresence。Nodoubt,someharmlessoccurrencehaddivertedhimfromhispurpose;andtheytrustedthattheyshouldreceiveasatisfactoryaccountofhiminthemorning。
Itmaybesupposedthatthisdisappointmentaffectedmeinaverydifferentmanner。Iturnedasidemyheadtoconcealmytears。Ifledintosolitude,togiveventtomyreproaches,withoutinterruptionorrestraint。Myheartwasreadytoburstwithindignationandgrief。Pleyelwasnottheonlyobjectofmykeenbutunjustupbraiding。DeeplydidIexecratemyownfolly。ThusfallenintoruinswasthegayfabricwhichIhadreared!Thushadmygoldenvisionmeltedintoair!
HowfondlydidIdreamthatPleyelwasalover!Ifhewere,wouldhehavesufferedanyobstacletohinderhiscoming?Blindandinfatuatedman!Iexclaimed。Thousportestwithhappiness。
Thegoodthatisofferedthee,thouhasttheinsolenceandfollytorefuse。Well,Iwillhenceforthintrustmyfelicitytonoone'skeepingbutmyown。
Thefirstagoniesofthisdisappointmentwouldnotallowmetobereasonableorjust。EverygroundonwhichIhadbuiltthepersuasionthatPleyelwasnotunimpressedinmyfavor,appearedtovanish。ItseemedasifIhadbeenmisledintothisopinion,bythemostpalpableillusions。
Imadesometriflingexcuse,andreturned,muchearlierthanIexpected,tomyownhouse。Iretiredearlytomychamber,withoutdesigningtosleep。Iplacedmyselfatawindow,andgavethereinstoreflection。
Thehatefulanddegradingimpulseswhichhadlatelycontrouledmewere,insomedegree,removed。Newdejectionsucceeded,butwasnowproducedbycontemplatingmylatebehaviour。Surelythatpassionisworthytobeabhorredwhichobscuresourunderstanding,andurgesustothecommissionofinjustice。WhatrighthadItoexpecthisattendance?HadI
notdemeanedmyselflikeoneindifferenttohishappiness,andashavingbestowedmyregardsuponanother?HisabsencemightbepromptedbythelovewhichIconsideredhisabsenceasaproofthathewanted。Hecamenotbecausethesightofme,thespectacleofmycoldnessoraversion,contributedtohisdespair。WhyshouldIprolong,byhypocrisyorsilence,hismiseryaswellasmyown?Whynotdealwithhimexplicitly,andassurehimofthetruth?
Youwillhardlybelievethat,inobediencetothissuggestion,Iroseforthepurposeoforderingalight,thatI
mightinstantlymakethisconfessioninaletter。Asecondthoughtshewedmetherashnessofthisscheme,andIwonderedbywhatinfirmityofmindIcouldbebetrayedintoamomentaryapprobationofit。Isawwiththeutmostclearnessthataconfessionlikethatwouldbethemostremedilessandunpardonableoutrageuponthedignityofmysex,andutterlyunworthyofthatpassionwhichcontrouledme。
Iresumedmyseatandmymusing。ToaccountfortheabsenceofPleyelbecameoncemorethescopeofmyconjectures。Howmanyincidentsmightoccurtoraiseaninsuperableimpedimentinhisway?WhenIwasachild,aschemeofpleasure,inwhichheandhissisterwereparties,hadbeen,inlikemanner,frustratedbyhisabsence;buthisabsence,inthatinstance,hadbeenoccasionedbyhisfallingfromaboatintotheriver,inconsequenceofwhichhehadrunthemostimminenthazardofbeingdrowned。Herewasaseconddisappointmentenduredbythesamepersons,andproducedbyhisfailure。Mightitnotoriginateinthesamecause?HadhenotdesignedtocrosstheriverthatmorningtomakesomenecessarypurchasesinJersey?
