首页 >出版文学> A Face Illumined>第31章

第31章

  "Iwouldnothavetheconfidencetodoeitheratahotel.Ishallneverbeabletodoanymorethanfurnishalittlesimplehomemusictofriends,notcritics."
  "I'mcontentwiththatarrangement,forIhavefinallydroppedmycharacterofcritic."
  "Buttruefriendsneverflatter,"shesaid."Ifyouwon'thelpmeovercomemyfaultsIshallhavetofindanotherfriend."
  "Asyourecommendedanancientwomanasnurse,soIwillrecommendthevenerablefriendyouhavealreadyfound,andaskyoutolethimdoallthefault-finding."
  Sheturnedtohimandsaidearnestly:"Mr.VanBerg,areyounotasufficientlysincerefriendtotellmemyfaults?"
  "Yes,MissIda,ifyouaskmeto."
  "Onlyasyoudosocanyoukeepmyrespect."
  "Youareverymuchinearnest.Ineversawgreaterfidelitytoconsciencebefore;andIshouldbeverysorryif,foranycause,yourconsciencewerearrayedagainstme."
  Shesuddenlyburiedherfaceinherhandsandtrembled.Thenturningfromhimtoherpianoagainshefaltered:"IdisregardedconscienceonceandIsuffereddeeply,"andinthedepthsofhersoulsheadded,"andIfearIshallagain."
  "MissIda,"hesaidimpetuously,"Icannottellyouwhatafascinationyournew,beautifullifehasformeasseenagainstthedarkbackgroundofmemorieswhichneitheryounorIcaneverwhollybanish.ButIamcausingyoupainnow,"forshebecameverypale,aswaseverthecasewhentherewasthefaintestallusiontotheawfulcrimewhichshehadcontemplated."Forgiveme,"headdedearnestly,"andsing,please,thatlittlemeadowbrooksong,ofwhichIcaughtafewbarslastevening.That,Ithink,mustcontainanantidoteagainstallmorbidthoughts."
  "Youaremistaken,"shesaid."It'sverysillyandsentimental;
  youwon'tlikeit."
  "Neverthelesspleasesingit,forifnottomytaste,youwillpreventitfromrunninginmyheadanylonger,asithaseversinceIheardit."
  "Youwillneveraskforitagain,"shesaid,andshesangthefollowingwordstoalow-glidingmelodydesignedtosuggestthemurmurofasmallstream:
  'Twasdowninameadow,closebyabrook,Avioletbloomedinashadowynook.
  Shegazedattherillwithawistfuleye——
  "Hecaresnotforme,he'shasteningby,"
  Shesighed.
  Insunshineandshadethebrookspedalong,Norceasedforamomenthisgurglingsong.
  "'TwouldsingallthesamewereIwitheredanddead"——
  Andtheblue-eyedvioletbowedherheadAnddied.
  ButtherillandthesongwentonthesameTillthepitilessfrostofwintercame,Whenthesongwashushedinanicychill,AndthegaylittlebrookatlaststoodstillAndthought——
  "Oh,couldInowseethevioletbluethatlookedatmeoncewitheyesofdew,I'dspringtoherfeetandlingeringstayTillsureIwasbearingherloveaway,Wellsought."
  Thesongseemedtodisturbtheartistsomewhat."Thestupidbrook!"
  heexclaimed."Itwassostupidastobealmosthuman."
  "Iknewyouwouldn'tlikeit,"shesaid,lookingupathiminsurprise.
  "Ilikeyoursingingandthemusic,butthatbrookprovokesme,thelittleidiot!Whydidn'titstopbefore?"
  "Itakethebrook'spart,"saidIda."Becausethevioletgazedatitinalackadaisicalwaywasnoreasonforitsstoppingunlessitwantedto.Indeed,ifIwerethevioletIshouldwantthebrooktogoon,unlessitcouldn'thelpstopping."
  "Itdidstopwhenitcouldn'thelpitself,andthenitwastoolate,"saidVanBerg,withafrown.
  Idatrilledoutoneofhersuddenlaughs,asshesaid,"Don'ttakethemattersotoheart,Mr.VanBerg.Whenspringcamethebrookwentonasmerrilyasever,andwaswellcontentedtohaveothervioletslookatit."
  "MissIda,youareawitch,"saidtheartist,andwithanodd,involuntarygesturehepassedhishandacrosshisbrowasiftobrushawayamistorfilmfromhismind.
