"MissBurton,"saidVanBerg,afterdinner,"IwishyouwouldcallonMissMayhew.Ithinksheisgreatlyinneedofalittleofyourinimitabletactandskill.'Awoundedspiritwhocanbear?'Andinsuchanemergency,youarethebestsurgeonIknowof.IthinksomeofuswoundedherdeeplyandunpardonablybycontinuingtoassociateherwithSibley,afterherevealedwhatanunmitigatedrascalhewas.Strongasappearanceswereagainsther,IfeelthatIcannotforgivemyselfthatItookanythingforgrantedinacaselikethat."
"Iamglad,"sheanswered,"thatyouhavecometomyownconclusion,thatMissMayhew,withallherfaults,istoogoodagirltobeguiltyofapassionforamanlikeSibley.IfsheregardshiminanysuchwayasIdo,Idonotwonderthatithasmadeherilltobesomisjudged.Imustpleadguiltyalsotohavingwrongedherinmythoughts.WhileItrytoexercisethebroadestcharity,mycalling,asateacher,hasbroughtmeincontactwithmanygirlsthat——throughimmaturityandinnatefoolishness——areguiltyofconductthattaxesone'sfaithinhumannatureseverely.Goodishsortofgirlsaresometimesinfatuatedwithverybadmen.IsupposeitisevidenttoallthatMissMayhew'searlyand,indeed,presentinfluencesaresadlyagainsther;butunfortunateashavebeenherassociationsoflate,Iamcomingtothebeliefthat,howeverfaultyshemaybe,sheisnotnaturallyeithersillyorweak.Butmyacquaintancewithherisveryslight,andImustconfessIdonotunderstandherverywell.Forsomereasonsheshunsmeandhasevidentlydislikedmefromthefirst."
"Idon'tunderstandheratall,"saidVanBerg,inatonethatprovedhimgreatlyannoyedwithhimself."IhavethoughtthatI
hadsoundedtheshallowdepthsofhercharacterseveraltimes,andthensomenewandperplexingphasewouldpresentitself,andputmealltoseaagain.Itmayseemludicroustoyouthatherbeautyshouldirritatemesogreatlybecauseofitsincongruousassociations."
"Notatall,"shereplied,withalittlenod."Iwasnotlongindiscoveringthatyouwereapagan,andthatbeautywasyourdivinity."
"Correctinallrespectssavethedivinity,"heansweredpromptly;
andhewouldhavesaidmore,butshepassedintotheparloramongtheotherguests.
Idafoundherselftooweakandunnervedtowalkfar,butshediscoveredasecludednookintowhichthesunlightstreamedwithagratefulwarmth;foralthoughthedaywaswarm,sheshiveredwithcoldasifthechillinherhearthaddiffuseditselfeventoherhandsandfeet.DenseshrubberyhidherfromthepathalongwhichshesawStantonpassinhisfruitlessquest.
Foralongtimeshesatindrearyapathy,almostasmotionlessasthemossyrockbeneathher,andwasconsciousonlyofherthrobbingforeheadandachingheart.Gradually,however,nature'svitaltouchbegantoreviveher.Thesunlightwarmedandtranquilizedtheexquisiteformthathadbeenenteringitsshudderingprotestagainstthechillandcorruptionofthegrave.Thesouthwind,ladenwithfreshwoodlandodors,fannedhercheeks,andwhisperedthattherewereflowersbloomingthatshecouldnotsee,andthatthefuturealsomightrevealjoysnowhiddenandunknown,ifshewouldonlybepatient.Everyrustlingleafthatflutteredinthegale,butdidnotfall,calledtoherwithitstinyvoice:"Clingtoyourplace,aswedo,tillthefrostofageortheblightofdiseasebringstheendinGod'sowntimeandway."Apartridgewithherbroodrustledbyalongtheedgeoftheforest,andthepoorgirlimaginedshesawintheparentbird,assheledforwardherplumplittlebevy,theprideandcomplacencyofahappymotherhood,whichnowwouldneverbehers;andfromthedepthsofherwoman'sheartcamenature'sprotest.Thenherheavyeyeswereattractedbythesportoftwograysquirrelsthatwereracingtothetopofonetree,scramblingdownanother,fallingandcatchingagain,andtumblingovereachotherintheirmadexcitement.Shefeltthat,atherage,theirexuberantlifeandenjoymentshouldbeatypeofherown,buttheirwild,innocentfun,incontrastwithherdespair,becamesounendurablethatshesprangupandfrightenedthemaway.