Hehadpreconcertedtoreturntohisownhousetodinner;but,perhaps,somedisasterhadbefallenhim。Experiencehadtaughtmetheinsecurityofacanoe,andthatwastheonlykindofboatwhichPleyelused:Iwas,likewise,actuatedbyanhereditarydreadofwater。Thesecircumstancescombinedtobestowconsiderableplausibilityonthisconjecture;buttheconsternationwithwhichIbegantobeseizedwasallayedbyreflecting,thatifthisdisasterhadhappenedmybrotherwouldhavereceivedthespeediestinformationofit。Theconsolationwhichthisideaimpartedwasravishedfrommebyanewthought。
Thisdisastermighthavehappened,andhisfamilynotbeapprizedofit。Thefirstintelligenceofhisfatemaybecommunicatedbythelividcorpsewhichthetidemaycast,manydayshence,upontheshore。
ThuswasIdistressedbyoppositeconjectures:thuswasI
tormentedbyphantomsofmyowncreation。Itwasnotalwaysthus。Icanascertainthedatewhenmymindbecamethevictimofthisimbecility;perhapsitwascoevalwiththeinroadofafatalpassion;apassionthatwillneverrankmeinthenumberofitseulogists;itwasalonesufficienttotheexterminationofmypeace:itwasitselfaplenteoussourceofcalamity,andneedednottheconcurrenceofotherevilstotakeawaytheattractionsofexistence,anddigformeanuntimelygrave。
Thestateofmymindnaturallyintroducedatrainofreflectionsuponthedangersandcareswhichinevitablybesetanhumanbeing。BynoviolenttransitionwasIledtoponderontheturbulentlifeandmysteriousendofmyfather。I
cherished,withtheutmostveneration,thememoryofthisman,andeveryreliqueconnectedwithhisfatewaspreservedwiththemostscrupulouscare。Amongthesewastobenumberedamanuscript,containingmemoirsofhisownlife。Thenarrativewasbynomeansrecommendedbyitseloquence;butneitherdidallitsvalueflowfrommyrelationshiptotheauthor。Itsstilehadanunaffectedandpicturesquesimplicity。Thegreatvarietyandcircumstantialdisplayoftheincidents,togetherwiththeirintrinsicimportance,asdescriptiveofhumanmannersandpassions,madeitthemostusefulbookinmycollection。Itwaslate;butbeingsensibleofnoinclinationtosleep,I
resolvedtobetakemyselftotheperusalofit。
Todothisitwasrequisitetoprocurealight。Thegirlhadlongsinceretiredtoherchamber:itwasthereforepropertowaituponmyself。Alamp,andthemeansoflightingit,wereonlytobefoundinthekitchen。ThitherIresolvedforthwithtorepair;butthelightwasofusemerelytoenablemetoreadthebook。Iknewtheshelfandthespotwhereitstood。
WhetherItookdownthebook,orpreparedthelampinthefirstplace,appearedtobeamatterofnomoment。Thelatterwaspreferred,and,leavingmyseat,Iapproachedtheclosetinwhich,asImentionedformerly,mybooksandpapersweredeposited。
Suddenlytheremembranceofwhathadlatelypassedinthisclosetoccurred。Whethermidnightwasapproaching,orhadpassed,Iknewnot。Iwas,asthen,alone,anddefenceless。
Thewindwasinthatdirectioninwhich,aidedbythedeathlikereposeofnature,itbroughttomethemurmurofthewater-fall。
Thiswasmingledwiththatsolemnandenchantingsound,whichabreezeproducesamongtheleavesofpines。Thewordsofthatmysteriousdialogue,theirfearfulimport,andthewildexcesstowhichIwastransportedbymyterrors,filledmyimaginationanew。Mystepsfaultered,andIstoodamomenttorecovermyself。
Iprevailedonmyselfatlengthtomovetowardsthecloset。
Itouchedthelock,butmyfingerswerepowerless;Iwasvisitedafreshbyunconquerableapprehensions。Asortofbeliefdartedintomymind,thatsomebeingwasconcealedwithin,whosepurposeswereevil。Ibegantocontendwiththosefears,whenitoccurredtomethatImight,withoutimpropriety,goforalamppreviouslytoopeningthecloset。Irecededafewsteps;
butbeforeIreachedmychamberdoormythoughtstookanewdirection。Motionseemedtoproduceamechanicalinfluenceuponme。Iwasashamedofmyweakness。Besides,whataidcouldbeaffordedmebyalamp?