  "Oh!"thoughtIda,withpassionatelonging,"maymyspellshold,orelseImayfeellikefollowingtheexampleofthesillylittleviolet."Butshepirouetteduptoherfather,whowasjustentering,andsaid:"It'stimeyoucame,father.Mr.Vanberghasbeguncallingmenames."
  "Ishallfollowhisexamplebycallingyoumygoodfairy.Mr.VanBerg,Ihavebeeninparadisealltheweek."
  "Ishallnotjointhismutualadmirationsociety,andIinsistthatyoutwogentlementalkinasensibleway."
  ButVanBergseemedtofinditdifficulttocomedowntoamatter-of-factconversationwithMr.Mayhew,andsoonaftertookhisleave.BeforegoinghetriedtoinduceIdatocometothestudioagain,butshedeclined,saying:
  "Motherhasentrustedtomeseveralcommissions,andImustattendtothemto-morrowmorning.Asitis,myconsciencetroublesmeverymuchthatIhaveleftheralonealltheweek,andIshalltrytomakealltheamendsIcanbygettingwhatshewishes."
  "Oh!yourterribleconscience!"hesaid.
  "Yes,ithasbeenscoldingmealldayforwastingsomuchofyourtime.Nowdon'tburdenyourswithanydenials.Good-night."
  Heturnedeagerlytoprotestagainstherwords,butshewasretreatingrapidly;shegavehimasmileoverhershoulder,however,thatwasatoncefullofmirthandsomethingmore——somethingthathecouldnotexplainorgraspanymorethanhecouldthesoft,silverylightofthemoonthatfilledthesky,andwasasrealasitwasintangible.
  Hewalkedawayasifinadream;hecontinuedhisaimlesswanderingsforhours,butswiftaswerehisstridesaswiftercurrentofpassion,deepandstrong,wassweepinghimawayfromJennieBurtonandthepowertomakegoodhisopenpledgetowinherifhecould.
  Hestillwasdreaming,hestillwaslostintheluminousmistsofhisownimagination.Butthehourofwakingandclearvisionwasdrawingnear,andHaroldVanBergwouldlearnanewthatthecool,well-balancedreasononwhichhehadoncesopridedhimselfwasscarcelyequaltoallthequestionswhichcomplexhumanlifepresents.
  ChapterLI.FromDeepExperience.
  WiththenightdreamsbegantovanishandtheproseofrealitygraduallytotakeformandoutlineinVanBerg'smind.Hewascompelledtoadmitthattheplausibletheoriesbywhichhehadhithertosatisfiedhimselfscarcelyaccountedforhismoodsandsensationsthepastfewdays,andmemoryquietlyinformedhimthatithadneverhadanyconsciousnessofsuchafriendshipashenowwasforming.Butlikemanyanothermanintheprocessofconvictionagainsthiswill,hebecameirritableandangrilyblindtoatruththatwouldplacehiminanintolerabledilemma.Hewenttohisstudio,andwordedwithdoggedobstinacyonthepicturedesignedforIda,givinghistimetothosedetailswhichrequiredonlyartisticskill,forhisperturbedmindwasinnomoodforanynicecreativework.
  HehadagreedtomeetIdaandherfatherontheafternoonboat;
  andhisimpatience,andtheearlyhourhestartedtokeeptheappointment,wasanotherstrawwhichhewascompelledtoseeinspiteofhimself;norcouldhefailtonotewhichwaythecurrentwasbearinghim.
  "Well,"hemuttered,withthefatuitycommoninallstrongtemptations,"I'llspendafewmorehourswiththisrareUndine,thisgenuinewoman,who——infinitelymorebeautifulthanVenus——isrisingoutofthedarkwatersofsorrow,shame,anddespair,andthenifIfindthatitwillbewiserandsafertobeonlyasomewhatunobtrusiveanddistantfriend,showingmygood-willmorebydeedsthanbyseekinghersociety,Icangraduallytakethiscoursewithoutwoundingherfeelingsorexcitingsuspicionofthecause.Shewasright,althoughshelittleimaginesthereason;wecouldneverhavethosereadingstogether,andIfearImustmanagewithfarfewervisitstomystudiothanIhadhopedfor.Whatanaccursedchaoticoldworlditisanyway!HowgratefulsheisbecauseImerelytreatherfatherpolitely!Itwouldbeimpossibletodoanythingelse,nowthatheishimselfagain,andyet,bythissimple,easymethod,IhavewonafriendlierregardthanIcouldbyanyothermeans.
