"Bytheway，Icongratulateyou，oldchap，"saidHalidome，whiledrivingtothetheatre；therewasnovulgarhurryabouthiscongratulations，nomorethanabouthimself。"They'reawfullynicepeople，theDennants。"
　　AsenseofhavinghadasealputonhischoicecameoverShelton。
　　"Whereareyougoingtolive？Yououghttocomedownandlivenearus；therearesomerippinghousestobehaddownthere；it'sreallyarippingneighbourhood。HaveyouchuckedtheBar？Yououghttodosomething，youknow；it'llbefatalforyoutohavenothingtodo。I
　　tellyouwhat，Bird:yououghttostandfortheCountyCouncil。"
　　ButbeforeSheltonhadrepliedtheyreachedthetheatre，andtheirenergieswerespentinsidlingtotheirstalls。Hehadtimetopasshisneighboursinreviewbeforetheplaybegan。Seatednexttohimwasaladywithlargehealthyshoulders，displayedwithsplendidliberality；beyondherahusband，red-cheeked，withdrooping，yellow-
　　greymoustacheandabaldhead；beyondhimagaintwomenwhomhehadknownatEton。Oneofthemhadaclean-shavedface，darkhair，andaweather-tannedcomplexion；hissmallmouthwithitsupperlippushedoutabovethelower，hiseyelidsalittledroopedoverhiswatchfuleyes，gavehimasatiricalandresoluteexpression。"I'vegotholdofyourtail，oldfellow，"heseemedtosay，asthoughhewerealwaysbusywiththecatchingofsomekindoffox。Theother'sgogglingeyesrestedonSheltonwithachaffingsmile；histhick，sleekhair，brushedwithwaterandpartedinthemiddle，hisneatmoustacheandadmirablewaistcoat，suggestedthesortofdandyismthatdespiseswomen。FromhisrecognitionoftheseoldschoolfellowsSheltonturnedtolookatHalidome，who，havingclearedhisthroat，wasstaringstraightbeforehimatthecurtain。Antonia'swordskeptrunninginherlover'shead，"Idon'tlikeunhealthypeople。"Well，allthesepeople，anyway，werehealthy；theylookedasiftheyhaddefiedtheelementstoendowthemwithasparkofanythingbuthealth。Justthenthecurtainrose。
　　Slowly，unwillingly，forhewasofatrustfuldisposition，Sheltonrecognisedthatthisplaywasoneofthosemasterpiecesofthemoderndramawhosecharactersweredrawnontheprinciplethatmenweremadeformoralsratherthanmoralsmadebymen，andhewatchedtheplayunfoldwithallitscarefulsandwichingofgraveandgay。
　　Amarriedwomananxioustoberiddedofherhusbandwasthepivotofthestory，andanumberofscenes，ingeniouslycontrived，withahundredreasonswhythisdesirewaswrongandinexpedient，wererevealedtoShelton'seyes。Thesereasonsissuedmainlyfromthemouthofawell-preservedoldgentlemanwhoseemedtoplaythepartofasortofMoralSalesman。HeturnedtoHalidomeandwhispered:
　　"Canyoustandthatoldwoman？"
　　Hisfriendfixedhisfineeyesonhimwonderingly。
　　"Whatoldwoman？"
　　"Why，theoldasswiththeplatitudes!"
　　Halidome'scountenancegrewcold，alittleshocked，asthoughhehadbeenassailedinperson。
　　"DoyoumeanPirbright？"hesaid。"Ithinkhe'sripping。"
　　Sheltonturnedtotheplayrebuffed；hefeltguiltyofabreachofmanners，sittingashewasinoneofhisfriend'sstalls，andhenaturallysettoworktowatchtheplaymorecriticallythanever。
　　Antonia'swordsagainrecurredtohim，"Idon'tlikeunhealthypeople，"andtheyseemedtothrowasuddenlightuponthisplay。Itwashealthy!