Butaftershewasquiettheysoonreturned,barkingvociferously,andsportingwiththeiroldabandon.Itwasnotlongsincetheyhadleftthenextintheoldhemlocktree,andtheywerestilllikeIda,beforeshehadlearnedthattherewasanythingintheworldthatcouldharmher.Otherwildcreaturesfleworscamperedby,somestoppingtolookatherwiththeirbrightquickeyes,asifwonderingwhyshewassostillandsad.thewoodsseemedfullofjoyousmidsummerlife,andIdasighed:
"Innocent,happylittlethings;butiftheyknewwhatwasinmyheart,theywouldbesofrightenedtheycouldscarcelycreepawaytohide."
Thenwithasuddenrushofpassionategrief,shecried:
"Oh,whycannotIlifeandbehappy,too?"andshesobbedtillshelayexhaustedonthemossyrock.
Whethershehadswooned,orfromweaknesshadbecomeunconscious,shedidnotknow,when,considerablylater,sherousedherselffromwhatseemedlikeaheavyandunrefreshingsleep.Herdresswasdampwithdew,thesunhadsunksolowastofilltheforestwithasombreshade;thehappylifethathadsportedaroundherwashushedandhidden,andthewindnowsighedmournfullythroughthetrees.Gloomanddarkeningshadowshadtakentheplaceofthelightandjoyousnessshefirsthadseen.Inthefaceandvoicesofnature,asinthoseofearthlyfriends,thechangesareoftensogreatthatwearetemptedtoaskindismay,arethey——cantheybethesame?
Shewasstiffandcoldassherosefromherrockycouch,butshewearilyturnedherfacetowardsthehotel,muttering,assheploddedheavilyalong,"Thelittlepeopleofthewoodsarehappywhiletheycanbe,asI
was,butthesportsman'sgun,orthehawk,orwinter'scold,willsoonbringtothembitterpain,anddeath.theirbriefdaywillsoonbeover,asmineis."
"Ah,thesunissinkingbehindthatcloud,"shesaid,inalowtone,asshecameoutintotheopenfields."Ishallnotseeitagain;
itwillnotbeabletowarmmeto-morrow;"andwithaslightgestureoffarewell,shecontinuedonherwaywithbowedhead.
ChapterXXXVIII.AGoodManSpeaks.
AsIdaapproachedthehotel,VanBergandStantonsawher,andthelatterhasteneddownthestepstojoinher.
"Why,Ida!"heexclaimed,"wherehaveyoubeen?I'vesearchedforyouhighandlow."
"Youhadnorighttodoso,sir,"shesaidcoldly,asshepassedon.
"Waitamoment,Ida,please.Iwishtospeakwithyou——toaskyourpardon——toapologizeinthestrongestterms."
Shewouldnotbreakagainherominoussilence,butcontinuedonwithbowedhead,upthesteps,andthroughthehall.Stanton,tosaveappearancesbeforetheguestswhowerenear,walkedatherside,buthermannerchilledandembarrassedhimsogreatly,thatonlyasshewasabouttoenterherroomdidheagainaddressher,andnowentreatingly:
"Ida,won'tyouspeaktome?"
"No!"washerstern,briefresponse;andshelockedherdooragainsthim.
"Van,"saidStantongloomily,"I'dgiveayear'sincomeifIhadnotspokentomycousinasIdidlastnight.She'llneverforgiveme.Itseemsasifmywordshadturnedherintoice,sheissocoldandcalm;andyethereyeswereredwithweeping.Ihavestrangemisgivingsaboutthegirl."