Myfearshadpicturedtothemselvesnopreciseobject。Itwouldbedifficulttodepict,inwords,theingredientsandhuesofthatphantomwhichhauntedme。Anhandinvisibleandofpreternaturalstrength,liftedbyhumanpassions,andselectingmylifeforitsaim,werepartsofthisterrificimage。Allplaceswerealikeaccessibletothisfoe,orifhisempirewererestrictedbylocalbounds,thoseboundswereutterlyinscrutablebyme。ButhadInotbeentoldbysomeoneinleaguewiththisenemy,thateveryplacebuttherecessinthebankwasexemptfromdanger?
Ireturnedtothecloset,andoncemoreputmyhanduponthelock。O!maymyearslosetheirsensibility,eretheybeagainassailedbyashrieksoterrible!Notmerelymyunderstandingwassubduedbythesound:itactedonmynerveslikeanedgeofsteel。Itappearedtocutasunderthefibresofmybrain,andrackeveryjointwithagony。
Thecry,loudandpiercingasitwas,wasneverthelesshuman。
Noarticulationwasevermoredistinct。Thebreathwhichaccompanieditdidnotfanmyhair,yetdideverycircumstancecombinetopersuademethatthelipswhichutteredittouchedmyveryshoulder。
"Hold!Hold!"werethewordsofthistremendousprohibition,inwhosetonethewholesoulseemedtobewrappedup,andeveryenergyconvertedintoeagernessandterror。
Shuddering,Idashedmyselfagainstthewall,andbythesameinvoluntaryimpulse,turnedmyfacebackwardtoexaminethemysteriousmonitor。Themoon-lightstreamedintoeachwindow,andeverycorneroftheroomwasconspicuous,andyetIbeheldnothing!
Theintervalwastoobrieftobeartificiallymeasured,betweentheutteranceofthesewords,andmyscrutinydirectedtothequarterwhencetheycame。Yetifahumanbeinghadbeenthere,couldhefailtohavebeenvisible?Whichofmysenseswasthepreyofafatalillusion?Theshockwhichthesoundproducedwasstillfeltineverypartofmyframe。Thesound,therefore,couldnotbutbeagenuinecommotion。ButthatIhadheardit,wasnotmoretruethanthatthebeingwhouttereditwasstationedatmyrightear;yetmyattendantwasinvisible。
Icannotdescribethestateofmythoughtsatthatmoment。
Surprizehadmasteredmyfaculties。Myframeshook,andthevitalcurrentwascongealed。Iwasconsciousonlytothevehemenceofmysensations。Thisconditioncouldnotbelasting。Likeatide,whichsuddenlymountstoanoverwhelmingheight,andthengraduallysubsides,myconfusionslowlygaveplacetoorder,andmytumultstoacalm。Iwasabletodeliberateandmove。Iresumedmyfeet,andadvancedintothemidstoftheroom。Upward,andbehind,andoneachside,I
threwpenetratingglances。Iwasnotsatisfiedwithoneexamination。Hethathithertorefusedtobeseen,mightchangehispurpose,andonthenextsurveybeclearlydistinguishable。
Solitudeimposesleastrestraintuponthefancy。Darkislessfertileofimagesthanthefeeblelustreofthemoon。I
wasalone,andthewallswerechequeredbyshadowyforms。Asthemoonpassedbehindacloudandemerged,theseshadowsseemedtobeendowedwithlife,andtomove。Theapartmentwasopentothebreeze,andthecurtainwasoccasionallyblownfromitsordinaryposition。Thismotionwasnotunaccompaniedwithsound。Ifailednottosnatchalook,andtolistenwhenthismotionandthissoundoccurred。Mybeliefthatmymonitorwaspostednear,wasstrong,andinstantlyconvertedtheseappearancestotokensofhispresence,andyetIcoulddiscernnothing。
Whenmythoughtswereatlengthpermittedtoreverttothepast,thefirstideathatoccurredwastheresemblancebetweenthewordsofthevoicewhichIhadjustheard,andthosewhichhadterminatedmydreaminthesummer-house。Therearemeansbywhichweareabletodistinguishasubstancefromashadow,arealityfromthephantomofadream。Thepit,mybrotherbeckoningmeforward,theseizureofmyarm,andthevoicebehind,weresurelyimaginary。Thattheseincidentswerefashionedinmysleep,issupportedbythesameindubitableevidencethatcompelsmetobelievemyselfawakeatpresent;yetthewordsandthevoicewerethesame。Then,bysomeinexplicablecontrivance,Iwasawareofthedanger,whilemyactionsandsensationswerethoseofonewhollyunacquaintedwithit。Now,wasitnotequallytruethatmyactionsandpersuasionswereatwar?Hadnotthebelief,thatevillurkedinthecloset,gainedadmittance,andhadnotmyactionsbetokenedanunwarrantablesecurity?Toobviatetheeffectsofmyinfatuation,thesamemeanshadbeenused。
Inmydream,hethattemptedmetomydestruction,wasmybrother。Deathwasambushedinmypath。FromwhatevilwasI
nowrescued?Whatministerorimplementofillwasshutupinthisrecess?WhowasitwhosesuffocatinggraspIwastofeel,shouldIdaretoenterit?Whatmonstrousconceptionisthis?
