首页 >出版文学> A First Family of Tasajara>第11章
  believeyoucandowhatloverscannotdo,——makeothersfeelastheydo,——andthatiswhatIcallbeinganartist.Youwrite?Youareapoet?"
  "Ohdear,no,"hesaidwithasmile,halfofreliefandhalfofnaivesuperiority,"I'maprosewriter——onadailynewspaper."
  Tohissurpriseshewasnotdisconcerted;ratheralookofanimationlitupherfaceasshesaidbrightly,"Oh,then,youcanofcoursesatisfymycuriosityaboutsomething.YouknowtheroadfromSanFranciscototheCliffHouse.Exceptfortheviewofthesea-lionswhenonegetsthereit'sstupid;mybrothersaysit'slikealltheSanFranciscoexcursions,——adustydrivewithajulepattheendofit.Well,onedaywewerecomingbackfromadrivethere,andwhenwewerebeginningtowindalongthebrowofthatdreadfulstaringLoneMountainCemetery,IsaidIwouldgetoutandwalk,andavoidtheobtrusiveglitterofthosetombstonesrisingbeforemealltheway.Ipushedopenalittlegateandpassedin.
  Onceamongthesefunerealshrubsandcoldstatuesquelilieseverythingwaschanged;Isawthestaringtombstonesnolonger,for,likethem,Iseemedtobealwaysfacingthesea.Theroadhadvanished;everythinghadvanishedbuttheendlesswasteofoceanbelowme,andthelastslopeofrockandsand.Itseemedtobethefittestplaceforacemetery,——thisendofthecrumblingearth,——
  thisbeginningoftheeternalsea.There!don'tthinkthatideamyown,orthatIthoughtofitthen.No,——Ireaditallafterwards,andthat'swhyI'mtellingyouthis."
  Shecouldnothelpsmilingathisnowattentiveface,andwenton:
  "SomedaysafterwardsIgotholdofanewspaperfourorsixmonthsold,andtherewasadescriptionofallthatIthoughtIhadseenandfelt,——onlyfarmorebeautifulandtouching,asyoushallsee,forIcutitoutofthepaperandhavekeptit.Itseemedtomethatitmustbesomepersonalexperience,——asifthewriterhadfollowedsomedearfriendthere,——althoughitwaswiththeunostentationandindefinitenessoftrueanddelicatefeeling.ItimpressedmesomuchthatIwentbacktheretwiceorthrice,andalwaysseemedtomovetotherhythmofthatbeautifulfuneralmarch——andIamafraid,beingawoman,thatIwanderedaroundamongthegravesasthoughIcouldfindoutwhoitwasthathadbeensungsosweetly,andifitweremanorwoman.I'vegotithere,"shesaid,takingadaintyivoryporte-monnaiefromherpocketandpickingoutwithtwoslimfinger-tipsafoldedslipofnewspaper;
  "andIthoughtthatmaybeyoumightrecognizethestyleofthewriter,andperhapsknowsomethingofhishistory.ForIbelievehehasone.There!thatisonlyapartofthearticle,ofcourse,butitisthepartthatinterestedme.Justreadfromthere,"shepointed,leaningpartlyoverhisshouldersothathersoftbreathstirredhishair,"totheend;itisn'tlong."
  Inthefilmthatseemedtocomeacrosshiseyes,suddenlytheprintappearedblurredandindistinct.Butheknewthatshehadputintohishandsomethinghehadwrittenafterthedeathofhiswife;
  somethingspontaneousandimpulsive,whenherlossstillfilledhisdaysandnightsandalmostunconsciouslyswayedhispen.Herememberedthathiseyeshadbeenasdimwhenhewroteit——andnow——
  handedtohimbythissmiling,well-to-dowoman,hewasasshockedatfirstasifhehadsuddenlyfoundherreadinghisprivateletters.Thiswasfollowedbyasuddensenseofshamethathehadeverthuspubliclybaredhisfeelings,andthenbytheillogicalbutirresistibleconvictionthatitwasfalseandstupid.Thefewphrasesshehadpointedoutappearedascheapandhollowrhetoricamidthesurroundingsoftheirsocialtete-a-teteovertheluncheon-table.Therewassmalldangerthatthisheadywineofwoman'spraisewouldmakehimbetrayhimself;therewasnosignofgratifiedauthorshipinhisvoiceashequietlylaiddownthepaperandsaiddryly:"IamafraidIcan'thelpyou.Youknowitmaybepurelyfanciful."