　　Thescenewasadrawing-room，softlylightedbyelectriclamps，withacatSheltoncouldnotdecidewhethershewasrealornotasleepuponthemat。
　　Thehusband，athick-set，healthymanineveningdress，wasdrinkingoffneatwhisky。Heputdownhistumbler，anddeliberatelystruckamatch；thenwithevengreaterdeliberationhelitagold-tippedcigarette……
　　Sheltonwasnoinexperiencedplay-goer。Heshiftedhiselbows，forhefeltthatsomethingwasabouttohappen；andwhenthematchwaspitchedintothefire，heleanedforwardinhisseat。Thehusbandpouredmorewhiskyout，drankitatadraught，andwalkedtowardsthedoor；then，turningtotheaudienceasiftoadmitthemtothesecretofsometremendousresolution，hepuffedatthemapuffofsmoke。Helefttheroom，returned，andoncemorefilledhisglass。Aladynowentered，paleoffaceanddarkofeye——hiswife。Thehusbandcrossedthestage，andstoodbeforethefire，hislegsastride，intheattitudewhichsomehowSheltonhadfeltsurehewouldassume。Hespoke:
　　"Comein，andshutthedoor。"
　　Sheltonsuddenlyperceivedthathewasfacetofacewithoneofthosedumbmomentsinwhichtwopeopledeclaretheirinextinguishablehatred——thehatredunderlyingthesexualintimacyoftwoill-
　　assortedcreatures——andhewassuddenlyremindedofascenehehadoncewitnessedinarestaurant。Herememberedwithextrememinutenesshowthewomanandthemanhadsatfacingeachotheracrossthenarrowpatchofwhite，emblazonedbyacandlewithcheapshadesandathingreenvasewithyellowflowers。Herememberedthecuriousscornfulangeroftheirvoices，subduedsothatonlyafewwordsreachedhim。Herememberedthecoldloathingintheireyes。And，aboveall，herememberedhisimpressionthatthissortofscenehappenedbetweenthemeveryotherday，andwouldcontinuesotohappen；andasheputonhisovercoatandpaidhisbillhehadaskedhimself，"Whyinthenameofdecencydotheygoonlivingtogether？"
　　Andnowhethought，ashelistenedtothetwoplayerswranglingonthestage:"What'sthegoodofallthistalk？There'ssomethingherepastwords。"
　　Thecurtaincamedownupontheact，andhelookedattheladynexthim。Shewasshrugginghershouldersatherhusband，whosefacewashealthyandoffended。
　　"Idodisliketheseunhealthywomen，"hewassaying，butcatchingShelton'seyeheturnedsquareinhisseatandsniffedironically。
　　ThefaceofShelton'sfriendbeyond，composed，satiricalasever，wasclothedwithamaskofscornfulcuriosity，asifhehadbeenlisteningtosomethingthathaddispleasedhimnotalittle。Thegoggle-eyedmanwasyawning。SheltonturnedtoHalidome:
　　"Canyoustandthissortofthing？"saidhe。
　　"No；Icallthatsceneabittoohot，"repliedhisfriend。
　　Sheltonwriggled；hehadmeanttosayitwasnothotenough。
　　"I'llbetyouanything，"hesaid，"Iknowwhat'sgoingtohappennow。
　　You'llhavethatoldass——what'shisname？——lunchingoffcutletsandchampagnetofortifyhimself——foralecturetothewife。He'llshowherhowunhealthyherfeelingsare——Iknowhim——andhe'lltakeherhandandsay，'Dearlady，isthereanythinginthispoorworldbutthegoodopinionofSociety？'andhe'llpretendtolaughathimselfforsayingit；butyou'llseeperfectlywellthattheoldwomanmeansit。Andthenhe'llputherintoasetofcircumstancesthataren'therownbuthisversionofthem，andshowhertheonlywayofsalvationistokissherhusband"；andSheltongrinned。"Anyway，I'llbetyouanythinghetakesherhandandsays，'Dearlady。'"
　　Halidometurnedonhimthedisapprovalofhiseyes，andagainhesaid，"IthinkPirbright'sripping!"