mybrother!
No;protection,andnotinjuryishisprovince。Strangeandterriblechimera!Yetitwouldnotbesuddenlydismissed。Itwassurelynovulgaragencythatgavethisformtomyfears。Hetowhomallpartsoftimeareequallypresent,whomnocontingencyapproaches,wastheauthorofthatspellwhichnowseizeduponme。Lifewasdeartome。Noconsiderationwaspresentthatenjoinedmetorelinquishit。Sacreddutycombinedwitheveryspontaneoussentimenttoendeartomemybeing。
ShouldInotshudderwhenmybeingwasendangered?ButwhatemotionshouldpossessmewhenthearmliftedaginstmewasWieland's?
Ideasexistinourmindsthatcanbeaccountedforbynoestablishedlaws。WhydidIdreamthatmybrotherwasmyfoe?
Whybutbecauseanomenofmyfatewasordainedtobecommunicated?Yetwhatsalutaryenddiditserve?Diditarmmewithcautiontoelude,orfortitudetobeartheevilstowhichIwasreserved?Mypresentthoughtswere,nodoubt,indebtedfortheirhuetothesimilitudeexistingbetweentheseincidentsandthoseofmydream。Surelyitwasphrenzythatdictatedmydeed。Thataruffianwashiddeninthecloset,wasanidea,thegenuinetendencyofwhichwastourgemetoflight。
Suchhadbeentheeffectformerlyproduced。Hadmymindbeensimplyoccupiedwiththisthoughtatpresent,nodoubt,thesameimpulsewouldhavebeenexperienced;butnowitwasmybrotherwhomIwasirresistablypersuadedtoregardasthecontriverofthatillofwhichIhadbeenforewarned。Thispersuasiondidnotextenuatemyfearsormydanger。WhythendidIagainapproachtheclosetandwithdrawthebolt?Myresolutionwasinstantlyconceived,andexecutedwithoutfaultering。
Thedoorwasformedoflightmaterials。Thelock,ofsimplestructure,easilyforewentitshold。Itopenedintotheroom,andcommonlymoveduponitshinges,afterbeingunfastened,withoutanyeffortofmine。Thiseffort,however,wasbestoweduponthepresentoccasion。Itwasmypurposetoopenitwithquickness,buttheexertionwhichImadewasineffectual。Itrefusedtoopen。
Atanothertime,thiscircumstancewouldnothavelookedwithafaceofmystery。Ishouldhavesupposedsomecasualobstruction,andrepeatedmyeffortstosurmountit。Butnowmymindwasaccessibletonoconjecturebutone。Thedoorwashinderedfromopeningbyhumanforce。Surely,herewasnewcauseforaffright。Thiswasconfirmationpropertodecidemyconduct。Nowwasallgroundofhesitationtakenaway。WhatcouldbesupposedbutthatIdesertedthechamberandthehouse?
thatIatleastendeavourednolongertowithdrawthedoor?