  "Idon'tthinkso,"saidMrs.Ashwoodthoughtfully."Atthesametimeitdoesn'tstrikemeasaveryabidinggriefforthatveryreason.It'sTOOsympathetic.Itstrikesmethatitmightbethefirstgriefofsomeonetooyoungtobeinuredtosorroworexperiencedenoughtoacceptitasthecommonlot.Butlikeallyouthfulimpressionsitisverysincereandtruewhileitlasts.I
  don'tknowwhetheronegetsanythingmorerealwhenonegetsolder."
  Withaninsincerityhecouldnotaccountfor,henowfeltinclinedtodefendhisprevioussentiment,althoughallthewhileconsciousofacertaincharminhiscompanion'sgracefulskepticism.Hehadinhistruthfulnessandindependencehithertoalwaysbeenquitefreefromthatfeebleadmirationofcynicismwhichattackstheintellectuallyweakandimmature,andhispresentpredilectionmayhavebeenduemoretohercharmingpersonality.Shewasnotatalllikehissisters;shehadnoneofClementina'scoldabstraction,andnoneofEuphemia'ssharpanddemonstrativeeffusiveness.Andinhissecretconsciousnessofherflatteringforeknowledgeofhim,withherassurancethatbeforetheyhadevermethehadunwittinglyinfluencedher,hebegantofeelmoreathisease.Hisfaircompanionalso,intheequallysecretknowledgeshehadacquiredofhishistory,feltassecureasifshehadbeenformallyintroduced.
  Nobodycouldfindfaultwithherforshowingcivilitytotheostensiblesonofherhost;itwasnotnecessarythatsheshouldbeawareoftheirfamilydifferences.Therewasacharmtoointheirenforcedisolation,inwhatwastheexceptionalsolitudeofthelittlehotelthatday,andtheseclusionoftheirtablebythewindowofthedining-room,whichgaveacharmingdomesticitytotheirrepast.Fromtimetotimetheyglanceddownthelonelycanyon,losingitselfintheafternoonshadow.NeverthelessMrs.
  Ashwood'spreoccupationwithNaturedidnotprecludeahumancuriositytohearsomethingmoreofJohnMilton'squarrelwithhisfather.Therewascertainlynothingoftheprodigalsonabouthim;
  therewasnoprecociousevilknowledgeinhisfrankeyes;norecordofexcessesinhishealthy,freshcomplexion;nounwholesomeordisturbedtastesinwhatshehadseenofhisruralpreferencesandunderstandingofnaturalbeauty.Tohaveattemptedanydirectquestioningthatwouldhaverevealedhisnameandidentitywouldhaveobligedhertospeakofherselfashisfather'sguest.Shebeganindirectly;hehadsaidhehadbeenareporter,andhewasstillachroniclerofthisstrangelife.Hehadofcourseheardofmanycasesoffamilyfeudsandestrangements?HerbrotherhadtoldherofsomedreadfulvendettashehadknownintheSouthwest,andhowwholefamilieshadbeendivided.Sinceshehadbeenhereshehadheardofoddcasesofbrothersmeetingaccidentallyafterlongandunaccountedseparations;ofhusbandssuddenlyconfrontedwithwivestheyhaddeserted;offathersencounteringdiscardedsons!
  JohnMilton'sfacebetrayednouneasyconsciousness.Ifanythingitwasbeginningtoglowwithaboyishadmirationofthegraceandintelligenceofthefairspeaker,thatwasperhapsheightenedbyanassumptionofhalfcoquettishdiscomfiture.
  "Youarelaughingatme!"shesaidfinally."Butinhumanandselfishasthesestoriesmayseem,andsometimesare,Ibelievethatthesecuriousestrangementsandseparationsoftencomefromsomefatalweaknessoftemperamentthatmightbestrengthened,orsometrivialmisunderstandingthatcouldbeexplained.Itisseparationthatmakesthemseemirrevocableonlybecausetheyareinexplicable,andavaguememoryalwaysseemsmoreterriblethanadefiniteone.Factsmaybeforgivenandforgotten,butmysterieshauntonealways.Ibelievethereareweak,sensitivepeoplewhodreadtoputtheirwrongsintoshape;thosearethekindwhosulk,andwhenyouaddseparationtosulking,reconciliationbecomesimpossible.Iknewaverysingularcaseofthatkindonce.Ifyoulike,I'lltellittoyou.Maybeyouwillbeable,someday,toweaveitintooneofyourwritings.Andit'squitetrue."