  Likeanidiot,Ioncethoughtshewouldhavetowithdrawfromherfathertodevelophernewandbeautifullife.IfeveninfaintestsuggestionIhadrevealedthatthoughttoher,Idon'tbelieveshewouldhavespokentomeagain;andIforeseethatIshallhavetobeexceedinglypolitetoMrs.Mayhewalso,formyUndineisdevelopingaconsciencethatmightbecomeaman'simplacableenemy.
  ButwhatamIthinkingabout!IfIdonotintendtoseemuchofthedaughter,Ishallnotwasteanytimeonthemother.IwonderifMissMayhewmeantanythingbythatoddlittleballadlastevening.
  Couldshehaveintendedtoremindmeofblue-eyedJennieBurton?
  No,forshewassingingitbyherself,whenshedidnotknowIwaslistening.Theidioticbrook!IfIhadgivenmywholehearttotheeffortImighthavewonJennieBurtonbythistime.IdaMayhewwasright;nowomanthatIwishtowinwillshowaloveranyfavortillhecannothelpstoppingandstaying,too."
  Amomentlaterhestoppedshortinthestreet."GreatGod!"mutteredhe,"doIwishtowinJennieBurton?WhitheramIdrifting?WouldtoheavenIhadnotmadethisappointmentthisafternoon.Well,I'minforitnow,"andhestrodealongasifheweregoingtobattle,resolvingtobeguardedtothelastdegree,lestIdashouldsuspecthisweakness.
  Hesawhercomeontheboatwithherfatheratthelastmoment,hercheeksflushedwiththeheatandhereyesaglowwiththehurryandexcitementoftheoccasion.Hesawoneandanotherofheryounggentlemenacquaintancesstepeagerlyforwardtospeaktoherandadmiringeyesturningtowardsheroneveryside."Shewon'tlackforfriendsandcompanionsnow,andIsoonwillbelittlemissed,"hethoughtbitterly.Onegentleman,inhisimpatienceforhersociety,soughttoobtainhersmalltravelling-bag,adwasassuringherthathecouldobtainseatsforherselfandfatheronthecrowdedboat,when,byhertimidglancearound,sheshowedthatshewasexpectingsomeone,andVanBerghastenedforwardandsaidquietly,"Ihaveseatsreservedinthepilot-house."
  Shegavehimagladsmileofwelcome;butalmostinstantlyherfacebecamegraveandquestioninginitsexpression;andshelookedathimkeenlyashecordiallyshookhandswithherfather.Astheywentawaywithhim,asifbyaprearrangementseveralguestsoftheLakeHouselookedateachotherandnoddedtheirheadssignificantly.
  Whileonthewaytothepilot-house,andduringtheirconversationafterarrivingthere,Idaoftenturnedaquick,questioningglancetowardsVanBerg,andherexpressionremindedhimofsomechildren'sfaceshehadseenastheytriedtoreadthethoughtsorintentionsofthosewhohadtheirinterestsinkeeping.Hetriedhisbesttobecordialandnaturalinmanner——tobe,inbrief,thesincerefriendthathehadprofessedhimself——andMr.Mayhewdidnotnoticeanythingamiss;butevenatsomeinflectionofhisvoice,oratapauseintheconversation,Idawouldturntowardshimthissudden,questioning,child-likelook,whichtouchedhimdeeplywhileitpuzzledhim.Butshegraduallybegantogrow"distrait"andquiet,andtolooklessandlessoften.VanBerghadadeepaffectionforthenobleriveronwhichtheyweresailing,andhadfamiliarizedhimselfwithitshistoryandlegends.BymeansofthesehesoughttoentertainIdaandherfather,andwiththelatterhesucceededabundantly;butheoftendoubtedwhetherIdaheardhim,forhereyesandthoughtsseemedtobewanderingbeyondtheblueHighlandswhichtheynowwereentering.AtlastMr.Mayhewleftthemforawhile,andVanBergturnedandsaidgently:
  "MissIda,youarenotingoodspiritsthisafternoon."
  Shedidnotanswerforamoment,butavertedherfacestillfurtherfromhim.Atlastshesaid,inalowtone:"Mr.VanBerg,didyoueverhaveapresentimentofevil?"
  "Idon'tbelieveinsuchthings,"herepliedpromptly.
  "Ofcoursenot;youareaman.ButIhavesuchapresentimentthisafternoon,anditwillcometrue."