　　ButasSheltonhadpredicted，soitturnedout，amidstgreatapplause。
　　CHAPTERV
　　THEGOODCITIZEN
　　Leavingthetheatre，theypausedamomentinthehalltodontheircoats；astreamofpeoplewithspotlessbosomseddiedroundthedoors，asifinmomentarydreadofleavingthishothouseoffalsemoralsandemotionsforthewet，gustystreets，wherehumanplantsthriveanddie，humanweedsflourishandfadeunderthefresh，impartialskies。Thelightsrevealedinnumerablesolemnfaces，gleamedinnumerablyonjewels，onthesilkofhats，thenpassedtowhitenapavementwetwithnewly-fallenrain，toflareonhorses，onthevisagesofcabmen，andstray，queerobjectsthatdonotbearthelight。
　　"Shallwewalk？"askedHalidome。
　　"Hasiteverstruckyou，"answeredShelton，"thatinaplaynowadaysthere'salwaysa'ChorusofScandalmongers'whichseemstohaveacquiredtheattitudeofGod？"
　　Halidomeclearedhisthroat，andtherewassomethingportentousinthesound。
　　"You'resod——dfastidious，"washisanswer。
　　"I'veaprejudiceforkeepingthetwothingsseparate，"wentonShelton。"Thatendingmakesmesick。"
　　"Why？"repliedHalidome。"Whatotherendispossible？Youdon'twantaplaytoleaveyouwithabadtasteinyourmouth。"
　　"Butthisdoes。"
　　Halidomeincreasedhisstride，alreadymuchtoolong；forinhiswalk，asinallotherphasesofhislife，hefounditnecessarytobeinfront。
　　"Howdoyoumean？"heaskedurbanely；"it'sbetterthanthewomanmakingafoolofherself。"
　　"I'mthinkingoftheman。"
　　"Whatman？"
　　"Thehusband。"
　　"What'sthematterwithhim？Hewasabitofabounder，certainly。"
　　"Ican'tunderstandanymanwantingtolivewithawomanwhodoesn'twanthim。"
　　SomenoteofbattleinShelton'svoice，ratherthanthesentimentitself，causedhisfriendtoreplywithdignity:
　　"There'salotofnonsensetalkedaboutthatsortofthing。Womendon'treallycare；it'sonlywhat'sputintotheirheads。"
　　"That'smuchthesameassayingtoastarvingman:'Youdon'treallywantanything；it'sonlywhat'sputintoyourhead!'Youarebeggingthequestion，myfriend。"
　　ButnothingwasmorecalculatedtoannoyHalidomethantotellhimhewas"beggingthequestion，"forhepridedhimselfonbeingstronginlogic。
　　"Thatbed——d，"hesaid。
　　"Notatall，oldchap。Hereisacasewhereawomanwantsherfreedom，andyoumerelyanswerthatshedogsn'twantit。"
　　"Womenlikethatareimpossible；betterleavethemoutofcourt。"
　　Sheltonponderedthisandsmiled；hehadrecollectedanacquaintanceofhisown，who，whenhiswifehadlefthim，inventedthetheorythatshewasmad，andthisstruckhimnowasfunny。Butthenhethought:
　　"Poordevil!hewasboundtocallhermad!Ifhedidn't，itwouldbeconfessinghimselfdistasteful；howevertrue，youcan'texpectamantoconsiderhimselfthat。"Butaglanceathisfriend'seyewarnedhimthathe，too，mightthinkhiswifemadinsuchacase。
　　"Surely，"hesaid，"evenifshe'shiswife，aman'sboundtobehavelikeagentleman。"
　　"Dependsonwhethershebehaveslikealady。"
　　"Doesit？Idon'tseetheconnection。"
　　Halidomepausedintheactofturningthelatch-keyinhisdoor；
　　therewasaratherangrysmileinhisfineeyes。
　　"Mydearchap，"hesaid，"you'retoosentimentalaltogether。"
　　Theword"sentimental"nettledShelton。"Agentlemaneitherisagentlemanorheisn't；whathasittodowiththewayotherpeoplebehave？"
　　Halidometurnedthekeyinthelockandopenedthedoorintohishall，wherethefirelightfellonthedecantersandhugechairsdrawntowardstheblaze。
　　"No，Bird，"hesaid，resuminghisurbanity，andgatheringhiscoat-
