Howcanyou，askanythingofawomanwhodoesn'twanttogiveit。
Hisfriend'svoicebecamejudicial。
CHAPTERIII
AZOOLOGICALGARDEN
AfterhisjourneyupfromDover，SheltonwasstillfatheringhisluggageatCharingCross，whentheforeigngirlpassedhim，and，inspiteofhisdesiretosaysomethingcheering，hecouldgetnothingoutbutashame-facedsmile。Herfigurevanished，waveringintothehurly-burly；oneofhisbagshadgoneastray，andsoallthoughtofhersoonfadedfromhismind。Hiscab，however，overtooktheforeignvagrantmarchingalongtowardsPallMallwithacurious，lengthystride——anobservant，disillusionedfigure。
Thefirstbustleofinstallationover，timehungheavyonhishands。
Julyloomeddistant，asinsomefuturecentury；Antonia'seyesbeckonedhimfaintly，hopelessly。ShewouldnotevenbecomingbacktoEnglandforanothermonth……ImetayoungforeignerinthetrainfromDover[hewrotetoher]——acurioussortofpersonaltogether，whoseemstohaveinfectedme。Everythingherehasgoneflatandunprofitable；theonlygoodthingsinlifeareyourletters……JohnNobledinedwithmeyesterday；thepoorfellowtriedtopersuademetostandforParliament。WhyshouldIthinkmyselffittolegislatefortheunhappywretchesoneseesaboutinthestreets？Ifpeople'sfacesareafairtestoftheirhappiness，I'drathernotfeelinanywayresponsible……
Thestreets，infact，afterhislongabsenceintheEast，affordedhimmuchfoodforthought:thecurioussmugnessofthepassers-by；
theutterlyunendingbustle；thefearfulmedleyofmiserable，over-
drivenwomen，andfull-fedmen，withleering，bull-beefeyes，whomhesaweverywhere——inclubwindows，ontheirbeats，onboxseats，onthestepsofhotels，dischargingdilatoryduties；theappallingchoasofhard-eyed，capabledameswithdefiantclothes，andwhite-cheekedhunted-lookingmen；ofsplendidcreaturesintheircabs，andcadgingcreaturesintheirbrokenhats——thecallousnessandthemonotony!
OneafternooninMayhereceivedthislettercouchedinFrench:
3，BLANKROW
WESTMINSTER。
MYDEARSIR，ExcusemeforrecallingtoyourmemorytheofferofassistanceyousokindlymademeduringthejourneyfromDovertoLondon，inwhichI
wassofortunateastotravelwithamanlikeyou。Havingbeatenthewholetown，ignorantofwhatwoodtomakearrows，nearlyattheendofmyresources，myspiritprofoundlydiscouraged，Iventuretoavailmyselfofyourpermission，knowingyourgoodheart。SinceIsawyouIhaverunthroughallthemisfortunesofthecalendar，andcannottellwhatdoorisleftatwhichIhavenotknocked。Ipresentedmyselfatthebusinessfirmwithwhosenameyousuppliedme，butbeingunfortunatelyinrags，theyrefusedtogivemeyouraddress。
IsthisnotverymuchintheEnglishcharacter？Theytoldmetowrite，andsaidtheywouldforwardtheletter。Iputallmyhopesinyou。
Believeme，mydearsir，whateveryoumaydecide
YourdevotedLOUISFERRAND。
Sheltonlookedattheenvelope，andsaw，thatit，boredateaweekago。Thefaceoftheyoungvagrantrosebeforehim，vital，mocking，sensitive；thesoundofhisquickFrenchbuzzedinhisears，and，oddly，thewholewhiffofhimhadapowerofraisingmorevividlythaneverhismemoriesofAntonia。IthadbeenattheendofthejourneyfromHyerestoLondonthathehadmethim；thatseemedtogivetheyouthaclaim。