"Yes,Ik,"saidtheartist,gloomily,"wehavebothmadeanunpardonableblunder.IfMissBurtoncannotthawherout,Ishallnotdaretotry."
"Withherusualperversity,"repliedStanton,"shedislikesMissBurton,andIdoubtifshewilllistentoher."
"Ihavegreatfaithinhertactandgenuinegoodwill.ItwaswonderfulhowquicklyshebroughtMr.Mayhewunderhergenialspells.Shehaspromisedtoseeyourcousinthisevening."
"I'msorry,"saidStanton,gloomily,"thatitshouldhavebeenatyourrequestratherthanmine.ButIsupposeyourwishesarebecomingomnipotentwithher."
"No,Ik;Iregrettosaythattheyweighwithheronlyasthoseofafriend,"wasVanBerg'squietresponse.
"Well,well,Van,bearwithme,forI'minadevilofascrape."
EvenMissBurton'seffortscouldnotbrightenthecloudedfacesthatgatheredatthesupper-table.Intruth,herattemptswerebriefandfitful,forsheseemedabsorbedinthoughtherself.SheheardMrs.MayhewwhispertoStanton,"IfIwereaperfectstrangershecouldnotkeepmeatagreaterdistance.Icandonothingwithherorforher."
Totheirsurprise,Idaquietlywalkedinandtookherplace.Herfacewasverygraveandverypale;thetracesofhergriefwerestillapparent,andtheycausedinVanBergtheseverestcompunction.
Shewasnowdressedrichly,butplainlyandunobtrusively.Hermannerwasquietandself-possessed,buttherewasanexpressionofdesperatetroubleinhereyesthatsoonfilledVanBergwithastrongandincreasinguneasiness.Shereturnedhisbowpolitely,butdistantly.PoorStantonscarcelydaredtolooktowardsher.Atsupper,onthepreviousevening,hehadtakennopainstoconcealhiscontemptanddispleasure;nowhewasunabletohidhisembarrassmentandfear.Asintheparloronthepreviouseveningsonowagain,therewasanelementinIdaMayhew'sappearanceorinherselfthatcauseddeepdisquietude.
"I'mveryglad,Ida,you'vechangedyourmindandcomedown,"beganMrs.Mayhew,volubly.
"Ihavenotchangedmymind,"shereplied,withsuchsad,sternemphasisthattheyallinvoluntarilylookedatherforamoment.
PoorMrs.Mayhewwassoquenchedanddepressedthatshedidnotventuretospeakagain.
OnlyMissBurtonwasabletomaintainherself-possessionandtact,andshewasintentlybutunobtrusivelystudyingMissMayhew.Hercollege-lifehadmadeheracquaintedwithsomanystrangefeminineproblemsthatshehadthenerveandexperienceofaveteran,butshecouldnotpenetratethedarkmysteryinwhichIdahadnowshroudedherself.Resolving,however,thatshewouldnotsuccumbtothechillandrestraintthatparalyzedtheothers,shepersistedinconversingwithherinsimple,naturaltones.
Idarepliedinperfectcourtesyandnotwithunnecessarybrevity,butifherwordswerepolished,theywerealsoascoldandhardasice.NothingthatMissBurtonsaidcouldbringtheglimmerofasmileathwartherfeaturesthatweregrowingsothinandtransparentthatevenanapproachtoapleasantthoughtwouldhavelightedthemupwithamomentarygleam.MissBurtonfoundhertaskadifficultone.
"Sheaffectedmeasstrangely,"sheafterwardssaidtoVanBerg,"asifadeadmaidenweresittingatmyside,whohadstill,bysomehorriblemystery,thepowerofspeech."
AsforVanBerg,hehadhithertosupposedthathisquiet,well-bredeasewouldbeequaltoeverysocialemergency,buthenowfoundhimselftongue-tiedandembarrassedtothelastdegree.Hecouldnotspeaktothewomanwhomhefelthehadsodeeplywrongedinhisthoughtsandmanner,andwhowasalsowellawareofthefact.