　　tailsinhishands；"it'sallverywelltotalk，butwaituntilyou'remarried。Amanmustbemaster，andshowit，too。"
　　AnideaoccurredtoShelton。
　　"Lookhere，Hal，"hesaid:"whatshouldyoudoifyourwifegottiredofyou？"
　　TheexpressiononHalidome'sfacewasamixtureofamusementandcontempt。
　　"Idon'tmeananythingpersonal，ofcourse，butapplythesituationtoyourself。"
　　Halidometookoutatoothpick，useditbrusquely，andresponded:
　　"Ishouldn'tstandanyhumbug——takehertravelling；shakehermindup。She'dsooncomeround。"
　　"Butsupposeshereallyloathedyou？"
　　Halidomeclearedhisthroat；theideawassoobviouslyindecent。Howcouldanybodyloathehim？Withgreatcomposure，however，regardingSheltonasifhewereaforwardbutamusingchild，heanswered:
　　"Thereareagreatmanythingstobetakenintoconsideration。"
　　"Itappearstome，"saidShelton，"tobeaquestionofcommonpride。
　　"Amanoughtnottosuffer，"hesaid，poringoverhiswhisky，"becauseawomangetshysteria。YouhavetothinkofSociety，yourchildren，house，moneyarrangements，athousandthings。It'sallverywelltotalk。Howdoyoulikethiswhisky？"
　　"Thepartofthegoodcitizen，infact，"saidShelton，"self-
　　preservation!"
　　"Common-sense，"returnedhisfriend；"Ibelieveinjusticebeforesentiment。"Hedrank，andcallouslyblewsmokeatShelton。
　　"Besides，therearemanypeoplewithreligiousviewsaboutit。"
　　"It'salwaysseemedtome，"saidShelton，"tobequaintthatpeopleshouldassertthatmarriagegivesthemtherightto'aneyeforaneye，'andcallthemselvesChristians。Didyoueverknowanybodystandontheirrightsexceptoutofwoundedprideorforthesakeoftheirowncomfort？Letthemcalltheirreasonswhattheylike，youknowaswellasIdothatit'scant。"
　　"Idon'tknowaboutthat，"saidHalidome，moreandmoresuperiorasSheltongrewmorewarm；"whenyoustandonyourrights，youdoitforthesakeofSocietyaswellasforyourown。Ifyouwanttodoawaywithmarriage，whydon'tyousayso？"
　　"ButIdon't，"saidShelton:"isitlikely？Why，I'mgoing——"Hestoppedwithoutaddingthewords"tobemarriedmyself，"foritsuddenlyoccurredtohimthatthereasonwasnotthemostloftyandphilosophicintheworld。"AllIcansayis，"hewentonsoberly，"thatyoucan'tmakeahorsedrinkbydrivinghim。Generosityisthesurestwayoftighteningtheknotwithpeoplewho'veanysenseofdecency；astotherest，thechiefthingistopreventtheirbreeding。"
　　Halidomesmiled。
　　"You'rearumchap，"hesaid。
　　Sheltonjerkedhiscigaretteintothefire。
　　"Itellyouwhat"——forlateatnightacertainpowerofvisioncametohim——"it'shumbugtotalkofdoingthingsforthesakeofSociety；
　　it'snothingbuttheinstincttokeepourownheadsabovethewater。"
　　ButHalidomeremainedunruffled。
　　"Allright，"hesaid，"callitthat。Idon'tseewhyIshouldgotothewall；itwouldn'tdoanygood。"
　　"Youadmit，then，"saidShelton，"thatourmoralityisthesumtotalofeverybody'sprivateinstinctofself-preservation？"
　　Halidomestretchedhissplendidframeandyawned。
　　"Idon'tknow，"hebegan，"thatIshouldquitecallitthat——"
　　Butthecompellingcomplacencyofhisfineeyes，thedignifiedpostureofhishealthybody，theloftyslopeofhisnarrowforehead，theperfectlyhumanelookofhiscultivatedbrutality，struckSheltonasridiculous。
　　"Hangit，Hall"hecried，jumpingfromhischair，"whatanoldfraudyouare!I'llbeoff。"
　　"No，lookhere!"saidHalidome；thefaintestshadeofdoubthadappeareduponhisface；hetookSheltonbyalapel:"You'requitewrong——"
　　"Verylikely；good-night，oldchap!"