  ItishardlynecessarytosaythatJohnMiltonhadnotbeentouchedbyanypersonalsignificanceinhiscompanion'sspeech,whatevershemayhaveintended;anditisequallytruethatwhethershehadpresentlyforgottenherpurpose,orhadbecomesuddenlyinterestedinherownconversation,herfacegrewmoreanimated,hermannermoreconfidential,andsomethingoftheyouthfulenthusiasmshehadshowninthemountainseemedtocomebacktoher.
  "ImightsayithappenedanywhereandcallthepeopleM.orN.,butitreallydidoccurinmyownfamily,andalthoughIwasmuchyoungeratthetimeitimpressedmeverystrongly.Mycousin,whohadbeenmyplaymate,wasanorphan,andhadbeenintrustedtothecareofmyfather,whowashisguardian.Hewasalwaysacleverboy,butsingularlysensitiveandquicktotakeoffense.Perhapsitwasbecausethelittlepropertyhisfatherhadleftmadehimpartlydependentonmyfather,andthatIwasrich,butheseemedtofeelthedisparityinourpositions.Iwastooyoungtounderstandit;Ithinkitexistedonlyinhisimagination,forI
  believeweweretreatedalike.ButIrememberthathewasfullofvaguethreatsofrunningawayandgoingtosea,andthatitwaspartofhisweaktemperamenttoterrifymewithhisextravagantconfidences.Iwasalwaysfrightenedwhen,afteroneofthosescenes,hewouldpackhisvaliseorperhapsonlytieupafewthingsinahandkerchief,asintheadvertisementpicturesoftherunawayslaves,anddeclarethatwewouldneverlayeyesuponhimagain.AtfirstIneversawtheridiculousnessofallthis,——forI
  oughttohavetoldyouthathewasaratherdelicateandtimidboy,andquiteunfittedforaroughlifeoranyexposure,——butothersdid,andonedayIlaughedathimandtoldhimhewasafraid.I
  shallneverforgettheexpressionofhisfaceandneverforgivemyselfforit.Hewentaway,——buthereturnedthenextday!Hethreatenedoncetocommitsuicide,lefthisclothesonthebankoftheriver,andcamehomeinanothersuitofclotheshehadtakenwithhim.WhenIwassentabroadtoschoolIlostsightofhim;
  whenIreturnedhewasatcollege,apparentlyunchanged.Whenhecamehomeforvacation,farfromhavingbeensubduedbycontactwithstrangers,itseemedthathisunhappysensitivenesshadbeenonlyintensifiedbytheridiculeofhisfellows.Hehadevenacquiredamostridiculoustheoryaboutthedegradingeffectsofcivilization,andwantedtogobacktoastateofbarbarism.Hesaidthewildernesswastheonlytruehomeofman.Myfather,insteadofbearingwithwhatIbelievewashisinfirmity,drylyofferedhimthemeanstotryhisexperiment.HestartedforsomeplaceinTexas,sayingwewouldneverhearfromhimagain.Amonthafterhewroteformoremoney.Myfatherrepliedratherimpatiently,Isuppose,——Ineverknewexactlywhathewrote.Thatwassomeyearsago.Hehadtoldthetruthatlast,forweneverheardfromhimagain."
  ItistobefearedthatJohnMiltonwasfollowingtheanimatedlipsandeyesofthefairspeakerratherthanherstory.Perhapsthatwasthereasonwhyhesaid,"Mayhenothavebeenadisappointedman?"
  "Idon'tunderstand,"shesaidsimply.
  "Perhaps,"saidJohnMiltonwithaboyishblush,"youmayhaveunconsciouslyraisedhopesinhisheart——and"——
  "Ishouldhardlyattempttointerestachroniclerofadventurelikeyouinsuchaverycommonplace,every-daystyleofromance,"shesaid,withalittleimpatience,"evenifmyvanitycompelledmetomakesuchconfidencestoastranger.No,——itwasnothingquiteasvulgarasthat.And,"sheaddedquickly,withaplayfullyamusedsmileasshesawtheyoungfellow'sevidentdistress,"Ishouldhaveprobablyheardfromhimagain.Thosestoriesalwaysendinthatway."