HaveInotsaidthatmyactionsweredictatedbyphrenzy?Myreasonhadforborne,foratime,tosuggestortoswaymyresolves。Ireiteratedmyendeavours。Iexertedallmyforcetoovercometheobstacle,butinvain。Thestrengththatwasexertedtokeepitshut,wassuperiortomine。
Acasualobservermight,perhaps,applaudtheaudaciousnessofthisconduct。Whence,butfromanhabitualdefianceofdanger,couldmyperseverancearise?Ihavealreadyassigned,asdistinctlyasIamable,thecauseofit。Thefranticconceptionthatmybrotherwaswithin,thattheresistancemadetomydesignwasexertedbyhim,hadrooteditselfinmymind。
Youwillcomprehendtheheightofthisinfatuation,whenItellyou,that,findingallmyexertionsvain,Ibetookmyselftoexclamations。SurelyIwasutterlybereftofunderstanding。
NowhadIarrivedatthecrisisofmyfate。"O!hindernotthedoortoopen,"Iexclaimed,inatonethathadlessoffearthanofgriefinit。"Iknowyouwell。Comeforth,butharmmenot。Ibeseechyoucomeforth。"
Ihadtakenmyhandfromthelock,andremovedtoasmalldistancefromthedoor。Ihadscarcelyutteredthesewords,whenthedoorswunguponitshinges,anddisplayedtomyviewtheinteriorofthecloset。Whoeverwaswithin,wasshroudedindarkness。Afewsecondspassedwithoutinterruptionofthesilence。Iknewnotwhattoexpectortofear。Myeyeswouldnotstrayfromtherecess。Presently,adeepsighwasheard。
Thequarterfromwhichitcameheightenedtheeagernessofmygaze。Someoneapproachedfromthefartherend。Iquicklyperceivedtheoutlinesofahumanfigure。Itsstepswereirresoluteandslow。Irecoiledasitadvanced。
Bycomingatlengthwithinthevergeoftheroom,hisformwasclearlydistinguishable。Ihadprefiguredtomyselfaverydifferentpersonage。ThefacethatpresenteditselfwasthelastthatIshoulddesiretomeetatanhour,andinaplacelikethis。Mywonderwasstifledbymyfears。Assassinshadlurkedinthisrecess。Somedivinevoicewarnedmeofdanger,thatatthismomentawaitedme。Ihadspurnedtheintimation,andchallengedmyadversary。
IrecalledthemysteriouscountenanceanddubiouscharacterofCarwin。Whatmotivebutatrociousonescouldguidehisstepshither?Iwasalone。Myhabitsuitedthehour,andtheplace,andthewarmthoftheseason。Allsuccourwasremote。Hehadplacedhimselfbetweenmeandthedoor。Myframeshookwiththevehemenceofmyapprehensions。
YetIwasnotwhollylosttomyself:Ivigilantlymarkedhisdemeanour。Hislooksweregrave,butnotwithoutperturbation。
Whatspeciesofinquietudeitbetrayed,thelightwasnotstrongenoughtoenablemetodiscover。Hestoodstill;buthiseyeswanderedfromoneobjecttoanother。Whenthesepowerfulorganswerefixeduponme,Ishrunkintomyself。Atlength,hebrokesilence。Earnestness,andnotembarrassment,wasinhistone。
Headvancedclosetomewhilehespoke。
"Whatvoicewasthatwhichlatelyaddressedyou?"
Hepausedforananswer;butobservingmytrepidation,heresumed,withundiminishedsolemnity:"Benotterrified。
Whoeverhewas,hehastdoneyouanimportantservice。Ineednotaskyouifitwerethevoiceofacompanion。Thatsoundwasbeyondthecompassofhumanorgans。Theknowledgethatenabledhimtotellyouwhowasinthecloset,wasobtainedbyincomprehensiblemeans。
"YouknewthatCarwinwasthere。Wereyounotapprizedofhisintents?Thesamepowercouldimparttheoneaswellastheother。Yet,knowingthese,youpersisted。Audaciousgirl!but,perhaps,youconfidedinhisguardianship。Yourconfidencewasjust。Withsuccourlikethisathandyoumaysafelydefyme。
"Heismyeternalfoe;thebafflerofmybestconcertedschemes。Twicehaveyoubeensavedbyhisaccursedinterposition。ButforhimIshouldlongerenowhaveborneawaythespoilsofyourhonor。"
Helookedatmewithgreaterstedfastnessthanbefore。I
becameeverymomentmoreanxiousformysafety。ItwaswithdifficultyIstammeredoutanentreatythathewouldinstantlydepart,orsuffermetodoso。Hepaidnoregardtomyrequest,butproceededinamoreimpassionedmanner。
"Whatisityoufear?HaveInottoldyou,youaresafe?