Hefeltthathehadnorighttospeaktoheruntilhehadfirstaskedandsecuredherforgiveness.Thiscouldnotbedoneinpublic,andhegreatlydoubtedwhethersheeverwouldpardonhim.
Asachivalricmanofhonor,hewasoverwhelmedwithasenseoftheinsulthehadunwittinglyofferedtothemaidenoppositehim,whonowappearedasifmortallywounded.BeyondafewforcedremarkstoStantonandMissBurton,hemadeashowofeatinghissupperinsilence.Buthelongedtoescapefromhispresentordeal,andresolvedtoleavethetableassoonasappearancespermitted.
OnethinginIda'smannerperplexedhimgreatly.Shenowlookedathimasifhewereanobject,scruplingnottomeethiseyewithherstrange,unwaveringgaze.Therewasnothingofthehaughtyindifferencewhichshehadmanifestedtheeveningbeforeinheroccasionalglances.Sheratherlookedasonewhoistryingtofixanobjectinhismemorythathemaycarryanaccuratepictureofitawaywithhim.
Thethoughtcrossedhismindmorethanonce,"WehavewakenedourUndine'ssleepingmindwithavengeance,buthavejostleditsorudelythatIfearthefrailarticleishopelesslyshattered."
MissBurtontriedoncemoretomaketheconversationgeneral,buthereffortendedratherdisastrously.
"Mr.VanBerg,"shesaid,"I'vebeenreadinganessaythisafternooninwhichthewritertriestoprovethatsciencehasdonemoreforhumanitythanartandreligioncombined.NowIsupposeyouwouldbeinclinedtotakethesamegroundinregardtoartthatIoughtinrespecttoreligion."
VanBergwasabouttoreply,whenhisattentionwascaughtbyavividgleaminthefaceofIda,wholookedupasifshewishedtospeak.
"IthinkMissMayhewhasanopiniononthissubject,"hesaid,withabow.
Shelookedsteadilyathimassherepliedpromptly,"Ihaveadecidedopinion,thoughIbaseitonsuchpoorandnarrowgroundsaspersonalexperience.Ithinkartisbyfarthemostpotent.
Ithasaccomplishedformemuchmorethanscienceorreligioneverdid,orcould."
"Whathasitdoneforyou,MissMayhew?"heasked,dreadingtheanswer.
"Ithasfilledmewithdespair,"sherepliedwithaglanceandtonewhichheneverafterwardsforgot.Then,withthesamecold,quietmannerinwhichshehadcome,sheleftthetable.
VanBergturnedverypale,forheatonceunderstoodherreferencetotheemblematicrose-budhehadthrownaway,andhisremark,"Artcantoleratenosuchimperfection."
Herwordsandmannerhopelesslyperplexedtheothers,butVanBergbelievedhehadfoundlightontheproblemthathadhithertobaffledhim,butsofarfrombeingreassured,hehadneverbeenatsuchbitteroddswithhimselfbefore.
Healsosoonafterleftthetable,hopingtofindanopportunitytoexpresshisregretthathehadbeensoharshbyprejudice;butMissMayhewwasnottobefound.
"Canitbe,"hethought,ashestrodeoffintotheshrubbery,"thatIhavebeenblindtotheveryeffectsthatIhopedtocause?Canitbethatshehasbeenmadetofeelherimperfectionsokeenly,andinsuchawayastocreateonlyutterdiscouragement?Sheevidentlyunderstandstheworm-eatenrose-budItossedawaytobetheemblemofherself.Oh,thecurseofPhariseeism——the'holierthanthou'business,whateverformittakes.Ithasmadeanegregiousfoolofme."
"ButherrelationswithSibley,confounditall!Ican'tunderstandthem.Whydidsheassociatewithhimsoconstantly,andthensay,'Congenialsociety,ornoneatall'?Seemstomesheoughttohaveseenwhathewasbeforeheshowedhisclovenfeetsoplainly.