  "Andyouthink?"——saidJohnMilton.
  "Ithink,"saidMrs.Ashwoodslowly,"thatheactuallydidcommitsuicide——oreffacedhimselfinsomeway,justasfirmlyasI
  believehemighthavebeensavedbyjudicioustreatment.Otherwiseweshouldhaveheardfromhim.You'llsaythat'sonlyawoman'sreasoning——butIthinkourperceptionsareofteninstinctive,andI
  knewhischaracter."
  Stillfollowingtheplayofherdelicatefeaturesintoaromanceofhisownweaving,theimaginativeyoungreporterwhohadseensomuchfromtheheightsofRussianHillsaidearnestly,"ThenIhaveyourpermissiontousethismaterialatanyfuturetime?"
  "Yes,"saidtheladysmilingly.
  "AndyouwillnotmindifIshouldtakesomelibertieswiththetext?"
  "Imustofcourseleavesomethingtoyourartistictaste.Butyouwillletmeseeit?"
  Therewerevoicesoutsidenow,breakingthesilenceoftheveranda.
  Theyhadbeensopreoccupiedasnottonoticethearrivalofahorseman.Stepscamealongthepassage;thelandlordreturned.
  Mrs.Ashwoodturnedquicklytowardshim.
  "Mr.Grant,ofyourparty,ma'am,tofetchyou."
  Shesawanunmistakablechangeinheryoungfriend'smobileface.
  "Iwillbereadyinamoment,"shesaidtothelandlord.Then,turningtoJohnMilton,thearch-hypocritesaidsweetly:"MybrothermusthaveknowninstinctivelythatIwasingoodhands,ashedidn'tcome.ButIamsorry,forIshouldhavesolikedtointroducehimtoyou——althoughbytheway,"withabrightsmile,"I
  don'tthinkyouhaveyettoldmeyourname.IknowIcouldn'thaveFORGOTTENit."
  "Harcourt,"saidJohnMilton,withahalf-embarrassedlaugh.
  "Butyoumustcomeandseeme,Mr——Mr.Harcourt,"shesaid,producingacardfromacasealreadyinherfingers,"atmyhotel,andletmybrotherthankyouthereforyourkindnessandgallantrytoastranger.Ishallbehereafewweekslongerbeforewegosouthtolookforaplacewheremybrothercanwinter.DOcomeandseeme,althoughIcannotintroduceyoutoanythingasrealandbeautifulaswhatYOUhaveshownmeto-day.Good-by,Mr.Harcourt;
  Iwon'ttroubleyoutocomedownandboreyourselfwithmyescort'squestionsandcongratulations."
  Shebentherheadandallowedhersofteyestorestuponhiswithagraciousnessthatwasbeyondherspeech,pulledherveiloverhereyesagain,withaprettysuggestionthatshehadnofurtheruseforthem,andtakingherriding-skirtlightlyinherhandseemedtoglidefromtheroom.
  OnherwaytoSanMateo,whereitappearedthedisorganizedpartyhadprolongedtheirvisittoacceptaninvitationtodinewithalocalmagnate,shewaspleasantlyconversationalwiththeslightlyabstractedGrant.Shewassosorrytohavegiventhemallthistroubleandanxiety!Ofcoursesheoughttohavewaitedattheforkoftheroad,butshehadneverdoubtedbutshecouldrejointhempresentlyonthemainroad.ShewasgladthatMissEuphemia'srunawayhorsehadbeenstoppedwithoutaccident;itwouldhavebeendreadfulifanythinghadhappenedtoHER;Mr.Harcourtseemedsowrappedupinhisgirls.Itwasapitytheyneverhadason——Ah?
  Indeed!Thentherewasason?So——andfatherandsonhadquarreled?Thatwassosad.Andforsometriflingcause,nodoubt?
  "Ibelievehemarriedthehousemaid,"saidGrantgrimly."Becareful!——Allowme."
  "It'snouse!"saidMrs.Ashwood,flushingwithpinkimpatience,assherecoveredherseat,whichasuddenboltofhermustanghadimperiled,"Ireallycan'tmakeoutthetricksofthisbeast!
  Thankyou,"sheadded,withasweetsmile,"butIthinkIcanmanagehimnow.Ican'tseewhyhestopped.I'llbemorecareful.