  "Whatdoyoufear,MissIda?"
  "Whatdoesawomanalwaysfear?Earthquakes,politicalchanges,disturbancesintheworldatlarge,ofcourse."
  "Ihaveheardthatawoman'skingdomwasherheart,"VanBergwasindiscreetenoughtosay.
  "Itisapity,"Idarepliedwithoneofherrecklesslaughs,"foritsooftenhappensthatshecannotkeepit,andthosewhowrestitfromherdonotcaretokeepit,andsoitcomestobewhatthegeographiesusedtocalloneofthe'wasteplacesoftheearth.'
  Astheworldgoes,IthinkIhadbetterretainmykingdom,smallasitis."
  Heturnedverypale,andswiftaslighthethought:"Hasshe,bytheaidofherwoman'sintuition,readmythoughts?Hassheseenthebeginningsofaregardforherfarwarmerthanmyprofessedfriendship,and,rememberingmysuittoJennieBurton,isshelearningtodespisemeasfickle,or,worse,asahypocriticalspecimenofthatmeanesttypeofhumanvermin——amaleflirt?"andhisfacegrewsowhitethatIdainherturnwasnotonlyperplexed,butalarmed.
  Butafteramomenthesaidquietly:"Itisnotthesizeofthekingdomthatmakesitsvalue,butwhatitcontains.Ihopeyouwillkeeptreasuresofyourstillyoufindsomeoneworthytoreceivethem,andIcanscarcelyimaginethatsuchanidiotexiststhathewouldnotretainthemifhecould.ThatisFortMontgomeryyonder,"
  andheresolutelycontinuedthestoryofitsdefenceandcapture,untilherfatherreturnedsayingitwastimetocomedownadpreparetoland.
  Idahadscarcelyheardaword.Herheartalmoststoodstillwithdreadandforeboding,andlikeadrearyrefrainthewordskeptrepeatingthemselves,"Oh,I'mpunished,I'mpunished.IthoughttowinhimfromJennieBurton,andmyrecklesswordswillnowmakehimtruetoherateverycosttohimself.HeknowsthatImusthaveseenhowhewonthekingdomofherheart,andhe'llkeepitnowinspiteofmyloveandsomethingIthoughtlovethatIsawinhisface.Oh,mypunishmentisgreaterthanIcanbear;butitisdeserved,welldeserved.Ifhehadwonmylovefirst,whatwouldIthinkofthewomanwhotriedtowinhimfromme?ShewouldhavesufferedwhatInowmustsuffer.Mybrightbutguiltydreamisoverforever."
  VanBergassistedherdowntothegangwayandoutonthewharfwithagraveandscrupulouspoliteness,butshefeltevenmorethanshesawthatherwordshadstunghisverysoul.Itwastheirapparenttruthwhichhecouldneverexplainawaythatgavethemtheirpowertowoundsodeeply,andeverymomentbroughttohimaclearerrealizationofthefactthathehadtriedtowin,andwaspledgedtowinawomanwhomtowrongevenunwittinglywouldbeanactforwhichhecouldneverforgivehimself.Andyethisheartsankatthethoughtofmeetingher;indeed,soguiltyandembarrasseddidhebecomeinhisfeelingsthathedecidedhewouldnotmeetherbeforeothers,andsprangoutofthestage,sayingtothedriverthathepreferredwalkingtheremainderoftheway.Mr.Mayhewlookedathiminsomesurprise,forhismannerhadchangedsonowastoattracthisattentionandexcitedisagreeablesurmises.
  ToIda'sgreatreliefStantonhadcomedowntomeetherwithhislight-wagon.HehadseenVanBergathersideagainwithsurprise,and,afterhisfasthorseshadwhirledthemwellawaybythemselves,heaskedalittleabruptly:
  "Ida,haveyouseenVanthisweek?"
  Shehesitatedamoment,andthensaidbriefly:"Yes.Wemetattheconcert-gardenagain,andhedinedwithuslastevening."
  Stantonturnedandlookedatherearnestly,andhercolorroseswiftlyunderhisquestioningeyes.
  "MypoorlittleIda,weareinthesameboat,Ifear,"hesaidcompassionately.
  Shehidherfaceonhisshoulder."Oh,Ik,spareme,"shefaltered.
  "It'sjustasIfeared,"Stantonresumed,withadeepsigh.
  "Maledictionsonsuchaworldasours!Thedevilrulesit,sureenough."