Hetookhishatandhurried，toBlankRow。DismissinghiscabatthecornerofVictoriaStreethewithdifficultyfoundthehouseinquestion。Itwasadoorlessplace，withstone-flaggedcorridor——inotherwords，a"doss-house。"Bytappingonasortofticket-officewithaslidingwindow，heattractedtheattentionofablowsywomanwithsoap-sudsonherarms，whoinformedhimthatthepersonhewaslookingforhadgonewithoutleavinghisaddress。
"Butisn'tthereanybody，"askedShelton，"ofwhomIcanmakeinquiry？"
"Yes；there'saFrenchman。"Andopeninganinnerdoorshebellowed:
"Frenchy!Wanted!"anddisappeared。
Adried-up，yellowlittleman，cynicalandwearyintheface，asifamoralsteam-rollerhadpassedoverit，answeredthiscall，andstood，sniffing，asitwere，atShelton，onwhomhemadethesingularimpressionofsomelittlecreatureinacage。
"Heleftheretendaysago，inthecompanyofamulatto。Whatdoyouwantwithhim，ifImayask？"Thelittleman'syellowcheekswerewrinkledwithsuspicion。
Sheltonproducedtheletter。
"Ah!nowIknowyou"——apalesmilebrokethroughtheFrenchman'scrow's-feet——"hespokeofyou。'IfIcanonlyfindhim，'heusedtosay，'I'msaved。'Ilikedthatyoungman；hehadideas。"
"Istherenowayofgettingathimthroughhisconsul？"
TheFrenchmanshookhishead。
"Mightaswelllookfordiamondsatthebottomofthesea。"
"Doyouthinkhewillcomebackhere？ButbythattimeIsuppose，you'llhardlybehereyourself？"
AgleamofamusementplayedabouttheFrenchman'steeth:
"I？Oh，yes，sir!OnceuponatimeIcherishedthehopeofemerging；
Inolongerhaveillusions。Ishavethesespecimensforaliving，andshallshavethemtillthedayofjudgment。Butleavealetterwithmebyallmeans；hewillcomeback。There'sanovercoatofhishereonwhichheborrowedmoney——it'sworthmore。Oh，yes；hewillcomeback——ayouthofprinciple。Leavealetterwithme；I'malwayshere。"
Sheltonhesitated，butthoselastthreewords，"I'malwayshere，"
touchedhimintheirsimplicity。Nothingmoredreadfulcouldbesaid。
"Canyoufindmeasheetofpaper，then？"heasked；"pleasekeepthechangeforthetroubleIamgivingyou。"
"Thankyou，"saidtheFrenchmansimply；"hetoldmethatyourheartwasgood。Ifyoudon'tmindthekitchen，youcouldwritethereatyourease。"
Sheltonwrotehisletteratthetableofthisstone-flaggedkitchenincompanywithanaged，dried-upgentleman；whowasmutteringtohimself；andSheltontriedtoavoidattractinghisattention，suspectingthathewasnotsober。Justashewasabouttotakehisleave，however，theoldfellowthusaccostedhim:
"Didyouevergotothedentist，mister？"hesaid，workingataloosetoothwithhisshrivelledfingers。"Iwenttoadentistonce，whoprofessedtostopteethwithoutgivingpain，andthebeggardidstopmyteethwithoutpain；butdidtheystayin，thosestoppings？No，mybhoy；theycameoutbeforeyoucouldsayJackRobinson。Now，I
shimplyaskyou，d'youcallthatdentistry？"FixinghiseyesonShelton'scollar，whichhadthemisfortunetobehighandclean，heresumedwithdrunkenscorn:"Ut'sthesamealloverthispharisaicalcounthry。TalkofhighmoralityandAnglo-Shaxoncivilisation!Theworldwasneveratsuchlowebb!Phwhat'sallthismorality？Utstinksoftheshop。LookattheconditionofArtinthiscounthry!