Well,perhapsthemostrationalaswellascharitableexplanationisthathereyeswereopenedtoseehiminhistruecolors,aswellasherself.HadTitania'seyesbeendisenchantedwhenshewasfondlingtheimmortalWeaver,shemighthaveperishedwithdisgust;
anditisscarcelystrangethatMissMayhewshouldbeillonfindingthatshewasinfatuatedwithamanwhowasbothassandvillain.
Sheevidentlyseesthingsnowastheyare,andsincehervisionhasbecomesogood,IamverysorryIdonotappeartobetteradvantage.
Peoplewhostalkalongthroughlifewithelevatednoses,arenotpleasingoredifyingspectacles."
Hisdisquietudesooncausedhimtoreturntothehotel,inhopesofseeingtheobjectofhisthoughts.
HehadhardlyreachedthepiazzabeforeIdaappeared,dressedinaplainwalkingsuit.Shehesitatedamomentinthedoor-wayasifundecidedinhercourse.Apartyofgayyoungpeoplewerejuststartingonastrolltoaneighboringvillage.Withapparenthesitancy,shesaidtooneoftheyounggirls:
"Ihaveanerrandtothevillage;mayIwalkwithyouforcompany?"
"Oh,certainly,"repliedthegirl,butevidentlynotwelcomingthisadditiontotheirparty,andIdawentawaywiththem,butnotasoneofthem,isolatedmore,however,byherownmannerthanbythebearingofhercompanions.
Theexplanationofheractionwasthis:onopeningherdrawerafterreturningtoherroom,shefound,withasenseofdismay——asifamisfortunehadoccurredinsteadofanincidentthatgaveachanceforbetterthought——thatintakingtheopiatethenightbefore,shehadreplacedthecorkinthephialinsecurely,andthatnearlyallitscontentshadoozedaway.Somemighthaveregardedthisincidentasanomenoraprovidentialinterference;butIdawasneithersuperstitiousnorspeculativeinhernature;shewaspositiveandwillful,rather,andthecurrentofherpurposesalwaysflowedstrongly,thoughitmightbeinnarrowchannels.
"Thereisnothingleftformetodo,"shemuttered,"butgotothevillage.Idon'tknowwhetherMr.Burleighhaslaudanum,andmyaskingforitmightexcitesuspicion."
Itwasterribletoseeherfairyoungfacegrowhardlikemarbleinhersterndeterminationtocarryoutherawfuldesign,andtheimpressofthisremorselesspurposefilledVanBergwithsogreatforebodingthathecouldnotresisttheimpulsetofollowthedesperategirl.Ifharmshouldcometoherthroughtheharshnessofothers,andashenowfeared,moreespeciallyhisown,hewouldneverforgivehimself.
Mrs.MayhewandStantondidnotseeherdeparture——theywereinanxiousconsultationinoneofthesmallprivateparlors,andtheartist,todisarmsuspicionofhisdesign,enteredthehotel,andpassedoutagainbyasidedoor,fromwhichhetookashort-cutacrossthefieldintendingtowatchIda,withoutbeinghimselfobserved.
Havingfoundsomedensecopse-woodbytheroad-side,andneartothevillage,hesatdownandwaited.Thegay,chatteringpartysoonpassed,Idawalkingbyherselfontheoppositesideoftheroad,withheadbowedasifwhollywrappedinherownthoughts.Herunhappyfaceappealedtohissympathyevenmorethanhergracefulcarriagetohissenseofbeauty,andhelongedtojoinherandmakesuchamendsaswerepossible.
Henowfollowedattoogreatadistanceforrecognitioninthedeepeningtwilight,andsawtheyoungpeopleenteraconfectioneryshop,butobserved,withincreaseduneasiness,thatMissMayhewpartedfromthemandwenttoanadjacentdrug-store.Shesoonjoinedthepartyagain,however,andtheyallapparentlystartedhomeward.
VanBergatoncedeterminedtogotothisdrug-storeandlearn,ifpossible,iftherewereanythingtoconfirmthehorriblesuspicionthatcrossedhismind.Herememberedthatdespairanddesperatedeedsoftenwenttogether,andthedailypresshadtaughthimhowmanypeople,withwarpedandungovernedmoralnatures,placetheirtroublesbeyondremedybythesupremefollyofself-destruction.