  "Oh,hush,hush,"Idasobbed.
  "Iseeitall,now;indeed,I'vethoughtitalloutthispastweek.
  YouSibleyusedonlyasablind,poorchild."
  "Yes,Ik,Iloathedanddetestedhimalmostfromthefirst."
  "AndinthemeantimethesagaciousVanBergandmyselfweretramplingonyoulikeacoupleoflong-earedbeasts.Howdidyoueverforgiveus!"
  "Oh,Ik,Ik,myheartisbreaking.I'vehadsuchdreamsthelasttwoweeks.I'vedaredtothinkIhadlearnedalittleofGod'slove,andoh——wasIblindedbymywishes,bymyhopes,bythepassionatelongingofmyheart?——IthoughtIsawloveinhiseyes,andhearditinhistones,lastevening.Everythingnowisslippingfromme——happiness,hope,andevenmyfaith.ButIdeserveitall,"sheaddedinherheart."Icouldalmostcursethewomanwhotriedtowinhimfromme."
  Stantonturnedhishorsesoffintoashadyandunfrequentedsideroadwheretheywouldnotbeapttomeetanyone."Goodheavens!"
  hethought;"thisisjusttheconditionofmindthatVanwarnedmetoguardagainst,and,confoundhim,heisthecauseoftheevilshefeared,andintheirworstform.IbehangedifIcanunderstandhim.AllthroughJulyhewasJennieBurton'sopensuitor——atleasthemadenosecretofittome,althoughhiscoolheadenabledhimtothrowthepeopleofthehouseoffthescent——andnowhefollowsanotherladytoNewYork,andleaveshisfirstloveonveryflimsypretexts.ByJove!Idon'tlikeit,eventhoughitwerepossibleformetoprofitbyhisfolly."
  "MypoorlittleIda,"hesaidgently,puttinghisarmsaroundher,"youandImuststandbyeachother,forweareliketohaveroughweatheraheadforawhile.It'snokindnesstoyounowtohidethetruth.IdonotknowthatVanBerghasformallyproposedtoMissBurton,but,asanhonorableman,heiscommittedtoher,andIbelievehehaswonheraffections,althoughIconfessIdon'tunderstandherverywell.Shehasevidentlyhadverydeepsorrowsinthepast,andIamsatisfiedthatshehasfelthisabsencekeenlythisweek."
  "Ideserveitall,"Idamurmuredagain,butsolowhecouldnothearher,andshegavewaytoanotheroutburstofgrief.
  "Itwillpainevenyourheart,Ida,toseehowslightandpaleMissBurtonisbecoming.Shealsoappearsstrangelyrestless,andtakeslongwalksthatarefarbeyondherstrength."
  "It'sallplain,"groanedIda."Howcansheactotherwise!Well,shewillbecomfortednow,nomatterwhatbecomesofme."
  "Youwillbeabravewoman,Ida,andpullthroughallright."
  "No,Ik,I'mnotbrave.IcouldeasilydieforthoseIlove;butIcan'tjustsufferandbepatient,atleastIdon'tseehowIcan;
  butIsupposeImust."
  Hisarmtightenedaboutherwaist,andshefeltittrembling.
  "Ida,"hesaid,inalowsolemntone,"promisemebeforeGodthatwhateverhappensyouwillnever——"
  "Hush!"shegasped,shuddering,"IwilldieinGod'sownway.I
  willendureasbestIcan."
  Hestoopeddownandkissedhertenderlyashesaid:"Ida,dear,fromthishourI'mnolongeryourcousinmerely,butabrother,andyourcompanioninmisfortune.I'mgoingtostandbyyouandseeyouthroughthistrouble.Justcountonmetoshieldyouineverypossibleway.Idon'tcarewhattheworldthinksofme,butneveratongueshallwagagainstyouagain,ortherewillbeaheavyscoretosettlewithme.VanandIhavebeengoodfriends,buthe'sonticklishgroundnow.He'llfindhecan'tplayfastandloosewithtwosuchwomenasyouandJennieBurton.Curseitall!itisn'tlikehimtodoiteither.Buttheworldistopsy-turvey,anyhow."
  "Ik,Ipleadwithyou,saynothing,donothing.Beblindanddeaftoeverythingofwhichwehavespoken.OnlyhelpmehidemysecretandgetawayfromthisplacetosomeotherwhereIamnotknown."
  "Hasyourfatheranyideaofallthis?"
  Idaexplainedinpartherfather'sknowledge.