lookatthefoolsyouseeuponth'stage!lookatthepicturesandbooksthatsell!IknowwhatI'mtalkingabout，thoughIamasandwichman。Phwhat'sthesecretofutall？Shop，mybhoy!Utdon'tpaytogobelowacertaindepth!Scratchtheskin，butpierceut——Oh!dear，no!Wehatetoseethebloodfly，eh？"
Sheltonstooddisconcerted，notknowingifhewereexpectedtoreply；
buttheoldgentleman，pursinguphislips，wenton:
"Sir，therearenoextremesinthisfog-smittenland。Doyethinkblanksloikemeoughttoexist？Whoydon'ttheykillusoff？
Palliatives——palliatives——andwhoy？Becausetheyobjecttoth'
extremecourse。Lookatwomen:thestreetshereareascandaltotheworld。Theywon'trecognisethattheyexist——theirnosesaresodamhigh!Theyblinkthetruthinthismiddle-classcounthry。Mybhoy"——
andhewhisperedconfidentially——"utpays'em。Eh？yousay，whyshouldn'tthey，then？"ButSheltonhadnotspoken。"Well，let'em!
let'em!。Butdon'ttellmethat'shmorality，don'ttellmethat'shcivilisation!Whatcanyouexpectinacounthrywherethecrimson，emotionsareneverallowedtosmelltheair？Andwhat'shtheresult？
Mybhoy，theresultissentiment，ayellowthingwithbluespots，likeafungusoraStiltoncheese。Gotothetheatre，andseeoneofthesethingstheycallplays。Tellme，aretheyfoodformenandwomen？Why，they'repapforbabesandshop-boys!Iwasablankyactormoyself!"
Sheltonlistenedwithmingledfeelingsofamusementanddismay，tilltheoldactor，havingfinished，resumedhiscrouchingpostureatthetable。
"Youdon'tgetdhrunk，Isuppose？"hesaidsuddenly——"toomuchof'nEnglishman，nodoubt。"
"Veryseldom，"saidShelton。
"Pity!Thinkofthepleasuresofoblivion!Oi'mdhrunkeverynight。"
"Howlongwillyoulastatthatrate？"
"TherespeakstheEnglishman!WhyshouldOigiveupmeonlypleasuretokeepmewretchedlifein？Ifyou'veanythingleftworththekeepingshoberfor，keepshoberbyallmeans；ifnot，thesooneryouaredhrunkthebetter——thatstandstoreason。"
InthecorridorSheltonaskedtheFrenchmanwheretheoldmancamefrom。
"Oh，andEnglishman!Yes，yes，fromBelfastverydrunkenoldman。
Youareadrunkennation"——hemadeamotionwithhishands"henolongereats——noinsideleft。Itisunfortunate-amanofspirit。Ifyouhaveneverseenoneofthesepalaces，monsieur，Ishallbehappytoshowyouoverit。"
Sheltontookouthiscigarettecase。
"Yes，yes，"saidtheFrenchman，makingawrynoseandtakingacigarette；"I'maccustomedtoit。Butyou'rewisetofumigatetheair；oneisn'tinaharem。"
AndSheltonfeltashamedofhisfastidiousness。
"This，"saidtheguide，leadinghimup-stairsandopeningadoor，"isaspecimenoftheapartmentsreservedfortheseprincesoftheblood。"Therewerefouremptybedsonironlegs，and，withtheairofashowman，theFrenchmantwitchedawayadingyquilt。"Theygooutinthemornings，earnenoughtomakethemdrunk，sleepitoff，andthenbeginagain。That'stheirlife。Therearepeoplewhothinktheyoughttobereformed。'Monchermonsieur'，onemustfacerealityalittle，eveninthiscountry。ItwouldbeahundredtimesbetterforthesepeopletospendtheirtimereforminghighSociety。
YourhighSocietymakesallthesecreatures；there'snoharvestwithoutcuttingstalks。'Selonmoi'，"hecontinued，puttingbackthequilt，anddribblingcigarettesmokethroughhisnose，"there'snogranddifferencebetweenyourhighSocietyandtheseindividualshere；bothwantpleasure，boththinkonlyofthemselves，whichisverynatural。Onelothavehadtheluck，theother——well，yousee。"
Heshrugged。"Acommonset!I'vebeenrobbedherehalfadozentimes。Ifyouhavenewshoes，agoodwaistcoat，anovercoat，youwanteyesinthebackofyourhead。Andtheyarepopulated!Changeyourbed，andyou'llrunallthedangersofnotsleepingalone。
'V'lamaclientele'!Thehalfofthemdon'tpayme!"He，snappedhisyellowsticksoffingers。"Apennyforashave，twopenceacut!