  Youweresayingthesonwasmarried——surelynotthatboy!"
  "Boy!"echoedGrant."Thenyouknow?"——
  "Imeanofcoursehemustbeaboy——theyallgrewuphere——anditwasonlyfiveorsixyearsagothattheirparentsemigrated,"sheretortedalittleimpatiently."Andwhataboutthiscreature?"
  "Yourhorse?"
  "YouknowImeanthewomanhemarried.Ofcourseshewasolderthanhe——andcaughthim?"
  "Ithinktherewasayearortwodifference,"saidGrantquietly.
  "Yes,butyourgallantrykeepsyoufromtellingthetruth;whichisthatthewomen,incasesofthiskind,aremucholderandmoreexperienced."
  "Arethey?Well,perhapssheis,NOW.Sheisdead."
  Mrs.Ashwoodwalkedherhorse."Poorthing,"shesaid.Thenasuddenideatookpossessionofherandbroughtafilmtohereyes.
  "Howlongago?"sheaskedinalowvoice.
  "Aboutsixorsevenmonths,Ithink.Ibelievetherewasababywhodiedtoo."
  Shecontinuedtowalkherhorseslowly,strokingitscurvedneck.
  "Ithinkit'sperfectlyshameful!"shesaidsuddenly.
  "Notsobadasthat,Mrs.Ashwood,surely.Thegirlmayhavelovedhim——andhe"——
  "YouknowperfectlywhatImean,Mr.Grant.Ispeakoftheconductofthemotherandfatherandthosetwosisters!"
  Grantslightlyelevatedhiseyebrows."Butyouforget,Mrs.
  Ashwood.ItwasyoungHarcourtandhiswife'sownact.Theypreferredtotaketheirownpathandkeepit."
  "Ithink,"saidMrs.Ashwoodauthoritatively,"thattheideaofleavingthosetwounfortunatechildrentosufferandstruggleonalone——outthere——onthesandhillsofSanFrancisco——wassimplydisgraceful!"
  Laterthateveningshewasunreasonablyannoyedtofindthatherbrother,Mr.JohnShipley,hadtakenadvantageoftheabsenceofGranttopaymarkedattentiontoClementina,andhadevenprevaileduponthatimperiousgoddesstoaccompanyhimafterdinneronamoonlightstrollupontheverandaandterracesofLosPajaros.
  NeverthelesssheseemedtorecoverherspiritsenoughtotalkvolublyofthebeautifulsceneryshehaddiscoveredinherlateperilousabandonmentinthewildsoftheCoastRange;toaverherintentiontovisititagain;tospeakofitinaseverelypracticalwayasofferingafarbettersiteforthecottagesoftheyoungmarriedcouplesjustbeginninglifethantheoutskirtsoftownsorthebleaksandhillsofSanFrancisco;andthencebygracefuldegreesintoadissertationuponpopularfallaciesinregardtohastymarriages,andthemistakenideaofsomeparentsinnotacceptingtheinevitableandmakingthebestofit.ShestillfoundtimetoenterintoanappreciativeandexhaustivecriticismupontheliteratureandjournalisticenterpriseofthePacificCoastwiththeproprietorofthe"Pioneer,"andtocausethatgentlemantodeclarethatwhateverpeoplemightsayaboutrichandfashionableEasternwomen,thatMrs.Ashwood'sheadwasaboutaslevelasitwaspretty.
  Thenextmorningfoundhermorethoughtfulandsubdued,andwhenherbrothercameuponhersittingontheveranda,whilethepartywerepreparingtoreturn,shewasreadinganewspaperslipthatshehadtakenfromherporte-monnaie,withafacethatwaspartlyshadowed.
  "Whathaveyoustruckthere,Conny?"saidherbrothergayly."Itlookstooseriousforarecipe."
  "SomethingIshouldlikeyoutoreadsometime,Jack,"shesaid,liftingherlasheswithaslighttimidity,"ifyouwouldtakethetrouble.Ireallywonderhowitwouldimpressyou."
  "Passitover,"saidJackShipleygood-humoredly,withhiscigarbetweenhislips."I'lltakeitnow."
  Shehandedhimtheslipandturnedpartlyaway;hetookit,glancedatitsideways,turneditover,andsuddenlyhislookgrewconcentrated,andhetookthecigarfromhislips.