  "Wecaneasilymanageitthen,"hesaid."Ihaddecidedtoleavenextweek.MissBurtonleavesforhercollegedutiesverysoonalso.Theideaofthatfragileflowerbeingtrampledonninemonthsoftheyearbyacrowdofthoughtless,heedlessgirls!Andsoourdisastroussummercomestoanend.AndyetI'mwronginapplyingthattermtomyownexperience.IwishyoufeltasIdo,Ida.I
  haven'taparticleofhope,andyetIwouldnotgiveupmyloveforJennieBurtonforalltheworld;andIdon'tbelieveIevershallgiveitup.Ithinksheisbeginningtounderstandmealittlebetternow,althoughshedoesnotgivememuchthought.Oneday,whileyouhavebeengone,Imetherreturningfromoneofherwalks,andshelookedsofaintandsadthatIcouldnotendureit,andI
  wentstraighttoherandtookherhandasIsaid:'MissBurton,isthereanythingIkStantoncandotomakeyouhappier?It'snoneofmybusiness,Isuppose,butit'sbreakingmyhearttoseeyoubecomingsosadandpale.ImayseemtoyouveryfoolishandQuixotic,butthereisnoearthlythinkIwouldnotdoorsufferforyou.'Shedidnotwithdrawherhandasshereplied,verygently:
  'Mr.Stanton,pleasedomethekindnesstobehappyyourself,andforgetme.'Icouldonlysay,inhonesty:'Youhaveaskedjustthetwothingswhichareutterlyimpossible.'Tearscameintohereyesasshereplied,withemphasis:'Then,myFRIEND,youcanunderstandme.ThereisonewhomIcanneverforget.'Shewaskindenoughtosaysomewordsaboutmyhavingbeengenerousandconsiderateofherfeelings,etc.,butnomatteraboutthem.Weparted,andit'salloverasfarassheisconcerned.WhenIlefttownlastJuneIthoughtI'dbeabacheloralways,becauseIlovedmyjollyease.I'veabetterreasonnow,Ida.OfcourseVanmustbetheonereferredtobyMissBurton.Youhaveseenhowshelooksathimattimeswhenthinkingherselfunobserved!"
  "Yes,"sighedIda,"it'sallright.Godisjust,andthereisnouseoftryingtothwarthiswill."
  "Well,Ida,Idon'tknow.It'sallasnarltome.SometimesIthinktheworldgoesonthetoss-up-a-pennyplan,andagainitseemsalmostasifOldNickhimselfwasbehindthescenes.
  "DearBrotherIk,don'ttalktomethatway.IfIdoloseALLmyfaithnow,Idon'tknowwhatwillhappen."
  "Forgiveme,Ida,IwilltrytodobetterbyyouthoughIfearI
  shallproveoneofJob'scomforters.We'llstopinthevillage,getsomesupperthere,and,thusyouwon'thavetofaceanybodyto-night,andbyto-morrowyouwillbeyourownbraveself."
  "Oh,"moanedIda,"Iamalmostassorryforfather'ssakeasformyown.HowcanIkeephimupwhenIamsinkingmyself?"
  Mr.Mayhewstoodonthepiazza,waitingforIdaandwonderingwhyshedidnotcome,asVanBergmountedthesteps.Themajorityofthepeoplehadgoneintosupper,butMissBurton,whowasalittlelate,recognizedhimfromthehallway,andshecameswiftlyouttogreethim.Herverycordialitywasanotherstab,andheexertedthewholepowerofhismanhoodtomeetherinlikespirit.
  "IdidnotknowIshouldmissyousomuch,"shesaid,hereyesgrowingalittlemoistfromherstrongfeeling."Isupposewenevervalueourfriendsasweoughttilltaughttheirworthtousbyabsence.ButifyouhavebeensuccessfulinyourworkIshallbewellcontent."
  "Yes,MissJennie,"hereplied,"IthinkIhavebeensuccessful.
  Thepictureisfarfrombeingcomplete,butI'vebeenabletoobtainamuchbetterlikenessofMr.EltingethanIevenhopedtocatch."
  "Mr.VanBerg,youhavebeenworkingtoohard.Youlookexceedinglyweary.Whatpossessedyoutowalkallthesemiles?Leaveuswomentodotheunreasonablethings,andleastofallaretheybecominginyou;comeatonceandgetagoodsupper."