'Quellevie'!Here，"hecontinued，standingbyabed，"isagentlemanwhoowesmefivepence。Here'sonewhowasasoldier；he'sdonefor!Allbrutalised；notonewithanycourageleft!But，believeme，monsieur，"hewenton，openinganotherdoor，"whenyoucomedowntohousesofthissortyoumusthaveavice；it'sasnecessaryasbreathistothelungs。Nomatterwhat，youmusthaveavicetogiveyoualittlesolace——'unpeudesoulagement'。Ah，yes!
beforeyoujudgetheseswine，reflectonlife!I'vebeenthroughit。
Monsieur，itisnotnicenevertoknowwheretogetyournextmeal。
Gentlemenwhohavefoodintheirstomachs，moneyintheirpockets，andknowwheretogetmore，theyneverthink。Whyshouldthey——'pasdedanger'!Allthesecagesarethesame。Comedown，andyoushallseethepantry。"HetookSheltonthroughthekitchen，whichseemedtheonlysitting-roomoftheestablishment，toaninnerroomfurnishedwithdirtycupsandsaucers，plates，andknives。Anotherfirewasburningthere。"Wealwayshavehotwater，"saidtheFrenchman，"andthreetimesaweektheymakeafiredownthere"——hepointedtoacellar——"forourclientstoboiltheirvermin。Oh，yes，wehavealltheluxuries。"
Sheltonreturnedtothekitchen，anddirectlyaftertookleaveofthelittleFrenchman，whosaid，withakindofmoralbutton-holing，asiftryingtoadopthimasapatron:
"Trustme，monsieur；ifhecomesback——thatyoungman——heshallhaveyourletterwithoutfail。MynameisCarolanJulesCarolan；andI
amalwaysatyourservice。"
CHAPTERIV
THEPLAY
Sheltonwalkedaway；hehadbeenindulginginanightmare。"Thatoldactorwasdrunk，"thoughthe，"andnodoubthewasanIrishman；
still，theremaybetruthinwhathesaid。IamaPharisee，likealltherestwhoaren'tinthepit。Myrespectabilityisonlyluck。
WhatshouldIhavebecomeifI'dbeenbornintohiskindoflife？"
andhestaredatastreamofpeoplecomingfromtheStares，tryingtopiercethemaskoftheirserious，complacentfaces。Iftheseladiesandgentlemenwereputintothatpitintowhichhehadbeenlooking，wouldasingleoneofthememergeagain？Buttheeffortofpicturingthemtherewastoomuchforhim；itwastoofar——tooridiculouslyfar。
Oneparticularcouple，alarge；finemanandwife，who，inthemidstofallthedirtandrumblinghurry，thegloomy，ludicrous，anddesperatelyjovialstreets，walkedsidebysideinwell-bredsilence，hadevidentlyboughtsomearticlewhichpleasedthem。Therewasnothingoffensiveintheirmanner；theyseemedquiteunconcernedatthepassingoftheotherpeople。Themanhadthatfinesolidityofshoulderandofwaist，theglossyself-possessionthatbelongstothosewithhorses，guns，anddressing-bags。Thewife，herchincomfortablysettledinherfur，kepthergreyeyesontheground，and，whenshespoke，herevenandunruffledvoicereachedShelton'searsaboveallthewhirringofthetraffic。Itwasleisurelyprecise，asifithadneverhurried，hadneverbeenexhausted，orpassionate，orafraid。Theirtalk，likethatofmanydozensoffinecouplesinvadingLondonfromtheircountryplaces，wasofwheretodine，whattheatretheyshouldgoto，whomtheyhadseen，whattheyshouldbuy。AndSheltonknewthatfromday'sendtoend，andevenintheirbed，thesewouldbethesubjectsoftheirconversation。Theywerethebest-bredpeopleofthesorthemetincountryhousesandacceptedasofcourse，withavaguediscomfortatthebottomofhissoul。