Byaconsiderabledetourthroughasidestreet,hereachedthestoreunperceived,andfoundthedruggistratherdisquietedhimself.
"AreyoustayingatBurleigh's?"heasked.
"Iam,"VanBergreplied.
"Doyouknowayoungladyboardingtherewithlargedarkeyesandauburnhair?"
"Ido."
"Isthere——isthereanythingwrongabouther?"
"Whyshouldtherebe?Whydoyouask?"
"Shehasjustbeeninhere,andshelookedsickandstrangely,andallshewantedwasalargephialoflaudanum.Somehowherlooksandpurchasehavemademeuneasy.Ineversawsowhiteafaceinmylife,andsheseemedweakandverytired.Ifshe'ssick,howcomesitshe'swalkingtothevillage?Besides,sheseemedtohaveverylittletodowiththepartyshejoinedafterleavinghere."
VanBergcontrolledhimselfonlybyapowerfuleffort,andwasverygladthatthebrimofhissofthatconcealedthepallorofhisownface.Hemanagedtosayquietly:
"Theyoungladyyoudescribehasnotbeenwell,andhasprobablyfoundthewalklongerandmorewearisomethanshesupposed.Asforthelaudanum,that'susedinmanyways.Somecigars,ifyouplease——thankyou.I'lljointheladyandseethatshereacheshomesafely,"andhehastilyleftthestoreandwalkedswiftlyaway.
"Hewouldn'tgoasfastasthatifhewasn'talittleuneasy,too,"
mutteredthedruggist,whosedearthofbusinessgavehimabundantleisuretoseeallthatwasgoingon,andtoimaginemuchmore.
VanBergdeterminedtoovertakeIdabeforeshereachedthehotel,andhisstrideswereaslongandswiftasmortaldreadcouldmakethem.
Inthemeantime,whiletheartistwasmakingthedetournecessarytoreachthedrug-storewithoutmeetingIda,sheandhercompanionshadstartedhomeward.Astheyapproachedachurchontheoutskirtsofthevillage,thebellinthesteeplecommencedtolling.
"What'sthatfor?"askedayoungmanofthepartyofaplain,farmer-likeappearingman,whowasjustabouttoenter.
"Forprayer-meetin',"wasthegood-naturedreply."Itwouldn'thurtyoutocometoit;"andthespeakerpassedintothelecture-room.
"Icallthisfrivolousassemblagetoorder,"criedtheyouth,turningaroundtohiscompanions."Ifanyoneofournumberhaseverattendedaprayer-meeting,lethimholduphisrighthand.
Iusethemasculinepronoun,becausethemanalwaysembracesthewoman——whenhegetsachance."
Nohandswereheldup.
"Heathen,everymother'ssonofus,"criedthefirstspeaker.
"Thedaughtersareangels,ofcourse,anddon'tneedtogotoprayer-meetin',asheofthecowhidesandalsjusttermedit.Butforthenoveltyofthething,andforthewantofsomethingbettertodo,Imovethatweallgoto-night.Ifitshouldbeborous,why,wecancomeout."
Thepropositionpleasedthefancyoftheparty,andwithgaywordsandlaughterthatscarcelyceasedatthevestibule,theyenteredtheplaceofprayerandlighteddownamongthesober-visaged,soberly-dressedworshipperslikeaflockoftropicalbirds.
Idareluctantlyfollowedthem.Atfirstshehalfdecidedtowalkhomealone,butfearedtodoso.Shewhohadresolvedonfacingthe"KingofTerrors"shrank,withawoman'sinstinct,fromalonelywalkinthestarlight.
Shesatindrearypreoccupationalittleapartfromtheothersandpaidnomoreheedtotheopeningservicesthantotheirill-concealedmerriment.
theministerwasawayonhisAugustvacation.Prayer-meetingswereoutofseason,andveryfewwerepresent.Theplainfarmerwastryingtoconducttheserviceaswellashecould,butitwasevidenthewouldhavebeenmuchmoreateaseholdingthehandleofaploworthereinsofhisrattlingteam,thanahymn-book.Dr.