  Hecouldnotdisguisethepainandhumiliationthatherwordscausedhim,andsaidhurriedly,"Iwilljoinyouinafewmoments,"andthenhastenedtohisroom.
  Mr.Mayhew,withthedelicacyofagentleman,hadwithdrawnoutofearshotastheyconversed,butthewarmthofMissBurton'sgreetinghadsuggestedathoughtthatwasexceedinglydisquieting.Asiffromasuddenimpulsehewentdirectlytothesuppertable,andhisquietcourtesymaskedtheclosestobservation.
  VanBergstoodinhisroomamomentandfairlytrembledwithshameandrageathimself.Then,withabitterimprecation,hemadethebrieftoiletthedustofhiswalkrequired,andhisfacewassosternandwhiteonemightthinkhewasabouttofaceanexecutionerinsteadofJennieBurton'sblueeyesbeamingwithfriendshipatleast.Thethoughtofdiscoveringanythingwarmerintheirexpressionsentamortalchilltoherformerwooer'sheart.HeexpectedtomeetIdaatthetable,andtheordealofmeetingthewomantowhomhewaspledgedinthepresenceofthewomanhelovedwasliketheancientTrialbyFire.
  "Curseitall,"hemuttered,"theybothcanreadone'sthoughtsasiftheywereprintedonsign-boards.IwasscarcelyconsciousofwhatmyardentfriendshipforMissMayhewmeantbeforeshelookedmeinthefaceandsawthewholetruth,andshealmostthesameaschargedmewithwinningJennieBurton'sheartthenthrowingitaway,whileinthesamebreathshehintedthatIneednotattemptanysuchfollyandmeannessinhercase.Ifeveraman'sprideandself-respectreceivedamortalwoundminehasto-day.AndnowIfeelwithinstinctivecertainty,thatMissBurtonwillseethetruthjustasclearly,andthenmyburdenforlifewillbethecontemptofthetwowomenwhomIhonorasIdomymother'sname.
  Well,thereisnohelpforitnow,myshipisontherocksalready."
  HewasgreatlyrelievedtofindthatIdawasnotatthetable,but,inspiteofhisbestefforts,MissBurtonsoonsawthatsomethingwasamiss,andthatitwasdifficultforhimtosustainhispartoftheconversation.Withhergracefultact,however,shewasblindtoallsheimaginedhewouldnothavehernotice,andtriedtoenlivenbothMr.Mayhewandhimselfwithhercheerytalk——avaineffortineachinstancenow.
  "Howslightandspirit-likesheisbecoming!"groanedVanBerg,inwardly."GreatGod!ifIhavewrongedher,howawfulwillbemypunishment!"
  "Sheloveshim,"wasMr.Mayhew'sconclusion,"andfromhismannerIfearhehasgivenherreason.Atanyrate,forsomecause,heisingreatperplexityandtrouble."
  AftersupperVanBergstoodnearthemainstairway,stillconversingwithMissBurton,whenalight,quickstepcausedhimtolookupandhesawIdawhohadenteredbyasidedoor.HeknewshemusthaveseenhimandMissBurtonalso,butshepassedhimwithveiledanddowncastface,andwentswiftlyupthestairwaytoherroom.Itseemedtohimacutdirect."sheandStantonhavebeencomparingnotes,"hesaidtohimself,andhecrimsonedatthethoughtofwhathemustnowappeartoher.MissBurtonhadbeenstandingwithherbacktowardsthestairwayandhadnotseenIdaatfirst,butVanBerg'shotflushcausedhertoglancearoundandseethecause,andthensheunderstoodhismannerbetter.Butitwashercreedthatpeoplemanagesuchthingsbestwithoutinterference,evenfromthekindliestmotives,andshethereforemadenoallusiontoMissMayhewthatevening.
  "MissJennie,"saidVanBerg,yieldingtowhathenowfelthadbecomeanecessity,"Imayseemmoreofaheathentoyouto-morrowthanever.ThereisadistantmountainandlakethatIwishtovisitbeforeIreturntotown,andIshallstartearlyto-morrow.
  SoifIdonotcomebackveryearlyyouneednotthinkthattheearthhasswallowedmeuporthatIhavefallenapreytowildbeasts.Goodnight,"andhepressedherhandwarmly.
  Shelookedathimwistfullyandseemedabouttospeak,forshewasvaguelyconsciousofhisdeeptrouble.Shecheckedtheimpulse,however,andpartedfromhimwithakindlysmilethatsuggestedsympathyratherthanreproach.