Antonia'shome，forinstance，hadbeenfullofthem。Theywerethebest-bredpeopleofthesortwhosupportedcharities，kneweverybody，hadclear，calmjudgment，andintoleranceofallsuchconductasseemedtothem"impossible，"allbreachesofmorality，suchasmistakesofetiquette，suchasdishonesty，passion，sympathyexceptwithacanonisedclassofobjects——thelegitimatesufferings，forinstance，oftheirownfamiliesandclass。Howhealthytheywere!Thememoryofthedoss-houseworkedinShelton'smindlikepoison。Hewasconsciousthatinhisowngroomedfigure，intheundemonstrativeassuranceofhiswalk，heboreresemblancetothecoupleheapostrophised。"Ah!"hethought，"howvulgarourrefinementis!"Buthehardlybelievedinhisownoutburst。Thesepeopleweresowellmannered，sowellconducted，andsohealthy，hecouldnotreallyunderstandwhatirritatedhim。Whatwasthematterwiththem？Theyfulfilledtheirduties，hadgoodappetites，clearconsciences，allthefurnitureofperfectcitizens；theymerelylacked-feelers，alossthat，hehadread，wassufferedbyplantsandanimalswhichnolongerhadaneedforusingthem。Somerarenationalfacultyofseeingonlytheobviousandmateriallyusefulhaddestroyedtheirpowerofcatchinggleamsorscentstorightorleft。
Theladylookedupatherhusband。Thelightofquiet，proprietaryaffectionshoneinhercalmgreyeyes，decorouslyilluminingherfeaturesslightlyreddenedbythewind。Andthehusbandlookedbackather，calm，practical，protecting。Theywereverymuchalike。Sodoubtlesshelookedwhenhepresentedhimselfinsnowyshirt-sleevesforhertostraightenthebowofhiswhitetie；sonightlyshewouldlook，standingbeforethefull-lengthmirror，fixinghisgiftsuponherbosom。Calm，proprietary，kind!Hepassedthemandwalkedbehindasecondlessdistinguishedcouple，whomanifestedamutualdislikeasmatter-of-factandfreefromnonsenseastheunruffledsatisfactionofthefirst；thisdislikewasjustashealthy，andproducedinSheltonaboutthesamesensation。Itwaslikeknockingatanever-openeddoor，lookingatacircle——coupleaftercoupleallthesame。Noheads，toes，anglesoftheirsoulsstuckoutanywhere。
Intheseaoftheirenvironmentstheyweredrowned；nolegbravedtheair，noarmemergedwetandnakedwavingattheskies；shop-persons，aristocrats，workmen，officials，theywereallrespectable。Andhehimselfasrespectableasany。
Hereturned，thusmoody，tohisroomsand，withtheimpetuositywhichdistinguishedhimwhenabouttodoanunwisething，heseizedapenandpouredoutbeforeAntoniasomeofhisimpressions:……Meanistheword，darling；wearemean，that'swhat'sthematterwithus，dukesanddustmen，thewholehumanspecies——asmeanascaterpillars。Tosecureourownpropertyandourowncomfort，todoleoutoursympathyaccordingtorulejustsothatitwon'treallyhurtus，iswhatwe'reallafter。There'ssomethingabouthumannaturethatisawfullyrepulsive，andthehealthierpeopleare，themorerepulsivetheyseemtometobe……
Hepaused，bitinghispen。Hadheoneacquaintancewhowouldnotcounselhimtoseeadoctorforwritinginthatstyle？Howwouldtheworldgoround，howcouldSocietyexist，withoutcommon-sense，practicalability，andthelackofsympathy？