Hasnotoneinwhomyoumorereasonablyplacetrustassuredyouofit?EvenifIexecutemypurpose,whatinjuryisdone?Yourprejudiceswillcallitbythatname,butitmeritsitnot。
"Iwasimpelledbyasentimentthatdoesyouhonor;asentiment,thatwouldsanctifymydeed;but,whateveritbe,youaresafe。Bethischimerastillworshipped;Iwilldonothingtopolluteit。"Therehestopped。
Theaccentsandgesturesofthismanleftmedrainedofallcourage。Surely,onnootheroccasionshouldIhavebeenthuspusillanimous。MystateIregardedasahopelessone。Iwaswhollyatthemercyofthisbeing。WhicheverwayIturnedmyeyes,IsawnoavenuebywhichImightescape。Theresourcesofmypersonalstrength,myingenuity,andmyeloquence,I
estimatedatnothing。Thedignityofvirtue,andtheforceoftruth,Ihadbeenaccustomedtocelebrate;andhadfrequentlyvauntedoftheconquestswhichIshouldmakewiththeirassistance。
Iusedtosupposethatcertainevilscouldneverbefallabeinginpossessionofasoundmind;thattruevirtuesuppliesuswithenergywhichvicecanneverresist;thatitwasalwaysinourpowertoobstruct,byhisowndeath,thedesignsofanenemywhoaimedatlessthanourlife。Howwasitthatasentimentlikedespairhadnowinvadedme,andthatItrustedtotheprotectionofchance,ortothepityofmypersecutor?
Hiswordsimpartedsomenotionoftheinjurywhichhehadmeditated。Hetalkedofobstaclesthathadriseninhisway。
Hehadrelinquishedhisdesign。Thesesourcessuppliedmewithslenderconsolation。Therewasnosecuritybutinhisabsence。
WhenIlookedatmyself,whenIreflectedonthehourandtheplace,Iwasoverpoweredbyhorroranddejection。
Hewassilent,museful,andinattentivetomysituation,yetmadenomotiontodepart。Iwassilentinmyturn。WhatcouldIsay?Iwasconfidentthatreasoninthiscontestwouldbeimpotent。Imustowemysafetytohisownsuggestions。
Whateverpurposebroughthimhither,hehadchangedit。Whythendidheremain?Hisresolutionsmightfluctuate,andthepauseofafewminutesrestoretohimhisfirstresolutions。
Yetwasnotthisthemanwhomwehadtreatedwithunweariedkindness?Whosesocietywasendearedtousbyhisintellectualelevationandaccomplishments?Whohadathousandtimesexpatiatedontheusefulnessandbeautyofvirtue?Whyshouldsuchaonebedreaded?IfIcouldhaveforgottenthecircumstancesinwhichourinterviewhadtakenplace,Imighthavetreatedhiswordsasjests。Presently,heresumed:
"Fearmenot:thespacethatseversusissmall,andallvisiblesuccourisdistant。Youbelieveyourselfcompletelyinmypower;thatyoustanduponthebrinkofruin。Suchareyourgroundlessfears。Icannotliftafingertohurtyou。Easieritwouldbetostopthemooninhercoursethantoinjureyou。
Thepowerthatprotectsyouwouldcrumblemysinews,andreducemetoaheapofashesinamoment,ifIweretoharbourathoughthostiletoyoursafety。
"Thusareappearancesatlengthsolved。LittledidIexpectthattheyoriginatedhence。Whataportionisassignedtoyou?