WattsandJohnWesleymighthavelostsomeoftheirheavenlyserenitycouldtheyhaveheardhimreadtheirverses,andcertainlyonlyalong-sufferingandmercifulGodcouldlistentohisprayer.Andyetrarelyonthebattle-fieldistheremoremoralcouragedisplayedthanplainThomasSmithputforththatnightinhisconscientiousefforttoperformanunwontedtask;andwhenatlasthesatdownandsaid,"Bruthren,themeetin'isnowopen,"hewasmoreexhaustedthanhethanhewouldhavebeenfromalongdayoftoil.
"TheLordlookethattheheart"isatruththatchillsmanywithdread,butitwasapreciousthoughttoFarmerSmithashesawthathisfellowchurchmembersdidnotlookveryappreciative,andthatthegayyoungcity-peopleoftengiggledoutrightathisuncouthwordsandmanner.
Idawouldhavebeenasgreatlyamusedasanyofthemafewweekssince,butnowshescarcelyheardthepoorman'sstumblings,orthewailingofthehymnsthatweremangledanewbythepeople.Shesatwithhereyesfixedonvacancy,thinkinghowdrearyandemptytheworldhadbecome;anditseemedtoherthatreligionwasthemostdrearyandemptythinginit.
"Whatgoodcanthiswretchedlittlemeetingdoanyone?"shethought,morethanonce.
Shewasanswered.
Nearherwasaveryoldmanwhohadbeenregardingtheill-behavedpartywithanexpressionofmingleddispleasureandpity.Nowthatthemeetingwasopentoallheroseslowlytohisfeet,steadyinghimselfwithhiscane.
"HelooksliketheAncientMariner,"giggledanexceedinglyimmatureyouth,whosatnexttoIda.
Sheturneduponhimsharplyandsaid,inalowtone,"Ifyouhavethefaintestinstinctsofagentlemanyouwillrespectthatvenerableman."
Theyouthwassoeffectuallyquenchedthatheboretheaspectofaturnip-beetduringtheremainderoftheservice.
"Myyoungfriends,"begantheoldmainintonesofgentledignity,"willyoulistenpatientlyandquietlytoonethatyouseewillnothavethechancetospeakmanymorewords.Myeyesarealittledim,butyouallappearyoungandhappy;andyetIamsorryforyou,verysorryforyou.Youdon'trealizewhatyouareandwhatisbeforeyou.Youremindmeofanumberofpleasureboatsjuststartingouttosea.Ihavebeenacrossthisocean,andhavealmostreachedtheothershore.Iknowwhatterriblestormsanddangersyouwillmeet.Youcan'tescapethesestorms,myyoungfriends.
Noonecan,andyoudon'tseempreparedtomeetthem.
"Yourmannerhaspainedmeverymuch,andyet,asmyMastersaid,soIhavefelt,you'knownotwhatyoudo.'ThereisaKinglyPresenceinthisplacethatyouhavenotrecognized.Doyounotrememberwhoitwasthatsaid,'Wheretwoorthreearegatheredtogetherinmyname,thereamIinthemidstofthem'?
"Iamveryold,butmymemoryisgood.ItseemsbutashorttimeagothatIwasasyoungthoughtlessasanyoneofyou,andyetitwasseventyyearsago.IhavetestedthefriendshipofJesusChristforoverhalfacentury.HaveInotthenarighttospeakofit?
OughtInottoknowsomethingabouthim?