  StantoncalledMr.Mayhewasideandthetwogentlemanspokeveryfranklytogether.
  "Idaseemsevenmoreconcernedaboutyouthanherself,"saidStantoninconclusion,"anditwouldkillher,asshenowfeels,ifyoushouldgivewaytoyouroldweaknessagain.Shefearsthatshewon'tbeabletosustainandcheeryouassheintended,butItoldherthatwewouldbothstandbyherandseeherthroughhertrouble."
  "Iunderstandyou,Ik,"saidMr.Mayhew,quietly."FrommyheartIthankyouforyourkindnesstoIda.Butyoudon'tunderstandme.Ihadadeeperthirstthanthatforbrandy,andwhenmychildgavemeherlove,myrealthirstwasquenched,andtheotherisgone."
  "That'snoble;we'llpullthroughyet!"Stantonresumed,heartily.
  "IdaandIgotoursupperatavillageinn——atleast,wewentthroughthemotions——forIwasboundnooneshouldhaveachancetostareatherto-night."
  "Nomatter,"saidherfather,decisively."IhavehadpreparedasniceasupperasMr.Burleighcouldfurnish,andIshalltakeittoherroom.Sheshallseethatsheisnotforgotten."
  Idatriedtoeatalittletopleasehim,butshesooncameandsatbesidehimonhersofa,saying,assheburiedherfaceagainsthisshoulder,"Father,Ishallhavetoleanveryhardonyounow."
  "Iwon'tfailyou,Ida,"wasthegentleandsimplereply,buttheyunderstoodeachotherwithoutfurtherwords.Withunspokensympathyandtendernesshetriedtofilltheplacehermothercouldnot,forifMrs.MayhewhadgainedanyknowledgeofIda'sfeelings,shewouldhavehadagreatdealtosayonthesubjectwiththebestandkindestintentions.Withheavytouchshewouldtrytoexamineandhealthewoundtwentytimesaday.
  Mr.MayhewwasrightwhenhesaidtheVanBergswereaproudrace,andthistraithadfounditsculmination,perhaps,intheheroofthistale.Hewasjustlyproudofhisoldandunstainedname;hewasproudofthosewhoboreitwithhim,andhehonoredhisfatherandmother,notinobediencetoacommand,butbecauseeveryonehonoredthem;andifhissisterwasalittlecoldandstately,sheembodiedhisideasofrefinementandcultivation;hewasproudofhissocialposition,ofhistalent——forheknewhehadthatmuch,atleast——andoftherecognitionhehadalreadywonintherepublicofart.Butchiefofallhadhebeenproudofhisunstainedmanhood,ofthehonor,whichhebelievedhadbeenkeptunsullieduntilthismiserableday.Butnow,ashestrodeawayinthemoonlight,hefoundhimselfconfrontingcertainfactswhichhefelthecouldneverexplaintoanyone'ssatisfaction,notevenhisown.Hehadopenlyprofessedtoloveapoorandorphanedgirl,andhadpledgedhimselftowinherifhecould——tobeherfriendtillhecouldbecomefarmore.Evengrantingthatshestilllookedonhimmerelyasafriend,thatdidnotreleasehim.Itwaswhilepossessingthedistinctknowledgethatshecherishednowarmerfeelingthathehadmadethepledge,andthoughshemightnotbeableorwillingto-dayorto-morrow,orforyearstocome,togiveupapastloveforhissake,hispromiserequiredthatheshouldpatientlywooandwaittillshecouldburythepastwithheroldlover,andreceive,athishands,thefuturethathewasinhonorboundtokeepwithinherreach.Ofcourse,if,afterthelapseofyears,sheassuredhimshecouldnotandwouldnotacceptofhishandinmarriage,hewouldbefree,buthehadscarcelywaitedweeksbeforegivinghislovetoanother.Foraughtheknew,thehopeofhappierdays,whichhehadurgeduponher,mightbealreadystealingintoherheart.
  ItgavehimbutlittlecomfortnowtorecognizethefactthathehadneverlovedJennieBurton——thathehadneverknownwhatthewordmeantuntilsweptawaybytheirresistibletideofapassion,thepowerofwhichalreadyappalledhim.Tosaythathedidnotfeellikekeepinghispromisenow,orthathisfeelingshadchanged,heknewwouldberegardedasanexcusebeneathcontempt,andaweeksincehehimselfwouldhavepronouncedthemostmercilessjudgmentagainstamaninhispresentposition.