Scannedbytheeyesofthisintelligence,yourpathwillbewithoutpitstoswallow,orsnarestoentangleyou。Environedbythearmsofthisprotection,allartificeswillbefrustrated,andallmalicerepelled。"
Heresucceededanewpause。Iwasstillobservantofeverygestureandlook。Thetranquilsolemnitythathadlatelypossessedhiscountenancegavewaytoanewexpression。Allnowwastrepidationandanxiety。
"Imustbegone,"saidheinafalteringaccent。"WhydoI
lingerhere?Iwillnotaskyourforgiveness。Iseethatyourterrorsareinvincible。Yourpardonwillbeextortedbyfear,andnotdictatedbycompassion。Imustflyfromyouforever。
Hethatcouldplotagainstyourhonor,mustexpectfromyouandyourfriendspersecutionanddeath。Imustdoommyselftoendlessexile。"
Sayingthis,hehastilylefttheroom。Ilistenedwhilehedescendedthestairs,and,unboltingtheouterdoor,wentforth。
Ididnotfollowhimwithmyeyes,asthemoon-lightwouldhaveenabledmetodo。Relievedbyhisabsence,andexhaustedbytheconflictofmyfears,Ithrewmyselfonachair,andresignedmyselftothosebewilderingideaswhichincidentslikethesecouldnotfailtoproduce。
ChapterX
Ordercouldnotreadilybeintroducedintomythoughts。Thevoicestillrunginmyears。EveryaccentthatwasutteredbyCarwinwasfreshinmyremembrance。Hisunwelcomeapproach,therecognitionofhisperson,hishastydeparture,producedacompleximpressiononmymindwhichnowordscandelineate。I
strovetogiveaslowermotiontomythoughts,andtoregulateaconfusionwhichbecamepainful;butmyeffortswerenugatory。
Icoveredmyeyeswithmyhand,andsat,Iknownothowlong,withoutpowertoarrangeoruttermyconceptions。
Ihadremainedforhours,asIbelieved,inabsolutesolitude。Nothoughtofpersonaldangerhadmolestedmytranquillity。Ihadmadenopreparationfordefence。Whatwasitthatsuggestedthedesignofperusingmyfather'smanuscript?
If,insteadofthis,Ihadretiredtobed,andtosleep,towhatfatemightInothavebeenreserved?Theruffian,whomustalmosthavesuppressedhisbreathingtoscreenhimselffromdiscovery,wouldhavenoticedthissignal,andIshouldhaveawakenedonlytoperishwithaffright,andtoabhormyself。
CouldIhaveremainedunconsciousofmydanger?CouldIhavetranquillysleptinthemidstofsodeadlyasnare?
Andwhowashethatthreatenedtodestroyme?Bywhatmeanscouldhehidehimselfinthiscloset?Surelyheisgiftedwithsupernaturalpower。SuchistheenemyofwhoseattemptsIwasforewarned。DailyIhadseenhimandconversedwithhim。
Nothingcouldbediscernedthroughtheimpenetrableveilofhisduplicity。Whenbusiedinconjectures,astotheauthoroftheevilthatwasthreatened,myminddidnotlight,foramoment,uponhisimage。Yethashenotavowedhimselfmyenemy?Whyshouldhebehereifhehadnotmeditatedevil?
Heconfessesthatthishasbeenhissecondattempt。Whatwasthesceneofhisformerconspiracy?Wasitnothewhosewhispersbetrayedhim?AmIdeceived;orwastherenotafaintresemblancebetweenthevoiceofthismanandthatwhichtalkedofgraspingmythroat,andextinguishingmylifeinamoment?
Thenhehadacolleagueinhiscrime;nowheisalone。Thendeathwasthescopeofhisthoughts;nowaninjuryunspeakablymoredreadful。HowthankfulshouldIbetothepowerthathasinterposedtosaveme!
Thatpowerisinvisible。Itissubjecttothecognizanceofoneofmysenses。Whatarethemeansthatwillinformmeofwhatnatureitis?Hehassethimselftocounterworkthemachinationsofthisman,whohadmenaceddestructiontoallthatisdeartome,andwhosecunninghadsurmountedeveryhumanimpediment。Therewasnonetorescuemefromhisgrasp。Myrashnessevenhastenedthecompletionofhisscheme,andprecludedhimfromthebenefitsofdeliberation。Ihadrobbedhimofthepowertorepentandforbear。HadIbeenapprizedofthedanger,Ishouldhaveregardedmyconductasthemeansofrenderingmyescapefromitimpossible。Such,likewise,seemtohavebeenthefearsofmyinvisibleprotector。Elsewhythatstartlingintreatytorefrainfromopeningthecloset?BywhatinexplicableinfatuationwasIcompelledtoproceed?
Yetmyconductwaswise。Carwin,unabletocomprehendmyfolly,ascribedmybehaviourtomyknowledge。Heconceivedhimselfpreviouslydetected,andsuchdetectionbeingpossibletoflowonlyfromMYheavenlyfriend,andHISenemy,hisfearsacquiredadditionalstrength。
Heisapprizedofthenatureandintentionsofthisbeing。
Perhapsheisahumanagent。Yet,onthatsuppositionhisatchievementsareincredible。WhyshouldIbeselectedastheobjectofhiscare;or,ifameremortal,shouldInotrecognizesomeone,whom,benefitsimpartedandreceivedhadpromptedtoloveme?Whatwerethelimitsanddurationofhisguardianship?