Helookedoutoftheopenwindow。Downinthestreetafootmanwassettlingtherugoverthekneesofaladyinacarriage，andthedecorousimmovabilityofboththeirfaces，whichwereclearlyvisibletohim，waslikeaportionofsomewell-oiledengine。
Hegotupandwalkedupanddown。Hisrooms，inanarrowsquareskirtingBelgravia，wereunchangedsincethedeathofhisfatherhadmadehimamanofmeans。Selectedfortheircentrality，theywerefurnishedinaverymiscellaneousway。Theywerenotbare，butcloseinspectionrevealedthateverythingwasdamaged，moreorless，andtherewasabsolutelynothingthatseemedtohaveaninteresttakeninit。Hisgoodswereaccidents，presents，orthehaphazardacquisitionsofapressingneed。Nothing，ofcourse，wasfrowsy，buteverythingwassomewhatdusty，asifbelongingtoamanwhoneverrebukedaservant。Aboveall，therewasnothingthatindicatedhobbies。
Threedayslaterhehadheranswertohisletter:……Idon'tthinkIunderstandwhatyoumeanby"thehealthierpeopleare，themorerepulsivetheyseemtobe"；onemustbehealthytobeperfect，mustn'tone？Idon'tlikeunhealthypeople。Ihadtoplayonthatwretchedpianoafterreadingyourletter；itmademefeelunhappy。I'vebeenhavingasplendidlotoftennislately，gottheback-handedliftingstrokeatlast——hurrah!……
Bythesamepost，too，camethefollowingnoteinanautocraticwriting:
DEARBIRD[forthiswasShelton'scollegenickname]，Mywifehasgonedowntoherpeople，soI'm'engarcon'forafewdays。Ifyou'venothingbettertodo，comeanddineto-nightatseven，andgotothetheatre。It'sagessinceIsawyou。
Yoursasever，B。M。HALIDOME。
Sheltonhadnothingbettertodo，forpleasantwerehisfriendHalidome'swell-appointeddinners。Atseven，therefore，hewenttoChesterSquare。Hisfriendwasinhisstudy，readingMatthewArnoldbythelightofanelectriclamp。Thewallsoftheroomwerehungwithcostlyetchings，arrangedwithsolidandunfailingtaste；fromthecarvingofthemantel-piecetothebindingofthebooks，fromthemiraculously-colouredmeerschaumstothechasedfire-irons，everythingdisplayedanunpretentiousluxury，anorderandafinishsignificantoflifecompletelyunderruleofthumb。Everythinghadbeencollected。ThecollectorroseasSheltonentered，afinefigureofaman，cleanshaven，——withdarkhair，aRomannose，goodeyes，andtheratherweightydignityofattitudewhichcomesfromtheassurancethatoneisintheright。
TakingSheltonbythelapel，hedrewhimintotheradiusofthelamp，whereheexaminedhim，smilingaslowsmile。"Gladtoseeyou，oldchap。Iratherlikeyourbeard，"hesaidwithgenialbrusqueness；
andnothing，perhaps，couldbetterhavesummeduphisfacultyforformingindependentjudgmentswhichSheltonfoundsoadmirable。Hemadenoapologyforthesmallnessofthedinner，which，consistingofeightcoursesandthreewines，servedbyabutlerandonefootman，smackedofthesameperfectionasthefurniture；infact，heneverapologisedforanything，exceptwithajovialbrusquenessthatwasworsethantheoffence。ThesuaveandreasonableweightofhisdislikesandhisapprovalsstirredSheltonuptofeelironicalandinsignificant；butwhetherfromasenseofthesolid，humane，andhealthyqualityofhisfriend'segoism，ormerelyfromthefactthatthisfriendshiphadbeenlonginbottle，hedidnotresenthismixedsensations。