"DoyouaskmeifmyMasterhaskeptmefromtroubleandsufferingalltheseyears?Farfromit.Indeed,IthinkhehascausedmeagooddealoftroubleandpaininadditiontothatwhichIbroughtonmyselfbymyownfollyandmistakes;butInowseethathecauseditonlyasthegoodphysiciangivespain,inordertomakethepatientstrongandwell.Butonethingiscertainlytrue.Hehasstoodbymeasafaithfulfriendalltheseyears,andhasbroughtgoodtomeoutofalltheevil.Ihavebeeninsoretemptationsanddeepdiscouragement.Myheartattimeshasseemedbreakingwithsorrow.Minehasbeenthecommonlot.Butwhenthestormwasloudestandmostterrible,hishandwasonthehelm,andnowIamenteringthequietharbor.Therehasbeenmuchthatwasdarkandhardtounderstand;thereismuchstill;butthereisplentytoprovethatmyHeavenlyFatherisleadingmehomeasalittlechild.
"Itisaprecious,blessedtruththatIwishtobringyoufacttofacewithto-night,andyetitmaybecomeaverysadandterribletruth,ifyoushutyoureyestoitnowandrememberitonlywhenitistoolate.Iwishtoassureyou,onthegroundofsimple,down-rightexperience,throughalltheseyears,thatGod's'unspeakablegift,'hisonlySon,isjustwhatourpoorhumannatureneeds.
JesusChrist'isabletosavethemottheuttermostthatcometoGodbyhim.'Hehelpsusovercomethatawfuldisease——sin.Hebringstoourunhappyheartsimmortallifeandhealth.IknowitasIknowthatIexist.Hehashelpedmewhenandwheretherewasnohumanhelp.Ihaveoftenseenhisredeemingworkinthelivesofotherfaulty,sinfulpeoplelikemyself.
"Thequestionthereforewhichyoumusteachdecideisnotwhetheryouwillbelievethisorthatdoctrine,ordowhatthisorthatmanteaches.Thequestionisthis:——Hereisatender,merciful,DivineFriend.Heofferstoleadyousafelythroughallthedangersandhardplacesinthisworld,asashepherdleadshisflockthroughthewilderness.Willyoufollowhim,orwillyouremaininthewildernessandperishwhenthenightcomes,asitsurelywill?Ifyouwillfollowhimaswellasyoucan,he'llbringyoutoahappyandeternalhome.Thankstohispatientkindnesswhichneverfalters,hehasbroughmealmostthere.
"Andnow,myyoungfriends,beatwithanoldman,andletmesay,inconclusion,thatyouallneedthekind,patient,faithfulFriendthatIfoundsolongago.Noevil,nomisfortunecancomeintoanyhumanlifethatisbeyondhispowertoremedyandfinallybanishforever.IyouhavenotfoundthisFriend,thisLife-giver,Iamyoungerandhappierthanyouareto-day,althoughIameighty-eightyearsold."
Oncebeforearash,despairingmanliftedhishandagainsthislife,butGod'smessagetohim,throughhisapostle,was,"Dothyselfnoharm."Andnowagainafaithfulservant,speakingforhimwhosecomingwasGod'ssupremeexpressionofgood-willtowardsmen,hadbroughtalikemercifulmessagetoanotherpoorsoulthathadtakencounselofdespair.IdaMayhewmightlearn,asdidthejailerofPhilippi,thatGodhasabetterremedythandeathforseeminglyirretrievabledisasters.
Theoldgentleman'swordscamehometoherwithsuchaforceofpersonalapplicationthatshewasdeeplymoved,andevenawed.
Theyseemedlikeadivinemessage——naymore,likearestraininghand."Howstrangeitwas,"shethought,thatshehadcometothisplace!——howstrangethatasereneold,man,withheaven'speacealreadyonhisbrow,shouldhaveutteredthewordsbestadaptedtoherdesperateneed.Ifhehadspokenofduty,obligation,oftruthintheabstract,histoneswouldhavebeenlikethesoundofawintrywind.ButhehadspokenofaFriend,astender,patient,andhelpfulashewaspowerful.Whatwasfarmore,hespokewiththestrongconvincingconfidenceofpersonalknowledge.HehadtriedthisFriendthroughallthevicissitudesofoverhalfacentury,andfoundhimtrue.Couldhumanassurance——couldhumantestimonygofarther?Deepinherheartshewasconsciousthathopewasrevivingagain——thattheendhadnotyetcome.
第21章