Wasthegeniusofmybirthentrustedbydivinebenignitywiththisprovince?ArehumanfacultiesadequatetoreceivestrongerproofsoftheexistenceofunfetteredandbeneficentintelligencesthanIhavereceived?
Butwhowasthisman'scoadjutor?ThevoicethatacknowledgedanallianceintreacherywithCarwinwarnedmetoavoidthesummer-house。Heassuredmethatthereonlymysafetywasendangered。Hisassurance,asitnowappears,wasfallacious。Wastherenotdeceitinhisadmonition?Washiscompactreallyannulled?Somepurposewas,perhaps,tobeaccomplishedbypreventingmyfuturevisitstothatspot。WhywasIenjoinedsilencetoothers,onthesubjectofthisadmonition,unlessitwereforsomeunauthorizedandguiltypurpose?
Noonebutmyselfwasaccustomedtovisitit。Backward,itwashiddenfromdistantviewbytherock,andinfront,itwasscreenedfromallexamination,bycreepingplants,andthebranchesofcedars。Whatrecesscouldbemorepropitioustosecrecy?Thespiritwhichhaunteditformerlywaspureandrapturous。Itwasafanesacredtothememoryofinfantiledays,andtoblissfulimaginationsofthefuture!Whatagloomyreversehadsucceededsincetheominousarrivalofthisstranger!Now,perhaps,itisthesceneofhismeditations。
Purposesfraughtwithhorror,thatshunthelight,andcontemplatethepollutionofinnocence,arehereengendered,andfostered,andrearedtomaturity。
Suchweretheideasthat,duringthenight,weretumultuouslyrevolvedbyme。IreviewedeveryconversationinwhichCarwinhadborneapart。Istudiedtodiscoverthetrueinferencesdeduciblefromhisdeportmentandwordswithregardtohisformeradventuresandactualviews。IponderedonthecommentswhichhemadeontherelationwhichIhadgivenoftheclosetdialogue。Nonewideassuggestedthemselvesinthecourseofthisreview。Myexpectationhad,fromthefirst,beendisappointedonthesmalldegreeofsurprizewhichthisnarrativeexcitedinhim。Heneverexplicitlydeclaredhisopinionastothenatureofthosevoices,ordecidedwhethertheywererealorvisionary。Herecommendednomeasuresofcautionorprevention。
Butwhatmeasureswerenowtobetaken?Wasthedangerwhichthreatenedmeatanend?HadInothingmoretofear?Iwaslonely,andwithoutmeansofdefence。Icouldnotcalculatethemotivesandregulatethefootstepsofthisperson。Whatcertaintywasthere,thathewouldnotre-assumehispurposes,andswiftlyreturntotheexecutionofthem?
Thisideacoveredmeoncemorewithdismay。HowdeeplydidIregretthesolitudeinwhichIwasplaced,andhowardentlydidIdesirethereturnofday!Butneitheroftheseinconvenienciesweresusceptibleofremedy。Atfirst,itoccurredtometosummonmyservant,andmakeherspendthenightinmychamber;buttheinefficacyofthisexpedienttoenhancemysafetywaseasilyseen。OnceIresolvedtoleavethehouse,andretiretomybrother's,butwasdeterredbyreflectingontheunseasonablenessofthehour,onthealarmwhichmyarrival,andtheaccountwhichIshouldbeobligedtogive,mightoccasion,andonthedangertowhichImightexposemyselfinthewaythither。Ibegan,likewise,toconsiderCarwin'sreturntomolestmeasexceedinglyimprobable。Hehadrelinquished,ofhisownaccord,hisdesign,anddepartedwithoutcompulsion。
"Surely,"saidI,"thereisomnipotenceinthecausethatchangedtheviewsofamanlikeCarwin。Thedivinitythatshieldedmefromhisattemptswilltakesuitablecareofmyfuturesafety。Thustoyieldtomyfearsistodeservethattheyshouldbereal。"